We Might Be Drunk - Paul Walter Hauser w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - Ft. Alex Moffat - We MIght Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Paul Walter Hauser joins Mark Normand and Sam Morril for a deep dive into Hollywood, stand-up comedy, and his new satirical talk show, Boy Talk. Paul shares stories from I, Tonya, Black Bird, The Naked Gun, and Resident Evil, plus his friendship with Diamond Dallas Page, his dream of playing Chris Farley, and the wildest celebrity group text imaginable. Alex crashes the party, Sam recaps his European tour, and the guys workshop new jokes, talk hair transplants, and reveal plans for their upcoming movie. Paul Walter Hauser: Boy Talk Talk Show (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/@BoyTalk_TalkShow Boy Talk Talk Show (Apple Podcasts): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/boy-talk-talk-show/id6813106983 Sponsored by: Willie's Remedy: Get 20% off your first order with code WMBD. Free shipping on orders over $95. https://www.drinkwillies.com/ Tempo: Get 60% off your first box of fresh, chef-crafted meals. https://www.tempomeals.com/drunk Hims: Get personalized access to ED treatment, hair loss treatment, and more. https://www.hims.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #PaulWalterHauser #MarkNormand #SamMorril #BoyTalk #WilliesRemedy #TempoMeals #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey0:00 Sam returns from European tour 10:36 Comedy workshop: dating and parenthood bits 20:31 Sponsor messages 23:44 Paul Walter Hauser joins the show 35:00 Movie obsession and Letterboxd honesty 48:08 Acting roles, comedy, and career ambitions 1:01:43 Boy Talk, Resident Evil, and future projects 1:14:06 Tour dates and Bodega Whiskey plugs Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, baby, Sam's home from Europe. Back from the war. It's good to see your face, man. Yeah. The hair's coming in. It's getting there. You get a little Richard Spencer going on. I know, I hate the In the Army now over here.

I like the short sides. I'm gray on the side, so it looks even whiter. But it's your back. I'm back, baby. You look like no more big hat? No, that hat I got creamed online. I mean, I read every comment. They were hilarious.

Forrest Gump. But good on you for embracing it. Oh, yeah. I liked every one of them. It was fun. I mean, that's what you expect. These comics who try to hide it I think you've got to lean in

Lean in They know who they are I'm not gonna name any names But all the New York Soder does a bit about it Soder the New York comics own it Mateo Soder Hamilton Myself

Yeah Yeah man No Europe was cool man I'm glad as hell to be back though The second you hit that tarmac You're just like I know I know I did like maybe one city too many

Right Once I landed in Copenhagen I was like this I might have done too much I feel like that's everything With overseas You're like, this is amazing. Look at these buildings.

Look at the food. Oh, my God. And then there's always that like, I got to get back. I go hard, too. Every city I land in, I'm just like, do, like, do I do a gig in Copenhagen. I do a pito joke. I'm making fun of, the joke, I forgot the joke, but it's like, make fun of people with sex with 15-year-olds. And it bombed.

And I was like, what the hell was that? I get off stage. I go, that's the age of consent here. And I was like, what? Well, that's a joke in itself. And then I was like, what? And they go, they're trying to get it lowered. I'm like, they?

Who's they? Wow. I was like, I booked me a flight to go. I guess it's the same and I said, is that the same in like, Stockholm?

Like, yeah. I was like, this is crazy. Wow, because he always here at Europe, they're more advanced, they're more sophisticated, but boy,

15, how about that? Not good. Wow, that means Epstein's Island to them is normal. Well, I'm sure there must have been

some younger ones too. Yeah. Yeah. You should have relocated. Tough winters, though, in that part of the world. Yeah, it's not as sexy as an island.

That's true. So they got a shack up with a gal. A young lady, get some warmth. Helsinki, it's like in the winters, they get like three hours of daylight. I know. And by the way, amazing city, Helsinki. Oh, beautiful. I'd never been there, dude.

So cool. You kind of undersold it for me a little. Okay. But they, oh my God, I guess saunas are from Helsinki. And they gave me a whiskey that's like made in sauna. So it smells like, it smells like a man's balls. Yeah. It's pretty cool.

Did you get, I felt like the crows. The crowd, is that, wait. Helsinki? Where am I thinking of? Finland. Finland, yeah, I thought the crowd was tough in Helsinki. I actually had a good crowd. Other places I had, you know, a while to get going, but Helsinki, they were pretty drunk.

They were rowdy. Oh, nice. They wanted it dark. Oh, interesting. Was I like, all right. Did you get the fish soup? The fish soup? That's their thing, fish soup.

I had soup. I don't know if I had fish soup. Oh, it's really good. I had a lot of herring. That's their thing over there, the herring. Yeah, they love fish. And then did you go to Stockholm? I did.

That's a great town. The women, oh my God. Oh, man, it's all just tall blondes. It's crazy. Yeah, no, I had a good-ass time in Stockholm. Athens, great. Yeah. Budapest.

You feel the heaviness of Budapest, though. That's like, have you done Budapest? Never been. I guess I was not aware of how bad they've had it. I don't know anything about Boothp. Well, they went from Hitler to Stalin. I guess that's a lot of that part of the world. But, like, they feel like they've been hit.

Right. And it still feels the heavy. Whereas you go to, like, Zagreb. And, like, they've been through some, like, you know, in Croatia, they've been through, like, the Civil War and everything. But they, it feels like they're just like, ah. Yeah, yeah. And that's Drozhen Petrovich, the Croatian player.

Oh, wow. Do you ever see that? Yeah, he's naked. They don't, yeah, they don't wear clothes when they play over there. It's weird. Thank God. Clothes cost extra. No, but, you know, they made a great documentary,

Once Brothers on ESPN 30 for 30s, and it's about the Yugoslavian Civil War. And, like, how the team almost beat the dream team. They were that good because they had like Drozhen Petrovich, Dino Raja, Vladi Dvok's, and Tony Kooch. Damn. So they were stacked, but then the war happens. They're split up. Drozan and Vladi never speak again because of the war. So they're split up.

They both make the NBA. They never speak again. Drozzen dies in a car crash. His girlfriend's driving. She survives. The person in the backseat survives. He's in the front seat to sleep and he dies. Oh!

Imagine going to war and then dying in a car crash. I know. That's crazy. But. Wow. Wait. You never let your web drive by the way. Never.

That's the lesson we got from this. Good point. If you do it, don't sleep. That's crazy. Wow. Well, Zagreb, I've never even heard of it. It sounds like a Star Trek villain. Dude.

Zagreb. It's awesome. Really? They were asking for you. They want you to come. Pull up some Zagreb. Wow. In fucking Zagreb.

The Balkans. Wasn't that the one where you're like, I'm hurting in Zagreb or was that Budapest where you were like, it turned around. Okay. Look how pretty. This is unbelievable. Isn't it cool? I'm going to Zagreb. Wow!

They got trolleys. Yeah. No, a beautiful place, man. Holy moly. I just brought a friend. Yeah, just, like, you know, hit the town. We booked some of these cities when we were single. Oh, he's got a lady too now?

Yeah. Oh, damn. Oh, my God, we wanted to hit, like, Stockholm. We were like, let's add Stockholm in Copenhagen. Then we got there. We're like, I guess I'll jack off before the show. Jack up at the window open. Oh, look at her.

15, who cares? Oh yeah, that's on the third man thing, so that's pretty cool. Wow, look at that. Yeah, 1897, dude. Damn. The Coney Island rollercoast is pretty old as well. Not 1897. No, I think it's 19, you know.

Yeah, that's the famous scene. Yeah, well, any other picks I sent you, Selecus? Oh, that's the third man tunnel, dude, from the famous scene when he's running away. It smells so fucking bad down there. It's a sewer. Oh, okay. So it smells so fucking bad that apparently Orson Wells wouldn't shoot. and that he was just like,

he was like, let's just build a stage and shoot the rest in like London or something. So he shot like most of it there, but then he was like, I can't take this smell. There it is. Pretty cool, man. Wow. Oh, God.

Oh, dude, so in Zagreb, they have a museum of broken relationships. Oh. So they're like, you got to go to the museum. It's literally people donate shit that they, like a breakup or a love thing that went South. Yeah, so picnic basket. Yeah, what was it say? My lover

was enthusiastic about having sex in the open outside, so I got us a gorgeous cliche of a picnic blanket. Sorry, it's a little small. Gingham wool with faux leather straps. The whole works. Unfortunately, we broke up before we got a chance to use it. The population

density in Belgium is very high. It's difficult to find a quiet spot and the weather does not help either. Yeah, so it's stuff like that. Some of them are funny, some of them are sad, and there's the blanket. And that's the whole museum. It's just I had a breakup, and you realized, like, wow, a lot of relationships end because of, like, you know, distance. Some of them are just, like, the person died. Damn.

