We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson - Kerry Katona: I Didn’t Know Brian Cheated Before Our Wedding! THIS Is The Truth About Heidi & Liz’s Atomic Kitten Fights

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

Kerry Katona opens up like never before revealing the truth behind her rise to fame with Atomic Kitten, the challenges of her turbulent childhood, and the personal struggles that shaped her journey. From knowing she was destined for fame at just five years old, to navigating the highs and lows of public life, Kerry shares the story of what really happened behind the headlines. In the emotional first part of this two-part conversation, Kerry discusses her complicated relationship with her mother and how she navigated fame and tabloid scrutiny. She opens up about her relationship with Brian McFadden, the public breakdown of their marriage, how she turned to drugs to deal with the heartbreak. Kerry shares: ◽ Growing up as the product of an affair and forced to choose between parents ◽ The trauma of her early years and trying to buy her mum’s love ◽ How Atomic Kitten was formed and what went on behind closed doors ◽ The real reason she left Atomic Kitten  ◽ How she met Brian McFadden and discovered his infidelity ◽ The emotional toll of fame and her battle with substance use Kerry Katona, We Need to Talk. See you next week for Part Two! (00:00) Intro (03:17) Kerry's Unique Family Situation and Childhood (08:22) Kerry's Relationship with Her 'Dad' Dave (12:48) The First Time Kerry Took Drugs (15:09) Kerry's Biological Dad (22:45) How Kerry Got Started in Modelling (36:08) Shopify Ad (37:06) Adobe Express Ad (38:10) Kerry's Journey to Atomic Kitten (41:11) Kerry's Time in the Porn Kings (45:09) The Origins of Atomic Kitten (50:50) Atomic Kitten's Rise to Fame (55:32) Tinder Ad (56:36) The Success of Atomic Kitten (58:18) Why Did the Media Focus on Kerry? (01:02:44) Kerry's Highlights of Being in Atomic Kitten (01:03:51) Kerry's Encounters with Notable Stars (01:09:00) Kerry's Lowest Moment in Atomic Kitten (01:10:30) How Kerry Met Brian Mcfadden (01:12:59) Did People in the Music Industry Like Kerry and Brian's Coupling? (01:14:42) Brian's Proposal to Kerry (01:15:59) Kerry's First Pregnancy (01:17:07) The Impact of Kerry's Leaked Photos (01:19:18) What Was Kerry's Relationship with the Press Like During Atomic Kitten and Her Marriage with Brian (01:21:03) Kerry's Choice to Leave Atomic Kitten (01:22:45) Kerry and Brian's Wedding (01:24:42) Brian's Infidelity (01:29:36) Kerry's Experience of Winning 'I'm a Celeb' (01:37:22) Why Brian and Kerry Got Divorced (01:44:39) Moving Back to Warrington After Kerry's Split with Brian (01:45:30) Going to Rehab in Arizona (01:47:23) Kerry's Diagnosis of Bipolar (01:50:53) Part 2 Teaser This episode includes some difficult conversations. If you’re impacted, we recommend the support charities below:Survivor's Trust: https://g2ul0.app.link/yh0NrvNsvTb      Refuge: https://g2ul0.app.link/td2zqEPpGTb  CALM: https://g2ul0.app.link/uULaUXcM3Nb  MIND: https://g2ul0.app.link/gbuRaxjM3Nb Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk  https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod Support Kerry here:Instagram: https://g2ul0.app.link/otKjdok9cWb  TikTok: https://g2ul0.app.link/391l8Vg9cWb Kerry & Katie’s Tour: https://g2ul0.app.link/6dGc2te9cWb Mamma Mia Tour: https://g2ul0.app.link/ubKU5P88cWb  Sponsored by: Shopify: www.shopify.co.uk/needtotalk Adobe Express: https://ADOBE.LY/PAUL Tinder: https://tinder.com/en-GB Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It must provide a recent consumer mobile bill in the name of the person, and give me the deal, additional terms, conditions, and restrictions supply. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day, like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at USAA.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. And I just had this instant fear of Dave. Your mom came in.

Dave asked me to marry. The next night, she came home black and blue, any other son-off shop, onto her head. We had to go into hiding. She said, Dave's real, Dad. I'm a celebrity. I knew from the age of five I was going to be famous. I wanted to matter. The situations have been put in as a child.

No child should ever be in. It got to a point it nearly kills me. Life changed overnight. I remember thinking like I was a superstar. Everyone took the piss. No one believed it. I said, I'm in the girl band, honestly. I went number one in 19 countries.

You were in one of the hottest groups in the UK, and then you leave. The climb to fame, Paul, was amazing. in there, hated it. Somebody posted a handwritten letter wishing me and my baby to die. When you're in a girl band, it's not glamorous at all. You work your f*** off. You're giving everything for free.

Oh, we were on, like, $2.50 a week. So anyway, we had Liz and Heidi. One of them didn't like one of the other, and one of them slapped somebody. Anyway, can we talk about that? You said one of them slapped what I'm looking? I wasn't there. Nothing do with me.

You and Brian meet. I only found out after we got married that Brian had cheated on his stag do. He rang me up and he said I wanted a divorce. I had such a breakdown over Brian. I was a mess. I was doing drugs. And now you've got yourself so low.

You're in rehab. How did I get here? And I made so many mistakes. So many. All right. You think you know Carrie Katona, but trust me, you don't. And how do I know this? Because I've known Carrie for six years and I've learned more in this conversation than I ever have.

So much so that we had to split this into two. parts. This conversation is heavy. So please take care while watching. And I have a small favor to ask. If you enjoy this conversation at all, please subscribe and hit the bell icon. What it allows us to do is bringing you more and more powerful conversations just like this. So thank you for all of your feedback and your comments. So sit back, buckle up and get ready for Carrie Katona like you've never heard her before. Carrie Katona? Yes. We need to talk. We do.

We need to talk. And we're talking. Let's talk. Let's talk. Are you ready? Are you ready? Buckle up. You know, honestly, I don't know if I'm ready.

Yeah. Because we've known each other for many years. And truly, not until I started doing the research, did I begin to understand how traumatic, but also how beautiful your life has. I didn't know. I'm so grateful. I think I just saw the headlines. Mm-hmm.

And I-hmm. And I believe most of us know the headlines. So I think this is a great opportunity for us, maybe for the first time for you, to go below the headlines and actually talk about the real story. So Harry could tell you on the real story. An open book. All right. Got nothing to hold back.

Can we begin? Childhood. Were you an only child? Yeah. I'm a product of an adult. affair. So you're ready for this? Okay. So when I was born, my mum

was in a relationship with this guy called Vic. Right? So for the first two years, he was like my dad. And his dad was like my granddad, really. But my mum left the guy who was like my dad for my granddad and married my granddad. And so my dad became

my brother and my granddad became my dad who I actually thought was my real dad. Until I was seven when my mum left my dad, who I thought was my dad for a woman who then told me that my dad wasn't my dad and it was some bloke car Ronnie Armstrong and I was a practical affair. Okay. Can we even unpack?

Just a little. Hold on for a second. My mind does not work as fast as yours. And that's one thing that also I realized is how clever you are and how quick your mind does work. I do think it's like well above the average. So let's slow it down for me. Do we get that number?

Kerry Cotoners braves above average. Holy shit. No, no, absolutely. You are super smart, super smart. I think that's something that the public doesn't know about you. Do you think when you were a child, do you feel like you were loved by your mother? I don't, this is the thing, Paul.

I didn't know any different. That was my upbringing. They make you very clear. My mum, my mum's upbringing was horrendous. She loved me, but I just don't think she knew how to be a mum, really. What were the circumstances of your mother's growing up? My mum was in home. My granddad came over during the war from Hungary, from Budapest,

and had my mum, that's Katona, a Hungarian. Oh, okay. People used to think it was a stage name, but it's not. I was brought up in, like, they put me in the bar in the Stocks pub, you know, three. Nine o'clock kids are supposed to be out, and they'd all cover me up with coats in Kahn. I don't let me just go sleep why they all carried on getting pissed

but I was having a great time I thought this was normal that's why I'm a shark at pool because I was brothel in pubs that was my normality I didn't really know any different then my granddad died and I went into refuge with my mum

Sally Armour Salvation Army oh I'm missing loads out you're missing so much out Paul I mean yeah because I think that your childhood is I've never heard of a childhood like this and it was horrendous really

Okay, all right. I know a laugh. Yeah, this is, okay, we're going to get, we're going to unpack it all. We might not even be able to unpack it all. You know what I mean? But until tomorrow. We're fine then. So there was a moment where the family, where your mother and the gentleman you were calling your father, that was, they were being separated.

Oh, and it was the most horrific thing I've ever been through when they took me off of my dad. That was awful. he literally had a police officer there and the police officer said he'd want to go live with and I wanted to stay with my dad but my mum was sat there myself

so the police gave you the option who would you like to go with well my dad had custody of me he did okay my dad had custody of me so he's going to be in our besties at weekend and then we go to the the mental institution that my mum was in I'll go see my mum at weekend when she used

to get sexioned and stuff and then my mum got out and then she was with Tina so in the 80s being a lesbian and being gay was really frowned upon so I got the shit kicked out of me at school gave as good as a got like Yes

So you're being bullied at school because of your mother Yeah Being in a relationship with a woman But remember when in the school And not the master out Literally Literally yeah

That's how I was brought up yeah She went in the school and knocked Well she punched him in the fascia Yeah. Okay. But it's rarely killed. You know, it was. It's marked in my life.

So how old are you at this point where your mother's entered a relationship with a woman? She's... Well, she was with Tina on and off since it was two. So my mom's never really been in a loyal relationship. Is that makes sense? Okay, that does make sense. So there was always somebody there like... But as a little girl, though, Carrie, were you...

where you're trying to evolve into a woman, right? And you're trying to create self-in-ed-ed-y. Well, I was the mother. She was the daughter. So you saw not only your mother harm herself, but then there was one incident where someone had stabbed her. Oh, that's just one of them, Paul. That's just one.

That's just, well, there's always fights. I think Tina stabbed my mum. And there was always fights. And, like, there was always, I mean, the things I saw my mom do, I can't even repeat after ship because it's so cruel. So cruel, some of the stuff I witnessed as a kid, I think, fucking hell. Tina leaves, and Dave's got out of prison or come out of somewhere.

Because my mum was always in our relationships. I never really met Dave. I had to pretend. I was calling Dad. And I just had this instant fear of Dave. Instant fear of him. Like, terrified of him. And I remember him walking in my bedroom,

and the first time I met him just fell flat on his face drunk. And I knew I had to pretend. and laugh because I knew his aura, I could tell the kind of man he was going to be. This one time, I used to have me in a, I'd be seven or eight, maybe eight, looking after babysitting on stale ketchup butties because my mum's got on piss for three days

and I used to go to shopping by myself. I used cash my mum's gyro. That's like benefits that you get free. I used to try out some of the money, so I could go and do a food shop. At eight? Yeah. I used to walk past my school.

But this one time, I remember I was in bed, my mum had been out, I was on by myself. And she came in and she sat next to, she said, Dave's asked me to marry him. I went, don't do it, mum. She said, why watch me? She said, I've always loved Dave. I said, he's going to beat shit. I'd never say, she said, she's really going to beat you up. She went, Kerry, in 16 years, he's never laid a finger on me.

