We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson - Big Brother’s Chantelle Houghton Finally Speaks Out "I Don't Want To Hide Anymore"

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Celebrity Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton opens up about overnight fame, her relationship with Preston, the loneliness behind the headlines, and the years she spent staying silent about what she was going through. 20 years after entering the Big Brother house as the only non-celebrity, Chantelle reflects on going from 80p in her bank account to earning £1 million in six months. She revisits the pressure of becoming one of the most recognisable women in Britain, losing friends, struggling with her identity, and realising that having everything did not stop her from feeling completely alone. Chantelle also speaks candidly about falling for Preston, why they should never have married, and how their relationship changed once the cameras disappeared. She opens up about Page 3, the darker side of the entertainment industry, living in fear, and the moment she decided she no longer wanted to hide. Raw, revealing and deeply personal, this is Chantelle Houghton ready to reclaim her story and live life on her own terms. Chantelle Houghton, We Need To Talk This episode includes discussion of mental health. If you’re struggling, remember you’re not alone. You can find help and resources at the links below: MIND:  https://linkly.link/2dx8b Samaritans: https://linkly.link/2dx7Z    CALM: https://linkly.link/2dx8H    Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk   https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod   Sign up to our newsletter https://linkly.link/2eXHX Follow Chantelle here: https://www.instagram.com/chantelle_houghton/ https://www.tiktok.com/@chantelle_houghton (00:00) Intro (02:10) Why Chantelle Is Speaking Out Now (05:44) Childhood in Essex (08:39) Life Before Celebrity Big Brother (16:08) Being Cast on Celebrity Big Brother (21:03) How Chantelle Dealt with Fame Overnight (31:04) Davina McCall Surprises Chantelle (34:39) Life After Celebrity Big Brother (38:43) Huel Ad (39:48) Relationship with Preston (42:15) Marriage to Preston (46:42) Why Chantelle and Preston Divorced (48:24) The Return to Big Brother (50:17) Never Mind the Buzzcocks (52:25) Class in Britain (58:00) Preston Surprises Chantelle (01:01:25) Chantelle’s Agent After Big Brother (01:06:14) Motherhood and Raising Her Daughter (01:07:55) Chantelle Reflects on Toxic Relationship (01:16:24) Chantelle's Relationship Today (01:20:53) Paul's Takeaways Sponsored by: Huel - https://uk.huel.com/WNTT Try Huel Black Edition ramen, use code WNTT for £10 off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. You became incredibly famous for pretending to be famous on Big Brother. But today, you are under threat. Yes, this has been a big deal for me to come here today. Can you take us to that storm? It was a celebrity Big Brother, but I was the only non-celebrity,

and had to pretend to be a celebrity as well. Big Brother has called Chantel to the Daily Room. So now you meet someone named Preston. Yes. Did you truly fall in love in the Big Brother house? We should never have got married. There was a moment where he walks out. Can you take me back to this moment?

So we're on this crazy ride. I walked into Big Brother with 80 pence in my bank account. And then next thing, I have one million pounds. like shaking Prince Charles' hand. Really? But I was just so lonely. I don't know what I'm getting upset. God, I hate admitting this because not a lot of people

know this, but. How does that make you feel? I'm not the girl that was in Big Brother. That version of me is gone, you know? For me, it was the lies and the manipulation. It destroyed me in every single way possible. So why is it that you wanted to talk today and why now? For many years, I stayed side.

about what I was going through, and I don't want to hide anymore. Look, pause with me for just a second. Today marks 100 episodes of we need to talk, and honestly, I just want to say thank you. Now, whether you've been with us every single week since day one or you just drop in when a guest catches your eye, I see you. I truly appreciate you, every comment, every share, every time you show up, it matters.

We're building a really special community here. If you want to support what we're doing without spending a penny, please take a second and hit the follow button. It costs nothing, but it signals to the world that these conversations matter. Thank you for being on this journey with us. Now, let's get started. Why is it that you wanted to come today and why now? For many years, I stayed silent. about what I was going through.

And I thought that was my power by staying silent. But actually by staying silent, I was actually handing over the power to the other person because I was ultimately protecting them. And I just want to live again, you know, and doing stuff like this is something I really enjoy. And, you know, I had a great career. And I know some people might say, oh, you know,

it wasn't a career. You know, you're just a Zed list celebrity. But it was my career. You know, and yeah, it was unusual and unique. And, you know, what is what was or what is my job title? Like, what do you put on a passport? You know, it's just bizarre. But it was mine, you know, and I missed living life on my terms.

And I don't want to hide anymore. Yes, yes. I love it. And also, too, is I don't think that you should diminish your positioning in the world. You're iconic. No. No, truly, because what you did is something that I believe can never happen again. Like how you came to the forefront of millions of homes all throughout the UK, that will never happen again.

And maybe we can even go there as well, is you became incredibly famous. 20 years ago for pretending to be famous. Funkers, isn't it? Right? And when you reflect back on that, do you think that was the beginning of the most unique twist in reality TV history? Or was it a pathway that led to harm? led to harm. It was a really unique thing that happened to me and there was nobody ever to sort of, you know, you know, you've got work colleagues and you're all doing the same job and you sort of

rely on each other for support, you know, because they're going through the same thing, you know, their job, you're trying to hit targets and stuff. But I never, I was on my own. I didn't know, like, it was just me navigating it. And I did find that hard. I really did find it hard. And actually, people probably looked at me and thought I was living this wonderful life. You know, I'd earn all these, you know, hundreds and thousands of pounds, like overnight. I had a lovely home. I had a lovely car. I could go off to Spain wherever I wanted in the world and come back whenever I wanted.

But actually, I was so lonely. I was so, oh my God, I felt I'm going to get upset. It just led me to a really lonely life. On the outside, people looking in, they probably. thought I had it all. And materialistically, I did. I had everything that I wanted, but I was just so lonely. I was on my own.

I was all alone. Okay. We're going to unpack your entire story. And I know that some of it will be painful, right? But some of it will be joyous, you know. Can we start in Essex? Yes. Is that painful or joyous?

That's joyous. That's good. I'm a proud Essex girl. Can I say I love Essex? Oh, do you? I'm a big Essex. I always talk about this. We had Chloe Sims.

Yes. Yes, I've watched it. Yes. And she literally, with my first week of being in the UK, she took me to a pie and mass shop. Oh, lovely. In Essex, right? So that's where I started.

Yeah. But when you think about growing up, what was being a little girl in Essex like? Oh, I mean, I had a very normal childhood. You know, it was nothing out of the ordinary. We wasn't rich. We wasn't poor. We were just kind of average.

