We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson - Chloe Ferry Exclusive: Reversing My Surgery - I Should’ve Done Things Differently

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

“I Should’ve Done Things Differently" Reality TV star Chloe Ferry opens up about the dark side of fame, body image struggles, and the pressure of online scrutiny in this raw episode of We Need to Talk with Paul Brunson. From Geordie Shore fame to undergoing multiple surgeries in search of confidence, Chloe shares how she lost herself—and why she’s now embracing self-love and a fresh start. This episode contains discussions about mental health, body image, and cosmetic surgery, which may be sensitive for some listeners. If you, or anyone you know needs support, please contact the charities below: MIND https://g2ul0.app.link/w5vNMYwowQb CALM https://g2ul0.app.link/Xx7coefJ7Pb Follow Chloe Here: Instagram https://g2ul0.app.link/ibuFE1iJ3Qb TikTok https://g2ul0.app.link/mSjck2lJ3Qb Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod Get your copy of Keep Love now: https://lnk.to/keeplovebook/ Sections: 00:00 Intro 01:27 Chloe Leaving Her Comfort Zone 03:10 Growing up in Newcastle 06:51 Chloe's Family Life 11:19 Speaking to Chloe's Inner Child 12:42 Ice Skating as an Outlet 18:33 "Being Scouted for Geordie Shore" 24:43 Chloe's Mindset on Geordie Shore 27:44 The Backlash 34:01 Chloe Lost Who She Was 38:34 Who Chloe Was 41:23 The Surgeries 51:03 External Validation 52:42 A Message from Chloe's Mum 55:24 Adobe Express Ad 56:22 Tinder Ad 57:15 Relationships 1:03:17 Chloe, The Businesswoman 1:06:43 Body Dysmorphia 1:12:54 Therapy 1:14:33 Depression 1:16:47 The People in Chloe's Life 1:19:24 Anxiety 1:22:48 Beauty as a Currency 1:31:53 Is Surgery Ever a Good Idea? 1:37:27 More Surgery Plans 1:40:23 Coming Out of The Storm 1:45:36 Most Memorable Conversation 1:48:39 Paul's Takeaways 1:50:36 Keep Love Ad Sponsored by: Adobe: https://www.adobe.com/uk/express/ Tinder: https://tinder.com/en-GB/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Surgery I feel like is such a dark hole because once you get something done you think you're gonna be happy but you're not It was actually making this feel worse Because I was getting more and more and more further Away from like who I was, like when I was young And like who am I trying to impress? Because I'm not impressing myself

No, I'm Chloe When I first got on TV at 19 I did not give a f*** I was this big personality I'd go out and get drunk I get scared to speak my own mind now I never used to be like that Saying I'm ugly, I'm fat

My nose is big. I actually started to believe it. Did you feel beautiful? No. So I get upset. What changed? I looked in the mirror and I was like, who are you? I've had my bum reversed. I really want to, like, find myself again.

What do you think the future holds for you? Being vulnerable with someone is so hard for us. I want to find love for myself. So on that, here's my challenge. Oh, God. That hit deep. Watch my glow. I am going to be the best version of myself.

What's up, everyone? Before we jump into today's conversation, just a quick ask for me. If you're finding value in these episodes, please consider hitting that subscribe button. It's a small click for you, but it means the world to us to keep growing this community. And don't forget, we're always reading your comments. So let us know who you want to see on the show next. I'm so happy. I'm so proud that you're here.

Thank you. And thank you for having us as well. I'm excited. This is really out of your comfort zone. You know what is? I'm just so happy that I push myself to do it because this is a nerve rectum me. Like this is, oh!

Now, why is that the case? Because in the research, what I've noticed is that I have never seen you do alone. I've never seen you do a full-length interview. No, I haven't. I don't know. I just don't think that, like, it's just so out my comfort zone

and I don't feel comfortable. I feel like I'm scared to say the wrong thing because I don't want to get the backlash. I get scared to speak my own mind now, but I never used to be like that. That's what I'm trying to get at the bottom of. Like when I first got on TV, at 19, I did not give sorry to sweat a fuck. Like, I was this big personality.

I'd go out and get drunk and I did not care about what anyone thought about it. But now that I'm older and stuff, and I know what backlash I can get, I'm just on such a journey at the minute that I'm scared because I don't want to, like, affect my peace that I'm trying to achieve and I want to find love for myself. So I'm just nervous, but I feel like I don't want to be this time next year in the same position. So that's where I thought, you know what it is? Chloe, step out your fucking comfort zone and do something different.

Yes. So on that, here's my challenge. This is the same challenge I gave to Pete Wicks when he came in is I said, look, in this conversation, I promise you you're safe. Right. There will be no judgment whatsoever. We're going to go on a journey. Yes, I want the journey. I love the journey. You like the journey. You like the journey. I love the journey. We're about to go on in this long journey, right? But in the journey, the key is to be truthful and transparent and be reflective. And that's the key is what you're going to be. And that's the key is what you're going to be. were thinking what you were feeling during those times. Fair enough? Yes, okay, yeah. All right. So here's where I would love to start, a place that I've never been that I want to go.

Newcastle. Newcastle is the best night out ever because not only is everything so cheap, you can go to a bar and get free treble vodka for a fiver. So in London, that's probably about 25 quid, which is I think it's a rip-off, you know what I I mean? And not only that, like, everyone in, like, Newcastle is so friendly, everyone's dead live. Like, I am so grateful that I grew up in Newcastle. I love it. All right. So describe growing up because I need to know, because I know the Chloe today.

Yeah. Right. But what was Chloe like as a little girl? I was always like wild and outspoken. Like I was always like I just did my own thing. I didn't ever listen to my mom. I was like me my mom wonders wants to put like, um, she loves sparkle, but I always just, I always wanting to get my own way when I was younger. I was never hard work, but I just knew what I wanted. And grown up for me was quite difficult, especially like school time because I was dyslexic. I found it really hard to read and write, so I didn't like school. And like I had really bad teeth. So I couldn't be my 100% self because I was too embarrassed to speak because of my tooth.

And I used to get bullied for it. So like grown up for me, I absolutely hated school. But like because I hated that, I put my focus on something else. So like I used to have such a passion for ice skating, figure skating. Okay. So I used to absolutely love like. Before school, I'd go after school, and I just feel like that's where I could be, like, my authentic self.

Was doing that? Ice kid, yeah. But let's even go back. Because, so you just said something that I find so interesting, as you said, like, I had bad teeth, right? I did, really bad. But what I think back to me as a little boy, right? I think, gosh, I had bad teeth, right?

But at the time, I didn't think I had bad teeth. It's only when I look back and I see. So you're saying that at the time, as a little girl, you felt as if. Because people used to say it, yeah, people used to say like, like, I shouldn't even laugh, but now I can because I've got lovely teeth. You used to call it disco teeth because my tooth used to stick out. So that made us really conscious. So I feel like I couldn't be myself because I couldn't show my personality because I didn't want to show my teeth. So at school that was a real struggle.

So I used to sky off school. Not only that, obviously I found it really hard to read and write. And like I remember I was in like a history lesson and the teacher knew fine well that I couldn't read. And she said, I want Chloe to read this page. And I remember that I just could not get the words out. Like, I still struggle out, but I'm a lot better. And I just wanted the full ground. You just swallows up.

I was dead hot. And I just feel like that's where a lot of my triggers have come from, from what that teacher did to is. She knew fine well what she was doing. And then everyone was laughing in the class. And that was just one of the worst days of my life. Really? Yeah, really, really hated it.

So this is interesting. One of the worst days of your life, you track back to being. How old were you? I was about 13. I was in high school, me 13, 14. All right. And you knew that you would struggle reading out loud. You believe the teacher knew that you would struggle.

100% she knew, yeah, because I used to get taken out my lessons to do, like, where you get extra help. So she knew fine well what she was doing. So you read it? And then everyone was just laughing. And I was just, you know, when you're like, you want, like, the ground to swallow you up. And I was, like, trying to hide with my shoulders. I was like, I tried to hide my shoulder blades. So that was, like, one of my worst memories from growing up.

Okay. So when you think about memories like that, do you believe that that shaped then whether if you were shy or confident? I think it was more a case of like I didn't feel like I was like everyone else because everyone else were like new education like you all could read in the lesson and stuff. So I felt like I was like, I don't understand why am I so different to everyone else. Okay. Okay. What was family like parents together? Because I understand they say separated. Yeah. But early on, how old were you when your parents separated?

So my mom and me dad separated when I was about five. So like my dad wasn't always in my life. So that's why I feel like I have a big trust issue with men. I find it really hard to trust people, especially men. Okay. Did, if we can just explore that a little bit, because how we first felt love or more so felt secure has a large impact on how we then love or feel secure or not as adults. So if you go back to five, you said your parents split up at five, did you feel that at that time? You felt as if

that's the first time that I ever felt like a feeling of being upset. So like I remember that my mom went through my dad's door and like put a ring through it. But obviously I didn't understand, but I've seen her emotional. And that's when I like had my first like stage of feeling. And like hurt because I see I didn't I don't like saying my mom upset so like I think because I've actually started seeing like in life coach slash therapist and she said there's always like a route to each problem so she was like getting a nose like what you were and she said like now like like I find it really hard that I'm old that I be vulnerable with people and like I'm always helping people out but I'll never want to help from them if I'm going through a bad or shit

time I will do it myself I'll I feel like being vulnerable with someone is so hard for us I hear crying in front of people now but I never used to be like that So there's always like a trigger towards it. Okay. So you track a lot of this back to watching your mother. Yeah, maybe, yeah, maybe. So when you were watching your mother with your father, you're saying that your mother was what your mother was trying to,

your mother didn't want your father to leave. I don't know the full story because I was so young, but I just know that like they were getting separated and she obviously put the ring through the door and then obviously he went with someone else. Okay. So he was with someone else. Yeah, maybe, yeah.

Okay. So then at that point, did you carry on a relationship with your father? Yeah, but not as much because we used to all live together. And then obviously, when he separated, he just lived his life with my step-man. Okay. Did you have a relationship with that? Yeah, it did. Yeah, it was like obviously a little bit weird for us.

But obviously, I was happy because I've got my sister and stuff now. But as a young person, you don't really understand what's going on. Okay, this is fair. So in the household, how did you feel as if, things changed because it definitely has it's drastically changed right because it was just you and your mother yeah well i think my main thing was like when i went to school and people would always say like i've got a mom and dad back at home and it used to like not just i wasn't jealous in a way but i thought i wish i still had that i found it like uncomfortable when people were speaking about like the mom and dad being at home

i thought like i really want that but i would never i would never want to speak about it i don't know why i don't know why i don't know why i wouldn't want to speak about it but i just knew i kept all this to myself. Okay. So you never expressed to anyone that you were hurt? No. I've always kept a lot of things to myself.

Did you have anyone that you felt like you could talk to at that time? No, I never wanted to speak to my mom about, God, I feel like I'm going to get upset. I don't want to because I look gorgeous. So I just, I feel like I didn't ever want to speak to my mom about stuff like this because I didn't want her to be hurting.

