We Might Be Drunk - Mark Normand & Sam Morril w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam cover it all, Portland seafood, comedy buses, MSG cop shows, porn etiquette, dating peeves, fake tits in politics, Christmas movies, baseball legends, and the greatest American bands. Plus, they dive into expensive hotels, day drinking regret, Babe Ruth’s insane diet, and why you should never summon a comedian from across the bar. Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey #sponsored Willie’s RemedyOrder now at https://drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order, plus free shipping on orders over $95. Enjoy life in the high country. #sponsored IQBARText DRUNK to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus free shipping. Message and data rates may apply. #sponsored HimsGet simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more at https://hims.com/DRUNK #sponsored ShopifyStart selling today with a $1 per month trial at https://shopify.com/drunk Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, folks, here we are. We're back. It's 77 degrees outside. I can't believe what these things are here. Oh, yeah. Puppets. Stranger Things Kids are back. Look at this. This is crazy. This is how I pass out. Hopefully not around Mark. I'm getting a teabag supreme. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Wow. I mean, look at it. It's a real jacket, real glad. This is, uh, they didn't... What's with the beard, though? You don't have that long a beard used. Yeah, that's crazy. You look like a bad boy in like an 80s sitcom. Who's that Kirk Cameron?

Right, right. Yeah, they didn't, what's the word I'm looking for? Spinch? A pinch. I look a little special needs. A little bit, yeah. I mean, look at that shit. But they got the tight curls, the mine are a little looser.

I mean, they kind of nailed everything. Yeah, dude. We definitely both have pew beards. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Did you make this? Someone sent it in. Puppet mechanics on Etsy.

Puppet mechanics, thank you. I love it, dude. The Nix jersey, awesome. He had a great idea to get Santino and Adam Ray to do the puppet voices. Oh shit. These are great. Yeah, man. Where were you this weekend? I was in Portland, Oregon, and then I drove to Providence, to the vets, and then I drove

home that night. Wait, Portland, Maine. Sorry. Portland, Maine. I'm a fucking drive, dude. Portland, Maine. Yeah, Portland, Maine's great. Great town.

Just lobster genocide, wherever you look. Yes. Every restaurant we serve, like, that's a bad place to be a lobster. Oh, that's a good point. They're, I mean. Yeah, it's like being a kid at the Vatican. It fucked. Yeah, that's a great town and the weather was good and the people are nice.

Only 70,000 people live there. It's crazy. It's crazy, yeah. Yeah, it's such a cool town. It's cute. They get fucking lit up. They drink. That's a place where you feel like they definitely find some dead bodies like by the water.

Oh, yeah. Like someone passed out by the water froze. Definitely. You can play homeless or tugboat captain. Oh, for sure. Yeah, it's a water. Oh, lower than the national... It's too cold to stab.

Yeah. It's great, though. It's great. I had a thousand oysters, you know, had lobster the first day. Great club, Empire Comedy Club. Shout out. Killer.

Oh, do you do a comedy club? Yeah, back in the clubs, I'm... I got nothing. Oh, nice. I didn't even know there was a club there. Yeah, I did the Vets Theater on Sunday, and it was a shit show. I mean, this beautiful theater,

it's like a hot crowd, and I'm like, 18 minutes in... I'm like... So you guys see that amputee cornhole player? I'm just so out of material that I had to just go, oh, Tiger Woods, huh? That was crazy. The amputee guy was better at killing than you were.

Yeah, exactly. Damn, dude. Yeah, no, that theater's epic, though. I love it. I was just at the club in Providence. I'm easing back in with some porosos. Yeah, there we go. Suck on that, Bert.

Your tour bus is burned. What the fuck was that? A burner on or something. Something's burning. He's just plugging his show? Yeah. Yeah, I forgot how. It was something where they just happened to be on the other bus.

It was crazy. Damn. Well, yeah, Bert'll spin that into some good content. What the fuck? Whoa, that's a lot of shirts to lose. Is that one he probably owned that bus, too? I think so, yeah. He's got insurance.

He'll be fine. It was like a Vizuvio's from... The Pranus? An inside job? Oh, yeah. Burt Kreischer. Damn, dude. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. Crazy. But yeah, Portland's great, and then I did a show on a bus in Providence. On a bus? Yeah, they got a bus gig. They drive you around the city. Produced by Bert? Produced by Tiger Woods.

And then a LaGuardia plane flew into it. No. Oh, my God. Yeah, what the fuck is happening? I don't know. It's bad. Do you see those lines of JFK? Yeah, you know, I've been to JFK twice since all that.

I haven't seen any lines. It's weird. Yeah, I wonder if there's people who don't have, I mean, this is ignorant, but people who don't have any of that clearance stuff, like TSA, I don't know. But I was listening to a podcast about it, and they were, I think it was like the daily or something. And people were like, yeah, I've been in line for five hours. Wow. And then you missed a flight, which is fucking.

That's the night. This is the worst lines in history. That's what I've seen. Oh, there it is. That's what Hunter Biden said. But yeah, yeah, there's the comedy bus. That's a tough gig. Why did you do this?

I was in town. They asked me. I can't say no. And they paid me. So that's a three-fer. It was a day show? Yeah. 20 minutes at 4.30.

I think you've got to start saying no. Yeah, I know. I was like, any other comics of my caliber do this? They were like, no. Yeah, you got to have time to write. You got have time to relax. You have time to recharge. Yeah.

Recharging is good. It is. It is. Yeah. It's the little roady comedy fest in Providence. Oh. Who's that? Hachimachi.

There's a little roadie comedy fest. So it's like Malaney, Chelsea Handler, Kevin Hart. I mean, it's a crazy lineup. Santino was there. So it was one of those things where I drank all weekend in Portland with Bulger. And then I drove to Rhode Island. I thought he was sober. Me?

No, him. Oh, no. He's got diabetes, but he's not sober. Good for him. Yeah. Staying with it. He was getting after it. He was like day drinking.

I mean, it was a wild weekend. And then got there. and I'm like, all right, I made it to Providence. I'm crashing for a few hours for the show at the vets. And then they're like, oh, you're on the bus and 30. I'm like, go! But we pulled it out. No, I didn't bail.

I went in. Damn. Yeah. That's fucking wild. It was wild. But it was fun. We had a good time. There was cool people on it.

And the guys who run it are great. How much time do you do? I did 20. I said, I'm doing 20, 25, and that's all I got. Jesus. Well, you got a Rosa Parks joke in there. I said, what are you drinking a Greyhound? You know, we had some good zings.

Still doesn't seem worth it. Damn it, dude. Yeah, but driving home that night is the best. After the vets got in the car, made it home by 1115. Did you go solo, or were you? I had Doug Key there. Oh, okay. He lives there, so it all worked out.

He's a good dude. Yeah, I did a gig on Saturday at MSG, at the garden. Whoa! Main Garden. Whoa! It was an NYPD show, so it's like all cops in the crowd. Hell yeah. It's all police people.

A lot of female cops. Oh. More than I expected. Bitch. Crazy lineup, though. Listen to this lineup. It's, uh, first off, my, my green room is right next to Sydney Lauper. Wow.

So she's chatting me up and I was like, this is hilarious. Wow. I didn't realize how thicker Brooklyn accent is. Oh, I didn't know. She sounds like one of the Rugrats. Wow. She's got this like, she almost has like this childlike voice. She's like, yeah, so I said, fuck him.

Like, that's how she talks. And then you hear her voice. You're like, that's beautiful. How that is. She's awesome, though. She's so cool. She went up. I had to follow Fat Joe.

Damn. Who did four, like, hits. Whoa. Yeah, he's doing, like, all the ones. Like, lean back all the way up. Whoa. Like, just all songs that you're like, yeah, this is, this is like, hit resonating with the crowd.

Yeah. And I go on after that, and I'm like, this is going to be tough. Yeah. And it's the difference between rappers and comedians. He gets off, and I was like, oh, man, good said. And he goes, I know. Oh. I was like, I've never said that in my eyes.

life. Okay. Yeah. I've never had that confidence. Wow. Totally. But I go on and it's touch and go, man. I have them. I have them. I lose them. Yeah. And the weird part is, you know, someone's you ever do a gig in an arena where like they just don't have an attention span. Yes. The starts of my bits are doing way better than the end. Interesting. So I'm like, the payoff is not crushing. Right. But the beginning's crushing. I think they just feel like next bit. Oh, interesting. Yeah, but then I went up. It went fine.

It was touching up and down. How many minutes? 15. Okay. It felt like I was like, I wish it was 10. Sure, sure. Because it's like, you know, I'm getting pops, but it's like I'm also getting a lot of like, by the end, I think they were like, all right, next performer.

Oh, boy. And then. I would go edgy with God. Did you go edgy? Of course. Yeah, but it's a lot of female cops. Oh, right. So I'd go edgy and they'd be like, whoa, I'm hearing voice like, oh shit.

Did you shit on Mom Donnie? That would have crushed. No, no. But Chris went on. after me to Stefano and he opens with like three minutes of like, you guys are the best and I was like, you fucking cunt. I'm literally backstage like, you motherfucker.

He's like, I was supposed to do a gig in Seattle, but you know, fuck the Seattle PD. I only work with the NYPD and they're applauding. I'm like, this fucking cuck. Oh, man, he's building him up. And yeah, yeah, but then he lost him a bunch too. But yeah, and then it was like Cindy Lopper went up. She did like one song.

All the presenters are crazy too. It's like John Stark's, You know, Rosie Perez. Wow. All these big people presenting. And then John Fogarty closed it out from CCR. He did an hour. What?

Yeah, it was pretty crazy. Holy moly. 80 years old. Wow. Yeah, I sent you a clip, didn't I? Can we hear some lawper? I want to hear her talk if you could find her. Oh, this is when I sent a John Fogarty.

Eight years old, listen to this shit. Hey, still cooking. Not bad. Not bad at all. Just an hour of just like Hitch. Oh, I know every one of these songs. It's crazy.

Hell yeah. Oh, they're on their feet. It was pretty cool, yeah. But it was hilarious because someone sent me the write-up from the New York Post, and it was like, Marell and DeStefanoe

both had the crowd in stitches. I'm like, there was an ally in that building who fed them some false information. Right. We did what we could. Stupid question, but if all the cops are in there,

isn't that the best time to break the law? Few people said that. Okay. You're copy material from Rosie Perez right now. Damn it. Yeah, but. I got to step up. But, yeah, there's other cops.

I mean, it's like, it's not all cops. It's, you know. But there's some cops. I was expecting more white cops. Chrissy said it on stage. She was like, I didn't know how many Indian cops there were. He goes, what is this? Calcutta.

But I was like, wow, there's a lot. I was expecting more like Irish Catholic vibe. Yeah, it's a lot of, yeah. It's a lot of diversity in the NYPD now. Well, that's why all cops are racist. You're like, they're all, you know, black and Latino and Indian. Who, by the way, can't. can be racist.