But I just knew, like, inside of me, there was just something that wanted more. I didn't know how I was going to get it because, you know, I went to school. I didn't get great GCSEs. But I knew I wanted to live a nice life. I wanted to be able to go on holiday and eat nice food and experience life. But I didn't know how I was going to get it. Can we even, Shantel, can we even stay in you as a little girl? Yeah, okay.

So just you as a little girl. And actually, can I show you? I have a lot of surprises for you today. Okay. Here's the first one. Okay. All right. I want us to focus on her.

Mm-hmm. Okay. So hold that for me. Who is that? How old is she? I don't know. I'm getting upset. I tell you what, it's because this matters to you.

Um, I'd say I was probably maybe four, five years old. Um, do you know why I know why I'm getting upset? is because I didn't have any of the pain then that I do now and probably seeing that picture and makes me wish I could go back to then and do life differently. So, yeah, it's painful to see me as an innocent, you know, no trauma, no pain, young girl. You know, this happens to many of us when we reflect back.

because we know the life that this young girl needs to lead. And I'll hold on to that and I'll give you any of these photos that you want. Okay. Yeah. So you're welcome. So now by the time you are leaving school, what are you thinking career-wise? What do you want to do? I just wanted to earn money.

I was desperate to earn money. So I actually, so I left school at 15 and I got my first job. in London as an office junior. It's an office junior? Yeah. What's an office junior? Oh, like a clerical, like a system. Yeah.

Like I was, yeah, it's weird as an office junior. Yeah, I was just, you know, answering the phone, photocopy in, buying the coffees, bring them in, you know, a general dog's body, basically. Okay. I mean, I went from that job. I've had so many jobs, you know, over the years in offices. and nine times out of ten I would actually get the sack. Really?

And I hated all the jobs. And every single time I'd cry that I'd got the sack. And I remember my dad one day saying to me, why are you crying? You didn't like it anyway. And I was like, oh yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't like it anyway. But I think it was just the rejection of like,

we don't want you here anymore. Why were you getting fired so many times? I just, I probably wasn't very good at what I was doing it. Because I didn't want to be doing it. I wanted something different, something more. Okay. So at a certain point, do you become a, is it a grid? Yes.

It's called a grid girl. A grid girl. I have never heard of this term until I was researching for you to come in. So what is a grid girl? So basically, I entered this competition and it was with the motorcycle news, a newspaper. and it was a motorbike newspaper. And what they do is they have like a group of girls that they choose. And you would hold, when the races were going to start,

the motorbikes were there, you would stand there with an umbrella, like on the grid. Oh, okay. And, you know, shield them from the sun or, you know, and just have pictures taken and just, you know, you'd be wearing all the clothes that promoted the newspaper. And you'd just. generally walk around and promote the magazine.

Interesting. So you're, it's a grid girl is a model in essence for the magazine. Yeah. Okay. So that, so is that something that you aspired to be? Did you want to model? No. No?

No, no, I didn't. I had no desire to do it. I fell into it. So I had a boyfriend at 18. He was a lot older than me. He was 25. And that's quite a lot, you know, looking back, that was a big jump. And he wasn't very kind to me.

And I, God, it just seems so pathetic looking back then that you listen to somebody else and you know, what they say really affects you. But he would always make me feel like I wasn't good enough that, you know, he'd look at girls in magazines and be like, oh, she's so this, she's gorgeous, you know. you're nothing like them and it was just that

I kind of just wanted to prove him wrong and I end God I hate admitting this because not a lot of people know this he'd always go on about page three girls and I I'd never want to do you know what page three girl is

I do know yes which by the way when I first heard because everyone talks about page three girls yeah or I shouldn't say everyone but a lot of our guests. And I could not believe that this was happening. I know.

But for anyone who doesn't know what a page three girl is, could you explain? You basically topless on page three of the newspaper. Good answer. And I had no desire. I never ever thought about doing it before. But it got to a stage where I kind of, oh, I needed to prove that I was as good as them. I mean, who was I proven it to, really, to me, to him. I don't know.

But I made it my mission that I would get on that page three. And I did. Did you? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I got on there once, just once. Just once. And you did that specifically for your boyfriend. To prove to him that I was actually as good as the girls that he was saying were amazing and, you know, I wasn't good enough.

So it sounds like you believed it. Yeah. Yeah. that you were not as good as good. Yeah. So therefore you wanted to prove. Yeah. So when you went through that experience, what is, what is that like?

Because you didn't want to do it, but to sit there to have to take off your top. What was that like for you? I didn't like doing it. It was horrible. But I was just hellbent on proving myself. And, you know, like I said, he was a lot older than me. and, you know, he cheated on me several times and I was heartbroken and it was just, it got worse and it got worse, you know. But that was my, like, is it redemption of like, you know,

I am good enough. Your attempt, you're tempted at it. Yeah. So then after you were on page three, what was his response? So I actually left him for the last time before the newspaper actually then came out. So I don't know because I didn't speak to him ever again. So yeah, I don't know. Okay, okay.

So it was page three that then led to you becoming a grid girl? Yes. I joined an agency and they'd book you for different. jobs. I then became a Paris Hilton look-alike because people started saying that I had a resemblance to Paris Hilton, so I'd have to turn up at places, you know, and walk around. And they'd book Paris Hilton's sister, Nikki, and look-alike as well. So we'd have to walk around these, you know, exhibition shows. It's such a weird way. My head is so busy. I've lived so many lives.

And you're only like 21 at this point. I've lived so, I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Oh my God. Could I ask, as a Paris Hilton lookalike, do you act like, do you, do you, is the idea that you're almost tricking people to believe that you are Paris Hilton? I mean, it was just really just for the lead, like, attention of whatever you were promoting at the time. So, you know, everyone knew that was a very thing. But it was fun.

It was really good fun. In fact, actually, I got booked for a photographer, really famous photographer, Alison Jackson. Okay. She photographs a lot of the royal lookalikes, and I got booked for that job as Paris Hilton lookalike. It was around the time when Paris Hilton's dog had died, and so there was this whole theme of me with this chihuahua,

but it was fun, you know, it was. I've got fond memories at that time, yeah. All right, all right. I'm not mad at it. You wanted to make money. You were making money. You were making money. So from this attention, is this how you entered the Big Brother franchise for the first time?

Yes, so I had been on a modelling shoot and I overheard a girl there talking about the Big Brother auditions. And Big Brother hadn't been on my radar. Obviously, I'd heard of it. I hadn't actually watched it. But my mind started ticking. And I thought, oh, you know, maybe I should apply. Maybe if I go on there, you know, I might get better work, more work, you know. And so I thought, yeah, why not?

So I found out when the auditions were on. I remember getting on the train. I had no money. So I bunked the train all the way to London. Did you? I was all done up, had my earrings in. I had a cream fur coat on. My hair was done.

