We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson - Faye Winter EXCLUSIVE: I Was Scared Of Him Coming Home! The TRUTH Behind My Abuse & Love Island’s BIGGEST Argument

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

In this exclusive episode of We Need To Talk, Faye Winter opens up like never before, revealing the truth behind her Love Island experience, including the infamous argument that shook the villa and the deep emotional toll it took on her life. For the first time, Faye bravely shares the painful truth about her abusive relationship, the betrayal of infidelity, and the relentless online abuse that followed her every move. This is Faye Winter like you've never seen her before. Support charities: Refuge - https://g2ul0.app.link/DyflXtM08Qb  Women's Aid - https://g2ul0.app.link/kW1JuPO08Qb  Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk  https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod  Follow Faye here: Instagram - https://g2ul0.app.link/SXvTo0I6qRb TikTok - https://g2ul0.app.link/zydlY1L6qRb  (00:00) Intro (01:47) Growing Up in Devon (03:03) Faye's Parents (07:01) What Did Love Mean to Faye Growing Up? (10:03) Faye's First Relationships (11:00) How Did Faye Know Her First Relationship Was 'For Life'? (13:28) Why Didn't Faye's Boyfriend's Family Approve of Her? (18:03) The Darker Aspects of Faye's Relationship (21:28) Paul's Take on Domestic Abuse (26:51) What Gave Faye the Strength to Leave? (29:53) Faye's Next Relationship (34:22) How Did Faye's First Two Toxic Relationships Affect Her? (36:21) Adobe Express Ad (37:18) Tinder Ad (38:13) How Faye Was Scouted for Love Island (40:01) Faye's Perception of Her Looks vs. the Other Girls on Love Island (41:59) Faye's Cosmetic Surgery Before Love Island (44:45) What Was Faye Doing Before Love Island? (45:52) Why Did Faye Want to Go on Love Island? (47:33) Faye's Experience on Love Island (50:52) Faye's Perspective on 'The Argument' (54:05) Paul's Take on 'The Argument' (54:55) The Impact of Ofcom Complaints on Faye's Wellbeing (58:16) The Aftermath of Being on Love Island (1:03:44) Why Did Her Love Island Relationship End? (1:08:16) Moving Back to Devon (1:10:42) Getting Therapy After Love Island (1:12:21) Online Abuse After Love Island (1:15:11) Faye's Charity Work (1:18:33) Influencing as a Career (1:20:59) Faye's Love Life Post-Love Island (1:21:55) Faye's Experience of Stalking (1:28:16) Paul's Take on Stalking (1:32:55) Faye's Opinion on the World of Cosmetic Surgery (1:42:08) Statistics Around Cosmetic Surgery (1:44:30) Most Memorable Conversation (1:47:07) Paul's Takeaways Sponsored by: Adobe: https://www.adobe.com/uk/express/  Tinder: https://tinder.com/en-GB  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alcohol and drugs can do some really nasty things. He was on the balcony just shouting and hurdling in abuse. Did you feel you were in physical danger? I'm Faye, I'm 25, I'm a letters manager from Devon. The type of person I'm looking for is somebody that can literally rip me a new art off. I was never in the industry. I didn't even know what the industry was. I didn't think I was going to be on it for the full six weeks, not in a million years.

So it's all a bit of fun and games. I was in my like, fuck girl era. Like, I just don't care. Then something changed within that. There was a little argument that happened there. I had no idea that obviously it had blown up to the point that it had. I saw a young woman who was hurt. I just remember feeling like I'd let everyone down.

I'd let my mum down. I'd let my dad down. I didn't want to be here anymore. Everything would just be easier if I wasn't here. I went on a couple of dates. And then the next thing I know, he's turning up my house. Uninvited. Then he turned up again.

What the part? I was hid in my utility room in my own house. At what point does he stop? I was scared. What's up, everyone? Before we jump into today's conversation, just a quick ask for me. If you're finding value in these episodes, please consider hitting that subscribe button. It's a small click for you, but it means the world to us to keep growing this community.

And don't forget, we're always reading your comments. So let us know who you want to see on the show next. Can we start with you growing up? All right, little girl. Yeah. Where were you born? In Devon. In Devon.

Yes. Okay. Describe Devon for everyone who has not been to Devon. It's just at peace. It's very slow. It's just a slow pace of life. There's a lot of outdoors. There's a lot of greenery.

There's a lot of sea and sand and lots of holiday makers in the summer, lots of pubs and a lot of things that I love. So I spent a lot of my time outdoors. So for me, it just will always be home. Okay. It's outdoorsy. It is where you developed a love for animals in particular. Yeah, I would say so. Yeah, there's not really a lot else you can do down there.

So, I mean, you're either outdoors, we don't really. have shops until like we don't have Uber. We are behind the times with that kind of thing. It's just a real slow pace. And yeah, it's where I develop my love of animals, if that's through my family that I've always had animals. Or my mum always and dad always encouraged us to go horse riding and be outdoors. So yeah, I think that's probably where it probably started.

They started. So you said your mom and dad were animal lovers as well. Yeah. All right. So tell me about mom and dad. My mom and dad are just lovely. They won't mind me saying they're getting on a bit now. They have me and my sister a bit later in life.

And they never made us want for anything. Oh my God, do they argue? Yeah, they love an argument, them too. But they have always shown up when you've needed them. And my mum and my dad have always had mine and my sisters back always, in whatever situation it is. We're a very strong unit. And I think people that know us as a family,

even like our vets and stuff, have always said you show up as a family, you show up together. And, yeah, we don't let anybody get between that family unit. I can see that. Yeah, we're a strong unit. We're all Gemini's. We're all the, we all fall out sometimes the four of us.

But the truth is, like, I couldn't have asked for a better family unit growing up. Okay, so you felt loved. Oh, my God. so loved. My dad was on the roads. He was a HGV lorry driver, which actually I wanted to be a HGV lorry driver. What is that? A heavy goods vehicle, so like a lorry driver. Okay. So he was always a lorry driver. I actually wanted to be a lorry driver and I would be on the roads of him. I'd go with him as much as I could. And so he would be away Sunday to Thursday. Mum was very present at home. She was always, R.T was always ready. Our clothes were

always clean. And we knew if my mom and dad said no, they meant no. So we never, me and my sister never pushed that round or pushed that line. Okay. Wow. So your father was a lorry driver. Yeah. Did your mother work? So she did. She was a nurse up until she had me and my sister. Okay. And then she would stay at home with us. Interesting. Yes. Okay. So you wouldn't say that your family had a lot of means then. No, I wouldn't. I like so, but we didn't really ask for much either. So it was all within reason. Okay. I would never say that I miss. I miss. I would never say that I out on anything as a child at all like you know if I wanted to go on a school trip I'd gone a school trip and I would always I had an iPhone when everyone else had an

iPhone like it wasn't like that it was just we had what we had we we my mom and dad we grew up in a three bedroom semi very proud of that never moved we lived in the same house our whole lives and we didn't really need much more as a family we had each other and we'd go to Cornwall twice a year in the towing caravan so dad would tow it down to the same campsite and we made amazing family friends down in the campsites which we still speak to now and we just had a really wonderful time together right and I think the reason why I asked you didn't have a lot of means is because I think one of the perceptions about you is that you come from a significant amount of money. Yeah, I know. I said, I read that as well myself, especially when I was in the villa and I came

out and it was, yeah, a lot of people did think that about me. And I don't, I don't know why. I, I'd never owned anything designer. I'd never, oh, actually, no, a pair of Hunter Welleys. That's designer. Exactly. I'd never, ever owned anything of any value. Like, I'd never owned anything expensive. I think when I've got into my first relationship, that's probably when I started to explore money a little bit more. But with my family, yeah, no, we had what we had. And like I said, we never, ever went without. There was always food on the table.

My dad worked very, very hard. And he always provided for us his girls. I was very happy with my upbringing. Yeah, I love that. I love that. So you saw love not only between your parents, but also in the family unit. Yeah, absolutely. So how would you define?

What did love mean? to you at that point. I think just being there for each other, I think that's for me what love means. I think you show up when you needed the most. So my family, I speak to my dad, it doesn't matter where I am in the world, I speak to my dad twice a day every single day.

And that's been our whole lives. When we have an argument, yeah, we might not speak for a couple of weeks. And that's weird, that's always weird, but we've always, when it matters, We've always been there for each other And there's never been a question of loyalty When it comes to my family

That's for sure And I think that starts between my mum and my dad Really like they can They can argue of each other And I've witnessed them have their arguments But they've always come back together And they've always been a united front And I think my mum always brought me up and said

Lie to me and I'll be your biggest enemy Tell me the truth and I'll back you to the end I think it's in regards to like the fierce side of love. They were always so fierce. And whenever I was in trouble, even when I wasn't in trouble, they were always there to celebrate me, but they were always there with my like darkest, darkest moments.

I think that's a profound definition as well. And I love what your mother said. You know, right? A lie to me, it's done. Yeah, always. Yeah, but don't. And I'll back you to the end. Yeah.

