We Might Be Drunk - One More Drink w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand
Episode Date: July 27, 2026No guest this week, but Mark and Sam keep the drinks and new material flowing. They break down awkward fan encounters, comedy’s strangest workplace problems, Ozempic, romance, snooze-button etiquett...e, and the jokes they’re still trying to crack. Plus, they review Hoop Dreams and Beef, talk World Cup fever, and create the ultimate Bodega Cat Whiskey slushie. Sponsored by: Live like a legend: 20% off Willie’s Social Tonic, plus free shipping on orders over $95 https://www.drinkwillies.com — code WMBD Enjoy tonight and feel your best tomorrow: 15% off ZBiotics https://www.zbiotics.com/drunk — code DRUNK Start your free Shopify trial https://www.shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Willies #ZBiotics #Shopify #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
We might be drunk, baby. Solo App.
I love a Solo app.
Good to be back. Hans Solo.
How you been?
Whoa, good. I just had the 4th of July.
I was gone for six days. My flight got canceled, so...
You were struggling out there.
Yeah, yeah, it's a suburb.
The hard part of the suburbs is there's kids everywhere, which is great.
It's fun.
One kid broke my watch, so that's gone.
Oh, shit.
Well, we're just all wrestling all day.
You know, I got headlocks.
They're so little.
I feel like, you know, the Hulk.
It is fun throwing a kid.
Oh, my God.
Liz has that great bit about throwing the kid to the pool.
That's the closest you can come to abusing a child.
You just throw them into the pool.
That's one of my favorite things.
Whole face changed.
That's a great bit.
Oh, yeah.
Peters is on the slushies.
Why did we get a slushy maker?
Does someone send this or were you just hankering?
I was just hankering.
These are going for sale on Amazon.
My brother-in-law had one of these at the 4th of July.
I love a slushie maker.
We did margaritas.
We did daqueries, calo.
What do you call it?
Peter Colada.
I love a...
an ice maker too
but I bought the shittiest one.
It takes like four hours
to make like this much ice
I'll just use a tray.
What are we doing here?
Yeah, right?
That sucks.
So what do we got in here?
A little bodega cat and cherry Coke?
Woo-wee!
Looks like cherry Pepsi.
Oh, do you hate that guy?
Yeah.
Pepsi over cut.
Some people claim they can taste
a difference.
I don't think I'm one of them.
Come on.
Dude, that's fucking incredible.
That was like the kid version
of banging a trans girl
on accident, like, what? It's Pepsi.
I had no idea.
That's Lenwage now.
You see Lenny's another language?
Right, right.
Like, all right.
Oh, yeah, new identity.
I got more Jewish.
Oh, by the way, I went to my bagel place.
A brand new bagel place on my block.
I went in, no bagels.
What?
I was like, you're two days open.
You don't have any bagels? You sold out? He was like, we don't have our license yet to
sell bagels.
There's a bagel license, though?
Yes.
I wonder who owns this.
No bagel, no bagel, no bagel.
Damn, so what do you need for a license?
I don't know.
They're just selling sandwiches.
I was like, not even on a bagel.
They're like, no, we don't have that license yet.
That's a lie.
You can't open a bagel place without bagels.
Thank you.
That's crazy.
It's just bread with a hole in it.
So can you have a bread?
Do you need a bread license?
Do you need a pizza license?
Yeah.
We only have garlic knots today.
You can make the hole.
Yeah.
What the hell?
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Look it up.
I will tell you.
They don't need any more business, but Apollo bagels, have you had that shit?
No.
It's unreal.
Really?
It's one of those, like, annoying influencer places with a line, but they deliver.
It's so good.
Wow.
I walk by and there was no line.
I was like, I got to try it.
Yeah.
It's that good, dude.
Really?
It's like a thin, crispy bagel.
Oh, thin bagel I like.
And it's got the, you know, the smoked salmon, the dill, the capers, the onions.
It's a fucking, and I love an open face.
Yes.
I don't like the, we just gave into the sandwich, always.
You're getting less bites.
Right.
I like the open face.
Do you scoop it if it's a fat bagel?
No.
Okay.
It feels like sacrilege.
You get looks.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I think in the New York bagel place you're like, scoop.
All right.
Damn.
Jeez.
It's coming out to your dad in the 80s.
That's a look you get.
Scooped bagel, all right.
That's a Larry David episode.
I figure him walking into the temple and they're like, he's a scooper.
That is a great episode.
The white fish.
Yeah.
The sable?
Yeah, the sable.
So seriously, you take your sandwiches.
That's the one they name it at for him?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And he's like, no one's getting sable?
It's true.
It's two fishes.
It's two white fishes together.
It's a lot.
Is that what it is?
I think that's what it was.
Oh, God.
You want the turkey.
I love a turkey sandwich.
Love turkey.
Is turkey a go-to?
Go-to.
Then roast beef, then ham.
I might go ham than roast beef, but yeah, turkey's just fucking solid.
Retail bakeries require a food service permit.
and staff must fat okay so it's not a bagel license to sell bagels commercially oh wait
whole whole while home based bagel operations are governed by new okay I guess so yeah
wow now I picture like a meth head type guy making bagels in his trailer like breaking
breaking bagel with mom donnie in office you better get ready for that
jews and trailers that'd be a fucking serious uh damn did I get a lot of Jewish actors
That's a different kind of trailer.
That's true.
Yeah, so I was on the subway the other day, and I'm in Brooklyn, going to Manhattan to do shows.
Got a pod going.
I see a guy come on, one stop in, and he goes, Mark Norman.
I go, hey, what's shaking?
He goes, I'm a young comic.
I got to pick your brain.
I was like, no, there's no escape.
He had me.
It was like a mariachi band where you're stuck there.
And the mariachi band leaves.
That's true.
That's the big bonus.
The mariachi band, you got a minute.
you know what was the right when he said so how long did it take for you to like to make it and I was like
well you're fucked if you're worried about that yeah you're not you know you're not doing it right
he's like been doing it a couple years I got a bit about this he's like breaking down the bits and I'm
like but there were people like that when we started and now I think with the social media
shit it's gotten out of whack yeah because they're seeing people explode immediately like no
no it's like the comics we knew growing up who look at like road calendars and it would be like
this fucking hack is headlining there yeah don't look at
the worst guy headlining on the calendar.
Look at the best dude. Good point.
Yeah. But he was doing like the,
I don't know what I need to do.
I don't know how I got to make it. And I'm like,
oh, just keep going. He's like, how do I get an agent?
What's the story? And I'm like, the fact that you don't know
this sucks for me is weird.
That, like, being a comedian, you got to be a little self-aware.
Totally.
There's zero self-awareness. And he was a sweet guy, super nice guy.
But I'm like, the fact that you don't know this is a faux pa is a bad sign.
How many stops are we talking?
We're talking from Atlantic Barclays to 14th Street Union Square.
Whoa, that's a long one.
That's a long one.
That's always when the train goes out, too.
When you're in a conversation like that, they're like, oh, we have some maintenance on the track ahead.
You'll fucking kill me.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
And do other people deal with this?
It's like if Bledso is on the train and a young high school quarterback.
Drew Bledsoe?
Yeah.
All right, that was a pull.
Culpepper, whoever.
Mark stop watching football in 2004.
Michael Vic.
Brady.
Jerry Rice.
What's up?
Brady took over for Bledsoe.
So it would be a young Brady.
All right.
Young Brady sees Bledsoe on the train.
Is he like, so how do you get a spiral?
What's the deal with the end zone?
I'm going to go up to a quarterback.
You're like, what do I do?
Yeah.
You don't look like you have it.
I'm like, I'm working on it.
No, I mean, it's, you know, he clearly respects you.
But I think you got to make the boundary there of like.
I know.
Well, it was nice to meet you best along with everything.
I got to watch my set or whatever.
Yeah, I can't do it.
Yeah, it's tough.
But I come on here and trash it.
That's his way worse.
Yeah.
You could have just said it to him and be like, oh, I'm sorry.
Instead, you're like, yeah, 100,000 people hear it now.
I know.
He did the, he's like, what are you doing?
And I was like, I got a couple spots.
He goes, can I tag along?
And I was like, golly, man.
It's tough.
It's tough.
But I caved and he's coming on the show.
God damn it, Mark.
Come on in Renan.
Yeah, Renan.
No, we, uh, it happened me with a kid on the street, but he was great.
He was actually, like, awesome.
He totally, like, gave me an out.
And I liked him enough that I was like, I gave him my number.
Whoa.
And now I feel like, now I have like, uh, and I fucked him.
And I think, no, I think now I have like stock.
I'm like, root in for him.
Okay, okay.
Because, you know, he did his Montreal audition.
He's like, I didn't get it.
And I was telling him, you know, it took, you know, Mark.
It took me, Mark.
Five years.
I think it was our fourth or fifth year.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's, yeah, you know, it's okay.
You don't want to go before you're ready and stuff.
And, you know, I don't know what it is anymore, the fest.
I don't either.
But yeah, when they give you the out, you're like, that's beautiful.
But you got a vibe from him that it wasn't a weirdo.
No, he wasn't pushy.
Yeah, that's the difference.
It was the second time I saw him, too.
First time I saw him was on the street and the second time was at his show.
And I was like, all right, he's cool.
Yeah.
I mean, we were like hot women now where people like, let me get your number.
Let me get, let me chat with you.
And I'm like, I don't want to chat with you.
And not to say where
When I met Seinfeld for the first time
He gave me his number and I go
I'll never use this and he goes
Use it! Use it!
But that's the key!
You gotta go, I'm aware that you're huge
And I'm nobody and I'm putting some
Some distance between us.
This guy was no distance.
I mean just just
Even like in a casual conversation
You need a little distance.
Yeah, yeah
You need to breathe.
It's like going up to a girl and being like
Can we fuck?
You have to go, hey, can I take you out?
I'll stop doing that.
Okay.
I told you that in confidence.
I didn't know that would make the answer.
Are you guys entering your mentor phase?
