We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson - Kelsey Parker: I Was Never Part of Tom’s Plan! His Cancer Diagnosis Changed Everything.

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

In this episode of We Need To Talk, Kelsey Parker opens up about navigating life after the heartbreaking loss of Tom Parker, her husband and a member of the boyband The Wanted. Kelsey shares how she faced grief, public scrutiny, and the challenge of raising their children while keeping Tom’s memory alive. Kelsey also speaks candidly about love after loss, the reality of widowhood, and how she’s embracing a new chapter in her life. Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod Follow Kelsey here: https://g2ul0.app.link/pmpCxFKuSQb (00:00) Intro (01:20) Shopify Ad (02:59) Where Is Kelsey From? (04:33) Kelsey's Absent Father (05:47) Kelsey's Relationship With Her Stepfather (07:04) Stigma of Blended Families (09:40) Meeting Tom (From The Wanted) (14:00) First Date With Tom (16:47) The Industry Made Us Not Label Our Relationship (22:16) Starting a Relationship With Tom (23:38) Getting Engaged to Tom (24:53) First Few Years of Being With Tom (26:09) Did Fame Change Tom? (26:41) How Did Tom Know He Wanted to Get Married? (28:39) Marrying Tom (30:15) The Honeymoon With Tom (31:05) Tom's Protectiveness vs. Kelsey's Dad (33:59) Running Businesses Together (35:40) Conversation About Having Children (37:37) First Symptoms of Tom's Illness (42:56) Tom's Brain Tumor Diagnosis (48:05) Managing Life With a Diagnosis (54:04) Tom's Mindset Through Treatment (56:37) Going Public With the Diagnosis (58:46) Tom's Chemotherapy (01:01:00) Adobe Express Ad (01:01:57) Tinder Ad (01:02:51) Keeping a Sense of Hope (01:08:36) Facing Reality and Getting Tom Into a Hospice (01:14:38) The Last Conversation With Tom (01:18:40) Focusing on the Children (01:21:46) Life After Tom (01:22:37) Feeling Lonely After Tom's Death (01:24:00) Perception of Widows Who Try to Move On (01:26:30) How Do Single Men React to a Widow? (01:29:24) Vulnerability After Loss (01:30:40) Criticism on Social Media (01:37:11) Meeting New Partner Will (01:39:40) Falling Pregnant With Will (01:41:38) Going Public With Pregnancy (01:45:24) Reaction of Tom's Family to the Pregnancy Announcement (01:46:24) Experience as a Blended Family (01:48:13) Kelsey's Spirituality (01:54:47) Keeping Tom's Memory Alive (01:58:22) Celebrating Tom's Life With the Children (02:00:49) What Is Next for Kelsey? (02:02:36) Will's Reaction to the Pregnancy (02:04:08) What Kelsey Wants Everyone to Take Away From Her Experience (02:04:42) Kelsey's Most Memorable Conversation (02:08:18) Keep Love Ad Sponsored by: Shopify: www.shopify.co.uk/needtotalk  Adobe: https://www.adobe.com/uk/express/  Tinder: https://tinder.com/en-GB Get your copy of Keep Love now: https://lnk.to/keeplovebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When I met Tom, it was love at first sight. And how long did it take you to know I am going to marry this man? He actually quoted these words. I was like, oh. Kelsey Parker is an actress, content creator and mother. She bravely and publicly has shared her journey with grief following the loss of her late husband, Tom Parker, a member of the boy band The Wanted.

He was complaining. I don't feel well. I'm going to take myself to the hospital. The doctors have gone in and said to him, you've got a brain tumor. He said, I could not tell you how long he's got. Just go home and spend the time of your family now. Oh, God. It's just so sad.

We had a mission, and the mission was Tom was going to survive this. There must be moments where you think. Why, Tom? I knew I was losing control. He said, can I go to the hospice? I said, absolutely. Did you believe he was coming back? I knew that he wasn't coming back.

It was a dream life. It's like the dream is shattered. The public is still on your side. You were lonely. I just wanted to. Someone. The moment you are now going to entertain anyone else, there's a change. For women, you've got to be in your own. She's one of those people who just can't be by themselves. Is that not allowed? What is next for you? Do you believe that you will marry?

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And now you can try it for one pound per month while the period applies. Head to Shopify.com.com.com. org. Forward slash need to talk and let me know how you get on. Before we jump in, I just have to say, thank you. We just hit 100,000 subscribers on YouTube. And that's all because of you. This community is growing fast and we're only just getting started.

If you haven't subscribed yet, now's the perfect time. It's quick, free and lets you know when we release an episode. Plus, it helps us bring these powerful conversations to even more people. Now, don't forget, we read every comment. So let us know who you'd like me to speak to next. Thanks again. I really appreciate you being here. Now, let's get into it.

Where are you from and how would you describe that area? Okay, so I'm from. Actually, people get even offended where I'm from. Really? Oh, yeah, I'm from. How do the people get offended? I'm from outskirts, Kent, outskirts South London. So it's where you want to say I'm from.

So I'm the London borough of Brumley, but my postcode is Kent as well. So it's a divide already. There is a divide. Now, if it wasn't for the fact that I live in South London. Yeah. Right. But I have a team that is on the outskirts of South London. I see where some people take ownership and say, no, no, no, that's South London.

But the moment you say it's not South London, it's on the outskirts, it's in the borough, right? There is a little bit of a thing. Paul, it really just depends how I'm failing as well. If I'm fission from Kent, if I'm not, I'm from South. All right, I like it. So today, where are you from? South. All right, good, good, because I'm from.

I'm going to say, now I live in this South. I live in the South. All right. So you're from the South. Okay. Yeah. How would you describe growing up? What was family like?

What were friends like? I came from a really loving mother. My dad, not so much. Okay. And I've got an older brother. He's amazing. We've got a five-year age gap. Okay.

And my mum and dad split up when I was about 10 years old. But I think even when my parents split, I could cope with them breaking up. And I've not actually seen my dad since I was 10. You've not seen your father since you were 10. No. You know, this is interesting because in the research, I saw that you had mentioned at a certain point

that you were aware that he's probably aware because he's probably right about you in the papers. Yeah. So he lives in the UK. Yeah, I think. I don't know anything. Anything. No.

He's not ever reached out to me. I don't really want him to reach out. out to me. If he's listening to this, don't reach out to me. I have the most unbelievable stepdad and he has done everything for me. So I'm from a blended family. I have two younger brothers. Okay. So I was 15 when Bobby was born and I was 17 when Maxwell was born. So we've got a big age gap between us. And I'm sure you were a very protective big sister. Yes. Yes. And I was, well, they definitely were contraception for me, without doubt. I was like, there's no way I'm having a baby early.

And I was like their second mom. And Tom was like their second dad. We did everything with them. We used to have sleepovers at my house. So I'm from a very loving and family is everything. Yes, yes, which I love it. I love it. And you mention your stepdad in there.

So how, I'm curious, when your parents broke up, how quickly did your mother enter a new relationship? I think about a year. She met my stepdad. Okay. At the time, did you think that was quick, slow, or you were a 10, so you really didn't think much of it? I didn't really think much of it, but I remember it's just weird when mum brought someone back and I was like, oh, who's that man sat in my conservatory? I remember thinking, oh, who's he?

But then Johnny is amazing. And he's actually like a big kid. Johnny wasn't interested in having more children. That was pushed from my mum. she wanted more. He was like, we've got your two. Why would we need any more? I like it.

I like it. So how quickly did you feel like you became close to Johnny and that new relational setup? I think quite quickly because Johnny gave me everything. Like emotionally, but also I was a bit spoiled by him. Okay. Terrible, isn't it? Because he doesn't like people to be upset. if mom wasn't getting it for me, I'll just go to Johnny and be like, can I have a new phone?

All right. So loving household, a blended family. You mentioned, though, that you have not talked to your father since then. So looking back, not having your biological father in your life, someone who was in your life for the first 10 years and then disappears. how do you think that's informed or shaped the relationships you've had since then? That's a good question. I think obviously when I met Tom I was only, I was 19. And I was always obsessed with having the family with Tom and always wanting to be with Tom and having more children and having this not a blended family. because I think I people pass judgment whatever and we've even had comments in the past with me and my brothers some like people have said oh well you're not real brother and sister it's like what we wouldn't we don't

even class ourselves as half brothers and sisters sure what I mean doesn't even that doesn't even them words don't come out of our mouths okay but other people make judgment on that don't they yeah that's interesting but it's also interesting that you enjoyed the blended family but yet you didn't want to have a blended family early. Yeah. Why do you think that was? I think because I've always hated being like, oh, my mum's had three partners. There's four kids, three dads.

Do you know what I mean? I think I've always hated saying that about my mum that I wouldn't want someone, like I wouldn't want my kids to feel like that. Even my mom, my mom does not care. She met my, so my older brother, he's got a different dad. Okay. But she met him when she was 18 and just was a rebel and was like, that's it.

I'm going to go, go off, I'm going to get married. she fell pregnant and but again it's no judgment is it right it's it's it's none it's none but at that time when you're in your late teens especially when you met tom you didn't want to have it sounds like you didn't want people to look at you that way yeah yeah terrible though isn't it really i mean you know society and the shame that society places on us unfortunately creates a script that we then subscribe to, right? And it sounds like you were subscribing to that where you thought, no way, I don't want to have a blended family.

So looking back, you're thinking your father's absence, your biological father's absence, created this need to not have to have more than one partner. Yeah. You are 19 when you meet Tom. Describe that moment. Honestly, it was love at first sight. and I don't believe, I didn't believe at the time,

anything like that. I was stood outside a nightclub with my best friend who's also called Kelsey. Okay. Together we're walking in. Tom walks past me. I grabbed her and I went, oh my God, I'm in love with him.

She said, what? I said, I don't know. I'm in love with him, but I really like him. I was like, I hope when we're in the club that we might be sat close to each other. We were on the table next to each other. Now, when you saw him, did you have any idea who he was

He wasn't famous. He wasn't famous. He was Tom. He was Tom. What was it about him when you saw him that you knew this was going to be your partner? I actually don't know. There was a glow to him. I can't describe it because I've never like, it's a feeling.

I was just like, oh my God, who is he? And then when we got in there, I said, I need to speak to him. Okay. And we did talk. You did talk. So you're at the table next to each other. Did you make the move? Did he make the move?

Oh, my goodness. Um, did, well, let, right, so the band have just been put together. So he is out with the wanted, but they are not the wanted. They are a group of boys that have just been put together by a record label and they have no name. Ah, okay. And they've been plonked there. It was the Saturdays. So Rochelle, Frankie, everyone was out.

It was a Saturday's Christmas party and everyone's just got alcohol everywhere. Literally, the, the booze is flowing. Okay. So Tom is very, very drunk. Okay. So we get talking. How drunk are you, Kelsey? I'm quite, I'm really drunk. Okay.

I'm really drunk. So then the night goes on, we're both really, really drunk. And Tom starts kissing another girl, which he believes is me. It's not your friend Kelsey, though. It's not Kelsey. Okay. Definitely wasn't Kelsey. Okay.

