We Might Be Drunk - Matteo Lane - Nick Smith w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Matteo Lane and Nick Smith join Mark and Sam for a debate over who could survive in the woods, Nick’s “Victorian ghost” physique, and the early days of New York stand-up. Plus, Mark’s awkward Conan encounter, an arm-wrestling showdown, hair transplants, and Nick’s elite status among Chipotle customers. Sponsored by: Quo: Try Quo for free and get 20% off your first six months.https://www.quo.com/WMBD Fabletics: Get 70 to 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP, including the Ja’Marr Chase collection. Take the style quiz and select WMBD when prompted. Limited-time offer.https://www.fabletics.com/WMBD Willie’s Remedy: Get 20% off your first order with code WMBD, plus free shipping on orders over $95.https://www.drinkwillies.com Follow Matteo Lane:Tour dates: https://www.matteolanecomedy.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matteolane/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@matteolanecomedy Follow Nick Smith:Tickets and links: https://linktr.ee/nicksmith09Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicksmith09/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@NickSmith09 Check out I Never Liked You:Listen: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-never-liked-you/id1718588987Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ineverlikedyoupod/Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/INeverLikedYouPodcast Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MatteoLane #NickSmith #INeverLikedYou #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Exactly. Are we on? Are we rolling? I started in sand that I only wore a hat. That's true, actually. Back in the day. Yeah, since the procedure. Are we rolling? What the hell is happening?

Backwards is a first for me. I'll give you that. No, I've seen you. I guess back in the day. Oh, no, you're right. You're right. I remember that guy. That was the day.

The flap rim. Yeah, you did that. First one's the one that they still use for New York Comedy Club. You should probably update. A lot of cleavage here. Yeah. You're showing to change to me. Yeah, good hair, chest hair.

Well, we got Mateo and Nick on the podcast. Oh, we're starting. Yeah, we're on. Good to have, boy, these thighs are looking real good. Thank you. Thanks, Mark. You don't skip leg day. I appreciate that.

Twice a week. Twice. I hate doing the legs. Me too. You just have to force yourself. Just don't do them. Yeah. There you go.

You don't, nothing. This year, I've decided to enter a health and wellness era. I, let's not say things we can't take back. I went my whole life without ever working out a day in my life. Wow. So this year I decided to enter the fitness space. I do Pilates. Okay.

I'm not good at it, but I go. You got a good frame. Like if you were, if he was, if you were ripped, you could, what do you use six? If you were ripped? What does that? He doesn't want. He wants, what do you want, Nick, with your arms? I feel that I have petite arms and I like having.

Okay. Six, four, great shoulders. Would you describe my arms as petite? You get to lift up the sleeve. That's a wet noodle. Ah. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, that's petite.

This is Hollywood. Yeah, that is. And I like it. Okay. That's like olive oil from Popeye. That was crazy. The Victorian Ghost. That's what I'm going for.

Okay. That's your look. Exactly. All right. Yeah, so if we want us to look like that. Yeah. You look great. I tell you all the time.

Uh-oh. You guys beefing? What's going on? We beef every day. Okay. We can't have this after the RU Garbage episode. This is too much beef. Well, that's just Foley

Sorry What happened? What happened? He had a meltdown He did a bunch of blow He's good He had a falling out for a second They did

They got like the god They're good They're good They're good They're back together Yeah I didn't know any of this Foley stole a bunch of money

He did a bunch of drugs We can't talk about On this podcast Can we? Oh he opened up Oh he did He went all He went full intervention

Oh wow Did he steal money? Yeah From who From the government The team. Like the podcast. I didn't know any of this happened.

Yeah, yeah. Damn. I know. Damn. Let I don't do drugs there, Nick. I do. I just steal his. Neither one of us does drugs.

I drink like once every five months. Nick has never had a drink in his life. I've never done drugs in my life. Whoa. What's the vice? Also the Victorian ghost aspect of it all. What is my vice? You got to have some hatred.

Okay. Arguing. Hatred? Diet Coke. Oh, that's a good one. You guys are having like an Adam's apple off right here. This is crazy.

Look at it. I also have a big Adam's apple. I don't like my Adam's apple. No, no, that was good. You were being a couple of us. Profile looked like, I don't know. You're a man. God damn.

Keep it. Well, Sam, it was fun seeing you last night. We had a good time, man. We were rolling. Yeah, we were. Honestly, we could have done that for a solid hour. How long did we go on? We probably did like, you know, probably did like 25 minutes.

We were rolling. I had seven comics. I was like after two hours, like four hours of show. Was the second audience as good as the first one? Yeah, yeah, they were both great. You did two sold out VUs? Mm-hmm. Jeez, you're huge.

And each one was crowdwork with a different comic. I had to lose everybody up. It was, yeah, it was, I was exhausted. We were cooking, though. We were. It's a brilliant move, though. I mean, the clips are great. I see every one of them.

They all blow up. It's kind of fun to, like, I think maybe it's, like, fun for comedy fans to see comics and how they interact differently on stage with each other because everyone is a different style sure and then you come on stage you kind of have to like work together to sort of you know I like it it's like seeing like Magnino and Salon Moon work together or something

like different universes and audience are like whenever I do the road they're like where's Sam where's Joe List and I'm like well we do separate things you know you knew them when you bought the ticket you're just yeah but so when they see the comics together it's very exciting it's like Superman Batman yeah it is very exciting it's Whitney Mariah

it's a nice moment yeah We had fun though, Sam. That was good. Yeah, we were, I feel like we got locked in. That was some good shit. We also have good chemistry. Every time we do it, it's fun. It's good, man. We've such different styles.

It works. Did you start at the same time, or did one of you start? Oh, I started in 2009 in Chicago, but then I moved here in 2012. So I started, we were probably all, I met you at the creek. You were eating a burrito. Hey. I did that. Yeah.

I love burritos, dude. No, but we all started together. Yeah, but, but, you were. Basically the same time. Yeah. 07, 08 for me in New York. Yeah.

That was a good close. It was Caroline shows back in the day, dude. They were so good. Stacked. You get a free meal. Those chicken, what was it? Chicken, chicken parm.

Chicken parm. A block of velvita. Oh. Those shows, it would be like us. It would be Christa Stefano. Michael. Shealded them all the time. Chase did them all the time.

Yes. Yes. And there was like 15 people in the audience. I know. I had a huge room. Yeah. I remember we did one of those shows once after Tom Green. and no one was at our show

and he felt so bad for us. He started trying to walk people from his show into our show and I was like, yeah, Tom Green's out right. They were like, you know, we're good. Truly, they did not want to. Did you ever do the prom shows? Oh, yeah, oh yeah.

I did them in a blackout. The what? See, Nick is very fascinated by our times, open mics and bar shows we did because it's so different. It's so different now. At Carolines, God rest and peace, Carolines, They had prom shows.

After prom, they would come to the cell, or come to... The kids? They didn't want the kids to drink. So, like, go to a comedy show and, you know, have fun. They didn't want them to drink so they sent them to a comedy club? Well, it's a little bit. It's monitored, you know. They were.

They were doing something. They're not off in the streets of Manhattan. Do you guys have Diet Coke, by the way? I think we got one around here somewhere. Can we have one, please? Sure. I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

Whoa. That was crazy. Do we have big-titted women here? Is there, is there, you're delivering them like that? One of my first members of Mark, um,

we were at, I think it was that, did you ever, was it the, it was somewhere in Brooklyn, the Crocodile Lounge? Where you get like a free, free pizza.

And Mark, I just got off stage and Mark was up next. And Mark goes, great job and smack my ass and right on the stage. That's my first member of Mark. I'm an ally. And then my favorite member of Sam.

You both are allies. Yeah. Because you love musicals. I do. I do. I do, I do. Oh,

you do? Oh, you do? Oh, Oh, yeah. Oklahoma. He killed her. What's that story? Fagging out on musicals. Hell yeah.

Those are fun, though, those open mics back in the day of the bar shows. Oh, dude. Yeah, that was all we had. We had no money. We had no lives, no career, no clips, no internet. Yeah, we're just living for the moment more. Love it. And it sounds so, like, hallmarked you, but it's true.

Yeah. It was like, if you got on Knitting Factory or Cabin or Night Train, it was like. No one knows what we're talking about. The people listening are like, what do you? You didn't? No, I'm so mad about that. That's crazy. Whiplash?

They never, Jeremy never put me on Whiplash. Yeah, he thought you were some kind of alpha, like, tough guy. Yeah. And I was like, he's Jewish. And I thought he was a little bitch. So maybe he was right. I'm shocked, you didn't go on. What was your first big moment that you were like, fuck, I'm really doing this?

Conan? Conan, maybe. I took Conan's tie. I dab my forehead because I was like so keyed up and just, adrenaline rush. That was a bad moment. That was bad. He didn't love it.

He didn't love it. He didn't love it. What did he say to you again after you? So, Mark murders his first Conan said. And then as Conan walks over, he grabs Conan's tie and dabbs his forehead for the sweat. Yeah. What did he say? Yeah, I thought it was funny.

It's funny. But he was like, my mic's on there. What are you doing? I was like, oh, sorry, because his mic was taped to the tie. So he's like, you're fucking up the show. Now it's a taped show. You're not fucking up the show. That's what I said.

I'm goofing. I'm a comedian. I'm being a comedian. But then didn't he say something like it was an exceptional set, don't do that? Yeah, yeah, he said, don't do that again. Fair, at least you recognize it was funny. Yeah, yeah.

But the beauty of those shows, I did it again, like a year later, and you're like, hey, is he going to be mad about the tie? He's like, who are you? Yeah, he has no idea. Conan was a big one for me, too. J.P. Buck. That's right. Kona was a big one, but I didn't love my first set.

