We Might Be Drunk - Jessica Kirson

Starting point is 00:00:00 Alright, well we're here with Jess Kersen, man. Oh yeah. Yeah, I told a girl we had you on today and she was like, I love her. Hey. That's so nice. Alright, what do you think of Zoran? Just joking. I like that you, but we were off over here telling us.

Starting point is 00:00:23 Globalize the end. Sorry, what were you saying? No, I was just saying, I like that story you told us before we were rolling where you said you rolled into the... Yeah, I went to Gotham Comedy Club and I wasn't out yet and the minute I walked in there were a ton of comics there and Judy Gold was like, hey, you big dyke! And I'm like, who?

Starting point is 00:00:43 Oh my God. Oh, she outed you. Yeah she did. That's pretty shitty. And then I fingered her. It was so uncomfortable. Did it give you a nudge to come out though? No.

Starting point is 00:00:52 It just shamed you. It had to happen when it was the time, you know, the time it was right. Sure, I did the same thing to Sam Jay. Then he fucked her. Yeah. It's weird. Then he fingered.

Starting point is 00:01:03 I had a friend in high school who I would like, he was clearly gay and he was a friend, so I'd always call him a homo, trying to nudge him, like, come on, just be gay. And it didn't work. It doesn't have the effect. I was trying to do it in a friendly way. Because it's about you and how you feel about it.

Starting point is 00:01:18 It's not that other people are OK with it. My family was fine with it. That was my way of being like, I'm OK with it. I don't give a shit. I know. He was probably not okay I mean was he very feminine yeah he was like a like not yeah I didn't use that word yeah no yeah he uh that's what Bezos calling eating out girl. He's he likes boxes. Yeah, he does. That's a bad Amazon joke Fuck! You just bombed

Starting point is 00:01:50 I ran, but yeah Wait, what was I gonna say? Oh, it's weird. Do you feel like the time has shifted where ten years ago or whatever you hide the lesbo Now people lie and say they're lesbians. Yeah, now they're like nine years old and they're like, I'm gay. You're like, you don't know what sex is. You don't know anything. But I'm attracted to my Barbie. Ah, who isn't? Yeah, everything you guys say I laugh at.

Starting point is 00:02:14 I'm a very good guest to be here. No, Alec, never the Amazon joke. Yeah, oh yeah, that was horrific. I'll tweet it. Luckily they take returns. No, a lot of girls will say they're, cause I say this on stage, like they play with someone's hair and they're like, I'm a lesbian, I'm bisexual.

Starting point is 00:02:30 I'm like, no, you're, but you know, it's the new thing. I think it's good that some people are exploring, because I think a lot of people years ago would have explored it. But then, I agree, but now you've got gotta acknowledge that hey, it's not that oppressive if you're wanting to be that. Right. But they will never do that. The Gabe Pride Parade's come a long way

Starting point is 00:02:50 because it's all about acceptance and you think about the history of Stonewall and I was going out and all my strippers were like, be careful out there. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? So I was like, all right. I mean there was a shooting I guess still but.

Starting point is 00:03:03 There was a shooting, yeah, this Sunday. Yeah, we should talk about that the whole night. Yeah. What were they afraid would happen to you? Because it is wild. I don't go. It's wild. I will not go to the parade. I think they're not actually,

Starting point is 00:03:14 but it's like, just people are just so drugged out. Look, any parade is a nightmare. The Halloween parade is a nightmare. The same on Hattie's Day. What about the Santa? It's not a parade, but when the Santas are out. Ooh, Santa Clause. That's rough. Yeah, that is rough.'s day. It's not a parade, but when the Santas are out. Ooh, Santa Con. Yeah, that is rough.

Starting point is 00:03:26 That is. You just see like seven Santas passed out on the street. Yes. That's the Gentile parade, is the Santa Con. It's like Saint Paddy's, but without any historical relevance. It's just like, let's get fucking hammered. And wear an outfit.

Starting point is 00:03:42 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it does seem fun. It's fun, the girls get into it too. Cleavage, Mrs.. Yeah. I mean it does seem fun. It's fun. The girls get into it too. Yeah. The cleavage, Mrs. Claus are out there, hoaring it up. Oh yeah, that's true. They're shitfaced by 11. How come I don't see them around? They're out there. Look at that. Crazy, you just gotta know not to go out. Yeah, yeah. You just gotta know to, you know. Exactly. Yeah, I can't go to big gatherings anymore. I just, it's too much for me. Like being around all those people, I just can't.

Starting point is 00:04:05 Ironically I was telling people on the gay pride parade, don't come out. There we go. Yeah, but that's how it used to be. People would say that with Harlem too. They'd be like, watch out Harlem, 110, that's a good little, gets a little dicey. And you're like, well it's just black.

Starting point is 00:04:20 It's not dicey. Yeah. Right. Yeah, well everyone, most people are racist. You think? In this city? Oh, yes. I mean, against one group or another. Not just black people.

Starting point is 00:04:33 I'm saying, I mean, everyone is a little bit right. Right, right, right, right. It is funny how black has the market cornered. Because that guy's a racist. You assume he hates black people. But it could be Native Americans, Chinese, you know, Indian, white people. We'll forget about that one.

Starting point is 00:04:51 Yeah, well, there's a lot of white hate out there. Yeah, all right. I just hate parades, man. I just hate them. They're just brutal. I guess if you're like a little kid, they're kind of fun for a second, but how long can that even stimulate a kid at this point?

Starting point is 00:05:05 True. Yeah, I mean I think the Thanksgiving Day parade is good. The floats. Right, but I feel like kids would swipe it if they could, you know what I mean? Yes. Swipe for kids, yeah. With all the stimulation on your phone,

Starting point is 00:05:17 does it even excite it? When I was a kid, I guess I thought it was cool for like a second. Sure. My kids like the Thanksgiving Day parade, like watching it online. You got Woodpecker, you got a big Pikachu going by, that's fun.

Starting point is 00:05:28 I mean I went to Mardi Gras. You got an actual Chris Christie walking around at the float. They love the Nazi float. There's a Nazi float. Which is a Nazi float. I'm joking. Oh, oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:05:38 Is that a big cyber truck? No. The way things are going, I believed you for a second. Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. It really was, you guys were like, wow, is there another? It's coming. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:49 But yeah, I went to Mardi Gras as a kid, but I loved it because you get thrown things, so that changes everything. But Mardi Gras is like a once a year thing. Yes. It's like, you know what you're in for. Mardi Gras is different. It's New Orleans. There's tits out.

Starting point is 00:06:01 You get beads, you get spears. You know what? I think that's the big difference. Tits are out. Tits help. If there were more tits out. Well, there's tits out, you get beads, you get spears. You know what, I think that's the big difference, tits are out. Tits help! If there were more tits out. Well there's tits out at the gay parade. That's true, that's true.

Starting point is 00:06:09 There's a lot of different kinds of tits. That's true. They're all over the board. There's one tit, there's... But it's like a where's Waldo thing, you gotta really work for it, you know? Yeah, I know. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:17 I mean, yeah. It's... That's true. There's a protest back in the day, down by NYU, and all the women were topless, and it's like, that's a good plan because you stop and see what the protest is. Oh yeah, true.

Starting point is 00:06:30 Mark, what did you eat for lunch? Because that burp reeked. Oh, sorry. I had a sloppy joe. Wow. What? Yeah, my wife made them. I feel like I just was in a sewage dump.

Starting point is 00:06:39 They were scouting for free lunch in a high school cafeteria. I'm not allowed near there anymore. I feel like a pickle just flew past me. Oh, sorry. It's OK. I don't care. I'm not allowed near there anymore. Yeah, I feel like a pickle just flew past me. Oh, sorry. It's okay, I don't care. I thought Jews liked pickles. Yeah, well, I'm not Jewish anymore,

Starting point is 00:06:49 people here, so I converted. How smart, you got out like Rosie O'Donnell. I want a sloppy joe now. What was on it? See, sloppy joe is different to me, I think, than it is to you. Is it? Because sloppy joes, where I grew up in Jersey,

Starting point is 00:07:03 are like Turkey, Swiss, Russian and coastal. What? That sounds amazing. It's the best sandwich ever. Rachel's had them. They're amazing. They're called the Rachel I thought. Yeah, there's ones called the Rachel.

Starting point is 00:07:15 I think those are the ones with Turkey. And they're hot. But these are like a thin slice of rye bread and they come as a big square cut into little squares. It's unreal. And then you can get like corned beef, you know, Russian, Swiss, and Koslar. You can get egg salad and tuna salad. Little salad crowd on there.

Starting point is 00:07:32 They're unbelievable. I'll get you guys some. They're unbelievable. I'm all about, dude I went to this place, a la Antica by the Cellar. Have you been there? No. The sandwich spot?

Starting point is 00:07:41 Pull that shit up, dude. That's the Sloppy Joe by the way. That looks great. It's said New Jersey, it's their high. Oh, I'm in. Yeah, the second one. That's definitely not the sloppy, I was picturing just like the ground beef.

Starting point is 00:07:50 That's the one I'm talking, that's the exact sandwich I'm talking about. Wait, what'd you went to, Allah? Was it a Muslim joint? Is that what it's called? No, Allah Antica, it's like a sandwich joint that originated in Rome, but now it's all over the world and it's popping up in New York.

Starting point is 00:08:04 I never heard of it. Dude, they're massive. They're like this fucking big. It's on focaccia type bread. Oh my God. Prosciutto, mozzarella, basil oil. It's unreal. Woo-wee!

Starting point is 00:08:13 And everyone's like, go over there. I go over there, I eat the whole fucking sandwich. Wow! I had to do four sets, I wanted to kill my... Alan Altman was with me, he's just watching me, he's like, you're gonna eat all of that? I was like, I think I am. Ha ha ha, that's great, I'm in. I wanted to die. I know, I want to, my Alon Altman was with me. He's just watching me. He's like you're gonna eat all that I think I am

Starting point is 00:08:30 That's great. I'm in I want to know where is it? Where is it on Sullivan? It's right by the All right. All right. There's usually a line I think but I went like right as they were closing. I lucked out I'm in Allah who Tika. What the hell are you putting in? It's on Tika Allah on Tika. Antica. No H at the end. No H. It's Italian, not Muslim. There we go. It'll be Muslim soon. No, no, no, one word, Antica. Yeah, you got it, right there. Can you imagine if the whole podcast

Starting point is 00:08:51 was trying to spell this restaurant? Ha ha ha ha ha. We usually have a Google guide there. Is that it? That looks very good. Oh yeah, it says Italian sandwich. Yeah, it was good. Oh, Allah Antica, okay.

Starting point is 00:09:00 I dug it, dude. Oh, is it chain? Yeah. Whoa, those look good. That looks, that looks all right. Dude, it's insane. I dug it, dude. Oh, is it chain? Yeah. Whoa, those look good. That looks, yeah, that looks all right. That directly looks sick. Dude, it's insane.

Starting point is 00:09:08 I'm in. You know what was a good chain back in the day? Remember Cozy Sandwiches? Oh, Cozy's around? Oh no, they closed. There was one by the old Gotham. I used to go there all the time, dude. It's amazing.

Starting point is 00:09:18 Their soup was amazing. That bread was legit. It was. It was like a- They had the best bread. It was an upper Panera almost. It was like a nicer Panera. It came in like a little white sleeve thing.

Starting point is 00:09:29 I loved it. Yeah, I used to fuck my face with that bread. Oh, I loved it. I love your bits when you're on stage and you're just like, you do a thing, I'd never seen another comic, too. Well, a lot of people copy it now. A lot of people copy it.

Starting point is 00:09:42 Really? But you'll just be talking to yourself. I get calls and texts like, I just saw some guy. That's flattering. Yeah. I mean, I'm not telling you the name, but someone did it at the cellar. And Five Comics called me.

Starting point is 00:09:53 And then one of them called him and was like, you know that you're stealing Jessica's thing. Whoa. He's like, I had no idea. It was a guy. Yeah. Whoa. Damn, dude.

Starting point is 00:10:03 Yeah. It's so obvious, because I've been doing it for 20 years. What? He didn't know? I don't know. But it's like, anyone's gonna say that's Jessica. See, when I turn around and talk to myself.

Starting point is 00:10:14 You turn around and you talk, it's like your inner monologue. And it's like sometimes you're spiraling, and sometimes you're like, I'm gonna fuck a sleeve of Oreos with my face, and stuff like that. But it's almost more fun. I'll say like the guy in the front is not your father. Yeah. But it's almost more fun. I'll say like the guy in the front is not your father. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:27 But it's almost more fun to watch you not connect with the crowd, so I get to see more of that character. It's the best time. True. It only works when I'm not doing well or a joke bombs. It's the only time. When I was first doing it, I'd be doing great

Starting point is 00:10:39 and then turn around and everyone's like, what the fuck is she, because I'm like, it's okay. You chose this business, no one made you do it. You know, you ate a bag of Tostitos, it's not a serving of corn, you're a liar. Like I'll do a whole thing and then I turn around and they're like, why is she trying to like, motivate herself or pump herself up?

