We Might Be Drunk - One More Drink w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam keep the drinks and new material flowing. They break down awkward fan encounters, comedy’s strangest workplace problems, Ozempic, romance, snooze-button etiquett...e, and the jokes they’re still trying to crack. Plus, they review Hoop Dreams and Beef, talk World Cup fever, and create the ultimate Bodega Cat Whiskey slushie. Sponsored by: Live like a legend: 20% off Willie’s Social Tonic, plus free shipping on orders over $95 https://www.drinkwillies.com — code WMBD Enjoy tonight and feel your best tomorrow: 15% off ZBiotics https://www.zbiotics.com/drunk — code DRUNK Start your free Shopify trial https://www.shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Willies #ZBiotics #Shopify #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:07 We might be drunk, baby. Solo App. I love a Solo app. Good to be back. Hans Solo. How you been? Whoa, good. I just had the 4th of July. I was gone for six days. My flight got canceled, so... You were struggling out there. Yeah, yeah, it's a suburb.
Starting point is 00:00:21 The hard part of the suburbs is there's kids everywhere, which is great. It's fun. One kid broke my watch, so that's gone. Oh, shit. Well, we're just all wrestling all day. You know, I got headlocks. They're so little. I feel like, you know, the Hulk.
Starting point is 00:00:33 It is fun throwing a kid. Oh, my God. Liz has that great bit about throwing the kid to the pool. That's the closest you can come to abusing a child. You just throw them into the pool. That's one of my favorite things. Whole face changed. That's a great bit.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Oh, yeah. Peters is on the slushies. Why did we get a slushy maker? Does someone send this or were you just hankering? I was just hankering. These are going for sale on Amazon. My brother-in-law had one of these at the 4th of July. I love a slushie maker.
Starting point is 00:00:59 We did margaritas. We did daqueries, calo. What do you call it? Peter Colada. I love a... an ice maker too but I bought the shittiest one. It takes like four hours
Starting point is 00:01:12 to make like this much ice I'll just use a tray. What are we doing here? Yeah, right? That sucks. So what do we got in here? A little bodega cat and cherry Coke? Woo-wee!
Starting point is 00:01:21 Looks like cherry Pepsi. Oh, do you hate that guy? Yeah. Pepsi over cut. Some people claim they can taste a difference. I don't think I'm one of them. Come on.
Starting point is 00:01:33 Dude, that's fucking incredible. That was like the kid version of banging a trans girl on accident, like, what? It's Pepsi. I had no idea. That's Lenwage now. You see Lenny's another language? Right, right.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Like, all right. Oh, yeah, new identity. I got more Jewish. Oh, by the way, I went to my bagel place. A brand new bagel place on my block. I went in, no bagels. What? I was like, you're two days open.
Starting point is 00:01:58 You don't have any bagels? You sold out? He was like, we don't have our license yet to sell bagels. There's a bagel license, though? Yes. I wonder who owns this. No bagel, no bagel, no bagel. Damn, so what do you need for a license? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:13 They're just selling sandwiches. I was like, not even on a bagel. They're like, no, we don't have that license yet. That's a lie. You can't open a bagel place without bagels. Thank you. That's crazy. It's just bread with a hole in it.
Starting point is 00:02:24 So can you have a bread? Do you need a bread license? Do you need a pizza license? Yeah. We only have garlic knots today. You can make the hole. Yeah. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:02:34 That's crazy. That's crazy. Look it up. I will tell you. They don't need any more business, but Apollo bagels, have you had that shit? No. It's unreal. Really?
Starting point is 00:02:44 It's one of those, like, annoying influencer places with a line, but they deliver. It's so good. Wow. I walk by and there was no line. I was like, I got to try it. Yeah. It's that good, dude. Really?
Starting point is 00:02:53 It's like a thin, crispy bagel. Oh, thin bagel I like. And it's got the, you know, the smoked salmon, the dill, the capers, the onions. It's a fucking, and I love an open face. Yes. I don't like the, we just gave into the sandwich, always. You're getting less bites. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:09 I like the open face. Do you scoop it if it's a fat bagel? No. Okay. It feels like sacrilege. You get looks. Oh, really? Yeah, I think in the New York bagel place you're like, scoop.
Starting point is 00:03:19 All right. Damn. Jeez. It's coming out to your dad in the 80s. That's a look you get. Scooped bagel, all right. That's a Larry David episode. I figure him walking into the temple and they're like, he's a scooper.
Starting point is 00:03:33 That is a great episode. The white fish. Yeah. The sable? Yeah, the sable. So seriously, you take your sandwiches. That's the one they name it at for him? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Yeah, yeah. And he's like, no one's getting sable? It's true. It's two fishes. It's two white fishes together. It's a lot. Is that what it is? I think that's what it was.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Oh, God. You want the turkey. I love a turkey sandwich. Love turkey. Is turkey a go-to? Go-to. Then roast beef, then ham. I might go ham than roast beef, but yeah, turkey's just fucking solid.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Retail bakeries require a food service permit. and staff must fat okay so it's not a bagel license to sell bagels commercially oh wait whole whole while home based bagel operations are governed by new okay I guess so yeah wow now I picture like a meth head type guy making bagels in his trailer like breaking breaking bagel with mom donnie in office you better get ready for that jews and trailers that'd be a fucking serious uh damn did I get a lot of Jewish actors That's a different kind of trailer. That's true.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Yeah, so I was on the subway the other day, and I'm in Brooklyn, going to Manhattan to do shows. Got a pod going. I see a guy come on, one stop in, and he goes, Mark Norman. I go, hey, what's shaking? He goes, I'm a young comic. I got to pick your brain. I was like, no, there's no escape. He had me.
Starting point is 00:04:57 It was like a mariachi band where you're stuck there. And the mariachi band leaves. That's true. That's the big bonus. The mariachi band, you got a minute. you know what was the right when he said so how long did it take for you to like to make it and I was like well you're fucked if you're worried about that yeah you're not you know you're not doing it right he's like been doing it a couple years I got a bit about this he's like breaking down the bits and I'm
Starting point is 00:05:19 like but there were people like that when we started and now I think with the social media shit it's gotten out of whack yeah because they're seeing people explode immediately like no no it's like the comics we knew growing up who look at like road calendars and it would be like this fucking hack is headlining there yeah don't look at the worst guy headlining on the calendar. Look at the best dude. Good point. Yeah. But he was doing like the, I don't know what I need to do.
Starting point is 00:05:43 I don't know how I got to make it. And I'm like, oh, just keep going. He's like, how do I get an agent? What's the story? And I'm like, the fact that you don't know this sucks for me is weird. That, like, being a comedian, you got to be a little self-aware. Totally. There's zero self-awareness. And he was a sweet guy, super nice guy. But I'm like, the fact that you don't know this is a faux pa is a bad sign.
Starting point is 00:06:03 How many stops are we talking? We're talking from Atlantic Barclays to 14th Street Union Square. Whoa, that's a long one. That's a long one. That's always when the train goes out, too. When you're in a conversation like that, they're like, oh, we have some maintenance on the track ahead. You'll fucking kill me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Oh, God. And do other people deal with this? It's like if Bledso is on the train and a young high school quarterback. Drew Bledsoe? Yeah. All right, that was a pull. Culpepper, whoever. Mark stop watching football in 2004.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Michael Vic. Brady. Jerry Rice. What's up? Brady took over for Bledsoe. So it would be a young Brady. All right. Young Brady sees Bledsoe on the train.
Starting point is 00:06:48 Is he like, so how do you get a spiral? What's the deal with the end zone? I'm going to go up to a quarterback. You're like, what do I do? Yeah. You don't look like you have it. I'm like, I'm working on it. No, I mean, it's, you know, he clearly respects you.
Starting point is 00:07:00 But I think you got to make the boundary there of like. I know. Well, it was nice to meet you best along with everything. I got to watch my set or whatever. Yeah, I can't do it. Yeah, it's tough. But I come on here and trash it. That's his way worse.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Yeah. You could have just said it to him and be like, oh, I'm sorry. Instead, you're like, yeah, 100,000 people hear it now. I know. He did the, he's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I got a couple spots. He goes, can I tag along? And I was like, golly, man.
Starting point is 00:07:26 It's tough. It's tough. But I caved and he's coming on the show. God damn it, Mark. Come on in Renan. Yeah, Renan. No, we, uh, it happened me with a kid on the street, but he was great. He was actually, like, awesome.
Starting point is 00:07:39 He totally, like, gave me an out. And I liked him enough that I was like, I gave him my number. Whoa. And now I feel like, now I have like, uh, and I fucked him. And I think, no, I think now I have like stock. I'm like, root in for him. Okay, okay. Because, you know, he did his Montreal audition.
Starting point is 00:07:55 He's like, I didn't get it. And I was telling him, you know, it took, you know, Mark. It took me, Mark. Five years. I think it was our fourth or fifth year. Yeah, yeah. And it's, yeah, you know, it's okay. You don't want to go before you're ready and stuff.
Starting point is 00:08:06 And, you know, I don't know what it is anymore, the fest. I don't either. But yeah, when they give you the out, you're like, that's beautiful. But you got a vibe from him that it wasn't a weirdo. No, he wasn't pushy. Yeah, that's the difference. It was the second time I saw him, too. First time I saw him was on the street and the second time was at his show.
Starting point is 00:08:21 And I was like, all right, he's cool. Yeah. I mean, we were like hot women now where people like, let me get your number. Let me get, let me chat with you. And I'm like, I don't want to chat with you. And not to say where When I met Seinfeld for the first time He gave me his number and I go
Starting point is 00:08:33 I'll never use this and he goes Use it! Use it! But that's the key! You gotta go, I'm aware that you're huge And I'm nobody and I'm putting some Some distance between us. This guy was no distance. I mean just just
Starting point is 00:08:46 Even like in a casual conversation You need a little distance. Yeah, yeah You need to breathe. It's like going up to a girl and being like Can we fuck? You have to go, hey, can I take you out? I'll stop doing that.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Okay. I told you that in confidence. I didn't know that would make the answer. Are you guys entering your mentor phase? No, this is that before. No, no, no, no. Yeah, anytime you're, it's a young comic and they see a working comic, I think, you know. But I was very much like when I did that, I was also very, I was nervous.
Starting point is 00:09:13 You know, I would definitely always give him it out and be like, tell me if I'm bothering you. Yes, that's huge. That goes a long way. Just that, like, that little wall up. Because, you know, Mark is also leaving home where there's a baby and he needs these, like, train is a moment where you can kind of zone out a little bit. and get into like, because it's like Louis when he was on this pod saying like Chris Rock told him turn off the radio even. Like you need kind of those train rides where you just kind of zone out and let your mind wander, I think.