My first set, the crowd was so tight. So my second one was like one that was like, holy shit. That felt like I crushed. I did like a lot of my favorite jokes. and if it's on YouTube somewhere, I'm in a red flannel on that set. I was really part of that set. That was one I was like, oh, I was, yeah, those late night sets, we love. My first was Seth Myers, and they were great.

Because the woman who was booking it at the time, she was literally like, whatever, do whatever you want, see you in Tuesday. What? And there was no, because, you know, usually the like, you can't say this, you say that, move, this joke here, don't do that, blah, blah, blah. She was like, go for it. Whoa, that's great. Did you do the opener where you sang opera on that show? that was... Oh, that was the ultimate opener.

Yeah. Couldn't follow that one. I mean, he would come out and sing opera, and then he would just go, that's a true story of how I came out to my parents. That was maybe the hardest hitting opener. Killer, because you suck them in with the singing and you get to tell them something about you. It's got it all. Also, do you know what I found out years later? I didn't even think about it.

Omio Babino-Ocato means my dear dad. Wow. I was like, wow, talk about real. That was great. Yeah, that was the first joke at the... Remember the 6 o'clock Creek mic? Sure. The one, you know, I lived at that mic.

Yeah, that was the first one that people paid attention to me. So it was a nice, like, no way. Yeah, because someone with actual talent? What the hell is that? Singing? He can sing? Because it's hard to grip an audience. You're like, all right, it balances out.

Who was the first comics that were nice to? Cosby. No, no. Let's see. Publicly. Well, Schumer was very nice to be. And then put me, you know, gave me a career, basically. She put me on the road.

She got me some money. But the first at an open mic who said hi. Like, Suba was the first one at the creek. You know, everyone kind of like ignores you. She walked right up. She was like, hi. Oh, yeah. She's like, welcome.

I'm also from Chicago. Like, she was the nicest person to me. Oh, that goes a long way. Yeah, who was nice? I remember the pros. The mics are like such a, such a mush. It is a lot of d'clock. Or at the clubs.

Who was the first one that was like, hey, welcome. Ted Alexander was very nice. Oh, yeah, Ted's always nice. He's the man. Gary Goldman was very nice. To me, also, she helped both of us immeasurably. And Attel took me on the road. So that was like, that was, you know.

Yeah. Being in a car with that guy for a while, you're like, oh, shit, this is, this is an amazing brain. Yeah. Veter was the first comic I met in New York. So he was very nice. Oh, shit. Me too. Whoa.

Well, I met him. He was bombing an open mic. Veter and I'm fucking, I'm in the crowd just spaced out because it was Mike's, it was Maui Taco. I remember this. Wow. And I was like, you just all zoned out. And he goes, this asshole's not paying attention. He just picked on me.

And then the next night, I had a book show that my other producer booked him on. And Gary's like, sorry about that. I was like, nah, it's, you know. So I know you, like, you melt down with them every once in a while. He also saw you stand up. And he's like, oh, shit. It's like, 4.11. We just had this stupid moment at a show at a club recently where this nonverbal autistic person sat in the front row, but they didn't tell us.

and I was hosting and it was him and his friend and they're sitting there and the guy wouldn't look at me the whole time and I'm hosting so I just kept going oh you don't like gay people you don't want to look at me so I what do you guys do and he wouldn't answer? He's like yes but there's nothing to do with my disorder. That's how he became verbal

his friend would only answer and I was like oh so your friend has the answer for you I just kept going until it finally clicked and I was like well fuck but I was bringing Gary up and I couldn't let him know. Yeah. Gary will handle that. So he just came right up and he's doing his jokes.

Everyone's laughing except this guy in the front and he goes, oh, so I'm not funny to you? Oh. And we just got going out. Lay that. Those guys need like a placard to run their neck. I was like, hey, non-verbal. Yeah. That's crazy to do.

Because that's all we pick on is the one not laughing. I was like they were the only two sitting in the front row and not laughing. I was like, obviously I'm hosting the show. I'm going to. Wow. My first joke I remember of Gary's like remembering it was like, yeah, you know, I was like low energy. He's like, yeah, I was buying butt wipes and the woman said to me, oh, they have those cucumber scented now. And Gary goes, oh, really?

Wow, that's great because before this, I was just using it and shoving a cucumber up my ass. I remember that deadpan. I remember one of his first jokes when I met him, he was doing it the mics. He goes, this guy's trying to set me up with someone. She goes, she's the girl. version of you. You'll love her and he goes I'm 5-5, I suck at sports I am the girl version

He also had I saw a blind man with a dog I seen dog and the blind man hit the wall and he said bad dog you did a bad job, bad job and the dog goes I don't know how I got this job Classic man

All right I feel bad Nick wasn't at the creek in 2009 We're gonna bring him in the story I don't know how you guys even I've met like a bunch of times I don't know how you guys know each other. In orgy, we were the only two of four condoms. We were all thinking it.

No, we met. Honestly, that's most gay guys, if you ask, how do they know? They met over Grindr. We did not. We met through our friend, Bob the drag queen. Uh-huh. He and Bob and Monet and all them were all friends. I met Bob separately.

I didn't have any gay friends. And as he says, he treated me like little gay orphan Annie and said, here's your friends now. Oh. Unfortunately, it was this one. And also, we were the first ones to let Nick know that he has a weird voice. Oh, yeah. 30 years.

I'm with no idea that he sounded like that. Pennsylvania. What part? North of Scranton. Just say it. Middle of nowhere. It's called New Melford. It's 700 people.

Do you have a street light? No. Whoa. It's one mile long. My dad's the mayor. Get out of here. I mean, half the town's my family. Wow.

Pull up. I mean, it was pretty evident. from when I was a kid that I didn't belong there. A lot of gay nightlife out there. No, surprise. Actually, there's a gay campground right behind the town. You know it's bad when you got to go to Scranton for the action. Right, right.

Jesus. Damn, dude. Is it New Melford? New Milford. I got to see this on a map. There was a drone footage. I don't think it's so exist. Me and Bob was, Bob the director's from Atlanta.

So we did drones of Atlanta than I did of Chicago. obviously both big cities and then we did New Milford and what those houses are not that's not my town oh okay okay I don't know what that looks like where you came out of it's like we currently

damn I don't know where those are that is the town that looks pretty though Nick you got a mo that's a very nice picture okay and you're surrounded by the mountains like you literally grew up in the fucking forest

gorgeous don't know that. Because I didn't realize it was so picture-esque. That is why I would survive. I've told you this. I'm not even getting involved. Are you good in the woods? Sam and Mark. We just talked about this on our podcast. Someone came. They picked you both up in your

current state. Whatever you're wearing in your current state. They dropped you in the middle of a forest, gave you the essentials. How long realistically could you last? Is it bad that I'm picturing my phone battery being too low right now to, I mean, this is not long, I don't think. Yeah, do we get the phone?

No. Oh, no phone. Mark, you get like a knife, flint, like fire, like, think Survivor. How much, how many days could you last before you tap out? Well, we have to hunt for food? Yes, which season. Is it winter?

Is it summer? Does that really specify? It's not a thick forest. Okay, okay. I'd last longer than him. He's a Manhattan kid. Yeah. I went to camp.

I could make a fire. I went to camp. I went to concentration camp. I'm talking about that. He's a joke. I know, I got the joke, but the joke doesn't land. It doesn't work. Okay, okay.

Anyway. So how long could you last? Realistically. Eight hours? Eight hours. Come on. You could last more than like a day. I said max.

Max, I could do 10 days. 10 days. That's crazy. But that's what I'm saying. Oh, then wait until you hear this one's answer. I'm going to go, I'd say probably eight days because you need food. Yeah. And you need a gym.

You can not eat for eight days. I could do it. I could kill a squirrel or a strange. A strangle a moose. Strangle a moose. You could have more confidence. I said six months. Six months are crazy?

With those arms? Are you kidding me? Yeah, come on. Realistically, you don't think you could make it work. That's insanity. It's a kind of delusion. When you're in the moment. I think 10 days is crazy.

I thought that would be max, like 10 days because they only do 40 days on Survivor. And Nick goes, they do? And they look terrible. I'm like, well, how do you think you would look after six months? I'm just saying if I was in the moment. adrenaline took over. I could make it work. I don't think so. What are you eating? I would strangle a rabbit.

How could you catch a rabbit? Okay, I'd sneak up on it. Nick, you're sick. Do you have any outdoor skills? Well, I wasn't the Boy Scouts for a week. Then they told me, Sweetie, this isn't for you. You know that, you know it's not for you when they start with sweeties. But I came, that's my town. That's where I came from. I could rough it. Granted I. That's your town. So where'd you live, Nick? Is that my town? Sure. I think it is. No, I don't.

I actually don't know. That down looks kind of bumping. Is it New Milford or Milford? Well, there is a... Oh, that's Milford. It's not a... New Milford. Oh, that's our library.

Oh, okay. Which one? The one that looks like a... Eight days? I don't think you got eight days. I can do eight days. I don't think you got an in you. I was a Cub Scout and a Boy Scout.

There we go. Not Eagle Scout. I didn't make it to Eagle. Are you good outdoors? Could you kill an animal? Yeah, sure. I've killed many animals. Could you cook the animal after you killed it?

Yeah. After he caught the rabbit, that he had to... You have to gut it and take out all the... I've done that internet. You've gut a rabbit? I've gut a fox. A fox. Why?

Why? You know, I've had some tough times in the woods with some friends. What? You did not gut a fucking fox. I got a fox. Have you killed an animal? No. I'm from Louisiana.

Have you killed a fox? Yeah. Yeah, I went to and my dad and I was living. Why did you kill a fox? We hit a fox with the car. And then we said we should eat it. It's the right thing to do. So we cut it open.

By the way, that's not killing, it's accidentally killing. Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying the gunner. I think Marx is trying to tell us he ate roadkill. Yes. Well, you better do what you can do with it. Otherwise, there's a way. Where did you grow up? This is about a week ago.