Starting point is 00:10:59 Yeah. We like her. But when I'm bombing, comics die laughing. So is it good or sweet, like over in your Hulu special, you're killing, but then you feel like, oh, can I do the voice thing if I'm killing? I did it once when a joke didn't do well. But I did it, you know you go over your set on the Tonight Show 500 times. And I had my whole set and then I did a joke that I did a punchline that he told me to do that I knew wasn't gonna work

Starting point is 00:11:26 Oh It and then it bombed and I turned around and like you shouldn't have listened to him. You knew that On the tonight show. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't give a shit anymore Yeah, you guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah, nothing means anything in this business. It's like yeah I know oh my god, you got a deal. I'm like, yeah, it won't go through. It's fine, it's more money, but it's not. So true. I mean, you just see the Tonight Show offer, you set the set in, they're like, it's a little dark, and you're like, all right, fuck it. I'm not trying to... You don't need to.

Starting point is 00:11:59 I'm not trying to neuter a set at this point. We've talked about this shit to death, but I mean, yeah, it's kind of a beautiful thing that this character you came up with, like this gear you can shift into, came out of bombing. True. I did it for the first time when I tanked and I hated the crowd. Yeah. And I'm like, none of these people matter, they can never do what you're doing, you know, they all hate themselves. Like, you know, it know, it came from that, but it really came from like.

Starting point is 00:12:27 It's a mix of like self-confidence, but also self-hate, which is what I like. Yeah, it is, it's both, you're right. But it came from being in therapy for so long, my mom's a therapist, you know, like it's all that psychological shit. Well, you need that trauma. That comics really get.

Starting point is 00:12:40 Yeah. You need that bombing to pull something out of you sometimes. So as horrible as it is, it actually gave birth to this great move. What's your big thing when you aren't doing well? Well, that's where I got comedy, because I was bombing so much. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was like, this is comedy. I'm doing comedy.

Starting point is 00:12:54 I had to remind them. I'd say an offensive joke, and they were like, jeez, I'm joking. I'm comedy. I do my own thing. I go, humor. This is humor. No, I usually just let them know I know it's not going well. I'm like, I don't want you to think I suck

Starting point is 00:13:07 and I'm not self-aware. Yeah. I let them know this is not going well. I'm aware. So I try to turn it through like, bonding over how much we both don't like each other. That's smart. That's good.

Starting point is 00:13:17 I used to just get really angry. I'm sure you did when I was starting out. Of course. What the fuck is wrong with you? Because you're doing so many bad shows that you're like a rabid dog. You're like a dog that's just getting hit, so you're just like ready to fucking attack. Even nice crowds sometimes.

Starting point is 00:13:29 I know. Yeah, I used to go crazy on people. Years ago. I don't do it anymore. Unless it's like really extreme. I think I saw that back in the day. I'm sure, you know, we've all seen each other like spiral a little. I told this story on Bir Biglia's podcast,

Starting point is 00:13:45 but it's really amazing. Did you hear when I walked off stage? Lay it up. No, I didn't hear this. It's a great story. I was in the small, in the lounge at the cellar and I was burnt out, you know, doing so many weekends on the road.

Starting point is 00:13:58 And this guy supposedly was talking the whole show. He was like in the front row and this, you know, buff Connecticut, like, you know, buff Connecticut, like, you know, financial guy. And he's with this hot girl, they're both hot. And I go up and he's talking, and just looking at me like this, and they get up to leave.

Starting point is 00:14:18 They're in the front, on the last comic, and they get up to walk out. And I go, oh God, I'm sorry you guys are leaving, but I hope you're going home to have set, like you're so hot, both of you. Like it was a compliment. Sure. And he's like, yeah, whatever, fuck you.

Starting point is 00:14:31 And then he walks out, he comes back in and he goes, by the way, your hair looks like shit. Whoa! Jesus. I snapped. That is the catious, straight dude insult. True. And by the way, I don't like your shoes either. Right, right.

Starting point is 00:14:47 What the fuck? Yeah, you have horrible knees, so I snapped. Whoa. I know this has happened to you guys, but something turned in me. Sure. Of how you see red. Oh, I saw red, I was like, it was so insane what happened to me.

Starting point is 00:15:00 So, and he was in that little curtain area where you pay, Yeah. You know, in between the two clubs. I said, excuse me everyone, this is the craziest story, right? I put my mic in the stand calmly. I walked out into the curtain area and he was up against the wall and I said,

Starting point is 00:15:17 don't you ever fucking talk to me. So the whole crowd heard. I said, who the fuck do you think you are? I'm like, you probably treat her like shit, you fucking asshole. I'm like, I can't even imagine what you do to her if you just talk to me like that. I don't even know you. Yeah. And he was like, wait, hey, hey, you know, and this was Jeffrey Epstein. There's enormous, there's enormous guys at the cellar, security guys, and they're dying laughing. Because I literally had this guy up against the wall.

Starting point is 00:15:48 Like I'm going to fucking fuck you up. I don't know what happened. I've never done that. Good for you. Because I saw dad. My dad was like that. Oh, you went off on dad. I think that's what happened. Wow. And his girlfriend was like, he didn't even do anything.

Starting point is 00:16:02 And I'm like, shut up. Shut the fuck up. So I started abusing her. But anyway. Like you f***ed me. Yeah, and didn't even do anything. And I'm like, shut up. Shut the fuck up. So I started abusing her. But anyway, like you. Yeah, and you had scissored. And I walked out back into the audience. They all stood up and gave me a standing ovation. Wow. And I'm like, I'm so sorry, but I snapped.

Starting point is 00:16:15 And I had had it. Like I had, yeah. Did you get the clip? That's where comedy's at now. Comedian follows Heckler home back to Connecticut. Yeah, and all the comics heard about it. I mean it was really. Wow. Damn. This was a while ago.

Starting point is 00:16:29 You know what's crazy, I heard this guy did the same thing to a heckler with the celery. He stole your essence or something. Really? Oh. Damn. It's crazy, I had a breaking moment like that once way back in the day.

Starting point is 00:16:40 I was at the Village Lantern. I was just like bombing for like. Which is a dumpy, We all did it was tough What a dump you'd either have a great like wow I can't believe I turned this set or you have those sets where you're just like should I be doing this? Oh, yeah, and a basement. It's a small room. It's like barked in it's good. It's barked Right people are you'd have moments where you're like try out stuff Yeah

Starting point is 00:17:02 But I remember it was one of those where there's like fucking six people or something in the crowd and I'm just bombing and this one guy's just like, you fucking suck. He just, and there's like six people and it's the point where I'm like, it's like hard when you're not doing well enough. Like, cause you know, at this point someone does it, you're like, I got the room on my side,

Starting point is 00:17:17 you're fucking dead. When you got six people, you're just kinda like, and it was, I'd had so many sets like that in a row where I finally was like, why don't you fucking meet me outside then? And I was like, I couldn't see what he looked like. I didn't know who I was fucking challenging to a fucking fight.

Starting point is 00:17:31 But I was like, why don't you fucking meet me outside? And I walked off stage and I walked up to him and I was like, why don't you fucking meet me? And he was like, no, man, no. And he was with a friend, his friend was kinda like, and I was like, in my head, I'm like, I think I could take this dude, but I'm also really glad he backed down

Starting point is 00:17:47 But I was that I saw red like that where I was like you you have Usually even in those bad sets even in the early days you try to do it But try to do anything but but it was at that point I just fucking broke and I was like, let's fucking go Yeah, you guys did what I did. Yeah, where I went up every night. Yes. Yeah. Four, five, six, seven, like it's rare. Yeah. You guys did it. Oh yeah. You still do stuff, right? But a lot of people now do not do it. Yeah, that's true. It's hard to shut off though. It's like, it was really hard like, I realize I should be doing less sets. I think it takes a toll at a certain point when you

Starting point is 00:18:22 do too many sets because what's like what Rock always says, like your audience is living, you gotta be living. You gotta be living. And so I do think the repetition, but then every time I feel that way, I'll get like one line, I'm like, I wouldn't have gotten that line if I didn't fucking do all these sets.

Starting point is 00:18:37 Yeah, yeah. So true. Because you start to hate the material so much that it forces out a new joke. Yeah. And then sometimes I'll mix it up, I'm like fuck, I had four, I was with my brother and we're just pounding martinis. And I had to go do an hour at the celery.

Starting point is 00:18:51 He's like, are you good like this? I'm like, yeah, sometimes I gotta mix it up and be loose. I completely agree. And I was looser. I mean, it's not, I'm not gonna do that all the time, but every once in a while you're like, I'm just throwing fucking lines out. Mix it up.

Starting point is 00:19:02 Yeah, those are good. I mean, those shows are real. Like you said, when I was doing, I was burnt out for years and I'm like, I have to take a night off or like a weekend vacation. I can't. Yeah. I have this fear of losing it.

Starting point is 00:19:12 I know, I know. Because you get that momentum and you're like, hey, I'm writing a lot, I'm getting up a lot, I'm finishing jokes and perfecting my act. And then you get scared, you take three days off and then you go back up and you're like, a little rusty. That's what's happening to me now because I'm not on the road as much this month and it's really affecting you feel it

Starting point is 00:19:28 But isn't that hilarious that that sentence this month? I know like you're around. We're still touring like motherfuckers But I relate to what you just like you guys do. Yeah, I mean I say Rachel like yeah, you know I I could a lot of people like I'm taking the summer off I'm like what I know take the whole summer. I'm like, what? I know. How can you take the whole summer off? I kind of had to because I hit 50 cities already this year. So I was out, but like, yeah. But then we're going to Europe.

Starting point is 00:19:51 Yeah. Because you're like, I need more cities. I'm going to Europe, we're getting October. We're going to Australia. I love Europe, yeah. I love performing there. Yeah, Europe is fun. Well, I gotta tell you, my snap set.

Starting point is 00:19:59 Please. So I was at the VU and this lady, when she kept going, boo, boo. I can't take it. Like, after every joke, and it was like, the jokes would do pretty lady, when she kept going, boo, boo, like after every joke, and it was like the jokes would do pretty good, but she was like, boo. So I said, you wanna go outside?

Starting point is 00:20:10 And I beat the shit out of her. No, I'm kidding, but at least with a guy, you can challenge him to fight with a girl. You just wanna call her a c***, but you can't go right to c***. You have to let them know how shitty, because they don't know usually how shitty the person is. Because our spider sense is tingling from the jump.

Starting point is 00:20:31 So you have to let it unfold, and you have to let them kind of be- It's like a fucking actual fight. You have to let them make the first move. You have to, because then the audience turns on you, and I'm going to say something that people might not like, but especially if you're a- The N-word? We'll like it. Kike.

Starting point is 00:20:49 No, if you're a white guy, it's even harder. Thank you! I'm serious. Acknowledgement. Because it's like immediately- It depends on who's heckling. No, I'm saying if it's a woman. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:03 If it's a woman, definitely. If it's a woman, they are like, it's you immediately- You're a straight white guy. It's the worst, I'm saying if it's a woman. Oh, yeah, yeah. If it's a woman, they are like, it's, you immediately, You're a straight white guy. It's the worst, I'm telling you. Yeah. If you're a gay guy, it's okay. Like, yeah. It depends on, like, if you just let it play out a little,

Starting point is 00:21:15 though, man, it can be, it can unravel on them. It's amazing. I mean, some of, I've gone through so many things like that and then ended up like high-fiving the person, like, but I'll say, you guys are all tense and he's fine. Like we're at a point where we're bantering, it's fine. But you're all tense, like that it's not okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:33 But they'll hang themselves. A lot of the time, if you just let them, if you feel like they're an asshole and you let them just kind of have the floor a little bit, 100%. They will, they're not used to talking, they're gonna hang themselves. 100% and they just get meaner and meaner and then you can just kind of pull back and percent. They're not used to talking. They're going to hang themselves. A hundred percent. They just get meaner and meaner and then you can just kind of pull back and just like,

Starting point is 00:21:47 keep being mean to me. Everybody's watching you. Be a douche. You know what the worst is? When somebody fucks with you all your whole show and then you see them outside and they're like, that was great, man. We really had a moment there. And I was like, I hate you.