Exactly. I'm like, I'm never coming back, baby. Yeah, that's a mirror. That's another one. Someone donated, yeah. Pretty standing mirror for hours. My wife is standing in front of this mirror getting herself ready every day in the morning. And in the evening, it was okay for me, even if at times I found it a little obsessive.

Phone calls in front of the mirror. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Now she, I think she cheated on him or something. And then now he's got the mirror. Wow. But I was like, this is kind of fascinating to read.

Yeah, I don't know. And then. There's the Muder Museum in Philly where it's dead people. And it's like a guy with a hole in his head and it has a hammer, you know? And then there's a guy with like a bullet through his head. And he's like, my wife found me, whatever. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Great. Great. If you're talking museums. That's when I was in Warsaw. They have like a little tourist spots. I don't know who's buying these. They're trying to play to Jews. but they're like, here's some Hebrew stereotype.

Yeah. And it's just, they're like, yeah, I'm not. No one's buying that. Hot though they were Sam and Veter. He's complaining about the meals. And, yeah, went to the camps, Madonna, fuck. Oh, you did? Heavy stuff.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Hard to crack a joke there. It was. Oh, geez. I'm so privileged in New York. I saw that. I was like, what is this, Arturo's?

Look at that. That's goal of it. I did make jokes. We had tour guys and they have a sense of humor about it. You have to. That's a part of, you know, it's coping. You have to. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, heavy shit to do that and then go to the show. But yeah, did two nights in Warsaw fucking worth it. Awesome. Yeah, Louis had that great joke about, is it, Dachau? Is it Dachau? Dachau? He's like, I went to Dachau and they have a Twitter and they have a Twitter. He's like, why do they have a Twitter? There's some like 18-year-old girl in charge of it. I don't know. It's how I feel about when you see hospitals promoting. Yes. You're like, we'll find you. Yes. Or they're like, we're open Christmas.

You're like, yeah, we know. Yeah. You have to be. Nathan McIntosh has that funny bit about Oreos tweeted, hey, we support the trans movement or whatever. And he's like, you're a cookie. Be a cookie. And he's got the high voice.

I had a bit about that with fucking Skittles where it said black trans lives matter. And I'm like, you had us to taste the rainbow. Right. Oh, yeah. You don't have to overdo it. You're already there. Yeah.

But, uh... Else at your mouth. Yeah, no, it's fucking killer, man. Killer trip. But, uh, yeah, I'm, you know, good to be back to it. What did you do? Two weeks? Three weeks?

Two weeks? Two weeks in like two nights probably? Wow, yeah. I probably gone for a while. Flies by, though. I mean, you're working. You're in constant moving. You land, you just want to do shit.

That's, I just want to, you do stuff during the day. Like, I only get like one or two nights in each city. So you want to, you want to make a count. It's hard on you, because you want to see the city, but then you got to work on your set, but then you want to get drunk after. And then you've got a flight in the morning to go to the next city. So it's a lot of moving parts with these European dates. Yeah, but also just walking around, you get bits.

That's true. You're just in motion. I'm like, let me just like look. It's like the one time I look at my steps is when I travel. Yeah. Let me make sure I get like 15,000 steps in at least. So I at least know I'm seeing the city and doing shit. And the beauty of traveling is you're like, you get a coffee here.

You get a coffee in Zagreb. It's a thing. You know, it's like an event. I'm getting a salad in Stockholm. I'm getting a meatball or whatever. It's like, you get a coffee. get to see an old restaurant or go down a new street. It's, it's, it's very exciting.

You came up with new bits? On the road? Because we do a thing on this show called. I've heard, yeah, I've heard. It hasn't been gone that long. I got, uh, no, I got some new bits, but they're like, they're either working or they're not. I don't, or they'd be like for their city, you know?

Right, right. Do you have any new stuff you're working? I got some new stuff. Everything I got is like B minus, you know, I just can't get it over that hump of, like, getting it great. It's all good. We'll run one if you want to run one. Sure, I'll, I'm down to run.

I got one. So I had one where the girl I'm seeing, I'm tucking her son into bed. And he said, that's all you're tucking on. Sorry. You scared me there. And he said, good night, Sam. I said, good night. And then he goes, I love you.

And I said, I love you too. And I said, it should have been a nice moment, but I haven't said it to his mom yet. That's great. And she's right there. You know, that became a thing. So I had a couple angles. One line hit where I said, you know, the L word, that's at my age, it's big. It's like the N word.

have only said it a few times. And every time it's ended really badly for me. So that hit. And then I had a thing about like, there's a few, she's like, well, you say it, a few angles. One is, she's like, you say it to your guy friends. I'm like, yeah, but I see a lot of them like four times a year. Right. It's easy to love someone who's never around.

Yeah. You're here all the time. Right. You know, also, I've never had to end badly with a guy. I've never had a falling out with a guy where he's like, you fucking said you loved me. Yeah. Then he keys my car. And then, uh, and then I,

I had a thing I want to angle about like, uh... That's heavy. I'm a kid saying that. It's like, geez. Really? Yeah. I mean, it's good. It took a funny bit.

I'm just, if I was there, I would have crumbled. Eh, gotta make jokes, I guess. No, no. It's a good joke. But the idea that I think, like, the I love you for the man is like the vagina for the woman. You try to hold on to it as long as possible. Ah, right. I don't know how to end this part, but it's like, it's like, uh, it's like, ah,

like, once I get rid of this, I got nothing. Yeah. That was my thing. Oh, that's my thing. funny. You know, I don't know where to end it, but I don't know. There could be something too where she says, like, in a month, she's like, I love you, and you're like, I'm already in love with someone else. You know, talking about the kid? Like, we already have a, I've already got to love you with him.

I can't have two I love you. It's going. It's easier with, when it's not sexual. It is. Non-sexual love is easier. That's true. He's talking with a girl or the kid. Both. All right, all right. Give me to Copenhagen. How old's his kid? Yeah, that's great. That's great. Is this anything? Okay So my kid

He's about two now He's almost pushing two And he loves He has a toy baby And a toy stroller And it's pissing me off Because he's, I love the kid But it's the hardest thing I've ever done

And he's making a mockery of it He's like I'm a dad too I'm like, that's stolen valor That kid doesn't shit It doesn't piss It doesn't cry You know You're playing with G.I.

Joe's I'm a nom You know I'm going through it I would put stolen valor at the end Oh, okay. I like, you know, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. You know, I'm in Nam. That's Stolen Valor.

Oh, okay. I like it at the end. Maybe, yeah, maybe, because Stolen Valor is the big hit. Yeah, totally. Okay, so yeah, I'm still playing with it. But the idea of having a baby as a toy is like, why would you want a burden? Like, this, the kid is, it's hard. It's like, you know, hinders you.

It's a weird doll to because you're not using that, like, when he's going to be a parent. He's not like, what did I do when I was two with a baby? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like you just, yeah, you just have a baby. It's also a weird thing like, get him a fucking Ninja Turtle or something. I know, that's what I said. Who got him the baby? He didn't buy it.

I think it was like a hand-me-down. Somebody gave it to him and he's loving it. He's like, a baby, I got the baby. I'm a dad now and all this shit. I'm like, hey, I'm a dad. Fuck you. You got a blow up doll. I'm got Lindsay Clancy, you know.

This is a different thing. But, yeah, so I'm playing with it. And then I say something like that, I'm like, I wouldn't want to, I would never want. If I had a baby doll as a kid, I'd be like, mom I didn't ask for this and she was like needed to die but so that hits but yeah it feels like it needs more

yeah it's interesting that he's doing what you're doing the hardest thing in my life he's doing is a toy like that'd be like a roofer it's the next if he gets like a microphone oh yeah yeah other things that you do that are hard

right right he's just sitting in an airline seat I'm trying to do that he's in the back of a plane at the he's going to the Toledo Funnybone Yeah, I don't know Maybe it's doing okay

It's doing okay Yeah, it needs another thing Needs another thing It's like Hmm Also he didn't have to get late By the way Thank God

I had to meet somebody Get married The whole thing It just feels like a cheat code You didn't do any of the work It didn't do any of the work And you're still not doing any of the work But you get to have a baby

I like that it annoys you It annoys you I like that you're making a mockery. Yes. But then you didn't do that. But then you realized I didn't do that much either. I just came in his mom. That's a good point.

