We Might Be Drunk - Jordan Jensen & Jon Rudnitsky - Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Jordan Jensen and Jon Rudnitsky join Mark and Sam to talk about John’s wild rise to SNL, bombing in front of Donald Trump, surviving terrible road gigs, and turning it all into his new special, Special Boy. Jordan opens up about disastrous relationships, chasing unavailable people, women and modern dating, while the group debates The Odyssey, restaurant culture, jealous partners, meet-and-greet nightmares, and whether picking up another man’s wife during a hug crosses the line. Sponsored by: Fabletics: Get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP https://www.fabletics.com/WMBD Willie’s THC-Infused Social Tonic: Get 20% off your first order with code WMBD https://www.drinkwillies.com/ Tempo: Get 60% off your first box https://www.tempomeals.com/drunk Quo: Try Quo free and get 20% off your first six months https://www.quo.com/WMBD Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Jordan Jensen: https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Jon Rudnitsky https://www.instagram.com/jonrudnitsky?igsh=ZjVmbnNpeHA2YXp2 Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JordanJensen #JohnRudnitsky #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are we doing here? What is this? This is fucking weird. Joking. I don't get a podcast. I don't get a podcast. I don't get podcasts. I don't get podcasts. Oh, yeah. How you guys doing? Hey, John, Jordan. Good to have it. Thanks for having me. We're going. We're rolling.

You're rolling. It's going down. Oh, this is such a good day. I was going to do this pod and I was like, I'm going to do it and it'll be good. And then Matt Texan was like, would you be okay with John doing it also? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was good. My favorite guy in the whole world. I always say we've got to bring John on to keep the views low. That's the plan.

Rick Glassman always tells me I get the least amount of views. No. Which honestly means a lot that he continues to have me on. That's a good point. Yeah. And now us. It means more. It means more.

Thanks, guys. You don't have to put me in the thumbnail. No, I had a feminist on that got lower than you. Hey. That means a lot. They're a lot of fun. Yeah, that's correct. You got a male audience.

I guess. I think I have, it's leaning female. now that the special was so period-heavy. It was bloody. Yes. Yes, I should have named it that. Come on. The next one.

Yeah, it was a bloody mistake. Fuck. Fuck. I'm here promoting John's special. You got a special? I got a special coming out. Yes. It's not a normal special.

It's not a normal special. It's me performing to half-empty rooms. It's also a documentary. It starts me at 25 on SNL, achieving my dreams, and then 10 years later, I'm 35. and I'm performing a conference room in Kenosha, Wisconsin to about 30. You know who was born in Kenosha, Wisconsin? Jeffrey Dahmer.

Orson Wells. Oh. There you go. How do you know that? God. I love Orson Wells. Oh, okay. That's fun.

I love Kenosha. I'm a Kenosha head. Well, this is very similar to Citizen K in this. Yes. You're going to love it. Nobody bought it. I'm putting it on YouTube. So you were filming, you were filming this at SNL as a hopes of this being a different type of thing?

No, no, no, no. It's just like that's, we're just like, that's, we're. John has a comically bad life. I have a comically bad. Really? Really bad. That's a good title for the special. Like he has like a loving family and a wonderful apartment and nice people around him and a beautiful girlfriend.

And then his life on the road is like the worst thing you've ever. It's like just chaos. I managed to make it bad. I had a terrible agent for a very long time. This guy's Stu. No, you say yes to shit that's crazy. I do. Is Stu still in the biz?

No, he's not. And according to LinkedIn, he has a company called Throw It Hard Entertainment. Pull it up. Throw it hard. Throw it hard. Hard entertainment. I have no idea what it could be. They're producing Mark in my movie. Yeah, right. It's a throw it hard production.

But he would just... Oh, I remember this guy. He used to rep Phil. You know this guy, right? He was the guy that would call you and be like... He left Phil Hanley. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, he would be like, we're going to get you into a law and order. Well, we face-timed once when we first worked together and then never again. But he would just periodically yell at me.

I'd be like, I don't want to go here. And he'd be like, I'm not your mommy. You're not a baby. You go, I like this guy. He would really yell at me. Wow. I go, there's a hurricane coming. By the way, those aren't. I do this.

Those are true, though. I'm not a meteorologist. You're doing the gang. He tried to wrap me and he called and he was like, I see you as a tough lady cop on law and order. And I was like, yeah, I know. Okay, I know. I don't want to do that. You know.

He just called you out of the blue to tell you that. He just wanted, that was like his allure was that he could get me on law and order. Oh, that's fun. It was. As a guest spot? as like a, that was like his big prize was like, guess what I could do for you? Well, he was very hungry, like, you know, as far as getting a gig, but then the gig would be bad. He's like, I'm routing you in Montana and then you get to like a bar.

He's hungry because it didn't eat in two weeks. That's right. And then I get to the bar in Montana and they'd be like, oh, we didn't know you were coming. And I'm like, do you have no microphone? Do you have a microphone? He's like, I thought you brought your own. I went with Mikey Rowling. Yeah.

He goes, sorry, we've never done this before. Your agent just like, cold calls. Wow, you brought Mike? He's a TV show. Star. Why are you bringing him down? Oh, God damn it. There's so many bad... You just did a commercial that was better.

You just did a show that was super bad. Yeah. Where they were bullied you. It's like... Oh, yes. Every time I call you, you have a network show and I... Yeah. You were on curb, though.

I was on curb. You were young Larry. I was young Larry for Christ's. What's we audition for? Come on. Mark was up for that same role. But then you got cursed by a witch. Those credits have landed be nowhere, apparently.

Yeah, I mean, that's not supposed to get... It's not a stepping stone. Hey. How was that young Larry? You're way too hot. Well, you know, it's a very inflated ego. Yeah. No, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, it was the sitcom young.

I see. I was like the, I was like the annoying actor version. Got it, got it. And I was like, damn, look at that guy. Now, how did you get that? Because we, I did a five really, I suck at auditions, but I went all in. I hired a guy, him, and he filled me. We, we've dressed up.

We did the part. We went to a location. We had props. Nothing. How did you do it? Was you auditioning for Young Larry? Yeah. Wow.

I did it with my buddy Jake. You're not Jewish. Who's a right around to know. But I wrote out the... I look more Jewish than him. I wrote out the audition. Like, I knew what would annoy Larry. And like, I wrote the scene like I thought it would go down.

That's the Jewish thing. And I was like, oh, I'm going to be method. I'm going to be like, you mind call me Larry? And like all that stuff. Feels like that would infuriate him. Yeah, just knowing what would infuriate him, that's what I did. Now, how is having Larry David as a girlfriend dad? I mean, he's my hero.

So it is pretty surreal to, like, you know, be staying at the house and coming to the kitchen. And he'd be like, Johnny Boy! Wow! John's awake, you know? That's crazy. And the thing is, I'm such a fan of his. And it's like he's so much a part of my comedy language and, like, the way that I speak, that it's like, when he talks, I can't help but be like, you know,

of course. How about these potatoes, huh? You know, like, I can't help it. I've had that with, people who rip off Norman's cadence. And I had a camera guy once on the road, and he kept talking like Norman. and Veter and I were like, I can't fucking take this. Every time we leave the room, like he's doing Norman. You got to fire that guy.

Well, it's the guy that opens you, the Indian Norman? Oh, Dark Norman. Dark Norman. Yeah, that's what we call him. Wait, but was he doing it before you? I gave him a guest set 20 years ago, and he sounded like that, and everybody at the show was like, what's going on here? Because we did the Orlando Comedy Fest together,

and I remember that guy being a headliner, but I think he's been doing comedy longer than you. No, I don't think so. So you're doing him. We had a dog in our green room. He barked like Norman, barked Norman. There he is. Raj Balani. Funny guy. Check him out.

Of course, you like him. He's doing you. I think he's got great writing, good delivery. Yeah. It's not from the Indian thing. He's great. That's a guy. Oh, yeah. Do you hear kids doing you? Kids?

Like, you know, young comics? Only one of his wife's out of town. I don't know what you were talking about there. Are kids doing you? I had a guy. Kids are doing me when my wife was. side of town, yeah. I had a guy, I ran into an open mic to get a set in one time,

and a kid goes, I'm Kevin Hart at the end. And I was like, whoa, whoa, I had to shut him down. I had to chat with him after. Season to six letter. That just happened to me. I had to chat with a girl who did my thing. What you do? A bunch of period stuff?

I don't want to out her, but she did something that I do all the time on stage. It's like a thing. And I had to be like, hey, I've been doing this before you were born, babe. You can't be doing that. She didn't delete the clip, which is fine. She didn't delete the clip, but she said she heard yet. Huh? She said she heard you?

Yeah. And my stepbrother commented. Oh shit. And tagged to the comic? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that comment to be it?

Huh? Sorry. Oh, I don't know. I haven't checked. What's she do? But I don't mind. You can do, there's a lot of people doing the like, uh-l-girl. You know what I mean?

But when you do the overt, it's exactly like the Kevin Hart thing. It's the same exact thing. That's all mine all day. Well, it's worse with you, but it's like your essence, right? Huh? Didn't someone accuse. Steve Bernie. Yeah.

Oh, Dan Cook accused Steve Burr. It's a funny thing to accuse him. Which is crazy because they are nothing alike. The essence is open to be stolen. When I started comedy, I used to watch Louis, like constantly before I went on stage. And then I would go on stage because I had confidence because I could just basically mimic him. Like, young comics are all doing that. Right.

You're pretending to be someone until you're, like this. But when you're a hotter, younger version of me, you can't be doing my essence. Oh, interesting. You can't be doing it. If you're a boy, rip me off. But no, you can't be a girl. You can't, and I'll kill myself. That's fair.

They can't replicate your mental illness. Well, we hone these things, though. We cultivate our things. And so when someone takes them, it's like, whoa, this is my meal ticket. Yeah. I don't mind essence, but the direct rip-off, I can't. I'm with you. I'm with you.