And I turned up to the audition. and it was maybe 30 minutes towards the end so I nearly didn't make it and they sent me home they sent me home and I thought that was it so yeah so what did you do in the audition so you go into like a makeshift diary room

and you have to sell yourself you get maybe 15, 20 seconds and I basically when they said go I said hi I'm Shantel I'm from Essex and I said nothing. I didn't know what to say. I literally didn't know.

It was the worst audition I've ever done. I did not know what else to say. And so I thought, I've messed that up, you know. But I went home and I thought that was it. Okay. And I also find the motivation interesting and very truthful. You wanted to be on Big Brother so that you could then get more modeling work. Yeah.

That was the idea. Yeah. So you come from that audition. They send you home. Then what happens next? So I got a telephone call that night and I thought it was one of my friends winding me up because I'd obviously told people that I would go on for the audition

and the person at the end of the telephone said that they wanted me to come back for another audition so I was like oh this is a joke and they said no no it's real and so I ended up probably going to around 20, 30 auditions over the next few months and it was so secretive because they would say to you go to Tottenham Court Road, go into a cafe Nero, there'll be a man in there with like a red hat, he'll give you directions to like to go to the next place.

It was so secret. It was so secretive. And it was fun as well. So yeah, I did all these auditions and then what Big Brother do is before the show goes live, like the summer show, not the celebrity version, the normal version. two weeks previous to that, they'll do like a test run. So they'll have housemates go into the test run that didn't make it for the actual show. Okay.

They'd pay you, but you'd go in. So obviously, that way they can make sure the cameras are working, any of the tasks that they'd plan. They can see if they work. So you're kind of like a guinea pig. Okay. Anyway, so they asked me to do that. So I was like, I was excited, but obviously it was kind of, oh, what? I'm not in the real show, but anyway, I did it.

So I was meant to be in there for the four, five days, but I went in on the Monday and then I was evicted on the Wednesday. It was gutted. But basically, they told me my secret task was to get nominated for eviction. So I had to basically make everyone dislike me, which was horrible. It was just, yeah, it wasn't nice. But I got evicted on the Wednesday. And I thought that was it.

So I thought that was all over. Until the December of the same year, I got a call from the producer saying that there's a show in January. Am I available? Would you like to come and meet with us? So I was like, yeah, sure, I'm available. Of course. Thinking what is this? You know, what show is it?

So I went along and she said that they were doing Celebrity Big Brother, but they were thinking of doing a, version where there's half celebrities, half non-celebrities, she said, would you be up for it? And I was like, yeah, sure. Of course I will. You know, yeah, that's fine. She said, okay, look, we're still thinking about it. We'll let you know. A couple of weeks later, she called me and said, right, you're going in on, I think it was the 5th or the 6th of January. Get yourself ready. So, all right, first is this is, so this is what year is this? This is, this is two, end of 2005.

This is, okay, end of 2005, this is a new concept for celebrity Big Brother. Yeah. Right. Now, Big Brother at this point is, you would say, household name. Everyone knows its appointment TV, everyone's watching. Yeah. It was on Channel 4, I think, at this time. And Davina McCall was hosting it.

All right. So, big, big show. Mm-hmm. So once they tell you that you are going to be in in just a few weeks, who do you tell and what are you thinking? So I only told my mum. That was the only person that I told. And I was so excited. I felt like I'd finally got the break that I'd been trying to get for a long time, you know, walking around London, going to castings and modelling jobs, getting some, getting knocked back on others.

So it was like, this is it. I'm, you know, I've got my break. Okay. So at what point do the producers tell you about your secret mission on the show? Well, they didn't tell me. I found out when I got called to the diary room live on air and I was the first person in the house and that's how I found out. Okay. That I was not only just the only non-celebrity, but that I had to pretend to be a celebrity as well.

And do you know, the first thing that went through my mind is, oh my God, please don't say they want me to pretend that I'm actually Paris Hilton. Because I thought, I've got to do this American accent. That was my first mori that went through my head. But yeah, it wasn't until I'd got out of the car, walked into the house, and was in the diary room. That's when I found out. And what are you thinking when you find out?

Oh, it was such a, I was terrified, absolutely terrified. So what was your cover? So you were supposed to act as who? So I had to be, I had to say that I was a member of a girl band called Candy Floss with a K. And I had a number one hit in Japan. But they said that I could make up the rest. They said that however many girl band members were in the group, I could make, I could pad out the details myself.

And I stupidly remember saying that there was five of us in the band. Then I've got to remember all these other girls' names and stuff. But yeah, I was terrified. I was, you know, I was absolutely terrified. You know, I'm just this young girl from this little village in Essex. And the next thing, I'm on national telly with all these celebrities around me. And it was wild. Were you familiar with any of those celebrities?

Yes. So I grew up watching Michael Barrymore on. Saturday Night TV and he was the first person that walked in and can you imagine like I was just like and he's oh hello I'm Michael Barrymore and I'm thinking I know who you are like and he's like oh who are you and I said oh I'm Chantelle I'm gonna go back oh it's just so oh god um and yeah I mean so yeah Michael Barrymore Pete Burns um Rela Lenska George Galloway it was just I felt so out of place, really out of my depth. I was so out of my depth being there.

And I just thought, oh my God. And all I wanted to do was go and ring my mum and go, oh my God, can you believe what is going on? Were you scared that your cover was going to be blown? Yeah, I was terrified because Jodie Marsh was in the house. And I used to go out in Brentwood a lot. And she lived in Brentwood and she used to go out in Brentwood. And I was worried that she might have recognised me from being in Brentwood.

And I wasn't this. celebrity singer that was in a girl band, but somehow I pulled it off. Although actually, I don't believe I pulled it off because my singer was terrible. What I believe is that when you go on Big Brother, you're so aware of, as a celebrity, say, you're so aware of yourself,

you're so nervous yourself that you're actually not thinking about anyone else or questioning, oh, who they have, never seen them before. You know, so that's how I think I got away with it because everyone was terrified themselves. Yeah, I can't credit my singing. Can I say, though, Chantelle,

I think that is great life advice is that so many of us show up to the meeting, to the conference, to the event, and we are so terrified, or we believe that everyone else is going to witness how scared or terrified we are. But in actuality,

you're in a group of people who are all terrified themselves. Yeah, nobody cares about you. Do you know what I mean? They just care about yourself. Nobody cares. You're not the main character. It's not all about you.

It's just, you know, we're all human beings. But yeah, you're right. Like, you forget that. You think it's, oh my God, what are they going to think of me? When actually, they're all thinking, oh, my God, what are they going to think of me? So, yes, yes. So you said that they didn't find out because of your singing.

So clearly your singing was, that bad then. Oh, it was terrible. You think so? Oh, it was awful. I forgot the words. I didn't, I didn't in front of me and I still couldn't sing it properly. But yeah, I think the looks on their faces as well when I was singing said, spoke a thousand words, yeah. Really? So after you were finished singing, right? They still think that you are the singer in this band, right? So did you think that your cover was truly blown or no? I thought I'd smashed it. I thought I'd absolutely smashed it.

