We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson - Lauren Goodger: "I'm Finally Ready To Tell The Truth!" My Untold Story Of Heartbreak, Relationships & Loss

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

We Need To Talk: In this episode, we uncover the untold truth behind TV superstar Lauren Goodger. Lauren, a TV icon, entrepreneur, and mother, rose to fame on The Only Way is Essex (TOWIE) from 2010 to 2012 and made a much-anticipated return in 2024. For the first time, Lauren opens up about her personal journey—reflecting on her relationships, the intense scrutiny of high-profile romances, and how she found self-love through life's many evolutions. In her own words, Lauren reveals her path to healing and growth, offering listeners a candid look at her struggles and triumphs. We hope her story not only brings healing to Lauren but inspires others to talk more openly about mental health and overcoming tragedy. Follow Lauren here: https://g2ul0.app.link/i2ghg6YrMMb (00:00) Intro (02:07) When Was The First Time You Fell In Love? (05:36) Your First Serious Relationship Revealed (09:04) The Most Challenging Moment In Your Relationship With Mark (11:05) The Beginning Of TOWIE: How It All Started (12:12) A Turning Point In Your Journey (13:12) How TOWIE And Fame Affected Your Relationship With Mark (17:36) Why People Are So Intrigued By You (18:24) The Real Reason You Broke Up With Mark (21:42) Lauren And Mark: Why They Stopped Speaking (22:49) Reflecting On Major Life Events (23:39) Your Second Relationship With Jake After Mark (26:35) How To Pick The Right Partner (27:17) Breaking Up With Jake, What Really Happened (31:12) Your Relationship With Joey (34:13) What Attracts You To Bad Boys? (36:44) How You Earned Thousands From A Photoshoot (39:01) Why You Started OnlyFans And What It Meant To You (42:36) Your Relationship With Charles: The Truth (45:26) The Emotional Impact Of Having An Abortion (47:07) The Journey Of Becoming A Mother (47:59) Why It Takes So Long To Get To Know Someone (53:40) The Tragic Loss Of Your Unborn Child (59:30) Feeling Lonely, How You Handled It (01:00:58) Steps To Recover From Trauma (01:03:17) The Three Essential Groups We Need In Life (01:07:43) What You Did To Change Your Life For The Better (01:13:12) What You Would Tell Your 12-Year-Old Self (01:13:51) The Most Impactful Conversation Of Your Life (01:16:07) Why You Want People To Know The Real You? Sponsors: Tinder: https://tinder.com/en-GB Shopify: www.shopify.co.uk/needtotalk Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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you don't just hear the music. You feel it. Your life deserves music. Your music deserves Bose. Find your perfect product at Bose.com. Wow, wow, wow. What can I say? This was one of those interviews that took me on a real journey.

It made me reflect on how precious life is and how we're all just trying to do our best even when life doesn't quite go our way. Lauren Goodyear is someone I've met before and I know the real side of, but that's not the side we see in the media. Today you'll get to see that side of Lauren. She opens up about her turbulent experiences with love. Some decisions she isn't proud of in the heartbreaking story of losing her child. Before we begin, if you like this episode, I want you to follow and leave a review. What I'll do is I'll select 10 of you, and you'll get a chance to come down here to the studio, meet me and the guest, and more importantly, give me some advice on who should be the next guest on We Need to Talk.

I will say this. This is from the bottom of my heart. I am so happy to have you here. Thank you, Paul. I am so proud to have you here. I'm so interested to hear your story. Amazing. Your story. Because I feel like your story is told through producers. It's told through the media. it's told through all of these exes. Yes. But you have not yet told your story. No.

Not done. Podcast. This is your first. I've been asked, but this is my first. This is your first. And so for that, I'm thankful. And I know that we all need to talk, but most importantly, you need to talk. Do you know what it is?

It's so true and that you know that and you pick up on that. No one knows me. So ever long I've been on the telly, 15 years, come. up. Nobody knows who Lauren is. And that's the sad story. Wow. Well, then after 15 years, let's introduce you to the world. Yeah. Okay. Can we go back? Yes. Because I want to hear about the first time that you felt love. Because often we, we feel it from our parents or our grandparents. When was the first time that you felt love? When I had a rose. Deep love. when I had my child.

But what about parents? Obviously, I did feel love. And I think it's just hard for me to go back that far. So I have a blockage. But there's some beautiful memories there. So my dad loved me, but we're not that close. I've spoke to you about this before. And my mom, amazing woman, a lovely lady, a really happy.

Everyone loves her. But she'd struggled to be a mom. And that's why when people say to me, how do you forgive your mom for letting you go at four years old, I don't hate her for that. I still love her, but she struggles with that love. I know she loved me, but I don't remember it much. So you said she let you go at four. Yeah. So she let you go to live with your dad.

So they was quite young. My dad was about 26, I think, at the time. But I was his first. My mom had two other children. She struggled. She done the best. her kids but she struggled. So he thought it was best for me when I was four to live with him because he'd

give me a better life. And that was my mom's answer to why. It was from love. But at the time, how did you feel? Well, I don't remember that, but I do remember certain times of like probably being like maybe five, six and wanting to be with my mom. I missed having my brother and sister. My mom was more laid back.

My dad was great, but he worked a lot. I eventually went back to my mum when I was about 12, which was, I run away. From your dad? Yeah. Okay. Because you missed your mom's love so much. I reached my mum, and my sister, Nicola, who previously was on table with me

for the first two series, we were very close. And she come and got me, and I packed a bag, and I run. I weren't going to the ins and outs fit, but it was a hard time because he'd put a lot of work into me and effort and love And do I regret that now? I shouldn't have done that, but it was what was meant to be for me at that time. Because if I'd stayed with my dad, well, this is what my stepmom might say. I probably would have done a bit better in life.

You think this? I don't know. So how does that then impact boys? Because at this, because at 12, you know, I have a 13-year-old. And I see already he's on the relationships. 100%. Of course. So I was very popular.

You were very popular? I actually remember asking my dad years ago, can I have a boyfriend? And he's like, yeah, and I got a boyfriend from school. Okay. But, you know, it's a school-childed boyfriend. But I didn't, I was a good girl. I was actually a good girl.

I wasn't really one of them to hang out, play out when I was very young with my brother and sister. But at that age, you didn't really do it. And there was no social media. We didn't have a phone. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't that sort of. how it is now.

Yes. So see my nieces who are now 16, 17, they're dating, but it didn't really happen. My first boyfriend, serious boyfriend happened when I was 15. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So you were 15. Yeah.

You have your first serious boyfriend. Yeah. This is Mark Wright. Yes. Okay. I hate this bit. So I find this really interesting because you were 15. How old was he?

Same class at school. Same class? Yes. Oh, so you met at school? Yeah. Okay. So you met. Yeah.

You're both 15. Yeah. You become serious at 15. Very serious. Very serious. It was like an adult's relationship. How would you describe it? What made it feel so serious?

It was very intense. It was together all the time. We had the ultimate respect. Like, we didn't speak to other girls or guys. Like, it was, we would sit in class and write letters to each other. in class. Wow. And I remember, like,

even doing GCSE, sitting next to each other, like, literally, yeah. And I do know, he was, do you know what, I will say,

and as much he got me through, things could have gone rocky for me. Because at that adolescence age, like you say, I don't know where, listen, I'm a good girl, but because of hormones, upbringing,

pain from family, I could have gone off the rails. But he, I chose to have this relationship and it kept me grounded. It kept you. So you felt like Mark was helpful for you? Definitely. Especially in that 15, 16. 100%.

He had that strong family unit, which I loved. I spent all my time with his family. Okay. So I'd go around there, my school uniform, and his mom would cook dinner. I just loved being with him and his family because I craved that so much. As much as I had that, you've got to remember, But my mom and dad are separate. They've got their other partners and other kids.

But I wanted that hole. And he gave me what I was missing. Wow. Wow. So did you think you would be with him forever? Oh, ever. I never, ever thought I was going to love anyone else. It wasn't a smooth sailing relationship.