Starting point is 00:21:58 I'm going to kill you. I love you. This is the best. I helped you out. Didn't I help you out? They helped you out. I helped you. God, you went over Hitler to that. I helped you out. Didn't I help you out? Yeah, they helped you out. I helped you. God, you went over Hitler to that. I helped you out.

Starting point is 00:22:07 I love when people scream, which they don't really anymore, but if they would scream out like, you suck, you fat bitch. And I'm like, who was that? Let's have a conversation. Oh yeah. And then they duck.

Starting point is 00:22:18 I'm like, you're a fucking pussy. Yeah, own it. Like if you're gonna say that, now you're hiding from me? Yeah. Well, there's this weird thing with crowds where they think we're allowed to be mean to you. You're the clown, you're gonna say that, now you're hiding from me? Yeah. Well there's this weird thing with crowds where they think we're allowed to be mean to you. You're the clown, you're the comedian,

Starting point is 00:22:29 and I'm like, I'm up here alone, I'm vulnerable, I'm trying, you guys bought a ticket, I'm trying to entertain you. What gives you the right to be mean? Like the guys sitting here. Also, it's a comedy show, it was a cheap ticket. That too. Shut up, you're getting a great show.

Starting point is 00:22:40 I know, you're getting an amazing, the best show. Yeah. And here's another one I love. Come on, you're supposed to be able to take it. You're a comedian, professional comedian, you can't take it. I know, you're getting an amazing, the best show. Yeah. And here's another one I love. Come on, you're supposed to be able to take it. You're a comedian, professional comedian, you can't take it. I know, I know. I'm like, it's not that I can't take it, I just don't want it.

Starting point is 00:22:50 A cop can take a shot, a shooting, but he doesn't want to go into a shooting. Yeah. You know? It's true. I mean, honestly, like, old show, I do a lot of old shows, like in Florida and stuff. Oh. And they're horrific. Cause they'll just yell out, this isn't funny.

Starting point is 00:23:05 They say, who is this? You couldn't get someone out. And it's like a free show for them at the development or something. Right, right. And they're like, who am I? I mean, I want my money back. And it's like free.

Starting point is 00:23:16 Like they're just. You start to get Hamas. One of them, it's in my special, but one of them once asked me to get them a seltzer water. This is totally. She's like, I need a seltzer water. Can you get them a seltzer water. This is totally... Ah, hilarious! She's like, I need a seltzer water. Can you get me a seltzer?

Starting point is 00:23:27 I'm like, now I'm the fucking waitress. People in wheelchairs start walking out, you're like, holy shit. I know they had it in them. Wow, seltzer, Florida, what are these, Asians? Yeah. Okay. Damn, yeah, the war stories out there. People don't get all this.

Starting point is 00:23:42 They see the glimps and the glamour of the Hulu and they go, oh, it must be nice. You're like, what are you kidding? Yeah, I had a bottle thrown at me at Broadway. Whoa. I got spit on there. Yeah. If someone spit on me, I'm telling you right now, I would kill them. Like anything physical like that, I would- A bottle is fucking worse than spitting. I was like a urine.

Starting point is 00:24:02 Spits more disrespectful. And it was Paul Taurus, it was at Broadway. It was all Taurus and this French guy threw a full water bottle at me. Wow. Okay, and I ducked, it didn't hit me. I picked it up, this is a snapping thing too. I picked it up, turned it over and whipped it at him

Starting point is 00:24:20 and he ducked and it hit a Swedish woman in the shoulder. Oh. And she's like, oh, how could you do that? That's impressive you dug like George Bush. Yeah, it's bad. Wow. Yeah. That's great, but if someone spit on you, you'd kill them.

Starting point is 00:24:33 You hear that, Rich Voss? I wouldn't. Better stand a few feet away from old Jess here. Sorry. Okay, that's for three people to get that joke. I liked it. Yeah, I liked it too. Okay.

Starting point is 00:24:45 It was really funny. Yeah, no, if someone spit in my face, did they spit in your face? Chest. I just can't with that. Yeah, it was rough. I was young too, it was like, you know. Yeah, that's rough.

Starting point is 00:24:58 Yeah, that's bad. I'm impressed you ducked on the water bottle. Yeah, well he was like a little bit of a bad. Why are they doing giving out glass water bottles there too? I guess they give out glasses. Or was it a polo? No, it was a, it was a. A glass.

Starting point is 00:25:10 No, it was a. Bottle. Bottle of plastic. Oh, plastic. But those are heavy. Yeah, that's true. Oh yeah, they got some heft. Like it wasn't even opened.

Starting point is 00:25:18 And he just whipped it at me. That's insane behavior. I know, and I'm a woman. I mean it was crazy. That is crazy. Weird. Has anyone ever gone on stage with you? That's happened to. I know. I'm a woman. I mean, it was crazy. That is crazy. Weird. Has anyone ever gone on stage with you?

Starting point is 00:25:27 That's happened to me. Once. Like attack? Once. I kicked him though. I kicked him. He was walking up the little stairs of the, what's the club? Funny Bone in Manchester, Connecticut.

Starting point is 00:25:37 Oh, Hartford. Hartford, they call it. He came on and I gave him one of these. Like get back. Kind of like, he was a big fat guy. It was pretty scary. That's so funny, because it happened to me in Connecticut too. It was the Bijou Theater in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Starting point is 00:25:50 Oh, yeah. It was a theater or something? It wasn't a nice theater. I mean, it is a nice theater, but I wasn't like selling tickets at that time. It was kind of like, I did this gig for these people, and it was like, they were talking it up, we're like, oh my God, like we're gonna book you, and it wasn't even crazy money, but at that point it was nice money. Of talking it up, we're like, oh my god, we're gonna book you,

Starting point is 00:26:06 and it wasn't even crazy money, but at that point it was nice money. Of course, it's a lot. And they were like, we gotta see you in the city first, and I was like, all right, so they see me at Eastville Comedy Club, and I'm auditioning for a gig, and I crush. Eastville on Saturday night, back in the day,

Starting point is 00:26:21 it was like, they were layups, it was so easy to kill in there, and they were like, if you do this well here, imagine how well you'll do in the day was like, they were layups, it was so easy to kill in there. And they were like, if you do this well here, imagine how well you'll do in Bridgeport, Connecticut. Not how it works, but that's all right. And we get there and it's like a weird gig, there's like a weird friend they have there, they're like, this is our friend the muscle.

Starting point is 00:26:39 And I was like, all right. Oh, this is getting worse. There was something weird about him where he was like, I was like, why are you like, he's always telling me about like how he was in him where he was like, I was like, why are you like, he's already told me about like how he was in prison. He was like, I was in the clink. And I'm like, all right, these are fucking weird dudes, I guess, whatever.

Starting point is 00:26:52 But this guy keeps fucking heckling me during the show to the point where like, I put him down every clever way. It was kinda like, I was kinda doing all right. But it gets to a point where like 25 minutes in, I can't tell a joke because he won't shut the fuck up. And I finally go, you're a fucking idiot. You're a Neanderthal, you're a dipshit. And then he stands up and he's like six, six,

Starting point is 00:27:12 and he's fucking huge. And I was like, and you're the biggest dude I've ever seen in my life. And he starts walking toward the stage. And I was like, well, surely security will do something. There's no fucking security. So we started showing the mount on this. I'm like, are you fucking, so I just walk off stage.

Starting point is 00:27:26 I'm fucking, I run off. That's horrific. And I'm hiding in some fucking, some green room and some woman comes out. Like the crowd's booing me by the way. Yeah. This is horrible. I don't know if they're booing me or the situation, probably me.

Starting point is 00:27:38 They're like, you should have fucking fought him. But I'm in the green room and the woman's yelling at me like how the fuck do you get off? And I'm like, I've been punching the face a few weeks, like a few months ago for a gig in Seattle, some guy fucking sucker punched me because I insulted his girlfriend in a bar. I was on a bad streak of confrontation,

Starting point is 00:27:55 but she insulted me and then I fucking insulted her and then he popped me in the face. And I was like, all right. And then, so I'm like, I don't need this again. I'm like, let me, I dodged a bullet not getting like a broken jaw the way I'm seen to getting sucker punched. So I'm in there and this woman's like, go back out there. And I was like, no.

Starting point is 00:28:14 This is insane. And she goes, go back out there. And I was like, have you ever been punched in the face? Go back out there. And I was like, have you ever done comedy? And she goes, no. I was like, well, then you're not really qualified to tell me what to do. And it keeps, and by the way, it keeps going back and forth

Starting point is 00:28:27 and I was like, fuck Bridgeport, fuck Connecticut. I shit you not, I'm holding the fucking microphone the whole time, it's a cordless mic. The crowd hears this whole, they hear me being a pussy, they hear this whole interaction, I'm getting booed. And I had to go back out and finish the show. What'd the guy do, the buff guy? They got rid of him eventually.

Starting point is 00:28:45 Oh, all right, all right. But it was like seven minutes, but it felt like fucking forever. Of course, seven minutes is long. And I had to go back out and do like another 25 to 30. Oh my God, this is seriously a nightmare. And it was not a good 25 or 30, but I got paid. Hey, I got paid.

Starting point is 00:29:00 Yeah. And a story. And they snuck me out the back. You don't feel like a winner leaving that game. Yeah, they snuck me out the back. You don't feel like a winner leaving that game. Yeah, they snuck me out the back the night of Broadway, but I was at Dangerfields once. I used to be there every single night. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:11 Unbelievable, unbelievable. Since closed. Yeah, and now it's Rodney's. Yes. Are you serious? Yeah, you haven't done it? Rodney's, yeah. What a fucking silly change.

Starting point is 00:29:21 I know. They revamped the whole inside too. Yeah, well, I was up, and it's always tourists, and these two Swedish women, they were huge. Hated me. They were like rugby players. They were an or- And they came to the stage, and I took the mic stand

Starting point is 00:29:39 and was like, I can't get into a fight. Like a lion tamer. Yeah, I was like, you need to go sit down. Wow. And the staff there, they all would wear, remember those black, like, tuxedo jackets? Yes, yes. And they literally stand there like this

Starting point is 00:29:51 and watch everything that happened. Unbelievable. And do nothing. Wow. I was like, are you guys going to handle it? It's got the vibe of a funeral every time you walk in. It does. There's like a darkness to it.

Starting point is 00:30:00 Yeah. It's bad. Guys in red jackets. I haven't been back, but it's. I haven't been to the new room. Oh, OK. Yeah. I haven't been back but but it's I haven't been to the new room. Okay. Yeah. I mean is it okay? I thought of cuz I my partner lives down the street. Sure. So I was like I should just walk up there and do shows. I think if you announced the show and like your people came it'd be great. Yeah I'm not

Starting point is 00:30:22 doing that. Okay other than that that, it's a toss up of if there's gonna be an audience there. Yeah. Doesn't look like great reviews yet. Oh, hey, that's a fiver. Yeah, three ones in a row ain't great though. Ones. Another one. Damn, what the hell, why is it so bad?

Starting point is 00:30:39 Can we zoom in on some of these? I feel bad, we're taking this club down a peg here. Well, I don't, you know, maybe it's a wake up call for them. Maybe it's good. These are real reviews. I feel like so many clubs would get bad reviews Oh the seller gets a lot of them. Do they? Yeah, yeah, cuz You know Some of them might not be fair. Of course. Oh That's a long one. Oh That's the owner. The owner's writing back. That's good. Whoa

Starting point is 00:31:05 All right, well they're trying. Yeah, I mean if you're getting back to people that's the owner. They wrote back. Oh, the owner's writing back. That's good. Whoa. All right, well they're trying. Yeah, I mean, if you're getting back to people, that's great. That's a couple fivers. Oh, there's a lot of good fives. Oh, great place for comedy. It would be funny if the owner, if it was one of those, some of these places the owners are so toxic, I could just picture them writing back like, thank you Kelly, you stupid. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:19 Great crowd work. All right. Great. All right. Yeah, a lot of fivers there. All right, there we go, Rod. Big five. Great. All right. Yeah, a lot of fivers there. All right, there we go, Rod.

Starting point is 00:31:27 Big five. Top notch, laughing all night. Maybe we will pop in. Oh, Larry Bayer. Wait, he's a comedian. Yeah. He wrote his own fucking book. Ah!

Starting point is 00:31:33 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Didn't he write for Frasier? Top notch. He did, yeah, that's his credit. Top notch.

Starting point is 00:31:40 Oh, man. Can you imagine if it's all comedians getting the good reviews? That'd be great. I was great laughing. Yeah, I killed. Okay. Oh man. Can you imagine it's all comedians getting the good reviews? That'd be great. I was great last night. Yeah, I killed. Okay, well the owner again. Boy, the owner is really busy.

