We Might Be Drunk - Trevor Wallace & Michael Blaustein w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Mark and Sam are joined by the guys from Stiff Socks, Michael Blaustein and Trevor Wallace. Talking about road comedy, bombing on stage, freezing eggs, paintball, cybertrucks, cold plunges, old cars, ...weird hotel stories, and way too much discussion about jerking off etiquette. Plus, Trevor and Michael talk life in LA vs New York, dating, touring, and the strange things comedians do to stay sane. Sponsored by: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/drunk Text DRUNK to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://quo.com/WMBD Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Trevor Wallace: https://www.trevorwallacecomedy.com Michael Blaustein: https://www.blaucomedy.com Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #TrevorWallace #MichaelBlaustein #StiffSocks #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:06 Eggs at this hour? Eh, I like eggs. I like eggs, too. What's wrong with eggs in the afternoon? Are we starting on that? Yeah, let's go. Yeah, all right, eggs. I like an egg in the afternoon.
Starting point is 00:00:17 Hell yeah. Freeze your eggs. Yeah? No. Anybody freezing their eggs is... In trouble? Well, they're... It might be a career gal.
Starting point is 00:00:27 They're not excited. They're not excited? I don't think so. What does that mean? I think they're like, uh, let me shelf this. Literally. They're shelving it. They're shelving it, yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Otherwise, you know, you'd want to get pounded and jizzed in. Yeah, but some people have demanding jobs. That's true. What if we're talking like a road comic, a female road comic? Maybe she's not ready. All right. All right. Good point, but we know a lot of female comics with kids.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Yeah. Who didn't it freeze? True. I'm just saying if you freeze, I think that you're more likely to go, ah, you know what, screw it. So you're saying freeze, never good. Oh? I'm saying. Cops.
Starting point is 00:01:04 They say freeze. You're in trouble? I'm doing it I'm doing Seinfeld now Mr. Freeze Chill out Cool down Yeah but you might have just pissed off For two female listeners
Starting point is 00:01:15 You might have upset them I just know a lot of people Frozen and then they never did anything with it Yeah but then what's the harm in it? No harm It's like it's like hoarding but for It's hoarding So there is a debate on whether or not
Starting point is 00:01:29 Frozen Eggs you can destroy them Is that an abortion? Is it a life? It's like definitely a step before the abortion. I don't think it's an abortion. No, because it's a, I believe they're fertilized eggs if you have the man. Ooh. Yeah. Oh. So it's actually
Starting point is 00:01:43 technically a kid to some people. Is that right? So you bring jizz in and they put it in the egg? Yes. Wow! That's a fun little science experiment. See, I'm so stupid, I thought you freeze the egg and you put the jizz in later. I believe you could do both. But if like, what's her name?
Starting point is 00:01:59 Vigera from Sophia Vigara. Yeah, she did that. She had children, I guess babies are embryos that were disseminated on ice they got a divorce and there was a custody battle for those eggs whoa damn that's a hell of an easter I don't know I don't know one I'll look up
Starting point is 00:02:16 wow you see she she knew that should have been a modern family that's even more progressive than the gay couple that's very modern that was a big deal remember they were like two gay guys yeah yeah Will and Grace don't get me starting oh that's true yeah Norma that great joke he's like we're all deeply homophobic because every time Will's like I have a hot date tonight the crowd
Starting point is 00:02:35 laughs. It's like, why aren't we like? He's a gay guy who's dating a man. Why is that funny? I don't think I've ever seen the show. It was fine. It was, you know, very 90s, laugh track, studio audience.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Yeah. It was just a million gay jokes. What are you pulling up here? So, Sophia won the long-running legal battle over her frozen embryos against her ex-fiancee, Nick Loeb. I think that's fair because the eggs are harder to come by, no pun intended, than Jizz.
Starting point is 00:03:00 Jizz is everywhere. I'm avoiding Jizz all day long in the subway. Yeah, eggs. It costs so much. Freeze. Jizz. You fucking, we're throwing it out constantly. Tissue, socks. Speaking of our guest today. Stip socks. Oh, there you go. It's all jizz-based.
Starting point is 00:03:16 That was the whole, remember putting the sock in the door? Oh, yeah. That was the whole thing. You put on the door, don't come in. Meaning, hey, dad, back off? Well, you don't do it if you're, like, a roommate. Oh, oh, oh, got it. If your dad's that fucking cool. Dad's, like, mow the lawn, you're like, I'm jacking off.
Starting point is 00:03:33 I'm tugging. It's like a do not disturb for losers. Yeah. We're just talking jazz. We're in the middle of the gin stuff. Where are we going? It doesn't matter. Hey, how are you going to do? Sit down, you big quefs.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Oh, a little espresso. I like it. We're debating. Did you guys put a sock on your door when you jerked off when you had roommates? No. I didn't plan ahead. It may have been more of a movie thing. That's kind of a trope thing, yeah. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Just checking. Wouldn't you just lock your door? Not every door is a lock. Hmm. Jope. Tell that to Matt Lauer. You couldn't lock your door? I remember in the fraternity we had bunk beds and we put shower curtains over our bed.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Uh-huh. And so whatever happened, that was like the do not disturb was a shower curtain. Yeah. Over the bed. And it was like everybody knew, but nobody was saying anything. Because you could feel the jiggle of a jerk. You're hoping for it, you know, a little Mormon-soaked tug action, you know? Sure, yes.
Starting point is 00:04:31 If Eric up top is jerking hard enough, you get a little motion in the ocean. It's like the quarter at the hotel, you know. now we're just doing old movies I'm not the premise of the show is the whole movie Yeah listen see we should have sent you the transcript This is old movie talk You guys were doing the sock in the door no
Starting point is 00:04:50 I know I just like jerk off maybe a couple times Yeah you're quick The amount of time it would take me to put a sock on I'd be done But wasn't it not a sock wasn't it like a necktie? Wasn't it like a necktie? That's getting laid Yeah that's a boarding school maybe Yeah And it was a fedora if you're
Starting point is 00:05:06 We're getting pegged. I don't think you'd want it. College feels very like you'd want to brag. Like you'd want to like, even if you weren't fucking, you'd put a tie on it. That's a good point. They open the door, you're just crying in there. I'm coming out of my eyes. I didn't even own a tie in college, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:05:25 I don't think I did either. I don't know if I own a tie now. You are a tie. Well, I have two ties. I had to go to a funeral recently, and I looked at my two ties. I've one with polka dots. I'm like, I can't wear that one. It's too cheerful.
Starting point is 00:05:34 You can't wear a polka dot. And the other one was like a skinny tie. I'm like, what? I think it was like in the reservoir dogs? What am I doing here? Oh, do you end up doing? I did no tie. No tie. You can't go that casual to a, what, to a funeral. No tie, Hawaiian shirt and, uh, no, no.
Starting point is 00:05:49 His dad is a deadbeat, so no tie is appropriate. Was it your dad? No, no. Oh, who was it? Who was a family member? Yeah, I didn't mean to bring the mood down. But if it's family, then they're like, oh, that's Sam he were doing. Oh, this is our prop.
Starting point is 00:06:04 This is our cropped. This is our plant. He's our prop guy. You can tell by the outfit. Let's see what we do. Let's see. I mean, it's pretty basic. I'm not good at this.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Why, you're going no look. Okay, here we're going on. You got it. Oh, yeah, yeah. You nailed it. Oh, yeah. You know, there's like... That's the guy who's done a corporate gig once or twice.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Oh, yeah, or a brisk. How's it? Not bad. Not bad. I mean, honestly, it's pretty good. You know, I might have gone too long on the tail here. Avrilavine looks terrible. Why do we have a tie?
Starting point is 00:06:32 I have no idea. You have a tie here? I love a tie here. What was this? This water? That's some seltzer for you. Watch out for my egg wrap. I didn't finish it.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Still would be great. Your egg wrap is just there, huh? I'm letting it get some air. It's looking rough. I'll finish it when you guys leave. Between shows. Are these tits? Yes.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Nice. Okay. And what's the story behind these? Well, apparently, Trey Park from South Park's wife sent these to us. Yeah. I don't know why. I think we've talked about how much we love South Park a lot. And tits.
Starting point is 00:07:05 And tits. Yeah. There's another pair right there. Oh, wow. Those are Christy Noem's husbands. Hey. So these were just sent as what? Just kind of like thinking about you?
Starting point is 00:07:15 Yeah. So what do you buy these? Can you just buy them anywhere online? Yeah, I'm sure. They're great stress relievers. You squeeze them. It does feel like kind of like the ADHD, like fidget toy era type thing. Like you can give this to a kid's stem down.
Starting point is 00:07:27 He'd be all right. But these feel much softer than the real fake kids. You felt the fake breasts, but I've never felt a door coat on. These are nice. That's what I'm saying. It feels fidgety. Oh, yeah. What we got?
Starting point is 00:07:42 That's a regular water if you want it. Okay, now here we go. Hey, now you got a dick and a boob. So what's going on, fellas? How are we doing? You guys are on the road more than anybody I know. I've been off it for a minute. Really?
Starting point is 00:07:52 You guys go pretty hard, don't you? We go pretty hard, but not like you, Jen's in the middle of it. I feel like you don't see New York for like months at a time. No. We go on the weekends. We come back in the week. Okay. Well, what I'm seeing, I feel like you guys don't see New York for fucking months.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Well, you guys are doing the road out of LA, which is so much harder. It sucks. Oh, it just because all the days from this time change. Yeah, going to Columbus, Ohio. You probably got to leave a day early, right? I mean, leave it early, and then we wake up at 2 p.m., and then, like, cool, sound checks in 13 minutes. It's awful. Oh, yeah, that's a...
Starting point is 00:08:21 I don't do sound check. I don't either. I just figure if someone's going to eat it with the mic, it's going to be my opener, and they'll figure it out by then. Wait, oh, so they just fuck it up when your opener's on? Yeah, I'm like, it's me and Gary Veter. Like, we both talk like this. I figure it'll be... How early do you get to the...