But unbeknown to me, they were having private conversations saying, she like, you know, it doesn't sound right. You know, she forgot her words. And some of them were doubting me. But because nobody actually came out and said, we don't think that you're a celebrity. Had they, I would have been a victim because I would have failed the task. So because they didn't actually outright come outright say it to me,

I got away with it. So at what point do you think, wow, I think I might play swell here. Like I may do well in Big Brother. Honestly, it was the night of the final, the night of the final. And when it had just got down to me and Michael Barrymore sitting there and everyone else had been evicted, I remember going to the bathroom. And I just looked at myself in the mirror. and I thought, oh my God, I could win this.

That was the only time when I really believed that it could happen. The reality hit me of, you know, I could actually win. And when that reality hits, what are you thinking? I think I said, oh, my God, about 250 times. I think they counted. I, it was in disbelief. I just, I just, I couldn't believe it. And I still don't believe it now.

It's really weird. It's, you know, sometimes you just can't wrap your head around something. Like, I still can't believe that all of that happened. I have a friend who won Celebrity Big Brotherman here. And I remember having a discussion with them about what it means to them or what it meant to them in the moment. And they were talking about how what they couldn't wrap their mind around was how the public was supporting them, right? Almost over others. And here you are the only non-celeb being supported by the majority of the people voting.

Yeah. How does that feel to know you have this outpouring of love? Oh, it was just so nice. Honestly, like everywhere I went after I, I came out of the house, just people were so kind to me. They were just sort of really rooting for me. And it was just like having an extended family everywhere you went, you know, because everyone was just happy for me.

But it's really weird looking back because I see it as like my TV life because it was just so far detached from reality. The bad stuff, but also the good stuff, it wasn't, it wasn't real, you know, it was real, but it wasn't real because it was just this bizarre, it was almost like a parallel universe, you know. Well, one is it was 20 years ago. It was definitely a different time in television. It was at the forefront of many other reality formats.

So at that time, we didn't have a lot of reality dating shows, for example, which when I look at your popularity, on celebrity big brother part of it I think came from perhaps the audience fantasizing the romance between you and Preston and that was of interest because we didn't have Love Island

and married at first sight and we didn't have all those shows then yeah and people love love don't they so yeah exactly I used to get fan mouth like this mental actual actual fan mail that's just crazy

Yeah. Well, on that note, guess what I have. Oh, no. I have a fan video for you. Oh, God. You ready for this? I don't know. Ready?

Go on then. Now, and even before that, can I say this is, and I think this is important, is you received 56% of the public vote winning. That's huge that you got that, 56% of the public. All right, Chintel, you ready for this? I'm ready. I have a video here of someone who I believe is one. I can't say they are your number one fan, but I believe they're right up there. They could be.

It could be your number one fan. You ready for this? Go on, yeah. Oh my God, Chantal, like, where do I start? You know, the thing that caught all of our imaginations was that you were an ordinary girl who had, and you weren't like a fame-hungry, ordinary girl. You were a genuinely just nice, ordinary, beautiful person who had been thrust into a house full of massive celebrities.

I mean, Michael Barremor, Dennis Rodman. I mean, how insane is that? Preston. Huh? Remember that? And then you had to pretend you were a pop star. and make everyone believe it. And they did. And I was so unbelievably impressed with your bravery,

your absolute kind of energy and sense of humour and ability to not be crushed by the weight of everybody's personality that you held your own. and then watching you fall in love was the sweetest thing ever. I don't know, I really, we all really loved you and you did so brilliantly. I mean, God, like you're my hero.

So, like, well done. And I hope you're well. And I hope you have a lovely time with Paul. You're going to have a great time on there. He's amazing. She's so lovely. It's the lovely. She is such a lovely woman.

She's such a good woman. That was Davina McCall, right? Yeah. And also what I will say is I didn't realize, when I met Davina, I didn't realize how cemented and entrenched she is in British culture. Yeah. Right. I was naive to it. And I see how she truly is a national treasure.

She is. Yeah. But when I talk to many people, they point back to her on Big Brother as that. That really cemented it. Yeah. So to hear her say this about you. Yeah. How does that make you feel?

I'm not the girl that was in Big Brother. I never will be. Everything that I've been through, that version of me, oh my God. That version of me is gone, you know. So obviously that's beautiful, the words that Davina has just said, and that's amazing. but I find it's hard because it's like she's talking about someone else because that person doesn't exist of me anymore. Did you see what I mean?

I see exactly what you mean. Like I'm so grateful and that was beautiful, everything that Davina said. But I feel like she's talking about someone else. I know exactly. Am I mad? No, no, you're not. You're not. This is fame.

You know, and we can't put it all on. on fame, but I think we all have to take a moment and think this was 20 years ago. This was a different time. When you came off of this show, you were one of the most popular people in the UK. One of the most recognizable people in the UK. And you can even see how that bared out in the press. You can look at the money that was being offered. You know, when you came out.

for example, your first interview, first interview, how much were you offered for that interview? I literally did the first interview the very next day and they paid me £250,000, which is... I mean... It goes back to the whole disbelief thing because even on that day I didn't believe it, because it was just crazy. It was crazy. Within the first six months, how much did you make? I remember I had a diary and I'd put in what I was because I was working all the time like every single day and I knew that I had to maximise it.

I knew that I couldn't turn down work because I also knew that this wasn't going to last forever. Like I never thought, oh this is it for the rest of my life, you know. So I used to write in my diary the job that I was doing and how much I was getting for it. And I remember I used to count it and count it and I was. was just couldn't wait until it got to the one million and it was six months pretty much bang on six months that I got to one million pound yeah but even I I was full of disbelief like even now looking back on it I still don't believe it's you know it's it's it's unbelievable it's unbelievable I walked into Big Brother with 80 pence in my bank account did you yeah I was all

out. Yeah. So I was like, this needs to work. Well, it worked. It worked. Yeah. Maybe too good. Yeah. Right. But it worked. Yeah. What was your identity, right? The story you tell about yourself. What was it when you got out of Big Brother? Immediately, right, when you came out? I still, back at the time, I still, in fact, to be honest, it made me. me not know my identity even more so because I didn't know who I was before and I definitely didn't know who I was then, you know, one minute, you know, I'm living in a small village and then next thing, I'm in the Queen Mother's house having tea and coffee and like shaking Prince Charles' hand. Really?