You haven't heard. But your essences are so out there that it's obvious at this point. I think if anyone's trying to cop it. So that's good. But it was a bit that this person took? It was like a thing that I do during crowdwork every time, where I like a movement that I do. And then like a very overt movement.

Is it the tongue out thing? No. Okay. No, but there is a girl. Whatever, it's fine. Oh, geez. But no. Her lawyer's working overtime right now.

It was a very, it was like a very clear, like, oh, you've literally seen me do this thousands of times and you're doing it. It doesn't make any sense to do. I do it because I'm insane. And then I saw it. Interesting. Now I'm going to be studying your act. I'll just tell you after.

Okay, great. I don't want to watch your act. I just don't want to watch your act. I just don't want to hurt this person's feeling because they were... Well, I mean, how many Shane young guys you see doing this? A lot of, like, a lot of this? Yeah. That's very shame.

The arm behind the back. Arm behind the back. Which Nate did first. But that's such a comfortable... It's so comfortable. It is hard to have your own posture there. There's only so many things you can do there with the mic. That is, that's shame.

And this, the head up? Head up, eyes up. That's a big one. I at one point on stage did that and I was like, and I was like, you have to never do that again. It felt so, but it's so funny to be a silly. It's very funny. But yeah, it's really hard. And it's like, I was talking to Nikki Glazer about this yesterday.

She was like, I can't, if I watch people, I'm just mimic it. And I was like, if I go up after somebody, I'm like, did I just say? I know. It's really tough. When I first went on the road, I was opening for Santino and I didn't know what I was doing. And I ended up slowly, I think, trying to speak like that. Yeah. You can't help it.

Nikki, like, watched my special before she did hers and she said they had to cut out like 150 dudes. I don't say dude Why am I doing it But I do the exact same thing Like with Louis I'll just like pick up the word like It's ridiculous Or something like like I just say it Totally

Or like that doesn't matter He always says matter a lot He does say matter I get norms over here I was at the bar over here He always says over here for some reason Or over there Very Canadian

And I'll catch myself going over there I'm walking over here But you don't say that in life Not really no So I have to tamp it down It's a, like, it's a crutch. You're literally like, this is how I can get by. Think about how often you say fuck in a new joke.

Right. You have no confidence. It's a confidence thing. Yeah, that's so. I was at this fucking, and you're like, I don't, why am I talking about sponges? Why do I keep saying fuck? Yeah. I think it's cool that you can trace people back.

Like, you can trace John to Larry David. You can trace you to Norm. You can trace Joe to Norm. You know what I mean? Like, it's cool that you can like find people's origins. Yeah, it's pretty clear. I think everyone knows who you were doing. Yeah, that's why it's so cool.

When you see a guy, you're like, whoa, never seen anyone like this. Like Norm, who did he sound like? Well, he was a first. Yeah. You know, that's what you want to be. You want to be like an original. It's a newer thing, though. Exactly, like a headbird.

Stand-up is not that old. I know, that's true. The way modern stand-up is, at least. Who did you watch? Attel, Dangerfield. Right. Those were, yeah, Giroldo, I loved. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, those all makes sense. Yeah. See, him in the gumbo. Oh, yeah. Louis and Robin Williams. Whoa. I see Robin. That is a real combo there.

Yeah, yeah, it's a weird combo. When he does the eat out on the arm, that's all you. Yeah, it's all me. Pull that up in the kid. I love that clip. Yes, I love that. He's got some gold, Robert Williams. His golf bit is amazing.

It's like eight minutes long. Oh, yeah. My mom went and saw him when I was a kid, and I was like, you saw Robert Williams. How was it? She goes, too dirty. It's like, all right. I love that you reduce him to that. I know.

Two words. Too dirty. I was also obsessed with Bill Con. Same. Love god, yeah. I was great. Look at me, I'm goo boy. What are you doing?

Is this the eating out? Oh, great. That's right, Corky. It's time to saddle up. We're heading south of the border. You gotta please miss it. And I have one question for the ladies. Do we look like this?

To work it out? Feeding out a woman. Is that what you see? That's what you see. And then you get the desperate eyes looking up sometimes. The Shane Gillis face? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it approval?

I found your cliff. Good times. Yeah, he's the best. Can I ask you about, so the beginning of this doc, so you're getting you getting thrown off S&L, basically. You're showing the highs and then followed by the lows? Yes, exactly. What was that like? I mean, achieving your dream.

I heard you got it from that. It was the dirty dancing bit? The dirty dancing bit. Yeah. Great bit. Great thing. And you did it. Is the process of getting SNL?

You did that at what? Montreal or do you do it for a long? Yeah. So, I mean, I had gotten an audition for or a callback for new faces, but I wasn't that good at stand-up. I was only like, I was opening for Santino, but I was like two years in, you know? Wow. And so I was like, oh, I'm supposed to do the jokes that I already did for the original

audition, but what if I do this dance bit that I tried at like a small show? Because this feels at least like they'll remember me, but I'm still not going to get JFL. Yeah. And so I just did this dance. and then I got JFL doing that dance. Whoa. And then S&O was there,

and then they invited me to audition, and then I got, and I was the only new cast member hired that. Whoa. So it was like, I rode this one bit all the way to the show, and then I got to the show and they're like, what else you got?

Ah. That was it. Oh, wow. I thought you guys, like, right for me. How old were you? You know, 25. Wow. Oh, it's just a boy.

Oh, I was very scared all the time. Everyone wants everything immediately, but it can be bad. That was the biggest lesson of it. It was like, yeah, you think you want the thing. especially when you're not good. Now it's like I'm trying to like take my time

because I know that I'm not as good as I'll be, you know? How long did you last? Can I ask? One season, one season. How intimidating was that room? Well, it's so intimidating because you're like, Tuesday night you've got to write something for a Wednesday table read. And it's not in anyone's best interest to write with you

because they want to get on the show. Yes. So they're going to write something for Kenan or Kate McKinn or whoever. And so a lot of times... I was like I didn't have allies. I didn't have a lot of allies. So a lot of times I'd be writing alone and I didn't know what I was doing. And then I'm reading the thing I wrote at like 5 a.m. the next day at a table read.

5 a. Everyone I love and admire, you know, and a movie star. Like Trump hosted, but he's not somebody I admire, but he was there for the fourth week of work. And I bombed so hard I could hear the protesting 17. Wow. You know, like that's like, that's like, that's an insane. Get John off the show. Yes, I bombed in front of Trump.

Holy shit. Now he's bombing in front of the country. I made me polar. I bombed, you know. What Larry hosted was the one week I did dirty dancing, so it's like, thank God. Okay. I did, like, I've only had good experiences in front of Larry, thank God. But like, I bombed.

It's too young. It fucks people up, too. Everybody who gets out of there is like a war veteran. And it's also like now it feels like there's so many other things, but at that time, it still felt like SNL is the only thing that matters. Now, how easy was it to get laid by being on SNL? You go up to a girl to bar, you go, hey, I have the new cast member. I think, I think I, I think a person.

I think a part of my problem was I was also like, well, I didn't know what I was doing. And I was like, well, but I'm also like kind of famous for the, I wasn't really. You're on the opening. But like, like, Raya, you know, I just started. Oh! And it was like, you know, they were still only letting in like 10 guys. Yes, yes. You know, and I was able to get on there.

And so, yeah, I would like show up to an S&L party with like my friends from New Jersey and like a Raya date. And I was an idiot. I was a fucking idiot. And my mom. Yeah. And it was just like. You didn't utilize it. Yeah, they were like, you've got to stop showing up with a riot date and five friends every week.

And, you know, I was an idiot. So that part of it, I was enjoying that aspect of it, but probably too much. Yeah, I see. I was acting, you know, like. Like a 25-year-old. Like a 25-year-old. Do you remember the bits of it? But like, like, I was crushing, you know?

Yeah. It's like, it's one thing to like, if you're doing well, if you're, you know, like Pete could do that. Sure, sure. Like, me showing up, like, it was my show every week when I didn't have anything on was kind of ridiculous. But we forget how, like, Ralph Barbosa. I saw him get in trouble. He was doing donuts at a Corvette or something. And everybody's like, oh, he's slipping.

He's losing. I'm like, no, he's being a 20-year-old, whatever. That's what I did when I was 20, but I just didn't have any money. Yeah. He's got millions of dollars. They fucked up Montreal so bad. This year that S&L couldn't get in to see the new faces. Come on.

Yeah. Like, they oversold the show. So all these kids are like going up and doing new fans. I mean, they're not kids, whatever. But they're doing new faces. And SNL was waiting outside and being like, You guys aren't for real not going to let us. We're SNL.

They got to go up in front of the bookers of go bananas, but not Lord Michael. Wow. So they get to get in. They fucked them so hard. Damn. That's why they go there is for that. I know. That sucks.

Damn. Good job, JFL. That's the worst thing you've ever done. Do you remember pitching anything? So you're talking about bombing in front of like Tina Faye, Amy Polo? Do you remember what you pitched? That was just... I don't remember to them.

I just remember I did something at table that bombed. I remember there was something with Ryan Gosling. where I said, like, I'm a dying soldier, and you say that you're going to tell my wife that I love her, and I said, I don't care about my wife, just kiss me. And like, it kind of got like a couple of chuckles. Yeah, exactly. And then Ryan was like, yeah, I don't want to do that.

And then that got big laughs. Oh, that's the worst. That ear expense. That's how you know it's kind of a funny scenario, is that him rejecting you is kind of funny. I was like, true? You incorporate that. Interesting.

I'm good on that. And I was like, yeah, all right. And then he came into my office later and he was like, actually, it reminds me of a canteen boy. I think that would be good. And then we did a table and it ate shit. Damn, that table is a nightmare. I was so nervous, you know? Of course.