You know, that's commitment. Yeah. And that was always the way at school. At any way, if I got an argument with one of the girls at school or whatever it was, she just didn't want me to lie to her. And I think that's how I've always perceived. And there's never been any lies between us ever,

even when there's been really hard times. And maybe I haven't told them things because I've wanted to protect them, especially as they've got older. But especially between me and my sister, she knows every single. part of me and everything that I go through I share with my sister. Okay. So even before coming on to this podcast I'd ring my sister, she's my

soundboard, but also she's very much in the background. She doesn't want to, my sister doesn't want to be known, she doesn't want that side of thing. She's never forced me into the, into the spotlight, but she's always been there to hold my hand when I've needed her and really be my confidence because sometimes she's quietly confident, whereas I'll go in and I'll pretend to be confident, and then I'll be like, oh, actually, I don't know about that. Whereas she, one person I cannot argue with in this world is my sister. Interesting.

You don't ever walk away from an argument and think, damn, I wish I said that. I don't think my sister's ever felt that in her life because she gets, she gets her point across and she's so eloquent, eloquent, yeah, with it. Like, she's just, she's a lovely person. I love it. I love it. Yeah. So with this strong family unit, right?

how do you think that begins to inform the early relationships that you have? I had my first little boyfriend at school, and he actually was my boyfriend for a couple years in school. I know, I had flex. And then I had my first real relationship when, obviously, I was a bit older, and I honestly thought that was going to be the guy that I was going to marry. So your first relationship you had for years? It was just like my little school, like romantic sweetheart, you know?

I think that was just sweet. Like it was a little sweet young love. Okay. From Devin? Yeah. We were at the same school. Like just, oh, I mean,

before we left school, don't get me wrong. We took completely different paths. But I always remember him being my little boyfriend at school. Okay. And he was just like, love, I thought I was just so in love

and it was just so great. Okay, fair enough. And then the next boyfriend you thought you would marry. Yeah, I honestly believed that that was my life done. Okay. And how old were you with the second boy?

boyfriend? I was 18. Now what was it about your partner that made you think this is my partner for life? I think because we had so much fun. Like we had so much fun together and I think to begin with it was I felt everything that I was supposed to feel being in a relationship. I felt confident. I felt sexy. I felt loved. I felt affection. I felt everything that you're, you're told you're supposed to feel. And it was my first real experience of being, oh my God, I mean, I love this person. And our first day, we'd gone down to my favorite place, St. Ives and Corn,

we'd taken me down there. And also we'd met so, like, unexpectedly, I'd literally gone into my sister's place of work to do a photocopy of my CV. And I met him. And it was just, it was just easy to begin with. We were together a long time in my eyes. and then something changed within that. So, yeah, I think it was everything

and more I could have wanted it to be for my first relationship. Okay. And the word that you just described is the word that most people use to describe when they feel like they are in love. And that is, it felt easy. Yeah.

Would you even go as far as say things felt better when you were with your partner? Yeah, to begin with, absolutely. Like, I felt like I had, had the support, like I had a supporting partner in that situation. And everything I lacked, he gave and vice versa. So I felt like it worked really well.

Yes. So. Yes. Did family and friends approve of him as well? Yeah, absolutely loved him. Okay. Yeah. So it was all really good.

We were all really close. I think there was a bit of an age. gap where I think maybe where I know his family didn't approve of me and I know that that over time was a massive factor in our relationship deteriorating so much. Interesting.

Just a quick one before we get into this next section. We touch on some sensitive topics including phase experience with domestic abuse and stalking. If this is a tough subject for you, please watch with care. We've also added links to support charities in the episode description.

Can I ask why do you believe his family didn't approve of you? I think I always felt as though they were comparing me a lot of the time to his previous relationship. Okay. And in a way, I couldn't compare to it because they had created another life, which I wasn't a part of.

So at 18, I took on a massive role, not just as like a partner, but I also took on a role as a stepmother. Oh, okay, so he had a child. Yeah. Okay. So I also was trying to navigate that side of it. And oh, my God, I didn't get it right all the time. But also the ex-partner that was there, I got on with her, like, she was fine,

but also I felt that there was a lot of jealousy there in respect of she wanted what. I had whereas I didn't want what I didn't want what she I wasn't trying to replace her I wasn't trying to be in her way but I was trying to be some kind of role some kind of bad I always called myself

the best friend to the to the child and I never wanted to be in a way of their relationship or that dynamic but it controlled a lot of my life for a long time

and a lot of the time she would dictate what we were doing, where we were going, when we were going. And obviously that is something that I had to take on, but also at 18, I was trying to navigate it all and work it out. It's very a delicate dance. Yeah. You know, and also I think one thing that definitely we have to say is that when you feel as if your partner's family dislikes you, there's massive psychological weight around that. A matter of fact, one of my good buddies, Dr. Terry Orbach out in the United States, she has the longest couple study in the world, right? Longest going couple studies started in the 1980s.

And she has some very interesting research to suggest that when your partner's family doesn't like you, that divorce race are obviously higher, right? Because there's this sense of your family saying that this person is not wrong. right for us. Yeah. Right. And we have a longing to be connected with our, our parents, many of us. So clearly that waited on you and waited on your partner. Yeah, I think it really did.

To begin with, it was fine. How we'd gone family holidays. It's like, but I always knew, like they, I always felt like they didn't like me. And I think I didn't get the, maybe the support that. And also I hid a lot from. them as to what was going on behind closed doors. I was 18 young and I got things wrong. And sometimes, yeah, I shouted when I shouldn't have shouted or,

but there was, it never started like that. It was a very lovely relationship and things started to happen and I didn't realize. I was, I've always been somebody who will stay at home. I love being at home. I will always be at home. I don't mind being at home and I don't care. My partner goes out. You do you.

I've never been a person that would care. but a lot of the time things would happen and I would be at home and he would go out and he would come back but I would be scared of him coming back so I would lock him out of the house and I wouldn't want him near me and I think I was then scared of telling people because of their judgment of what was going on that I would allow him then to go and say like oh Faye locked me out or Faye lock me out or Faye shouted at me or and I would take it a lot of the time towards the end I would keep taking it and so I understand why they maybe didn't like me towards the end um there was a like when we there was a time we were on holiday and I'd gone back to the room I was tired and he and and an argument broke out and I was I was in bed but it always seemed to be I was the issue and I was the problem yes um so I think a lot of that a lot of problems maybe even stemmed and I could have nipped things in the bud because I wasn't confident enough to be like

no actually this is what's going on or this is why I'm hurt or this is why this is what's happened or this is what happened that night and instead of speaking up I chose to stay silent and then be the in the in the whole grand scheme of the story be the issue and be the bad person what was happening alcohol and and drugs can do some really nasty things it's so frustrating because I know in my heart of hearts and I knew then that it wasn't his normal

and I knew I knew he and I know he's not a bad person I would speak to him now I've got a lot of forgiveness and I know people can change and maybe I was a factor in bringing out maybe a not very nice side

but there there was like he wasn't very nice Um, and I would, I would just, I don't really want to say the words. I don't want to say the words of what happened, but it's just, yeah, the person that was always there for me and the person that picked me up the last time was my sister. And I would, I never, ever saw him again, saw him maybe a couple of years ago. And we were all out for my mom's birthday.

and he walked past my family and I got up and I gave him and I gave his new fiancé a hug and everything is fine but I know that I shouldn't have ever been put in the positions that I was put in. Okay.

You mentioned a little while ago you would lock the doors. Yeah. So he would go out and you would lock the doors because you're scared of him coming back in the state. What were you scared of? I was just, I wasn't ever, like, I wasn't ever, like, I wasn't ever, like, I wasn't ever,

scared for my life. I was never scared for my life, but I was scared, like, he would really, like, he would hurt me. And as, like, as in my early 20s at this point, and I thought this was my forever, and there's a horrible position for any young, or any woman, any, any, any person to go, you. through. No one should ever go through anything that physically or mentally hurts them. Agreed. And I think I got to a point where it was both. My note was both. And it's really, and it's so frustrating even having to speak or talk about it because I don't want it to define me and I

never want it to be, I never want anyone to look at me and think, oh, she was a victim because sometimes I'm sure there was a point where I would wind him up and I would shout and go to your mum and dads or I remember there was one time we had a balcony that came out of our, like we lived on a townhouse and our living room was on the first floor and I hadn't locked the balcony door and he climbed up onto the cars and came in through the balcony doors and I knew he was so angry with me because I'd locked him out and I understand that he would have been so for sure but he used to get to a point where I wouldn't go out or if I was out I was really snappy and then people that knew us together like I was always the issue but Fay I have to tell you this this is very important

very important you said no one should ever verbally or physically abuse anyone full stop because notice what you're saying you're saying you would then you know what you said after that you said but I

I'm sure I I did this. I'm sure I did this. I'm sure I did this. I think it's very important for you to know that there is no one in this world that should be verbally or physically abused, full stop. No matter how much you kicked off or argued or locked a door,

no matter what, there's no excuse for that. There's no excuse for that. I just know it wasn't him, though. And I just know, like, I know that, I hear what you're saying, but I think it's very important for you to know that there's no excuse because what I feel like you're doing, because I feel like you're accepting some of the blame for it. And you should accept, you know how much of the blame you should accept? Zero. Zero.