She did all the work. Yeah. Yeah. I made the mistake the other day. I was like, man, with these hair plugs, I totally get the C-section. And she was like, fuck you. Yeah. All right, I'll play with it.

I'll play with it. There's something there. Something there, for sure. What, uh... You got another one? I mean, I got a bunch, but I don't. not like anywhere near ready. Same, same.

That's the point. Yeah, mine is not ready either. Okay, I had one about the guy who flew to Bangkok and to get genital enhancement. Oh, yeah, black guy, right? That was shocking. He went with his wife and I was like, yeah, apparently she didn't try to talk him out of it. Oh, true. He's like, do I need this?

And she was like, yes, which is fucking brutal. And then also the angle of like, uh, Clearly he didn't have kids. You can't do that procedure when you have a kid. You can't be like having a little girl be like, Daddy, please. And he's like, sorry, I just, I really want a bigger penis. I'm rolling the dice.

Yeah. And then the angle of like, well, she's single now. So maybe like, hopefully the next guy she picks has a big dick. So this doesn't happen again. Oh, yeah. She's going to take his pants off and she's like, thank God. Right. This is going to save us an international flight.

Also, say, when you pull up a dick enlarger, but I'm like, I'd go for the before. But that is a thick hog on the right there. For soft? Yeah, yeah. It's a weird shape. It is a little footbally there. Isn't it annoying that the dick is the only thing on your body?

You can't build your biceps. You can get your shoulders bigger. Your abs, your thighs. You can't. We work out the dick every day when you jerk off and it won't get bigger. But if I worked out my legs every day, they'd be huge. And they would make your dick look smaller. And they would make my dick look smaller.

You can't win. What do you got? What else are you? All right, all right, all right. Let's do one more, yeah. You want one about porn? You want one about ice? Porn.

Okay. So I'm doing this whole thing about, and tell me if it's too close to your old bit, but I think the punchline is very different. But I'm doing this whole thing about how everybody's addicted to porn now, all these young dudes. And the problem is porn is in your pocket. When I was younger, porn was like a group thing. You know, we did it in the woods And we'd sit in a circle and pass it around

Like, you know when you go on a website A porn website it says share You're like, who's sharing this? We did. We would pass around Viti-Hs and magazines That's different from my bit Okay, so that, thank God That part hits

We used to share it, yeah Did you really do it in the woods? We had porn in the woods It was under a rock We found a bunch of porn Oh my God And we'd sit in a circle In sleeping bags

There was never a bandit, no one ever stole it? Ah, we shared It was like a communal thing It was actually quite nice. Good for the neighborhood. They were like a trap. There was a knockout. Do you jack off outdoors in the group?

We didn't jack off in the world. We'd get it from the world. Yeah, easy there, pervert. Yeah. But, uh, yeah. And Grop and Hagen. Grop and Hagen. So that part is, the share thing is.

And then I'd say it's kind of like weed. Porn and weed have had the same kind of trajectory. Like you took what you got back then. You know, you're like, seeds and stems. We'll make it work. And then back of the day, you're like, bitch it porn, I'll make it work. And then I got a couple of those, and then I say,

the problem, though, is weed and porn got too strong. Yeah. I do an edible now, and I'm like, that's going to fuck me up for a while. Now I watch a porn. I'm like, that's going to fuck me up for a while, you know. Yeah, there's a cleaner way to do both. Yeah, now an edible or I watch porn, I'm like, that's going to fuck me up for a while. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But yeah, but that's good. Yeah, that's, fuck. Jesus Christ, I hope no one knows I did that. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm going to a party in a few. I hope no one knows I did that. Oh, yeah, I got to hide it. There's a lot of porn and weed similarities, analogies, or whatever you call it.

Yeah, you can tell when someone's too into it. Yeah, yeah, there's always a creepy, you get it from a creepy guy on the corner, maybe. Yeah, your older brother has some of his stuff. You get it from a, yeah, fuck. Your dad stash, your dad had porn, you dad had weed. It's going to be sticky. Yeah, sticky is something. Sticky works.

But it's all, you know, it's a little all over. over the place. Yeah. But, uh... No, but there's something there. Like the, uh... porn and, uh, you're paranoid with both. That's an angle.

Oh, yeah, yeah. True. You don't want to get caught. Yeah. Red-handed. Your wife is like, I would have done this with you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, let me write that paranoid down.

That's good. He'll send it to you. Oh, yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We got, we got a guest coming in a minute, So we should wrap this up. Oh, yeah.

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is a generic version of Viagra. Viagra's a registered trademark of Viatris specialty LLC. Hibbs is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viatris. Hey! Good. Nice to me, man. I brought a gas. Oh, no.

Hey, Alex, what's up, man? It's like when you bring a girlfriend in the green room. Hi, Harry Belafonte. Hey, how are you? Yeah. How are you? Hey, how are you? Nice to meet you, Paul.

Hey, Sam. Oh, you're over here, then. Oh, okay. Yeah. I have a hard out of four, by the way. I think, well, I think he does too. No, he doesn't. Oh, okay, great.

He's got 420. Oh, good, all right, great. Are we rolling? Hitler's birthday. Yeah, use the mic, yeah. Oh, this. There you know. I thought I was sharing with you.

Appreciate it. So, uh. You guys had Rodney in here? I wish. It's the dead wall. Thanks, man. What's your name? Louis.

Is that the RIP wall? Yeah. To death. The wall of death. Oh yeah, we're next. We've signed, that's good. Yeah, dude. That's one of my homies.

Which one? Well, I'm friendly with Judd too, but Larry Charles directed me in my first job and I went. Whoa. What was that? It was a pilot. It was called Lee Maithers. It was me. I thought I'm gonna say the Kanye pilot for a second.

The Kanye pilot? Did he? I think Larry Charles. Did he? Yeah, he tried to do a curb. O'Conier tried to do a curb? It didn't let... A curb episode?

No, he tried to do his version of curb. Whoa! And I think Larry Charles did it. He wouldn't be the guy to do it. What do you guys doing? Look at my Nazi paraphernalia. Yeah. I got a black clanhood here.

His music's good, guys. It is. That's true. It's a bummer. That he's in such a dark place because I really, through the wire is a real. He's coming out of it, though.

I think he's coming back. Yeah, he did the Staples Center. Everybody liked it. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh, Mr. Watson. We are so glad you're here. Thank you so much. This is crazy.

The wish comes true. Yeah, that's Kanye. Oh, wait a second. Oh, okay. Jumped. Hello? This is Kanye's understanding of comedy. Let's open on cancer.

Right. Yeah, comedy these days. It's like, we just got to. go to Austin, Texas if I want to say anything. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm with.

They make a wish kid right now. Yeah. There we go. You can see Larry Charles's fingerprints all over that. Larry Charles is a genius. I'm a huge friend. Oh, man.

Did he do Bookman? The Seinfeld one? He did. He wrote that one. He wrote the one where they go to L.A. He did Borad. The librarian. Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah. Philip Baker Hall. Underrated in comedies. Fucking hilarious. Brilliantly funny. Yeah. Very poised. Magnolia?

He was in PTA's first movie. In Magnolia, his whole thing, his character is like, it's like a Tim Robinson character where his wife's like, did you molest our daughter? And he's like, I don't remember. I'm like, how the fuck are you playing this straight? You don't say I don't remember? Oh my gosh. Phil Baker Hall, one of the greatest characters ever.

Yes, PTA's first. Is that a young patro? I love those, like, guys who are just like good in everything. Oh, yeah. You're one of those guys, dude. Did my parents tell you say that? Yes, they call. But, dude, I remember seeing I Tanya in the theater with my folks.

That's a cool movie. Dude, it's great. But you were, like, stealing every scene you were in. I remember being like, who the fuck is this guy? Which is, like, it's so fun to watch a movie and go, who the fuck is this guy in a good way. Yeah, and then they get overexposed because they never stop working and everyone gets sick of them.

No. That movie's the reason we became friends. That's so weird. We were leaving a Paul Simon concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Nice. And his wife saw that I was rocking an I-Tanya, like, sweatshirt. No, she was wearing an I-Ton-N-A-Sweger. That was it.

Because it was a gift. His wife and I were sharing clothes. Yeah. And I said, yeah, it was a gift. Same shoe size. And I said to her, I was like, hey, I was in that movie. I don't even know if you, I think you played it more coy. You sort of sidled up to it.

There were just, like, mobs of people walking out of the Hollywood Bowl. And you were like, hey, nice shirt. You're like, hey, thanks, cool. Then we sort of did a double take and we're like, wait a minute, you're the good, oh, hey. Hey. We walked like another mile and a half. Yeah. Now here we are.

