We Might Be Drunk - Two Mark Normands, One Sam Morril, no cups

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Mark and Sam talk road burnout, awkward encounters with fans, and the real texts behind Sam’s new Netflix special, Incorrect. Mark shares a college party story that ended in the emergency room, and Jeremiah Watkins drops in with his Mark Normand impression and new special, Crazy Pizza. Plus, overpriced cocktails, online shopping peeves, true crime, and a surprise package from Kevin Spacey. Sponsored by: Rocket MoneyFind and cancel unwanted subscriptions:https://www.rocketmoney.com/DRUNK HimsVisit Hims for a personalized treatment plan:https://www.hims.com/DRUNK UnderdogDownload Underdog and check out Keep Your Million. Jeremiah Watkins:https://www.jeremiahwatkins.com/https://www.instagram.com/jeremiahstandup/Watch Crazy Pizza on his YouTube channel:https://www.youtube.com/@jeremiahwatkins Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JeremiahWatkins #RocketMoney #Hims #Underdog #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yo. Hey, hey, we might be drunk. Here we are. Oh, I'm hurting, dude. Oh, yeah, we're all fried. I got the, I got the bittersweet things. The baby goes to school, the toddler. There goes to daycare, which is great, but you've got to get up and get him there.

Yeah. So you got to get up early. How early? minute walk. Yeah, that's a lot. And you're a comic, you're up late. I get it. I was up late last night. I had a few pops. And then you get up and you're just like, ah, you're just in it. There's no like, hold on, give me a second. Oh, dude, I did Christina P. I did your mom's house with Christina P. It's like they switch off. We're like children of divorce from our guests on this now. You don't know who you're going to get. I got Christina. And, you know, she's starting the morning.

I didn't have breakfast yet. I got there pretty early. How early? I mean, I probably got picked up at like 10.30. That's early. Yeah, but I want to hit the gym first. Just because you know when you're on the road, you're just like, I'd almost rather hit the gym and just figure out food later just for the mental aspect. Yes, for sure. So, you know, I'm like, quick gym. Then I shower, pack, go downstairs and she's zapping cigarettes. So I was like, hey, I've gone through divorce. I'm not going to let you smoke cigs alone. So I said, hand him over. So yeah, we start drinking. She's drinking white wine. I'm drinking some bodega cat. Hey, hey. And before you know, I got that nice little. morning buzz and then it's like

I think the pod wraps are what like noon or something I get a 350 flight so now I'm just killing time at the lounge at the airport chilling at the airport end up on the flight start like fucking hand another whiskey over let's do it go jack and coke then I'll move over to like a little whiskey soda with a lime

watching the Yankees fuck cam Schlittler fuck shit up what a game and it was definitely the moments you get off the flight where you're just like oh boy that was a lot and the flight attendant is just feeding me whiskey only, she goes, any shows? I'm like, oh great, she saw, there's a witness. There's a witness for that fucking degeneracy. It's good for the brand though.

He really is, but he might be drunk. He's on the flight. He's really killing himself. This is good shit. Yeah, but great little trip and dude, I was home in September, I believe, I think I'm three days home in September total. Wow. So that's a rough one. That's when you start to spiral on the road a little bit. You start to eat, like you start to reach for

like chocolate. Yes. You start to reach for like I'm like, I don't normally eat like this, but I'm just stuffing my face with any candy in sight. Oh, yeah. Some of these comedy club green rooms, they just stack the candy in there. And I'm like, I haven't eaten Laffy-Taffy since I was 12. I know. We know about Patrice. The guy lost a foot.

None with the candy already. I get off stage. I'm with where the fuck of the Welch's fruit shoes? Oh, I love a good food juice. I had a seven out of ten set. Let me get a fucking, let me get a butterfinger. You got range, whiskey and fruit juice. I do.

I mean, but you know what? As a kid, it's like, that's all you want. wanted access to both. Yeah, the flight, the flight, that flight is deceptively long from Austin, New York. Yeah, it's like almost four hours. Yeah. You're like, this will be what, two and a half, and then you're on there forever. It's a day.

It's a day. You kind of go, yeah, with getting to the airport and, yeah. And you lose an hour. Yeah, that's a tough one. And that airport is tiny for how. It's not a great airport. Booming Austin is supposedly, oh, it's this crazy new city. It's a tiny airport.

Not big. No. But I had the same thing. I was on a flight from Minneapolis. Had a great weekend at Acme, killer club. I haven't been there in years. Great club. Great.

I saw your name on the board because you signed the wall. You were up there. Somebody put an arrow, said, gay. I don't know. That was me. That's how I said. Oh, okay. I want people to know.

All right. I thought it was me. But, yeah, so did the shows great, got a ton of work done, and then flew back, and I had the dead head. What do you call that? Is that what it is? Next to the pilot? Well, he was like a...

A grateful dead fan? No, no. What's a deadhead? The head is when a pilot takes a seat on the plane. Is that the word? Yeah. I think it's deadhead. They're deadheading.

Yeah, you know, you ever seen a pilot just sitting in the seat? Yeah, I didn't know it was called deadheading. Yeah. They're trying to get to another location. I don't know why they're called deadhead. Meaning like they're not flying. They're dead. They're not on.

They're not on right now. That's a weird term. I think that's it. Yeah. Where'd that come from? I think it's a sailing term. Ah. Like you're navigating without the stars or something.

So you're sitting next to the pilot. Yeah. It'd funny if Uber did that. He's got an Uber later. Okay. So I've got the pilot there, and he's kind of given me the funky eye. Oh, boy. So I was like, ah, this guy's gay.

He's all over me, whatever. And then he hands me a note at the end of the flight, and he's like, just didn't want to blow up your spot. Big fan. I love all your stuff. Oh, classy. It was nice, but he handed me the note. And then they're like, okay, buckle up for landing. So now we're just sitting next to each other.

And I already know all this about him, but I read the note. It's like the scene in Billy Madison where the principal's like, I'm horny too. That shit. I got a note on the flight yesterday too. Oh, there you go. From a woman, she sent it back to the, through the flight attendant. Ooh. And it's a little bit of, I'm flattered, but he's a little peeve.

Get a little deadhead? No pick. Also, I have a girlfriend, but no pick. I should have opened with the girlfriend. Well, it's just saying like, oh, what's up? Oh. You know. Well, I'm just going to hand you a headshot?

Maybe like a link to something. I don't know. Okay, okay. Yeah, now you've got to go up there and go, is it her? But I should have opened that I'm in a relationship. Yeah. Instead of being like, where's the pick? Send nudes.

Then we'll... I'm seeing something, but I want to see you naked as well. Sure. But also, you haven't been home and you only have been old three days in the month. Oh, you get prison sex. Yeah. I was looking at that bell hop, like, I could do it. Oh, the standards just keep dropping.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But nice to be recognized on a plane, but you just stuck there. Yeah. It's awkward. Well, it's weird. That note is great, but you want it after. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. So our thighs touch, you know, it's weird. You touch your leg? Yeah, he touched my leg. So, but yeah, very nice. And it's nice. It is a great feeling for sure. It's very nice.

You're like a random dick pick on a plane? A random dick pick? Oh, yeah, people do like air- No, but I've sent a few. They air-drop to everyone on the plane. Everyone picks it up, sees that person's dick. Yeah, it's a high-tech predator. So strange.

It is because you think about where the purve has started and where they've ended up. Yeah. They've really taken it up a level. They should just flash on the subway. Oh, yeah. Now you do it. Now you got technology. It's like a mass shooter versus the fucking musket.

Right. You're able to... You're able to... Yeah. You used to have to do that like one by one at the office party. You got fired. Now you can fucking send a mass email. Airdrop.

You got options. How long until a kid drone bombs a school? You know, that's going to come before, you know, other stuff. Jesus, crying. Mark's put it out there. Put it out there. By the way, there's been 13 Lindsay Clancy copycatsy. What? Since it happened.

13. 13. Killing kids all day. Wait, pull that up. Is that real? Well, is that just people killing their kids and then saying Lindsay Klansey inspired me? Yeah, that's a copy cat.

How many. They said that she inspired her. I don't know about that, but it's similar way to do it. Get the husband out. I'll stop someone exercise bands. Yeah. No one's using those. No one's exercising with the bands.

No. There's one person that said this directly inspired me to kill my kids. Oh, it's only one. All right. Well, we've had 13 moms killing their kids since it happened. So, why can't people copycat good shit? You know, it's always negative. We've got a serial killer copycat.

What about this guy planted a community garden, copycat? The guy who gives out hugs everywhere. Why can't we copycat that? Exactly. I love the hug guy. The hug guy's nice. Yeah. What was that, that Dave Matthew's video?

Oh, Judah. Judah was in that. He was the hug. A lot of hugging. Yeah. Nice hugging. Dude had a hell of a run. He had 30 Rock, Curb.

American Splendor. American Splendor and Dave Matthews. And Meet the Parents. Oh. And Zoolander. He's the brother. What a run. It's him and Vince Vaughn.

Moms and Meet the Parents. He's a great actor. American Splendor he was amazing in. Yeah. Now he's gone full Burka. Yeah. Haven't seen his mouth in years. Probably for the best.

But yeah, he's a fucking great comic and a nice guy. Very nice guy. But man, that 30 Rock gig. Second Banana on 30 Rock. Well, he wasn't the second banana. Fourth? He was in the bunch. He's in the bunch.

He's not the second banana. This is Liz Lemon. You got Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan, Kenneth. Who's first banana if he's not second? We've got Liz. Liz Baldwin. That's two right there. First and second banana.

Oh, he's saying he's lower. Of course. But he was in the credits. He got his name in the credits. That's true. That's some cash money right there. All right. He's 15th banana.

He's probably like seventh. All right, seven. Maybe sixth. I bet there's a call sheet we can look up. See where he is on the call sheet. He's in the bunch of bananas, which is big deal. All right, he's in the bunch. He was great on the show.

He was great. That show is like tops. Oh, yeah. That's as good as a sitcom can be, man. Completely agree. Holds up hard. And they went dark. They went for it.

It was awesome. That was one of the few times I've seen you freeze up a little in the elevator with Tina Faye. Yes. Because you were like, I'm going to say something. And I was like, hell yeah. And then you're just like, You couldn't do it.