Starting point is 00:09:40 So I totally, I get it. Yeah, yeah, it was hard. Your whole train ride, you're like, oh, I got 30 minutes to look at my notes, listen to what's set. That's all going on. I happened to me once on a plane ride where guys like, I'm a huge fan, whatever. I was like, oh, thanks, man. And then, of course, we're seated right next to each other on a long flight. He was cool, though.
Starting point is 00:09:55 He was like, I totally get you got to work. I was like, thanks, man. Oh, there you go. There you go. I had a rig pig. I was going up to Edmonton, and the rig pigs are the guys that work on the oil field. Oh, totally. And they're like real blue-collar guys.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Blue-collar, but they make a good living on doing that. Great living. Yeah. But I sat next to him, and the whole ride, he's like, so what's Tom Segor like? And I'm like, ah, he's a nice guy, funny guy, ha, ha. And then you get that moment of like, all right, I think we're done. And then a minute and a half later, he's like, Burke Reischer, really that drunk? And you're like, ah, shit.
Starting point is 00:10:23 I can't get up a moment. Tom wrote a whole book about this, the plane interactions. I know. So it's very nice, but it's, you got to have some buffer. It's like any conversation. Yeah. Anytime you talk to anyone, because even any conversation you have, you ever talk to someone and they just don't let there be a moment of silence, those interactions stress the fuck out. Me too, me too.
Starting point is 00:10:46 And then you want to get a line in, like, oh, some fans like, hey, I love your stuff. And you're like, oh, I got a funny thing to say here. And they step on it and you're like, well, what are we doing here? But I think what it is is they listen to 18 million hours of you. This is their turn. Right, right. That's how they see it. Like, I got to get my shit out.
Starting point is 00:11:02 I remember opening for Marin, like, in 2010 or something. Wow. And it was right when WTF blew up. And I asked him about what? What club? Rooster T. Feathers. Woo! Sunnyvale, California.
Starting point is 00:11:17 And he was telling me about dating and how it was just hard to date because he felt like these women know everything about his life. Yeah, true. And then it's like, you know, you put these podcasts out, and if women want to, they could fucking, they could dig in and be like, oh, yeah. Oh, you ever do this? And you're like, I don't think so. Like, I heard you did it on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:11:37 You're like, fuck. Yeah. I was trapped. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's tough. How was that weekend with him? Because that's a, that club has no real green room. Yeah, it's like an outdoor green room.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Yeah. And I remember the mic kept breaking. And he was like, as comedians, we need one thing. And he ain't wrong. Don't make the mic break. But no, he was cool. He hit me up and be like, you want to get some Vietnamese sandwiches? Bon me.
Starting point is 00:12:05 Yeah. Nice. So, yeah, we get a lot of, every day we get a Vietnamese sandwich for lunch. That was, I remember the first time doing that club. It's so suburban. It's like out by Silicon Valley. It's all houses with white picket fences. And it's the opposite of New York.
Starting point is 00:12:19 It could be more different. Totally. Although the club, I feel like they were very squeamish. Anything dark, they'd be like, whoa. Oh, dude, I remember working out that alligator baby joke. That was a club of a woman walked out and yelled, you suck as the door slowly shut. And it's like, you know, that was a pretty, I guess some people would say dark bit. So you got to work it out somewhere.
Starting point is 00:12:41 And it is funny as hell that you work out in just like suburban strip malls. Yeah. Let me drag my dead baby chunk through Sunnyvale, California. That's the way to do it. It's a good room and a good club. It was small and there was not really a lot of stakes there. I had an opener there. I wish I could remember his name.
Starting point is 00:13:00 He was, you know, you imagine to get an opener. You're like, this guy's unbelievable. This guy is like great comedy mind, good instincts, great writing. God, what was his name? He was a tall guy with long hair. So funny, but now every time I see a roast or he's on it, he's in the writer's credits. So I was like, good for him. He made it.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Nice. But I can't remember his name. Shit. I'm sorry. L.A. guy. but very funny nice plug sorry
Starting point is 00:13:27 he's great he's one of the best I'd love to get him work but I can't remember anything he's doing fine he's writing in every show every room what's nice is like a hundred comic
Starting point is 00:13:37 comics are taking credit for what you just said right now that's true they'll cut a clip of this great it's a wide net I'm spreading here but I can't Owen or
Starting point is 00:13:48 I'll never think of it damn he was good I was in awe it was hard to follow and he was just a regular old nobody, not nobody, but like, random comic. It's a mixed feeling when you draw one of those openers because a part of you is so happy for comedy
Starting point is 00:14:00 that a young buck is coming up and crushing. The other part is like, I got to follow this shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was tough. At least if it's good, at least you're like, all right, I got to step out. I'm in that phase of new material now where, you know, I always start the new hour too dirty. Well, dirty works. Because it works.
Starting point is 00:14:20 And that's fine for a little bit, but then you've got to weed out. Like this one, and then I was trying to, you know, try to get away with like all new. And you have your 15 and they lit me late at the cellar and it was like probably like 17, 18 I do. Oh, yeah, big difference. And then you're like, let me dig into the other new and then you're like, this is too dirty. I could feel like the crowd knew is too dirty. They're like, yeah, no, we got it. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Enough about your dick. Your middle age at this point. Yeah, the new stuff is tough. And I did a six-week or six-day vacation that first set back with new material. you feel like your gun is not loaded you know you're out there like now you're hit your pistol whipping because you got nothing left
Starting point is 00:15:01 yeah I had a set of the cellar and uh I'm I'm outside and the host goes uh you're on you're on next I was like oh cool got it so he goes in and I guess he didn't see me in the room he's just like doing six seven minutes or whatever it was he did a while maybe it was five minutes I don't know but it felt long and I'm talking to Mike Vecione we're just like bouncing jokes and stuff and I'm like, why is he doing so much time?
Starting point is 00:15:24 This is weird. And he's like, oh, yeah, it's a little weird. And then I just hear him go, where the hell is this dumb guy? And I just, like, get in his sight line. And he goes, oh, sorry. Oh, shit. Just called me dumb. I'm like, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Whoa. And then he goes, I'm sorry. That was my mistake. And he brings me on. It's like, you tap into some dude just deep anger. I was like, I've been here the whole time. Well, you get nervous up there when it's just you. Totally, totally.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Miscommunication. But it's a fun moment when you see a guy like, kind of snap. Yeah. And then have nowhere to put it because I was there. Ah. But it's funny when you see a dude just kind of have like a semi meltdown. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:01 When we were doing bad rooms all the time, I had them all the time. Oh, yeah. You just snap. Snap sets all the time. Thank God they don't have footage of us doing like prom shows from 2011. Oh, God. Those were wild. From 2011 or 2014.
Starting point is 00:16:18 What's that? Huh? Whoa. What's that? I have no idea. I just found it on the internet. I was looking you up. What is like to be one of the comedy's most eligible backs?
Starting point is 00:16:26 What the hell is that from? I don't know. Is this in touch magazine? It looks like one of those rags you see at the airport. I was looking at you up on the internet. That's wild. Hello, Samarrel. This is the picture they chose, too, for a bachelor?
Starting point is 00:16:40 Yeah, it looks rough. Well, I'd be not saying you look bad, but like, give me a guy in a suit, you know, at a Fallon or something. This is like, hey, ladies, ha! 2011? What magazine? I think it's 2014. Oh, okay. Wow, that's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Tell all. I'm sure that moved a lot of fucking magazines. Samarrell's what is. He's ready to tell all? This looks inquiry, you know? It's kind of, looks like a real shitty, kind of, what do you call those, those leafy square magazines. I think this is like a red eye thing. This is probably, I think this is a joke.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Oh, maybe, me. Greg, Jonah. Yeah, this is like a red. Good call. Good detective work there. Yeah, dude. I sleuth that. shit. Yeah. What'd you do for the fourth? Did you set your AC for 78?
Starting point is 00:17:29 We claimed we did. Yeah. Everyone claims they said it to 78, but no. It's not livable, dude. Can you explain what your... Oh, Mayor-Mam Donnie? Just saying, you know, we don't want to power out just in the city. And then there was one. So everyone set it to 78, their AC units, and it was like, dude, come on. Yeah. I mean, 78 when it's that hot outside, it feels like 88 in your apartment. So, yeah, no, it does nothing. But, no, it was fireworks? No, I didn't see. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:18:00 I'm good with fireworks. Well, the videos of the train ride. It's like I've seen them. Train ride over the bridge? Pull some of those up on Instagram. No, those are cool. I saw those, but it's like. It's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Mateo lives in my building. He was mad. They went let, like, you can only bring one person on the roof. And I was like, do you really need to see the fireworks? Yeah. It's more of a social thing. I guess, you know what? I saw his play.
Starting point is 00:18:20 I saw Chicago on Broadway. Mateo plays Billy Flynn, the lawyer, in Chicago on Broadway. Mateo Lane, unbelievable. He killed it. Wow. On Broadway, that's like gay mountaintop. Like, you made it to Mount Olympus. He's the top.
Starting point is 00:18:34 No, he killed it, man. Good for him. He can see. He's got pipes. Yeah, he looks great. It's fun as hell. It's a fun show. Chicago's great.
Starting point is 00:18:43 I've seen Chicago. Yeah, it's awesome. Good for him. Congrats, Mateo. But yeah, I don't give a fuck about that It was so hot I went to a Yankees game I lasted maybe two innings
Starting point is 00:18:53 Damn It was a heat wave It was like 100 degrees Then there's a rain delay A rain delay in a heat wave Is such a fuck you That's true, yeah Where's your god now
Starting point is 00:19:03 Well there's nowhere to go You're just kind of stuck around How long can I hang in the In the merch store Also are you supposed to control the weather What the hell We had a call in to our people Wow
Starting point is 00:19:16 Wow! Look at that! He made it! Love the guy of camera phone filming this. Oh, my Lord. I got that sweet Chicago bootleg, dude. Hell yeah. That's great. He killed it. I was proud, man. That's great.
Starting point is 00:19:38 I was out in the burbs with the in-laws. We had a ninja. We had one of these. So drinking heavily. There it is. Look how cool that looks on the train. It does look cool. That is really something. What a town. What a country.
Starting point is 00:19:50 All right. I take it back. All right. You got me back. For a train ride, that's pretty amazing. That's pretty epic. Imagine me a tourist, like a World Cup tourist seeing that? You blow your mind.