Now here we are. I'm a part-time bodyguard. That's why I'm here. If he dies, I help raise his kids. We made a lot of decisions together. Vice versa. Godfather. But no, I was excited to meet you because you were, you were one of the cast members on SNL that I saw before you got SNL.

I was all geeked up because we did a Montreal Comedy Festival audition together. And I didn't. get it. Did you get it? No. Yeah. I didn't get it either. That'll bond you. You guys done Montreal comedy? Yeah, it took five years to get it. Yeah, I think four straight years, every year we look at each other, like, I'd be like, you got it. And you got it. And four straight years of that. And then...

And it was at Cokellum every time. Right. But you heard stories about Montreal in the 90s where, like, you go, you get a $750,000 holding deal. By the time I got there, I think I got an agency that no longer exists. Right. Right. So, like, you want to work with paradigm? And I was like, yeah, I guess. Yeah, they always have names like that, like an X-Men. Prism or... Authentic management. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, no, you can... There's like a certain ring to it when you hear it. You ask somebody who you're with, and they're like, I'm with... Converge. I'm with Draw Shield. You're like, Draw Shield. They're good. You're signing it with Straighto Hormuz?

What the hell? They're too comedy-focused. Hormuz, chilly? we uh no i listen i'm going on the road i'm going on the road i gotta start kidding so you did stand up for a hot minute i did stand up for over 10 years and i stopped i'm sorry i stopped i i had a hot minute for you 10 years is a lot longer than i longer than i should have but i had i had fun i think it made me fearless in front of an audition room oh yeah like who gives a shit about somebody with a video camera if I've had to like bear my soul in front of a hundred drunk people sure that's that's harder so

what were you were you doing the road or were you like in l.a doing the store and mics and stuff no I didn't get I didn't get good enough to do the road I was I was doing bringer shows for god knows who francisco Ramos oh yeah um I was uh I was like I was on a bunch of bringer shows but then once and a while I get put on a really cool show like I did meltdown comics with like Kyle Mooney and Brett Gellman and John Daly and all these people that I think are hilarious. And then I, my buddy gave me a spot at the Melrose Improv and it was like too good of a lineup

where I just got completely eaten alive. It was like Joey Diaz, Howie Mandel, Pat and Oswald, Quinta Brunson. I was like, I'm fucked. We were a regular at the rooster teeth feathers in Grand Rapids, Michigan, right? No, that's in Sunnyvale. This is a satellite level.

location. Really? Because you had, what was it, Dr. Grins? Was the, Grand Rapids? That's where you're from, right? I was born Grand Rapids. I grew up in Saginaw. Started doing stand-up at 16 and writing screenplays than I was 16 and just really immersed myself in all this Hollywood shit. Yeah. I didn't know how to make it in Hollywood. I just saw I'll try to do a bunch of things. We'll see if they, if I bet on black properly or whatever, you know. Sure. So you did wrestling too. Yeah, I love wrestling. That's amazing. I just think it's fun, man. Who is, like, your guys in wrestling?

Growing up, it was, like, Sting. Mm-hmm. Was my guy? Goth Sting or All-American? Or the singer? Both. Yeah. The guy who left the police?

Right. No, not that sing. Yeah, Stinger was my guy. I also loved... Whoa. I loved DDP, the Rock. Rick Flair Woon you bring them all up

DDP Arne Anderson Ooh he's old school yeah Sean Michaels There were a lot of great ones We were spoiled We had so many good ones We did the attitude era

95 to 2000 We were just Spilling over with talented wrestlers Is that Spider-Noire on the screen there? It's a third man Well Orson Wells

I just went to Vienna I did gigs all over Europe But I went to Vienna And I love that movie How is that? I've never seen the movie. Forgive me. Oh, dude.

I know it's a classic. It's a classic. You'll appreciate it. It's a number of classics. I haven't gotten around to. It's awesome and it's Orson. Basically, they talk about Orson Wells for like an hour and 15 minutes. And then he shows up for like the last 20 minutes and just crushes it.

But he's just, he's an evil fucker in the movie. And he gives a famous speech. There's a famous line. I'm going to butcher it. But they're on a Ferris wheel, which is the oldest Ferris wheel. Jamie, could we get that up? Jamie could get that up? But it's a guy.

Pull it up. It's from 1897, this Ferris wheel. I went on it when I was there. As I got to the top, I was like, I maybe should not have done this. This is fucking terrifying. There I am, yeah. We'll put it in the show notes. But, dude, yeah, Orson Welles gives this famous, he rifts a line that ends up becoming one of the most iconic lines where he said, you know.

Rifted to like ad lib. Yeah. And one of the lines was like, stuff. You got to pull it up. Pull up the line. It's about the cuckoo clock. I love that Tommy Lee Jones riffed the line. I don't care in response.

the Harrison Ford's, I didn't kill my wife in the fugitive. Yeah, great delivery. I don't care. Sounds like my wife. Yeah. I'd talk to her. Oh, tires. I haven't seen the new season of tires. I got to get on there.

That's pretty good. I love the ones I saw. And when we do meet old man, it's you or one C. Not the police. The cuckoo clock. Yeah, go. So long, holly love. No, no.

30 years under the borges, they had one. warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace. And what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long, holly.

He improvised that. That was a riff? Well, he wrote it before, but he threw it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I do a bunch of that. It's also not true. I think Germany created the clock. But they were like, yeah, just throw it in.

It's a great fucking line. That's so worst and well. He's like, I got this. It's like Animal House. Forget it, he's rolling. Oh, yeah, that's right. So good. Yeah, dude.

No, great movie. Wow. I love... I had to make the Jew tunnel joke, too. I love that year. It's cool that, for the record, I just, I only know you as comedy guys and we haven't met before. So in my head, I'm like, assuming your background on your laptop or computer would be like a slap shot or supertroopers or something. Oh, yeah.

To see it be the third man. It's his computer. We're movie nerds. Yeah. Yeah, I adore movies. It's just one of those things where, like, if you said you can do anything, like, my wife, I turn 40 next month. My wife is like, what do you want to do for your birthday? And, like, to her, it's like, should we dazzle the town?

Should we paint it red? And I'm like, I just want to go to a movie thing. Yeah, let's just go see Tony. He had an afternoon to kill, and he went and saw The Weight. The Weight. The Way. I had to Google. Are you familiar?

Not heard of it either. He went and saw it in the theater. Hawke, Russell Pro. Damn. Terrific, like, throwback movie. It's got vibes of, like, treasures of Sierra Madre.

Ooh, okay. Mixed with, like, a 70s drama. This is the problem with cinema. I haven't even heard of this. Oh, it's so, dude, it's my favorite movie the year right now.

Wow. Watch the hell out of this. Okay, I'm going to get some good ones this year. I mean, didn't you come in with a movie cup? Yeah, this is from the theater. Look at this. This is a fan. Also, the fact that you're not 40 is horrifying.

Come on. We just, we assumed. I will watch it. I just watched the Bourdain movie. Oh, I got to watch it. I watched it last night. I really liked it. I thought it was good.

It was coming of age vibe. It didn't blow my mind, but it was entertaining. And I thought that kid, Dominic Sessa, from holdovers. Do you feel weird honestly talking about movies on podcast? Because do you like, maybe I want to work with this guy? No, I don't give a shit. You either like me or you don't. fine that's good i don't like i don't like trying to be timid with pleasing everybody i think

that's absurd um but i have i have suffered the slings and arrows of that on my letterboxed really yeah oh yeah someone's brought it up to you've been people who've complained i won't say who and go into it but like there's been some people who've complained one person like called my manager and was like what's going on with ball i'm like dude please fuck off to seven continents away wow if you're upset about my my letter box to like Right. I'm just being I at some point people got really upset

with anyone being honest. I completely agree. I could have texted you directly but I felt like going through your manager. No dude Christmas with the, what was it called? Cranks? Christmas with the Campbells? Christmas with the Campbells starring you and Justin Long. Uh-huh. Pull it up. I gave him

a three and a half. I'm, you know, I thought that was high. That's your friend. 70% on RT. That's not enough for you. Is that right? No, he, I actually met someone who worked on this movie recently. I think the couple that wrote it. Yeah, pull it up. The couple that wrote it. They're homeless now. You ruin their career.

No, hand to God. Hand to God. Hand to God. I like the movie. And there's a scene where homeboy Alex literally farts. For real, a shoot, as they say in wrestling. He had a shoot fart. And they kept it in the movie. And then Justin Long, he tried to squeeze one out. That's on par with Orson Wells' riff right there. I like it, yeah.