Zero. Zero. You know why? Because abuse, physical or verbal, is one of the smallest things. things, when I say smallest, pettiest things, it's one of the most self-loathing, low self-esteem, narcissistic control. Like, you think about how ridiculous it is. Now, does it become exacerbated when someone is on alcohol or drugs, etc.?

Absolutely. Is it learned through how many people were socialized? because they themselves were physically abused? Absolutely. But the point is that it should never be enacted on anyone else. And, you know, some of the research that I have here that is absolutely startling and why I applaud you for speaking out. And I want to say this too is that you said something that I think is very, very important

as well, and that is you said you don't want to be defined by this. I think it's important, but also this is one of the reasons why I think so many people don't speak out. Every 30 seconds, there is a domestic abuse-related call made in the UK. Every 30 seconds. But now this is what absolutely destroys my soul, is it's estimated that less than 24% of domestic abuse crimes in England are actually reported. So the majority of domestic abuse, you're the perfect case, because I'm assuming you didn't report this, the majority are not reported. And one of the reasons is what you just said, I don't want to be defund by it. Now, I don't want to at all blame victims for not reporting.

But what I'm saying is that I think that if we can more so normalize this conversation, more people will have. or more people will know that they are not alone. Because in this, who did you have to talk? Who did you have to support you in this? The only person that knew the whole thing was my sister. Your sister. I remember the last time I had happened. My sister came and picked me up.

And I was sat on the doorstep. Literally nothing. And she just picked me up and she just got me up and she just got me into the car. And I just remember that he was on the balcony, just shouting and hurdling an abuse, not just at me, my sister. And my sister just ignored him.

She just, just, they just get in the car. And they just get in the car. Your sister saved you. If I could just ask one more question about that relationship, I think this is important. Yeah. What gave you the strength to leave? I think because the last time I was,

I was shaking up really, shaken up the last time it happened um and and i just remember being like i can't i can't i think because my sister then knew like the full extent like somebody actually knew what was going on um because that had happened i think i then wasn't alone um because like things are happened and i kept I'd kept that but I hadn't told anybody about it but this point when I was sat on the door stuff she was like you're not this is it you're not you're not going back again Faye

like you're not doing it and like my mum and dad only like they they don't know the full extent but like I know that the neighbour spoke to my mum and dad and it was like it wasn't even it was like quite a bit of time had passed before they spoke to mum and said why don't you never why don't you ever tell me

but because I knew it wasn't his normal, like, nature. Like, I didn't want people to judge him. You were covering for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I keep going back to you just telling this story is going to save someone's life. I guarantee you it's going to save someone's life.

And it's, you know, what I find interesting about abuse is that, it is done to diminish someone and keep reducing you, but then also make you dependent on the abuser when it's done over and over and over again. And what a lot of people have a hard time doing is figuring out, or not figuring out, but in breaking free. And you just gave one of the best methods to break free.

and that is to tell someone, tell someone that you love. Yeah. Because once you tell someone and you just said it, you now know you're not alone. And can't take it back. And regardless of I knew at that point that nothing would go back to how it was. My sister would never be around him.

And if I had gone back, my sister would have been the one that I would have lost and I could never lose my sister. So I just I feel like that was the moment where it was like okay that's it like that's that done. And it was hard then like we had the house we had a house and stuff together we had to go through all of that. How do you begin to heal from that or do you think you didn't? I didn't. You didn't.

I know I didn't heal from that. Okay. Yeah, I jumped straight into another relationship. Right away. Um, I wouldn't say right. Right away, I'd probably say about eight months, maybe. It's pretty quick. Okay.

And you walked in, not having healed. Yeah. Probably feeling highly insecure. Yeah. Okay. So what happens in that relationship? This one just makes me laugh because I think it didn't hurt me, but it should have hurt a normal person.

Like it should have hurt a lot more than it did. nothing could compare to the first one and the first loss. So, and that situation. And to be fair, it was, again, like, it was just a really fun relationship. We'd go out and I felt like I could drink again for the first time and I could let my hair down and I was never, ever worried about being in his company or when he was drunk, like, he was a fun drunk. And that was a different kind of experience in itself. And we'd have a really good time together. And, um, and we'd have a really good time together. But I think he had recently come out of a long-term relationship as well. I think I was very insecure and I was very jealous and I was,

I thought I was making stuff up in my head at some one point. And I would accuse him all the time sleeping with a gal at work all the time. And he was like, I'm not sleeping with that gal at work. And I'd be like, okay, fine. Turns out he was sleeping with a girl at work, but it was just the other girl. It's a different girl. It's a different girl. And now, you know, that was never going to be my forever relationship.

And I can laugh about it because, but at the time, I was like, oh my God, I'm so hurt. And this is the worst thing ever. But that is what it is, I think. So you were right, just wrong girl. But had you moved in already with him? Yeah. So you are a committed relationship. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we were meant to be, yeah. You meant to be. So you find out and then what happens? It was actually during the beginning of COVID. I'm like, how's he out here doing this in COVID? I know. I was going to pick up laptops. Did we only have like two hours a day?

We could leave. Well, apparently not. What did you call the workers? An essential worker. Essential worker. Of course. So I just remember feeling like so insecure. And at that point, I would rather somebody just be like,

yeah do you know what it's done but instead it just made me feel even more insecure and I had to keep fighting back that I was this insecure woman and it's fine it was my pastoral and all the rest of it and then it was my birthday and I remember I was having a drink with one of my friends and he was still trying to get back with me and I didn't know at this point that that was going on and we'd split up and we were getting back together and we were still sleeping together. It was just where the water was real muddy. And I think that had happened

because I'd got to a point where I was so insecure and I didn't trust the word he was saying. And then I just remember her saying for I only to tell you something and I was like, what? She was like, he's sleeping with such and such. And I was like, okay, fine.

She's like, yeah, and I think she's pregnant. And I was like, okay, grey, I'm so glad. I remember this, like, feeling of just, I was so angry, but I also was just so deflated. And also this whole, I've also a feeling of I knew I was right. I knew that I wasn't mad. I knew that I wasn't feeling. in a certain type of way for no reason. But I came to terms of that very quickly.

And I was fine with that, like, that I wish them the best of luck. Did you? I don't, I didn't, I just don't feel like I really cared that much. But how does it, so these are your first two significant relationships. Incredibly toxic. Yeah. How do you believe those two relationships then inform your view of relationships? And even more importantly, your view of yourself?

Oh my God. Yeah. I think at that point, I wore a lot of makeup. And, you know, I do still love my makeup, but I was really trying to be somebody. I wasn't. Interesting. So you're saying physically you try to, you start to change. Yeah, that's when I got like a little fill.

and I think I was really, really trying to be somebody I wasn't. Like I would try and be a party girl and actually what I wanted to be was in the outdoors and I tried to look like I was having loads of fun and I was out all the time and I think that was probably when I was in my like fuck girl era. Like I just don't care. Like I don't care at this point.

It really made me and bearing my bow for the, these people and now with those significant others and I'm like okay I am the issue I am unlovable like I am the one that maybe I should have just stayed a bit longer or like maybe I should have forgiven that or maybe I shouldn't have been keeping on about the washing not being done like maybe all of these things I'll work on like I'll do it but also I'm just going to have a bit of me time I'm going to go out I'm going to party with my friends which they weren't really friends. Like I've got real true friends. However, at that point, I think, yeah, I was just out all the time, every weekend. Every episode of this podcast comes to life with the help of

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home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usa dot com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. I think this is going to be fascinating to so many people because these two relationships happen right before, in essence,

You go on to Love Island. Yeah. So can we talk about Love Island for a second? But more so, how do you get to Love Island? Because, yeah, how... It's so weird. How do you get scouted, casted? I literally had like a thousand followers on Instagram.

I was never in the industry. I didn't even know what the industry was. And I just got a message on Instagram. So we're casting for a new show. I think you'd be perfect. Email if you're interested. I remember getting the email and I was like, what? Like, oh, God, I'll email.

Okay. And me and my friends. And you have no idea what show it is? No, you don't know what show it is, no. Okay. So I was with my best friend Katie at the time. She was like, yeah, yeah, you need it. You know, so we did it.

We emailed. Yeah, and I just kept going through these rounds. And I, me and her kept laughing because I kept going, I'm not getting on the show. So it's all a bit of fun and games. Like, I've just gone up to London. I'm walking. I'm tottering through London in this tiny little mini dress

with both my lungs hanging out, high heels, getting wolf whistled out, left, right and centre. I was way out of my day. I didn't know what I was doing, these big extensions. And what were those interviews like? What were they asking you to do? What was happening? They were just like conversations.

And it was always very much about like who you'd want to date, what your type is, how would you react in certain situations? I think they knew very quickly. I'm very fiery. Like I will say what's on my mind. I think I've put up a massive war now that I won't take any shit. Like, and I think they really loved that.