And then also it was so bad as like how I was socially because I was so, I felt so scared all the time that I couldn't even talk to people either. So like, then my, it just. And look how far you've come. Come. Yeah, yeah, you're better. I'm freaking out a little less. You are freaking out a little less. But it is true.

We want the thing. I went to your house and you were at the three stories up and I walk through the door and you go, Jordan. And I was like, yeah. And you go, I'm scared. And I was like, why? And you go, just everything is scary. And I was like, all right, I'll be up. I'm coming up.

But it's definitely made everything seem a little easier. S&L was like just the scariest. Sure. You started up in the gaunt. You lost your virginity to a supermodel. Yeah. So now you're just not scared, really. Yeah.

I mean, you couldn't get it hard. So it was a short virginity, but. I couldn't get hard and I came too quick. It's a weird combo, but somehow it happened. In front of Ryan Gosley. But that's crazy. That's a crazy life experience. Crazy run.

Oh, yeah, it was insane. And then it forced me, because of S&L, I was able to headline. Nice. Because I wasn't on the show for very long, the gigs are so bad. And you had no act. I've been doing, and I had no acts at the time. Right. But then it forced me to get good at doing really bad shows.

So then I figured with this special, I was like, what if I just shoot my special at these bad shows? Because I think I'm better at bad shows. I think it's brilliant. Great call. So I was like, let's just bring a crew. Let's bring more crew members than there are audience to these shows. It's also cool because you can like, as a comic, like,

show this show his movie to your family and be like this is what yeah you think i'm hollywood dude this is what i experienced the like hotel the fucking dreariness of it the weird club booker that wants to talk too long yeah yeah like all of the sad payout the sharing the hotel room with my open don't tell me you put the payout in the special oh yeah oh my god good that's what we want to see yes yes yes this is funny because every uncle and aunt's like why don't you do s and l why don't to SNL, I'm like, look at him. I get to show them your sad documentary. I'd be like, this is why

I didn't do SNL is a crazy cunt. Doing a one-nighter off the hook and they don't put your name. Oh, the hook. That's been a big staple in my stand-up is Naples, Florida. So, yeah. We have the opposite. Me and Sam have directly opposite things

that we like. All the clubs he likes, I despise. What do you? Wait, you like tell me some. I hate Tamp. I hate sidesplitters. Whoa. Oh. Whoa. I hate it.

You take that disrespect out of this podcast. I hate it. I've never done it. I've done the one in St. Pete, the coastal. Size Floters is a classic. It's, every time I do it, I leave bummed out. Really? Yeah, the couples, the lifestyle, the weird people that are trapped there.

They can't. I take my last special in Tampa. Really? Yeah. Tampa Theater, baby. But this is what I'm saying. So what do you like? Give me one that you love.

I like weird stuff. I like, what's the one that's outside of Chicago? The vault. Shamburg. Oh, the vault. I love the vault. I love the vault. I heard it's good.

I've never even heard of the vault. That's in the special. The vault. The vault's great. That's my last date. That was my last date. Yeah. Do you show some of the highs or is it strictly lows?

What did we look at that? I mean, it's just the tour that Stu booked for me. So, you know. That's too. So one of them is the Kenosha Comedy Club, which is inside of a Wyndham Garden. Hell yeah. I'm playing the garden. Yeah.

I did helium in Philly, which was a good one. That's a great club. It's a good room. But it was also. I don't like it. Really? What? That's a great club. I know.

I don't like it that much. Do you guys like helium buffalo? Yes. No. I hate it. Buffalo is a good crowd. I like, a theater in Buffalo is the most fun I've ever had.

The helium, I don't. I did a theater that one's good. I like a lot of the heliums, though. I like one of my favorites is Addison Improv. Love that one. I like Addison. That's a great club. Great club.

What does, name another improv? What about like Philly? I mean, Sinsco punchline. Great. Great. Okay. These are like obvious.

Like comedy works. Amazing. Obviously. Okay. Okay. Just checking. But what's a weird one? The attic is good?

No, comedy addict. I'm so happy that place. Didn't he get in trouble? I haven't been back in forever because I fucking hate that guy. So this is a big on that. That club's way overrated. Bloomington, Indiana. Yeah, he was, uh, I don't love when a guy is in the green room controlling the remote.

Of course. Oh my God. I thought it was a lot. I don't like him. but I liked the room. Too woke, way too woke. He hasn't had me back.

Yeah, he's done. He's done. He got me too. Well, then maybe I could go back. Oh, wow. I wasn't going to say that. But we can't even agree on words.

No, but there's people who are like crusaders and act like white nights and then you're like, oh, you're that fucking creep. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I remember Rachel would be texting me like, this guy's weird, right? I'm like, yeah. She's like, I'm in the green room with her right now. He won't leave.

That's gonna be the whole weekend. He's telling the Booker wants to be a con. And I walked in and Jake was like, because we were late because of me, obviously. And then he like flipped out at Jake. He was like, you can't be a bit like. And then I had to flip out at him. And I was like, you don't get the fucking freaking.

Good for you. I abused my opener. Yeah. No one else. I was like, we're late because of fucking me, you idiot. And he was like, yeah. So how many cities did you hit on this tour, John? 24 shows total.

Eugene's Best Club I did this I did this room Tell it the best riff on Eugene Oregon He goes Eugene or as I call it The town that makeup forgot Yeah that's so good

I lost it Good times Now let me ask you this Just to change gears If you're cooking right now If you got SNL You got people doing you No no no no

If you got SNL tomorrow You wouldn't take it as a cast member Full silver platter A bunch of money cast member guaranteed a year no dice I really like improv and acting and stuff

so that would be tempting but I don't the hours and stuff it wouldn't I agree I feel the same way it's a job and look I have reverenced for Estenelle just being a New Yorker and I understand like it's such a cool thing

but I mean you you had a horrible experience I had a horrible experience I wouldn't trade it for anything and it was my dream you know I'm so glad I got to do it my dream is to host it but to be on it at this point that would be the dream Mad TV would be my dream. In Living Color would have been my dream, but SNL.

You an average Asian with Bobby Lee? Yeah. Now we're talking. Hell yeah. But SNL, it's a job. And I also have like the anti-authority thing, so I know that it'd be like, I'd be throwing things. But I actually think that benefits the people there. Like, when I was there, like, Leslie or Pete, they were kind of like, fuck this place.

And that kind of helped them, you know? Interesting. Whereas like, if you're like, oh, Lauren, is it okay? Then they're like, get this guy out of here. Fear is bad. Fear is bad. Agreed. What are the hours?

And I couldn't have been. or fearful. Yeah. The hours are just kind of insane. I mean, Monday you go there and pitch. Tuesday, you're writing all night. Wednesday's the table read. No, I got a daughter to take it.

I couldn't do it. It does have a different vibe. You used to feel kind of counter-cultry and fun and like, we're staying up late. We're being bad. And now it kind of feels like you better stay in line. Yeah, there's no cocaine there. Exactly.

It's lost its edge. I was just kind of secretly taking Adderall, which probably made me definitely made me even more nervous. Enough so you know it's bad, it's like when you're taking drugs to benefit the show now. Right. It's like you should be taking drugs that make it a mess. I don't know.

I will say if they were like, okay, SNL Newcast, we're grabbing people. We're grabbing, you know, Mikey Roland, John, Jordan, go. I would do it if I had a crew. But I'm not going. But the clicky shit is like real. That's what you're hearing. Oh, yeah. But the clicky shit is like that's what we grew up on.

The like Adam Sandler, like the boys. Right now. That's what I would do. I was like a freshman among seniors. I was like, I was the only new guy and everyone else had been there like eight ears. Were people nice to you or was it just? The cast was nice. Yeah. That's cool. The cast was for the most part nice. The writers though, a bunch of cunts. It sounds like it's so oppressive that you have to, you guys have to band together. Yeah. Mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I remember reading the book,

Jay Moore's book and he said, Chris Farley, that new guy came in and he put a desk on the, our book on the desk. And Chris Farley said, watch this. Jerked off, jizzed in the book, closed it, just so the guy would find it later. And I'm like, that's yes and all I want. I want somebody jizzed my book, but those days are over. I love it. That's your take. Salish is taking notes back there.

He's like, Jackoff and Mark's belongings. When I read that, I was like, that's hilarious. That's what you do to the new guy. Ha, ha. Yeah. And you could never do that now. You'd be arrested. By the way, I think Harvey Weinstein did the same thing to people.

No, we didn't jizzed a book. That's too funny. In a plant. That was out of necessity, though. Yeah. He had to throw it somewhere. Yeah. She is in my book.

That's what I say. That's going to be the name of my book. She is in this. And then you can't get it open. Yeah. Do you have any memories of other hosts that you did connect with? Or is it mostly just kind of like... People just kind of going in and out.

Miley hosted the first week and that actually went great. Who's Miley? Myle. Oh, I don't know the first name basis. It's like Hillary Duff. Can you believe her first name is just Hillary? Isn't that weird? It's really weird.

Hunterrated Hot Lady, by the way. Hillary Duff is very attractive. I feel like she's rated. I don't hear about Hillary. I hear all Sweenie, Sweeney. I want more Hillary. Let's get Hillary Duff. They're the younger ones, preferably.

Okay, well. Oh, yeah. A little Nick Jr. Yeah. Sounds racist for some reason. He's heard about you with the kids. I know. But no, later, later she's underrated.

Yeah, that's very young. He was joking, Sally. Oh, fuck. Yeah, come on. Come on. Come on here, you creepo. Whoa, you saved it. Right to the desktop.

Keep that for later. Geez. He dragged it to his Hillary Duff file. You got your own files. Oh, God. No, get her tips out of here. Now, okay, hold on. Now.

All right. Oh, look at that one right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Ah, you're killing me. Worst Google bitch in the business. Unbelievable, honestly. Wow.