That I didn't want her to be stressed and upset about me when I knew that she was going, through her thing. Okay. But this is what I find so interesting is to your point, because I know you now, is that you are someone

who does help everyone. Yeah. But I feel like doesn't help themselves. Yeah, 100%, yeah. As much as they should. I'm always there for, like, if my friend's struggling, I always, like, it's about mental health

or about a partner, I'm the first one there. But, like, if I'm going through something, like, I don't know why, but something's changed. I just deal with it myself. Like, my friends, even, like, Chloe, you're never vulnerable before.

obviously I sometimes do cry, but like it takes us a lot to cry in front of them. But like at night time and stuff when I'm like hurt or I'm feeling a certain sort of way, like you know, like when you cry, it's like that painful cry. That's what it is. But I would never like do that in front of them. I mean, I don't know why. Yeah. Maybe it's because like I don't want to show weakness.

Yeah. But also what I think about is a little girl. Your father is no longer there. You're being bullied at school. you're being made fun of at school and you're alone. And I think that's something to acknowledge. Yeah. And it's important to go back to that space

because we can now reframe it. But in that zone, what would you have told that little girl who is coming home after these people are saying these vicious things and you feel like you can't talk to anyone? What would you tell her? I think like that I would tell her now. I would see like everything is going to be okay.

Like you are beautiful. Like when I was doing like my life coaching lesson, she was saying that when, because I always doubt myself, I always say like, God, you look ugly today, look fat. And she said something to his that really stuck in my head. So when I'm saying these nasty comments to myself, she said, this one hits deep, deep other than the Titanic.

She said, when you were saying all these nasty things to yourself, imagine that you were saying that of your younger self. Yes. And it really hit deep, like it really made us emotional. So like if I could say that in my younger self, of now, I say, like, look at where you're going. Like, you are so beautiful. Don't care what anyone says, but I just feel like I can't get out that frame of mind.

Okay. So then, did you feel, I mean, did you feel beautiful? No. Okay. Okay. You said that you had an outlet of ice skating. I felt beautiful on the ice. You did?

Yeah. Oh, I felt sexy. You did? Yeah, very sexy, but not like in school or anything, but on the ice, I felt, oh. Yeah, I look good. Yeah. What was it about ice skating other than you felt sexy, right? But how did you become even, like, how does one start ice skating?

Is that something that you do in Newcastle? It's just like my man wanted to start a sport. And then she asked us like, what sort of sport that would you like to do? And I said ice skate would be good. And it was just, it became like me everything. Like it was me escape from school. Like I love going there before school, after school. And I could just really be myself on the eye.

I knew, I was like, fuck, this is something that I'm actually good at because I wasn't good in school. I didn't feel good about myself. And I thought, this is, this is something that I want to do. Really? Yeah. So this is something, how frequent were you ice skating? Like every other day. Really?

Yeah, I had a coach, I had a choreographer. I used to go to Sheffield for like lessons and stuff. But obviously it's like, it wasn't as good. Like, it was hard because like my mom was, my mom didn't have a lot of money. So like it would be like 15 pound an hour for a lesson, which is a lot of money for us back then. I had nothing. And like any work that she did would go at my ice skating because she really wanted us to succeed in it.

So if I had a day where I had a bad day on the ice, it would affect our mood and our relationship because we would argue a lot about it. So it's like it was a lot of pressure on us to do good because everything that she was working for was going on me. Interesting. So what was the idea was the thought that you would pursue this professionally? Professionally, yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, but always the thing is like going from that, I would love to have done that, but I was never ever like Olympic staff. That's everyone's goal. When you go to a sport, you want to be in the Olympics. But I never, like, ever thought

that I was good enough for the Olympics. Okay. So what did you think? What was your ideal? My end thing, I wanted to be, like, an ice skating choreographer. Because I just, like,

I'm not the best dancer, but I just love to get it out there and dance. I feel like I could read, like if I'm, you know, like when I'm drunk and I like dance. And I just feel like I really get it out. I love it. I feel that I can be my true self

when I just have a little dance. Yes, yes. So at what age are you when you are now? You think you're at the top of your game in ice skating. How old are you? Top of my game, probably 15, 16. Okay, 15, 16. You're ice skating every day.

At that point, do you, what was your social circle like? Social circle was quite small, to be honest. I kind of kept myself to myself. Like, I just lived, breathed, slept ice skating. I kept myself to myself. I've always been quite an alone wolf, to be honest. Like, I've never really had a lot of friends. but ice skating was my friend

that ice drink was my friend at this point because that was my absolute passion but then like obviously I started getting a little bit older I started like going out on the drink a little bit started getting interested in boys and that's where I just started to go like a little bit downhill for me Okay how so just because I obviously I had my first drink

and I thought oh this is a bit nice this is great but then like because I was going out and having a bit of drink and then I was missing my ice skating practices then it would cause like a rookshan mind of my mum's relationship and stuff because she was working so hard and she didn't have a lot of money and like it just it just become like all downhill from then now that what am i doing with my life i don't know what to do anymore okay so you were missing ice skating you were drinking right where you were

partying did you feel like you were surrounding yourself with different people yeah because i just wanted to go out on the drink and stuff but like i was just basically like all that time and effort and that money i just threw it away okay and to this day do you feel like you threw it away not like not through it away because I'll always like love it it's a big part of my life but like I wish I could have done things a bit differently I wish like obviously I don't I don't think you should regret anything in life because everything that you do is always a lesson and I'll always say that but I wish that I didn't just I feel like I lost myself a lot when I went on TV and I feel like ice skating was who I was and I just like threw it away and I lost a part

of myself when I did that you know so interesting to hear you say this because there was one point in the research where I saw that you wrote, I think you wrote this on Instagram that this is maybe 2021, that you would give all, give up all the money in your bank account to be able to just to go back to that little girl and I skate. I will, so I'll get upset. But it's issues. Yeah, there's issues there.

Because I was just something happiest then. Yeah. No worries. like no tax no tax bills I don't know why tax pay by the way I pay it all the time

just like you know government but just like I was just so like happy when I did my ice skating and then like obviously like I got the after ice skating and stuff and I didn't really

I remember I need to get a job because obviously I need to help me mum out because it was just such a struggle for like well like she couldn't afford like we couldn't even afford bread at one point like it was so hard for work so I got a job

it was in the bar and I remember I got my first paycheck it was like 200 quid and I was like yes I thought I was king dick when I had this 200 pound check I said check me out and my mum I remember she just like thought like that's not a lot but obviously she didn't want to be disappointed but I was just so buzzing with my first

check but at this point I didn't really know what I wanted to do in life but I just wanted to help me mum out as much as I could because I just know that we were struggling and we're just It's so awful when you can't do the things that you want to because you haven't got enough money but we always still had that love and that was like just like the main thing.

So I got the job working in a bar and I actually did like it because I was like, I have a straight thief at this point, I had a brace. So my personality started to come out and then I got the call for Joanie Show I was out on a night out and I was doing my dance moves because I like to get it all out like I said I like to dance

and two scouts come over. It was and said like, have you ever thought about? doing Joie Shaw but at this point I never thought about it but then I thought you know what it is like I'm actually quite a funny girl I thought this this is perfect for me in the girls set to which went I know that you're going to get this this is when Jory Shore was at its peak there was like 3,000 power three thousand people in Tiger Tiger audition again it this is when it was a three million views yeah it was a massive when I got it remember I'm I was only 19 at this point I thought God this is a lot of taking it was like think four to six

month down the line the audition process and what and what is the because I didn't even realize people auditioned. Audition, yeah. So, like, the first one was you got to meet the ex-exe. You'd sit there that, they'd ask your questions about yourself, like, what's your party trick? Like, it's just all that. And I said, I do this thing called The Cat, I'll show you after

because I don't want to show you. And just, like, just going through, and then there's one audition where, like, you stand from one to ten and, like, ten being the funniest and one being the boring, like, how about a ten and a year? And, like, me and actually Nathan argued, because I went to ten, he went to ten, we actually had an argument in our audition. So it was just like,

Gosh, Nathan was in your audition. Yeah, yeah, we didn't like each other at all. Okay. We hated each other. We argued in that audition, and then I remember getting the call. So we're watching, me and my mom used to be Coronation Street fans. So we sat down on 7 o'clock on a Monday night. We're like, phones were on silent.

I said, e, ma'am, someone's bringing us. I don't understand. Coronation Streets on. I said, that's not right. Who the fuck brings when Coronation Streets on? She went, I went, I it's a number. I think it's the debt as it was like zero, zero two, because we did no London numbers.

were like Newcastle people, right? So I'll go, then I'll answer me. It might be the dinners. So I answered it. And I went, hello. And they went, oh, like, are you, sat down?

I went, no, I'm standing up. Went, will you sit down, please? I went, all right, okay. And they're like, you've got the job. You're coming on Jory Show. And I thought, oh, my God, are you joking? I wasn't prepared. My hair was all hanging out.

I think I didn't even go in with nails on because I couldn't afford to get them done. Wow. But, okay, the moment that you hear, you're on Jordy Shore. What's your mom's reaction? She was buzzing because she just, She just thought like, oh, this is going to be, like, life-changing for where, like, we're going to finally...

Obviously, I didn't really know what I was going to. I didn't even know I would be where I was today. Like, I was just, I went and blindsided. I'd just have turned 19. You know what's like when you're 19, you don't know what. You just want to go out and get drunk. You don't care about life. You don't care about what you want your goals to be, do you?

Like, at 19, I just wanted to be there for a while time. So what was your impression of Jordy Shore at 19? How would you describe the show and where you are... You must have been watching it. Because when I was younger, when I was like, 15, I think it came out. So, like, it was massive when I come out back in the day. And, like, I remember I actually put, like, a Twitter, a tweet account about Charlotte and Gary.

And I was like, if that Gary hurts Charlotte one more time, I'm going to go mad. I remember, because obviously 15-year-olds, that was, like, the era of when Joey Show was out. So, but I never, ever thought about being on it. But when I thought to myself, God, like, this could be life-changing. But I didn't think about, like, money or anything. I just wanted to go on there, like, have a clean slate and just have a good time. But what would you, how would you describe, especially to someone who's never why? George Short. Yeah. How would you describe the show? What is the show? It's like, I would say,

Love Island and Taui, but like on acid. That's what our basically, on acid. On acid, I don't know you can say that, but basically, yeah. Oh, my God, we're thinking, okay, so how do you, if you were to give even more detail, right, of it, especially, let's say someone has not watched Love Island or not watched Tawi. Like, what is the show? So basically, it's probably about 10 cast members in the house and we all live there. We go out every single night. like we get drunk like there's people who are like boyfriend and girlfriend there's people who like have got situationships going on there who don't like each other like it's it's it's crazy in there like it is like really really hard because when you go in there when I first went in I was like can

I watch Coronation Street tonight that's actually the first thing that I said the producer she went no we're taking your phone off here so as a 19 year old girl I was like oh my god what might even doing But that's why I go back to that moment when you and your mother found out, right? But you said your mother is excited, though. But knowing that you're about to go into this tornado, right? And it sounds like the excitement, your excitement was because you felt like, okay, we're going to be on TV. No, not that I'm going to be on TV. I think it's more about like, because I was dyslexic, my ice skating wasn't doing well.

It was more like, I think this could be a little bit of a job for us. I didn't have anything in the pipeline. I didn't know what I was... I wasn't clever enough to go and get a job. I didn't know what I was going to do. I felt worthless. All I wouldn't do was go out and get a drink, town is. Really?

I mean, you really felt as if there was no hope for you professionally. Like, I wanted to be ice skating choreograph, but I always had that doubt in the back of my mind that I wasn't good enough. Really? So this was your way out. Yeah, my way out. And your mother saw it as your way out.