I always said like I didn't get on Love Island. I know I didn't get on Love Island for the way that I purely looked. I would never ever put me in a line up and say that I am the prettiest girl in the room. But I know that I can do good. banter. I know that I can as I said on my thing I can tear for you from a new asshole like I can do I'm not easy

to get into and I know that there's a lot of layers to me now but I think they liked that. Can I ask so during that time what year is this? 2021. This is 2021 not that long ago no so 2021 you think your personality is 10 out of 10

yeah I think what they want well for what they want I think I'm this like gobi, girl. Like, I, because I think I didn't really go out from the age of like 18, like I wasn't a party girl then, I kind of let my hair down when I got to 24, 25.

Like, by the time I was 25, I was out all the time. I was like, a stray cat, couldn't get me in. So I was just out. And I think I'd built up this this false sense of confidence.

Yes. Almost like a character. It almost Yeah. Like you built up. I don't care. I don't care what you've got to say. I don't care what they've got to say. Like, that's kind of what I had built up and that's what they liked. They liked.

Now, you also said you, if you put yourself in a lineup, you wouldn't consider yourself the prettiest. No. So how pretty or not pretty did you consider yourself to be? I remember in one of the challenges we were stood around the fire pit and we had to rate ourselves out of like 100. And I think I put myself down as like 65. All the other girls were like 90, 90. to, 99. And I remember one of the lads and I can't remember if it was Toby and he was like, Faye, what are you talking about? And I nearly burst into tears, stood up because I was like,

oh my God, like, shit. Like, I really don't think I'm as pretty as these girls I'm stood here with. Like, I didn't, I didn't see, I still, I just don't see, I don't have that, like, ego about me where I'm like, oh, I think that I am, I think we've all got flaws and I'm only recently, since I've come out of the villa, really learning to love mine. I think I was really hard on myself. I think I was really hard on the way that I looked. And I think, obviously, I tried to mask out with fillers. I tried to do everything that I could with it.

Can I ask then? Because when you then were accepted, right, into Love Island, you know it's Love Island. You know it's a massive platform. You're thinking, I'm accepted because of my... because of my, this character. Yeah. Right.

Physically, did you, how, what were you thinking with regard to how others would look? Because it's a highly visual show. Yeah. So what were your thoughts around visually, what was going to happen and how everyone else would look? And did you even go for more filler? Did you go for more any additional procedures going into Love Island? Yeah. So I remember when I went for like my promo shoots and shots,

I, I'd had the dodgy Botox, which my whole forehead had basically lapsed. And it was just real, I didn't have an eyebrow arch, my head over lids, like it'd re-screwed my face up. And I remember having my makeup done and my hair done.

And Ryan that does my hair now to this day is the guy I met on that shoot. And I cried. And I cried. cried and I was like this isn't how I want my makeup this isn't how and they're like it's fine like you look gorgeous and in that minute you're like you're so excited but also you're so nervous but you've never been put in the situation before like you've got like a whole crew around you you can't let those people down like also I'm like oh my god like this is something that I

could go into and and do and actually it's a massive F you to every person that's really hurt me and and that's how I thought of it. And then I did have C.S. and more filler when I went into the villa and I had the Botox done and that was all just a mess. I always remember thinking one, I said to my mum and my dad and my sister,

I said, don't worry, I won't be on it very long. I said, they'll have me out in a week. I said, they won't like me, they won't like my personality. No one will pick me, no one will fancy me, don't worry about it. I'll be back in a week. I took a sabbatical from work. I said, don't worry about it. I'll be back.

And what were you doing work-wise at that time? I was a state agent. Okay. And I loved it. And that was a thing. I felt like, apart from romantically, every other part of my life was doing really well. I had solid friendships that I was trying to build up again

from maybe losing them during relationships. I had my street rats, we'll call them, because I was also a street rat, which I would go out with. And the only thing that was really missing, but I wasn't really looking for it either was romance. Okay. So then what was the desire, if you had all of those things going for you, right? What's the desire to land, to actually take a role on reality TV?

Because this is the question that I think is always debated. And from my involvement with reality TV, I mean, over the years, I've been shocked, but now I'm no longer shocked as to why. But I find that everyone has different reasons. It's not always to try to get a massive Instagram following. or to make money. It could be, I just want to F you to two people. And that's the reason why I do it.

So what was your reason, your core reason? I think mine was because no one had done it around me. It was all so new. And I think I did want to go on and I did want to do a massive FU. And also it was a bit of fun. And I would have loved to have found somebody. I would have loved for that.

How amazing. What the biggest FU to any person in the world. to be like, oh yeah, I've found my forever and it's been on national TV and you've seen us shagging and that's so fucking great for me. But actually I think, because I did genuinely believe

I was going back to work. I didn't think I was going to be on it for the full six weeks. Not in a million years. So I was like, what an accomplishment. Like, it's fun. It's a bit of fun. I feel like I've been so serious

for so many years that actually I deserve just to have a bit of fun in the sun an all-inclusive holiday. Like, lovely. Why not? Why not? And your friends and family were supportive?

Yeah, well, my dad, not so much. I'm going to ask about it. But he didn't really understand it. He's fine. So, yeah, it was funny because I didn't, I just didn't rethink that. I didn't think of the other options. I thought I'd go on, be on there for a couple of weeks.

Max, because I had to go out for a couple of weeks to quarantine. I'd be out there a couple of weeks. I'll come back, go back to work. No, everyone would forget about who I am. and I can easily do that in Devon. Okay, fair enough. So now that you've been off that project for a while. Yeah.

And now you can look back and really dissect it all. What was your experience like? Like pros and cons, not afterwards, but just being there with that cast, with that production, that time of your life, how would you now, a couple of years removed, how do you view it? I loved the show.

I felt when I was on there, I was quite insecure. I felt it that I was quite insecure. Like, I didn't want to do the dances. I didn't want to do the sexy dances. I didn't know how to do my makeup. I didn't really have any idea of how to do hair. I didn't care about fast fashion. I didn't care about what was happening afterwards.

I remember there was once a conversation in the dressing room where everyone was like, oh, I'm going to go into YouTube. I want to go into television. What do you want to do? And I was like, um, look after dog. I didn't know what the doors were going to open and I didn't go in there with that with that heads, with that mindset.

So I think a couple years removed, I was really out of my depth a lot more so than I even imagined that I would be. I thought that I struggled romantically with new relationships. I always kind of thought that that would be the case that it was going to take a lot for me to go into that show and come out with somebody. But I didn't realize how,

that would be the same with friendships in there. And also from being from Devon, how much I didn't have in common with people. Like, I didn't watch TikTok, I didn't know influencers, I didn't follow influencers. I didn't know, I didn't use Instagram as a tool.

I used it as a bit of fun. So I think I then really struggled because I was like, oh Christ, I'm out of my, I'm out of my depth a little bit here. but I'm just going to keep being me and I was me throughout that whole process. I never

I never filtered myself. I never tried to be something I wasn't. So I'll always be proud of her. I'll always be proud of that girl regardless of what happened and I'll always be really proud that she saw it through.

Okay, fair enough. Did you feel like you struggled with friendships? Yeah, I think I did. I think I really did because as much as all the girls were lovely and they were really lovely, I think, and I've got friends from it now, which I feel like are more like real friends and their friendships that have grown.

But I found it quite clicky, I suppose, in a way. And I did really struggle with that. and sometimes I didn't know who to sit with, and I did struggle a little bit more with that than I thought I would. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. So, clearly, there was a little argument that happened there. There was a few arguments, yeah. There were a few arguments.

You know, so what I did is, you know, what I find interesting is how we in society, we attribute, we associate, people with events, times, and many people associate you with one specific argument that happened. Now, from your perspective, I want to give you my thought on it, but I want to hear from your perspective, a few years removed, when you think about that argument, knowing what then transpired, Mm-hmm. How do you view it? I came out and I, I didn't know at the time. I had no idea that obviously it had blown up to the point that it had.

I didn't, I was really embarrassed when I felt, like I was, and I still to this day, I'm really embarrassed that actually, why didn't you just let people know you've really hurt, Faye? But, and I didn't do that, like I, oh God. I think up until like now, the last like year, I would always rather people be able to say that they saw me angry than see me upset. And why didn't you just say like you were really embarrassed and it's embarrassing that playing out in front of people and rather than doing what you usually do where you, your first defence mechanism is to get angry and to not let people. see that they've really hurt you. So I'm annoyed. I'm not annoyed because it's happened now.

And I've spent years owning it and apologising for it. And I've never given anyone a reason as to why it could potentially have happened. And I didn't ever want people to think that I was copying out. That was my biggest thing when I came out. I said, I'm going to own it. And regardless of if that is the end of my career in, TV. I'm going back to a state agency anyway. It's fine. I didn't want anyone to think I was copying out or making excuses for the reasons why that happened. So I did nothing but

apologise for it. And looking back, I just wish that she had been more confident to be like, you've just really hurt me and you really upset me. I don't mind people laughing with me, but don't laugh at me. Don't make me. Don't make me. a mockery of me and I knew that it started the hurt had started when the postcard had come in and although everyone else on the outside knew that what had been sent in was a lie to me it was like all of my fears and everything that had happened was happening again I remember my sister saying there must have been there was a clip somewhere I must have been something she said I could tell that you'd been really really upset but not

Not once was it shown on the screen that I was, I was cried for the other girls and I was upset for the other girls, but I never let it show on camera that I was upset. So I just wish that I, she could, and it's not a weakness to be upset, whereas I really saw it as a weakness then. I watched it several times, especially in preparation for this. I said, okay, let me really analyze this. I saw a young woman who was hurt and was in pain and was acting out all that pain. It's almost like, you know, when people say when you get cornered, you feel like you're cornered, when you feel like you're cornered, you then lash out. Yeah. Because there's nowhere else for you to go.

and what was worse is it felt like you were in pain, hurt, and alone. Yeah. That's what I took away from it. And then doing all of this research going into this discussion and now hearing your previous relationships, it's clear why you would act out the way that you did. Now, there were 25,000 off-com reports. So this is one of the most reported incidents in reality TV history. And I tried to find the exact complaints. And it's hard to find exact complaints because they're private.