Really? Prince at the time. What about friends and family? Do they treat you any differently? My family have stuck by my side throughout the whole thing. But friends, you know, it's so difficult because a lot of people say, you know, when somebody becomes Vameless, they change. In my experience, the people around me changed and that was really, really difficult because

I lost all, one by one, I lost my friends. I had a really good friend. And I was doing a TV show at the time and she was doing a TV show. was due to come on there. It was like a reality show and basically the night before her mum called the production company and said unless my daughter's getting paid the same amount of money as Chantelle

she's not going to do it. And just yeah people changed around me like they couldn't handle it because I went from having nothing to having everything and so that led to a lot of loneliness you know because I've had everything on paper

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Try them yourself with code WNTT for 10 pounds off, at UK.hul.com slash WNTT. So now you meet someone and then a house named Preston. Yes. Okay. Now, a question that I have around this is, were you aware that Preston had a girlfriend? Yes.

Okay. So you knew? I did. Yeah. You knew. Okay. Okay. So you then strike up, would you say a friendship?

Yeah. Yeah. Did you know who he was before entering the house? No, I hadn't heard of him. But it was just like, you know, like two silly little kids? That's how it was, like a giggly friendship. And we were like the kids of the house almost. That was how it was for us in there.

Okay. Okay. So it was a friendship that was built up. Did it feel at any point romantic? No, it didn't because I knew he had a girlfriend. I mean, I think people talking about us in there and saying stuff to, you know, Preston, oh, you know, what's your girlfriend going to think, you know? But he maintained, well, I've actually haven't done anything wrong.

It's not, you know, like we hadn't kissed each other, we hadn't spoke about dating each other. You know, nothing had been said. Yes, looking back, I can understand that his girlfriend might have been really uncomfortable with our friendship in the house. And I'm sad if that caused her any pain. But there genuinely wasn't anything going on with us whilst we were in Big Brother. There really wasn't. Did you truly fall in love in the Big Brother house? It's so hard for me to distinguish.

The only thing that I can describe it as is like a holiday romance. And, you know, it's like a holiday romance is like, you know, you meet somebody, then you then go home and you pine after them. But we obviously didn't need to do that because then we got together. But the reality of it was that we weren't right for each other. But at that time, yeah, I'd say, yes, I was. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't have got married if I wasn't. Okay. And that happened so quickly. So how, you got married after knowing Preston for how long? So I met him in the January and married to him in the August. Okay. Who is that seven months? Yeah.

Okay. That's quick? Really quick. Yeah. Why do you believe you two got married so quickly? I don't know. He asked me and I said yes. And then next thing, we were getting married within a matter of months.

OK magazine paid us a shedload of money. I didn't get married for the money. Don't get me wrong. But yeah, I mean, one minute he was engaged to his ex-girlfriend because he came out of the house. and proposed to her. Oh, wow, I didn't know that. Yeah.

And then within two weeks, he then proposed to me. Well, I don't know, sorry, maybe I've got the two weeks wrong. Not long after he then proposed to me. Okay. Yeah. Were you aware that he had proposed to? You were aware? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So why do you think you did it? Why did you say yes? I think probably because of like the boyfriend, my very first boyfriend, I then had someone who then like, he wanted me, wanted to marry me. You know, it was, it's good, it feels good to be wanted, doesn't it? So, yeah, I didn't, I didn't think about it at all.

Like, should I do this? It was just a straight yes. Okay. And then you divorced 10 months. Yeah. So three months, you were married for three months? No, so we got married in August. 2006 and then we got divorced, I think it was like pretty much.

We were to get in total, we were to give it 18 months. Okay. So married in August 2006, I think we were divorced by, by, yeah, August 2007. Okay, so didn't make it the year? No. What happened? We were so different. We was two completely different people.

What he loved about me at the beginning, was probably everything he despised about after. Like he's even said in an interview that he he'd never got the glamorous blonde girlfriend, model girlfriend because he'd always been quite geeky at school and then all of a sudden he's got her. But then it's like reality sets in. It's like actually I didn't want to marry that person.

Do you know what I mean? I just wanted a picture of her on my wife. Do you know what I mean? We lived in Brighton where he came from, so I moved down there. I didn't know anyone down there. And I think there was a lot of pressure on him, not from me, but I think he felt a lot of pressure to not leave me alone, like at home alone. You know, I think he felt pressure to make sure that I was okay because I knew it.

I didn't know anyone. So I think that was definitely a pressure in our relationship. He's never said that to me. I can't, I can only imagine he must have felt that. You know, I was all the way away from home. I didn't know. I was soul in Brighton. So it's a lot for somebody to carry that burden, you know.

But we, like, we're like chalk and cheese. We're like chalk and cheese. They really are. We should never have got married. Like, it should have been what it was. But, you know, what, we were young. We were silly. We were, we were on this.

crazy ride of Big Brother, we would never have met in real life, in like real life. We would never have met. He wouldn't have fancied me. I wouldn't have fancied him. We just wouldn't. We would never have come across each other

because we wouldn't have mixed in the same circles. We wouldn't have gone to the same shows. You know, sometimes he'd talk, and I wouldn't even understand what he's talking about because of the words he's taught, you know? Really? Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah. I can't even understand him.

I think his dad was like a professor or something, but we were just so different. But there was no massive falling out. There was no cheating. There was no, there was nothing. It was the most amicable divorce ever. And actually, with the divorce, I had to get lawyers and then he had to get lawyers. And what the lawyers were doing were my lawyers were calling me up trying to say, well, you know, you can get this from him. You can have like a take on that.

finance and his lawyers were doing the same. They were trying to like pit us off against each other. And we both went to a meeting with both lawyers and said, we just want a divorce. We just don't want to be married anymore. I don't want his stuff. He doesn't want my stuff. We just don't want to be married, you know. It was the most amicable divorce.

And you hugged on the day of your divorce. Yeah. Of the day that I moved out. the house, we hugged and said goodbye. It wasn't, there was no nastiness, no bitterness, no hate, no nothing. It was a very easy breakup. But it was sad, you know, all breakups are sad, aren't they? Sure.

You know, but yeah. Sure. Now then, did Preston then go back to his old girlfriend? No, he doesn't. No. Okay. He met a girl, an American girl. Yeah.

He met her quite quickly. it's just fine, you know, and there's no timeline of when you can and can't move on. True. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So then... He's now engaged again, actually.

So yeah. He's engaged. Look at that. Look at that. You're in a relationship? He's in a relationship? Yeah, it all worked out. So now you and Preston then saw each other in Big Brother again.

Yes. Correct. In 2010. In 2010. Mm-hmm. So tell me about that, because from what I understand, you entered Big Brother on a special day for both of the two of you. Yeah. Yeah, it would have been, so six, it would have been our fourth four-year wedding anniversary on that day.