We broke up a few months here, got back together. But we grew up together. We grew up. And that love was, yeah, it was a love of my life. Wow. Wow. Do you think you were the love of his life? Yes. Okay.

Yes. And you say that without any hesitation. Listen, it was, if anything, at some points, he loved me more. We wouldn't have stayed together for that long if he didn't have this mutual feeling for me. And obviously, I've been for a lot with him. And everyone said to me, Lauren, he was obsessed with you. So whatever the media have portrayed and this show and whatever, Yes, there was some factors to it.

It was true. But he felt just like I did. We'd have the same jealousy. We'd have the same like tip for tat, making them jealous, getting back together. He couldn't be without me and I couldn't be without him. Okay. So it felt in the beginning of the relationship, it seems like it felt healthy, it felt good. It was so healthy.

It did go obviously a little bit toxic times, but not as bad as what I've experienced late in life. That was lovely. That wasn't that bad. Yes, he went through some. what would you call it like hard times where there were things that went wrong but we were kids at one point that was part of growing we could have made it if we'd got older and worked on certain things and maybe had a bit of help well well maybe it shows you the importance of having 100% of having help when you look back what was you think the most challenging moment or the

challenging time in your relationship with mark coming on to the show because we was this private relationship. Everyone knew us in the area. Everyone knew us from school. Everyone knew our names. And that's why we landed on a TV show. Because the producers walked Essex for eight months.

I must have been 20, 21, short pink dress on, slim, blonde's hair, all tans. And there was this camera crew. And I thought, what is going on? Anyway, they said, come over here.

Can we talk to you? And they've sat me down. I've got a camera. on me. This is like, what, I'm 20, I'm 37 now. So, like, 17 years ago. It's 15, 16 years ago. They've gone, what's your name? But I said, oh, Lauren, they're like, Lauren, her. I'm like, Lauren Good job. They're like, oh, my God, you're the girl. I'm like, what do you mean? Like, you're the girl that we've been trying to get in concert with when we speak to, like, we've spoke to already. We're like, you know, your partner might, right? I was like, no,

I'm not really with him, like at the minute. There was like, great. So at the time when Tawi started, you two, you and Mark were not together. No. We still always sat together. Even when we and Mark wasn't together, we still slept together. Interesting. All the time. All the time.

Yep. We're now 22 by the time, because it took a long time for it to get commission, do the pilot. Yes. But we wasn't together technically in these shoots on the show, but we was. But you were together. It was, yeah. But you were not seeing anyone else. Never.

Do you think you... Listen, there was kisses and I wasn't completely innocent, no. Okay. I'll be honest when we had broken up. It took me a long time to get there. Oh, it was when I was older, when I'd had enough. And the guys gave me attention. It was hard not to.

Not to, fair, fair. Yeah. So Tawi starts, and I'm just curious, because this was the first true reality TV show in the UK. Yes. What was your goal? Yeah. Was it, I want to be famous? Was it I want to be known?

I did when I was young. That was what I wanted to be. I wanted to be, Britney Spears. Who doesn't as a young girl in their bedroom front of the mirror? Right. But now that's changed. We'll get to that. Okay.

I don't like fame. Wow. Yeah. But you did then? I did. Yeah, I did. And we often hear that, you know, once you get a taste of it, you want more. Because, yeah, it is an addiction.

And it's that part of life that that's what your job is and that's what you need to be. And you're told by agency, you've got to be out there, go to this event. I don't do that now, but I did. And it was a lot of drinking and it was a lot of partying and socialising. But the more I sort of doing it, the more I was, see that Lauren before Taoie, in that circle, I was coming away from it a bit more. I wanted to pause here because this reminds me of something I read from Will Stour, who is an upcoming guest in this series.

Now, Will Stur writes quite a bit about status. And in his book, Status Game, he speaks on the fact that as humans, we all crave status. And that's exactly what Lauren is speaking about here. Now, her chase for higher status wants her wanting more and more fame. And this is something that's highly dangerous. Why? Because according to Will Stur, there's only a story. certain amount of status, i.e. fame, that we can manage. And what's happening in this day and age

with social media and television and the rise of the celebrity is that we were not built for this level of attention. For anyone this young, without the support to gain fame so quickly can only end in disaster. Now, the entire UK know you. Because, of that, how does that begin to change your life and the relationship with Mark? So we're growing up now. I've been together from school, which was quite young, innocent childhood love, and then going into TV where you've got other girls involved, it absolutely broke me because I never believed that he had been with anyone else at this point. But then when the other girls, I didn't really know.

knew of them and I'd seen them on the scene. But when I saw them film him with my partner, I was brought to light that, wow, he's had relationships of other people. It might just be short or it might be just what it is. But that obviously, it changed a lot. But at that time, you thought you two would be together? 100%. Yeah.

So the first time you see him with other people. people's on Towie. Yeah. So that's sort of when I realize this is going to be hard because we've got cameras on us. We've got press. Articles after articles. Bad boy Mark. He wasn't a bad boy.

That's what they portrayed him. But obviously, and what is quite hard, yes, there were difficult times. I'm not saying it wasn't hard, but it wasn't all bad from him. He also was a good person and a good partner. but they say, oh, he treated you terribly. That was for the show. We would do a scene and then go home nutty and biscuits. He would arrive of another girl, but really he's arrived with me.

That's when it got a bit complicated because people are like, he's seeing this one and seeing that one. I'm like, no, we arrived together. Like, she's only on it to like be on the show. You know? And it was so hard for me because I was trying to be a nice, you know, just understanding and film and. and try and also let the viewers see this storyline,

but not go, hold on a minute. He didn't arrive with her. And then it looks like I'm crazy. Right. Do you know what I mean? Right. But how do you manage all this? Because you now go from people kind of know you to now you are known.

Yeah. And you now have, I would imagine, people want you for projects. Yeah. People want you for covers. At one point, I remember, and tell me if this is right, I heard that there was a certain point where you were the top cover model. Is it the top selling cover? I wish I was the model.

Come on. No, I know what you're saying. I was the most reality covered girl. So out of everyone in reality TV, I'm the most one that makes the covers on the mags. And they do that because they know they'll sell magazines, right? You are then booked on other television shows because they know. I'm going to get the hits. They're going to get the viewers and the clicks.

Yes. So at what point do you begin to know that you have this power? I still don't accept it. I still don't value myself. That's what's difficult. As much as people tell me these stuff and it's there and as much I've got this relationship with the media, they have told my management,

Lauren makes the most on the Daily Mail. more than King Kardashian at some points. When you say more than Kim Kardashian, you're saying more people... I've read my stories on their site. And if they put a story on, I'll get quite a high click rate. Which is why they write everything about me, which is great in some aspects, but the other side of it is hard because I'm so paranoid

about everything thinking what they're going to say. Right. You know, but it is an achievement. It is nice, even when I did subscribe to dating and they stood up and I can't even remember the lady's name, but she was the boss. And she said that Lauren actually has the, has got the most covers for reality TV style. Yes. Which is, look how many they are. And people that are bigger than me and doing better than me.

What is the intrigue in Lauren Goodyear? I don't know. Come on. You must know. I think because I am that real. girl next door, people can relate to me. I'm not your typical celebrity that is unrelatable. As much as people can be like me and inspire, they've been through certain things relationship-wise.

I gave my all on the show in my relationship. And I don't know. I have no. They're just a huge interest in what I'm doing. Yes. And I think a lot of it has to do with, you talked about how you gave your all in your relationship. The relationships.

Yes. I think that to so many people is interesting because in Taui, so you end up breaking up with Mark, right? Yeah, we do. And why? Really honest? Yes. We had a chat and he has a career. I was doing my thing.

He was doing his thing. We didn't actually leave on a bad note. We would never speak now because his life has progressed so much and I have to respect that and he respects his partner and his new life and whatever. But he had to break away from, it had to end because it was so intense and he had to move on. He was leaving the show.