Starting point is 00:19:59 You really get two weeks of decent weather in this city, though. It was legit 100 degrees. And ain't 100 in fucking Phoenix where you can kind of just chill. It's 100 where you're like, oh, I'm going to kill myself. Oh, yeah. But let me just throw this out there. Maybe the best summer in New York in the last 40 years. I agree.
Starting point is 00:20:17 This is? The Knicks. Oh, yeah, World Cup. The fireworks and everything. Citizen, starring Citizen Vigilantee starring Army Hammer. What's it called? Citizen Vigilante.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Number one on Apple, number one on Amazon. Is it really? No, it's not. I swear to God, give it a goo. It's blowing up. I mean, everybody's saying it's the worst movie ever made. Like, it's the production. Including him, I hear.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Yeah. He's not exactly. They're like, can you go in a press store? He's like, yes, it's the worst thing. That ever happened to me. It's worse than the Al. allegations against me. That's how bad it is. When you watch it, you're going to want to
Starting point is 00:20:51 bite your arm off. What's the quote there? It says, starring a racist film Citizen Vigilani by calling it hateful and disgusting. He says he was in tears after watching the final cut. Does that right go down? It looks like there was an AI thing. Good tears or bad tears?
Starting point is 00:21:07 The claim that Hammer called the film, hateful and the subject, he was not given, he was not given the full script and cried after viewing the final cut. It came from an anonymous source. Oh. So you know what they should do? You know on like Dune?
Starting point is 00:21:18 They have the popcorn bucket and it looks like the Dune Monster. For him it should be like skin pieces. You know, they sell it at the theater. You know, lean in. Like you weren't given the full script. Who do you think he was shooting here? You're shooting the whole family. He had a decent argument, though.
Starting point is 00:21:33 The whole scene, the opening starts with a big rape scene. Oh, okay. So they're doing the death wish thing. Yeah, exactly. But then he just kills immigrants for no reason? He's just killing the wrong people? Yeah, pretty much. This is what happened to me when I was in Joker.
Starting point is 00:21:45 They said that I was going to be They had me film like a ton of jokes And I just assumed the movie was going to be about me Telling jokes And then Joaquin Phoenix was in it Pretty fucked up They really twisted it on here I should have read the whole script
Starting point is 00:21:59 Damn No this is ridiculous This is like You gotta, I guess he doesn't have an agent though I was gonna say you'd have an agent 92 Like 6% from critics We call that a reverse Hannah Gatsby
Starting point is 00:22:12 Watch out this could be our movie Same numbers Well we got to kill those Immigrant scenes Yeah Right We got to stop leaning into that And act too
Starting point is 00:22:23 For some reason Mark and Sam Is a liquor salesman Just start killing immigrants It's a really weird Twist Killing bodega owners You won't have our whiskey
Starting point is 00:22:31 That's my cat As we walk into the sunset Yeah 90 minutes so You gotta give it that At least it's quick Are there clips we can find To this?
Starting point is 00:22:41 Oh wait wait Read some of the reviews Here we go Let's see the apartment scene is a horror show, borderline snuff, a bloody home invasion mixed with a smug lecture on politics. See, that intrigues me. Unreal. He goes places others don't.
Starting point is 00:22:58 Yes, immigrants' homes. Wow, that's nuts. Character's not developed enough. Best movie I've seen it a long time. It's pretty good if you set your expectations properly. Pretty daring subject matter. Oh. Equalizer and Johnwick.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I didn't love Equalizer. I got to be honest. I love Denzel. I just think it's like... They made three of them. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's like got moments for sure.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Denzel is awesome, but it's like... I don't know. It's like weird when a guy his age is in it. Like, I'm sick of the old dudes in action movies. That's what they do now. Because it's like, it's literally just, you have to do this. You have to just be like a quick cut and he's like, gh.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Oh, yeah. Because he can't do like crazy shit. Right. At least Keanu when he did the John Wicks was like young enough to still kind of do some cool shit. Yeah. Yeah. That being said, Denzel's cool as fucking. He's always good, but... That's the one Dakota Fanning is a kid, and he has a protector. Yeah, she's, uh, no, Chloe Moretz, right? That one?
Starting point is 00:23:55 Yeah, that's like a Russian prostitute. You have to get a man on fire. Man on fire, I liked a lot. Yeah, that was a cooler one. But this is like... It's also just funny, the Russian prostitute. He's just like, so then he just murders all the traffickers. Maybe that prostitute needed that job. Oh, my God. It's hard out there, dude. Oh, yeah. away from immigrants.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Yeah, exactly. A reverse vigilante, if you will. There you go. Yes. Remember the Bilbo Beach guy. He was killing. Gilgo Beach. Bilbo Baggins.
Starting point is 00:24:24 The cops are like, we can't find this Bilbo guy. He's barefoot. How can we not find him? Bilbo. He's in the shire. With the wrong beach, I think. We're not picking up Bilbo on MAPS app. Gilbo?
Starting point is 00:24:39 Gilgo. Gilgo. That sounds like a weird channel. Where's the FIFA? It's on Gilgo. I had a joke about the Gilgo Beach Killer. It was about how he had a soundproof room in his home, like a dungeon, really scary. It was discovered by a cadaver dog, which I was like, cadet.
Starting point is 00:24:56 That's the worst dog job job ever. Because there's like, you know, drug sniffing dog. There's C&I dog. I said cadaver dog. I heard they don't even bark when they find a dead body. They light a cigarette and go, poor kid didn't even have a chance. You offer them a treat and they're like, you think I can eat after the shit I've seen today? He can't bring that dog to the beach either
Starting point is 00:25:15 He's throwing a frisbee's like, hey, I got a head over here In the sand They go home and beat their dog wife I just keep it going for that No, but it's uh... No, but that guy was like, did you see that guy? He was like fucking massive. Yes, that was like, remember true detective?
Starting point is 00:25:27 The guy was like huge. Yeah. It was like that. Yeah, he looked like he was like six, seven. I could be wrong, but... Really? He looks like Tucker Carlson if shit really went south. Whoa, he does!
Starting point is 00:25:37 Look at that shit. So this is, he was like, an architect and he was featured on like ABC News like as somebody who makes great buildings or whatever. I think, didn't he leave a note? He did some kind of trolly thing. No, he took their phones and then called their family. That was it.
Starting point is 00:25:53 That's like going back to the scene of the crime. It's like trolling them. He loves victimizing people and it's just more victimizing. He's trolling them, though. Yes, yeah. That's Cyracals love doing that. He would go to Midtown where you couldn't ping his phones. There was so much phone activity?
Starting point is 00:26:08 Crazy. And you see the testimony? He was like, yes, I did all those things. It's like... Whoa. But he's a psychopath. I mean, he's a... He's a...
Starting point is 00:26:16 He's a... He killed, like, I think eight that they're sure, and I'm sure many more. Oh, yeah. When the wife was out of town, he had, like, a torture dungeon. Long Island, baby. These are the people going to governors. No, he's a scary dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Crazy. How often was a wife going out of town? I don't know, but, you know, these people are always good at living double lives. Like, John Wayne Gacy was another one who, uh... Like his wife claims, he never missed like a date night. Oh, really? Yeah, these guys, because they're good at living a double life. Sure.
Starting point is 00:26:48 If they're able to maintain the other part without suspicion, they're able to keep killing people. Yeah. So, you know. And going on a date night takes as much acting as not looking like a serial date. Yeah, give him an Emmy. Yeah, exactly. That takes all the fucking. These guys, I mean, they're...
Starting point is 00:27:05 You think Daniel Day Lewis can act. This guy was fucking smiling and grinning through one of his wife's stories while he had a fucking hooker in the trunk. Wow. That's acting. That is acting. I'm not saying it's good, but it's good acting. Yeah. Well, they should, you find a way to turn these guys to good because they get shit done.
Starting point is 00:27:22 These guys are efficient. Look at Ted Bundy. The guy's a fucking lawyer. He's getting out of prison. He's picking up any chick he wants. Yeah. Get your heart out, Mateo Lane. That is performing, my friend.
Starting point is 00:27:31 He gave him the old razzle dazzle. Yeah. Mark, do you have a new joke about undercover cop acting, something like that? Oh, I have a joke about how gay sex used to be illegal. And I'm like, how do they enforce that? That's going to be the worst undercover gig of all time. And I just have a plain-closed cop in a hotel room like getting fucked in the ass. He's like, you're under arrest.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Oh, that's good. I had to wait until it went in until I could book you. But yeah, just one of those funny scenarios. Make my day. A forgotten Clint Eastwood film. Go ahead. Make me gay. Make me gay.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Wasn't that a Pacino movie? No. De Palma? Which one? No. Cruising. Cruising. Cruising.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Yes. Undercover. Yeah. Did he actually fuck dudes in that movie? I never saw it. Probably not. No. No. Might have blown a guy.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Yeah. That famous line, hips or lips is from that movie. Ah, hips or lips. I don't know that one either. That means... We're hanging out a different boar. Blow me or fuck me in the ass. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Don't clip this. All right. Clip it. So we do a segment on the show called Working on a any bits. Oh, that's true. This would be a perfect time for that. Well, I'm writing down a Clint Eastwood movie. Make me gay? Yeah, dirty, hairy asshole. That might be
Starting point is 00:28:49 too old to reference. That's true. Your crowds are like, what the fuck was that? We need an updated cop movie. Do you feel lucky? How about poo detective? Okay. Do you feel lucky? That's too old too, I think. Hmm, what's a new cop movie? Maybe Taken? That's not a cop. Departed.
Starting point is 00:29:10 That's still 20 years. Heat's coming back. Yeah. He's too. He too. Hope it's good. I know. The cast is amazing.
Starting point is 00:29:20 It's just weird when movies take that much time off but I feel like it fairs better for a drama than a comedy. Yeah. Because like they redid dumb and dumber. They redid Beverly Hills cop. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Comedy, it's like you gotta be when you're in the fucking zone. I know. Happy Gilmore too. It's all nostalgia jokes. It's all like, oh, remember that? Oh, I forgot about that guy. It's all callbacks.