I love what you can tell everything from the box. A riff for all seasons. Do you guys some of that stand-up comedian, all he does is a riff? Casey Rocket? Oh, yeah. Those are riffs? Supposedly. I'm sure he writes some of them, but the kid is insanely funny.

He does this crab walk thing. Oh, my God. Him and who's the other guy? He just put out a special Jack Tucker. I don't know. You know more about Stanth than us. He, like, made his name really silly and, like, that's him, Zach Zucker. Oh, there you know him?

Oh, my God. Dude, his special on YouTube is out of control for me. Wow, I don't know. I'll check it out. Yeah, I don't know. I've seen 9 million guys be like, the thing about dating. You're right. Like, this guy and Casey Rocket, you're getting, like, a whole different menu, man.

Okay. Nice to throw it in there with the traditional. Notice I didn't say instead of the traditional. I said with. With. Yeah, yeah. In addition to. Yeah.

What about like a Rory Scoville or somebody? I just watched this special. He's fun. Yeah, I love Rory. Did you see his fully improvised special? I'd open for it. Did you really? Yeah, yeah.

That's one of them. Yeah, it was really cool. I went up with material. I felt good. I had a good set. Then he went up with nothing and blew the doors off. And I was like, I got to kill myself. Wild.

Yeah. Very talented guy. I love Bill. Burr. I like old Cat Williams. Yeah. Newer stuff doesn't hit me as much, but I just, I'm fascinated by him. I like him. He's an interesting guy.

He's a big golfer. Is he? Apparently. Huh. I did a charity. A scratch golfer. What's that? Scratch golfer.

Like, he's damn here. He might be a scratch. I just said, he's a big golfer. Is he scratch? Guys like him and Walberg, Sam Jackson, they're like, they're like they could play professionally, I'm pretty sure. Really? Yeah.

Pull it up. Pretty sure. Apparently, Kate Williams. read 4,000 books a year? Jamie, don't look that up. That's not possible. That's what he said. He's the Will Chamberlain of reading.

Yeah. I loved his Kevin Hart roast segment where he like made up with Kevin Hart. Yeah. I wonder how constructed or genuine that was. I don't think it was, I don't think it could have been. It seems genuine. Really? I don't know.

I don't know. That's why I asked. I don't know. I think his agents like, yeah, this venue could use a bump. Go on, going and roast. Yeah. Go on roast. Look, if you want to make good.

Netflix you gotta make up with Kevin I don't know that there's uh yeah Hollywood beef is so funny I know I love any Hollywood beef what's that do you have any Hollywood beef do I have I bitched about anybody to you Alex just Alex just yeah just mainly me I'm trying to get out of your off your shit list I am no I don't think I have any beef to be on even the people I have argued with on set there have been a couple people that I've gotten into more verbal altercation stuff with twice in like 17 years. If I saw them tomorrow, I would hug the crap out of both of them and we'd be fine. Why do you get into verbal altercations?

It's usually insecurity on the part of a cast member and they're frustrated by something. And then they, I don't know. I know it wasn't my fault either time. That's all I know. Yeah. You never know with some people. People are cool, too. It's just some, you know, you might catch them on a bad day, too.

Yeah. I've had totally cool people still piss me off. Marvelously. What's that? Can ask you about your first big break? Card breaks or like work break? Okay. I'm into sports cards.

Oh, I didn't know that. My first big break was Dustin Lance Black, the guy who wrote milk for Sean Penn. Oh, okay. I showed up to be a background. actor on his film and he gave me an audition for a speaking part and I made like eight grand and moved to Hollywood from Michigan and and then the one where I got to like quit my day job and like actually just act for a living was I was working at flappers and Burbank. Oh shit.

And I was the door guy. I was the door guy and I got the show Kingdom, which we were just talking about. about the director of the weight, the Ethan Hawk movie. He was the editor on this show, Kingdom, and then he ended up directing some episodes. But the show wasn't a massive hit, but it allowed me to quit my day job.

It was on for a long time, wasn't it? It was like 40 episodes over the span of three, four years. I mean, Richard Jewell, I was with my in-laws somewhere. That's an in-law movie. Yeah, we're like, we got to get out of the house. We're about to kill each other. This is brutal. So we went and saw a movie,

and we didn't know what the hell the movie was, but we all just said, let's go see this. Blew us all away. You killed it. Thanks, man. Great movie. Yeah, that's a good one.

That was one of the ones on Letterbox that I got hell for. I gave it like a three and a half out of five and people were like, the hell. What? I'm like, sorry. I think it's a great movie. I love it. So why only three and a half? If you're going to get five out of five stars on Letterbox, to me, that's Shawshank Redemption.

Oh, wow. To me, that's like, jaws. Right. That's a fair. Christmas with the Campbell's. Christmas with Campbell's, really anything. Two girls, one cup, of course. Which Justin Long wears a scarf is going to get fun.

I saw Wolf of Wall Street with my Oh, that's no good. No, no good. It's also a long one, too. Yeah, yeah, you're sitting through a lot of very sexy stuff. Yeah. That movie had some redundant elements for me. I find a lot of toxic male dudes are like, my favorites course has you movie is Wolf of Wall Street.

And I'm just like, cool. Have you seen The King of Comedy? It's exponentially better. Have you seen taxi driver? Oh God, I love Raging Bull. What a cool, crazy movie. I love that his rock bottom is comedian. Yeah, right.

That's his low point. He's like, I'm telling jokes. I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah. That's a great movie. That's true. Well, guys, I know, you know, you were hoping I'd stay the full hour, but I got to bounce. So this has been great.

What? Campbell's is a sequel? You wish. Thank you. Love you, buddy. So, anyway, just to recap, go see Third Man. Yeah Go see third man

Go see it's playing at a second run Cinema Well, sticking around But this was sort of our only chance To catch up So we decided Yeah Good to meet you man

Nice to meet you guys Thanks for letting me crash Oh yeah Oh sure Sure Yeah Good proof you were here Is how these things normally go

Cool Thanks guys Nice to meet you guys Good luck out there Please tell Pete I said hi tonight We're really going to trash you once you leave All right

Typical white guy He has to go open for Ed Shearing Waring shorts he's far too confident Way I know right So yeah First I saw you in I Tanya And then a friend of mine told me to watch

A show Blackbird And I think I watched it in one sitting dude It was You took a fucking risk with that role How's unpacked that I'm curious I mean I just thought the way The voice and the way you approached it

I thought it was like wow This could have been like, this could have been bad. It's the kind of thing you want to take a big swing. Totally. Yeah. You want to make choices when it's that kind of a thing. Do you get nervous when you make a choice like that?

Oh, yeah. Sometimes I'll make a choice on a voice. In day three, I'm like, I don't want to keep doing this. I'm like, you already did it, you dummy. Yeah. Maybe you should have thought about it. I know. Brando and Godfather just that was his choice to talk like that.

Yeah. And they're like, okay. You kind of have to let Brando go And he put shit in his gums And just went for it What the hell is you think? Did you say put shit in your Gums?

We got us in here Oh wow A little sash for those not For those not familiar Is that your vice? Yeah, it's one of a few still I would say my bite or no No, I'm I got five years sober

Next month From pot and alcohol and stuff But I still love eating that's tough. I've lost weight. Pull up a picture of me from like, look up Paul Houser Last Comic Standing. There's a photo of me

auditioning for Last Comic Standing. Wow, you made it that. All right, see, you're from back in the day. You've got TV credits over here. I mean, that's not nothing. See if there's, I think there's a photo of it. Let me put my glasses. Oh, is that you on the left? There is on the left. Oh, my God. Is this the movie

The Wait? That's the Whale. The Whale. This is when I auditioned for the Well, no prosthetics. I thought I'd save the money. That's a funny looking dude, though. But I auditioned, or I was 330 pounds there. I'm currently like 230. Wow. Mausel Toff. How do you shake it off?

That's pre-Ozempic, baby. A lot. Really, it really was. A lot of it is common sense, like just stop fucking piles of food. But after that, I met Diamond Dallas Pages at Ressler we brought up earlier. and I stayed with him for seven weeks. You did the yoga? He helped me take, yeah, yoga and healthy eating and airminton fasting, and he helped me take off 40 pounds for Blackbird.