So you join. Right. And when you join it, Series 10. Series 10, yeah. And I see that, even looking at the numbers, and maybe, Chloe, this is due to you and Nathan. But I see that the show was already incredibly, you know, it was being watched by over a million people, right? But then after you come on, it becomes more popular.

Yeah. It did. It was huge when we went on. Obviously, it's not as big now, but it was absolutely massive as well. And I just, like, I remember when I first walked in in and I met everyone and everyone was lovely. And I remember I went upstairs and I went, oh my God, like look at all these clothes. I said, they've all got labels on. I said, Jesus Christ, like, how have you got this many clothes or labels on? They went, oh, we've got to send them free.

I went, you got to send them for free. I went, and I went, and I went, we also get paid to promote them. So I said, you get sent them for free, you get paid to wear them. I said, this is the job for me. I said, great. I said, like, it's amazing. Like, the girls are getting sent clothes, but then they're also getting paid to promote them. I said, I didn't know that.

Oh, wow. So when you walk in, because a lot of people, when they get onto reality TV, especially now, it's how can I make the most money? How can I be, you know, have the A story line, how can I be the craziest or the wildest, should I say? So therefore, I can make more money when I get off the show. What was your thought going in to Jordy Short? Before going in, like, I didn't think about money or businesses at all. All I wanted to do was go in there and just have a good time. I didn't have that sort of mindset at that time. And especially because it was my first series and stuff and like, obviously everyone made us feel

welcome but I still felt because I had such a close bond everyone in there. I didn't feel like a hundred percent like I fitted in because I was like I was a little bit timid and stuff. So when I first went in I just wanted to have a good time. It was like because I was so young I just turned 19. That would have been my era going to uni. So I felt I was like it's uni but it's on TV. Okay I get it. I get it. So you're in there right now this is 2010. Yeah. Reality television is much different in 2010. Yeah. There's a lot less safeguarding. Yeah. In 2010. What did you, what was your perception around how well protected you were from a production standpoint? Because you are now on a show where millions of people are watching.

It's incredibly popular. So therefore, now you're recognizable throughout most of the UK. So how did, did you feel as if you were being protected and safeguarded at that time? To be honest, not really. Because like when the show did air and stuff and when the press. pictures, they'd come out and I got like a lot of backlash for my appearance and no one actually said it was like sat us down and be like, you're going to get a lot of backlash on your looks. You just need to ignore it. Like I didn't understand at first. But to be honest, I try to just like

put it at the back of my head and ignore it. Because I, like, when you're young, you're not brought up to be like your mom or your dad wouldn't say to you, you're going to get a backlash this day. Someone's going to say this about you. No one ever really says that of you. So I feel like if I was pre-warned about how much negativity that I was going to get, then maybe I could have, like, helped myself a lot more. But I remember just, I just put it at the back of my head. Okay. All of the comments.

All right. So the first comments that are coming in are all on your appearance. Yeah. Oh, everything on my appearance, yeah. Everything. Mm-hmm. And at this time, you've had no surgery. No surgery, no.

At all? But bearing in mind, I actually thought I looked okay. Like, I was quite confident. I didn't care. Okay. I was just there for a good time. Okay. So going in, you had no thought of,

I'm going to get surgery. No, never. Obviously, I thought, oh, I might get a little, because I never had any lips. I thought, oh, I might get a bit lip-filled. But I could never afford to get it done. But I never thought ever in a million years, like getting my boobs done or anything.

I never ever thought about that. I didn't even really know about surgery, to be honest, and it would never cross my mind. Okay. But you said that the comments started coming in. So where were the comments coming in? It was this press as well? Press and also sort of.

social media. Okay. And so articles written about how you looked and people commenting about how you looked. Now, when you think about those comments, right, they were devastating. It sounds like they were devastating. Yeah. What did what did they do to you? Just like I had no, well, my main thing was that I actually started to believe it. Like saying I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm embarrassing. my nose is big, like, as a young woman, who was still, like, developing, I was still growing. I didn't know what to believe. Like, obviously, I didn't speak to anyone about it

because I was just embarrassed about it. So I remember the first comment that really stuck to my head. This is when I didn't think about surgery. So I remember I had, like, a white short top on, and my cleavage was out a little bit. And I remember every single comment was saying that my boobs was saggy, and I thought, hey, I thought, And I thought before that, I was like, I've got the most amazing perky boobs.

I thought, that doesn't make sense. I've got gorgeous boobs. And one of the comments just took me head and I thought, I'm going to get my boobs done. And like, but before that, I thought I had the best boobs ever. Okay. So can we spend a moment there? Because there's some people who would have seen those comments and said, you know what? But I love the way that my boobs look.

So therefore, too bad. Like, I love them. I wasn't in that mindset. to do that. I was so young. Okay. And like no one told me that this was going to happen, that I was going to get like absolutely excruciated on my looks. But I wish I had that mindset because if I had that my,

the mindset that I've got now, I wish, like if I could see it in my younger self, don't get surgery. I would say, I wish I couldn't. If I could turn back time, I would not have got any surgery. Okay. But it was those comments that triggered you to think, okay, I'm definitely going to now get at least my boobs done. Yeah.

All right. Were you talking to anyone at this time in terms of like, did you have friends that you would say, hey, do you think I should do this or not? Did you have a sounding board or you just made? I made the decision. The things with me, I'm very impulsive. If I want something, I'll just get it done straight away. Obviously, when I told my mom about it, she was like really, really worried. I'm like, oh, like, it's surgery, like a issue. I was like, yes, I'm getting it done. Like, that's going back to when I was, like, younger. Like, I never used to listen. I'll, I do what I want to do. Like, I'm very impulsive with me decisions. Okay. So your thought was, I'm going to get this done. And the real thing. Reason wise, because they're saying this, so if I get this done, then what's your thought? It'll stop. It'll stop. Yeah, because all these people who I don't know, thousands of comments, once I get my boobs done and they look, I don't know, perky, then it'll stop. Okay.

But obviously it was the opposite. It was the opposite. What then happened? Because then obviously, like, they would pick something else out that I was fat, or my nose was too big, or my horse was dead flat, or I was ugly, then you just start, like, questioning yourself about everything. All right. And at this time as well, not only, so you're getting these comments, it's the press, right? But are you also on social media, are you getting direct messages? Direct messages on my Instagram post. Obviously the daily mail messages, like all the comments and stuff. Like everything was just like negative. Everything was negative.

Okay. At this point, do you rethink even being on this project? Or is the, or do you think, okay, even though I'm getting this negativity, it is still helping me from a career standpoint. To know because like anything that I was getting, it's surgery I feel like is such a dark hole

because once you get something done you think you're going to be happy but you're not. Like you go down this rabbit hole where well I can improve this and like it's not like I'm just a normal person because I was actually getting basically people we've got people stand there now and they'll say that's not right about you.

But like if a normal person hasn't got that so a normal person's getting surgery and they wouldn't have people pinpointing stuff out but I constantly had that with every single series that was coming out, every single picture that was coming out, someone was pinpointing. And as a young woman, like, you don't understand. Like, it's soul-destroying.

Like, I think a main thing for a woman is, like, confidence in feeling self-love and loving yourself and that just really got took away from us. And especially, like, getting on TV at such a young age, you're still trying to figure yourself out. Right. I was still growing. And I think with the surgery,

it was just like such a rabbit hole for us. It wasn't making us feel good. In fact, it was actually making this feel worse because I was getting more and more and more further away from who I was, like, when I was young. So, like, this is why I'm on such, like, a journey at the minute because, like, I really want to, like, find myself again because I think I've just tried to chase, like, this perfection looks so much.

There's no such thing as perfection that I've actually lost myself along the way. And, like, who am I trying to? impressed because I'm not impressed myself. Like, this is why I've started, like, I've had my bum, like, reversed. So for a, like, a long, for a very long time, people knew me of having a big bum.

And, like, I thought I need to really take a step in the right direction because I want to find myself. It's my final year in my first, my 20, sorry, and I want to, like, go back to being that amazing girl who I was before, Jory Shaw. Like, I was. amazing I didn't care what anyone thought like I had my own mind and stuff and I feel like I've just been in this like vicious circle of like this TV Chloe and it's like that's not me that's

not me like you know me on a deep level now like I love being at home I love cooking I love clean I love being around family like I know I was put on this earth to be a mother like I can't wait to be a parent I've got such motherly instincts I love being around like little kids and stuff that I can't wait to be your mother and I just think this jolly show perception that everyone one thinks of it isn't me at all. And it's just. So let's, let's unpack that, right?

And I'm going to, we're going to come to the surgery so we can truly look at what you did in terms of surgery and what you're reversing in terms of surgery. But let's talk about you, right? Because that's what's hitting me, is that you feel as if you were on Georgia,

Georgia, and you were getting further and further away. from yourself, yeah. So who at that time, who were you? I was only 19 when I got on TV and I was still trying to figure myself out. Like, and I think because when I were on TV I was known as like this drunk lightweight

and then I kind of just went a lot like along. Obviously I have a drink and I am a bit of a lightweight but I think I just went along with this drunk lightweight and I didn't ever, they didn't ever show actually the authentic me, the caring me, the one who's got a heart of gold. Like I would literally, I've made mistakes in my life and I hold my hands, but I know deep down I've got a good heart and I care about everyone

but everyone knows this is like this grunk and mess when that's not me that doesn't define who I am Is this word like this whole term Kick off Chloe But I'm not like anyone who knows it It knows I'm just I'm so chilled I'm so laid back

But I think it's because that was who I was known for And it was embedded in my brain I felt like I needed to do it Yes But it's not Yeah did you feel like you started showing up as That kickoff Chloe Yeah

Even off of even off the show. So when you were, you know, maybe... Because you're not filming all year, right? Yeah. So when you're getting booked to do a public appearance, when you are being brought to an event,

did you feel like you had to play? Yeah, a little bit. But like, for example, like when we did celebs go dating and we lived in the mansion, we didn't really have a drink. And I love the way that celebs go dating actually portrayed it because that is me.

That was me. Obviously, I was still, I was lost then. I was very, very lost. I was a lost little girl, but I really enjoyed it when I was watching about. I thought, they're shown actually me. They're not just showing me in drunken states. All right, so on that, we did celebs go dating together.

Yeah. Now, I see also that you did a few shows. Can I go through these shows? Yes. You did son sex and suspicious parents. Yes. In 2015, you did Celebrity Big Brother, X on the beach.

Chloe Ferry's grown up, and then slubs go dating, virtual, and then also the mansion. So by the time, I met you, it was 2020, 2020. Yeah. But then we worked together in 2021. When we worked together in 2021, that's when I was utterly shocked by you. Utterly shocked.

Because what I thought was you were this wild drinks all the time, not intellectual, just you were there. Like you were just, like, you just existed. And when I met you, I thought, oh my gosh, she's so incredible. Yeah, I know. And that's what I want people to say. And I'm scared case. I can't, like, get this jolly show stigma. Like, obviously, I love how much, like, it's given so much life and I don't regret it.

But I want people to see the real authentic me. So what did you like? What were you seeing, especially on Slubs Go Dating, that you felt is closer to the true depiction of you? Just showing us in like my normal, funny, bubbly self. Like my caring ways, like, which only they don't really show us in like a caring way. Like obviously, like I wasn't really drinking as well. I think we're like one per cent all night, which was frigging hard. And they just showed us like my true caring self.