Exactly. Anyone can be racist. That's true. Wish everyone a very, very Christmas and a happy new year. That's Cindy Lauper. Let's help each other out. She should be doing voice over. She should, yeah.

Great voice. Get her in a Pixar movie. Wow. How about that? Did you sing girls want to have fun, I assume? No, she did, uh, damn. It's not a time after time. It's another one.

Is it true colors? Uh, okay. I didn't know she was from Brooklyn. I'm an idiot. Is that the song? Yeah, yeah. Yes, that was it. That's what she did.

Okay. It was good. Yeah, she killed. People were very happy. Everybody's from Brooklyn. Yeah, you're just like, just don't get booed out. Every part of your brain is like, as a comic, don't say the destructive thing. Yeah.

Don't get boot off at MSG. Just get through it. Yeah. Was there ever a joke where they were like, yeah, no, no, thank you. Yeah, I did a riff after one that I shouldn't have done. Uh-oh. Shooting a guy. Eric Garner.

No. No, I made a joke about, I made a joke about one of the women who brought me up was from Law and Order SVU. And I made a joke about, like, an old bit about SVU. Oh, there I am. Hey. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have worn my elbow patch sweater for the NYPD event. I was just, I just in and out. Yeah.

Save it for Columbia. I had an SVU joke about, like, how, it's like an oldie about how, like, you ever just watch, like, four straight hours of SVU? And you're like, this is too much rape for a Sunday. You know, I might have been paying attention I'm folding sheets. I'm like, why am I consuming SVU like it's smooth jazz You know that joke in the episode

Is like, the mom's pushing the baby In the stroller, She turns around for a second She turns back around The baby's gone And she's like, I'm a horrible mother And I was like, no, you ain't into one of the greats That guy was amazing

That was like the Steph Curry of abduction That one did not pop. Wow. But then you were like, oh, the quick ones are hitting Yeah. I'm like, I'm like scanning my head for like Oh, right, what's a late night joke? What's a joke I'd done like Conan back in the day

Or found or something? What's quick? Yeah. Oh wow, Tracy Morgan popped in. Yeah, Marbury. My friend took a video Marbury laughing in my Magic Johnson jokes. Hey. Oh, that's pretty cool.

All right. But that's exciting. I mean, it's a New York thing. It's a gig in the city. I'm sure it paid handsomely. No, it's a benefit. It doesn't pay anything. Oh, I would do it for the city.

I would have skipped that one. Guy, you performed on a bus. I don't want to perform at the Garden. Well, that's comedy. I want to stick to Providence buses. That's comedy in a nutshell. Yeah, well, you want the stories. You want to do everything because you want the stories and you want to, you know.

Oh, are these influencers? That's Amir Erison from the Blacklist and she's one of the SVU people. Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They introduced me actually, yeah. Ah, all right. Wow, pretty cool. In the city, though, garden, not bad.

It was fun. It was fun, yeah. And it's nice to be invited. Like, it's nice to be thought of. Like, oh, who's a comic, who's local? Yeah, it's an honor, man. That's great. For the city.

For the New Yorkers. It's cool. Look at that. That's after one did not have. hit. You can tell. That's resting bomb face.

RBF. Yeah. Yeah, but it was fun. Tickets are 375. For the picture? What? Gettie image. Wow, geez.

Damn, who's buying that? The Grande's 500. Yeah. Holy moly. Not a, although I don't give a photographer a lot to work with for action shots.

I was watching some of the Chris Fleming special. I'm like, He fucking works it. He's moving around, dude. I thought the same. Me and my wife, like, this guy's in shape.

I know. Up and down, jumping. He's running around. And then I'm like, I was like, he's going to be out of breath. And he just spoke. I was like, good for him. Never out of breath. He must kill it on cardio.

Yeah, what do you think he's doing? I mean, he must just hit the shit out of a treadmill. I heard Taylor Swift does that. Like, she would be like sprinting while singing to like to keep your lungs. Maybe that's bullshit. Louis said he would run five miles like a couple. couple weeks for a special just so he didn't have the fat guy. And then, you know, the other day, had that breathy voice, you know, so he would run just to build it up. But he has to move

on stage. I think fat guys, they just talk and they sweat. And they sweat and they have the, like, the Peters, you know, yeah. He doesn't have any, he's not fat anymore. I know, but back in the day, when Kevin Jameses had that great bit where like, you're just always sweating as a fat guy and like, what do you just do, do jump rope? He's like, no, I peeled a banana. There you go. And this one got him in Lexington. Can't wait. Great one.

Can't wait. Get some of that good bourbon. Oh, yeah. That's the hard part is not drinking. That's, well, the hard part is, yeah, like the day drinking. Yes. Because, like, I remember I did one of the bodega cat signings there, and they just took me in the back and they're pouring me papy and shit. That's like their way of being like, come here.

Yes. That's how they show love in Kentucky. They'll like try this fucking whiskey. And it's, I'd be like, how much is this? and they're like, price is not important. I'm like, I'm just curious. And like, $10,000. I'm like, $10,000. I'm like, it's good, but it's not that good.

Yeah, that's crazy. I'll stick to, fuck it. I'll stick to, I have no problem with the low-end shit, man. Same, same, same, which I guess is a problem. Yeah, I'm with you. I drank Jim Beam growing up, and it's like the cheapest shit ever. It's good, though. It's pretty good, yeah.

I put that in a flask. But, yeah, I always go, what should I do in Kentucky and Lexington? They all say distillery, distillery. And you're like, dude, I got three shows tonight. Yeah, I was looking for like an art gallery or something. Yeah. Trying to not be blackout by tonight. Yeah, give me an old statue or something.

But yeah, that's what they do there. Oh, man, what are these? What are you zoning here, Peters? Oh, Pappy. How much are these bottles? Because, like, yeah, it's good, but it's not like, you've had it at my place, right? Then I poaching. It's good, but it's good.

But it's like, I'm good with like Lagoville and two if I'm going high end. Yeah, look at that. $2,300 bucks? That's crazy. That's just if you have like, if you're just sick of your money. Yeah, yeah. That's just for people who are like...

It's like a Rolex. It's like flexing. Exactly. Yeah, but a Rolex you could flip at some point. Ah, true. You drink this. I guess maybe if you don't drink it, you get flip it, but who's just collecting it to collect it?

Yeah. I don't know. It's weird what hits people. Like some people are action figures, some people are baseball cards, some people are pappy, some people are watches, cars. Yeah, what's your advice?

It's a good question. You got that old car. That's pretty cool. But my thing is I got my car I wanted, and I'm good. I don't need eight cars. Yeah. I also can't house them all either. Give it a few years.

Yeah, that's true. Maybe you'll, yeah, but we're both kind of like satisfied, I think. We are, yeah, and I got a pair. I'm not a shoe guy. I have one pair of shoe. I ride it out, then I buy another pair. I like experiences. Yes.

That's why I like taking people to a good dinner, especially on the road, like getting some camaraderie going. Yeah, that's the way to go. Like, I'm going to Jazz Fest. Praying I got Derek Trucks can come through with some tickets. Oh, what's going on there? He's working on. Peters is a miracle worker, but that, I'm pumped.

I'm going with the wife. I've got some shrooms in the suitcase. You never know. The baby might be in the suitcase, too. Sounds like parents of the year right here. Well, they're gummy shrooms, too, so I've got to keep them away from him. Oh, my God. Yeah, but I'm going to give my baby, just throw it up my mom, and then hide tail out of there.

Pretty excited. You're not going to crash your parents on the show. No, we got a nice hotel. We really splurge. Are they offended when you don't stay with them? A little, yeah. But they live out in the boonies because they're old, you know? They don't want to be in the city.

And it's too far. Drinking and drive it. It's too much. What? A really fancy hotel? Yeah, I went with the St. Vincent. Ooh, I've heard of that one. Which is so expensive that the wife got me in a fight.

She caught me in a fight. She was right. I was wrong. And she goes, I want the St. Vincent. What was the fight? It was about the special with a joke in it. About her? Yeah.

Which one? I don't want to get, I don't want to open up the can of jizz here, but I'll tell you off air. Okay. But she was appalled and ashamed. And so I just said, she's like, I want the fits. And I was like, all right, you whore. And I bought it and it took everything I had because it was so expensive. And I sent her the receipt and I said, how do you like me now?

Skank. Wow. Yeah, so she got me. That was another fight. Now you have to fly out first class. Damn, dude. Yeah. That's why I did that party bus because I was like, I got to make a.

some money from the hotel. Our job gets us in trouble. I've gotten in a lot of trouble from this podcast. From women that I'm like not quite dating, but like in that kind of gray area. And then they see a clip and they're just like, and they're like, what the fuck? They'll just send it to me and I'm just like, oh,

at first you're like, oh, I didn't know you listened. Yes, yes. And then the second later you're like, oh, you're furious at me. Yeah. I do feel like there's a type of woman that only listens to. To find a fight. Or to be like, what the fuck? I want to, I've had relationships where they listen to pods and they're just like, they're just finding bad shit.

Oh, every side. They're never like, I love that recommendation that a film noir you mentioned. It's always like, you fuck too? Well, it's like that Chappelle joke. Whatever a woman says, we need to talk. It's never like, I'm not blowing you enough or something like that. It's so true. And it's the same with the pod.

It's never like, that was a really funny joke you had with the stranger things guys. It's like, I can't believe you said this. I know. Jokes get in trouble. too. Oh yeah. I have a long one in my new one that's not out yet about a woman I, uh, prematurely ejaculated on. And, uh, it was during sex. I didn't just do it in conversation. That sounded, I'm not that much of a premature ejaculator, but I didn't last long on a one night stand. I'm not going to tell a fun, I'm not going to tell like a cool sex story in my special. Yeah, exactly. So I,

I didn't last long and I, uh, you know, I shot it on her old belly. And, uh, as you do. As you do. And as Robert Schimel would say, you suffer from premature ejaculation. Those aren't tears on your belly. That's a classic. But yeah, and I was like, this is like a three, four minute bit now. I really want to put it in. But she had a very unique name. And I wanted to use her name.

So I text her the bit like, do you mind if I use your name? And she was like, yes, I fucking mind. I'm a successful blank. I'm not going to say her job. But I'm successful. If you use my fucking name. I'll kill you. And I was like, can you help me come up with like an alt name that's kind of close?

And I bounced a couple off her and just like in sex. And I got a blessing on a pretty close name. Okay. All right. Everybody wins. You compromise. I think it's the classy thing to do. You run the business.

Good man. You didn't do it for your wife, but I like to do it for one night's stands. I don't care about. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, the podcast will get you. The worst is when you get to a fight over the podcast. and you go, like and subscribe.

Was she, she was like really pissed? Yeah, yeah. Well, it was a joke I made, and then we talked about it. That group got mad at me and then attacked her. Got it.

So it wasn't the joke that bothered her. It was the aftermath. She didn't sign up for this shit. Yeah, exactly. But she's liking that house. Loving the house and loving the hotel. That the jokes get. Yes, exactly.