Starting point is 00:31:51 Well now I feel bad, the owner's trying. Good luck to you there, Rodney. Yeah, well. Okay. The three of us will do a set there tonight. Yeah, we'll pop in. Yeah, we'll pop in. Boy, these heckle stories are wild.

Starting point is 00:32:06 Kind of fun. And you're doing clubs, theaters, where you at? You're in theaters, aren't you? I've been doing theaters for the past couple of years, but now, I mean some clubs, but now this summer I'm doing a bunch of clubs, and I have to be honest, I'm dreading it. I told you that. Oh really?

Starting point is 00:32:19 Because it's so long of a weekend? Yeah, it's like instead of one night, one show, it's like, or being away two, three nights and you're doing a theater each night, which is great. Especially with kids, I get it. Right. And it's like, now I have to do five shows and three nights or four shows.

Starting point is 00:32:34 And sometimes it's good money, but sometimes it's the same money. Right, yeah, true, true. Like you guys know. For one show, it's like at sellout, you'll make this much. It's like, it's the middle of the summer. I'm in a mall in like Columbus. Like this is not, I'll make this much. It's like, it's the middle of the summer. I'm in a mall in Columbus. This is not, I'll do well, but it's,

Starting point is 00:32:49 and plus it's even more people in a huge club for five shows than it is in a theater I would do. Like it's like a lot, sometimes it's like almost 2,000 people for a weekend. I totally am with you. Sometimes what helps is I just am like, I'm just gonna treat this like I have no distractions. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm gonna write as much as possible. It's the best way to work on stuff

Starting point is 00:33:09 Yeah, that's why I'm doing it too. Like I'm the repetition man. Yeah, there's nothing like it every time I come back from one of those weekends. I'm like, oh my god. I'm so Like I sure so good. Yeah. Yeah, but at least the foods great Yeah Yeah, it's a made the, yeah. Yeah, and the food's great. Yeah, it is. In the club. Yeah, it's made the chicken fingers. Yeah, I know, I always over drink and I eat the wings, the pizzas, whatever's in there.

Starting point is 00:33:32 I always gain six pounds in like a big zip. It's impossible. It's impossible, dude. Diarrhea. Yes, yes. You know, you always go, I'm gonna eat good on the road, but then eating good is like, ah, what's Panda Express? You know, I had some rice and broccoli.

Starting point is 00:33:44 I know, some people go out to like amazing restaurants. Oh, yeah, I'm like I hate myself I am NOT taking myself. So how do you even do that when you got two shows, you know? Yeah the time I don't know. They'll go out during the day. I guess so really pamper themselves I am NOT like that at all me neither like just takes Dylan goes best steak Yeah, when I was on the with Tom Segura last summer doing all these gigs in Canada We went to the sickest restaurant really and it's like I want I Don't really care like I wanted to be with him and like Bobby Lee and these other people But I don't really care about yeah amazing restaurants, and I like it for the bonding. I like like that and stuff

Starting point is 00:34:25 Yeah, when I'm with Gary he's demanding some yeah but clubs we usually just order into the club yeah yeah what the hell why don't I do that I've done that many many yeah I do that a lot I just can't go I can't do two hours if I'm eating chicken wings and chicken fingers and shit I might something yeah a little lighter how would the cigar gate was that arenas yeah they were sick really they're outdoor it was that great outdoor whatever yeah oh nice yeah and they were unbelievable I did like a 15,000 seat arena with him and that's crazy around and it was unbelievable how much time was nervous because I never did in the round.

Starting point is 00:35:05 And you know, it's his fans. Sure, they're wild, fun guys. They're great. And it went well, but he told me what to do. Like I turned around, looked at different people because I'm so used to just standing in one place. I don't move. And it was you and Bobby Lee?

Starting point is 00:35:23 It was me and Bobby Lee. Whoa, that's a fun show. Yeah, yeah. Who got more puss? And Kirk. I was dating someone already. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was really,

Starting point is 00:35:34 and then some of them were outdoors. Oh, Kirk Fox, maybe? Yeah. Yeah, he's funny. He's great, he's fun. Good one-liners, fun dude. And Tom's so chill and easygoing. I love him.

Starting point is 00:35:44 He's a good egg. I just did your mom's house. I love him. He's a good egg. I just did your mom's house, I love him. Yeah, he's a good person. He just did the pod, he's the best. He's so funny too. Oh yeah. He's real. He's very real.

Starting point is 00:35:53 You know what I mean, it's like we're friends, like it's not, we've become good friends, I love him. Yeah, he doesn't work a lot though. Yeah, he doesn't, just every weekend. Every weekend at a bookgo. Yeah, that's the other kind of gig we did, those outdoor, where everyone's sitting. I will say this, those are fun gigs.

Starting point is 00:36:11 In general, can we stop with the outdoor comedy? I agree. It's a lot. Rachel just came to see me from one, and she's like, I did an outdoor benefit, and I go, it's a fucking heat wave. I know. Who's booking outdoor benefits in the summer in New York?

Starting point is 00:36:26 It's crazy. Because it's probably so much cheaper. Ah, you don't have to rent this building. But it's a hell gig. It is. Hell. You just count the minutes. I hate it. It's hell. People are walking around. And is it benefits or she's doing someone a favor? So you're doing someone a favor to eat shit on their show. Yes. I'm kind of like, I can't. You're setting yourself up for failure, basically. Yeah. Maybe not, but I don't do that stuff like, I can't. You're setting yourself up for failure, basically. Maybe not, but I don't do that stuff anymore. I can't, I give her credit,

Starting point is 00:36:50 because I just, it's too much. Like if I know it's gonna be horrific, I mean, you have to pay me a shitload to do that. Well, I'm at the Great Outdoors Fest in Calgary. It was fun, dude. Oh, was it? I had a good time doing that. Yeah, no, I did too,

Starting point is 00:37:04 because they're good, they're comedy fans. Everyone that goes is a comedy fan. That was the. Yeah, but I was it. I know I did too cuz they're good. They're comedy fans Yeah, when that goes those who actually that was the rare thing were kind of work, but like it rarely works, dude Yeah, they kept people really tight, which was nice. The crowds were huge. Okay easier I've also done like a couple like when you do those music fest and you're in a tent It's not as bad either when that when there's some ceiling like a tent Yeah, but that it was a fun. I like a tent. Yeah. But it was a fun test. These have a huge,

Starting point is 00:37:28 Oh, there's a tent. Your cover, cause it was pouring. Whoa. The ones I did were not, but there was a wildfire. So the city was shut down. We literally, it was me and Theo and Laura Peek and the city is, they're like, we gotta shut down the city. Of course, Theo's like, it's not a big deal, man.

Starting point is 00:37:48 I'm like, dude, this is fucking bad air quality. I'm being like the token Jew. I'm like, this is not suitable. And right after I say that, they're like, the city's shut down, will you guys stay another night? And we're like, yeah, all right. And the next night, I'm like, it's gonna be better air quality tomorrow?

Starting point is 00:38:04 They're like, yeah, yeah, it's at a, it's at seven Friday, Saturday, all right. And the next night, I'm like, it's gonna be better air quality tomorrow? They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's at a- Worse. It's at seven Friday. Saturday is at nine. Oh. And we're like, I guess we're doing the fucking show in worse air.

Starting point is 00:38:12 We should have just done the show. Yeah. I couldn't believe they did it when it was pouring, pouring. Wow. And I was shocked that people were, thousands of people sat in the pouring rain. I'm like- Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:23 Holy moly. And it wasn't just raining. It was like really bad. No tent or? No, around them? Yeah. I had a thing up on top of my house. They didn't have, they got drenched?

Starting point is 00:38:33 The thousands of people got drenched. What? That's insane. By the way, you didn't get your money back. It says in the ticket thing, if it's raining, you either show up or you don't get your money back. I guess because they're outdoors, I don't know. Yeah, I think I'd rather than smoke.

Starting point is 00:38:47 But I was shocked, we were all shocked that there were so many people. And they laughed still. They did. Wow! But I mean. It's a story. Yeah, I mean, I can do well, Bobby kills,

Starting point is 00:38:59 and Tom, they are in love with. An old lady died of hypothermia later that night. Someone drowned, but it was really a good joke. Let's so Canadian. You know like we'll do it. Nice. Sorry You know it would be in the way yeah, but I don't think that would fly here It was pouring rain now people don't go to the shows indoors if it's raining. I know so true Fuck we're all American We're lazy. Yeah, but now I feel like tickets are tough to move because prices are high, the heat wave,

Starting point is 00:39:29 tensions in the world. Right, they're afraid to spend money. Yeah. You know, it's a weird time. Plus we were booming for so long. After COVID, it was insane. Maybe it's great. It'll flush some people out.

Starting point is 00:39:42 Some people will quit. You're right. You just got to ride on, just hang on for a few years. It'll get good again. It's still good Maybe it's great. It'll flush some people out. Some people will quit. You're right. You just gotta ride on. Just hang on for a few years. It'll get good again. It's still good. It's great.

Starting point is 00:39:50 We're at the tail end of the boom, which is still in the boom. Yeah. So I'll take it. I think we'll all stay. We'll be okay. But you're right. I think a lot of people will end up in the clubs again and not get out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:01 Which is not horrible. No, I like clubs. I like clubs. Yeah. I mean, I like them for the reasons we set to try material. Yes. It's just easier for me than a theater. And I think audiences like it too.

Starting point is 00:40:12 They're like, he's right there, she's right there. Yeah, they love it. And you have to deal with those ticket master fees. Ah! Like, I feel guilty that people are paying to see me and they're getting just raped by Live Nation. It's not right. It ain't right.

Starting point is 00:40:25 And you know, sometimes the theater, there's those balconies, those people are gone. Like you're not even connecting with them in that big bedroom. Especially Lincoln, he was out of there. But no. Did you perform in that theater where he was, I performed in a theater in Dallas where he hid after the shooting.

Starting point is 00:40:40 He went there and hid. Works booth? Yeah, and hid under one of the like they told me that after and I'm like are you kidding that's where they found him I thought he was shot in DC he made it that far wait a minute I'm confused using hid there later or where we, JFK's Alice. Yeah, see? Ford Theater. Which is where? We should know this. Wait, what?

Starting point is 00:41:14 Ford Theater. Where's Ford Theater? DC, okay! No, it wasn't him. Let's check Kennedy. Are you thinking of, um, the... What's the guy who shot him? Lee Harvey Oswald? It might be. Are you thinking of the, what's the guy who shot him, Lee Harvey Oswald? It might be. Yeah, because I think the big story is Booth shot him in a theater and ran.

Starting point is 00:41:33 Got him in the horseback, yeah. And ran somewhere. I watched that show. Yeah, this is it. I watched that show on your wreck. Man Hunt. Man Hunt was good. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:41 I never saw that. It's on Apple. It's cool. It's about John Wilkes Booth. That was a Norman wreck on the show. He shot him in a theater and ran to a book depository whereas Oswald shot him from a book depository and ran to a theater. I think that's the big...

Starting point is 00:41:52 Right, this is the theater I performed at. Oh, cool. It's gorgeous. Which theater is it? Texas Theater. Oh, Cliff. Yeah, it was a movie theater. Ah, that whole thing is crazy. He was shot, Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln, and Lincoln was shot in Ford Theater. Wow. Wow. You never heard this? No. Oh, it's incredible.

Starting point is 00:42:14 Give that a go there, Peters. It's a hell of a coincidence. It's the biggest coincidence in history. Shot in a Ford Theater, he was shot in a Ford Lincoln. I can't remember all the connections but they're great Wow then he oh booth ran to Maryland and Kennedy fucked Marilyn Rowe was the big end damn yeah that's a reach that part that's why I'm here hold on what is this this is no you gotta give me the kawaii key dink oh really all the Queenie days. Oh really? The President in 1860, Kennedy in 1960.

Starting point is 00:42:44 Ooh. Hopefully on a Friday. Shot from behind. Oh and the Presidents of the Wise shot from behind. A lot of Presidents have been shot. Yeah. It's eight, right? Yeah, Reagan too, but. I remember the Reagan one.

Starting point is 00:42:55 Whoa, easy. That was, that was. Don't show your age. I don't care. I could give a shit, I'm with a hot 40 year old. Hey. Me too. You are.

Starting point is 00:43:07 Yeah, it's, that was insane, the footage of that was fucking insane. Really? Yeah. Hinkley. Hinkley. James Brady got shot, right? I mean, that was like, yeah, he ended up in a wheelchair.