And I got it. I was like, yeah, I respect her too much. She's such a legend. You don't know what to say to a lady. It's a different vibe. She's just, you know, she made one of the best shows ever. And she's such a good writer that everything I say, I feel like she'd go. That was it?

That's all you had? I know. I panicked. She'd see through it. Exactly. You could see it. Yeah, I'm with you, dude. All right, here's a call sheet.

Oh, here we go. Tina Faye, Alec Baldwin, Rachel Dratch, Tracy Morgan, Scott AdSitt. No bunch. Jack McPrayer. that's it He's after that one He's not even on the call sheet Yeah but this is one scene

That's not Oh this is one scene Probably Yeah I don't know Yeah probably Wow you could see a call sheet Well done on that Google bitch

But he's on the mix Yeah for sure For sure Now see that's the kind of gig I'd want That kind of Yeah well that kind of role Will you show up like two days a week

Exactly And then you still get the tour Exactly And you just never see your family ever Yeah And you get to tell people I'm on a huge Funny sitcom

That's big. I mean, he had a look. That was back when you had a look, you got hired. Yeah, I mean, he made it a look. Yeah. And he's still doing it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But it's kind of like when Spider-Man changes his outfits and went darker. Yeah. It was like the bright red Spider-Man, and then you're just like, he's been black, and you're like, eh. Not as fun. He's only working at Harlem. This is the longest Judah chunk on any podcast ever. This whole hour, we're just talking about Judah Friedlander. We like Judah.

I mean, yeah, I think he's got a special on Netflix still. He does. Speaking of Netflix. Oh, come on. How about that? Currently at number eight on the top ten. So, well, hopefully it keeps climbing. Hopefully.

Yeah, I mean, this is, I guess the day after it came out, we're recording this. Good sign, though. I checked it yesterday. Nothing. Checked it today. You're two in. So that's it. People are finding it.

They're finding it, yeah. I watch it on my mom's account for you. Hey. Oh, thank you. You got to give it a double. We love this. Oh, really? Yeah, that's the movie.

You've got to give it a double thumbs up. Yeah, no, it's nice. It's nice. And I'm getting some text, which is fun. Oh, really? Nice. Well, I don't know if you guys, if you've seen the special, you know the Jilissa text. The Jilissa text messages.

That story, the one-night Stan story. Well, this is where it starts. I sent these to Salekuse. So, yeah, she wrote, this is what actually happened in the bit, not even an Uber black, and I wrote, Lift is Better. Nice. She wrote, comes in 10 seconds, then calls me a Toyota Camry. That's a line that was actually in the special.

And then I think I said, wait, come back. I might be able to get hard again after an insult like that. But I mean, that's like actually the only line I didn't, you know, right. I mean, a lot of it really happens. But then you're like, oh, you gave me a line. Also, according to the timestamp, you kicked her out at 5.30 in the morning. I didn't kick her out. She chose to live.

Okay, okay. I always offer a night pass. Good man, though. You got up and you got an Uber or a lift at 9 at 530. This is the next text. What does it say? Oh, yeah, but this shows we're on good terms. She wrote, come to L.A.

And I'll give you some more content. You need all the help you can get. Whoa. Wow. What did I say back to her? Keep negging me and I'll keep it. Oh, that's the real name is what I wrote. Oh.

I slightly changed it. Because I sent a version of the bits saying, you mind if I put this in a special. And she said, sure. But then she starts nagging me. I was like, I might change it back. It hits harder with your name because your name's a little weirder. But uh... Now is that your 929 or is that her 929?

It's got to be mine. Wow, that's a lot of texts. Uh, and then, yeah, what do we say next? Oh, Jalissa hit, you're off the hook. Could I change the name? Mm. So I was like, give me some help with the name. So we start brainstorming names that might work.

But this is great. She's fucking with you, but also cool enough to let it happen. Yeah, yeah. She was cool. And see where this goes. This gets crazy. Uh, whatever. My best performance yet, whatever.

Yeah, you were good. Blah, blah, blah, blah. So then here's, as the day the special comes out, she messages me. So weird, you didn't invite me to Tampa for this. And I wrote, how do you like the special? She wrote, it was charming until you implied I'm an anti-Semite. The art of seduction. I'm anti-Semite.

And I wrote, when did I do that? I actually didn't even remember that part. You know, and she goes, the part where you say Jalissa was anti-Semitic, I'm marrying a Jew. And I wrote, first of all, you're getting married. We wrote a dog like a year ago. I'm a little offended. You're getting married so quickly. I said that was a callback.

Which so, yeah, that was just a callback. I was just trying to wrap something up. Okay. And she goes, I did you get married this soon after getting raw-dogged by your boy? Ah. And she wrote, yeah, he always orders me an Uber black. Nice. Sounds like a winner.

She's good, right? That's a callback. She's a callback. So, yeah, good stuff. Very good. I mean, she might be the one. I said that. I think I closed by saying, I could have loved you, Jalissa.

Yeah, that's a little quick to get married there, Jell. I mean, what are you, Patrick Clancy? I mean, what the hell is going on? Yeah. Who is this, dude? We got to bring them in. I know. Hopefully it gives you a hot 30 seconds.

I'm sure he... And then I got another text from the rat exterminator because he keeps asking when the special is going to come out because he wants to hear the rat chunked about the rat. How great is this? So I told him and he wrote... I said, hey, it's the second joke. Check it out.

And he wrote, that's what's up. Did you mention VJ pest management? I didn't work it into the special, but here you go. Try VJ pest management. You can Photoshop in the rat. They kill with a hockey stick. I dig in a few DMs. How dare you?

That's animal cruelty. Oh, there we go. But if it makes you feel any better, we ate the rat afterwards. We used the whole body. Wow. VJ. Pest. Now, did the abortion clinic call in after the joke you made about that?

That would be great of me. Everybody just texted you. Well, I had to let him because he's been asking me for months. He goes, when's the special out? You know, and yeah. The rat guy made it. So these are all real stories. I love that.

It's been 24 hours, right? It's been 24 hours. What's the nicest text or most? I was in a lot of nice texts. Anyone we want to share? No, it's just, you know, your friends. It's nice stuff, you know. But it's special.

Mark and I've talked about this. It's not fun when a special comes out because you're doing so many podcasts. You're burnt out. You're trying to get the word out. All while struggling through material that makes you feel like a So it's like, I'm not at my best right now. I know I'm not my best. The crowd knows I'm not my best.

You do the road and you do like, whatever, 20 minutes of the old shit to see how the new stuff stacks up against it. And of course, the honed stuff that you spend all this time and I'm putting a special stronger. But then you see, there's moments of like, okay, that's getting there. That's coming along. And you do enough sets where finally you're like, I hate myself. I have to add a tag.

I have to add this line. Right. But it's, yeah, it's a process that's like, you know, we've been through many times. And it doesn't feel great. No. And I have a set that's now finally jelling after months and months. And I just keep thinking I can't give this away. Because I don't want to go through that again.

Well, you just put one out pretty recently, though. So you got time. I got time. I got time. But I will have to put this out eventually. Eventually. As well, you with your next one, you know, and I'm already dreading. But there's that also good feeling of like, okay, it's going to live somewhere now.

Of course. You put it somewhere and it's nice that people will see the finished product. but yeah, it's a real mixed feeling. Oh, yeah. You're in a real postpartum funk, not Lindsey Clancy. Yeah. Not a psychosis, but a funk. Well, it's an empty nestress.

Because you got this thing, you've built up, and you honed and reared, and then you put it out and goes to college, and then you go, ah! I miss it. I miss it. So then you've got to have another one. My baby. Yes. Yeah, no, it's, it's tough, man. Yeah, now they're off at Cornell.

But, yeah. But it's a tough one. but yeah just building that back up from it's like stacking bricks you're like i got no wall here i got to build the great wall of china i got two bricks in my hand oh my god it's crazy i was in san diego we could i had a fun moment speaking of uh seeing a dude recognize you i'm in the elevator of the hotel you know when you're in san diego you're just eating non-stop mexican it's such good mexican food oh so good pounding burritos and my camera guy brian's a vegan so it's like everyone's satisfied no one's complaining which like you know

Good for him for being a vegan, blah, blah, blah. But it does make the dinner search sometimes a little more challenging and what I would be happy. That was a good line on the special. When they're vegan, that's never the only thing. Oh, that's gluten-free. Sorry, gluten-free. It's never the only thing. Right, right.

Yeah. But, uh, which is, it is true. But no, he's, that is the only thing with him. He's great. But, uh, he is great. But, you know, uh, actually got me a DVD as a gift that I'm going to shout out as a wreck. My life as a dog. Oh.

It's a Swedish movie from the 80s. Colin Quinn shouted out in his Criterion Clause. It's fucking great. My life is a duck. Great Swedish movie from the 80s. Coming of age. Okay. Sad but funny.

Great. But where was it? Okay, so I get in the elevator. I'm gassy as fuck. Yeah. Mexican food. Mexican food all day. And you're just like,

ooh, these are like bad farts. It's not like the fun, cartoonish Mark Norman farts. These are like silent and it's like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. And I get in the elevator and I let one rip. And I was like, ooh, that's bad. And then the door opens and a dude comes in and he's smiling looking at me. And he goes, Sam, I'm a big fan.

And I was like, oh, thanks, man. And then he goes, and then I watched him notice the far. I watched him process where he's like, I was just like, and he didn't mention anything. I was like, and that was it. But I know that he knew and he knew that I knew. It's like your old bit. Not funny. Funny again.

With the chick. With the girl. Yeah, that was an old bit. You fart in the elevator you laugh and the door opens a hot woman comes on, not funny anymore. Yeah. Then the door opens again. You get off, door shut. She's stuck with a fart.

Funny again. That was an old Sammy bit. That's a great bit. Got me a stand you know and America's got talent. Hey. Low bar. Low bar. Damn.

Yeah, yeah. The Mexican farts are no joke. I was farting on that deadhead guy all day long. Really? Oh, I was Ben Lott. He wrote you another note. I'm not a fan anymore. Yeah, he wrote me a doctor's note for some Bino.