So it is connected. That was part of the fight. That was all in there. I should be able to say horrible things for you. I get it. I get both sides. I really do. She was right.

Were you already going to this festival? Mm-hmm. So you got, you were going to stay in a not as nice hotel. Yes. And she knows me. She knows I'll put up some dirt shitbox. And she was like, no, no, we're going all out. Yeah, she deserves it.

Yeah, she deserves it. She's a good wife. Well, that's part of why I did that bus gig. is that, you know, to phrase the price. I do that too. And it's like, but then think about what you make

for the theater. It's like, but I do the same thing. I'm like, I got to show up with this fucking weird gig, but then you're like, it'll, we pan.

But then you end up getting like checks, not like you used to, but like, still get checks in the mail sometimes. You're like, oh, that's cool. That's cool. Yeah, totally.

But I have this thing where it's all going to run out, this fear. Me too, that's going to go away. Of course. And also, like, years of doing shit for free.

You're just like, it's hard to say no. Yeah, yeah. And you got guys, like, no offense, but like a Dane Cook who is so huge. And then, like, his brother steals his money, you know, his popularity dips, and he's doing arenas, and he's doing theaters, then he's doing clubs. And you're like, why couldn't that happen to us, you know? Yeah.

I mean, not the brothers stealing money. You don't talk to your brother. Yeah. No, I get it, dude. And also, like, people get ripped off. Like, we hold, like, the same accountant, right? Yeah. What if that guy was just like, I think I'm going to go to fucking Mexico and just, you know.

take their money. I mean, you know, there's probably ways that they couldn't do that. But it happened to Leonard Cohn. That's why he went on that last retirement tour. Yeah. His manager just stole five mill from him. Wow. And that was his retirement fund.

And he was just like, you know, super Buddhist and chill. And it was just like, well, luckily I've been given a strong center and I will, I'll figure this out. He didn't seem that angry. Damn. He was just like, yeah, I'll go back on tour. It's Billy Joel. Same thing. He got all that money stole.

And he was like, I guess we've got to get back to work. And then his wife left him. Seems like a lot of people, maybe we are fucked. I know, it's scary. Peters is just, he's doing a withdrawal from our account as we're doing this. No, dude, fucking CCR, John Fogarty was on stage, was like, I didn't get my songs back till recently. Whoa. Because all these guys are young when they hit it, so they don't have the right support system.

So he just lost all the rights to his songs. And you think about that when you see all those CCR songs in movies and you're like, so we got nothing from that? Yeah. That's crazy. Fuck off. Imagine you're watching, you're John Fogarty. You're watching Labowski.

Like, this is a good movie. And then dude looking out my back door. Yeah. Comes on, you know? Sure. I mean, he's got eight songs in an apocalypse now or whatever. Oh, God. All those war movies have Fogarty.

Damn. Crazy. It's got to hurt your enjoyment a little. Yeah, yeah. Then I wonder with our money guy, now they're saying AI can do all that. Don't do it. I'm just saying. Your cheapness could get you broke.

Wow. I'm telling you five years. You're getting replaced it with a, You're getting replaced with a robot Jew. AI with like the little curls. Yeah. Right. But, you know, you heard about the guy who sold his house in five days from AI and he didn't have to pay a realtor and fees and all that.

If you're a realtor, you've got to be a little scared. Oh, yeah. I think lawyers. Because they're already knocking down their percentage. Exactly. And they were already aggressive as fuck. Right, right. But anything clerical, you know, with, you know, those.

affidavits and all that shit that we don't know what the hell that means and they but a hot realtor will always make money hot realtor if you're like a hot milf with like a short skirt and you're like can't you picture yourself in this you're just like yeah there's something about it a i's gonna hurt porn too because if we have no realtors you have no porn uh plots you know i thought you're going the other way i thought you're gonna be like you just like custom porn oh well that's already that's already there god how much porn do you watch these days i do i'm all a weekend only only. Yeah, because I'm with the wife at home during the week so I can just bang

her. Nice. And then on the road, you're alone, so I'm like, porn time. Damn. Weekend only is a good rule. I try, yeah. And I'll tell you, you pull it up and you go, whoa, mama. Like, it hits you again, because it's been a while. It's like when you're sick for like a week and a half and it's your first cup of coffee. Yes, exactly. I'm with you. Sometimes when I take a long time off porn, I watch

when I'm like, wow, they're really doing wild shit these days. Yes, yes, exactly. And, yeah, it hits you hard. But you can get, what do you call, immune to that real quick. These young kids, man, they don't know. I know. I hate to sound like a boomer, but, like, they don't fucking know. I mean, it's funny that they're, like, I guess the reports that they're less sexually active. They are.

I'm sure alcohol has a role in that because they're drinking less also. But it's like, if you're just on your phone and you're just like, yeah, I'll just fucking, like, I felt that way a little bit even at the concert. Like, a lot of people left towards the end of the show and I'll watch the full fog or you thing. I think a lot of people are like, I'll just go on my phone. I know. It's so, it's so, it's just overwhelming.

Like the amount of people that you're just like, you look around, everyone's just on their phone. Yeah. When I see a person walking down the street without headphones, no phone in there. You're almost like, that's fucking vintage. That's like a throwback. I saw a guy just sitting on the train like this. No book, no headphone, no phone. And I was like, that's a man.

I like seeing a book. Yeah, book's good. A book's nice. But these guys, like on a flight, you ever, sometimes they call it raw dog. The guy will just, you know, stare at the seat. That's weird. Yeah, it's a little weird. But I couldn't do it.

Yeah, but how do you write then? What are you just like pacing? Yeah, writing I pace. In like which room in your apartment? I have my own little office at the house. So I just pace. I put an hour on the buzzer and I just go back and forth. Damn.

Put a little music on. I do, yeah. I do a similar thing. And hotel rooms too. That's a good writing. Little jazz? Yeah. Same.

More like a tame Impala? You guys ever get in dating a girl and she says, I don't want you look at it? porn so she's like let's make porn and you can watch that like with her no I remember no no but I've had a girl say we can make porn and I did but really care yeah but she didn't care that uh yeah but I was just like that was kind of fun but you but it's like you fuck the way you play basketball it's never quite as good as you think you see the footage you're like man I'm not I don't really move like I thought I did oh you why I couldn't watch that well yeah I mean I'm not gonna

watch her fucking other guy it's good point it's me I could probably watch that really Well, later. Or before me, maybe. I don't know. It depends on the guy. Asian guy, I'm in. But, yeah. Wow, I can't believe you.

Knowing I'm filmed, it would be, I'd be different. I don't know. I couldn't do it. Yeah. Not my cup. But you dated that escort or whatever the hell. That's wild. So you got all guys.

A lot of videos in my, uh, somewhere in the internet. Oh, that's terrifying. Is it just your dick or is your face in there, too? Yeah, never in my face. Oh, thank God. I don't want her face, if you know what I mean. I don't want to be jerking off and come across a Peter's video. Yeah, you're like, who's the guy in the bill's jacket?

I recognize that laugh. Yeah. Yeah, not my cup with the filming. No. But also, ladies, you should want your man to watch porn, because then he's getting it out on porn, not on another lady. Yeah, I don't know. Also, it's like, you feel good when you jerk off and you didn't use porn. Well, that's a...

You can't do it? Nah, I could probably. I'd probably do it if I was really horned up, but just, like, randomly. I don't know if I could do it. You can't, it's hard to do it to a memory. Yes, yes. I've done it, but it's been a while. Even like a girl in a bikini helps me.

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, but just imagination. That's a tough one. You ever jerking off when you see, like, a porn star who looks like someone you dated? Oh, yeah. That's kind of, you're like, you don't know how to feel, really. You're like, huh. Yeah, it always helps when you know them.

Like, even Stormy Daniels, who I, I never heard of until Trump had the whole thing. I jerked off to her after because you kind of got to know her through the news. And that was fun. And I told people I was doing research for a bit. Even that one didn't want to come out. That was weak. It was like Lance Bass.

Damn, I don't think I've ever seen her videos. Oh, she was a trooper. I know she's big. Yeah. Man, she had a moment, huh? Oh, yeah. And like she's aged, you know, quite a bit. But in her heyday, she was a real.

firecracker. No, she's obviously attractive. Yeah, huge cans, you know, giving, very dedicated. Imagine buying a ticket to see her one of those comedy clubs. Oh, God. Because I would be a club and they'd be like Stormy Daniels is coming next weekend. I remember that, yeah. And you'd be like, holy shit, this is her last

stop. I know. Our goal is her last stop. Yes. Like, it's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit, she was at Stand Up New York. Oh, man. Lisa Ann, I think, did stand-up or something. I don't think so. Maybe she went to Matt Rife's show. Yeah, that was something, yeah.

She tried to do podcasts for a while. She was hot. Yeah. Nailin Palin. Oh, my God, old school. Yeah. I like when they do that. I like when they do like a celebrity.

A parody? A parody, yeah. You like your porn like a David Zucker film? Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Naked gun. Look at that.

Who's this? Parity porn. Oh. Seinfeld porn? Oh, yeah. Damn. They have Scooby-Doo porn. They got Simpsons porn. I've seen a family guy's a big one. Yeah, I've seen the things that I can't click on them. That's my childhood. I don't want it to be... It's a wonderful life porn for the cinephiles. Tits are wonderful life porn. They've Citizen Kane porn, gone with the wind.

Wow. Oh, yeah. What is that? Fifth Element? I don't know what that is. porn. Minions? Yeah. Fun. Wait, no, they don't have minions. I made that.

I bet they do, though. They got porn for everything. Oh, they got it. They're blowing each other. Wow. Asians are crazy. I wonder how it works. Do you have like a porn agent who's like, we got you the minions gig?

Yeah, I wonder. Huh. I heard those avi ns are a good time. Yeah. I mean, David Telly used to host him. He killed it. Yeah. I think Jeff Ross does not seem like an easy gig.

No, God, no. I don't think you get their attention. Yeah, I remember seeing Intel. He's telling them, like, gold, and they're just, like, half-spaced out. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like Fogarty. Yeah. I don't give a shit.

Yeah, I mean. I'm sure Norton's done it. Yeah, as look. There you go. You never do a gig like that. I don't think I would do it. I'm not right for it. If I was single, I might do it.

Really? Yeah, because I'm sure you would shack up with a porn star after. It would be pretty weak if you didn't. Yeah, like I don't want to speak out of school, but that guy on the right did it, and my friend wrote for it, so he went, and he said he fucked like eight of them in a day. See, I physically couldn't do that. A day. You spread it out. You got eight nuts in a day? Well, with porn stars, maybe.

I would need a boost. Get this man in IV. See, look, Lisa Ann. to his show. Oh, I'm giving it away. Damn it. But... I need more glutathione on my arm. My dick hard.

Yeah. God damn, dude. Oh, yeah. I think he caught up in the moment. He's not a big drinker, so that's his vice. It's weird... Sex addiction's a weird vice. Yeah, yeah. Because the people who talk about are always like, they're just fucking tens.