Yeah. On the day that you both entered the Big Brother home? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So this was a special Big Brother that you both did. Yeah, it was like the ultimate Big Brother where they picked like some winners. and some other characters who had made like a big presence on their

on their show. So, yeah. Okay. Now, a question that a lot of people have is, did you and Preston know that the other would be in that Big Brother house? Yeah. Thank you for being honest about that. He rang me up and told me he was going on here. So I was like,

But you know it is honestly So but So yes I did know And he knew that I was I knew that he was And then just as we were literally About to get put into the house One of the runners

Accidentally pulled the curtain Between us And we both looked at each other And was like oh god But then we had to pretend That we didn't know Because it wasn't fair On the production team

You know They put a lot of effort in And you know It's just a little white light You know It was But yeah Also too

I think it shows you how amicable the split was that he would call you to tell you. Yeah. Now, there was another moment that I read about with Preston that I thought was very enlightening. There was a moment where he walks out. Can you take me back to this moment? So it was a television show that you both did? Yeah. It was never mind the Boscocks.

Yes. Yes. Yes, and he really stands up for you. So what happened if you can paint that picture? Yeah. So I had written an autobiography. It was published and me and Preston are very different. Like things that I'd think are really posh and like up market.

He wouldn't. And so the presenters, Preston went on this TV show, never mind the Buzzcocks. and I was in the green I was in the waiting room watching him on there and the presenter decided to pick up my autobiography and start reading snippets of it out

and yeah they did sound embarrassing and it was cringeworthy and it was making a fall of me and Preston was obviously just expected to sit there and like and listen to it and I was was so touched that he got up and walked out because actually he, the presenter was just disrespecting me. Like, I think it, I think he said something, it was an, it was a paragraph

about, and it was a paragraph of me saying that I'd done a, a shoot for the Daily Mail and I felt really posh and up market. And people have their own opinions on the newspapers don't know of what is posh and up market. And he was just trying to make a fool of me by, by reading them out as the press and got up and walked out but he got so much backlash for doing that he got so much backlash for walking out but he just didn't want to sit there and listen to his wife be disrespected so i i i really appreciated what he did okay okay and i recall that a statement that he gave afterwards is he talked about how this was a depiction of classism you know i don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, really? You don't know. That's okay. You don't have to know it all. All right. But, but. This is why the marriage didn't work. Oh, you're saying that you don't know what classism is.

Yeah, no, I don't know. Okay, not to quote, classism. Okay, well, I mean, I think we should talk about it briefly because, so I was not here in the UK during this time. I got to the UK in 2018. Okay. And it was very quickly that I realized how regimented the UK was with regard to class. Okay.

And what I believe Preston was stating in that moment, not only with his walking out, but then later literally quoting, was that they were trying to suggest that you were in a lower class. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which I am. I was. Being an American coming in is we have class as well, right? But what I've noticed in the United States, for the most part, since some will debate me on this, is that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how educated or you are or where your family is from or how much land you have or what your title is. Yeah. It all boils down how much money you make. Okay. Right. So you could have none of those things that I just mentioned, you have, you make a lot of money. You're an influencer. You make a lot of money. And therefore, you're considered to be of higher class. Oh, wow. However, I've noticed in the UK, that's not the case. No. Right. So how does that impact or did that then impact your relationship, knowing that or believing, because I

I don't know if I'm signing up to this, but believing that you were of a lower class than your partner. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a producer in the United States and has worked on UK and U.S. reality TV shows and said, Paul, you know what the one of the biggest differences between UK and U.S. reality TV shows. and said, Paul, you know what the one of the biggest differences between UK and US reality TV shows? And I said, what? Tell me. Is that in the UK, a lot of the casting is of people that are considered to be of a lower class. And once again, I still have, I still feel, I feel like I want to throw up when I talk about this. but this is this is their opinion. Whereas in the U.S., it's all over the place doesn't necessarily matter.

But in the U.K., it's predominantly that. What's your perception of that? Because that's a very charged accusation, if you will, because when you read into it, you can say, oh, wow. So does that mean that people are casted that way so that people who perceive themselves to be of a higher class can look down on that group? What's your take on that idea? I mean, I don't think I was cast for that, that reason that they thought that I was of a lower class. I'd like to believe that they cast me on like my personality.

but I do think like the press and the media tried to dumb me down more than I actually am I'm I remember George Galloway saying on Big Brother that that girl is not stupid you know she's not as stupid as she seems she's actually as sharp as attack and I thought that was a really nice compliment actually because the media and the press

And I think it was easier to make me seem like this thick, blonde bimbo, you know. But I am what I am. Like, you know, I've got better. Yeah. And I, you know, is, so do you consider yourself intelligent? Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Are you looking at me in disbelief? Like, Chantal, you're not intelligent. I'm looking at you saying, I had no idea that you would doubt these things. Oh my God, yeah, definitely. Like, I've done a lot of work on myself in all different aspects, but I was dumb. I was stupid back then. Definitely. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So this gives me more insight as to, especially in your relationship with Preston. So I could see that when you say that you were different, you truly felt like the two of you were different. Yeah. But then you split up, you two were friends. So when's the last time you spoke with Preston? It was probably a couple of years ago.

He just sent me a message on Instagram, like, hey, how are you? He's actually out in L.A. He writes songs, writes music out there now. Yeah, the last time I saw him was Big Brother 2010. And yeah, the last time via DM on Instagram was a couple of years ago. Wow. So you even talked to him in years? No.

Well, that's incredible. No. Okay. Okay. So now, can we move on to another surprise? Okay. Go on then. Are you ready?

Yeah. All right. So here's what I want to do on this one is. I have this for you. Okay. All right. All right. I would like for you to open that up.

Oh my God. And if you can give that a read for us. I have no idea what this could be. Literally no idea. Hey, Chantelle, I hope this message finds you live in the dream. No one else could ever understand the insane, surreal, fun, scary, magical ride we found ourselves fumbling through in the post big rather madness. No matter how hard I try to explain it to other people, I can never quite find the words.

It may be a trauma bond that we share. but is powerful and I'm happy that we always find a time to check in on each other all these years later. I was constantly impressed by how effortless stardom was for you, a natural. Every now and then, more often than I care to admit, I get your candy floss song stuck in my head and allow myself a little nostalgia for those days and our daughter, Beetle Juice. Oh, little Beatty. I missed being that young and naive, but it was our youth and naivety that got us through it. I know that the crash course in the media studies that it ended up being has made us both better on happier people in the long run.

Lots of love and admiration always. So that's Preston, right? That is a letter from Preston. That's lovely. And yeah, it's a lovely letter. I'm a bit annoyed that because he left Baby Girl. We had two Chihuahuas. Poor little baby girl.

Although, to be honest, she wasn't called Baby Girl. I changed her name when we broke off. I love that you read this letter and you're mad because he forgot the name of one of the chihuahuas. You're like, this guy, that's why I divorced you. Yeah, I forgot. I'll have a dog's name. I'll hold on to that. That's a lovely letter.