He was leaving Essex. He went to LA and he pursued his career and he got a new relationship, not straight away, but he did. So we had to leave it. Wow. So it was an agreement. You two came together. Yeah. Yeah. It was a long time ago now, it feels. But, and it all, we just, I left it. And I got into a new relationship. And he got into a relationship. He married. Yeah. You know, it's interesting, but I would say not surprising.

No. Because we know how a lot of reality is structured and that once you have become popular and you've amassed power. and influence that you then have to manage that. Yeah. Were you still in love with him? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that sort of love from childhood goes away.

I'm not, I'm happy for him. I don't have them feelings now today, but I'm proud of him. And he probably doesn't even know that because of the media, I've wrote so many things and probably things come from me. I've never really spoken about him that much. Yeah, yeah. I haven't heard you. talk about it.

I don't. We didn't meet for the industry. We didn't meet because we were normal people in Essex that were just Lauren, Mark, that went to a normal school and was normal. And we made a TV show. And then obviously there was other characters, but it was like a small class of eight. Yeah. That was it.

And we didn't get paid. It wasn't, it was, it was, we just done it and we gave our rule. We put a lot on the telly. But like I said, yes, there were. some things that were probably a bit difficult to watch because of, I wouldn't be an invite to a pool party, but it's a rally soap, and I threw him in the pole. Yeah.

But what great TV, but we went home after, had tea and biscuits, and we know what we was doing. Yeah. We was making a TV show. Yes. But we were genuinely in love. That wasn't not real, because we had the history. You know?

If anything, we probably aren't, because of our lifestyles. But when you decide to break up, did it feel mutual or was, did he break up with you? Did you break up with him? Listen, it was a lot of both for a long time. Okay. He hurt me, I hurt him. So towards the end, there was a lot.

And then it was like, I think, I don't know, I remember. I don't even remember, but I just feel like we had that chat and I knew I was ever going to see him again. Have you seen him again? Yes. But we don't speak. At all. It's very, very strange. But can I ask why?

I would happily say hello, but I'm not confident because of my upbringing as well. And if I'm not wanted somewhere, I shut off. So I would love to say, we go to the same gym and stuff and we don't live far from each other. So it's not often and it hasn't really been for years because I sort of stopped going to that gym for a while. I've just started going back. But I've stood next to him in a queue before at the gym and we've sort of gone. You're one of those? Yeah, because it's all, listen, it is awkward.

And obviously he's moved on with his life. He's got to respect that and I respect that. But I would love to say, hey, how are you? Like, all good. Yeah. But it's never happened if we don't speak at all. Do you think it's because of what everyone else has said? I think it's other eyes.

How can he be saying chatting to me? If someone took a photo of that or said something, it could cause a lot of trouble more than what it is. So that's where it's difficult. And I understand that. So I sort of respect that and keep my space. Now, Lauren is in a tricky position and can't talk to her ex because of the criticism she would receive from the media.

But generally, if you're still in the same circles, it's important to communicate with your ex once you feel like you're over them. Why? It helps you move on from the relationship and tie off any unaddressed issues that might be lingering between you two. But how do you know if you're over them? The true test to determine if you're over a relationship is when you can wish the other person your best.

If you can't wish your ex the best, if you can't look back and find a lesson, the emotion from that relationship will stay with you forever. I suggest a three-part framework of reflect, heal, and then move on. But it must be incredibly hard at that time when you split up to split up. to split up with someone who you still had love for. Yeah. I don't know. I got into another relationship.

So I had my second boyfriend who I was with for quite a little while. Right after that breakup? Yeah. Okay. Was this Jack? Jake. Jake? Yeah.

This was Jake. Yeah. So. You know. Yeah. Tell me about Jake. Jake was beautiful. he was a very popular boy in the area again, very similar, very well known, probably a typical bad boy

and I had just come out of something that was very intense love and it would have took someone mega to get me over Mark and Jake come along and I fell mad in love of him straight away Okay. So he moved in with me. Okay. This is when things started to change because I was dating my equal. And as I broke up with Mark, not that Jake did him because if he had it, he would, but because of his backgrounds and everything, the media digged into his past.

And it didn't look good. It didn't look good for me. Okay. But I didn't care. Interesting. Yeah. So this was, I mean, in my, in the research, I saw with Jake, so he had been arrested.

Yeah. So he'd done jail time. He did jail time. So as a result of that, the media probably pulled that out. That's all I spoke about. It was big, it was big news. It was, you know, all I've been with is Mark for all these years. That's what they know me for.

We was equal. We was in the same job. We started to the beginning. And then I've got this good-looking bad boy. What is she doing? And we're out. We're Mayfair. We're Paris and headstone designer.

you know and it was perhaps were on it they were on it yeah at that time were you financially were you covering everything yeah okay okay which I'd never done before interesting did you feel as if you were in a loving relationship yeah I did because like I said he if he had it he he gives it but because he didn't have a normal job and he was trying to get normal he was going to do some fashion things like I don't know but the pattern continues in my life. And that's probably a big of a regret because I probably would be in a better position if I had made better choices with my partners because I'd spent a lot over the years.

Over the years, yeah. And not just money, right? But in everything. In emotion. Yeah. And my career. And your career. Now, this is precisely why who we choose as a partner is perhaps the most

important decision of our lives. It impacts everything. It impacts how long we live. It impacts our health. It impacts our happiness. And I would refer you to Dr. Waldinger from Harvard University, who has an exquisite study on choosing strong partners and how the partnership that we have, the emotional tie that we have, allows us to have a better life. It's empowering to hear Lauren acknowledge this, and because of her awareness, I guarantee you, she'll make better choices in the future. So how does that relationship end? I think we were together like. So I remember I had a brand, and it was doing amazing. I had just done a deal with super drug boots, Zebonyms, and I was number one bestseller in Scotland. Wow. Wow. Yeah. So I was up and down the country. I was working a lot.

planes here, playing there, because I was doing a lot of signings and meeting fans and beauty shows and he'd come into my life and he thought, this girl is unreal. Right. She's beautiful. I was like herself. She's successful. She's Mark Wright's main birds and I've got her. He trophed me.

So he didn't treat me badly. He loved me. Okay. But again, listen, I wasn't going to not love him because he didn't, he couldn't pay for everything at the time because when he had it, he did. but he struggled with it a bit because he was like, my name is everywhere

and they're writing about this and I didn't do that and this and whatever. So he struggled and I supported him and I stood by him. And I weren't letting that go because it took me a long time to get to that place to love someone else. So I wasn't going to put it all out there

to let that fail. So I held on tap as long as I could. But we never went badly. Did you break things off or did he break things off? I left him. I left him, yeah, quite not straight away.

I think I'd had enough. He was hanging around with certain people. He was out a lot. I was at home a lot. I actually done it quite. I moved out and left his stuff there. Did you? Yeah.

And what was the reason? Because of him. I think I got tired of it. I got tired of having to be the most. man and the woman. I got tired of him being out a lot. I was trying to work and I just needed a bit more support and communication now looking back. I think I was, what was I? 27 when I broke up with him, 28. But yeah, but I didn't want to. But then I got to a point where I probably had enough. Okay. You had enough? But nothing happened. It hadn't, you know, it hadn't, you know, it hadn't,

I think other girls again, but every time I'm with someone in the public eye, girls message him. Interesting. Yeah. So my question in all of that is, is that how did you feel loved by him? Where it started and the support and like the emotional, we were together, we was best friends, we spent a lot of time together. when that, that was my love. So when that started fading, like him going out, I felt it was too distant.

It was too distant. So there was a lot of energy and effort initially. Yeah. And then. And that's always happened to my relationship. And then it, I mean, that is the quintessential definition of love bombing. Yeah, I know. You know.

I know this now. Yeah, I've learned a lot. Yeah. That is. When you get this massive amount of attention. Yeah. And then it drops. And then it drops.