No, this is that before.
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, anytime you're, it's a young comic and they see a working comic, I think, you know.
But I was very much like when I did that, I was also very, I was nervous.
You know, I would definitely always give him it out and be like, tell me if I'm bothering you.
Yes, that's huge.
That goes a long way.
Just that, like, that little wall up.
Because, you know, Mark is also leaving home where there's a baby and he needs these, like,
train is a moment where you can kind of zone out a little bit.
and get into like, because it's like Louis when he was on this pod saying like Chris Rock told him turn off the radio even.
Like you need kind of those train rides where you just kind of zone out and let your mind wander, I think.
So I totally, I get it.
Yeah, yeah, it was hard.
Your whole train ride, you're like, oh, I got 30 minutes to look at my notes, listen to what's set.
That's all going on.
I happened to me once on a plane ride where guys like, I'm a huge fan, whatever.
I was like, oh, thanks, man.
And then, of course, we're seated right next to each other on a long flight.
He was cool, though.
He was like, I totally get you got to work.
I was like, thanks, man.
Oh, there you go.
There you go.
I had a rig pig.
I was going up to Edmonton, and the rig pigs are the guys that work on the oil field.
Oh, totally.
And they're like real blue-collar guys.
Blue-collar, but they make a good living on doing that.
Great living.
Yeah.
But I sat next to him, and the whole ride, he's like, so what's Tom Segor like?
And I'm like, ah, he's a nice guy, funny guy, ha, ha.
And then you get that moment of like, all right, I think we're done.
And then a minute and a half later, he's like, Burke Reischer, really that drunk?
And you're like, ah, shit.
I can't get up a moment.
Tom wrote a whole book about this, the plane interactions.
I know. So it's very nice, but it's, you got to have some buffer.
It's like any conversation.
Yeah.
Anytime you talk to anyone, because even any conversation you have, you ever talk to someone
and they just don't let there be a moment of silence, those interactions stress the fuck out.
Me too, me too.
And then you want to get a line in, like, oh, some fans like, hey, I love your stuff.
And you're like, oh, I got a funny thing to say here.
And they step on it and you're like, well, what are we doing here?
But I think what it is is they listen to 18 million hours of you.
This is their turn.
Right, right.
That's how they see it.
Like, I got to get my shit out.
I remember opening for Marin, like, in 2010 or something.
Wow.
And it was right when WTF blew up.
And I asked him about what?
What club?
Rooster T. Feathers.
Woo!
Sunnyvale, California.
And he was telling me about dating and how it was just hard to date
because he felt like these women know everything about his life.
Yeah, true.
And then it's like, you know, you put these podcasts out, and if women want to, they could
fucking, they could dig in and be like, oh, yeah.
Oh, you ever do this?
And you're like, I don't think so.
Like, I heard you did it on this podcast.
You're like, fuck.
Yeah.
I was trapped.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's tough.
How was that weekend with him?
Because that's a, that club has no real green room.
Yeah, it's like an outdoor green room.
Yeah.
And I remember the mic kept breaking.
And he was like, as comedians, we need one thing.
And he ain't wrong.
Don't make the mic break.
But no, he was cool.
He hit me up and be like, you want to get some Vietnamese sandwiches?
Bon me.
Yeah.
Nice.
So, yeah, we get a lot of, every day we get a Vietnamese sandwich for lunch.
That was, I remember the first time doing that club.
It's so suburban.
It's like out by Silicon Valley.
It's all houses with white picket fences.
And it's the opposite of New York.
It could be more different.
Totally.
Although the club, I feel like they were very squeamish.
Anything dark, they'd be like, whoa.
Oh, dude, I remember working out that alligator baby joke.
That was a club of a woman walked out and yelled, you suck as the door slowly shut.
And it's like, you know, that was a pretty, I guess some people would say dark bit.
So you got to work it out somewhere.
And it is funny as hell that you work out in just like suburban strip malls.
Yeah.
Let me drag my dead baby chunk through Sunnyvale, California.
That's the way to do it.
It's a good room and a good club.
It was small and there was not really a lot of stakes there.
I had an opener there.
I wish I could remember his name.
He was, you know, you imagine to get an opener.
You're like, this guy's unbelievable.
This guy is like great comedy mind, good instincts, great writing.
God, what was his name?
He was a tall guy with long hair.
So funny, but now every time I see a roast or he's on it, he's in the writer's credits.
So I was like, good for him.
He made it.
Nice.
But I can't remember his name.
Shit.
I'm sorry.
L.A. guy.
but very funny
nice plug
sorry
he's great
he's one of the best
I'd love to get him work
but I can't remember anything
he's doing fine
he's writing in every show
every room
what's nice is like a hundred comic
comics are taking credit
for what you just said right now
that's true
they'll cut a clip of this
great
it's a wide net I'm spreading here
but I can't
Owen or
I'll never think of it
damn he was good
I was in awe
it was hard to follow
and he was just a regular old
nobody, not nobody, but like, random comic.
It's a mixed feeling when you draw one of those
openers because a part of you is so happy for comedy
that a young buck is coming up and crushing.
The other part is like, I got to follow this shit.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was tough.
At least if it's good, at least you're like,
all right, I got to step out. I'm in that phase of new material now
where, you know, I always start the new hour too dirty.
Well, dirty works.
Because it works.
And that's fine for a little bit, but then you've got to weed out.
Like this one, and then I was trying to, you know, try to get away with like all new.
And you have your 15 and they lit me late at the cellar and it was like probably like 17, 18 I do.
Oh, yeah, big difference.
And then you're like, let me dig into the other new and then you're like, this is too dirty.
I could feel like the crowd knew is too dirty.
They're like, yeah, no, we got it.
Right, right.
Enough about your dick.
Your middle age at this point.
Yeah, the new stuff is tough.
And I did a six-week or six-day vacation that first set back with new material.
you feel like your gun is not loaded
you know you're out there like
now you're hit your pistol whipping
because you got nothing left
yeah I had a set of the cellar and uh I'm
I'm outside and the host goes uh you're on
you're on next I was like oh cool got it so he goes in
and I guess he didn't see me in the room he's just like doing
six seven minutes or whatever it was he did a while maybe it was five minutes
I don't know but it felt long and I'm talking to Mike
Vecione we're just like bouncing jokes and stuff
and I'm like, why is he doing so much time?
This is weird.
And he's like, oh, yeah, it's a little weird.
And then I just hear him go, where the hell is this dumb guy?
And I just, like, get in his sight line.
And he goes, oh, sorry.
Oh, shit.
Just called me dumb.
I'm like, I'm here.
Whoa.
And then he goes, I'm sorry.
That was my mistake.
And he brings me on.
It's like, you tap into some dude just deep anger.
I was like, I've been here the whole time.
Well, you get nervous up there when it's just you.
Totally, totally.
Miscommunication.
But it's a fun moment when you see a guy like,
kind of snap.
Yeah.
And then have nowhere to put it because I was there.
Ah.
But it's funny when you see a dude just kind of have like a semi meltdown.
Yeah.
When we were doing bad rooms all the time, I had them all the time.
Oh, yeah.
You just snap.
Snap sets all the time.
Thank God they don't have footage of us doing like prom shows from 2011.
Oh, God.
Those were wild.
From 2011 or 2014.
What's that?
Huh?
Whoa.
What's that?
I have no idea.
I just found it on the internet.
I was looking you up.
What is like to be one of the comedy's most eligible backs?
What the hell is that from?
I don't know.
Is this in touch magazine?
It looks like one of those rags you see at the airport.
I was looking at you up on the internet.
That's wild.
Hello, Samarrel.
This is the picture they chose, too, for a bachelor?
Yeah, it looks rough.
Well, I'd be not saying you look bad, but like, give me a guy in a suit, you know, at a Fallon or something.
This is like, hey, ladies, ha!
2011?
What magazine?
I think it's 2014.
Oh, okay.
Wow, that's hilarious.
Tell all.
I'm sure that moved a lot of fucking magazines.
Samarrell's what is.
He's ready to tell all?
This looks inquiry, you know?
It's kind of, looks like a real shitty, kind of, what do you call those, those leafy square magazines.
I think this is like a red eye thing.
This is probably, I think this is a joke.
Oh, maybe, me.
Greg, Jonah.
Yeah, this is like a red.
Good call.
Good detective work there.
Yeah, dude.
I sleuth that.
shit. Yeah. What'd you do for the fourth? Did you set your AC for 78?
We claimed we did. Yeah. Everyone claims they said it to 78, but no. It's not livable, dude.
Can you explain what your... Oh, Mayor-Mam Donnie? Just saying, you know, we don't want to power out just in the city.
And then there was one. So everyone set it to 78, their AC units, and it was like, dude, come on. Yeah.
I mean, 78 when it's that hot outside, it feels like 88 in your apartment.
So, yeah, no, it does nothing.
But, no, it was fireworks?
No, I didn't see.
Oh, man.
I'm good with fireworks.
Well, the videos of the train ride.
It's like I've seen them.
Train ride over the bridge?
Pull some of those up on Instagram.
No, those are cool.
I saw those, but it's like.
It's pretty cool.
Mateo lives in my building.
He was mad.
They went let, like, you can only bring one person on the roof.
And I was like, do you really need to see the fireworks?
Yeah.
It's more of a social thing.
I guess, you know what?
I saw his play.
I saw Chicago on Broadway.
Mateo plays Billy Flynn, the lawyer, in Chicago on Broadway.
Mateo Lane, unbelievable.
He killed it.
Wow.
On Broadway, that's like gay mountaintop.
Like, you made it to Mount Olympus.
He's the top.
No, he killed it, man.
Good for him.
He can see.
He's got pipes.
Yeah, he looks great.
It's fun as hell.
It's a fun show.
Chicago's great.
I've seen Chicago.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Good for him.
Congrats, Mateo.