Starting point is 00:08:37 place. But you haven't done some of those shit holes like minglewood hall and you're just like the lighting is awful and you're just like, you're like, thank God I got here to adjust a little bit or you're like what it is. Yeah, but what kind of aesthetic do I have as a comic? I don't know what it should look like. Oh, it almost looks better for you if it is bad lighting. You're saying. I mean, I have a tour guy go in there and do it for me. Don't you have the same thing, right? Yeah, I just have a guy. They have comics all the time. I go
Starting point is 00:08:59 do what you did for the last guy. That's it. Yeah. Like, Nate Jackson, you see the whole crowd. Like, fuck. No, yeah. I told I want a dim though. Sound normal dim light Oh yeah I don't want to see the crowd's faces No god Right so that's where I go into check for Because he likes to see the crowd
Starting point is 00:09:13 I like I'm the opposite I need to see like the first five rows I like to tell you Because I One I fuck around with them And then two it's it like oddly centers me If I can look at their faces As opposed to just staring into middle distance
Starting point is 00:09:26 I don't know what's happening And then I have so much ADD That if I'm looking at the darkness Almost all of a sudden my brain goes man Ace Ventura was a good movie And I'm like fuck to it But if I'm looking at somebody It locks me in.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Yeah, I hear you. See, do you ever have a thing where you're killing in a dark theater? And you're like, man, I'm killing. And then you look down at one guy and then you look at another guy and you're like, none of them are laughing. But I'm getting booming pops. But then you're like, I see no one going, you know, they're just going like. You're zoning on the bad one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:56 That's why I like it dark because the one person folding their arms is all think about the whole show. Same. Remember Marin used to have a bit like way back in the day that he was doing this gig and he's killing and there's this one guy in the front. and there's this one guy in the front row and like a biker-looking guy who just looked furious and after the show he goes, hey man, you like the show?
Starting point is 00:10:11 And the guy was like, yeah, it was great. And he was like, oh shit, that means that guy lives in my head. The guy who hates this shit, the guy who's like, but not everyone has a good time by just going like nuts. I know people who like don't really laugh. Right.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Sure. You're funny for those opposite. They're like laughing a lot. Like, that fucking sucked. I'm probably how much I hated you. I kind of like seeing someone not having fun Really? Yeah, because it gives me something to do. Oh.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Because then I just start yelling jokes. Interesting. Wow. And I'm like, I will fucking break you. You go one by one. Yeah, but once I break them, then I let the audience know, I go, this guy fucking doesn't like me. He doesn't laugh. What's going to make you laugh?
Starting point is 00:10:49 What do you want to talk about? And he said, you know what makes it, makes it kind of fun. It gets me out of my stupid. I don't know what someone's going. The guy might be going through, like, he may get diagnosed with like stage four cancer. Yeah, then we got a crowd work clip. Stage four cancer. I can use that.
Starting point is 00:11:03 That's good stuff. Keep going. How much longer do you have left? Right. We only got 15, too. All right. We'll time it perfectly. Can you start lighting his life?
Starting point is 00:11:12 Right, it's curtains for you. So wait, you guys are at the improv. Yeah, we did the new Brooklyn Improv last night. It's pretty good. I did it last week. This is in Brooklyn? Yeah, brand new in the middle of nowhere. Where in Brooklyn is it?
Starting point is 00:11:24 Williamsburg. Right next to Huxon Hotel? Yeah. It's a cool room. It's a seat 200, got an upstairs and downstairs. Yeah. It's got a cool little black box, too. It was really.
Starting point is 00:11:34 fun. Acuculli is awesome. They treated the well. It was so fun. Yeah, the green room's nice. It's worlds colliding. You're in a fucking shower back there. Yeah. You're in hipster Brooklyn and then you walk in there's a picture of Theo Vaughn and you're like, you guys have no idea. The demo. Theo Vaughan and Joe Rogan are the first
Starting point is 00:11:51 two like portraits you see. You know, they do those big ones on the wall. And I'm like, boy, you guys got a get a Marie Bamford and a Patton Oswald in here, quick. We're in Williamsburg, folks. Yeah, it's fun. You guys should definitely do it. I think they're going to do like weekends and stuff there. Yeah. Like a headliner week? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Wow. They're so new that they're kind of just like, we'll take whatever. Whatever fills the room, it sounds like a little bit, where they're not too stick around like it has to be a variety or not. I love the improv. I do think it's a, this is a bold choice to go, put that fucker in Midtown. But they got the free room. We're not free, but they got a nice room out of it. Yeah, I mean, it's on a side street, so it doesn't get a lot of foot traffic.
Starting point is 00:12:26 But yeah. It is great. It's great. Parallel. Willingsburg used to be dangerous. Now it looks like Paris. It's crazy. I know.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Colin Quinn used to have that bit about it. You take the L train back in the day. You're going to get stabbed. Now it's like a ski lift, you know? It's just so safe and nice and I don't know. Yeah, it just comes out of nowhere. You know, it's like a warehouse and you're like improv? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Yeah. But it's good room. They did a good job with it. When did you point? I don't know, like a week and a half ago. Okay. Just like a showcase Tuesday night or something. You will do anything.
Starting point is 00:12:56 That's true. And I respect you. But you will do, I mean, I respect that choice. I respect you as a human, obviously. but you just do what like I it's you should have seen me in college sexually it was horrifying he had a fedora on his door
Starting point is 00:13:10 her name was peg yeah I'll see you on podcast it'll be like episode one it'll be like the graveyard pod and it's like out of like Penn State and I'm like just some random ass things just him and Sandusky it'll be like the first episode they've ever done it's like a college student I'm like first guy's Mark Norman I'm like how the fuck
Starting point is 00:13:30 do they get Mark? Well You know, I used to be real lonely on the road back in the day. You'd be like, oh, you're doing a four-night weekend. Just trying to fill time. It's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So, yeah, you're like, oh, this guy wants to hang out with me in the middle of the day on Sunday. I'll go.
Starting point is 00:13:45 What else am I doing? Yeah. So that's why I would do those. Would you do to cure it now? Now, just too lazy. I got a kid. And they don't really move the needles. So you end up, like, spending $40 on an Uber there.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Then the guy's, like, setting up. You've got to have lunch with them and hang out with them. Then you got an Uber back. And you're like, that was my whole thing. day what am I doing like drug deal we're just yeah waiting for it to happen right we just get the thing going already yes and you got to have that you got to have time to write on the road too you got to have right the show you know totally yeah boy remember drug deals remember waiting for the weed guy oh great i sold weed in eighth grade so i i i get really yeah because i had a ninth grade
Starting point is 00:14:21 friend he was like my plug and he he like broke me off like an ounce he's like this is your ounce to distribute and i got punked by a guy who punked me which is pretty funny what do you mean? I give a, in the eighth grade, I give a guy 20 bucks to buy me weed. Yeah. And on Sunday, I gave it to him. He doesn't return my calls. No nothing. Monday morning, we have math class to get it. Remedial math. We're both dumb. We're like,
Starting point is 00:14:43 you know, we're the eighth graders with sixth graders. So we're both dumb. And I'm like, hey, what happened? I gave you $20 for weed. Where did that go? And he was like, oh, man, you know cops and just, just never had any explanation. You know cops is so funny. You know cops. But I'm such a bitch. I'm not going to say anything. And then, like, two months later,
Starting point is 00:15:00 I start selling weed and then he starts buying weed off of me. And then he called, I was selling out of my parents' house and he called me this was like on the weekend. At like one in the morning, I meet him outside. I give him the whatever. And then he calls me like 10 minutes later.
Starting point is 00:15:14 He's like, hey, this doesn't look like the amount I paid for. I'm shit and bricks. I don't have a scale. I'm an eighth grade. I don't know what a gram is. You're in remedial math. True. So I'm like, yeah, this looks like a gram.
Starting point is 00:15:29 So he calls me. He's like, yeah, this doesn't look like. proper amount. He's outside with three other dudes. I'm like, here's just a handful. The same guy that stole money for me. I was just so nervous. I was like, I think it might be the worst. I'm too Jewish to be a drug dealer, I think. Well, how'd you hide it from the folks? I mean, I think my mom would smell that shit. She'd go through my room. I had a, I played a lot of paintball growing up, and those bags, we had these, like, giant duffel bags, and it just smelled, like, sweat and like, like, oh, yeah. And I would just hide it in, like, under the paintballs.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Man, what are you? California kid? Yeah. San Diego? Close enough. All right. I grew up like an hour outside of LA. Like you ever done like Oxnard? Yeah, yeah. Over there. Wow, what a lot.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Paintball's a kid? Oh, I fucking loved it. That was my adrenaline. That was like my dirtline. Now the kids are ducking in schools for different reasons, unfortunately. It's true. It's a pain ball, if anything. Wow.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Paintball's a kid. What a life. I've done it once and it was fun as hell. They fucking hurt. Yeah. Really? It's the adrenaline when you get hit, you're not really feeling it. Then the next day you kind of have like a weld or something.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Do you get to pick the color that you have? Kind of. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. White. It's been great, man. It hasn't been great, huh?
Starting point is 00:16:33 It's been a good run. Yeah, you can pick the color paint or whatever, but yeah, it's fun. I never shot a paintball, never got to keep. I never done it. Me neither. Never. No, it's ever on the road, one of those bum-ass towns, like, the most random towns have it, and it is very fun. Damn, it's not going to move the needle. No, you can put a QR code on.
Starting point is 00:16:52 That's true. But yeah, it's a random activity, and it is pretty fun, but that's how I would get my adrenaline out as a kid. painblop I played that for like four or five years. I just jerk off my closet to get my... I would do that too, but, you know, that's a nighttime activity. That is.
Starting point is 00:17:06 No, not in my life. It was just whenever I needed it. Oh, you were gooned up? Oh, yeah. Day, afternoon, after eating. And you notoriously would just come on the ground and not clean it up. Really? I do that in hotels.
Starting point is 00:17:18 Thank you. You're the first... You don't know when you live. He had a stain in his old apartment, his work desk where he laptop. The ground had a Lake Michigan of semen just hearted. We're just going to fall through the floor. You need to clean up with the butter knives.
Starting point is 00:17:32 If you'd get to the net of Jizz, you'd hold you up. And come on the floor. Yeah, there we go. I might be... Oh, I got a good sperm. That guy was backed up, that guy. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:17:43 That's a lot. Damn. That's like Elmer's. That top left one, that's not even... That's a kidney stone. This is all evidence. This is crazy. Every producer laptop should be...