So Blackbird, I was 286 when I got the roll. I was 246 when I shot it. Whoa. So the last 15 pounds have literally been some Zepbound and me. So DDP just has people live with him. He just says, like, come stay with me and I'll put you on a program. He's solicitous sometimes to a fault. But the cool thing is he's converted.

so many people. That's amazing. Literally saved lives. People that doctors and chiropractors are like, you're never going to walk in. Wow. They're walking and standing. Geez, he went the opposite of Hulk Hogan.

Hulk Hogan's out of saying the N-word and begging ladies, and this guy went full of yoga. Yeah, he kind of went the other way with it. Oh, I love this. Yeah, I've seen this place. Things that's ever happened on a movie. Malcovich, the fact that he was even going to come to do this movie, for months, we're waiting for John Malcovich to get there. I mean, it's a big deal.

You have my money? When he finally shows up, he gets there and we do the first take, and John goes, If you don't have my money, then you are mine. And I'm sitting across the table from like, I'm sorry, what did you just say? And the crew bursts into applause. They're cheering. They're like, wow, amazing, amazing. And I'm looking at him, and I guess he sees me looking at it.

And he leans across the table, and I lean in, and he looks at me. He goes, I'm a terrible actor. Whoa. And do that work because he's so good, but there's going to be one actor who's like, I'm going to do a Chinese voice for this role. And it's really going to backfire. You know it. That would be hilarious.

I worked with Damon really cool. Like, he's who you hope he is. Yeah. One of those. Which one was that? Instigators. It's a Apple. It's a crime.

comedy on Apple. But Damon was dope, dude. And I haven't worked with John Malkovich, but we were in the makeup trailer together on Fantastic Four. He ended up getting cut from the whole film, which is insane to me. I don't know how that happens. Wow. But I'm dying to work with him again because I think he's so good, man. He's the man. And he loves movies. You can tell he's obsessed with movies. Mice and Men, remember that? Oh, geez. How good is he in that? He's always good. I remember that, yeah. In the line of fire? He's a lot. a psycho. He's crazy in that one. The air gun?

Yeah, I really fear him in that movie. He scares me. What's the one? Courage under fire? What's the one where he lost crazy weight? He got super skinny. He's talking about it. Oh, that was Damon. Damon lost all the way for courage under fire. Yeah, sorry. Forgive me. I was mentioning Malcovich. Oh, Malchich. Oh, Malchich. But Damon, yeah, Damon lost a lot of weight. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's, dude, he's great. Anytime talented Mr. Ripley's on, it's like, I watch it all the way through.

Perfect movie, man. It's one of those. Yeah. Yeah. So good. That's probably a five out of five for me. I love it. It's also looks awesome.

Like just the scenery is so cool. Right. Philip Seymour Hoffman shows up. I think it was it Italy? It was those steps. It was the Spanish steps. It was Rome, I think. Yeah. That's a room. Man, do I love Phil Hoffman? I watched that one with my in-laws. Wow. I couldn't finish that one.

I tried. Really? When Dylan, is it Dylan Walsh? The character actor is like attracted to his... Dylan Baker. Dylan Baker, that's it. Dylan Baker. When Dylan Baker says that thing to his son, I'm like, I'm out.

God bless them. God bless them. They're creative, brilliant, creatively brilliant, but I can't do it. And you've got three kids, right? That was before I had kids. Oh, boy. It's a dark movie. I was like, I can't do it.

But it's all so fucking hilarious. Yeah, no. Some stuff is admittedly brilliant, but I just, like, my palate fails amidst whatever perversity is being, you know, presented. I had a similar thing with Hereditary. I was enjoying it, but by the end of Hereditary, I walked out of the theater with like two minutes ago. I'm like, can't do it. Oh, you're right there. God bless it.

Can't do it. Damn. That's how I felt with Casey Rocket. I was like, this is brilliant, but it's bothering me. But you... Not your cup of Earl Gray. No, he's a funny kid. But we're about the same age.

And you got to be in Naked Gun. The remake. That's insane. And it was good. Thank God. That was a risk. Doug and Dan are really good writers. I just accidentally did a Donald Trump.

That was a risk. Wasn't sure if Akiva would pull it off. It's good to see a comedy in the theater, too. That was like... Oh, it's been a while. And it killed it. I know. Doug and Dan,

the writers really, we don't win without them. That was crucial that the pages worked. And then the other, you know, the production design team and the props team, like, everybody really pitched in to make those visual jokes work too. Yeah, yeah. I love when the, when they're watching the crane machine and the car falls. Yeah. So good. I love the list of all the coffees, you know, to go coffee every scene. So good. Man, that was, because I'm a naked gun lunatic. I grew up on it. They're wonderful. I used to write Naked Gun fan fiction when I was like 12.

Oh, man. Yeah, any Zucker. I was a Zucker's sucker. Yeah, airplane was a big one for us. Unreal. You got to see boobs and it was funny. I think Karimabar Gis to be funny. That was like, I feel like that was like maybe new that athletes were just throwing movies being funny.

I don't remember it much before that. I think the 80s kind of did that, the 70s, 80s, the longest yard. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And an airplane. And there were a couple where it was like, suddenly you started seeing athletes stunt casted, which is OJ was Nordberg. God damn. He was great in it, too. He really was. I told them we were shooting the OJ joke and the new naked gun.

Yes. The kid, stop trying to talk to his father and he just looked at the camera and goes. Right, right. I told Akiva, after we wrap that scene, I said, if that doesn't make the movie, like, this thing goes under. because to me, right there, if you're not willing to do the best joke because you're afraid of offending people, you will ruin this movie. I agree. That was in the trailer.

And it ended up in the trailer. I was like, well played. Well played, Paramount. Well played. Hell yeah. It is a little bummer. I mean, it was a great well-written movie, but it sucks that. I don't know if a, do you think an independent comedy would have blown up that much?

Because it did good numbers at the box office. It did pretty well. I think it was like 104? Wow. In today's age of comedy? Worldwide. Worldwide. But that's still wild.

Yeah, nowadays a rom-com is usually the only type of comedy that can really make money. You know, the Glenn Powell, Sydney-Sweeney movie. Oh, yeah. Anyone but you, I think it's called. Yes. That did gangbusters. Really? Wow, I didn't know that.

Serious money. You couldn't pay me to watch that. I see that cover it. I'm like, I'm good. Yeah, it's not for us. It's not for us. Is there anything you were in that you were like, this is going to be huge and it just... Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff.

What's one that you thought was going to be a big one? Well, my first movie had Ed Harris and Jennifer Connolly, now Oscar winner, Amy Madigan from Weapons. Wow. She killed it. We had killers on this first movie I did, and it just ended up with Look Up the Rotten Tomato Meter for Virginia. It's called starring Jennifer Connolly. I had a great time in the movie. It was like I was so spoiled working with like genius actors on my first thing to let me improvise.

I'm in my home state of Michigan, like, way overly idealistic. But then we went to TIF, the Toronto Film Festival, and we got eaten alive by the critics. 11. Whoa. That's tough. That's worse than the Campbell's. That was hard, man. That was difficult.

And then, like, there are some movies that I truly, I'm passionate about Americana, which I did was Simon Rex. Oh, we love Simon. The late Eric Dane, Sidney Sweeney. Oh, wow. Another one is, Deliver Me From Nowhere, the Bruce Springsteen movie I did with Scott Cooper. I think those are brilliant movies.

I love those movies, and I'm crazy proud of them, but they just didn't hit. Do you think it didn't hit the Springsteen one because it came out right after the Bob Dylan one? I think it had less to do with that and more the tonality of the fact that it wasn't like, if it were a movie where it's like,

his bandmates put a cherry bomb and the toilet on the bus. I think if we had more fun, it might have done better. But it was really about a personal journey Bruce factually went through. The Depression. Yeah, right before he ended up making,

arguably, I think it's his biggest album. It has to be, right, born the USA? I guess, yeah. Yeah. It's got to be. Born to Run. But, yeah, I enjoyed it, but I like Bruce.

But yeah, it was a slow, sad movie. But it was good. I mean, what's the guy, the kid, the main guy? A Jeremy. Jeremy Allen White. He was great in it. He's always good.

And he's a 5'7 guy, which I like. Props to all the less than 6 foot actors in Hollywood. Yeah. I see you. I am you. Exactly. I think I'm 5'8. Most actors are short, right?

Tom Cruise. Al Pacino's 5, 6, 5, 7. Dustin Hoffman's tiny. Radcliffe is 5-5 or 5-6? No way. He hides it well. He's a fucking little guy. He's a tiny one, Radcliffe.

Any good Hollywood stories that were not for every two, like a room used and a park? Nope. That was not even worth the leg. That was bad. Bad lift. Sorry. That was kind of like one of those movies I was talking about.

