We're Here to Help - 101: The Legend Has Retired with Neal Brennan

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Neal Brennan talk to callers about a husband’s love of bowling and making a surgery fun. Later, the guys and Jillian Bell help a caller with a gift they don't want. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

And we are... ...Mag-Jakes! With the shark. Shark. How's the new nickname feeling, shark? Might be some merch on the way. Oh, no. Oh, really?

We got shark merch? Shark merch. I would like, I would wear shark merch. Oh, what's going on? So question about this studio. You said there was a few more things happening with it, camera setups, where are we at with it? I got a few more pieces of equipment that are shipping today and then Wes my friend who you guys met is helping me install it throughout this week

So next time you guys come it will look I mean on camera won't look any different But behind the scenes it's gonna look way more organized a lot more professional I'm super excited for and this and those for sure have the options to there's gonna be a camera on the shark shark too. We've got our two shot and we've got singles of the Garfin. We'll have the shark cam. Okay, there will be a shark cam. Yeah. And I think we would encourage, I think, you know, we probably, maybe we'll be doing it during the day, but the next time we do a night one, the shark has to stay wet. I mean, the shark has to be able to fuel up and shark after 5 p.m. The shark is what? Yeah, yeah, yeah night shark. Yeah, because really I honestly the feedback I've personally had to the hundredth and shark is that The guy really came to life and I can't show start sharks all the show without question This wasn't a camera. I will say not enough camera. I agree. I agree

But again, that's part of the problem with having drunk shark back there like, you know, he's not gonna operate as strongly So you don't see the shark until it attacks. Yeah, it's true. Yeah shadows You're just on your boogie board being like dude. This is cool. It's Just here a guardettos I'm a shark. I have a shark Well, that'll be exciting. A friend of mine also offered to make cocktails for the next time we do one of those, but I was like, it is a very small space, but maybe.

Yeah, maybe. I think we're pretty good. It's a tight spot. Yeah. And I honestly felt like the shark had enough cocktails. I don't think we need a full bar there. I don't agree. I think, see, unfortunately I'm pulling us in the other direction.

The shark goes, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I be honest? The shark seemed a little too sober to me. Did you think the shark was drunk? I didn't really think that. We need to pour some water on the shark. You know what the shark was? He was on the shore.

We need to push him back into the alcohol sea. I agree. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He wasn't wet enough. Yeah, you're right. I was wrong. Put him in the old fashioned ocean. 99 episodes on the shore.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks everybody who has joined the Patreon in this last chunk of time. It's blowing up. It's been really fun for us. We're getting into it, so it's been fun. Today's episode is a really special one. We got Neil Brennan, an unthinkably good standup, great writer, great great thinker. Yeah, he directed an episode a new girl I think it was season one and for since then I just kind of been obsessed with the guy He has a podcast called blocks, which I'm currently on so check that out to check out all of his but Neil comes on our show

He's so great. He's really great stand-up I mean, I think like truly, you know, like everyone knew him as the partner on Chappelle's show, but he's done such a good job of just carving out his own thing and he's really interesting funny, dude. Yeah. And I will say he changed the intro forever for me introducing our guest helpers. When I introduced him and he was like, don't set it up like that. Just say who I am. Because they don't give a shit. And I was like, all right, good note mid show. But, uh, well, he knows one of those guys, which I personally love is he's always,

he's always thinking. So he's not just in it. He's also part of thinking of the whole process. He's thinking so much. He's not filtering and actually to great benefit. Yeah. That is one of the reasons why I think he's so funny. So, uh, but yeah, he's great.

So we enjoy the hell out of having him. And thank you to everyone who listens. Keep telling people to listen. And we got a lot of cool stuff coming up and shark will be wet. So without further ado, what can we add without a further ado that the shark you get involved? Finn Finn, what could you say shark? Chomp Chomp. Will we do a Chomp Chomp?

I mean, Finn makes sense cuz that's and two Okay, so we're gonna do our ending Gareth the way we always do it and shark just see what comes out your mouth Yeah, I like it. All right, and without further ado Look out There's just to be clear the shark is saying look out or that someone looked at the shark? So the shark is warning people? Okay, the shark is warning people. Let's try one more. Yeah, I feel like that's...

Now, I think shark is warning those he's about to eat. The shark... We're looking for the shark's line, not like the beach-goer. All right, here we go. Not somebody in the seal community. Here we go. Not a surfer. You're not a baby seal.

You're not a mother seal. Although I do love the heart song. Look out. Look out. No, he didn't even do that. Look out. Kevin's was, look out. All right, here we go.

All right, here we go. All right, so without further ado. I'm behind you. Pretty good. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great because it's taunting. Anyway, enjoy the show.

Hello? Hi. That's great because it's taunting. Anyway, enjoy the show. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Did you make me start? What is your name, where are you calling from, and what's your age, please?

Age? Well, you don't have to answer that. I agree. Don't answer that. That's the first, this is the most, but just so you know, Neil, this is the most offended someone's been by that question on the show. Great, she's also never heard the show. Uh, so I'm Cathy, I'm calling from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

All right, don't answer any more. Nope, well you don't even wanna know. We'll guess it after you're done. Listen, you got Jake, you got myself, and you also have a great guest helper on this episode. You have an amazing stand-up comedian, Neil Brennan is joining us on this episode. Yes, thank you very much.

Thank you so much. Kathy, withhold your enthusiasm. Yeah, Kathy's freaking out. Now do you wanna know, right? Kathy just drove into oncoming traffic because she can't believe who the helper is. She's also never listened to this Yeah, we've also have helper a lot worked. I thought helper wasn't gonna

He loves catchphrase, I know I heard the one The human merge man All right, Kathy, what's going on? What can we help you with Milwaukee's a great city, okay? All right, Kathy, what's going on? What can we help you with? Milwaukee's a great city, by the way. Okay. So I need some help. Great.

My husband and I have been married for a while. Don't tell us how long. We don't want years. 40 years. Stop. It's 24 years. Okay. And yeah, he's a stay-home dad to our four kiddos.

So we've always made it important that he has hobbies, things he likes to do so he doesn't lose his mind being home with them. But now that we're getting older, we're realizing it's important that we have things we like to do together so that we're not totally separate when they're not there. 24 years in a marriage, go ahead. Yeah, 24 years.

It's not a system that's built to last, Neil. We try. Huh. Before we get divorced, is there anything we're to last, Neo, we try. Huh, before we get divorced, is there anything we're not doing? Oh, things to get. Ah! Okay, go ahead.

On the 50th anniversary. This one I think is bronze, yeah? Dinner. Yeah, okay, so keep going, Kathy. So the problem is is that he's found a new hobby and he's like, you guys, he's super into it. Like I cannot emphasize how into it he is. But this Habi is like not cool.

Like it's the opposite cool of cool. He's gotten really into bowling. He's very unbrand from all that. It's worse than we could have guessed. We were thinking crossfit or something. Yeah, the opposite body. All right, I got to say, I might be a minority here, but bowling's not cool. You could make bowling ball.

Well, yeah. It's not sexy to go on with like your wife for 24 years, but like, I've gone definitely gone through a bowling phase. Well, let me, sure. But does he have his own shoes? Yeah, by the way, it hurts your wrist. Yeah, does he have the glove? Does he have the the special glove does he kick up his right leg does he have a bowling shirt he has everything he has my ball six balls six balls now have like a whole six balls balls like they have a whole shelf in our house each one has this is Kathy this is neither here nor there, but my father had a third testicle go ahead

I don't have any follow-up meals I just remember hearing as a kid like a rumor that my dad had to go to have an operation because he had three balls Wait, go ahead. Is it true that you have ten brothers? I do have Three balls are you serious? Yeah, 10 kids. Wow. And I still, my mom won't talk, my mom's too Catholic to talk about it, but anyhow, he's got six balls. The guy loves, you guys, we're done.

