We're Here to Help - 102: Car Crash Turned Train Wreck

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a father's wild lie to his son, being in the wrong family's group text and a neighbor who brings her snakes outside. Pictures we discussed:TextsSnakesTexts follow upWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. We are back. Whoa, grunty. Don't know what happened. I don't know, it's okay. We're doing a lot of these, so that's fine. Listen, they're not all gonna be home runs. Let's do it again, let's do it again. We'll do it live.

All right, we're doing it. We are back with the Garfin right. We're doing we are with the Garfin the shark man. There we go. Garfin shark. Garfin shark coming to you live 96.3 in the buzz. You know, we got a great episode and great. One of the things that happens in this episode is it's sort of, without giving away the details, is it's a little bit about things you believe when you're a kid that have to get kind of revealed when you're older, to some extent. It's also about family. It's about redemption. It's also about family. It's also about family. It could also be a Hallmark movie. Do you have any of those things when you were a kid, like Santa's a good one, but stuff?

I went on the road and asked a lot of these questions, and one of my favorite ones was, when you were a kid, did your parents tell you that if the interior light on the car was on when you were driving, that that was illegal? Yes. Yes. Do you know that that's not at all true? Just now I do. Yes. That's one thing.

So many people have kids grow up believing that that's like I've been driving and I've been like, I'm a turn that light off. We don't get pulled over. I also for some reason, I believe it's very dangerous. I do, too. And I don't know why. And if you're driving it, someone does it. You're like, come on, let's hurry up.

But while I'm driving at night, if the lights on doesn't affect me at all I will still say it doesn't affect me to I'll go like this. Hey turn it off Would you please come on very dangerous really the idea that you can't yeah the idea that you're unable to focus with that on There's so many I have a very Midwest one Which is my and I know she's listening to this my mom told us as a kid Midwest one, which is my, and I know she's listening to this. My mom told us as a kid, we were driving to Wisconsin and saw a tornado. My sisters and I started crying and we're like, that's a tornado. My mom went, that's not what tornadoes look like.

We were all like, oh, okay, I guess we're fine. I got an Eve Johnson lie that connects to that. When I was in my twenties, I came home and she and I were driving around the city and we always went to diners growing up was always cheeseburgers and fries at some old-school diner they've all most of them have closed down but it was like that's what she and I did together and I was driving by and I saw a diner. It's just a classic Chicago been around forever diner I go how about there and she goes you wouldn't like it. And I go, how come? And she goes, they don't have French fries. And I go, because it's your mom. Yeah.

Your first thought is you go like, oh, I went like weird. I guess that hole in the wall diner on like the Northwest side of the city doesn't have fries. And then I go, how did you know they don't have fries mom? And she went, and then she goes, I'm out of practice since you've been gone. And I go, what do you mean out of practice? And she goes, it was just a bad lie. And I go, when I was growing up, would you come up with lies like that?

She goes, yeah, if I didn't want to go to a restaurant or I didn't want to do something, I would just tell you something and you would raise it. I just haven't done it in a couple of years. Cause you haven't been home rusty. And I had a moment of like all these like if it was like a movie all the flashbacks Like being ten and it me going how about there and they go they don't have ice cream and I go I mean It's Baskin Robbins, but okay. Yeah pre-internet. We got that a lot of like the bowling alley closes out for on Fridays Yeah, I'm right. It does okay Then you just go alright that sucks because I really

wanted to go bowling, but I guess it's impossible to bowl anywhere in the city of Chicago. Yeah. Yeah, bowling's closed down this weekend. Everywhere. They closed bowling. And bowling's illegal now. I, on my last special, I did a whole bit about that and there was a guy who was raised to believe that birthday chickens were something you did for people's birthdays and it was like a birthday Santa. And then he goes to college and gives his roommate a birthday chicken gift because he knew it was fake but he didn't know people didn't do it. And so he gave his roommate like a birthday gift.

He's like, from the birthday chicken. And the guy was like, what's going on? Why are you doing this? But anyway, that's a thematic part of today's episode. We got a real, that call is fantastic. Yeah. So we got, we got two winners today and two follow-ups today that connect to the episode. And as we said, when this happens, it is our favorite. So check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash. You're to help pod. We're having a lot of fun there.

Thank you for watching. You guys are going to probably check out the YouTube on this one because there's some, uh, funny reveals and without furtherieu! Look out behind you. So stupid. Hello. Hello. Hey, Kev, how about doing our intro with them? Hello. Caller, can you hear us?

Yeah, I can hear you. I'm just fine. How's it going? Good. How are you doing? Good. Good. How are you? I'm great y'all just fine. How's it going? Good. How are you doing? Good, good. How are y'all? I'm great. This is producer Kevin. Thanks for doing the pod. Can we get your name, your age, and where you're calling from, friend?

No problem. My name is Brian. I'm from Odessa, Texas, and I am 32 years old. All right, Brian. Well, what the hell is going on, man? Well, so I have a bit of a problem. I have two sons four and two and They are both uncut. I Decided not to circumcise them just for it's not a religious thing. I don't think it's really necessary. Okay, but I am so

Obviously they're growing up and they're asking questions. Why is mine different? I wanted to make it into a lesson and I told them that I got in a car accident because I didn't buckle up. And I know it in the process. Hey, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian,

Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian the two years. But Brian, Brian, before we go deeper, why did you decide to do it?

Daddy was airlifted after a huge car crash. When your four-year-old said, why is my penis different than yours? And you could have said, well, I would circumcise that, decided not. You said you were in a car accident and your penis got cut in half. I like the doctor going to the waiter group.

So Brian's pulling through. Unfortunately, we did lose the tip of his dick. And then the mother, no! pull back the sheet. Is that looked like the tip of your son's? Well, I would say about 70% of men have been in a car accident. All right. So, so why did you decide to do that? Like, well, at the time he had a bad habit of unbuckling himself from the car seat and walking around.

Okay, so you two birds, one stone. I need to shock him. Yeah, into it. Yeah. You want to reveal that disgusting head of your penis? You want to look like daddy? Buckle your car seat. Buckle up. Stay buckled and this will happen to you. It will rip your dick skin off. Look at this. Look at it. OK, so you've made a choice

and then scared the crap out of that four year old. And he was like, I don't want my elephant trunk to change And you're like good somehow I've done a good job as a pair It's gonna be one of those things that like another parent is gonna be driving your son and their son at one point and over Here the craziest conversation ever. Why cuz if you don't your penis is gonna get ripped off You gotta buckle up. Why? Because if you don't, your penis is gonna get ripped off. That's what's gonna happen.

That mother's gonna be like, hey Brian. Brian, so keep going. So you decided to lie to your son. I thought problem solved, but now that when he gets into a car with people, he says, hey, make sure you buckle up because daddy got his dick cut off. Well, not you know, daddy got his dick cut off because he was in our car accident. Can you imagine the other parents who have heard this who think you have no dick?

Well that is what's amazing. So someone had to have someone had some other parent had to tell you that. But all the ones who haven't who are are like, Brian lost part of his cock. Do you know that guy Brian? Yeah, he has no penis. It got ripped off in a car accident. You know, Brian is such a nice guy. Poor woman.

He's such a great guy, but did you hear that he lost his dick in a car accident? You know, that's why his wife's so unhappy. Oh. Have you seen her? Don't tell anyone, but Brian lost his genitals in a car crash. Do you want to know why she's so crabby at the soccer game? Her husband's penis got ripped off in a car accident. Oh, leave us alone just because Her husband's penis got ripped off in a car accident when he was a boy.