New Orleans. New Orleans, Louisiana. Oh. So the kids when you grew up didn't do a thing called milking, where they would pick up roadkill and throw it at people's houses. No, I grew up in the city part, so we didn't do a lot of that. No. Did they do that in Manhattan?

We did a different type of milking. That's the chloro's on 48th Street. What the hell? Yeah, so you just threw a full in people's house? Yeah, it was like a prank. Wow, geez. Imagine that 6-4 guy coming out of a night with little-killed-old. Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's better than the other. That's good. Different type of milking. I had to get one of those tables. Why is there pegging happening? That's milking. What do you mean milking? What do you mean?

And jerk? Oh, because it's a table and you lay your dick through the hole and they milk it like a cow. Well, that seems extreme. Well, milking the prostate is in the butt. Yeah. I'm that I can only last like five minutes probably. That I can do eight days. But six months is insane.

Six months is insane. You've killed an animal? Nick, I have to, at some point you have to become to terms with reality. Every human you've told this to, like 50 people at the start last night. When you told Maddie Weiner, she laughed so hard she could have. breathe. I don't think you can kill an animal. I mean, okay, who would have a better job in the forest, me or next? I'm taking you

for sure. In what world, Sam? Hey, at least built. Muscles has nothing, they're going to drag him down. You can pretend to be a tree. I feel like you could blend in. You know, I do that for a couple days. Yeah, but I mean, come on. He's got some crazy in him. To do Broadway, you've got to be a little crazy.

True. Yeah, that's true. And Italian. Yeah, that's what. And Mexican. And Mexican. That's a lot of killing animals with through the neck. Exactly. Gays are resourceful, though. I genuinely think. Yeah, they can make the forest when it comes to like a circle party.

I'll concede a little, three months. Have you seen these outdoor shows like alive or whatever they're called? Can we see any kind of clip of someone living in a forest? Because Nick, I don't think Nick quite grasped. Mosquitoes, pond water. You got to cook the water. And you make a good point. Like there's so much disease in forest that he, like, I mean, especially,

like the Congo and the Amazon, especially the Congo. Yes. There's so much disease there. Plus, I've seen his apartment. He's going to tire himself out redecorating the forest. I'm going to live like Poison Ivy and Batman. There's a lot of bacteria. Prep's not going to help you there.

All right. What do we got here? No, this shows on Netflix I'm talking about. They take Marines and green berets and green berets and People who go in the woods. He ate the snake that guy? He ate what it's called? Wilderness or...

Alone. Is that what it's called? Everyone's telling us to watch alone. That's what I'm talking about. Okay, Nick, we need to watch alone. What about naked and afraid? Oh, yeah, that's a different one. No, I mean, that's a different one.

No, they're naked. And it's not the naked you want to see. No, no. It never is. What is this? Is that by playing... Wow, see, this guy's good. He's got a snare on a rabbit here.

Nick, are you going to do that? No, I would catch it bare hands. They have huge. They're fast. They're basically. They're basically playing... If you sneak up on it while it's sleeping, why could you not? It takes a lot of, you know...

Moxie to... Also, it will bite you, Nick. And I'll bite it back. Whoa! You're going to kill that thing when you snare? Look, how cute. The rabbits are really... They are cute.

They don't want to kill one. I don't either. But if I have to survive... Oh, is he going to crack his neck. No. They're going to show this on YouTube? You're going to do this one day. What in the moment?

Nick, you have to watch. Oh, God. I don't want to see it. He's going to... His poor rabbit has no idea. Pet it first. That was kind of fucked up. Yeah.

Maybe he's not going to kill him. He's just petting it. He was just showing that he could do it. Okay. I hope so. That was weird. Oh, all. We're all pussy. It did seem very villain-esque to pet it, too.

Yeah. But he just pet it. That's good. Didn't Apollo used to have a joke about how his grandmother used to break the neck? And before she would do it, she'd say, Don Colione says hello. The Italians used to do that, like, break the neck. Chicken's neck in the, you know. I thought rabbits had red eyes.

Some do. Those would be easier to kill. They seem more evil. Did you know growing up, because in Pennsylvania we were in deer country, I thought they all had green eyes because we would go out at night with the flashlights to go see the deer, and when you flash the light on them. The reflection. I didn't realize.

I just thought they all had green eyes. Damn. It wasn't until yesterday. I was too old to learn. So you've been in the woods a little. What are the other disagreement? This is clearly, you get some other disagreements. We've got lots of disagreements.

It's basically like how one could survive in any kind of situation. You know, we argue about, well, what have we argued about on our podcast? Pretty much everything. We've been labeling a lot of things as gay straight or by. Yeah. Okay, let's hear some. Here we go. I went away in.

We did sports. We talked about sports are gay. What's a by sport? Oh, you just the whole thing. Yeah, just go through and you, like, name some sports, we'll tell you. Basketball. Basketball. Women's basketball, lesbian, obviously.

Sure. Men's basketball, I said gay because. Oh, that's good. The wrist. Gay, D.L. Got it. Got it. What do you say?

Sure, I agree. Yeah, yeah. We got some common ground here. There was some common ground. What did we disagree on? Soccer, I said, was gay presenting, but straight. I think it's fully gay. Interesting.

I don't know. Rugby's fully gay. There's something really gay about tennis. Like, oh! Right, right. The grunting. Actually, tennis, I think we said bye.

I think it's pretty gay. All their asses are out. They're grunting, the balls. See, I think soccer's straight, because a gay man has to use his hands. You know, you can't. You don't know many gay men. Oh, okay.

What about headers? Oh, good point. Good point. No, but our podcast basically, I mean, we've disagreed. We also just fought about a lot of stuff. It's been a lot of educated. on the weather for Nick, science.

Hockey straight? They are skating though. That's true. That's what I said. I said, no, hockey's gay. You're on a blade. But they fight. They fight.

They do fight. And they go in a box. They love. Is it straight when you have to take off a glove to fight? It's like a duel. You get to hit them harder. That's why you do it. That's true. I do like going to hockey games.

They are really fun. They're fun. And you rip a shirt over the guy. Yeah. It's kind of gay. I used to play that hockey. that hockey game in NES didn't remember Wayne Gretzky 3d hockey yeah yeah on 64 that's 64 had so many good games oh a golden eye donkey con I have it's 64 I really

they made it called an analog so you can now play it on your T because the old one won't work right and on the new when you hook it up you get the old n64 games and controllers you play it all oh those are the golden eye I played with with slumber parties for hours yeah it was a Mario card Mario card Nick and I play games every night he's a good he's a good he's a good gamer. Oh, hell yeah. I wouldn't label myself a gamer.

But he plays multiple games every single night. The term is Flamer. I'm sorry. You don't really play that. That's a joystick. But isn't that, isn't that being a gamer if you play games every night and you stream video games and you're playing

with your friends and you play multiple games? Yeah. And you have a PC for games and a PS5. But we only play the same game. We play dress to impress. What's a... That's a game? That's a video game. It's on Roblox where you literally put outfits together. Okay. Is that straight or fun?

We play Fortnite. I guess that is a game. And we recently played Shift at Midnight. We play chained. I don't know what any of these games are. Can we pull some of these up? Dressor Impress is the best one because honestly our straight friend plays, and I'm telling you, there's nothing better for gay rights when your straight friend at 10 seconds left goes,

fuck, I forgot to do my nails. It is such a good game. What is this? So basically you play against other people, you get a theme, and then you have to dress your, you should get a video of it if you could. I'm sorry, because this is just, this looks ridiculous. Yeah. You know what Roblox is. No.

Roblox is like a gaming site for children. Oh. And then dress to impress is very gay coded, so it's all children and then 40-year-old gay men that want to put outfits together. Got it. Oh, wow. This is like a cartoon. It's royalty. I got the perfect reference photo.

Okay, where's this dress? That was limited. What about the crowd? The IP item. Shoes? Yeah, we do a different one. This is weird. Is that what it is?

How about this? Type in dress to impress Mateo, because Nick and I have to play with each other. There we go. And you have to compete with one another. Not the first one. The first one, the first one, the first one, the first one we did a live dress to impress. So this one, so basically what you do is. This is us.

You have to walk around this giant room. This is a giant room. fast forward maybe like a quarter of the way through and you put an outfit on yes now I'm doing her hair hair the makeup the outfit the theme is caveman right so you have the top it says caveman

and you get six minutes to put this look together and then you compete with the other people why she have so much hair well you have to mold it you have to change the color and change this is elaborate now what does caveman have to do with anything well it's just you have to make a dress based off what a caveman could be

got some fur so mine's food right now so I'm taking her hat, putting it upside down, putting blonde hair in it to make it like pasta. Whoa! And then putting those two things on top to make it meatballs, so she's got pasta on her head. You can do all this creative shit with it. Okay. So yeah, serious you look on the love there. A gamer?

I would call this a gay. For sure. Yeah. It's for 40-year-old gay men and seven-year-old girls. Isn't that a great outfit? No, I'm changing her makeup. That's fun. But you can do cool shit.

I love that gay guys do this and straight guys when they get a video game. They're like, I'm going to kill a hooker. Right. We're making it. We're making the hooker. I am excited for Grand Theft Auto 6, by the way, but also Zelda, Aquarium of Time, they're remastering it, and it's coming out and Switch 2. I played very different games, but growing up, I played, like, Madden, basketball, or like,

the shooters. Sam, you are the straightest person, I know. Or like, uh... Tetris. I love Tetris. I love Tetris. What is it? Solitaire.

I love Solitaire. Mark's like, what about Frogger? I love Frogger. What about Tetris? and the newspaper boy. What about, but you like the shooters, though?