We're done with my dad. Let's back to Kathy. Third ball is intriguing. Not to go down a road. You think it's just that all you want? Not to go down a weird road, Kathy, but 10 kids is impressive. 10 kids is impressive.

You need a third ball. I do think there is something about that that was meant to have more, I mean, the balls are where the sperm is held. So he did have a third more than everybody else. You said very Catholic, so no protection between mom and dad. There's not a chance she's not getting pregnant

with that king. With three balls? She's up against three balls. Yeah. What chance does she have? She could have been on the pill. He could overcome it. One of them would have. Yeah, one of the third ball. Most people have like millions of sperm.

Let me ask my third ball. This one blocked. This one blocked. Bring in the power here. Third ball, get in there. Okay. So, Kathy, what do you... I'm an OVC Ryan, so everything you guys are saying is statistically and scientifically sound.

That's cool. Wow, all right. Cool, great. Glad we called. Yeah. Okay, so why don't you, what is the question exactly, Kathy? What are you looking for us to solve exactly?

The question is, he's like, obsessed with it. Everyone's making fun of it, fun of them for it. Like, the kids are going to town on camp for this new obsession of his. So he wants me to do this with him. So this backfire, this past winter, I joined like a couple of bowling league with him to try to like, you know, have this mutual thing that we like to do together.

Sure. And it was actually way more fun than I thought it would be. Like the people were really nice. Um, but then like we did well. So now I've opened Pandora's box. Like we won our league. He's super excited. He's like, cast, you can take some lessons. You could actually get good.

We could do tournaments together. This could be so fun. And I am like at a crossroads. I hope that he's the next caller being like, I got my wife in a bowl. And I know how to, I know how to pitch him. I don't know how to pitch her yet. I am him in life with everything. I'm never the, oh yeah.

But so hold on, Kathy, this, I'm not sure where the problem is. You, you said to this guy, you're a stay at home dad. I got to get you hobbies. So you don't get crazy. He said, okay, one of them he got into. He's fucking good. Real into it. Yeah, he's also good.

Like balls into it. I'll tell you what would be worse, Kathy, is if he bowled all the time and he was the worst at it. But then not only that, you're fucking good at it. You've never bowled and all of a sudden you guys are, oh, you're not? Oh, so he's just so good. I'm then how are you winning he's that good there's a handicap so like my average is like 92 so I get all these extra pins I'm

terrible all right just to talk bowling for a second I'm not gonna go deep on this what's he rolling is he a 250 guy sorry no yeah 220 gun mmm what's his average like 200s I think pretty good he's gonna be embarrassed but I don't Is he a 250 guy? Sorry, no. He a 220 guy? What's his average? Like 200s, I think. Pretty good. He's gonna be embarrassed that I don't know that. Yeah, I agree. All right.

You know what? He's real good, Kathy. Tell him to sell five of those balls. People that can't watch this, I'm making the jerk off symbol right now. For 200, he's got six balls? Don't waste my time. Yeah, there's a lot of balls for 200.

Has he ever even hit a fucking turkey? It's not a 300. I'm wrong, it's 250 something. I was thinking about 200. Okay, okay. Don't do my... Now wait a minute, Kathy, just to be clear, you bowled for a full season with him

and you don't know that 300 is the perfect score. Again, my highest score was like 102. Okay, so here's where we're at. Your husband, let's call him Billy, he can bowl 250. He's a good bowler. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You wanted to get a hobby He got one He wants you to do this with him. You were saying after 24 years you want to do stuff together So your question is now is how do I get him to not do the hobby? I pushed him in and not do together with

him? Is that? I'm just, I'm trying to figure out what the question is. Or is your question, how do you get off of the bowling trajectory with your husband now that he's like too into bowling, infatuated with you guys being a couple bowlers? This is like you set up like a threesome and then the person likes it. What I'm hearing is, Hey guys, guys my husband's great how do I stop this it's a tough question I mean that is true what well I guess I'm just trying to decide do I have

to go all in like do I have to like fully commit be like I love you you love this thing we're gonna just do this or is there a way I can like steer him away towards something that maybe we both don't get made fun of for doing before the guys get it hobby. That's what I, by the way, as far as I'm concerned, everyone in Wisconsin's bowling. I'm from Milwaukee and I don't think there is any shame in being a bowler in Milwaukee. There's also, but also also hit something pretty interesting. What is a cool hobby? Yeah. All hobbies are so weird.

Dorky. Dorky. Yes. What's a cool hobby, genuinely, Kathy? What would you like him to get obsessed with besides your kids and you and your family, which it seems like you guys have that part of life figured out.

What would you like him doing three nights a week? It could be so much worse. Yeah, that's true. That is true. I guess I just want something that the children aren't gonna make fun of us for. Do you understand the way kids treat parents? Yeah.

Yeah, that's not, that ship has sailed. Yeah. You guys don't have a chance. I mean, you guys could be, yeah. There's truly, you're- But also, with his personality, he bought six balls. I mean, he- Don't be.

But that's him. And by the way, that's all the money he's gonna spend. You know what I mean? But a lot of hobbies are costly. What's a bowling ball called? $7? What are we looking at? $7? $5?

$5. Go to a Play It Again Sports, you get it literally for $200. Yeah, literally. $200. $200. Wait, what do you have, Kevin? You have something? Can you tell the guys about the style in which he bowls? $200. $200? $200. Wait, do you have a, what do you have, Kevin? You have something?

Can you tell the guys about the style in which he bowls in your email? Oh, yeah. He is a two-handed bowler. Oh, what? He's a new kind of bowler. Fuck. Wait, what do you mean? No, all right.

We're wrong. We were, hey Neil, back too. Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Now, all right. He's obviously doing the spin, right? But he's not like bowling between his legs.

Like a four year old with bumpers. No, no, no. Like you don't put your, there's no thumb hole. You just put the two fingers in and then it's two hands. Okay. We might have to get them off of this. Or how many people are doing that? Is that a new thing?

I've lost touch with bowling culture. Yeah, it's well, I think it's newer, but there's more people like it's still the minority. It's not cool. There's no way. No, even in the bowling community, he's getting shamed for being a bowler amongst bowlers. Yeah. He's doing the new two handed spin.

Okay. So Kathy, we're on your side. That's the premise of this. So we need to pitch to you either. Do you lean in and become a bowling mate or do we get them off it? I'm going to start with, I think you have to lean in. Now women that are into bowling, they're called

gutter fuckers, right? Uh, I think, I think outside of the community, I don't think we're allowed to say that. That's not accurate. Is that not true? Huh? Why I've got bad information on that Somebody called them gutter fucker. No, I thought I think I know it was you who just called me now You're saying somebody called them. Oh my husband has never called me. Yeah And now you're saying somebody called him. Oh, my husband has never called me that.

Yeah, no, that's no, that's good. That's why we love that right there. The victory. That's why we love Bill so much. It's never referred to behind your back. Yeah. By the way, if there is there a better name for a bowling team than the gutter fucker? Pretty good. For the gutter fucker.

Yeah. But I would say so. Well, what do you, Kathy, you you don't Kathy, you don't want to be a bowling couple, right? That's your gut instinct. I think with the comments, I know I should want to, but I don't. Well, that's okay. And look, there's, as always, there's two approaches.

There's the one where you've been married for, you know, almost 30 years. This is a man that you've shared so many moments with. You have four children and you can say to them, look, this is your dream. It's been really fun, like dipping in it for a season, but it's just not for me. Or there's the route where you completely ignore that and you pretend you have a really bad wrist injury and you can't do it anymore. And that would be my first pitch. You start back up in the season, you're ready to go, and you try the two-handed technique

and it dweeks your wrist and you can't do it anymore because of your wrist. That's interesting. Hey, Kathy, can I ask a question? I retire. Yeah, can I ask you a question on this and really try to think, don't worry about our response. What are three hobbies you would like to do with him?