Starting point is 00:17:51 SvU if it was on HBO. Right. Well, we only took us about eating back to Jizz. They had an actual... What is that? actual sperm cell? That one looks fake. It looks like a tampon.
Starting point is 00:18:03 That's one of those poppers, I think. Some of these are fake. Well, I would like to, I would like to, hold on. I know Jiz. You're the first, I know Jiz very well. You, that's blood. Definitely blood. So you do that.
Starting point is 00:18:16 You're the first person that have ever jumped on board with me coming on the ground. Everyone's like, dude, what? I come in a saga. Come on the towel. Yeah. On the ground, right? Yeah, sure. It's a carpet.
Starting point is 00:18:25 That's what, thank you. I'm not behind that. It's like a sham wow. It just absorbs it? Yeah. It's also like, it's carpet. It's also not my carpet. So, like, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:18:36 It's so easy to just come into a tissue, though, isn't it? No, that's not logic. I like to be free. Yes. I like to just be free. Yeah, we didn't have paintball. We had to, we got the only thing we just shoot. It was fun to, you know, let it fly.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Yeah. Like, Spider-Man. It's just funny to equate freedom as like, I'm going to come wherever I feel like it. But isn't, but think about those words. Isn't that the most freeing thing? Like, this is America. Definitely don't tell this to a black guy. He couldn't pick his color, people.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Damn, dude. No, that's crazy. I've never heard of this. Coming on the floor. You never heard of this? I mean, I believe it exists. Guy who definitely comes on the floor. I've heard of this.
Starting point is 00:19:18 I've never heard of it. I've come in the hand before when he really... I used to doing sex because I was too scared to finish on her. So respect to, I just come in the hand, and then I would just walk over to the sink. gentleman poor kid was like porridge it just felt too disrespectful so I was like I don't know here I don't yeah what did you do is it
Starting point is 00:19:36 it's like human Eucharist Yeah you can just you can just clean it off you clean it off You're clean you know but I'm just curious about The Post and I regret when you see nut on the floor And then it goes away quick it goes away Yeah especially in the car because think about a hotel carps Yeah look at that that's my jiz
Starting point is 00:19:53 That is yeah yeah I know that room Well that that's a little like a kid's room Yeah, I definitely know that room. Yeah, every apartment ever had, and I didn't even know that. But you're leasing up. Oh, apartment? No, no.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Yeah. Oh. Not now. I've been very, very good. Oh, there is a line. You're not getting that sperm deposit back. No, I've been good at my current apartment. But my apartment before this, it would floors.
Starting point is 00:20:21 And he was mentioning it. I literally brought this up on the pod. I thought it in like risky business. I swore to do it. I thought it was normal. I go, yeah, man, I had a weird moment. I was like, oh, it was so backed up on the ground that I took a butter knife and I was starting to clean it because I, because you, using 409 wasn't working.
Starting point is 00:20:40 And Trev goes, what the fuck are you? You come on the ground? And I was like, yeah, you don't. And it was this massive thing. But yeah, I remember, dude, I was like, I was like a full adult with a butter knife. Definitely don't make me scrambled eggs after that. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was not, not my finest moment.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Country cock. Jesus Christ That is hilarious You did it for years Years hard wood Years That is the problem with men Like when men are alone
Starting point is 00:21:03 For too long We will just do shit It's so stuck in your ways Yeah literally On the round Yeah You need a woman every once in a while To be like
Starting point is 00:21:10 What the fuck are you doing I know That's good for you Now let me ask you this Buckel up boys You ever jizzed Outside on grass Hmm
Starting point is 00:21:21 The only time I jizzed on a golf course Whoa That's the white story I've ever heard. Holy shit. How does that work? Hitting from the whites. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:31 But you're having sex, right? Yes. Oh, okay. Did you yell four? Four inches. Oh, we all did the same time. I jerked off once in a riverbank, but that was better. Whoa, that's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Yeah, it was a, me and three of my friends were all just walking a Taco Bell in high school. I'm like, what if we all just jerked off right now? Who's idea was that? I don't know, but nobody combated it. So all three of us went like. separate ways and just know, this was like pre-cell phones have an internet. So we're all just going into imagination. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Golden hour heading to Taco Bell, getting to Chalupa, and we're like, let's just try to all go jerk off. Yeah, you heard that Bill. It's literally guys' brain. Yeah. You're your kid, you're watching wild things. The lesbian scene comes on. Sure.
Starting point is 00:22:13 You know what we're doing. It's probably like an episode of Fear Factor. It's like, you're like, let's find out. That's why the most random jerk off. I used to have a bit about how me and my friends would jerk off together. And I was like, I got a killer new bit. Then I did in a black room and they were like, what the fuck is going to do? I don't fuck with that shit.
Starting point is 00:22:29 I was like, this is not. Did you do it in the urban room? Yeah. How'd it go? Not well. Really? But I get a couple of hell-nose. Oh, no, no.
Starting point is 00:22:36 That's how you know what I'm crush in a white room if you get an old hell-known urban room. What was the premise on it? It was just how we were just jack off together. And we'd pass a bottle of lotion around like it was a whiskey in the war. That was part of it, you know? It's great. Like in the same room? Yeah, you didn't do that?
Starting point is 00:22:54 I never did that. Yeah. Yeah, we just used it out of respect. It's like you do the urinal guard. You use a pillow to kind of shield the penises. Oh, you guys were like next to each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got, you did it.
Starting point is 00:23:05 No, no. No, I never did. You did that. Yeah, definitely did it. Separate rooms. But why would you guys go into different rooms? Well, they only had one TV. It's Manhattan, baby.
Starting point is 00:23:15 Well, we had the Pamela on top of the sex tape. I showed up, so we had to do it. You guys like sell that around town like a blockbuster? No, we kept it to our, like Ghalam. Really? Yeah. My friend's older brother had a playboy and he let my friend have it and then he did the
Starting point is 00:23:31 same thing. He gave me a pump of lotion, ripped out a page and here you go. That's cool. This is the only page I get though. The whole magazine I get one page was like, do I got to get the premium or something? That's like youth EBT just fucking. But it was so funny. He didn't even look.
Starting point is 00:23:43 He's ripped it out. It's like it could have been the ads in the back. Right. Going into a Leslie's pool supply. But he just one pump in my hands. You hoped you got a cool bodega guy when you're like 14. You're like how do I fucking get because you know the internet wasn't what it is now So you know you go and you're like oh dude there's this Indian guy with a lazy eye
Starting point is 00:24:00 He works Tuesday through Thursday he'll send you he'll sell you like a club magazine or something Yeah, but his eyes lazy so on the left side you could grab it because you couldn't fucking say Indy guy when you're finished he said come again Great Had to do it So that's where you'd get it was just like a yeah and it was same shit you kind of you trade you go I got this one next week You got this one next week you got this one next Yes
Starting point is 00:24:23 It's holograph or you're like, didn't used to be. Seam and shining. Yeah, when I was a kid, we'd, you know, pre-earned it porn, we'd go to Bourbon Street, and you could just see tits. And then just keep that in your memory? Keep it up here, it's bang, bang. And it was like, you know, real life, what do you call it? High-deaf. Horse?
Starting point is 00:24:42 High-deaf tits. Yeah. You know? Crystal clear. Yeah. The first pair of tits I ever saw was at a water park in the wild. Whoa. There was a, like, there's a water bucket type thing that would just pour.
Starting point is 00:24:53 And then this lady was staying under the, didn't know, she had a bra on. And I must have been, like, seven. The water bucket hit it, hit just out. She didn't really know immediately. I was like, I felt like I was like, you know, Paul Revere was like, you know, Paul Revere was like, who do I tell about this? They're out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Give from God, it feels like, thank you for this. Yeah. That's how rare. One time I was on the highway, I was a kid. And I was probably like 12 with a bunch of other dudes driving around. And a woman was on a back of a Harley. Oh, shit. Grizzled, horrific.
Starting point is 00:25:21 I mean, it looked like Salikus. And she just went, saw us a car full of boys, and she was like, and she had the pancake-yest fucking leathery, yeah, just gross, maybe some nipple hair. But we were like, ah. That's like a female version of, like, the trucker. Yeah. By the way, a guy does that, he's in prison. True.
Starting point is 00:25:41 A woman does that. You're like, all right. True. We loved her. Yeah. No, I remember we were in school, and there was a hotel across from our school, and there would just be women changing sometimes. And word would get around the class.
Starting point is 00:25:52 You'd whisper to someone. like, hey, you know, like, dude, look, tits, tits. And the teacher would, you know, like, you keep whispering. And then finally, you'd always be the one kid to yell out, there's tits. And you're like, all right. So everyone would see it. And the teacher would usually be like, all right, that was cool.
Starting point is 00:26:04 Every once in one of the comedy stories is at hotel across, like, the pendri or something like that. Everybody's hanging on the patio. You'll see people fucking alive. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's why everybody hangs out on the patio. You think it's for the drinks and the hang?
Starting point is 00:26:14 Yeah, when I worked in New York, we're in New York. When I worked in New York, in Me, Packing District, there was a spice market, Big hotel next to it, and I work outside, and literally one person would catch someone fucking. The entire balcony would just turn and watch. The whole thing would stop. It's like a shooting star. You have to look. You have to.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Damn, that's fun. Oh, fun. Seeing people fucking. It can be homeless. You got to stop. You got to watch. Yeah. You ever seen that on the trains?
Starting point is 00:26:42 People fucking? I don't think I've seen fucking. I've seen a lot of jacking. A lot of jacking. A lot of making out. A lot of grinding. You get some real grinding out there. You know it's almost worse than seeing a guy Jack on a train as someone with, like, smelly food?
Starting point is 00:26:57 Ah. Like, pungent food is like, it's a lot. It's joking off, it's one shot and you can miss it. Right. With the clipping the toenails is the... Oh, yeah, that's a good thing. Is that the hotel? What a great grab.
Starting point is 00:27:08 This is literally it. Oh, yeah, he used to live outside of there at a tent. Yeah, this is from his actual camera. How did you do this? I know that place. I go in there. Oh, that's what I go in there. This is prime gooning spot.