You like the shooter games? I'm obsessed with all shit. Call it duty. Call of duty. I mean, Fortnite is a shooter game. I used to play perfect dark. I used to play,

my friends and I used to play, the fuck was a call. We would have to go to like a cybernet cafe and play with our friends. It was a shooting game. It was like World War. Come on, you guys are straight. You don't remember the shooting game?

Fuck. I know you're listening. Doom? No, I loved Doom. Doom? Was fun. Turok? No.

Turook. I forgot. You went to go to an internet. My friend Adam and I, yes, we would have to go. How old are you? And then, I'm 40. And then at then they had all the computers and you would go and you can play CounterStrike. Counterstrike.

You could play Counterstrike with each other. Yes, yes. Okay. I didn't know you were a gamer. We had computers in Chicago. I know in your hometown that you had one computer for the whole town. He was pouring a flesh, I had a deer. That was his game.

They dressed the deer to impress. That's the good. Exactly. It would be fun. Sam, you should come play dress to impress some time. I don't know if it's my speed, but I'll come hang out. I think you'd... Give it a try.

I'll give it a try. What the hell? Evan Williams loved it? Maybe I'll love it. What the hell? You're an ally. Give it a try. I'm an ally.

There you go. Yeah. I'm trying to think what other games? I love fucking wrestling, too. WWF, no mercy. Remember that? I got into wrestling. Did you like wrestling?

I like the games. No, my brother did. I never. I mean, I do a whole bit about wrestling on stage. It's odd because it's so gay looking, yet no gay looking. really generally speaking that's true like it it's spandex it's speedos it's muscles

I brother was into it so I definitely was like around it look at that Jesus I never thought Hulk Hogan was sexy though who is but I've done this a million times who's the sexiest wrestler you have to show me a list I can only think of like Coldstone Steve Austin the Rock Coldstone

Coldstone Coldstone Creamery Steve Austin Oh, the ladies aren't bad looking. The best was Tristratus. Okay. Here we go. Who? Trish Stratus.

I mean. I still would. Definitely. Hunco-Rama. Who's he? Yeah, who is he? Oh, I know that guy. Yeah, he's one of the good ones.

Damn. Okay. One of the good ones. But I just, I don't know. I never. I only liked the women. Trish Stratis, Stacey Keebler. China.

Okay, China. All right. China dude I remember when she was in playboy I think she had a sex tape as well yeah she did have a sex tape she did confirmed that's Razor Ramon raise a Ramon good chest hair I'm not really okay what about the rock wasn't bad looking at the wrong early yeah I saw him at a gym my last year I was dating John Luca and him and I went to they have that pure gym and no they have it here too I think now and we were in pure gym and it's not like a equinox or something I mean it's a fine gym but

And all of a sudden the rock comes in. And he's working out and he's working out and he has like two guys standing around him at all the time. So you like leave him alone. Whoa. The rock is like seven times the size of them. Right. It was so weird. Weird.

I mean, he is. I would absolutely let him punch me in the throat. Are you into the big muscle guys or are you more? I mean, kind of anybody, but how could you not be into that? That's a specimen. How could you not be into that? Yeah. That's a.

What would it take, Mark? Well, what position? Uh, if I could top, if I could top, I could do it. Okay. Yeah. No hair to pull, though. That's, that throws me. I love this is all like survival questions today.

Yeah. The woods fucking a dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can last six months. Yeah, he's, yeah. He doesn't have a nice spot, really. Actually, the butt's not there. Is that important for a gay dude to have a good butt?

Well, yeah. Yeah. What do you look for? So many guys are bad butts. What are the butt? When you're looking to a butt, what are you looking for? A great butt. Is that why you guys work the legs so much?

The glutes? Yeah. Yeah. Do you do the glutes or no? It's like the same thing of you. Like a nice butt and a girl, right? Yeah, it's like the same thing. I've seen my arms.

I'm barely hanging on. So you got no butt? I got no butt. You don't have any butt? I got no butt. How? Let's have a look, Mark. I mean, I'll show you.

But what do you mean, no butt? I mean, it's just the small white ass. Get up and show the butt. You don't have about like no one in your family. Butts don't run in the family. Not really. My dad's got a flat ass. I got a flat ass. Same with my family. It's just, butts don't run in it. You got no, you got a butt?

Probably not. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, and what about the hair in the ass? Is that a factor? I don't know, some people like it. It depends. Some guys are really into it. Like a full bush or shaving. A full bush. This guy's ad, that's got to be a fucking shag carpet down there. I trim. Oh, wow. How do you get in there?

How do I get in there? I bend over in the mirror, play some jazz. I don't know. Oh, man. spend over the toilet. 11's jazz trio. Get some lip in. Get some Cole Porter going. Oh, man. You're like, I got to shave my ass.

No, yeah, it's just in the hole. Just in the hole. Yeah, I don't have it like on my actual cheeks. But why are you concerned about hair in your hole? I don't know. I just see it there and I'm like, I can get rid of that. Okay, all right, I appreciate that. To the ladies, because if they're going to be down in that area, you don't want to say.

Yeah. Yeah, but you have a bidet? Of course. Oh, I got to get a bidet. Sam's bidet is like The closest thing to a car wash It's a civil rights hose in my ass I love it

I want it clean man Yeah why not I you know One of I One toilet I have in the other one It's in the wall so I couldn't do it It would have cost a ton of money But yeah I like I'm happy to see a bidet Well yeah

Badees are great If you got a shaving butthole And a Biday you're cruising Am I? Yeah I'm pretty clean like that It's easy Yeah

No, I mean, you know, who wants a nasty butthole? Well, I saw some arguments of, like, guys online who are like, if you wash your ass, you're gay or whatever. That's crazy. Worrying about it is way gayer. Yes. Just clean your ass. Yeah. What do you think when you see those guys who are like, you're clearly gay, just be gay?

Yeah, but you can't. Yeah. You know, so I guess not washing your ass will keep them at bay, so to speak. Are there people you watch on TV or movies where you're like, this is a gay person? but they're presenting a straight. Andrew Lloyd Weber? The architect? No.

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what is this? Oh this have you seen this is pretty funny oh someone did one of me really? No they did did they guess it they thought I was straight shut up they do another one now where they're like do you think you could take this person in a fight I would say no to every But then the guy's always right behind him with gloves.

And he's like, oh, you want to fight? Oh, that's a terrible. Do you think you could win in a fight against me? Nick, do you want to watch his arm wrestle? Do you want to watch his arm wrestle? He's got confidence. I like it. But no skill.

Confidence is half the battle. Yeah, yeah. Half the battle is the strait. It's like 8%. Nick lost, and it was our crew. Nick lost an arm wrestling contest to everyone, including Jacob, who's 5'4. Wait, are you right or left-handed? I'm right.

I think if we did left-hands, we could do. I mean, we have a table here. Can you aren't wrestle? I probably. Are you right or left-handed? Right. Right. I think if we all did left-hand, I would do better than you think.

Well, that's a long arm. You got a good torque. See? I played volleyball. A lot of bend and snap in that. There we go. Let's see you two left-handed. I mean, you two left-handed.

This is big. Let's move over there. We get a lot in our table. I don't know if this is the straight- thing or the gayest thing we've ever done. It's always a combination of both. Yeah. It's just like wrestling.

If you beat him left-handed, that's pretty emasculating. I got to say, it's a fake dude. Fake breath. I've never felt one of these. You don't say. Oh. We got to talk about that after the arm wrestle. High school?

How many women? Just one. Women like a tall guy. Are you going to finish playing with the breath? We're going to arm wrestle. I've never seen. My God. Okay.

Yeah, we're just clearing. We should really just clear this side, because I've feeling there's going to go down pretty quickly but wait hold on get the elbow elbow on the table okay all right keep the elbows on the table yeah get those cans down what are you got to count I'm not the first that's the first time he said that all right ready one two three Nick come on me hold on Nick took me by surprise elbow on the table okay one one two three oh my god he's got huge arms dude he's ripped I can't be possible. All right, your six months went down to six minutes in the woods.

And Nick, even when you lose, you're like, well, that can't be right. I guess in hindsight, I am right here. He's going to get eaten by a bear like, this isn't fair. Well, why would, why would your left hand be stronger than my? But Nick, I work out my arms every, like, day. Why would I have chosen? You're very confident. Do I try the right? You really believe in yourself. this is going to be worse that's a big hand too

it's quite a mitt look how soft does hands look beautiful hands let me get the shot get the guns all right all right let's see one

two three oh my god god you god god oh that's good stuff he sounded like the alien

from American dad when he went down that was crazy now I got to hear this tennis elbow this lady you plowed who is this woman you had sex with

My high school girlfriend. Okay. Did you know you were gay? I mean, I always had a feeling, but again, when you come from a small town like that, it just like wasn't a thing. Like, there was no one gay from my town. There wasn't, so it was just sort of like, we were horny kids. I, we got along really well.

In hindsight, we were just really good friends. And I was like, all right. Wow. That's what you do. And it, you know, worked. Everything happened and orgasm. Yeah. She married two kids, doctor.

Wow. His kids. My. Could you work. Giant children with noodle arms. Damn. Her husband's like a former football player. Like, bigger than taller than me.

Whoa. Do you think you could take him in an arm wrestling content? I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think she's the longest for you in some kind of way? I don't. But she watches all of the job. I could, I could, fucking, I could beat that guy up.

I do that sometimes. Mine is not. I don't go there. Not really, but there's a part where you're like, I could figure it out. It's the same part of your brain than when you see a comic bomb on a show. You're like, I'll get them. Yes, exactly. There is that, I don't know.

Well, they did some interview with men, and they said, could you land a plane if the pilot passed out? And every single guy said yes. Which I would say no to that. No. I would be like, is there a maybe option? I know. Is someone guiding me through it? Right.