Oh, leave us alone just cause your husband's penis is gone. Cause he didn't buckle his seatbelt. Oh, I've heard this. I'm telling you, all my sons wear seatbelt. Brian was launched. You might have helped the community. Brian was launched through the car and the windshield grabbed onto his cock

and tore it right off. Pre-internet, this is how everything spread. This was this is an old Lives tale. This is how we got information. Yes. Yeah, a guy two towns away Who's lost his dick cuz my mom would like rub like jelly behind my ears and like 1983 and go like well the reason Is is someone's ear fell off from here? By the way, why is this not how they do seatbelt campaigns? Yeah, so if I saw it like a Green Bay Packer, like you're gonna lose your dick if you don't buck.

Yeah, without question. So Brian, you're looking, the specific question is how do we reverse the lie or what is the specific question? Yes, to reverse the lie, to basically tell him that it wasn't because of a car crash without kind of going into the fact that his granny and his poppy decided to

The basically peel his desk banana with a knife when he was a baby, right? By the way that one. Yeah sounds crazy Ryan. You're a wild. Yeah, right I think I think there's a way to find a middle ground and all this talk about circumcision like There's a way to find a middle ground in all this. You don't have to talk about circumcision like granny and papa took a knife to a banana and sliced up your dick. It's a medical procedure. They cut my dick's throat and took its head. I'll tell you what, my mom and dad, even Ken, decided to have a doctor take a knife to

my banana. I don't tell it like it's a sad thing. It's a circumcision. What you gotta do is pour yourself a snifter of a drink and stand at a window and go, Nana and Poppy made a crazy decision when I was a boy. You are not the.001- They attacked daddy's penis. It's not.001% of people that gave that decision.

Yeah, it's very common. So you're kind of saying the question is how do we get, because we gotta get out of the seatbelt, dick ripped off story. Is that correct correct Brian? Yes Yeah, yeah Basically, I want him to stop telling people that when they get into the car with us because then I have to explain everything like I and they all make jokes like y'all did. So yes, I think that's fair and we're sorry to Be like everyone else in your life Brian

But what we were trying to do is highlight why this is an issue. I don't feel sorry It feels like we were on a very natural path. I've had a very good time. Yes. So, but the two-year-old does not know this story because he's two. So we just need to fix the problem with one kid. Yes. Correct? Yes, before the two-year-old starts repeating that as well.

So, I got to go 100%. We do not lie on top of a lie with a four-year-old. Yeah. I think four is early enough to reverse the curse. I think we've got to try to do it. I think we don't necessarily need to get into the medical thinking behind the circumcision, but I think if we say... Daddy told you something, and I'm going to tell you the truth because I didn't want to

scare you before. I don't want to scare you, but when I was a kid, a doctor did this to me because he thought it would be the best thing for my health. And you know what you could do? You could actually pull it up online and you could read about it and you could say like, because it's not a bad thing, there's just different ways of doing it,

but the reason I didn't do it for you is because I want you to have a little extra cheese in your deck. Well, I think the last part's an issue. Because you got to clean out that cheese a lot. I'm going to cut you off like Brian's doctor. I think you just should. I think Jake's right.

I think you should have the adult conversation and just do it in a kid way. Be straightforward. Just be like, you know, I know you keep telling people about the story, but that's not the real story. What actually happened was a doctor did it because he thought it would be the best thing for dad Here's why I'm pushing straightforward on this one Brian because the craziest thing that's happened with this show is that people take our advice Yes, and that is real people. Yes being affected by this So because this is a four-year-old boy, we can't even pitch bits Brian You gotta say I lied about the seat belt cuz what's gonna happen is he's gonna be 16 years old

and a fucking weirdo in the car with his friends. And I had a buddy, I've told this before on this, where a friend of mine's dad used to mess with him and tell him weird stuff like orange was yellow, yellow was orange. Never correct. And like counting, he would say it's one, two, four, three, five, six.

Just awful. And the guy's brain was never fixed now so Because you when you're getting wired. Yeah, you do not concrete right? You don't want to set a thing into a young man's world That a car accident if you don't even see my ribs your dick skin off. By the way This is there is already a shelf life on this lie. Yes, you know what I mean? Like they're gonna it'll be ingrained in, yeah, but but he's gonna have this moment Yes, where he's going to be like, yes, he's gonna be around a guy and be like, did you get in a car accident too?

Did you guys all get into car accidents? Funny stuff. Like he's gonna be in the shower. Yeah. That's so funny. He's gonna be, all my friends have been in car crashes. Or he's gonna be in the shower. That's so funny. All my friends have been in car crashes. Or he's gonna be in a locker room, see a bunch of dick, walk up and go like, Hey, man, I'm just really sorry. For what? Your terrible car accident when you weren't wearing a seatbelt. I didn't realize how lucky I was to not be in a vehicular manslaughter situation. So, Brian, you gotta be a straight shooter. You gotta end this today, man. How are you gonna do it Brian Gareth?

You're the boy. Yeah, let's Brian. You're the dad I'll be your wife and we're about to go pick up a couple people and we're gonna be in a car Yeah, but Brian straight shooting here man. There's a great shooting something you can do, but your sons will have more issues with Hey y'all, I'm packing some ham and cheese for the car ride. That's great. I love eating in the car while we're going somewhere Yay sandwiches Brian Brian Hey, I'm just talking some sandwiches for the ride. All right Hopefully we don't get into a car crash so my penis is okay, too, Brian, honey

Yeah, yeah, no that would definitely be a good thing. But listen, I don't want to get in a car crash to the road right and that would mean to die and that would be bad right it's very hard can I talk to you away from our son I don't think I want one of those sandwiches I've lost my appetite hey honey he's four right yeah let's let's slow down yeah well we want to make sure she stays safe well he ain't driving right he's only in a car with us babe and I always put a belt on him we don't have to talk about him rot down the side of the highway People die Get out and then next thing, you know, what do you think? He's gonna just run out of the house and maybe they are die from their penis is getting cut off

I have you told this boy Listen, yeah, I didn't the reason mine looks different than yours wasn't because of a car accident. Why? Yeah, I said that because when you were little you well, I said that because you kept getting out of the car seat It's very dangerous. Yeah, good and then sorry for lying but It's different because granny and probably decided That he should have a medical procedure. And when you're older, I can explain that a little more, but it's all that's it.

There was no other reason. Brian. Yeah. I'm going to be you. You be your son. Okay. Gara, you be the wife. Okay.

Well, by the way, I don't think I'm making ham sandwiches after that story. Why? It's just a lot of skin. Gross. Okay, ready? Yeah. Alright guys, while the car's all packed up, should we get going? I can't wait to see the event this evening that we bought tickets for online. Okay little guy, let's buckle up. I have a phone. Great. No phones. By the way, you get it. That's real life. No phones. No phones. Buckle up, you get it. That's real life. No phones, no phones.

Buckle up. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to get my wiener cut off like you. All right, son. We got to have us a little chat. So remember I told you, remember I told you that if you don't wear a seatbelt, you

can get your wiener chopped off and that's why ours look different. Yeah. That's why I wear my seatbelt. I didn't want it to get cut off. So no, you wear your seatbelt to be safe because you're a smart kid and we don't want to get in a car accident and get hurt but the wiener thing was a lie your dad told and I am sorry. That's not what happened to me. You lied? Yes I did son and the reason I did was because I was worried you weren't wearing a seat belt but now you're older and I trust you more. Okay so the reason my penis looks different. What else have you lied to penis is about nothing. Well a few things but But we're not gonna talk about that yet. Okay, listen I don't have to wear my people son if you don't put that seat belt on you don't get any Screentime for the rest of the week you understand

But I'm talking about the penis stuff right now my penis is different than your Pete Son if you don't wear your seat belt god damn it, you're gonna get your dick ripped off. I understand where you're coming from. Jesus Christ, Brian. Your son's wild. I got girls, man. It's a lot easier. I'm sorry, man.