Scroll down. Hey, look at the rump on Duffy. That is a rump. She's become like a workout cool. Great. Yeah. Two kids, I believe. Yeah. Yeah, one's John. I can't believe Hillary Duff was looking good. She's still looking good. You didn't know this? Did you meet any, do you have any crushes? I forgot about Hillary Duff as a person. That's what I'm saying. John, did you get back out there. Did you have any crushes that you met at SNL?

There was no, no, nothing at work. It was more just going on Raya dates is stupid. And honestly, like, going on dates like girls from high school. I was like, maybe now she'll like me. That's a good thing. I was still 25, so it was like, it was still bad. It was a good move. Maybe I should have tried asking Miley Cyrus out. Not that that would have worked, but I was more concerned with like a girl from Hebrew school. I still was wondering if she liked me now, maybe.

You had to get the closure. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Have you heard that Jimmy Kimmel theory about the crossing? It's like, hey, I couldn't bang Morgan Fairchild in 1988, but now I'm on TV and she's getting old. So now I could fuck Morgan Parenthold And she'd be happy about it It's a it's like a weird little axis

His theory I just I just hung out with like the ex that like broke my heart the most Yes two days ago And his wife That was the most intense experience Why? Why? Because it was like my college

Like the one that got away I was like obsessed with him And he he broke up with me for this girl And ended up marrying her And now she's like a fan Oh my God Is that winning or is it winning? Yes.

No, I'll tell you why it's not winning. Because we met up. Why? And because I, because he's the best. He really is the best. He's so funny. Still in love with him. And we, no.

And we met up and, uh, she was like so nice and sweet. And I was like just blabbing and being like, because I'm like trying, I have six years of not telling him. Sure. So I'm like, I'm not like, I did that. And then also I have this. And I'm like, this is my dogs. You got these tracks. Like, I'm like being so needy.

Yeah. And they're just holding. hands walking and at one point she takes out sunscreen and like puts it on his receding spots and it was so tender and I was like come on you guys like I was this like little rat right I was like and this is the clip I posted yesterday and I was like I'm never going to be this sweet wife I'm just going to be this like what's this and you know what I mean it was brutal in your mind before that did you ever like kind of fantasize that he must be watching you and be like I could be with and threesome no I know I never was

There's got to be a threesome in the air. I could never do that. It would break my heart. You're rooting for them now. Now I'm rooting for them, yeah. Okay. And she was so sweet. I ended up being like, fuck this guy and talking to her the whole time.

Wow. And at the end, I was like, oh, my God. And I was like, the real thing that fucked me up is I was like, I was so far off of thinking that I could marry this guy. Like, I'm not even close to the-closure. You did get closure in a weird way then. Yeah, but it was like, I'm destined to wander the earth alone. No. I got to tell you, I saw.

young female comic tell the same story. God damn it. She threw one of these at the end. But yeah, it was so intense. It was crazy. And I woke up at 4 a.m. today just thinking about all the things I said and how I just like was just like showing off. Right. It was crazy.

Well, that's a lot's a nervous energy. It was a nervous energy. Yeah, yeah, I get it. And they were just so calmly holding hands walking to the park being like, that's really great, Jordan. Huh? Maybe they didn't have much to share with you either. They're not interesting. They're just like, yeah, life's nice.

They were interested, but it was like, it was, yeah, I was like a frenetic spectacle. Right. You know? I can't believe you met up with them. That's crazy. How long ago do you think you got over him? Tomorrow. No, I probably got over him, I mean, probably, like, fully, probably like four years ago.

Wow. And did you talk to him since or no? Yeah. I like, I'll talk to him sporadically about boy stuff. Like I'll be like I have to fix his car part. You know what I mean? Because I always thought that was the key to his heart was to be his little bro Right, but it's not the key. The key is to give him sunscreen and hold his hand nice and I just don't do that stuff right? Right Well, here's the question. Did the girl look like you? Dude, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life

So now. No, I walked right into that. I opened the door and I slammed it in my own on my own hand No, no, she's like she's like tall and super skinny. She looks like anime character if she was white Like she's so hot. She's so beautiful. Like when they got together in college, I was like laughing hysterically because I was like, I can't compete with that girl. It was like a new freshman came in and everyone was talking about how hot she was.

And they were like, also, he's dating her. And I was like, yep, totally. But she's not funny. I bet she's not funny. She's not funny. And that's what matters. It doesn't matter to people. Well, what matters to us.

It matters. It's what we have. It matters to women. We will fuck a fat, hideous man. If they're funny, but you guys want sweet, sweet calm, sweet calm visually stimulated. Updated comics. That's true. Funny's important, I think.

It's important, but it's like, I think about it as like a gas station. It's not, it's not, you just stop in, you fuel up, you leave. It's not funny people are not sustainable. Hmm. Interesting. Because they're also crazy. Right. I don't agree with that. Yeah, but the crazy can be an issue for sure.

I mean, it was like me, you, Lynn Coplitz, all going up on stage one after the other. And it was Lynn being like, I'm on the dating apps. And then I was like, I'm in a tumultuous relationship. And then you were like, I'm on the apps. And I was like, oh, we're all fucked. Yeah. I do. But that is the most comforting thing about being at the cellar or wherever.

I'm like, oh, we're all fucked in the same way. That's so nice. Everybody. I'm out with regular people all day just out of that. That guy seems like he's got to figure. Yeah. Nick Griffin goes up and is like, I got divorced for the couch. Oh, we're all the same.

Hey. I divorced a couch. Yeah, he's funny. He does, yeah. But yeah, every single person who goes up is like going through. It's crazy. But here's the thing. You say they're all put together.

They're not. They're hiding it. At least we come out with it. Exactly. They're all full of shit. He just nailed it. Because think about it. What's everyone posted on Instagram?

The highlight. What are we doing on stage? The low lights. That's what people relate to. And that's why they show up. They want to go, all right. You're going to brag. You're like, here's what's fucked up in my life.

You don't post it on Instagram. You're right. You're right. Come on. JLo has been with Ben Affleck 17 times and she's got two weird kids. They're all these people are fucked up. I don't know where that came from. Well, I'm just saying like a celebrity who's rich and beautiful.

Right, I got you, I got you. I think more like the, you know, I came out of nowhere. A couple of hours. I don't have to do earlier. But I think that normal people who aren't celebrities who aren't in the limelight are happier than us. For sure. For sure.

Like my friends from high school. They're happy. I think they're happy. Yeah. I think most of them are like way happier. They're like, you're doing what? You went to bed at one time? Yeah.

But I really like it. You're not going to get it from this. You can get fulfillment from your career, but you're not going to get happiness from it. They're different. Right. Interesting. You can, like, I leave stand-up. If I put all my self-worth in a set, I'm fucked.

And I do it sometimes. I'm guilty of it. Same. But if I'm just like, all right, let me focus on the positive of this set and let me have something else. But then if you have something else, then that is a good way to look at it. It feeds a stand-up. Yeah. If you have something else to talk about, like, Chris Rock would always say, like, there's a funny reason to have kids.

but he'd be like, you gotta have kids because your audience is having kids and they'll give you shit to talk about. Yeah. Chris Robb does it. On Raya. Yeah. Now he is.

Yeah, but he had kids and he was married. Yeah. And he likes those kids. Have you guys noticed everyone in your age is starting to get divorced now? I was just thinking about that.

You better believe I've noticed. Everybody's getting divorced. How old are you guys though? 39. Yeah, we're 35-ish. Oh, six, 36. Yeah. Fabletics.

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Always say hello with Quo. by Quo for free plus 20% off your first six month when you go to Quo.com slash WMBD. QUO.com slash WMBD. I don't have divorce yet. You have divorced now? What do you mean? Do I have divorce now? In your age group?

Oh, yeah. Really? People we know. Sigurge has got divorced and one of our mutual friends. Oops. Cut that. Is that allowed to say it now? She's getting divorced.

We'll bleep her name. Andy and Rosebud. Andy and Rosebud. A friend of my, Raj is. breaking up with his lady. We just mentioned him. Like, something's in the air. Everybody's breaking up. And he did it in your cadence, which I found to be a little weird. I don't want to do it. I'm gay. You're going to kill me.

Oh, my God. I'm out of here. She serves her with the papers. Comedy. Divorce. Separation. But yeah, it's something's going on. So watch out, everybody. So that couple you met with, they're on the outs, and you better slide right in there, sister.

Full Kramer. Full and word. You got closure, I think. You got closure. It's a good thing that you see that that's not right for you. And you'll find, I mean, are you dating someone or no? Yeah, but it's stop and go. It's erratic.

Man, you and that guy. You guys have the, you're J-Lo and Ben Affle. This is a different guy, though, I think, right? Same guy? I did break up with that. I did go on a long stint with a different guy. What do you see in this guy? Oh, he's my best friend.

All right. All right. But why can't it work then? Oh, just, we just Because we both You know when you get in a conflict And you don't hit the big red button Of, well, let's break up

We just, we just fucking hit it every time Oh, got it. You just fight We just hit the button We just go, I guess we should break up Every time. There's no like Have you ever tried the working through it

scenario or no? Yeah, totally. But it all, it leads back To the hitting the button thing. It's just like a real, like, because I think I'm like Avoidant secretly Because I just stay,

You know what I mean? Because I stay with somebody who isn't down. And when I am in a stable relationship, I sabotage it. And he is an avoid. So I think both of us are like any sort of normalcy. We both freak out about it. Right.

I know the whole, I know that feeling so well. I needed a wife who was like, hey, hey, what are you doing? Stop going away. Come back. Come back. And at first I was like, whoa, whoa, stop me to come back. And now I'm like, thank God she asked me to come back. Yeah, but how did you stop going?

I had to go to a lot of therapy. I had to work on myself. I had to have some rock bottoms. Yeah. I've been through a, I feel like you did it enough. And you did it enough. Yeah. You still going on the same date.

That's a problem. Yeah. I was still at. I was also just like chasing the avoidant girl for so long. Ah. I was like, oh, I'm actually. Because it's exciting. I've gotten the shit kicked out of me.