It is. Some people really. have that all the time. I know. I bought gas sex. That's how bad it is. Whoa. Yeah, well, I just don't want to be that dude. Does that work? It works. Really? But I went to, I got, there's, there's like, regular strength and extra strength, and you're like, let me get the extra, you know? Yeah. And then you get it and you're checking out. And the guy, there's no line. The guy just goes, self-service is there. And I was like, I'm a person, damn it. You think just because I farted him out person? Right. You just didn't want to work. Yeah. I never got those extra strength. Like,

Monostat, I had a yeast infection years ago, there's Monostat 1 and Monostat 7. And I asked the guy, what's the difference? And he goes, Monastat 7 works since over seven days. I was like, who wants a longer yeast? Maybe I'm wrong there. I don't understand. No, that's correct. There's Montesat 1 that fixes you in one day, and Monastat 7 fixes you over seven days.

So why would you pick the seven? I think it's like less chemicals in your body all at once. Ooh, okay. Yeah, well, there's stuff like that. I've had like, you know, you get like a skin thing sometimes, and they'll like, do you want the pill or do you want the cream? and you're like, which one can't I drink on? And they're like, the pill will clear it up better, but you can't drink. I'm like, give me that cream, buddy, boy.

Cream me. Wait a minute, give that a goog, though. Are you sure about that? Because who would want a week's long of yeast infection? By the way, when it's a guy's it's called jock itch it's. Fun fact. Tough actin, tinactin? That's for the feet.

That's for the feet. I know, but it works. It's all fungus. Really? So if you spray it out of your junk, it sizzles. What are the names involved? There's tough actin, tanactin. That's the coolest name.

That's a good name. What's the other name? Which one? Tough action. There's a... Nah, I scared the shit out of me. Me too. What the hell's that called?

Dr. Sholes has one. I was going to say Larry Charles looks terrible. That's the beard Jew. Yeah, dude. Monest that seven. During pregnancy. Baby bumps. Oh, yeah, maybe, I mean, during that, definitely was.

Interesting. Yeah, the wife, she gets them. God, you used to get athletes foot all the time. At least it's cold athletes foot. It makes you feel a little better about it. But it's like, it's just nasty, dude. You know athlete, yeah. It's like tennis elbow.

I'm like, I'll take that. Modestat treatment, but, boo. Recommended for moderate to severe. Monastat 1 is effects for mild infection. I don't know. All right, all right. Call in, ladies. What's with the background today, Salacuse?

I just changed it up. This is good, fellas? Yeah, make that coffee to go. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's when they kill Samuel L. Yeah. That's right.

Yeah, quick cameo. Yeah, yeah. But he was working. Yeah, he's fucking wedding singer, this guy too. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Carbone, what's his name? Carbone, yes.

That is a wop right there. That is a Sicilian man. I think he might be in mean streets, too. I think you're right. Yeah. Eyebrows. Yeah. Boy, I watched the Unabomber movie.

How was it? I heard it stinks. P.U. But it shows the Unabomber is a kid, which is kind of interesting. But you know what I hate about these cop movies they do? So the lady figures it out, the lady FBI person, but she's like, I got a hunch at this Kaczynski guy. And there's always a guy in the room was like, enough with the Kaczynski, Sarah. We've covered this.

It's not him. And you're like, why would you poo-poo any possible lead? I know. And then when they get it right, she got it right, obviously. But also, who knows if that is real. I know, I know. But it's such a trope. I remember listening to an audio thing on Kaczynski and how he, like, you know, is into science at a young age.

you gave a woman a little thing that, like, lit up and fizzled out or whatever, and she was like, uh, and then she walked away, weirded out. And you could tell that's like the moment he was like, fuck women. He's like, fuck everyone. Right. Some people can deal with a rejection. Some people are like, yeah, I'm not doing with her. That's true. You always said that friend like, you're fucking lesbo.

Like, well, she's just not into you. Yeah, just figure out a different way in. Yeah. And he's like, I will. Letters and bombs. Yeah. I know. The bombing was cool.

Oh, there you go. He's in the Godfather, too. That's him? Yeah, he looks good there. Wow. He's a young buck there. Yeah. Geez, he looks more ethnic there than now.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah, he really does. He looks fresh off the boat there. This is what he looks like now, which is insane. He looks, he got whiter. Yeah. And he trimmed those eyebrows. Yeah.

I guess he had to. You have eyebrows like that when you're young. I got to get ahead of this shit. Oh, yeah. This could get bad. You ever get the haircut? And she's like, should you do the eyebrows? I'm like, what do you think?

She's like, yeah. She should definitely cut your eyebrows. Well, that's a certain age. Yeah. I didn't get that in my early 20s. I'll snip them. They're doing this shit and I'll just cut it with the razor. Yeah, they always say, yeah, I'll get in there.

They're a little fucking boboo or a little... You feel like a hairy piece of shit. I'm a hairy guy, man. Oh, yeah, you are. You got the back hair, chest hair. Yeah, a little patch. Shoulder, yeah. I could probably get rid of the back patch.

Ah, it just comes back. I got... I would kill for just a nice hunk right here. Yeah, you got nothing. I got nothing. I got the nipple, and that's it. It looks like hell. It's weird to have nothing.

I know. My dad. It's like a shag carpet. I heard butt hair is a biological imperative. It helps you or helps humans. When we used to run through the planes to catch animals, it smoothed that area so you didn't get chafy. So it serves a purpose.

Damn. Next time the girl's licking it, I'll say, this is important to have. Crazy that biology is like, we'll cover you're at chafing. We got you. Yeah. It's very thoughtful. Biology does a lot for us.

Eyebrows, too. Yeah. It catches all. dust and all that shit. Also, it's important to give someone one of these. Right. Expressions. I feel like back in the day, this was a big one.

Like when you were like horny, it was it, there's a, oh, that was big. What was that? That was big. That was big for a while. Yeah, the hubba hub of the. Yeah, the eyebrows up. Then some guys could do like the rock. This one?

Yeah, that's good. The rock, the people's eyebrow. Yeah. Eyebrow tricks were a thing. We had no entertainment, so guys would do that shit, you know? Yeah, that was huge. Now there's two. much. Now there's 80 different Unabomber

series. I know. I know exactly. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, well, isn't it cruel that the hair goes away here, but then the back? I know it's been said a million times. Like, my asshole hair is thriving. Is it? Flourishing. So you have nothing on the chest but you have asshole hair. Yeah.

What's up with that? What a surprise. I know. That's like an M. Night Shamelon right there. Yes. You don't see it coming. I got a happy trail. I got asshole. My legs are hairy as a wolf man. Your legs are hairy? They're standard. Let's see. That's not that hairy.

That's not that bad. Let me see. That's about the same. Yeah. A little curlier maybe, but yeah. But it's just crazy. It goes right here. Yeah.

That's where you need it. Yeah. Location, location, location. Yeah. It's like the government, and this is like the people who need the funds, but it's going right to Iran. It's going to the wrong place. It's going to the military complex. Yeah, a little back here.

I remember shaved my chest when I was in college because a girl asked me to. I never forgave myself. I saw a picture of us like, and I'll be honest, I looked like I was in better shape, but I was still mad at myself. Yeah. You always look a little worse shape with the chest hair. That's true. But it wasn't worth it.

No, don't do it. Were you guys with hair with a woman when she has leg hair or armpit hair? I don't like leg hair. Women have it? Wait, what is this fucking BCE? What are we doing here? Bushwick? Bushwick.

No, yeah, I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan of body hair. But I mean, hey, they each their own. Some people love it. Some people like a hairy pit on a woman. It's not for me. No, no, thank you. No, thank you.

We got some way we're different. I like a slick surface. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Give you a smooth Asian boy. Yeah. If you're going to hook up with a guy, I think Asian is going. Oh, I didn't even know where that was going. Oh, okay.

I was just yes-handing. Yeah, okay. No, I like smooth on a woman, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, I like, yeah, there's a little hair in the vage, but too much hair. I don't think I love it. You peruse through Europe. You must have met a girl with armpit hair.

I don't think I did. I think it's more here now. Really? I see it in BK all day. Really? Just like girl hell in a cab and you're like, whoa, is that Kaepernick under there? What the hell is that? Even the cab driver's like, fuck that shit.

He's like a Middle Eastern guy going to be no more much. Yeah. Well, they can't see hair, right? The Middle Eastern guys, they cover the women's hair because it's sexual, but then is that sexual? Because hair is hair. I don't know how it works. It's a question. I don't know.

Yeah, it's not for me. I have a friend who's girlfriend has it, and I'm always just like, he seems into it. Wow, really. And I get it, it's unfair. They got to do this. They got to do this. That sucks for a lady. It does. But the fucking this?

Yeah. That's crazy. The waxing? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. But guys are very lucky, because women like a little stubble. So for us to have a thing they're attracted to, we get to do zero work. Laisiness, it's insane.

Yeah. It's like, the girl I see now is like, yeah, that would be like weird if you shaved. Yes. My wife says the same thing. They think it's unmanly. Right. Which is great because I get to just be a lazy bitch. I know.

And they don't want any pub work done. So you're like, great. You got to trim my pubs a little. All right. I know all the listeners are wondering. So I'm telling you. Not me. You got, you got, you don't do it.

You got nothing? I maybe'll hit ahead of the shaft to give myself an extra half inch. Yeah. I need every inch I can get. But that's a. about it. Sometimes it'll go out here and I give that a trims, keep it. It's a little weird when it starts spreading.

Yeah. Like COVID in the early days. What are we doing? But yeah, I think just you just don't want to be too bushy, especially like I just want it to be pleasant if someone has to go down there. Sure, sure. But you don't want the pricks, you know, when you get the regrowth. Well, that's where you put the trimmer blade on top of it.

So you don't go all the way down. Oh, okay. I'm going full bomb squad down there. You're going to get fucking razor bumps that look like something else. You don't have that shit. I've definitely nicked myself. You ever nick the sack? Yeah, it fucking hurts.

That is a nightmare. You always worried it's going to slide out. It's fucking awful. A sack neck? Yeah, you know what a sack? It's the most delicate part. Oh, yeah. That sack is fucking delicate.