I know. I know. Like, if you're fucking, like, you should be in a nursing home fucking people if you're a sex addict. That's a good point. You should only be fucking models. Yeah. Oh yeah, I never thought about that. Yeah, everybody's a sex addict if you're fucking tens. Exactly.

Yeah, true. You don't have a problem, you fucking won life. Yeah, like crackheads are in an alley, like scraping anything together. Exactly. Yeah, that's going to be a bit. Yeah. All right. Do you have any, I have, I have some peeves.

I want to follow up. I got some peeves too. I got, uh, what do we have? Ooh, I had a girl over. She wanted my room at 60. Jesus, that's low That is fucking low Wow

That's like a little cold, right? Yeah And she hugged the fucking blanket Oh, you can't have it both ways She's walking on my apartment saying it's fucking You know, she's in like a sweatshirt She's hugging the blanket And I'm like, you don't like 62

Yeah You're cold That's good now Does she go, I like it at 62 Or she just put it at 60s? No, she wanted it at 62 Whoa There are some people

It does feel like It does feel like privilege to be like I want to freeze in here and then I'm going to bundle up. That's true, yeah, that's true. I like, I'm like a good 67, 68 maybe. Yeah, yeah, 68 is perfect. But 62 is crazy.

You don't realize how important that is in a relationship. You got to at least be in the right area. Yes, yes. But you throw a blanket on, you're fine. You know what? I bet she's a new gal. She didn't want to get sweaty in front of you. Hmm.

Women, how about this? Do you ever go on early dates and they just don't eat? Yes. They take like two bites. I'm like, I got a butt. I get stuff for like share. Right, right. You got to eat.

You got to eat. You got to eat. I'm going to eat at all. Yeah. May was like that. When we first met, she was like, I don't want to get fat. I don't want you think I'm not ladylike. So she didn't eat.

And it was weird. Then she'd have like 38 beers. Yes, she was a big beer lady. But yeah, no eating is strange. A beer lady is a woman who will order like a whiskey is kind of hot. Oh, yeah. But then you wonder, maybe it was like an anal thing. with the no eating.

She wanted her butthole clean. Yes. Maybe she just didn't want to poop. Oh, that too. That too. I mean, look, I don't love pooping on a day, but I've done it. Yeah, when, you know, nature calls. I got a bigger apartment now back in the day when, like, my bathroom was right next to my bed. Ooh.

I'd be, like, blasting music. And they go, why is he playing music? I don't want you to hear this. Yeah. I don't want you to hear what's coming out of me right now. It's kind of nice if you have a girl who likes getting shit on, like on her chest, because then you're like, all right, I don't have to be self-conscious about shitting. I don't think it's nice.

That is the fucking appalling fetish. That's appalling. There was an O'Dell Beckham Jr. was into that. That was his thing. Is that real? It was the internet. There was a lot of stuff about him, though. Oh, really? Yeah, like, is he gay?

And I don't know if any of it's true. He just might be kind of like a pretty flashy guy. Uh-huh. Oh, there you go. Oh, he responded. What do you say? Uh-oh. Junior calls poopgate a lie.

Stay tuned for all the details. Good for him. And he played for the Browns? Give me a break. He's right themselves. That's great. I fell season kicked off last week, but the topic of everyone's conversation came from things that had absolutely not a darned thing to do with the gridiron.

It was all about Adele Beckham Jr. And not if he will save his career and legacy this season after a few terrible years. But yes, guys, thanks to this podcast called No Jumper, where a few women have become the new age version of Crence-Suffins, aka Superhead, and have decided to not only talk about their dirty laundry, but the dirty laundry of NFL and NBA players as well. On a recent episode, a lot of us were shocked and, well, frankly, didn't believe a word of this.

And since then, Odell posted something from his IG. and then really just put his focus and energy back on football and hasn't really spoke much about it until now he appeared on uninterrupted and finally acknowledged poopgate odal saying this of every rumor and situation all the BS I've dealt with in my career this was the funniest I have never ever in my life heard this one I couldn't believe it so you guys okay good for Beckham but that sounds like something a pooper would say I'm laughing right now. Yeah. What about what's your next one you're looking at? By the way, all we talk about is the manosphere, manosphere. These whores out here with their paw, they're not doing any favors to these guys.

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I love it. He saw his nips were all out of order. It was crazy. Yeah. He's wearing, but then it's like a fetish, I guess. He's in like a group chat and, uh... Transvisibility Day. Is it?

Yeah. Transvisibility day? Yeah, so that was a perfect... But he's a cross-dresser. He's not trans. Yeah. There's all these subsets. I know.

But he's like, his whole thing is he's into big tits, but then he wears the big tits. Yeah, yeah. Crazy. See, that's like a subset. They're like, I love big tits. Oh, yeah. But I don't want to have them. No, no, God no.

Look at that. That is good stuff. The pouty face is rough. Yeah. That's like not a great. Yeah. That's almost worse than the tits. That's true.

Yeah, because he knows that's what girls do. It's not great. Oh, that's horrible. He looks like he went to Mar-a-Lago to get the surgery. You think you know him somebody. Okay. Wow. That's crazy.

That's his thing. It's like he has a few things clearly. Fake tits. Yep. Wearing fake tits. Yeah, women's clothes. Women's clothes. So he didn't get surgery, obviously.

No, no. But maybe, I don't know how it works. Maybe this is like the step. I have no idea. Wait, go back to that. Look at those nips. So out of whack there, they look like Cash Patel's eyes. There's one going this way, one going that way.

That is crazy. That is embarrassing. She's having a tough, tough go. Yeah, I mean, what the... Yeah, that's a bad angle, too. That's the Anthony Weiner angle right there. Get the fuck out. Wait, what does it say, the tweet?

Get the fuck out of here. You've been posting about trans and gays each and every fucking day. And now you want to move on when one of your own gets exposed. Well, that is crazy. All right Okay, what a That was about Who was that about

Sorry I didn't miss that What a time to be alive Crazy We know so much Like Cash Patel's Emails got leaked You see that Yeah

And you're like This is the FBI director It shouldn't be this easy Yes Yes Crazy time We got a fight on the White House lawn I mean

You can't keep up All kinds of wacky news stories Yeah I mean that's like How do you react when someone you're married. She must have known. There's no way she didn't know, right?

I don't know. Some of these things kick up later, which is a little scary to know that in 20 years you might have a new kink that you don't have now. Yeah, but she must have known. Like, he must have like, I don't know.

I guess some guys, if you're married, you just like, some maybe dip their toe in with the wife to see if it's like safe or whatever or some are probably like, I just want this area over here. But they have kids and they're all pretty old. Oh, is that right? I think the youngest one's like 29.

Oh my God. So that's kind of wild. This is, yeah, you don't want that out there. But I saw her quote where she was like, I'd like to request your privacy. We need some privacy at this time, is what she said. Who, good luck. That's what you say when someone in your family dies. It's not what you say when someone cross-dresses.

Right, right. Oh, man. See, this is why you don't want to get in the public eye, says the guy with a podcast at a special. Yeah, dude. Scary. Apparently her husband's taking her to this really nice hotel in New Orleans to make it up to her. feels terrible. And crazy.

Wow. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, that's is wild. I mean, we're recording this the day this broke, so there might be a lot of new shit coming out. That's true. That's true. But I heard she had a sidepiece the whole time.

Yeah. So maybe, you know, you see your husband with fake tits on, you're like, I got to get, I got to find a real guy, you know. I better get ahead of this. Yeah. Yeah, and him too, right? Doesn't he have a side piece too? Oh, nice.

I mean, clearly he's got a few. But, yeah. Oh, the husband. You just got to know you're going to get, with messages these days, you're going to get caught at some point. Yeah, well, you know, at least he got it off his chest. All right. We're having fun. Oh, no.

They all get the crazy surgery on the face. Is that the piece or is that the hubby? Oh, okay. Yeah, he's, uh, D.C. is fucking, it's like L.A. Yeah. They're going wild. It's ugly L.A. It is ugly L.

Yeah, it's like McConnell and all these old guys, but they're all kind of celebrities, too. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they say. Politics is ugly show business. Yeah, what do you got? Any peeves? Oh, yeah. How about this one?

This is a little specific for comedians. But you do the show, you go to a bar after, you go to a restaurant after, and someone from the show is there at their table, and I get this one. Oh, come here, come here. And I'm like, I'm at the bar with my friends or opener or whatever, and I'm drinking. And they're at a table and they're like, come here, come here, we want to talk. We were at your show. And I'm like, well, why don't I have to go to you?

I don't want to talk. You want to talk. You should come to the bar. It's a very fair peep. It's like, and it's just like, emasculating. I'm like, okay, hold on, Daddy. Yeah, exactly. You're summoning me?

Right. That would annoy me. It's kind of a cougar move. It's like always an older white lady who's had a couple of Zinfandals. And she's like, come here. You didn't mention it was a woman. Yeah, we loved you. All right.

Now I'm listening. Well, it's not exactly, it's like a hairdresser or something. It's not exactly somebody you want to, you're dying and chat it up with. And then once you're at the table, I went over, because I'm a bitch. I went over there and I was like, hey guys. And they were like, we had a great time. We loved each. Sit out.

Sit out. I'm like, what, no? What am I? Did you hire me to come here? Get out of here. So I got the hell out of there. Damn. Yeah.

Do you go to like the bar next door? Yeah, we got left there. too much of this I've done it but you just got to be ready for that shit I know I know and I'll talk to anybody but I don't care for this Yeah the summon is a little Yeah

It's a little much Not a fan Don't love it And then they did the send the shots over Which is also a tough move Because you want to be grateful But I also don't want to do a shot What kind of shot?

It was a Yeager That's aggressive Yes They're like you're we might be drunk Yeager I'm at the age where I like prefer to sip Jaeger Yeah

I'm that's how fucking old I'm getting. I would rather sip it. Yeah. Because actually I don't hate the taste. No, no. But it's just, it's a fun of a nasty shot. Oh,

it's thick and like gooey. Yeah, it's a digestive. That's what I mean. I'd rather sip it. Yeah. Coats the stomach. It's kind of nice,

man. Yeah, I kind of ease my way back in on booze with some digestiefs, a little amaro. I'm like, after dinner, my stomach's full. Let's help him easing my way back in.

Fucking love a good digestive. It's very nice. But do you get a bumer? off that? Yeah. Oh, okay. It's got alcohol on it. Because you're probably cleaned out so you can get a low tolerance again.

You know what? I do have a low tolerance. I'm kind of pumped from my first, like, drunk time back, because I think it's not going to take that much. Yeah. Well, I was out with Bolger, and we had three shows on Saturday. And I forgot these Boston guys, we do the 4 o'clock. Then you got, like, two-hour window, and he's like, you want to hit a bar?

Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, I forgot this was our lifestyle before, but he's still in it. Yeah. So we went to a bar around the corner and just had a couple of guineasas. And then people are like, we're coming to your shows. And they send you a beer. And then you're like, we have like five beers in here. And I got two more shows where I'm doing an hour with no material.