I got really amped up and then nothing. Thought it was going to take off. That was my Virginia. I would say I was in a group text at one point with a bunch of cool guys and it kind of fizzled out. But it was like, Sam Rockwell has a habit of like if he's buddies with you, he'll just introduce you to all his friends. Oh, cool. And I was in a group text with him.

It was like Rockwell, Justin Long, Vince Vaughn, Bill Burr, and Peter Billingsley. Jesus. I was like, it was the most fun group text. And I was like so giddy when they'd like, we'd be like ping ponging jokes back and forth. And then it just, I think it fizzled out during COVID or something. Damn. Is there a side text chain from that? Or you're like, it's just me, long.

No, no side text from that. But currently, I'm trying to think, like, if I was in a, you said, oh, I know, I went to the SNL 50-year anniversary concert at Rock. 30 Rock? Yeah, but what is the big, like, Radio City Music. Oh, yeah. I went to that with my wife, like a year ago or more, and that was crazy. Who was on that? It was nuts.

Did you ever audition for SNL? Never, no. I'm attached to play Farley, and I'm. movie that's frozen at Warner Brothers. Oh, I mean, that's insane. Were you a huge Farley guy? Oh, yeah, still am. I still think, like, nobody touches Farley to be.

No, physical comedy. If I had, like, my Mount Rushmore of SNL, it would probably be Farley and Farrell at the top. Yeah. And then the other two would likely be probably Kristen Whig and maybe

Bill Hader. Wow. That's a good group. Yeah. I like Jan Hooks Now Jan Hooks was great Dana Carvey dude Phil Hartman Danny Phil

Eddie Murphy Tracy Morgan doesn't get enough credit Tracy was hysterical He's always funny Love Parnell and Armisen I'm a big I'm a big Fred Armisen Chris Parnell guy

Yeah I heard that Chris Farley before he died I don't know if it's true But was supposed to play Faddy Arbuckle He was I heard that I mean that David Mamet wrote the script What god

Farley died died shortly after and then Mamet had lunch with me in Santa Monica in 2017 after I Tanya came out, or 2018. And did you say like I could do this? He offered it to me. It was called Will Be Good. That was like the name that Arbuckle went under after he got canceled. Right.

At the end of the meeting, it was like, Mamet was like, so, do you know anybody who has money? I'm like, no. It's a great story, though. I think I could shoot it for 10 to 15 mil, and I'm like, I don't know how we're going to get it made because Mamet was like Hollywood canceled. Arbuckle story is about a guy who got canceled for something that wasn't fully proven. Right. And then I'm me, I'm like a cutting character actor.

I can't like get us a ton of money. Right. Didn't happen. So would you put the weight back on if this was greenlit? Would not put the weight back on per se? I guess I would put weight on, but it would be, I would get a dietitian and a trainer to get me in Farley weight because the thing about Farley that people don't realize

is he was an athlete. Right. Football and he could run like a mofo for a big guy and rugby. So like it would be meat and potatoes lineman weight, not like fat ass giving me the bread basket weight. Yeah, it's like girth and math. Which is what I'm used to. Cheddar Bay Biscuits, red lobster.

Let's all take our pants off. That our buckle thing though, but it was like goddamn Mamet, that would have been fucking great. I know. I know. I still keep in touch with Mammit. He's He's a cool guy, and he's still doing stuff to this day. I'd love to do something with him. Hi, Paul. How are you?

He's really into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Really? Yeah, he's been doing it for, like, decades. Damn, that's that guy whispered in your ear. He's just an interesting guy. There were a couple things I passed on, too, that I got offered. I got offered Sam Kinnison. Whoa.

I got offered Rob Ford. Oh, now we're back. We're bad. There it is. Hey, can guys just be guys? is. That's a blackbird level fart. That was a good fart.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I don't know if it's getting the Oscar, but you're at the Globes. Yeah. That was nice, dude. Check that out on Boy Talk, his podcast. Oh, my God. The Fart Meter.

This podcast is insane. I hope people actually watch it. It's, um, we're trying to satirize toxic masculinity. And I play the aggressor, the high status psycho guy. And Julian Sergi, my co-host plays, like, the low status sort of like, arrested development guy. Oh, okay. And we interviewed Blake Griffin, Teddy Swims,

Rob Rausch from Traders, Becky Lynch from WWE. I love Becky Lynch. We had a crazy roster of really cool people. Nice. But that's out right now on YouTube, and then Instagram, we're throwing up on social all the clips.

And it's just, dude, it's really fun and irreverent. And, like, I think a little bit different than what's out there. Because, like, a lot of people are really funny, but they're usually playing themselves, We're playing like fake version. Yeah, sure. It's that Andrew Tate kind of rip off or spoof?

We're goofing on Andrew Tate, Patrick Bet David, just certain guys who probably aren't fully aware how wayward they are. They tell you to level up. But they might be trafficking people. That's what I'm saying. Weird yin and yang. That's what I'm saying. Hey, we're just trying to, I'm an entrepreneur.

Also, I might have broken seven laws last year. None of which are about my taxes. So, no, I think masculinity is in a weird place. Like I use the word toxic. I add that adjective because anything can be toxic, dude. People get so riled up if you say toxic masculinity. It's like, dude, masculinity and femininity, you're fine. Yeah.

But anything can be toxic. Christians can be toxic. Sure. Buddhist could be toxic. Like, it's not one group of people. It's just when you become extreme and unreasonable and fucking weird. I call you toxic, yeah. Yeah, that's fair.

People can be assholes. Some people are assholes, no matter what group. I want to hear the other shit you passed on because you said Kinnison. Oh, yeah. I want to hear what else you turned down. I turned down Rob Ford, the mayor who spoke crack in Toronto. The Canadian Hunter Biden. The writing was good.

The director was good. It wasn't like anything wasn't good. It was just like, how many real life, like, dead fat dudes am I going to play? Yeah, good point. I've already done quite a few, and I feel like I got a different. That was part of the weight loss too is like I'd love to get down to 215 or 200 and just see Because like when Seth Rogan lost weight it seemed like he started to do different stuff and he's at a way bigger level than me of fame and success and stuff but I just think there's probably more out out there for me if I lost weight

Right you don't be type 2 casts nice thank you I liked it all right I liked it I was debating on saying diabetes but like you got it Diabetes, I don't have it. No, you know, you don't have it. How dare you infer that? No, yeah, my dad's got diabetes. I've always been afraid of it. Oh, shit. It's coming for me.

Resident Evil, we're giving love to Resident Evil here. Sorry, I'm like following the prompter here on the screen. Well, we want to give you a plug here. I appreciate it. Yeah, how do you feel about this one? I never played the games or saw the Milo Jovovich films that preceded it, but... They're fun. When I heard Craig, Zach Krieger was directing and writing,

and when I heard Austin Abrams, who I saw in Weapons, the Kreger movie before this, when I heard he was doing it, I was like, dude, like, maybe this movie doesn't do well, but if it's going to do well, it would be in the hands of those types of people. Right, right. They must. I don't know if they adapted it or shot it initially. I don't know those specs, but yeah, I saw it Tuesday night a couple days ago, and, dude, it's awesome.

Hell yeah. There's so many, like, physical gags and funny moments that literally play. like it's almost like home alone meets like freaking 28 days later. Damn. That's a weird combo right there. Yeah, zombies getting hit. Such a good movie. I think it is.

We'll see what. I mean, the critics do too. What do we add on Rotten Tomatoes? Go back to the tomato meter. This is nerve-wracking here. How nerve-wracking is this tomato meter every time you make a movie? It's tomatoes. It can be very acidic.

Whoa, 96. Maybe. Let's see. It was an infographic. Ninety-six. 36% Wow. Not to a shabby.

Gregor, please. Barbarian weapons, white as kids you know. Come on. Cool. I got to ask, what's harder? Stand up or acting?

Stand up 100%. Yeah. I just need to get that in writing. You got his clip. No, I literally, and I have the utmost respect for stand-up comics. I pitch them for movie roles

all the time. I DM with them on IG Even if I haven't met them And I'm just a mega fan I'll comment and then talk to them And I just Yeah, I'm enamored with that world And I still secretly like

Want to not get back into it classically But like I would love to The way Bill Murray made a Christmas special on Netflix I would love to do like a silly taped special With some live elements I think that'd be awesome Hell yeah, I love that Oh shit all right

I guess you got five more minutes You got five minutes He's killing it All right. We're good. All right. Yeah, we wrote a movie. We're getting,

they were shooting. Hopefully soon, yeah. What's it about? Can you reveal the log line? The log lines is just two failing liquor salesmen and we just keep digging a deeper hole for ourselves. But we have our own whiskey, Bordaga Cat, and it's about two guys who are liquor salesmen. When I did drink, my go-to was whiskey, mostly scotch.