Starting point is 00:29:38 But like, yeah, I feel like a drama maybe. He is a cool fucking movie Cool movie and they got the same director So that's a good sign He's got to be in his 80s Oh yeah Michael man I think what's his face
Starting point is 00:29:51 What's the guy who did Gladiator? Ridley He's still making it move I think he's 95 Gladiator 2 is pretty rough That wasn't great Did he do that one? I think he did
Starting point is 00:29:59 Did he? I think so That's one of those where like Why a sequel It's no reason other than money I know Because you don't need a sequel It was best picture
Starting point is 00:30:07 The first one's so good So good it was a phenomenon and he also did Napoleon I believe yeah but the one he did before that was really good the one with Matt Damon and Adam Driver it was like Rashamon style where they were like they were knights oh with a rape case yeah yes that was great it was like Rashamon basically
Starting point is 00:30:25 yeah that's underrated uh was it cold again Ridley Scott Matt Damon people are screaming in their front yeah but that was a cool movie great movie I saw it on a flight I love same yeah it's telling me the Martian oh the last duel That's it. Damn,
Starting point is 00:30:40 it was 2021. Yeah, that was a good movie, dude. Yeah. Gillis recommended that on a flight. He was watching, he was playing a... That's so funny,
Starting point is 00:30:49 I was on a flight with Chris O'Connor. Oh, really? You got to watch the last duel, and I told him he had to watch Sexy Beast, and we fucking... Whoa. And we both were like, good, good pick. That's a cool movie, sexy beast.
Starting point is 00:30:58 And it's also like a good summer movie. Yeah. The vibe is so summery and cool and shit. So cool, yeah. What's that guy's name? The fat guy? Ray Winstone. He's great.
Starting point is 00:31:07 He's a cool dude. Yes. And that song, Peaches. Da-na-na-na-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-ha. You know his favorite movie that is? Who? Todd Barry.
Starting point is 00:31:20 DeRosa. And Todd Barry. Is that right? Yeah. Well, I got to re-watch Sexy Beast. Me too. It's a cool fucking movie. But yeah, Shane was doing his World of Work.
Starting point is 00:31:28 He does those role-playing games with, like, World War II. No way. Yeah, he's a big dweeb with that shit on the laptop. And I was watching, he recommended last duel. Yeah. It's funny, this beer drinking, football playing, you know, funny guy. He's just fucking a slave as Thomas Jefferson. He's like, insert penis.
Starting point is 00:31:48 I'd play that game. That sounds like fun. Yeah, it's made by the people who made Citizen Vigilante. Rated M for M for M. Let's see what we got for jokes. I got a few angles I want to try. Yeah, me too. I'm in the place now where I'm in a lot with a job.
Starting point is 00:32:08 I just, I'm up every night. So the jokes were either working or not working. Same. I'm not really, like, I don't have a lot of, like, great premises, you know, or I think I would have more with them. But, oh, this was an angle I had about, uh, you see women. Like, I see, I get a lot of these, like, feminist posts, you know, like on my feet or whatever. And, like, I got one that said, uh, dear men, if she says, come for me,
Starting point is 00:32:27 that means she wants it to be over. And I was like, yeah, I think every guy ever is okay with that. I've never heard one guy be like, this is really fucked up that she asked me to come. That was really messed up. That was the first part and the second part I had was like, you see these accounts, say right, like, sex work is real work. Yeah. You see that all the time.
Starting point is 00:32:47 And I'm like, yeah, it's usually a woman who does that, you know, because they think it's feminist to write that. If a guy is writing that, you're like, I think that guy just fucks a lot of prostitutes. Right. That's true. Yeah. And I was trying to go further with the sex work thing. How it's like, is it a real job?
Starting point is 00:33:01 Because people get defense. I threw it out a few times and people get defensive with it. It's real work. And I'm like, it's definitely hard work. I don't know if it's real work. Yeah. No, you have a W-2? Well, it's like, you know.
Starting point is 00:33:12 People, that's fair. It's under the table. Yeah. But, uh, if you're an only fan, you probably have a W-2, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was talking about prostitution, but, yeah. But that's considered sex work as well, I think.
Starting point is 00:33:25 Yeah. Only fans. It's an umbrella. It's an umbrella. So then I had a thing like, people leave teaching to do OnlyFans. No one leaves OnlyFans to become a teacher. Ah. That was one thing I was trying to go with.
Starting point is 00:33:36 And it's like, I got kind of like a reaction, but then. really that's a good angle though that's true it's kind of the same with comedy yeah you know like no one is ever like oh I'm a comedian but I'm dying to be the head of Nabisco you know with the head of Nabisco will sometimes try comedy right so comedy I've always said comedy and sex work is kind of similar I think that's an angle we both don't get it you think we get it we both both of our parents are like he sure right that's an angle like yeah nights yeah Work nights, you got to take it up the ass, you got to... Although I feel like sex work you can blow up immediately.
Starting point is 00:34:14 Whereas comedy like, you know, Drea de Mateo, Shannon Elizabeth, they made money on Onlyfans immediately. You know, uh... Stevo. Yeah, that's a little... Well, he'll make money, but it's like at the harder transition. Yes, yes, exactly. You got to give your soul away. It's usually broken people.
Starting point is 00:34:32 It's too inside to that angle, too. Right, right. But I do feel there's like a weird kinship with sex. working comedian because it's like a week they're both kind of and you know also a lot of comedians later will be like I said too much I wish I hadn't opened up that much now my kids see it and then porn stars or whoever like ah my kids are gonna see me doing porn either way we're doing what we're doing because of an absent father there you exactly bad debt no I don't know something there and then I wrote one more thing about this might be dated but I I was just looking up sex where it's crazy shit
Starting point is 00:35:03 and Bonnie blue that woman she slept with a thousand fifty seven men mm-hmm And one day that was a Guinness record. They just kept fucking her the whole day. Yeah. And I looked at up the previous record 919 men. So she could have stopped at 920. Oh, that's good. Yeah, she really wanted to shatter this record.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Overachievers. Yeah. She's the Joey chestnut of nuts. Yeah, it's like just fucking at 920, they're like, we got it. She's like, now keep it. Let's keep going. Yeah. I'm not chasing the record.
Starting point is 00:35:32 I'm chasing greatness. I don't know where to go with that one. But I think that's like a, there's a turn maybe there. If I was the 1,019th guy, I'd go, come for me. Please, like, let's end this thing. Jesus. Oh, they don't all come. The guys?
Starting point is 00:35:44 You think she made every one of them come? That would have taken, like, fucking weeks. Oh, I assume. I think I only get, like, 20-second shot. Oh, they get 20 seconds. That really shows you what garbage guys are. Yeah, yeah. I know, they'll line up for that shit.
Starting point is 00:35:56 That's the new breadline. The other thing is, like, of a, it's impressive when a guy, like, when you hear, like, Will Chamberlain or Gene Simmons, like, for a guy to fuck quadruple digits, do you have to be an absolute legend? Yeah. For a woman to do it. But you really just need a free day. You need a free day. Write that down. That's something.
Starting point is 00:36:11 A clip that. Remember that. All right. Yeah, you need a free day and a bed. Maybe that's nothing. All right. No, no, that's something.
Starting point is 00:36:18 I'm just trying to figure it out here. That's what I mean. A lot of my new topics are like too blue. Bill Burr had that old line like, why, how come a guy fucks a bunch of girls? He's a casanova. If a girl. Jim Jeffries. Was it Jeffries?
Starting point is 00:36:29 Yeah, yeah. And he's like, because it's hard to get laid for a guy. That's a better version of it. Well, his version, he had the line of a member like, there are dwarf sluts. There are no dwarf studs. He goes, maybe in their own realm,
Starting point is 00:36:41 but none who have crossed over. That's a great line. But yeah, so then maybe that last part's too much in his territory, so maybe I just dumped the last part. No, no, I think that's, the free day is a good line. What do you got?
Starting point is 00:36:53 What are you working on? Is this anything? I think the point is something, but it's not funny yet. The most progressive people are like America sucks. America's racist. It's corrupt, whatever. but they want immigrants to come in and like, come here, come to America.
Starting point is 00:37:08 But the people who love America the most, you know, it's like, land of the free, free speech, pride, liberty. They're like, don't come here. So it's weird to be the one who loves the place is like, I don't want to show it off. I don't want you coming over. But the people who hate the place are like, come on by. You know what the angle is? Please. It's like when you're at a party that sucks versus a party that's awesome.
Starting point is 00:37:31 When you're at a shitty party, you're like, you got to come over, dude. Please, I need you. I need company. Yes. When you're at a good party, you're not looking to your phone. Right. You're not recruiting for the good party. That's good.
Starting point is 00:37:43 You want people to come to this shit party. Yes. So you have someone to talk to. Yeah. Yeah. Misery loves company. But yeah, maybe that's not enough. But that's like a angle.
Starting point is 00:37:51 That is an angle. But it's interesting to be patriotic and then also. But then the other angle is your patriarch because you're like, I don't want anyone else in here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's almost like, I thought of a comparison to be, if you hate your wife, you're like,
Starting point is 00:38:05 Please, fucker. Please, come by, come over. But if you love your wife, you're like, get away from her. I don't know if that's true, though. I think some guys are like, I'm sick of this chick. Come over and bang my wife. I don't care. Bang my wife, please.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Maybe instead of bang my wife, like, come over. Like, let's do a thing. Yeah, talk to her. Instead of fucker. Double date, because I'm dying here. Yeah. And then the guy who's like, no, I love my wife. I want to be alone with her.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Yeah, that's interesting. See, that's not the, not hilarious. You love the country and you want less people in. Yeah. It needs that perfect analogy, perfect comparison. The problem is it does kind of track that you wouldn't want. Right. Because it's like...
Starting point is 00:38:42 When you want to show it off? Hey, come on by. For visitors, not for permanent. Yeah, right, right, right. That's the problem with the premise, I think, is like, you... It's the same reason people get mad when, like, too many people move into their neighborhood. Yeah. It's the same shit.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Right. They look at New York or America like it's that cool restaurant. Like, don't tell anybody. We've got a sweet thing going here. You're gatekeeping. You're gatekeeping. Yeah, but I love this country. Yeah, don't you want more?
Starting point is 00:39:12 Oh, we, this isn't for your thing, but maybe. We hate when neighborhoods get gentrified, but those same people love it when immigrants come here. Right. Right, right. Yeah, that's true. It's a gentrification. Well, it's kind of like how they say, like, we, when a English guy comes over, it's colonizing. When a Muslim guy comes over, it's diversifying.