The next night, she came home black and blue, any other son of shotgun to her head. Yeah, and then we had to go into hiding, and that's why we had to go into hiding. and that's where we got put in. And I remember because of who Dave was, I remember the social service or whoever it was, who came to get us, like witness protection, we had to go into hiding.

And we had to dye a hair, and that's where we got putting our first refuge in, I think it was a long site in, no, or New Mostyn or somewhere like that. But I actually said on the way there, so it's taking us to Manchester. I didn't know, Manchester and we end up in Manchester in a refugee.

I would imagine through witness protection, you're moving around all the time. Are you attending school? Not all the time, no. One point I couldn't go to school in case they've kidnapped me. So I had to get homeschooled when I got put in foster home when I was 13. Okay. It was like, that's why I hate my birthday. It was like three days after my 13th birthday.

And I've only, I've only clocked on to sat in my early 40s, why I get really depressed around my birthday. It's took that long to work at outgoing Because I had restraining order against Dave And I was in my full set of foster parents I just don't know I can do it to me child like I look at my kids She rang me up to Saturday I decided a job

With my foster parents And she went in I need to get to the pub now where she worked And I leged it to the pub and left me job Because I thought she was in trouble And I walked in day of week was still there. Oh, shi, myself.

My whole body was shaking. Shaking. Was terrified. And she blacked me and she'd like, and she'd be like in there, no. I want to have one you've been having an affair with such such a body or something like that. It was something stupid.

I literally. Well, I didn't know why and I said an ex-room at the way. I went, are you, how you, dad? How you, Dave? And Dave, it was Dave, I called him Dave. And then a little bit later, I think it was walking day. She took me outside the pub again and said, Dave's your real dad.

And, oh, what? Yeah. Yeah. It was so, so confusing. Did you believe

he was your real dad? Did he? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. Oh, you didn't. But I had to say, I mean, the situations

have been put in as a child of some of them are unspeakable when I said, I want the hour unspeakable that no child should ever be in heaven.

No, no. You know, I didn't know about Dave. Before Dave turned up on the scene, I was 14. Oh, yes. I wasn't allowed to be alone with my mum. It was supervised visits. So when my mum moved back up in Warrington,

my mum was my universe, Paul. She was my mum at the end of day. So I snuck off from my foster parents to go and see my mum in the pub with Tina, a lesbian lover. And this is where the drugs come into play. Okay. And my mum had gone in toilet.

She's in there for age of. What's she doing in there? So I've gone in Irving Tina in there, like a white bag. And they were like this, putting this white stuff. And I said, what you do? What's that? She went, yeah, rubbed it. Rubbed up on my gum, she didn't share, but...

Rubbed it on your gums. It was speed. I had a great time. Yeah, it was speed. How old were you carrying? 14. 14. Yeah.

And then I used to save my pocket money up from my foster parents, my five are and go get a rock a whiz with me mum, speed. That was my norm. I thought people who didn't do drugs with snubs Interesting So with your mom at age 14 Doing drugs, you're just great Do drugs together

And Tina I guess would get involved And then he got weird with Tina Because I think Tina sat if I hadn't seen me I mean you wouldn't You know and then Dave came back on the scene Yeah And now I see Especially when you talk about him

I can see how tense you get So you were in fear of him Oh yeah But when he died I was devastated because now I thought, no, I've got to really deal with me, Mum. By yourself? By yourself. Yeah.

It sounds like you loved her. You wanted her to love you, but you didn't necessarily feel safe at all in that environment. Well, as I gave me a teenage, I thought she was cool. Okay. So she was like my best mate then. Okay. Do you know what I mean? It was like, that was my circle of friends, me, mum, whoever she was with.

And the people in pub. I see. So I didn't, like, and then if we'd go to my mum's flat, me or my mate, she used to make him bring a kind of supertenance from to get in the door. Everyone thought my mum was killed. She was, she was right, laugh at me mum. She still is, you know, but that was my normal, Paul. I did not know any different.

Do you see what I mean? I see, I see it out. I see what your normal was. Yeah. And I could see, I could actually understand so much more now about you. It taught me a long time to my. realize and put each, that's why that happened. That's why I went for these men.

That's why I wanted to survive a figure. I kept bringing and getting married because I was desperate to have a dad. It took me so long to realize I'm more than enough. Yes. What about your biological father? Oh, this is so complicated. Yes. So did you have any relationship with him?

No. So my mom used to babysit their daughter. Joyce and Ronnie Okay And my mum was having an affair with Ronnie And got pregnant And he came to see me when I was six week old And held me with his brother Garra

And he put silver in your hand or something And then he said to me mum I love you And he said to me, don't stand there and tell me love me When you're going to go on to your wife This is my mum's story You should never seen him again ever Ever Ever? Ever. Ever? Ever seen him again.

And then when I was 26 I hired a private investigator and the woman who helped me do it unfortunately then went to the papers so the news at world found out who my biological dad was went and knocked on his wife's store to say ayah wait news up will running a story on your husband ronnie that he's a biological dad of kerry ketona she went he died six months ago so this poor woman just buried her husband and because i'm who i am and it's people like buying the paper because of the headlines. I thought this poor woman, this family, they're going to hate me.

Did you have any communication with her? They welcome who they're open art. Really? She said if you were knocked on this door 10 years ago. And I forgot to meet him. Oh my goodness. I've got another sister who I spoke to this morning. We're really close.

And two younger brothers, I love them all so much. And his wife grabbed me face. She was like, you look more like. your dad than any of them kids get in here she goes that I forgives your dad for anything she goes your mum was a trouble you mum was troubled and that's lovely and the one thing I don't resent me mum for the drugs or anything I resent for the fact that I didn't get to meet my dad yeah yeah I feel that you know especially knowing that um his wife so it's so jealous of them all and it like I pulled myself away from him

because I thought that void I was always trying to feel it was a daddy issue huge daddy issue and I was really jealous of them like they'd go sports day and they're probably thinking I'm caro because he'll have this great life wasn't like that but it wasn't meant to be Paul

I wasn't meant to have him I probably would have the relationship I have wouldn't be step-mom now I'm a sister's and my brother It wasn't meant to be, and I've had to tell myself that. I'll go upstairs and talk to his ashes, call him a daftwatt. Do you, to this day? Yeah, well, if I go around Joyce's his wives.

But, like, my brother Paul turned around and I said, what would you say to me, Dad, if you saw him? He goes, I'd punch him for keeping you away from myself for so long, and they don't want anything. They're just in the background, and they're so supportive and so loving, and they're amazing, but they watched me in the jungle and voted for me. And he never said a word. He never said a word.

Oh, well, oh, yeah, to them, yeah. He never said a word. I think I just wanted to shake his hand to say, you're proud. From where it was to what I've done and achieved. Yeah. Just someone's done really well. So knowing that he was watching you all the way through. Yeah.

Do you think he was proud of you? I have no idea. How do you feel? I don't know, honestly. I don't know. I struggle with that. I struggle with that a little bit. I don't know.

I know my extended family. They're proud and stuff. And my sister's always, she's amazing. I love her to bits. It's been, since moving back up north of living in East or six, we've really come together like I took her to a red, first red carpet every week. Okay.

You know. So that's your family? That's my family. I know, I love and I adore them. And the thing is I've pulled myself way more from my mum. because I don't resent anything she's put me through, Paul, because it's made me who I am. And sometimes I have the best,

that some of those were the best years of my life with my mum. We had a great time. You know, I didn't know any different, and she was my best mate. But the one thing I'll, I struggle with is the fact that she would not let me go meet my dad, but I'd go and find him. And especially when they say,

we would have welcomed you. That was like, someone really just punching you, like, it's like being winded. Yeah, I tell you, I mean And I look more like him than I even Do you? Yeah. Do you?

Yeah. Wow. You know, it's such a hard story to hear But I can't imagine what it's like to live Through that. It's a nice, Paul, I think I look at it.

And this really upsets me Because what people don't understand It's the press And how easy it is And the colleagues we've lost in this industry You live this year after year after year after year after year through your teens at a moment in someone's life, you know your children going through their teens, right? It's a moment in your life where you're really trying to figure out who you are

and what life is about. And what parents try to do is what many parents try to do is shield their children from the world. But it seems like you saw. The underbelly. I think you're going to go out in that world. It's like my kids need to know they've got to stand on it. I'm always there for them. I am there everything.

I know that they're my bestest friends in the world. But I've also tried teaching them to be tough as well. You know, they're all very private educated. They all talk very well. And, you know, they're cut from a different cloth from me. But I did that part. Yeah. And I will take full credit for that.

Yeah. So you finally landed in a foster home where you felt safe. Yeah. I was 13. Just turned 40 when I got with them. So your foster mom, and I didn't realize this. You carried a relationship with her. Oh, my God.

She was... My foster that gave me away when I married Brian. Wow, look at that. Yeah, it's still... Fosters alive. He's still going to his 80s. Yeah, they was... I mean, I just remember going in the house.

Oh, my God, you got food in your cupboard. She said she never gets that. You've actually got food in your cupboard. You had food. You had... It was... I have rules. You have rules.

I have rules. had to be in at a certain time. I had to do my homework. I had to do my own ironing. And then I lied to my foster parents and said, I was going to my friend's house, Jenny's and Jenny said she was coming to my house. But really, we went to the pub with my mum

because I wasn't allowed to see me mum. There was, like, unless it was as a supervisor, is it? I see. And the pub fell rang. And it was my foster mum. Having a nice time, I, yeah? I said, well, I'm not coming back, I'm staying here with me, mum.

And then my mum took me back and then we got, took him by the police the next day. And then the police had to come and take me my mum because it's almost like, you know wasn't allowed to be with me. Right. And my foster parents picked me up. We fostered address, well, why I order? And it's just really understanding great people.

Yeah, look at that. Yeah. And then I wanted to be a pastry model because I wasn't going to be a rocket scientist, was I, Paul? I had a great set of tics. And I was a really pretty kid back. then like I've been modelling since the West Street like my mum put me in

charming child competition in Warrington Guardian and I won it okay so I was like a really good looking kid like you know and I had these great boobs so my mum set off my portfolio

and we did some the guy was like should we do some topless pictures my mum was there and Foboa and my mum ended up sending her off to the sudden newspaper but can I ask though Is that, I mean, I know your lifestyle was a unique lifestyle, right? But you are, is it 15 when the photographer says?

I think you were 16 because I was the eldest in my year at school. Okay. Because I remember taking my portfolio into Mr. Spiegel. Look, sir. Look at me pictures. And he's like, carry that talk. Carry, that. I said, sir, look.

Look at these photos. I didn't know any different. I used to sit there with me, make Kelly Warren in science. I used to sign me an autograph. And I knew from the age of five I was going to be famous. You knew it from five. You knew you were different. I just knew.

I wanted to matter. Yes. Yes. Yes. I see it. And I think I was such an entertainer as a kid just to change the atmosphere. Really? How so?

I can walk in a room and just do it like that since the kid. And I think it's because of them. And that's why I'm grateful because they end up in this industry. And because of what I went through as a child, I have a gift. to have been able to walk in and lifting the energy up. It's installed in me. Yes. You know what's so interesting about that?

I've never seen you once not walk into a room and lift the energy. So you do that. I'd have to be really polar. For you not to. For not to do that. I'd have to be like something I'm really not feeling well. Why? What were you, what do you get back, especially at a young age, at 10, 11, 12?