But yeah, I don't give a fuck about that
It was so hot
I went to a Yankees game
I lasted maybe two innings
Damn
It was a heat wave
It was like 100 degrees
Then there's a rain delay
A rain delay in a heat wave
Is such a fuck you
That's true, yeah
Where's your god now
Well there's nowhere to go
You're just kind of stuck around
How long can I hang in the
In the merch store
Also are you supposed to control the weather
What the hell
We had a call in to our people
Wow
Wow! Look at that! He made it!
Love the guy of camera phone filming this.
Oh, my Lord.
I got that sweet Chicago bootleg, dude.
Hell yeah.
That's great.
He killed it. I was proud, man.
That's great.
I was out in the burbs with the in-laws.
We had a ninja. We had one of these.
So drinking heavily. There it is.
Look how cool that looks on the train.
It does look cool.
That is really something.
What a town.
What a country.
All right.
I take it back.
All right.
You got me back.
For a train ride, that's pretty amazing.
That's pretty epic.
Imagine me a tourist, like a World Cup tourist seeing that?
You blow your mind.
You really get two weeks of decent weather in this city, though.
It was legit 100 degrees.
And ain't 100 in fucking Phoenix where you can kind of just chill.
It's 100 where you're like, oh, I'm going to kill myself.
Oh, yeah.
But let me just throw this out there.
Maybe the best summer in New York in the last 40 years.
I agree.
This is?
The Knicks.
Oh, yeah,
World Cup.
The fireworks and everything.
Citizen, starring Citizen Vigilantee starring Army Hammer.
What's it called?
Citizen Vigilante.
Number one on Apple, number one on Amazon.
Is it really?
No, it's not.
I swear to God, give it a goo.
It's blowing up.
I mean, everybody's saying it's the worst movie ever made.
Like, it's the production.
Including him, I hear.
Yeah.
He's not exactly.
They're like, can you go in a press store?
He's like, yes, it's the worst thing.
That ever happened to me.
It's worse than the Al.
allegations against me. That's how bad it is.
When you watch it, you're going to want to
bite your arm off. What's the quote there?
It says,
starring a racist
film Citizen Vigilani by calling it
hateful and disgusting. He says
he was in tears after watching the final cut.
Does that right go down? It looks like there was an
AI thing. Good tears or bad tears?
The claim that Hammer
called the film, hateful and the subject, he was not
given, he was not given the full script
and cried after viewing the final cut.
It came from an anonymous source.
Oh.
So you know what they should do?
You know on like Dune?
They have the popcorn bucket and it looks like the Dune Monster.
For him it should be like skin pieces.
You know, they sell it at the theater.
You know, lean in.
Like you weren't given the full script.
Who do you think he was shooting here?
You're shooting the whole family.
He had a decent argument, though.
The whole scene, the opening starts with a big rape scene.
Oh, okay.
So they're doing the death wish thing.
Yeah, exactly.
But then he just kills immigrants for no reason?
He's just killing the wrong people?
Yeah, pretty much.
This is what happened to me when I was in Joker.
They said that I was going to be
They had me film like a ton of jokes
And I just assumed the movie was going to be about me
Telling jokes
And then Joaquin Phoenix was in it
Pretty fucked up
They really twisted it on here
I should have read the whole script
Damn
No this is ridiculous
This is like
You gotta, I guess he doesn't have an agent though
I was gonna say you'd have an agent
92
Like 6% from critics
We call that a reverse Hannah Gatsby
Watch out this could be our movie
Same numbers
Well we got to kill those
Immigrant scenes
Yeah
Right
We got to stop leaning into that
And act too
For some reason
Mark and Sam
Is a liquor salesman
Just start killing immigrants
It's a really weird
Twist
Killing bodega owners
You won't have our whiskey
That's my cat
As we walk into the sunset
Yeah
90 minutes so
You gotta give it that
At least it's quick
Are there clips we can find
To this?
Oh wait wait
Read some of the reviews
Here we go
Let's see
the apartment scene is a horror show, borderline snuff,
a bloody home invasion mixed with a smug lecture on politics.
See, that intrigues me.
Unreal. He goes places others don't.
Yes, immigrants' homes.
Wow, that's nuts.
Character's not developed enough.
Best movie I've seen it a long time.
It's pretty good if you set your expectations properly.
Pretty daring subject matter.
Oh.
Equalizer and Johnwick.
I didn't love Equalizer.
I got to be honest.
I love Denzel.
I just think it's like...
They made three of them.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's like got moments for sure.
Denzel is awesome, but it's like...
I don't know.
It's like weird when a guy his age is in it.
Like, I'm sick of the old dudes in action movies.
That's what they do now.
Because it's like, it's literally just, you have to do this.
You have to just be like a quick cut and he's like,
gh.
Oh, yeah.
Because he can't do like crazy shit.
Right.
At least Keanu when he did the John Wicks was like young enough to still kind of do some cool
shit. Yeah. Yeah.
That being said, Denzel's cool as fucking. He's always good, but...
That's the one Dakota Fanning is a kid, and he has a protector.
Yeah, she's, uh, no, Chloe Moretz, right? That one?
Yeah, that's like a Russian prostitute.
You have to get a man on fire. Man on fire, I liked a lot.
Yeah, that was a cooler one. But this is like...
It's also just funny, the Russian prostitute. He's just like, so then he just murders all
the traffickers. Maybe that prostitute needed that job.
Oh, my God. It's hard out there, dude.
Oh, yeah.
away from immigrants.
Yeah, exactly.
A reverse vigilante, if you will.
There you go.
Yes.
Remember the Bilbo Beach guy.
He was killing.
Gilgo Beach.
Bilbo Baggins.
The cops are like, we can't find this Bilbo guy.
He's barefoot.
How can we not find him?
Bilbo.
He's in the shire.
With the wrong beach, I think.
We're not picking up Bilbo on MAPS app.
Gilbo?
Gilgo.
Gilgo.
That sounds like a weird channel.
Where's the FIFA?
It's on Gilgo.
I had a joke about the Gilgo Beach Killer.
It was about how he had a soundproof room in his home, like a dungeon, really scary.
It was discovered by a cadaver dog, which I was like, cadet.
That's the worst dog job job ever.
Because there's like, you know, drug sniffing dog.
There's C&I dog.
I said cadaver dog.
I heard they don't even bark when they find a dead body.
They light a cigarette and go, poor kid didn't even have a chance.
You offer them a treat and they're like, you think I can eat after the shit I've seen today?
He can't bring that dog to the beach either
He's throwing a frisbee's like, hey, I got a head over here
In the sand
They go home and beat their dog wife
I just keep it going for that
No, but it's uh...
No, but that guy was like, did you see that guy?
He was like fucking massive.
Yes, that was like, remember true detective?
The guy was like huge.
Yeah.
It was like that.
Yeah, he looked like he was like six, seven.
I could be wrong, but...
Really?
He looks like Tucker Carlson if shit really went south.
Whoa, he does!
Look at that shit.
So this is, he was like, an architect
and he was featured on like ABC News
like as somebody who makes great buildings or whatever.
I think, didn't he leave a note?
He did some kind of trolly thing.
No, he took their phones and then called their family.
That was it.
That's like going back to the scene of the crime.
It's like trolling them.
He loves victimizing people and it's just more victimizing.
He's trolling them, though.
Yes, yeah.
That's Cyracals love doing that.
He would go to Midtown where you couldn't ping his phones.
There was so much phone activity?
Crazy.
And you see the testimony?
He was like, yes, I did all those things.
It's like...
Whoa.
But he's a psychopath.
I mean, he's a...
He's a...
He's a...
He killed, like, I think eight that they're sure, and I'm sure many more.
Oh, yeah.
When the wife was out of town, he had, like, a torture dungeon.
Long Island, baby.
These are the people going to governors.
No, he's a scary dude.
Yeah.
Crazy.
How often was a wife going out of town?
I don't know, but, you know, these people are always good at living double lives.
Like, John Wayne Gacy was another one who, uh...
Like his wife claims, he never missed like a date night.
Oh, really?
Yeah, these guys, because they're good at living a double life.
Sure.
If they're able to maintain the other part without suspicion, they're able to keep killing people.
Yeah.
So, you know.
And going on a date night takes as much acting as not looking like a serial date.
Yeah, give him an Emmy.
Yeah, exactly.
That takes all the fucking.
These guys, I mean, they're...
You think Daniel Day Lewis can act.
This guy was fucking smiling and grinning through one of his wife's stories while he had a fucking hooker in the trunk.
Wow.
That's acting.
That is acting.
I'm not saying it's good, but it's good acting.
Yeah.
Well, they should, you find a way to turn these guys to good because they get shit done.
These guys are efficient.
Look at Ted Bundy.
The guy's a fucking lawyer.
He's getting out of prison.
He's picking up any chick he wants.
Yeah.
Get your heart out, Mateo Lane.
That is performing, my friend.
He gave him the old razzle dazzle.
Yeah.
Mark, do you have a new joke about undercover cop acting, something like that?
Oh, I have a joke about how gay sex used to be illegal.
And I'm like, how do they enforce that?
That's going to be the worst undercover gig of all time.
And I just have a plain-closed cop in a hotel room like getting fucked in the ass.
He's like, you're under arrest.
Oh, that's good.
I had to wait until it went in until I could book you.
But yeah, just one of those funny scenarios.
Make my day.
A forgotten Clint Eastwood film.
Go ahead.
Make me gay.
Make me gay.
Wasn't that a Pacino movie?
No.
De Palma?
Which one?
No.
Cruising.
Cruising.
Cruising.
Yes.
Undercover.
Yeah.
Did he actually fuck dudes in that movie? I never saw it.
Probably not.
No.
No.
Might have blown a guy.
Yeah.
That famous line, hips or lips is from that movie.
Ah, hips or lips.
I don't know that one either.
That means...
We're hanging out a different boar.
Blow me or fuck me in the ass.
Oh, okay.
Don't clip this.
All right.
Clip it.
So we do a segment on the show called Working on a
any bits. Oh, that's true. This would be a perfect
time for that. Well, I'm writing down a
Clint Eastwood movie. Make me gay?