Yes. And I just, and I loved it. Yes. Yes. And part of your thought now is you, because you said this twice. So I have to go back to it. It's you said, okay, you're entering your 30s. Yes.

I've got like nine months I think until my birthday it's my final year of my 20s so this is where I'm like I want to work on myself I want inner peace and I want to love myself again so that's where I'm really just doing as much I'm on a journey at the minute and I'm feeling it I'm on such a journey and I'm just feeling like all of the emotions like good needs are happy to you have

because I just know for a long time like I've knew what there's been something up but like to like make myself feel okay I've just put it at the back of my head, but you can't do that forever. So I'm on, like, such a, like, a journey. I'm up, I'm down. Like, I'm trying to discover what I like again. Like, I'm attaching myself to nature.

And just, like, all these different things that I would never normally do. Like, I'm saying, like, a therapist, like, I'm just doing as much as I can, just so I can, like, feel good before we've hurt you. Yes, yes. And I love this for you. Yeah, I do know I love it for myself. Yes. What changed?

What was the, you know, moment or event that happened to make you more self-reflective because there's so many people watching listening right now who feel lost you know they feel lost and they're trying to find the motivation to start self-exploration what was it for you what made you change I think my main thing is that I just didn't love myself anymore like I looked in the mirror and I was like who are you Like you've got so much work done and you're just not even yourself anymore and I thought you know what it is?

Like I'm 30 soon and I need to get back to being myself and that's why I decided I thought my bum, my bum was absolutely massive so I thought I'm going to get my bum reversed and I thought this is going to be a step in the right direction to actually be and start looking like the old Chloe again. Sorry looking like the old Chloe. Chloe, that's what I want.

I just want to be the old Chloe. That's all I want. Can I show you something? Yeah, go on then. This blew me away. You ready for this? Yes, I'm ready for it, but I'm nervous. All right, I want you to take a look.

I want you to tell me what you see. Okay, take a look at these photos. So, this is when I thought I was so gorgeous. What do you see? So beautiful. I see, like, I think I look gorgeous. So skinny. No ass, which I want.

I think I look beautiful, Paul. Yes. I was so happy as well. There you go. Were you ice skating then? I was skating then, yeah. And I had my normal team. Yeah.

A bit yellow like. Could do for a dental strip. Yeah. Yeah, so beautiful. Like, okay, okay. I thought that would be a powerful reminder of, it's interesting how our past sometimes becomes our future

and how that was the past but you're trying to actually get back there yeah I want to just get back there I want to be here again and I will I'm just going through it at the minute and I'm going to get there because I'll tell you one thing about me

if I want something I get it I'm a very strong individual and like my therapist said you just need to be patient go through all of these feelings and these fucking emotions because you're going to go through it. Yes. And I'm going through it. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I, I adore these photos.

I do. I love them. Yeah, I adore these photos. You know, can we talk about the surgeries? Yes. You've been open about the surgeries. And this is one where I think it's incredibly important because we're seeing a massive increase in the amount of surgeries that everyone's getting, but in particular, young women are getting because we see the averages roughly between the ages of 19 and 40 so at 19 that's how old I was 19 all right so what I and I have a list of these the first you mentioned is there were comments around breasts so you thought okay I'm going to get breast implants so immediately you went out got like I got an uplift okay it got an uplift because and um because obviously people were saying that my boobs was saggy okay

So you got that. Then there's more comments coming in. More comments, yeah. And it was just constantly about me looks. And this is like the society that we're living because it was never good. Never you've got a nice heart or you're beautiful. It was always negative about my appearance.

Yes. So then from there, rhinoplasty, nose job, liposuction. So like a BBL. So a BBL is basically fat transfer where they take the fat from your stomach and put it in your bone because I used to always get told that I had like a flap.

bum and and like if you think that I woke up and thought that I looked good and I was happy about my decisions I was never it was like it's surgery is like such a dark hole and this is why I want to like make people away especially if you're young like please please think about getting surgery because like you'll end up like me like I want to go back to that girl that picture I would literally give all my money now my bank just to be that girl again because it is just such a dog hole surgery. Who was I doing it in press? These people that I'm never going to meet.

These people aren't paying me bills. And it wasn't making me happy. And then also the danger of it. So let's look at BBLs for a second because the cost, okay? The cost for a BBL in the UK averages around 7,500 pounds. But in Turkey, 2,600 pounds. However, the risk of death is. and BBL surgery is 10 times higher

than other cosmetic surgeries. So you think about how incredibly dangerous it is. So what exactly is a BBL and why do you think it's so dangerous? I didn't go into, like, when I was getting this work done, I didn't think about like how dangerous it was. I think I was just in such a negative mindset about myself that at this point, because I was looking for perfection

and myself, in all these comments we're getting to is, I would have went to, to any extreme to make myself feel better. So I didn't actually think as a young girl that the dangers of how bad it can be. Like it can be life-threatening. But at this age and this sort of mindset that I was in, I did not care because I just had so much, like, my self-esteem.

I just wanted, like, all these comments to go away and I thought that getting all this work done and it would improve myself would actually help it. But in fact, it made it a lot worse for us. All right. So what is the procedure? because you said it's removal of... So they remove the fat, and then any fat that they've got,

they put it in your bum and, like, your hips to give you that, like, our glass figure. Okay. And I was never, I was always petite. I had such a petite frame. All right. So when you got your BBO, did you say, okay, I wanted to look like this or this person over here,

or you just said, doctor... Just do it, yeah, just do it. I wasn't even thinking. I just, I didn't even see I want to list. I just said, just do it. that's that's all it was I didn't have time to think because I was in such a like a bad frame of mind

that I just just want to just do it just make us look perfect I want to be perfect but I never felt perfect I never I look at the mirror and think eh I feel like I actually used to get told off my friends and my family you've got body dysmorphia

and I was like not I want more I want more things done all right and then you continued to get more so at least on here so lip fillers, dermal cheek fillers,

veneers. Yeah. So every time you're doing a procedure, you're just saying, doctor, get this done, you get it done, you look in the mirror, and you think what?

Why have I done it? I don't feel better. You never felt better out of, from any of those procedures? No. Just thought it's still ugly. Still was, so I'd look in the mirror, I'd say, well, that's next.

I was pinpointing stuff about myself and I never like before I got on TV I never ever did that I had so much self-love I thought I was going I thought I was gave God I should Wow so what about Let's look at your Instagram for example

Because your Instagram At one point it's full of shots of body shot Yeah you you know Yeah I was living it up yeah Throw on the butt out You know So when you look at those photos, what do you think?

Not confident at all. Not at all. Not one bit of confidence. And that's why you should never judge a book by you to cover because you never actually know what someone's actually going through. See, I never would have thought that. Never, never. I was going through it.

Like, I hated myself. Never felt pretty. No self-esteem at all. And that's why I've started to be a lot more transparent on my Instagram about obviously like surgeries and like all the lumps and bumps were happening with body. And like I feel like now, because I'm entering this new era and I'm on this journey, like, beauty comes within and I've realized that it does not matter what you look like at all.

And that's why I'm just doing like so much to myself and self-love because I just want to be, I want to feel normal again. I'm so far away from where I want to be to that picture that you showed is. But I know I'm going to get there. Yes, yes. Going back to the beauty. See, I never, ever would have thought that you were not proud of at least the BBL. No.

I felt like that was, like, that was part of what you were known for. And when I look at the press, typically this is what you see on the presses. You'll see, you'll see you in, you know, a bikini, etc. So there was, you're saying there is no point where you felt comfortable, happy with any of those procedures. The BBL was definitely the biggest mistake out of all the surgery. that I got, the biggest mistake. And why is that? Just, I looked, like, I didn't look normal.

I didn't look, everything was just, I just, my body shape wasn't me. That's what made us look totally different, was my BBL. And I was known for, I don't want to be known for having a, like, a big ass. I don't want to be known for a BBL. I want to be known for, like, Chloe being, like, amazing and down to worth and having a good heart. I don't want to be known for having a big ass. Okay.

So now, at what point do you decide? that you want to reverse the BBL? When I was looking in the mirror and I just thought, like, I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know who you are. You're nothing like the girl that first walked in that Jory Showhouse. And like I said, it's my final years of being in my 20s

and I really want to just be back to my normal self. I think like self-love starting by loving yourself and looking in the mirror, I didn't. Okay, all right. Because this isn't me. Like, my breast, my bum doesn't define who I am. And I think a constant reminder every day, you look in the mirror, don't you?

Every day, that's just there. Yes. So every day you're looking at yourself in the mirror. Now, what about the risk? Because we just talked about the risk of having a BBL done 10 times higher than the average cosmetic surgery. So having a reversal of it is also extremely dangerous. So did you contemplate that?

Did you think about the risk? Yeah, obviously I thought about the risk, but the person, I did a lot of research, like the doctor that I went to has done so many. And a lot of people that have come from Turkey and who've had botched jobs. So obviously I did think about it for a very, very long time

and the main thing that I did, I sat with me forth, which I want to get across. Like if any younger girls are thinking about getting surgery, don't just go ahead with it. Don't just straight with go, like, think, sit with your thoughts, talk to your friends, talk to your family, do your research, that's the main thing.

And so when I did finally come to the decision, I just know this is like on the path, this is where I want to go. This is the journey that I'm, this is like the start of it. Yes. So you decide to get it done. Do you,

are you all thinking what the impact is going to be? Well, I wasn't even going to go public about it, to be honest, because some people were saying go public and some people said, like, don't. But what I love about myself is that I've always been very transparent with my audience.

So like a lot of people in the public eye, like if they get something done, they don't ever like tell anyone about, sorry, excuse me. So a lot of people who are in the public eye I don't really like tell it, tell about it. But I thought, to be honest, like, I've always had, like,

I've always been transparent with my audience. And I thought, I feel like this will open a new kind of worms for us. I'm going to like, look, I've made a mistake. I hold me hands up. I'm getting it reversed. And I want to just go back to being normal. Like, surgery isn't everything.

Like, I think, like, a lot of people search for clarification and search of beauty and surgery when beauty actually generally comes within. Yes, it does. It does. It does. It does. It does.

Like, your aura, like your energy, like your personality, like that's where you comes from. Yes. I also think what's very important, and this is more so about self-esteem, and I see this is where you're moving, is that you no longer need external validation. Right.

So the moment that you realize, I'm comfortable in who I am, and I'm comfortable in other people being uncomfortable with who I am. And that I'm okay with. And if I'm okay with that, that typically means I have a higher self-esteem. Yeah.