Where were you getting back? Harmony. making everybody happy, making them laugh, entertaining. Like, just the wittiness and the jokes, like, I don't know where I got it from. But just keeping that atmosphere from such a young age is something I've been able to carry on doing in this stupid industry that we're in. Yeah.

Was any of that about, and I'm just wondering, about a sense of control? Because here you were in a life where you had no control whatsoever. But when you walk into a room, what I notice is that you immediately become the ringleader of the room. He said that. Yeah. Is any of that...

I don't mean to be... I'm not trying to be in charge or anybody, but I just want a nice atmosphere. Okay. And if I can help bring that energy level up and everyone, have a nice time. You know, why we're doing grueling things and working so long? Like, we all want the same thing.

I think that... I think I'm no different than any runner. We all want the same thing. Right. Let's treat everybody the same. Either he goes at the door. So I like to hope that I Inspire other people who are in my industry to do the same

And not be dicks Okay, that's fair, that's fair So then going back to the photography, right At 16, your mother is in a studio My idea as well It was your idea I even was going to decide up to be an escort My mom took me into the sex shot

I didn't end up doing it But you were thinking about being in escrow at 16 You thought this is a Me and Mom Together Well, there was a photographer and my mum do end up coming talking to him

and he made Will convinced me to do open leg shots but I've gone back to do not an only fan I've gone back to my Root Shay it wasn't it and that came back to haunt me then whenever came famous he sold all those pictures and Brian paid a fortune to try to get removed

and then ended up going on doing only funds anyway the irony The irony. The irony. But at 16, though. Yeah. That was my get-out. So what happened was, my mum wrote off to, bear in mind,

pay tree was huge then, Paul. Exactly. It was a different time. It was a different time. Samantha Fox was 16. She was the biggest pay-free model go in. She had great natural boobs. So did I.

How's he really? And so when my mum sent my portfolio off to the son, normally don't hear off him from weeks, he rang the very next day. Did they? Back in day, Paula, it was all right, you know. I was all right. I was easy on.

I back then. Don't say back then. Come on now. But also, so I understand too, and for anyone who doesn't know about page three, page three, was it the page three of the sun? Or the Daily Star. Or the Daily Star. Or whatever it was, yeah.

Page Tree was always a woman modeling topless. It was a huge thing. It was a normal thing back then. And any age? Or what was the age? No, 16. 16. Like, you allowed to have sex and get married.

16 is illegal age. So I think Saman Fox was 16. Because I was so young and 16 was such... I'm not... I'm ashamed to say I have a great set of tips on me. That was my get-out. Okay. So when we set the portfolio off to...

They kind of stopped trying to keep me away from my mum at this point now. My mum's my best friend. This is when I started skipping school and wagging school. Right. And my mum was back up north. And after Dave dies and all that. And then I'm still in foster home And the son said

Come down and we'll get Beverly Goodway To do a Like, what's his shot that you call it? Just a, you know, like a trial run. Okay. And so I said to me foster parents, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm going to tell you the truth

I'm not going to school tomorrow. I said, me and me, I'm going to London. If you want to ring social services, you won't ring the social worker and tell them, you can tell them, but you're not stopping me because I'm going to go. It's a great opportunity for them.

I'm going and me and my mum got the train and we had a great life, Paul. Like when I was with my mum we used to have a great time. No, no drink or anything like that at. Yes. Or drugs, like we, sometimes like, they're the best years of my life sometimes.

Some of the things I've done with my mum, like when the police came to get me off my mum because I went to the pub, we found it deaf funny. She's like, we're sat and we're like, wait, you go on now, you're going to be grounded, you're going to be in trouble. Yes.

You know, she was my mate. Yeah. And we went to London. I did the photo shoot with the amazing baby of the good way. I think he's passed away now. Linda Lassad is pitched up there. Joe Gess is up there and Samantha Fox and a Linda Messenger and they got the pictures and the next day,

yeah, we want you. And then when they looked into me, I had a court order on me. So then me, there's a worm come out of the woodworks here. We can't put these pictures in the paper because you have a court order on you, Kerr. I was just desperate then to get my picture on page three. So I had to go to court, get the court order lifted, but I wasn't allowed to stay in foster home.

I'd then got put into a semi-independence home when I was 60 so I could pursue my glamour modeling career. Look at that. You did that so you can land. Yeah, so you can pursue glamour modeling. So then the photo comes out on page three. It never does. I never ended up doing it in the end.

Oh, my goodness. I got put in semi-dependence home because this court order took so long. I got putting some independence home when I was 16 and then I got my first council flat when I was 17 and that's when my life changed overnight really, Paul. Okay, how so? I was in a nightclub underage and I met this guy called Davy T

and I was a good dancer, you know, dancing away and he said, look, I'm in this band called The Palm Kings and we're looking for dancers and we think you'd be great and I went back to my mum's like, I mean I've missed out so much. It's like drama and I think we've had to have. and there's so much I could tell you. I used to go on the rob with my mum, Paul. So when I was in foster home,

my mum would come up north or like, and we'd go rob together. You would rob? I'd shoplift, yeah. With your mother? Yeah, or on me own. Was it? I don't do it now.

Just to be clear, just check everywhere before I leave first, Paul. Yeah, yeah. But you would go rob stores? Yeah. Not like, not like, like, like, shotlift. But like shoplift. Yeah, like shotlift, yeah.

Yeah. I used to get a list off everyone from school. That's who's got me being running up weekend. Oh, he's got the first year to go give me kiss on cheek for 50p because he all fancied me. And then he used to go get like a bottle of white lightning and go on part with me mate, Lisa. Oh, my gosh. This is all, this is just. This is while I was in Fosso.

Okay. This is just so. So you do it. Yeah, this is actually a lot more than I thought. So at 17, though, what were you doing for income at this time? I was always working. I've always worked. I worked at a Saturday job at the fashion connections at the market.

And I worked as a glass collector at nighttime. So on Saturday I'd go to that job and at nighttime. I always, I mean, when I worked at JD, I worked in the Chippy. Goodness. I worked as a lap dancer. that's when I started lockdown when I got my first council flat I was working as a BT sales advisor

but I was so dyslexic I used to get really nervous so hi it's character's trying to call I'm from BT I just like to talk because you know those ones tell people and after the time I couldn't pronounce the surnames I'll read the words on the screen because I didn't I was so dyslexic

I loved skill skill for me was escapism I loved it so much I wish it was clever I wish I could understand what the teacher meant I used to go into my science lesson and start talking about God, just so that we didn't have to only work. Okay. To say, well, do you believe in God, though, sir,

because you're scientists, I was dead cheeky. I see it. I was dead cheeky. I wasn't naughty, but I was cheeky. Yes, yes. I was a class clown. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I was a proper tomboy,

even though I was a pretty girl. All right. I see it. I feel like me, so I'd be a bit of a dick, so that they like me. It'd be funny. Oh, my gosh. You know what it's like being a bit of a dick, don't you, Paul?

Sometimes. Get off of me. Get off me. You know what I love is that you give it, right? But you also take it. Absolutely. If you can't take it, don't give it. A lot of people can't, you know.

A lot of people get all stuck up, right? I'm a nub. Yes, you are. I'm a lovable nub. You are. Sometimes. Sometimes. No, no, no, no.

All the time. All the time. All the time. All the time. All the time. So now, though, 17. You're doing all of these. You have lots of different jobs.

So that's what happened. So I was in my, I was, at this point, I'm already on doing the Coke. So it's gone from doing whiz, speed, then doing cocaine. And it wasn't me, my mom gave me my first line of Coke. It was a boyfriend at this time. Okay. And that's when I got a taste of it. And then I realized my mum was doing it as well.

And then we started doing it together. All right. I see. I see. Yeah. You know, I'm sure it happens, but I've never spoken with anyone who did drugs with their parents consistently. Yeah, but I'm sure they're people.

But just so I understand, though, because I get the dynamic between you and your mother. You were more so mom. But if you were more so mom, did you feel any level of responsibility to your mother of maybe we shouldn't be doing this? Or was it just so? Well, I have an addictive personality as well. So after you had that first line, you're chasing the, buzz Paul and everyone was there happy yeah everyone was talking shit I had loads of great times on drugs I'm not gonna lie it I'm not gonna lie you know it got to a point it nearly killed me but it was um

it got a lot okay and you're chasing that's what I hear she was so you do you do you feel like you never get the buzz as it was the first time now look but I mean I was never addicted to it I just overdone it like once I started a concert I binge a binger and then I won't touch it for ages, months and months, months, and then when you had that first one, like I used to bribe, not bribe my mum, like when I was living in Ireland with Brian and she was down or depressed, I'd go, don't me fly over and get you to bag. That was our relationship, Paul, that's not normal. I see it, I see it, yeah, I see it.

I mean, it's not normal, but it was your normal. It was my normal, yeah. You know that feeling when you've just committed to starting something big and then it hits you. How am I going to pull this off? When I started my matchmaking business, I remember sitting at the kitchen counter one night with my computer and 15 tabs open trying to figure out how I should market and sell our services. It was pretty overwhelming, and that continued for a lot of the first year. And I look back now and think if I'd only had our sponsor Shopify on board, I'd have had a much softer start to entrepreneurship.

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Book it with Price Line. Download the point. Priceline app or visitpriceline.com. Actual prices may vary. Limited time offer. Atomicant, we have to talk about this. Okay. All right. This is key.

All right. 17. You are not singing anywhere. Oh, yes, I am. Oh, you are singing. Oh, my goodness. Really? Oh, my God.

Every microphone, every karaoke you could possibly give me. So I was brasping pubs. Okay. Sunday's karaoke day in pubbing it. Okay. So I'd always got up and do Whitney Houston. and I believe the children are at future. Yeah, I was always singing.

Always singing. And dancing as well? Dancing was my forte. All right. So you were never classically trained. Never. You taught yourself. Self taught, yeah.

Look at that. And it seems like you taught yourself by doing all the karaoke's, etc., seeing what the feedback was from the crowd. Yeah. And then you would adjust. Well, bear in mind the crowd around performing to it. And my mom and her mates are like, like, blowing me smoke up my house, making me feel like I'm amazing.

You know, but I was an entertainer, and that, I, that's, I used to get on, on the mic all the time. Every, so I was always singing a cup belt out of shoe. So you believed you were talented. I am talented. Okay. So, I, I, you know. Are we in the ages? She said, I am.

I am. You know, so interesting, because sometimes when I talk to artists, right, they'll say, no, I'm not. But then others will. say, of course I am, right? And I see that there's a level of confidence. I don't think talent. I have a gift. I enjoy performing.

I enjoy going on stage. I can sing. I love acting. I love making people happy. I love making them smile. And I've been gifted with it because I think a lot of it from my childhood are having to act so grown up and being in situations that you should never be in. I just sat awesome as I was able to change that environment around.

Yes, I see it. And that's why I'm so grateful. And I'm not like, oh, pardon me. My childhood was so bad. I mean, 10 years ago, I've never cried about this. Never. But I've done a lot of healing on myself. I know.

It's okay to be sad about it. It never bothered me. Yes. I used to say it like it was really enough of script. Yes. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. That's definitely that. But, you know, knowing that you did karaoke in particular

and knowing that you are this entertainer, right, it now, that even makes more sense, right, to me. But it seems like at 17, the goal wasn't necessarily, I'm going to be a pop star. I just wanted to be famous. The pastry stuff, I just thought, oh, this is great. But I never, ever, ever expected this level. So how did it happen?