Who could win in a fight between you two? Well, he's taller. I used to box back of the day. I work out more than you. I work out. Oh, you do? Yeah. You're in the gym?

I'm in the gym. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, no. And you got some. I got some. I think I got a land. I could take them. And you got the no dad thing, probably got some anger in there.

Yeah. And I went to public school. That's true. I got fucked with quite a bit as a youth. We fought in the city. Oh, really? Okay. What, uh...

You had 9-11. Katrina. Hey, Katrina. That'll make a man out of you. One for one. I was out there with Sean Penn on a canoe with a gun. All right. That'd be interesting.

Yeah, that'd be a good Patreon. Yeah. To watch you guys. You watch me and Nick fight. Well, I would win. Oh, I have longer legs. You believe in yourself. How you show us how you punch.

You don't need to bring that up. You know what you can. He does a huge hands. He could really strangle it. Do you know how to punch? Yeah. Do you know how to punch? Yeah, yeah.

Have you punched someone? Yes. And been punched. Have you punched someone? Yeah. You have? Yeah. Who?

One woman. No. She undercooked. And it was, Jesus Christ. No, no, I, you know, we were kids. We were just drank a lot of me, getting to fights and stuff. And you would punch your friends?

Yeah. Yeah. That was normal. Yeah. Oh, my God. And sometimes you punch the wrong one to get your ass kicked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happened. People lose their temper.

I remember I punched the wrong friend once, and he took my face and smashed it into a fucking into the curb and just. A curb. Bloody night. What was that movie? American history. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Jeez. Yeah, I used to hang out with neo-Nazis.

It was weird. No, we were just drunk. Yeah, yeah. Got pretty wild back then. There was no internet. Yeah. What else are you going to do? Like, around like high school, straight guys together, the scariest thing in the world.

100%. There's too much hyper energy and anger. I feel like that. I see young kids, I'm like, these dudes are trouble. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is because we're old. Yeah.

Right. That's what it is. Yeah, you see high school boys come on the subway? You're like, oh, shit. I know. I used to have a joke where I'm like, if I, even though I'm going to, I look at My greatest fear is to walk by seventh graders playing soccer and the ball accidentally wrote towards me Right. Yeah, you ever had that thing where the ball goes over then like little help? And you're like, oh God, this is a big moment

I'd rather be drafted It's horrifying No wait, what is the show so you guys do a live show as well? We've done a few live shows we have our podcast It's called I never liked you and then we just find a topic It started of us to do it because he calls me seven times a day and like we might as well monetize this You also call me you make it seem like I'm the needy one What are you doing? He called me.

What are you doing? But we started because... We started doing YouTube videos. Well, first we were, over the pandemic, I was streaming Fortnite, and it was us and our friend Donnie. And people really loved Nick because he was so mean. But, like, not a mean you could take seriously. Like, the first thing he said that made people start paying attention to him is he was, like, one time I called Verizon and I got, I don't know, this woman, Sally. And she picked up this.

This is Sally for customer service. How can I help you? I said, Sally, I'm going to need you speak to your manager because I can tell you're not going to be able to help me and I don't want to waste my time with you. No, look, in my defense, it was one of those things because everywhere has switched to automated customer service. So I had been on it for like 45 minutes being like, human, human. And then it finally was just this very sweet older woman. There's going to be no humans left. I mean, it's going that way.

You have the bit about the Delta Gimp, but it's like, you know, but it's like you want. the person just so you can be like can I get some real interaction human you can bargain in a way yes they can see they can hear empathy like yeah running late for a flight or something how many times a flight tent said hold on let me see what I can exactly you know and it's like it's when they take your genuine and night yeah you can be and just being nice to people goes a long way for both people right if it's an if it's an AI bullshit then it's like I have to stick to the rules no matter what and there's no humanity here so it's really frustrating because you're

you feel stuck. My friend is mean to his chat bot. And I'm just like, I'm like, I'm too paranoid. I talk to Claude sometimes, but I'm just like, thank you. You never know. In case they rise up, I don't want to get fucking. They're going to make, they're going to. They might.

Maybe I'll just be a slave. You never know. Yeah. In the revolution. That's true. The AI revolution. It's coming. Even the AI guys are like, don't, the heads of AI are like, this is bad.

We've gone too far. But they're still doing it. I know. But they're still making money. Humans have such, why are we like, we see something terrible happening, global warming, you know, anything as simple as smoking. Like, this will kill you. You're like, got it.

I know. Because smoking's cool. It is actually. Do you smoke? No. It is cool. It is cool. I do love smoking cigarettes.

You have like one of those little ones every once in a while, right? You and Rachel. You have the, what they call the Virginia Slins. Oh, yeah. Every once in a while. But I prefer, like, now. I would vape if I could. The nicotine's not bad for it and you get a nice jolt.

A drunk cigarette? Is it? Every once in a while a drunk cigarette. Dude, I got to do it. Everyone's a while I got to do it. It feels good. They don't count when you're like in Vegas or like... Oh, so you really only do it when you're in Europe.

Yeah, I wish I'd go in two days. You go to Europe a lot. I do. I'm doing another tour there. Hell yeah. I'm excited. Italy? Yeah, I'm doing Copenhagen, Paris, Rome, Athens, Munich, and Prague.

These are great town. Frog, I hear, is rough. For comedy. For comedy. No, no, beautiful city. It should be fine. Helsinki was good. I like Helsinki.

I actually did have a good time in Helsinki. It's the Dutch that are kind of quiet. They don't laugh that hard. And they come out. That's a weird thing. It's like they're comedy fans here for sure. I had a joke where I was like after Dutch, like they don't laugh and then they come up to you like, that is the hottest I ever laughed in my entire life.

When I did Amsterdam, the promoter or whatever, the guy ran the theater who was like, I got to tell you, we had three comics before you and they all had a meltdown. I was like, oh, great, and I'll tell you who it is after. But they're like great comics. Yeah. So that's what those crowds do to it. I had a good time last time. I walked out and I said, I know you that you know that I know, that you don't laugh. Okay.

And they all laughed. You know, but you have to just kind of have to change it up based off the vibe of the room. Totally. It's like, in Spain are like they're the most excited audience in the face of the planet. Oh, really? That makes sense. That makes sense. Really?

Based on their personalities. Like, look at how they are offstage. Right. I mean, when you're not in the show. Yeah. It's different. The Italians clap more than laugh. Yeah.

You feel like you're doing Carson in the 80s. You let me tell a joke. You do a pito joke and they're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Weird. I've never done Italy. Did Milan. You could do Milan for sure.

I would love do Milan. Yeah, Florence. Oh, my God. I get Cicillard. I met this, I met this woman. I land in Copenhagen. This has never happened to me. She was so nice.

She stops me and she goes, oh my God, Sam Meryl. And she starts crying. What? Whoa. And she goes, I listen to We Might Be Drunk every week. Really? It gets me too much shit. I'm never, I'm with my friend Chase and he goes, has that ever happened?

I was like, no one has ever. I'm like, I've made women cry. Sure, sure, yeah. It's never been a good thing. But I was, like, this is amazed. She was so nice. Wow. Florence, Italy.

Florence. Shout out to her. I love you so much. Amazing. I was passionate. I was like, that has never happened. That's wild. Crazy.

Yeah. No, the Italians are good. I performed in Sicily in Palermo, which was really cool. That was a very strange experience, but, like, great. Why? I got to go there. Because they've never had an American comic there before. Wow. So, like, the setup was, like, watching this woman from Naples who was, like, the manager,

screaming all these Sicilians, everyone's yelling. And at one point, they're so Italian. Like, we know, we have a spotlight. And they come up to my tour manager. She's like, where's the spotlight? They go, hey, we decided, no. She's like, that's my decision. But then the audience was great.

Yeah. How are the French? I like the French a lot. You know what I'm interested in the French is any culture that's trying to be cool is not a great comedy audience. I agree. And their culture is like cool. Right. They're fine.

Last show I did there was good, but I've had a couple there where I was like, this is fucking rough. You know what's tough is that upper Scotland, you try to do crowd work and you're like, hey, man, what do you do? He's like, ah, rah, blah. It's like groundskeeper Willie yelling at you. I have no idea what he's saying. They were Belfast. Oh, Belfast is real tough. It's a thick accent.

What was that? And these are like, you know, the blue collar people coming out so the accent's even thicker and crazier. And they're calling you slurs. You don't even know what that means. You know, like, look at this cow on a cow on her. Is that bad? Yeah. But fun.

They said Jeff R. Curry was there and he's like, you know, his whole thing's crowdwork. And he was like, I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. So I ruined the show. Not a good show. Just an hour of, huh? Yeah. Could you repeat that?

I can get it. It's nice touring in Europe because you get the. whole day to yourself because everyone's asleep here. Right. She just liked to enjoy it. It's a peaceful. And I'm excited. I'm going to bring my phone out sometimes.

I'm like, I'm not going to get a message. It's crazy to do. But don't you want to take pictures? No, yeah, I guess I do bring it out. Sam was particular. He was doing, he was sold out the Chicago Theater. And I go, don't you want to take a picture at the end? Sam goes, do you think I should?

I was like, you're that way too, right? Yeah, I never think about her. I don't give a shit. Don't you want to remember? I got it up here. Who cares? You can just celebrate it. the marquee.

There you go. Ryan got it. I didn't even get it. But yeah, I don't... You're never like, let me take a picture of the skyline. Nothing? I'll do that. I'll do that more than myself.

My own stuff feels weird taking pictures of your own. No, no, no, never. I see people do that. And it looks awesome, but it's just not my thing. It is a bit awkward, but if you can kind of work it through. It's actually fun for them because then they get to go back and look and see where they say, I was sitting there. That's true.

over there. I don't like when my opener goes, let's get a photo. And I'm like, you just want the photo. Yeah. Don't actually like you want a photo with me.