If it were up to you, fantasy world, you could do whatever you wanted with him on a Tuesday night. what's a cool hobby? Pickleball. Tomato tomato. Pickleball. Okay, you're gonna hate the way. Pickleball cooler than bowling.

You're gonna hate the way he behaves with pickleball. Night and day, pickleball and bowling. Those are. Okay, don't worry about our response, what's another hobby? Okay. Just shoot, don't worry about us response. What's another hobby? Just shoot don't worry about don't listen us All we are is gutter for judging and angry We're those three losers in a bowling alley smoking cigarettes inside because they used to allow smoke. They probably still do a mall like no, thank you

Okay, so pickleball would be one Maybe like I don't know if they're all sports related. You're a weirdo dude. So what come on? Kathy, think about this first. What would you really like when you had this idea of 24 years together? You love them. You did this thing.

It's working, but we got to connect in your fantasy. Are you thinking salsa dancing? You think it pickleball you thinking of wine tasting a cooking class? What would be if this were a movie? What are you two characters doing together? either were So pickleball going to a movie or maybe like like a cooking class or something like that together So you by the way if it were movie be batting cages or something like that together. By the way, if it were a movie, it'd be Batting Cages. Of course, go ahead.

We've all seen romantic movies. It's all Batting Cages, go ahead, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she does hit one pretty hard. Yeah, yeah, and the scene, it's a little kid. When she gets mad. It hits an old man in the nuts. Oh! Yeah, yeah, then we cut to the next scene.

We've all seen movies. Right after he goes, of course I love you, but I could also sleep with other people. She goes, of course you could. Yeah, what? Whoa, I have three balls with other people. She goes, of course you could. Yeah. What? I have three balls. Now I have three balls. I have 10 kids.

So Kathy, it sounds like you don't want to do hobbies with him. It sounds like you want to go on dates with him. Yeah. It sounds like you don't want him to have hobbies. You want to be taken on dates. But you said, go, I got to tell you your number two hobby was going to see movies. It's not a hobby. It's not, that's a thing. That's an activity that can be done whenever.

That's a date. Everyone has that activity. Internetting. Yeah, yeah, TV time. Yeah, YouTubeing. Suppers. I think the hobby you're looking for is to spend special time with your husband

away from the kids. Yeah, attention for yourself. Attention. Bowling is not it, because he's given attention to bowling. How old are your kids? I don't understand that. So maybe that's the solution.

Maybe I go all in in exchange for all in on bowling one night, I get a date night. I like that. But Kathy, no, because he's in love with bowling. You're the plus one. But look, you can go one of two ways. You can either say you're out or you can leverage it. You can make a deal. And that would work if you say, look, I'm going to of two ways. You can either say you're out or you can leverage it. You can make a deal. And that would work if you say, look, I'm gonna come along

with you for this bowling dream, but I want us to take a painting and wine class once a week too. Or I want us to do a movie night every Sunday where I pick the movie. But I got a question. What if we... I like it.

Brad Neal, you go. She said you need a hobby. Yeah. He got a hobby and now we're telling her leverage it against him. Well, look, we're on her side. It might be an irrational demand, but Kathy's our friend.

There's an easier path. Kathy, what if you said to your husband. We're moving. No. Can we go on a date once a week? Yeah. What would be his response to that? I think he would like to do that, but I think he's

too busy with bowling. He's got six balls. With the kids plus bowling, that's a lot of times. I got you. So this idea for a hobby for you started, now I'm getting on your team. You wanted to find a way to go on dates with him and have a thing that you guys did together that had nothing to do with the kids, had something to do with you guys.

And this fucking weirdo got so deep into bowling, he wants you to become a semi-pro, and it's the worst! Is it that you, I thought you wanted him to have his own thing though, right? It wasn't like a dream for both of you. Well, I think it's good, but he already has like his own thing. He's like a golfer, he has these kind of things, so we're trying to think of things together, but he's so far deep. Oh, he's six balls deep. My kids came home and he was highlighting a bowling book, like highlighting it, and they made so much fun of him

that I had to step in and be like, we can't make fun of dad anymore for bowling because the feelings hard getting hurt. So he's like way in. Yeah, Kathy, I get it. I am your husband. I have a grappling dummy in my living room that everybody in my family makes fun of me about.

And me, you should see what he's dealing with, Neal. So Jake's entered the world of Jiu-Jitsu. But I'm a hobbies guy. He's a hobbies guy. He hurts his back stretching one day in Jiu-Jitsu. So now he has a little locker room set in his house where he and a little dummy that weighs like 90 grand to build The set. Yeah, it's all about the light So you're not you you you got a man who's got addiction problems and I say that as a compliment not an insult

So to now say let's get off of this a dick you being part of it You're irrelevant You are just the thing next to him as he's trying to win trophies And if he can basically win with your 90s, he goes fuck if I got this lady three lesson She could get to a 115 we will smoke everybody in Waukesha, but this is not what you're looking for. You're not looking to work on your Throws with him and your splits with him. You wanna go out and connect to him. You want his hobby to be you.

Yeah, bowling's just that passing moment. Is this wrong or what? I like that pass. Sure. What are you thinking when I'm saying this stuff? Am I getting near the reality or am I getting further away? 100%. Okay, so no, don't take bowling lessons.

That's insane. You're just gonna be there. You're gonna be doing it alone. You're gonna have a weird bowling teacher. You're gonna get off of work, get home, go bow-kneel. A sexy bowling teacher. Oh wow. This is a different romantic comedy.

Hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honeytail, 65 years old. It's a bowl comp. Yeah. Yes. Who do you think you are? I am?

So here's what I think Kathy I think you need to accept Bowling is part of his life. I don't think you enter I think you go when you feel like going and you need to say Every other Wednesday night you and I are going to do a date. You pick one, I pick one, and let's see if he can get obsessed with picking great date nights. Yes.

But I think it's in key that you have to pick one. Yes. Oh, great. Cause if it's all his responsibility, they were, it won't be gamified. It'll just be responsibility. Gammified is the word. You need to gamify it. This is all this guy understands golf bowling, etc

and And I ran out after golf and ball But Yeah, gamify it make it competitive and and and then you you got to sleep with them But but by the way, if you can play that game I slipped in and you have absolutely By the way, if you could play that game, did I slip that in? Yeah, absolutely. You have to sleep with them.

But Cali, what if you guys made it, what if you made date nights a game and at the end of the night you guys playfully rated it and had like a little thing so you'd be like the first night you do where he goes dinner and you have to go honestly and he goes seven out of 10. Yeah. And then you go, how is the food? Eight. How was conversation?

6.2. Yeah. I think you could, I'd say do it the next morning because I need them to sleep together and they're four kids and they gotta do it quietly and they gotta get to sleep. Yes. But Kath's gotta go deal with the vaginas in the morning.

Um, over GYN. And, uh, and so do it in the morning, or do it maybe the next night. If it's a Tuesday night date I'm going to the night you do the rating but then you keep you do like you have a whiteboard Yes, have the whole thing laid out. Okay. I think gamifieds great. I like that. Yeah You could also gamified via text with each other So that during the week you guys are kind of going back and forth until you get to your final score

So that he can go okay, you ended on an of like going back and forth until you get to your final score so that he can go, okay. You ended on an 8.1. I will beat it. Yeah. And you, but don't give him the wind. Don't be the thing where you're the nice wife and you go 10 out of 10. Yeah. Don't.

Yeah. Yeah. It ruins the game. So you are now you guys, your dating life is a hobby that you can get better at, you can obsess on, it's something you can practice, you can think about, you can strategize, you can go, you know what could really work? What if we exercised at the beginning of the night, why?

Because then we're both in great moods. You could try a night where you drink a lot, see what happens, you can go, booze didn't help us. You can experiment. This is, I mean, this works. I'm gonna implement this. I like this. It's really good. And it also is gonna play into what he's looking for,

which is it make, like Neil was saying, you've got a game now. Yes. But yeah, I like that idea of testing out all these things towards the perfect night. But you're turning it into a hobby. Yes. What do you, Cathy, what do you think about

gamifying date night? I think it would be fun. And how would you then? I think he would get into it. So would I. So then pitch it back to us as if we're your husband. So we know. Oh God.