Here, I'll go. All right, ready? You're Brian? Yes. Okay. Hi, y'all. I'm really excited for the night because the event has fireworks. By the way.

But not all it doesn't have fireworks. You know who's gonna be there? Loane. And you know what, Loane? She was judging me like I was doing bad. All right who's gonna be there low line and you know what low man She was judging me And you know she said to me Brian shush, you know, she said I got a happy cuz you're gonna have that conversation because your husband doesn't have I'm gonna have the conversation with our son Because yeah, I called a podcast I'm gonna test out that advice cuz my yeah husband doesn't have a Peter. I do have a Pete stop

She said I haven't been sad You have a pee. Stop. She said I haven't been sad. Cause my husband's I've penis was stop it. Let me talk to little. Let me talk to Brian. You get your shi together. There's no tea now in front of the boy. There's also no penis.

Why are you spelling it? It makes no sense. All right. Hey Brian Jr. Yeah. Hey, all right. So we're about to go in the car. So remember we got to buckle up, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want my come. We about to go in the car. So remember, we got to buckle up, right? Yeah, yeah. I don't want my wiener to get cut off.

No, but listen, here's the thing, okay? That's not going to happen to you. The reason we're buckling up is because, you know, we just want to be extra safe about our whole body. It's not just one thing like that. And the truth is, the reason why my wiener looks different than yours is not because of anything to do with the car or buckling up.

We do that because we just want to be extra safe. When I was a boy, about your age, your grandparents, my parents- Not his age. He had it when he was born. Shut up, hon. It doesn't happen in four. Shut up, honey. He's four.

I'm a two-year-old. Shut up. It doesn't happen in four. Honey, I'm in the middle of something way better than yours. So when I was a little boy, your grandparents, my parents decided that they were going to be safe in their opinion. And I went to a doctor and that's why he changed the way mine looks. Now I don't care, but I'm just not going to do that with you.

There's nothing to worry about. But the reason they look different is it's just something they did back then. I don't know. Some people still do about, but the reason they look different is... Why did they cut it off? It's just something they did back then. I don't know. Some people still do it, but it's fine. It doesn't matter. I'm not unhappy because my husband doesn't have a dick perluin. I'm unhappy because my husband's an idiot.

That was ridiculous, Brian. Why? You're lying again, Brian. I'm not lying. Brian, you take over. Neither of us are going to be the boy. You're you and your Brian. I'm not lying. Brian, you take over. Neither of us are gonna be the boy. You're you and your son and your wife. I'll be the wife.

No, I wanna hear you do it and get us out of this, Brian. No more lies. You're you and your son. I wanna hear how you can get out of this fast. You know how your son will behave, but you get us out of this fast. No more lies your son will behave, but you get us out of this fast. No more lies, clean. That was a lie.

This is the truth. We're moving on. Okay. And we are not gonna talk. Will you mute, Gareth? No. Just the neighbor might step by. All right.

Hey, hey, Bookerman, come over here real quick. Where's dad? Listen, I wanted to tell you something. About the car and the buckling and the car wreck, daddy's never been in a car wreck. He's sorry for lying to you, okay? I shouldn't have done that. It was the wrong thing to do.

They are different, and it's because I am, what's called circumcised. When you're older, we'll talk about it more. Just know what happened when I was a very, very baby and I, and no one got to pick and you didn't get to pick how yours looks either. That's what daddy decides because it doesn't hurt you. Uh, but, and that's all you need to know. Okay.

Don't worry about it anymore. And here's my phone. You can see what's YouTube pro. Yeah. There you go. Dad, that was perfect. And then you gave him the phone. So he goes, all right, I get to prove it. Yeah! Okay, there you go. Dad, that was perfect. And then you gave him the phone so he goes, all right, I get to watch Mr. Beast.

Yeah, he forgets about it. But now you have turned it, we're out of that, we're into this, and he's gonna ask again, and you say that same thing. You're being honest, you're saying, and if you have more questions, which you will, you answer him. Yeah.

And you're like, but we're not going too deep in it. The procedure didn't hurt me at all. Nana and whatever my parents didn't do anything wrong. This was just my choice. And when you get older, if you have a son, you'll have a choice, but we'll deal with that all later. This is where we're at now. Brian, you crushed it.

That was pretty good, bud. Thanks. Will you do this and will you follow up with us? This one I'm a hundred percent invested in. You gotta do this and you gotta do up with us? This one I'm 100% invested in. You gotta do this and you gotta do it soon. Yeah, yeah. I'll talk to him tonight. Okay.

And then will you follow up with Kevin and call us back? Yeah, sure. Alright, thanks. Yeah. And this is our advice, but it's also a tip. We'll see you. Bye. You know who I talked to today?

Yeah. You do? What? You know who I talked to today? Yeah. You do? What? You know who I talked to today? Yeah. Hey come on, quick.

Yeah. Quick, punch me, I'm gonna tell you. What? I talked to the Spider-Man. No you didn't. I did. You know Miles Morales the Spider-Man? No, he wasn't.

I did talk to him. He told me something. What? He says I shouldn't fib to you. Why? Huh? Can I? Yeah that's why we're recording this so you can tell him okay. So daddy made a fib. Daddy's never been in a car wreck so daddy didn't get his wiener cut from the car. Now I know. What it was is I had some kind of like medical thing done when I was a baby. Granny and poppy decided to do it. But you, mommy and daddy decided not to do that to you and your brother. Okay? Why?

It's not... It hurts? Yeah, it hurts a lot. Did it cut out your meanie? It cut the skin off the part of it. Oh. Like, wait, a knife or scissors? I don't know, kid. I was a baby. I don't remember. But you should still buckle up.

Do you know why it's important to buckle up? Yes, because you get your leaner cut. No, no. Well, no. Remember, I said that was a fib. And I'm sorry for fibbing to you, okay? You're gonna get me, though. Okay, but before that, I still want you to buckle up, okay? Because it is dangerous. Okay.

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restrictions go to Dell.com slash deals. Oh, we are brought to you by Hero Bread. We love Hero Bread here on the show. We love the bread. We love the tortillas. It's one of those things where- Delicious. Yeah. And you kind of try to cut bread out if you're trying to eat healthy.

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Just go to HungryRoot.com slash here to help to get 40% off your first delivery and get your free veggies. That's HungryRoot.com slash here to help. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. Hello. Hi. Can you hear me? Yeah, we can hear you. That's all happening. Don't you worry about a thing. Okay, so here we go. Ready? Three, two, welcome to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. Can we get your name? I'm a shark. And where you're going. Yeah.

So I struggled with going with my name or not, but just call me M. OK, M. And why don't you call Jake Raj, and I'll be Debo's for this call. Raj. I'm Raj. You're Debo's? That's right.

OK. M, age. That's right. OK, and age. That's cool. Age roughly. Age roughly. Yeah, I'm 28. All right. And Jake will be 70 and I'll be 31. And where you come from, roughly? Yeah, from Chicago. All right. And Jake will be Jake's Bohemian.