Yeah. It really is. Inside and outside. But it looks like an elephant skin. It looks like it could take a knife, like chain mail. Yeah. But it's pretty delicate. Yeah, it can't do much.

You know where to kick us, ladies. Well, you know I tore my sack opening college. Tell us more. Did it fall out? No, but I saw it. I saw a ball. What? Yeah.

It's crazy looking. I never told this? No. Oh. So I was at LSU. I was at a party in a guy's apartment. People everywhere, music. You know, you've seen parties. And I'm making out with this girl on the couch.

And this guy comes up with like three buddies, you know, frat guy, polo, boat shoes. And they're like, that's my fucking girlfriend, man. Whoa. Well, she was making out with me. And they're like, outside now. And, you know, she was just like, get them, Bobby. I was like, fuck, bitch. You were on my side a second again.

I thought we had something. So we go outside, and it's literally like four or five guys. Like, oh, you got it coming, buddy. And I was like, bring it on, homo. Why were you so confident? Because I was about to jump the fence. I already planned it out. And I was way hammered, like just beyond hammered.

That's when the confidence comes. I'll definitely talk some shit that I could not back up. Oh, same, same. I'll tell you another fight later. So I go, bring it on. And right when they start walking, towards me I just hopped the fence but it was a fence with the chain link with the spikes on the top You know and I did a straddle fell down like on like a horse ride and then just rolled off the other side and I was hanging by my jeans

Oh And I was so drunk I was like upside down hanging and the pants went and ripped I hit the ground They're like look at this fucking man man you know they went nuts and I ran home and shit yourself up I fucked myself up that is crazy it's when you fuck yourself up so badly and they don't even want to fuck you Right. Yes. Yes. Like, all right, he's had it hard enough.

I know. That's brutal. So I ran home, tail between the legs, ball bag, and I got home and I was telling my friends, I lived in a house with a bunch of guys. I passed out. I woke up, pool of blood. And I was so hung over, and my alarm went off, and I had work. I was a waiter.

I was like, ah! So I just threw my work shirt on and changed my pants and went to work. And now I'm at work. The rush is kind of kicking in, like the lunch rush. And my balls were stinging. I was like, what is the sting? I didn't remember anything. I go to the bathroom.

I look, my sack is torn open. The skin was black because the skin dies or whatever. So I had a big black flap coming off my bag. And I told my manager, he was an om-ed. Is it the movie obsession where you wish for a black cock? You're like, not like this. No, no. So I told my boss, he had a mustache.

He was a nom vet. And I go, I forgot his name, Mr. Jared, something. I go, look, I got to go to the hospital. He's like, yo, you've said this. before. You're not going anywhere, buddy. We got a lunch rush. We're short-staffed. And I go, come in the bathroom. I showed him my sack. He goes, get the fuck out of here. Whoa. Get the fuck out of here. And I ran to the medic on the campus. Holy shit. Yeah. He has a flashback. He starts screaming.

Not again. Charlie, he got you. So, yeah, I went to the doctor and he was like, gee, it was one of those things when you pass out in the waiting room because it took so long. Thank God it wasn't too late. Well, that's what he said. He's like, man, you're lucky you got here in time. You'd have to lose a ball. I was like, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Then he would have to be the last. One ball guy.

I'm Hitler. Hitler had one ball. Yeah. I heard that's why I did it. Oh, yeah. So they had to stitch me up, and I watched them stitch me up. They put a needle in it, Nova Cain. I was like, can you knock me out?

They're like, we can't knock you out for some reason. Stitch me up. I watched the whole thing. Damn. And then a hot girl, of course, the hot nurse had to put cream on it after. And I bet you shriveled up. I was so shriveled. I've been there.

Yeah, I remember I had a little breakout on the old wean. And it was the worst my dicks ever looked. and a hot nurse came in. I was like, God damn it. It shrivels under pressure. It totally does. It's a biological thing. If it's like a night out, it's different.

But if it's like a doctor situation, you're like, I'm fucking nervous. Everyone's looking at me. Hot lights on you. That's a good sign that you shrivel up. You don't want to be the dude who fucking chubs out in public. I guess so. That's the fucking subway masturbator right there. Right.

Yeah, true. But yeah, it's funny. My kid, you know, tiny dick, he's too. But he hates getting shampoo in his hair because I have to, you know, wash it out in the tub. So he's standing up in the tub like, because the shampoo's going everywhere. And I watch his dick go, because he's like, he's freaking out. So he's got normal dick and then it goes because of the shampoo part. That's hilarious. Well, that's also a biological imperative. It's a fight or flight. That's what I'm saying. You're about to go into battle. Your brain

and your body's saying you're about to go into battle, tuck everything in. Yes. Yes. You don't want to get that caught out there, you know, on a fence or whatever. I got pants in grade school and I was tucked and oh my God I never lived that one down. Yeah it's you made it past it. I had to change schools dude I remember I got into a I talked shit with a guy

once I was hammered I'm leaving remember Arlo and Esme? Mm-hmm mm-hmm classic downtown bar I was leaving there just shith housed and I was with a girl we hit it off we're leaving and I'm trying to get a cab to go back to her place

and some dude just cuts right in front of me and I was like dude you cut right in front of me like nice at first and then he was like fuck you oh she looked at me I was like I got a I got a nut up you got to do something so I was like I was like what the fuck you say I just talk shit back I was hammered I was like I don't know if I could beat this dude up maybe not big guy little guy white guy black guy probably like similar ish to me but I was like I was pretty fucked up yeah I don't know if I could have taken him but I definitely could have taken a few hits I was that level drunk and and he was like what the fucking, I go, I go, you don't want to fucking find out

what's going to happen if you take this fucking cat. And she looked to me like, and he just bitched out and walked away. And she looked at me like, holy shit. And I was like, I looked, I don't think I could have taken him. Well done. Oh, my. Oh, my God. What the hell is this? Who's this guy?

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Hey, hey, folks, here we are. Madison, Wisconsin. I got to tell you about Underdog. You ever notice how the second you lock in your picks you completely change as a person before kickoff, you're chilling, relaxed, maybe a little bored, Then you lock your picks in.

Now you're standing three feet from the TV because somehow that's helping. You're Googling weather reports for a stadium eight states away. You're screaming, just throw it to them. Come on, you fat son of a bee. Like you got a direct line to the QB. I love that. I honestly think that's the best part of sports.

Not the outcome, the sweat. The stretch between making your pick and finding out if you're a genius. That's why I play. And for those of those of you, us who watch to sit up and not sit back, it's got to be Underdog. So this season, don't just watch. Lock in with Underdog and give every game a pulse. Download Underdog to play, keep your millions. Start with one million, make it through all 20 picks and walk away with whatever's left.

Hey, that's good. Underdog, unleash your dog. That's a pretty weak dog. Trading involves risk, including total loss on positions. Content is promotional. and not a recommendation to trade. Terms apply, promotion issued by affiliate. Underdog. Hey. Hey. What's shaking?

Good to see you, mate. Hey, you too, Fannie. I've only had half a drink, but am I seen double already? This is crazy. It's like the Spider-Man meme. No. What are you doing? Sam bones got a new special air.

Yeah, Netflix. Nice one, Samson. This is much more mellam. Yeah. Had a couple of quailout. Took nine city bikes to get here, did 13 spots. Wow. That's an off night for you, buddy.

You got any new stuff working? Yeah, just had a birthday. Okay. Turned another gay year. Nice. You're gay. Still on the quailudes. All right.

What are you promoting? Oh, I got a Down syndrome friend with a special. Special needs. That's me. Yeah, special. Oh, not my other counterpart. Oh, yeah. Yeah, got a little t-shirt for you guys.

Oh, hey, thanks. Look at this. Uh-oh, hold on. What does that say? Crazy pizza. Nice. Whoa, okay. Is that Jeremiah Watkins special?

Yeah. Oh, that guy. He's got Down syndrome or he's autistic or something. Yeah, big nose, kind of weird looking. Yeah. Gangly. Weird energy. You kind of guy, yeah.

Yeah. Right. Nice guy, though. Yeah, very nice. Nice. Strange energy. AI, Norman, can you tell me about your hair transplant? Oh, just got back from Turkey.

Looks good. It looks great. Yeah, coming in nice and full, nice thick and black. The ladies like it. How was that flight? You know, a lot of ethnics on it. Oh, yeah. That'll get you.

Yeah. But my head was. twice the size on the way back. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. So that was good for the wife, good for the kid. Freaked him out a little bit.

Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. Well, it looks good now. Thank you. You look great. Thank you. It's coming in. Coming in real strong.

Appreciate it. Yeah. Give me two more weeks. I'll be good to go. All right, all right. Yeah. Yours looks better than mine. That's going down on the forehead there.

Yeah, I'm doing the forward-facing airline. Oh, yeah, the push forward. Yeah. I got the... It's not that curly. You're a little curlier. That's true. I got the turkey with cheese.

Well, we're going to have to quit cold turkey here. Hey, what's this? Oh, boy. Oh, my God. Three! This is crazy. Oh, that's you. No, this isn't made.

It's you. Oh, I guess that's me. You're right. That puppet's a stud. Yeah. Not bad. Look at that. Fisted.

Not bad. You could fart right now. blow you. Let's see how good he can do this impression. Yeah. How well. I don't know if I got one in the chamber or not. Gas chamber.

You got to commit, if you want to really do Mark Norman, you got to eat Chipotle like four times a week. That's right. You got to get the gas cooking. Yeah, eat more shit. On stage. There you go. What are you doing in town there, me?

You know, making the rounds, doing 40 shows a night. Yeah. Nice. Well, you know, AI. The data centers are taking over the water. It's bad news. I know the hard drives are getting all swallowed up, and then they got Jew honkers on this guy over here.

Good name for a special, Jew honker. Jew honker. Yeah, or a Volkswagen. That would be your woman, dude. What? A Jew with a honker? Oh, I would love that. Oh, yeah.

Love a Jew honker. Yeah, love them. Big honking schnaz. Yep. Adrian Brody in a wig. Woo. Would you? Oh, yeah.