Because Kelsey gets angry. Yeah. Oh, wow. She gets angry that he's kissing another girl because she's like, whoa. But he thinks it's you. Yes, he's very drunk. That's how drunk is. He's like annihilated drunk.

Okay. So he's kissing her. And you see this. I see this. Oh yeah. And he asks for my name. He doesn't ask for my phone number. So he's like, can I have your name?

Okay. I said, oh, what do you do as well? And he said, I'm in a band. They said, all right, was your band called? And he was like, no, we've not got a name. I was like, okay, okay. Fair? He probably works for the Saturdays.

This is fair. But the fact that you are now watching him kiss someone. Yeah. Oh, I was furious. Furious. Okay. All right. I left.

I left the club. So how do you rekindle this? So I then go off to another club. He goes home. He wakes up in the morning and he's like to the rest of the boys. I got with that Kelsey last night. They were like, no, you didn't. You definitely didn't get with her.

So he forgets, this is so Tom, he forgets that he's actually taken my, he thinks he's taken my number. So he texts someone on his phone called Kelsey, saying really lovely to meet you last night, let's meet up, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was a boy from Bolton where he lives called Kelsey. So Kelsey's gone back and been like, wrong Kelsey. And then he tracks me down on Facebook and messages me on Facebook because that's why he wanted the name as Facebook. Okay.

I'm curious. What was his message game like? What did he say? Oh, it wasn't good. I don't think. I think it was just like, hi, it's so nice to meet you in the club. I don't think he apologised for kissing the other girl. Okay.

But you love the fact that he tracked you down. Oh, I was so excited when he texted me. Oh, my God. Okay. And at what point, so you started talking, I'm sure that you see each other. Well, he was up north. So they had. cemented the band yet.

So he was just travelling to him from London, but not loads. So we actually, when we first met, we used to just text each other all the time. We barely met up, but it was like ping pong messages back and forth. Okay, okay. But you wanted to meet? Oh, yeah. All right. And when you finally met?

Yep. When was it? When was it? It was like three months, good for three months. And he turned up and actually in the club, Tom didn't have his own clothes on. He was wearing Max's clothes. And when he came for the date, he wore Maxi's clothes again. So again, he sent me down this path of, like, dress sense, thinking, oh, yeah, he's got a great dress sense.

No. There was stuff we had to get rid of. But we went out and we went to Nando's on our first date. And he bought me a rose. So he walked around like Lester Square or Common Garden and he got me a rose. So I was like, oh, I love him so much. Oh, my gosh, Nando's for the win. Yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Bit of chicken, that's it. That's all you need. It's some Perry Perry in your life. That's it. I was his. All right. So then that date, I'm curious.

How long was that date? And I'll tell you why in a second, but how long was that first date? God, you're really testing me here, Paul. Yes. Well, it would have been like a whole evening we spent together. You spent the whole evening. But I didn't obviously stay with him. Okay.

But it was so it was hours, hours, hours hours. Yeah, yeah. Like eight hours. Yeah, not wanting to leave. Not wanting to leave. the reason why I ask this is because I'm telling you, Kelsey, almost 10 out of 10, when I have witnessed two people who are meant to be together, who want to be like desire and they end up matching, you know, well,

they end up entering a committed relationship, their first date never ends. Yeah. It never ends. It's one of those where they don't want time to end. and when they're with that person, time has stood still. They don't even realize that it was eight hours or seven hours, you know. And it sounds like that was not only your first date, but your first time meeting, Tom,

you just sat there and talked endlessly. Yeah. Yeah. Was that just confirmation that this was the love of your life? Yeah. I knew he was anyway. I just did know. It was weird.

Can we explore that for a second? Because I know that you were a spiritual person. But I wasn't then. So I wasn't at all. Tom was more than me. Okay. But there was something about Tom. That, and people would always say it to us, we would like the boy and girl version of each other.

So we just got along so well. And how long did it take you to know, okay, I am going to marry this man? So I was head over heels, obviously when I first met him, absolutely adored him. He could do no wrong. However, being in the band, a boy band he needed to be accessible to girls so

we were advised to obviously never go public at the start and Tom sort of agreed with that so for a whole year we were only ever seeing each other for a year really and I just actually couldn't take anymore because Tom's heart was pure

but he would put himself into positions and I'm like okay we may only be seeing each other, but you're actually embarrassing me to other people that I know because he'd come out of clubs and be pictured with other girls. So I got to a point where as I said to him,

do you know what? So my friend's a songwriter. Okay. She's really good with words. She's amazing. So we wrote this message that was the most amazing message. I was just like, delete my number, delete everything to do with me.

I can't actually be with you. Basically my heart's breaking, being with you. without you my heart's going to break but i need to take the steps to fix my heart that's god that's poetic oh it's amazing um sent this whole message to tom and he's stubborn do you know he texts me back fine okay yeah okay so that was he i didn't talk to him for six months after that but that message you were laying down i'm not boundaries yeah i couldn't go if i'd carried on down that path we wouldn't have probably been together because he would have just thought

oh Kelsey I can do what I want to her she doesn't care right but looking at the photos right of him with whoever right how did that feel truly yeah I hated it

and I was like I'm actually getting mugged off here because you can tell someone how much you love them but what I'm looking at when you're coming out in the sun newspaper a printing you with another girl is not saying the same

thing to me, is it? So six months goes by. Yeah, and then it came to, so it was their first tour. Okay. And they were doing Hammersmith. Iconic.

Yeah. So he messaged me being like, can you come and watch me? So I was like, no, I don't want to go, what are you talking about? So I said yes, but me and the same friend, the songwriter, Rufan, or I would mention her, We had a plan.

So she said to me, you are not going out tonight. Whatever happens, you are not going out. We go and watch, then we leave. Okay. So I was like, okay, I've got it. So we went, and he could actually see me in the audience, so he sang everything to me. Wow.

Which was really romantic and really sweet. The girls around me must have thought, this is the best night ever. And then, so we went to the bar afterwards, and like it was like their after party like after drinks. And he was like, we're all going out tonight. I was like, are you? And he was like, well, you're not coming?

I was like, no, I'm not coming. And he could not believe it. He was like, why have you got work? No, I'm not got work tomorrow. I'm just, I'm not coming. Literally that was the best thing I ever did. But also, again, like being spiritual, that night, obviously that was the realisation for Tom thinking,

and I've actually lost her now. He went out, he started crying. Tom was very emotional. He was crying in a toilet in this club. So this guy stood there. So this guy's comfort in him. Okay. It's my next door neighbor.

The story gets wilder. It's crazy. Yes. So then he's then come home, my next door neighbor, and I was walking up the road the next day to go to the train or whatever. He's pulled me over and it's like, Kel's getting the car. He said, that guy from the one, he was crying about you last night. He worked at output two and two together and was like, he's talking about you.

That's incredible. And, but bear in mind, they had never met each other. Tom had never met CJ. But yet they're crying. He's crying in a club to him. So you hear this. Yes. And you like it.

And I'm like, prove it. You're like, yes, I love this. Yeah. But then what do you do with that information? Well, I didn't do anything. Still. stubborn Tom

sticks with his guns he's like right that's it it must be over and I think it was so he came off the tour and then he must have booked himself a holiday because he'd obviously been working so hard so him and his friend went to Marbeah

he rings me when he's there and he actually quoted these words I'm ready and I was like you're ready for what he was like I'm ready to be with you I was like oh I'm really cool about this Oh my gosh

This is an epic story I know This is epic So you hear I'm ready Yep And I mean you're clearly ready But you don't want to seem ready So what do you say?

I'll be about tomorrow Ready you back from our Bayer babe Okay Okay No so again My best friendry fan Wrote a song called I'm ready.

And it's all about Tom singing to me in the crowd. The song's amazing. And that was our first dance at our wedding. I'm ready. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I love this.

So he says I'm ready. So at that point, you then enter what, a committed relationship. Yeah. Okay. Fully committed. All right. Do you start talking about marriage right away? No.

So they all shared, so they had two apartments between them. Okay. So then the lease was up and he was like, I want to move him with you now. I don't want to be with the boys anymore. I want to move him with you. So I think that must have been about three months afterwards and we moved in together. So I moved out at like 21. Wow.

Okay. So you're living together 21, right? Yeah. And I would imagine this is a really good time. The best time. This was the best time ever. Yeah. So he's touring.

Are you with going on tour with and more? I didn't go loads with him. I used to, it was really hard because he used to be like, oh, why can't you come? Because actually, for them, it is actually quite boring. Like, I think he would have wanted me there more. But wherever I was acting at the time, I was like, I've got to be here to be in it to win it, really.

Like if I'm away, it doesn't look good to my agent, me being like, oh, yeah, sorry, I'm just with Tom touring. True. You're building your career. So at this time, what are you focused? on being an actress okay fair enough at what point do you decide you want to make this

a marriage and took time a little while took to Tom a little while so from there we lived in London and everyone used to come to ours we used to have the after parties it was the best time and then we actually moved to South London slash Kent

and we moved back home because we'd ring my mum and my auntie and be like can you come and clean the flat and it's like you're too far away. If you want us to help, you've got to move closer. So we moved back, which was amazing for us, because the support we had was incredible. And obviously, then when he was away working, then I wasn't stuck in London on my own. Because I was very reliant on obviously then people to come and stay with me. So they don't want to be on my own in the flat in London. So we moved back. Tom took a little while. We didn't get engaged until 2016.

So that was dating for how long? We get married at 2008. 2018, 2016, we got engaged. Okay, okay. So five years. So five years. All right. So this is interesting because you're with each other for quite some time, for several years. And through a lot.

Before you give me. I would imagine. So when you think back, because it was some of the best times, you said. What were some of your favorite memories of those times? Oh, we lived life. The things we got to do and experience were just crazy. even like the boys had broke America we did a TV show out there together

and we did so much like even down to New Year's we spent New Year's once in Barbados with Simon Cowell, what, Woolberg I'm like Yeah I mean it sounds like a movie I mean we went to We were out one night and we ended up back at the palace

Adenham Palace Did you? I can't even tell you. I can't. Hold on. Hold on. I would be arrested. I would get arrested for.

I can't tell you. But you were there partying. Yeah. With people. Yes. That we all know. Yes. That's so good.

That's so good. He doesn't know where to go. I was like, where do I take this now? I can go anywhere. But no, I'm going to respect that because I don't want you to get arrested. But you were partying everywhere. And I would imagine that Tom's. Like his popularity is increasing and increasing and increasing.

Did you feel like did he change? Like did fame change him? No, because he had me. And I do believe that because I used to just bring him back down to earth. Because if he did say things that were a bit like, oh, well, I can't go and do that, Kelsey, because I'm in the wanted. I'd be like, you come in with me and we're going to the pub. So shut up.

I like it. And he probably respected that. It sounds like you humbled him. And I didn't just say yes to him. Okay. All right. So how do you know you want to get married? Or you know you want to get married?

How does he know he actually wants to get married? I don't know. With Tom, it was like, oh. I was so shocked when he actually proposed to me. So he'd been doing, do you remember the show, The Jump, where they taught celebrities how to ski and they went and they did this massive jump. Oh, my God. No, I wasn't in the.