And I'll be I'll be Canadian. OK, great. And 28 Chicago, Jake's Bohemian and I'll be Canadian. Okay, great. M28 Chicago, what's going on? What can we help you with? Yeah, so it's kind of a weird one. So I accidentally got added to a random family's group chat about two years ago. Love this.

Yeah. Yeah, so I initially tried to leave the chat. It was originally as like a Thanksgiving like get together chat, right? And I thought yeah had about 20 people in it. I was like don't know any of these numbers. This isn't for me So I tried to leave it but I guess with iPhone if it's a mix of like Android and iPhone users you can't leave the chat. So I just deleted it and didn't think anything of it until The text kept coming and it's been about two years now. I can't get out of the chat and they and

I know what you're thinking like they did realize that my phone number was in the chat maybe six months in and they thought they've removed me but the person who set up the chat is not tech savvy so I'm sharing this I'm sharing the screenshots you sent awesome Garth you want to read them sure yeah we start well Kevin's make me feel like 20 people holy I mean first of all yeah it's the little heads at the top of the group text is like the population of a city can you make it a little bigger, Kev, for me? It starts with a happy Friday, which is already problematic.

Happy Friday, I love you all, but someone is gonna be mad at us cuz they are not part of this family and they keep getting our text. And then it says the phone number. LOL, that's Clinton's number, but wrong area code, I think. He's a different area code. Yep, okay, the number is blocked on this group. Gotta start a new one, but it's that number with a different area code. No, do not start a new one. It's blocked from the group.

Oh, there's more. So then we got some more. Hello family, I'm having a celebration of life for this person on this day at this location. Food will be provided, RSVPs, a lot more information. Please stop starting new groups and just hit add recipients. I got a pitch. Go ahead. Throw your phone into the toilet.

Nope. You have tri- oh, hold on. Oh my God. What is that, a gumbo pick? Lazy the Family, blow that up, Chuck. Oh no. Oh my God. What a sweet group. Very nice family. Pick easy the family blow that up jerk Sweet group very nice family. I do guys don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. They are non-stop texters

When I tell you I get tech every morning I wake up from this group chat and it's everything from like when grandma's in the hospital. I mean, we're just seeing screenshots and I'm annoyed. What does this one say? Dear nephew? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, dear nephew party. And then Kevin, will you get that down?

I want to hear what the original email was. I see this family is genuinely so loving and funny. When they have sent her on school fundraisers, I have anonymously donated. When one who owns a brewery needed votes to win a contest. I had all my friends who know about this. Vote and get him the votes he needed to win. They're so cool and I can't help but feel bad. Morally, is it okay that I have a window into their family first of all That is so funny that you have anonymously given money and

You want out but you're still being very nice and helpful. So then, Em, let me get to the core of this one, because this is a great setup. You're a great person. I feel like I'm going to try to steal this idea and sell it as a movie that Garrett and I are going to write, where all of a sudden, somebody in that family, and you fall in love.

It's a rom-com. So what is the specific question? Yeah, my question is, is it ethical that I know everything about this family without them knowing and do I out myself or do I stay quiet? So let me ask you. It's been two years. Okay, then let me follow up a little bit more with you. What do you want to do?

Do you like being part of this family? I kind of want to say nothing. I do. Okay, wait, hold on. The content is really unhinged. Em, hold on. Do you feel part of the group and does it make your life a little bit better getting all these texts? And I need the truth.

Yeah, yeah, because it's a drama. It's drama that I met and it's kind of fun. I love this. It's great. By the way, I totally can relate that all of a sudden you're annoyed but now you're part of it and now one of your favorite shows is your texts. Yeah, see I would and all my friends know about it. I would want out. I would just... Me too. Anything where, like... Absolutely, without question. I want out from text with you guys.

That's what I mean. I just... The group text in general, to me, has gotten out of goddamn control. Insane. Insane. Especially when you could just thumbs up or ha ha a text. But also, even worse, Gareth, when you're around fringe people who feel like they do comedy for life.

When you get in... The level of medium bits where you just go like, not worth it. You know who will kill you on a group text is Steve Berg. Steve Berg, if he's bored, you'll come back and there'll be 32 messages and 29 of them will be Berg initiating a bit that he's just going haywire with. But there's... I never get sick of the Berg text. Berk is my the way this family is to him.

That's the Berk is I've been doing. All 30. Give me a berg will be like, gentlemen, I'm having a real barbecue. Let me tell you, there's some sauces out in the yard today.

Has anybody ever made gumbo without any gumbo ingredients? Is it OK to eat stuff that falls on the coals? What is the five second rule or could it be a two-month rule I just found a nugget in my basement but M this is not about us this is about you so you said something and this is important shark and Gareth she wants to stay on I know she's just wondering and I think you should.

She's just wondering, is it weird to stay on? And I got to say right away, you have tried to get off. Yeah, I really have. Hard to. I had a chance to out myself and I didn't. I explained to her, hold on, hold on, Garrett. I want to hear what she says. What does that mean? You had a chance to out yourself and you didn't. Yeah. So it went like six months in when they had the, Hey, like this, you know,

this is the wrong phone number and they, the texturing goes like the one person who set it up was like, yeah, I blocked the number. We should be all good. And then the texts kept coming after that. Everyone thought I was gone and that it was locked. But I'm still getting everything. So I had, that was my one moment to go, hey, sorry, you guys really thought you got it

but you didn't. So now, but now I'm stuck. Now I have my voice back. I got something too. No, I got something. And it's something we could all do together and it's not Mo and Pigly, Gareth. Could be. I haven't even heard the pitch. It'd be be mowed big leafy. How funny would be if that family got a mowing pigly video?

Jake we're not you are what your nod pitch is a great pitch. I agree a mowing pigly video explain Here's the problem family video explaining what's going on. Here's the problem family. Or I mean we could just, all right, go ahead with your pitch because I, if you're not going to pitch what I think, I want to pitch what I think you're going to pitch. You pitch what you think I'm going to. A video of you and me explaining what's going on and we send it to the family and we just let them decide. Yeah, here, so, okay, but we can always go that road. Here's what I think though. There will be out of those 20 people in the photo, two might kind of get it.

And then the older generation will feel really like, well, get her off. This is weird. If your goal is to stay on, which I think it is, I would just consider, and this is a little bit weird, just start chiming in. Now, if somebody goes like, who's get like beautiful flowers, like yay, grandma, beautiful, go like this, truly gorgeous.

And then somebody's going to go, who is that? And you go, this is M and they go, who's M? And you go, I'm the woman who has been on this for years. This is I haven't been able to get off, but at this point, I'm happy to donated to this helped with the brewery. You guys are a beautiful family. I'm involved. They will then have a little meeting in the minds that go, this is wild. Then they can decide if they leave you on. You're in.

But I would just start responded thumbs up I people I'm kind of close on that and I I think the way I could see this in my head is this could be one of those like CNN fluff pieces where it's like it all started as a group text date years ago with the wrong phone number and now it's like you're over there for dinner but you know the thanksgiving story that is this yeah yeah there is about that so there for dinner. But you know the Thanksgiving story that is this. Yeah. I thought about that. So there's a... Em, will you tell that story? Yeah. So there's this family where they... It's the same thing like Thanksgiving. And weird. I thought about this because mine started with the Thanksgiving chat

where they accidentally included this guy in this family's Thanksgiving plan. And it ended up he responded and they were like, come over. It was kind of like a more than Marriott thing. And now every year he goes to their family for Thanksgiving and every year there's a think piece on it with photos of every year. This could be you. But it's like a 25 year old kid and like a grandma.