And it seems like you're moving to a place where you are comfortable with people being uncomfortable with who you are. Yeah, yeah, and that's where I want to get. I feel like I'm such a people-pleaser, and I have been for a very, very long time. I feel uncomfortable in certain situations and stuff, and, like, that's the main thing that I want to achieve. Yes, but you're achieving it,

and I think this journey that you're on, do you realize how many, how proud, people who love you are about this journey that you're on. No, yeah, I've actually been reading some of the comments and everyone's been lovely. I think everyone's just like basically be, everyone's been saying like, thank you for being so honest. Like, because a lot of people struggle with obviously, like,

self-esteem, mental health. And I think it's so good that I can actually be transparent with my audience and people be like, good, because I'm just so used to be getting negative and how ugly I am, how much surgery. So it's actually so refreshing and nice to actually have people be like, Chloe, like, this is amazing. We'll love this stuff.

vulnerable side, which I've had for so long because I've had a mask on. For so long I've been trying to chase like this person who I'm not for so long now. So it's like, fuck I'm starting to be comfortable like in your own skin. Yes. So someone left us a message to tell

us how proud they are of you. Oh, me. It's and who? Ready to hear it? Go ahead. All right. Listen to this. Hi, Chloe. It's your mom here and I know you're filming right now. But I just wanted it to tell you how proud I am of you for going on this journey and making this decision to speak out

about this chapter in your life. Can it have been easy? And to help other, maybe help other young women are going through the same thing. I've watched you grow from a young girl into a woman and I'm so proud of everything that you've achieved. Just carry on being you. Love your loads and have a lovely night. That hid deep. It hid deep. And I just feel like I want to do this all for me, ma'am, because, like, obviously, it was a struggle for me,

but it must have been a struggle for me, ma'am, like, saying it's broken. And, like, getting all these surgeries, like, because obviously her era, surgery wasn't really a thing. It would have been hard for her to watch. I don't know, like, not feeling self-worth or not feeling pretty.

I just want to, like, make me, man, proud. That's the main thing. I want to give me mom the most amazing life. But before that, I want to just, like, fix myself. Right. But it's also important for you to know that she's already proud of you. Listen, listen, I know, I know. I need to hear that.

I need to hear that day. Yeah, that's very important. You know, when we're in the moment of change, you know, it's important to know those who love us regardless of the change. I know. That's unconditional love. Yeah. And one thing that's very clear is that your mother unconditionally love.

I know. I just don't know where I'd be without me, ma'am. I do. I love that so much. Yeah. You can see that. And that's why this change that you're going through know that she already loves you. So this change that you're going through is for you.

Yeah. I know. I know, I know. I just can't wait. Like, obviously I know I'm crying a lot, but I'm like, I'm happy to you because, you know, the main thing I think about a person is when you just go, you know what it is. I'm broken and I'm going to fix myself. But when you've, like, hit it for so, you're like, you're saying, you know,

of like hit it for so long and like me I've put it at the pack of my head but now it's like a step in the right direction because it's like listen I hold my hands up I'm not 100% yourself but I'm going to get there and that's where I'm just like I'm happy about it because I know I'm on the right direction yes yeah I mean without question you are you know and you're taking bold steps yeah to further yourself you know on that journey every episode of this podcast comes to life with the help of Adobe Express the quick and easy create anything app from Adobe even Even if you don't have any design experience, I couldn't be more grateful for how much making this podcast

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Download Tinder today and see where your next date might lead. You know, the one part that we haven't talked about that definitely impacts our psyche, our self-esteem, our self-worth are the relationships that we have. All right. So can we talk about Chloe and the relationships that Chloe is having? And we don't have to name names. Right.

But I'm thinking that you mentioned that you were in your teens, late teens, when you started to, you know, have boyfriends. Yeah. Which some people say is young. Some people say is not, is actually not young. But when you think about your experiences on TV, those played out in front of many people. how hard was it to maintain relationships, to leave relationships? What did you learn about yourself

through the relationships that you had since, Jordy Shore? I think when I was like a lot younger, like the mindset that I'm in now, if anything like if my partner or a new partner was to ever fuck me over or was to ever get a feeling, you'd be gone straight away.

Like I'm so, mentally strong with like if it's a friendship whether it's a boyfriend I'm so like if your fuck is over you're gone now and that's shut but back in the day like it was hard because if you think about we were living in a house and your ex-partner was there

or your current boyfriend and there was loads of like drink involved and stuff and like when you argue with a partner and stuff and you have to live with them or you've seen them obviously kissing another girl it's just it's like you wouldn't ever go live with your ex with you now and like it's so hard and especially when you're young because you don't really understand it Like when you break up with someone, you go your separate ways.

You don't actually live in a house together. This is true. This is true. So you're saying that was an unnatural environment. Very unnatural environment, yeah. All right. But what you've learned is the moment that someone wrongs you, you're gone. You're gone now, yeah.

And I never used to be like that. Never, yeah. Straightaway. Like, I am, like, my mindset at the minute is so strong. Like, whether it's a friendship or a boyfriend, like, if you do me wrong, you're gone and you're not getting back in. Okay. Which is fair. When we first met, 2020, when we first met, you were experimenting.

Yes. I'd say you were experimenting. Yeah, I want a lot of dates, didn't that? Loads of dates. I was a lucky woman. I was a very lucky woman, very lucky. Or maybe they were lucky, but we're all lucky. Yeah, yeah.

So you were dating boys and girls at that time. So can we talk about that for a second? So at what age did you begin to explore relationships with girls? I think I was always more into men, but like when I was younger, I used to kiss my friends on a night out. Like a lot of girls do that. Well, I think a lot of girls do that. But I used to kiss my friends a night out.

I thought, could this be more? But I always knew in the back of my head that I was always more into men. But like I used to look at girls and think, God, they're attractive. Like, ooh, that's my type, to be honest. It was more like of an experiment. but I know now that I'm like an older woman like I know that I'm 100% straight. Okay, okay. So you're straight.

You're currently in a relationship. Okay. What do you think the future holds for you and relationships? And when I say that is, is that do you feel like you will be married one day? 100%. I know, like what a lot of people won't know about me, I know I was put on this earth to be a man. I have got such like motherly instance

I'm so maternal when I'm like around like my friends kids or like my nieces and my nephew they always gravitate towards this because I'm just I'm so good at parenting like my ideal like I've got my kind of lifeline in my head like all mapped out so like this next two years I want to really live my life

and really like just go travelling just do what I want to do with soul searching and after that I want to have 10 kids I want to have 10 kids I cannot wait you know that I scroll down social media and I'll say like someone giving birth or like it's a baby's first birthday and my my heart sinks I cry emotionally because I just can't wait to have that feeling. Okay.

I can't wait. So you're going to have one child every year from 32. Yeah. You're going to be like 42, 43 with the last child. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'll say 10. Let's say three. Well, three, yeah, ideally.

What do you think it is that why do you want so many children? I just feel like there's nothing better when you see, like, kids when they've got, like, brothers and sisters and loads of siblings, I just want a big family. You know, when you see all them families at Christmas and there's loads of them sat around the table, I want to, like, look at my kids, I just want to be so proud of them. I want, I want so many kids, like, they make us happy. Wow, wow. All right, so you want children, lots of children? I want to be married and a happy marriage. And you want to be married.

Now, a lot of people today say, ah, we don't need the marriage. We can have kids without the marriage. Why is marriage so important to you? Because I want the wedding. I want the cake. I want the drink. Now I'm joking. Marriage, I think it's just like,

it's a big, big commitment, isn't it? Like, I think marriage is like one of the most important things. A lot of people say they don't need it, but personally I would love to be married. I would love to have like my kids walk down the aisle.

And it's like, it's a kind of a thing where you're like, right, this is the cut off point. This is meeting you forever. So marriage to me is quite important. Definitely want to be married, yeah. But I want to have my kids. kids first before my marriage. Interesting. Why is that? Because I want them to walk down the aisle.

I wouldn't want my kids to walk down the aisle. I want me kids to see the mommy get married. Okay. Why is that important? Just because I just feel like it's not just for me and my partner or me and my husband. I feel like it's for them as well to see that. Like for memories, I think life is all about making memories and I think that'll be such an amazing memory for your child to see. Okay. All right. This is fair. This is fair. Can we talk about Chloe the businesswoman? Yes. Got my business outfit on today.

You look very, you look like you were here for. Business. I am here for business today. You were here for business. So this is one area that also when I met you, I was a little bit shocked on, is I didn't realize how many different businesses you were running. So right now, what is the Chloe Ferry business portfolio look like?

So I think my main thing obviously is like my salon. I've had my salon now for five years. and don't get as wrong on it. It's had it's up, it's how it's down. But the thing is about me, like when I'm passionate about something, and I'm not a failure, and this has come from my ice skating days,

I like to succeed. Like, there's been months where I've not took anything from the business. I've just put my money in and kept going and going and going. But my salon, like, is my everything. It's my passion. I go there, and I'm so happy about it because I think, like, God, how have I done this? I've come from not even being able to afford bread to this.

Like, we're thinking about getting a bigger salon, like, for a training academy. So my salon is my absolute passion. I love it. I love going in there. I love, like a woman's salon, like you wouldn't have been anymore. I don't know.

Have you? Yeah, don't judge. This is a no judgment, no, exactly, but you can come to mind. So, like, when you go to a salon, you get your head on your nails done, it's where you can just go and gossip

about your husband or your boyfriend. Like, everyone's gossip. It's like where you can really like your hair down. It's just such a good environment to be in. Like, everyone's getting the nails done hair. I love making the cups of teeth for the pun, as and stuff like that, put it as a bar. I mean, the clients, yeah, but it's just amazing.

A salon, I think what a lot of people don't realize is, this is a major business that you are running. Yes. You are the CEO of a business that you've been running successfully for over five years. Yes. I don't know how I've done it, because there's been times where I've wanted to give up and quit.

Like, really, like, it took such a toll on me life. But like I said before, it's, I never, ever, ever like to give up I always want to, what I actually think back to, I always think back to being that girl who had no money, and I thought, that's not me. Come on, you get one life, you get one opportunity, keep pushing. Because it has been times where I think, put this, I can't be bothered anymore.

It takes so much away from us. But then I'm so happy that I've kept pushing now because the salon is doing the best that it's ever done. We want to expand different places in England. We're going to open a bigger salon the next six months, so it's doing really, really well. Wow, I love that. I love that.

What do you feel as if is your top lesson, as not just a CEO, but as a CEO who's a woman. What is your top lesson? So I think one of my top lessons definitely, I'd say, be very, very careful who you let in your circle. Be very careful who you tell stuff to because a lot of people around you aren't happy for you. A lot of people are very, very jealous,

and it can take a massive toll on your life because, like, with business, with friendships, with relationships, just be very careful who your real friends are and watch out for things because there's been plenty of opportunities where people who have fought with me friends and relationships where they could have ruined us because I was a bit naive

because when you're going for obviously a bad time and stuff and you think, oh, they're so good to you, but you can never see clear. Yes. So just be very, very careful. Okay, this is good. This is good advice. So another area that I'd like to go to is

I want to go back to when you were talking about getting the surgeries. and you said that you had, I think it was family who said, I think you have audio dysmorphia. Okay. The reason why I want to go back to that is because typically if someone does, and do you believe that you did? I don't know because I was never diagnosed with it,

but I would always look in the mirror and say, I look fat, I look disgusting, I don't look pretty, and always, and I think I've said it that many times in my head that I've embedded it in my brain now. So, like, for example, like if you were to give me, me a compliment, I would always try and change the subject because it makes us feel uncomfortable. So I actually said to my friend the other day, I said, like, what do you think my biggest, like, flow is? She went, Chloe, like, you can never take a compliment.

That'll say you look beautiful. You go, oh, you fancy me. Then you'll change the conversation. So I think that, that is, I just, I just don't, I don't feel like I'm going to ever feel 100% beautiful again because I've been benefited that much of my brain. Interesting. So, so the photos that we talked about, getting back to, that's when you felt 100%. Yeah, I felt so, I felt go, I felt gorgeous then. But you don't feel as if you can get back to that. I don't feel like I could get 100%.