UK yet? I don't know. It was an epic show. Okay. So he went and done that, but at the time, they actually went out for three months. So he went to Austria for three months. Anyway, must have had a thought when he was out in Austria for three months, how much he loved me and how much he missed

me. Because again, I only went out there like twice. Okay. Because I couldn't just give up everything can go. And then we came back and it was my it was my birthday. We traveled back actually on my birthday. then he proposed to me on the 16th of March and um he's my mum and that said he's given us the biggest like heart attack he's just so tom he's just decided that he wants to propose to so

he needs to go and get a ring he's gone to hat and gardens he's got you this ring and this whole plan's come into place we don't know how he's boarded together in like 10 days or whatever he did it in do you know why or what changed his mind i never knew what went through tom's mind that was it he i didn't see that coming i didn't know we was going to get engaged then. Did you ask him? Did you pursue that in conversation? No, I think I used to send him rings.

Okay, all right, all right. So you were pushing it. And I always wanted, even children, I wanted to do everything earlier. But actually, when you hit them, so when we first met, I was like, I want kids by the time I'm 25. And then obviously I got to 25, I'm not having kids yet. Okay. But I always wanted, I wanted that with him. All right, fair, fair.

So he proposes out the blue. Yeah. You definitely accept. Yes. You accept. How was the wedding? Oh, the wedding was amazing. I think Tom just showed up, but the wedding was amazing.

So you planned this wedding. Yeah, I planned it. He paid for it. It's the perfect wedding. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So it was amazing.

Was it a big wedding? Yeah, I would imagine that it must have been massive. It was huge. Well, we had 120 guests. And it was a whole weekend. And it was party from Friday to Monday. That sounds like Kelsey and Tom. He did this surprise.

So I've got to perform in art school. Okay. And this was the most thoughtful thing. He's done more thoughtful things, but Tom was very romantic and very thoughtful. So he'd been doing rehearsals with the kids behind my back. So cute. So they'd arranged it.

He'd been doing it with Kelsey. They did heart vacancy. So it started with Max, Jay and Tom. And they were seeing heart vacancy. and then all my K-to-K kids came out. And you see the video, I'm like, oh my God, because nothing ever gets past me. But he did.

But that did. That did. Yeah. And that was so thoughtful. And he, because he knows how much I love my dance school and my kids that I teach. So it was the best thing that he could have ever done. I love it.

Was your surprise to him? I did a dance with my friends. Of course you did. Of course you did. A little performance, Kelsey performance. Because actually Tom supported me so much. actually loved the fact that I was a performer, I could do everything, so he'd always be like, why aren't you doing that? Why don't you dance anymore? Why don't you sing? So I actually did it on our

wedding day for him. All right. Where was honeymoon? Oh, we really milked for the honeymoon. So first all we went into Thailand on a family moon. So we took all the family to Thailand. Did you? So his family and your family? Yep. We went to Thailand together. All right. So now I have to bring dad back in to this though is because have a wedding yeah giving your your your your girl away right is a big moment yeah right for a lot of fathers were you thinking at all about your no there was no there was never a thought not a care in the world no by then johnnings had probably been in my life longer than my own dad so not even a second thought okay Was there any conversation that Tom had?

Okay. So what was really weird with Tom is he was always obsessed about my biological dad. And he couldn't understand how you could leave someone and not come back. But I used to say to Tom, I don't know why you're worrying so much because it's not actually your dad. And sometimes things just happen, Tom, and they are for the great or good. why some people aren't meant to be in your lives. And he just couldn't believe that. And he loved Johnny.

Him and Johnny got along so well. But even up until, you know, Tom passing, he always was obsessed by my dad. But for me, I go to a place where I'm like, did Tom know that Tom was going to leave his kids? Did Tom know that? But for someone to go on and on, and with Tom, he was very much like,

if he had a bee in his bonnet, he would go on and on and on. And I say to him, I don't know why you're getting upset about it because it should be me and I'm not upset. Interesting. So he was, so it was like Tom was, was, was, felt sad for you. Yeah. He was, yeah, he was hurt because he thought, how in the world could this, could this man walk away from this incredible person?

Yeah. But I'm like, you never met my dad. So don't worry about it. And my mom used to say the same thing to Tom. Yeah. It is interesting, especially what you're saying in terms of, you know, did he know? Did he know that this was going to happen to him? Yeah.

And that he had no choice to leave his kids, but my dad had a choice. So why is he not seeing his daughter when he had a choice? But Tom's not going to have a choice. He's going to have to leave his kids. He hasn't got a choice in that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I hear you. It's interesting because even now it sounds like you're still conflicted as to what was it?

What was he so obsessed about? Or why was he so obsessed? Why? Yeah, why. All right. So then, so clearly Tom was very interested in your father, but besties with Johnny, right? Your stepfather. Yeah.

So honeymoon was great. It sounds like, wait, you went where honeymoon? Thailand. Okay. And then me and Tom went off to a private island in Phuket. But it wasn't like private private, but what was there? There's always a story. It's well, Paul.

I can tell you story about the honeymoon. I mean, me and Tom just got up to mischief together. We were a match made in heaven, but also just the antics between us. Yes. There was always a story with me and Tom. My friends, when we'd get back from any holiday, I went, what happened?

There's got to be a Tom and Kelsey story, and there always was. Oh, my gosh. So then we came back and then we went to the Maldives. How long was that? I think it worked out that we had like a three and a half week honeymoon. Okay. All right.

Not bad. not bad so then he had to come back to go back to work I would imagine yeah but at that time he was just in and out with Tom he was a bit of hustler so he wasn't in the band at that point oh interesting he'd not been in the band

for like two and a half years at that point interesting okay so he was but he was still a musician he was producing he'd he'd self taught himself like production and had really gone down that route okay so he's doing that and then you are still

building up your career. Yes, but also me and Tom had loads of businesses together. Todd would never do a business without me. Really? Okay, so what were the businesses? So we put a girl band together. We had a t-shirt company.

What was the girl band name? Sweet Riot. Sweet Riot. Yeah, we really put everything into them, but it's just hard to break into the music industry. We had like t-shirts as I said, and then obviously my whole passion since 21 is I set up a performing art school. So Tom was always my biggest cheerleader with the performing arts school.

He always came in and helped and that has been an ongoing business. Okay. Look at that. Which is quite funny because any other business, me and Tom did together, I didn't do well, but Kate's still going and I did that on my own. Tells you something. Yeah. But that's why I think he always needed me because his brain was just, yeah, he sounds, you know, Uber, free.

creative, you know. But needed someone to focus him. Yes, yes. So lots of businesses going on. But life was wonderful. Life was wonderful. At what point do you start talking about children? We had a window before the wedding.

So we did try and fall pregnant then and it didn't happen. So got married. And Tom was actually on tour with Greece, the musical at the time. He was playing Danny Zucco. Okay. So Tom being Tom. he was like, I don't think, I don't think I can have kids. I'm like, well, you haven't really given it enough time, Tom.

He's like, no, I just don't think I can have kids. Maybe I'm not capable. So he went and got himself checked out. This is so Tom. So he went, when he was in Wales, he went to a clinic there. Well, he's got out to the reception, obviously to get his bits to go and get tested. Yes. And the lady went, oh, I saw you last night.

Well, on stage. He was like, Kelsey, it was so embarrassing. Oh, my gosh. I love that he went to get himself, to get him checked, because the fertility rates, literally, I mean, you know, this is terrible, but you look at men's sperm, right? You look at the fertility rates, it is just dropping off of a cliff, and it's because of many, many different reasons.

But there's a stigma around men. not wanting to go get themselves checked out because they're a fear. I think the fear is they're not man enough. Yeah, to. You know, to have children. So therefore, I'm not even going to go. And so the fact that he said, no, let me go see. Let me just go check.

Oh, it's so Tom, though. That's so Tom. Yeah. I love it. So he checked and he checked and what happened. So I think he went. And then literally we probably fell pregnant the next month after he got checked. Because I think, again, Tom's very.

The mind, power of the mind, he's got the tick, he can have children. Then we fell pregnant. All right. So all of this is happening. This does feel like a dream, right? And then obviously the story takes a dramatic turn. So at what point do you first recognize that Tom is ill? Tom was always a really happy.

person, life and soul. But he was very down. Also, it's a weird time. It's COVID. Okay. This is 2020. Yeah. And Tom was a rebel. I would have just hated to talk Tom at school. Because if you're telling him to do something, he's doing the opposite.

So even with the, you've got to stay in, you can go out your food shopping. I mean, he used to do ration adventures on his Instagram. It was Tom going out and trying to get beans, toilet roll. He would go out in ski masks. He was just absolutely hilarious. Wow. Wow. So, and we've got, what was Aurelia then? She was about nine months, wasn't she?

Yeah. Okay. And I'm pregnant with my second child as well. Look at this. So we felt pregnant really, really quickly with Bodie. So, yeah, when she was, was about eight months, eight nine months I was pregnant again, went into

lockdown and then he just he was complaining of he just didn't feel right. That was the first thing. He did change his diet as well so I was a bit like ooh, this had a part to play but he

was just like look else I don't feel well I'm going to take myself to the hospital again Tom. Look at that so he took himself to the hospital and nothing came to that appointment. I think they then had a follow-up appointment and they said that they'll do an MRI scan. So he went for an MRI scam,

but by the time we'd got them results back, he'd had a seizure when we went to Norfolk on a family holiday. First seizure. Well, I think he might have had one before, but we didn't know that it was a seizure. Okay. So then he, in Norfolk, it was just horrendous. Thank God we were with the family.

Again, poor, another really weird story. So two days before, we've all gone out shopping. And Tom was moaning. He was saying that his ears were like hurting him. So that my brother Max had done something in the car. It was like crazy. He was like made a loud. And Tom was like, oh, my ear.

But I was, you don't know, do you? I wouldn't be like, oh, right. you've got a brain tumor. Right. Anyway, two days before we go to the shopping center, Johnny is a nightmare to shop with my stepdad. So me and Tom are with him. Anyway, he's gone shopping for these walking boots.

We've just left him in the shopping centre because we said, we can't deal with you. We're going to go over to the pub where everyone else is. Right. So then it's like three hours later, Johnny's not back. Or whatever, two hours later, Johnny comes in. We're like, where have you been?

He said, when I was at the shopping centre, he said someone just had a seizure he said so I've had to put them in the recovery position and I've waited for an ambulance to come but only could happen to Johnny so yet

two days later I've gone upstairs with the baby put the baby in the bed with Tom he's going and Kel's my hands are so sweaty my hands are so sweaty and I turn my back and then look back him again

and he's having a seizure call for Johnny he's done before two days it's fine Yeah, Johnny knows what to do. Johnny comes up, my auntie runs in, everyone runs in the room, I take the baby out the room, they sort him out, call an ambulance. They're a bit like not wanting to come out to us, but we were like, look, he's never had this before, please can you come out. They came and looked at him and they went, we'll take him in, but don't pack him nose because he'll be out.

So I was like, okay, gave him a charger for his phone and off he went. Obviously, COVID times, couldn't go with him. Okay, okay. So then he's gone in and they've done a CT scan. Okay. Did he stay overnight? See, this is where it all just blurs a little bit for me. Anyway, Johnny, me and Johnny have gone up to the hospital.