Yeah, right. And they just actually got close and now they stay in touch and they're buds. And he's like, it's really sweet. And she's like, I love the kid. I got two. I got two pitches. The first is possible. The second is nuts.

Here's the first. The first is share an event that you have going on. And just that's how you chime in because they're doing a lot of like celebration of life's nephew, whatever things going on, fundraisers. So I don't know, we don't really know much about you, but surely there's something going on in your life where you are you getting a perm anytime soon? No, not me, but my boyfriend got one. Oh, I always go.

So did mine. He calls it curling cream. It's not a perm. It's what athletes do. Wait, hold on. And is this what men are doing of this generation? Did he really get a perm or you got a joke? You think so is the funniest answer.

What is happening? Men are getting perms? Not a perm. I didn't get a perm. Fine, stop it. A wavy perm, not a crazy one, just like a soft one. Will you explain? I like that.

That's cute. But what did he do? Did he go to a barber shop? Jake, just get on board one. Will you explain? I like that. That's cute. But what did he do? Did he go to a barbershop or did he just have some weird cream that he pretends isn't a perm? Jake, Jake. No, it's a barbershop widget.

Wow. Is cream in your hair, if you have naturally curly hair, a perm? No, that's a cream. Okay, all right. Anyway, and we'll be moving forward now with the rest of the call now that that's settled. Thank you. Okay, so that's my first pitch. Share an event. now with the rest of the call now that that's all thank you Okay, so that's my first pitch share an event be like hey, I got a 5k coming up Hey, we're selling with doing a celebration of herm It would just or just telling them I think it's just inclusion

So that feels like this this one is kind of posting a flyer, too Now here's my second one and this is the one I really want you to do But I think you're probably gonna be pretty hesitant at some point They're gonna do another thing where they're gonna share an event, like whatever the fuck is going on. Show up? Show up. Wow. Okay, so I've thought about it.

Attend. They live, so the family mainly lives in Detroit in Atlanta. Not far. Not far. And my friend- Detroit is not far. Yeah, my friend lives in Detroit. I'm from Detroit. So one time they had like a picnic on Belle Isle,

if you are familiar. It's like a little island off Detroit. And I sent it to my friend and I said, what if you just biked by? What if you biked by and just, you know, let me know what's going on. Don't start the weird, Em, hold on, don't start the weird bike buys.

Yeah, the bike buy to me is not the move. If I'm doing a family thing and I'm seeing some weirdo on a bike stalking me, I'm not thinking like, maybe that's the weird girl who's also stalking our texts and it's adorable. I'm thinking, get out of here. Here's what I'm doing. I'm showing up with like something to the picnic, like the party sub or like a case of beer, something. And I'm going, hey, and I'm going around

and as people are starting to go, who is this person? Just go, this is a crazy story, but I ended up on your group texts, and I just love you guys. So I saw this, what is she just gonna show up and not say anything? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, of course not. I think if you show up, you have to set it up.

You can't just show up with like a big bowl of chili and be like, show up. I've also heard act. It's the third act. Lloyd Dobler's Boomba show up. Yeah, if one of them and her have a love story. But so I would say there's a show up play that I think could be interesting. But I think what you got to do, M, is I think you have to start getting involved in the text and you just have to get in it. Now you could go, um, Hey all in like full disclosure, I had been trying to get off this text chain for two years, but because I think some people at the top might not be great with technology, I'm still on it. Disclaimer.

I no longer want to be technology. I'm still on it. Disclaimer, I no longer wanna be off. I love the family. I'm totally into it. I donated to this. I helped with the brewery. If you'll have me, I am thrilled to keep watching this family and you know, you guys are a joyous group. I just want you guys to know you are part of my text life

And at this point I wanted to give another reminder If you want me off, this is my number if you're okay with me being on then write like heck I'd even show up to one of these events and bring some beer or whatever All the best you guys are truly a wonderful family. I'm. I like let me introduce you to Mo and mr. Pigly I like a shorter version that is good The person who loves crazy and me wants you to just show up But that is the best way to sort of be like full disclosure honest with them And then see what because the responses could be really funny.

And then if I'm on that chain, I'm writing back, ha ha ha two years, huh? And then I go, but you donated money, you did this. Then somebody could write back, welcome to the fam. Well, and let me ask you this before you decide. Whoa, that's right. Let me, before you decide, like, if you, if they were like, whoa, no, and they started a new

group text, would you be okay with that? Are you okay with losing this family? Whoever is. Yeah. I mean, it's that it's Heartbreaking. But you know, like he's on the thread. I feel like I'm on the thread. You know, if they want to add us, you know, add us to the chain. Come on. Only if we had a, had a only if we had like a show phone you imagine You how mad you'd be Gareth furious if you're like 640 text messages about a picnic by the way show phone way. Oh fuck Okay, I'm in for a show phone. Let's get a show phone. So what is it you want to do?

What are you thinking and if it's a text to the group, can you do it now? I think I can do it after this call. I think I'll take what you said and I think I'll, I think I'll out myself. But if you can send it right now with us, like type it out loud. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm so nervous. Okay. and then maybe we all like an hour come back on Y'all went towards the end of all nervous and tell us the responses. Okay, I'm gonna say I'm so nervous. Okay, so Hey family Just wanted to Say that I

have been on this chat still for the past two years. I know whoever set up the chat tried to remove my number, but it didn't work, but that is okay. I genuinely love you all. Voted for Arctic Circle and that's the brewery's name. Shout out Arctic Circle. Is it in Chicago? No it's in Michigan. If you're near Arctic Circle go get a beer everybody. It's, it's in Michigan. If you're near Arctic Circle, go get a beer everybody. It's the best beer in Michigan.

I voted for Arctic Circle. I had my friends do as well. Donated to Miles' fundraiser. Okay. And I did it anonymously because I was so worried. You know. Get us to the end of this thing and then it said Love y'all would I wouldn't third love y'all

What do I say? No, please you do I stay on yeah, and then but but I would say I would say at the end To be clear. I am happy to stay on very happy. I'm very happy to stay on this checks chain but just wanted to let you guys know what's happening. But you guys are a wonderful family and it's really fun to be a part of it even though I'm not part of the inner circle. Yeah okay you're also wonderful would love to stay on if You know the go to them wait so yes. Yes. Yes. I think that's right. You're giving them the I'll put a heart I think that's right read it over to yourself Make sure there's no typos or something that you say that you really didn't mean there could be a really embarrassing

Typo that ruins this whole thing and then it, send us a screen grab of it sent. And then can you call us back in about an hour or capital reach out or whatever? Yeah. And, and tell us what the response has been. Cannot wait. Are you sending it? Or at least send a screen grab with the responses. Okay.

I just know you got to call back. Okay. Thanks. Cool. All right. Talk to you soon. All right, talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.

Biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz. And we are brought to you by Squarespace. We love Squarespace. Squarespace has so many things to help you build your business. I use Squarespace for my personal website. We built a Squarespace for the Suits and Wigs party. Look, they've got Blueprint, AI and SEO tools, flexible payments. You can sell your content. There's video collection, client invoicing.

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Babbel is the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Saves you money, you don't need to hire a tutor. It's 10-minute lessons, handcrafted by 200 language experts, helps you speak another language. So I spoke French when I was in high school and all that stuff, and then I had completely forgotten it. So I used Babel and French is coming back. As a matter of fact, the other day I was in Toronto doing a show and talked to a French person from the stage.