I don't know if my dick would get. past the nose though. All right. Oh, there he is. Look at that. That's a handsome woman. Ah, yeah. Oh, look, he did Blackface.

Is that right? Look at that. Whoa, we just stumbled upon something here. I think that was an S&L thing where he was, it was not great. He tried to bury that photo, a bribe called Quest. Hey, I'll take it. Wow, Blackfeet. Was he, Lenny Kravitz there?

I don't know. I think he's just doing Jamaican thing. Ah, Jamaica man. Yeah, man. Well, uh, thanks for having me, boys. Hey, come on. Thanks for popping in, Jeremiah. I hope you enjoyed the, uh, the t-shirt.

I hope you enjoy the, uh, the special from that special needs guy, Jeremiah Watkin. Oh, yeah, go watch Jeremiah Watkins new special crazy pizza. Yes, check it out on YouTube now. That Jeremiah's a good egg. He does that show where we all do material. Stand up on the spot. He gets all the views. Yeah.

I got to do it again. Yeah, it's a great show. He, uh, he hits you up. He wants you to do it back. I'm coming back. I'm coming back. All right, baby. I'll be there, dude. All right.

All right, thank you. That, me. Love you guys. Take it easy, Fannie. I'm gay. I'm Kevin Art. I'm wearing this home. Can I have this?

Yeah, it's yours. You sure? Yeah. All right. Can I get a comedy on three guys? One, two, three. Comedy. Yeah.

That felt right. Hell yeah. It felt gayer than Power Rangers somehow. Good to have you back. All right You still got it How do you slide back Into a pot after I don't know

I don't remember we were talking about What were we talking about? What were we talking about? What were we talking about? Black hair Oh yeah Drunk confidence Drunk cough fist fighting

And you beat the guy He won He backed down I didn't win You played crazy That's the trick I acted fearless Yes yes

I did another time too I've lucked out twice It was at the Village Lantern Where a guy kept There was like four people in the crowd Remember the Village Lantern? Yeah of course And you don't know if you're getting

15 people people are four and he got me at the lowest he got me at the absolute lowest point I'm I'm bombing I bombed you know when you're doing too many bad shows in a row yes start to lose it yes like you know you start to just fucking like I haven't had a good set in in a while he turned to me immediate first couple jokes don't work there's four people in there he turns to me immediately and he's just shit talking me the whole set that's great and I got nothing to stand on yeah people in there so finally I just fucking snap put the mic down and go you want to go outside motherfucker, I just fucking lost it.

Whoa. And he's with friends and he said, no. Wow. And I was like, that's what I thought, bitch, and I walked down. And I didn't feel good. Sure. Because I was like, that was crazy. Why would I do that? But comedy would put you to that fucking breaking point where you're like, I've lost my fucking mind. Yes.

I'm totally with you. And I'm like, I'm in this vulnerable moment and you're shitting on me? What did I do to you? Yeah, it was a lot of those nights. Oh, yeah. But yeah, that's one of those walks home you're like, none of this is good. Yeah.

And I'm lucky I didn't get just rolled by four dudes. Sure, sure. But who are these guys? Like, what did the cab guy look like? It's weird to say, fuck you to a stranger. I don't remember. I was fucking bombed. Oh, okay.

You just get lucky you didn't get your ass kicked. I know, I know. I was at a house party again in college at my friend's house, Jared, and a couple of other guys showed up, and I could hear the murmuring. These guys are from the sticks. of Louisiana, these guys, like tough tree climbing kids, I call them. They played on the river, and they climbed trees.

They were always outside, camping kids. They were tough as hell. Skinny little kids, but they were tough. There was at a party. These other guys showed up, and they were, like, fucking with everything. And my friend goes, Gabe, goes, hey, you guys are going to have to leave. And it was probably like seven of them. And they were like, we're not going anywhere.

And they're like going in the fridge and drinking all the booze. And Gabe was, all right, hey, we don't want any troll. Boom. And head butts the guy. right in the nose. Noose explodes. I was like, whoa, shit! And then they all just start going at it.

And yeah, it was incredible. But you would never see it coming. See, I feel like if I did that, I would just be like, ow, fuck my head. Exactly. Take whatever you want. Yeah. And they ran out of there. A confident headbutt.

Is there anything more badass than that? Yeah. Because you're, that's like the sacrifice bunt of fighting. Completely. You're taking one. Yeah. You take one for the team here. Well, I got to say head butt properly done is not head to head.

It still fucking hurts. It's head to nose. No? The nose is soft. Yeah, if you do this right into someone's softy nose, it doesn't hurt you that much. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But also it's a risk. It devastated the guy. He was just like, ah, and he went down on his knees. But if you don't land it properly, you could really fucking head up, right? That's what I'm saying? Yeah. And then to do it off guard. Like, what's that adrenaline feeling?

All right, don't worry. Bam! No one saw it coming. Blood everywhere. That's awesome. It was pretty cool. And did he win the fight? Oh, yeah.

Those guys ran out of there, like, with their tail between their legs. just, oh shit, all right, all right. It was like a movie. It looked like the scene in a Bronx tale where they beat up the bikers. That seems so fucking cool. Oh, yeah. Now you can't leave.

And the thing about fighting, you're like, that was crazy. Holy shit. The whole thing probably lasted 51 seconds. Yeah. And I had a beer in my hand, and I was like, wow, that's crazy. And then it's over.

Think about the shape most people are in. Yeah, true. Like you watch boxers. Those guys are so fit. When boxers are getting tired of the fifth round, you're like, that's his job. Yeah, good point. And you think you can just go, like, you get winded, man.

Oh, yeah. You see heavyweights a lot. They're like gassed, you know. There's just too much mass to move around. Yeah, and I mean, I get gas from like half-coord basketball. So it's like you're going to get fucking gas from a fight. Yeah. You know?

And I used to, when I boxed, I would always get so tired. And the trainer was like, you're squeezing your fists. That's using all your energy. I was like, that's using my energy? This? He's like, yeah, that's why people box like that. Because you squeeze the fist and it takes half. your shit away.

Same with baseball. They tell you not to swing too hard, right? Because, I mean, I guess at the major leaves, they could fucking, Bonch probably didn't have to swing with everything. Yeah. But he still did. Of course, of course. But you don't need to just, like, kill it.

You fucking, you swing properly. Like, look up like Ken Griffey Jr. swing. That's not, like, everything. He just was smooth as fuck. Yeah. You see that guy suing at the MLB? Whatever. He slid into the fence and cut his knee open or something?

Whoa. First guy to ever sue him. First player of all time. He's suing the team, his team? Who is this? Yeah, he slid into a fence. And he caught the ball, but the fence was sharp. How long is he injured for?

I think he'll be all right. I think he'll be all right, but he was hurt. He was hurt pretty bad. He'll be back on the next game, I bet. Let's see. Detroit Tigers. All right, pop fly way out there. He's running for it.

slides catch it oh there he goes his pants are cut he hit his knee really hard cut through the pants that's badass so he's suing the other club for not protecting the fence area properly pretty cool he caught it though yeah so he's all right feeling sucks so yeah he's already like fuck you ever need a radiator oh yeah that's the worst feeling i bet that's what that's kind of like yeah oh that hurts i remember i do for a bowl in high school in left field and it got by It was the worst feeling. It was the worst fucking feeling.

I was like, I'm going for this shit. I wanted to be a hero. And then I was like, that wasn't inside the park home run. Sorry, guys. That is the worst. He's just out there alone with shame. I went to a basketball game with List. What's that?

What's that team called? College. St. John's? No, where the Knicks all went. Oh, Villanova. Villanova. I went to a Villanova game. Is that D.C.?

Philly. Shit. Where's Gonzaga? Gonzaga's in like Washington State. What's, uh, was it? Georgetown? Nah, maybe. Yukon?

Basketball? You said D.C.? I thought it was D.C. Maybe it was Georgetown. So we got tickets to this game, me and Listgo, and they do the gun, the t-shirt gun. And a guy, I think we made eye contact, he sent it right to me. And I was like, whew, baby, this is going to be great. Went right through the fingers, hit the guy behind me.

And a guy was like, what happened there? And I was like, it went right through my fingers. And he was like, oh. This never let it down. Wow. The whole day he was like, boy, you really missed that one. You blew it. You blew it.

Completely blew it. I was so emasculated. Bummer. Yeah, I've definitely had it where you were on stage and I'm like, hey, I forgot a to get me water and they throw it to you and you're like, fuck, I better not drop this. Oh my God. Too much pressure. Yeah, that's a pressure moment in front of everybody.

Yeah. I don't even like missing a basket on the garbage. That's a shitty feeling too. Yeah, it's all bad. Also, you got it, you got to, when you're catching that, you got to make sure you don't hold it up like this. So you don't lose it. Right, right. So they tell you to,

and basketball they always tell you to catch like this so you're just ready to shoot. Oh. It's also so it doesn't bald and stuff go through your hands and hit you in the face. Yeah. That's why these mixologists are so impressive. Oh my God.

Have you seen that Japanese guy? No, pull it up. Oh my guy. He's like the mixologist. He does crazy shit. But then sometimes I'm like, yeah, but there's nothing wrong with just a whiskey. I know.

I know. We don't need this. We don't need fucking pomegranate and shaved ginger. Yeah, exactly. And they're doing ice sculpting. It's an artist. It is. though. It's like, I get it. Yeah, that might be him. Oh, my God, this guy's ridiculous. Pull this.

I mean, the music adds to it, too. So dramatic. Whoa. So Japanese. There's a, there's a thing about excellence in that culture. Oh, 100%. Like, they really are like, everything's got to be perfect. Yep. Great steak, great whiskey. Look at that. Already, this is awesome. Wow. If he fucks up, he takes that knife and goes, chuh. Oh, Harry Carey. Whoa. I want to see where this is going. He just put the Celsius in there. Is that a Caprice sun?

Whoa. Ooh, the spinning, getting a nice and good. That's cool. That's it? That's it. That's it? That's it. That's a goddamn shot.

What? That was it? That was whack. There's got to be a better one. That'd be great. Samurai bartender. I mean, I'm not saying I could do the ice thing, but. Yeah.