And normally what you see in the healthier relationships is that there is a certain level of effort and that level is sustained. And sometimes there's a little bit of ebb, or should I say ebb, a little bit of flow, a little bit of flow. But that was us. But it normally stays, though, on an average like this, opposed to there's a lot of energy, a lot of, right? And then it just drops. But the fact that you recognized it, though, is good. I've learned a lot over this, these years. Okay.

Believe me. From Jake? Yeah. We go to Joey. Yes, great. There is a voice. So you know, can you talk about how you met Joey? Joey is a guy from the area that we all, everyone knew.

Okay. Jake knew everyone know. You only date guys from Essex, I see. Because I didn't really venture. But I wouldn't now. I'm not like that now. Do you know what I mean? I would venture and actually be interested in different.

I don't want the same bad pattern. Joey come along. It was a very weird set up. I was friends of his family. Okay. So it was very old-fashioned. He used to write letters. So it was a different type of love.

I'd just finished with Jake Okay I used to hang around with his sister and everyone quite a lot so he'd write letters and that's how he'd communicate

and I'd go and visit but But when you say He would write letters Yeah From where? Jail It's awful, isn't it?

So Lauren Just so I understand What is wrong with me You were friends with his family Yeah And he would write letters So I was friends With like

his sister-in-law and go out of her a lot and then she's like, you should be with Jerry. He was about to come out. He only had a few months, six months. It wasn't that ludic, even though it's crazy when I talk about it. Oh my God.

But at the time, it was exciting. He'd write letters. He was very caring, supportive. Of course he is. Yeah. But just so I understand, though, he would write you the letters. Yeah.

And so what he found out that you were no longer with Jake. I'm aware of the media. Okay, so you're all over, so he's writing these letters. And these letters would be... Lovely. Lovely, like... But it's mad, isn't it?

Oh, my God. Then I would go with his family to see him and stuff or don't. And I don't know how... And it's like, I'm coming out soon. Then there'll be another letter. Oh, you would go... And he's allowed out because he had, like, he had days out as well because he was at the end. Oh, wow.

So it wasn't just... I'm sorry. So you would go with his family to prison to go. visit him. So the first time that you actually met Joey, he was in prison. Yeah. Okay. No, because I knew from

back in the day. But as you were dating though, the first time as... Yeah, we were dating, but it wasn't really because he was in he was in jail. Because he was in jail. God. What do you think it was? Because really, because you talked about Jake as the bad boy. Yeah.

All right. Joey, if you're in If you're locked up, you're a bad boy. No. But he was a lovely person. I will say it. And he's got a lovely family. And as much as people, whatever, he actually was quite softy and a really sweet guy. And I have no bad blood with him even to this day.

Okay. So what do you believe it was about bad boys that attracted you? I have no idea. Listen, I don't regret either of them. And they're both great people and they're good looking and everything. But if I could rewind time, that was. was when I shouldn't have. We shouldn't have done.

I should have took time out, been on my own like I'm doing now and made better decisions. I was young. I was doing great. I was busy. I was partying. I just didn't stop and think. I just went with it. Right.

Do you know what I mean? Right. And it was exciting. Yeah. But was there anyone around you that was saying there were? You can't tell me nothing. Okay. I'm strong-minded when I want to do something.

I just have to do what I want to do. But my friends, my family, Lauren, what are you doing? I'm like, you don't know, I know, this is what I'm going to do, da-da-da-da-da. But I don't listen. I don't listen. Okay.

Because I follow that love feeling takes over. Let's keep this simple. If all of your friends and all of your family are telling you that someone is bad for you, they're bad for you. So Joey, he gets out. And so then does he move in with you? No.

No. We broke up before he got out. We would become friends. Okay. So we hung out for a bit after when he come out, but we wasn't together. It wasn't romantic. Okay. Why did you break up?

I think the whole whirlwind of it, the excitement, sort of being best friends of his like sister-in-law and stuff, and they were great people. And I still speak to him today. It wasn't for us. He had to venture do his own thing. He's now settled down with a baby. Okay. He's moved out of Essex.

Okay. All right. Good for him. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah. So while this is happening, your career is still taking off? Up and down.

It's up and down now. Up and down. I sort of took a little bit of time out. I wasn't focusing. I should have focused more on my career and important things. I would let him things slip. I was getting into a bit of a mess of certain things. I was a bit here there and everything.

everywhere. Didn't have amazing management at the time. Really messed up my finances. People not being honest with me. I got robbed in business. I lost a lot. I lost a lot of money, yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So at that point, what are you doing for income at that point? The odd bit here and there, but back then money was not as good as it was at the beginning, but doing a photo show is all right. All right. So if you do a photo shoot, and this is a part of the business that I don't know. So photoshoot, you're saying, from one of the magazines.

Yeah, I was, that's where my career was, really, as much as I had brands, even though I got robbed with that and I still can't get over it to this day. And whatever happened, I don't know, I let it be. But my work is very heavily magazines and media and photoshoots. they would want to photoshop me on this chair. It doesn't have any meaning to it. They just wanted me in the mag. And they would just pay you to take a photo of you in that chair.

So I'd get paid for the day and we'd go to London and we'd have a photo shoot, different outfits, dresses, hair and makeup done. And that was my job done for the day. That was the job. Yeah. That was a job. Can I ask how much you get for something like that? So, well, at the beginning, it varies from 25,000 to 5,000 a day.

Yeah. Did you say 25? Yeah. 25,000? Yeah. To get photoshop. I have to Photoshop. Hold on for a second.

So you just sitting here is 25,000. Not now. We'd be laughing to get anywhere near that. But back at the beginning, yeah, I was getting paid well. Wow. Yeah. Lord, I had no idea. Yeah.

But not everyone got the same money as me from that show. So it's not that now and it hasn't been. But at the beginning, I'm talking 10 years ago. Yeah. The shoots were paid well, yeah. And I was doing a couple of weeks. I do them every day. Yeah.

Every day. You want to take a photo? Every day. But again, that's where me messing up because I was running away with love and silly things and not concentrating. on the important things and who was paying me and if management was paying it like and chasing it and and I messed up a lot with that you know but you know on the money front you know in the business front yeah you know this is something that I heard correct me on this I heard that when

only fans which was created in Essex yeah it was created with you in mind is that true really well I would believe that because they try to to get me years ago. Their account was contacting me quite a lot on Twitter. And instant I ignored it. I would never have done any fans. Then? No.

So when they reached out, you said no? I blanked it. I ignored it. Okay. I think they got in touch of management. They really wanted me on board. It wasn't my thing. And I didn't need to do it.

I didn't need to do it. Things changed. Things changed. And when you are doing well and you're getting paid for different jobs, you get used to that as well. And obviously I was funding, helping family, helping boyfriends. And I wasn't sensible. And I thought I was quite a sensible person, but no.

And I've learned a lot. Fair, fair. So at a certain point, you then join OnlyFans. Yeah, which was 2020. 2020. Okay. So tell me about that because you didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it and I thought, but speaking to people behind it, creators, everyone's like, you're mad, why would you not do it? You'd make this much, you'd make that much. I got to a point where I was like, oh my God, I've got to pay this, I've got to pay that.

I'm getting a bit stuck with finances now. What am I going to do? Wow. We're in lockdown. I've just on the steps go dating. There's no shoots. We can't work. My rent, everything is higher. My car, everything, my lifestyle, whatever.

I've still got big bills to pay off, blah, blah, blah. I've got to join only fans. And I remember setting up my account. But I didn't do nude. I was a cowboy. Okay. I literally was my underwear. I thought, listen.

It's not going to affect me. I'm not going to look back one day and regret it because I'm just going to do the underwear stuff because I do that anyway in the magazines. Right, right. They all want me naked for whatever reason. They've always wanted, even close the magazine. I was naked all the time. So I thought, let's just put it on Only Fans and people can buy my pictures.