Starting point is 00:39:36 Right. You know, and you're like, well, isn't that colonizing as well? But it's now you get in some controversial territory here, some scary waters. I think there's something interesting about Patriot versus, like, I'm trying to think of the angle of Patriot versus maybe the angle. I hate America, but then you want for then you want people to come by. Yeah. I picture the kid with their parents. It's like, I hate you, mom, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:40:05 But you wouldn't want more people to come to your family cookout if you hate your parents. You know, but if you love your parents, you'd, eh. I think my issue is the premise is I think it's logical that people think that way. I don't agree with it, but it's like it tracks that they would feel that way. Yeah, I guess it just stood out as humorous to me that the people that hate it. It's got to be something bigger then. It's like, okay, well, it's kind of weird. Yeah, I'm thinking in Norman's voice here, like, as in,
Starting point is 00:40:32 yeah you're searching for an analogy yeah yeah if you hate it why would you want people to come because you're saying it's so bad oh this place is corrupt it's racist it's uh you know horribly run
Starting point is 00:40:45 get over here we want more of you if you think it's so bad why would you want people to show up yeah if you love it if you love it you think you'd want people to show up maybe the angle is for the wife maybe it's like I'm fucking my if I love my wife
Starting point is 00:40:59 I want it for myself If you eat something that tastes bad, you want somebody else to taste it too. Oh, that's interesting. That's good. That's good, yeah. Oh, this is horrible. Try it. And you're like, why would I try it?
Starting point is 00:41:13 Because I want you to see how horrible it is. But if it's good, you're like, don't touch my food. The problem is you're trying to wrap up a big thing with like one line. Exactly. That's the issue. I don't know if there's one line. It's got to be a bigger bit, I think. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Because that's clever. I don't know if that wraps it up. I don't know if it wraps it up either, but. That's not a bad little button on it. Good call, Peters. That's good. All right, what else you got? Willys is a premium THC-infused social tonic crafted by the legendary Willie Nelson.
Starting point is 00:41:45 It's a low-c-cal, low-sugar, alcohol alternative that delivers a fast-ass acting euphoric social buzz without the regrets to come with alcohol. Willie's social tonic comes in a 5 milligram and a 10-millimeter option with a smooth, balanced flavor, and jubouric. Joy, one as a shot, sip it over ice, mix it into your favorite mocktail, whatever you want to do. Boy, what a great idea. Each bottle is third-party lab tested for accurate dosage so you can trust and customize your experience. Willie's unique blend of THC, CBD, CBG, and L-theonine. Sounds like a lady I dated. Delivers a feeling of calm, clarity, euphoria, and relaxation.
Starting point is 00:42:30 Hold on. Let me get a little hit before my show. tonight. Ooh, that's good. I'll be nice and loose. Might slip up and say a slur. Willys ships directly to your doorstep in more than 40 states. Order now at drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order. Plus free shipping on orders over 95 bucks and live like a legend. Zbiotics after a night out. That's us. I don't bounce back the next day like I used to, baby. That's That's why I use Z-biotics pre-alcohol before having drinks. Z-biotic pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic.
Starting point is 00:43:16 It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic by-product in the gut. It's a build-up of this bribe product, not dehydration. that's to blame for rough days after drinking. Interesting. Pre-alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. Just remember to make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly, and you'll feel your best tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:43:51 You know me, I'm getting older, so got to take the pre-alcohol just so I can get back to work. Don't want to take any chances, and this stuff helps. And you know me. I like the sauce. July is packed with BBQ's, fireworks, late weekends, and late nights with friends. Keep the good times rolling into the next day. Head to Zbiotics.com slash drunk.
Starting point is 00:44:17 And use code drunk at checkout for 15% off. Thank you. Hey, folks, Shopify. Starting a business is a big deal, but Shopify makes it simpler by giving you tools you need from day one. Visit Shopify.com slash drunk to get started. Shopify's templates and AI tools can help you design and launch a great-looking website quick with no coding required.
Starting point is 00:44:43 It's optimized checkout. Helps turn more visitors into customers and returning customers can complete their purchases in a single click. And if you have any question, Shopify's built-in AI assistant, Sidekick can help you build your store, troubleshoot problems, and keep moving towards that first. Ch-ching! Oh, yeah, we love Shopify. We sell
Starting point is 00:45:07 cups and booze and merch and shirts and all kinds of good stuff, so we need it, we love it, and we can't do anything, and they make it easy. So if we can do it, you can do it. All you need is the idea. Shopify handles the rest. Start your free trial at
Starting point is 00:45:22 Shopify.com slash drunk. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash drunk. Oh, here's an idea I thought. Like how, there's an idea, I don't know where to exactly go with this. It's like the idea is comedians are so, we're never fully present because we're always trying to chase a joke, which is not a good or ideal partner for a woman. It's like, you want a man who, like, is going to be there. Like, there have been times during sex, I think of a good joke.
Starting point is 00:45:50 And then I'm like, I got to come so I can write this down. Oh, yeah. I don't want to lose a joke. I'm like, that's not a good partner for you. You want a man who will, like, hold you after sex. You don't want a guy who's, you know, bare-ass jogging. toward a notebook, giggling, trying to remember something. That's not like a good after-sex moment.
Starting point is 00:46:05 So I'm trying to think there's like a bigger bit there about how like, about just never being present. Yeah. Well, has this been done? If you were running out of the room to write a song about her, that would be kind of nice. But the fact that it's a joke means you're literally making a mockery of whatever just happened in the bedroom.
Starting point is 00:46:22 You're right. Like Paul McCartney is like, you inspired this song. Inspired. No woman wants to inspire a joke. No, nobody. Yeah. Yeah, that's funny. joke about you. What was about? It was about fucking you from behind.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Not exactly, I want to hold your hand. Yeah, there we go. I love the visual of her on her arm, you know, hands and knees or whatever, all fours. And you're using her back to write the joke. You got your moleskin out on her back? Yeah. When did that joke hit me?
Starting point is 00:46:51 I was making love to a woman. Yeah. And the Lakinta Inn. Yeah, because otherwise it's your body as a wonderland. This is your pussy stinks. It's also that funny thing. It's a big difference. I want to hold your plans.
Starting point is 00:47:04 It's also funny because it's like whenever a musician dies, they're like, oh, we found some recorded stuff. You never find that shit from comedians that's like where they're like, oh, dude, we just uncovered a diarrhea truck stop chunk from Samarrell after he died. Maybe there's something there. I don't know. I was looking at that Lenny Bruce book right there. On the cover is a picture of him dead of an overdose. And that's a fucking big swing. passed out. That's dead. Yeah, he's dead. Holy shit. Yeah, that's dark. The first one's
Starting point is 00:47:34 him and his kids. Right. Damn. That is dark. Jesus. But yeah, I love, and there's all these great songs like Melissa, Sarah Smile, Layla, and yours is, if a girl saw her name on your notebook, she's like, oh no. You know, whereas like, you see Layla, you're like, oh my God, I'm Layla, this is touching. You got me on my knees. My joke, I had you on your knees. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's definitely it's definitely the thing where you're like
Starting point is 00:48:00 you try the joke and if it hits I'm like hey I got to tell you something because I'm not going to run it by you before because it might bomb what's the point of the fight
Starting point is 00:48:07 but I'm like hey I got to do this sorry it's a good bit and I think a lot of these singer-songwriter guys sing the song at their wedding imagine doing your act at the wedding
Starting point is 00:48:15 you know I've tried it it's not good yeah how about this on the back of the Lenny Bruce book I'm not a comedian and I'm not sick
Starting point is 00:48:23 the world is sick and I'm the doctor I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce. Don't know if I agree with any of that.
Starting point is 00:48:32 Got to have an act. Pretty heavy-handed. Yeah, it's a bit self-righteous. Yeah, what's his face? What's the guy's name? Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks has a whole thing. He's like, the act is what you go to
Starting point is 00:48:44 and you're out of stuff to talk about. I'm like, ah, I disagree with that. That's crazy. It's all about the act. Your thing does remind me of the Headberg joke about... Running to get a pen. What is that joke on? If it's funny,
Starting point is 00:48:57 I write it down. The pen's too far away. I convinced myself it wasn't fun. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Quick, quick, fun one. Yeah. What do you got?
Starting point is 00:49:05 I'm working on this bit about OZempic. How all my fat friends are on Ozempic. And are you guys both on it or not? I'm on it. Are you? Okay, one guy. You did it the fucking old-fashioned way? You did it the real way?
Starting point is 00:49:19 Whoa! How does it feel to do it the real way when everyone around you is cheating? You're like fucking Jeter in baseball in like 2000. Yeah. And I'm Derek Cheater. Yeah, I feel like it's IVF versus Jiz. But so OZepic, everybody's on it. I'm like, fat people are going to be going away.
Starting point is 00:49:37 They're going to be like endangered. You're going to see a fat guy in 20 years. It's going to be like seeing a Native American. Like, hang in there, brother. Stay strong. You're living off the reservation? He's like, yeah, dinner reservations. I'm trying to hang on.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Oh, that's fun. And all that hits and I'm like, it's weird that we, what do you think a thorough world country thinks of OZempic? Like, they're dying for food. They're starving. They're skinny skin and bones, and we're paying money to get there. Like, they don't have any food. And we're paying money to not be hungry.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Something funny about that. Yeah, yeah. They don't know where dinner's coming from. And we're just like, literally like, I got too many dinner options. Yeah, DePaolo has a joke like that. What's his? He's like, he saw a poster. He's like, some kids like, I don't know where my next meal's coming from.
Starting point is 00:50:20 He's like, neither do I. Popeyes, Papa John, Domino's. Well, it's like, yeah, but it's like drug. Huging yourself to not to not eat is insane. It's insane. That's like insane privilege. Exactly. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:50:34 And I have an act out where the skinny guy is like, why don't you just not eat? And you're like, what are you kidding? We have what we have what we have over here. You know, we got the Snickers ice cream bar. We got the McRibb. We got all this shit. So it's a lot harder for us to not eat. It's addiction.
Starting point is 00:50:47 It's like, but then you try to tell them it's addiction. It's like these people all going through withdrawal. Right. These fucking countries. Yeah. I mean, explaining it. maybe I mean it's just I feel like those angles have been done the explaining the privilege something like what's this like oh that yeah yeah those have been done but like the angle of uh yeah I take a shot to kill my appetite
Starting point is 00:51:08 that to me is there something there take I I'm paying $400 a month and shooting myself in the side with a needle to get where you're at I'm using my health insurance to do something unhealthy. I'm using my health insurance to be unhealthy like yeah that's how far we've got I tried an angle of like, I can't get my wife pregnant. I'm like, I'm aborting people. That's how much I can have a kid. But that's too dark. And they appear like a hair abortion.
Starting point is 00:51:34 They pulled back. But I like the analogy. And then I have this whole thing about it. I watched him do the needle. And then we walked around Brooklyn and we saw a heroin addict. And I'm like, hey, it's like you. That gets a laugh. And he goes, dude, that's not like me.