I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. And it is an adventure. Every day you're like, what could happen? Yeah. Does she still like me? Oh my gosh.

Yeah. I've noticed the less healthy the relationship, the more quickly you say I love you. Whoa. Oh. That is really spot on. It's so heavy. I said it so early and then I'm like, oh, this woman's going to kill me. Yes, yes.

But then if you wait a while, you're like, let me really fucking earn this. Let me figure this out. Right. But yeah, if it's unhinged, the emotions are just fucking, like, daggers, man. I was with a guy who I thought was going to kill me, and he's going to watch this podcast and see this and threaten to kill me. Oh, shit. And I said, I love you so fast because I was just like, that'll ease everything down. Yeah.

So, yeah. And I was thinking that'll hold on. Right. Something I can take out. Yeah. It's like, but then you use that. You're like, that's all I had. Yeah.

Yeah. You see me do this dance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people do that with marriage. Some people do that with marriage and kids are like, fuck, I love you. Let's get married. Let's have a kid. And then, you know, two years in, they're like, what the hell have I done?

At least I love you isn't any kind of contract. You know, it's still bad to say too early, but you're not locked in anything. I definitely said, let's have a baby till. Sure and sex. Yeah. Yeah, we should definitely have a baby. I'm going to dump a load in you. Yeah.

I know. I'm getting to the age where I'm getting that grip. Yeah. You know what? Keagle? Yeah. Like my legs start being like, you're not pulling out. And then I have to force myself off.

I have to be like, all right. Whoa. It's getting, my body's being like. That's rape against men. We're like, no. Stop it. You're like an NBA whore. Those NBA chicks, they wait and they just scoop up the jizz.

That's what they do out there. They poach. Oh, these NBA ladies, they walk around, they go to NBA games, and then they try to bang a... I pictured like someone hiding behind a curtain in a hotel room and she just runs by and grass. I was picturing a woman playing basketball and running up to like a person. What are you talking?

I'm talking about the women, the hot ladies who go to NBA games and they go, hey, uh, whatever that guy's name is. Yeah, they try to get their, have their baby. Then they bang the guy and the guy's like, oh, I better pull out. And they go, no. Oh, yeah. There is a bodily thing you have to resist as a woman. There is like an almost like a praying mantis when it holds the,

whips the mate's head off. This is terrifying. So that it comes harder. Will you run out of taboo shit to say during sex? So it's like you could only say someone's shit before you're like, what's the worst thing I could do right now? Impregate someone I have nothing in common with. Let's fucking do it.

That's so hard. That is hot. It's so hot to ruin your life. Oh my gosh. Chaos is sexy. Yeah. And as comedians, we're addicted to chaos. A hundred percent.

Yeah, I need it. And that's what I think like we get all this validation on stage. So like romantically it's like I want the most difficult audience member. Like whose love is the hardest to achieve. You ever have the thing where you're back when I was dating? I would have a thing where I could tell the girl was not that interested. So she'd be like, maybe I won't see again. I'm like, I got to win her back.

I don't even like her. But I'm like, busting my ass to win her back, even though I just want to win the girl back. I don't actually want to date her. And then she's like, all right, I'm in. And you're like, ah, I'm done here. Yep, yep. It's a really sick twisted mindset. It's sick.

It's also nice because then you don't care. If you have somebody who's like pulling away, you don't care about what you're, you can really be free on stage because you don't really give a fuck what they think. You just care about with this one person who's rejecting you things. Yeah, you definitely, if someone you care about, you're like, is this going to hurt them? Let me figure a way out. Or like, or

just on stage, like, I'll say crazy shit and people are like, aren't you worried about what they think? And I'm like, no, I'm worried about what this guy is about to text me. I'm not going to get. I don't care what they're fucking think. That's healthy. Yeah. Well, that's not healthy, but it's good for comedy. Yeah, it's good for comedy. Yeah, which is unhealthy. Bill Burr said he didn't get good at comedy until he

Stop giving a fuck. You know, if you go up there going, I hope every word works and they like everything, you're going to be in your head and you're not going to go anywhere. It's not like apathy, not giving a fuck. It's like you still kind of care. Of course.

You want to do well, but you got to like pull back on. It's like I don't matter giving it. It's like existential. Not wanting to be judged for how you behave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We've all gone to those sets,

like an audition or like a late night thing where you're like, I need every line to work or I'm going to fucking kill myself. And then you're stiff and weird and you're not you. Yeah. And also, how many times have you had a thing with someone where, like, the second you take your foot off the gas, the tech start rolling in? I was like, oh, I cared too much earlier. And now they feel that I'm pulling back. And you know it's unhealthy.

But this is, I don't know. That's just like all of it. That's like eternal. It's so weird. I think I know one couple who doesn't have the pushpole dynamic. The one you hung out with yesterday. They're perfect. They're perfect.

No, he had to chase her ass for a long time. I remember because he cried to me about it and it made me cry because I'd be like, wow, you're bummed out about this. girl and I'm bummed out about you. But he had to chase her ass. That's the weird thing about women. And maybe you're going to help shed some light on this. You're almost a lady. I'll shed.

You know, like, you always hear these girls like, oh, I turned him down 17 times. He kept coming back. And then I realized, you know what? I love you. And you're like, what? He broke me down. You always hear women like, yeah, I kept saying no, but he kept coming back. And then eventually we got married.

Is it a test? What is it? Yeah, what is that? Harassment. Yeah, it feels like a guy. Why is that not harassment? Because if I stalked her and then she caved. Yeah.

If it works out, it's romantic. If it doesn't work out, he's a psycho. Totally. That, what's happening there is, so there's somebody pursuing them constantly. And then this woman is like, I don't want to be with this person. And then she goes out and has some gnarly experiences, some whack dates or some rejecting guys. Right. And then she does a lot of, like, Instagram therapy stuff that's basically like, choose love, don't choose the avoidance.

They go for the, yeah. Quotes. That's what happens. Got it. Got it. Yeah. And then they go, I should choose. the guy who chooses me and then they just have to use lube every time they have sex because they're not really aroused by that guy.

Ooh. Damn. That had a sad ending. That was going somewhere and then the loop part was kind of a bummer. Scoop up the jails. Yeah. Yeah. That's what happens.

And then they cheat at some point. Oh, fuck. All right. This is getting worse and worse. You can't, if you wear a woman down. Yeah, it doesn't. I don't think that works. Jordan's cynical today though.

I think, you know. Today. Yeah. I know, but I think, but you talk about this other relationship. in a different way. I think there's a guy you'll match with in a way that you're... Don't you think so? I keep telling you.

Yeah, but I don't think it's wearing down. Yeah. I don't think wearing down ever works. I think it's like... That's true. I think it's like buds and then it becomes something. Yes. But I don't think it's like, I just get dogging her until she...

And then, because all that's happening is that woman is just like settling eventually. It's very old-fashioned male versus female roles. They're like pursuing the woman, the chasing the woman. Yeah, it's like hunting. Right. You know, it's like, but it's, I don't feel like that's the modern way. Right. Yeah.

That you court, really. It's more like, oh, let's be together, two people. The modern way is you're in a competition to see who can be the most, like, self-sufficient to earn love. So everybody's trying to be self-sufficient so that somebody loves them, which is not self-sufficient. Like, every girl is like, I'm an independent. I'm an independent woman and I do Pilates there today and I don't have time for sex. And I'm like, you're just doing that so that a guy will love you. You're just trying to be this, like, all.

Not all women, but a lot of them are like, I'm just, I just don't need men. And I'm like, you're saying that so that this one guy you have your eye on will like you. Oh, boy, it's great to hear that. Well, we're by a lot. I know, but I hear that all day. I'm like, do women even like man anymore? Like, what's going on here? We're just trying to be composed so that some guy who wants a composed woman will be with us.

Clip that. That needs to be out in the world because enough with the man, women hate. It's going nowhere. It's ruining society. Women just want, like, to hang out with their friends, have a job that is fulfilling. and forehead kisses for the rest of their life. We can't live without forehead kisses. We die.

This is why we have you on the show. This is gold. Yeah. This is good stuff. I kiss my girlfriend's forehead, you know, and she's like, oh my God. It's crazy. She said, thank you.

Yeah. I was like, who have you been with? It's unbelievable. I kissed her forehead and she was furious. That's weird, but, you know. No, yeah. I mean, I think a lot of that you see online that was just engagement baiting.

Like, you know that that negativity will cruise. Yeah, I agree. People love that. But it's cruising because other women are like, oh, I guess this is how I'm supposed to be here. This is kind of how I feel. Or I hate this one guy. So now I hate all these guys. I think it's hitting for a reason.

I don't think women need to hate men. I do think women need to get them that they don't have to do like deceptive shit to get men. Because men, you guys are very stupid and you do want sex. Yes. And we don't have to do much. No. And then whenever we come at you and we're like, but we do all of this, you guys get freaked out. And you're like, well, I don't want you doing.

stuff for me because I'm just a dumb guy and you're putting me up on a pedestal. I agree. You just have to like operate that men are stupid. They want wet hole. That's what they want. Yes. And you just go do the things that you want to do and it'll be fine. But I don't like the self-deception that women don't want men to want them.

They do. They do. They do. Yeah. It's like the biggest thing. Right. Yeah. I agree.

But you can't say that. If I say that, I'm an asshole. Are you? If I go, oh, you, you want men to like you, you want men to think you're hot. And then they go, fuck you. you don't know what I want. I go, well, I'm looking at your tits on Instagram here. I would leave the second part out.

Why would you do any of the stuff? I agree. But men are the same way. We're just, we just want women to like us too, though. Yeah. But we're more simple, I think. Way more simple. By the way, I'm not even trying to be self-sufficient.

I was never even sufficient. I was just like trying to like, I hope I smell good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's good. You're naturally self-sufficient because you're a man. No, I'm not. But you're not. What do you mean?