I end up getting a job on Men of Motors. If you Google it, it's on YouTube. I show it you, Paul. And I've got this silver key on this later, I had to dance all sex at the camera. and that that's I don't even know how I ended up getting that job so I was in a nightclub 17 I remember exactly what I had on had this is sequence

white thing with a bra that wrapped round with skin and I was you know this because I thought it was a good know because I used to do Michael Jackson impersonation did you really I used to competitions as a kid and be the only woman girl girl to win look at that I know really would could you break dancing. Yeah, all that. Oh wow. Like a moonwalk? Yeah, don't we show you. Can you can't you moonwalk?

Are you serious? Are you ready to this? Hold on, okay. That's not a moonwalk. It's on the moon. But that's not a moonwalk though. I can do it on the scarf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, of course I can do. You know what?

I'm doing it. That's how confident you are. You're like, of course I can do. No, but I can't. I can't do all this. No, no. And I believe that. So you were then in a. You were like a background dancer, though, for another. What was that? So the Parm Kings, so this is how it all started. I was in a nightclub.

I was underage. I was with my boyfriend, Carl Dundon. And this guy called David T. approach me. He was like, you know, I'm in this band. Got this like, we're looking for dancers. We're in the Parm Kings. Anyway, the next day, we rang it up and it was legit. Oh, yeah, we remember you.

And two weeks later, I'm in Germany on some TV war things in a pink like Unitar short thing pretending to play the keyboards in front of 10,000 people I shit you not

so you're just you know I was not sexy girl when I you know giving it all that wild wild and then it's a we've we've got this

I think it was a taxi or Rose Royce that was a union jack all over it and I, he wanted me to be the model for their album cover. Okay. And I said crawl on the front cover of this Rose Royce. 17, I just don't know. Like, living on my own, trying to get as much money, like, and I was mother and I was on their album and HMV and shit like that.

And then he started giving me gigs, singing that song, but mime into it. And I just go on the stage, it's like going, it's not even me. It's not even you. You are lip-sinking, right? But you're doing this because you're just hired to be, to play a role. Just like in a nightclub. We just wanted somebody and that's what I was doing. And then Davey T. turned around and said to me,

there's a guy called Andy McCluskey from All Cashroom, Mnoboves in the Dark, OMD. OMD, yeah, right? He sat in a girl by and said, I think you should go and audition. Ebbington audition in my life, but ever. But so OMD was creating. atomic kitten. And Andrew Kluski, I spoke to And to the other still good friends.

Really? So you know what? I do this for OMD. I am... Do you know how many albums this group is sold? They're huge. No cash from roos in the dart. They are absolutely huge. It is unbelievable.

So yeah, OMD... You should have stayed at home yesterday. Over four... They've sold over 40 million records globally. Like huge. I mean, absolutely was. You didn't know? I didn't have a clue.

You were just... I'll just go along. I'll go along. Got the train to Liverpool. Had my portfolio for me page free photographs, right? 17 years of age. Right. By yourself.

By myself. Okay. I thought what I forgot to lose. I didn't know where these men were. Davy T picked me up from Liverpool Station. Got in his car. He took me in and he said, hi yeah, Andy. He said, this is girl I was telling you about.

I didn't know how big these people were. I didn't know how well known they were. until I went home and he gave me CD and I went, oh, fucking hell, I know that one, walking on Milky Way. So I've walked in, you know me, Paul, walking, I, I love how we're doing. He's me patiently, you know, told loads of jokes

and I think I sang Big Spender, Hey, Big Spender! I'm very theatrical performer, you know. Yes. And they based a band around my personality. So were you the first? Yeah, I'm the founder member of Atomic Kim. Okay.

So they got you. And then how did they identify the other members? So we held auditions. Oh, okay. Now, at this point, I couldn't afford to pay me rent. I couldn't, like, afford to pay, I wasn't getting any income. So I turned 18 now at this point, still in an atomic kitten. That's when I started lockdown.

While I was forming an atomic kitten. Really? Fully nude. At 18. At 18. Yeah, I only did it for three weeks, but I was stopping. No. I only did it for three weeks, but I made $10 million.

So then that, from what I understand by that, is that there was no money coming from the group. No, no, no, we was getting off. So we held auditions and I picked Heidi Range. Okay. Sugar Babes. Wow. And Liz McClan. Liz is the most beautiful soul.

Such a beautiful soul. And Heidi, when she sang, oh my God. amazing. Amazing. She was an amazing singer. Wow, so you pick them, which I did not know. Together, like,

I was working with Andy, Stuart and Martin. So, like, I was like, because of how I hold myself as well and I insert myself into people, it was like, okay, so what we're going to do next?

And, you know, I love this song. I remember taking the cassette home of the songs and me learning and getting off me ebb with my mum and thinking like, I was this superstar.

That's what it was like. That's how you felt. That's how it was. So you felt like... And everyone took the picture. like, I mean, no one believes it. I said, I'm in the girl band, honestly. Yes, but no one believed you.

And our end is like, I think you should get a proper job. Like, you know, just didn't get, I'm telling you, I'm in a girl band. I'm really, honestly, no one believe me. At that time, who were the bigger girl bands out? Spice girls. The Spice Girls were out at that time. Be witch. Be witch, yes.

Yeah, spice girls be which. Okay, okay. So you thought, did you feel like we could be just as big if not bigger? Yeah, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, having great. I was like my best life. Yeah. It's like we just done the girl, you know, the boy band documentary they did.

Yeah. We just done the girl band documentary. And Andy, Andy McCluskey, we've been on phone to each other and he literally has just sent me across unseen footage from the start of Atomic Kid and that I've never seen just to make sure that I was okay with what was in there and stuff. I couldn't watch it. Oh, it was quite emotional.

Really? And I'm going, oh my God, I made all these routines up. And then we're doing all the shitty nightclubs. We're doing all the school tours. The client of Thay and Paul was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing. Getting there, hated it once I got it. That climb of it.

Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, anyways, we had Liz and Heidi. Okay. And one of them didn't like one of the other, and one of them slapped somebody. Anyway, Heidi wanted to go solo. I remember everywhere Heidi went.

Can we talk about that? Yeah, what? You said one of them slapped one on the? Yeah, I don't know why. Okay, so they... I wasn't there. So they got into a fight. This time.

Okay. Nothing do with me. You were not there. I can't believe it. So they didn't like each other. I don't know what I'd gone on like. So I was the eldest. So I like, I think Heidi was 14.

Liz was 15. They had to have chaperones. Okay. No one could tell me what, Deepo, because I've never had rules like, you know, that's why I was always in trouble and I was in Hugo Smith's office at the record company

and he's always kicking the door through because they didn't want us. They said we signed the band, but we don't want the blonde girl. She's a loose cannon. Okay, but this begins to make sense, right? You're older than them. I've lived on me own since you see.

I've lived on your own, right? I've got bringing the bad. Absolutely. So they don't like each other. And then is it, it's Heidi. Heidi Lee, she wants to go solo. And then they went and got Natasha Hamilton. Okay.

Without my knowledge. Anyway, met Tash. She was, I think she was the youngest out of all three of us. I met Taf, I can't stand her. You know, she was like, very strong character, like, tell me what routines. to do and I said, Lord, I don't like her. I don't think she's a fit.

And he said to me, look, give her two weeks. If you don't get on, we'll change her, but she's got a great voice. I thought, oh, fair enough. And I fell madly in love with her.

Did you? We were like that. Okay. I loved her to be. It's like we were super, super, super close. So once the three of you came together for the first time.

So we got a record deal. Four weeks. Look at that. How did you get the deal? Andy. So obviously, Andy organized. So what you had to do,

we was called Honey Heads, exit and then we added a fashion designer who was doing our clothes for us and her label's called

automatic kitten and I think it was slippery siddle someone who said oh it's a bit of a mouth or that it should be atomic and I went back

and said why don't we call us atomic kitten and that's what it was so then we had a showcase okay where different like we send

we send all your CDs and albums off to different people for record companies and we had a showcase and we did all the routines and it was all my work and you know that was me yes you're at michael jackson yeah yeah i was like so come on me do it to me good now do it to me slowly be the one and only yeah so like that yeah choreographer yeah what i did not know it i did not know it were you writing as well no fuck that can't that Oh, God, no. Bleeding hell, it's just a depressing, it's suicide.

I wrote a song. Okay. I'm not passionate about music in that respect. I love musicals. I love theatre. I get goosebumps. My kids are in Brasper in theatres. They're a different breed to who I am.

Yes. You love the performance. I love the performers. I couldn't sit there and go, Oh, that cute, what on this song. Where's my oldest shot on Molly? She's a great songwriter. Like, the passionate about it, I was not.

I just want to let them get on the stage. Just let them get on the stage and entertain everybody. So then during the first time as Atomic Kitten on stage performing, do you remember that? No. You don't? I remember the showcase I was doing. We did, Paul, it's so difficult.

We did everything everywhere. I just remember, I'll never forget. We had to do, obviously we had to do a music video first. That I'll never forget, and that was right now. Okay. And that's when I was like, This is like, I remember when we got the record deal, it was an innocent record. So Billy Piper, you know, Martin McClutching.

Yes. Then they signed blue a little bit later after all. I was like, I never get it with me, when I'm like reading that Martin McClutch and I got this. I was very good at manifesting. I was very good at visualising and it's just happening. And I remember Martin McCluch got this one million pound deal of innocent records and I'm like, I said, I'd love that. So can you imagine?

And he ended up on the same label. It's weird. It was really, and then me here and Billy Piperl went in toilet, so you had the biggest boobs. Very surreal. Oh, really? I can see headlines now. Here we go.

That was the competition. I won. You won't. Oh my gosh. But in that moment, though, think of Carrie Katona, where you had come from. You know when I got the record deal? When we did the showcase to the record people,

they all kept coming in and out. And then Hugo Smith I want to sign you guys And we're like Oh my God You just think Oh It's dead glamorous

And all that And you know We want to sign you And we're on SM TV You're going to do CDUK We're going to get you on top of the pops And we're like These like huge TV shows back in the day

We're like Oh my God And Liz weren't rang a mum And Tash weren't rang her And my dad And my mum was I've got a record deal And she's

I can't find the cat I'm like Did you call any else? No No I don't know. Until people saw it, I just thought, no one believes in me anyway, so. Yeah, yeah.

How did you feel, though, knowing what you had already gone through at that point in your life to now, something that you've always wanted? I think I didn't really appreciate it at the time, to be honest with you, Paul, because you're so busy. It's not what you think it's going to be. I enjoyed the climb. I enjoyed getting there, love doing all the gigs and, you know, starting to get recognized and people asking for artworks.

And I was an entertainer. I was like, I was a loose cannon. I was like, I hear everybody, you know. I cheered everybody up. It's then when you become super famous. And there's always one of you in the band do press focus on. There's always one of you that you're like, okay, who's press worth a year? Yes.