Starting point is 00:51:45 And I'm like, I know, he's skinny. And that kills. And I say, if I was fat guy, I would just do heroin. It's cheaper. You get high. And I've never seen a fat heroin addict. And it's cool. Cool. No one's ever like, no rock stars. Like, I wrote this song on Ozempic.
Starting point is 00:51:58 That's a great line. That hits, but... That's good, yeah. Yeah, Miles Davis wasn't... That's fun. Yeah. But I... Something with the Third World Country thing. Yeah, Axel wasn't like, Slash. If you keep doing Ozempic, you're out of Guns and Roses, man. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, please do Ozempic. I had a whole thing about a homeless guy is like, he sees a fat guy, and he's like, oh, man, I need money for drugs. and the fat guy's like, so do I. You know, but that never hit either.
Starting point is 00:52:29 I tried so many different iterations. It's also like there's so many negative side effects for Ozzympic. Like you lose your ass if you're a woman. Oh, yeah, true. You lose your ass, you lose. You lose bone density apparently. I feel like your face gets really. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Face gets all jowl or emaciated looking. They have Ozepic face. Yeah. It's pretty real. So yeah, it could be something. Yeah, wait. Say the last part again. The heroin part?
Starting point is 00:52:57 Yeah. If I was fat, I would just do heroin. You get high. It's cheaper, and you're cool. Heroine addicts are cool, you know? And you don't need health insurance to get it. Oh, yeah, true. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:53:09 That's crazy. That's Kelly Osborne. Wow. Well, I love the quote is stop kicking me while I'm down. And Salukes is like, let's pull this picture up. Let me check her wiki feet real quick. By the way, I'm catching a lot of help for bringing up Caitlin's wiki feet. Are you?
Starting point is 00:53:26 Yes. Yeah, why would you do that? Wait, why would I do it? Why would I catch hell or why did I do that? I've done that with a million guests we've had here. Men, I've done it for you. Yeah, it's different doing it to a guy. You can't have that mustache and be pulling up women's feet.
Starting point is 00:53:40 I treat everyone the same. All right, you got another one? I feel like these are like not baked enough. Let's see what I got. Equal opportunity. You pull of a man's feet. You pull up a woman's feet. No one likes men's feet.
Starting point is 00:53:57 That's the problem. Yeah. We don't have good feet. That's not our thing. No woman's ever been into a man's feet. No. It's a weird fetish. It is.
Starting point is 00:54:06 We don't take care of our feet. And men who take care of their feet, it's weird. That's weird. You ever see the guy in the pedicure window? You're like, look at this dude. What's he doing? By the way, to her credit, I spoke to her downstairs and apologized after that show. I was like, hey, that was weird.
Starting point is 00:54:18 I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be weird. Yeah, but you apologized and then offered to photograph her feet. It was a weird move, I thought. She did say, no, keep it funny is funny. All right. And then you walked away and she was like, creep. Oh, fuck. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:37 What do I have? I have a couple I can't crack. So I had this one thing about like a divorce friend who, you know, he always brings up. She said we were going to be together till death, you know? And I was like, right, but she did say that at the wedding. That's a high point. You know, like you can't just go off the high points I remember I was in a relationship once
Starting point is 00:54:58 And during sex the woman said my pussy belongs to you After the relationship fizzled I let it go Sure do I wish I got in writing of course But you have to you have to know when a lawyer up But I think that's a fun point And then I want to keep going So he met he met this woman on a fetish app
Starting point is 00:55:18 And it's like Yeah dude you thought that was going to be till death All right Like you can't like I'm not saying i'm not judging you for using these apps but like you think like we both like bondage is a healthy foundation for a long lasting marriage good point it's a good point it's not funny so i think that was the angle it's like problem is like with these apps it's like know what's a hookup app and know what's a you know a long lasting relationship but that's maybe just a good point and not a good
Starting point is 00:55:47 joke no no hold on hold on hold on i like that my pussy belongs to you because what if you're get a gynecology bill in a year. And you're like, what the hell's this? It belongs to you. You got to pay for it. Should not have signed on the dotted line. Yeah. But yeah, the bondage thing. I wonder if there's a... I'm going broke. What happened? My ex-wife had ovarian cancer. Yeah. Why are you paying for that? I own her pussy. I cut the pussy and the divorce. Yeah. It's not bad. It's not bad. I would take that. Yeah. Problem is it attached to her. Yeah. Yeah, visitation.
Starting point is 00:56:26 Vegetation rights. They're a conjugal visit. Yeah. There's no glory hole for pussy. I guess the pussy is a glory hole at the end of the day. Whoever came up with a glory hole, optimistic fella. Very optimistic. Because that's like you got to have some trust for that one.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Oh, you don't know what's on the other end of that. You don't. Yeah, that's crazy. The first person to do the glory hole was fucking brave. Yeah. Jamming your dick in some drywall and just hoping for the best. I won't even answer a number. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:56:52 I don't put my dick through a wall. Depends on where the wall is, too. If the wall is at Chucky Cheese, maybe don't put your dick through. But if it's at the Williams' locker room, the Great Wall, that's a little thick. That's a hole. You got a big dick if you can make it through that one. That's true. Chinese Dix.
Starting point is 00:57:16 What'd you say? Chinese Dicks. Oh, okay. Hung Dynasty. Okay. Yeah, where you got another? Is this stupid? Just tell me this is it stupid.
Starting point is 00:57:23 and I'll throw it out the window and slip my own wrist and get on wiki feet. So I did a big romantic dinner with the wife, took her to a carriage ride through the park, candle of dinner, laid on a blanket on the part, looked at the stars. And then I realized, why is this romantic? This is this shit people did 200 years ago.
Starting point is 00:57:43 You know, I'm like, what's romantic about being Amish for three hours? You know, we're just doing shit that's poor people do in the 1800s. and I'm like, it's only romantic if you do it a little bit. If that was our lifestyle, we'd be poor. It's like camping. Camping's fun for three days, but if you live like that, you're a homeless person. So none of that hits, but it's a point.
Starting point is 00:58:08 But I think it's also like privilege is having no privilege for like three days. Isn't that weird, though, that having no privilege is like, whoa, that's how good we got it maybe? Well, like, there's people who can't afford phones, but then like we're like, Keep me away from my phone. It kind of goes with the Ozempic thing. Right. Like, I have to put my phone in the other. Oh, true.
Starting point is 00:58:27 When you see someone with like a flip phone, you're like, that's privilege. You know what I mean? Right, right, right, right. It's like less technology is privilege. Yeah, true. So maybe the angle is like... Rich people live in the woods for a week just to like get away. You know, as a retreat, they call it.
Starting point is 00:58:46 Where other people live in the woods because they're a fugitive or, you know. Yeah, someone lives in like a penthouse. You're like, where are you going for the weekend? My cabin. Exactly, exactly. It's got to be a string of things like that. Yes. I haven't eaten in two days.
Starting point is 00:58:58 What are you? You broke? You can't afford food? I'm fasting. Fasting is good. That's another good one. Yeah. Trying to think of other things.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Yeah, what's the thing where you don't have to? We do it to show how good we got it. But there are actually things people didn't do or did because they were poor. You're treading on rich men, poor men territory. I think it's different I know His are like You gotta
Starting point is 00:59:25 You work in a trailer Yeah Outdoor showers Outdoor shower Yeah it's a little different Yeah This is more privilege I think
Starting point is 00:59:34 But then I say Do you think What we're doing now We'll be considered romantic In 200 years You know You got a lady on the moon Talking to a robot
Starting point is 00:59:43 Best friend like Hey I had a hot date last night What'd you do? Well we We drank white claws And vaiped We played pickleball Did a TikTok dance
Starting point is 00:59:51 And I just name shit, annoying shit we do now. It's something. Yeah, Ryan Hamilton is a somewhat similar bit about a carriage ride where he goes, you'd think in a hundred years, we'll be like, oh, let's get in this Ford Focus. Oh, that's the same bit. Yeah, so that part you'd have to cut. But the other part, I think, could still be something if you go another way with it. All right, good to know.
Starting point is 01:00:11 All right, glad you told me that. Yeah, I think it's got to be like a lot of examples. It's got to be like a Norman, like, yeah, like the fasting was something. The other thing, being off the grid. Mm-hmm. Flip phone is close. Yeah, flip phone is something. Maybe having a horse.
Starting point is 01:00:29 Like having a horse is kind of... A record player? Yeah, yeah, an old camera. A horse or something. Yeah, you're right, horse. Because you live on a ranch. You can afford to have a horse. Back in day, a horse was just like how you got around.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Yeah. All right, all right. This helps. There's something there, yeah. Hamilton, Ford Focus. Hamilton. That's good. Look at that pick.
Starting point is 01:00:50 That's a great one, dude. Thank you. my kid would The swushy's gonna be a hit buddy This is the drink of the summer right here A cherry Pepsi And a bodega cat Ninja I bought a ninja 10 years ago
Starting point is 01:01:02 It's for making smoothies Now they're like fuck it We're going all in on Frozen drinks They get the ice cream maker now They do Yeah Oh what a country
Starting point is 01:01:11 Let's not get carried away here We're doing an ad for ninja right now What is that big box Speaking of What is that giant box Oh baby Well Chefs and Buffalo
Starting point is 01:01:19 Send us this nice package Because I guess we talk about them all the time how good chefs is. Love chefs. I love that. It says total protein 39 grams. Is anyone eating a chicken parm for their, after their pump? I don't, I mean, it's delicious.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Look at that block of cheese. Woo! I will say chefs is fucking amazing. Love chefs. I'm taking some of this home, baby. Oh, look at that marinara. Look at that pasta sauce. So if you live in Buffalo, you already know.
Starting point is 01:01:44 But my two favorite spots in Buffalo are chefs and mothers, two fucking amazing restaurants. Buffalo, underrated city. Great town, great people, great club. With all this stuff Buffalo is the anti-Siracuse Yeah Both upstate but Buffalo is so much more pleasant It is more pleasant
Starting point is 01:02:03 Way more pleasant Sports team helps Yeah the sabers They got college ball in Syracuse But it's not the same Not the same The orange I just love cities that like have
Starting point is 01:02:15 Struggling sports teams You can't help but have character Yeah You still believe I love that Although we have the pelicans and no one is rallying behind them. It's a Saints town. It's a Saints town all the
Starting point is 01:02:28 way. And you know what it's annoying about the Pelicans is like every one of their players is like untradable. They're like we need four first for this player. We're not trading them. And it's like you had 20 wins last year. Not every player can be untouchable on a fucking lottery team. Right. And it's been said before but
Starting point is 01:02:46 you can't buy a team you got to fuck with the team name. If you're going to put the jazz in Utah. It just doesn't work. You can't have Utah jazz. It's such a contradiction. New Orleans pelicans, too. It's like not a scary animal. Well, for sure. Minnesota's the wolves. Yes. Orlando's kind of weak to the magic. Ooh. But yeah, the New Orleans. We were the jazz. They were the Hornets for a minute, which also is kind of a southern thing.