You just want a photo of you at a theater. Yeah. They might want one with you. They photoshop me out. I checked. Worst place. Worst place you've ever performed.

Syracuse, New York. It's up there for sure. That's a tough one. I mean, everyone knows mine. Just Naples. I fucking like Naples, Florida, but, you know, awful.

Naples is tough. How about you guys? What do you think? Well, do we talk about last night, Springfield, Massachusetts? Oh, that's. Oh, that was a basketball Hall of Fame, baby. Yeah.

That was a rough weekend. Oh, is that that one? Yeah, that is brutal. They've had a little curtain for your green room next to the most blasting music ever. I brought Evan Williams with me. This is probably like 2017. And just... And no one comes out.

That's the other thing. I remember DeStefano did... He was there the night his special came out, and there was like 14 people in the... He sent me the picture. He was like, my special is out right now. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, that was rough. How did they even stay open?

It's a part of the casino. Yeah, it's a right off of them. An afterthought. And that's not a fucking happy casino. Yeah, that's true. Springfield, Missouri, because that's a lot of tweakers in that casino. Yeah, it's kind of scary around there. Worcester's bad, too.

Worcester's a casino. Yeah. It's very fentany. Damn. I know. There's some really shit. Casinos are already sad. So when you're like, it's a set casino.

Yes, have you done casinos? Yeah, we just did a casino. Good money. They could be open for me at Sears. They get better, though, as you get an audience. I used to hate Vegas. The win is cool. The win I like.

Shout out Dylan. I love the win. Yeah, dude, I used to hate casinos, but like, once you get your people, it's not as bad. That's right. Once you gamble. A little. Winning never feels as good as losing feels bad. So I just don't.

Nick is really good at Blackjack. Are you? Yeah. I love it. Yeah. I'll do it sometimes. Finally, somebody he's actually good at. Actually, Nick is shockingly, it's shocking what he's good at, and then shocking what he's wildly delusional.

Right. Yeah, what are the, give me the actual good. Well, he's actually really athletic. Really? Yeah. He actually is. What sports? What are we talking here?

Even everything from like volleyball, when we were playing basketball, you were good. He's a spiker. Yeah. Bowling. That's really random things I'll be good at bowling, badminton. Really good at gambling. I'm dog shit at bowling. We're really good at games, like card games and stuff.

We play Combo in our crew. Nick is really, really good at it. All right. Do you gamble if you go? Not really. I never win, so I just stop. But I like sitting at the table. You play Blackjack? A little, but I'm horrible.

I can't count that fast. Same. And I got the fat guy with the hockey jersey like, come on. You're hitting on that? What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm sorry. Well, you're actually that you're the guy at the table that would make me crazy. That's me.

Because the guy who doesn't know what to do it, you fuck up the whole deck. I know. I'm just trying to play. See, that's kind of me. And I got in Vegas one time yelled out by the guy, but I don't care. And I just started yelling back at him. And I was like, I don't give a shit. Right.

You're either lucky or you're not lucky. I'm taking the card. It is ultimately. And then they. I'm yelling at me. Look at the arms on this guy. I would talk with him. He wears his like Krelladaville coat around.

Got fights in Chipotle. Got fights in here. Got fights. And Nick is always fighting. Our fans. Oh, no. Be careful. Don't do the comments.

Okay. Well, no, the comments I love. Do you guys tour together? Nick will come open for me on a couple dates, yeah. Yeah, or we'll do sometimes out of town like live podcast gigs. Oh, cool. That's fun. So when you open, do you do a like stand-up?

Yeah, he's been doing stand for a couple of years now. Hey. I'm going on my first tour in February. Oh, my gosh. And I'm doing Zanis in Chicago in November if you guys are. Whoa, okay. Classic. Camera B.

Part of the comedy festival there. that I should know. Three one, two, my whole family is coming. Hell yeah. And they invited you over to my aunt Cindy's house if you want pasta. Oh, there we go.

All right. You have Aunt Cindy. They're obsessed with you. Oh, yeah. I love your family, dude. You know, it's crazy. I was at a, like, coffee spot outside the hotel in Warsaw. And the manager, Ryan's father from Zanis,

he just starts talking me, not knowing I'm a comedian. He's just like, oh, what are you doing in town? I was like, oh, you know, just, you know, some work stuff. He pulls out of me that I'm doing a show and he goes, my son runs Zanis. And I was like, I played Zanis a million, but it ends up coming to one of the shows. Oh, cool. Yeah. But, uh, wild. Yeah, it was a kid. I'm like, oh, I'm going to Copenhagen. I was like, I'll leave you tickets. Yeah. Were you around for the Burt Haas days? Of course. Is he not there you're joking? I think he's done, right? Yes. Thank God.

He was hated, right? He hated me out publicly in front of all the other country. Wait, why don't shoot you out? Because he chewed a lot of people out. He also hated me, too, so I have a story. Oh, great. I got a story. I got a story. I got a story too. So this guy ran Zanis for people that don't know. It was a small club in Chicago, but a great club. Classic. If you go there, the headshots are like, it's like a museum. It is.

It's crazy. Yeah, it's amazing. So he would run a thing where he's like, come to the club early, well, look at your headshot, your resume and all that. You didn't listen to that hour speech? Yes. You did that? It was so green. I'm like Star Search Night, remember they called it?

Shit. Yeah. I was in Chicago with my girlfriend at the time. We just went on a trip to Chicago, and I was trying to. be a comedian and I heard about this thing. So I was like, all right, I'm gonna go down there and you sit in a circle and he gives you a little speech and then he says, maybe you'll get on.

And I was like, oh my God, this is exciting. So I go there and I kept hearing, don't be late, don't be late, okay. So I get there, is it like five or four. And I get there and it's like 358, 357, so my God, I'm right on time. Doors locked. Huh, what the hell? Looking in there.

Hello, nothing, doorbell, nothing, nothing. I go around the back, shaking the door, nothing. Eventually some crazy old, waitress with a cigarette's like, can I help you? And I'm like, I'm here for the birdhoss thing, and she's like, oh, baby, it's 401. And I'm like, what? All right, I was on time,

whatever. Joe, you better get up there. So I get up there, and he's mid-speech, and there's all these comics around, like in a semicircle, and he's like, huh? And I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm here, and he goes, you think you can be late to this? You're never going to make it in this tad. You're a fucking loser.

This is the prom with comedians. Are all pieces of shit. And he goes, where's your headshot? I'm like, Oh, I don't have a headshot. He's like, hey, you don't have a headshot. You'll never work on this town again. Get the hell out of here. Meanwhile, you probably have like five headshots in that club right now. I know.

So I was like, I left my tail between my legs. I walked around. I was like at the verge of tears. He didn't let you stay. No, he kicked me out of there. He made an example out of me. He got to a fight with my old agent. This is in like 2013.

And so a fight about not even really me. And then he was like, well, then Mateo's never working his name again. So for years, I couldn't work my own home club. Wow. So I would work, thank God, the Lincoln Lodge, which I love. And I would do so many shows of the Lincoln Lodge. And then by the time I came back to Zanis to work out in the material, I had her down the Chicago Theater, Burt.

Hey! But I was like, God, you're such a... He was so... And I had to do the same thing. You sit there. He gives you this hour speech. Look, there was some... There was some good stuff about it.

Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, you know, you're a young comic and you want to learn. And so I like that. Like, there's someone telling you about their side of comedy. I didn't understand booking. I didn't understand clubs. Like, there was a lot of... benefit to that, but he was way too unfair.

Those dudes were obsessed with their own, sound of their own voice, their power. There was a guy named Tom Sobel who did this to me and embarrassed me in front of everyone. I did this festival in Asheville, and I did well. And I got offstage and he goes, see this comedian, made an example of me, he did really well, but he holds his mic up here.

He goes, if you want to do comedy, you want it down here, so everyone gets to your face. And he's just trying, and by the way, the guy's like a cokehead. fucking business. But he just had to like, he couldn't have pulled me aside and said it. He wanted to make a show of it all. It's a power thing for those guys.

But here's the thing. You go back to New York. You're working way up to the ranks, open mics, the creek, all this shit. One day I headlined Zanis. And I remember flying there like, oh, is that guy going to be there? Oh, geez, wonder if he remembers me, whatever. I get to the club. We sold some tickets.

And I walk in and Bert's like, hey, put it there. I'm Bert. And I'm like, hey. Did you confront him? No, I felt like Jean Valjean. Javert forgot. He forgot that I was this piece of shit. And he was like, nice.

He even brought your headshot that time, too. And you were stolen bread from the club earlier. But he never remembered. And I just said, fuck it and let it fly. Yeah, because you know, in that moment, it's like it doesn't matter. Yeah, the war's over. The war's over. And I won by headlining.

But you know, maybe it's, I don't know, maybe some of that stuff. There's some good in it, too, you know, because you remember it. You're not even thinking it's so easy. Yeah. Sure. Sure. It shows up to your show at 801, you're like, get the fuck out. Yeah.

But that's the thing with the young cop. I feel like that would happen. They would go on Instagram and go, I just got kicked out by this fucking asshole. But back of day, I just took it. By the way, that is a fucking epidemic. It really is. People who are like, you know. That impulse to go public with everything.

But yeah, but it's, you're doing it not even. If whatever happened to just settling shit, like, as people. It has to be public now. I know. Because it's currency. You get clicks and you get clicks. You get clicks. You get, you go girl.

or whatever, you know, people like root for you, but... Yeah, I don't engage. I agree. Yeah. But also, what do you guys think of, like, really young comics, you know, like a year or two in posting their stuff online? I think it's short money. Wait, anonymity is a gift.

Yeah, I think so, too. It's tough because you need to work and they're, I think some of them are trying to get more work so they can get better, but then some of them, it's like, yeah, it's probably like putting your first audition tape on YouTube if you're a fucking, you know, great actor. I really see, I do see both. Things are changing. We had to change. It's not true.