And so before we released anything, we had to sit down with lawyers individually in case anything came out and tell them everything. I think Tash was in there, what, 40 minutes. in there four minutes six hours later yeah well this might come out my one was a lesbian I didn't know my biological like you know and he's just like fucking hell wow wow and it seems as if you were the target yeah I think because I was the eldest I was gobby I was pretty had the boobs at the early stage of the atomic kitten you can see the girls followed my lead as you see it where a walking room no they they were they were they're not saying this was down to me

this was down to us as a solo group, but you could see, looking back on those videos, you can see that I didn't give a shit, no one ever looked after me. So they were my girls. So I'd always get in the shit for the girls. I wasn't mean he's trained.

Right. I didn't go to theatre school. Right. I was just me. Yeah, you were. You were. Have you ever been on a date where you're trying so hard to just be yourself

that suddenly it feels. feels impossible? You start overthinking everything, how to sit normally, what to do with your hands, then you end up doing something weird like this. Now, let's flip that. I want you to think about how you are when you're with your best friend. It's usually when we're our truest selves. And when you're in that zone, it's actually a great time to meet someone new. In that setting, you're naturally thriving. It's why our sponsor, Tinder, created their new double date feature, where you and your bestie can connect with other single pairs. Instead of that high pressure one-on-one environment, now you're at a group hang. Conversation flows better. And if you stumble, your bestie is

literally right there to catch you. If solo dating makes you act like a glitchy version of yourself, invite a friend along. Download Tinder today and try double date because everything is better with your bestie. Can we talk about the success? Right. So here's what I see. is the group release their debut, your debut single right now. It reached number 10 in the UK charts, right? That was amazing. That was for, I'll never, ever, ever forget that.

Because that was back in the day when you used to press record or to listen to the top 10 chart with Dr. Fox. You know, and then we heard it on the radio. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. It was all in my mom's flat. Everyone loved me, mum. We all love being with my mum.

I think we've been gigging somewhere. Oh my God, I've gone straight in at number 10. That was huge. That's huge. And then I remember seeing the box. You have boxing V. And I was like, oh my God, I'm on the telly. This is mental.

Yeah. That's the first time that all of those people that you grew up with now are seeing that you were not lying. Oh, it's weird. So how did they react? So I went out, not thinking anything, like to local nightclub that I always went. I had two drinks had to leave. Well, this is mad. I just watched in...

And everyone's that, not, because you don't see that you've been everywhere because you're so busy. You don't get to. Right. Do you know what I mean? And then it was just like, it was weird. Like I'll be in the toilet and you could hear a girl outside. Yeah, she's been sleeping with my boyfriend and she's my sister. Just making pure shit up just to use your name.

Right. Weird. But why do you think that happened to you and it felt like so quickly? Don't know. I've no. It was like, I was famous before I was famous in Warrington just for being a good, good, good looking girl. Okay, I see.

Everyone knew who Kerigana was. All right. It seems like there was a lot of attention on you. I've always had attention on me, Paul. That's the thing that it's not like, and it was just because of me looks back in the day and the boobs, like, I was famous for being a pretty girl. But, I mean, outgoing, and the girl's addicts was really nice.

But in the group, though, you don't feel like there was even more that the attention was magnified. Yeah, it got to a certain point, especially when I got with Brian McFadden, that even before Brian, I remember I was so scared because I'm a pastry photographs coming out. They didn't want that.

When you're in a girl band, it's not like you're a boy band. You got to really try to get your fans because they're mainly girls and they don't like pretty girls sometimes. So I have to be a bit more, I love, how are we doing? And be a bit silly with the girls.

So they're like, oh, she's lovely here. Interesting. So I think that's where that came from. Did you have, I would imagine that there were meetings about this. Oh, God. I was always in trouble. Like, they've got all you pay for your photographs carrying. Oh my God, I want to get sats.

I'm going to ruin everything. And, you know, it was, it was, it was, it was an unknown world to me. Did they ask you to be more reserved and toned down at all? No. No. I don't think anyone can tell me you do that part. Do you? Well, you know, because I remember, so.

in these comments That was that was that was that was the main thing of Atomic Kim We were norvaners We were we wasn't media trained You know I didn't go to theatrical school And people like that I think that's what was uni And we had great songs

Okay okay So then for You know when you think about the industry Especially during that time Right There was a lot of I think poor management Poor record deals

Oh we were on like 250 a week 250 pounds I left Atomic Kitting with 36 grand in my bank and bought me with my house and moved to Ireland. It was ridiculous. But you're giving everything for free. Wait a way, I'm sorry, 250 pounds, even during, even... Something like that. My, pediums, it might...

Even with the, when you released Holigan, number one in the UK, stayed there for four consecutive weeks. Like number one in 19 countries? Salary didn't change. Well, I left them. I left just before Tom McKitt went, before Holigan went to number one. It's my single, my song, my, my, my vocals. Right. And then Jenny came to finish off the promotion because I was pregnant with Molly.

And I didn't actually realize that I didn't want to be rich and famous. I just wanted to be a mum and a wife. Okay. I just crave that family, unity. Behind the scenes, say I'm like on stage, SMTV, the shit that's going on with my mum at home with her boyfriend, who knows she's seeing somebody else who they're fighting and beating up. And I've got on stage.

She's like, if you see me walking down the street. Just have me, wonderful. You know, the other girls didn't really have that. Yes. So it's a lot to deal with. It is. So you had the stresses of what's happening to your mother, right? You're aware of that.

And then because my mom's history started to come out in the newspaper, that was on me then. So I'm like, I'm so sorry, what can do? I'll get you some coke or get your new kitchen or, you know, it was looking back on it before it was handled. I don't even know how I got through it. Exactly. It was a lot because it was a lot.

What was when you think about... Like for that, I find harder than my childhood. The Atomic Hitton era. That I found that more... Because I was more grown up and more aware. How, like, even going through what I went through with Dave and my mum, like 10 years ago, I would have cried about that. My core, I feel as my mother.

because of what I went through, I've now got the strength to get through whatever comes out of me because of me mom. Because of her. But in the group, though, before you left at 19, because I know that you left,

and then there's a return, right? Or 20, okay. So between 18 and 20, right, an atomic kitten, what was a highlight for you, though? What was a moment that just always brings a smile to your face? It was just surreal.

I'll never forget we were supporting steps First of all we supported 9-1-1 I remember we were supporting steps in these massive arenas I'll never forget singing the song and I looked down at this little girl behind the barriers she chuck her

and she was singing it back to me and I pointed at her she must have been about eight or something and her mum's got out of her and the smile because I pointed at her that made her so happy

that for me was wow I made that little girl smile just by a little point And that's why I hate this industry and all the obnoxiousness and the egotistics. Something so tiny and so kind to make that for me. Yes. Was I did that.

Wow, look at that. Look at that. Look at that. And I could see, always wanting to be the performer. What you are is you're bringing joy and you brought joy to our heart. That's all I want for everybody. People wanted for me in a piece. I think doing our first single for me was huge.

And I like doing SMTV and CGK and doing all those shows for me was just, oh, He was crazy. What about meeting, you know, idols that you've had? I've met everybody. Have you, please. I've had a blessing off the Pope. Did you really? I got picture frames from Mariah Carey.

I went for a meal with Smoker Robertson and that was cool. Are you serious? Oh my God, yeah. Went Memphis with Pee-Boe Bryson, went shopping with Candy Staten and a bloody maces. Tom Jones was the best. Tom Jones. So we were doing the Pepsi Chart Show and he was doing Catatonia. It's Code Outside.

and we're all looking in his pants because all you say he's off socks out there. We never met him in our lives. I'm watching monitor. We're all down in the green room and Tom comes walking in. Never met. And he goes, oh, in his old, Shack says, there's somebody kidding. I went, Tom catch me. Never met him in my life.

And he stood there like that up all. He went, and I ran up to him. I let him put the leg down and went, bleh. I just showed him to put up his arm and we got on great after that. You did. I hate to ask this, but I have to because you, You said you were checking to see if he had socks. Well, that was a reamer, on it.

Did he, did he, did he, did he, do socks? I suppose he had socks down there, but it was, I mean, it was, it was all right. I mean, we were like, ooh, some Jones, you know what me? And I got him doing an autograph with my mum and he put love and knickers. Oh, did he? Because my mum did a master scrapbook of all, everything. Man. But we first got into the industry, he had, like, Westlife and, um, A1.

And I was never starshrup by any of these people because I was brought up on My first concert was Dr. Hook. Dr. Hook. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that earned Rod Stewart. Ross, oh my gosh. He's for me.

Ross Stewart is ex. Man, I just love him. So if we're in our car, we'd get driven everywhere. So I'd always have the back seat to myself and the two girls would have the recliners. I'd listen to like Rod Stewart, Roy Orbison, Western Motown. You know, that's what I was brought.

So Liz listened to Westlife and Boyso. and Tasha listens to all her R&B and Dray and all, so completely different genres. And like we went to, it was at Spashit's horse and they were all giddy. Oh my God, there's all these people who are. I don't know who anybody is. So I'll just present.

I remember saying, excuse me, love, do you know what, Lou is? And Liz's like, that's Ben from A1. Oh, you say one. I don't know. And that's how I ended up meeting Brian because she was obsessed with Westlife. I went, go asking for a picture. Tret cat, I said, I said,

Oh, really? So you didn't even know who West... And you love them. Like, you know, you knew the songs and stuff. But to me, Rod Stewart's an artist. They're still, killing a Georgie boy. Their songs, they're proper, that's proper music. Okay.

You know, Motown, you know, Smokey Robinson and... Yes. You know, I, Dorothy Moore. I was with Dorothy Moore and Sheila Ferguson. It dressed the room with him. You know, because David Guest was one of my best friends. So because of David, I spoke to Michael Jackson, Mom on the phone, Catherine, I went for me or the Jackson's.

You did ask me who I've met, didn't you? Oh, my. What did Michael Jackson's mother have to say? I was like, I had Catherine love, you're right. I went kids. David's told me so much about you, Carrie. I'm like, that looks he weird. I'm like, yeah.

All right, incredible. David loved me. He was one of my bestest friends, David, and he just took me on a great journey. He followed me everywhere. Wow, look at this. Look at this. There's me always smoking robinson with that was like, just me.

I went along, met David, and Smokey came out. She was like, Kerry, David told me someone. And he was like, yeah, I went to witness funeral. And you had Diana was there. Diana Rossi went, you know, David tells me, you're a little bit of having to tell him. Nah, it's nothing really. It's not really much talk about love.

Yeah, everything's this. Incredible. Yeah. Just incredible. I done loads. And then I met Mariah. Brian introduced me to her. Because they did a song together, Westlife,

and Mariah. Okay. And it was at the top of the pops awards because he wanted me to fly out while they were filming but I was pregnant with Molly and I thought I don't want to go out there I feel weird because I left the band and then I was doing lots of presenting

and he said oh come meet Mariah and I went in his dressing room she's like that Was she let She's like that You know it's all beautiful and smelling nice I walking

I love you're right And we did live She's like what I always hear that Mariah Carey on her rider, she is... It's so lovely. Yeah, I heard she's super sweet, but then also has her on a rider, it's roses. Is it like white flowers?

It's white stuff everywhere, but for me, what I notice is it's a people around her, all these yes people, but it was like she almost didn't want me to leave because I was just like, how are you doing? You know, are you feeling? And, I mean, I presented awards at the MTV Awards at Liverpool, and Maddoin Ward, gave it to his, Gerard, what's his name? from Suicide Squad who plays the Joker.