Yeah, dirty, hairy asshole. That might be
too old to reference. That's true.
Your crowds are like, what the
fuck was that? We need an updated cop movie.
Do you feel lucky? How about poo detective?
Okay. Do you feel lucky?
That's too old too, I think.
Hmm, what's a new cop movie? Maybe Taken?
That's not a cop. Departed.
That's still 20 years.
Heat's coming back.
Yeah.
He's too.
He too.
Hope it's good.
I know.
The cast is amazing.
It's just weird when movies
take that much time off
but I feel like it fairs better
for a drama than a comedy.
Yeah.
Because like they redid dumb and dumber.
They redid Beverly Hills cop.
Yeah.
Comedy, it's like you gotta be
when you're in the fucking zone.
I know.
Happy Gilmore too.
It's all nostalgia jokes.
It's all like, oh, remember that?
Oh, I forgot about that guy.
It's all callbacks.
But like, yeah, I feel like a drama maybe.
He is a cool fucking movie
Cool movie and they got the same director
So that's a good sign
He's got to be in his 80s
Oh yeah
Michael man
I think what's his face
What's the guy who did Gladiator?
Ridley
He's still making it move
I think he's 95
Gladiator 2 is pretty rough
That wasn't great
Did he do that one?
I think he did
Did he?
I think so
That's one of those where like
Why a sequel
It's no reason other than money
I know
Because you don't need a sequel
It was best picture
The first one's so good
So good
it was a phenomenon and he also did Napoleon
I believe yeah but the one he did before that was really good
the one with Matt Damon and Adam Driver
it was like Rashamon style where they were like
they were knights oh with a rape case
yeah yes that was great it was like Rashamon basically
yeah that's underrated uh was it cold again
Ridley Scott Matt Damon
people are screaming in their front yeah
but that was a cool movie great movie I saw it on a flight
I love same yeah it's telling me the Martian
oh the last duel
That's it.
Damn,
it was 2021.
Yeah,
that was a good movie, dude.
Yeah.
Gillis recommended that on a flight.
He was watching,
he was playing a...
That's so funny,
I was on a flight with Chris O'Connor.
Oh, really?
You got to watch the last duel,
and I told him he had to watch Sexy Beast,
and we fucking...
Whoa.
And we both were like, good, good pick.
That's a cool movie, sexy beast.
And it's also like a good summer movie.
Yeah.
The vibe is so summery and cool and shit.
So cool, yeah.
What's that guy's name?
The fat guy?
Ray Winstone.
He's great.
He's a cool dude.
Yes.
And that song,
Peaches.
Da-na-na-na-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-ha.
You know his favorite movie that is?
Who?
Todd Barry.
DeRosa.
And Todd Barry.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Well, I got to re-watch Sexy Beast.
Me too.
It's a cool fucking movie.
But yeah, Shane was doing his World of Work.
He does those role-playing games with, like, World War II.
No way.
Yeah, he's a big dweeb with that shit on the laptop.
And I was watching, he recommended last duel.
Yeah.
It's funny, this beer drinking, football playing, you know, funny guy.
He's just fucking a slave as Thomas Jefferson.
He's like, insert penis.
I'd play that game.
That sounds like fun.
Yeah, it's made by the people who made Citizen Vigilante.
Rated M for M for M.
Let's see what we got for jokes.
I got a few angles I want to try.
Yeah, me too.
I'm in the place now where I'm in a lot with a job.
I just, I'm up every night.
So the jokes were either working or not working.
Same.
I'm not really, like, I don't have a lot of, like, great premises, you know,
or I think I would have more with them.
But, oh, this was an angle I had about, uh, you see women.
Like, I see, I get a lot of these, like, feminist posts, you know, like on my feet or whatever.
And, like, I got one that said, uh, dear men, if she says, come for me,
that means she wants it to be over.
And I was like, yeah, I think every guy ever is okay with that.
I've never heard one guy be like, this is really fucked up that she asked me to come.
That was really messed up.
That was the first part and the second part I had was like,
you see these accounts, say right, like, sex work is real work.
Yeah.
You see that all the time.
And I'm like, yeah, it's usually a woman who does that, you know,
because they think it's feminist to write that.
If a guy is writing that, you're like, I think that guy just fucks a lot of prostitutes.
Right.
That's true.
Yeah.
And I was trying to go further with the sex work thing.
How it's like, is it a real job?
Because people get defense.
I threw it out a few times and people get defensive with it.
It's real work.
And I'm like, it's definitely hard work.
I don't know if it's real work.
Yeah.
No, you have a W-2?
Well, it's like, you know.
People, that's fair.
It's under the table.
Yeah.
But, uh, if you're an only fan, you probably have a W-2, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was talking about prostitution, but, yeah.
But that's considered sex work as well, I think.
Yeah.
Only fans.
It's an umbrella.
It's an umbrella.
So then I had a thing like, people leave teaching to do OnlyFans.
No one leaves OnlyFans to become a teacher.
Ah.
That was one thing I was trying to go with.
And it's like, I got kind of like a reaction, but then.
really that's a good angle though that's true it's kind of the same with comedy yeah you know
like no one is ever like oh I'm a comedian but I'm dying to be the head of Nabisco you know with
the head of Nabisco will sometimes try comedy right so comedy I've always said comedy and
sex work is kind of similar I think that's an angle we both don't get it you think we get it we
both both of our parents are like he sure right that's an angle like yeah nights yeah
Work nights, you got to take it up the ass, you got to...
Although I feel like sex work you can blow up immediately.
Whereas comedy like, you know, Drea de Mateo, Shannon Elizabeth, they made money on Onlyfans immediately.
You know, uh...
Stevo.
Yeah, that's a little...
Well, he'll make money, but it's like at the harder transition.
Yes, yes, exactly.
You got to give your soul away.
It's usually broken people.
It's too inside to that angle, too.
Right, right.
But I do feel there's like a weird kinship with sex.
working comedian because it's like a week they're both kind of and you know also a lot of comedians later
will be like I said too much I wish I hadn't opened up that much now my kids see it and then porn
stars or whoever like ah my kids are gonna see me doing porn either way we're doing what we're doing
because of an absent father there you exactly bad debt no I don't know something there and then
I wrote one more thing about this might be dated but I I was just looking up sex where it's crazy shit
and Bonnie blue that woman she slept with a thousand fifty seven men mm-hmm
And one day that was a Guinness record.
They just kept fucking her the whole day.
Yeah.
And I looked at up the previous record 919 men.
So she could have stopped at 920.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, she really wanted to shatter this record.
Overachievers.
Yeah.
She's the Joey chestnut of nuts.
Yeah, it's like just fucking at 920, they're like, we got it.
She's like, now keep it.
Let's keep going.
Yeah.
I'm not chasing the record.
I'm chasing greatness.
I don't know where to go with that one.
But I think that's like a, there's a turn maybe there.
If I was the 1,019th guy, I'd go, come for me.
Please, like, let's end this thing.
Jesus.
Oh, they don't all come.
The guys?
You think she made every one of them come?
That would have taken, like, fucking weeks.
Oh, I assume.
I think I only get, like, 20-second shot.
Oh, they get 20 seconds.
That really shows you what garbage guys are.
Yeah, yeah.
I know, they'll line up for that shit.
That's the new breadline.
The other thing is, like, of a, it's impressive when a guy, like, when you hear, like, Will Chamberlain or Gene Simmons, like, for a guy to fuck quadruple digits, do you have to be an absolute legend?
Yeah.
For a woman to do it.
But you really just need a free day.
You need a free day.
Write that down.
That's something.
A clip that.
Remember that.
All right.
Yeah, you need a free day and a bed.
Maybe that's nothing.
All right.
No,
no, that's something.
I'm just trying to figure it out here.
That's what I mean.
A lot of my new topics are like too blue.
Bill Burr had that old line like, why, how come a guy fucks a bunch of girls?
He's a casanova.
If a girl.
Jim Jeffries.
Was it Jeffries?
Yeah, yeah.
And he's like, because it's hard to get laid for a guy.
That's a better version of it.
Well, his version, he had the line of a member like,
there are dwarf sluts.
There are no dwarf studs.
He goes,
maybe in their own realm,
but none who have crossed over.
That's a great line.
But yeah,
so then maybe that last part's too much in his territory,
so maybe I just dumped the last part.
No, no, I think that's,
the free day is a good line.
What do you got?
What are you working on?
Is this anything?
I think the point is something,
but it's not funny yet.
The most progressive people are like America sucks.
America's racist.
It's corrupt, whatever.
but they want immigrants to come in and like, come here, come to America.
But the people who love America the most, you know, it's like, land of the free, free speech, pride, liberty.
They're like, don't come here.
So it's weird to be the one who loves the place is like, I don't want to show it off.
I don't want you coming over.
But the people who hate the place are like, come on by.
You know what the angle is?
Please.
It's like when you're at a party that sucks versus a party that's awesome.
When you're at a shitty party, you're like, you got to come over, dude.
Please, I need you.
I need company.
Yes.
When you're at a good party, you're not looking to your phone.
Right.
You're not recruiting for the good party.
That's good.
You want people to come to this shit party.
Yes.
So you have someone to talk to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Misery loves company.
But yeah, maybe that's not enough.
But that's like a angle.
That is an angle.
But it's interesting to be patriotic and then also.
But then the other angle is your patriarch because you're like, I don't want anyone else in here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
It's almost like, I thought of a comparison to be, if you hate your wife, you're like,
Please, fucker.
Please, come by, come over.
But if you love your wife, you're like, get away from her.
I don't know if that's true, though.
I think some guys are like, I'm sick of this chick.
Come over and bang my wife.
I don't care.
Bang my wife, please.
Maybe instead of bang my wife, like, come over.
Like, let's do a thing.
Yeah, talk to her.
Instead of fucker.
Double date, because I'm dying here.
Yeah.
And then the guy who's like, no, I love my wife.
I want to be alone with her.