You're not. You're not. You're not. You to put stuff up in my apartment. This is the new outcome. This is great. Oscar and Felix over here. I can't believe you couldn't fix that shelf.

That fucks me up, dude. It was just a peg. I was like, John, just look at it for a minute and just tell me what to do. And you're like, I need screws or something. I was like, no. No, and then I did it. And then you did it. If I really just took the time.

Yeah, I made you do it. I do hate the argument, though, and you hear this a lot in comedy. Like Dave Chappelle had that old bit about like, men drive nice cars because women like nice cars. I'm like, I don't know. Men do stand up because women like stand up. I'm like, no, I like stand up. And I'm trying to pay the rent. Yeah.

I never got that. Like, men do everything to get a woman. Like, there are guys who do that. There are guys who work out, maybe. I think you, yeah, you fall in love with what you fall in love with. Yeah. He loves stand up. And that's like, okay, well, if I love it, I'll work hard at it.

Exactly. Like, stand up's the only thing I can really focus on. Yeah, I need to live. Right. And I enjoy it. Do you think Seinfeld has 100,000 cars because women like nice cars? He's married. He's done trying to impress.

Yeah, he likes the cars. That's why I debunked that argument. Yeah. But there are definitely dudes out there. What about when you were starting out, though, and you're on the road and you're drinking and stuff, and there's a cute girl in the audience or some bachelor's up? Sure. You think that there's an element of you.

Of quite help. Of like performing kind of toward them. Sure. Yeah, that's a move, but I didn't get in the stand-up to get laid. A lot of people, they throw that out there. But what if when you got into stand-up, it was like being a magician, like it just would not get you laid. Like, you knew it was not going to get you laid. Magicians get laid.

I know. But, you know, when you started and being a magician was not good. I would still be a magician because that's the calling. Right. Really? Yeah. Totally. Hey, I was a fucking Cub Scout, you know?

I wasn't doing this shit for the ladies. Yeah. That was a Cub Scout for me. Yeah. Yeah. And the Cub Master, they were doing it for you. Yeah. Yeah, you did get late.

A rough camping trip. Scoop the JIS. Yes. Really got to be your merch, I think. Yeah. John, what's the name of the special? Special boy How long is it?

It's an hour 10 Wow okay That's long But it is a documentary Yeah it's a lot of doc And yeah My mom's in it too That's why it's called special boy

Oh that's adorable Will you shout out to director Because I know he probably Noah Finling He's a great comic Oh nice Yeah He's my buddy

And he opened for me And so yeah It was easy for him to film it Because he was already sharing A hotel room with me So I just wake up for morning radio And he'd be in his underwear are like that's awesome now you had you had a special what two years ago no last year yeah

how yeah how's the next hour looking great i really like it all right it's really good it's a lot of what we were just talking about where i'm like women have to cop to some shit oh i love it um and and also yeah and men have to cop to some shit but it's the big thing is like women have to take responsibility that we are the smarter gender and stop acting like retarts hear but yeah I love it it's so fun and it has so much like silly stuff there's like a lot of fart stuff I love it I think it a weird way and look I'm not a lady but I think some women want to hear that too like yes thank you yeah saying it like like Ali Wong had that special cobra yeah I want to say baby cobra and it was so great because it was like we were kind of going

through like 20 20 when everything was gay and annoying yeah and it was like this woman on stage like I don't want to work I want my husband to pay for everything Fuck you. I'm still a lady. Stop telling me I'm less of a woman. And it was like, it broke her. It was a huge special because you were just keeping it real. Yeah, totally.

That's kind of what we're supposed to be doing here. It's just the other thing that women are doing is we're saying that we're doing things for ourselves and we're not. Like women are now being like, I don't get waxed for men. I do it for me. I don't wear. They're a big thing right now. I have a big bit about it. But women are actually saying that we wear makeup for each other.

Oh boy. For men. Like, there's no way. Come on. you spend time with women together if one of us has makeup on, we're like, what are you trying to fuck us? You know what I mean? It doesn't make sense. But I have a whole bit about

that. And a lot of it is very feminist, like women, we have to kind of band together more and stop doing this ridiculous. Like, cowtowing to men while also saying it's feminist and stuff. Yeah, you know this is bullshit strippers saying like, this is I'm being a strong feminist and I'm doing this

to empower myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Empowerment with the nudity is all. Yeah, I don't get that. Well, I'm all for it. Yeah. Keep I'm a sex worker because it's empowering you're like all right The thing 20 bucks The thing that I like about strippers though is it's like it's like an athletic thing and it's utilizing that they have a hot body And it's preying on the the dumbest part of men which is just like money for whole money for whole

And I like I do actually think that's kind of sick to be like I'm fit as fuck I'm hot as fuck I'm robbing these retards So you know what I mean? Like I am stealing from that. That I'm kind of down. I think Mark and I don't like being called returge. We'll get past that. I apologize.

But I'm not down with like, I'm not down with like the 16 year old who's like I'm starting an only fans to get. You know what I mean? It's empowering. Because it's empowering. I'm not down with it. You know what I was thinking is like sex workers from like way back in the day must look at the only fans women now as like the way old NBA players.

Like holy shit. Like I wish I got this money. Yeah. It's like NBA players. They made the court this bit like a tiny little court. I mean like those. Like you were trailblazers in a way, but now like you're watching all these other people get just fucking rich. It's crazy.

Who's getting more money than only fans people and pro athletes? Nobody. It's so fucking. I mean podcast. Yeah, like AI. People running like AI companies now probably. Yeah, the plural trailblazers. A lot of strip clubs in Portland.

Oh, yeah. I think it's number two in the country. Is it? Tampa's one. Wow. I think Portland's too. Give it a gog. I will.

So we do this thing called working on any bits. Wait, what about peeves? Hold on. Oh, we got any peeps first. I got some peeves. Wait, did you guys see The Odyssey? I did. Oh, we got to talk about the Odyssey.

God, damn it. Okay, can I say? I have one peeve with the Odyssey. Oh, my God, all right. You start. Okay. Go take a piss. Yeah, it's good.

The views will go up. Okay. Just joke of Jenny. Spoilers are fine. Sure. Okay. It's not a big spoiler. Yeah, yeah.

Minor spoiler. Minor spoiler. In a couple weeks. So he's like a very, he's like a very, he's like, stoic, cool guy, Odysseus. And then Damon, yeah. He's great in the movie, man. He's amazing. But at one point, when he shoots the

arrow into the Cyclops' eye, I was literally just going to. I was like, that's the most un-cary, they didn't build up that character part of him at all. Like, his whole MO was like, get everybody to safety, and then he just turns and sabotages. That was my one qualm. And it was a plot thing. It was more emotional

a move than, like, he's always written about as, like, crafty and clever. Odysseus, but it was like an emotional move. But they should have just had when one of his boys died, he should have been like super pissed. And maybe somebody had to cover his mouth because the cyclops was sleepy. Or something to show that he had rage around it. Yeah.

But he just suddenly sabotaged it because it needed to show that he upset Poseidon. But it was like... Interesting take. I do think he's the perfect guy. He made a mistake. People make mistakes. But they didn't build... It was such a fast mistake that was...

Right, right. All they had to do was have him like... Maybe just another beat where he like picks up the helmet and like... it's his buddy or something like or like maybe not even a helmet but like a hand with a ring on it like something that was more emotional right they was killing his men

that a cyclops guy yeah but he wasn't sad about it he was so stoic the whole time he's got he's the leader he's got to keep he's got to keep the morale up that's an it's a good note though I like it just give it a little more like it should be the hell because he drops the helmet so the guy was

mocking him like ha ha I killed your guy so that was his payback was the arrow but they should have done more that was like that was my best friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a little bit more. I like it. I like it. Yeah, I thought that and I was like, I don't, I was like, nah, maybe not. And then I talked to Dan Janine and he said the same thing. And I was like, okay, yeah,

that is correct. It was really weird and quick. And I thought I missed something. Like I was like, maybe I missed that that was his buddy's helmet or something. But but that dude was sick. The other thing I didn't like is the silver guys. That was flat. Flat as hell. Flat. I said to say, The giant guys. So uncreative.

The mini giants. We got cyclops. We got cyclops. We got sirens, we got sea monsters, and then we got big guys. That's your angle. I'm down with you moving trees, but make the trees the big thing. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, that was no fun. Nothing special about these guys.

I don't have to see it. No, no, no, it's good. No, it should go see it. Visually, it's one of the best-looking movies ever. No, it was... Visually, it's unreal. The bowstrom, that noise was like, give you chills every time he did it. 100%. It was so sick. Oh, when that animal was just yanking them out of the boat and he's like, you

knew when you took us this way. Yeah. That was cool. He's like, well, the other way, we're 30 minutes on. I got a peeve. Here's my Odyssey peeve. He's pissed off. He's bitching because he's on an island with Charlize Theron.

He's on this island with this beautiful woman. He's like, ah, this sucks. So I've got to get back. She's like, take more drugs. He's like, I got to get out of here. I'm like, hey, you made it. You're on an island with Shirley Starring alone. You got all the food you can eat.

You got a hot lady. Did you hang out? Did you laugh? Yeah, but he's got a hot wife at home. Yeah, but he had no memory. No. He had no memory. Yeah, but something felt wrong. I guess, but I'd be like, hey, I shipwrecked.

I landed here with this broad. Yeah, but he's with her for seven years. Charlize thrown his hot. Oh, is that right? Yeah, but after seven, it was something crazy long. Oh, I thought it was like a month. Seven year itch. When he goes like this, when she's giving him the lotus and then she stops and she goes, she goes, she goes no more.

And Matt Damon goes, but I love it. I was dying so much in the theater. I was like, nobody ever says that, but I love it. It was so funny. But yeah, that, but yeah, he was stuck with her and he had the itching like, where am I from what has happened? Yeah, I see. And also, you want to get home and be like, I fucking, I conquered that shit.