Oh my goodness. He's in 30 seconds. Oh, leto. That's it, yeah. I mean, I went in for a kiss. I didn't get one. You know what I mean? I'm a dressing room next to Katie Perry

and Pink and I got imposterous in John. I went to Hugh Grant's birthday party last year. How the fuck have I got an invite to Hugh Grant's birthday party with this early in Joan Collins? Oh my goodness.

Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. And I'm just like, this is crazy. I know what you mean. So then when you start to think about, the lowest moment in this zone of life where everyone thinks you're up, right?

What was that moment for you? In the Somer Kitten? Yes. It's too many parts. There's always somebody in the band who they prefer with press. And the other two girls didn't like that. I wouldn't like it. And like we do SM TV, we did chums with Anten-Dec.

Yes. And Connor McAnally, he was a big, loved me. He loved me energy. So I was always, Gary, can you be? each other's stay and they go why it's nothing I got no say over this if you want to do it doesn't bother me

and then never forget we did a photo shoot with Beverly Goodway Wow look at that When I do the page three Full circle Full circle and it was the three of us For page three for the sun in leather cat suits like this

all three of us promoting one of our songs I remember getting up I was up at 4 a.m. to go to some Disney channel show or something So I'll go get the papers. I mean, Carla, I told manager I went in the petrol station. I remember opening it up and went, oh, for fuck sake. And he went, just you in it.

I went, yes, I'm not getting in the car. Wow. I didn't ask for that. And then obviously when I started dating, and then obviously like the pastry remodeling stuff came out. I mean, mom came. And it was just a whole, it was very focused. And then I started dating Brian.

This is the perfect time then to talk about Brian. Mm-hmm. Because your life... He doesn't like me talking. about him. Brian's a part of my story. Only a small part. Right.

There's been so much more than Brian. I'm a turn to the gravely, but he is, you know. And it's a pivotal moment in your life because you're... I'll never forget walking down that aisle. I'm thinking, this is crazy. Like, four years ago, I was in a semi-independence home.

And I've got Louis Walsh and Dame Bow was singing in a London gospel choir, and I've got West Life son at the altar. And I remember walking down the aisle and looking at me and I'm going, It's crazy. So how do you and Brian meet? Smash It's Tour.

Okay. 1999, I think it was. Okay. So you're in this tour. You're not too familiar. Well, West Life is... Huge. They don't have one direction.

Okay. They have like 13 number ones. They were massive. Jeez. Massive. Okay. But you're not too familiar with them. Well, I, I, we were at Smash It's Tour.

and Liz, we came out of a lift. I'll never forget it. And Liz went, God, oh my God, there's Brian from Westlif. Oh my God, I went, oh, I was so excited for. I went, oh, which one is he? Which one is he? She's with the tall one there.

I went, go over and say, are you? Because I didn't give a shit, me. I said, excuse me, love. Says, your name, Brian. I said, she's your name, Brian. I said, she come and say, how ya. And that was it. And that was it.

And then, like, there's just lots of flirting. And I wasn't that keen, to be honest, at first. I was too busy enjoying myself. but Brian was like he got proper obsessed. No, it was, it wasn't love at first sight for me. You know, I think he was my first husband, my first time I was a child, my first proper love. It was so romantic. It was a fairy tale.

So in those early stages. Brian was my very first love, I think. He was your first love? Proper love, yeah. Okay. Proper grown up, yeah. Okay. I said grown up, we were 18 when we met.

It was so overwhelming. And we were still. only babies, Paul. Do you know what I mean? It was, plus all this attention. It was madness. Yeah. So as you two are coming together,

I would imagine, correct me if I'm wrong here, that management, etc. Probably did not want you two together. Fucking hell, Paul. We went through it. I got sacked and everything. Like Lou Walsh hated me and then he met me. He went, I don't like you.

I don't like you either. Because no one could control me. I remember being at the Brit Awards and sat on Simon's table. And I was on phone to my uncle. Oh, I've just met Eminem. He gave me a good old. Oh, he was lovely.

You know what I mean? And I said, can you get off the phone? I went, I don't work for you. You can't tell me what to do. And because I always stood up for myself, they ended up really liking me in the end. But it was a nightmare. I got fired.

The girls turned against me because the record company say, that's it, you know, you're going to ruin everything. So they thought their careers was hanging my throat because I was dating Brian. We tried to keep it dead secret. Did you? And why were they? think your career or their careers would be ruined with dating brides?

Because when you're in a boy band and you have fans, where they have fans and fans owe that boy band. And then we're not going to sell records because then they hate me because I'm dating. They literally think those men, they belong to them. So it's that fine line of it. And that's why I think I end up being like that. Are you love? Come on.

Let's have a cigarette together. You know, of all fans are that just so that they didn't hate me. Sick. Kind of thing. Do you know what I mean? So that's part of a character that kind of came into play. a little bit because I don't talk like that all the time. No, no, no.

But you two loved each other so much, you said. I remember I was saying at the garden next of Princess Diana's house and we snuck off and we climbed over the fence and went for walking. It was just a romantic

and I think he proposed him after three weeks. Then it became about me and Brian and not the music or the girls, every question, and I fell pregnant. Okay. Okay. I don't want this. So he proposed three weeks into you seeing each other. Mm-hmm.

That's quick. We were babies. You were babies? Yeah. He's like a promise ring real, I think. But you accepted right away? Yeah. Brian really made me laugh.

He's so quick-witted and so funny. Like he was, his humor is what won me over. Yes. He was so funny and he really loved me. We were so in love Paul, so affectionate and it was great. And I think he was the first proper person who generally cared about my well-being. Do you know what I mean? And I told him what happened in my life.

He said, I'm going to take it away from all that. And he was my knight and shining armour. Look at that. He was his refuge. He rescued me. I don't mind. I know he doesn't like it. And, you know, that's part of my story.

Yes, yes. And she lives my night-ish-ine-arm, and that's when I left it. And he wanted me to leave Atomic Kit. We was about to get dropped. Atomic-Kitt... Because we brought out a song called, Follow Me. It did shit in the charts, but there was a storm that time. And then we begged the record company,

can we please just bring that hole again on a budget. And this is where me and Brian, everyone knows the date. There's so much publicity around the song as well and around us. And then I found out I was pregnant. I was dreading telling everybody. I remember doing SM TV and ring. giving more going, are you,

my way, I'm pregnant, bye, I'm got to go on telly now, put the phone down and it went on live telesyncing. Yeah, I was actually,

I actually conceived Molly the night before that video was filmed. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. So if you could think back to one moment,

which I know will be hard because you said there are many moments, but one moment where you truly felt like this was, this is, it doesn't get any lower than this. This was the floor.

I think for me was when the, and lead pictures came out and I was pregnant with Molly. All these family are Irish Catholics and I was like, they're just all going to hate me. I wanted to be famous to perform and I've got time on stage. I just didn't expect them to dig so deep into my life and my past as they didn't think, this is, this is madness.

Yes. This is like, I didn't sign up for this. Yes. So with those photos coming out, how did that impact? to you and those around you. Somebody posted a handwritten note, a letter from my mum's stall wishing me to die and my baby to die.

And it was like, I was getting bottles thrown up my head because of the Brian. It was just, it was just, it's fight off, like, and because my mum always made it about her, I didn't really have time to make it about me. Okay. So that kind of got me through it. Does that make sense?

Okay. Okay, okay. Do you know what I mean? It does. It does. It does. So you weren't necessarily processing any of this for yourself. No, I just, I just cracked on.

Yeah. I just cracked on. I think that's why, you know, when I got older, I just broke. It's like having a computer open and all these different tabs opened on it and it's like, boom. Yes. You know, you dare see your job. You're so scared in case you get fired. Yes.

Fans are a hating, yeah. You're dating a boy band. It's in the papers. You've got your tits out. You don't know. And it's, you're. It just gets a point that it's like, this is, I didn't sign up for this. And when you're in a girl band, or any band, it's not glamorous at all.

You work your fucking art off. That's the difference with those celebrities to these celebrities now. We grafted to get to where we got to. You don't just go and do a TikTok now or go on a reality show. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Do you know what I mean? But we really grafted, like, we had to do, like, all the shitty nightclubs, and we had to all the school performances

and busking the street like that climb for me and then I think the first single and the second single for me was amazing after that when I started dating Brian just before Brian and the focus

came on me and my past I was like this is not what I expected and the reporters are like constantly knocking on your family's door that was on people was always I didn't speak to for a couple years

really Can we talk about the press, right, and how they hounded you? I will never forget Jamelia when she was on talking about her phones being tapped. And from what I understand now is that many phones were tapped, especially during this period, the press was incredibly intrusive. So what was your relationship like with the press during that time? I didn't really know because everyone dealt with it, like in the record company, you just go and do what you do? Do you, you know, smash its magazine and all the magazines that you used to do, like photo shoots, that's what you used to do.

But then it got to a point where, especially when I left Atomic Kim, and I got with Brian, that that's when I got Matt Clifford because he was, he was the main dude. Matt's Clifford was the main dude. I was like his adoptive daughter. He actually gave me away to one of my weddings and I named my son after him. He banned the newspapers. basically. Okay.

He'd be like, you're not writing that. Here's a story. Everyone went to Matt's Clifford. But Max took a real shining to me. So I hired Max. Well, I went to hire him

before I went in the jungle because I think the West Life boys had him on a retainer. And I went, I don't want to go in the jungle and not see me dad at first and see me dad. So I went,

Brian took me to Matt's Clifford and he didn't charge me and obviously I won the show and he never put me on a retainer or anything but if you got me something you'd get a percentage of it. but he became like my stepdad. The press was, after the jungle, that was when, that was a different level that Paul.

I just won the jungle in February and Brian left me in the September after flying out declaring his love to me. Because Brian didn't want me to do the jungle. He said to make a show myself. All right. So, okay, I definitely want to get to the jungle. I was trying to get to press. And then Brian the press. But even back, even back, just because I'm curious, because you left, you decided.

decided to leave Atomicin. And that's something I didn't realize. Yeah, that was my choice. Everyone went, oh, you got kids? I said, no, I wanted to leave. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't want the fame. Paul, I hated it.

So help me understand. Someone who, since they were five, wants to be the star, wants to perform. You then get it, which is rare to get it. You are in one of the hottest groups in the UK, undoubtedly, and in many regions around the world. and then you opt to leave. Help me understand why.

Well, I'm dealing with my mum. The press for all focus on me, I didn't sign up to do that, and my mum had such a hold on me that I just, I wasn't enjoying myself. And I realized when I fell pregnant, that all that she ever really wanted was to be a mum and a wife

and have that upbringing that I never had. So that for me was like, I've met the man of my dreams. I mean nighty shine armour. He's going to rescue me. We're going to go living island. I'm moving abroad. I'm having a baby.

You know, we're financially sorted. And he can go off to work and I'd be a housewife. And that's what I wanted. That's it. Did you get it? For a little minute. No. Not really.

No, it was, um, no. No. I don't think I've really had it properly really. Well, Ryan was a good one. No, he was just, it was just, we've made some great memories with him. I think, I think, I'm, well, I've got it now, I hope. Yeah, but, but it's been, it's been, it, it wasn't for,

because it was, it was, because when I say how big this wedding was, how, when me and Brian got married, I can't explain how big of a deal that was. I mean, you said the Pope gave a blessing, gave a blessing. Yeah, he sent her as a big certificate. I mean, that's... Yeah, I was going to say I think that cements, it was big. Yeah, it was huge.