And you know what? I'm so glad that we're where we're at, you know, because it could have, the press could have turned us on each other. You know, but that was what, and our lawyers, but that was one thing that we were both not willing to compromise on, you know. There was always truth with me and him. There was, there was always truth. Yeah. Yeah. I could see it.

I mean, that's the letter from someone who respects you as a friend. Yeah. Yeah. Hey there. I just want to say, thank you for choosing we need to talk. Doing this podcast is one of the greatest joys of my life. And I want to continue to share it with you. So hit follow and the bell icon.

It takes just a second and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast. What was the inflection point for you? So you were happy go lucky on Celebrity Big Brother. You leave, you make a million pounds in the first six months, I would imagine you had some good times. Yeah. I spent a lot of money shopping. I was going to say. I got bored of shopping at one point.

I was like, oh, not again. I hate show today. I hate shopping. I'm like, you know, look, there men that say, I'm not going to shopping with his wife. I am, I'm never going to shopping. I can't bear it. Oh, my gosh.

I got bored of shopping. I've never heard of shopping. I got just bored. Bored. I was shopping too much. So things are good, right? But there's some point where things become bad. Can you take me to that point?

Yeah. What happened? So the marriage and the relationship with Preston didn't work out. So I moved back home to, like, near my hometown, but I was living alone. So I joined an agency and this guy was looking after me who worked there. And he was married. and he crossed boundaries that he should never have crossed. He should never have crossed.

And I was so vulnerable. I was really vulnerable because of obviously being so new to the industry as well, but also being alone. And I kind of always was made to feel that they were like in, like my life was in their hands and they could like kind of like keep making me or they could break me. And this particular guy, he would like send me messages that were like harassing, like harassing me, like making it clear that he wanted like to have a relationship with me,

that he wanted more from it. And it was just like it was dark. It was a really dark time. And I wish looking back that it's hard, isn't it, when you're young? You know, me today now is someone. did or said any of those things, I would call them out on it straight away and it wouldn't happen again. Yes.

But then I was so scared of losing like the career that I had and I just felt like a scared young girl, you know. He ended up booking me a PA to go out to Ireland and I know now that he went out of his way to get this PA to get me out of the country so that we were alone together and we then left and he got rooms next to each other and I remember getting in my room as quick as I can and he tried to come in the roomway but I shut the door and I went and sat on the bed and I remember just looking out

over Dublin where we were and there was this knocking on the wall like it was him and I just remember laying there looking out all the lights and just tears were just rolling down my eyes, my face And I just, I was like, what has happened? You know, where did this get so bad? You know, he didn't do anything to me.

He never touched me. But it was the psychological, you know, and actually other things that I've been through in my life, for me, psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse. I'd rather be hurt than have the mental torture because physical, you heal, scars. you know, but it's mental torture, you know, you can't get away from your brain, can you? You can't switch it off. So yeah, that was definitely when things started to go bad. Yeah.

Yeah. And I carried I stayed at the agency from maybe a few more months and then I left in the end. One is thank you for sharing that. Also, I think a part that we need to underscore for everyone is where there's a similarity, where I can empathize and sympathize exactly with you is in how some agents make you feel as if you are reliant on them, right? There is you are either, you are only in this industry because of them. 100%.

I needed him. I felt he made me feel like I needed him. Yes. During this period, you then enter another relationship. and you have a little girl. All right, which is, which you become a mom. Yes. Okay.

Was becoming a mother, was that on the cards for you? Did you think that was something that, because some people say, you know, I've always aspired to be a mom. Others never thought it was for them. Yeah. Where did you stand? I never sort of like grew up you know even in my late teens

early 20s like being desperate to become a mum but I took for granted that if I wanted to be I would be one and so I was actually told by doctors I'd never be able to have children naturally and it would be very unlikely even if I had a child through IVF so when I was told that I wouldn't

when I was told that information it was devastating because I had had, you know, everything financially and materialistically in my life, but I couldn't have that one thing, you know. But becoming a mum, it's like, it is the best job in the world. It's sometimes the hardest job in the world. But yeah, it's a wonderful. It's wonderful. Yeah. I think when you do a deep dive, especially on someone's Instagram, you know, their profile, you could literally look at how we represent ourselves and you can tell or there's certain moments where you can distinguish that was an inflection point there was a change there was a deep epiphany that that person had they were coming out of a storm or they were entering a storm yeah there's something from your instagram that i'd love it you wrote it i'd love it if you could read it for us okay that doing a lot of reading today oh my gosh this is school did you know you were coming to school

my class is going up she does like paul i'm reading too much this is it all right thank you you're welcome all right so if you can give i i feel like this is such a profound moment for you when you look in the mirror what do you see i see a girl that wasn't ready for what she went through. I see the pain and sadness in her eyes from the horror and abuse she endured. But what I also see is the survivor. I see her strength and her fight and I see the light from her soul that never went out. She is me. My healing journey has been so rewarding. I found out so much about myself and I don't just like me. I love me. I appreciate life so much. The smallest things that I used to take for granted now bring me so much happiness.

My self-care routine has been pivotal to recovering from abuse. I am in love with life. Never ever let another human being destroy you. No one has power over you. This is your life, so you live it. Yeah, I write that. Okay. Why did you write that?

Writing that and putting that on Instagram was the moment that I stopped allowing to be detated how to live my life and to stop protecting somebody, but by protecting them, I was destroying myself. You know when people say I'm not playing the victim? Do you know what? I am a victim. I'm not going to say I'm not playing the victim because I am a victim. I was a victim of narcissistic abuse for many years for a very, very long time.

And it destroyed me completely in every single way possible. If you can, as much as you can give us, is can you take us to that storm? Yeah. What happened to you? For me, it was the lies and the manipulation. And then it was the game playing of when they couldn't get to me anymore, they'd send other people. And they call them flying monkeys.

I don't know if you've heard of that. before. No, I don't know. Oh my God, I'm teaching you something. See? Classism. Teach me. Shanta, teach me. So basically, when a narcissist can't directly access you anymore, they'll get other people

to do it. So, you know, it could be a mutual friend. It could be a family member. It could be, you know, it could be anyone. But they have sent the flying monkey. Okay. Do you see what I mean? Okay.

And so I, you know, all sorts of things used to happen to me. I was driving along the road one day. I noticed there was a police car behind me. I got pulled over and I was told to get out of the car, getting the back of their car because I was being held on suspicion of drink and drug driving. I don't drink. I don't take drugs. You know, they did the test.