Gareth, give us a taste of what Babel has helped you with with your French. Je m'appelle Gareth, j'ai étudié dans l'école française pour deux ans. Babel helps. It really is so easy. It does not take very long. You can do it anytime. So here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 60% off your Babel subscription subscription but only for our listeners at Babbel.com

slash HTH. Get up to 50 per... no, get up to 60% off at Babbel.com slash HTH. Spell B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash HTH rule and restrictions. Babbel. Hi. Hi. Welcome to the show. We're here to help. What is your name? Where are you calling from? Age? And what is going on? All right.

My name is David, calling from Toronto, Ontario. 30 years old, not totally relevant, but I guess I'll give that out. Okay. And this is the first episode where Jake is not using a pen for his notes. He's got real cocky. So, Jake, do you want to run back and forth? I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth.

I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. I'm going to run back and forth. But I guess I'll give that out. Okay, and this is the first episode where Jake is not using a pen for his notes

He's got real cocky. So Jake you want to run back the information of our caller real quick David? Toronto he said 30 and then told us it wasn't relevant. All right, Jake's crushing it All right, David 30 Toronto I'm actually using a time Wow, you're more organized but all all right. Okay. So what's going on? I'll just read you guys my email that I sent over, just because that kind of sums it up really nice. So there's a lady in my building who walks around and has a few snakes that she treats as little accessories slash pets, takes them around with her.

You said snakes, David? Snakes, yeah. Okay. Large snakes, yeah. Gross. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

And she takes them out, puts them in the grass. I don't know if you guys saw the picture I sent over. Whoa! Oh, wow. Okay, wow. Holy cow! So this is a communal space. Whoa! Where she's letting her snakes go. Those are massive.

What are those, pythons? Massive, yes. I don't know what kind of snakes they are. Those are terrifying. I don't have that expertise. It's right near a city bus stop. This woman's awesome. She can't do this.

This woman's a winner. If I'm sitting there in a bus and some old lady drops some snakes behind me, that's a nightmare, man. Lady, you can't do that. That has 100% happened. Oh, what? People at that bus stop won't really see because the grass would be a little bit long

and then no one would be like, whoa. Yeah. Okay, all right, keep going. It's a great setup. Great. Yeah, so I think what I'm trying to do here is hit the sweet spot of I want her to know that this behavior shouldn't be encouraged.

Um, I can tell you guys what we were told when they called the police and they basically just said, well, that's weird. Really? You're in Toronto. Um, okay. So the Canadian police said, yeah, it's just, you know, like a nightmare. There's a lot of snakes. Stay away from her snakes. That'd be be our advice and that's all they said the actual law is

As long as the snake is not known to be venomous or if it's under three meters So under ten feet and it's fine to have the pet. Thank you. Those are under ten feet. Oh, yeah Okay, and so they're probably not venomous. Yeah Okay, and so they're probably not venomous. Yeah. Probably not. They seem pretty lazy and lethargic in the grass, I would say. So she just loves these snakes and her,

she walks around, when she walks around with them, you were saying, does she have them on leashes? No, she has them around her neck usually. Whoa. She's pulling the Brittany. I will say her stance in the grass is very cocky. It looks like 1950s and the mean lady was telling you can't play stickball in the street. Yes Yes, and she's got this attitude of like what are you gonna do?

I mean she does hold all the snakes so it's hard for you to come at the career is something attractive about her with That makes in that position like a 50s dress. It's definitely. And she's like, I've got three weird snakes. Yeah. Yeah. And where is she from? International school? Yeah. She was a professor there.

Definitely 55 plus. Yeah. It's no problem for Jake. Yeah. Um, okay. So heard. So the, so boy, so the, so the problem is how do you get this situation under some kind of control?

How do you talk to her? Is that basically what you're saying? I don't want to talk to her if possible. Um, okay I think what i'd like to do is kind of discourage the general sneak Comfort without really making myself known. I don't want to bring a knife to a gunfighter. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's right. I think this is a woman She engages in other strange behaviors too like she she, she blasts music, she yells at people. Hold on, what kind of music?

Snake fights. In most, mostly sounds like her praying or doing some sort of ritual music itself. Yeah, first of all, David, I'm gonna suggest you move. In with her. And just submit to a life of joy. Give in, baby, lean in, baby. So she to a life of joy. Lean in baby.

So she listens to weird chanting music. When you say she yells at people, what do you mean? She'll go down the bike, uh, sorry, the street on her bike and won't really regard the cars as the ones that belong there more so herself. So she's in the middle of the road. She'll be yelling at, yeah, she is a true wild part I would say okay. Yeah, how close do you live to her in the building? She is one floor below us, but I don't know which apartment. So let me ask you this David

Do you want this smoke? Yeah Do you want this smoke Do you want this smoke? You're entering a cage of snakes, man. She might be tapped into the other world with these chance. Yeah, she's riding a bike, challenging cars. An older woman on a bike, probably no helmet. She's not afraid of an automobile or snakes. I'll tell you what she's not afraid of is a 30 year old David from Toronto.

Oh wow. Look at him. No pen flying with no wings. That's why I said the name. Yeah. I said the name. It's awesome. So, so is this, I'm just saying this right now, cause look, we will

pitch on your behalf, but is this the fight you want to get into? Man, there's a time where a government could say, you know what? We're not getting involved. And everyone goes, you got to, we don't want that smoke. Yeah. Well, she's within the law. It seems like it's beyond them. Yes, it is beyond them.

The law. So the law's not going to help you, which means you're going to have to go outside of the law or enter a weird game of tit for tat with her. She's got three snakes in a grassy field, man. This isn't a lady who parked in your parking spot. The question is, we're talking about the ratio of juice versus squeeze. How much are you going to get out of this situation?

Because the juice is a fire hose to your face. Yeah. I mean, just her stance there just says, bring it. She'll never stop, David. You will wake up with snakes in your bed. I got two pitches. What? Agreed.

And I think you cannot put, like you're sort of saying, you cannot put a face to this. You know the floor she lives on. Let's print up a couple signs that say no snakes allowed says But she's not afraid of the not afraid, but it's just it just gives her a little complex course snakes allowed I'm gonna take a pitch They're not venomous Parmesan the lawn Parmesan is a known snake Nobody wants a cheesy snake.

They're going to be cheetahs. So. Not bad. David, hold on, man. So do you really want to battle this woman? Yeah, I think, I think Gareth has it. It's like, I want to do what I can for the community, but I don't want to be the one taking the fall for the boys.

But Jake also has it in the sense that being anonymous and winning, I just don't, I don't see it. So one thing you could do in that park, that little grassy area is no snakes in the park. You know what you could do? This is a crazy one. You get a friend of yours to be at the bus stop when she's doing this and have them freak out at her. So you get a friend who's like someone you know who's never going back there. And they call the police. Or they just go like, what do you do? Just make it a little bit of a scene and they never have to confront her again. You know what you could also do? An American.

An American. You send what you could do here? And this is a way to get the police involved. You have a friend sit at the bus stop, you're hanging out of your house, sees this lady, she calls the cops and goes, I'm waiting for the bus, I was nearly attacked by three snakes. Here's, part of the issue I have in this is that I don't want her to lose the snakes. She's not gonna, she just has to keep them

in her apartment. She's just not allowed to take the snakes from her. I fear this might happen. What? Lose the snakes. That G this might happen. What? Lose the snakes? That Gareth might take her side. Well, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm trying to be on your side as much as possible, but I love what she has going on. I mean, yeah, and I like snakes. But I hear what David's saying. I do too. The idea of a public area, a grassy area. But how much hanging out are you doing there, David?