Like, the police escorts. Where was it in Ireland? In Ireland. I can't even remember where we got married. I've had that many ball. Are you serious? You don't remember. It was a...

I think it was County Meath. Yeah, and we had it at Slain Castle. Slain Castle. Yeah. Near Dublin? Yeah, where you two and all them like, it was, it was phenomenal. Like we had, we had a New Year's Eve party, me and Brian,

and we got a big, like, you know, one of the big tents at garden, you know. And we've got the commitments to come and play all New Year's Eve. Do you know what I mean? That's what it was like. It was just another level. It was just a different level of fame that is, I mean, it was a crazy. It was like, it was a pop star royalty really, wasn't it? Girl from Tompick, and Westlif, they get married, they're having a baby.

It was everywhere. It was crazy. Yes. Did you feel like the relationship, but the public in the press, did it change in any way? Yeah, well, the thing is, I didn't know that Brian had cheated on his stagdiff before we got married.

I only found out after we got married. Did the public know? Well, yeah, because the girl who he cheated on me with with the lap dancer, he made her sign an NDA, which was stupid, really, because it's in writing, paying a 15 grandkeeper mouth shut, and she still went papers anyway. I mean... All right.

Yeah. I see. It was never the same after that one. So I think even on the wedding day, Brian, I must have had doubts. Okay. But we were puppies, we were babies, and it was such a huge thing to do. All right. So how long were you in that relationship with Brian?

I met Brian in 1999, and we separated in 2004. We divorced in 2007. So this is the thing people think, Paul, that I've just had like these flings. I haven't, I've gone in it all wholeheartedly. Yes. And I've give it my all. Yes. Did you, so when you found out that he had cheated on you, how many years into the marriage was it? I only had Molly. I was doing a TV show called Alameda with ITV. I was a very ITV girl.

And I was doing lots of presenting and things. And I was in Bahamas. Okay. And I was then going on to Las Vegas. And my friend was supposed to meet me, Las Vegas and around grew up, and I said, you're okay. You so want me to come. I thought, yeah, what did you meet? If you're not seeing the paper, I just hung up straight away. I rang our Angela. He just went, Kerry, I'm so sorry.

I said, read it to me now. Read it to me now. She read it and I was just devastated. Absolutely devastated, humiliated, mortified. What it was with that, Paul, is I'm very laid back me. I'm dead chilled. And even after all the betrayals that have happened to me in my life, I'm still really trusting.

Yes. I still good people that have been in. the doubt. Yes. I still believe in good people. But what happened with that was? Yes. Because I loved it when Brian was on stage and the girls,

that's a massive tune on. She asked me, that's an attractive quality when he's on stage singing and I'm going, I love you! You know, he's like, oh my God, that's my husband. You know, for me then, I was like, who you're ringing? Who are you texting?

What are you doing? Where are you going? That's not who I am. And then I resented him for making me become that person and getting him out of going, he's on tour. What's he doing? What's he doing? what, you know, and I said that to him.

I said, look, I said, I'm going to, I don't want to be that kind of person. Because you go off, you do your thing, I've got no problems, no, no issues, no. Enjoy yourself, babe. And I was the only one of the West Life misses is who knew there was going to be lap dancers. I want to enjoy it, sweet art. But just so I understand, when you say enjoy it. Not just, so you go get the bloody blow job and she gives her 15 grand. I only got a new pair of years for giving him a blow job.

Brian's going to kill me. He hates me talking about him. This is all public knowledge. You know what I mean? It's a part of my story. Yes, yes. And I'm trying to fully understand your story. So I'm personally, I'm curious about this.

When you were saying, go off and enjoy yourself, you're saying go have fun. Don't cross a certain line. So you had a boundary. Absolutely. I don't share my toys, Paul. Okay. So you said don't cross the line.

But you were accepting of a lifestyle. Yeah, it was great. Those was like some of my best years of my life. Yeah. I was in the taxi last night with Palo, which we'll probably get to, and West Live came on flying about wings, and it was just nostalgic for me

because I remember where we were with the kids or what are we doing. I have such, like sometimes he has some of the songs, I think, oh, that's a really lovely time that was. Yeah. I mean, that's what I was really in love with him. But unfortunately, because Brian's famous himself, that's where the papers then pick up on those headlines,

and then it pisses Brian off. but unfortunately, you're a part of my story. We have two children together. Right. You know, he's just got married. His wife, he's lovely. They've got a baby. I wish you nothing but lifetime of happiness.

And I truly wish me and Brian could be friends. Okay, fair. I really do. So then final note then on Brian is how did the relationship end? Because in the research, I saw that there's rumors that he ended it, that you ended it, that it was mutual. How did it end? So we had Mal Lili and things were up and down and like that And then I got off of the jungle

But in Ireland we didn't watch it We didn't have I TV over there But when he used to go over see my mum She goes oh you should do this show I'm not doing that I only saw a bit of it So I didn't really know what it was about And even though I became a housewife I was also one of the original loose women

Oh really? Yeah Oh my goodness! Yeah. Carrie. I was only 22. Really? I was originally swimming for years.

So this was, this is before jungle then. Yeah. Yeah. So that was like my main job. I'd go on with the kids. And then me and Brian presented this morning for a week. We were shit. You know, the things around this morning.

And so I was just doing bits of presenting. And I got off of the jungle. And I thought, oh, I want to do it. And Brian said, you make a show myself. And I got Lou Walsh to convince Brian to let me do it. Okay. So then once you knew you were going to do it, how did that then, did that, do that disagreement? No, I think, I think he was still in West Life at this point.

He said, because you know, at the end when someone comes out and meets you, we walk off the bridge. Yes. He said, I can't come and go and be on tour. Fair enough, I'll ask our Angela to come and meet me, you know. He didn't want really anything to do with it. But I think that the more the show went on and the more that people saw a lot of thought, Because at the beginning, they thought I was, I got nicknamed the woman to Winger

because I also did, I would cry. I won't go home to my mansion. I miss Brian. I miss me. I miss me. I don't go home. I can't do it. I can't do it.

No. And I was having panic attacks. I was a mess. Yeah. But I'm a celebrity. Yeah. That show, I think, is very hard. It's very challenging.

At least, I mean, I've never been on it. But from looking at it, it seems like it's challenging, right? Yeah. You've got to find you. feet. Yes, and the idea is to put pressure on these celebrities. Oh, that's why you get staffed. And, I mean, you really are hungry.

You really are hungry. Yeah. But I kind of went into it blind a little bit because I didn't really, I just thought, for me, Paul, when I get asked to do these things, I think, what a great adventure. This kid from Fosso Home is doing these, you know, I don't go and do a normal job nine to five. And I just think, on my death bed, I'm going to go, did it all. Oh, my goodness. Done it all.

Great. And that's all I can't take with me. I can't take this, can't take the Lamborghinis, can't just. All I can tech is the memories I've created for me and my children. Yes. That's it. Yes. That's all you have. Your last thought when you close your eyes, that's going to be it. I came in this world with nothing, but I want to make sure I leave with every amazing memory I can possibly create. And that was part of your rationale for saying, I'm going to do, I'm a celebrity.

even though your husband was saying, but your husband was saying, don't do it. And me being told not to do something, it doesn't really work out too well for a lot of people because they end up proving them wrong anyway. All right. And you sure did because you ended up winning. I did.

All right. From what I understand, you were the first woman to win. Highest ratings have ever had. I'm a celebrity. Okay. Look at this. Look at this.

So then you win. And when you win, you're right. Normally, there's someone that comes out from your family or friends. And it was supposed to be our Angela. Okay. And as I sat there and Deco, we got a surprise. We got Brian on the phone. I was like, oh, are you, babe?

You're all right. How are you doing? And then he came walking out. I was like, what are you? Oh, my God, what are you doing? Because I love you. Declared his love to me on. And everyone, everyone was crying.

It was a massive love story. And how did you feel in that moment? I was just over the moon. When you're doing a show like that, you don't realize the attention it's getting back at home. It wasn't that big when I, when we did it, that show made it so big. Don't forget we had Peter O'Ando, we had Katie Price in there.

Yeah. Their love story. So we're just, we've got no phone, there's no nothing. You know, you've got Johnny Rotten in there. I'm the youngest in there. And I think I don't, and I'm in final, I'm thinking, what? I'm like, why am I at final? I actually thought, I'll go in jungle, right?

You go to Australia, you get put in the Zarch Hotel, so I'll be the first one voted out. I just gone piss with Ant and deck. And I thought, don't walk, wait to get voted out because I was so close to walking. I like, just wait, just wait to get voted out and then at least you can say you did as much as you could. I just kept staying and staying, I thinking,

don't get this. Really? I didn't get it at all. But now, from what I also understand, is part of it is a bit of a popularity contest because it's the public that is supporting you, right? Yeah, that's what I didn't get. But yeah, so did you feel...

I didn't do it. I don't know what I did in there to have won that. I don't... I don't know why... I don't... Like, I did Big Brother. I was like 17 votes off winning. I was running up.

I don't know what it is I did because I think I'm a bit of a knob. Okay. Maybe that's what it is. No, and I do. Because you have the Katie and the Peter story. They was always, you know, and then when I watch it back and then see Johnny Rot and say,

I want Kerry to win this. I was like, You didn't realize how big this was in the UK. It took over everything. Yeah, everything. Everything. It was appointment. It was, the mayor of Warrington opened up the house and the grounds.

And everyone who was, with a big battle with my welcome home carry. I was like, this is nuts. Wow. And they got off that plane, Paul. I've never seen press like it in my life. And that's why it changed with me, Brian. And that, oh, okay. So we're on the.

playing me and Brian were on our way home. And because we're still in Australia and all right, you're doing the interviews where it's just one cameraman in your hotel room. You don't see the effect that it's had in England. So when I'm sat there and out and Dick said, you raise one million pounds for charity, I was like, what? And then I gave my charity money to Temple Street Hospital in Ireland.

I donated the money I got to Ireland as well because I didn't need it. You know, we were financially fine. and there's a plane door open, Paul. I've never witnessed anything like it in my life ever. I remember I had that Von Dutch, you remember the Von Dutch stuff you so where. I had that cap on, my jean, my von Dutch,

she thought it was their kill, and the plane door opened, and there was, like, camera crews filming me live, as if I was actually the queen. And I remember, I going, like Trevor McDonald's on News at Tenshead and Kerry McFadding, because I was, Karen McFadden at the time, won the jungle.

They never announced anybody else, aren't jungle? He's won before. And so when I got off the plane, my security, Paul, well, it was west-life security as well. Paul Higgins were stood there waiting. You couldn't move in Heathrow. You couldn't move for the sea of people waiting. And I remember Paul grabbing me,

and my toes was like, dragon. But I was just like this. It was mental. I guess in the car. everyone's followed me, we've all gone, where's Brian? And Brian was just pushing the trolley, no, paid any attention. But he was the star of our relationship, not me,

because I quit everything. I gave him everything up, just to go do a bit of presenting. He was the superstar, and that's when I think things changed. There you go. And then he left West Life, he wanted to be at home with his wife and kids. He didn't. He went straight into recording studio by himself because it became like, what's it like?