Starting point is 00:27:19 Dude, this is bringing back so many... I mean, if you are home. homeless, that's where you hang out. Totally. That's where you could pop a peek at a tit. Oh, that's smart. You cover the face, not the body. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Wow. Yeah, dude. And they just so much like, just like. And what street is this on? Be specific. It's on the west side. Yeah, so it's the standard hotel. It's actually kind of famous for this.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Oh, great. Yeah, yeah. People have sex there. They're exhibitionists and they do that. Yeah, the entire. What the fuck? Imagine being a maid there. Why isn't this door opening?
Starting point is 00:27:49 It's unlocked. Sarah. hat on it. God damn, that's something if I found out as a kid, I would like keep that my memory. And then when I go to New York first I'm like, we got to go to the standards.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Oh, yeah. My mom would be like, let's go to rent. Like, shut the fuck up. I'm a meat pack. You know, are you kidding me pack? Yeah, I'm getting eight somewhere else. I don't get why. I think kids, this is done.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Kids don't give a shit about this. They got only fans. They got, you know, porn up the ass. Probably like the birds and the bees, like, if you were to give a kid, it's birds and the bees, like, they probably know more than a parent would. Totally. Totally.
Starting point is 00:28:20 They know, like, you know, anal stuff and rim job. I don't think our parents are eating at. Kids are hook up in high school now, like stick a finger in my ass. Exactly. It's probably so fucking advanced. Oh, yeah. What do you think the bases are now? Oh, what's first base?
Starting point is 00:28:34 Yeah, what's, dude, what is? First is choking now. Serious, I think. I haven't kissed anyone yet, but I choked the fuck out of a lady. I'm like, hold on what? Wait, wait, what are the old bases? Just so I remember. Oh, okay, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:28:47 First is kiss. First is kiss. Second is feeling tits. Yes. Okay. Third is finger? What about shortstop? What are we doing there?
Starting point is 00:28:53 Oh. That's Fodorant. That's a cleave. That's a cleave. In third base is oral, I think. Okay. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:29:02 But we never had anybody say they had a home run. They're always like, what's? Fingering is basically third base. You're like, it's, you're on. Maybe that's shortstop. Yeah, maybe that short stop. You're in between second and third. Oh, right, because it's feeling finger then fallatio.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Okay, so yeah, sword stop is would be fingering. So where are we at now? Yeah, starting a joke. Choking is first. Yeah. Third is cuck yourself. Yeah. Furner, like Furby, like suck your own fucker out.
Starting point is 00:29:28 Yeah, third base is just like, here's Carl, this is my buddy. Let him do the work. Yeah. Your parents walk in, that's getting picked off. By the way, speaking of OnlyFand, didn't you just do a skitma, Sophie Rain? No. No? Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Anyways, you were jerking, and your mind was blurry. I don't think that was so bright. If it's the one you're talking about, I was yesterday. It was a girl's Sisi. Oh. But I think they all kind of, you know, cross paths in some sense. You know what's beautiful about pre-internet guys is you're on the West Coast, you're on the East Coast. I'm down south.
Starting point is 00:30:00 What are you, New York? No, it was Maryland. So East Coast. Okay. And we all knew the bases. It just traveled. Pretty global. How cool is that?
Starting point is 00:30:09 You know, it's like we all knew about Richard Gear with the gerbil in the ass. Yeah. There's no, no one calls you. What are they doing, like, Europe? Like, because you're not, you don't do baseball in Europe, right? What are their bases? What's their sister? Soccer?
Starting point is 00:30:19 Oh, fuck. Sorry. Dude that you score, you know. Midfield? What is that? Holy shit, dude, that's a great. Wow. What is it?
Starting point is 00:30:26 Is it cricket? What is it? The cricket is Aussie, isn't it? I guess it's in Europe, too. You can't go by soccer. You never get late. They don't score. That's a great job.
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Starting point is 00:33:53 You know, you go see these guys around town? Yeah, yeah. Those are funny. I think I'm so cool. And then I invite her in my room. And I'm taking so long, taking off all my, like, dollets and helmets and shin pads that she's just like laying there on like, you know, just like a low-cut shirt.
Starting point is 00:34:05 And then she's like, okay, I think I'm just going to leave. Pull it up. And then it just cuts to, I've been posting it. Oh, damn it just cuts to me just banging a one-wheel. So I just, I just, I think those one-wheel guys really need. more hate and what does the one wheel look like they're like
Starting point is 00:34:19 type in that EUC electronic they were they roll on their own yeah they're really big in the LA culture now Sal Acuse isn't doing his job anymore because he's seen her tits oh you're another one with her
Starting point is 00:34:30 this is the one I posted Jesus it's highbrow comedy Trevor's like we're working on a movie together too right now just uh Damn. Yeah, just type in EUC.
Starting point is 00:34:46 EUC. One wheel? Yeah. Sounds like a festival. But you ever seen these guys around town? No, definitely. I feel like New York definitely has a lot of these guys. They're always decked out with crazy sunglasses, a lot of leather.
Starting point is 00:34:58 But like, there's so much that you have to wear that just living the rest of your life after you get off is going to be so annoying. Do you wear all that because they fall a lot? Yeah, because there's no seat belt. Like if you get hit, you're flying. And you got to carry that around all. night too like the heaviest at the bar get a fucking bike what's it what is the purpose I don't understand it's a transportation but is it like good is it like kind of a workout because you got a balance or what's the but they're fast
Starting point is 00:35:23 but yeah they're fast and the the community about them there they're bobbing and we even they're doing everything but I just think they need more hate and they love the attention they always had the 360 cameras but they look like they're going just four X-ems I mean he's got a motorcycle like a vest holy shing guards and everything and so I had to learn how to ride one of those for a sketch And then... Really? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Whoa. I still can't even do the hoverboard. Did any part of you like it? That's the worst part. You're like, this is kind of sick. Yeah. I get it. And then you're Googling where to get one in.
Starting point is 00:35:54 How about it used? But yeah, the thought of it... You become the thing you hate. That's happening so many times. I mean, I used to hate on ice bath guys so fucking much. I mean, you guys are such losers. Cold plunge. But then I tried it.
Starting point is 00:36:06 I love it. I feel fucking incredible. I feel like a dog after a bath. I just want to sprint laps. Sure. The problem is so many comedians have horrible ADD, and we like the shit on lame fads, but like, this shit helps. Like, I'll be locked in for like two hours after that's away. Really?
Starting point is 00:36:20 Have you never done it? I can't. I'm weak. I'm weak with the cold. You got to do it. It's like, oh, my, you feel, you've never felt this feeling before. Really? It's like coming out of the closet.
Starting point is 00:36:30 It feels fucking. Yeah. All right, shit. Yeah, it's a quick boost of like endorphins, which it just feels. I just put a toe in and I'm like, ah, this is a Mizzaralk. It sucks. You just get through, like, like, it's a little bit. Two minutes of suck for two hours of like, oh, shit, I'm flying.
Starting point is 00:36:45 I feel great. It's great when you're down the road and you should have a bunch of like kind of haze from traveling and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I found a place in Denver, and then I did it once, and then we were doing a weekend there, so I just went every single day of pre-shows. Wow. You just feel great. All right.
Starting point is 00:36:57 And a lot of those places, they have all bunch of shit, sort of loungy. Then there's like the sauna, the stand-room. I love that type of shit. Do you have sauna to cold? Or just shit. Yeah, I like both. I mean, I think that would be a good, like, first step into it. Go sauna, go like 20 minutes, get like...
Starting point is 00:37:12 Love sauna. Oh, but super-duper-hot and then go into the cold. So, like, it doesn't hurt as bad for the first or whatever. I'm the opposite. Sona takes too long. I'm sitting there in pain for 30 minutes. The ice bath, you're there hating yourself for two minutes, but then you feel great after. I'm just all about like whatever's quick as in fast.
Starting point is 00:37:27 Do you put the head in? I do it. I do it on... Whoa. Yeah. That feels dangerous. Do at the end. Go four minutes and then the last like 30 seconds I just dunk.
Starting point is 00:37:36 Four minutes is an eternity in that thing. But it, like, dude, like, you just... You should do four minutes. You admit it the first time. All right, all right, all right. I'll do a minute. Do 30 seconds. Just like sex. You start 30 seconds and you get to... Work your way up. You get the four.
Starting point is 00:37:46 You get to two minutes. And then you go to children. It's fine. Hold on. Guy who takes over the coming. No, and then you... Dude, anything else you've trashed? Then you were like, this is kind of cool. The cyber truck.
Starting point is 00:38:00 I made a video about how annoying those guys are. Because it's all like tech bros who want to be like alpha guys. It's very like vests and all that. And I just... I think they look. awful. It looked like a doorstopper. And then I was driving one for the video and once you're in the car you're like, oh, it's kind of sick. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:38:15 The inside feels cool. It feels like like an open truck. It feels like a modern day truck is pretty... Can you pull up the interior? I've never seen it. Just because I've never seen the inside. It is bulletproof too, right? No way. Is it? Remember the doors are heavy as fuck? I think there was that one flip-up but then, yeah. But there's
Starting point is 00:38:31 that guy. Have you seen that guy on on all the social media's who he'll shoot bullets through everything? No. No. No. Gauge bullets. You've never seen this guy? He's like, we're going to start with like, you know, whatever. He works away up to like a 45.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Then he does like a slug. Is it Alec Baldwin? No, he just did it once. But, yeah, no. And he couldn't penetrate it, so. Really? Damn, look at that. It's pretty sleek in there.
Starting point is 00:38:56 It's kind of cool. But you feel like big on the road. Yeah. I get that allure to it. I saw a tweet that was so funny. That was like, you've never seen a family in a cyber truck. And I was like, God, damn. That's weird.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Musk hasn't seen his family either. Yeah, that's good point. He's got 19 kids. Wow. All right. Does he have? I think 13. Are you serious? I think.
Starting point is 00:39:17 Let's look it up. He's running out of names. Not really. He just goes one to 13. QRX code, yeah. You haven't seen this guy? Oh, this isn't the guy, though. 14 children.
Starting point is 00:39:29 14. Wow. And how many different baby mamas? Four? That's actually not that bad. What's that average? Three, three point. I don't know how to do math.