But are you going to actually do this or are we just goofing around and later you're going to go like, and then I took a bowling lesson. Now I ball with him. Yeah. No, I just don't think I can totally like extradite myself from bowling, but I think I could do like hey I'm glad you like that. I like glad we'd like to do that together But because you like to do that so much we're gonna have to be more intentional about like you and I doing stuff together So why don't we try something like this and see how that goes and I think you would get into it and also

Kathy for his date night, you know what it could be he could do bowling and you know what happens that night No sex Nothing, and then you go only for his he's allowed to and he goes it was really great And you go so for you is a nine out of ten for me That was a three out of ten and it's a combined score and then the next night dating and passive aggression. Yeah That's marriage. But then you could do a night where you go, let's try pickleball.

And he goes, you know, that was really fun. Mine was an eight. And you go, mine was a seven. So that night, all of a sudden got a higher score. You keep it on a spreadsheet. He goes, we went back. We tried a tournament for bowling. He's at a 10.

And you honestly go, being with you was great. Seeing you excited are great. The night was really boring. When I watched you bowl with two hands. was great. Seeing you excitedly great. The night was really boring. When I watched you bowl with two hands. Less great. I didn't feel like having sex with you after that, but I like you. Yeah.

I think you're a cool dude. But I think then it gives you something to talk about and work towards, which could be fun, not just the night. Totally. And you guys could be going towards this idea together, of the goal is a date that is a 10 out of 10 for both So that when it comes to another anniversary, he goes, you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna surprise her and take her to Paris and we're gonna do all this thing. I'm getting the I'm getting the turkey

I'm getting 10 out of 10. I'm selling three Yes the day he sells two balls to use for another date, instantly you go like that. Just put this date night up a point and a half. Yeah, once he's ball-pawning. I actually think this could work. Asperatral. I do too.

Kathy, and it could be- No, I like it. Kathy, just remember, it could be worse. He could have a podcast. Next caller caller please. Thank you for the call, Kevin. Let us know what goes down. Thank you.

Oh, and Jake, we've talked about this before. Hulu Animaham. Hulu Animaham is your animation destination. You could see full seasons and new episodes of your favorite shows like Family Guy, Futurama, Solar Opposites, Hit Monkey, Bob's Burgers, many many more. I mean we love some of these shows. So yeah, like we said get ready to be bowled over have your socks knocked off and get thrown for a loop. You love Bob's Burgers, right Jake? I do. I think Bob's Burgers is my favorite animated show since The Simpsons. Yes, I like

Solar Opposites and you can watch American Dad, The Great North, Grimsburg, Krepopolis, all those shows. So look, if you're looking for your favorite animated shows, there's only one destination you need to remember. Hulu Animaham, your animation destination, now streaming on Hulu. Hello. Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Oh. Hi. Can we get your name, where you're calling from, and if you want to roughly give us how old you are, that's okay, if not, whatever.

Roughly, okay, I'm Ashley, I am roughly 31 and a half. And I'm calling from Western Colorado. Okay, great. Well, thanks for joining us. You've got Jake, you've got Gareth, and you've got our guest helper, who actually loves the term guest helper, as does Jake. You've got an amazing stand-up comedian

with his new special, Crazy Good, which we recommend everyone go watch on Netflix. Neil Brennan is here to help us with whatever the issue is actually. I like that every caller comes on and you test my fame level. No, it's not. You do a big pregnant, and you're not gonna believe it.

Well, what would you rather? Today's special guest, just go, our friend Neil's not. You do a big pregnant and you're not gonna believe it. Well, what would you, what would you, Rab? Today's special guest, just go our friend Neil's here. I just don't think we're gonna get, I'm looking for, it's like. But again, you're putting the onus on me. It is tough, I agree. Just say Neil and then let them go, wait a minute. Hey Ashley, you've got Jake, you've got Gareth,

and you've got a guy we found outside named Neil here to help us. Yep. A guy on the phone. She literally to help us. Yep. A guy. She went, okay. I don't think she was. He would be good at helping people. Yeah.

All right. What's going on Ashley? What can we help you with? Okay. So I need to have brain surgery, but I want to, but I want to make it fun. Fun. Okay. You were right. Fun is maybe like, I want to keep it lighthearted in the mood, the mood

as high as you can, good vibes. So you're thought, you're thoughtful of the people around you. You want everybody to be feeling okay. Is that cause you're feeling okay about this? I mean, I am feeling okay about it. And yes, you're correct. I want, I mean, I'm going to be in La La Land when they're pulling this thing out. So you want everybody out there.

I will remember it. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, what else, what else do we have in the setup of this one? I mean, I have a brain tumor. Okay. I found out one month ago today, actually.

Okay. Yep. Her name is Cindy. You've named it. This is good. I just named things. It's Cindy the cyst is what she is. Okay.

And she's, I was born with it, it's a slow growing tumor, it's thank goodness benign. Great. You know, it's like that old slogan, maybe she's born with it, maybe it's a benign cyst. Exactly, exactly. Maybe it's Cindy. Yeah.

Maybe she's born with it. We're looking at a picture of you right now holding up, I guess, what is the size of the tumor? Okay. That's Cindy in cheese form. Great. Oh, wow. OK. OK, so keep going. So this Cindy's important.

So you're having I mean, there's very clean ways that we could be doing this in terms of you're breaking up with Cindy. This is the death of Cindy. Yeah. Yeah. Rather than a brain surgery. Going away party. Going away. You have a stalker named Cindy. Going away party. You have a stalker named Cindy. Way party. That's good. But a going away party.

You could pretend that you guys all really love Cindy. She's been with you. She's helped you for the first 30 years. She's been great. She's gotten a little bit too old and it's time for her to go. But everybody's got to wear black because it's the death of Cindy.

Yep. We probably don't want to go too hard in that lane, but I like the bon voyage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't wear black. Yeah, I agree. I agree. The idea that my one of no, it's not a bad idea. That's the going away party is actually that's fine. Yeah. But my the one idea that I've kind of been toying with, which I actually can't take credit for because it was my friend's mom who got a new like cricket crafting thing, suggested making like t-shirts that say evict Cindy on them. Cause that's kind of the running joke that we've had, like Cindy, you've been freeloading

your whole life. It's time to get the fuck out. Um, to make t-shirts that say that. But then I also don't want to be walking around me and my friends and my family who are gonna be on the surgical ward like wearing these evict Cindy T-shirts and people wondering like, well who's Cindy and what did she do wrong?

Yeah. She's a squatter. I don't wanna send any Cindy. She's late on the run. Yeah. My gut feeling is we treat Cindy affectionately as opposed to like a squatter. The feeling is we treat Cindy affectionately as opposed to like a squatter. And it's, you know, you got people who have shirts

that like a sign that says Team Cindy, you know, but this idea that we hate to see, or Cindy's graduating. Or retiring. Yeah, maybe she's retiring. Cindy's retiring and this is- Tuber's only live to be 30, 35. This is a retirement party for Cindy.

She's going to Florida. She's going to Florida. a retirement party for Cindy. She's going to Florida. We got her a watch. To a medical waste dump. In Florida, medical waste dump. Florida will spend the rest of her days slowly rot with the rest of the, well you hate to call all the Florida medical waste dump, I would never say that.

No, no, none of us are saying that. But I have, I don't know how important this is, but she, she's gonna grow back. So if she retires, she's gonna come out of retirement. So that might just be a flaw in that she can't retire. I don't think. Is the idea that then, Ashley, like every X amount of years you're just gonna have another surgery

and you're gonna do this? I think so. I haven't actually met with or talked to the neurosurgeon yet. I'm flying to Denver on Monday. You don't wanna talk to the neurosurgeon. Don't leave him out of this. I'm going blind. Let them out of this.