Yeah, that's interesting.
See, that's not the, not hilarious.
You love the country and you want less people in.
Yeah.
It needs that perfect analogy, perfect comparison.
The problem is it does kind of track that you wouldn't want.
Right.
Because it's like...
When you want to show it off?
Hey, come on by.
For visitors, not for permanent.
Yeah, right, right, right.
That's the problem with the premise, I think, is like, you...
It's the same reason people get mad when, like, too many people move into their neighborhood.
Yeah.
It's the same shit.
Right.
They look at New York or America like it's that cool restaurant.
Like, don't tell anybody.
We've got a sweet thing going here.
You're gatekeeping.
You're gatekeeping.
Yeah, but I love this country.
Yeah, don't you want more?
Oh, we, this isn't for your thing, but maybe.
We hate when neighborhoods get gentrified, but those same people love it when immigrants come here.
Right.
Right, right.
Yeah, that's true.
It's a gentrification.
Well, it's kind of like how they say, like, we, when a English guy comes over, it's colonizing.
When a Muslim guy comes over, it's diversifying.
Right.
You know, and you're like, well, isn't that colonizing as well?
But it's now you get in some controversial territory here, some scary waters.
I think there's something interesting about Patriot versus, like, I'm trying to think of the angle of Patriot versus maybe the angle.
I hate America, but then you want for then you want people to come by.
Yeah.
I picture the kid with their parents.
It's like, I hate you, mom, blah, blah, blah.
But you wouldn't want more people to come to your family cookout if you hate your parents.
You know, but if you love your parents, you'd, eh.
I think my issue is the premise is I think it's logical that people think that way.
I don't agree with it, but it's like it tracks that they would feel that way.
Yeah, I guess it just stood out as humorous to me that the people that hate it.
It's got to be something bigger then.
It's like, okay, well, it's kind of weird.
Yeah, I'm thinking in Norman's voice here, like, as in,
yeah you're searching for an analogy
yeah yeah
if you hate it why would you want people to come
because you're saying it's so bad
oh this place is corrupt it's racist
it's uh
you know
horribly run
get over here we want more of you
if you think it's so bad
why would you want people to show up
yeah if you love it
if you love it you think you'd want people to show up
maybe the angle is for the wife
maybe it's like I'm fucking my
if I love my wife
I want it for myself
If you eat something that tastes bad, you want somebody else to taste it too.
Oh, that's interesting.
That's good.
That's good, yeah.
Oh, this is horrible.
Try it.
And you're like, why would I try it?
Because I want you to see how horrible it is.
But if it's good, you're like, don't touch my food.
The problem is you're trying to wrap up a big thing with like one line.
Exactly.
That's the issue.
I don't know if there's one line.
It's got to be a bigger bit, I think.
Right.
Because that's clever.
I don't know if that wraps it up.
I don't know if it wraps it up either, but.
That's not a bad little button on it.
Good call, Peters.
That's good.
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Oh, here's an idea I thought.
Like how, there's an idea, I don't know where to exactly go with this.
It's like the idea is comedians are so, we're never fully present because we're always trying to chase a joke, which is not a good or ideal partner for a woman.
It's like, you want a man who, like, is going to be there.
Like, there have been times during sex, I think of a good joke.
And then I'm like, I got to come so I can write this down.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to lose a joke.
I'm like, that's not a good partner for you.
You want a man who will, like, hold you after sex.
You don't want a guy who's, you know, bare-ass jogging.
toward a notebook, giggling, trying to remember something.
That's not like a good after-sex moment.
So I'm trying to think there's like a bigger bit there about how like,
about just never being present.
Yeah.
Well, has this been done?
If you were running out of the room to write a song about her,
that would be kind of nice.
But the fact that it's a joke means you're literally making a mockery of whatever
just happened in the bedroom.
You're right.
Like Paul McCartney is like, you inspired this song.
Inspired.
No woman wants to inspire a joke.
No, nobody.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's funny.
joke about you. What was about? It was about fucking you from behind.
Not exactly, I want to hold your hand.
Yeah, there we go.
I love the visual of her
on her arm, you know, hands and knees
or whatever, all fours.
And you're using her back to write the joke.
You got your moleskin out on her back?
Yeah. When did that joke hit me?
I was making love to a woman.
Yeah.
And the Lakinta Inn.
Yeah, because otherwise it's your body as a wonderland.
This is your pussy stinks.
It's also that funny thing.
It's a big difference.
I want to hold your plans.
It's also funny because it's like whenever a musician dies, they're like, oh, we found some recorded stuff.
You never find that shit from comedians that's like where they're like, oh, dude, we just uncovered a diarrhea truck stop chunk from Samarrell after he died.
Maybe there's something there.
I don't know.
I was looking at that Lenny Bruce book right there.
On the cover is a picture of him dead of an overdose.
And that's a fucking big swing.
passed out. That's dead. Yeah, he's dead. Holy shit. Yeah, that's dark. The first one's
him and his kids. Right. Damn. That is dark. Jesus.
But yeah, I love, and there's all these great songs like Melissa, Sarah
Smile, Layla, and yours is, if a girl saw
her name on your notebook, she's like, oh no. You know, whereas like, you see
Layla, you're like, oh my God, I'm Layla, this is touching. You got me on my knees.
My joke, I had you on your knees. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's definitely
it's definitely the thing
where you're like
you try the joke
and if it hits
I'm like
hey I got to tell you something
because I'm not going
to run it by you before
because it might bomb
what's the point of the fight
but I'm like hey
I got to do this
sorry it's a good bit
and I think a lot of these
singer-songwriter guys
sing the song at their wedding
imagine doing your act
at the wedding
you know
I've tried it
it's not good
yeah
how about this
on the back of the Lenny Bruce book
I'm not a comedian
and I'm not sick
the world is sick
and I'm the doctor
I'm a surgeon
with a scalpel for false values
I don't have an act.
I just talk.
I'm just Lenny Bruce.
Don't know if I agree with any of that.
Got to have an act.
Pretty heavy-handed.
Yeah, it's a bit self-righteous.
Yeah, what's his face?
What's the guy's name?
Bill Hicks.
Bill Hicks has a whole thing.
He's like, the act is what you go to
and you're out of stuff to talk about.
I'm like, ah, I disagree with that.
That's crazy.
It's all about the act.
Your thing does remind me of the Headberg joke about...
Running to get a pen.
What is that joke on?
If it's funny,
I write it down.
The pen's too far away.
I convinced myself it wasn't fun.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Quick, quick, fun one.
Yeah.
What do you got?
I'm working on this bit about OZempic.
How all my fat friends are on Ozempic.
And are you guys both on it or not?
I'm on it.
Are you?
Okay, one guy.
You did it the fucking old-fashioned way?
You did it the real way?
Whoa!
How does it feel to do it the real way when everyone around you is cheating?
You're like fucking Jeter in baseball in like 2000.
Yeah.
And I'm Derek Cheater.
Yeah, I feel like it's IVF versus Jiz.
But so OZepic, everybody's on it.
I'm like, fat people are going to be going away.
They're going to be like endangered.
You're going to see a fat guy in 20 years.
It's going to be like seeing a Native American.
Like, hang in there, brother.
Stay strong.
You're living off the reservation?
He's like, yeah, dinner reservations.
I'm trying to hang on.
Oh, that's fun.
And all that hits and I'm like, it's weird that we,
what do you think a thorough world country thinks of OZempic?
Like, they're dying for food.
They're starving.
They're skinny skin and bones, and we're paying money to get there.
Like, they don't have any food.
And we're paying money to not be hungry.
Something funny about that.
Yeah, yeah.
They don't know where dinner's coming from.
And we're just like, literally like, I got too many dinner options.
Yeah, DePaolo has a joke like that.
What's his?
He's like, he saw a poster.
He's like, some kids like, I don't know where my next meal's coming from.
He's like, neither do I.
Popeyes, Papa John, Domino's.
Well, it's like, yeah, but it's like drug.
Huging yourself to not to not eat is insane.
It's insane.
That's like insane privilege.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And I have an act out where the skinny guy is like, why don't you just not eat?
And you're like, what are you kidding?
We have what we have what we have over here.
You know, we got the Snickers ice cream bar.
We got the McRibb.
We got all this shit.
So it's a lot harder for us to not eat.
It's addiction.
It's like, but then you try to tell them it's addiction.
It's like these people all going through withdrawal.
Right.
These fucking countries.
Yeah.
I mean, explaining it.
maybe I mean it's just I feel like those angles have been done the explaining the privilege something like what's this
like oh that yeah yeah those have been done but like the angle of uh yeah I take a shot to kill my appetite
that to me is there something there take I I'm paying $400 a month and shooting myself in the side with a needle to get where you're at
I'm using my health insurance to do something unhealthy.
I'm using my health insurance to be unhealthy like yeah that's how far we've got I tried an angle
of like, I can't get my wife pregnant.
I'm like, I'm aborting people.
That's how much I can have a kid.
But that's too dark.
And they appear like a hair abortion.
They pulled back.
But I like the analogy.
And then I have this whole thing about it.
I watched him do the needle.
And then we walked around Brooklyn and we saw a heroin addict.
And I'm like, hey, it's like you.
That gets a laugh.
And he goes, dude, that's not like me.
And I'm like, I know, he's skinny.
And that kills.
And I say, if I was fat guy, I would just do heroin.
It's cheaper.
You get high.
And I've never seen a fat heroin addict.
And it's cool.
Cool. No one's ever like, no rock stars. Like, I wrote this song on Ozempic.
That's a great line. That hits, but... That's good, yeah.
Yeah, Miles Davis wasn't... That's fun.
Yeah. But I... Something with the Third World Country thing.
Yeah, Axel wasn't like, Slash. If you keep doing Ozempic, you're out of Guns and Roses, man.
Yeah. Yeah, they're like, please do Ozempic.
I had a whole thing about a homeless guy is like, he sees a fat guy, and he's like, oh, man, I need money for drugs.
and the fat guy's like, so do I.