On the way to the hospital, the doctors have gone in, pulled a curtain around on Tom and said to him, you've got a brain tumor. Wow. With no one there, no support, nothing. Just, just him. Just him. And Tom is a sensitive cell. So he's rang me up, obviously, beside himself. I'm not there to assess the situation.

I don't know what anything is. Got there and then, and Tom's obviously emotional. I'm comforting Tom. They told me that they've seen something on the scans. He has got a tumour of some sort. We don't know what it is. They're going to keep him in for more tests. Johnny went off and spoke to the team.

He was fantastic. So then they kept him overnight and they did another, Did they do an MRI then? I think that might have done an MRI then. Can I ask a question here? Because when he's told this is the first time that he's become aware, this is serious. Yeah.

Right? And he's by himself. And he calls you. So you said he's emotional. Sounds like he's crying. Yeah. What are you thinking in that moment? This is your best friend.

This is your lover. This is the father of your children. What are you thinking? I just didn't even know what I think. I think it's more, oh my God, because I did not see that coming. I did not think that they were going to say to him, you've got a brain tumor. So I think I was completely blindsided. Okay.

And then, so everyone left the holiday home and I had to wait for, obviously, Tom to be finished with his scams. And me and my mom went to a shopping center and Joey was just thinking, I just can't focus on anything. I actually could not focus on anything because I'm thinking what are these results going to actually be? We know that he's got a brain tumour what else are we going to see is it a benign brain tumour

is it a malignant brain tumour and then they call me when I'm in the shopping centre and they said it is a brain tumour obviously straight away I'm like well how long can I pick him up right? You just don't know my brain went to war is he going to die now

like what even is this? And they said, look, and this is always stuck with me what this doctor said. He said, everybody's body is different. And we will all react to things, certain treatments. He said, I could not tell you how long he's got. As in like he's getting, that was him giving me hope, wasn't it, to be like, I don't, I don't know what Tom, like what Tom's got. But we, so I went and picked Tom up, but actually, so Tom had a range rover there.

He absolutely loved. It was his pride and joy. He loved his cars. Well, I'm in this car park. I'm actually a really good driver. Okay. I've gone to pull out of this car parking space and I've taken the whole side of the car out on a, like a barrier. Wow.

I was like, oh my God. I was thinking this is the only time I'm ever going to get away with smashing his car up. Yeah, yeah. Without him losing his shit with me. Yeah, because he won't care at all. He did not. When I picked him up, I was like, I smashed the side of the coin. Don't worry about it.

Yeah. But, yeah, I picked him up and it was just horrendous, horrendous, awful. We drove back from Norfolk. My mum was with me and obviously we had Aurelia in the back of the car. And we just, you just didn't know what to say, what to do. Because you don't really know what it is. You know, when traumatic news happens to one person, clearly this is impacting the entire family.

but it's happened in particular to Tom, right? Do you then think I need to be here to console him? What is your thought with regard to supporting him? Well, with me and Tom, he's always actually needed my support, but I thought I can't go the way where he's gone. I've got to flip the other way. So Tom is, he's going to die. I'm going to die.

I'm going to die. How long have I got? What do you reckon I've got? You're going to be fine, Tom. This is going to be fine. we're going to sort it out and you are going to be okay. I said we can't even go to that place. Let's see what it is and then we'll know what we're dealing with.

Okay. So he's already thinking. Oh yeah. Tom was. But what's weird with Tom is he's always been obsessed with cancer. And I don't know if this has had anything to do with it as if people believe in this. He used to always go to me. Well, obviously before when it was like, it's one in five.

It's one in three. that it's one in two cows I'm like you'll be fine don't worry about it he was concerned about cancer before his diagnosis was there someone in his family friends was there any moment his nan did have cancer but not

we hadn't lost loads of people to cancer I'd no I don't know he just that was Tom he was always a bit worried about health that's what I'm saying straight away can I have kids I bet I can get checked right like that was Tom that's true he changed his diet you said yeah so

he's found out that day. He was fixated on stuff. He changed his diet because he started looking at animals online. And the classic Tom line was, once you see it, you can't unsee it. So he was like, I can't eat meat anymore.

But he didn't just do it himself. He then has to put that on everyone else. Okay. This is fair. This is fair. He's that person. This is fair. Yeah.

But then he went back to eating meat again. Okay. Okay. So he thinks his time in this world is not coming to an end. And you flip to, no, it's not, we're going to fight. Yeah, and I'm 35 weeks pregnant. And that.

And a 15-month-old baby. And that. Just a little bit of added sprinkles on top of the cake. Just a little bit. So what do you then, how do you then begin to manage life? So then from there, Tom actually went in for a biopsy. because we needed to know what it was so he went in for the biopsy

on the Friday came home and then they called us straight up on the Monday and I was like you know then don't you they're getting us in that quick COVID time that we've had to go through

like the back door into a room that no one even knows about because I'm heavily pregnant and then he gets diagnosed and honestly so we took Kelsey my best friend with us that has got to be the worst day of my whole entire life oh god

it's just so sad you just sat in the room and you could just see my whole dry and hold it's given for tom I'm not going to cry and we had like I just Kelsey said she looked to me and you could see these beads of sweat just coming out of my face, my whole body

and it was summer, it's quite sweaty and they just turned around and they was like he's got a stage four cancer it's a Glyar Blasinomis my glialisoma, however you want to say it. And he's going to start treatment straight away. The treatment is chemo and radio. If that works, if, we'll give him a bit more chemo.

And we were so shocked because Tom loved science. He's like, what else are you going to give me? And they were like, that's it. That is all the treatment we can offer you. there was no magic wand it was stage for and he'd been researching as well so when we when we left the hospital we were told a different tumour in Norfolk

okay and all Tom was obsessed about was this gliablasoma can't be a gliblastoma because it can't be can't be and as soon as then words came out obviously I hadn't researched anything I just knew from him right you don't want to hear them words right and it's

basically the terminator of all cancers really because it's so hard for them to treat. And Tom, you could see Tom. This was a really weird moment as well because we hadn't discussed anything. I didn't really talk to Tom about, okay, when we're going to the room, what questions are we going to ask Tom?

Kelsey was there for pen and paper. She was going to take notes. Okay. But we didn't ask, are we going to ask how long you've got left? However, Tom Parker, being Tom Parker, was pushing to try, get a time frame from them of how long they thought he had left to live.

But I said, whatever you do, do not give him a prognosis. Because he will be sat there ticking it off on a calendar. Yes. And I can't, we can't do that. We're not doing that. Yes. And then obviously we asked about the children. And they said, just go home and spend the time of your family now and hug your

children and be there. And because obviously you're thinking if someone's having chemo, what are the do's and don'ts? Right. I cannot, you know, imagine hearing that being pregnant. Yeah. So that's you hearing that. That's him hearing that.

But when you hear it, though, I'm curious, do you think, okay, this is just one opinion. You're still in fight mode. Are you still in fight mode? Yes, that's me. Do you think Tom has given up hope hearing this or you think he's in fight mode? Tom literally lost the ability to walk. So we came out and me and him went to the toilet together and I went, please pull yourself together.

We can't do this. We can't lose it. If we're going to get through this, we have got to get through it. We can't crumble now. We've only just been diagnosed. And we came out and he couldn't even walk down the stairs. He was like literally so jittery. And Kelsey and him, embraced and hugged and had that moment.

So I thought, if I don't hold it together, then he's not going to have the hope from me. I need to give him the hope. Okay. But he did want to cuddle. So I'm like, just cuddle girls right now because I just feel like I'm losing everything and I'm not in control right now.

So I need to be in control. And then we went home and obviously we just had the phone calls to people on the way home. It was the worst drive of my life of ringing his mum to say to his mum. It's the worst case we could be. The worst outcome. Okay. Okay.

How do you manage life in this? Because it's this enormous stress that is just, it's not even hovering. It's in you. Yeah. So how do you even just wake up? Like, how do you find joy? Like, how do you live? You don't.

And I didn't slate. I wasn't eating. Obviously, I was pregnant at the time. Bodie came two weeks earlier, like two weeks after that. He was like, get me out of it because I don't want to be in her body anymore because she's so stressed. So he came, but even that, you know, I gave birth in COVID time. So people that were even having babies in COVID was cruel enough. But to go in with Tom knowing that we're having this baby,

but he doesn't actually know how long he's got with this child. I literally pushed him out and Tom just burst in tears and was absolutely beside himself because he was probably looking at Bodie thinking I don't know how long I've got with my son and then he had to go to treatment so it was like you can't even say with me in hospital babe

because you're on a you're on a treatment plan so he had radiotherapy he got the one day off to have Bodie and that was it he went back to radio the next day okay how is he was he building any type of hope through treatment? Something did switch in Tom. And I don't know, like obviously when you're in it,

you don't know when it came. But after his first lot of treatment, he actually got a significant reduction. Okay. And I don't think they'd seen that before. I think a lot of people were very, very shocked. Okay. So reduction in the size of the tumor?

Yeah. It went back. Okay. And it was like, you've done that, Tom. But Tom had settled. Was it the power of his mind? The he'd calmed, the tumor had calmed. Right.

Obviously treatment. But him, he was a powerful force. Okay. Okay. So at this point with the tumor reduced. That was all he wanted to hear, didn't he? Significant reduction. And they said, we never say significant reduction to people.

Okay. and then there's there's joy in that moment so then we had a like from then that was the january so he'd done yeah he'd done the three months so then that year we was just fighting like every day i was looking at new therapies he could have alternative therapies i have become I feel like a doctor. Yes. I think his actual doctors probably wanted to just be like, can you go away? I was just on them.

But it changed my whole way I was. Tom did everything for me as in like when we were buying house. He'd sought everything out money, this. Like Tom was very, he'd do all the research into anything we were doing, where we were going. Like he was so good to me. and it was almost like he stopped. And he was like, there you go, Kels, this is your time. And I just ran with it and came to my own and researched everything.

We rang everywhere. Me and Kelsey would make a joke and be like, what doctor, where are we ringing tonight, Tom? What country were we ringing? Because we spoke to every doctor who dealt with brain tumors across the world, I reckon. Okay, okay. And then I would imagine you had support from friends. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Tom must have had support from friends.

especially within the industry, people reaching out to support. Okay. Yeah. And a really tough decision that we made was to go public. So why did you choose to go public? Because Tom loved his fans. He needed the support. And he couldn't live.

Me and Tom were very honest people. It's like we couldn't have lived that lie, me and him. Not lived a lie, but, you know, what if he went up to treatment and someone saw him? Like, it was the best thing we ever did by going public because your outreach, our outreach was massive. Okay. So the people that were then coming to us and giving us knowledge, it was the best thing we could have ever done. And also for him, so for me it's probably more what was coming in, but for him it was the love. I see.

The love everyone gave him and he had people to fight for. So not only did he have his family and his kids, he had all these other people. It's a fight for now. I see it. I see it. So he was fighting. And this is interesting because he had moved from a place of when he heard about the tumor, no hope to now the tumor's reduced in size.

He goes public. He's fighting for more than just him. He's fighting for the public. He's fighting for his family. Right. He's fighting for his partner. Right. So he continues to make this fight.