Starting point is 00:43:21 Yeah. Whoa. Brady Act, the charity as we started, yeah. Yeah, it was... His secretary was named Kennedy, his secretary was named Lincoln. Come on! Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. John's theater ran into a warehouse, Lee Harvey shot Kennedy in a warehouse, ran into a theater. The names Lincoln and Kennedy contained seven letters. The names Andrew Johnson and Lyndon Johnson each contained 13 letters. The names John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald each contained 15 letters. Both of these answers were killed before being

Starting point is 00:43:48 brought to trial. Both Johnsons were opposed for re-election by men whose names start with G. Keep going. Damn. There's way more. And the movie JFK had Kevin Bacon. Who? I don't know. Was it trying to do the Kevin Bacon six degrees thing. Oh, that might be because yeah. All right. But yeah, it's just fun. It's the most coincidences in history.

Starting point is 00:44:13 That's blurry. One of them is funny. They made it funny, but we'll find that in three years. I do love stuff that ends up being like wordplay like that. Remember Carlin's bit about Muhammad Ali? How they're like, they won't let him fight, he won't go to war. They're like, if you want to fight, you better kill. Yeah, so good. I mean, just simplicity.

Starting point is 00:44:33 Fun with history, American history. This is where Booth ran from a theater and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater. Yeah, both of the three names. Crazy. Kenny was born in 08. Both assassins known by three names.

Starting point is 00:44:47 That's like, yeah, that's like the common saying. It is weird. Yeah, John Wayne Casey. And the Trump failed assassin was a three. Oh yeah, Matthew Thomas Crooks. Wait, we never heard about him again. Yeah. What's going on with that guy? Strange. Not one word.

Starting point is 00:45:01 He was, what is he, 17? I think he was pretty young. young hey look how cute is Joe List How the hell does he have a herpes sir when he's definitely a virgin That's a good point He might have a peanut allergy. He apparently had a huge dong What what yeah give it a good? How the fuck did you do this? I saw him on a video with a bunch of high school kids and he was bragging about his huge hog. I never saw a video of him. They didn't show the hog but... Hey folks, we might be drunk. It's brought to you by Perfect Gene.

Starting point is 00:45:40 I love the Perfect Gene. Say goodbye to a stiff denim with the Perfect Gene. They fit like a dream, look amazing and so comfy you'll forget you're wearing pants. Perfect Gene comes in a massive range of sizes no matter what you're packing. They've got the jeans for you. If you've seen any videos of me in the last year and a half, photosos, on stage, whatever. I'm wearing a perfect jean. I got the khaki jean. I got the regular jean. And I don't know what the hell's going on with the kids these days with the tight, the baggy, the skinny, the kweefe. So when the perfect jean sends me a jean I know I'm in style. I'm

Starting point is 00:46:22 not rocking a hammer loop and jinkos Because I'll wear anything so you got to point me in the right direction and they always do The denim is so stretchy that you can literally do yoga in it But it's still sharp enough to turn heads with six different fits Ranging from 26 to 50 inch waist and lengths up to 38 inches to 50 inch waist and lengths up to 38 inches, you'll find your perfect match. And the Perfect Gene always has free shipping, exchanges, and returns, so you can have peace of mind knowing that your order is completely risk free. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls and uncomfortable jeans by going to PerfectGene.nyc. We might be drunk fans, get 15% off your first order

Starting point is 00:47:06 plus free shipping, free returns and free exchanges when you use code DRUNK15 at checkout. That's 50% off for new customers at the PerfectGene.nyc with promo code DRUNK15. After your purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them support the show and tell them we sent ya. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect jean. Get on it! Hey, hey folks, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Sheath Underwear.

Starting point is 00:47:36 Chances are your underwear drawer needs a serious refresh. Toss out those stretched out rags. It's time to try undies you'll never want to take off. Sheath. Sheath underwear is a total game changer. It comes with two pockets. One for your dong, one for your sack. That means you're done peeling your balls off your dick and your dick off your thigh.

Starting point is 00:47:59 Everything is fully, finally, contained. Hey look, segregation is bad, but not when it's the genitalia. The dick and the balls have been feuding for years, they sit on top of each other, they love each other, they're related, but come on, everybody needs a goddamn break. You got to separate church and sack let the fuckers breathe will ya especially in this summer heat available in a bunch of different colors and patterns get ready to be comfortable down there every day of the week they've got the stuff for the ladies too with the most comfortable bralettes and boy shorts around go to sheathendwear.com and use code drunk

Starting point is 00:48:45 to get 20% off your first order plus sheathes underwear is 100% money-back guarantee that sheathunderwear.com promo code drunk get sheathed underwear support the show and support your balls thank you oh my god this is... I think he had like a 12-incher. If he had a 12-incher, he wouldn't become an assassin. But it gave him the confidence. I'm 6'4".

Starting point is 00:49:15 I go to Stanford University. I have a 10-inch penis. There you go. The fact that he just said penis made me more gay. I go to Stanford University. But it sums up with, why don't we know more about this kid? There you go. Fact that he just said penis made me more gay. But sums up, why don't we know more about this kid? I know more about Lee Harvey Oswald than I knew about this guy and this was less than a year ago.

Starting point is 00:49:33 He had no silverware in his home. Is that weird? He sounded like a detective. Something about this doesn't sit right. No silverware in his home. He kind of looked like a detective. He had no silverware in his home. Something about this doesn't sit right. No silverware in his home. He kind of looked like Elizabeth Warren. He does, yes! Trump should have called him Pocahontas.

Starting point is 00:49:54 And she also has a 10 inch penis. Ah! Good stuff. Who's that? Oh. She was alright. Oh, that's the Princess of Wales. This is the most scattered podcast. This is insane, we're all ADD.

Starting point is 00:50:11 This is like, we're talking, it's insane. That's true. God damn it, dude. I went to Wales, that is a wild place. Yeah, you said they were the drunkest, right? It was like the, I said it was the Long Island of England. Like, it's the fatter, drunker, and trashier. Really?

Starting point is 00:50:24 But I couldn't even understand them. Their accent was so thick. I'm doing Manchester, I've never been there. That's supposed to be great. I have so many people that message me from Manchester. Great crowd, it's a working town. Oh good, yeah I love it. Yeah, the blue collar.

Starting point is 00:50:40 Are you going to any other like? I'm going hard all over Europe. Like just, you know, I think we're doing like probably Lisbon, definitely Barcelona. I'm dying to go to Lisbon. Yeah. Unbelievable. Beautiful, prettiest place I've ever been to. Really? Yeah, so cute.

Starting point is 00:50:53 It's right on the water and then they got the old village with the stairs and the little white cottage houses. Wow, look at it. Look at that, it's a trolley that goes up the hill. Oh, that's beautiful. It's picturesque. That is gorgeous. I got Milan, I got, Oh, Milan! I'm so jealous. I'm pumped to do comedy there.

Starting point is 00:51:07 I'm kind of pumped. Wow, Milanian trouble. Then I got, yeah, back to Dublin, back to London, back to Paris, back to Amsterdam. I had fun in Paris. And then Berlin, because I've never been there, so if I could. Berlin were my favorite shows.

Starting point is 00:51:18 Really? I loved Berlin. Well, you can go right in there. Yeah. With the Jew stuff. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah, they loved it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:25 Yeah. That's great, they got the guilt. Yeah, that's true. And they also have a lot of- It's like being in a black comic. It's like you're one chance to- Yes, yes, exactly. You're like, you guys know what you did.

Starting point is 00:51:34 Yeah, exactly. They have very good sex clubs. I went to one. Did you go to one? I went to Kit Kat. Oh, that's like, we didn't have time. I was only there for one night and I had like a 6am. Kit Kat is like the club.

Starting point is 00:51:49 Is it crazy? Is it what she was getting into? It was crazy, it was. Everyone's fucking everywhere. Everyone's fucking, and they seem to only let attractive people in. Because if you saw Fat Guy, it was like a novelty. But everybody's fucking, there's like a room of crazy stuff, one guy was getting his dick pierced, one guy was getting whipped. Oh, there's a room of crazy stuff. One guy was getting his dick pierced. One guy was getting whipped.

Starting point is 00:52:08 That's too much. A lot of S&M shit. What did you wear? Because you have to wear an outfit. Like not an outfit. I pull up my Instagram. I went with the wife. I banged her in the club by the way.

Starting point is 00:52:17 Oh my God, this is so great. We had to get dolled up. We shopped all day. And thank God you got in. Yeah, that's dress dressed. Oh my, Mark, this all day. And uh. Thank God you got in. Yeah, that's us dressed. Oh my, Mark, this is incredible. I wear an eyeliner and nipple clamps, that's me drunk after.

Starting point is 00:52:32 We did shrooms, she touched my leg, it was great. How about this though, a guy, when I was banging the wife, cause you know, when in Rome, a guy did one of these, and he goes, me next? And I was like, hey, hey, hey, she's not a whore. Then I looked to my left, there's a guy yanking it. I was banging, which was kinda flattering. It was Doug King.

Starting point is 00:52:51 Yeah, I was like, what are you doing? Did she mind, well she was probably fucked up, but did she mind that someone was like, she was off and. She was facing Mecca. Cause I don't like, I don't. Cause I was from behind. So she didn't, I was like, I had a head on a swivel. I was like a periscope so I could see everybody.

Starting point is 00:53:07 It is hard to be in a sex club. Like, do you mind? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Damn. I made a Louie joke and I got out of there. But yeah, we had a great time in Berlin. The second you come, are you a little bit like, what did I just do?

Starting point is 00:53:20 100%, 1,000%. Yeah, it was weird. Definitely skeeved. Because you have to wear, you can't get in unless you're like naked or I mean wearing like a crazy outfit Yeah, they won't let you in really no. No You had to dress like this outfit is so great. I'm wearing pink fish nets You can't see you look like you're doing stand-up in Brooklyn Look at you. Well, this is at the end of the night. I've been doing some

Starting point is 00:53:47 crazy stuff. They had a pool there in the club. There's women swimming in the pool. There's people fucking in the pool. There's a big swing. Why is Berlin so kinky? What do you think it is? I don't know but it's really, yeah. There's an underground thing there. There's a vibe in the air. It's all like heavy metal. There's the pool. Oh my god. It's huge. It's an old apartment building They revamped into a sex club. What's the music like? Well, there's a whole club in there, too The music's techno bullshit. There's different floors with different clubs, right? Floors of whores. Yeah, it's crazy. I wouldn't get in that pool though. I'll tell you that. Yeah, but what a what a romp. What a fun time. What's the crazy?

Starting point is 00:54:22 What's the kinkiest shit you saw in there? What a romp, what a fun time. What's the crazy, what's the kinkiest shit you saw in there? Probably a guy getting, a guy getting fucked in the ass by a woman with a strap on. Oh wow, okay. That was like right in the open. So she was just on her knees and the guy was like, ah! So then.

Starting point is 00:54:35 Jeez, why do people wanna do that in public? That's crazy. That makes it hotter. I think it's humiliating, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I saw a guy with like a bull head, with horns, full face mask thing getting blown in the hallway That was trippy. I'm sure you're six. He got out

Starting point is 00:54:51 Just thinking that that he was a Yeah, damn, that's crazy. Yeah, I'm kind of pumped to go to Berlin I just never been to Germany and I just figured like I get a lot of messages about Berlin. Yeah, I see That's why I went and they're in let's see. Yeah, I did too. That's why I went and it's great. I think they're in a comedy there. Yeah. They loved it.

Starting point is 00:55:09 Yeah. Yeah, I'm fired up. Germans aren't the funniest people. So I think when we go over there, they're like, oh, hey, funny. That's not really in the culture. It's kind of like the Middle East. There's a lot of ha ha going on down in Libya. You know, the Libyan chuckle hunks, you know.

Starting point is 00:55:24 Although we did get an offer to play one. I think I'm gonna go. You're gonna go? Well, I'm only doing two days. Where? I'm going in and out. Saudi Arabia. Just get that paycheck. I would do that. Yeah. Why not? I'm doing it. Two days. Do you ever go to Abu Dhabi? No. I would love to go there. I would like to go to that too. I've heard it's great. You guys nervous to go there? do stand up. I would like to go to that too. I've heard it's great. Do you guys nervous to go there? Mm-hmm. Yeah. But those two places. I mean, you got two,

Starting point is 00:55:47 I just got one. You got three. Three kids? No, gay, woman, and Jew. Oh, yeah. I just got Jew. I wouldn't do gay material there. Yeah. At all.

Starting point is 00:55:59 Weird. No. Really? And I wouldn't do a lot of Jews. I'm like everything they hate, I'm like a drunk Jew. Oh yeah, we eat meat, or pork. A drunk Jew. Yeah, they don't like that. No, they don't, any bad language, I mean, you're done.