You know, but that never hit either.
I tried so many different iterations.
It's also like there's so many negative side effects for Ozzympic.
Like you lose your ass if you're a woman.
Oh, yeah, true.
You lose your ass, you lose.
You lose bone density apparently.
I feel like your face gets really.
Yeah.
Face gets all jowl or emaciated looking.
They have Ozepic face.
Yeah.
It's pretty real.
So yeah, it could be something.
Yeah, wait.
Say the last part again.
The heroin part?
Yeah.
If I was fat, I would just do heroin.
You get high.
It's cheaper, and you're cool.
Heroine addicts are cool, you know?
And you don't need health insurance to get it.
Oh, yeah, true.
Holy shit.
That's crazy.
That's Kelly Osborne.
Wow.
Well, I love the quote is stop kicking me while I'm down.
And Salukes is like, let's pull this picture up.
Let me check her wiki feet real quick.
By the way, I'm catching a lot of help for bringing up Caitlin's wiki feet.
Are you?
Yes.
Yeah, why would you do that?
Wait, why would I do it?
Why would I catch hell or why did I do that?
I've done that with a million guests we've had here.
Men, I've done it for you.
Yeah, it's different doing it to a guy.
You can't have that mustache and be pulling up women's feet.
I treat everyone the same.
All right, you got another one?
I feel like these are like not baked enough.
Let's see what I got.
Equal opportunity.
You pull of a man's feet.
You pull up a woman's feet.
No one likes men's feet.
That's the problem.
Yeah.
We don't have good feet.
That's not our thing.
No woman's ever been into a man's feet.
No.
It's a weird fetish.
It is.
We don't take care of our feet.
And men who take care of their feet, it's weird.
That's weird.
You ever see the guy in the pedicure window?
You're like, look at this dude.
What's he doing?
By the way, to her credit, I spoke to her downstairs and apologized after that show.
I was like, hey, that was weird.
I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be weird.
Yeah, but you apologized and then offered to photograph her feet.
It was a weird move, I thought.
She did say, no, keep it funny is funny.
All right.
And then you walked away and she was like, creep.
Oh, fuck.
No, I don't know.
What do I have?
I have a couple I can't crack.
So I had this one thing about like a divorce friend who, you know, he always brings up.
She said we were going to be together till death, you know?
And I was like, right, but she did say that at the wedding.
That's a high point.
You know, like you can't just go off the high points
I remember I was in a relationship once
And during sex the woman said my pussy belongs to you
After the relationship fizzled
I let it go
Sure do I wish I got in writing of course
But you have to you have to know when a lawyer up
But I think that's a fun point
And then I want to keep going
So he met he met this woman on a fetish app
And it's like
Yeah dude you thought that was going to be till death
All right
Like you can't like I'm not
saying i'm not judging you for using these apps but like you think like we both like bondage is a
healthy foundation for a long lasting marriage good point it's a good point it's not funny so i think
that was the angle it's like problem is like with these apps it's like know what's a hookup app and
know what's a you know a long lasting relationship but that's maybe just a good point and not a good
joke no no hold on hold on hold on i like that my pussy belongs to you because what if you're
get a gynecology bill in a year. And you're like, what the hell's this? It belongs to you.
You got to pay for it. Should not have signed on the dotted line. Yeah. But yeah, the bondage thing.
I wonder if there's a... I'm going broke. What happened? My ex-wife had ovarian cancer.
Yeah. Why are you paying for that? I own her pussy. I cut the pussy and the divorce.
Yeah. It's not bad. It's not bad. I would take that. Yeah. Problem is it attached to her.
Yeah.
Yeah, visitation.
Vegetation rights.
They're a conjugal visit.
Yeah.
There's no glory hole for pussy.
I guess the pussy is a glory hole at the end of the day.
Whoever came up with a glory hole, optimistic fella.
Very optimistic.
Because that's like you got to have some trust for that one.
Oh, you don't know what's on the other end of that.
You don't.
Yeah, that's crazy.
The first person to do the glory hole was fucking brave.
Yeah.
Jamming your dick in some drywall and just hoping for the best.
I won't even answer a number.
I don't know.
I don't put my dick through a wall.
Depends on where the wall is, too.
If the wall is at Chucky Cheese, maybe don't put your dick through.
But if it's at the Williams' locker room, the Great Wall, that's a little thick.
That's a hole.
You got a big dick if you can make it through that one.
That's true.
Chinese Dix.
What'd you say?
Chinese Dicks.
Oh, okay.
Hung Dynasty.
Okay.
Yeah, where you got another?
Is this stupid?
Just tell me this is it stupid.
and I'll throw it out the window and slip my own wrist
and get on wiki feet.
So I did a big romantic dinner with the wife,
took her to a carriage ride through the park,
candle of dinner, laid on a blanket on the part,
looked at the stars.
And then I realized, why is this romantic?
This is this shit people did 200 years ago.
You know, I'm like,
what's romantic about being Amish for three hours?
You know, we're just doing shit that's poor people do in the 1800s.
and I'm like, it's only romantic if you do it a little bit.
If that was our lifestyle, we'd be poor.
It's like camping.
Camping's fun for three days, but if you live like that, you're a homeless person.
So none of that hits, but it's a point.
But I think it's also like privilege is having no privilege for like three days.
Isn't that weird, though, that having no privilege is like, whoa, that's how good we got it maybe?
Well, like, there's people who can't afford phones, but then like we're like,
Keep me away from my phone.
It kind of goes with the Ozempic thing.
Right.
Like, I have to put my phone in the other.
Oh, true.
When you see someone with like a flip phone, you're like, that's privilege.
You know what I mean?
Right, right, right, right.
It's like less technology is privilege.
Yeah, true.
So maybe the angle is like...
Rich people live in the woods for a week just to like get away.
You know, as a retreat, they call it.
Where other people live in the woods because they're a fugitive or, you know.
Yeah, someone lives in like a penthouse.
You're like, where are you going for the weekend?
My cabin.
Exactly, exactly.
It's got to be a string of things like that.
Yes.
I haven't eaten in two days.
What are you?
You broke?
You can't afford food?
I'm fasting.
Fasting is good.
That's another good one.
Yeah.
Trying to think of other things.
Yeah, what's the thing where you don't have to?
We do it to show how good we got it.
But there are actually things people didn't do or did because they were poor.
You're treading on rich men, poor men territory.
I think it's different
I know
His are like
You gotta
You work in a trailer
Yeah
Outdoor showers
Outdoor shower
Yeah it's a little different
Yeah
This is more privilege
I think
But then I say
Do you think
What we're doing now
We'll be considered romantic
In 200 years
You know
You got a lady on the moon
Talking to a robot
Best friend like
Hey I had a hot date last night
What'd you do?
Well we
We drank white claws
And vaiped
We played pickleball
Did a TikTok dance
And I just name shit, annoying shit we do now.
It's something.
Yeah, Ryan Hamilton is a somewhat similar bit about a carriage ride where he goes,
you'd think in a hundred years, we'll be like, oh, let's get in this Ford Focus.
Oh, that's the same bit.
Yeah, so that part you'd have to cut.
But the other part, I think, could still be something if you go another way with it.
All right, good to know.
All right, glad you told me that.
Yeah, I think it's got to be like a lot of examples.
It's got to be like a Norman, like, yeah, like the fasting was something.
The other thing, being off the grid.
Mm-hmm.
Flip phone is close.
Yeah, flip phone is something.
Maybe having a horse.
Like having a horse is kind of...
A record player?
Yeah, yeah, an old camera.
A horse or something.
Yeah, you're right, horse.
Because you live on a ranch.
You can afford to have a horse.
Back in day, a horse was just like how you got around.
Yeah.
All right, all right.
This helps.
There's something there, yeah.
Hamilton, Ford Focus.
Hamilton.
That's good.
Look at that pick.
That's a great one, dude.
Thank you.
my kid would
The swushy's gonna be a hit buddy
This is the drink of the summer right here
A cherry Pepsi
And a bodega cat
Ninja I bought a ninja 10 years ago
It's for making smoothies
Now they're like fuck it
We're going all in on
Frozen drinks
They get the ice cream maker now
They do
Yeah
Oh what a country
Let's not get carried away here
We're doing an ad for ninja right now
What is that big box
Speaking of
What is that giant box
Oh baby
Well
Chefs and Buffalo
Send us this nice package
Because I guess we talk about them all the time
how good chefs is.
Love chefs.
I love that.
It says total protein 39 grams.
Is anyone eating a chicken parm for their, after their pump?
I don't, I mean, it's delicious.
Look at that block of cheese.
Woo!
I will say chefs is fucking amazing.
Love chefs.
I'm taking some of this home, baby.
Oh, look at that marinara.
Look at that pasta sauce.
So if you live in Buffalo, you already know.
But my two favorite spots in Buffalo are chefs and mothers, two fucking amazing restaurants.
Buffalo, underrated city.
Great town, great people, great club.
With all this stuff
Buffalo is the anti-Siracuse
Yeah
Both upstate but Buffalo is so much more pleasant
It is more pleasant
Way more pleasant
Sports team helps
Yeah the sabers
They got college ball in Syracuse
But it's not the same
Not the same
The orange
I just love cities that like have
Struggling sports teams
You can't help but have character
Yeah
You still believe
I love that
Although we have the
pelicans and no one is
rallying behind them. It's a Saints town. It's a Saints town all the
way. And you know what it's annoying about the Pelicans
is like every one of their players
is like untradable. They're like we need four
first for this player. We're not trading them. And it's like
you had 20 wins last year.
Not every player can be untouchable
on a fucking lottery team. Right.
And it's been said before but
you can't buy a team
you got to fuck with the team name.
If you're going to put the jazz in
Utah. It just doesn't work. You can't have Utah jazz. It's such a contradiction.
New Orleans pelicans, too. It's like not a scary animal.
Well, for sure. Minnesota's the wolves. Yes. Orlando's kind of weak to the magic.