Starting point is 01:03:17 But they took that from Charlotte. I didn't like any of that either. But New Orleans, yeah, it's just not. But imagine the Denver heat. It doesn't work, you know? It's a cold town. Yeah. You know? Makes no sense.
Starting point is 01:03:29 It doesn't make sense. What's Phoenix? The suns. Perfect. Perfect. You know the Lakers, Mark? The Lakers? That was Minnesota.
Starting point is 01:03:39 Yeah. The lakes. Yeah. What about the clippers? I know this one too, but go ahead. I don't know. Oh, it's a clipper ship. That's why they call Joe DiMaggio, the Yankee clipper.
Starting point is 01:03:49 He's from San Francisco. Yeah, but the way he moved through the outfield. Oh, yeah. The Yankee Clipper. Now, there's got to be a barbers shop in L.A. called the Clippers. Oh, it has to be. It's got to be.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Yes. Come on. But what does a clipper have to do with L.A.? I think they're boats and it's a water city? Eh, you're stretched here. Well, there's definitely lakes. L.A. Lakers. I'm kidding.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Yeah. I don't know. All right. Thank you, chefs. That's a nice box. Sam owns this box. Oh, there is? I'm looking for it.
Starting point is 01:04:23 Okay. Oh, that's a. That's Al-Ax Clippers. I got a peeve, by the way. Can I hit you with a pee? Oh, yeah. The person who's inconsiderate with the snooze. A snooze button on the alarm.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Yeah. Oh, my God. When you're in a bed with another person and they kept him the snooze? Jeez, Veter's in trouble. You guys both of nightcaps. I'm like, you know, it makes me crazy, dude. Yeah, that's bad. We have one perk as a comic.
Starting point is 01:04:50 You don't get health insurance. Nope. You don't get any real-life perk. We sleep is our one benefit from this job. Here, here. We get to sleep in. Yes. You're taking it away.
Starting point is 01:05:00 I know. And then she's like fidgeting. She's like, I left something in the bed. I'm like, what? You're common decency? Also, don't wake me up. My wife does this one. She goes, are you up?
Starting point is 01:05:14 Oh. I'm like, what are you crazy? Yeah, now I am. You're up, you coos? I'm trying to snooze. Are you up is, you say it. You don't touch while you do it. Yeah, it's like, you up.
Starting point is 01:05:23 I'm like, now I am. By the way, I went from You Up to You Up. Watch the kid. Yeah, yeah, that's what it means. Like, I need your help. Like, I'm doing the kid alone here. You Up makes the kid. You Up makes the kid.
Starting point is 01:05:35 You Up used to lead to sex. Now it leads to chores. Yes, from the kids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that could be something. Write that down. Write it down. Yeah, UUp is brewing.
Starting point is 01:05:45 My wife does that all the time. And I just, sometimes I just lay. I just like go pauses. I fake it all the time. That's my faking. Sleeping. I do like the snooze, though. Snooze is a real pro.
Starting point is 01:05:58 If you're alone. Alone, I love the snoo. Alone, it's great. But what is the point? You can control your dreams a little bit. Oh, get out of here with that. What are you, Vanilla Sky? I was going to say the same thing.
Starting point is 01:06:09 Control your dreams. A little bit. Get the hell out of duh. Salekir says banging Heidi Klum. He's like, all right, 10 more minutes. Just sleep till 8 instead of 7.30. Because you're not controlling any dreams. Yeah, but here's where the snooze comes in.
Starting point is 01:06:24 You want to be a go-getter, so you set it for 7.30. And then you wake up like, what the fuck? Who am I? I'm not a go-getter. Yeah. So you set it for another 30. That's what it is. I guess so.
Starting point is 01:06:33 We're all idealists when we go to bed. We're going to take on the world tomorrow. But you know you're not. Yeah. It's like that Gary Goldman jokes. Like, I set my phone for seven. I'm going to do the crossword puzzle. I'm going to work out.
Starting point is 01:06:44 I'm going to make a smoothie. And then they, eh, he's like, what am I a farmer? That's great. Yeah. I remember opening for Gary Goldman back in the day. and he was like breakfast tomorrow 9 a.m. And I was like a young drunk comic. And I was like, I was like counting my whiskeys that night.
Starting point is 01:07:00 I was like, I can't be too hung over. He wants to get breakfast at 9 a.m. But it was a lesson. It's like, oh, this is a job. Oh, you did it. I did it. Oh, wow. I did it.
Starting point is 01:07:09 Good for him. Good for you. Yeah. But I remember he was watching me drink. He's like, how do you do that? And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, I've had people do that too. Feels kind of good.
Starting point is 01:07:18 You're like, I can handle it. You're a puss. Sam owns this pussy. I think there's something there, Sam. He's at our funeral. He's like, I always asked him how they did that. I think there's something there with. You're an idealist when you said it and you're a realist.
Starting point is 01:07:32 I'm sure that's been done. That's been done? Yeah, I don't think that's like a... He's like, this night guy and this morning guy. And he's like, I hate night guy. Night guy's like, I'll be fine. Another movie, another ice cream Sunday. And the morning guy's like, what are you doing to me?
Starting point is 01:07:45 You fucking be a night guy? It's different, but it's a better version of whatever that is. It's like, that's just... It's been done better. I got to peeve. This is comedy specific maybe, but you're in the showroom and you got a comic person, a friend, an associate, whatever. Another open mic was about to get destroyed here. That kid was a nice kid. I don't want to jump off the fucking bridge. But you got the comic in the showroom. You're both watching. Oh, man, this guy's really funny.
Starting point is 01:08:12 Yeah, look at that. That's a great joke. But he won't stop talking in the showroom. So now I'm an accomplice because the guy, the comics on stage, like, hey, can you guys shut up back there? Who is that? What's going on? And I'm like, uh, what do you do? We're comedians. And you're breaking the cardinal rule of you're a heckler now, basically. You're talking during the show.
Starting point is 01:08:32 Like, hit me in the lobby. The loud talker. The loud talker's a tough one in the showroom. And he's a comedian. So I'm like, you should know this is crazy. And now you're including me. So I'm a part of the crime now. I've done though.
Starting point is 01:08:43 Like, we got to keep it. It's usually a drunk guy. That's usually that's. It's usually a shit-faced guy who's just like talking way too loud. I'm like, hey, we should keep it down a little. And by we, I mean you. Yeah, exactly. Mr. Ninth Tequila.
Starting point is 01:08:54 I know. I had the guy. I was at a New York Comedy Club sold out. I'm in the back by the door. And this guy's like, oh, man, that's a great joke. I helped them write that. That was my tag. And I'm like, shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 01:09:05 We look like assholes. Yeah. You're including me in the crime. Loud talkers in quiet rooms are tough. Yeah. Even in a movie. You ever watch a movie with someone and they just keep talking? Yes.
Starting point is 01:09:16 It's like, even when it's just two of us, I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I'm all for the commentary during the low scenes without dialogue, but you can't talk over important dialogue. I know. That was pertinent to the plot right there. How about the people get mad when you pause it? I go, I go further. I go back. I go back too.
Starting point is 01:09:32 I want to see what happens. I need every line. That was one of my old bits. It's, uh, you know. Annie Hall? Yeah. She's talking to me the whole. She keeps telling me about her day and I'm, I pause it.
Starting point is 01:09:42 She's like, you're ignoring me for Annie Hall. I go, was your story nominated for seven Academy Awards? It's a harder one to get away with these days because now they're like Why Woody Allen? Oh, you could tweak it. You could tweak it to... I'm not telling it anymore.
Starting point is 01:09:55 Sure. But yeah, no, it's... I love when you... And also, talking is for bad movies. Right. Like, you want to watch a Stephen Seagal movie. Let's talk through it, make jokes the whole time. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:06 If we're watching like a really good... Especially doing foreign films. I'm like, oh my God, it's hard enough to pay attention here. I know. I need the dialogue. I went to see The Matrix. This is how long ago this is. And my friend's like,
Starting point is 01:10:16 I've seen it. You got to see it. You know, that guy, he's like, I'm going with you to see it. They watch your, they study your every reaction. Yes, yes. He's staring at you. I hate that. I hate people watching me react. Neo, you're the one.
Starting point is 01:10:29 Yeah, or the guy was like, let me show you my hot rod I built with my dad. And you're like, oh, okay, great. And he shows it to you. And you're like, hey, how about that? And he's like, that's it. And you're like, wow, I'm on the spot here. Let me enjoy the hot rod. I got to, who's this for me or you?
Starting point is 01:10:43 Oh, dude, the girl I'm seeing now, her ex is gay. So she'll like tell me stuff and my and my enthusiasm is just not enough never when you were with a gay guy before she's there I made this dress I'm like oh cool and she's like that's it. I'm like yeah That's all I have to give on a dress you made I'm a I'm a straight guy yeah exactly break some freaking break some free agency nix news and then I'll fucking lose my mind if you want to see a big reaction Also that could be it could be a test to see if you're gay let me show you this dress I love it you're like all right you're like my ex this is over He called it fabulous?
Starting point is 01:11:18 It was weird. It's fierce. How about the guy who he shows you something? He wants your reaction. So you fake a big reaction. Then he yells at you for faking it. I'm like, which one is it? If I go, oh, that's cool.
Starting point is 01:11:33 You go, that's it. But if I go, whoa, how about that? He's like, ah, you didn't mean it. I'm like, I can't win here. It's a lot. There's no winning in life. Can't win. There's no winning.
Starting point is 01:11:43 Can't be genuine. Can't be fake. No one makes it out of life. I guess so. I got a good wreck for you. And I text both of you guys about it. Because I haven't seen it since I was a kid and I was definitely too young the first time I saw it.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Documentary, Hoop Dreams from the 90s. It's a 10 out of 10 movie. It's like as good a doc as ever has been made. Yeah. You don't have to like basketball. Like I know people who love this who didn't, you'd never like basketball. It's like three hours. Is this Chicago?
Starting point is 01:12:08 Yeah. Yes. They send a kid to the white school. Yeah. And there's a lot of white people. Isaiah Thomas went there. He was a Chicago guy. But dude, it's so intimate.