You don't think so. No, but then I'm still, I'm like still on this little journey at the minute. So I still don't feel like 100% about myself. No. Okay, okay. So then now this is a massive, you know, statement. This is a massive move that you've made where you've, you've had the reduction, should I say, right? You'd have the BBL reversed.

So you know you're going to get comments. And you know many of them will be complimentary. But some of them could be negative. Of course, yeah. Are you prepared for those negative comments? Not, I haven't really prepared myself, to be honest. But what I try and do, if it is negative, I just try to scroll past it.

Because my main worry about coming on this short of day, like, you know, I was very apprehensive is because, like I said, I'm on this journey at the minute trying to find myself. And I just want to feel beautiful. again like and my main thing that I set to my agents and said what if like I say something and I say this is why I'm just scared about speaking one to one because I'm scared about saying the wrong thing I said I'm just a bit scared because I'm on such a journey at the minute that if I say something wrong in this airs and I get a lot of backlash

I said I's going to knock us back so that's why I was a bit like fuck do I do I or do I not I just don't want to be knocked back because I've come so far now where I've just like can it be knocked back I don't want anything to trigger is I'm like nervous That's why I'm getting emotional because I'm nervous about what people are going to say because it affects us still. That girl there, but didn't used to care.

She wouldn't care. She could walk in a room and everyone could hate it and she wouldn't be bothered. But this one cares a lot. Yeah, it cares. And I don't know why. I don't know why because I never used to.

I just get so scared of seeing the wrong thing. Yeah. I think it's very commendable, invulnerable for you to say, I'm scared to say the wrong thing and also I think it's very vulnerable to say I don't want to be hurt I just don't want to be hurt anymore

because it's like you do so much working on yourself which I've done like on this journey and I'm like one one thing because I know from the past can just trigger you and just knock you back to start and I just don't want that yes well and I'm sure you've been told this many times and maybe this will be many times plus one

but it is incredibly important. Like I remember when I got to the UK, I never felt more negative commentary or negative press until I got to the UK. And how did it make you feel? It made me feel. So initially, I was shocked because I was happy, go lucky,

super proud of what I was doing. I thought what I was doing was great and have this negative commentary, that first year really pushed me back. But then I surrounded myself with incredible people here. And I would always go to my circle, the people who I loved, the people who I respected. And I would say, what do you think about what I'm doing? They say, oh, Paul, what you're doing is great.

And I would then only rely and lean on them. On them, advice, yes. And every time I would get commentary that was negative, outside of the circle that I respected, I wouldn't give it the time of day. To the point where today, now, or should I say now, is that I just released a new book. And this book is, you know,

I'm saying a lot of things that are the opposite of what a lot of people believe, and there's a lot of pushback that the book is getting. And you know what? I love it. Yeah. Because I know that the people

who love me and respect, me will give me the feedback that I truly need. That you need, yeah. And I would say for you, it's so important to surround yourself. And I know that you have people here. Some people here, right? Your mother clearly, but you have to surround yourself with people who love you for you. Yeah.

Regardless. And go to them for feedback. And for everyone else, realize that those people, every time you lean on their commentary, you're leaning on their validation. And you don't need it. Yeah. You don't need it. Yeah, true.

I know. You don't need it. So whenever you get, because you will get in the rest of your life, you're still, you're a young woman. Yeah. Okay. So in the rest of your life, you will have negative commentary. But the more that you surround yourself with those people who love and adore you, the less you will be reliant on everyone else. Yeah.

No, that's very true. I really like, I need your mindset. That's the mindset that I have. actually need. You made so much sense there. This is just like therapy, isn't it? And I love it. Let's even talk about that because therapy is something that a lot of people would like to do now, but find it very challenging to be able to even find a therapist. Yeah. So how did you, A, know that you needed a therapist? And then B, how did you go about finding your therapist? Because my main thing is, is when I'm going through a bit of a bad time or struggling. I'm always that friend who people come to,

but I'd never ever speak to anyone. If I'm going to be, I'm going to be. I'm going to be, through something I'm that person who sits and goes through at herself and I feel like one of my main things that I want to work on is actually like being vulnerable and speaking to someone so I'm going to go to this person who I've never met before and just tell her my full story she's no judgment and she tries

to get at the root of like I feel like with every single problem for when you're a kid that you know what's called kid therapy from when you're younger like she does all that in her child in her child therapy so she's doing all of that for us like my main thing that I want to get over all of this is just to love myself again That's all I want.

So in that work that you're doing, what has she been doing and what have you learned? So even when you think back to you being a child, what was some of that work and what did you learn? So my main thing is that I always doubt myself and I always look in the mirror and think, oh, I don't want that nice to do day and stuff. I'll be very mean to myself and I just need to give myself a break.

The main thing is, is like if you imagine your younger self standing in front of you, just say you're five years old and you're calling yourself all their names. Like that, that hits deep. That, that's, that, that, that's, that, that, that's, that, that, that's, that, that's, that, my, my, my, my younger self, I could have never imagined calling myself any name. So why would I be doing it now? Right. And I think that's going to help a lot of people. Yes.

That statement. Yes. Yes. Exactly. And I know that in, in the research, too, I, I, I, I, I, I, felt as if you were going through depression. Mm-hmm. I did, yeah. How, how, I mean, depression is a, is a, is a, is a, I was a, I saw that.

serious word. So why did you feel as if it was depression? I don't know if I want to talk about this. I'm just trying to just try to think how I can sing you sorry. Think on it. I just like, because like with this sort of stuff, I like put it to the back of my head. I've been rock bottom before where I felt like I didn't want to be here. But I just feel like I just want to forget about it. That's how bottom I was. But I just try and just because I don't want to, I get scared of like going back to that mindset. See, these are things that I don't think people know. I know.

I mean, I think can we spend just a moment on this and you stop where you want to stop, okay, is you're on television. You've opened a salon. We see Chloe Ferry on Instagram. We think she has a great life. You just don't judge your book by its cover because you never know what anyone's going through. I would just be like really scared to go back to that place again.

Like I was bottom. I was dark. It was dark. And I just, and this is what I mean about like being 100% myself and vulnerable with you because it's like I'm scared to say the wrong thing because I couldn't go back to feeling like that. And this is why I'm trying so hard to work on myself because I don't ever, I wouldn't want me worst enemy to go through that feeling that I felt. But is it the feeling, but it was the feeling that was created by others?

A lot of things, like the way I looked, I didn't like myself anymore. Like relationships. I didn't have any self-esteem. I didn't have self-worth. I didn't have a purpose. I didn't know my purpose. That was my main thing. Okay.

Okay. Who do you have in your life as your safe place to learn? I love being home I love like that I love being home I love cooking for me mom like that's my safe place feels so confident

and comfortable in me home okay and your mom yeah your mom is your rock go have arguments let us tell you that but I love me mom

I honestly couldn't live without me mom all right small circle of friends small very small very small you're counting on one finger you've got friends

and you've got acquaintances in the TV world a lot of fake people who will just climb it to get where they want to be. So that's something that I wouldn't have guessed about you. I would have thought that you had a wide... No, I used to. I used to, not now.

It was TV that did it. Why so? Yeah, just because people obviously just use you because they want to get in a club or they want to climb up yet to get where they want to be then they fuck you off. And people with me, they take me kindness for weakness. But if you know it's on a deeper level,

Because if you do that to me and I find you out, you're gone and you're on coming back. Let's just tell you that. Because I always think, do I change being a nice person? Do I change? But I'm thinking, no, because this is the way I've been brought up, and this is me, but I feel like selfish, you heard the quote, selfish people live longer.

Like, is that true? Because I'm thinking, like, I feel like I'm always getting fucked over all the time. Is it because I'm a good person? Do I need to stop being more strict? But I'm thinking, well, I shouldn't change myself. Like, do you change yourself? This is what I'm still trying to work out. Right.

And you feel like you're still in that zone. Yeah. But one thing is, though, is if your foot was over now, this mindset I'm in, you're gone. You're gone. You're not back in. You're gone. Okay.

So these are industry, quote, unquote, friends. Yeah. All right. Wow. Okay. These are all new things. And I could see how it's all,

it's all layered on. on top of each other. Yeah. So if you don't have the self-esteem, if you feel as if you have no purpose, if you don't feel as if you are safe, you don't have a friendship circle, et cetera, life gets miserable.

Yeah. And you're crawling your way out of this. Yeah, yeah. I think the main thing if you're on a journey or if you want growth is cutting toxic people out your life. You've gotta have in your circle people who you trust. Because you never know what people's intentions are and which I had for a long time.

didn't know people were just using us. Yeah, yeah. You know, you walking around Newcastle must be a thing. Everyone must know you. I don't know. I think they do, yeah? Yeah, I did that, maybe, yeah? Maybe, to be honest, I get quite anxious, you know,

like going into, like, the city centre and stuff. Like, I do, busy places, I get a bit anxious because I feel like people are looking and judging us. But I think that I had a massive part of the surge room because I had such a bad backlash of it. So if you walk into, a mall? Yeah, I feel a bit anxious.

But, like, yeah. But, like, if I walk into a club and I'm drunk, don't really care. But if I'm so bad, I have, like, I'll always go, like, with a hat on because I feel like people are looking and judging us. Her she looks disgusting. Her she looks rank. Does that prevent you from going out? Yeah. On the nighttime, I'm not as bad because I'm having a drink,

but, like, I tend to go to, like, if I was going shopping, I tend to go, like, a time when no one's really there. Because you feel as if people are judging. Yeah, looking and judging. Look at her, she looks disgusting, what is she doing and stuff like that? You know, I guess my mind has been blown a few times in this because I assumed that you initially thought

the procedures looked good. No. I had no idea that you never thought the procedures look good at all. The comments were always negative. So like, obviously if I was trying to look good, sorry, if I was trying to feel good, obviously putting a picture on social media and then it went in the newspapers,

it was still always negative. So that's why I kept on going So that's why I kept on going because I thought, right, so my first procedure when I had my boobs done, I thought, that's it. Everyone's gonna love us. I've had my boobs done, but then it continued going. Spiral down.

Like surgery is a dark hole. You always want more. Like what is perfection to you? Like what is, there's no such thing as perfection at all. But I was trying so hard to be perfection and to make people like us and stuff and like stop the comments that I lost myself along the gym. myself along the journey.

Right. Because I was trying so hard to be something that I wasn't, that I lost myself. Right, right. But at that time, I keep going back. There's no social circle telling you, Chloe, stop. I wouldn't have listened. I was, I was, Paul, if people were saying that there was, like, I don't even know who I was talking about it.

I don't even know if I was. I was so just, like, I'm impulsive with my decisions. I was so focused on just getting to that end goal that I wouldn't have even listened to anyone. I just thought, just get it done. Didn't even think about the consequences just thought, get that done, because I want to just, it would stop. And you get it done, nothing, you get done nothing.

But if it was now, because I'm older and I'm, like, more aware of situations, I'd sit back and I think, do I really need this done? Pros and the cons, speak to my family about it, sit with me forth, do me research. The mindset is totally different to what I was when I was 19. 19 years old, you don't really know what you want. Like, you just want to go out and have, like, as a 19-year-old person, you don't know what you want your career to be. the support is different now.