But I love the whole moral that he didn't want to get home and that he was, and that he couldn't. That was great. Yeah. That was heavy. Wait, which part? Just that he like would not accept. He wouldn't, he didn't want to go home because he had defied Zeus's law and had fucked everything up and he couldn't face himself.

And just like using the Lotus, which is like how we use alcohol. and just like being like I can't face reality was good. And then that he had to like submit to the gods in the end and just like go for it. We said no spoilers, guys. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. But yeah, it was great. Books been out for a minute. Okay.

I really liked it. I was very much. I liked it too. Ezra Klein did a cool thing on, I don't know if you saw it. Ezra Klein stinks. It's a good thing on the New York Times about the Odyssey, breaking it down, like how he didn't follow exactly the Odyssey, but why he went to. Does he start crying during it? No crying.

Okay, that's good. Oh, he didn't like it. No, he did like it. No, he did like it. Oh, he did like it. Yeah, yeah. It's so good. I also hate Ann Hathaway.

That was my other quality. I thought she was great in the movie. No, she's so unlikable. Why can they use like an Irish actress or something? Or Greek? Or Greek. Come on. No Greeks.

Should put one in there. Have you got to have a transverse blade trans person? Stopros. Stob should have been Odysseian. Now we're talking. Maybe Janus. Something. Get Stamos in there.

He's hot. The best part was in the horse. Oh, that was great. That was so cool. That was great. Man, what a fun flick. It felt like an epic. It felt like you were watching a movie.

And it didn't feel as long as it was. No, no. Yeah, I get Janus in there. Hell yeah, the Greek freak. More of the Giants. He wouldn't fit in the horse. That would have been cool to have him in there. That would have been sick.

Yeah, they had a couple of black and Indian guys, too. So they could have had him. Yeah. Keep it going. Yeah, the black guys died very quickly. Yeah, I mean, the Trojan horse scene was fucking awesome. That was so sick. good. Oh yeah. All right. Sorry we just went

on a tired about... Peeves. Patinson was super gay. He was awesome. He was great. Oh, I got a perfect peeve. You got a peeve? What do you got? Hit me, sister. I don't like when you go out to dinner with a guy. This happened with the guy that I did a bit blah blah blah. Where and they go like this, they like think that

because where they took you was nice, they deserve something. Oh, yeah. Like they take it and they're like, what do you think about the niochi? And you're like, it's good. Do you want to bring the chef out? So I can think... You know what I mean? Right, right. And they're like, was this place good and it's like what do you think this earns you sex with me on top or something like you didn't cook this you idiot oh good i hate that i hate that so much isn't this really good this is a

great restaurant hot i'm like yeah dude what the fuck do you want but kiss your forehead you're in heaven by the way veder does this to me all the time at meals that i'm paying for he's like how good is this shit i know i'm fucking i hate i don't people need all that validation you know and people like show you stuff like look at this look at that look at i'm like all right i'm exhausted yeah or they show you a song and then you're listening to it later and they're like, I showed you that. And you're like, okay. Yeah.

They want credit for shit they didn't, they didn't do. Yes. You didn't make that sound. Yes. Good, good peeve. Okay. Did the guy at least pick up the tab? Oh, every time.

Oh, that was nice. I felt like a real lady with it. Were you pushing back at the restaurant's suggestion? I mean, what's the reason for the overwhelming excitement? Because I hate going out to eat with people. I really hate it. So we would go out and he'd be like, but see, isn't this good? I'm like, yeah, it's good, but I don't want to be here, man.

You'd rather be eating it at home. I want to eat it at home. I want sweet green at home on the floor. Yeah. I don't want nice restaurants. I hate that I hate going out to restaurants where there's a slave and you have to pretend that you're in this weird position of power where you demand that they, it's bizarre. You're like every guy's dream in the comments right now. Oh, nice.

You want to eat on the floor. Oh, can we tell that to the guy I'm seeing? Chat out. I'm every guy's dream. When they're reading you the specials, do you feel really uncomfortable? Oh, that's the worst. Oh, my God. You got to pretend to care.

Oh. When they go like this, what about when they go like this? Have you been here before? I say yes every time. I'm like, I don't want to hear whatever fucking bull. Well, everything is bought from an upstate place. Fuck, I do not give a fuck. I can read the...

Have you been here before? Let me guess. You cook food back there and you bring it out front? Yeah, yeah. I hate that. Have you been here before? I do that with hotels, too. I eat a lot of floor food.

Yeah. Let me tell you about. This grew out of this restaurant for a second. Our special is a rogulla floor salad tonight. Yeah. I eat oatmeal standing up. Yeah. Yeah.

I do that at hotels too. They're like, have you been here before? I'm like, yes. Don't tell me where the gym is. Don't tell me how the time the restaurant opens. I don't care. Just get me upstairs. It's so long and they have your keys hostage.

I know. Fuck the hotel. I hate that. I get in so many fights. I love when they give you that sheet of paper with all the information. I'm like, what am I moving in here? Yeah. I don't know where your parking structure is and all this shit.

It's crazy. All right, I got a peeve. And this one is, I'm pretty heated about it. Okay. So tell me what you guys think. You ever had this one? at a party with the wife. We're having a great time.

She bumps into a guy she knew from college. They say hello. He picks her up. I'm talking like a lift. No. I saw it from across. I went, what the fuck? Gay guy?

No, I don't think so. That's important. A lift is bad. Gay, it's okay. Gay, I'll let a gay slide. What kind of lift? Like a four inch off the ground lift. Like a hug lift.

No, I'm pissed. That's crazy. The most emasculated thing, I'd rather be pegged in front of her than have this guy picked my phone. A demo over here, Mark. Can you do a demo with him? Show us what it look like. Oh, sure.

I mean, it's pretty standard. Let me get rid of it in here. Do an actual act out, please. All right. I'll be the guy. Okay. You haven't seen each other in years. Yes.

Oh, my God. I haven't seen you. I haven't seen some love. Oh, my God. No. No. No. You're longer than I remember.

That is. Ah. That looked like four and a half inches to me. We just did the dirty dancing closer. But you're kind of dating a... In college, sorry, you're married to a... That's so nice that you have to claim that. That's very sweet.

You've come a long way. Thank you. Not therapy. But was she bro-y in college? Yes. Okay. So she's one of his bros. You hope.

Did she get hot later? No. Did she play sports and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. So she was a bro-y in here. Did they ever hook up? All right, all right.

That's the question, I assume. You didn't ask? I was stewing. Can you call her? This is where we differ. I wouldn't be able to, I can't continue it. You would have said something about the pickup? I gotta know, I gotta know.

You guys hooked up. And you liked that. And he made you go up. Anybody make you hook up. She's allowed to hook up with me. I'm like, don't say that. I know you're allowed to hook up, but then no more that affection now that we're together

would be my thing. Of course. You've got to subdue that a little. She didn't do anything. He didn't do it. Yeah, she got lifted. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah. So I confronted him later. What do you say? I said, she was a little heavy, right? No, no, no, I just, you know, I eyeballed the guy for about half an hour. And you don't think he was gay. Can I assume he was he tall? No.

Oh, good. You should have hugged him and picked him up. Oh, that's good. The old emasculation. That's good. I should have kissed him. Grab his cock. Yeah.

You got to scoop up that cum, Mark. You said, your husband's been trying to fuck me all night. No, they didn't hook up. They didn't hook up. She was a bro. She was a beer girl like I was. They hadn't seen her in a long time. It was a big friend hug.

And he did a lift. But her tits are huge. Big jugs. Damn, yeah. Did he motorboater? I forget that she has big tits. That changes everything. Well, because I have no tits.

So if somebody picks me up, it's like just picking up like a Lego guy. But like... But these are the same tits that they wore, right? She's always had big tits. Big tits. Right. So he squeezed, got the tits. loved the tits, wanted to hold on to the tits for a second longer,

lifted the tits. I want to follow up, but I want to know if he's gay or not. I don't think he's gay. He looked non-gay, but he did pick her up by the cheeks. What the fuck? Okay. I was like, I didn't see that on the act out. He picked her up motorboated her.

Nice to see you. Yeah, and then she did the leg wrap around. Don't you love when a woman does a leg wrap? That's a great feeling. It's nice. That's a good time. I was with the girlfriend yesterday. We were talking to a friend of mine.

He goes, he's talking about how he hooked up with this girl. We were friends. It was just a, you know, and my girlfriend goes, no, it's always fun hooking up with friends. And I, and then for the rest of the day, I'm like, oh, where's that? Oh, yeah, we're not talking up with friends. You've had a lot of fun nights with friends. You know what I mean? Well, people have hooked up.

You know, he's got to face it. I should be upset about things that predate me, but I'm upset that she went to prom with somebody. This is how crazy I am. I was talking to, I was talking to my guy, and I was like, I was like, yeah, she's, I was like in a certain city, because if I say it a real no. And I was like, you know, the hot girl who does comedy in that city? What's her name? And then he just said her name. And I was like,

oh, really? And he was like, you just trapped me so hard. She is the hot girl in that city. And I was like, you think she's hot? Oh, yeah. You trapped him. I am one of those. That's a trap. That's fucked up. Well, it's in the DNA. You're a lady. It's going to happen.

I know, yeah. Damn. No matter how many torn jeans you wear. I try. I try and cover it up, but it's really in there. Yeah, where I do the things where I'm like, do you remember my middle name? Oh, no. Maybe I'm the woman. You might be the lady. That's why you guys get along.

The girl I'm seeing right now was furious at me because I, first off, a girl I used to date, so many beauty products still in my apartment. I thought I got them all. I didn't. She found some. She was pissed about it. And I was like, okay, I understand a night later, she's using the cream. Oh, that's crazy. You can't scream and use the cream.

You can't scream and then cream. You can't scream. You can't. I'll take the scream, but not with the cream. Let me call Seinfeld. That's good stuff. I've got to send it over. That is beautiful.