But I know that Offcom did research and they did their investigation. And they found that that's within the expectation of that program. So no issue. but the fact that there's 25,000 people saying that you were abusive, saying that you were bullying, I mean, that must weigh on you. I felt like,

I felt as though this heart, the whole, like my whole life, the whole adulthood, that was the problem. That's when I was like, shit I was the one that I'm the abuse, I am the toxic one. I am, I didn't listen to individuals when they were saying it to me, but I am, that is me.

And I, I think in that, I just think when that happens, I just, I put a wall up again and I was like, no, it's fine. Like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's just TV, it's fine. But then at home I'm like, I'm really struggling. Like, this is really shit. And I think when that happens, and again, I went to a very alone place. At this point, I wasn't in Devon. Okay. I was no friends, no family around me.

I had nothing I had no one and nothing I just and I remember like when you come out of the show

and I just think it felt like there was 25,000 people against me but I also had to put on a brave face and just get on with life because life doesn't stop

life doesn't stop with me like it doesn't I have to keep going and you're getting pulled from pillar to post and no one really even explained to me like what that meant

like I don't even know, I still don't know into this day, like what would have happened if Ofcom did find me guilty of it. I don't know. I don't know what that would have meant for me, but I just remember feeling like, I'd let everyone down, like I'd let my mum down, let my dad down. I'd let my sister down, like everyone close to me. I just remember being like, oh my God, I've let everyone down. And I then need to try and find a way out of it. I need to try and find my way through it. it but it got a hell of a lot worse before it got better you were you said that you were not in devon no so you had you moved in with your partner from the show yeah you two moved in okay so despite the argument you reconciled yeah like i think he was he was he was he was fine about it in the

end like i had apologized i think also on the show it didn't really show like the way my full apology and the way that I had apologized to him for it. I spent 18 months trying to make up to him and prove that I wasn't that person and that I'm not somebody that's always on the defensive, but at the same time, I wasn't, I didn't trust him. I was in just a real vulnerable, vulnerable state. Yeah.

From everyone I've talked to, and I've many friends who have been on Love Island, the months afterwards are just, you know, you can't describe it. No. The emotions being pulled to do various things. So if you could, your best, try to describe that because you're in a new relationship.

Yeah. This is now your third significant relationship, but that happened on television. So in a way, you kind of get an F, you kind of did send F you to the two X's, but then in a way, not because of the public now. Yeah. Because like the tide is against you.

You didn't return to work. So what is happening in your life in those months after Love Island? After Love Island, you get impaled. You're trying to get management. I didn't even know that was the thing. You get a manager. I was like, what does that mean? How do you find one of them?

You get sent through a list. and it kind of feels like when you come out of Love Island, you've already got a path that's been carved for you. And it's very one-dimensional. It's very fast fashion, beauty, hair. And I didn't want to do any of that. So I'd lost my career. I was going to all these events, which I didn't care about.

I didn't care about the people that were at the events. I didn't care to impress anybody or get photos taken to me or get papped or any of that. I was trying to do interviews. My dad got COVID and he was in intensive care. And then I just, I remember just feeling like, what am I meant to do? Because none of this stuff that I meant to be caring about, I care about. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this house.

I don't want to be. And whereas my partner at the time, I would say he thrived on it a bit more than I did. But again, I went back to the person that I would rather be at home. But it never, it didn't feel like home. It felt really empty. Like all the pillars of my life were crumbling. And that's the only way I can describe it.

and I didn't want to be here anymore I didn't want to be here you didn't want to be I didn't want to be here I knew that I in my heart of heart everything would just be easier if I wasn't here and I know a lot of people go why do people say that when they've done reality TV

why do it like why but also we're doing reality TV like this wasn't a thing 10 years it just started out 10 years ago you're obviously going to get these people now that are going through it and realising that some things need to change, some things need to give, but I just remember thinking like, I don't want to be in this house.

I don't want to be around these people. I don't want to be doing this job. I feel worthless. And I'm alone again. I'm alone at home. And I am struggling with this whole concept of this world that I don't feel like I fit into. So I remember saying, I'm getting a dog. Dogs are saving you out here.

They're saving you. Yeah. And I remember the time I was getting the dog and that wasn't, that wasn't, that wasn't, in my partner's eyes, that wasn't happening. It didn't want the, the dog did not fit into the lifestyle. Yeah, yeah. Because you say he's thriving off of it. Yeah. Because some people do thrive.

Yeah. But I would say the majority end up in that situation that you just described. Yeah. Feeling lost. But there is the percentage who say, you know what, this is what I wanted. Yeah. I wanted to be out at this event. I wanted to be papped.

I wanted the fast fashion deals or whatever. Yeah. So your partner wanted that. You didn't want that. Is that one of the reasons why the relationship didn't work? Yeah, I think certainly that was one of the massive reasons. There was always question marks over if I trust him and I know that I didn't trust him

and I know for a good reason now that I shouldn't have. And again, being told that, no, you're wrong, it's in your head. And I just wish, Every time it happens to me, I always say, I just wish I'd trust in my gut. Every time I've trusted my gut, it's been right. If that's in a good or a bad situation, she's always been right. And I didn't trust him going out in the end. And I didn't.

And then I would resent him for going out because I didn't know what messages or videos or anything that I was going to get by the end of that night. And that was a really shit place to be in. Interesting. Because he's now a public figure. Yeah. So people are spotting him with other people, sending you messages, sending you videos. Yeah.

And I didn't. And also I came out of Love Island. And people were like, he's better than her. He'll see her true colors one day. Oh, that's true. Okay. We've had the argument, but also on an attractive level, I wasn't as attractive as him to many as him in many people's eyes.

So I was fighting a battle of, in my own head, am I pretty enough, am I good enough? But then at home I was also battling the fact that I knew I wasn't pretty enough and I knew I wasn't good enough because otherwise, why don't you just want to stay at home with me and why don't you want to cuddle on the sofa with me? And I'm really struggling and I know you're all getting on really well. And it's not about me bringing you down, but it's about a support. and right now it's not a partnership this isn't a partnership

this is we're two separate people living together but you've got everything you love around you and everything you ever wanted around you whereas I've got nothing but nothing at all and yeah I just and then I just

remember that I was getting I would said that I was getting Bonnie and I knew that I was getting Bonnie and the night before I was getting Bonnie and I think this was the moment I knew we were over was he went out

and I just knew that he knew that getting Bonnie was so important to me that if if I was important to him he would have celebrated that moment with me and he would have wanted to have been there he would have wanted to have done this as a partnership like a dog is a commitment

and I hope for 17 years 18 years she'll be in my life. And I just, in that moment, I was like, this isn't how I pictured it. This isn't how I wanted it. And I stayed at home, I watched Happy Gilmore. And I remember I texted, have a good evening. Like, I've still got, have a lovely evening.

If you want picking up, please let me know. He didn't get home until at 5 o'clock in the morning. And I had to be up at 8 to go and get my new puppy. And I just knew in that moment that the life that I wanted wasn't the life that we were building together. We weren't going in the same direction and it's not what we wanted. So, and once I got born, like, she gave me that confidence again. And I felt needed and I felt I had to look after her.

I had something else bigger than me, bigger than my life. I had her life to worry about. And she's, I. I'll say time and time again. She saved me. Yeah. She saved me. And I owe my life to my dog.

Wow. Look at that. And then I've never looked back since. I got her. I got a bit, like, I got a bit of my confidence back. I'd, like, lost so much weight.

And I didn't, I didn't like myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what my purpose was, but she was my purpose at that moment. And she still is to this day. Wow. So you got Barney.

Yeah. You were able to split up with your partner. Did you move back to Devon at that point? Okay. I mean, back to Devon, everyone told me, do not move back to Devon. Don't move back to Devon. Your career is done. Like, you can't go back to Devon.

Like, you can't live in Devon when all the work and everything is in London. You have to live in London. I couldn't have stayed in London. I come up, like today, I come up. I go home. And for me, that's perfect. I moved back and I lived on my own, just me and Bonnie

and it's the least lonely I've ever felt in my whole entire life everything just started to fall into place and it was just like I never needed to try and change myself to fit into this world you'd fit this world around you I know that I've just been truly myself going back down to Devon

and showing people as well that there is a different there is different parts of the UK that you can live in You can do that. Right. It's not all in London. Yeah. And you don't have to be 70 years old to move to Devon, all right?