Starting point is 00:39:39 I mean, Thanksgiving is going to be weird. Sure. But Nick Cannon's, I think, like, it's a lot of different baby mommas. He's got 12, I think. Jesus Christ. 12 baby mommas are kids. Kids, kids. I mean, that's a whole basket.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Like, that's a basketball team. And the bench, yeah. It's a roster. That is a really, with a deep bench. That's fucking crazy. That's OKC for sure. Good for him. So the cyber truck, it feels it's fast as hell, too.
Starting point is 00:40:08 It's fine. It picks up. Dude, it's like zero to 60 and like three seconds or something stupid. I mean, all those cars are. I had a Tesla before hand. It's ridiculous. It's stupid. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:17 Just no, it's just all pickup. There's like no gears. It's an iPad on wheels. And it's just, it just feels dangerous driving them fast because they don't feel like a car that has like the, the grounding and the terrain. You're just floating.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Are they considered safe cars or no? I don't know. Tesla is for sure. Is it? Yeah. Tesla, definitely. I feel every car. Volvo used to be the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Like, we're safe. And now it's like every car is pretty safe. Yeah, yeah. But it's just weird because Tesla features so much on the, like the features. It's like, yeah, you can put a fireplace on your dashboard. Right. I don't trust the safety if you're, like, coming to a fireplace.
Starting point is 00:40:47 Yeah, they have fart noises on that thing. Exactly. It's weird. But I have a 52-year-old car. Are you leaving? Yeah. All right, take it easy. Better go go go.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Yeah, he's going to that hotel. I have an old BMW, and I drive this thing on the highway, and it just shakes and jitters. There's no airbags. It barely has seatbelts. You can't believe. of old ladies were driving these. God, damn. Is power steering? No, God, no. No power steering.
Starting point is 00:41:14 How is it to? When you're moving, it's fine, but when you're like parallel parking, you're doing that shit, it's embarrassing. But just the fact that that was a normal car in 1973 is wild. Do you have any up to, because I know you can take an old car and then put some like modifications on it to make it more modern. Do you have any of that? No. I should do that. But I like the original. You get airbags in there or something. I don't know if they could do it. There's an airbags in it? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:41:39 Did I miss, do you have AC? Did I miss this? No AC. Oh, wow. You have an engine? In the summertime? Got an engine, a steering wheel, and stick shift. Like, playstones?
Starting point is 00:41:48 Damn, dude. I mean, they look, the car looks super sick, but driving it, I mean, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. And do you, like, drive it's like a Connecticut gig or something? Yeah, Long Island, Connecticut, upstate. You took it to Jersey. Jersey, many times. But this is my ice bath.
Starting point is 00:42:03 You're in that thing, you're alive. You're like looking out everywhere. You're not texting. You're, you feel the train. If you got an airbag, you're going to be cold soon. Yeah, I'll be on ice. But yeah, it's, boy, it's crazy. It's crazy driving that thing.
Starting point is 00:42:17 You are operating that machinery. You do, I love the look of old cars. But the problem is just like you get into it. And you're like, cool, there's no I see. I can't. Like, it's just, I, it's a backup camera. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Do you got like the cassette player for music or something? I think I got a cassette player. Did you buy tapes for that? No. That's kind of a cool idea. I used to buy old tapes like, like Robert Cawl. child of the 50s. Like a random...
Starting point is 00:42:40 They're like, this is kind of cool. Yeah. I don't know. But, yeah, why not? I bet they you buy them somewhere. Good idea. It's got a little radio, so I'd play some AM. But I usually just go AirPods.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Oh, yeah. You're making it more dangerous. Yeah, exactly. And you got noise, too. I've run over a few kids. And then other than that, you're just taking train or you're biking around or... Yeah, I'm a big city bike guy. City bike's the best way to get around this town.
Starting point is 00:43:04 Oh, you just rent a bunch of them. Yeah. You just park at the club, walk right in. Are you just entraving people like, Mark Norman? Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, it's got to be super on a fucking city bike. They swear into me. I hate to be that guy, but you got to wear a fucking helmet on those things, man.
Starting point is 00:43:17 People are people are psychos. Gotta get a helmet. But you don't do it. Nah, I don't do it. Oh, okay. Yeah, so you got to bring your own helmet, B.Y.O. Yeah, yeah. Then you're that guy.
Starting point is 00:43:26 You're walking to a club. You're like, look at the retard. Dude, the guy walking into a place with a motorcycle helmet makes me want to children. I know. Yes. But that's why it's so ridiculous because they also are full padding up their arms and legs, sometimes like chest plate. And then the helmet.
Starting point is 00:43:39 Like, imagine doing spots in that thing. You just got to go on stage, dressed like an ice agent. People fucking, people die all the time. That's true. I mean, head injuries, man. I got doored once. I opened the door and went over it. So I mean, you fucking, that's what I'm not.
Starting point is 00:43:51 That's what I was fault for that, him obviously. No, it was me. I was not, I was just on the road. I wasn't even in the bike lane. You get your AirPods in, you're on a fucking. That doesn't, oh, because I guess technically you're hitting him. Yeah, well, he was opening a door to get out, and I was in the wrong spot on the street. Yeah, he wasn't in a bike line.
Starting point is 00:44:06 He was just in the street. It'll be in a bike lane Dude, I love a good bike ride I don't do it ever But when I used to live in Harlem My buddy, my roommate had a bike I would steal it I would be out for two hours
Starting point is 00:44:18 So fun Just the wind in your hair Yeah Oh my God Also one way is don't matter Correct Any street is a two-way street Yeah
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Starting point is 00:45:03 Get out of the fucking bike lane! Oh. Fucking jerk. Great place is snap. I hate those guys. I hope he gets hit by a car. Same. And lives. And lives.
Starting point is 00:45:11 But what a, God, he pisses me off so much. I hate that. On your right. On your right. Yeah. And then, like, if somebody's going down on the bike land, but, like, the wrong way, he starts yelling at him. Oh. Sure, this guy's yelled at me before.
Starting point is 00:45:23 It's so funny that, like, that's how he gets a clip. He's like, look at this piece of shit. He's, like, clip it. Yeah. We brought up on our pod. That was, like, because he probably did it not wanting content. He did it one time. It went crazy viral.
Starting point is 00:45:33 And he goes, okay, I guess this is what I do now. And he just goes out. You know, we tape our sets is my over. It just goes out at eight, nine in the morning. Yeah. Like, all right, Tomny yelled fucking commented Jews. And then he just like, you know. But what if, see, that's when you become what you hate,
Starting point is 00:45:47 because now you have to wait for the guy to fuck up so you can get a clip. Yes. That's no good. He's like fishing, essentially. He's fishing. Yeah, but everyone does. They do one fucked. Because this thing rewards confrontation and conflict.
Starting point is 00:45:58 You do one fucked up thing. It goes viral. And then you're like, oh, be that guy. Yeah. You know? All of a sudden, you're sitting in your car. eating a sandwich at four in the morning because it went viral once. Now you're that guy.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Now you're the car sandwich. But enough about Gary Veter. Eating a turkey room and he's like, it's got to work for me, man. How about he's doing? He's great. He's great. I fuck with him all the time. Oh, he's the best. He's got a new kid. He's got three kids now. Three? He's getting up to
Starting point is 00:46:23 Nick. Halfway to cannon. What math is wrong? You guys get the out. He's more of an 8 millimeter. I don't know about a cannon. I saw a clip of of Trevor doing a gig and you had a teacher in the crowd. Yeah. That was fucking crazy.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Yeah. Was a high school teacher? My seventh grade teacher. Yeah, I got a DM the night before that was like, you probably won't see this. I don't want to remember me, but I'm, you know, your seventh grade teacher. I'm going to be at my show. I'd be at your show with my son. And that was all I said.
Starting point is 00:46:56 I said, awesome. See you there? Like, I didn't put it on the guest list or anything. And just in a transition of jokes. I was just like, I got a DM. Like, is she actually here? Wow. In the way back.
Starting point is 00:47:05 And the funny part is in the clip, she was so nice and so loving to me and was like really genuine about being proud. But I was like texting my friends. I was like, she was kind of a, she was like really mean to me. Yeah. In seventh grade. Maybe that was her plan all along, dude. Those like fucking street teachers. Right.
Starting point is 00:47:24 Like that, you know how rappers had those stories being like, my teachers never said I'd be shit. And maybe this was my version of it. But yeah, she was hard on you. Maybe she actually thought that, though. What's up? I said maybe actually. Oh, I mean, probably. But yeah, this was a fun moment.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Oh, wow. Look how many comments and likes. This blew up. Yeah. Yeah, this was cool, man. This was hopefully the other ones do it. I remember she was kind of attractive. So I can't remember what she can't imagine seventh grade.
Starting point is 00:47:52 She must have been even hotter. Yeah, she definitely was, but she was a little feisty. But yeah, half the comments, there's dudes like going into her. Be like, if she looks like that now, would she look like back in the day. Oh, that's exactly what I just said. Yeah, this is crazy. Wait, what venue is this? This is Grand Prairie out by Dallas.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Is that a casino? No, it's like a mega church or something. It looks like a mega church. I don't know what it is, but they had a big church there. It's like the church, we couldn't load in until later in the day because the church had it reserved. And when we were loading in, all the church guys are like, hey, love your stuff. I'm like, I don't think you're going to do this. But yeah, that was a fun moment.
Starting point is 00:48:32 And I totally, it worked out really well. And she was just really, she was genuinely very nice. But she was mean to you when you were a kid. Yeah, she was really mean to me. What kind of shit? Just because I wasn't the smartest kid, obviously, selling weed. And just like I would just talk and she would just feel like she would single me out. It would be like somebody else was talking.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Just like, Trevor, stop with that. And I literally did see her buying a handle of booze one day after class. We talked about in this clip and she like hit it. But it's so weird when you see teachers outside of their element just living normal lives. Like she has every right to buy a handle of that. absolute true but you see it and you're like oh right degenerate yeah you could have been going to a party but a handle does a handle handles it's aggressive school like 3 p.m wow this was because there's a cvs we'd go to right after um class and she we saw her literally right after school so i mean who knows
Starting point is 00:49:21 i mean as an adult she's probably going to some dude if i was a teacher of special needs kids i excuse me dude i would be drinking my face off yeah now with the shooting He needs to take the edge off, you know. But wait a minute. I'd be drinking milk for stronger bones. Superman bones. Charlie Kirk. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:49:40 You saw it for it. Thank God you saw it that vodka. Otherwise, what would the clip be? I know. Good to see you. I know. What a random. And I wonder if there's like those, you know, Michael and I was talking about it.