Starting point is 00:56:14 I think you have to be clean. We can be clean, we've done enough late nights, so that's right. I mean, our version of clean, I guess. I'm just gonna go up and draw Mohammed, that's my big closer, I can't wait. They see this, they're like, kidnap him. Kidnap him for that clip. version of Cleen, I guess. I'm just gonna go up and draw Mohammed. That's my big closer. I can't wait. They see this, they're like, kidnap him.

Starting point is 00:56:27 Kidnap him. They have comedy scenes in these places. They really do, they really do. No, I was talking to a friend who goes, you're fine there, it's like basically America. Oh, all right, great. I was like, basically, I don't know if it's basically. Supposedly, I don't know if this is the case for everyone,

Starting point is 00:56:41 but it would be for you guys, you get treated like gold. Like it's five star, like crazy treatment hotels and you know, car service and food and they really take care of you. Yeah, both times. But no alcohol or chicks. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:56:56 No one drinks in the, I guess, oh my God. Weird. But you- Isn't that amazing? Like, it's so weird that you're brought up in a culture where no one... I know, it's crazy. I'm impressed that they can pull that off. Me too, especially if they had a bad childhood.

Starting point is 00:57:12 If you go to YouTube and Indian comedian and then it goes over to Middle East comedian, it's booming. I know it is. It's coming huge over there in that part of the world. But we started it. I'm thinking, hey, I hope we go, it'd be great if we went on the same flight, dude, that'd be perfect. Let's do it. It's not the same like tour, it's not the same gig. You get to pick your own night kind of thing. Oh. It's a fest. Yeah, but it's Tom's going, Fluffy's going, oh that's

Starting point is 00:57:42 Fahim. Aziz, Jim Jefferies, a lot of people, yeah. Good crew. Good crew. So I'm going to Athens right after that. Oh my god. So I'm gonna hit stop roasts. You doing comedy in Athens? Yeah, I'm gonna hit stop roasts.

Starting point is 00:57:53 I wish I fucking had that. Wow. Yeah, I've never been. I got a couple restaurant spots for you in Athens. Oh really? I fucking love Athens. You've been? I've been, yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:00 What? Tell me everything. I did, that was like my one fucking adult vacation. Whoa, oh is that, that was the one with the photos? Yeah, was the photos yeah, oh shit. All right good got a good sex club for you now Bring it on. No. Yeah, it's great. I love I love grease man. Let me do any peeves going oh I guess some peeves. I got I got a peeve You'll take us up. No I sent stuff.. Oh great, alright. You sent it in? You're fucking crap.

Starting point is 00:58:26 I sent the answers in. Holy shit. Yeah, I love you guys. If it was another podcast I would have never. You hear that, are you garbage? How about this one? I hate when people get mad at you over something that you didn't do. It's not really your fault.

Starting point is 00:58:42 So you go, let me get an Uber. Alright, Uber will be here in four minutes, everybody. I'm showing everybody, and then they're like, alright, great. Then they're like, five minutes went by. Where the fuck's the Uber? And I'm like, I didn't control the Uber. I told you what it said, and they're like, you said five minutes, and I'm like, yeah, so did it.

Starting point is 00:59:00 So did the phone, I didn't do it. You didn't tell them to add a minute. Yes, exactly, but I'm the guy who pulled it up, so now I'm the asshole. I'm like, I pulled it up, I'm paying for an Uber, and you guys are yelling at me. Oh yeah, the guy's like, Trump bombed Iran? What the fuck's your problem? I'm like, geez. I didn't do anything. Right, right. So that pisses me off. Yeah, that's a good piece.

Starting point is 00:59:18 The flight's delayed, and they're like, what's up with the flight? You got the tickets. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, I got the tickets. That still happens a lot. All the time. You're the messenger, I guess. So they have to yell at you. Don't call the messenger. That's where it came from. I hate when people go, are you okay?

Starting point is 00:59:33 Oh, I hate that. It's like you're not okay. Yes, yes. You're projecting onto me. Yes. 100%. I had someone do that to me in the street once. How are you? Good. Yeah? Oh!

Starting point is 00:59:43 Yes, I'm alright! Yeah, now I'm upset. Okay. Then they hit you with a, okay. Yeah? Oh! Yes, I'm all right. Yeah, now I'm upset. Okay, then they hit you with a, okay. Yeah! Oh, yes! Oh, yeah, wow. You came and let me have it? Yeah, that's a good one. Oh, God. Are you okay?

Starting point is 00:59:54 The condescending person. So condescending. Yeah, it's really intolerable. Are you okay? Are you okay? It's never a close friend either. Never. No, no. If it was a close friend, I'd be like,

Starting point is 01:00:04 no, never. At least they may be, they care. Yeah, but they would go, Sam, are you okay? Is everything okay? It's never a close friend either. Never. If it was a close friend I'd be like, at least they care. But they would go, Sam, are you okay? Is everything okay? But they wouldn't go, are you okay? Yes. Why do you tilt your head like that? There's always a tilt. That's up there with do better.

Starting point is 01:00:18 Just do better. Shut them up. You do better. When people tell me just breathe, I'm like, just die. I hate when I'm having a hard time or like it's a horrible situation like the divorce you just breathe. I'm like Thanks. Yeah, that's really gonna make I've been doing that the whole time I don't fucking stand that I think of that one You know, it's you know, it's an annoying one lately to me is everyone calling everyone King

Starting point is 01:00:44 Yo, what's up, king? I was at a fucking CVS, the cashier was like, all right, have a good one, king. I was like, I'm buying stool softener, dude. What the fuck are we doing? What are we doing? I'm not a king. Let's dial it back. Well, you will be on the throne later.

Starting point is 01:00:56 I'm buying stool softener. Yeah, well, I say, I always say every woman who calls herself a queen is the least accomplished person I've ever met in my entire life. Don't talk to a queen that way. I'm like, you've done nothing. You've done nothing. Zero to say for yourself. You might get murdered, but other than that.

Starting point is 01:01:12 My kids call me bruh. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I mean, there's six. Oh, weird. Yeah, one of my six-year-old twins is like, bruh, and I'm like, who are you? Is he on creatine? I still wipe you. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:24 They're calling me bruh. Weird. That's worse than what Judy Gold told you. Well yeah, oh you guys have got a bunch of these. You're a big dyke. Can we make it bigger? So Jessica Kirsten. That's my first one, believe it or not.

Starting point is 01:01:39 Yeah, when people talk speakerphone. I know a lot of people say that. It's really rough for me. Like I've been in the market and they're like like I told you I wouldn't be back until like and it's on high volume yeah you're taking up my space I never got that and then you hear the other person too I'm like what's wrong with this whatever happened to this why do we have to hear yours your other side of the conversation it's incredibly rude it is this is what we all used to do by the way

Starting point is 01:02:03 I do it sometimes you forget your headset, you just do this and it's fine. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I had the guy on the flight doing that recently. Full FaceTime, like, we just landed. We're coming soon, I'm gonna be there, we just landed, I'm in row 38, so it's gonna take me a minute,

Starting point is 01:02:16 and I'm like, we all gotta hear this and see your ugly wife? Like, what are we doing? All right, what else you got? People constantly say the word triggered, that's a good one. Yeah. I hate the triggered.

Starting point is 01:02:28 Well, especially when it's a joke. Yeah, of course. Like I'll do a joke about myself, like about something about my looks or my family and they'll be like, you know, I'm triggered by what, I'm like, it's my life. Yeah. Why are you triggered?

Starting point is 01:02:42 Don't leave the house then, everything's gonna trigger you. Yeah. Enough's enough. Pasty mouths are a lot for me. Yeah. What are you triggered? Don't leave the house then, everything's gonna trigger you. Yeah. Enough's enough. Pasty mouths are a lot for me. Yeah. My mom has a paste, she's like, how are you? It's like dry, dry mouth, right?

Starting point is 01:02:52 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's no good. There's foam, it's alive. One of the reasons I hate weed, I dry up. Sure. Yeah. When I'm bombing, I get that and like, what else is going on? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:03 B.O. Oh, shit. Hold on. No, I'm all right. I've been wearing this shirt for three on? Yeah. B.O. Oh, shit. Hold on. No, I'm all right. I've been wearing this shirt for three days. Yeah. Okay, I'm okay. This is the repeat customer too right here. In those old shows, I have people come up to me,

Starting point is 01:03:14 like there's always some old Jewish guys like, you're gonna be funny? You're gonna make me laugh? Yeah, that's tough. There's always a guy there. Do they do that to hookers? You gonna make me cum? Yeah, that's tough. There's always a guy there. Do they do that to hookers? You gonna make me cum? Well, they should.

Starting point is 01:03:28 That's true, that's true. Yeah, you should play a lot. Good point. You can be a hooker and be like, I was trying new stuff. Yeah? You gotta kinda stick the landing to period, Rosie. I was off tonight.

Starting point is 01:03:38 Yeah. The hookers are good at notes. Hold on. All right. Tongue shamp. What the hell is this? This is a big one. I mean I know people have said these things but when you're getting off a plane and people behind you go in front of you.

Starting point is 01:03:54 That is annoying. I get enraged. I'm with you. You're breaking the social code. I know. You talking about in that little aisle to get out. Yeah I'm with you. That's brutal.

Starting point is 01:04:04 Yeah especially some of them will push you out of the way and just start going, yeah. If they're like, I gotta connect flight, I'm like go. No, that's different. But if they're just doing it to do it. Yeah. And then what are you gonna get up, two feet? I know, it's ridiculous.

Starting point is 01:04:16 There's another guy in front of you. You had to bump me to get up here? It's ridiculous. Breaking of social codes really pisses me off. Me too. Mm-hmm. You have a big thing with that. Same.

Starting point is 01:04:26 Well, what do you got? Did you have one? Yep. Well, this isn't even a peeve. This is just like, people act like super scared when it's not really that big a deal. Like I had a girl over and we were, I'm not healthy, I'm always fucking dehydrated.

Starting point is 01:04:38 Yeah. So I wake up in the middle of the night, horrible fucking cramp. Like I'm just like, ah! Like screaming, I'm like, ah! Ah'm like ah, ah, and she starts freaking out like what's happening? I'm like what do you mean what's happening? It's clearly a fucking leg cramp.

Starting point is 01:04:52 Yeah. I'm not turning into a wolf, you know? You're not having, yeah. I know. I'm cramping but she was like ah, and I was like. Yeah, that's a lot. You're scared? I know.

Starting point is 01:05:02 I'm sorry you woke up like that. This is not a normal thing. Right, but it hits you. You're holding your legs. Oh, it hurts. I used to'm sorry you woke up like that. This is not a normal thing right, but you're holding your leg Oh, it hurts to get them those are the worst God the only way to get rid of it is to walk around I find Yeah, you got to walk it out have a little coconut water or something yeah, I see him, but I'm not fucking my mom But when I was a kid I would wake my mom up randomly. She'd be like wake my mom up randomly she'd be like I'm six! What are you doing? It's 11.30! I'm your son!

Starting point is 01:05:28 Yeah I'm your son! I'm wearing a Batman t-shirt and a Bessie diaper Your mom's like don't rape me! You're like what? Exactly! Where's the gun? Dad's next to you, it's all gonna be okay I'm just like hey mom can I get some orange juice?

Starting point is 01:05:44 She'd be like KAYYAH! What do you think this is? I'm not like, hey mom, can I get some orange juice? She'd be like, ah! What do you think this is? I'm not wearing a scream mask and holding a knife every time. So I would get scared to wake her. I'd have to hit her with a stick, the brobed stick from 10 feet away. Oh my God. Yeah, but she was freaked out.

Starting point is 01:05:59 She must've been triggered. Oh, we got wrecks, huh? Oh, some wrecks. Kissing Girls on Shabapa. Because it asked if I wanted to recommend TV shows. Oh, what the hell's this? I thought you, so this is my partner, Sarah. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 01:06:14 She's a therapist, she's a doctor. Wow, she is hot. Yeah, she is hot. Damn, nice. This is amazing, she grew up Hasidic. Oh. Wow. Couldn't read, I mean, couldn't, yeah, she couldn't do anything. Couldn't read, I mean couldn't, yeah she couldn't do anything.

Starting point is 01:06:25 Couldn't dance, couldn't sing, play sports. I mean it was a cult, it's a cult. You know Hasidic Brooklyn. Sure. Whoa. I think it's a cult. Yeah what part of Brooklyn? Was she in Williamsburg area?

Starting point is 01:06:36 Crown Heights? Crown Heights. Yeah. Whoa. And yeah. Oh my, oh my. Yeah she's gorgeous. Anyway she was gayhmm could not come out

Starting point is 01:06:46 I mean, of course just wasn't even an option for her. Yeah Got married off had kids 19 and 20. Yep. Wow Eventually came out and left the community but the story in her book the stories it's Yeah, her kids are with her Wow, but not the ex-husband I'm guessing no no I mean, he's he's in their lives a little but Yeah, her kids are with her. Wow. But not the ex-husband, I'm guessing. No, no. I mean, he's in their lives a little, but. This is like the lesbian Brady bunch because you got your kids, she's got hers.