Yeah. No, it's bad. I mean, that's how we lived on that shit. But also we were young. We were young. In your 20s, you could do that shit. I know, I know. But boy, it hits you like a ton of bricks.

You're like, wow, I guess I've changed a lot. I also, you know what I hate about like the getting really day drunk is the nighttime hangover? I can't fucking deal with it. I get that. sleep anxiety. Yes. I don't want the night's... I can deal with a hangover during the day

because I can kind of like, all right, I could drink some coffee, feel it out. But at night, you're just, you're under your covers. You're like, I'm a piece of shit. I fucking hate myself.

I got nowhere to go. You're just like having like a panic meltdown. I know. I know. And then I always keep drinking because I feel like that, that pang of a headache coming at like eight.

And then you're like, I got to drink that away. And now you're hammered. Damn. And my favorite things now are like the worst things with this fucking stomach issue is like,

You know, I love to start a day drink with a Bloody Mary. That's my favorite thing. But it's like literally tomato, spicy, you know, all that shit that you're like nuts. And you're like, oh, fuck, I love that, though. Yeah, he's got a thing of bacon coming out of there. It's all bad. I love it, though. It's so good.

We had a couple. Never gave, never could get into a mimosa. Nah, it's not on a plane or something. Yeah, I guess a plane is kind of cool. Yeah, it's a pretty good hangover cure. But yeah, Bloody Mary is like, you got to start sweet for a meal. Like, I need a really tasty drink to kill a hangover. Yeah.

All right, how about this little story? Yeah. So I'm in Portland, so I'm like, we got to eat seafood up the ass because we're here. You can't get better seafood and more fresh than Portland, Maine. Be careful with that market price. Oh, it fucked me. That's how they get you. That's where I'm going.

Really? That's what happened to me too. We go out to the oyster house. We each get a dozen oysters. It's three of us. That's, what is that? 32. 36?

36 oysters, so that's a lot of money. We all get Bloody Mary's. They're 20 bucks each. There you go. And then somebody gets a lobster roll. I get the clam bake. He gets the muscles, whatever. Then we get dessert.

We get a couple beers, whatever. And the bill is pretty high. Yeah. The waitress comes up, puts the bill down. I go, I got it. I'm headlining. Here you go. Cash, cash, cash.

All the merch money. She goes, thank you. Do you need any change? I go, keep it, lady. I go take a piss. I come back from the bathroom. the guy in the table behind me goes, oh my God, I loved your special.

Oh, this is crazy. I can't believe you here. Let me get the bill. And I go, ah, I go, where's that lady? And they go, she left, she retired, she moved to Canada. And I go, fuck. So I was this close. I think he saw you get the bill.

That's what I said. I think he fucking knew what he was doing. I think so, too. So we walked out of that was the big discussion. He knew what he was doing. That's a smooth move. Let me get the bill. No one does that.

No, let me get you a drink. They'll do. No one sees someone order a lobster and goes, I got that. I know. That's insane behavior. Crazy. And the shells are all over the table, an oyster, half shell, an ice. That's fucking crazy.

I know. I did the, we did like lobster brunch or whatever when I was there with my crew. You know, we're all there. Yeah. Gary, the camera guy, James. We got Brian, the tour manager. Breakfast. Everyone orders like lobster omelets, whatever, one of these nights.

You look at the bill. You're like $300. I know. For fucking breakfast? MP, MP, MP, everything on the menu. There's no numbers. And then Gary's walking out. Gary doesn't miss.

I picked another winner. I go, shut the fuck up, Gary. I paid for this shit. I know. I'm surprised your accountant. It's like, what's going on here? This guy's a liability. Yes, yes.

He better be fucking Gary. Damn, I'm fucking Gary. I got to pee for you. Okay. Had a woman when I date with a woman. And she goes, I'm a little shocked you didn't send me a car to me. I was like, what? She goes, I was like to the restaurant where I'm getting us dinner. Yeah. I mean, I've heard of the car back.

Sure. Obviously, you're leaving the apartment. There's a, you know, I've got an incentive there too. You're leaving. It's great for me. That's true. But the car pickup? I've never heard of the pickup. I've never heard of the pickup. And she goes, I'm a feminist. I was like, that's not what a feminist is. What? I was like, what the fuck is happening? What the hell? I said, I'm the feminist. I'm the, I'm the feminist. I'm one who thinks you should go the way I go. You're equal. We should both walk. Right.

Oh, this is blowing my mind. It blew my mind. Feminist, too. That's a weird wrinkle. I didn't care for any of it. No, no. And she brought it up. It's one thing to go,

huh, I didn't send me a car. But to not get a car and bring it up. I don't think she knows what a feminist is. I don't think so either. I think she was like, I just deserves to be treated well. I was like, that's not a feminist. They're treated like shit. That's why they became feminist.

Yes, exactly. This is a bit. Is it? Yeah, I'm a feminist. It's hilarious. Time code that one for me, Piers. I've never heard anyone say that. You should be like...

That's why they're so angry. That's why they're feminist. Yeah, exactly. And can you do that? Hey, you got to eat my ass. Why? I'm anti-racism or whatever. Like, we can just throw anything out of this point.

Just make shit up. Yeah. I was shocked by... Yeah, I was kind of like, do I... How long do I hold on of this for? Yeah, that's a tough one. You don't want to ruin the night. I mean, that's a little curb ep, a whole ep right there.

It was a little weird. Now, what did you say? I was like, I've just never heard of it. And she was like, Oh, well, you know, that's like, my last boyfriend didn't treat me well, so I want to make sure I'm treated well. And I was like, my last girlfriend didn't treat me well. Yeah.

That's why I'm not with her anymore. Right. That's how it works. Doesn't mean I just punish the next person. Yeah, why do I have to pick up his slack? Yeah. That is crazy. It was weird.

But see, women, they know they got you by the ball because you want to have sex with them. So you're like, oh, of course. Oh, the car. What was I thinking? I blew it. You know, you just lie because you're trying to score points. It was all weird I think you just

I don't I'm Here's my rule I'll confront the person If I care to pursue a relationship with them But if it's someone I'm just like I'm not gonna see this person again I'm just like yeah I'll just joke about it on a podcast

There you go And then I'll see her in a few months And she'll be like I saw that podcast That's true How they get you But uh Damn I've never heard of that

I only confront like The same goes with friends Like I'm not gonna If someone does something shitty to me But he's like not my friend I'm just going to I'll either Maybe I'll say something

but if I don't really care about the person why even bother with the confrontation That's a good point You'll say something If it's someone close to me Yeah That's interesting

Because I'm the opposite I think if it's a friend I go I let it go We're friends But if it's not a friend I'm like what the hell is that? Well I'm not like a really obnoxious thing Right

If I did something really obnoxious to you You'd just be like What was that? Yeah I guess that's true You know? Yeah good point alright But yeah But I know what you mean

Like if it's in like we've definitely had some moments you know in the world where someone does something shitty and you're like dude what the fuck right right that is a car to the restaurant it's a bit much that's crazy I mean that's like Princess Die or something

yeah and look what happened to her someone sent the car mm-hmm whoa yeah what more do I have to do here it is weird because it's like I don't mind paying for everything I've always paid for every day yeah but like at least occasionally be like either a nice thank you or a reach for a purse is nice a reach is good we always

like a reach yeah but uh i don't know there's like a sense of entitlement sometimes where people are just like i deserve this and it's like why i completely agree who the hell are you yeah yeah and then also if you're a feminist you should split the bill for the restaurant that's what i mean but we're not gonna we don't have to get it all that we don't have to go into that yeah yeah crazy yeah wow That's what fun thing about dating is you see all these interesting scenarios. You meet some whack jobs. You see some size. And the weird thing too is like, this is you at your best.

Yes. God, you're right. This is the job interview. Yeah. This is, you're never going to be cooler than this. That's a great point. Yeah. I've always thought like, you know, first date should be fucking nightmare scenarios if you

really want to see like, if you want to fast forward. Yeah, yeah. Like the first date should be like, you both get food poisoning. Does she blame you? And you're like, all right. Yeah, true. She was kind of cool about it. You're like, yeah, we should go out.

Right, right. Well, that's why I think sex immediately is the way to go, because then you know where you're at. Yeah, we should have sex immediately. I'm a feminist. I think we should do it. No, but, yeah, sex immediately is a good move. Yeah, yeah, because then you get it all out of the way.

Like, what if you have a micro penis or she's, whatever, you know. I say before the dinner, we have sex. Yeah. And I'll send you a car to the restaurant. I think other cultures do that. No. I think so. What cultures?

Famous rappers? I know French eat dessert first. French? Maybe not French. No. Somebody eats dessert first. Yeah, I don't know. Sicilians, something like that.

What culture eats dessert? That seems like a terrible idea, too. Yeah, I guess so. Several cultures. South Indian. Oh, okay. I thought it was more European. No, it's not a good food place that's doing this.

Yeah, I guess you're right. There's some good Indian spots in the city right now. Oh, Indians, I like Indian. Went to a place downtown Musa Fair with Jim Jeffries, dude. Holy shit. Okay. So good. Okay.

When dating. Have sex first when dating? Several cultures again. Scandinavia, Europe. God, and Scandinavians are smoking hot. I know. That's a nice part of the world. Yeah.

And these are confident women. Like most guys, fuck a girl and they're like, how do I get out of here? This is a woman like, I'm so confident to me. that he'll still want to see me after. I've had two Scandinavian women brag to me that their ancestors hit Jews during the Holocaust. And I'm like, okay, I mean, great. But also, if you're grandparents were Nazis,

I probably wouldn't, maybe I'd hold it against you. I don't want any Nazi lineage. Yeah, but it kind of feel like you're, I mean, sticking it to him? You're not going to have a kid with this lady. You never know. Yeah, I guess that's true. Wow.

But, yeah, but I guess it's nice they hit the Jews. Yeah, very nice. Germany? The concept of dating as a as a rigid procedure. Wow, very German. It's less common. Physical intimacy often develops quickly. Is that true? They skip the formal dating phase. Yeah, I guess like a lot of, there's like a lot of hipsters in Germany now. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Some hot chicks in Berlin. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. France, while the three date rule exists. This is bullshit, dude. This is all. Because they're going to say stuff about America that we're like, well, let's see what they say about France. Well, the three-date rule exists in some narratives, and modern date and physical attraction is often validated early in the process, sometimes leading to sex in the first-day. I mean, this is every culture. I don't know. This is bullshit.

Mm. There's got to be some that are crazy. Brazil. In modern youth culture. Uh-oh. Here we go. Sex on the first date is considered common and widely accepted with a more direct approach to physical intimacy than in the past. All right.

Brazilian chicks. We can pick Ari's brand about that. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I do respect a woman who makes me wait, though, I have to say. Oh, interesting. Don't you? I mean, I get annoyed, but you do kind of want it more.