Starting point is 01:12:18 Like, the way they show the families and the dad is struggling with a drug addiction. And it's just, like, an incredible movie. Great movie. This is what a doc is supposed to be. This is, like, top tier. Well, who made it? I don't know. It was three guys.
Starting point is 01:12:32 Oh, really? And it's the first time I've ever seen a doc that, like, takes six years to make. Yes, yes. So you see them from, like, eighth grade to college. What's that? Eighth grade to college. Wow. And did they make it?
Starting point is 01:12:45 They didn't make the NBA, but they, you know, they had college careers. And it was, it's a lot, a lot of stuff, a lot of emotions. The families are, it's complicated home lives. But then they're also like very loving parents. But then also, you know, one of the guys gets a scholarship revoked because he was smaller and didn't really pan out. And then it turns out he's really good. Right. So it's just, it's crazy.
Starting point is 01:13:09 It's a really, really good movie, not just about basketball. It's a great, great doc. The 90s really embrace. race basketball. It was such a, remember like above the rim and space jam every little thing was basketball
Starting point is 01:13:23 back then. Michael Jordan, I guess, was crushing. Blue through the roof. Yeah. Oh, sorry, the director also made an Alan Iverson 30 for 30. Oh, shit, I heard that's a great one. I haven't seen it. Yeah, I mean, you can't go wrong with Iverson, man. No, no. AI. The original.
Starting point is 01:13:41 Hoop treat. I mean, I got a wreck off your wreck. Oh, which one was it? I hit Salakus. I'm with the wife. We're bored. We already banged. She can't drink. Whatever. She's going through some stuff. So we need a show. We need a show. So I'm like, ah, I don't know any shows. We finished the Apple show. What is it called? The one on the island? Widows Bay. We finished that. I'm starting that this week. It's good, right? It's good. It's cute. We hit up Salacuse, and I go, well, you got any shows. And he goes, I got one for you. Beef, too. the second season of beef. And I was like, I didn't really love the first season. I like Allie Wong, whatever, but I didn't love the first season.
Starting point is 01:14:20 He goes, this is totally different. It's got a White Lotus vibe. It's better than White Lotus. Whoa, really? I think this is so well written. The acting, the British woman is unbelievable. Oscar Isaac kills it. Oh, he's good.
Starting point is 01:14:32 It's so well done. And it's one of those shows that makes you anxious when you're watching it, and you hate everybody, but you root for them, but you hate them, but they're bad people. really well done. Beef 2, second season. Yeah. Check that out. It's right there on Netflix. You don't have to go searching for it. Yeah, I wasn't a big fan of
Starting point is 01:14:52 season one. I watched the whole thing, but this is almost like a whole separate series. Oh, completely. Yeah. Damn. It's just, these people are bad. People are all out for themselves, and they keep getting further and further into the shit, and they have to keep getting out of it. It's one of those. It's really well done.
Starting point is 01:15:08 Damn. Very good. All right. I'll give it. I'm going to do Widows Bay first, Are you doing World Cup? Are you watching anything? I mean, there's going to be dated by the time it comes out. But, yeah, I mean, that fucking Viking from Norway. How cool was that guy? Hollandees. Love that guy.
Starting point is 01:15:23 He's great. I went on a deep dive with that guy. He's been doing this since he was 16, like making those goals, and he's 6'5. You know, he also probably would have been great at any sport. He's just one of those. He's, like, big and strong and fast. And you see these videos of him, like, you can push your body to another level. You just realize, like, there's a, and it's like, no, you can.
Starting point is 01:15:42 push your body to another level. He is a Viking. Well, that's what you want out of Norway. You want this guy. Totally. They got him. And he's got some real DSLs on him, too. Oh, yeah. He's a, have you seen all the news with the Brazilian player?
Starting point is 01:15:55 His girlfriend looks like this guy. Really? So everybody's AIing these two fucking. And it went so viral that he hit up the Brazilian guy. He's like a young black guy. And he's like, we got to do something together. Because this is like blowing up. Fuck your girlfriend.
Starting point is 01:16:12 Yeah. So now they're hanging out. Damn, dude. But really cool. He's been going to Texas. There's all these videos of him in Texas putting on the cowboy hat. And cats is deli? He cats is deli.
Starting point is 01:16:23 That's a great photo off for them. Everything's like 5 million views, 6 million views. The guys, people love him. Yeah, he's box office. Also, I'm watching this tennis man. The tennis has been great. Wimbledon, men and women. Oh, I haven't even know about this.
Starting point is 01:16:37 So fun, man. Great, great matches. Love tennis. Yeah, what a one. Yeah, Jokovic had a fucking amazing match the other day. He's the man. He's probably my favorite player. Hanging on.
Starting point is 01:16:48 Yeah. It's so badass. That's a cool thing about these athletes. They get older and it's like at certain time, father time's going to take over, but the ones that kind of hang on. Yes. He is the goat. He really is. Cool, dude.
Starting point is 01:17:01 It's all mental. But yeah, soccer's fun, man. I'm enjoying it. We had lunch at the cellar yesterday in that Argentina game. Holy shit. Messy is really, really a magical man. I was looking like Jalen Brunson out there. I know.
Starting point is 01:17:13 I'm glad we finally tied it to the Knicks somehow. He's unreal. You know what I've been enjoying about this World Cup thing is all the people from Europe and Africa and South America coming to the United States. Loving it. And loving it being like, I heard this was a hellhole. I heard that, you know, the streets are dangerous. And they're like, people are giving me free rides. I'm getting beers.
Starting point is 01:17:38 People from Haiti are like, we heard it was unsafe here. Right. They get at a restaurant There's air conditioning going And they get ice in a water glass That blows their mind They're all addicted to ranch They're going to Buckees and Costco
Starting point is 01:17:50 They love it Love a good Buckees Dude Oh yeah Fuck the Louv We got Buckees Yeah no it's It's cool
Starting point is 01:17:58 That's hilarious that Trump Tried to He talked to FIFA He did fix it He fixed it though He fixed it but he's bad luck We lost The one next game
Starting point is 01:18:07 They lost in like 13 games Was the one he went to When I said fixed it He rigged it He rigged. He fixed it. Yeah, he didn't. He rigged it and we lost. And then he didn't say anything.
Starting point is 01:18:16 Right. I know. I love that he's like, I've been looking into it. Apparently a red card means you have to sit the next game. We're like, you didn't know that? He said, we'll have better luck next year. He's also gotten rid of some green cards. Okay.
Starting point is 01:18:33 Yeah, yeah, the whole thing sucks. So we still blew it. All our good athletes are playing different sports. It's not our sport. If we're going to adopt a foreign sport, it should have been sumo. We got the fatties. We can do it. And we're just not, it's not a soccer culture.
Starting point is 01:18:50 We got enough people. If we had like a LeBron playing, you know. Yeah, we're the WNBA of soccer, sadly. Just not for us. I'm sorry. It's low scoring. No, in women's basketball, we fucking own it, dude. That's true.
Starting point is 01:19:08 Well, what are we? New York? No, no, no. I mean, just the U.S. The U.S. Yeah, yeah. We got the fever. Also, women won, the U.S. women won the last three World Cups or something. That's a good point.
Starting point is 01:19:19 Yeah. We do something well. Because there's no money in any women's sports except for like tennis and golf. So they're like, we'll just play soccer because we love it. You got to love it. And turns out that leads to winning. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 01:19:33 I got Braya Improv coming up, August 21st through 23rd. Then we got Europe. We got Liz. Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw. Added a second night there. We got Helsinki, Sweden, Copenhagen. And then I added a couple club dates. I'm going to add more.
Starting point is 01:19:50 Stay tuned for more dates. Just go to punchup. Live slash Shamarrel slash tour. And yeah, I got Nashville for a couple nights for Zanis. And then I got American Comedy Co. In San Diego the last two weeks of September. Oh, fun. Yeah, fun rooms, getting back into the swing of things.
Starting point is 01:20:05 West Coast. Hopefully I have some jokes that aren't about my penis or a vagina by then. I will. I will. The material is going to keep getting better, guys. So I'll see you soon out there. Hell yeah. Boy, that's going to have fun Europe run. I'm pumped, dude. Oh, yeah. Zagreb. I hear it's unreal. Really? I hear it's awesome. I never been. I would love to go. And I think the out, like, the beaches are sick, too, but it's like a really cool town.
Starting point is 01:20:27 All right. I'm at the clubhouse in East Hampton. That's actually a really fun room and make a weekend out of it with the kid. San Francisco. Come on to Cobbs. Love it. Houston Improv. We'll see you there. It's going to be hot as shit. Zanis in Nashville. Pittsburgh Improv. Laf shop, Calgary, Casino, Regina. Acme and Miniap.
Starting point is 01:20:53 Why do I laugh every time? He says Casino Regina. I know. It's funny. A lot of Regina. Austin Powers. I saw that in the theater, too. Comedy Works in Denver.
Starting point is 01:21:05 The Heat. And Charlton Musical, Charleston Musical. I can't wait to get down to Charleston. I got to book a gig there. And Comedy on State in Wisconsin and Madison. Helium in Portland. And that'll be good for a while. Come on out, say hello.
Starting point is 01:21:18 Get some bodega cat. We should have some merch cooking soon. Ooh, cool new. A lot of you guys, I guess, were into Mark's shirt. I was into it. That's for sure. I was like, how do we not make these? So from a few episodes ago, I think it was the Knicks episode.
Starting point is 01:21:31 Yeah, it was the Nix colors. I love that shirt, man. Get a lot of compliments. A little drunk cat. Yeah. So yeah, we're going to get those on shirts, on sweatshirts. on hats, we're going to get some really cool shit made. Bodeigatwiskey.com, follow BredaCatwiske on Instagram.
Starting point is 01:21:46 What you got, what do you got, Sally? I just had a doc get released. It's called Jeff R. Curry, you better fucking laugh. Oh, nice. It's a tour doc where he's trying to build an hour for his Netflix special while his wife is going through cancer treatment. Oh, wow. Heavy stuff. I heard both of them almost died.
Starting point is 01:22:05 All right. It was right there, dude. It was right there. No, I heard it's very good. Give it a watch. It's on his YouTube page. Jeff R. Oh, hell, yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:13 All right. Well, we're cooking. Thanks, folks. We'll see you next time with a guest. All right. Sunday's a day for my next fender. A bit of Peverack. You know the fear juice close.
Starting point is 01:22:26 I've had a little. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope and Rose. I'm out to lunch here and doesn't look like I remember her. And I.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.