Starting point is 01:07:12 This is fucking perfect. Her story is unbelievable. Oh, it's cool. Yeah, and people really are getting so much out of it because all these people in the community, not just gay, they're in a bad marriage, they're miserable and they can't get out. You can't get divorced, can't anything.

Starting point is 01:07:28 Your set up, she went on six dates with her husband. They had no idea who they were set up. It's so old fashioned. It's so primitive. I mean, it's ridiculous. We're talking real, like the fur hats. Yeah, what's going on there? And now she like.

Starting point is 01:07:43 I ride my bike, I ride my moped through there and I'm just like, what the fuck is this? That's how she grew up. That is bananas. And then she ended up going to get a master's in social order doctorate, wrote a book about it, speaks, and is a therapist in the city. Wow.

Starting point is 01:07:58 I mean she got a doctorate, like it's crazy, you're not even allowed to study if you're a woman. Really? Yeah. And everything has to be checked out by the rabbi. It's like, you have to read it. Where are the women's rights groups. Really? Yeah. And everything has to be checked out by the rabbi. It's like, I'm talking, you have to read it. Where are the women's rights groups on this? Well-

Starting point is 01:08:09 They attack a lot of comedians. Where are they on a lot of stuff? Yeah, they're- You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So- Berka, berka. I mean, I don't get it.

Starting point is 01:08:17 Why is that okay? I don't understand. A lot of stuff's okay that they don't talk about. Well, it's not okay, yeah. I feel like no one's really, people get mad at comedians for saying a joke, but then it's like, hey. I've always had a thing with that. They attack people who they think

Starting point is 01:08:32 are sensitive enough to respond. You know what I mean? Like they're not going after fucking rappers who would just be like, shut the fuck up. That's a good point. They're going after people who are like, am I a piece of shit? They're going after targets they think they can hit.

Starting point is 01:08:45 Right, and we're vulnerable. Okay, but that's not... I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying it's fucking, that's their... But they act like heroes. No, it's insane. That's their tactic, though. Okay, all right, that's all I needed to hear.

Starting point is 01:08:57 You don't think I'm on your fucking side with this? Well, no, I'm just, no one will admit this. They do act like heroes, that's true. That's what I'm saying, yeah. And yeah, it is interesting that no one tries to do, but this is like a whole nother world. Of course. They're not allowed to be around people from the outside.

Starting point is 01:09:14 Wow. And they have no culture, like meaning they don't know anything that's going on. They'll hear about this. We have a big Orthodox listenership on this pod, so. They have no. Yeah. This will get to them. They have no. Yeah. This will get to them.

Starting point is 01:09:25 They have no access to, you can't read a magazine. You can't read anything but religious books. Like I'm talking, no TV. Think about that. Yeah. If you had no TV until you're. No TV. In your, I mean some of them their whole lives,

Starting point is 01:09:37 but her until she was in her 20s. It's just crazy, you're in the, you know, biggest metropolis in America. I know. And it's just, can't have a magazine. Was she just like 30 being like, I should watch The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I should catch up on some of this shit. Family Matters, The Simpsons.

Starting point is 01:09:51 She started dabbling with stuff. Cosby guy's great. She would take her wig off in the car and go to a lesbian bar at a certain point. Nice. Oh cool. And then put it back on and go home and put on jeans and yeah, it's really, I mean the fact that she got her kids out

Starting point is 01:10:07 for them, that's really why she did it. So do the kids grow up Orthodox to a point or no? Well they were in this whole life. She got them out and they ended up going to school in the city and having a life. Good for them. And they're amazing, I was with them last night. One of them's at Columbia, he's trained,

Starting point is 01:10:25 and the other one's at Charleston and wants to be a therapist. Like she did that for them. They would both be married off right now. Is the dad a positive force in the kids' lives or no? Well, he's still Hasidic. Yeah. So, you know, they still have contact with him,

Starting point is 01:10:38 but they're not in that life anymore. But does he hold it against them for leaving that life and not wanting to be a part of that life? I don't think he holds it against them. I mean no one was happy about it. Yeah. Of course, but because you have to have a Jewish divorce and a legal divorce. You have to you have to get like you have to get divorced through the Jewish system first. That's a crazy process like what's your reason for divorce? This world is fucking insane. I know. But to them, we're out of our minds.

Starting point is 01:11:05 Yeah. Right. And they are, you know. At least they're not violent. No, they're not violent. That's nice. But there's a lot going on in the community. Yeah. That she's fighting to. A lot of oppression. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:17 There's just a lot of dark stuff. And the dudes are doing dark stuff too. They're doing some weird sex stuff after hours. Yeah. Yeah. What's up with the tunnels? What's going on there? I don't know, I was obsessed with that. Yeah, that was fun.

Starting point is 01:11:29 But there's also, she says. Sounds like a Seinfeld B-side. Yeah, she says she was taught certain things that are, you know, about relations. She had to go to wife school. This is all in the book. Wife school? You have to go to wife school.

Starting point is 01:11:39 Wow. And taught how to be a good wife. Some of that we should keep. Yeah, I like that. Well, she said that some of it made sense, and she told me, and I'm like, you know what? This does make sense about relationships and stuff. What's one positive she got from that?

Starting point is 01:11:51 I'm trying to think of the one that she has talked to me about. I mean, it's about communication, like listening and communication, there's all stuff like that, but then it's a lot about how to put a fitted sheet on. I mean, it's really, that's nothing. There's so much other stuff there.

Starting point is 01:12:06 Damn. Well, it's not a cooking chapter because I've had the Jewish food. Let's be honest. Kugel, what are we doing here? I love Kugel. I love Jewish food, dude. Me too.

Starting point is 01:12:15 Kviltifish. I grew up on it. Me too, I love it. I love, it's like comfort to me, man. Like the bagel spreads, the smoked fish. I like a bagel, the smoked fish is great, the lox is great. Yeah, yeah. I fucking, I even, this is no,

Starting point is 01:12:26 I'm gonna turn off a lot of people here, but I fucking love Gavilta fish, dude. Really? I do too. Pull it up. Throw some horseradish on that, it's fucking great. It's green jello. No, no, no. Isn't it? It's like a fish jello? I'm gonna get crushed in the comments for this shit, but I like it, man.

Starting point is 01:12:42 Me too. Cause I have it like once a year, and I like, like it yeah it was how about herring yeah like all that cream herring I like all of it I'm in the light that anymore gefilte is just not a great appetite word it's sweet it's it's sweet white whitefish sweet white fish yeah and like it sounds disgusting yeah a lot of people like it I've never had it So you put me in russ and daughters It's like heaven to me. That's my favorite place in the Barney green grass that type of food. I love it man. I had sarges last night

Starting point is 01:13:13 Sarges are we went with that time? I love sarges. Yeah last night. You just trashed you that's Jew food. Okay What's a lot? I like the meats. I like the sandwiches like noodle kugel or potato. I don't even know what kugel is It's not my favorite one. It's fine. But it's not my favorite one really good noodle kugel. Do you don't like cogo, like noodle cogo or potato cogo? I don't even know what cogo is. It's not my favorite one, it's fine, but it's not my favorite one. I like a really good noodle cogo. Do you? Yeah. Oh, that looks pretty damn good.

Starting point is 01:13:30 It's delicious. Oh, it's like a quiche. It's like a dessert. Oh, all right, I'm in, I'm in on the co, take it all back. I put apricots in it and raisins, and it's made with cream cheese and butter. It's really fattening, but it's really good.

Starting point is 01:13:40 All right, I'm down. All right, I take it all back. I mean, some of it's disgusting. Okay. Yeah. Which is the one you don't like. Yeah, matzah's awful. It's Passover food, I'm down. I take it all back. I mean some of its disgusting. Okay Yeah, Mots is awful over food. I'm not it's awful. Yeah, but that's like celebrating starvation. That's the holiday That's what we're doing. It's a bad holiday. That's so true I mean, it's I mean, that's like Jewish Thanksgiving Basically you get everyone together and you're like, so we just don't eat good shit, right stuffing

Starting point is 01:14:02 Yeah, like you can't have bread, the matzah. I like plain matzah. Yeah. But I don't like the matzah desserts and the, yeah. Yeah, it's not good. So I used to live in Crown Heights. I lived on the black side. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:14:14 Oh really? Yeah, and all the Jews would be like, what are you doing? You're on the wrong side. I'd go, I'm not Jewish. And they would quickly turn away. But point is, I would have to pay my rent in hand in hand. So I'd have to go into the Jewish hand in hand. So I have to go into

Starting point is 01:14:25 the Jewish area. Of course. It was banana. I mean everything was written in Hebrew or whatever and you see a Jewish guy with a tool belt. Which I was like that I've never seen. Because they all do their own jobs in the community. Yes. You see a Jewish guy with a police belt. Shocking. Crazy. But like still the garb but a tool belt. Yeah that's interesting. It blew my mind. It's shocking to see a Jew doing like manly work. That's what it was Yeah, I see a Jew under a car cranking. I was like what the hell it was like bizarre a world That's really bizarre. It was wild or a car. Yeah, and my girlfriend at the time. She couldn't pay the rent They wouldn't talk to her so I had to go do it. Yeah, you can't even look at women. Oh, yeah crazy

Starting point is 01:15:00 I had to go do it. Yeah, you can't even look at women. Oh yeah, crazy. Hilarious. Remember that old Apollo joke, he's trying to buy a car in the classifieds, and he's like, all right, I'll go to this guy's house. He meets up with him, rings the doorbell, Hasidic Jew answers, he goes,

Starting point is 01:15:13 ah, I didn't know I was dealing with a black belt. Oh my God. He had another one I was thinking about, because I just watched on Segura's wreck that Bin Laden doc on Netflix, the manhunt one. Loved it. It was incredible, and the third ep is like just how tense it was. Unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:15:27 With them looking for him. Yes. I have to see that. Night vision. It was incredible. Oh, I love that shit. And all the things that went wrong and this guy, one of the funniest lines is, you know, they get out of Pakistan

Starting point is 01:15:37 and the pilot gets it, they're like, the mission's not over yet, we have to get to Afghanistan. And the pilot comes on and he goes, well, this is the only time you'll be happy to hear this. Welcome to Afghanistan. Mission accomplished, basically. But it made me think of that, oh, you know, the wives are being human shields in this.

Starting point is 01:15:53 And it made me think of that DePaulo joke, like the day of Bin Laden's death. DePaulo was like, you know, his wife, they use his wife as a human shield. If only he was married to Kirsty Alley, he'd still be with us. That's very funny. I was like, like god damn that's it got the angle yeah that's what he just came out oh yeah it's been out like a couple weeks it's on now I

Starting point is 01:16:13 gotta see this it's good it's a three-part man yeah it's a first two episodes are like fine they're kind of setting the table and then episode three is like how many episodes is three okay the third one you're just like, wow. And you know, you're reliving some of that, just how horrible that was. Did they show footage of it happening? Oh yeah, oh yeah. They don't show Ben Laden dying,

Starting point is 01:16:32 but they talk it out and you can see the whole thing in your head. They show the house, they show the kids, it's crazy. And the decision Obama made to bury him at sea and give him his last rites as to not make him a martyr, it's kind of interesting. Very interesting. I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know they buried him at sea and give him his last rites as to not make him a martyr. It's kind of interesting. Very interesting. I didn't know that.

Starting point is 01:16:45 Yeah. I mean, it's pretty- I didn't know they buried him at sea. Yeah, so it wouldn't be like an attraction, you know? This world is so insane. I know. Look at what happened in Israel and Iran, and now like everything's back, not back to normal,

Starting point is 01:16:58 but meaning like- We forget. Where no one's talking about. No. Yeah, the news cycle is just- The news is back to like just other stuff now. Now all I see is the big, beautiful bill, you know, like we forgot, like he got shot a year ago, him and Elon broke up, the LA was on fire, the ice raged... He wants him deported now.

Starting point is 01:17:13 Yeah, yeah, he wants him deported now, it just keeps ramping up. You can't keep a Kanye's in a Klan hood, who knows what's going on. But the cool thing about this though, and this is where I become a c*** again, it was just fun pro-America shit. Now everybody hates America, so I was like fist pumping on my couch. I was draped in an American flag. I was jerking off. I was drinking a Budweiser.

Starting point is 01:17:35 It was great. Not American. That's true. The Bud loves it. Shit, you're right. But I'm with you for the- Miller. And it is nice to collectively be like, yes.