Great. You are going blind, okay. My vision is, yeah, my vision is very, not what it should be. Okay, and then. So he's gotta come out. Okay, and then when it comes out, they're saying, so this could be the first annual it could oh

Right because then you start a fun tradition that it's you make shirts people get to make the first annual Retirement of Cindy 1.0 and then they could be Cindy jr. Cindy jr. But everybody the night before when you're there in the hospital everybody comes around Everybody's meant to make a speech of what they're going to miss about Cindy. They're allowed. Everybody has to make up parts of her personality and tell funny stories. I like Cindy's responsible for all of your bad decisions. Yes, yes. Yes.

Basically, the pitch would be you are treating this like a retirement. Everybody would have, you know, people would have like a good luck out there. Cindy, sorry, you got to go. You know, you know, people would have like a good luck out there, Cindy. Sorry you gotta go. You know, you get Cindy a cheap watch. You have a little ceremony like we're saying where everyone says, look, it's been great to have Cindy around, but it's time for her to move on. Fun. But also Ashley, is this going towards just walk me through the actual night.

Are you thinking about while they're in the waiting room without you or is there going to be a night where your people are all together? Your family is this the night before? For the main thing we're pitching is it the emails going out? Is it the initial thought that I had was For the people who were going to be there Primarily waiting in the room or like in the waiting room while i'm under the knife. Yes Okay, um, but I haven't thought about, I mean, we could have a going away party for Cindy. That could be fun.

I would pitch something like that. I was at it's a fun night. Go ahead. I would pitch leading up to it. We're treating it like you're going into the retirement ceremony. So you decorate your room with the like, good luck out there. You're getting retired, Cindy. Everyone does that.

And then maybe after this, then you can have the official sort of like bon voyage, it's over, but you just kind of treat everything around it like a retirement. Because what you're really looking to do is lift the, like, you know, you don't want this to feel like a downer. You want it to feel like kind of goofy. Yeah, I want it to, yeah.

You're gonna go ahead and have a surgery and you're gonna be fine and you want to keep everybody You don't want all the melancholy and all the drama you want people cracking jokes and being there to support you But you're gonna be fine Exactly, so I would say the night before the surgery you are planning a Retirement night of speeches. Mm-hmm. Everybody has to make to make a speech where they're saying, you know, Cindy is the devil on everyone's shoulders. She's a very bad friend. She's a bad influence. Remember that SNL sketch where they're all talking about that like weird,

some version of like, they're all talking about like the guy at work who's the biggest legend? Bill Braskey. Bill Braskey. Yeah, Bill Braskey. Eubraschium. So the idea of it is everybody tells Cindy stories. Bill Braskey. Bill Braskey. Yeah, Bill Braskey. Yeah. Eurasium, so the idea of it is everybody tells Cindy stories. Larger than life. And they're supposed to be made up so that a brother,

a sister, a friend goes like, the first time I drank with Cindy was the craziest night of my life. Yeah. And everybody's, and then going like, we're gonna miss you in retirement Cindy, but you overstayed your welcome. So everybody's just going around,

and the point is you're trying to be funny about how wild Cindy is and how is you're trying to be funny about how wild Cindy is and how much you're going to miss Cindy, but Cindy's got to go. It's time to retire to Florida, but everybody goes around and you're last. And then during it, everybody's, you know, what they do in the room when you're not there, you got other fish to fry. Don't worry about that. But then when you're done and you're out of the woods and everyone's talking, rather than

people being like, I'm so proud of you, which you don't want. And talking about Cindy. Because your vision's going, do, do a funny entrance where you're bumping into stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? Really soup it up. Go to drink, miss your mouth. Funny blind jokes.

Yes. Two days from now, I'm going to be able to, you know, I'll be walking fine. And this is guys, this is because of Cindy, not the J be able to, I'll be walking fine right now. Guys, this is because of Cindy, not the Jit. Yeah, this is not, everybody knows this is Cindy. This is a classic Cindy-ness. Sit down, miss the chair, fall on your butt. Yeah, but by the way, you also really could,

you could start it where you really go over the top, you're babbling, you're not making any sense, and everybody's like, oh my gosh, and then you go, ladies and gentlemen, I just wanted to say a shout out to Cindy for that bit, that was her idea. Cindy's the bad cop. Cindy's the bad cop.

Yeah, cortes. A little too real, I don't see that now. Yeah. But, and then, but shout out to Cindy, she's always been funny, she's a maniac, and that's what I love about her, and that's what I miss, now we're gonna go on the Rome, and please, tell us what you guys are gonna miss about

and give them time so they have to have something written. So it's like intervention when everyone has to read their letter. Go around, everybody prepare a letter and you're going around and say like, the hope is guys, I'm looking to laugh. Yeah. Yeah.

Nothing sentimental. No, like nobody turn it, don't have your mom or a parent go like, I know we're all doing a joke, but I need to speak from the heart. That's selfish. I'm scared. Yeah, yeah, we're not doing that. I'm not doing that, Neil.

Yeah. Neil, no. I just want you to. No, Neil. You're my maid of honor. Oh, this is good, I like this. Yeah. I like this idea way better than the t-shirt idea. Okay, but they, I mean, you have t-shirts too though. Day of, I think they should be wearing,

you should hire them. Happy retirement, Cindy. But you're doing this three nights, Ashley. The night before people need to prepare a letter. Yeah. The day of they're wearing happy retirement, they have signs. Your room is decorated. And then the third one, and that is when you're ready to see people and it's your time, when you are ready for visitors, you do the last, everybody gets goodbye, says their final respects to Cindy. And then you move the fuck on. You eat the cheese. You eat the cheese.

You eat the cheese. It's going to be very old. I hope that's been eaten already. Well, I hope it hasn't been, but okay. But where are you at, Ashley? How are you feeling? We have different ones. What are you thinking about this?

I really like this. This is good. Great. I like the speech idea. Great. Keep it lighthearted. Because especially for the other people around me, I'm again feeling really good about it.

I definitely cried about it. But trying to make lemonade out of lemons. I like it. I like it. I'm here for it. Well, I think that, I mean, again, like I think that a lot of your attitude is probably going to be reflected within this. So if you tell everyone that's how you want the vibe to be, that's what the vibe will be. And then, yeah, I mean, once you're done with it, call

back and give us an update and we'll be happy to add on to the retirement part of Sydney. Let's plan on this, Ashley. When is the surgery? I don't know yet. I meet with the surgeon on Monday. Okay, great. And then hopefully, That'll be soon. Hopefully it'll be within like a month or two after that. Okay, great.

So then what we will plan on is a month or two after that when you're feeling ready. Come back on the show, we'll follow up and you'll tell us. And we'll even make a video where we give a little retirement send off to Cindy as well. Oh, that would be delightful. What?

I don't wanna do that. Not Neil. Neil won't be involved. He's Neil. We just lost Neil from the project. I gotta go. Neil's very busy. We're making camp.

Not to intimidate you with our guest, but he's very busy. We're making camp-y videos now? It's only an hour, Neil. What are we doing? Neil, it's only an immersive dinner. It's only an hour, Neil. What are we doing? Neil, it's only an immersive dinner. It's only an hour dinner we have. Also, Neil, will you just do some new bits

that you're gonna do in your next special? You know what? Neil has agreed to do a full roast of Cindy, and that is awesome. Wow. He caught a roader? He just found you on the street. Yeah, pretty cool.

I know. Pretty cool. But Ashley, pretty cool. I know. Pretty cool. But Ashley, please follow up with us. We'll be thinking about you. And this is a great idea. I love that you want to do this. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I like it. I like the idea. I will follow up once Cindy's out. Yeah. All right, Ashley. Thank you.