Ooh. But yeah, the New Orleans.
We were the jazz. They were the Hornets for a minute, which also is kind of a southern thing.
But they took that from Charlotte. I didn't like any of that either.
But New Orleans, yeah, it's just not.
But imagine the Denver heat.
It doesn't work, you know?
It's a cold town.
Yeah.
You know?
Makes no sense.
It doesn't make sense.
What's Phoenix?
The suns.
Perfect.
Perfect.
You know the Lakers, Mark?
The Lakers?
That was Minnesota.
Yeah.
The lakes.
Yeah.
What about the clippers?
I know this one too, but go ahead.
I don't know.
Oh, it's a clipper ship.
That's why they call Joe DiMaggio, the Yankee clipper.
He's from San Francisco.
Yeah, but the way he moved through the outfield.
Oh, yeah.
The Yankee Clipper.
Now, there's got to be a barbers shop in L.A.
called the Clippers.
Oh, it has to be.
It's got to be.
Yes.
Come on.
But what does a clipper have to do with L.A.?
I think they're boats and it's a water city?
Eh, you're stretched here.
Well, there's definitely lakes.
L.A. Lakers.
I'm kidding.
Yeah.
I don't know.
All right.
Thank you, chefs.
That's a nice box.
Sam owns this box.
Oh, there is?
I'm looking for it.
Okay.
Oh, that's a.
That's Al-Ax Clippers.
I got a peeve, by the way.
Can I hit you with a pee?
Oh, yeah.
The person who's inconsiderate with the snooze.
A snooze button on the alarm.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
When you're in a bed with another person and they kept him the snooze?
Jeez, Veter's in trouble.
You guys both of nightcaps.
I'm like, you know, it makes me crazy, dude.
Yeah, that's bad.
We have one perk as a comic.
You don't get health insurance.
Nope.
You don't get any real-life perk.
We sleep is our one benefit from this job.
Here, here.
We get to sleep in.
Yes.
You're taking it away.
I know.
And then she's like fidgeting.
She's like, I left something in the bed.
I'm like, what?
You're common decency?
Also, don't wake me up.
My wife does this one.
She goes, are you up?
Oh.
I'm like, what are you crazy?
Yeah, now I am.
You're up, you coos?
I'm trying to snooze.
Are you up is, you say it.
You don't touch while you do it.
Yeah, it's like, you up.
I'm like, now I am.
By the way, I went from You Up to You Up.
Watch the kid.
Yeah, yeah, that's what it means.
Like, I need your help.
Like, I'm doing the kid alone here.
You Up makes the kid.
You Up makes the kid.
You Up used to lead to sex.
Now it leads to chores.
Yes, from the kids.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that could be something.
Write that down.
Write it down.
Yeah, UUp is brewing.
My wife does that all the time.
And I just, sometimes I just lay.
I just like go pauses.
I fake it all the time.
That's my faking.
Sleeping.
I do like the snooze, though.
Snooze is a real pro.
If you're alone.
Alone, I love the snoo.
Alone, it's great.
But what is the point?
You can control your dreams a little bit.
Oh, get out of here with that.
What are you, Vanilla Sky?
I was going to say the same thing.
Control your dreams.
A little bit.
Get the hell out of duh.
Salekir says banging Heidi Klum.
He's like, all right, 10 more minutes.
Just sleep till 8 instead of 7.30.
Because you're not controlling any dreams.
Yeah, but here's where the snooze comes in.
You want to be a go-getter, so you set it for 7.30.
And then you wake up like, what the fuck?
Who am I?
I'm not a go-getter.
Yeah.
So you set it for another 30.
That's what it is.
I guess so.
We're all idealists when we go to bed.
We're going to take on the world tomorrow.
But you know you're not.
Yeah.
It's like that Gary Goldman jokes.
Like, I set my phone for seven.
I'm going to do the crossword puzzle.
I'm going to work out.
I'm going to make a smoothie.
And then they, eh, he's like, what am I a farmer?
That's great.
Yeah.
I remember opening for Gary Goldman back in the day.
and he was like breakfast tomorrow 9 a.m.
And I was like a young drunk comic.
And I was like, I was like counting my whiskeys that night.
I was like, I can't be too hung over.
He wants to get breakfast at 9 a.m.
But it was a lesson.
It's like, oh, this is a job.
Oh, you did it.
I did it.
Oh, wow.
I did it.
Good for him.
Good for you.
Yeah.
But I remember he was watching me drink.
He's like, how do you do that?
And I was like, I don't know.
Yeah, I've had people do that too.
Feels kind of good.
You're like, I can handle it.
You're a puss.
Sam owns this pussy.
I think there's something there, Sam.
He's at our funeral.
He's like, I always asked him how they did that.
I think there's something there with.
You're an idealist when you said it and you're a realist.
I'm sure that's been done.
That's been done?
Yeah, I don't think that's like a...
He's like, this night guy and this morning guy.
And he's like, I hate night guy.
Night guy's like, I'll be fine.
Another movie, another ice cream Sunday.
And the morning guy's like, what are you doing to me?
You fucking be a night guy?
It's different, but it's a better version of whatever that is.
It's like, that's just...
It's been done better.
I got to peeve. This is comedy specific maybe, but you're in the showroom and you got a comic person, a friend, an associate, whatever.
Another open mic was about to get destroyed here.
That kid was a nice kid. I don't want to jump off the fucking bridge.
But you got the comic in the showroom. You're both watching. Oh, man, this guy's really funny.
Yeah, look at that. That's a great joke. But he won't stop talking in the showroom.
So now I'm an accomplice because the guy, the comics on stage, like, hey, can you guys shut up back there?
Who is that?
What's going on?
And I'm like, uh, what do you do?
We're comedians.
And you're breaking the cardinal rule of you're a heckler now, basically.
You're talking during the show.
Like, hit me in the lobby.
The loud talker.
The loud talker's a tough one in the showroom.
And he's a comedian.
So I'm like, you should know this is crazy.
And now you're including me.
So I'm a part of the crime now.
I've done though.
Like, we got to keep it.
It's usually a drunk guy.
That's usually that's.
It's usually a shit-faced guy who's just like talking way too loud.
I'm like, hey, we should keep it down a little.
And by we, I mean you.
Yeah, exactly.
Mr. Ninth Tequila.
I know.
I had the guy.
I was at a New York Comedy Club sold out.
I'm in the back by the door.
And this guy's like, oh, man, that's a great joke.
I helped them write that.
That was my tag.
And I'm like, shut the fuck up.
We look like assholes.
Yeah.
You're including me in the crime.
Loud talkers in quiet rooms are tough.
Yeah.
Even in a movie.
You ever watch a movie with someone and they just keep talking?
Yes.
It's like, even when it's just two of us, I'm like, what are you doing?
Like, I'm all for the commentary during the low scenes without dialogue, but you can't talk over important dialogue.
I know.
That was pertinent to the plot right there.
How about the people get mad when you pause it?
I go, I go further.
I go back.
I go back too.
I want to see what happens.
I need every line.
That was one of my old bits.
It's, uh, you know.
Annie Hall?
Yeah.
She's talking to me the whole.
She keeps telling me about her day and I'm, I pause it.
She's like, you're ignoring me for Annie Hall.
I go, was your story nominated for seven Academy Awards?
It's a harder one to get away with these days
because now they're like
Why Woody Allen?
Oh, you could tweak it.
You could tweak it to...
I'm not telling it anymore.
Sure.
But yeah, no, it's...
I love when you...
And also, talking is for bad movies.
Right.
Like, you want to watch a Stephen Seagal movie.
Let's talk through it, make jokes the whole time.
Yeah.
If we're watching like a really good...
Especially doing foreign films.
I'm like, oh my God, it's hard enough to pay attention here.
I know.
I need the dialogue.
I went to see The Matrix.
This is how long ago this is.
And my friend's like,
I've seen it. You got to see it.
You know, that guy, he's like, I'm going with you to see it.
They watch your, they study your every reaction.
Yes, yes.
He's staring at you.
I hate that.
I hate people watching me react.
Neo, you're the one.
Yeah, or the guy was like, let me show you my hot rod I built with my dad.
And you're like, oh, okay, great.
And he shows it to you.
And you're like, hey, how about that?
And he's like, that's it.
And you're like, wow, I'm on the spot here.
Let me enjoy the hot rod.
I got to, who's this for me or you?
Oh, dude, the girl I'm seeing now, her ex is gay.
So she'll like tell me stuff and my and my enthusiasm is just not enough never when you were with a gay guy before she's there I made this dress
I'm like oh cool and she's like that's it. I'm like yeah
That's all I have to give on a dress you made I'm a I'm a straight guy yeah exactly break some freaking
break some free agency nix news and then I'll fucking lose my mind if you want to see a big reaction
Also that could be it could be a test to see if you're gay let me show you this dress
I love it you're like all right you're like my ex this is over
He called it fabulous?
It was weird.
It's fierce.
How about the guy who he shows you something?
He wants your reaction.
So you fake a big reaction.
Then he yells at you for faking it.
I'm like, which one is it?
If I go, oh, that's cool.
You go, that's it.
But if I go, whoa, how about that?
He's like, ah, you didn't mean it.
I'm like, I can't win here.
It's a lot.
There's no winning in life.
Can't win.
There's no winning.
Can't be genuine.
Can't be fake.
No one makes it out of life.
I guess so.
I got a good wreck for you.
And I text both of you guys about it.
Because I haven't seen it since I was a kid and I was definitely too young
the first time I saw it.
Documentary, Hoop Dreams from the 90s.
It's a 10 out of 10 movie.
It's like as good a doc as ever has been made.
Yeah.
You don't have to like basketball.
Like I know people who love this who didn't, you'd never like basketball.
It's like three hours.
Is this Chicago?
Yeah.
Yes.
They send a kid to the white school.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of white people.
Isaiah Thomas went there.
He was a Chicago guy.
But dude, it's so intimate.
Like, the way they show the families and the dad is struggling with a drug addiction.