That's not even our building. That's what my apartment faces. So that's actually another building and she lives in my building. But that's the other building's problem. No one's saying anything about it. Your problem is you're like, this is crazy, which I get. Well, I've also run into her at the elevator or at the front door and like she has all the snakes on her.

The snakes have never done anything. Makes everyone very uncomfortable. Yeah, but they've never done anything yet. Yet. But what are we doing? We're fighting future wars? So how about this? I got a pet chimpanzee.

I'm so jealous. All right. Okay. I mean, I don't know what else to say to that. All right. Okay. I mean, I don't know what I was going to say to that. Take it easy. I'm trying to help.

Are you okay? I just your face when I said that. I love when I can watch your gears turn. Because here is the point I was trying to make. Yes, it could be a danger to me. It could rip my face off. There's a terrible story about a pet chimpanzee. There's a few, but there's one specific.

That ripped a lady's face off. Yes. This was a nice chimp raised as a baby. Yes. One day just had a bad fucking day. Yeah. So what we're talking about is wild ass animals. Sure. You're in an elevator with three big snakes. You're hoping those snakes with three big snakes. You're hoping those snakes decide not to jump over you and strangle the life out of you.

But what you're hoping for is the person who's gonna stop it is this lady. I lived in an apartment once with a woman who when she would see you would just shout at you, anyone. And when I talked to my landlord, he was like, there's just nothing you could do. There's nothing you could do. So the only option was when you saw this woman, you would just be like, eh, I'm gonna go the other way. Or, eh, I'm gonna let her walk by me a little bit. I just don't know. Snakes are dangerous. They are if you're close. But she doesn't have to see them from a distance.

She doesn't have three pet chipmunks. But she's not in the she's they're in the same Elevator well, then you go and get the next one. So Dave, what do you David? What do you think about just avoiding her? That's not working for you. That's all right all in it It makes not only me uncomfortable, but when people come over they're uncomfortable They're like their snakes in the in? Like, do they just roam around? I don't, I don't have an issue with her having snakes to your point, but they should stay in her apartment, right? Well, God forbid one escapes.

Again, fighting a future war. You're not wrong. There hasn't been an escape or my daughter. My daughter could reach to one of the snakes and be like, Oh, my daughter. Uh, I like snakes. She actually does like snakes, but what? I don't know. Oh, well, hello.

This is a, she's probably right that they're not the safest for an 18 month old. I'll tell you what they're not. That 18 month old is food for a snake. You want to know what you feed snakes? Right. Baby mice, rats. You know what an 18 month old is? A big rat.

No, a cute child. Yeah. He too big for these snakes to eat. So that's why the government put a 10-foot limit I think we're I think we're in a tough spot. But here's where I could start pitching I think signage It has to be anonymous and I truly think if your daughter wakes up at 2 in the morning and you're awake That's when you put the signs up. You cannot get caught by this woman putting the signs up.

This cannot be a you versus her scenario. Otherwise you will have to move. 100%. But the problem is, is I don't think signs are gonna work. The law isn't gonna work. You got an 18 month old, so we can't pitch you getting some sort of an animal you bring out at the park. No. You don't want to incorporate some wild animal into the building

who eats snakes. I mean this goes against every fiber of me. Yeah. But if you were to have a pet mouse and you took it out to the garden to walk that and it got off leash and a snake ate it, you would have a case then to be like, your snake ate my animal. Do not bring your snakes out here again. I have an idea going off of that. What if you put signs up saying missing, family gerbil? It was running around, it got out, it was in the grassy area across the way,

it was in the hallways, very friendly, have had it forever, very sweet. If anybody sees it and then when people see her with the snake, somebody's going to go, what are those snakes in here? Or why not in that area where she is, put up some signs, put up some signs that say missing gerbil. Yes. Last seen here, call this number. And then do this. A week later, go like this this missing hamster and you hate that there's a predator. And then the next week you do missing snake poison. But it keeps going you keep building up of missing animals so that people have to go I gotta say I don't think she should

be out here. I don't think you should be out here with those snakes eating everybody's pets. Missing bus passenger. Missing birds. Last seen at this bus. I mean, David, this is a wild idea, but that could move the needle. If you start off with missing gerbil, then you go missing hamster and you're building up what you're Create is fear amongst the community that these snakes and then you just put on a sign Missing I know you say like little dog missing dog last seen my cow missing cat missing cat missing dog Missing ferrets. What do you think, David, when you're hearing this?

It's wild. I feel like it doesn't occur a lot of risk to Jake's point when I'm going and putting up more signs, like she is going to see me, I know. Yeah. And then turn around and she makes, they're going to be there. I agree. I, and she's going to bring those snakes to your door. Uh, yes. Cause you're bringing your number.

No, you're no, you're bringing these issues to her door. Yes. Cause you're bringing your number. No, you're no, you're bringing these issues to her door. So she's going to bring her issues to yours. So my real advice to you is the snakes are in the yard across the street. When you see her in the elevator, you got to avoid her. But if you're looking to bite this bullet, then we need to create hysteria around these snakes. Which even then I don't know how much of a win there's going to be enough tenants complaining.

Maybe, maybe I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what journalist reach out to the journalist. Keep going. Keep going. By the way, it's very interesting. I love-

Kind of similar to that one you had with the rat. Yeah, yeah, the rat. Yeah, the rat and the cock. I love, I love, it's, should we see if she'll write a story? Oh my God. But that's an interesting idea to try to turn this into a story.

Yeah. The story, it might not fix your problem, but it will bring light to it. And that could make the city go, you can't just have snakes in a field like this. Because the truth is, those snakes are pretty big. All right, let me ask you something, David. All right, we get a journalist, okay?

The journalist covers it. We get a journalist, the journalist covers it. This woman, the city comes down, shuts her down. She is unable to take her snakes outside. She maybe loses her snakes. How do you feel? I feel like shit. How do you feel about that?

I'd feel bad, especially if there's an actual mental health concern. I think feel bad, especially if there's an actual mental health concern, I think, with her. What if you find out things that snakes don't like and you quote unquote, Parmesan the grass? Now we're getting, like, what's a smell or a food that snakes, you know, like there's always something. Parmesan. But like there could be something that like. Parmesan solves most problems when it comes to the ground.

But if you could find something that like there are certain smells that you put in your house that like rats don't like. Yeah, the anti-diffuser. Right? You know what you could do? You could put like, whatever animal hunts them, you could put like their piss there. If we're talking about my piss, I'm on board.

Like a hawk. Yeah. So that they are uncomfortable there, so that she goes something happened and My snakes don't like this Because right now it's a snake paradise You got to buy some hawk piss, but how do you turn this into a place? That's not peaceful for her snakes, but you know what what is peaceful for them is their tank I like that. I don't know where to get such a thing or snakes, because you know what is peaceful for them is their tank.

I like that. I don't know where to get such a thing. Yeah, come on. Kevin, you sell hawk piss, don't you? Yeah, but I got a guy. But honestly, this isn't a joke, because you can go, if you're having like a problem with animals in your yard, you could find a,

the predator's- You can buy deer piss. Yes, and you can buy piss. You put it out and it spooks the other animals to go like, we're not going there anymore If you have too many raccoons get a bunch of coyote piss Yeah, and they're gonna smell it and go this doesn't feel like a safe zone for me, but man Then we worry that she's bringing it back to your building and then you got more Because all we want is we don't want this woman to lose her snakes

Yes, we don't want this woman to start a snakes. Yes. We don't want this woman to start a war with you We just wanted to keep her snakes inside. Yes, that is not a crazy ass crazy You know, we took this in a world of like we we got to the bottom of it We would all feel bad if she lost her snakes But this behavior that she's doing is out of line I mean, she's taking snakes to a communal zone. So honest to God, what if we Google hawk piss? What else? It's snakes. Kevin, what do you got? What piss are you seeing?