Okay. Good luck. See you. All right. Bye. Okay. thank you. Hello, who is this? Yeah, my name is Aiden. How are you guys doing? Good. My name is Jillian Bell. You're here with Gareth Reynolds and Jake Johnson. And we're here to help.

But first I need to know, what's your age? Yeah, I am 25. Oh, great age. I remember that like two years ago. Good work, Jillian. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25.

I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25. I'm 25's your age? Yeah I am 25.

Oh great age I remember that like two years ago. Good work Jillian. And where are you calling from Aiden? Yeah calling from Denver Colorado. Oh we just spoke to someone from Denver. Are you single? I'm not I'm married. Oh cool heard about that. I'm not married yet'm married. Oh, cool. Heard about that.

I'm not married yet, but is it fun? I was great. Big fans. Just four years. Oh, my goodness. What is the what is the thing you buy for the four years of marriage? Is it is it wood? Piece of what I think. But at some point we get into the. Oh, let's find out.

Significant before doesn't mean much. Four doesn't mean shit. OK, well, I don't know if we need to put it like that Gillian's in love. I am in love. I am not with you. She's hitting number one year number one year Yes, I'm hitting one year. You remember that Aiden back in the day Yeah, one year is something all right Aiden. What's the problem? Oh, yeah Yeah. One year is something. All right, Aiden, what's the problem? Oh, yeah. Um, so my problem comes in. We had, uh, my wife and I were given a gift from a friend of ours and a little bit of background on this guy used to work with my wife.

Um, now they don't work together anymore, but we still hang out, play board games, stuff like that all the time. He's really generous and brings gifts all the time. Now this last gift he gave us was a little weird. Definitely not our style. Um, it was like a figurine doll that was thematic to one of the games we play. We play Dungeons and Dragons and there's a podcast that has merged. They have one of these statuette things. Okay. So we live in a really small apartment, and we did not like it, so we mailed it back Question Aiden how big is this doll how big is this doll?

About a foot tall okay, okay, so it's not a massive no no, but it's it's big okay Yeah, so he gives you a gift and when you say this guy gives you let's give this guy a name Alex Alex so when you say he's generous and gives gifts what does that mean yeah right yeah like he'll always bring the snack he'll always pay for dinner question this Alex let's be honest now Aiden you guys seem like you guys are got a tight group of D&D friends is Alex on the outside maybe really fighting for a way in. And maybe he's using wealth to get it.

No, no, he's just very generous. Very good. So it's a great system you have set up. You kind of have a D&D sugar daddy a little bit. You know, sugar D&D. Exactly. Yeah. Most of the time, it's great. But then he gives you a foot. And what does this figuring look like? Just so we know, like a goblin.

Oh, I hope it is. It's I said I found a picture and it's a character from the D&D podcast. That's one of the characters, okay? I don't know how to describe okay, not contagious kind of guy Anybody watching on video will post a pic. Yeah, we might be able to see it ourselves, okay And when you say send it back Do you mean you're sending it back to Alex or you're sending it back to the company that he got the podcast that he got it from? Yeah, we send it back to the online merch store. OK. OK.

So my problem is when he comes over next time and he asks, hey, where's the thing that I got you, because we have everything else he's gotten us on this big shelf. It says, hey, where's this? How do we have that conversation? What do I tell him? I have a question, which is, do you do the D&D at your home or someone else's? It's always at our place. Oh, so you can't be like, it said Ricky's. Yeah. Duh.

What what is it made out of? What was what was it? Was it plastic or glass or something like that? Oh poor plastic plastic damn it. Okay. I can't blame a break. Yeah, that's where you were going So you have an animal my dog ate my ring Children yeah, we have a baby, but he can't even crawl yet So it's not and you get her crawling by the neck never mind could she believe it could she believably have eaten a footlong She'd be dead. She's a foot long. Okay. I don't have a kid

So how do they work Aiden? Can I ask you a question? Yeah, you know Alex is coming back to the game Why'd you send it away and I'll put it in a goddamn closet my guy Why set your house on fire and then later go, what do I do? All my stuff's burnt. The fair question. Right. Alex, you're a smart guy. You don't play D&D if you're a dumbass. You're not talking about playing bags out in Minnesota. There we go. Call back. But OK.

So why did you get rid of it? What's the message here? Well, the reason we got rid of it is again, small apartment, baby. We don't have any storage space left. We're looking to, um, upsize living situations, but we try to keep a really clean tidy house. I don't know. I bought, I don't know that I buy this.

Yeah. So I'm sorry, Aiden. So there's a little bit of stink here. And mostly when there's stink is Jillian likes to say we stepped in dog shit Yeah, stepped in the do. Yeah, so it's what Jillian calls stink. We think yeah, so You the only thing you've got rid of in your packed apartment Is this one gift or have you thrown away or got rid of a lot of toys? So we also don't have a lot of boys like we have some baby toys

This is the only thing that was non-functional. Normally it's like. Right. OK. Oh, I got you. So you don't have like a wall of figurine? No. OK. And did you get a refund? Was there a refund when you sent it back? Yeah, we're we're going to get the refund. So that was my.

Um, I think it's going to be around like 50 bucks. Here's my first pitch You buy a $50 bottle of wine or whatever Alex likes. Yep, and when he comes over you presented to him Hey, what's this for? And you said we loved the gift but with the baby in the space We didn't have it. So this my friend belongs to you. This is the bottle that barred but yes barg That is a pitch it's a start what do you got shooters? Go ahead Jillian mine was similar, but it was taking him out for a couple of subway sandwiches Okay, that's you know are we trying to get a subway sponsor. That's very I don't know But who do you like a footlong? It's a nice tie in there

Yeah, you could probably get the party sub for that pretty you're sitting in front of him And there's a bunch of food there's so much. There's so much meat laying on a sandwich Yeah, okay, go and you just go wow look at this beautiful sandwich We would have never gotten one get word dollars for you $50 sandwich And he goes what did what I paid for this you go in advance you didn't realize it But I didn't need that dingy old thing So I returned it for this dingy old upgrade now why don't you have a

You shove that salami and meat and extra lettuce into your mouth. Yeah, and let's Freaking day. Yeah. And let's freak a freaking day. I love this. Yeah. The idea of getting a big old weird sandwich that is the centerpiece. Everybody shows up and then you go one second and he goes, that's the biggest submarine sounds I've ever seen you. It's a $50 sandwich. And everyone's like, this is kind of cool.

And you go, well, everybody one second. Can we all thank Alex for this $50 Italians? And he goes, I didn't get the sandwich and you go, well, everybody, one second. We all thank Alex for this fifty dollar Italians. And he goes, I didn't get the sandwich. And you go, you got damn right. You did. I what I did. I like it for a number of reasons, among them that it's very crazy. Yes. And I think it's a way to just no matter.

His feelings can't be hurt. And when you have a sandwich that big and be your gesture, it's like, yes. Thank you for this bounty. Well, also, there's the thing of I've been really into this lately. I have this thing where I'm like Out crazy the crazy so if it's like you got you this weird gift and you're like I don't want to if if I give it back to him as a as a party sub He's gonna be like is Aiden okay as opposed to being mad at you at you. I've been talking to my family lately

about protection in the home. This is a small segue, but I do think it's important to go put it out there. Sure it is. Instead of, you know, getting a taser or a gun or anything scary in your home, you just throw all your hair, if you have long hair, in your face,

you wait in the darkness for the burglar Like the ring and then you just go I've been waiting for you. I'm gonna fuck your guts Pretty good, and then they're like I'm getting out of here Right it reminds me of my favorite a hundred percent like yeah my favorite James Brown lyric which is I don't know karate But I know courageous. Yeah, uh But I'm beautiful. It's a great line, but it basically is saying the same thing like I don't know how to fight you with I'm right here, but I am out of my mind so when we I like that fuck your guts is good, too Thank you. So Aiden when you hear out crazy crazy big sandwich. Where's your head at? Well, so that reminded me the first idea that I had was return it.