Like, we do like young people too. Although you said you just got Uber, right? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. Oh, no.

But there's no Uber. No, no, no, no Uber. God forbid. No, I mean, I think there is Uber, but it actually is linked to just one taxi car. It's the same person. Yeah, it is. One person only. It's just a slow way of life.

Yes. And I think for me, in the way, my brain works, I need that. Yeah. You know what? We all need that. One of the things that I find really interesting that you're saying, and it falls in sync with everyone I've talked to in terms of the increase of their well-being

is how important environment is in our well-being. You know, we had Jamilia on Pop Star, right? And she talked about moving. And once she moved, that environment, put her on the pathway to having stronger well-being. And to your point, everything just falls in place. Yeah. Environment is everything.

Yeah. It's like our environment either protects us from stress or magnifies our stress. And it sounds like you get into your Devin cocoon and it just is like a massive wall against stress. But did you get help? Because did you have therapy as well? Going back, did you get therapy? Yeah, I had therapy when I came out of the villa. head therapy

you get given like eight sessions and then if you need it extending you need it extending and I needed it extending a lot so and I think therapy is one of the greatest things that no one should ever be ashamed to talk about or or go to or reach out for

yeah I was in it I was in it every week to the point because there was a point where I couldn't even go to the shops on my own so I wouldn't I wouldn't leave my house I wouldn't leave and my things

therapist would go to the shops of me. She would get me out of the shop and there was one time that she wanted to leave me in an aisle on my own and I was like physically shaking like I couldn't let her leave me. Because of... I think it was just everything. I think it was, I was worried that someone hated me and somebody was going to say something, do something. I was worried that I didn't know where I was.

I felt really lot. I felt not like lost just emotionally. I physically felt a bit lost. Like I always had to use my sat nav and I didn't know where things were in the shop and I didn't really like wandering around looking lost. And so I had to do all of that. And then I moved out, Dev and I haven't had one therapy session since. Look at that environment.

Yeah. Look at how environment changed. Well, apart from this one. But you know, what I thoroughly enjoy about these conversations is they are therapeutic. Yeah. Because what I've noticed is that everyone who watches and listens, they see themselves through the guest. They have gone through similar experiences with partners,

similar experiences in life or at their work, etc. And it helps them to understand they're not alone. You said you didn't feel comfortable going to the grocery store, you didn't feel comfortable leaving, you felt threats. I have specifically seen many of the words and the phrases that you got through social media. But I think we have to spend a moment there because people were proactively attacking you. And this was coming off of LaVisland, but then it continued.

Yeah. Where people were directly into DMs, on comments, were people telling you in person, did you ever, were you ever at an event or walking down the street or did anyone ever verbally attack you? not that I can really recall. I mean, there was things that would be like shouted at or there was a couple of times where I would have been with my partner and she would talk like I wasn't there. Or like, why are you still with her?

Like, and I would be like, okay, don't worry about it. And then I think that's when I just stopped really wanting to go out as much. But not really, not that I can recall that there was anything towards me. I wouldn't say that there was ever any, like, ever any, like, aggression from anybody. But also I wouldn't put myself in situations to be, for that to happen. But the keyboard warriors.

Yeah, they were there. They're still there. Like, you can't ever, I don't think I'll ever get rid of them. Like, I still get comments, like, messages all the time. I've just watched your season, and I just want to let you know that I think you're the worst person walking planet. I still get that.

And they, but now more so I think to myself, look like that's fine you think that you can think what you want of me but I know in my heart of hearts that I try and put as much good into this world that I possibly can and that show exposed really dark parts of me but I was able to work on them and I've been able to work on them and I realised that that's not how I wanted to be and that's not who I ever was that's not who I was and that's not who I wanted to be so it's allowed me to now really pushed the parts of me that I want to do and where I want to be in life. Yes. And what you just said is poetic. That is that it exposed, that was not who you were.

Insecurity makes us think it's about who we are. But it's actually about who we believe we are. So when you change your belief, you change the insecurity. So, what? One of the ways that you were able to change was through moving, clearly. You had therapy as well. Your dogs, obviously. Anything else that you've done in your life that's really allowed you to gain that security and more self-acceptance? I think any of the work that I do around charity, I do so much. I do more work for charity than I do any amount of paid work.

I just, I love my charity work. And if I could do charity work all day, every day I would. and I think I did like last year I did like the Copperfield track and I went away with amazing women that they have been through cancer going through treatment

they've got family members that they've lost to breast cancer these women are going through major things that make my issues seem so small and doing that was a massive eye-opener one of our first guests will store talked about that.

Talked about one of the best things that we can do in life in terms of gaining self-acceptance is to give. Yeah. Right, give to others. And you've poured yourself into these charities. You know, it was interesting. I was, you know, doing an Instagram stalk of you. Oh.

And I was like, geez, all she does is post about charities. Dogs and charities. Dogs and charities. Charities and dogs. That is me. Dogs and charities. And now the horses is about it. The horses, they're in there as well now.

Occasionally you'll get a little home. Yeah. Well, that's meant to be a separate page. But I mean, that's a whole other, that is, people don't realize it's such hard work to do that. But also, I've never been somebody that can do like a lovely, posy, beautiful Instagram picture. I get so awkward about that. And unless I'm posting for a reason, I don't really want to be, I don't want to post. Like, I want to, my page to be about good things and things I do for a reason.

but I love my, I love it. And I would do it all day every day. I mean, recently, like this week, I put out a petition with Camp Beagle to stop animal testing. And I didn't realize actually sometimes the power that I posted once and the people around me that obviously now know what I do and I do for good reason. Everyone has jumped on it and we got over 100,000 signatures in 48 hours. which was for me,

they're my big achievements in life. If somebody turns around and says in a newspaper that I signed a deal and got paid 100 grand for it, that doesn't enlighten my soul. Like it doesn't cause a fire in my belly. Doing things like that does. And I think we're in a world where people are so driven by finance and money.

and actually when you get given it and you could take every penny that anyone wants to give you, you realize it doesn't make you happy. It doesn't make you happy at all. And I think now I realize more than ever how important it is to give back because people have given me a platform and with that platform,

I'll want to be a voice for those that don't have one. But when you think about how many people, You know, so my son, my oldest, he's 14, and one of the top professions that 14-year-olds in the UK want, you know what it is? Influencer. YouTube, influencer. I can imagine it. And so in a way, you have, I have played this role of basically persuading the youth to say

this is what you should do. Yeah. So how do you feel about that? Because honestly, this is one of these where I talk about this with my wife all the time. You know, but yeah, what's your thought? I think I've always said that for as long as anyone follows me, I want,

if they can take something away from my page that they're going to use going for the rest of their life, if that be donate in an hour, donate five pounds a month, if it's that they want to go out and track or that there's even communities out there for them when they're feeling low

or I've always wanted to be an influence on people for a reason. I could never want to influence anyone to buy the next new pair of jeans or the next launch of a dress. It doesn't, I don't feel like that is what I want to use my influence for. I think young people in general associate influencing with money. And I don't like that thought.

I don't like that that's what people are wanting to do it for. I want people to do it because they're different. And I want them to be able to use their difference and be proud to be different. Whereas at one point I was really ashamed to be different. When I came out of the villain, I was like, oh my God, like, what am I doing? Okay, I need to take a picture against a wall or against some stairs.

I look back at that and I'm like, why are you trying to fit in? Whereas actually, people are more engaged in my life with my dog, with my horses, with being a woman that's on her own and doing it for her and actually to not be ashamed to use your differences to influence others. Yes. Well said. Yeah, I think that's. Well, well said.

Well said. Influence doesn't have to equate money. No. You know? Well said. That was, that was poetic. Oh, my God. I've got a new, I've got a new drama, a poet.

Yeah, you are. You're a poet. Didn't know it. All right. So, you were back at Devon, but you then enter another relationship because you're busy. I'm busy. You're busy. But do you feel like that has been your life, though, is kind of going from relationship?

to relationship to relationship? Or was there a gap of time after your Love Island partnership, I call it, and then your subsequent relationship? Was there a gap? Yeah, I would still say that this has been my single time. I wouldn't say that it was more of a, I would say that it was a couple of dates. It wasn't really anything serious on my behalf.

So I wouldn't class it as a relationship after my Love Island relationship. All right, fair enough. So I feel like since Love Island to now, I've been single, well, since that relationship ended, I have been single. So I did want to start a date again. I wanted to be celibate for a year. Okay. And I did that. Very easy, actually.