So it was a business, even though as much I made a mistake, I'm still on the business brain. Yes. I signed up that night, Paul, the money. I was up to half five. I made $32,000 the first two, two and a half weeks. Okay. I was up, oh my God, I was addicted. I was like, this is the best of my ever done.

It went absolutely everywhere, literally everywhere, all over the media. Everyone went crazy. But this was amazing for the first few months because I've seen she don't do anything. She's not naked. She's not, I don't do anything. Obviously, I have up my game a little bit because you have to. and obviously but I don't do anything

that I would ever worried about to be seen. Interesting. I've kept that. You kept it. So would you rather not be on only fans? Yes. But you feel like you have to be?

Yeah. Yeah. So then how does Charles come into your life? So we spoke on Instagram. Okay. He slid into the DMs? Yes. Okay.

I ignored it the first time. Then it was like this lockdown in and out in an out thing. We was on it, then we was off it. He ends up coming down to Essex. I spoke to him for five months on FaceTime before I met with him

because I wasn't really like that. And I didn't really like meeting new people. So it was always anything like that, don't come around, I don't know you, but I spoke to him for five months. So I was a friend. Didn't really like him at the beginning. Interesting.

But I got to like him. He was lovely. He was supportive. similar. They're all very similar. And I don't know. My previous partners, family wasn't really interested because of their history. And I sort of kept it a bit separate, even though me and my family aren't that close. My kid's dad had come very close with my dad.

So I'm speeding up a bit here. And they really loved him. And this is what I wanted from the beginning. So you wanted to have family and friends, buy into your partner. I just wanted to be a big family. And they bought into Charles. They loved him.

They got on. They had each other's numbers. They'd go out together and watch the football. I'd never had this before. I was always with my first boyfriend's family. They'd come and watch him play football, but they weren't really close. Charlie was close with my dad and my stepmom and that.

And I know that's important to all of us. And it made me close to them, which I've craved for so long. You know what's interesting on this is that there's some really good research. by a friend of mine, Dr. Terry Orbach, the States, who shows that one of the top reasons why couples separate is when the woman, so this is in heterosexual relationships, when the woman's family is not supportive of the partner. Right. In essence, we're all seeking safety.

Yes. But there's a higher level of safety that women, on average, are seeking. Of course. And to have your family say, I like this person, it makes you feel safer. 100% with them. And closer. Yes. And because I've got a very weird relationship with my family,

one minute I'm in their life, the next minute I'm not, this is going to give me that, I forgot to tell you, I've fallen pregnant now. Okay. So I need this family. I might not like everybody, I might not agree with one, but I need, I'm having this baby. I wanted a baby for a long time,

but I'd never done it because it wasn't right. I was pregnant with Jake. A lot went on, there was abortion and a loss. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. All right. And that abortion was solely your decision? At the time, because of career was, I was advised by management that it would ruin my career, which is so wrong. Wow.

Because I was very high at my career. And actually, as years went on, the girls in the show shows out because they had kids. That could have been me. You know what's so painful, though, to hear this is that you... I was first. You were told to have an abortion. You wanted to have a child when you were pregnant first. You wanted to have a child with Jake, and then you were told... It will ruin my career.

What were you going to do, you need? You're just, you're got in this deal now. You've got that deal come in. How can you have a baby? But life was different. Now we have careers because of kids. Right. You know, not me.

I haven't done that yet, but you can. You can do baby brands. I haven't done any of it. But I, you know, it wasn't just that, obviously, but that played a part. Right. But obviously, again, I was like, no, I want to get married. I want to do it right. From what I've been told from a young girl, you get married first.

Again, that didn't happen. But I looked back now, but at the time, I was 26, 25. I had loads of time. Yeah. I had Lerose at 33. Yeah. And I see, too, is now that you're pregnant with Charles, how you've wanted to have a child. I needed that.

I needed her. I've done everything. I've done so much career. I've done so much shows. I've done. I've earned money. I've lost money. I've wanted a baby now.

Yeah. Yeah. So you have your baby. Yeah. And you have a partner. Yeah, I do. That your family likes. I did a home birth, naturally.

Seven hours labor. perfect and I was at home in this bubble with my kids' dads he was amazing he'd feed me and I'd feed the baby yes but I've got pictures of it and and I can't get over that period of time I hold on to that because that was beautiful and I think where did it go wrong it was everything you wanted everything I wanted yeah so what then happens in your relationship Charlie's 10 years younger than me um it's a lot of pressure having a baby with somebody you've been with, I fell pregnant after a month. You don't know somebody for minimum six months to a year.

It takes a long time to get to know someone. It takes a long time to get to know someone. Now Lauren says it takes her from six months to a year. Is there any truth to this? Well, in the early stages of a relationship, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking you really know someone. but people often present the best version of themselves. Chris Rock calls this the representative.

Now it takes time to move beyond these initial impressions and see the more authentic everyday aspects of a person. Getting to know someone well involves observing how they react in all scenarios. That means the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's only over time that you see how they handle stress, conflict, and joy. It also takes time to build trust and emotional intimacy. These things don't develop overnight. It often takes months of consistent, meaningful interaction for these to grow,

allowing you to understand the person on a deeper level. Now, I'm not telling you to be suspicious of your partner in the early stages, but be aware it takes time to build relationships. It's important to be vulnerable and open with your partner if you want a deeper connection. All right, let's get back to Lauren as she explains why her relationship with Charlie came to an end. Time went on and I just saw some changes. I saw he wasn't very happy. It was a lot. I think he's thinking, what have I done? He's ever said that, but I'm thinking it was a lot for him. He wasn't happy with me, but I felt pregnant. There was a lot of press stuff. There was

girls doing stories. Again, like I said, girls try and get involved in our relationship. I'm ignoring it. I'm trying to be strong. I've fallen pregnant again. I thought, I'm not going ahead. I've just got to focus on the rows.

I can't do it on my own. We're not really getting on. And I thought, I put the abortion, I thought, I'm not going. I'm doing it on my own. I'm doing it on my own. He's left me.

He's moved out. Wow. He left you. He's moved out. He's got, look, he had, His own reasons, whatever, he moved in with my brother-in-law, who's like a brother to me.

And I'm going ahead of this pregnancy. Okay, against his wishes. He didn't really, at first he was like, well, don't be ridiculous. But then he come home and he went, you're not getting rid of the baby. It's my baby, we're doing this. So I was like, okay, we're doing this. We got back together. Okay.

He's moved home. Things were right, but he just doesn't stay all right. and I don't really know what happens. And we wasn't getting on and I don't know why. I don't really have answers. But I was all, I was just going to be the best mum. And I was just the best mum. And that was all while he was meant to love me

and I meant to love the baby. It was meant to be a circle. I just needed a bit more. But again, I just felt so alone. But no, I don't know what happened between us. I don't. But it got bad. What was the lowest moment in your relationship?

Well, obviously, oh God, I don't really want to go into it, but obviously, yeah, like, I lost a rent, I didn't I? And I lost a friend at the same time. And there was the whole, my daughter's funeral, and it just, it was a mess. And Angle got taken out of me and just, I don't know, I actually have no answers. I never would understand to this day what happened and why. running your own business, listen in for a great offer from today's sponsor, Shopify. You know when you go on an amazing first date and you get that rush of excitement, it's the same thrill business owners get when they hear Shopify's iconic.

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Actual prices may vary, limited time offer. We have to talk about Lorena. Yeah. We have to give her proper space. I know it's probably. hard for you, because you're always sensing, she don't want to talk about this, but it's fine. So you were pregnant with Lorena. You had, it's interesting, I didn't know that an abortion was booked.

It wasn't. So you were excited going in. Yeah. You had a partner who had come back to you. You thought, okay, this is now, I have a bigger family. This is going to be even better. She's got a sibling, two babies under one. Yes. Good help me, but how beautiful.