And we were the wave of changing that. I would pull. Like if I'm, I have some VHS tapes from my old back of the day from like the comic show. I'm like, oh my God. You're warning Adams watching. Jesus Christ.

But yeah, I'm so glad they're not out there. Yeah. Because I wasn't good. Yeah. I mean, that's okay. It's okay. I mean, I remember like.

But you would send those to clubs, but they weren't online. That's right. I think a private link would maybe be better. Yeah. But yeah, You're trying to build an audience. I get it. I watch it.

Part of me thinks like, oh, you should like wait till like you're fully formed and this might stunt your growth as an artist. But then I'm also like, well, I think times have also changed. So maybe that's just the way it is now. But I, I, that's obviously we can post because we have 18 some years of doing it. Right, right. But some people blow up just talking to the phone, like face the camera shit. Yes.

Which I think Nick should do, by the way, because he's naturally funny. He's, he has an opinion. He calls me nine times a day about celebrity gossip. by no none of it. I mean calling him. And it's like, Nick, you would be so funny. I like people would love to hear pop culture stuff. Yeah.

They would love it. You should be doing that. And his act is really good. Thank you. It's actually very, very good. I'm excited to see it. Oh, no, it's great. It's great.

All right. But you should do that, Nick. If Mark says so, I will. You're built for this. Opinionated. Well, I mean, he's shaped. Can't hold the phone. Right, right.

The shakes, but. But no, I get it. it too and you get you know you get a dopamine hit hey this it's got a couple views and maybe you can find your voice online see what works best and what doesn't so yeah i get it and you know you don't want to be the boomer yelling at the cloud like these kids today so i know you know i get it i totally get why they do it they're trying to get work like that's how you get seen i mean think about it like we did it with open mics you hope someone would see you at an open mic you hope someone would see you so you're hoping comics you're funny too so i totally get why they do it yeah it's complicated because like he would

say back in the day the shows that you were talking about like the oh Those were the shows to get on. Those don't really exist anymore. That's true. That's true. People aren't going to shows to see people. They're just going to your Instagram and watching your clips. Yes.

You don't have clips on your Instagram. They're not going to book you for your show. Right. They're not going to show to see you. Yeah, it's a catch-22. I get it. I mean, look, that's what I'm saying. I'm open to, I'm open.

Things have changed. They changed. I mean, look, we came in and did things differently than the generation before us. I'm sure they were like, you don't do it that way. Yeah, what the other is. You gotta wait around the club till 2 a.m. until they'll give you a five minutes, and then you're getting like,

I'm just going to go do it at the creek. But at the same time, there's so much stuff out there that you're like, what does a clip even mean anymore? I know. It's also just, you know, it's gone. It's gone.

Right. What was a question for you? When you all did like Comedy Central, half hour or 15 or whatever, like one of your first big filmed gigs, when you filmed that material and they released it, did you still do that material at the clubs and on the road? Or were you like,

okay, I'm done with that now. You we wean off it. Yeah, you kind of just, you do it at your pace. Because you still, you did it fairly early. Yeah, yeah. So it's like. Yeah, well, I think 14 people watched our half hour comedy central special.

So I was like, I could do it now. I could tell those jokes today. Yeah. What's that one from? But in my dumb head, I was like, everybody's seeing it. Yeah. I can't do this. But yeah, 10 people watched it.

But you, but you know, we did a kind of similar trajectory, the half hour and then we did the hour. And it was, I remember it was like, yeah, we would write together all the time. And it was like, yeah, we would write together all the time. And it was like that thing where you're like, yeah, you try to wean off it. You do what you have to survive on the road in these papered rooms where not everyone was there to see you. But then you slip it in as quickly as you can. You're like, oh, it feels you're like cutting one joke at a time, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was this comic in L.A. She had this viral joke from like a news appearance or something. WGN. We did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she talks about it today and she had an interesting take on it where she was saying before, Or if you had a viral joke or something, you sort of stopped doing alive because it's burned, yada, yada. And she was like, and now it's switched to almost like going to a concert for singers where the audience there is waiting for you to do that joke. Ah, yes.

They recognize that joke. So she was like, I'll be doing my set. I know that they're waiting for me to say my John Bonae Ramsey bit. Right. I know they're waiting for it. It's like the bar. And they say it. I didn't do it up.

Yeah. Yeah. Just say the line. Just say the line kid. I'd enjoy it. Only I made you the dance. Yeah, my wife is obsessed with this guy, Noah Khan. You know this singer?

No. Well, he's huge. He does Shea Stadium and all these places. City Field. Cityfield, thank you. This guy, all the women love him. He's a boy. Is he gay?

No, he's Jewish. Oh. But big star, big guy. But I had to watch his documentary because she liked him so much. and he's like, yeah, you know, he's on TikTok, like, they show him struggling. And he's like, I've been at this two years. I don't know when it's going to break. And then, you know, he blew up a year later or whatever.

And you're like, that's the difference now. He was playing guitar on TikTok and just started gaining fans, gaining fans. And after like four years, he was doing theaters. So what the fuck do we know? I know. We don't know. That's what I'm saying. It's like, you know, well, we're participating in a game that we, you know, started early on.

But I think. There's benefits, though. If you blow up, you can grow, but then also, like, I remember Mike D. Stefano, RIP Mike. I used to see him go up at, like, ha, comedy club. Yeah. And he would do, like, every night there. You could see, like, and get up, like, four nights, four nights, four times a night here. And it was like, yeah, I like bombing in the shadows.

I like that I can grow here. I like that no one here matters to me. Because are all tourists, and I'm never going to see them again. And I can, yeah, LOL. Yeah, L-O-L was that like that? But, like, dude, I love that about, like, the comic stripper, L-O-L or any of these clubs, I could just, like, fucking. No stakes.

No stakes. I can fail. You need to release the straight jacket. But then some guys just show up fully formed. Like I think like Michael Che showed up kind of fully formed. Yeah, he was like I had to fall face forward a lot to figure myself out. I still fall face forward. Yeah.

But I feel like Chee showed up and I was like, yeah, he just kind of knows who he is. But he also started later than us. True. He was older as it comes. So I think he had more confidence in what kind of person he was. Like Nick. Yeah. But like I was like 18 when I started.

So I was like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know who the fuck I have. am yeah you know you're talking about like my first jokes were about like class Fran Leibowitz always says she was like friendly boots made a great point about writers you know we're writers essentially and yeah she was like she was like yeah you see prodigy and acting and music and sports you do not see in writing because in writing you have to know something oh and I was like that's actually really very well most of the best comics hit their prime in their 40s right or whatever yeah yeah so it's all downhill for us or it's you know there's a couple exceptions like Eddie Murphy right

for the most part it's... But do I sound like old man shaking my hat? I'm trying to... No, no, no. Because I'm saying I get it. I'm just saying, yeah, I don't want to resist it. I'm like, if this is the way it moves, it's the way it moves, but...

Was Michelle a great writer just from the get-go? Michelle was good, pretty quick. Michelle was... Michelle was like Chase. She was also a little older when she started and she was, I think, fully formed. Yeah, at workhorse. She was writing, writing, writing, all the time. Totally different energies.

Oh, my God. Michelle had like a sense of urgency, and Shea was just kind of like chill. She was in one of my first show. in New York. Her and I would used to do the grisly pair together. Wow. Open mics at the grisly pair at 4 p.m. How you guys doing? I don't know if I... She was so sweet. I just hung out with her in Barcelona and she came and did some time on my show. It was so nice to catch up with her. I fucking love Michelle. I missed her in Lisbon, but like a couple hours. She's also somebody like if you're ever struggling, you know when you're like thinking on a joke and you're like where this needs to go to another breath. I'm stuck. You text Michelle Wolfe. I'm like within seconds 50 jokes. I know. She's so good at angles. She has that face-to-camera stuff where she does.

I'm like, oh, how did we miss that about Trump or that about Elon Musk? It's always some great take that no one thought of. She's like the wolf and Pulp Fiction. Like, call the wolf. Call the wolf. Yeah. Yeah, I'll fix it. Do you know, have you met Michelle Wolf, Nick?

I think once maybe with you, but very briefly. She's amazing. She's an amazing writer. Yeah, I did her room in Barcelona. And she's like a god over there. Yeah. It was really cool. Great room.

I wish I knew the name of it. I think I did it once. It was like an Irish bar. Yeah, downstairs. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's really cool. Can I ask about peeves? Did they set you up and let you know that we do?

I got a peeve. Yeah, anything that just annoys you guys. I'll give you one. Oh, yeah, I thought you were. Yeah, I was on a flight and this annoys me when you're on your ground for like ever. And then you finally take off and you have to piss. And the flight attendant's like, sit down, sir. And I was like, we're stable.

You got to let me. me, I gotta pee, it's been a long time. And she's like, it's not safe. And I was like, well, you're standing. Yeah. And you're old. Yeah. Why do you get to stand?

It's not like you stand better. Yeah, when I see someone standing, the second a flight attendant stands up, then I'm like, I'm going to go pee because I have to be all the time too. I think of their standing I should be allowed to stand. And I'm also literally, I'm just going to pee and run back to my seat. I agree. I'm not trying to make a scene. I'm not the guy who got fucking duct taped.

Yeah. That motherfuckerucker's not real. That duct tape guy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was hysterical. Pull it up. That was great.

That and the Mitch McConnell. What is? It looks in, not even that. What? In a sack of potatoes. I know. Oh, look at that. Duck tape is very, very efficient.

But yeah, Mitch McConnell looked like me when I saw the Sydney Sweeney ad. Yeah, what peaves you guys got? How about this one? You get the guy who you asked you, you know, uh, shot JFK? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it? I go, Jack Ruby. He goes, yeah, yeah, Jack Ruby.