It all came back zero. And then the police officer told me that it was an anonymous tip that they'd been sent in. Oh, wow. So, you know, it was all of that and, you know, lies and manipulation just to keep you in that hold of being fearful, of being worried, of not being, not letting you live because you can't live when you're so scared. You know, I was hypervigilant over everything, you know. Even today, I still look over my shoulder, you know, and I always will. And I wasn't able to speak up about it because at the point at that time, I didn't even know what it was. was. I didn't know that I didn't know what narcissism was. And then when I did it, all

everything made sense. It just, it all became clear. At what point did you realize you were, you were trapped, you know, because how these relationships, there's many survivors I've, I've, I've talked to. And typically, an abuser begins with their very affable. you know, everyone like very charismatic. And then there's a moment where things begin to switch and then you realize that you're actually trapped. Can you describe that moment? And I say describe it almost in a teaching way

so that people who are in a relationship may be able to recognize if that's happening to them. I think if you're starting site question, things, then there's a problem. You know, it's like gaslighting, isn't it? You know, makes you, like, think that what you're thinking is not the truth. And so I think if you're at a point where you are questioning your own mind, it's because someone's making you question your own mind,

because that's the place that they want you to be in to make you feel like you're going mad and your reality is warped. Over what period of time was this happening? A long time. Years? A long time, yeah. Okay. So living through this level of fear, what does that do to you?

I mean, how are you able to show up every day and work? I didn't. I couldn't. I just took a step back from work completely. I was in no mental state. to be working, be socialising. I was just surviving. That is all I did for a very long time was just survive.

By reading, by, you know, having therapy, by relying and reaching out for support when I've needed it, I found a way to live my life. Okay, okay. I see it. So then you are, then maybe, maybe it's not under fear, but you feel under threat. I'm not putting words in your mouth, but it sounds like what you're saying is,

you feel under threat, but you're no longer scared of the threat. Yeah. Okay. Give me a best shot. Yeah, I can see it. That's where I'm at. But what is interesting to me is that you are still under threat. You know?

And so I now can even more greatly appreciate you even coming here today. This has been a big deal for me to come here today. Yeah, this is big. I chose to live and that's why I'm here today because I choose life. Your mother and your brother, your stepfather, were they shocked when you told them what was happening? No. They weren't. No.

So you're saying they had observed this person and they knew. Yeah. They thought something was going on. Had they warned you? My mom did. But did I listen? No. Yeah.

We do that though, don't we? You think you know everything and you know, you think you know everything and your mom actually does know best after all, doesn't she? Look at that. Look at that. So mom did warn you. Yeah. Multiple times. Twice.

Twice. Okay. You are in a new relationship. Yes. No. Okay. So are you in love? Oh, yes.

For the first time, really in my life, yeah. I love that man with my whole being. What was it that signal to you that you could trust him? Do you know, from the very first moment, I knew. I just know. I've not text a man. I've not dated a man. I've not had any sexual, anything with a man for very many, many, many years before I met my partner. Oh, interesting. By choice? By choice. I was so single because by choice, but also I hadn't met anyone that I was attracted to. like you know so many people I know are unhappy in the relationships and you know they hate their husbands and they're like oh god he's home

I would drive sit on my sofa alone rather than sit on my sofa with somebody and be lonely yes that's how I felt about it so I was just living life anyway so um I just popped out I was with a friend I popped out went to get a coffee and um as I was coming back you know blah blah blah mind of my own bit business and there was this dog with this man this isn't my boyfriend this is just some random not random guy with a dog so I love dog so I was stroking the dog having a chat with a guy and blah blah blah and I was crouched down and all of a sudden I felt this like presence here like a person and I looked up and it was my now boyfriend and I looked at him and he looked at me and you know, like a moment, it was just a moment in time.

And I just got up and I was like, we smiled. And then I just went, I went running back to my friends. And I said, I've just made the love of my life. I've just met the love of my life. She's like, oh my goodness, what did you say to him? And I said nothing. I didn't say anything to him. Anyway, we worked, she worked out like who he was.

And we exchanged numbers and we went out on a first day a couple of weeks later. And it's just everything has been. so obviously exciting but so easy, so comfortable, so reassuring, so, like he looks after me, I feel looked after. I know how much he loves me. I know how much he loves me. I feel it. I literally feel it.

I've never had that before, that feeling of pure love. I've never had it. I think it's beautiful that you have. You know And you could see that there's probably many moments In your life where you thought you'd never Never Have it

Yeah I never ever ever thought I would I really didn't And then Yeah it was just He was there when I was least expecting it I will be with that man for the rest of my life I love it And if I'm not it's because he done me

Oh come on Come on Why would he Why would he? Why would he? I think your story is a testament to someone who was just trying to figure out where they fit in this world. Mm-hmm. You know?

And I think that is more often the case. Is that we're all trying to, I always joke, I'm trying to figure out who I want to be when I grow up. But it's not necessarily a joke. I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I fit in this. world. And I think you've been very honest about that battle and about the challenges that come from not necessarily knowing, but that through the storm and through these traumatic events, you can then heal and in that journey, figure out who you are. And what's clear is you know exactly who you are today.

Yeah. And most importantly, you like the person. I do. I like Ray. Yeah. Yeah. So Shanta, thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, Paul. Really appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah. Look at that, Shantelle. Her story tells us that there's lessons and value that comes from all the partners we have, all the experiences we have, good, bad, and indifferent. And unfortunately, Chantelle's had these bad experiences, but she's had good experiences. She's had the indifferent,

you know, experiences. And her maturity, the reason why I say that she's so mature today is because she's learned from all of them. Chantel was truly one of the first reality TV OGs. and you could see how that show changed her life and how she benefited, but then there was also a detriment that came from it. And when I think about what could have helped her through is fully knowing who you are, your identity, having a clear goal as to what you want to get out of the project. And then three is surrounding yourself with a group of good people when you leave that project.

All three of those were things that she didn't have. And you can see where not having those led to some challenging times for her. Fifteen years after Amy Winehouse, the fingers still pointed at you. I need to take control of my own narrative. have not necessarily been accurately represented. Drugs made me feel confident. I understand as a young boy, there was an incident that happened. Yeah, I didn't expect you to ask that.

I've only just started admitting this to myself. Take me to that evening when you met Amy. When she told me that she was a musician, I was like, oh. But then she said, no, no, like I'm actually good. So, back to black, it was about you. Were there any lyrics that surprised you? surprised you.

There's a few perhaps that were a little bit close to the bone. We most definitely would have died for each other. It was more too intense, too fast. So you feel as if you and Amy became addicts together? Not in her fact we did. I remember her barber visited me in jail and he said, Really? Yeah.

Amy was still performing a few weeks before she passed away. You could see in the stages. She's not doing well. So when they told me, my first thought was, this is my worst nightmare. Our love had nothing to do with addiction and addiction had nothing to do with our love. Just before I got told that Amy passed away,

the last letter that I received was, wow, look at that. Yeah.