Yes. So talk to me about the day of her birth. She was coming in and pregnancy was fine. My bloods were immaculate. No issues at all. I was breastfeeding, very hard when you're heavy pregnant, running a house, can't work, and you've got a baby on your boob and you're being sick at the same time. It's tough. It was the hardest moments of literally my life. so exhausted that I would literally be playing with a rose and fall asleep on the floor. Wow. But I had no one to help me.

And when I had the rose, I did a home birth naturally. I don't like the whole hospital thing that doesn't work for me. So anyway, my midwife's checked me. As long as you've got a lot of got a temperature and your water's clear and baby heartbeat's good, you can stay at home. The next day I put the rose on the boob, my contraction started. So I thought, oh my God, yes, this is happening. when I tell you the intense pain, oh, obviously it's bad, but this is bad.

This is no, there's no buildup. Like, this is happening now. I'm rolling around my, like, sitting my snug room thing in agony on my own, literally like this baby's coming out. And the midwife turns up and she can't hear a heartbeat. So I'm like, I don't know. She was like, why haven't you wrong? I said, I did say that I've just had my contraction.

She was fine last night. You were here last night. She's wrong an ambulance. Paramedics come in. They've given me gas and air. And I'm now being wheeled out into an ambulance. I knew something wasn't right. I just knew.

I just knew. And I'm screaming and I'm in so much pain. I've got no drugs. I'm in absolute agony. From when that contraction started, So when she was born it was two hours And she just flopped They let her flopped out on the bed

And I know I knew and I thought She's not here She's just And she'd lost oxygen seven hours before So And if I had If I had gone in maybe

Things would have been different But I didn't know And I was on my own Sorry Yeah But yeah It's just, and I just remember, like, whatever reason this happened, it happened, and nobody intentionally, from the midwives to my family, to my partner,

to friends, nobody knew that that was going to happen. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just a mess. It was just a mess. But, yeah, she had just passed, like, not long, really, before because of oxygen but she looked like she was asleep and I remember just doctors running in

and ten doctors have come in and they were given adrenaline after adrenaline and they said they had a low heartbeck but I think that was the adrenaline and Charlie was in a terrible state on the floor like screaming and I just don't know I was just in up so I was shaking from head to toe

it was the most traumatic awful experience I've had in my life. You never ever think you're not going to have your baby, that perfect pregnancy. She was 40 weeks and she was nine pounds. She looked beautiful. Yeah, she was beautiful. She'd looked like the rose, but she was a little bit of fairer. Yeah.

But no, something that I'm not over, and I'm not going to get over. How do you get through it? LaRose, because she's all I've got. She's literally what I've got. She's the only person I love. Oh, God. Do you know what?

I never cry in front of people. I normally like hold it in and can talk about things. But it's just, yeah, I just not ever talk about it that deep. And I think it's good too because I had to carry on life as if I think so. You know what's hit me the most in our conversation is how lonely you are. I used to have a lot of people and I haven't got anyone and I don't know why. My life has got like worse and worse and on top of it, it's like life stresses as well. Like I haven't been left alone.

Like, not that I don't, I'll talk about this, but a few months ago I got this email that I'm getting charged and I'm like for this paid posts. And I'm like, what is coming on? what is going on? It's not okay. No. But they don't understand what's going on in my life. And it's just a pain post and things like that. And I'm still carrying on.

I'm still carrying on. But how long am I going to carry on for? You know? How do I get through it? Because I have no choice. Right. And you have this beautiful daughter. Yeah.

And she don't know nothing. And she, no. And I wouldn't live her. Let her know, I'm happy to play dates. We go to the farm. We do stuff, you know. We beat up with friends, but I don't have any friends. On the side of trauma, what you went through was a traumatic experience.

And there's different ways that we go through, should I say, the recovery of trauma. Yeah. There's something called the Kubler-Ross model, right? Okay. But in essence, it says that there's five steps that we go through. Okay. And we don't always go through them one after another, but we go through all five at a certain point. Okay.

One is denial. Denial that this even happened. Yes, and I did do that. I thought the rose was Loreno. It was like one. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

And that's where my, at the beginning, I was so. I'm okay, worryingly okay. And it was like Lorena LaRosa's that one, but that pregnancy was just one. It was just one. So I never lost her. There you go. That's what it is.

That's the denial. Another is anger. Yeah, I'm very angry with everyone. That's why I cut everyone off as well. Yes. Another is bargaining. Bargaining is when you begin to ask yourself, what could I have done differently?

If I did this differently. Yeah, if I did go there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I did this. Another is depression. Which, do you know what? I've never had depression in my life, but I'm suffering, I think, 100%. You know what that last is?

The last is so powerful. The last is acceptance. Yeah. And once you've received acceptance, that's the pathway to then moving forward. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

Okay. Okay. So that... I've got a little way to go. Yeah. And I think just acknowledging that is so powerful. But I'm a one-man, man, man, really, because it's, I'm doing it all. Listen, I'm co-bearing.

It's not easy. We do talk as friends. It's not always like that. My main focus is LaRose. And me being me, because I used to be such a good worker, that's why I've gone back to the show now, it's the slowly bring me back because I need to support us as well. Yes. Yes.

Well, you know what the other support that you do need? This is coming from your friend. Yeah. Is there's three, whenever we're going through traumatic experiences, there's three, what I say, groups that we need in our lives. Yeah. One is that we need friends and family, but those that we truly love. Yeah. Because not all family is family.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And so we need those that we love because we can. emotionally go to them and get emotional support. I don't have that, no. Okay. So guess what? I'm your friend.

Yeah. On the real? Yeah. So you have to then maybe create a new friendship circle, but it's important to have friends. Trying, but it's really hard to, there are friends there, but they're not, like, and I'm looking at the minute, like, my daughter's friends, because she goes to a little preschool, I've started to talk to their moms, but I'm still

loving and it's like, I don't know. They would because they're really nice, but I'm different. Yeah. I'm just, I'm not a normal mom. I am, but do you know what I mean? But I've been inviting everyone over to my house and just having play dates. And I don't know the mums, but I'm trying to build a new life, basically. You need, we do, we all need connection.

Yeah, I need some human, like I've just had this hernia and I've not had one person come round. to see if I'm okay. I'm going to have bad, but I don't know, but life is hard, but I'm going to be right because this is me, and I will get through it. Like, I've done everything. You are. And on those three, though, because this is important,

I'm going to make sure that we have these three in your life, is friends, you're working on this. Yeah. Another is to have professionals. Yeah, I know. The reason why I think professionals, therapists, counselors, coaches are so important is because what they help us to do is to have coping behaviors that are good for us.

And this is what I need to see. I start and I don't stick up to it. I do a few sessions and then I'm like, do no, no, no, no, my life, busy, blah, blah, blah, not well. I need to have, I need to, my health is important. It's everything. Your well-being is the best gift you can give your daughter. You know, that third group, though, that's important. People who are going through what we're going through.

Yeah, I know. They are, yeah. People who've suffered the loss of a child, their support groups. This is what I want to do. I want to help people. Because I feel like, see my DMs, how have you got through this? They look at Wednesday. No one knows what's going on in my life.

You can see me out. You can see me today. I can get packed. She's in London. She's sweet. Right. No one knows, right? People DM me.

Help me. I need to get to a place, a place where I'm better, stronger that I can mentor or do something for mums that haven't got anyone and they've got me to come and like I was. But you know where that begins though, Lauren, is just by listening, just by giving an ear and also by allowing others to be an ear for you. This is like therapy. In a way this is. It's not going to feel amazing when I leave it. I think because what I'm definitely going to give you is practical advice. Which is what I want. When you walk up off of this chair, you will be able to do these things and to become better.

So the three is if you have friends and family, you're working on this. That number two is professionals. Number three is a support group, people who have gone through or are going through what you're going through. if you have those three groups of your life, three groups in your life, it helps you to get through that trauma, those stages faster. I feel like I've rushed through it

because of LaRose, but now I just want some normality. Yes. I've not been with anyone because I'm not ready because I need, there's a work, I need to do it myself, it's got to be right for LaRose,

but I also am Lauren that does need that, I need to be in love. If I can't get it from my family and friends, I need to make a new, home unit. Yes. That's why I'm sort of thinking I need to be ready to start dating. Yes.