Starting point is 00:49:52 We're like, there's no way this life is just real like that. You know, it's like, do you think that memory that I vividly remember from seventh grade was to be like, in the future you're going to need that? You know what I mean? Yeah. Interesting. There's a reason I remember that, but I don't remember my mom's maiden name. I don't know. I do know.
Starting point is 00:50:09 My mom keeps hers. She won't use my dad's. Oh, shit, feminists. Big family. Old school. Old school feminists aren't in here. Not even the abbreviation? No, no.
Starting point is 00:50:19 The abbreviation, I always thought was so cool in middle school. Then you realize you're like, this is a pussy dad. You'd see a football player with two on the back. You'd look so sick. Then you're like, these are two parents who won't merge. Right. Right. Do you understand still?
Starting point is 00:50:33 Did May take your name? No. How do you feel about that? She said it was because of the paperwork is annoying. Yeah. My wife. Sounds like an excuse. What's her last name?
Starting point is 00:50:43 Planert? Like plan it with an R? You gotta go, Norman. You think? It's really great last name. It's really so like it. It's great. It's well-rounded.
Starting point is 00:50:52 It's quick and simple. You guys aren't. Neither you were married. No, no. My last name sucks. That's a tough name. You know, I had a speech therapist when I was like a really little kid. named Dr. Blaustein and it's like the most cruel name for a kid with a Lisp.
Starting point is 00:51:05 Oh yeah. I can't fucking say this name. You're a Lisp grown up? A what? You had a Lisp grown up? Yeah, I mean, but it was like, I was like fucking five or six. I didn't know you're a list. Yeah, like a child, yeah, like five or six years old.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Wow. A lot of kids at that, then you just outlist them. Yeah. You just like doing, I don't know, how do you get over it? You just say what's a red leather a lot? They'd be like, if you say this word right, you get a pack of baseball cards. I'm like, I'm working so hard on this. I want a fucking kangrify rookie rookie.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Really? They would just do that. Oh, totally. Yeah, they were crisp. Yeah, that was like the one thing that you could just overcome. There wasn't much else you could overcome. I think a stutter you can get rid of. Really? Yeah, yeah. Well.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Drew Lynch is faking it. You can probably lean into it, definitely. Yeah, for sure. How long do you take you get over it? Do you remember? I was so young. I don't, yeah, I don't know. How many packs of cards did it take you to get over it? A lot of packs. The time frame will use. Probably a lot of packs.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Can you get rid of a Sutter? Yeah. Oh, there's no universal instant. Oh, well, instant, yeah, for sure. It's pretty cool you just get rid of it. They say a lot of it is trauma. Really? Yeah, like, you know, your priest jerk's always start being like,
Starting point is 00:52:10 go, good, good, good, good, guh, god damn, ma moor. A lot of shit's trying. I was a bedwomen. That was all trauma, apparently. Oh, wow. Yeah. I went late. 13, 14.
Starting point is 00:52:27 Damn. That's wild. When I went to college, I would black out from drama. drinking and I'd wet the bed again. So I'd like kick back in. Damn. You ever do it in a one-night stand? Many times.
Starting point is 00:52:36 Really? No. I was R. Kelly. Did you blame it on her? God, you're like, oh my God, you're disgusting. Oh, I've made you that wet? I had that happened to me in college and she blamed it on me. And I was like, I'm wearing boxers and they're perfectly dry.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Damn. Yeah, she woke up was like, it wasn't me. Well, who else? That's rare in women. Yeah. If you wake up, it wasn't me. It was for sure you. It was you.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Yeah. Yeah, my boxes were perfectly dry. So what happened? I think I was in college. I still was just happy that I even hit. Sure, sure. I'm like, I just threw away the target matches topper, and then I was like, all right. Yeah, I would have to send flowers and shit after it was very embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Really? That often? Yeah, that was the thing. Damn. And my friends knew it, so they'd like... Should have just made up a lie. It means I like you. Yeah, it's good luck.
Starting point is 00:53:23 You don't have any pet a dog too hard and supposed to pee? You're like... We had a friend growing up. That's some in mice and men shit, right? Really? I don't know. I've never fed a dog that hard. We had a friend, and growing up, he brought his dog a show and tell,
Starting point is 00:53:35 and he told the whole class, he's like, please don't pet him too much. Like, he'll pee. So then, like, so many middle schoolers ran up and just started wanting to see him. The weird trick's like, it does it out of year. I'm giving a dog a boner, never being. Yeah, I pet a dog so much that he came, but never be. I'm like, good boy. That's a good boy.
Starting point is 00:53:56 What? So you guys, do you think you're going to get married at some point or no? Hopefully, yeah. That's a goal. Well, you guys are younger, huh? Yeah, 33. Oh, 33, yeah. You got plenty of time.
Starting point is 00:54:06 What about you? I'm 39. Marriage in sight? Marriage? Not in sight, but I'd like to at some point, I think. I think you got to just, you know, be a person at some point. You got to do it. Do you?
Starting point is 00:54:17 Yeah. As I'm married, man. I just start getting weird, man. I guess. I guess. I don't know, I should want to be like 60. Still on stage. But dating stuff.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Oh, man. Yeah. How many of these hours? If anything, for the act, get mad. I know. That's why you have a kid for the act, huh? Pretty much, yeah. It helps.
Starting point is 00:54:35 You get 20 minutes out of the gate with a kid. Yeah, damn. Yeah, got you, man. How old are you? 40. Okay, yeah. But I feel like you just get to a point where, like, I mean, I just want to reset what I just said, but like, I think you just start getting weird. Like, you're like, you start feeling.
Starting point is 00:54:48 Yeah, we know. You know, we heard the jerk off on the floor store. We know. Life out of every. That was 35. No, I think you're right, though. I think you got to, at some point, you got to. reel it in at some point.
Starting point is 00:55:00 You also just, I mean, I have this current feeling like, what the fuck am I doing all this for? What am I on the road to fucking 50? Well, you love it too. I do love it, but like you build and you're like, what am I building for? Like, I don't know. Well, you got a great life. Yeah. You're a lucky guy.
Starting point is 00:55:16 You're, you know what? Fuck, we're killing. I'm just saying live, damn it. Live now. Why you can. Do you think New York embraces the kind of like single comedian? Definitely. All the way up.
Starting point is 00:55:28 It's just Dave Attell is the, you know, poster boy. Yeah. So, yeah. But I feel like it's almost like it's not glorified, but it's a sense of like that it's just so normal and regular or something where it's like every comic over 40 in L.A. is married, I feel like. Oh, yeah. I don't go out of older New York. You know, there's like, you know, there's like, there's other people. I'm painting with a broad brush here.
Starting point is 00:55:48 But it does feel like there's a lot of guys who are just like, no, you're right. Well, New York is very, like, individual. Get out of my way. You know, I'm doing my thing. Right. And L.A. is a little more family. Well, you can have a house in L.A. more easily than in New York. New York's a lot of apartments. But, I mean...
Starting point is 00:56:04 Yeah, if you're for you alone in a house in L.A., I mean, you're two years away from killing yourself. So you need someone to do you hear that, Marin. I was thinking Bill Marr, but you beat me to it. But damn, dude. L.A. is more conducive for that. But also, New York, it's so easy to be selfish because, like, you know, you don't have to worry about... I guess you can Uber in L.A. now, too. I'm thinking in old-fashioned terms, but, like, you just get fucking hammered in a bar, just stumble home.
Starting point is 00:56:32 It's so easy to... Because you're always in the playground a little bit. Yeah. When you make it, you just move, what, to, like, the 80th Street, which is still kind of... Exactly. Chilleranos. But it's still kind of, like, in that realm of, like, smaller living or, like, not as much house. Yeah, also, New York is trying to get you...
Starting point is 00:56:50 It's, like, constantly spitting you out. Like, you can't get a car in a garage here. You can't get a driveway here. So like all that shit is hard. Like I have a kid and I have a car in a garage and I think like go get it. So fucking expensive. So it's so expensive. A house it there.
Starting point is 00:57:04 It's just it's trying to get you to not have any people here. You know what I mean? So where do you park your car? Just like a ramp. I park it under a Target in Brooklyn. Really? And like a parking garage. But do you don't live in Brooklyn?
Starting point is 00:57:16 I do. Oh. So it's relatively close. It's relatively close but it's weird because I'm like going to Target to get my car. You know? But that's New York. You guys have to think about just living outside of? New York.
Starting point is 00:57:26 What's the point? Yeah. All right. A lot of people do that eventually, but I don't know. It's kind of giving up. Go out there and then move back. Yeah, but it wasn't his choice. He's out there.
Starting point is 00:57:37 Maybe we won't go there. I think he'd admit it. Now I'm curious. Of course. I don't think it's a secret. No, no, no. He's out there with the family. I think that she wanted to go out there.
Starting point is 00:57:49 And he was like, he wasn't. He didn't fight hard enough. I don't know. And my thing is, if you're going to live outside of New York, Just go to Florida or something by that point. You know? It's either New York or nothing to me. You can live like a little bit outside.
Starting point is 00:58:02 You have a car. You have a drive-way. You can drive in. It takes 35 minutes, whatever it is. Yeah, people say that. And you just never see him again. We did this spot when he was in Staten Island. He's like, it's not bad.