I'm curious. There must be moments where you think, why me? Why, Tom? Yeah. And Paul was just to think, this is really shit. This is awful. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. And it was stages when Tom was in chemo and his chemo was at home and it was a tablet form.

So I'd administer it and be like, you've got to take your chemo now and it was just how ill someone could be. And just having that, having a child that I was breastfeeding. Right. having another one that touched everything and was into everything. And she didn't know, did she? Yes. So I'd just have to put her in a travel court, have one on the boob, run up and down the stairs to Tom to get him what he needed. I don't know how I did it.

You know, this is my ignorance, but you were talking about his chemo. Chemotherapy. What is it exactly? I've never known. So he had using a tablet. So he would just take a chemotherapy. tablet. Whereas people with breast cancer, obviously, go and get it through IV. Yes.

So for us, do you know what? A positive, we did it all at home. Because the only time he really had to go into hospital, then after we'd done the radiotherapy, after that, he was with me at home. And we'd only go in for like checkups or MRIs. So for us, it worked out to keep us all together because we, what would we have done if he had to go and do months and weeks? Right, right, right. And he had time to spend his family and his children. But obviously, we really had to dig down the private route as well.

And he was getting something called a vastin. So I took him off steroids and put him on something called a vastin. And he was getting that every two weeks. So he'd have to go to guys in London every two weeks to get his avastin. Okay. And then we worked out that you should get, that at home. So you have to work it all out. You're like in a world that you never think you're going to be in and you find out you have to learn along the way, don't they? Right. You do.

And so this is why having family and friends, but a close circle that you can rely on for support is so critical because it sounds like you went into this zone of you became almost a pseudo doctor. Yep. You know, because you're researching all of this. So then my auntie and my mom were holding the fault down for me. They were helping with the kids. They were coming in and and Tom, had a massive soft spot for my auntie because she's like the quiet loving one where's my mom's like tom you do this was if if we wanted him to eat would send julian if we wanted him to do anything we'd send julie up there because he couldn't say no to joe okay so he'll be like okay i'll try i'll try because anyone else you'd go oh fuck off but with her he'll go yeah we'll try right right

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And the mission was Tom was going to survive this. And that was that. And there was no one talking to me about anything else because Tom was going to be okay. So don't talk to me about anything else. because I'm going to save Tom and Tom knows that I'm going to save him so he's put all this trust into me which I can't believe if he actually did that but he did

but do you know what we had Christmas whatever what's that then Christmas what 2020? 21 or 20 okay and after Christmas I could see something in his eye and his eye started to shut and I really thought

he obviously we had the tour booked in for March. Okay, a tour. He's the wanted tour. Oh, wow, that he was going to go. I mean, Paul, we're missing out that he'd done this whole stand-up for cancer gig that we raised a ridiculous amount of money for. We was filming a documentary at the time.

I had so much going on that I actually don't know how I survived it, but I did. He did a whole with Liam. Okay, with Liam Payne. Stand-up, the concert. It was stand-up to cancer, and the way. wanted headlines it and we was trying to raise as much money as we could for brain tumor charities. That's incredible. So Tom and Liam were friends.

Yeah. And Liam was like, one direction and wanted had a little bit of a competitive thing going on. Okay. All right. But I think when Tom got diagnosed, it really affected Liam. And he was like, whatever you need me to do, I'm there. I'm going to do it. So Liam came and performed at the show as well.

but even everything for me it was to get Tom to do what Tom wanted to do so Tom wants to do the stand-up to cancer gig let's do everything we can to get him on that stage Tom wants to do his tour I'm going to do everything to get Tom on that tour Tom wants to make Christmas that's what we're going to do so he's I started to close

yeah in the December and I knew the concert was around the corner and we were made the decision we went to Spain for three weeks. So we went there for three weeks and I didn't come home and I got them three weeks with Tom and I don't ever regret not coming home. My kids were well looked after with my mum. We came back and he, we went on tour straight away.

Okay. But I mean, the clinic in Spain, he, when we first left, he was in a wheelchair and he came back and he was walking within three weeks. Look at that. So the hope, it's interesting, it's like hope, hope is taken away. More hope, hope is taken away. It's just up and down. Yeah.

So he went on the tour and he loved every second of the tour and the fans got to see him and he came home. He was meant to fly back out to Spain. Okay. Because things just happened to me as well. Like, I just put it out to the universe. and it would just find me what I wanted. I had a call with a doctor when we was in Spain

and they wanted 50 grand for this treatment. And I, and I was like, we've not got, well, one, I didn't like how they spoke to me on the phone. I had 15 minutes with them and they wanted 50 grand for my money. So I spoke to the clinic in Spain and I managed to find someone to do it for, I mean, I got my maths of shit but a small a small percentage yeah and so we was meant to go back

out to Spain but I couldn't obviously take him I'd just been away for three weeks and someone else was going to go with him but I made the decision I was like he's not well enough to go to Spain but he wanted these dendretic cells that he was getting dendritic cell therapy

so his cells had been made up and basically your immune system goes back in and targets the T cells so he needed that but at this point he was bedbound at home and um so what else would i do i flew the doctor over from spain from spain she didn't speak a word of english so i went up to where i held the classes at k-to-kay in westcum and they have a crossfit there okay so i went into crossfit and i was like can anyone speak spanish and this lady grace said i'd never

met her in my life. She went, I can speak Spanish. She said, well, you come to me to Gatwick. So I've got to pick a doctor up and then I need to get back to my house because my husband needs this medication. Well, you spend the day with me. And her name was Grace, amazing Grace. Grace came with me and we got this doctor back and he was really poorly at this time. And she just sort of looked to him, but didn't say to me like, he's dying, he's this, she just, she didn't really know what to say. That night I called the paramedics out again, took his temperature, everything was fine. They didn't really say anything. And then I thought, I know what he needs fluids. So then I arranged to get someone to come and administer him fluids, IV. But by that time,

the hospice came, I'd rung the hospice at that point because I needed help. Okay. Because what point I'd got to was I physically couldn't lift him anymore. I'd been walking him to the toilet. I'd been, I got commodes lived at home. I just cared for him and I didn't get anyone else involved. Okay. Apart from my best friend, Dean, I was like, can you come and help me a little bit? But I took that responsibility on for him because he's my husband.

And that's what you do, don't you, for the one you love? Yes. He'd better have done it for me. Yes. He would have done it for me. So the hospice came in and they said to Tom, I actually remember it was so sad, Paul, because I knew I was losing control

and it was so hard for me to give the power to other people because I've been in charge. I was driving the ship and I was going to have to put someone else in charge. And I went to my mum's house. My brother, Maxwell, was there and my mum was cutting hair, she's a headresser. And I just sat and Max,

came and went, oh, like, girls, and I was just crying. I couldn't stop crying, and Max sat there with me, but lying out, but I didn't talk to me. And I just sat and cried, and he was like, but he didn't leave. Obviously, he was only, what do he have been? 15, 16 at the time? He just sat with me, and then the hospice came, and Tom decided, I said, it's all up to you. You do what you want to do.

He said, can I go to the hospice? I said absolutely. And part of me thinks that he went to that hospice because he still wanted medication. And he thought there's hope there. But also part of me thinks he didn't want to die at home in the house because we'd only actually, we'd bought a house in all of this. It's so tough.

It's like, let's buy a house. It's incredible. It's incredible. Yeah, so he bought a house when he was sick. And it's like he gave him. me a new home because we'd done everything in our old house we'd got Matt we'd got engaged we'd got married we'd brought the kids back right he'd got sick at the old house right so many memories in the house and it was like he gave me a fresh start

and it was like let's buy a new house girls so we did we literally moved one road away was incredible when he left that evening when he left for the hospice yeah did you believe he was coming back I didn't I couldn't actually go up to the hospice that night. I couldn't go and see him. And my friends went up there. Kelsey went up there. Rosie went up there. And my friend Evie, who's a witch,

we've not even touched on her yet. And they went up with him. And I think he was like, where's Kels? I needed that night to get my head into a space where I knew that he wasn't coming back. Yeah. You know what's so, I mean, I have chills

just talking about this because as you said, you had been in charge the whole time. You had been in charge. And now not only is your husband leaving, but you're no longer in charge. You've also given up all the control. So what do you now do that you've given up this control? It's really hard for me.

It was like I'd been hit a ton of breaks. And I remember Kelsey, we actually spoke about it They were like, Kelsey turned up and said, Will you just eat something for me? Will you just eat like two grapes? Kels was like we happy if you eat two grapes. But I felt like the world had just fallen on me and I wasn't in control.

And then I pulled myself together. And I got out of bed and I went up to the hospice and then I was there with him and he was so happy to see me. Yes, I'm sure he was. He's right, here she is. She's going to do something. There'll be a miracle.

She's going to make a miracle happen. Yes. So he saw you and he had hope again. Yeah. Because again, I came then with someone. Okay. Okay. And even when he was in there, I had everyone who had worked with us, our team, still giving him the hope.

Yes. Because that's all you want, don't you? That is it. And I love also how you were focused on one event at a time. Yeah. You know, we're going to get him to, you know, tour we're going to get him to Christmas. So in the hospice, was there an event

that you were trying to push him to? Was there anything, any goal at that point? Well, also, he was just going against what anyone was saying because they were like, oh, his swallow's gone. Then they did a swallow test and they was like, oh no, he swallows intact. I'm like, can you just stop playing games? Yeah. But also, for me, his mom and his dad went then,

and they stayed with him. So they got that time with him too. Okay. And then the boys came from the band. Okay. Our best friends were there. What was difficult? Same like Johnny, Johnny dropped him.

Johnny came and picked him up and I said he wants to go to the hospice. Will you take him on that Friday night? Johnny dropped him off and Johnny never saw him again. And Johnny knew. He was like, I know, I'm not going to see him again. He knew it. Yeah, he knew. He knew it.

How long after Tom entered that? hospice did he pass away uh he went the friday he died on the wednesday but my friend evie who i said we've not even touched on evie yet eby told me so she she spoke to me on sunday and she said um he's going to pass away on on tuesday or wednesday girls so just be prepared and then i wasn't actually on that sunday when she told me that so i spoke to her in the morning and then that night I had the evening with Tom and we spoke a lot. At that point he'd sort of lost his voice. Okay.

But it came back for that. It was just, he was just like a little, just used to give me what I needed. Right, right. And we spoke about the kids. And I just said to him as well at that point, like, you can go. I know you're holding on for me, but you can go. I know you've had enough. And he had had enough.

He'd fought so hard. And I knew at that point he's like, I've had enough girls. I'm knackered, just been on tour. And I think with Tom, he loved that he was the pop star and that about him. And I feel like he'd lost himself with it all as well,

which was so sad. And I don't think he could live in this lifetime with what he'd become. Interesting. That's interesting. So that conversation, you sounds like you felt, and even from what your friend told you, you felt this was the last conversation you were going to have with your husband. As in on that level of that deepness and raw, and we had our son to him.

And it was really, it was romantic and lovely, but also just horrendous, because I'm going to lose the love of my life. Right. And I would imagine you then don't want to leave that evening. No. And my friends sat outside the door so no one would come in because they were like this is your time. Everyone's had him. You've shared him.