Of course. Yeah, and they seem more, like, less attainable, which makes it more attractive. Yeah. Yeah. So it does work. It works. Yeah. You're like, why is she holding it back?

What do I have to do? It makes you work harder. Yeah. But you must be spending a pretty penny with all these dates. It depends. Sometimes. All right. Sometimes you get the hey, you up, which is like, hey, I'm just saved $200.

Yeah, exactly. And five hours. You're doing the math. Yeah. That's pretty good. There's a long line of lineage that's like extra excited in my body. I'm like, this is great. Love a you up text.

Oh, it's great. It's great time. Got a you up text. It's a good one. It's good. And you feel, hey, somebody wants to bang me. And I think it's become funny again. I think it was douchey for a while. I think U-Up is now, like, ironic and kind of fun.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's exciting. It is exciting. But then you're also like, I feel like the ones you want to stay longer, never want to stay longer. Right. And the ones that linger, you're always like, all right, when are we? Yeah, but it's kind of chicken of the egg. Do I want her to stay longer because she wants to leave?

Or do I want this girl to leave because she wants to stay longer? A great point. Uh-huh. I made a one. in a to go cup of coffee coffee wow

which I was like this is my subtle it's in a paper cup oh that's good I thought that was pretty good yeah you put it outside the door she goes to get it put some money next to it

with a note that says cab fare right um no but uh hey like the to go coffee that's a good move right yeah that's very good

because it's subtle it is it's not like a fuck leave and it's like, oh, in case you want to... It's subtle, and it's thoughtful, like, hey, to go. You know, if you got things to do and you can walk around with it, that's pretty good. I didn't

that was a good idea. Well played. I thought it was smart. Yeah, I like it. Iceland? What do we have about Iceland? Consider one of the most sexual... You've been there, you've been to Iceland. Isles crazy, but a lot of incest. Really? They have a dating app in Iceland that tries to dodge

your relatives. That should be every dating sex. That's true. But there's so much that it's like a thing where they have to watch out for it. Damn. Why is there so much incest in Iceland? I think there's so few people and they all look kind of alike. Damn. Yeah. Give that a good.

That would suck to meet a girl and you really hit it off and you're like, this is the one. I know. And then you do that 23 in May and you're like, fuck. That's true. Yeah, see, not a ton of people. Let me do gene pool. So you must thrive with that accent there because they're like, he's not. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And the women there are pretty smoking, right? Pretty hot, blue eyes, blonde hair. You would clean up because you look so different. You got the black hair, curly hair, you know. That's, you'd stand out. A lot of, like, man buns out there. Oof. Yeah, a lot of, like, Nordic guy who are tough and big and strong,

but they also have long, flowing blonde hair and weird, like, a lot of, like, travel gear outfits, you know? Yeah. A lot of, like, uh, Camelbacks? Yeah, yeah, those windbreakery things with the boots. Icelandic men, yeah, manly. Yeah, there you go. God, thank God Salakuse isn't here for that picture.

He did the field dead. I know, he'd put us in there. See, look at that guy on the right. I saw a lot of guys like that. Yeah. They all look like Alexander Scarsgaard. Yes, yes, exactly. Totally.

Mm. Some women are into that, say it's a good look. I had another peeve, by the way. I want to find it. Peave, peeve, peeve. Oh, my God. This is a minor peeve. All right.

People with really cute dogs, they're like, oh, can I pet your dog? And they're, like, how to pull it away? Oh. All right, easy, chaperone. You know, it's like, I don't like, it's like, the dog's friendly. Why are you such a crotchety fuck? Yeah, true. And I do it very rarely.

But I got a soft spot for the pugs, man. Yeah. The pug is cute. Interesting. Yeah, maybe she's worried it'll bite you and then you'll... A pug? Sue? Uh, yeah. Well, Winnie was no joke. Winnie was an animal.

Yeah. So maybe that's it? I don't know. And if you ask, I think it's cool because some people just go in for it. Yeah, I would ask. That's rude. I would ask. That's why the service dogs have the don't pet me thing on it, which is so tough. You see a big golden retriever in the airport. You're like, oh, I want to pet him. They don't get any affection. It's not fair. That's true. It's fucked up. That's like your next picture.

movie, the drug-sniffing dog that is like, I just want to be pet. That's good. That's something. And he's secretly on drugs. Do you find out at the end of the movie the whole time? He was stashing. What did you think? No one ever touched me, man. Yeah, I'm literally sniffing for coke. I'm going to get some. Eventually, and now I'm hooked.

Oh, yeah. That's something. Picksar drug-stiving dog. There's something there. Put that on the back burner. I like that. I don't think they're buying that one. You're in an L.A. office. He's a coked-out. dog but he doesn't know it yet

yeah and he's cute I think he did a family guy where he got hooked on drugs is the drug sniffing dog oh I think you're right Brian yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what uh any other peeves uh I think that shit my Peters is my phone but I think that was it I had uh didn't have anything yeah they did do it what uh I got a wreck for you too all right hit me

shout out Tim Dylan because you wrecked it on our pod and I just you know I have such a long queue of movies and stuff but uh mike lee movie secrets and lies great well secrets i don't know this it's a 90s british movie oh okay yeah it's about a woman who tries to find her adoptive parents she's black the mom is white but like race is not that integral to it but it's but it's just good it's just it's a it's a fucking weird movie and it's awkward and oh wow 95 91 it's good all right Is it funny?

Some parts are really funny and some parts are like brutal but he does some really cool shit where there will be long one shots and stuff and I think Mike Lee just like I don't even think he writes a script I think he just kind of figures it out with his actors and lets him cook so

but to do that and then have the scenes be so long without a cut you're like damn you really trust your actors to just make this work but yeah I thought it was really good all right great yeah it was really really good naked's another great one by him

oh okay I'm watching Born to Bowl and I'm loving it What's that? Born to Bowl is a Ben Stiller's new show I gotta watch it It's like a docu series

But bowling has so much comedy in it And it's so bare bone Like we think comedy Standup comedy in the early years Was tough with like doing shit gigs Riding on a Greyhound Going from place to place Sleep on a couch

These guys are professional Like they win leagues And win bowler of the year And they're still broke And they're still broke And they're live in a shit house and a shit town, and they just love to bowl. Damn.

And they're amazing bowlers. They've all won trophies and all this, and they're like scraping by, you know, drinking stale beer, eating nachos for free. It's crazy. But they're fun guy and Pete Weber's in it. Who do you think you are? I am that guy and he's fun. How's he doing?

Is he doing all right? Not great. Really? He's looking rough, like smoking, still drinking. Does he have his own home at least? He's not living at home. Yeah, he's got a place, I think. But it's all very.

Who do you think you are? I am. It's iconic. Like, I don't care about bowling at all, and I'm riveted by the show. I got to watch it. Just seeing that world. I do love that shit. I love it. I love when they go inside and, like, really expose a thing. And all the bowling alleys are sad, and they show them buying the balls, and it's all, they eat horribly, they don't exercise, they're all at bad backs.

It's great. Damn. Speaking of Stiller, I saw him post his long thing. about the movie Reds with Warren Beatty and Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson. So I shot him a DM and I was like, hey, I just bought this movie on DVD like two months ago. I'm going to watch it. And he was like, I think it's really good. It's three hours and 15 minutes.

It's slow as fuck. Okay. few movies that can hold me for three hours. And there's like a lot of plot lines going that don't end up. It's not bad, but like, Beatty won best director for the Oscars. And I'm like, this could have been edited down. Yeah, yeah. It's a shame

to have all that star power and still be boring. There's just too many storylines going on at once, but there's certain scenes we were like, holy shit, that was incredible. Okay. And then other scenes we were like, all right, pick it up. Did you finish it? I did. Oh, all right. I can't not finish. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, That's my wife.

All right. It was sitting right there. But yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, Reds. I think I put it on on cable, but I never got it. There's like great scenes, but like, yeah, it's not a wreck. All right.

I watched Mira off of your wreck. Which one? Jerry and Mirro. Oh, yeah. What do you think? I thought it was great. It was touching. It's great.

It's so touching. Heavy stuff. It's seen New York and the 80s was cool, upper west side like that. List wrecked it to me. He was like, you got to, I think it was you and me on a thread with him. Yeah. But, yeah. Look at that. Great stuff.

Great stuff, dude. Living in that apartment with all his artists and super cool. So in New York. Yeah. Love that shit. I love any time you can get an era. Like, I'm watching the Chili Peppers dock and like that L.A. Is it a new dock or is it older?

It's on Netflix. It's brand new. Oh, wow. And it's all about how they started. Flea is unreal. Like the guy, I thought he was playing bass when he was like five. He was hanging out with a dude. They're all smoking weird.

They'd be good at guitar. You should pick up the guitar. and he's like, okay, starts playing bass. And they're like, we have a gig in two weeks. He learned bass in two weeks enough to play live shows. Wow. And now he's just amazing at it. But they're just guys wandering around.

Does he consider one of the best bassists ever? Yeah, completely. And he plays the trumpet. He plays a piano. But these were just knock around guys in L.A. who would just get high and go to the beach and fuck around. They all had broken homes. And they just became this band.

But they showed this great footage of them on Sunset Strip as like 21-year-olds. And they're like got Mohawks. they get into fist fights and do blow and they become addicted to heroin. It's fascinating. You don't get some of those songs without some heroin in that. Yeah, yeah, totally. I didn't know the lead guy, Anthony Kedis, was a rapper. That's how he started.

Oh, my God. They're like musicians, and he's like, let me rap with you. And they were like, I guess, and it worked out. Damn. Yeah. I guess you hear that a little bit in some of the songs. Give it away, give it away, give it. It's all very fast, you know.

They were at my show once in L.A. I did a gig at, like, the Regent, and Tom Takar was open for me. He's like, dude, the red hot chili peppers are in the crowd. And I was like, what? Holy shit. And apparently, I don't know which one of them. He's like, one of them, like, asked if he had any merch. And I was like, I didn't bring merch.

They would have bought fucking merch. That would have been so cool. That would have been so cool. I think it was everyone but him was all. Oh, okay, okay. But I was like, fuck. Yeah. I would have loved to have met him.

I didn't get to meet him. Super crazy story. Yeah, it's a fun. I'm only halfway through, but I'm loving. Damn. There's so many docs. I know. Now we've got a norm one coming out. We got a Lauren Michaels one coming out. And Judge said we might be in the norm one.

Ooh, that would be, that would be touching. A lot of docs. They used to perform naked. I mean, these guys were wild. Naked. Yeah, they were animals. Just street kids. Crazy. But they showed, they got some good L.A. in the 80s vibes, and it was fun. It was free and, you know, beachy. I wonder if they still tour. I think so, yeah

I think they're still out there Yeah, they're killing it They were fucking massive I'm sure they still are They did the Super Bowl a few years ago Oh wow Remember? Yeah, yeah, that's right

Yeah, they had a gay This gay black guys One of their friends coming up He was an artist And when they started the band He's like, you guys are red hot You guys are red hot And that's what they got the name

Wow Yeah Damn So yeah Fun fun stuff like that Never been a huge fan of the band Really? Yeah, but

seeing the dog They've got a lot of good songs, though. Yeah. But California case, not for me. Not to trash.