So I was expected. Now we're talking. I want to see a cocktail. Okay, okay. Magic. Oh, a nice little wrist twist. I hate a fucking drink like this. I hate those types of glasses.

Don't you feel like a fucking pussy when you get it? Of course. Whenever they, you ever order a paper plane and they give you in one of those like... Yes! And I'm like, give me on the rocks. I don't want that shit. Give me one of these.

Yeah. Yeah, that also you feel like you're getting jipped. That's a thimble. What is that there? I drink the shit out of that, whatever that is. Yeah, it looks like white chocolate or milky or something. I mean, I don't know what he made, but... I don't know.

I got to say, I don't know about this guy. He's doing a whole lot of nothing. All right, all right. That was too much. All right. Maybe I misremember this. I thought this was cool. I must have seen a cooler one he did because those are both kind of weak.

Yeah, he just, he looks good doing it, but it's a lot of sleight of hand. I don't need lavender sprayed over my cocktail. Just make the fucking drink. I also realize I just, I never really like, I never order a specialty cocktail. I just always get a classic. If I, I usually, I either drink straight or I get like a martini or a Manhattan or like a Nogroni. I never stray from that.

No, same. And also, each cocktail, they go, oh, young people aren't drinking. Maybe because each drink is $26. I know. For a fucking glass of a shot of whiskey. Yeah, I don't need saffron in the fucking cocktail. It's ridiculous.

It's too much shit. I know. Blackberry. It's a risk. Yes. You don't want to take a $26 risk. Exactly. When you know, the other thing's going to be awesome.

I know. That's why I'm like, just give me a vodka soda. Give me a tequila soda. Give me a whiskey soda because it's just, I don't need the hazelberry and the herb saint and all this other shit. Yeah, we were at a bar in Stockholm. And I was like, man, we've been drinking a lot of regular. Let's roll the dice on something. And we did, and they both kind of sucked.

I hadn't done it in forever. But I was like, yeah, we're in a foreign country. Let's see. Maybe they got a thing. Nah. Nah, it's always weak. If it's like infused, I'll fuck with that. If they're like, we got like a bloody merry, but the vodka is infused with horse

radish. All right, I'll try. If it's not strained too much, if you're just adding to like something already good. Yeah, yeah. It's like stand up. I don't need too many bells and whistles. Just fucking do a new spin on a joke.

Same. Same with a BJ. You know, these guys like, put a robatusset in her mouth and a candle in her ass. That one I've heard is pretty good, actually. Robitussin, yeah. Really? Clews out the sun. This is yes, nice.

Oh, motessum. No, I don't know. Moteusson. No, I don't know. Moteusson. Classic. Yeah, just get, just blow me. How about that?

If it ain't broke. Get the chloroseptic numbing spray. Oh, the sex addict is back. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot you were a swinger. Yeah. The spray for, like, sore throats.

It numbs the back of their throat. Deep throat. Whoa. We can get your wife in here. This is insane. Chloriceptic. This guy. That's a great commercial for the medicine.

Spray at your girlfriend's throat. Deep throat. What a pitch. Are you worried that they could, like, choke or something, get hurt? No? You can't know. Damn. All right.

It'll be fine. Yeah. What an awful. It's an eyes wide shut situation. I know. You know, fucking Sidney Pollock. A doctor comes in. He goes, she's.

fucking dead man I fucked up I didn't think it would go through her head man she had chloroceptic fucking crazy you show up she's still hooked on

you impaled her is she dead yeah she didn't feel a red is she fucking dead man a felt pen a magic marker all right

geez I feel bad for your lady I had no idea you were spraying chloroseptic pain killer back to the old esophagus. I guess I'm innocent. I always look at this stuff in that in that aisle for just like a cold. Same, save, yeah. I'm not like, oh, Dr. Scholl's athlete's foot.

Let me rub that on her glitch. You won't notice I'm punching it. Tylenolp.m. baby. This is going to be a wild night. Man, monostat seven. Here we go. All right. Seven dudes.

Sometimes we're getting really crazy. Mucinex, dude. Oh, yeah. We fucked on Musinex? Mucinex DM. It was, dude. Birth bees. Forget about it.

Yeah, dude. I mean, it's, I guess I'm pretty meat and potatoes in the sack. Yeah. I'm pretty boring. My wife likes a vibrator, so I'll do it like the Japanese guy. I'll pull it out. When you dick dies. It's like when your controller dies, you come and you're like,

yeah, they still want more. So let me. Yeah. It's like when your Xbox thing doesn't work, you're like, let me grab the other. remote real quick so she can play everybody wins yeah I'm just so it's so easy because she's like it's like it's great it's really sucks to marry a comedian I know it really does they're just their friends sending them clips yeah I don't know you like the vibrator she's like Mark yeah

no that happens with my girlfriend her friends like there's always that one friend who likes to start shit like did you hear what he said about you on the podcast I'm like hey fuck you annoying friend yeah you're fucking up my shit I mean look I mean look at my shit I mean Look, if sex is great, we have a great time, I'm clearly making fun of me. Of course. I'm blackluster. I'm hitting her with her over the robot. I'm just giving it.

You know, we don't need a disclaimer. We know you're a solid fella. I just think, you know, there's the, uh, there's always that rat. Oh, 100% every time. They have the rat friends. Exactly. That's a peeve, the rat friend. The rat friend.

I got a peeve. Hit me. Okay. Wait, let me write. I got one too, actually. I wrote it down. Hold on. I think I got a pretty solid one.

Okay. Hold on, hold on. Well, give me yours. Okay, so bought the lady a birthday present online, and it's like from a designer she likes. So they do this thing. Sometimes you give your email and your phone number. They give you 20% off, and it wasn't super cheap.

So I was like, let me take that 20% off. They do a thing where they delay the email. So you're just waiting and you get impatient and just like, fuck it, I'll buy it. Because they purposely, when you do it, they're like, all right, we'll send it in like an hour. That's evil. Well, they do it on purpose, and then when they do send it, they put it in like a fucking eight font. So you're like, where is this thing?

How do I find it? Oh. But I found it. Good. But they made it. They made it different. That's a peeve. That's like, I'm giving you my fucking number.

Give me the damn code. Yeah, that is corrupt. They know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. Yeah. And I looked it up and I was like, yep, that's the thing they do. Wow. Because I felt shady.

I was like, I'm like, looking in the junk. I'm like, I want that 20% off. They leave you on hold sometimes just so you give up, you know? they know what they're doing these people. They make everything hard to return to. Oh, God, dude, I just dealt with getting, I have a pair of sunglasses. I just like that's an old, it's a sentiment. I want to say sentimental, but it's like you go accustomed to one pair.

I don't like sunglasses. I'll try anything. I'm like, I look like a fucking idiot. You find when you like, you hold on. I found what I like, and I left them in Poland. I tried to get them sent back. The hotel, very nice, they send it back. They send it to the wrong address.

They put in the wrong number. So I'm just like, oh, you put, so I'm on hold with them for a fucking ever. Yeah. Also, there's tariff shit. You have to fill up the insanely confusing form. Wow. With the weirdest questions and you're like, these are yours. You didn't.

And they're like, just give me the fucking sunglasses. Sunglasses. Double peep. Not anthrax. Relax. I know white anthrax in there too. But I'm on a Kaczynski tear. I want to make a statement.

I've got ideas. I'm trying to get out there. Yeah. I bought Stacey a pair of headphones recently. And they're 90 bucks. They were nice headphones. I guess. I got a fucking bill from FedEx a month later being like you owe $45 in tariff. Whoa.

So I have to pay FedEx now 45 bucks. That's crazy. I don't know. I didn't even look. I just ordered them online. I was like, buy it. They're amazing. They're doing some wild shit. These tariff shit. It's not helping bodega get. I'll tell you that much. 60% tax. Yeah. I just got back from Canada. They're like, what are you doing on us? I'm like, I didn't do it. I didn't set up the tariffs. That does feel like Canada is the dad and we're the mom and it's our mom's fault. Right. With the middle of a divorce.

Yeah, they're the upstairs neighbor. Yeah. Yeah. It was awkward. But here's my peeve. This drives me fucking nuts. I was on a pod and it was me and more of a straight person, not a comedian. And I was zinging and zanging, being offensive, being an idiot.

And eventually, the host asked me something else. I made a point. And she goes, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with this guy. I hate it. I hate what people say that. You can sing me all day long, but don't give me the idea. Oh, I don't get it because I made a bunch of off-color jokes. Now I'm less smart than you.

It's coming from a place of moral superiority. Yes, yes. It's douche. It's douche central. It's completely condesal. I can't believe it. Oh, we agree on something. Wow.

I was joking before. They were jokes. So now all of a sudden I'm a lesser because I made jokes. That's what annoys me. Never trust a person who needs to elevate themselves over you, too. I'm like, you've got some shit going on. Right. You have to do that if you have to be like, I can't believe I agree with this.

Degenerate. Yeah, exactly. Larry David has a great episode where some lady's giving a tour of his house, a realtor. And he's like, and then the whales out there, they get so close you can shoot him. And she goes, don't pay attention to him. He goes, no, no, pay attention. That's exactly what I thought of when she did that. No, no, no, pay attention.

Yeah. Because he's making jokes. You're like, oh, don't worry about him. He's an idiot. Like, why is making jokes making an idiot? I came up with jokes off to fly. There's definitely people in my family who look down at what I do. Yeah.

And I can tell there's like a snobbery about it. Yo, completely. I remember watching Mr. Bean, which I used to love. I used to love Rowan Atkins. Very talented. Very talented. And my mom's like, he would do something funny or crazy and she would go, what an idiot. I'm like, idiot.

This guy's a genius. That was hard to do. That's incredibly difficult. He's not speaking. He's hilarious. You should try it sometime. Yeah. Flick your B. Zinged your mom.

Right. I like it. I mean, Charlie Chaplin. Oh, what an idiot. Idiot. You guys brilliant. Change the game. Yeah. No, I'm with you, dude. There is an elitism to that type of person, where they're just like, I can't believe I'm saying this. I can't believe. Whoa, I'm like, oh, I made a good point. Oh, my God. How crazy. Because I made some jokes earlier. I don't get it. I think this is a bigger issue because that's why, like, Oscars don't go to comedies. Because I go, oh, look at these fucking tards over here. But we don't need that. That's good. It keeps us humble. You don't want to be one of them.