Don't say anything. Try to gaslight and say like, hey, dude, you didn't get us anything. What are you talking about? It's not like a garrick pitch. No, I don't like I have my crazy pitch. I don't like that one because you don't want to. You don't want to call. You don't want to. I mean, he's going to call out the fact that you're, you know, you're changing reality.

So what would be your crazy pitch? You do have a storage space and you put it in there because of the kid No, you never know. Yeah, you say you're gonna get one. So you'll probably get one at some point You just say it's in there. You'll never know. He's not gonna watch pawn stars Or if you like the idea of lying and we all do which is fun I wouldn't gaslight but you know what you could do if this is the road you want to go down? How serious are you about committing to a lie before we go down this road? I mean, I can probably commit to the bit for a good few months before I

That's fair. Complain. So then here's what I would say. You're sociopathic enough. Here's what I would say. When he comes over and if he brings it up, you go, yeah, of course it was right there. We were. And then go, I put it right there. And then Aiden, what's your wife's name?

Uh, Megan. You go, Megan, did you touch that, uh, uh, troll doll? And she goes, of course not. It's right by the fire plate. And you go, it's not there by the fire. And you go, I didn't touch it. And she goes, I swear I didn't touch it. You go, Megan in front of him.

I didn't touch it. This is not funny. Who moved it? Ooh, I love it. And then the Alex goes like, man, it's not a big deal. You go, I would just like to know who's this doll because it was here yesterday. And then can I ask you could also go also go oh This is where Megan acts I? Just had the cleaning crew come in

They always move stuff You know what I'll call them I'm gonna go in the other room and call them then she does and she doesn't call anyone may I come fine Hold on and then she goes on with this magnet. I think I have to fire them They took some things but not to make a big deal out of it and then you go What the hell do we sue them and then and then Megan says yeah My dad's a lawyer, so I'll call him right now. You should be writing Kitchen making her second fake vocal. Furious.

She goes, I don't care what it costs. This was priceless. Then you invite him to a courtroom where Jury Duty to starts filming and And the whole thing is fake and then in the end he's is you know star of a show He's the star of the show and he's winning he's on the end. He's hanging out with major stars at Sun Yeah, the end we can't really promise because that's the Hollywood out there you may be out there I also think you could do a lot of Jillian's pitch of like feigning like wait what's going on and then go hey We got a party sub and that's gonna probably clean the slate a little bit Nobody's gonna think about it anymore because you have 18 feet of subway to eat. I was going in a different lie

We talking about you know like the Jillian jumped on board the Jake train I was very excited until she went in the other room called I jumped on board the Jake train. I was very excited until she went in the other room called The cruise great and also the specificity of they said they took a few things And then so here's where I would go. I would say I would go for there was a horror movie called Annabelle Yeah, that so that's about a little psycho doll. Oh, this is great. So I would go with the idea where I was going on. This was the doll moved on its own.

No one stole it. But you go, Alex, we saw this fucking thing yesterday. And then I just goes, I saw it this morning and I and you go, I didn't touch it. And everyone goes in the room, you walk around, you go, who touched the doll? If no one touched it. If you had told me me during Jillian subway pitch that that would be the most Normal one I said you're crazy Like mine was the normal cleaning crew They're all they've all been weird, but I think the subway one is just a good way to reincarnate this weird little troll

Yeah, whatever now. I'm coming back around to Aidan's pitch, which is just making him feel fucking crazy. I don't like I know I don't like it either, but like you're gonna do can we try it first? Which one wants to play? Alex I'll play Alex. I'll play it and okay. Here we go. Hey, this is gonna be great I brought some Fritos and bean dip. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's one of my favorite snacks. So good Hey, where did the little uh, where'd the one that word the what the troll end up that I got? What the troll from the D&D podcast? How are you talking about?

What do you mean the troll doll I got you guys remember the foot long? Foot high the snacks you brought last time cuz that's the last thing you got me I know like a couple times before that there was the true or like I brought you the troll from the podcast Thanks What do you mean? I? Definitely did You're acting I really Megan Megan. I you remember Megan. I brought you the troll remember from you're acting

Do you remember that Megan? No? Why you say Megan's name? Why you guys saying each other's name? How are you just what is going on with I brought you that troll the foot tall troll a foot tall troll Yeah, from done. I think I'd remember if someone brought me that. Agreed. Do you have anything else you want to say to him? Yeah, I just want to say that even though we got into this whole troll conversation, I'm willing to forgive you if we just stop talking about it forever.

But I definitely... Aiden, that is best case scenario. Yeah, and it's not good. It's bad. It's really bad. You're making everybody feel uncomfortable. I felt terrible for Garrett. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Oh shit. Put it in the closet and then put it out when he's there. If you want him to keep bringing the good snacks, if you want him to take care of dinners,

and if you want him to be your good friend, you'll just get it back. So Aidan? There's options. You got the $50 sandwich. I love that pitch more than I thought I ever would. You got Out Crazy the crazy. You got, and I think that pitch is you put your hair

in front of your hair, then you tell a burglar you're gonna fuck his guts. Well, yeah. You've got. I don't know, yeah. Don't remember the applicability to be quite honest with you. But I got gaslighting, you lie to him. Your pitch.

You make him feel really bad. You get a storage, you lie and say it's in a storage facility. You pretend the Dow moved itself. You like that one as well. Or you just spend $50, buy it back, keep it in your closet. And when he comes over, you bring it out. Aiden, what are you going to do?

I think what I'll either do is either get, you know, like a bottle of wine or a giant sandwich. I think I like that Please do the sub just even for us, please do the sub We honestly got will you please please up so we can get a photo of you guys playing D&D with a $50 with just 18 feet of hoagie So we can get a photo of you guys playing D&D with a $50 18 feet of hoagie that you guys honestly eat $9 worth of yeah You're just like this is a problem. You send the rest home with him. You know he's got lunch Just don't go bad right you give him the rest of the sandwich and you say hey We would never want to give someone something they didn't want yeah

You're thinking of maybe the $50 sandwich or wine keep going. Yeah. Either that or say it's in storage and hope he forgets about it by the time we get a bigger place and yeah. I would say let's not start this lie with them because you guys are going to be playing for a while and eventually that could hurt his feelings. I would say from our team to yours, we're really pitching a big sandwich. We just, I cannot, I cannot tell you if you had told me when you said this problem that the last thing Jake would say would just let's go with the big sandwich. If you had told me that would be X marks the spot on this, I'd have been like, what are

you talking about? What are you saying? Just buy the enormous sandwich. Just By the enormous sandwich and a did thank you for the call Jillian. Oh, please come back Hey everyone producer Kevin here. This next segment is an edited chat with our guest after the calls. To hear the full extended conversation as well as early access to episodes, you can go to Patreon dot com slash here to help pod. Enjoy. Oh, there we go. Oh, that was our heaviest one ever.

Was it really? Well, we had asked. I far we had asked Well, we had a woman who had asked cancer, but her bit was It's kind of done. No she had asked cancer colon cancer And she wanted to go on dates and fuck and she said how does she am I allowed to and we were like men don't care Well, yeah, she was like how do I tell the guys we're like it's not a guy. It's not contagious Guys, oh, give a fuck. This was the first one where it was happening.

Yeah. It's like, whoa. Yeah. Mamma Mia. By the way, what a fucking killer attitude that woman has. Yeah. Yeah. So your path has been interesting to me,

because obviously, we all know you from the Chappelle show, Star and all that, but then I met you because you directed New Girl. Directed one episode of New Girl, and I got mauled by the system, guys. What does that mean? It was a difficult system to be a part of. For you it was.

Yeah. What happened? Well, I remember at one point, you came over and you're like, boy, I don't think I've ever seen a director look this unhappy. Is that true? Yeah.