You just love a doc. Yeah, I like a dog. Yeah. But come see me too. I'd love to have me in the audience. That was a great, yeah, it's a great invite right there.

Not a fan. I think they're talented. I just don't connect to you as much. Nah, nah, it was more like a Pearl Jam, Nirvana. Really? Yeah, yeah. Green Days, Green Days, yeah, classic.

Oh, yeah. Nirvana, Guns and Roses. Yeah, that's fun. They had a run, man. Yeah. Appetite for destruction and, like, Use Your Illusion 1 and 2. Those were fucking just heat from start to finish.

It's great. Guns and Roses. Someone would say Red Hot. Might be top 10 American band, Guns and Roses. You think so? I would say it's like Beach Boys, Guns and Roses. Yeah, like who's in the mix? Let's pull some up.

Let's do it. What do they say the top 10 American bands are, like, online? Oh, yeah. Beach Boys have got to be in there. Gotta be. So fucking pet sounds, dude. Yeah, iconic. Yeah, who else?

Metallica? Ah, yeah. The Eagles is big. Yeah. Oh, you got up a credence in there. Yeah. Yeah, Nirvana. I guess I never got into a lot of these.

Pearl Jam. Never really got into the Eagles or Van Halen or Aerosmiths, to be honest. Yeah, Airspace's good. It's good, but it's just I never got like really into it. Same. But they're good. Yeah. But it's just not.

What else is there? It's hard to beat the Brits. I got to say. The Brits got us. It's like Beatles. The Who, Led Zeppelin, Stones. Yeah.

Fucking kinks. Kinks. Yes. It just keeps going. Black Cannon Cruz. Blood, sweat, and tears is pretty great. Yeah, you see? It's almost like a B-side compared to the Beatles.

You got Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah. It's not a band, though. Not a band. Steve Miller, Food Fighters. Pearl Jam Yeah The meters, well

What are the great Like what else are we missing in for Ramones Leonard Skinnerd's pretty good What about British though Oh Seeger's fucking amazing I love I love Seeger

Yeah Oh Tedeschi truck bands made it How about that? What about British though? Go British now British is gonna They're gonna fucking smoke us Blow us off the

Fuck they got a wasis too I know You're right But we've invented Did it. The Beatles, Zeppelin, Radiohead, Pink Floyd, the Stones' walt, the Smiths, all right, Oasis, the Cure, the Clash, Stone Roses, the Kinks. There you go. Queen.

Blur. Black Sabbath is great. The Who is great. T-Rex is underrated. Yeah. Never heard of the jam. Supervary. They fall off quick.

What about ELO? Oh, that's a great band. That's a great fucking... That's gotta be American. Yeah. Come on, US. Where are they out of? Oh, no.

Birmingham. Fuck. Which one? England. Yeah. It was too good to be true. Damn it. That's a great bit.

They got some fucking hits. Great. We got the Allman brothers. Ooh, that's big. All right. We're back. Okay. We got a lot of good individuals.

We got like Bob Dylan. We got... That's true. We got some... Billy Joel. Yeah. Uh... Want to Cone?

Cone? Cone. I'm trying to think of Arena guys. Oh, we got Jimmy Hendrix also, by the way. Hendrix, fuck yeah. Okay, okay. Elvis? Elvis! We're back, Chuck Barry.

Yeah. You got wrapped in Biggie, Tupac. I got all the rap. Eminem. British rap is for the most part. Oof. Yeah, stinks. Oh, we got a Fleetwood back.

I would throw in there as well. Eat a lady. Kanye, as a Jew, it hurts to say, but Kanye, Yeah. You know, they said he was doing the arena in Tel Aviv, and I feck and fell for it. What? I thought that was real. I was like, oh, my God, the Jews are so forgiving. He did a Heil Hitler song. I went to number one. So I thought he was, I thought that was real. Can you imagine buying tickets to that? You're like, hope he doesn't play the new album. Play the old stuff, please. Yeah, please. I think he's trying to get back in with you guys. He apologized.

Yeah, I think he's just, oh, James Brown. Fuck. Little Richard. Ray Charles. Come on. Sam Cook is great. Stevie Wonder's a killer. Prince.

How we miss Prince. All right. We're okay. We're back. We're good. We got the solo artist down. Yeah, that's Springsteen. Oh, we miss Springsteen.

Yeah, Johnny Cash is killing. I'm not an Metallica fan. Nina Simone. Uh-huh. Supremes are big. Temptations are huge. All right. We're killing it.

Marvin Gay, Madonna. Sinatra. Oh. Sinatra. Classic. Whitney Houston, dude. Talking heads, boy Orbison. We're all right.

We're all right, baby. We're back. Joplin. We are all right. Okay. Rock Lobster. No. The B-52s.

Oh, yeah. What was that other one? Oh, ACDC is Australia. Oh, give them one. They got one. Yeah. Man at work? I think that's British.

All right. Fuck it. Carol King's great. Earth, wind, and fire. Oh, yeah. They're great. The doors? That's a big one.

Simon and Garbuncle. Dude. Paul Simon I love. Damn, dude. All right. The dead. The dead. Yeah, we're back.

We're killing. We're killing. Nelson. We're fucking fine. Yeah. Suck it, you Limeys. All right. It's kind of a fun movie.

You ever see that one in the Limey? No, I never heard of it. Tamp? No. Soderberg, 90s. What? Fun one. No, I don't know it.

Check it out. It's a stylish 90s. Oh. Crime. Yeah. 90 minutes, too. Okay. Taryn stamps's cool.

as fuck. Oh, Kuzman is in it. Yeah, it's a fun one. All right. Hell yeah. Yeah, it's a great soundtrack, too. Soderberg, man, when he hits. Yeah.

He fucking hits. What's his big one? Out of sights gray. Oh, yeah. Didn't he do the Oceans movies? I think he did. Yeah. There's Soderberg and then there's another guy with a similar name.

Didn't see Black Bag. That got good reviews, though. Oh, he did Magic Mike's Last Dance. Wow. That's a money grab. And the original. People love that shit, though. People love it.

Yeah, he's all over the place. You see Che Guevara? Did traffic. Oh, that won the Oscar. That was a good one. Yeah. Oh, Aaron Brockovich. Oh, he's killing it.

Yeah. Sex Lizing Video Tame. I love a guy who started with an indie to break through. I never saw that one. It's pretty good. It's slow, but it's good. Peter Gallagher. I got his fucking eyebrows and that's it.

Yeah, it's a good flick, though? Yeah, it's fun. Check it out. Che Guevara, he got caught. diddling kids you see what yeah just now no no back of the day but all they took all some detective was hot on that case that was a cold case but he cracked it yeah uh what happened they just found out he was didling kids the whole time and so they took down all the statues damn was it him or was it the other guy Castro Caesar Chavez oh I think it was Chavez I get them

mixed up it was Michael Chee There you go. Civil Rights icon. Yeah, I did not hear that about Che Guevara. No, no. Anyone from the Che Guevara estate listening, we apologize. It's all right. He's the Cuban, right? Yeah. Okay.

What's going on with Cuba? Do we own that? No. Okay, we're getting there, I think. No. It's getting close. But, yeah, beautiful place. That's what I hear.

Yeah. They're not allowed to get new cars. They keep fixing up the old cars. Dude, yeah, just fucking shoot an old movie there. maybe. Just use Cuba. It's a good idea. Look at those old cars.

They just keep fixing them. It's kind of cool. Kind of beautiful. Bill Burr had that great idea for a show, Cuban cars, and just do like a pimp my ride, but with Cuban cars. Damn, that's not a bad idea. Yeah. Just fucking bank 12 and leave.

Yeah, exactly. Fly comics out. You could probably do it. Yeah. My mom went there for some work thing, and she was like, it was tight. It was rough. Like, you can't go everywhere. They shut shit down after a certain hour.

Some places just don't have water. good times communism man yeah it's no good you think you want it until you get it yep everybody likes free free this free that

but nothing's free god damn it yeah there's weird rules well we're selfish by nature so it just doesn't work with the human condition not in America no god look at those fuck look at the water there though look at that go back to that it's fucking beautiful yeah it's so close to us too

to write off Florida's dick there. I don't like cigars, but a Cuban, it's something about it, man. Have you had one? Yeah, they're amazing. Oh, they're so good. Really? Yeah. Damn, I'd love to have one. Look at that. Look at the colors of the fucking buildings. I know. I think at one point it was booming. So where Hemingway, oh yeah, I mean, the casinos and all the, you know. The mob guys would go there and Hemingway would just fucking get lit up there. He lived there. Oh, that's right. You know? And Key West. Yeah, I mean, that's two great places for an alcoholic. Yeah, that's true.

And he loved cats. Damn. Oh, is that him with Chavez? No, with Castro. Yeah. The Castro stuff's great. They tried to kill him with an exploding cigar. So many ways to try to kill him.

Yeah, couldn't do it. He lived a long time. It's like Trump. It's like multiple attempts. Can't kill him. Meanwhile, he was crafty. He drinks eight Diet Coke's and four cheeseburgers a day. I think he lost a couple brothers in some of those wars

when they, on the Revolution Castro. but it was like, you know, he had a couple of brothers left, though, when he was in power. It was, I think, Raul and someone else. But that, I mean, the baseball scene in Cuba is fucking insane. Oh, yeah. Because they do it differently where they do it like, you play where you're from. Oh, I like that. And so it's like, it's kind of cool.

Yeah, I think that's better. Because, like, there's so much more pride. Exactly. I think the team is like the imperiales, right? Right. It's like that old Seinfeld joke. You're really just rooting for a uniform. form.

Exactly. That's a great bit. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that one. Wow. Yeah. Cubans are great at baseball and Dominicans.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Was that old Colin Quinn joke? Any Dominican kid could beat Babe Ruth in baseball now. They act like Babe Ruth is like legend, but any... He was a legend, but... Fuck this revisionist history. The guy was overweight.

Yeah. He fucking smoked cigars. He drank all night. He ate like shit. And he gambled all night. Yeah. And he was still knocking bombs. That's true.

Fuck this Babe Ruth hate. I like Ruth. The Bambino, pull up his diet if you can. This is what Babe Ruth ate in a day. It was like four steaks, a bottle of gin, you know, two cigars, pussy, and like a ham sandwich. He made it to like 54 in life. He did not live long. No.

Because you don't live long in that diet. Oh, is a different dog. His legendary appetite and unconventional diet. Oh, this dance. Pine of whiskey mixed with ginger ale. Hell of punch. Wait, that's how it starts. You could hit a 90-mile-an-hour fastball, even eight hours later.

Maybe that's the trick, though. Maybe. Maybe it slows that out. Makes that ball of a beach ball. A steak. Four fried eggs. Fried potatoes and a pot of coffee to balance out of alcohol. I'm not having the alcohol.