So you need your time with him. And even his mom was probably waiting to go to pen. And she's thinking, what's going to do there? Right, right. But you leave. Yeah. Because you have to. Yeah.

Also, I still had the kids at home. Yes, yes. So I wanted normality for the kids, so I was still there. Okay, okay. So the following day, Tom passes away. No, so we had the Sunday. Oh, okay, so your friend wasn't correct then? No, on the Sunday, she said he will pass on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Okay. Okay, it was. So then we still had a few more days, and I think he did give everyone, I think he gave everyone a bit too much hope that he had longer left, but I did know. Okay. By then, I think other people just, you want them to live. You want people to live forever, don't you?

In this world, you don't want anyone to die. Right. You don't. You know, I have a friend going through a similar situation, and what he was saying is, so it's a parent who is saying that the blessing is that the parent was able to see all of his loved ones, have conversations with all of his loved ones, and almost go on his terms.

Yeah. And that was what he was like with Tom. Yeah. He'd seen everyone. And then even the way he died was just magical if there's a death. And I always talk about it. I think people must just think, what's you talking about? But if I could die like him, I would be so happy.

Because he was able to see everyone. Yeah, and we had this moment with a crystal. He just made everything so magical for me. But I think that was Tom. that's what he liked to do for me to give me the memory and the story to go, well, this is what he did. There was always a story with me and Tom

and it was till the day he died, there was still a story there. There was still a story, yeah. Amazing, an amazing, you know, human being, creative, brilliant, funny, but most importantly, great dad, great husband, great son, you know, So Tom passes.

I would imagine at this point, because you had said already this was, it was a dream life, it was a dream relationship, and now it's like the dream is shattered. I'm guessing, but you tell me if I'm wrong here, is that your focus then becomes the children. It becomes how am I going to put my energy into them. And I see this often with widows in particular, not widowers, but widows. And I shouldn't say not widowers because this happens with widowers, but I think to a greater degree with widows where the focus becomes, all right, I'm now going to take care of this gift that I did share with my spouse, which are the children. So does that become the focus for you? They become the focus. Well, I think they were a focus anyway, but it was the, you know, where me and Tom had been together so long.

and we may not have had the children for a long time together, I knew what he wanted for our children and what life he wanted them to have. So now for me, I'm trying to fulfil the life that Tom wanted our children to have. But, you know, financially, I was left with nothing at that point. Literally, his treatment costs a lot, a lot of money.

Yes. And I would spend that money all over again and be at the point where I was. But that's why I had to go back to work. And I am a workaholic. But I think for me, when Tom was sick, like I could have literally, like someone was like, you are literally owning a company and you are the CEO of that company. And you are running everything, Kelsey. You could do this.

I think because I'd had that, I want that somewhere else. Where can I find that again? Okay. So I guess it's for my own career and bring your money in for the kids. Okay, fair, fair. So you're thinking, okay, I have to provide for these children, right? And the house, because we did buy the house and there's a mortgage on the house. Yes, yes, all right.

Because Tom, obviously, up until that point he went to the hospice, Tom Tom would not have bought a house and left me with what he left me with if he didn't think he was going to survive it was always he was going to be okay okay all right

I see it I see it so you have to work right you're thinking about career you're thinking about these children and then clearly yourself or are you not thinking about self because when I say self

is are you thinking about self-care are you thinking about what even is that? Yeah, but really, are you, because you've just gone through an incredibly traumatic experience that many people would have therapy, counseling, right? I'm assuming you did none of those things because you have to focus on work. Yeah. And it was, what can I do?

I'll share it with everyone. I'm doing a lived experience. I've shared so much. Let's do a TV show. Okay. So I started filming a scene. six-part TV show for ITVB, life after time. But it was my journey of how I'm coping with grief.

Fair. That's fair. And in that, you're able to share, right, with everyone. Yeah. You're able to, I would assume that's therapy in itself because you're able to share. And then also, let's keep it 100. It's also some income as well to keep the lights on in the house. And it's also a way to keep Tom's, I think.

think name and his spirit alive, right? So you, so you film the series. At what point do you ever consider the idea of I'm going to be in a relationship with someone else? I didn't, but I was, I am a people person. Even me and Tom being together for 13 years, Tom was quite happy in Tom's own space, own skin. Me, I love people. I love being around people. I'd go off and Tom would be like Tom had a tracker on me. He'd find me wherever I was.

So if it was out for lunch for my family, doing something, I'm always doing something. I'm always with people. So I really struggled not having my best friend there. It was awful. And also the kids are babies. Is they go to bed at like 6 o'clock? Yes.

And, okay, this is fair. And the reason why I'm even drilling at this is because, you know, in a second I want to get to social media criticism of you. Because what I find interesting is that you've gone through this terrible experience and the public is on your side, is on Tom's side, right? And Tom passes away and I would imagine that the public is still on your side. You know, they're rooting for you. They're rooting for your motherhood. They're rooting for the raising of your children. But it feels like the moment that there's the possibility that you are now going to entertain a relationship with anyone else, there's a change in public perception.

Correct? Yep. Okay. Now, before we even get to that, let's spend a second on what it's like being a widow. because I've heard you talk about this, I've seen you write about this, and from your perspective, most of the world has no idea

of what it's like to be a widow, especially a young widow, because you're only 32 at this time. Yeah, at that time. Yeah. It's just awful. Losing the love of your life, like Tom was the love of my life, the father of my children,

to be on my own was horrendous. You wouldn't wish it. upon anyone. The lived experience I've had is just off the scale, I think, at the age of 32 to go, you've been from all that. Yeah, it was just, it was crazy. Do you feel as if widows are viewed differently than a widower? Okay, how so?

Oh, I just think for women, you've got to be in your own. That's it. Your husband's died and that's it. It's the vows, we've spoken about this before, the vows you take. But for a man, it's like, but he needed someone. The kids need to be taken to school. He's got to go to work. He needed dinner.

He might have needed some companionship. But for women, it's like, get that black veil on, don't even move out of that house. So the thought is, is you shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone else. Because I've taken them vows. Okay. But when we talk about the vows, in sickness and in health, I went to the ends of the earth 20 times back it felt for Tom. I did everything and anything for him.

Conversations I had, how much I believed that he was going to be okay. Yes, yes. How do single men... do you think react to a widow? So when you were out with your friends, and not saying that you were out looking for a companionship, you're just out with your friends, but I'm sure a single man would come up.

What's the reaction to a widow versus maybe a friend that's single and not a widow? I speak about this. It's so hard. When you rely on the village, then to say, okay, I'm working, can you look after the kids? Oh, I want a night out. Can you look after the kids? I don't want to take the piss, basically, out of my mum and my auntie and whoever else is going to have the kids.

So I never usually, I never normally go out, but I went out on this night and I actually, I remember the date, December 16th. I went on this night out with my two friends. We just went to a local bar and they, because the girls are, come on, Kels, come on. And anyway, we get talking to this group of guys, their footballers. I'm speaking to this one guy, he's really, really nice. Anyway, it's come up in conversation. One of the girls, she said, oh, I'm married, I'm married, and, oh, no, she was going to be married, I'm going to be married, she's married, and she's a widow. The guy turned his back on me.

He literally went like that. Wow. And I went, don't worry, I didn't kill him. Because I was like, what, like, what do you want from me? Right. Why do you think he gave you that reaction? Oh, it's weird, isn't it? It's not the norm.

What young girl goes out and goes, oh yeah, I'm a widow. My husband's dead. It's just not that normal conversation. But it's like, oh, no, we got divorced because we actually didn't get along anymore and I'm actually really horrible and that's why we're not together. Do you what I mean? It's like I can't actually control what's happened. If I could control what it would happen,

Tom would be here and we would be living the rest of our lives together with our children. Yeah, yeah. The stigma in society is so interesting. You know, in the research for you coming in here, I started looking at the percentage of men versus women who have been, who their spouse has passed, who are in a relationship two years later. For men, it's over 50%. So it's between 50 and 65% of men whose spouses pass within two years, they're in a committed relationship or remarried. for women it's only 19%. And I think part of that is because

Oh, I was in the 19? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a high performer. You're a high performer. But part of that is because of what you're saying is that society shuns you. But then also, I think there must be a script in your mind to think, well, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I shouldn't enter a relationship with someone.

I mean, were you thinking this? Also, I could maybe speak on behalf of some of the 19% is you are very vulnerable. I was at my most vulnerable then. Okay. Okay. And I made some decisions

that maybe weren't my best life decisions. But I was lonely. I was vulnerable. And I'm probably just a bit like, oh yeah, I'm going to do it. Right. Right. Now,

let's talk about the decision process. little bit because we met I think about eight months it was when you were debating to take the rings take the ring off right so at that point that was how long since time and passed that was even longer that was coming on two years that was coming on two years in that time had you had a relationship in that time okay so that relationship that you had you think that wasn't a good decision or do you you think that was, was it, you were just in a vulnerable state? It's what I needed at that time. Okay.

Okay. It's what I needed at that time or what I thought I needed at that time. All right. But now, so here's where the debate starts. Yeah. So when we met each other, you were debating on taking off your ring, all right? Which was, what, two years after Tom's passing. Now, I distinctly remember that moment because I have never.

never seen. I've never, I mean, I'm a part of shows that are considered to be controversial like Married at First Sight and people all the time come at me on Married at First Sight but I've never had so many hatred-filled comments than when I was on Lorraine with you. And the reason why, you know why I was getting it? Why? I was getting it because I said if she wants to take her ring off, take her ring off. It's like she said she's writing and I'm telling you Kelsey it was so if that's what I got I can't imagine what you receive what are some of the comments that you get the comments are literally horrendous horrendous you know can can I read a few yeah okay all right I think what's what'll be interesting is

so I've seen that the comments are typically in one of three categories yeah and I think this is a great opportunity for you to address this. Okay. Head on. All right, you tell them. You tell them. Let's see what you're going to say, Kelsey, on this. All right.

Now, these are crude, but I'm sure you've seen. Yeah, I've already seen them. Okay, so here's one. This woman, she can't be alone. I think she's one of those people who just can't be by themselves. But is that not allowed? Are you not allowed to not be on your own? I just don't understand.

And do you know what? With the person that I met previous, he actually brought so much happiness and laughter into my house, which was not there. Because I actually wasn't laughing and I wasn't happy. So then me being like that, should my kids have a life like that? They've not picked this life, have they?

You know, I would. We wish we could ask this person, you know, she is the kind of woman who can't be alone. You know, my gut reaction is that human beings were not meant to do life alone. No. You know, marriage is not for all of us, but not one of us should be alone. So, right, she's not the kind of woman who could be alone. There's no woman or a man who should be alone. You know?

All right, how about this one? Here we go. All right. This is, it gets deeper. Oh, it gets deeper. Okay. This one says, everyone deserves happiness, but Kelsey's moved on at lightning speed. This is her second relationship.

So they're talking about the new relationship. This is her second relationship since her husband died that I know of. She hasn't been with him long enough to have a baby. I bet Tom's parents are gutted. It's just awful, isn't it? That is just awful. And who puts time on anything? You're talking about, oh, oh, in terms of you haven't been with someone long enough, etc.