No way. What did that do for your spirit? Because it was like, I don't think I've ever seen a director look this unhappy. Is that true? Yeah. No way. What did that do for your spirit? Because it was like, I was. I now remember, we were at like a zoo or something. We did one part of the zoo. Oof. Yeah. You and I were on a date.

I've been a fan, so I was like, we were all excited to have you. Yeah, I had a good time, but it was, I mean, I didn't have a good time, but it wasn't your guys' fault. Although you guys would do a funny thing, I don't know if good time, but it wasn't your guys' fault. Although you guys would do a funny thing. I don't know if it was, it was, I think it was you, but there was, we were doing the scene in a kitchen

and I was like, yeah, you'll come from here, Zoe, and then Jake, you can come from here, and you go, no, we've done this blocking before. And I go, all right, well, what do you wanna do? Yeah. You know, like, so it was just walking into a very settled system and just trying to like, maybe this? Well, TV, I think TV directing is the weirdest

guest position in our industry. Yes. I think it's built from being like the way 50s used to be. It makes no sense. If that, I don't remember that moment, but what would happen is we had a DP and operators think it's built from being like the way 50s used to be. It makes no sense. If that, I don't remember that moment, but what would happen is we had a DP and operators who knew not only where to shoot stuff, but it was based on where the lights hung. Yes.

So if we came in here, a DP will not say to a guest director that walk-in is an extra 45 minutes of setup. They don't say it. I remember now that happened to me one time where I was like coming over. I, I just boarded the whole thing for one direct, like they're going to, and then. On the day, the DP who you don't meet until you're shooting. Yes. And they never tell you stuff until then.

And then he go, oh no, you can't shoot that way. Oh, okay. Fuck. But then when they let you, cause it, uh, when they let you, which is also trippy, then the whole crew and everybody hates the director, but nobody has told them, like, can you come in this way? That happened to me also where, uh, one of the cameramen like snapped at me about something and then I did it and I was like, ah, and then I

forgot to get Zoe's car. It was like, yeah, it was, yeah, it was a little wild. I probably said that to you because I liked you and we were buds, but early on I would watch it happen. Then they would lose the whole crew in the cast. And all the director would say is, where Kevin is walk in. And if you see it's darker there and it's lit here, then the DP would go, you want them over there? And the person would have theirs and they would go, you want them over there? And the person would have theirs and they would go, yeah. So then they come in here and we all knew that meant this is another hour. And because we're behind this person just fucked up and nobody will say shit. But, and I asked, it's like a hierarchy thing because of you, you're not

supposed to say anything, but I'm like, we're all on this ship 15 hours a day for years, this person is a visitor at our Thanksgiving. Yes. But now they're saying we start with the turkey at breakfast. Yes. And you go, no, we don't. Yeah. Well, we just come in.

Yeah. And I'm realizing what I wish TV, on sitcoms, not like streamer, cool, whatever, sitcoms, single cam sitcoms. The director should just be there for bits. Let the DP and the operator set camera the director watches it and goes hey Jake It'd be really funny if you said this go like thanks. Yes, you made it so much funnier. Yes, the director's supposed to do Everything yes, and then do a cut but you're like your cut doesn't matter the showrunner is gonna take it over Yeah, well, it's all crazy. Yeah. It's a bad system.

It's a terrible, but I think it's changing. So I did, I did a few episodes. I did a new girl, I did a Mindy, and then I just got more, I was just like, let me just be a comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just- But you also did commercials for- I still do commercials.

Because that inspiration, you know, I was following that a little bit. I think it's so cool what you did. I love doing commercials. Yeah, man. Doing commercials is the best. The best. And that's fun and doing standup. And I thought people would judge me

for not doing TV and movies, but people are like, no, that's way better. So yeah, so that's been, it's great. That's cool. Yeah, it's so much greater. So how do you work on your next special if you've kind of changed the way you're writing a little bit, because normally you'll go like,

okay, I got all this old material, I'll just kind of start with that again, and recycle, but are you now trying to start kind of from scratch? No, yeah, I've been doing spots, I did a spot last night that went like, okay, with all new material. Because you're trying all new,

because you've got it, yeah. Yeah, some of it's great, some of it's not. Yeah. Do you love that process? Because I found when I've gone back out totally fresh, you are kind of like, you are bombing, but you're enjoying the fact that there's so much work. There's so much improvement to be made in that era.

I get mad, though. Like last night I did a spot, and a friend of mine came and it was kinda like five, it was like a B, and I'm following people that are just like crushing, like Bobby Lee and Whitney and Ali Wong last night, just like people that are just crushing with, and then I got, I was pissed that a bit didn't work and like I was writing at midnight. Like I was like I gotta get to sleep so I can come here.

But I literally got out of bed to get a pen to be like, argh. Yeah, so it's like, it is a bit, it's inspiring in like a angry way. Like which I, fine. But that's the hobby. So that, whatever, we've talked about it before of like, you know, the way the game keeps changing

and the desire to keep playing. Yeah. And at certain points you go like, do I want to keep playing? And if so, what do I wanna play? That feeling, I've realized like, that's the fun. When you go like, oh, I got hit in the face and I didn't expect it. And I got hit in the face and I didn't expect it and I got hit in the face because I didn't work enough and this could have been better.

Yes, that to me is like the part of this game that's under talked about, but what gets so fucking fun that you're like, the point is try your hardest. Yeah, get better. Yeah. And then once something wins or loses, it's irrelevant because the new season starts. I also find, I don't know what you guys have experienced with this, but like, I have to work hard or I'm not that good. Yeah. Same.

Like I have, like, I don't know if you would, Terry Cruz about memorization. Yeah. I have to write things down over and over and over and over and over and it's dorky. And I've started referring to myself as like a place kicker where I'm just like, let me do my weird warmups in the corner. I'll come in, I'll make the field goal and then we can all celebrate. But don't talk to me until, but don't talk to me. Yeah, I'll, it's either.

Until then. It's right. Don't talk to me. I have to just be in my room. Yes. Being where, my Netflix special, I'd done the hour a hundred times, and I still, the day of,

just writing and writing and writing. But that, when I was younger, I thought that was anxiety, and I thought people later did it differently, and what I've realized is that's the joy. We were just talking, I'm pitching something next week, and I was saying, there's a vibe as you've done this that's more like, it's fun.

I like doing all the meetings, I like staying up late, I like having it all in my head. I like feeling like it's the first time I'm ever doing it, getting that sick feeling, and being like, the only way through this is work. Well, the whole idea is that you rehearsed your shit enough so that everyone else is like this is fun. And you're like this is science to me.

It's also like that thankfully the jobs are hard. Yes, exactly. So it's not like I'm, I haven't, I didn't do stand up for like a month. And then I get back to the comedy center and I see the lineup and I'm like, I heard the laughs, I was't, I didn't do Santa for like a month. And then I get back to the comedy center and I see the lineup and I'm like, I heard the laughs, I was like, I have to get laughs this big?

Against Bobby and Witton, just in like people that are just killing before, Jeff Ross, I bring Jeff Ross, it's just like a murder as well. Come on. Is there any way to just like slowly, it's like, no, no, no, they're gonna come running by and you have to be able to just run right. That's exactly right. And not miss a beat.

And it's hard. And, but thankfully that's why if you get good at it, they'll give you $1 billion. But I think that's what the addiction is. What do I like about playing this podcast when Gareth brought it up to me? Well, what's the game of podcast? I'm not a standup. Is it, I'm sorry, is it competitiveness? Not with others.

It's finding something like this, actually figuring out what- You like the puzzle. I like the puzzle. What is this show? What is the best version of it? Where is it doing well? Where is it doing, and what are we not thinking?

And then when we find it, to go, that is what this is. Now, whatever that thing is, whatever. But we actually hit a groove for eight months where we found what that idea was. The shame that you lost it. I know, yeah. No, we'll find it again. That's why this part goes to Patreon. Hahahaha! and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com.

That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E, and if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at paddyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes,

subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash yeartohelpod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfullpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.