This actually doesn't sound that bad for you. That's true. This is like what most manosphere people eat now. That's keto. You got to have your eggs, man. Yeah. Protein. The liquors were they get.

And also, he would just like, It's cool. There's this book on Lou Gehrig that's really good. I forgot the name of it. It's one of the popular ones. But there's a couple. But they were complete opposites. Like Lou Gehrig's mama's boy. You know, very good. Like so funny, that's when people were like racist against the Irish. Right. You know, that was America. Those were like the new immigrants. But it's great. And luckiest man, that's the one. And, you know, they were polar opposites. But they were the two leaders. And he kind of looked up to base. and Babe and Babe was just the man.

Like, everyone was like he's the... Unless you were his kid. In which case, I don't think he stuck around for his kids. No chance. There was this documentary. I saw him and they were like, Babe Ruth, did the Lord's work for all these children. And they're like, he later walked out on his family.

But he was a wonderful... He was an icon to these kids. Right, right. Not his kids, but... But no, he was... But he was... I got just an awesome teammate, I think. Wow.

Oh, and then there was a, who Thai Cobb? They said he was so racist, it bordered on dementia. But I've also talked to people who say that's bullshit. I don't know if it's true or not. Yeah, look it up. I mean, I don't know. All right. They say, like, there's books about his racism.

Yeah, let's pull it up. I don't know. Was a racist subject? A lot of people say it's bullshit. Oh, interesting. Mm-hmm. A apologetic bigot. Missyed incident.

We don't know. That's my point. That's a weird thing. Most people are like, he was eight feet tall. They're like, this guy was super racist. That's a weird fabrication. I mean, it is crazy that there were no, it's crazy to think there were no black people or Hispanics or anything in baseball at this time. I know.

That's got to be weird to be a Dominican kid in the 40s or whatever that is. And you're just incredibly good. And you're just like, well, I guess this is where it ends. Well, they're the Negro League, but it was. I mean, it was, you know, but it was just... That's true. It was bullshit. I mean, they didn't get paid.

Right. And it was, uh... Yeah, and now they finally allowed those stats to be in the Hall of Fame or whatever. Uh-oh. But, uh... That's got to change some things. But, no, it's fucking... I mean, I love the Jackie Robinson movie with Chadwick Boseman.

I thought it was awesome. 43? 42? 42. I thought it was really good. Yeah. I never saw it, actually. It's just like, he's just a great actor.

Yeah, he's great. as a coach too it's fun man and i love that old americana 40s baseball great stuff it's it's a fun sports movie i thought it was i thought it was well done man all right i love baseball movies too like that's like of any sport those are i think the best movies yeah why is that you think because there's a lot of personalities right i mean boxing movies are great too obviously there's so many but they're not funny yeah i mean baseball is like you have a lot of clubhouse personalities right like i like even even the bad i even like mr three thousand which oh sure not a great movie, but Bernie Mac's so fucking good,

and it. He's always funny. Major League's great. Major League's amazing. I've seen Moneyball is really a great movie. I've seen a league of their own 11 times. It's classic. Tom Hanks is so good. Moneyball is so factually inaccurate, but it doesn't... Oh, is that right? Yeah, I mean, it's like... Oh, no, I bought it.

They had, like, they omit that they had like three fucking stud pitchers. Oh, why would they do that? You know, it's like, we can all look this up. The underdog story, I don't know. But 61's great. the Billy Crystal one with Thomas Jane and... Oh yeah, the natural is a classic.

Sandlot. Fucking Sandlot, dude. Great. Bad news bears is my favorite. Oh, that's a great. Seeing a little white kid say the end word, like a comedy is wild. I watched on a plane once, so I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The main character who you're rooting for is just drunk driving pulling up to the...

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the 70s were a different time, man. Totally, totally. And it's saying like all these things. to the guys, like to the other, like the one tough kid who's like, I'm not having to play with this faggot. And he's like right there. I know.

It's crazy. It's crazy. Something about kids doing it though that makes it like South Park. It's like, dude, that movie's so fucking good. And then I love, I love two, spoiler if you haven't seen it, but I love that they don't win in the end. Yeah. I love it.

They almost win. They don't win. And then the little kid goes, you can take that trophy and stick it up your ass. And they all cheer. It's fucking great. I mean, because I love that the fucking, I don't know, I love that the, it's not corny. It's like, yeah, they wouldn't win. Yes, yes.

But they're still having fun and they're going to play. I mean, and Tadem O'Neil's an incredible child actor. Incredible. Such a good fucking movie. And they remade it with Keanu, which I thought was strange. Hardball? Oh, no, sorry, Billy Bob. Billy Bob, yeah.

Weird to remake classics. Because you can't go hard anymore. So you're kind of like, why would you remake it? But he is tailor made for that type of dude. That's true. Bad Santa is. That's a great casting. Yeah.

I mean, he, like, like Bad Santa, that's like a, you're threading a needle there of like. Oh, yeah. Unlikable, but also strangely likable. Yes, yes. He takes it, like, right to the edge where you're like, this guy's a fucking asshole. And then he's still kind of, it's so hard to stick the land in that he's so, he's so good at that. Then there's the weird subplot that he loves anal.

I love that. I love that. I know. It's great. It's just, they're just having, dude, and fucking Bernie Mac and John Ritter in that movie. It's crazy. Oh, and the midget guy's great, too. So, fun.

And the woman from a Gilmore girl. Yeah, she's great in the female. Yeah, she's awesome. You need that, likeable character when he's this fucking monster. Yeah. Look at the kid now growing up. Brett Kelly. He came into a man.

Oh, my God. He'd be growing into a person. Look at that. Yeah, that movie is like, that's a holiday class. I'm a sucker for a Christmas movie, too. Oh, yeah. It's coming from you. That's a lot.

But, yeah, that's nice. I mean, how do you not love a Christmas? Christmas. Oh, they're great. Jingle all the way. I fucking love Jingle all the way. I do, too. Even the Tim Allen one is great.

With the Mr. Claw, whatever it's called. I don't remember that. I was always a kid. Oh, it's fun. I like, uh, it's a wonderful life. It's fucking epic. Yeah, it's great, great. You can't, you can't not love that movie.

I know. There's something about, I mean, I don't know. A good classic, oh, Night Before Christmas. Nightmare. Incredible movie. Christmas vacation, of course, Home Alone. Home alone. Yeah, these are all.

gold, Scrooge. Love Actually is a classic? Is it? Is Love Actually a classic? Oh, I watch it every year. It's a fucking chick flick. It is, but it's, yeah, Hugh Grant is fun. It's got a... It's such a chick flick, though.

The guy, the pop star guy in it, who's like a piece of shit heroin addict who's trying to make a buck is fun. Oh, yeah, the older guy? Yeah. Bill Nye. Yeah, yeah, skinny, blonde guy. He's great. Yeah, I don't like that.

I'm not a fan of that one, though. Oh, what about Die Hard? I love Die Hard, but it's not a... Is it a Christmas movie? I know. I hate what people... It's a fucking action flick around Christmas. Yeah, you could watch it.

You could watch it on Christmas, but you could fucking watch it today. Underrated movie Christmas, Klaus. It's an animated movie. It's incredible. Never heard of it. It's incredible. It's like one of the best movies I've seen, but no one talked about it because it's animated. Wait, what is this shit?

It's a... Damn, look at those reviews. Look at that. It's fucking incredible. It's well written. It's a whole new spin on Christmas. What the hell about... Norm?

Norm's in it. Sports. Why you watched it. Rashida, Kuzak. I mean, it's crazy. What made you watch this, Norm? No, I was at the in-laws for Christmas, and we needed a movie. We'd all seen everything.

And the kids wanted to watch this. And I was like, oh, God, I'm going to hit the eggnog. This is going to be brutal. Cut to you crying. Yeah, exactly. I'm crying. I'm wiping tears away, drunk, and loved it. It's really smart.

All right. Fuck it. I'm telling you. I'll save it for the holidays. Save it. It's a killer movie. It's really. really well thought out.

It's really clever. Look at that. All right. On Netflix, too. It's a banger. Look at that. Five stars, 95%. Well, fuck it, man.

I'm going to save for the holidays. Let's plug some dates. Oh, yeah. I'm all over the place. I got really nothing still. I'm adding, as I said, the... Well, you're going to Europe. Yeah, but I'm fucking...

I'm chilling. I'm going to add some stuff. But I want to build up a good act before I do it. You know, I want to have... You know, I want to have a... solid something. Sure, yeah. I'm still dicking around at the cellar trying to crack it.

Yeah, please don't do what I did at the vets. I mean, I should have given those people their money back. It was bad. It was really. Yeah, I mean, I got a couple DMs after. Like, that was a valiant effort, man. You know, we drove two hours to see you, and you really talked a lot about Iran. Wow.

I was out of stuff. Valian efforts rough. Rough. Rough. I tried. Damn, dude. All right, what do you got? L.A. here, Verona.

Is this May? Oh, let me find the rest. Hold on. I got a few more. Yeah, what do we have? Yeah, Los Angeles, May 7th at the United States Theater with Joe List, Jordan Jensen, Rachel Feinstein. It's going to be a really fun show.

Verona, New York, at the Turning Stone Casino, June 6th, and Lisbon, Portugal, August 30th. But I'm also adding some, hold on, let me tell you what I'm adding right here. I think I said, where is it? I have Athens, Croatia, Budapest, Vienna, Austria. Wow. Warsaw. I'm pumped for Warsaw.

Yeah, Poland's awesome. Helsinki, Stockholm, Copenhagen. I might be missing one, but you go ahead, Mark. Sorry, yeah, I should have had that ready. All good. Hey, I'm in Chattanooga at the Walker Theater. It's a great room. Raleigh.

Good Night's Comedy Club. I'll be at the Netflix Fest as well in L.A. Can't wait for that. Ontario at the Casino-Rama. Then I'm in Nouveau-Brunswick at the Molson Canadian Center. Spokane, Washington, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Irvine, California. That's fun. That's a big room. Tempe, Arizona. Royal Oak, Michigan, and Cleveland, Seattle, Tampa. San Fran, Houston, Nashville. All right, Pittsburgh. We got it.

Thank you, folks. Thank you for the puppets. This is hilarious. We'll do the ads with the puppets. And, yeah, we'll see you all in hell. Cueef it up. Thanks, gang. Buy some bodega cat whiskey.com.

If you want it in your liquor store or your bar, DM, bodega cat whiskey on Instagram, Matt Herman will get on it for you. And, yeah, hopefully we're making some moves there. It looks like we got in some new bars. Oh, yeah. Keep your eyes open for it. bars and a lot of clubs. Thanks, gang. Oh, and a special

shout out to Bat City in Austin, Texas serving bodega cat whiskey, so check that one out. Yeah. And we're popping in a bunch of new spots as well. Thank you, Bat City. Coming soon. Sunday's a bit of fever wreck, you know the beer juice close. Urban and Norman's

talking shit about the fucking Pope and I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her and