There's time, there's people that come into your lives. Look, when I first met Tom, I'd broken up with someone three months before that. And also, I am love. I am love. I don't know what, Evie says it about me. She's like, you are love, you attract it, you are light, you bring light into people. Right, right. That's why I run a performing arts school.

That's why I am the way I am. That's why I entertained. Do you know what I mean? I am, I'm a lover. Yeah. But one other question. One other question. This is from social. But I feel like you've already started to answer this is naming the baby Parker. So this is naming your new baby Parker will give her more material to milk Tom further for money. She moved on from Tom as soon. as soon as she got with that other bloke, just a couple of months after his funeral. It won't be for any sentimental reasons as this woman is driven by attention and money. What do you say about that? You are sick.

You, I don't know. Where do you live? Like, I have two children that are Tom's. Do you want me to segregate them from my life? And also that comment that they're talking about, we were asked on the OK shoot, Aurelia was asked, what was she would like her little baby brother and sister to be called?

For a girl, she likes Violet from the Incredibles. For a boy, she likes Parker. I don't know, she's five years old. She believes that unicorns are real. Do you know what I mean? Yes, yes. She's five years old. And she probably deep down, maybe she's been here before.

Maybe she feels like she wants us all to have the same last name. Because you know what? That hurt me growing up, that all of our kids, we had three different surnames between us. Maybe she does intuitively feel that I want the baby to be called Parker somewhere because I don't want my mum now to segregate us and it's the Parker's and then the Lindsay's. Do you know what I mean? Right. You know, Kelsey, why do you think so many people are invested in your story?

Because they've been on the journey with me. But maybe some people have just got on the train a little bit too late. They were a couple of stops behind, weren't they? Because those that have watched from when me and Tom did our documentary for stand-up to cancer and what I went through and what I did, down to tying Tom's shoelaces up for him and whatever else. And like I'm saying, I physically carried him to the toilet when he couldn't walk anymore. I did everything for Tom.

Yes. If you've been on that journey with me, you would not begrudge me having a little bit of happiness because that's all I actually deserve happiness and joy. Yes. Yes. All right. Well, let's talk about the person who I believe has brought happiness and joy into your life. So at what point do you meet Will?

I met Will out and it's just again so weird that I met Will we got talking and in Will's head he doesn't he's he's so laid back Will he's so chilled he's so laid back and he's not even he's just having a conversation okay but there it was just fireworks between us and did you you know you talked about being you know the stigma around being a widow um Did you feel like that was going to prevent you and Will or you and anyone from having a relationship? After the encounter with the guy, yes, I did. I thought, is other people going to think this is weird? Because obviously my previous relationship, he actually knew everything.

I didn't have to explain anything to him. He knew who Tom was. He knew the sitch. Whereas Will, he had no clue of any of it. Interesting. Okay. Will is a tree surgeon? Yes.

What the hell is that? What is that? He's very outdoors. He cuts down trees and trims bushes. I know. He'd be so offended. It'd be so offended, wouldn't he? Oh, my God.

I'm actually, you know, it's actually the second most dangerous job to do. Is it really? Yeah. Is it? That's what he tells me. He's really dangerous. Is it? Obviously, you have to climb.

You got the chainsaws. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, trimming bushes can be dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. Don't make sprue now. I'm not making it really.

You told me he trims bushes. That's what you said he does. I'm just saying what you said. So, all right. So, but you know what's interesting? Now I've seen trees, like I've seen them. Yeah. I didn't realize that was their title, tree surgeons.

Okay. It's a big job. Someone's got to do it. Yeah. Got yourself a surgeon. All right. So you're together, right? You're seeing each other.

Is there a point where you're starting to think about it. Because I recall what you said, and you just talked about it with your daughter and you talked about it now. Or you talked about it earlier where. you thought, I don't want a blended family. You know, you said that, especially when you got with Tom initially, I don't want to have a blended family. But as you become deeper intertwined with Will, are you beginning to think, oh, my goodness,

I could potentially have a blended family here? Yeah, without a doubt with Will I knew straight away. You knew it. Yeah. So it was another one where you knew he was the one. Yeah. And what was it? What was it about Will?

Just Will. I just say it's Will's world. Will just lives in this lovely bubble that would all like to go to. He doesn't look at any of that. He doesn't see it. He doesn't have social media. He doesn't feel himself with any of that. You knew right away he was the right one for you.

At what point did you find out you were pregnant? Well, we fell pregnant quite quickly. We've fallen pregnant quite quickly. Okay. which again within like friends and family a friend said to me a male friend he's like to my best friend's husband he is he worries about everything

and I told him and he went but what if it doesn't work out I said it's not worked out for me my life hasn't worked out how I thought it was going to work out has it from me in Tom at 19 to where I am now is not how I thought my life was going to be. So let's not worry.

Life can only be what it can be. And I'm on a new journey now to have a child with Will. Yes. And have a blended family. Yes. Yes. We have to talk about this magazine spread. Yes.

Because, I mean, this is a big way to announce. This is bold also. This is very bold. And I'm sure you knew going into this announcement that there would be people who would have thoughts and these would be negative thoughts. Yeah. So what went into your consideration to do this announcement and what was Will thinking? For me, I have done every part of my journey with, okay. So for me it was only natural that I did this.

I celebrated me being pregnant with everyone. And again, financially. Right. Why am I not going to do it? Can I just say thank you for being transparent on this? Because oftentimes I've heard the answer of, well, I just wanted to share the information. but you forget the, but I'm also getting paid.

Yeah. And who does not want to get paid? And people judge you for that, but it's like, I'm sure if someone asked you, if you wanted to do a front cover of a magazine and get some money, you would not, no, sorry, it's not for me. Do you not picture me and do not pay me? You're going to say yes, aren't you? So then it's the announcement, you're sharing the journey.

You've had been partners with OK for many years, I'm assuming, right? You're also being compensated. But Will, though, is not a public figure. No. So this was a big leap for him. There was a lot of talk and discussion, whether Will wanted to do it or not. I bet. But I think Will's love for me is he will support me.

A lot of people are quoting that he's my cheerleader. Okay. The cheerleader tree surgeon. But he loves the kids. and it was a beautiful photo shoot. And do you know what? I think for him, once he actually done it,

it's like pushing yourself out of a comfort zone, isn't it? He really pushed himself out of his comfort zone to do it. He did. He doesn't even like taking pictures with me. We've just been to Dubai on holiday. And I went, do you actually want to take one picture with me on this holiday? He's like, oh yeah.

He's like, all right, I'll do it, I'll do it. So he has no regrets. No. Okay. But I would imagine he's getting, the same or a level of trolling that that you're getting. Will's not getting anything because Will lives in Will's world and he's not seeing any of it. Wow.

He has blocked it all out. He doesn't get them. He didn't get the magazine. He, I came back with the mirror. I was like, we're on the mirror. He's like, yeah, I can't look at it. Oh my gosh. But, you know, I have to say this too is I keep talking about, okay, he's getting this trolling,

etc. Here are the negative comments. But it does feel like it's overwhelmingly. positive. Yes. I mean, do you feel that way? Yes. I mean, you've got the negatives.

You're going to have the negatives in anything, can't you? But overall, the amount of people that have said congratulations, you deserve this. And I am probably a joy seek now. I'm trying to find the joys in life. And having another baby is going to bring us as a family joy and happiness. The kids are so excited. I bet. I bet.

I bet. And so the kids are excited. What about the family, right? Because I would imagine you have stayed in contact with Tom's family. That's your family. So what was their reaction? And are they excited? They're so excited.

Noreen was so happy. But I get trolled for that. However I chose to tell Noreen, bearing of mind, people were seeing like five minutes of, like two minutes of my life on Instagram. Okay. And Noreen is Tom's? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. It's really got nothing to do with anyone else, has it, really? But we are so close. We FaceTime and text all during the week. Without a doubt, we FaceTime every Sunday. And that's probably the only need for me and Noreen to have a catch-up. Because you try and get the kids in it.

But again, they're young, aren't they? So me and Noreen have that time. We have that catch-up once a week. Okay. Really? Yeah. Once a week? You do a catch-up.

more than a lot of people are talking to their own moms. Yeah. You know what I mean? Wow. Okay. Okay. So for Will, your family, but also Tom's family, I understand there's a trip. Yep.

Okay. Tell me about this trip. Because I think this trip should put to bed a lot of the negative comments that you're getting. Yeah, we're going camping when the baby's here. Who is? my family Tom's family we're all going together

we went last year but that's the thing we do loads together we just all went to Laplam UK Tom's family my family look we're so close

we did a family moon it's not like Tom's dead and I'm like right that's it I've got a new partner now sorry I can't talk to any of that family Tom's aunties were in the comments like I'm so happy for you

I mean I was so lucky with Tom's family that I've got the most amazing in-laws Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know what's so interesting to me is here was the family that initially you didn't want. You didn't want the blended family because of what? What was the reason when you were a little girl, why you didn't want it? You felt like what?

You'd be treated differently. Yeah. But now here you have a blended family, the thing that you didn't want. But what you have corrected is that everyone is treated well. It's one family. It's not a fractioned family. And that's beautiful. And I think it will continue to be like that.

Noreen and Nigel, Tom's dad, they are such a massive part of my kids' lives. Dance their grandparents. Will loves them. All right. Fair enough. Fair enough. One other area that I'd love to get into is spirituality.

because you've even said in this discussion that you said, Tom was spiritual, you weren't so much. Where do you stand right now? Oh, I'm so deeply spiritual. I get signs. Okay. And what does spirituality mean to you? I'm so happy that I found it.

And Tom's mum's really spiritual too. So even with positive energy, it was Noreen that... that taught me it and the law of attraction. Okay. This is when I was a little girl. Obviously 19 year old me. But now the signs, obviously when you see it, as Tom said, I quoted him, once you see it, you can't unsee it.

And even now Will's come into the equation and he's living in the house, he sees the signs. Okay. For example, what are the signs? Oh, we've had so many. So, and I think he's shown me, like last week, he did like three different science because I want, I'd actually seen a psychic before this, before the OK magazine came out. So I saw it on Friday. And she said to me, he is worried with how this is going to be perceived. He's worried about you because he loves you.

And he doesn't like anyone being horrible about me. Tom would hate it. Tom was alive now when people were saying this stuff. He would have replied to every single comment and had an argument because he just would not have been able to cope with that, people being mean.

He wouldn't care about himself, but if you're horrible about me, so last week, I told the kids off for the TVs, right? So they think that they're in charge of the TVs in the house. Okay. So they're owning what Netflix is on that, what Netflix is on that room.