Like, you didn't know. When they pretend to know. He shot the guy. Sorry. What's the name? Hoover? No. President?

Why am I forgetting his name? I'm forgetting his name. Oswald. Oswald. Yeah, he shot Oswald. I got the wrong guy. Who shot Nixon for Jody Foster. What was his name?

Wasn't Nixon. No, who shot, who tried getting to Reagan. Who tried getting to Reagan. Hinkley. Hinkley. Yeah. But yeah, you go. And he shot Brady.

That's the Brady. That's the Brady. comes from, he shot his guy Brady. It was for Jody Foster. I know. Kind of flattering. I love Jody. Maybe a part of it was like, I am kind of impressed.

Yeah. On some level. I feel like it was following the taxi driver thing. It was. Completely. Because she was like 12 in it. She was like 14. Yeah, she was young.

Isn't it crazy you made this like brilliant piece of art and taxi driver and then a guy he's fucking inspired to do that by it? Yeah. A guy got killed. What's that movie made? Pats, Temptation of Christ. What happened? Passion of the Christ?

Jesus, he got killed for it. No, the guy got killed at a theater because of the movie. It was a big deal back then. It was like a religious nut. He was like, you got to shut this theater down, this is sacrilegious, and he killed somebody. Oh, my God. Pull it up. I know.

Yeah. But yeah, when the guy, the clue doesn't know, you say the answer, then he goes, oh, yeah, that's it. Like, you didn't know. That annoyed me. Pet peeve of mine when you're on the road and, you know, you have to order food. Like, there's no food around. And, like, you're in the middle of nowhere, and you order food, and it has no plastic fork or knife. Oh, that happened to me recently.

And I'm just, like, okay, so I'm just eating it with my hands in my bed. Like, I'm some sort of, like, a survivor or something. I'm like, you know, I don't know. That would be nice. Like, when I'm in the middle of Ohio and there's no restaurants in sight, I'm like, I just needed to fork to eat my dinner. And you get creative. You're like, let me use a coffee stir and a pen. Yeah, you figure it out.

Yeah. How about this guy? This is another peave. The guy, it's just you and me. We're in a hotel room playing video games. Sure. And you go, hey, you're hungry? And you go, me?

Just me and you? You get the guy who just says me? And I'm like, there's no one here. No, another pet peeve when you tell someone like, they go, have you ever seen such and such a movie? I go, no. And they go, you've never seen such a movie? I know.

It's annoying. There's a lot of movies out there. And I can't go back in time and be like, actually, yeah. Right. No, I'm not. Why do we have to instead if you have something else? You're not that shocked that I've not seen it. Remember what I said I hadn't seen it?

Let's go with that one. Why do I have to say it again? Sam, you've ever had a girlfriend or had a dog and then a dog jumps in the bed during sex? Yeah, sometimes they join in. Oh, God. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

Luckily, that dog couldn't get very high on the bed. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Good old winning. It's a good old wingy. Is Winnie? Is Winnie? No, still going strong.

What? Go on. I think so. As far as I know, it's still going strong. Fucking, what's his face? Keith Richards. Yeah, legend. Legend.

I won't die. You got a peeve? That's McConnell. I have a lot of them. Probably Chipotle because I go every day. I love Chipotle. I go every day. Come on.

With that physique. So did you know they start ranking? Do you have the app? No. I can't sign up for things. I'm sick. That's another peeve. An app for everything.

Enough apps. Yeah, but you get the points, Sam. I do like points, but I hate apps. I hate downloading shit. They recently ranked on the app. It, like, told you you're in the top blank percentage of customers or how many times you've visited. For nationwide, what percentage of the top blank percent do you think I was in? Top ten.

Nationwide. Top ten. Three percent? Yeah. I'd say eight. I would say 10 percent. Top point O one percent. Whoa, you're a one percenter.

Holy shit. How does that work? I don't know. I must have taken out a mortgage to pay for Chiboli. I go, I'm not kidding. I go every day. Do you have a bidet? Because the shits from Chippole are pretty wild.

What's your order? A bowl. So this is my pet peeve. Stop with the skimpy portions. I'm with you, Fannie. You're working minimum wage. You're not getting, like, fuck the man. Yes.

They're screwing you over. You don't have to screw us over. And you know what? I shouldn't have to ask for extra. I'm with you and I'll say this I don't like sour cream I don't either okay so I get everything else But the sour cream when you do get it they scoop that fucker on I know like they're trying to drown it too much yes yes I do that with corn I'm always like just a little corn they just take the bucket yeah dump it on it but then the chicken sounds really good

It's three three cute I always okay this is it's not a pep peeve but I always ask if it's okay Like I'm not on a busy day but I do have that thing where cilantro tastes like soap Oh, like really ruins it. I eat it and it's awful. So you can say, is it possible that I could get the rice without cilantro? They'll do it. I didn't know that. Yeah, because they have a whole thing of white rice ready to go before they put in the cilantro.

And it makes the meal so much better. Otherwise, the whole thing just tastes like soap. Like you just taste one bite of cilantro. Like, oh, the meal's ruined. Yeah, it does. Salantra does nothing for me. Me neither. It's like whatever.

I have another pep peeve New York related. cab drivers. We've lost the what's the right word. The art? The art of cab driving. I have been in several yellow cabs lately because they were available.

I go and I say where I'm going and they type it into their phone. You are a cat. It's kind of like when they measure the shot of a cocktail. Yes. I want you to do it with a little fucking, yeah. Pazaz.

I want to get in a cab, say here, and you get me there barely. Yes. cigarette hanging out of the mouth go too fast break those type in cabs yeah I used to take cabs all the time

when I lived in the Upper East Side after the cellar remember you used to wait outside Yes It was a week and I would take a cab up And I did the same thing Yeah it was great Yeah yeah you're right

That's a good one although I got in a cab In Regina Canada Excuse you Yeah I know that's the name of it I was right in the clit And I got a they got me a cab To the airport because I guess they don't have Uber There and I mean this guy

The car was fucked up. There was trash in it. He smelled like hell on earth. And, you know, I don't know where he was from, but we took forever to get there. He went to the wrong gate. I mean, it was brutal. I was like, give me an Uber when I get back home. So you start to realize like, oh, maybe Cabs are on the way out. It's weird. I know. New York is changing. It is. Well, plug some dates. Guys, you get the podcast.

So our podcast, I never liked you. When will this come out? Two weeks? Yeah. There you go. Great. Oh, look, I look great. Oh, hell yeah.

Look at that. That was in Spain. Wow. That was in, bro, it was in... There you go in Munich. Yes, I'll be Munich, Athens. I'll be Rome, Denver. Oh, we added a second show to Denver,

Paramount Theater, so please come. Great theater. Pittsburgh, October 15th, Stanford, Connecticut, October 22. Marnie Music Hall. Mm-hmm. Nice. Yeah, coming to Montreal, Ottawa. Yeah, I'm doing it.

Materialandcomedy. Where are you at on your hour? You've got a new hour? I'm in the middle of the tour with this hour. Got it. Started it September of last year. It will end May of next year. Okay.

And then you tape? Maybe. Well, you know, I asked and guess who says no. Really? Yeah, they said no. That is what? I'm sorry. Just months and months and months of them being like, well, we're thinking about it.

I bet they come around. Mark. I got a feeling. Mark. They gave Joe DeRosa one. Like, come on. They acquired it. They acquired it.

Yeah, yeah. Like, if you did it yourself, I don't know, we'll talk later. Yeah, yeah, we'll talk later. And the podcast. And the podcast. I never liked you. Nick, tell them about your tour.

Well, the tour hasn't been announced yet, but it'll be in February and March and the coastal cities, basically. And then Chicago is in November. And where can they get tickets? At my wingtree, because my website hasn't launched yet either. Okay. Okay. Link or just go to Zanee's Chicago

There you got the tickets there If you're here to grow in Alright can I see what Yeah Can I move it? Oh yeah They're gonna I love the crunchy

It's correct It looks so good And it's numb Do you have that? It was kind of numb to a while Okay It's very strange Who picked you up from surgery?

The wife Was like an abortion My wife His wife What do I got Oh 27th My wife

27th Oh yeah Start November Yeah by the way Special September 29th Netflix please watch that. Incorrect.

So it's out in two days. Phoenix, November 13th through 15th. Pittsburgh, 19th through 21st. Cleveland, December 3rd through 5th. Madison, December 10th through 12th. And then Maryland, the following weekend, Timonium, Maryland.

Yeah, West Palm, all that shit. So Miami all over. Building back up. Got to build. Got to build new jokes, man. It's fucking hard. a bear. We'll get there. We'll get there. Comedy Works. Denver,

one of the great clubs. Great room. And then with constant. I mean, back to back, two bangers. That's the best clubs. Yeah, it's pretty great. What else you got there? Oh, sorry.

Portland Helium's great too. Mark, these are the best ones. Yeah, well, back in the clubs, I've got to build an hour here. Also, the San Jose improv is great. It's like a mini theater. I know. It's great. Balcony, big room. We'd use some help on San Jose. A. And Tropicana and Atlantic City and Wind Creek Event Casino, Palazzo in Vegas at the Venetian

and Indio, California at another casino and then Charlotte Comedy Zone. And I think we're good. You know what Tropicana Atlantic City had for a while? No. The best Hooters. No way. I didn't see that coming from. And you know what?

Hooters has the best clam chowder. And that's not a joke. Is that right? I really have. You got great clam, I'll tell you that much. Yeah. All right. You guys have been great.

Thank you guys. Get bodega cat whiskey. See you guys. You're going to hooters. I'm going to Dick's boarding goods. Leaving it out. Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of fever wreck.

You know the fear juice close. Shit about the fucking poke. And it looks like I remember.