But before we get to dating though, is how have you, because you have been working on yourself. Yeah. That's something I'm very proud of. Thank you. What are the things that you've done now to change your life? I have a lot of boundaries. So I can be quite cutthroat to my boundaries. so I don't speak about work on a weekend.

I don't talk on the phone after a certain time even if it's just a friend about shopping. I literally say, I have to tell, and I don't answer the phone. If they ring me at 10 o'clock, I ignore it. I have very strong boundaries. People know if they've come, like, if I do have anyone over or, like,

I do have a friend from the show, he's really good, actually. He leaves at seven because he knows I go to bed at half eight. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke. I don't take pain because unless I really, really have to. I'm very like, people might think it's weird and boring. I don't socialize. And I do need to get back to that, but I'm very strict with my own boundaries in my comfort zone that help my healing process that don't trigger anxiety. That's why. And how do you feel having done this now for several months? I haven't drunk out. Next week is a year that I haven't added to alcohol.

A year. Yeah. But before that, I've probably been drunk four times in four years, five times in four years. Okay. So it was quite easy. It wasn't, I haven't done this. Oh my God, I'm going to eat out. It just doesn't go in my lifestyle.

It's not a choice of I'm not going to drink, it's going to help me. I just don't want to. Okay. It's a difference. Okay. But now that, so you haven't had a drink in a year, You're abstinent as well. You haven't had sex?

No, no. Okay. Since last year with my kid's dad. All right, so a year, no sex? Yeah. You have strict boundaries that you put in place around your time. Yeah. Phone calls.

Phone calls. Any messages or anything that I don't speak after a certain amount of time on the phone. Okay. I'll be on the phone. I can scroll. I can do whatever, but I can WhatsApp, but I don't want to speak. All right. Yeah.

So a year of doing this, emotionally, how do you feel compared to last year? It started last year. That's when it started. But I feel like them boundaries help with my panic attacks, my sleep pattern, and my anxiety. Yes. That's why I do it. It's not because I don't want to speak to people. It's because I have to respect.

I know when I cross over the line, I'm overwired. I have panic attack or I don't sleep. Even coming to London, I'm not, I can't do that on my own yet. But because I haven't done it for so long, I've been Lauren in this bubble and this, my own world, beautiful, is such a hard one because it's been such a happy, beautiful time having my baby. But it's also been the hardest, worst time in my life because I had a loss. And I'm in this bubble in Essex. My work was up here every day. This is where my offshoots where.

So to get to London, what do you need in order to go from Essex to London? A friend to come with me. And today I haven't got that, so I've got production with me from another job. Yeah. Which I find, you know, fascinating. So right now we're in London. Yeah. And in order for you to come, you had to come with someone.

Yeah. To help reduce your anxiety. And I didn't have anxiety because I don't trust anyone. I don't, I've got really serious, I feel like people are not good and they're going to set me up. Wow. So I don't really enjoy life. This is, this is so fascinating to see 2010, Lauren Goodyear by 2011 was on top of the world. Bafta, most successful reality TV show.

Everyone knows you. You're getting booked $25,000 to sit in a chair. Yeah. And you fast forward to today. Yeah. And you were unhappy. Very. When you look back.

Yeah. At your life, because you're a young woman. Yeah. So this is just, that's just one chapter. I think I'm scared because I'm getting older. Okay. It's worrying. How am I going to have, I'm going to be 38 in September.

And I don't know what has happened, but I think I'm 28. It's really weird. It's like I've been put asleep when you've not told me. You know what I'll say? Yeah. I'm very hopeful for your future. Yeah. I'm very optimistic.

Yeah. And I believe you because I do feel something. Yes. I feel something good's happening at the end of this. And I believe that. Yes, I know it. And you know why I know it is because you have gone through the fire and you're still here. Yeah.

You have these experiences now. And you're pulling lessons from the experiences. Yeah. You have more awareness around self. Definitely. You have boundaries. You're working on your well-being. These are all of the pieces that add up to success.

100%. Yeah. So if you're going back to tell 12-year-old Lauren. Yeah. And give her some advice. Wow, what things I would change. What would you tell 12-year-old, Lauren? Just be so grateful for the moment.

because you never know when that moment is a memory and at the time you take it for granted how amazing it was, the things that I've achieved, the love that I had in some relationships that are now memories that I so want. So it's to be grateful in the moment, definitely. Wow, well, you must have talked to some incredible people

in your life, some incredible people. When you think of the most impactful conversation that you've ever had. That's what I'm saying. Who was it with and what was the conversation? This is exactly what I mean because, yes, I've been around Simon Cowell

in a very small group. I've, even like rappers, I've walked in to clubs and been in there with their driver's car. I've been to Beyonce's, perfume launch. I was in Drake's table. Not that they give me any advice, but they're amazing people to a lot of people. But they, you don't really learn anything from them. That's not, that's impressive, but it's not what matters. That's so much more that matters. This is what I was

saying back to in the moment. There's been so many times and I've took so much for granted because it's so fast-paced and this job, that job and and having beautiful friends. that I probably, maybe she looked after a bit better. And because we're busy, not that we don't mean it. And even like down to my own family, there's reasons why we're not that close. And it's not because of me, but I had to make them boundaries. Yes. But again, it's, I didn't listen.

I didn't listen. So a lot of people and a lot of things. And it's important to listen. So almost the most important conversations you feel they were missed. When I was giving advice at the right time that we've previously spoke about on here, and I didn't listen, it was important to listen probably because things might have been different. But everything happens for a reason. And over hard my journey is and been, it's exactly where I'm meant to go to where I'm meant to be.

Yes. Yes. We've talked about a lot here today. Yeah. I can talk for hours. I think both of us is dangerous. Yeah. But on that note, we've talked about a lot.

Is there anything we have not talked about that you would like to? I think it's just sort of, I don't want to leave it on a sad. Yes, my story is sad. Yes, my life has been sad. But I'm so grateful to be who I am and have another opportunity. I've gone back on the show. Yes. I'm here with you.

I'm grateful as you have made because. I don't always get given chances and I've lost a lot of chances and now I feel like I want, I want, I want people to know me for once. I really want people to know who I am. Yes. And hear my story and even my past because when people look back at me and be like, what is wrong with her? And I understand it.

Don't just judge me because there's deeper reasons for certain things and it doesn't mean that I'm just a silly Essex girl. with no plan but I just went with what I went with and I'm still a good person and I continue to be a good person and that's important to me yeah I think you're a great person thank you I love you I adore you I am a fan I'm a friend you know and I cheer for you and I think that's that's a key piece of friendship is definitely do you applaud you know your friend you cheer for them and every time I see you make a move. Like you're back on Talley.

I'm like, yeah. You do. And you're one of the, that's what I'm saying. In this job, it's very, people move around a lot.

But you don't keep connections with people and that's rare. Yes. And you've reached out to me, one of very few people that reached out when I lost Lorena and that meant a lot. And you actually found my psychiatrist therapist

that I still talk to today. Yeah. So you're a good man. Yeah, I'm so happy for that. I'm so happy for that. And I'll tell you what, the next chapter, Watch. You watch. The next chapter is going to be amazing.