But I, but I, you know, to this day, there's just something like romantic about whiskey, isn't there? Totally. It's the old movies. Just on the rocks Maybe a little soda Occasionally in Manhattan I'll do a little sweet Verminth in there

But Manhattan's great I was an old-fashioned guy But I often drank scotch With like one sexy Like big ice cube I love that In the winter dude Fuck

With a cigar It hits I know It hits So I'm excited for you guys Do you know the title yet Right now it's we might Liquor I hardly know her But we've

We lost our director We were gonna film it In October It was all set to be We got the fun It's often a blessing in disguise It means something's waiting in the wings We got a guy we really like

And you've heard of We'll bleep his name I think we got Yeah So we're hoping that deal closes But we'll see Can't believe you got Oliver Stone Doesn't seem like his vibe

It's a three and a half hour courtroom drama About us drinking Yeah Are you familiar with Brown versus Board of education. Dude, that's tremendous. I know Theo Vaughn and David Spade made a movie. I haven't seen it yet.

I think it's on Hulu now, but I want to watch it just because that whole DIY filmmaking, it's really inspiring, man. Hell yeah. I like when people do that. I mean, yeah, they used to be around. It's like Tarantino started that way or Rodriguez or my big fat Greek wedding. Cohen brothers, I think. Coen brothers and Sam Ramey both got their start in the early to mid-80s, and it was like,

back then they were taking money from local dentists and doctors and family members it's cool to watch even like something like mean streets and you're like oh scorsesey wasn't scorcacy yet but you see yes you see that like those certain scenes like that one that long shot of of the bar and the stones are playing and you're like holy shit this is so the red lights it looks so cool can i give even a slight piece of advice please please um make sure everybody's making the same movie because of the comedy tonality like you both mentioned it Tonya i think like that's a movie where the tonality the tone of the movie is so succinct that it ends up just singing better when it when it's watched and i think like just make sure department heads

actors that everybody's playing by your playbook that's a great we're going for twin peaks right yeah yeah no you're right i think that's we got it we got to we got to definitely do that but I think the script is fun man I think you guys are playing the two guys yeah yeah that's exciting have you got forgive me for not knowing but have you guys acted before in TV not really little tiny little tiny stuff not a great actor failed every audition he's better than he thinks he is he's done reads and but like you could say that about norm McDonald might have said that about himself but dirty works one of my favorite movies so fun and we're playing basically ourselves yeah yeah no it's safe I have a theory everybody can act we just don't know to what level of

versatility. Right. But like everybody can nail one or two characters like really well pending who they are. G7.

If you like Pinya colladas. Hey, why do you get a pool cue? Wow. There's the Saigon whore that bit my nose off. Oh,

that movie's insane. That cast, John Goodman, Don Rickles, Chevy Chase. John Goodman? Hardy Lang. Who's John Goodman? Dirty one.

Chevy Chase is it? John Goodman has a cameo opens up the opera for Christopher McDonald. Oh shit, I don't remember that either. Artie Lang, dude. Yeah, yeah. Did you see Artie Lang on crashing the Pete Holmes? She's amazing. Artie deserved a trophy

for that. Amazing. I thought he was incredible. We love Artie, dude. I get that he's playing himself, but still, it's like... Well, it's like Stanhope on Louis. It's like he still nailed it. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, that's fun to see. I like when that happens. I know.

So a little, by the way, Mark had air transplant surgery two weeks ago. Congrats. That's why it's so short here. But it looks good. I literally didn't think twice when looking at it, so that's good.

Thanks for breaking it up. I desperately want to get hair transplant surgery at some point. All right, I can give you a guy. He's in New York if you want. No, no pressure. Don't have to go to Turkey? No, no turkey.

Up by the Guggenheim. I got my teeth fix. I got the veneers. Now I've got to get the hair and lose the weight. You lost a lot of weight, dude. Kidnapping people. Damn, that's...

I got to stop. There's no. for that. I don't kidnap kids. I know it's called kidnapping. Adult mapping, I guess. It's not as bad. I need to quit doing it. It's not good for the soul. But yeah, check out Resident Evil and Boy Talk. I got a little voiceover gig on the new season of President Curtis on HBO Max. That'll come out next year, I believe. All right. Have you made it? In acting, can it all go away? You know, or like, it can all go away? But he's made it.

You've made it. He's won an Emmy, dude. An Emmy. I mean, come on. I've made it in the sense that, like, I can work forever and life is awesome, but selfishly, I'll always be chasing. Yeah. An Oscar, I'll always be chasing, directing my own movie. I'll always be chasing selling a script.

And I want to level up, whatever that looks like. Health, intellect. Fame would be nice, not because I need to get into a restaurant for, you know, quicker. it's more like fame allows you to do other things, whether it's working with a nonprofit and helping them, or whether it's making more money, or whether it's getting a better script. Yeah, or an island with teenagers.

Who knows? Where does it end? That's not just saying that's money. I just wore the Zoro Ranch pin at the rest of the people premiere. You can look it up. I wore the coordinates to Zoro Ranch on a pin. Well, you're a hell of an actor, man. I mean, I really beat it.

So you're happy to see your success. I remember after senior night time, I was like, man, I hope that guy, like, has a great career because that was, yeah, that was, yeah, very cool. And I'm John Aragnostic. I'm trying to do stuff. So, like, YouTube satire talk show and horror film and voiceover on President Curtis. And like, I'm just kind of whatever I'm a fan of, which is everything. That's when you really made it. You can do what you want to do. You can pick your roles and pick your gigs. Totally. Well, it was great to meet you, though, dude. This was really fun. Thanks, Paul. Get back on it, yeah.

Yeah, give me relapsing at the tail end of this. I just, honey, I wanted clicks. I wanted. Oh, I'm in, uh, I'm, well, yeah, I'm in Los Angeles. Just one night at the Hollywood Improv. Just added it because I'm going to be there next week doing some promo stuff from my special on Netflix, which comes out September 29th. I hope you guys all watch it.

It's called Incorrect. Then I'll be in American Comedy Co. We added a show there. Maybe we'll add another one, September 24th through 26th. We got Phoenix, Arizona, November 13th through 15th. The following weekend, we're in the Pittsburgh Improv. And then December, let's just go to December. We got hilarities in Cleveland, December 3rd through 5th, Madison, Wisconsin, December 10th through 12th.

And Timonium, Maryland, December 17th through 19th. Then we got like Miami, West Palm, all that kind of shit. That's plenty far ahead. You got Jacksonville. Yeah, I'm doing Calgary. Oh, they're excited for you. I was just there. They're pumped.

Calgary, yeah. I'm doing it all over. So yeah, you'll see me. Samarale.com slash, or just go to Punchup. Punchup. Punchup. Live slash Samarrel. Punchup.

com slash Mark, where are you going to be? Hey, hey, Minneapolis. We added the show. So working on this new hour, folks. It's coming together. Come see that porn bit. And then I'm at the Comedy Works in Denver, one of the great clubs. Madison, one of the all-time.

These are top five clubs here. Classic. Portland Helium. That's a fun room as well. San Jose. Boy, that needs help. Please. Come on out.

You crazy kids. Big Room, Tough Town, Crypto, whatever, Asians, Mexicans, we'd love to have you. Cap City. That'll do it.

San Jose Improv, sorry. I would go out as far as as I say, Mexicans, the best comedy crowd. Really? I think Mexicans, I go to San Antonio. They are great there.

I crush with these guys. Come on out. Atlantic City at the Tropicana, Cap City Comedy Club, Comedy's owned in Charlotte, and a round-off the year, Foxwoods. Come on out. Then we're off in 2027, the mothership and Verona at the event center, New York's Turning Stone Casino, and then back in Pittsburgh. And yeah, punchup.

Live slash Mark Norman, punt up. Live slash Samarrel. Get bodega cat whiskey. We're making moves. We're popping up in more and more clubs. Shout out to the team. Everyone out there crushing for Bodeca Cat. Yes. Message bodega Cat. on Instagram if you want. And we're in Chicago now. We're in Illinois. So hit us up about that. Yeah.

California. Yeah, California, Texas, Florida, Louisiana, you name it. New York. You guys are the best. We'll see you next week. Thank you, guest. Sunday's a day from my Jews close. I've had a little shit about the fucking Pope and Rose.

I'm out to lunch here in New York.