Starting point is 00:58:12 I just rack up spots in a night. It was bad for us who had to visit him in Staten Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did it take you? 20 minutes to get here? Try an hour and a half, Chris. Yeah. Hey, sorry, running a little late.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Going to be there tomorrow. And you get there and he's got the nine kids he's feeding and you're like all right I guess we're gonna wait for that He's feet like it's an orphan yeah I mean we did walk into a chaos it was it was Chris he chaos but it fits his mentality yeah completely and it yeah I would I would I could I can't do I I I'm so full of anxiety I would there's no way I can do what kids well just like that invite like I just I just would you like the you like the calm of like I have to have yeah yeah yeah but I will say the calm of LA in terms of motivating to like write new stuff it was definitely like a learning curve because I lived in New York I mean with you guys for freaking like eight nine years and you get used to
Starting point is 00:59:06 like you start in New York so you get used to the chaos you get used like writing like that and then when I moved to L.A. I was like I've wrote a new bit in two months. What's happening? It's too calm. Yeah life is too perfect. Yeah you're on treadmill here but in L.A. you can just you're in a fucking hot tub. You got to make your own commotion in L.A. Right, right, right. It's one block and you're like great. Dude, we're talking about, like, I'm like, I'm like, sequestered in my apartment. You don't need to leave now. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:59:31 Everything to my house. Like, I pick my head up at 7 p.m. I haven't even, like, put my head outside. Yeah. In New York, it's like, you go get a coffee. There's a homeless guy jerking off inside your asshole. You're like, okay, I got a new bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:42 Yeah. I don't think you need a struggle to be funny, but you need, like, comfort is the enemy of fun. Yes, yes, yes. If you're too comfortable, it's, I mean, yeah. And you get more and more, like, you go, oh, you live in Santa Monica? See ya. That's like a half hour. I'm not doing that.
Starting point is 00:59:56 You're like, damn, I go a half hour on a subway every day to get to the city kind of thing. So you guys just start getting more and more secluded. I think that's probably why you do so much weird shit on the road, like all these podcasts here. Like, I don't want to get comfortable here. No, you might be right. Maybe there's some. Yeah, that. I think you got something there.
Starting point is 01:00:13 But still doing bad gigs every once in a while because, like, there's a part of me that's like, I don't want to do a shitty gig. You know, the bad gigs will come up unexpected anyway. Why am I going into a gig? That's good. But sometimes you've got to go in. Let me see if I can turn this. Let me see if I can, you know. In a sense of just doing like a random show you get it up to do.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Yeah, and you're like, this could be a tough room. This could be good for me, you know? And it shakes you up a little. Get you on your toes where you're like, oh, man, I had to like, I was in autopilot for a while. Yeah, nothing means you want to write harder than a bomb. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. That auto pot of the shit, you're like, am I just funny in front of my own fans?
Starting point is 01:00:42 Right. I will eat a gun if that's the case. Yeah. I can't do that. I know. I say this all the time and I hope he doesn't get offended. but, like, Louis will go up at these random clubs unannounced and eat it for like three months. It's pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:00:57 Before you know, he's murdering with that same stuff. And he's just really workshopping it up there? Workshop and to silence. No offense, Lou. But eventually it starts cooking and then it starts jelling and then he's killing. I ran into him to the grocery store yesterday. I was with a girl. I run into him and we're just chatting for a while.
Starting point is 01:01:15 And then she was like, oh, who is that? Like some guy who lives in your building? and I was like, that was fucking Louis Ska. And she got the red-haired guy, but he has gray hair now. I'm like, he got older. It's been a little stressed out this past decade. That's the thing. If she's a young girl seeing that guy walk on stage,
Starting point is 01:01:29 she's like, who's this weirdo? Is this the Ayatollah? What the fuck is that? But he was my age. It's not like dead silence. You're saying when he's going up there. No. But you know what?
Starting point is 01:01:39 It's his way. That's how he, everyone writes their own way. Like some people like to cushion the new bits to give it a running start. Louis, Louis's like, I'm just going to fucking. I'm going to embrace the silence. So it is fun to watch. It is. Because you're like, wow, he doesn't.
Starting point is 01:01:53 He'll just, I just saw him in the corner once. And I just, I'm watching because I'm just kind of like, I want to see it. And he just kind of turned to me and smiled after a fucking hard bomb. Like, wow, this is like some OB1 shit. It is. I start spazzing after like the no laughs for, you know, a couple minutes. You're like, this is crazy. These poor people.
Starting point is 01:02:09 I know. I respect that so hard when like it is the OB1 thing. It's like he doesn't care. And like I, I, I, one day, hope to like not give a fuck. I know. I'm like you, man. After like, after a minute of a new bit that's doing like a C minus, I'm like, oh, God.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Where are you from? Like jump off points. With each bit, there's like, you get into here or you keep pushing. I saw you set a clip that was great that was like, just keep pushing for one or two more lines after. Yes, yes. Which I think about often. But I saw Bird doing new material night.
Starting point is 01:02:38 It was so cool because he's just, no matter how big you get in comedy, he's still like, no paddy. He goes, all right, let's see if this works and then just puts in his pocket. It's like, how big? That's still the same shit. You see it in open mind. Obviously, he's Bill Burry, he's a genius, but it's the art form of it is still so simple. Well, they say you never know until, you know, even if you're at that level, you have a good sense of what's funny, what's going to hit, but you still never know completely.
Starting point is 01:02:59 But that's why this is, that's why I love this so much, because you don't know. You can never, if you get complacent, it just there is no like, oh, I got it. Yeah. You don't have it. You never know if you have it. Exactly. It's so cool. Yeah, because how many times you've been like, oh, this is going to kill?
Starting point is 01:03:14 And then that bombs, then you're like, this is nothing. And then the segue to the new. joke hits and you're like this I wrote this just now yes but the joke didn't it yeah so frustrating but also exciting the first time I ever saw Louis live he was just workshopping stuff it was at Carolines
Starting point is 01:03:29 and he was just out of a notebook I was like months in a comedy he was out of a notebook dude murdering and I was like this motherfucker is just reading stuff and I'm like it was I just I was just so in all this guy's just like the best man well back to the OB one thing
Starting point is 01:03:45 I think when you get to that level of not giving a fuck, like you can just go up and bomb and be okay with it. That's when you get to that crazy, thoughtful, interesting material. Right. And, you know, it takes years to get to that level, I think. Yeah. And those silences, sometimes you find the funniest thing from just the failure. Like, there's something about it, you keep digging and then you say the thing. It's almost like the muscle memory from doing this forever. You're like, this is it. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, holy shit, I just figured it out. Because if I didn't, it would just keep getting worse. And then sometimes it's just keeps getting worse. That's true. That's okay too. But I feel guilty. I do feel guilty
Starting point is 01:04:21 when I bombed too fucking hard. I'm like, let me throw a couple old ones into and and but you got to find ways to to get the new shit. It's it's never pretty. Do you guys remember the first time that you started feeling this extra weird pressure because people knew who you were and then so that working new material stuff out you yes. Do you know what I mean? I definitely have that. When you like when you're new in the game like nobody knows who any of us are so then you go up and it's a gift. It's a gift. That's a weird gift when you're building material when no one knows that's what I'm saying. They're still like go up with
Starting point is 01:04:51 the cellar sometimes and they don't know me and that's cool but like sometimes they do and you're like oh shit they're going to be like pressure there's a part of me that's like does the crowd know you're working on shit or are they going to be like man that guy's fucking slipping. I know that's what yeah you're following some young bucket the cellar who's fucking bringing the heat and really funny
Starting point is 01:05:07 there's so many funny young people there right now and it's like uh wow geez that was a little humidity in there. He used to be better this guy he's losing He's working out farts. He's getting too comfortable.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Okay, let me try this creaky one. No, nothing? The creaky one. Lope and biking it. It sounds like a fire chip. It was like a bad trumpet. No, I definitely feel bad for sure, but I'm also like, what's a seller ticket is what, $12? They see a great show.
Starting point is 01:05:34 It's so cheap, whatever they charge. I know. Well, that's the other thing is people go like, oh, they get to see a workout new material. They're going to love it. I'm like, they'll love it for six minutes. If I do that for 45, they're like, all right, asshole. This is a little self-indulgent. Yeah, you got to prep them a little bit.
Starting point is 01:05:48 Let me try a few new and then you kind of do good stuff. And you go like, let me try a few more. But it is so funny how important that one sentence is mentally for yourself to be like, I'm going to try some new shit. Huge. Then they're all in all. Because if you didn't say that, it's just bombing. Yes.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Yes, exactly. One sentence. I oddly asked their permission. I'm like, is it cool if I work out and it's like, and then I go back. If it bombed and go, you fucking ask for the new shit. You fucking out. Comic was clearly doing old material. Let me try some new shit.
Starting point is 01:06:14 Fucking OJ, man. That's like fucking weird, right? You can't smoke on a plane anymore, huh? Is there one bit you guys have just never been able to get to work? It's just always been on the back burner. And then like every couple years you're like bringing it out of the cage. Yeah, I've got a few of those. I actually, a lot of those.
Starting point is 01:06:31 It's my whole act. He cracks it a lot. The Mark will really stay with a bit in the way that's pretty cool. And just keep workshopping it each night. Even when we were young comics, he would always, like, I can't crack this one. You were like one of the few people would tweet. at mics, I feel like even. Yes.
Starting point is 01:06:48 A lot of people are like, okay, they've seen this. I can't, but you'd bring it back sometimes. I'd go back, but, you know, mics were tough because if you'd see the same asshole comic in the front row. The worst. You're like, it didn't work last night. It's not going to work tonight.
Starting point is 01:06:59 I usually know why it doesn't work. And I'm like, I don't necessarily agree because if I think there's something funny about it, but sometimes I'm like, this doesn't work because of this. Or maybe this bit makes them too sad. But that makes you laugh. So you're like, there is something to do it. But not everything that makes me laugh
Starting point is 01:07:15 should be, you know, in my act. Sure. That's when you get self-indulgent, right? Right, right. Like, I mean, I should like everything in my act, but sometimes if I think something's funny, it's not right for the show, you know? Well, yeah. And it's also like we're comedians, so what makes us laugh is horrendous. So you can't make a room full of people that work in a inch and our block laugh at what we laugh at. It's like, you can try. That's true. Sometimes it's just too heinous. Like, you're going too dark.
Starting point is 01:07:39 Too dark. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's one kind of fun thing about the internet is sometimes you have a joke, You're like, it didn't really hit, but I think there's something here and you throw it out into the world. And it finds them. Yeah. But it's hard. It's hard to find, you know, like certain bits. Certain bits aren't for everybody also. Like, we talked about this as Mark just put a special out.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Sometimes you keep this one line in and you can't get selfish with it, but the one line's there. You're like, it's just kind of a throwaway. And then people end up being like, I love that line. I know. It's funny. It's like always that one fucking line. It doesn't hit. The one you're about to pull.