And it's just, like, an incredible movie.
Great movie.
This is what a doc is supposed to be.
This is, like, top tier.
Well, who made it?
I don't know.
It was three guys.
Oh, really?
And it's the first time I've ever seen a doc that, like, takes six years to make.
Yes, yes.
So you see them from, like, eighth grade to college.
What's that?
Eighth grade to college.
Wow.
And did they make it?
They didn't make the NBA, but they, you know, they had college careers.
And it was, it's a lot, a lot of stuff, a lot of emotions.
The families are, it's complicated home lives.
But then they're also like very loving parents.
But then also, you know, one of the guys gets a scholarship revoked because he was smaller and didn't really pan out.
And then it turns out he's really good.
Right.
So it's just, it's crazy.
It's a really, really good movie, not just about basketball.
It's a great, great doc.
The 90s really embrace.
race basketball.
It was such a,
remember like above the rim
and space jam
every little thing was basketball
back then. Michael Jordan, I guess,
was crushing.
Blue through the roof. Yeah.
Oh, sorry, the director also made an
Alan Iverson 30 for 30. Oh, shit, I heard that's a great
one. I haven't seen it. Yeah, I mean, you can't
go wrong with Iverson, man.
No, no. AI. The original.
Hoop treat.
I mean, I got a wreck off
your wreck. Oh, which one was it?
I hit Salakus. I'm with the wife. We're bored. We already banged. She can't drink. Whatever. She's going through some stuff. So we need a show. We need a show. So I'm like, ah, I don't know any shows. We finished the Apple show. What is it called? The one on the island? Widows Bay. We finished that. I'm starting that this week.
It's good, right? It's good. It's cute. We hit up Salacuse, and I go, well, you got any shows. And he goes, I got one for you. Beef, too.
the second season of beef.
And I was like, I didn't really love the first season.
I like Allie Wong, whatever, but I didn't love the first season.
He goes, this is totally different.
It's got a White Lotus vibe.
It's better than White Lotus.
Whoa, really?
I think this is so well written.
The acting, the British woman is unbelievable.
Oscar Isaac kills it.
Oh, he's good.
It's so well done.
And it's one of those shows that makes you anxious when you're watching it,
and you hate everybody, but you root for them, but you hate them, but they're bad people.
really well done.
Beef 2, second season.
Yeah. Check that out.
It's right there on Netflix. You don't have to go
searching for it. Yeah, I wasn't a big fan of
season one. I watched the whole thing, but this is
almost like a whole separate series.
Oh, completely. Yeah.
Damn. It's just, these people are bad.
People are all out for themselves, and they keep
getting further and further
into the shit, and they have to keep getting
out of it. It's one of those. It's really well done.
Damn. Very good.
All right. I'll give it. I'm going to do Widows Bay first,
Are you doing World Cup? Are you watching anything?
I mean, there's going to be dated by the time it comes out.
But, yeah, I mean, that fucking Viking from Norway.
How cool was that guy?
Hollandees.
Love that guy.
He's great.
I went on a deep dive with that guy.
He's been doing this since he was 16, like making those goals, and he's 6'5.
You know, he also probably would have been great at any sport.
He's just one of those.
He's, like, big and strong and fast.
And you see these videos of him, like, you can push your body to another level.
You just realize, like, there's a, and it's like, no, you can.
push your body to another level.
He is a Viking. Well, that's what you want out of Norway.
You want this guy.
Totally.
They got him.
And he's got some real DSLs on him, too.
Oh, yeah.
He's a, have you seen all the news with the Brazilian player?
His girlfriend looks like this guy.
Really?
So everybody's AIing these two fucking.
And it went so viral that he hit up the Brazilian guy.
He's like a young black guy.
And he's like, we got to do something together.
Because this is like blowing up.
Fuck your girlfriend.
Yeah.
So now they're hanging out.
Damn, dude.
But really cool.
He's been going to Texas.
There's all these videos of him in Texas putting on the cowboy hat.
And cats is deli?
He cats is deli.
That's a great photo off for them.
Everything's like 5 million views, 6 million views.
The guys, people love him.
Yeah, he's box office.
Also, I'm watching this tennis man.
The tennis has been great.
Wimbledon, men and women.
Oh, I haven't even know about this.
So fun, man.
Great, great matches.
Love tennis.
Yeah, what a one.
Yeah, Jokovic had a fucking amazing match the other day.
He's the man.
He's probably my favorite player.
Hanging on.
Yeah.
It's so badass.
That's a cool thing about these athletes.
They get older and it's like at certain time, father time's going to take over, but the ones that kind of hang on.
Yes.
He is the goat.
He really is.
Cool, dude.
It's all mental.
But yeah, soccer's fun, man.
I'm enjoying it.
We had lunch at the cellar yesterday in that Argentina game.
Holy shit.
Messy is really, really a magical man.
I was looking like Jalen Brunson out there.
I know.
I'm glad we finally tied it to the Knicks somehow.
He's unreal.
You know what I've been enjoying about this World Cup thing is all the people from Europe and Africa and South America coming to the United States.
Loving it.
And loving it being like, I heard this was a hellhole.
I heard that, you know, the streets are dangerous.
And they're like, people are giving me free rides.
I'm getting beers.
People from Haiti are like, we heard it was unsafe here.
Right.
They get at a restaurant
There's air conditioning going
And they get ice in a water glass
That blows their mind
They're all addicted to ranch
They're going to Buckees and Costco
They love it
Love a good Buckees
Dude
Oh yeah
Fuck the Louv
We got Buckees
Yeah no it's
It's cool
That's hilarious that Trump
Tried to
He talked to FIFA
He did fix it
He fixed it though
He fixed it but he's bad luck
We lost
The one next game
They lost in like 13 games
Was the one he went to
When I said fixed it
He rigged it
He rigged. He fixed it.
Yeah, he didn't.
He rigged it and we lost.
And then he didn't say anything.
Right.
I know.
I love that he's like, I've been looking into it.
Apparently a red card means you have to sit the next game.
We're like, you didn't know that?
He said, we'll have better luck next year.
He's also gotten rid of some green cards.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, the whole thing sucks.
So we still blew it.
All our good athletes are playing different sports.
It's not our sport.
If we're going to adopt a foreign sport, it should have been sumo.
We got the fatties.
We can do it.
And we're just not, it's not a soccer culture.
We got enough people.
If we had like a LeBron playing, you know.
Yeah, we're the WNBA of soccer, sadly.
Just not for us.
I'm sorry.
It's low scoring.
No, in women's basketball, we fucking own it, dude.
That's true.
Well, what are we?
New York?
No, no, no.
I mean, just the U.S.
The U.S. Yeah, yeah.
We got the fever.
Also, women won, the U.S. women won the last three World Cups or something.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
We do something well.
Because there's no money in any women's sports except for like tennis and golf.
So they're like, we'll just play soccer because we love it.
You got to love it.
And turns out that leads to winning.
Yeah.
All right.
I got Braya Improv coming up, August 21st through 23rd.
Then we got Europe.
We got Liz.
Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw.
Added a second night there.
We got Helsinki, Sweden, Copenhagen.
And then I added a couple club dates.
I'm going to add more.
Stay tuned for more dates.
Just go to punchup.
Live slash Shamarrel slash tour.
And yeah, I got Nashville for a couple nights for Zanis.
And then I got American Comedy Co.
In San Diego the last two weeks of September.
Oh, fun.
Yeah, fun rooms, getting back into the swing of things.
West Coast.
Hopefully I have some jokes that aren't about my penis or a vagina by then.
I will. I will. The material is going to keep getting better, guys. So I'll see you soon out there.
Hell yeah. Boy, that's going to have fun Europe run.
I'm pumped, dude. Oh, yeah. Zagreb.
I hear it's unreal.
Really? I hear it's awesome. I never been. I would love to go.
And I think the out, like, the beaches are sick, too, but it's like a really cool town.
All right. I'm at the clubhouse in East Hampton. That's actually a really fun room and make a weekend out of it with the kid.
San Francisco. Come on to Cobbs. Love it.
Houston Improv.
We'll see you there. It's going to be hot as shit.
Zanis in Nashville.
Pittsburgh Improv.
Laf shop, Calgary, Casino, Regina.
Acme and Miniap.
Why do I laugh every time?
He says Casino Regina.
I know.
It's funny.
A lot of Regina.
Austin Powers.
I saw that in the theater, too.
Comedy Works in Denver.
The Heat.
And Charlton Musical, Charleston Musical.
I can't wait to get down to Charleston.
I got to book a gig there.
And Comedy on State in Wisconsin and Madison.
Helium in Portland.
And that'll be good for a while.
Come on out, say hello.
Get some bodega cat.
We should have some merch cooking soon.
Ooh, cool new.
A lot of you guys, I guess, were into Mark's shirt.
I was into it.
That's for sure.
I was like, how do we not make these?
So from a few episodes ago, I think it was the Knicks episode.
Yeah, it was the Nix colors.
I love that shirt, man.
Get a lot of compliments.
A little drunk cat.
Yeah.
So yeah, we're going to get those on shirts, on sweatshirts.
on hats, we're going to get some really cool shit made.
Bodeigatwiskey.com, follow BredaCatwiske on Instagram.
What you got, what do you got, Sally?
I just had a doc get released.
It's called Jeff R. Curry, you better fucking laugh.
Oh, nice.
It's a tour doc where he's trying to build an hour for his Netflix special while his wife is going through cancer treatment.
Oh, wow.
Heavy stuff.
I heard both of them almost died.
All right.
It was right there, dude.
It was right there.
No, I heard it's very good.
Give it a watch.
It's on his YouTube page.
Jeff R.
Oh, hell, yeah.
All right.
Well, we're cooking.
Thanks, folks.
We'll see you next time with a guest.
All right.
Sunday's a day for my next fender.
A bit of Peverack.
You know the fear juice close.
I've had a little.
And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope and Rose.
I'm out to lunch here and doesn't look like I remember her.
And I.