So I said, I'm not having it. We're not having it. We're not having the TVs and we're going to eat dinner and we're going to talk. And then when we do decide to watch something, me and Will will be deciding what's going on the TV because you're five and four and you're not dictating to me. But Anton would have been quite strict with them. I sometimes have to think what would he have done in this situation? So anyway, we've all gone to bed at half three in the morning. The TV comes on it in the downstairs, the lounge, full blind.

and it's a game show at half three in the morning. So we've woken up. One of the kids downstairs watching TV, I'm like, no, it's Tom. But my brain automatically goes there. How's the TV switching on at half three in the morning? Right. So this is a topic that I'm completely, utterly fascinated by because I was at a point in my life where I was like,

this is complete nonsense. But I've graduated, or should I say, I've evolved to a place where I have many people in my life that I highly respect. Yeah. Who believe with all of their being that they, that they're various signs. And when I begin to talk with them, I realize that there's correlation between these signs, this correlation between what they're identifying, what they're recognizing these signs, you know. and I

it's one of those where I just want to learn more like I want I want to see this you know I want to see it and you have to ask for it how so

you have to just actually ask whatever you want to be told or the sign you want ask for it but believe in it and it will come I asked Tom a question and I said if this if this answer is true

do the car alarm. Car alarm was going off at like 2 o'clock in the morning. This is when I was like on my own. No will, no one. And I asked him a question. And that's also, I just feel that he's with me all the time. And I'm judged for that.

Judge for that. But I do feel, I feel him. I feel him with whatever I'm doing. And I knew that I think I get a sense of how he's feeling about situations. Yes. But you're judged because I would imagine, because I know I was at that point in the past where people just say, oh, she's, she's, she's, she's on one. Yeah.

Yeah. But you, in your heart, you feel completely differently. And this is where to your, to that place of, you said, you just have to ask for it is maybe that's what I need to, you know, that's what I need to do. To get the sign. Yeah. What you want. Yeah. It's just to ask for it.

So then Will, I'm curious. Will sees these signs as well. So he must be spiritual. Yeah. Okay. So Will lost his dad. Will's dad died. That's why Will was probably so understanding.

He lost his dad at 21. And he's dad actually, I don't know if to put this in a lot. His dad actually saved his life. He could hear his dad and he came back from something he was doing maybe he wasn't been maybe it wasn't a tree sergeant at this point he was doing something and his dad shouted out his name and he he he wasn't electrocuted by his dad's shouting his name and this is when we first met we was actually telling each other these stories so obviously I'm like okay he's not going to think I'm mental with my stories right we're on the same page I see it so you've both gone through trauma do you feel like you have bonded through the trauma I feel like we have it with me and Will it's like there's no conversation that goes on but we don't deeply talk about

what we've been through if I feel like I'm in in a talking mood Will sits there and he listens to everything I've got to say if I want to talk about Tom and you can just feel that he wants to learn more about Tom yeah which is a very mature perspective you know because I because you know the one challenge that I think I have around how Western society mostly deals with death is just don't

talk about it. Box it up. Exactly. So if this person is passed, don't even bring up their name. People feel awkward. Well, that's what, when he first dying, people would cross the road not to talk to me. And even now, people go, they don't know what to say. And I can feel that they don't know what to say. then I feel really awkward because I'm like, you're not going to make me awkward talking about Tom. Right. So what would you like people to say? I'm like, let's just talk about Tom.

Whatever you want to talk about, let's talk about. Because it really, you'll never offend me. Yeah, yeah. I agree. You know, it's one of those where I feel, I feel incredibly sad because, you know, like in Mexico, the Day of the Dead, right? And it's, it is this acknowledgement.

of those who have passed, right? So we're acknowledging them. Whereas in all of these other countries, the UK, the US is very similar. It's like, let's not even talk about it. And not even let's not talk about them, but let's not talk about the grief around it. Around it.

And that's why I think so many people do look to me now. I've sort of become the face of grief, widows, loss. Because I do openly talk about it and I will say to people, I'm having a shit day. But you know now that I've got good news and if I talk about a sad day, if I come out and say, do you know what? I did Paul's podcast. We spoke about Tom. It was really hard. What do you mean it was hard for you? You're happy. You've got a new life. You've got a... But nothing is boxed. We would love to box it and put it away. But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to talk about Tom.

and, you know, someone said to me, you learn to live around your grief. It doesn't get any bigger, it doesn't get any smaller. Time is not a healer. You're just, because people say that, don't they? They do, they do. It's interesting, so you learn to live around it. Live around your grief. We're living around it.

Small things, I've got parents evening tomorrow. I would love for Tom to come to parents' evening with me. to know that I'm doing the right thing because I've made a massive decision I've actually put the children into private school I'm paying for their education because Tom wanted them to go to private school so I feel like I'm fulfilling what he wanted with the children

and I've got to go to parents even on my own so there's reminders yes I may be pregnant yes I may be in a new relationship I've still lost my children's father give you space. But I think more importantly, respect that seems to be the missing piece, this idea that you can't determine for yourself if you're emotionally stable, if you are ready, you know, and these are things that you can determine, you know, for yourself.

What, um, what, one last question is today. With the children. How do you celebrate Tom's life with the kids? We talk about Tom every single day. Every day. I would say to you there's not a day that goes by that we don't talk about Tom. Honestly, and I know people probably think, oh, what an exaggeration. We do.

Without a doubt. And even if they do something like, oh, my God, you remind me of your dad so much. Oh, your dad wouldn't be happy you're doing that. I love that. I love it because it's it's keeping the, it's keeping his spirit alive. Well, what's quite sad, Paul,

and obviously this is what breaks my heart is, you got to remember, Bodie was 18 months. His whole life was his dad being sick. He didn't get the good Tom. He got his dad with a brain tumor. What's he going to remember of his dad? So I am trying to try to,

to keep his memory alive for Tom because how much he's going to miss out on for Bodie. And then even when you think with Aurelia, she was 15 months. She still didn't get a long time with her dad, did she? Right. Yeah.

Which 15 months when he was obviously diagnosed. Yeah, but yeah, not enough time. Not enough time. Yeah. So now we're trying to build who their dad is. They've got so many videos. They've got so much of me and Tom together.

We did YouTube together. They've got so much of their dad, which they're fortunate, aren't they? Yes, yes. And then also the relationship with the grandparents, you know, and the family, because the aunties and going on the camping trips and going on the holidays. I think that is where Tom lives, you know, and where they'll always be reminded. of their father. You know, that's beautiful.

Tom will always be with us. I was making me really emotional. Because he's not going anywhere. And I've found a partner that is willing to have Tom in our family and in our lives. And he doesn't want to shut Tom down. He wants him to be there. Just like we talk about his dad. The same way.

The same way. I have to ask, what is next for you? because you are a CEO, you're a business woman, you know? So what is next for you? What's on the horizon? Well, I have school fees to pay. So busy. All right, you want school fees to be paid?

I hear that. What I found when Tom died, people, the question I got asked all the time was, how did you tell the kids? And I was very honest. I told the kids, your dad's dead, he's not coming back. There's not really a book out there to reflect that. The books for children are very, there's an invisible string and you've always tied to that person.

Very elusive, whereas I was very black and white and I feel like there needs to be that book to tell children about death and loss. So a children's book, a grief children's book. I would like to document this next journey if that's a TV show. Yes. If that's a YouTube channel to show people again how I'm going to do this journey. Because again, what you're saying of me being the CEO and whatever, I've learned a lot. And I'm hoping that this birth will be.

completely different to my last two with everything that I've learned. All right. So two more, two more, two more, unless you have anything. Do you have anything? Or you're good, you're good. Okay. So when Will heard, you were pregnant. What was his reaction? And how is he feeling about the fact that he's going to be a dad? Will cried his eyes out and he was so happy. All he's actually wanted is a child. So he is just, over the moon. And he's going to be such a good dad.

He's so good with mine. But it's quite funny for him, isn't it? Because he's coming and he's skipped a few stages. So I keep going to him, or you wait. You wait. But then when we get to this stage, then he's going to be like, know what I'm doing. Right.

I'm like, you wait until you can't go to sleep at night. Yes. Yes. But no, that's beautiful that he's so excited. And what I need to be careful, is not being like I've done this before. We need to enjoy it together. This is our thing that we've created together

and we need to enjoy it and bring the children on board. I am however worried about Raleighia. Because she thinks she's going to be the mum. Oh yeah. I mean she has to be. I mean she's going to be big sis. So yeah, she has to run things. Yeah, she runs the show as it is.

Yeah. Again, that's another person that it's. Aurelia's Weldon, we're just the extras in her show. Rightfully so. Rightfully so. Now, when you think back on this conversation that we've had, it has been expensive. What's one thing that you would like everyone to take from this? That life can be tough.

Life can be really tough, really shit. But I'm still here. I've got through it. if I've got through something, you can get through it. Love it, love it. All right. So the final question, everyone gets this. It is my favorite question.

Why didn't they tell me about the final question? This is the, but see, you should just hear it and off the cuff. Okay. Give us the answer. So you have had some amazing conversations throughout your life. I want you to think about the most memorable conversation that you had. Who is it with when you talk about? And what did you learn?

Oh, that is such a hard question. It is incredibly hard. Okay, so mine would be, this is pre any problems in my life. Okay. With my mum, and it's a bit of relationship advice, and it would be that you have to learn to, accept people for who they are because you're never going to change them. So if you are with someone, don't think that you're going to get into a relationship and that you are going to change that person

because you can't and you won't. So you just have to accept the person for who they are. And I guess that is through life and any relationship. You shouldn't want to change them. That is what I've learned. Mom was profound. At what age did she tell you that? How old were you? that has probably got to be a conversation when I've been with Tom being like, oh, she's like, you're not going to ever change him. And I think it is an ongoing conversation really that one, because I now have to remind her with Johnny, you're not going to change him, mum.

You have to have to accept it. It's a bit like the trend. We listen and we don't judge. Yes. You have to accept the person you are with. You're not going to change them. So if you love that person you want to be with them, you have to accept who they are.

Yes. And your acceptance is a demonstration of your love. There you go. All right. That is it. And I'm so sad. I absolutely loved this conversation with Kelsey. And like always, I have a few takeaways.

So let me give you my top three. Number one, Kelsey was certain she didn't want a blended family and that belief shaped her values early on. But life doesn't always follow our plans. Now she finds herself navigating exactly what she never imagined. It's a powerful reminder that growth often happens in the spaces we least expect. The things we resist the most can end up being the things that change us the most. And number two, after Tom's passing, Kelsey felt alone. Loneliness is real and no one should be penalized for seeking companionship.

Now, she has admitted that it was initially two. early and that she wasn't ready. We should allow people the space to figure things out without shame or judgment. And what I want you to do is take a look at our first community episode where I speak to Heather on the exact same topic. And number three, Kelsey's honesty about finances is so refreshing. She straight up said she did OK Magazine and the documentary because she needed the money. And here's what I respect about that. Most people in the public eye, would never admit that. But Kelsey did, and that kind of transparency is rare,

and she should be celebrated for that. Overall, I'm so grateful to Kelsey for sharing her story with such honesty, and I hope you enjoyed this conversation too. Thanks for being here, and I'll see you next week. Can you believe that 80% of relationships end in heartbreak or dissatisfaction? You want to know why? Because of the myths we believe about love.

So much of what we've been taught is wrong. Like, true love means never feeling attracted to someone else, myth. You should never keep secrets from your partner, myth, and the big one never go to bed angry. Another myth. That's why I wrote Keep Love. To debunk 21 of the biggest myths and replace them with actionable truths that actually help. If you're ready to stop believing the myths and start building a love that lasts, keep love will show you how to get there.

This is where it starts. Get your copy now from the link below.