Oh, I really, really hopes. And this is why I've kept myself to myself. I've been locked in my house. Just being a mum, doing the mum things, and now I feel like I'm ready to start a different life. Yes. Yes. I know you are. And I believe people will see how much light you have. Yeah, I hope so. Yes. Because I do believe that knocks my confidence. If I've ever done like I turn a lot of things down because I feel like no I can't do it at live TV because I'm not, people do like me

and I am popular but we've also got Lauren do you know what I mean? Yeah. So that, I mean, can I ask, even on can I ask about that? Because that's interesting. So you feel as if you were kind of

pushed to the side? Yeah, I do. And it's a shame because for TV shows I'm really good. And even if I like, to do opportunities to have my own show it would be amazing

but people don't produce as much they work with me, they book me, they don't really give me the full credit but they, I bring a lot. Yeah, I bring a lot. Even though you're top on Daily Mail and your past covers, like you're always booked. And 15 years later I'm still going strong

and not everyone can do that. Do you have, you still have paparazzi following you? That's outside my house, yes. To this day? Yes. Even yesterday, I take pictures because I get followed a lot. So they follow me, and they're not legally allowed to set aside your house, but they do. I've recently moved, so I'm right for a minute, but I did get followed the other day and pats down my high road.

So if you're going to anything, to the grocers, can you go to the grocers? If they're there, they're there, it doesn't matter what. what you're doing. I've done doctors, anything. And I feel it. I know where they're there. I have a very strong instinct. And they're like, how do you know? I'm like, I know. I can feel it. I don't know why. It's like you can just sense they're sitting in a car. I see it a mile off all the time. But it brings you paranoia. And then they take those photos and then they sell them to... They blow them up. They pile them up so they make you look white and which makes you look bigger, which is not as flattering. Oh, interesting. And they grained them.

a little bit. So you've got like brownie eye, a bit of a wonky brow. Nothing's that bright. And then they, they sell them. And then you think, oh my God, look at me. And then they sell them. But the fact, and then there's an appetite, there's a demand for Lauren Goodger photos. Yeah. I've had a journalist outside and that, or a press, sorry, we've been requested by whatever paper magazine. They need some pictures of you because they want you in the paper today. So yes, they will be requested to have pictures of me because they haven't had anything for a couple weeks. I don't know how you live like with this. I mean, you've got to work with it. You have to work with it. So I'm very friendly. I don't know why,

but I'm very friendly to them. And I say, look, please not today. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't. Come back tomorrow. I'm going to the park, whatever. And then they sometimes will do that. And that's, it's not set up, but you can work with them. They're going to get it anyway. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So at least they're getting it, but on yours... But it's not always like that. Obviously, some of horrendous photos and you're like, ugh, which used to affect me? And now I'm just like, I'm so used to it. People think I'm fat and ugly. So I just accept it. Yeah. It's hard. That's why I don't like fame. You know, on that note, I swear, this is the last question. Yeah. But I have to ask this. Because, so as a result, because you just said, they think I'm fat and ugly.

Right. A lot of people would meet me in real life, yeah. I didn't think you look like that. Really? Yeah. I've put on weight now because a little trauma, but I lost a little. I've been up and down, up and down. But I'm going to go dating, I wasn't fat.

And over the years, I wasn't fat. Being a size 10 back then and I thought I was big, I'd do anything to look like that now. Do you know what I mean? But people have met me in real life and said, oh, I thought you was a lot bigger than what you are and you're actually really nice. You look better in real life.

That's all I get. That is the line. I get everywhere I go, you look better in real life. Everywhere like Tescos, anywhere, just popping out in pajama bottoms, you look better in real life. That is the one line I hear, if I were a pound every time, I'd have a million. Is it that you look better in real life? Yes.

Oh my gosh. Which is great for real life, but it's not for the rest of the country. No, who are looking at these photos. Exactly. On me on screen, yeah. Yeah. But again, that's me working on everything. I'm up and down, but that's my life because I'm up and down emotionally.

That's why my body's up and down. Okay. A reflection of what I'm going through. Of that. Do you feel pressure because, you know, a lot of people are getting sculpted, you know, with surgery? I've had it all, yeah. Do you, is that the pressure for surgery? Back in the day, 100%.

They created it. So they would make us look a type of way, talk about us as a type of way, and then we'd go, I'm getting my boobs done or I'm going to go and get a BB on Turkey and then when you do it she said all this surgery what's she going to stop hold a minute

last week you were telling me that I look this type of way you've made me insecure so now I've got that because of this I was fine before I wouldn't have had nothing done but they've given me

a hard time over the years which I haven't had anything done since 2017 and I actually want to reverse a lot which is what I'm trying to get on the show at the minute because I want my boobs. I want to go natural.

Do you? Yeah. I want all the implants out. Okay. Just I don't need it and it's not healthy. So what do you want to have done? Right. So I just had a BBL, which is a 360 fat transfer in Turkey, which is the worst experience.

Oh, my God. That was all. I was Googling helicopters. I had to get hired. How to get out. Are this going to sound super ignorant because I hear BBL everywhere. Right. But I don't technically know what a BBL is.

So it is actually Brazilian bum lift, yeah, 360 lipo. So you're like a bit of meat on the table. They take it all the way from your knees, arms, back, stomach, back, everywhere. All the places they can, in the thighs, out of thigh. Take all that fat, they mix it, and then they inject it into your bum. Just straight to your butt? Yes. Okay.

Which is very dangerous. And I would never recommend that to anyone. It's one of my biggest regrets of surgery. when I then felt pregnant, the bum got bigger because it's fat and fluids, it was massive. I absolutely hate it. And now it's still quite a big bum and I don't need it. So you want to reduce your butt? That's basically it.

But the butt does. So a month ago, I was training a lot. I looked a lot better than I did now. Not well, whatever. So I stopped. The bum actually got smaller and looked really good. So it's the diet and the training. like your body, it goes with it.

So I don't actually have to get that removed. I just need to lose weight. Okay, fair, fair. So you'd love to slim your butt down. Yes. What else do you want to do? I want the boobs out. Okay.

I just want natural boobs. Anything else that, I don't, I've had lips done years ago. I haven't done for ages. I'll get a bit of Botox now and a bit of skin booster. I don't have filler in my face anymore. Okay. And I stop that. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. And then once you do those, You're going to feel like, okay, you're back to long. I like natural. I don't like big hair extensions, fake nails, fake lashes. As much as I still wear makeup, I'm toned down now. Yeah.

You're right. You don't have any lashes. No, and I don't have hair extensions. Those are your lashes? Yes. Those are long lashes that you have, yeah. So I just, and I don't want it all filler in my cheeks. Like, we've all done it.

And it's not that. And Lerreau, she's got no chance because I've been there and I've done it. Yes. And I'm that strong mom. Listen to me. I know. Yeah, she's not going to have it. Yeah, fair.

Sorry. I know you got to get out of here. We've got filming haven't way now. Yeah, we do. We do. Thank you. But no, no, but thank you. Yeah.

Yep. Oh, God. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. That's lovely. I hope you enjoyed this conversation, and I'd like to share some of my key takeaways.

But first, I have to say thank you to Lauren. Thank you for being open, honest, and vulnerable with me. Okay. So my first takeaway, is seek a partner who could provide the emotional support and stability that you crave. To avoid repeating past mistakes, it's important to focus on your personal growth in healing before entering a new relationship. A partner shouldn't fill a hole in your life. They should add to it. My second, surround yourself with a strong support system of friends and family

who could provide a different, healthy perspective. Always put it. in the time and effort to maintain your support network, as you never know when you might need them. And third, when it comes to working through past traumas, consider seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling. This process can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms, opposed to unhealthy mechanisms that can lead to a lesson or destroyed well-being. The next one is set boundaries and prioritize self-care. This can help you, maintain emotional stability and make better relationship choices. Lauren chose to not speak about work on the weekend, not speak on her phone after a certain time, and stop drinking. She says doing

this has helped reduce her panic attacks, improve her sleeping pattern, and lessen her anxiety. Number five, be patient with yourself. Navigating the ups and downs of love life is hard. Remember to celebrate your progress and resilience. Journaling can be a good. great way to understand and express your feelings. And it's also a great tracking tool to see how far you've come. We can all learn something from what Lauren shared about her experience is. I certainly did. And this is why it's so important to talk. Special guests. Get tickets Thursday, May 7th at Olivia Rodrigo.com. Spring is the season everyone refreshes everything except their blinds. People put it off because they think it's complicated. But at blinds.com, we've spent

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