Starting point is 01:17:45 Yes. It is kind of crazy. I'm the same way. Yeah. And also, it was just fun, like SEAL Team Six is a bunch of tall white guys going into a building. There wasn't like, we gotta get a black woman in a wheelchair to be part of SEAL Team Six. There's no trans people on the team.

Starting point is 01:17:59 This is crazy. That was my one problem with it. I wanted someone in a wheelchair. And I'm not against diversity, but just the four shit where you're like, just let these fucking psycho white men shoot this brown guy. Can we have anything?

Starting point is 01:18:12 So that was fun. Can we have anything? I'm joking, but you know what I'm saying. What's that, is that like the compound? That was their house, yeah. Well one of the crazy parts is they try to bomb the door to get into the compound and they're like, it's a fake door and one of the other guys goes that means he's here

Starting point is 01:18:28 yeah you don't build a fake door if he's not in there so that you know a lot of crazy moments and a helicopter was to hell like a one crash I know a helicopter crashes and they're like we have a plan B but the guy that one of the guys in charge is talking he goes we have a plan B we have a plan C we have a plan D we have a plan E like we will fucking pivot. How about building the set they had to redo they would rehearse it rehearse it rehearse it rehearse it they built a set and they would tear it down was shooting it up and then they rebuild it again it was unbelievable. Yeah and then there's all this intelligence in there so they're supposed to get the

Starting point is 01:18:58 fuck out of there but they're like they've got all this intelligence like we got to get it so they're supposed to be out in like 30 minutes they're like a minute 45 like fuck we got to keep grabbing this and then they're like get the fuck out So this is a successful mission because you know Uh, you know, you don't get out of there. It's not a great story I know and then then he had to get from pakistan was in pakistan to afghanistan. Yeah, which is an hour ride So then they they started shooting fighter jets at him to kill them because they were like they figured it out So now they're in a helicopter trying to get back to Afghanistan and the guy said he was freaking out

Starting point is 01:19:29 So he had to he had to go to a happy place. He went to Lake Placid in his head the hockey game That was the only way he could like calm himself down because he's like we just killed Ben Laden now I got to get home. What if I die now? I'm gonna die in the air in this helicopter like Kobe. And he thought of Lake Placid and he got. Yeah, it's like. I don't even know how you do that. I don't either. Oh, there's one black guy on the team.

Starting point is 01:19:49 All right, take it all back. It's like the, you know, in the hockey game it's like sounding it out. Like, you know. Yes. 10 seconds, nine seconds, like you're just like, just get to the fucking buzzer. Yes. Which, you know.

Starting point is 01:20:02 And you couldn't even, there was no phone to look at. Yeah. You had to just live in that moment be in your head. I'm such a pussy now. I'm like, no phone for an hour? I know. Me too. They're probably just like talking like, who'd you rather bang? Like that's probably the flight. Yeah, exactly. Boy, it was great. Which wife would you want to bang? Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, but and that guy right there, Shoppin' Laden was like, Rob O'Neal had a good line where he was like, yeah, we expect that we were like ready for it to be a suicide

Starting point is 01:20:30 mission but like, it's nice to be alive. Yeah. You got a good bar story for the rest of your life. Who's that woman in front of the flag? Uh oh. That guy transitioned? Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 01:20:41 That's interesting. That's very interesting. I guess you're the manliest guy ever. Right. Where do you go from there? You gotta go the other way. He got bored. He got bored.

Starting point is 01:20:51 He's like, I've got peak mail. He's climbed the mountain. Yeah. I gotta mix it up. That's really interesting to me. That's a TV show. Let's get this gal on. This is a TV show.

Starting point is 01:20:59 Yeah. Click on that article. Wow. Oh yeah, Kristen. Look at that. Galar this is a TV show yeah click on that article Wow How are you Kristen look at that? Interesting this is fascinating Damn 20 years as a elite US Navy SEAL

Starting point is 01:21:24 When operating the I can make a little bigger my eyesight shit. I know cutting off the left side of it Yeah, a little cut off there scroll to the left. Yeah, you know mine there Peters. You might not be able to okay Yeah, a little more There we go now you got it. This is like fucking right here. Just a little to the left. Nope What do you got there? I was always hiding a deeper personal secret since early childhood. He felt he was a female born in a male's body. Wow. He still became a seal. That's unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:21:51 Not just a seal, but like. You guys can't claim this by the way. You can't now say there was a woman on the team. I know, I would never say. I'm just fucking with you. But you know, it's very sad to me every time I hear something like that. Because the risk that.

Starting point is 01:22:07 This person, like to do this, the imagine the seal or the woman transition. Oh, sure. After all this. Yeah, true. Black. Yeah, you're just still not happy. Yeah, it's a black. Cocked down. Sorry. White.

Starting point is 01:22:24 Cocked down. But yeah, we lost them. Yeah, no, a black cocked down. I mean, you're torture. Sorry. White cocked down. But yeah, we lost them. Yeah, no, you're right. But at least he pulled it off to being a her. Yeah. So it's a happy ending on both. Losing rights, private. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:22:35 I think she's amazing. Yeah. I do. On both fronts. I mean, and also to be public about it. Yeah. You're still. I'm still thinking of more Yeah, yeah, I got nothing Ben labia, okay But yeah, wow what a story what an ending it was cool

Starting point is 01:23:03 Yeah, I was I mean the first two episodes are like just setting the table. They're fine. Talking about it? Yeah, and like how they're gonna respond and like how they just can't find this guy. And it's crazy, they use footage of Bin Laden in an interview to see how he walks.

Starting point is 01:23:19 Yes. So they can kind of tell if it's him walking around in the cave. Wow. Because he had a weird walk. He's a tall guy. Six five. So, you know, he did, he, it's amazing.

Starting point is 01:23:30 You do an interview and you're like, you think you're giving away nothing. He did an interview with this guy. He wouldn't allow follow-up questions, wouldn't allow a translator. How crazy is that? I mean. Wow.

Starting point is 01:23:41 But you know. And then he goes, he had a translator and he goes, what'd he say? He goes, we gotta get the fuck out of here. That's what he said. So they're like, alright, let's go. Was his house extract, like, was it a block? No, no, it was a shithole. But he was worth a lot of money. It was worth like 250 mil. Yeah. Could have bought a fucking sports team. Yeah, he was a netbo baby. I wouldn't have flown in the jet. Yeah, his dad had a lot of money. It was like construction or something, right? Yeah, something like that. So he was loaded.

Starting point is 01:24:07 And he did all these plots around the world. Like he had a whole team and he was a bad dude. Death to America. Thank God we haven't heard that again since he died. Everyone likes us now, it's awesome. I know. Yeah, that stopped right after this. Yeah, weird.

Starting point is 01:24:24 What if we all get kidnapped in Saudi Arabia? It's like a This Is The End type movie. We saw the podcast. We hired you just to kidnap you. All right. Hey, we know Hassan Minaj. They're like, oh yeah, they take a bag over his head. We're like, fuck, you're here too?

Starting point is 01:24:44 This is terrible. Oh, man. God damn. They're like, oh yeah, they take a bag over his head. We're like, fuck, you're here too? This is terrible. Oh man. God damn. Well yeah, Jess, where are you gonna be? You gonna be on the road? You got stuff coming up? You got your Hulu?

Starting point is 01:24:53 My whole schedule is on jessicokerson.com and I have my new Hulu special called I'm the Man. Nice. And yeah, I love it. I'm really proud of it. Billboard executive produced it. Amazing. Executive produced both my specials.

Starting point is 01:25:11 Did you feel like when it came out, did you get a pop, did you get a buzz? Did you feel like? I think yes. Okay, great. But again, it's like the summer's right after it. Yeah, true. I think in the fall, I'm getting a lot more followers.

Starting point is 01:25:22 Great, great. I'm just having a lot. But yeah, great. I'm getting a lot. But yeah, I have a big YouTube channel where I put long crowd work clips. Beautiful. Which are so much fun. And then I have a big TikTok page. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:34 Instagram and everything. It's all dates coming up. I mean this is like. Look at this. Hampton Beach, casino, Turner Hall Ballroom, Milwaukee. Turner Hall is cool as hell. Grand Rapids, New Brunswick, Tulsa, Fayetteville. Boy, you're going to the deep south. Oh, Kane's Ballroom is epic, you gotta go to Andalini's Pizza in Tulsa.

Starting point is 01:25:49 Wait, where's Kane's, oh Tulsa. I'm excited to go to Tulsa. That's like one of those famous, the Sex Pistols punched a hole in the wall here and we just left it there to show you it's badass. Oh that's cool. If a comedian does that you get a bill, but if a cool band does that. Yeah, of course. Kansas City, New Haven, bill, but if a cool band does that. Yeah, of course.

Starting point is 01:26:05 Kansas City, New Haven, Birmingham. I mean, some of these people, some of these places I've never been to. Like, whatever, you don't have to scroll back down. You'll go anywhere, I love it. Birmingham, Huntsville, Alabama, Jacksonville, Florida, October 10th and 11th, and Washington, DC, Philadelphia. You know what, if the audience is there,

Starting point is 01:26:20 I'm meaning like they're fans who wanna come out, I'm gonna milk it. Same here. But I'm gonna do shows. Love it I went to Guadalajara because we had fans there Yeah, yeah, you're very you work your ass. I love that. That's a great one Portland, Maine Northampton, Mass Coral Springs, Florida Dallas, Texas is amazing. Yeah Right near Hamhurst. UMass, it's great.

Starting point is 01:26:45 Houston, yeah, San Antonio, Norfolk, you're fucking cooking. Richmond, check it out, you gotta hit, we're talking about Jew food, Purley's Jewish Deli in Richmond, Virginia. Great diner. That's the spot, I'll remind you, it's killer. Yeah, I wanna go there, that's awesome.

Starting point is 01:26:58 Madison, Wisconsin, and Minneapolis. I mean, some of these places, I've been so many times and I love that. Madison, Minneapolis, they're great. Yeah, we got Boston. I mean some of these places I've been so many times and I love that Madison Minneapolis are great Yeah, we got a Boss yeah, Boston August 7th at the Wilbur then I'm at the Irvine Improv August 22nd 24th We got Oklahoma City the following weekend Bricktown Comedy Club the Venetian in Vegas September 19th Rochester comedy the Carlson the following weekend

Starting point is 01:27:22 I'm gonna be in Vegas September 19th, Rochester, comedy at the Carlson the following weekend. That's a fun one. The Chicago Theater October 4th, Winnipeg. And then I'm doing fuckin' Europe. So I'm gonna be all over Europe. Do you have your Europe dates or no? They're not on the site here because we're pre-recording here.

Starting point is 01:27:36 They'll be up this week I bet. They should be up now by the time this episode's out. So it should be Barcelona, Lisbon, I think Lisbon. I'm so jealous, that's great. Fuckin' yeah, as I said, I said them earlier. Yeah, I can't. Bring a buddy with me. Okay.

Starting point is 01:27:49 Just like a non-comic friend. Oh, really? Good. Yeah, Paris, London, Manchester, Dublin, fucking. Awesome. All, Amsterdam, and Berlin, and Milan, as I said. And then we got Salt Lake City, we got Reno, Nevada, and we got. I was just at Wise Guys. Oh, it's great. It's classic. I've already been there this year. I'm going back. I love it. I love the club. Yeah, I do too. And then we got a December 4th

Starting point is 01:28:12 Carnegie Hall in New York City. Hope to see you there. So fucking get the fuck tickets on that shit. Yes! Hachi machi. That's exciting. Hey! I'm gonna go bomb outdoors in Calgary, Las Vegas at the Palazzo, Dallas doing a nine sold out show run at the improv. This is because I'm doing a special in September, so I'm getting it all buttoned up in Addison. So come on out to Dallas, Akron, Dayton, Halifax, Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder, Athens, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin,

Starting point is 01:28:49 and then we're back to America in Valley Center, California, Timonium, Magoobies, Rochester, Niagara, San Diego. You missed DC as well. And DC. Thank you, John Wilkes Booth. Thank you. Get some bodega cap, folks. Jessica, your hair looks like shit.

Starting point is 01:29:05 And uh, Jessica, come back. We love Jessica. Love you guys. We bet you're ready to follow her if you don't get on that. She's a killer. Watch her special on Hulu. She's one of the best. See you guys next week.

Starting point is 01:29:16 You're the man. Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of Piva rec you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the bourbon. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze.

Starting point is 01:29:24 I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bar and get some booze. I'm gonna go to the bit of Pivarecki, know the fear juice close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her.

Starting point is 01:29:49 And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

We Might Be Drunk - Jessica Kirson

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.