Right. You should have said, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you, Madame, are a twat. Yes, she was. And then you should have a top hat on.

Yeah. No, it's irritating. Yeah, yeah. Irritating. I remember you told me about this. You didn't tell me that part, but you told me about this interaction and it bothered me.

Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right. Another peeve, this is a little less angry, but when you get the guy who asks you a question, you don't,

You say you don't know, and they keep following up as if you're holding in some information. You know, you go, hey, what time's Jeff coming? I don't know. Was it six? I don't know. Seven? I hate this. I don't know.

You sure he's coming? When are you waterboard me and it'll come out of me? Yeah, exactly. How long is this going to go? Yeah, yeah. Then they try to trick you. They go, I wonder if he'll come at eight. You know, they're supposed to go, yeah, I bet he will or something.

But they, I got nothing. Just like you. You got nothing. So we got to move on. Yeah, that's an irritating one. Yeah. Not a fan. So there you go, folks.

Peeve number two. That's a good peeve. Thank you. You got any wrecks? I just watched Senna. Have you seen Senna? I loved it. So good.

Formula One movie. I mean, yeah, it's 12 years old now, but I just watched it on a plane. Oh, I loved it. Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah, it's incredible. What a badass. And then the ending. Maybe you have a whole new respect for Formula One.

Completely. And it's obviously you have to be incredible to do this, but I didn't really, of course, I understood that on some level. Yeah. I've seen those turns. I know. And the angers. And the angers.

angles, like, you have to be like a geometrical, like, kind of genius to know how to do all this. And you have to be a daredevil. Yeah. I mean, sad movie, but it's incredible. And the sign of a great doc, I don't know shit about auto racing or F1 or Brazil or him. And it was still great. I still loved it. That's how I felt about that ESPN 30 for 30, the two Escobars. I'm not a big soccer guy. Another thing, if it's on and I'm watching with someone who's into it, I'm into it. But it's not one of my go-to sports, but I was like, this is incredible. Incredible. And, I mean, one of a guy, he's like a hot guy from Brazil, amazing talent, sweet as hell,

super nice, super giving. Like, Brazil's going through hell. They got no food. It's poverty. And all the kids are like, he's the only thing giving us hope. We love him. And then the ending is tragic. It's tragic.

Yeah, you know where it's going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, like, and then you're kind of like, wow, it's crazy. He's this big and I'd never heard of him because this sport is massive. I know. Huge. It's kind of like soccer where we don't really think about it, but the whole. other world. You're like, oh, who's this guy? Some nobody? You're like, oh, 500 million followers?

I know, I know. It's fucking crazy. I didn't know who that Holland guy was until the World Cup, and everybody's like, are you kidding? But now I think he's awesome. I love him now. Yeah. You've seen his girlfriend? Have you seen his lips? Yes. His girlfriend is hot. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think she's pretty odd. I agree with you. No, yeah. He's a beast, that guy. Oh, yeah. Cool dude. He's having fun. I like a guy who's rich and famous on having fun. Totally. I mean, how could you not?

Well, when he goes to Austin, he tries on all the boots and the hats, and he's really sliding into the culture. Fucking Vikings, doing it again with the beautiful women. Oh, yeah. You don't talk about the good of pillaging, but there are positives. Well, what is pillaging? We know what the R is. I don't know what the pillage.

What is it? Stuff, taking stuff. Yeah. Oh, why do we use that more? Smash and grab, call it pillaging. Yeah. I mean. Takes a pillage.

It takes a pillage. Yeah, she looks good. Oh, that's not who I thought it was. Never mind. All right. But still hot. All right. Isabel Johansson.

I went to Ireland two years ago and like not a good looking woman in the country. I apologize to the whole country of Ireland. So they love this. And I asked my guide, I was like, what's going on? I was like, there's no beautiful women here. And they were like, oh, the Vikings stole them 800 years ago. I love that they were ready to field that question. Yeah, they knew.

This is the one they've gotten a lot. They took all the beautiful women. That's why they drink, dude. Oh, yeah. Good point. Potato famine. They weren't eating pussy. There's got to be a hot Irish bro.

They are for sure. Come on. There are definitely some hot Irish women. There's some hot Scottish women, I'll tell you that. All right. It'd be like a red leg hair. Kiltz. Hot Irish woman?

Get ready for two Google images. Okay, there we go. There's what I'm talking about it. There we go. Oh, my God. Let me finish another one of these. Who's that? Susan Boyle?

No, she's a nice lady. She's a nice lady. Very nice. Yeah, let's be respectful. All right. See, that's AI on the left, by the way. Damn. Well, this took a dark turn.

Yeah, yeah. All right. I like they were having a nice conversation. He's like, you know who's ugly? Every Irish woman ever. Entire country. That's what they moved here. We had one bonnet.

We're in trashing the countries' women. Holy shit. You know, the new Latinas are Indian women, they say. Really? This is the new Latina, because they are something. A beautiful Indian woman is unbelievable. Yeah, it's pretty wild, right? The eyes, yeah, the shadowing.

I will tell you, I was in Lisbon and was looking around, I was like, not dazzling me here. No, no. But then you go to other parts of Europe and you're like, holy shit. Barcelona, unbelievable. And then how about fucking, I mean, Stockholm? Oh, of course, of course. Copenhagen. Yeah, yeah, that's a

Gimmie. Stockholm is wild. Yeah. And there's so many, they don't even know how hot they are. And there's more women than men there. It's a great situation if you're a dude in Stockholm.

If you ever run over a kid, that's where you want to live. Like you've got to get away, you know, high tail it out of the country. If I run over a kid? Well, something where you got to go. Like, I got to get out of here

before I go to jail for life. Fuck Mexico. On the downside, I killed a child. but in the plus size. Look at these women. Yeah, Stockholm syndrome. Not too shabby. That's where it's from, baby.

It was from a bank robbery. It was in somewhere in Stockholm. I forgot. Go on. Yes? Yeah. Was that right? And then afterwards, all the people that came out that were held hostage.

Yeah, of course. They were on the side of the captors. Yeah, they're protecting them. They're actually good people. Whoa. Pretty good captor. How'd they do that? I don't know.

I think you should identify with your captors eventually because they have the Lord's so much power over you of life and death. I think if I were a captive, that's how I would try to spin it. If I was robbing a bank, I'd be like, I'm on your side. These people out there are fucking unreasonable. Yeah. Like, you're a good. I want this to end, too. I just want the money.

I would think I would try to spend it that way. Well, being a parent's almost like Stockholm syndrome. I love your parents, but like they are, they have the power, all the power over you. And you're in a tight space for them. Totally. Captive. Yeah. You're a captive for 18 fucking years.

Whoa. Yeah. And you're chained to a radiator. It's fucking tough. Do you guys not have the same childhood? Okay. Now what is the Patty Hurst? Oh, she was part of the Hurst family.

She was kidnapped. And then she, yeah, she was a Stockholm syndrome. Yes. And she was part of the robbery. Yes. Great book on it by Jeffrey Toobin. That's a wreck. It's called American heiress.

Incredible book. Jeffrey Toobin wrote the OJ book, too. What? Yeah. The Zoom guy? Yeah. Wow. He's a great writer.

Good for him. Yeah. And a great wanker, too. Yeah. No, the American Eris one is a, it's a, you'll breeze through it. It's wild. Didn't the Black Panthers kidnapper? No, no, no, there was a black guy in the thing.

Oh, okay. The Sybony's Liberation Army. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. It was fake. What? There's no Sybia.

It's bullshit. But she was a part of a bankruptcy. Yeah, and she was with them. And she ended up married, like, later when she was freed, she ended up marrying, like, one of her bodyguards, I think. Something crazy. You know, fucking Jay McAnneurney married to hers, the writer? Really? Bright Lights Big City.

Wow. Yeah. I didn't know that. Great writer, married into the Hearst family. Wow. I think Chris Hardwick was with a Hurst. Oh, that's right. That's still is. That's like, dude, that's William Randolph Hearst. That's fucking Citizen Kane. Yes, completely. That's crazy. It tried to ruin Orson Wells because he made a movie clearly, thinly veiled. Yeah, they tried to squash it. But yeah, that's like the American wealthy family. Right. So publishing today still exists. Like Esquire magazine is a Hearst publication. Wow.

They have like 10 magazines that you've still. Wow. So let me get this straight. The daughter of Randolph? No, granddaughter. Granddaughter Randolph got kidnapped. And then got... Pull up the famous photo of her.

Forced to rob a bank. She's in like a beret. It's a crazy photo. I mean, that was... Not that one, hold on. Not that one. I've seen it. There it is.

With the gun. Yeah, there it is. She's robbing a bank here? No, no, no. The other one. No. With the red background. Where she's posing.

That's the Sibonese... That's the famous... That's the famous. the famous crazy gun not bad in the eyes got kidnapped from her own dorm i think in college oh really yeah and then what they made her do stuff i think they were in her closet for weeks yeah but then they kind of warmed to her and then ah i don't know crazy yeah great a great documentary why the gun because she was posing she's part she's part of the crew okay all right but then of course she they got fucked and she was like eh she was a victim of stockholm syndrome uh-huh

Maybe she was. I don't fucking, you know, I'm sure it's possible. Damn. But you do, I think it's a common thing to identify with the hot women in Stockholm. Let us here. Yeah. Stockholm syndrome, baby. And then, you know, Frank Sinatra's kid got kidnapped.

Yeah. Kidnapping was a thing. Tough to be Sinatra's kid. Oh, yeah. And to have his name. I know. And then to be a singer. Was he?

Yeah. Oh, no. Well, clearly it wasn't a big one. But yeah, he was. It's like Jacob Dylan. He was kidnapped, dude. One head light. He was thrown in a trunk.

Old school. Jacob Dylan was? No, no, it's a shotcha's kid. Damn. Frank Jr. One headlight. Yeah. I think they got him, though.

They got him out. They got the kid. Frank Sinatra Jr.? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that was a wild one too. Yeah. I guess Nancy Guthrie is the last kidnap or ladynap.