I didn't realize how easy that would be. I thought, oh my God. But yeah, I was, I then, I met somebody just out and about. and it was he wasn't my usual type he wasn't somebody I'd usually go for but I thought everyone else I've gone for in my past that's been what I would say is my type has not worked out so let's go for somebody for their heart

rather than what they look like and I hope somebody will do the same with me one day and I went on a couple of dates and then the next thing I know he's turning up my house and uninvited Yeah, uninvited and not just once. It was multiple times to the point that I felt unsafe. He might have been seeing this as a really romantic gesture,

but to me, I felt it was so weird. I've just felt so at odds with it. So when he would show up, uninvited, he would just knock on the door, hey, I'm here. Yeah, so the first time that happened, and my door was like a carbon door with no spy hole so I couldn't see if anyone but there was a panel of glass next to the door

so I looked at and I saw him stood there and I was like this is so it's weird and by this point I'd said like I'm really sorry like this isn't going anywhere oh wow you've already told him this yeah yeah so I've been on a couple of dates okay I'm not feeling it I'm really sorry this isn't what I want to do

it isn't something that I'm going to be going forward with. And he turns up at my house and I opened the door and he's called breadbasket. And I was like, okay, like in my head I was just thinking, what the puck to begin with? But also, oh, he's turned up with a bread basket. Like, it's sweet, I suppose. I don't really know how to feel about it. So can I come in?

And I was like, no, not really. I don't, it's not convenient. I think it was like, have you got someone in there with you? I was like, no, it's not about that. You're just not coming into this safe space. So we spoke for a little bit and he just didn't want me to end the date in the situation. I said, we've only been, we've only been on two dates.

Like, it's not that deep. I don't, but I felt really awkward. Luckily, it was my mum's birthday. So, really sorry, I've got to go. I'm going to my mum's for her. birthday. And that was that. And then the next month, I got stuff sent to my house. Then he turned up again. And then he turned up again. My friend was there, which was Katie. And it was actually when I was moving out of my house because I was buying my other house. So I was moving. So it was all over

the place. Katie had come in to help me pack some boxes up. And I think because I'd put on Instagram saying that I was moving, it triggered him that he wouldn't know where I was going to be going. to. So he came down. Kate answered the door and she was shocked. She was like, I don't understand it. I don't know why you hear kind of thing. Then he disappeared. She said,

I'm just looking after Bonnie. He tried to say, oh, I'll speak to Bonnie. She was like, no, no, it's fine. Bonnie's in the house. I don't know you. So I'm really sorry. No. Is Faye going to be back tonight? She was like, I don't know. We haven't made a plan. She's had a bit bad news and it was actually when my dog, my family

dog had passed. so she's a bit here there and everywhere, which was true, but she was really good at thinking on her feet because she could have just been like, oh yeah, Faye's in here, Faye come out, but she knew I felt uncomfortable around this situation.

And I was hid in my utility room in my own house. Goodness. And then... Did you feel you were in physical danger? Not at that point. Not at that point. I just thought it was a bit weird.

I thought it was just a bit strange and I didn't want Katie to leave. Okay. So I wanted Katie to stay with me and she did and then he disappeared and then he came back and knocked on the door again. That same night? Same day, yeah.

And he gave her some cookies and granted I put them on my Instagram that they were like my favourite type of cookies but it was just at this point it was just all a bit strange and luckily she was still there and she was like this kid she was like thank you she was like I'm really sorry I don't know when Faye's going to be back

shut the door and then he sent some presents for Bonnie for her birthday and then I mean this is now he is stalking you

it was strange behavior strange behavior or stalking I wouldn't know what the definition of stalking is. To be fair, but I would, normally I would associate stalking with maybe when I'm out of bow, like, following me. Okay. See, I would, I, I haven't really thought about it, like. Okay.

So I had to do some research on this. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. This, Fay, is clearly without question stalking. There are five different, usually stalkers are categorized in one. one of five types of profiles. Right.

Okay. One is rejected. Someone who is rejected. Two, resentful. Three, an intimacy seeker. Four, an incompetent suitor. And five, predatory. So this sounds like this was an intimacy seeker.

But also someone who's probably rejected as well. There's probably a couple in there. But this is specifically, specifically. So here's what stalking is. Stalking is two or more incidents that causes distress, fear, or alarm, including sending unwanted messages, a person awaiting outside of your home or work, or if you're being followed or watched. That is the definition of stalking. Yeah, he's a stalker then. At what point does he stop stalking? I moved house.

So it was right up until the moment I moved house. So the last time it happened, I was actually at home alone. I just got back from my holiday with my friend. And I was sat on my sofa, no makeup on, watching Emily in Paris. And I just saw him walk up my driveway. And I couldn't believe it because he lived hours away. It wasn't like he lived around the corner, he lived hours away from me. There was no reason for him to be.

in the area and if it I and this this one really did distress me

because I rang my sister with my poor sister um literally kind of like he's here like he's here again like why the fuck

won't he leave me alone like what the fuck does he want and her and her boyfriend jumped in the car and came up to my house just to see if he was around and she was like

don't open the doors I'm not open I'm never I'm not open the door until you get here. And he'd left a bone outside of my house. And I assume it was for Bonnie. Like a bone. But it was just a bit weird.

And my sister was like, that's going. And we just put it in the bin. And then my sister's boyfriend, he jumped in the car, drove around. And I gave him his number. So I gave my sister's boyfriend his number. Okay. Because at this point, I've sent him,

I've sent him a text before. the one before this saying this is now weird it has to stop i haven't spoken to you for months this has to stop i don't know at what point you realize that this isn't okay um i haven't responded we haven't spoken you're you're turning up to my safe space and this is now not okay um and then my sister's boyfriend took his number and i don't know what he done with it i don't know if he I don't know if he messer it. I don't know. He's never spoken to me about it.

And I just choose not to ask because I just, it's a situation where I don't really want to be reminded of it. It makes my skin crawl when I think about it. Yeah. It's incredibly scary. You know, I, so it seems like you hear a story like this. It's rare, right? But it's not one out of seven people in the UK have been a victim of stalking.

Think about that. That's a significant percentage. And it's a disproportionate amount, right? It's a much larger percentage of women who have been stalked. That's crazy. It's mad. And it's one of those where this is one of those areas that is also not discussed. Yeah.

But we need to discuss it. Because once you know that is stalking, you now know that once you've defined the thing, you can do something about the thing. Yeah. And it seems like what you did was also what you did in the past, which was the right move, and that is tell someone. Yeah, no, for sure. And it's always my poor sister.

It is like, your sister, what did you give your, your sister needs some good birthday gifts. She's doing great. I took her to the Moldy's last year. She's fine. That's what I'm saying. Was it a private jet? She got business.

She's fine. She's fine. All right, that's good. But she's amazing. But she is always that person that I call. always but she probably does think she's such a problem child yeah but clearly she loves you oh she loves more than anything and the same like i love her more than life so it's it's so it's just weird how it's always her bless her and it's the situation where you don't talk about it i i've not spoken

about that at all yes like it's it's fine over there and no i just hope that i don't see him again yeah again uh let's let's let's hope not uh uh But if so, then it definitely deserves to be reported. Yeah. You know, officially. Well, it finds my new house, then that is a problem. Yes. Yes.

Can we talk about another area and then anything else you want to talk about? And this is an area that I've found myself discussing more and more often with guests. Yeah. I'm fascinated by it. And that's cosmetic surgery. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. This is one. And the reason why I'm so fascinated is, because I have seen the trend where the trend a few years ago was bigger breasts, bigger lips, bigger butt, right, et cetera. And then you see the trend now smaller breasts, smaller butt, et cetera. And I say the trend, the trend within certain circles, not all circles. Let me say that.

Now, what do you believe is your responsibility? being someone who was on television and was identified for breast enhancements or lip or fillers or etc. What do you believe your responsibility is, if any, when it comes to people's decision today to have cosmetic surgery? Cosmetic surgery is something I will always speak about. I think that there is a taboo around it and I think that it's not so black and white as people want to make out. I think people get surgery for so many different reasons. And one thing that I was very insecure about, they wear my breasts when I was growing up.

I always had small breasts. And I always knew that I wanted to have breast enlargement when I was in my teens. I always knew that was something I was going to get. I think my responsibility is to make people aware of the complications. and also to make sure, as I've been trying to do, to get certain parts regulated. I think we're in the UK where it's so unregulated. It's scary.

But also to educate people around it. I didn't love my body. And I absolutely didn't. And me having my breasts weren't down to the fact of a trend. They were because of my insecurities. And they gave me the confidence. And I remember I done a podcast with my mum, actually. when I first come out of the villa,

and my mum said when Faye had her breast done for the first time, her shoulders went back, her chin went up, I saw this confidence flow out of her. So I know it was the right decision for me to do that. But I would love to be sat here and say, everyone should love their bodies and don't get any work done and you're beautiful as you are. Some people don't feel like that.

And it's okay not to feel like that. and it's okay to go for your consultations and it's okay i think that we all deserve to be the most confident version of ourselves and if you've got to make a small change to do that who is anybody to tell you that you can't fair enough fair enough what about the identification though of reputable um physicians yeah and even and it seems like you don't even have to be a physician to to do this and then also this whole trend around running to turn Turkey. Oh, yeah.

You know, so once again, my son is, I talk about him all the time because his friends now, they, like, they watch the podcast. They watch the television shows I do, right? And so they're constantly talking to me. They're giving me the, here's what the 14, 15 year old say. And I'll never forget, they were watching, I think they were watching Marit at first sight. And they said, it looks like everybody's running to Turkey now. That's the place.