There's Sykes. Sykes, yeah. You didn't really have that back in the day. You didn't get a lot of the support. Which I think at the time would have been a lot better for us because as a 19-year-old girl and you're sitting and you're waiting for the TV program to come out, you don't expect to get all these negative comments.

I wasn't aware that all this was going to happen. Yeah, yeah. So today there's television obviously, but you see social media, so many people are influencers. Yeah. So many people are trying to, monetize their look. So what's your what's what's what is your specific statement to women and men who are conscious about their look and how they can monetize that? Because one part of this conversation we

haven't had is that, you know, looks generate income. They, they do. So you think that if you do have a procedure, whatever that procedure could be, that could actually help you to land on so-and-so television show or help you to get the whatever deal. Like those are facts, right? So if someone is aware of this and they're aware that beauty and essence is a currency. Yeah, they want to try and yeah, be perfect, don't they? But I said like for me, now that I'm old at and I've been through it all with for looks and surgery and hair and lashes and nails. I think the main thing, I think beauty, which I think needs to be more established now,

especially that everyone's coming at influence as, beauty comes within, and it shouldn't be about what someone looks like, especially when you get older, like I don't care at all. Like, I have, like, take me as an example, I have been through it all to try and look this perfection state, and now all I want to do is go back to that young girl. So surely, if I'm not an example, I don't know who is.

Like, and I think if you are feeling a certain type of way, about yourself, try and work on it rather than straight away going to surgery because if I could go through this again and be young, I wish I had someone saying, work on yourself please, don't just do this, you're beautiful, but at that time mental health and psychs and stuff

wasn't really a massive, massive thing. So if I could turn back time, I wish I had someone there and it just kept the normal me because I feel like now I would have been in a lot of a different mindset because now I've spent most of my 20s chasing someone that I'm not trying to look for this look at this who is this girl

do you know what I mean now I've got to spend ages working on myself obviously I know it's a good thing because I'm going to find me 100% myself but I've wasted all of my 20s chasing this perfection girl

who I don't even know to fit other people's standards so I've wasted my life essentially you feel like you feel that way that you wasted your life yeah yeah because I have because I've been getting so much stuff done to make us look like who I wasn't born to be

who like who does that for me of course I've done it but I want to raise it now just so I can just be myself that's all I want yeah yeah

so then you're 30s this is why you're like 30s yeah is your time it's my that is my time watch the globe on watch my globe I am going to be the best version

of myself and that's all I want to be because like Paul I've got such an amazing I never rape myself but I know for a fine fact I've got a good personality and I've got a good heart and I can

I can make anyone laugh. Like, I just want to be funny old Chloe, who doesn't care what she looks like because that's where my happiness is is making people laugh. All right, so Chloe, you say you have a great personality. I am very funny, I know, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So if you are rating your personality, what do you rate your personality? I'd say 10 out of 10 if I'm on it. No one's a 10, actually, let's be fair. I'd say 8.5. 8.5? Yeah, I know that I'm a good energy to be around when I'm at my best.

All right, so this one will be hard. for you. How do you think you look? I'd say five. Say a five out of ten at the minute, yeah. I don't feel the best today. You think you were a five out of ten? Yeah. I think that's quite fair. Halfway. Are you serious? No, I'd say about five. I'll say five. I'll say five. Five point five, actually. Five point seven.

Okay. Is that up or down from how you felt last year? Yeah, it's God, last year I'd say about a, I felt about a five. but you would never know, wouldn't have never known that because I feel like when I'm putting these sexy pictures and stuff around social media I'm doing bikini pictures, maybe that's just a cover up.

Maybe that's a cover. Maybe that's trying to, like, show the audience or my social media followers, like, pretending that, like, this is the perfect girl. I don't know. That's something that I'm trying to figure out

because you, like you've said, you would have actually never known that I felt like this. No. Like, if you look on my Instagram, you would think I'm the most confident person ever when I wasn't. I used to, like if you're looking as filming and stuff,

like I'll always cover up, like I'll cover my bum and stuff like that. But if I'm on Instagram, I can hide it because I can stretch out, I can get the best angle and stuff like that, like try and hide my bumps, my lumps, my salivite, my back fat. And now I'm like, I'm getting to the point now

where posting the picture of my salivite now, getting my bum reduced is like going in the right step of being me. Yes. Because I don't care. So I'm bothered about someone saying a bit of back fat or I'm bothered about someone saying a bit salulite. What?

Yes. Why? Yeah. That's why I think what you're doing is so courageous and important because you're normalizing normal bodies. Yeah. Or, you know, cellulite, you're normal, you know, back fat, etc. Yeah. So as you think about even how you manage your social media.

I'm changing it. It's all starting to change now. Okay. How so? My post. So, like, I'm posting now more realistic posts. So, like, I opened up the other day about, I wasn't going to do it. I was really apprehend.

of like I said going back, I get nervous about being honest because I just, I don't want to have backlash because I don't want to go back to a dark, dark place again. But I thought, you know what it is? I'm going to just be transparent with my audience. So one thing about me is like I'm very honest with stuff like this. So I thought I'm going to do it and I've had a really good response. So I thought, I'm going to just start, like, to start loving myself again,

show people what I feel a bit unconfident about, like obviously my saliolite and stuff like that. So I post that yesterday and I feel better for it. I would always hide. I'll always edit my pictures. I'd just move out myself. skin. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, all the time. I was getting an angle where, like, I'm stretched out like that just so like I look like long and slim. But now it's just like I'm going to

start posting more like organic content and not giving the fuck about getting on face, that face true, make me waste smaller. Did you do that? Yeah? Really? Yeah, yesterday. This is a cry. What, what percentage of, you know, celebs do you think are, are doing this? I think, not even about just celebs, I think the full of, I think even younger girls as young as 15, 16, 17, 17, 17 are even doing this now. Is there any, so this is just, this is terrible, right? This is, this is terrible. No, yeah, yeah, it is because it's like, you put your posting it and like, yeah,

you might think it looks good, but deep down, that's not you. Right. So this is what I'm thinking, like, the right step in the right direction for me is to start admitting my flaws, stuff that, like, I am insecure about, showing that vulnerable side. And so, like, I put a post on yesterday about, like, my salulite on my legs, which I've always been really conscious about. Like, if I was in a bikini,

I would have a cast on because I was embarrassed. So I think the right step for me is getting out there. That's me, that's who I am. And if you're going to judge us a salivate, then you're not supposed to be around us. Do you know what I mean? It's 90% of women have cellulite, and cellulite is so normal.

Apparently, if you have cellulite, it's because you're a better person, have a better time and fun. Oh, really? Apparently, someone said that, but I don't know if it's true. So if you have no cellulite. You're boring.

So all the girls, but no cellulite, you're boring. I'm joking. Igor, I hope one believes that. Oh, my God. All right, so then, are you now saying that you will not edit any of your photos going forward? I'm going to try to.

I'm not going to say never because, obviously, I'm still quite insecure. I'm still trying to find myself. I'm on this journey, but I'm trying as much not to. Like, yes, they didn't edit my body at all, and that's a step in the right direction with me. Take baby steps. Yes.

Walk before you can run. Yes. Do you think that not editing is going to impact television projects influencer work I want new work I want new dreams

I want like I said I don't want to just be known for Chloe Ferry drunk on TV kick off Chloe because that's not me like this is my new era not only my work not myself I want new work opportunities I really this next two year

want to just expand and just live my life and not live my life and like someone else's body basically right but I think that so many people want the procedures, want the look, because they know that's going to help them

to actually make more money on television or through influencer work. So is that something that you're concerned about that you could potentially make less? Yeah, so hopefully, like, my story and being honest and vulnerable with you today is actually, like, people will go, well, actually, if she's had that much work done

and just try to change herself that much and she's still not happy and she's in a bit of a bad place, then surely I need to look at myself and actually take some more time and talk to me friends and family and think, do I actually need this done? Yes. Like, do you know what I mean?

Yes. And I hope that I can help younger girls because I wish that I had the advice of someone when I was young saying this, because maybe I might have listened. Okay. Now, do you believe there's ever a time to actually get surgery,

to get cosmetic surgery? Is it ever warranted? It all depends on yourself, to be honest, because if you're really, really insecure about something, even just, for example, if you're not on the public eye. Like, if you're really insecure about something that's really, really getting you down

and you think it's going to make you feel better, then maybe. But I can't speak for other people. Obviously, it's totally on them. But like I said, if you are a person and you are thinking about getting surgery and you are insecure about something, don't rush into it.

Please do your research. Please ask your friends. Ask your family. Your family are going to be honest. Your family aren't going to lie to you. So just, for example, if you feel like your boobs are flat or you have got a big nose,

like say to your family, do you think I need this done? But your family are going to probably say no anyway, but just always sit with your thoughts and don't rush into anything like I did. Yeah. I always say that, you know, our village is really our superpower.

Yeah. And we don't realize it. When we have friends and family who truly love us and adore us, that's where we go. Yeah. And I always say, look at what the consensus says. It's the same thing with relationships.

It's like if you have a partner, say you have a boyfriend, right? And you bring your boyfriend to your, friends and family and he meets everyone he spends time with everyone and you sit them all down 11 12 of your family down and you say what do you think about my boyfriend yeah i guarantee you if the majority of them say leave him you should leave him yeah 100% i totally agree 100% yeah yeah so it's the same thing i think you're saying the same thing was when it comes to procedures you know rely on the feedback of your friends and family yeah definitely i think that's the most important because

your friends and your family your true friends and family will not lie to you Yes, they will not. Yeah, definitely not. They will not. And also I think about this as well, like if I was to have kids now and I could imagine my daughter saying this to us, I'm going to get this done to myself,

I'd be absolutely devastated. I'd be absolutely heartbroken. That me, my daughter, I wanted to change her looks because I would think we don't I was absolutely beautiful. So then on that note, this is an important question. What do you say to all the young girls who watch Chloe Ferry on Jordy Shore

and looked up and said, I want breasts like that. I know. Or I want a butt. I know, I know. And that's devastating that I've, like, done that to myself because I do know that people do look up to us. I don't know why, like, but people do.

Like, they do look up to us. And I think I would hate to ever influence anyone to get cosmetic surgery because of me. And that's why I want to just, like, step away from it. I've made, listen, I hold my hands up. I've made a mistake. I've got surgery, and I'm massively regret it. If I could turn back time, I would.

But it's only be. because I was so insecure about the way I looked and because I was getting pinpointed as a young girl about the way I looked and I felt ugly. I had no self-esteem, no confidence and I was in a position to change it. And I wish that I didn't. It's a mistake.

And the thing is, you can't ever regret mistakes or lessons because you always learn from it. Yes. And that's what I've just needed to remember because if I don't think like that, I'm going to just dive down. Right. Everything's a stepping stone.

Yeah, yeah. But there's the new Chloe. New Chloe. And I'm excited to meet her. you. Oh my God. I've already met her. I knew her. I knew her. I could tell you, I could pinpoint the moment. So we were in the mansion. There was one moment where you came in. It was Anne and myself, we were talking to you. And it was the first time that you talked about, of all things, ice skating. Yes. And you walked out of the room and I said to Anne. I said, oh my God, like she's, she's, and I think I use the word, she's actually brilliant.

Yeah. And it was one of those ways. where I realized you were so much more than the person that you were presented. Yes, 100%. And then I felt bad. Yeah, because a lot of people obviously do judges, which it's life. People do, yeah.