Oh, yeah, I guess so. That John Paul Getty's grandson was kidnapped. And he didn't want to pay the money. Didn't want to pay. What? The guy lost the fucking ear. Yeah. They cut off the kid's ear and sent it to the family.

He's like, I'm not paying. What? Getty oil? Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. At a certain point, like, how much fucking money do you need? Like, if your kid's life is at stake, here's the thing he was, the kid was, I think, a party animal.

So I think there was a part of where he was, like, blaming him. And then later in life was on drugs and stuff. But, like, yeah, if you come back after that shit and you're missing an ear and you know your family doesn't love you enough to pay that shit, I might want to get fucked up. Wow. Yeah, of course. I mean, it's like, it's pretty dark. The rumor was he kidnapped himself to collect the rant. That was another incentive not to pay.

But then why cut off your own fucking ear? Did they get the kid back? Eventually, yes. Whoa. I think he's past. I think he may have escaped or something. Whoa. That's fascinating.

Yeah. Crazy one. That's another crazy one. Give it a goog. That's insane. A lot of amazing true crime stories in America, man. Yeah. Well, that's the hard thing about being a rich icon air.

A tycoon is the kids get kidnapped. Easy. Oh, there's no ear there. No ear. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Damn. Wow. He refused to pay $17 million ransom for kidnapped grandson,

paying only $2.2.000. That's a funny bargaining call. Oh, 17. I'll give you two. Yeah, two in one ear. That's fucking horrible. Wow, that's traumatizing. That's like...

That's him later in life, huh? Whoa. Not good. Not good. Life is cruel. They said, you're free. He went, what? Who's that? This is a kid who played him in a movie.

Ah. Damn, good stuff. Air is getting kidnapped. I love it. Yeah, good stuff. Did they get Guthrie? I don't know. Apparently she, the people who kidnapped?

The mom? No, and they didn't get the body either. Apparently she died quickly after they kidnapped. They balked her on the head, and I think she bled out pretty quickly. And he sent a note right after being like, it was an accident, we're sorry. If you want to recover the body, pay us. Oh. And they never paid him.

Whoa. It was an accident. Oh, my God. Isn't that, that's kind of what happened during Fargo. Yeah. Remember he was like, sending the money, and the dad was like, I'm doing it. Fuck you, Bob, you're a pussy. And then halfway through, he pulled a gun on him.

Yeah, and they got to kill the wife, too. And they killed the wife, yeah. That's a fucking, I got to rewatch that one. Something about the wintertime because it's like a snowy noir, it always makes me, like, it's a good time to throw Fargo on. Yeah, hell yeah. That's a fucking, God, the Cohn brothers, man. It passed the wife test.

She's young and ADD, so if I can get her clicked in her, a movie and finish it. But she likes true crime. She likes true crime, yeah. And they did that clever thing like this is based on a true, and it's not, this it's based on a true story in the beginning. It's just a lie. I didn't know that.

But it's a way to get you, like, sucked in. You're like, oh, shit. Totally, totally. Bushemi, the other guy was so scary. The blonde guy. So, he's great, that guy. So, he's a fan. Yes, yes.

Man, he's good. Fargo fucking rules. Yeah, I'm going to start throwing on some, like, especially for October, get some good. I got, I just got the shining on D. I want to throw that one on. I get some like far, more than maybe misery. Classic.

You know why he sees his photo in the end? Why? Because apparently he's just on a loop. He's been there the whole time. Yeah, you've always been the caretaker. Yes. That's the line in the movie. Wow.

There was more to it, but I forgot what else. I should have had that prepared. I brought it up. But yeah, there's some theory there that he's always been working there. Yeah. That's fucking great. Yeah. Damn, well, we'll plug some dates, dude.

Oh, we got packages? Hey, you open that one. I'll take the big, long one here. And thank you. Someone brought me a fucking, someone got me a, you know what someone brought me is a, at my show in San Diego, all the Nick starters,

like these shiny cards in a frame. It was one of the nicest gifts. It was such a, also got a really cool Richard Pryor shirt at my show. Freddie Kruger, Hock and Lamort. Or Mallort, sorry. Whoa.

Malort. What is this? Eli and Mason, Nashville, Tennessee, old-fashioned cocktail mixer. Hey! So this is a classic. Old-fashioned cocktail mixer is canned crafted with premium bitters, real cane, sugar, and syrup for a fine taste. Okay, well, maybe we'll have to have a bodega old-fashioned next episode with this. Yeah, please.

That could be fun. This is from Joe Mosey, I assume. I hope I got that right. Was there a third or was it just... This one. is Joe Moe. I'm a musician in the Chicago area. Huge fan of comedy. Love you guys. I was front row at the Dr. Phil show last year,

so I got to see you there. That's nice. I'm sure you're familiar with Malort. And being from Chicago, I had to enclose a piece of Malort artwork for your studio. After all, it is the best liqueur out there, right? Also, enclosing a copy of my recent album released a few months ago. It's also on major streaming

platforms. All right, that's M-O-E-S-E. Joe Mosey. Thanks for taking the time to read this Enjoy the record And hope to hear from you guys Thanks for all the laughs Look forward to hearing the jokes in the future Woo

Nice Okay This is a really weird one Uh-oh, hit me fatty It looks like an autograph Kevin Spacey thing Ooh Get the spray out

For the throat And then it's And then it's Septic down the throat It's a ring Okay FU I don't get it

Kevin Species's got a ring And they sent one to it Oh We're on the radar buddies I'd love to see it. Oh, so this is from Kevin Spacey. Whoa, no wonder I'm hard. How about that?

This is the turn to the camera. We were this close to giving Kevin Spacey on the pod. Claire? Claire? That's my terrible Kevin Spacey house of cards. So what does the ring look like? It's a ring. It just says FU.

Ad Astra. Okay. By this time next year, I'm saying he's going to be back in showbiz. Really? I'm calling it right here. 2027, end of the year, he'll be back in. Interesting. I think it'll pass.

Nobody cares about gay stuff. We were so close to having you, Mark. We were so close to ending this podcast episode. Well, I'm just saying, we can cut that if you want. No, it's fine. Thank you, Kev. We'll have you on. We'll get some spray on the throat.

What the hell is happening? I think you're less, less about gay sex. I'll just plug some dates, Mark. All right. What do we got here? We're at the... We're 11. Okay.

Oh, my God. There you go. I'm at the Comedy Zone in Greenville and at the Charleston Music Hall. A little theater out there. I love Charleston. Oh, nice. Can't wait bringing the wife and kids showing them a little mint julep on a porch. Portland, Oregon.

I think we had a show there. San Jose Improv. That could use some help. Please come on out. Cap City and Austin. Tropic. in Atlantic City, Wind Creek event in Bethlehem, Palazzo, and Vegas, Indio Casino, Charlotte Comedy Zone.

And then, you know, something in January, we'll figure that out. Turning Stone Casino, Corona. Where are we having the movie, guys? We're figuring it out. We think we got a director, so we're on it. Yeah, yeah. We got a new director who's a good get, but he's busy. So we're figuring it out.

So we're waiting until he's done. And also, he's a little more expensive, so, yeah, we'll see what happens. Okay. Hey, I got a new special on Netflix, Sam, REL. Incorrect. Please give it a watch. I'm very happy with it how it turned out. I hope you guys are too.

Bump it up to top five, folks. Let's do it. Put a double plus sign like on there. Phoenix, Arizona, stand-up live November 13 through 15th. I know Gary's going to be bitching about Pizzeria Bianco, so I'll have to get that on there. Pittsburgh Improv, November 19th through 21st. Then we got hilarities in Cleveland, December 3rd through 5th. Oh, that's one of my faves.

Oh, another one of my faves. my faves. Madison with Wisconsin, December 10 through 12th, comedy on state. Then it's been cold. Magoobie's Maryland, uh, easy drive, uh, December 17th through 19th. And then we got Florida coming up in January. We got like, yeah, a dorol, which is basically Dural, whatever, it's, uh, Miami. Miami and then West Palm, all that shit, Jacksonville, see you guys on the road. Punchup. Live slash Mark Norman. Punchup. Live slash Sam Marell. See you guys on the road. We love you. buy some bodega cat. We're making fucking moves.

I saw the guys, you know, at all the clubs in L.A. I saw Matt Herman, our sales guy. He's the man. Bo, shout out the whole team. Yes. Everyone. I apologize. I didn't make that San Diego mixer, by the way.

They canceled at the last minute. But I will, I'll do something else like that next time. We've got to do more shit. Yeah, yeah. Bodeca cat's crushing right now. It seems like we're in a whiskey downturn. We're up. Yes.

So that's huge. Huge. And get a cat scratcher. They sell bodega cat scratches. I got one for my cat. He's all over it. And new merch coming soon. The new merch is fucking awesome.

I love the old merch, but the new stuff's like really. That white shirt Mark was wearing on an old episode that people were loving. Yes. We're getting like cooler materials and stuff. It's going to be really comfy. The Knicks colors. Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Nick season starting soon. Go Yankees. Fucking let's go. Woo. Sports are up. You watch Brunson on SNL? Dude, that part were OG. Did you see that part?

No. That was the highlight for me. When OG came out and got a huge ovation, they're all taking questions, and he goes, you remember when you missed that big shot? And Brunson goes, yeah, and then he goes, you remember what happened afterwards? Whoa. And Brunchy goes, yeah, you tipped it, and OG just goes, yeah. That was awesome.

And a crowd exploded. It was a really funny moment. I love shit like that because it kind of gives you a taste of a monoculture we used to have, where we all agreed on something, we all saw something. I mean, that was clearly just for New Yorkers. Of course. That was like the most only for New York Knicks fans ever for an SNL, but it was like, who gives this shit?

It was awesome. I love it. I love it. All right, folks. Thank you. We'll see you in hell. Comedy. Thank you, Jeremiah.

Check out his special, too. AI, whatever. Super pizza. I don't even crazy pizza. It's right there. Crazy pizza. All right. All right.

See you guys next week. Sunday's a day for mine. A bit of Peverrek. You know the beer juice close. Talking shit about the fucking post. and I grew us I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like