That is beautiful. You caught her using the cream? I did. Is the bit working? I haven't tried it on stage. You've got to do it. I haven't tried it. I texted to you saying something about it.

Yeah, I never used it. I said it was like when a cop finds the Coke, then he starts doing the coat. Yeah. It's even worse, though. It is. It's almost worse. Because you expect them from a cop. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

But also, maybe she's using it as a power move, like, now I'm with him, bitch. She said, I like this product, so I'm going to use it, but I won't complain anymore. I was like, deal. It worked out for everybody. All right. Everybody wins. Man, you didn't get rid of all the products. That's crazy.

Why didn't you say it was your product? That's even worse. It's even worse. That vaginal reconstruction. That vaginal is mine. Summer's Eve. I found my own underwear once An accused guy of cheating on me

Whoa My own underwear And my underwear is like giant Granny panty, you know Haynes And so I was like holding a giant pair of underwear I being like What whore was in this happen? Somebody has your initials

Yeah yeah yeah That's in the bid I say I say a skid mark and period saying You have a type mister That's a funny bed I saw a young female comic doing it I can't wait to hear who that is Do you have a peeve, Sam?

I have actually a toast. I'm loving these. I love a punch card. Love a little punch card. Whoa. I got a coffee. They make me a sandwich punch card, bagel punch card, coffee punch card, because I get excited for the free one. I hear you.

Do you get a juiced up free one? No, I do the same thing I always get. Okay. You go crazy. Oh, yeah. No tip. I heard that shit. Hell yeah.

But yeah, I love, I don't know why I love. a punch card. I'm with you, but I had a coffee shop, Puerto Rico Imports on Bleaker Street, great coffee. Yeah, great coffee. They have only a five punch, so you can get there quick, you know, every week you got a free coffee. That's nice. But they didn't like the card.

When I slid it across the counter, they go, I hate that. That I hate. You gave me the card. You set this system up. They usually give me like a thumbs up, like a congratulatory thumbs up at this place. They're like pissed. They couldn't have more coffee in that place. I know. It's a lot of cup. Pull up Puerto Rico import. It's a staple, but they gave me an eye roll every time that card slid down the counter. And I didn't care for it.

I go, you set this up. You're not in that neighborhood anymore, are you? No, I wish. That's a great time I had over there in the village. There it is. That's a great spot. Oh, you know it. It's right next to the morgue.

The morgue. There's a weird block. There's a record store that's been there forever, a coffee shop that's been there forever. And the morgue. Yes. That used to be Little Italy, by the way. A coffee shop's good to be next to a morgue because it covers a smell. Ah.

Is it a morgue or a funeral home? That's a funeral home. Okay. Big diff. Big diff. But still, the casket, you never know. Smell. There's a smell.

There it is. That's the spot. I love the look of it. It's a great coffee. And they've got everything. Yeah, that's a New York classic right there. Hell yeah. My peeve that I should get out publicly because this is a big podcast.

Meet and Greet Line. Really? No, no. Meet and Green Line great. But if you're the person, who goes like this, I don't want a picture. I just want to say hi. You just got to kill yourself.

That is weirder. You just can't do it. You just got to take the picture. I don't think it's that bad. No, you can't. You can't do it. They're trying to be, you know what they're trying to do. I know what they're trying to do.

But if you go, I don't want the picture, I just want to say hi, that you think that because you've exchanged the picture for 10 minutes. They're friends. Oh, they're talking you're off in exchange for them? Oh, in exchange. Okay. So that part was not clear. Well, what else would they want?

That's what they want. I've had people come up and just say, I don't want a picture, just want to say what's up, and then they walk by. No, never. It's always this. I don't want a picture, I just want to say hi. And then their high is this.

I started watching you on YouTube. And then I bought a ticket in March, but then I couldn't go. So then we got two new tickets. But then that was my sister. And it goes on for so long. So yeah, don't do that. The thing is the picture is a go-to something to do. So the picture actually cuts the tension.

It helps us because we're dissociated completely. Right. Right, right. I'm so bad at this because I'll just, I'll continue the conversation because I'm such a people-pleaser. But you got to me to walk home. I know. I don't know how to get out of it. I'll give you.

I'm so grateful to piggyback on that. How about this one? The guy waits till the end. He goes last so he can get more time with you. I had this lady. I had a lady wait until the end and I'm like dreading it, right? I'm like, we got an end of the line lady. I'm going to kill myself.

And then she gets up there and she goes, takes a picture and she goes, thanks. And I go. And I say out loud, I was like, God damn, you never have an end one. That's great. And then she turns and goes, would you like to, I wanted to show you my pun leg.

And then pulls up her, every tattoo she has all the way up her leg is a pun. And she, so I have to answer a joke, a riddle. And then she shows the answer that's a tattoo all the way up her leg. I'm in love. Oh, my God.

Pun leg. And you're on that last one. So you have like the senioritis where you're like, I just, I'm so close to getting out of here. Oh, that joke's got legs. Tell this woman to call me. On that note, any dates you guys want to plug?

First off, see John Radinsky's new special. Yes, coming out in October. Yes, and it's going to be on YouTube. Yes, it's going to be on YouTube, and I'm in Super Troopers 3. It comes out on fine. Yay! You're doing just fine, Johnny. Everything can be fine.

Everything's going to be fine. I made a mistake and agreed to do the Beacon during New York Comedy Fest. I saw your name up there. Why did I do it? So we have to sell, you have to sell that. Help her sell that. out right now you're gonna sell it out yeah you'll be fine oh god so quick but yeah it's hard I'm competing with so many people I shouldn't have done it's the problem with the first I saw that

it's Daniel Sloss it's all these people but I have my own night okay okay yeah that's good I said I'm only doing the beacon if I have my own night and they said okay you'll be fine okay so yeah buy tickets for that go do it right now give a date um nope pull it up sali oh if it's November 12th, I'm a fucking genius. There you go. Hey, there's coyote. Look at my baby dog. Look at that. Oh, and we're all on PunchUp. So go to PunchUp. Live slash Jordan Jensen.

Beacon right there. Go back up. Go back up. Go back up. South. Stop. Right there. November 12th. There we go. Yeah. Beautiful. It's a great. Have you done it? I like hopped on when Arcuri did it. Oh, it's a killer room. One of the best. Yeah, I've done it a couple times opening for people. Nice. Yeah, so fun.

But in the meantime, you'll be. That one sold out Okay One of the good clubs The whole stretch The whole stretch is somewhere Spokane Revolution Hall North Seattle Washington

Vancouver North Hampton Albany Buffalo Ottawa Mississa guava Atlantic City Richmond Norfolk Durham Charleston

Got to go A quick plug for Norfolk You gotta go to the little dog diner in Norfolk If you like a good diner Okay I'm gonna text you They got a really cool Maple hot sauce

It was a Vitor pick And he wouldn't let it go He was like How good is this fucking I'm like, all right. Oh, yeah, I'll go. St. Louis, Chicago, the Vic. Great, great theater.

Indianapolis. I'm never going to see you. I know. You are the lady. This is like I'm Mark Norman. This is crazy. Good for you. Philadelphia.

Pittsburgh. Oh, the Miller Theater is good. Touch out. They'll nickel and dime you over there. Tucson and Phoenix, you DM me all the time after I go there. Go, you fucking idiot. I'm going there. All right.

Beacon. Beacon. And, yeah. Check out John's special when it comes out. Shouldn't be too far down the road. See him in Super Troopers. Yes. Special boy, special needs.

And what else you got here? Who else is plugging dates? I got you, Mark, hold on. All righty. Here we go. August, it started the 16th. Okay, Cobbs is sold out. Come to the Houston Improv for the love of God.

Zanis in Nashville. That'll be fun. Then I'm doing Pittsburgh Improv. We're adding shows. Cassie. We added another one. And then a club regent, whatever that is. Acme, Miniap, back running a new hour, coming to the clubs.

So then we got a movie we're shooting possibly. Hopefully in October. We've won that very soon, but we've had some wrencher thrown away. We're reacting. We're pivoting. We're making shit happen. Here, here. Feeling good about it.

Portland. Yeah, all this is all movie. Okay, now we're back. Yeah, a lot of casinos trying to make. make some money with the baby, put that kid in college. He'll become a communist. And then we got the Comedy Mothership and all these other stuff. Yeah, so, yeah, go to the punchup, Mark Norman Comedy.com.

I got Brea Improv, August 21st through 23rd. That should be very fun. We got, after that, I'm going all over Europe. We're starting in Lisbon, Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw. We added a night in Warsaw. We got Helsinki, Stockholm, Copenhagen. Then I'm at Zanis in Nashville. just two nights. Then we got Acme Comedy Co. Oh, American Comedy Co. Sorry. In San Diego,

the 24th of the 26th. Small fun room. I'm adding some rooms. It might not be on the site yet, but they should be by the time this episode comes out. Pittsburgh Improv, Hilarities in Cleveland, Madison Comedy Club, Comedy on State. This is all, it should be November, December, and then Magubis in Baltimore, December 17th through 19th. And yeah, hopefully we're shooting this fucking movie soon. Get some bodega cat whiskey at bodega cat whiskey.com. Yeah. And we got hot new merch coming soon for it too. It looks so... That shirt

Mark was wearing on that episode. Yes, the bodega with the little cat, the white shirt. Love that shit. So special stuff coming soon. So keep an eye out if you want bodega in your... And send us a note if you want to help us make our energy powder. Yes, we want that electrolyte powder. Electrolite powder. To pair with bodega for the hangovers

in the next morning. Bodega cat electrolytes. Yes. Healthy shit. Do we want to be good for you. All right. Thank you, folks. Get some bodega. We'll see y'all in hell. Praise all, uh, don't hug my wife.

Sunday's a day for my bit of fever wreck. You know the fear juice close. Fucking shit about the fucking poke. And I can wait. Up on the roof, dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I...