What's being like with the Queen of the Jungle, Brian, and the West Life Boys got pissed off with it as well. because it was, you don't realize how big that was. I think it was like 16 million people watched it in the UK. I could definitely now understand the context that, you know, the picture that you're painting where there was so much attention on you, but formally it was all on him. Yeah. Right.

Like Brian was the leader. Brian was everything Brian wanted, you know, I was, it was Brian's world, not mine. I never felt like I belonged in it. I never, I just did things for, but I always. always felt inadequate. I always felt not good enough. I felt like a little bit belittle. That's why I think I'm so loud

and try to put in a big presence to try and overcompensate for my own insecurities. But Brian was the main dude. And right, so. I mean, Brian's an amazing singer, talented writer and I'll never take that way from him. Yeah, global talent.

Yeah. Global talent. Who is beloved, you know? Uh, okay. I mean... I'm only... I can't. Help me, Selk!

You can't help me. I'm joking. Okay, so how specifically did things change for the two of you in the relationship that then led to the break? So Brian left West's life and then he wrote an album. He's a phenomenal songwriter and self-taught on the piano. He should have been the next Robbie Williams, to be fair. but I generally believe because of the publicity

around our breakdown of our marriage it fucked it up for him I think he blames me for that I think he was that talented I I to this day I still think he's got such a great voice on him I think he I'll never say I'm not I'm not a nasty person

I won't say someone's shit just to be resentful if they're not he's really talented my daughter Molly gets it from him she doesn't get it from me does she and he wanted to leave I was like, are you sure you doing the right thing? And you're like, you've got to be more supportive.

And they had to have a sky, sky news and a suicide, you know, phone line because Brian was leaving Westlife. Robbie left, take that nuts, Paul, honestly. And I'm just so there thinking, kind of miss me of some independence house back in Warrington. It's crazy. So then how does you, I mean, I can guess, but how does your then popularity and the attention on you

then not only caused the demise of the marriage, but also restrict him from growing as an artist. I think because what happened was, I think maybe he left Westlife because I became so famous and wanted to do it by himself and become as, I have no idea, I'm talking on his behalf. He said he wasn't enjoying it.

He wanted to spend more time at home with his wife and kids, me, Molly and Lila. That day he left West Life, he went straight into record. He did have got out of his album. Fair enough. And then, obviously, TV shows, like, Bright and Centre.

That are being offered to you. Yeah, yeah, you know. Yes. And he, he wrote his album. And then he was, like, doing duets with people, and one of them was Delta Goodrum. And I remember him saying to me, I was doing loose women.

He said, oh, we're coming with me. I'm dead nervous. I can't. I've got to go do loose women. And he came back and said, oh, I said she's lovely, you know, she's gone through cancer, her hair's coming back. And he was doing a documentary, he was being filmed about his solo life, the life of Brian it was called during all this.

So he had a camera crew following around because he left West Life, so it was more about him. And I just went back to doing the normal stuff. And it just got to a point where I was like, do you fancy her? You know, you're always going out, he's like, no, no, no. And me and Brian would ring each other at least 17 times a day because we was always away from each other and I remember it took three days

and I was panicking that I thought something like happened I was like my mum was doing a TV show called with a little help for my friends with Jamie Thexton and he actually flew over for that and he just got his first number one and was all made up and proud of him

but I mean I'm not going to put this solely on Brian because I wasn't happy either you know I don't think things was ever right since the whole infidelity thing and you know there was a lot of pressure and we're young and he just ran me. I remember being at my mum's and he ran me up and he said

I wanted a divorce. What? I begged and begged and begged. Please, I said not, we've got babies, please. I did for like a year, I think. For a year, okay. So when you even... The night before Mark Croft proposed to me,

I was on the phone to Brian crying, even though I knew who was with Delta Goodroom saying, please, please, take me back. Please, I'm begging you. We have kids. family you weren't i'm sorry care but i love delta mark turned up the next day with a ring you say you'll take it i'll take it i did it anyway just i'll rebound so just a few questions in this is that so when you got off the call that last time brian then you said went and made a statement so that was then

your friends well i was shitting myself because without brian then i was like on my own because we He used, everything we used press-wise was via Bryan, his press association, the Westlife stuff. So when he left me, I have no management, I have nothing. I'm thinking, oh, my God, and then Matt's Clifford rings, I'm shitting myself, because Matt's can make or break you. That's how, that's how powerful Max was. And he was West Life's... Like, publicist, really, right? Yeah.

He handled everything. Yeah. I mean, you're going to have Google him. You'll work at all out later, how huge this guy was. and he went, I'm dropping Brian. He said, I'm disgusted at what he's done. He said, I'm here for you. You know, but it was just, it was crazy, Paul.

I've never, it was just, I've never, I got nicknamed. That's when the press for me, that's when that was just, yeah. Because this, so, this is so fascinating to me, because from the way it feels, you tell me, is that you had just won one of the biggest shows in the UK. I felt so love, Paul. You were at the top. People were cheering you on.

And literally, you were popular because that's how you won, right? It's through popularity. I don't know what it. You were here, right? Yeah. The divorce or the statement comes out. And it seems like... No.

No. I went even higher. Everyone was so disgusted with Brian. Ah, okay. And they all turned against Brian. Interesting. So he blames me for that, I guess. And you think that's what halted his career

because he lost support. Yeah. And then I meant to forget like he rang up one time and he was coming to get the girls. And he's like, yeah, we're just at Terminal something, Terminal 3 or something. And I kept saying, we?

We're going to, who's we? He'd come walking out with her a good dream. I thought I'd leave me and all for her. She's gorgeous. And I don't know. I just went on. I was heart broke. It was devastated.

Just watching walk off. Yeah. And I was. It was devastated. Absolutely heartbroken. I actually rang him up and went, I'd leave me in Albright and he was laughing like,

I wanted to be his friend, but I was so hurt and I was still so in love and I missed him so much. You know, we were married with babies. Yes. You know, and I think he can be in love many different times,

but that was, we were young, it wasn't easy. It was a lot of press attention, but it did hurt. Really, really, really, really, really hurt me. You know, I wasn't, but I was far from perfect, you know what? mean, but I just, I was devastated.

You wanted to fight for it? Absolutely. Because that's all I ever wanted, Paul. It's that family? Yes. Of course, I wanted a house where the pictures of my kids were going up on the stairs. And, you know, I'm living, I, I lived in Ireland. That was my home.

I had to leave. I moved back over to England, back towards my mum. Okay, I see. So you moved closer to Warrington? All I had was my mum. Did you move in with her? No, no. I rented a house first of all.

Okay. And this is at a time where it pressed like hiding in your bushes. And, oh, I've never never known anything like it. There's car chases. I remember being pushed once when I was pregnant with our hidey. It was just crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy times. How quickly after the breakup with Brian did you meet Mark? Well, he was my mom's drug dealer.

So he was. Yeah. He was my, he used to drive to have a taxis. That's how you strived. off the coke and stuff. And actually, I had such a breakdown over Brian. I mean, I was a mess. And I was with James Grant

at the time agency. And I went to the Priory. I knew I was doing drugs. I was back with me mum. That was my grieving process. And I couldn't do group therapy at the Priory because my profile was so high that we couldn't guarantee

that nobody in that group session would go as old story. So then you got paparazzi on the property of the priory trying to get pictures so I got sent to Arizona to cottonwood I went there for six weeks loved it didn't want to come home really

and there in the priory that's when I got that's when I had that's when I got a viral because you have to talk about your life that's the first time I've got to accept over my shoulders because you have to do you have to go really deeper at all yes and then at the fifth week you have family family therapy

appreciations and your um your hate, you know, what's appreciation, what's one that you don't like? You have to sit where your family member to tell him, like, what you, you know, don't respect this. And I had to do mine also an empty chair because no one flew out. Right back to being at school in the nativity plate, no one's there to watch it. And no one's there. No, mind you.

And I'd bring my mum up. And I was like, oh, we're just having a line. You know, while I'm in the, while I'm in Cottonwood. But I loved it there. I loved it. Was, were you diagnosed with bipolar there? I was diagnosed with bipolar. No, I wasn't, that was in 2005

where I was diagnosed with bipolar. Okay. So at the prior race, specifically, what were treating you for? So I used to go back in bipolar. Okay. They say it's trial and everything. But you got bare in mind as well, Paul. I was doing shit loads of drugs.

I'm on nothing now. I'm on no drugs, no. The only thing I took is two trauma drool in the morning and I put gabbling because I've got scolosis and my back's twisted. So that's why I'm always moving. Because my back hurts. Okay.

That's it. I took home vitamins. That's all I'm on. I'm on nothing for mental health or bipolar. So they said I had something called bipolar. I thought it was a sport, Paul. But I didn't know what it was. I'm trying to have to laugh.

I didn't know what it was. But all that was was a manic depressive. Which is what my mother was. They just changed the name, don't they? Yes. So the technical definition of this, and I have it right here, It's a mental health condition where you have extreme mood changes. These can be extreme highs and lows.

Approximately 1.3 million people in the UK have bipolar. That's one in 50 people. 50% of people with bipolar begin displaying symptoms before the age of 21. Yeah, I got put on antidepressants when I was 19 in a stomach kitten. I escaped compassionately because I couldn't handle it all. I couldn't handle the fame. And I remember Brian kicking down one of the bathroom doors at the, because of the 10 and she I couldn't eat it was a lot paul it it was a lot to deal with

and they gave me compassionately so I could um and that's the first time I got put on on to your present so I think it was 18 19 you're 18 being this kid in foster home and watching your mum do all this are getting everything you ever wanted and now you've got yourself so low you're in rehab and I felt so ashamed I can't think, God, have I really got myself this low? How have I got you? How did I get here? The world was watching Paul.

And that's a lot to deal with in itself. You have two little children? I just felt like I really let them down. And to this day, it's something I've got to live with because my mistakes are their burden, unfortunately. And that's a fact. And I've got to try and do not be so hard on myself because I'm a human being. Yes.

And I just tried to cope the best way. I could cope without the support that I had. Yes. And I made so many mistakes. So many. But I'm just a human being at the end of day. Exactly. And it was tough.

And the grace you have to give yourself is that... It took me a long time to get there to go, look, you know what? You just did what you tried to do with the cards you would help. Exactly. with all the knowledge. And you were conditioned and only from what you knew on how to deal with shit. Yes. Yes.

You know, but it kills me that my kids have had to go through so much just because I'm their mom. Yeah. You know, I think, I mean, I have so much, it's interesting, I have so much more understanding of you. But because of that understanding, I have so much more appreciation. Oh, thank you. Of you, you know, to understand what you saw as normal. is something that many people only seen the movies. You know what I mean?

It's crazy. But then also there are many people who know that as they're normal and they are appreciative of you sharing that. Is something smoking? No, the candle just went out. Oh, was that what it was? I was like, shit. The entire candle has burned out.

His whole is on fire. The entire candle is gone, yeah. That is how long we've been talking. talking the entire girl. Oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. That's crazy. Isn't that crazy?

We've not even got to Josh. My fuck, sake. Oh my God. Where are we going now? We've been here for 24 hours. Your entire life is a movie. George was a very twisted soul. How dare you put me and my kids

through everything you've put us through? Just die. I remember Molly looked at me. It's a pure disgust. You're so weak, Mom. Carrie, I want to tread carefully because this is the first time that I've seen your leg shaking. I kind of knew what I was getting myself into. I'm just grateful to be here, Paul.

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