They're like, that's the place to get your. your teeth done. And I said, why is that the place? They said, that's where you get the best teeth. And I said, really? I mean, I know that it's incredibly inexpensive to do it, but is that the best place to do it. So what's your opinion on how to source the best cosmetic, I don't know, because there's not physicians, right? I think I did a lot of research into mine and I had to look at what was important to me. So at the time, I knew I wanted to get mine done in Devon. because I wanted to be close to home in case anything that went wrong. And also, I know it sounds silly, but word and mouth.

I know that sounds so silly, but I had my breast done. And now, I think most of my friends have gone to the same consultant that I went to. Do you get referral fees? I wish. Yeah, I know. No, I don't. But he's amazing. And I'll always, always remember because I turned 18 on the Friday.

I went for my first consultation on the Monday. Wow. I knew I wanted these, I knew I want my breast done. had them done a month after my 18th birthday. Really? Can I ask, at what age did you know you wanted breast enhancement? When I was 14, I'd say, maybe 13. Mind blow.

This is, so I've asked several people, Catherine Ryan, etc., who've been on, this tends to be, that's the age. Yeah. Yeah. But I remember I went to him, and I went with my mum for my first one, and I remember him saying, I wouldn't do anything to your daughter that I wouldn't do to my own. And he was very straight up and honest with me. you are very small on top,

like, you probably aren't going to develop any further or much bigger until you at least have children. And at that point, I was like, I don't want children. I don't want them. No, thank you. And definitely not if they're going to ruin my lovely small breasts.

So I, and I remember him saying it's so clear as day. And my mum said, I trust him. I trust that he wouldn't do it. And I only had a small implant put in. I went to probably like, a sea cup, which is small. And then after my first relationship,

I got the money from my house and then I went and got big old woppers put in just because I just didn't want him to know what I looked like naked. But that was my decision and that was on me. But again, I don't regret them. I don't regret having them done. I think there will be a point where I will have them removed. I don't think that it's going to be a look that I want forever. It's not going to be something that I'm,

I don't think I'm going to want fake breasts when I'm in my 50s or 60s. And it might be actually sooner than that. I think I'm so confident in myself now that actually it's a part of my body that maybe before made me feel sexy. But now I just feel like they're in the way all the time. Interesting. So now I feel like they're not. I wanted them to look sexy for my younger days. But now I'm approaching and into my 30s.

I'm not really going for the same look. Like they're never, unless they're out in like a bikini, I've never have them out all the time whereas I used to always have them out like I'd always wear like a big push-up bra and but when it comes to regulate in the industry in regards to filler and Botox there is

absolutely nothing out there there's no regulations at all and it's something I found myself in the middle of especially when I was going on to Love Island and they were just were pumping me full of filler and it wasn't like a stop no think about it no nothing it's a massive money maker in the UK

and it's not regulated. And how are people finding? Is it through social media predominantly? Yeah, lots of social media. And then people that train other people to do it aren't even medically qualified. So for me, because a lot of people get angry and upset at the fact that I talk about this.

And for me, most good practitioners, they wouldn't mind going for a year's course or some kind of medical course that you then could do this, but you don't have to do it, so why would they? But it is a real quick moneymaker and is not always for the right reasons. Yeah, but why do people get upset with you talking about this,

with you actually spreading knowledge around this? I think because a lot of people see it's their income. It's their way of life. It's how they put bread on their table, and I'm talking about it as if they shouldn't be doing it. And I can understand why people get upset. Because, I mean, if it was my industry and I'd gone into it and I can understand, I'd be like,

what we talk about? Don't close me down. It's how I make my money. So I get it. But at the same time, I can't stop talking about it because I've been that person that's had the dodgy filler and Botox. I've been the person that has been gone home and cried for weeks and weeks

because my face doesn't look the same. I was all that went on national TV and came off of it and thought, what the earth have I done to my lips? I was that person. and I wouldn't want the younger generation now. I want them to learn from me and I want to be able to help them rather than just a lot of people

go and have filler and have Botox and have cosmetic surgery, especially in the public eye and their influencers for free to promote it, which I think there's a danger in that as well. Yes. You know, so, of course, I had to do a little bit of research.

Oh, no. Of course. Had to do a little bit of research. Now, this was the wild one. This is a recent study. This is from BBC. 80% of Brits who get anti-wrinkle injections suffer adverse side effects, including swelling, bruising, headaches, and in some cases, drooping of the eyelids. Yeah.

That's 80%. Ninety-one percent of people who received a procedure that went wrong. They found their practitioner where? Social media. Yeah. I can believe it. 91% found on social media. And it feels like what we do is go to social media,

look to see what influencers have endorsed whoever, and then how many followers that particular practitioner has, and that's where people go. Yeah, for sure. I can see it, I've done it myself. I know that that is the case. And it's so sad that people can use, any social media platform as kind of a register of who to use for what.

I know social media is an amazing platform and it can be used for such good things. But also as well, it needs to be, it needs to be a regulated industry. Like there's no doubt about it. And we are one of the only countries that has it unregulated, which blows my mind. Interesting. Yeah, we are one of the only countries that has it unregulated. Crazy. And it also, it would just, it would just make sense.

But also we're then putting pressure on like our NHS. We're putting pressures on every other part because people are going to A&E because their filler is, it's burst of blood vessel. It's not where it should be. And it's so, there's a knock on effect of it. And then you've got people that are trying to fight one another to get the lowest deals and not using, there's some brands out there that will only work with medics. and then some that will just do to anybody. And Botox, you have to be a legal prescriber to be able to prescribe Botox.

It's a toxin. And so many people out there are doing Botox without the patient seeing their prescriber, which is illegal, but people don't know it. Look at that. So you have to keep talking about it. I know, but there's lots of things I'm trying to talk about and spin plates here and trying to build a house.

So maybe that one's dropped a little bit. Maybe I'll bring it back up. All right. Fair enough. Fair enough. All right. So then, a question that everyone gets. My favorite question right at the end is you've had many amazing conversations throughout your short life. If you think about the one that stands out the most, who was it with? What was the lesson that you learned from it? I reckon it will have to be with my mum when she turned around to me and said, tell me a lie and I'll be your biggest enemy.

I think that conversation will stick with me through it. And I think that's where I get such a strong sense of loyalty from. So, yeah, I think be honest with those that you love the most and actually tell people when they're upset. I think that's the biggest thing. That's the best conversation. But I haven't always lived by it. Oh, my God. But yeah, I think actually it's one.

And it's something that I always say. It's something that I always think of in my mind that when I think about my mom and dad, it's something that they've always how they've brought me up. Yes. I love that. That stood with me. And I can see how that played out in your life. I could see how every part of your childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, early relationships,

how it played a role in the next relationship or the next. event in your life. And I think your story is one of true resilience. It is. Don't you think so? Yeah, maybe. It's of true resilience. And I think what it tells us is stop judging.

Yeah. You never know what someone is not only going through, but what they have gone through. It's very true That is very true And when you think about your story You've gone through the storm Yeah And you've come out of the storm

Right And you're better because of the storm You know And I will say I have loved this conversation I've loved learning more about you And I am very excited About your next chapter

I can't wait to see what you do But I bet you it's going to involve dogs and your sister. Yeah, and the horses. Can't forget. Don't forget that. They're part of the family. No, for true.

That is so true. As long as I've got those things, I'll get through anything. Yeah, yeah. That's what I see. I see horses, dogs, your sister. I don't know what, but it'll involve those. No.

Thank you, though. Absolutely loved it. What a black guy? Yeah. I'd tell you what, it blew my expectation. It did. And I think it was because I didn't know. know who Fay was, really.

I kind of just knew her as, I had a massive blow up on Love Island, but now I see I see the person behind that. And I think that's something, that's a story that many of us don't have. I think because

I engage in so many conversations like this, I almost, I'm there, I'm empathetic, but I also detach and look at it from a, to look at it from a holistic perspective, and I tried not to be pulled in emotionally, but I was pulled in emotionally on this conversation. And I'll tell you the moment that it cemented for me was

when Fay was talking about leaving Love Island and receiving all of those off-com comments, people calling her, you know, terrible words that we don't even have to repeat. But the point that got me was when she said, And I believed it. So her entire, all of these relationships that she had prior were these toxic relationships that were destroying herself worth. And she was pointing in the finger. Her first major relationship, she was abused physically and verbally abused. Her second relationship, infidelity, right? It happens.

So she's walking away from all these relationships, feeling lower and lower self-worth, wondering, am I the reason why, these people did this to me. She's on Love Island, and now the public is saying, yes, you are the reason, and she, for the first time, believes it. And I thought, how alone and hurt and in pain she must have felt in that moment. That got me. Every time I bring up her name, everyone reminds me of the argument between Faye and Teddy. Right. So the fact that she's known for this one moment, just it has to feel painful. And then to see how emotional she is four years since that moment shows how heavy that time was for her.

But I feel as if this was an opportunity for get that weight off, you know, and give us an insight as to what were her life experiences that led. to that moment happening. You know, until this podcast, I was not aware of how prevalent domestic violence is. And we see now one in four within the UK have suffered at the hands of domestic violence and a very small percentage report. The question becomes, what do you do? And I think what Faye exhibited was something that many of us can do, and that is to reach out to someone who we know loves us and allow that person to be our lifeline. And that's what she did.