It actually, I mean, I should say I felt bad for the judge. It wasn't for the judge. I felt bad because I felt like you were intentionally playing small. What do you mean? I felt like you were intentionally playing this role of, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm kickoff, Chloe. and there was so much more for you to give. Yes.

But it's almost, and I don't want to say this is what you did, but my impression was that you knew what, you know, the UK knew what the UK knew you for. Yeah. And you said, I'm going to deliver it on this show. And I'm not going to give you all of these other things. Like here's this little sliver of my life. This is what I'm going to give you. But my life is so expansive.

There's so many things that I love and I enjoy and who I am. And you reduced all of that just to give us this little bit. And that's when I said, I felt sad. And that stood with me. And from that moment, I said, you know what? I'm going to keep my eye on her. Because there will be a time where she no longer wants to play small. And there will be a time where she's grown out of this.

Yeah. And this is exactly where you are now. Yeah, I definitely agree. I'm grown out of it, aren't I? Yes. I'm ready for new. things and new beginnings. I'm ready to be the best version of myself. Yes. And I can and I know it's coming Paul. It's hard. I'm struggling. I'm up and down

like a roller coaster but I know there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel. And you know what it is? It's it's powerful. I'm a I'm a boss bitch. You are. All right. So then on that note, are there any other surgery plans? Because it seems as if you, you, you have these, lots of procedures. But now it's almost like we've started the reversal. Reverse, yeah. So are there any other plans? So because I'm so, I feel so much more in proportion,

I do feel like myself a lot more than what I did with my bum. Like I am thinking about doing something else as well. But obviously, like I said, I'm waiting for a bit. I'm going to speak my friends and family about it. And then, like, who knows, I might be, like, Molly Mae. I'm joking, you know. Yeah, I would love to, I just, I want to go, like, hopefully one day, like fully backed natural.

Okay. But I'm just taking each step as it comes. All right. Fully natural, 100%. I mean, I'll probably keep a little bit lip fill out, I'd be honest, because I had bum whole lips. Like, when I smiled, there was just gum.

So I think I'll probably keep a bit fill out, I'll be honest. Christ, we'll not go all the way. But I think when I've like obviously healed and stuff from my bum, and then maybe I might go for the next step. Okay. Breasts.

Maybe. Maybe? Maybe. Maybe. Not saying I'm not happy with my breasts, but if I'm on this sort of journey now, why not just go the full shimonti? Why not? Why not?

I've never heard of bumhole... That's bubblehole lips. Bumhole lips. That was one of the comments. That's somebody... I know I can laugh about it now because it doesn't affect it as much, but so when you say I've got bubblehole lips.

So you used to say when I used to smile, I just had gum, because I had no lips. Oh my gosh. These are the comments. Yes, I saw the word. That's quite funny bumhole lips, but it's like, yeah, basically that. Wild.

Honestly, some of the messages I get, like, not even about that. Like, some messages I get, Paul, I wouldn't even want to see it on here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's the fact that people, I mean, I know that we're going to wrap, but the fact, like, I've never understood someone who, like the psychology of someone who will spend time, go on to your, say, Instagram page, find a post. Yeah, and comment.

And comment negatively. or send you a direct message. I know. I never understand it as well. You never, ever do. When I look, I think, but you know what it is, Paul? It's more on them because they must, could you imagine going on someone's picture? I'm going, you're disgusting you.

I don't have time. In fact, I actually am so focused on myself now. I don't care what you're doing, quite frankly. I'm on my own path. So these people must be just sat at home with the 10 cats and let me just think to make them feel better. So it says more about them. That's what I think.

I think they're so low and they've got no self-esteem and they choose not to work on their self, and that's where they're going wrong. They're the insecure people, and that's what I figured out. But back then, when I was low, and I needed all this clarity for all this surgery, I didn't know that.

But now, because I'm so much more different to what I was then, if I knew that information, then I wouldn't have got the surgery. But now I'm so much more educated on everything now. Yeah. You may not know this. When we first launched, we need to talk. Yeah. There was an initial list of guests that I created,

and you were on the initial list. Was that? Yes, but didn't reach out. I didn't reach out. Why? Immediately. Why? Because what I've learned about this show is that it's important to have people who are on the journey.

Yeah. Yes. So they can speak about, so I view life as storms. Everyone is in one of three areas of a storm. you're either in a storm, you're either heading to a storm, or you're either coming out of a storm. All of us are in this zone. And this is how we move through life.

Yeah. This podcast is about those who've come out of the storm. We're coming out of the storm. So they can speak about the storm. Yeah. You are coming out of the storm. Do you think? I know so. I have no question. That's why when I message to you, I said, this is your moment now. It is, yeah, it is. Oh, God, it hits deep again. I'm going to get upset again. But this is it. This is vulnerability. Vulnerability is stepping out into the unknown.

Yeah. And that's the reason why you get emotional because you've never been in this space before. Never. It's, and you know what it is, Paul? It's like a really scary feeling. Is it because I'm so vulnerable now? Like, normally I'd have me guard up

and I wouldn't speak like this, but is that because, like, I'm vulnerable with you? Is that why I'm feeling like this emotional tide? I think because you're experiencing some, so you were experiencing this. Before it was Chloe, Ferry, the caricature that was created that you were playing to. Yeah.

But you have stepped outside of that and you are now you. Yeah. And you are admittedly, you're being vulnerable. You're scared to be hurt. But that's part of, that's being human. You know, this is the right space for you. Yeah.

But the key is you want to keep surrounding yourself with all these great people. And also you want to keep engaging in the things you love. Yeah. Like what I'm walking away in particular from this conversation is how much love you had for ice skating. Yeah, I did. I know.

It's the upset I got. And maybe I should get back into that because that's where I feel like I'm at my best and my prettiest. Chloe, I was going to say, because I try to give homework to everyone. My only homework to you is put those ice skates back on again.

Please. I know. I need you. I know. Can you commit to do that? Yes. Literally, I will do anything to help myself at this minute and time.

So if I'm putting them ice skates back on, I will put them back on. Put those ice skates back on. And it's not just that you're putting it on for you. You could put them on and you could teach. I know. You could, I mean, think, think you can mentor.

I know. I would love to do that. That would be my absolute dream. Just want to like, I'm excited. Obviously, I know I'm emotional, but I'm excited for this new era that I'm entering. But obviously, like, it's scary though, isn't it? Because it's like I'm standing alone.

I'm leaving that character behind that everyone thinks the noise as. And I'm like entering this new womanly era where I want to do things different. Yes. I want new doors and new opportunities to open and where I can really like be my true, offer itself and you know what it is and I'm really here for it.

Yes. So there's an exercise I used to do with my clients that I love to do with you real quick. It's called the ideal day. Okay. And in the ideal day, what you do is let's think about a day five years from now. Okay. And I want you to think about you wake up and step into it. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? where are you and what's happening in that day? So five years from now, what's the ideal thing? So I'll be waking up. So the thing is, with me, Paul, I've got to have routine.

Got to have every morning wake up, I'll have my coffee. So I'll wake up, so I'll have kids. So my alarm will be set an hour before my kids wake up because I need to have routine. I need to have me morning at myself. I have a little coffee, little scroll in bed. Love it. I did.

And then I'll get my kids up. I'll make them a breakfast. I'll feed me dogs. I'll take them to school. Then I'll go at the gym. and I'll go for a nice walk and I'll put like some music on and then I love cooking

I'm absolutely terrible at cooking but I absolutely love it so I'll come back I give me bloody boyfriend Samuena but I still cook I nearly killed him Oh my God Yeah I know I know

So my ideal world My ideal five years time I'm going to have kids I'm going to be married I'm going to be in a really good mindset hopefully going to have my own TV show Back on the Ice And probably if I'm if I've got kids

Smell what will I smell probably nappies. Maybe napis, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, I love that. Chloe, anything else you want to talk about? I think that's it.

I think I don't have anything else I talk about. I've just, I'll tell you what, I've let it all out. I was going to say, I think you have addressed it all. All right, so on that note, everyone gets a question here. Okay.

Everyone, and this is my favorite question. Right. You have had some amazing conversations throughout your life. Right, okay. If you think back to the most memorable, who was it with? Oh, this is a brief. Yeah, and what did you talk about?

And most importantly, what did you learn? I think one thing that someone said it was once that stuck with his is that don't ever care about what people are saying about you because these people don't pay your bills. So that's, but it's with me, it's like, because when I'm in a bad head space, I just, it goes in one year and takes it, goes out the, that, goes in one year, then goes out the other. goes in one year then goes out the other. Okay, okay. So who was that with? That was one of my friends. Oh, okay.

And it stays with you. Mm-hmm. All right. But it's like, at the time, I didn't really like take it in, when in one year and went out the other. Yeah, definitely that. All right, fair enough, fair enough.

On that note, I have this to tell you, Chloe Ferry. I've always adored you. And I remember when we met, I thought there's something about her that I just like. And she's compelling to me. She's special. There's something special about you. And I think that we all know this.

And that's the reason why you are loved. I think that you are loved much more than you are loathed. But unfortunately, you probably don't feel that. But you are. And I think that there are many people who are like me who maybe weren't vocal enough in our love for you. And this is where I apologize. Because I think over the years since 2020,

so we've known each other for so many years, I never popped in to say, Chloe, I'm thinking about you. Chloe, I'm cheering for you. Chloe, like, I love what you're doing with the shop there. And I think I should have. Yeah. And for that, I apologize.

It's all right. And I'm going to show up as that person. you're going to see. I'm going to be dropping your messages all the time now. You're going to be number one of me WhatsApp. You're going to be number one. I love that. Yes, yes.

I am. And I would encourage everyone to do that for everyone else, for all the Chloe's in our lives. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I never knew how hurt you were. Yeah. I never knew how down you were.

And I feel terrible not having showed up. You would have never never. known because I kept it myself so I don't want to be upset about it but thank you for saying that because that hit that hit hard so thank you you got it you got it thank you for being here thank you should shake forget to shake give me a heart you know Chloe she's very passionate about what she says there are few things which I love so the biggest is having a therapist the fact that she was able to acknowledge that she needs one and not just that she needs one but she went out identified one and started sessions. The key piece for her is self-esteem. This is something that she's still

working on and has to continue because without a higher level of self-esteem, she will fall back into her old ways. When she held her hands up and said, I admit, I shouldn't have done this, and I apologize. She's apologizing not just to herself, but she's apologizing to all of those, especially young girls who perhaps watched her go through this cosmetic surgery and then aspire or actually get the same cosmetic surgery. I am very excited about Chloe's next chapter in life. You can see that she is maturing, but she still has work to do.

One thing in particular that I think she needs to do is fully identify what her values are and feed those values. So, for example, going back to the ice skating to make sure that she is participating in that, that's feeding her values, and that will help her tremendous. with her self-esteem and self-love.

So that's definitely one. She says that she is close with her mother, but she said a few times, I want her to be proud of me. And I don't think she fully has embraced that message that her mother gave her, and that is, Chloe, I'm already proud of you. And then last but not least, quite honestly,

you could see she is proud of that business. She's proud of what she's accomplished with that and where she wants to grow that. I think that's a very healthy outlet for her energy and for her talent. So she's focusing on that. She's focusing on the relationship with her mother. She's focusing on these interests such as ice skating. I think she'll be in a much stronger position in the future.

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