Starting point is 01:08:11 I feel it in sketches a lot, too. I'm the edit trying to condense it. I'm like, is this. funny is this funny? Oh, whatever, keep it in it. And then that's the line people quote. Yes. Which is so weird that you, but you like hyperfocus on that one line. I know. Which I think if there's some gut feeling in there, you're like,
Starting point is 01:08:24 this line is important and I don't know why. Well, I think we always go, is that a laugh line, but it doesn't have to be a laugh line to be, to resonate. You know what I mean? Like your thing about the cyber truck tweet, none of us burst out laughing, but we're all
Starting point is 01:08:40 like, oh, that's good. Yeah, Bill, it's to it. What was the line again? You never see with a family. I just never seen a family in a cyber truck. Yeah, that's not like, ha, ha, ha, ha, but you're like, oh, that's good. You know, so you keep it in. Henny Youngman used to say, like,
Starting point is 01:08:54 sometimes you get a laugh just on the recognition, though. Sure. So it's like not necessarily a joke, but it's like you ever notice everyone does it? And it's like no one's articulated that way, and that's why you're getting the laugh. Right, right. Boy, we're going nerd shit right here.
Starting point is 01:09:06 We're going deep. Yeah, back to coming on the ground. Windex to get it off or 401. It comes like a flag. I guess it's not supposed to hit the ground. You ever hit the curtains in the hotel? Oh, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 01:09:23 Don't open the curtains in a hotel room. You can. After I leave, you can't open. Sealed shut like labia. You peel it open like a grilled cheese. Oh, that's fucking gross. Great visual. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:36 You'll hear this on Collar Daddy. I feel like they talk about calm on collar daddy. They used to. That's true. I don't think they do anymore. No, they have like Obama on. Yeah, that's true. I've never heard of it.
Starting point is 01:09:47 I just assume. When it was the two girls, it was all like, how do you give head? Then they've demonstrated on the mic and now it's literally- I wonder why I got so big. Yeah. That used to be a recipe for a hit pod. Girls talking fucking? Girls talking fucking.
Starting point is 01:10:01 It was like unheard of. Because girls liked it and guys, I feel like secretly liked it. Because they're like, this is, you know, we're watching the defense here. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Because girls, when I was a kid where. so annoying. You'd be like, sir, you ever finger yourself? And they're like, ew, shut up. And I'm like, bitch, don't make me look like a psycho.
Starting point is 01:10:18 You know you're at home dittling all night. They would always cover it up and hide it and be like, well, that was our original podcast name, bitch, don't make me look like a psycho. So two dudes complain about women talking about sex. I know, I went full pimps right there. Bitch, don't make me look like a psycho. That's great. Damn, dude. Yeah, you couldn't talk, could talk with the ladies. It is funny, though, because that was the recipe for a hit pot, and then everybody did it. And then it's like, all right, well, but it's funny how girls will go from jizz talk to Kamala Harris.
Starting point is 01:10:52 Like, they work their way up to, like, real shit. Yeah. But I think deep down, they want to ask Kamala that. Of course. Like, fuck the GDP. How do you get yourself off at night? How do you Kamala Harris? But that's every big pod.
Starting point is 01:11:04 It's like, you know, Marin's, like, working out his beef with, like, all these comics. Then he's like, oh, I got Obama on this week. You know? Yeah. Every pod once gets big. You're like, I don't think of... I don't like this new thing the pods do where they have like this super dramatic trailer.
Starting point is 01:11:17 It's like tomorrow coming on. And it's like horror film, like cuts of black. This is like noon, eastern. Oh, that's that diary. It's like Michael Bay directed the trailer. Yeah, it's so much buildup and hype for the same shit you got last week. Right.
Starting point is 01:11:30 And do what you do. And it's obviously working. It actually is an old trope from the news. The news would be like, yeah. Shrimp. What's in it? It might kill your kids.
Starting point is 01:11:39 Tomorrow at 11. You're like, gosh, shit, I got to watch tomorrow. Tomorrow, and a new we might be drunk. Gary Veter, like you've never seen him before. He has hair. Carrying a wig for a one. Gary opens a cyber truck. Will he get in?
Starting point is 01:11:57 Can you reach it? Does he need a boost? Tomorrow. Oh, Gary. All that buildup. I guess there's anything to get clicks on users. Exactly. Hold retention a little bit.
Starting point is 01:12:09 Well, I guess we just think of. of podcast like goofball, I think of Theo Vaughn being like, Hey man, a rabbit ate my dad's ass or whatever. And then they show, you know, that's a direct clip from here. Then it's Bernie Sanders on something. Theo, a rabbit ate my dad's ass like,
Starting point is 01:12:30 do you want Trump on the pod? He wants to come on. He heard your rabbit eating at that. And then we got Bernie next week and he's like, oh, cool, man. I know. Bernie, how do you feel about rabbits eating ass? It's an upper class problem?
Starting point is 01:12:47 Man, all right, I got to stop singing comics. We've got Drew Lynch, Marin, Theo. We're doing the gamut here. Yeah, well, we should, we got to do your pod in a minute. So you should plug some dates. Plug some dates where you guys are going to be. I just finished my tour. Michael's heavy on the road, though.
Starting point is 01:13:00 Check him out. Yeah, just a bunch of stuff, man. Go to blowcomedy.com. Blowcomedy.com. I'm going freaking everywhere. Yeah. Look at that. All over Canada.
Starting point is 01:13:12 Canada. Moncton. Juliet. Atlantic City. I got to go to the NBA Hall of Fame in Springfield, Mass. Oh, buddy, I'm going. I'm so excited. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:22 Go, go get some tickets. Dude, you're everywhere. Look at that. Look at that. Hey, the Wilbur's fun. Wilbur's so fun. The best. That DC one's great, too.
Starting point is 01:13:31 What's that called? The Capital One Hall? Great room. Oh, I've never played. He's a killer. Is Shane tape there? Beautiful Dogs was there, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:40 Oh, was it? It's basically DC, yeah. Oh, great. Yeah, very excited. Damn, all over. These are all great, right, right, right. Yeah, after this, I'm gonna be dead, so come out. Yeah, I just have two.
Starting point is 01:13:50 Some random ones, London, UK, June 10th, and then Halifax, Canada, the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival. Oxy, Trevor Walls.com. You guys doing that? The great outdoors one? I've done a few, they're always awesome. They're so fun. I only did one with, when we did it.
Starting point is 01:14:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one weird, it's at like 3 p.m. Then Schultz is after me for the night show. They're doing it more like. festival so you're headlining at 3 p.m. I'm like the fuck yeah. It'll be a good day drinking thing but it'll be it'll be fun but like it's gonna be
Starting point is 01:14:17 be nice to be done in like four. Yeah right just chill. That's what we did we did it when I went on it was it was five like it was yeah the sun setting is your light when the sun goes down there that's my life gotta go. Who was that? Oh, Seguera was going to yeah they're always fun and they bring out a fucking huge audience. Huge it's crazy so it is
Starting point is 01:14:35 pretty fun. Yeah. I got the turning So in Casino in Verona, New York, June 6th. And I'm going to add dates at some point. But yeah, I got... Portugal? Yeah, I'm doing a little Euro tour again, just places I want to go to. So Lisbon, Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw, Helsinki, Stockholm and Copenhagen. So that's all in September and that's on my site.
Starting point is 01:14:54 Warsaw, you're allowed in? I am. Times are changed, baby. Yeah. Well, Poland's not fucking around. They don't allow gay marriage. They don't allow same-sex adoption. Wow.
Starting point is 01:15:04 Yeah, they're wild. Is that true? Yeah. I didn't even know that. That's crazy. Oh, I'm back in the clubs, baby. I've got a hell of a new hour. Spokane.
Starting point is 01:15:14 Philly. Oh, the Philly healing is so fun. Favorite room, maybe in the country. Milwaukee Improv, Irvine Improv. Irvine is a sneaky banger. Love that room. Temp is so fun. Oh, Detroit, Mark Ridley's in Royal Oak.
Starting point is 01:15:29 Hilarities in Cleveland. That's maybe my favorite. Emerald City. That's up there, right? Never been to Emerald City Comedy Club. I think it's new. Science Spuders in Tampa. It's a great room.
Starting point is 01:15:38 All going out for the happens. And, yeah, all kinds of Cubs, I love Cubs, San Francisco. You don't have to cancel some of these. If we get up playing out. Oh, yeah. I love. We're trying to make a movie. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:47 Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Working on. Trying. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How are you in? How was, yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:52 How was it? It was fun, man. It was just shooting for a day. Oh, nice. Yeah, it literally just felt like a giant sketch with a bunch of friends. Yes. Popton for a day.
Starting point is 01:16:01 Can you talk of the premise? Is that not out yet? It's just, yeah, we're just two liquor salesmen. We have our bodega cat. We got our hooch, and we just made it. We're two failing liquor salesmen. But it's fun. It's got hard.
Starting point is 01:16:12 It's like an old school 90s comedy. It's a joke of fucking more. I mean, it's so many jokes. Tons of jokes. The best comedies feel like just like an improv scene where it's a sense of like your bus boys. And then they never really, you don't see them as busboys ever. Yes, yes, exactly. It's like, seen as you're in Home Depot and then you forget you're in Home Depot.
Starting point is 01:16:29 Yeah. The fact that you guys sell the bodega cat is like, that's, the premise, but really it's just about you guys. It's just about friendship and getting older and still drinking and being fuck-ups and it's fun. It's like a fun funny comedy. Oh man, I need to see this. We're close. We're so close. We hope it works out, so
Starting point is 01:16:47 we'll say, but you guys have been awesome and listen to their podcast, Stiff's Sox. Yeah, yeah. Great to see you guys and we'll see you next week. Buy some bodega cat whiskey guys. Yeah, yeah. It's delicious. Sophie Ryan, hit us up. We've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope
Starting point is 01:17:12 And I get down in the same way Up on the road I'm out to lunch here in Newburgh And I... We've all been there The watch party finally makes it out of the group chat And uh-oh, you volunteered to host Suddenly you need snacks, drinks, dips, cups
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