I just typed in H and hawk piss already came up. Yes. So a bunch of hawk piss, these snakes could go like not interested. They could be acting irrational. They could be, and she could go like, something happened with this grass. Did they put new fertilizer on it? Whatever it is They're not happy here, which makes that less fun for her. Oh, let her find grass

Blocks away where there's no hawk. A cheaper version is instead of those gerbil signs Signs that say the grass was just spayed sprayed with a fresh pesticide Something that would give her that's good. that would give her pause to let her snakes go belly down. Dangerous to animals. Yes. For the next, yes. What do you think of that, David? Just been sprayed for spiders, you know, no walking on grass, just been sprayed for spiders.

Yeah. You don't have to say spiders. Spiders, right. Weird. Hey, I'm the architect on this one. Don't come to me. You had it. You had it. You know what the worst, here's one of the worst feelings on this show, is when you talk past the close. Agreed.

When you got a winner and you've lost the other guy. But I think that's a great idea, David. What do you think of the idea of going to the equivalent of a Kinko's whatever you guys have up there even if there are kinkos and radges, you know, and forgetting proper signage and saying, please keep all animals off recently sprayed. Yeah. Dangerous to animals. Yeah. Yes. That'll do. Not a bad idea.

I could even just make the sign and kind of give it to the building managers to be like listen I think you should put these up. There's a lady putting out snakes. I don't know if you guys David we're no longer anonymous. Yes What we've got to be a we want the you've got to keep your eye. I'm a T Would you what do you think you're gonna do? I think that's probably the right direction I might have to think of what the sign would actually say. Okay. It makes sense though, because that is like a grassy area of

the building. They have some flowers. Like it's kind of believable too. A hundred percent. It's believable. I just had this happen in a park near my house. My kids and I were going to go in it and there was a sign that said recently sprayed do not go on for the next 30 days. So just honestly

Something like that. You didn't want your kids there Or it was literally somebody in the neighborhood who just didn't want a bunch but it works It'll give me pause and honestly this was taped to a tree. Yes Any sign like that will give you pause. So all you've got to do is have a sign that says, recently sprayed unsafe for pets. You don't even have to say- No bare feet, no pets. Yeah, you don't even have to say anything about what the spraying is. You don't have to mention spiders.

But it is for spiders. But I think that would work, man. We no longer will power and fear to the spider issue But I think if we do that, we have sprayed against them. That'll get us enough where it'll give her pause Yeah, I think I think that sounds about right. Okay, and we're not then fighting fire with fire We're not creating a war and we're not trying to take away this lady's snake I'm not taking pies to Medusa's house. So what are you going to actually do it? Let me think about the sign. I want to think about it more, but if I make up a sign,

I'll send you guys a picture of it and then maybe a picture of it on that tree. Yes. And no matter what you do, will you follow up with us? Because I got a feeling you're not going to stop. You're going to do something. Yeah. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thank you, buddy. Toronto giggle. Thank you, buddy.

Toronto giggle. All right, buddy. Keep us posted. Hello. Welcome back, Em. Hi, friend. OMG. Em, this is going to be on the same episode, so we don't need a huge recap.

We know who you are. You know who you are. You know who you are. What we know what you did since the text. So they so many of them have replied and it's been overwhelmingly positive. We don't have them one by one. Okay, let me first do me a favor. Do me a favor just because I don't want to rush through it. Read through what you wrote and then read through the comments and maybe send a screen Kevin. Can we put a screen? I don't want to rush through it. Read through what you wrote, and then read through the comments,

and maybe send a screen. Kevin, can we put a screen grab at this up there? Oh, you do? Shucks got him. You can read them and I'll share them. So go ahead, Em. Okay. Okay, so what I said was,

"'Hey, family, just wanted to say "'that I've been on this chat still for the past two years. "'I know whoever set up this chat tried to remove my number, but it didn't work. But that's okay. I genuinely love you all. Voted for Arctic Circle. That's their brewery. And had my friends do as well. Donated to Miles's fundraiser, etc. To be clear, I'm very happy to stay on the text chain, but wanted to let you all know. You're all so wonderful. Would love to stay on if you so choose. So I send it, hold my breath. First one I get back, it says, that's wild, a bunch of laughing emojis.

You should have come out to the beer fest this weekend. Ah. Okay, keep going. And the next one says, man, someone invite them to the cookout, please. Oh, this is such a win. Yes. And then the next one says, thank you for donating and your support. You're in now. Oh, such a win. Yes. Yeah. The next one says thank you for donating and your support.

You're in though. Oh, totally. Apparently I'm in and they keep coming there. And then is that a photo of you in the Cubs cap? Yeah. So I send them a picture of me because I was like, I feel like I need to. I've seen so many photos of them. I'm leveling the playing field. Okay. So I sent a picture of me and they say, welcome to the fam. Whose number did this used to be? Then we go back into the discourse of, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how did this happen? So we find out again that I'm Clinton's number

with the wrong area code. And then I get it, which was, this was the biggest honor because they love sending their silly gifts and pictures. I got a, I got a fast and furious gift back with Vin Diesel and it says when your family, your family. I love it. So, so M you now have to go to the next event. Yes. And now, well, by the way, you, but also you got when your family, your family, this is so perfect so here's what you do now This is such a win. This is maybe one of the biggest show wins we've ever had Right, huh? Yeah, this is as good of a feel-good win as you can get I think what you got to now start doing is just be part of responding. Don't be the one who does it the most Yeah at all But no, I would say one or two a day is just be part of responding. Don't be the one who does it the most. Yeah. At all.

But I would say one or two a day. If there's, if there's 50 years, you're subtle. You're just in the mix. You're just a seasoning start small. If there's a funny gift and you know, it's going to win. Fucking shoot. Agreed. Agreed.

Completely. Fucking shoot. And then the next big thing show up and say, what should I bring? fucking shoot. Agreed. Agreed. Completely. Fucking shoot. And then the next big thing, show up and say, what should I bring? And now you are a part of the family. This could not be a bigger win. It's great. It's a great story.

How do you feel? You must feel some sort of relief and validation in a way. I feel relieved. Like I'm not like peeping in a window anymore. You know, I feel very good. In the house. They know I'm here. I'm in a window anymore. You know, I feel I feel very good I'm here. I'm in the house and Lovely, which is just like I already knew that but you know, it's always you know nerve-racking out in your yeah for two years

Yeah, well great. It's great. Welcome to the house. You've done it. What a wonderful family. What a win Hey guys, let's get out of this one with a huge victory before there's a new text that comes from that family saying get out of here. You weirdo. Actually, you scare us. And this is a massive win of the great Vin Diesel. When your family, your family. So in the words of the great shark, look out. Look out behind you. Congrats, Em. Congrats, Em. Thank you. Thanks, guys.

Thanks for the help. And then when you get them, when you go to event, let us know. Keep us posted. Yeah. Keep us on the thread. And when you marry somebody from that family, we will be at the wedding. Without question. Without question.

When they're like, this is the cousin. And you're like, he's kind of great. They're like, I know you're perfect together. By the way, Jake, save it for the script we're stealing. I agree. 100%. Yeah, right about it. Yeah.

Take it away. Way to go. Hey, everyone. Producer Kevin here. This next follow up is different than the others. Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next follow up is different than the others. We received an email regarding last week's episode with Neil Brennan about the caller whose husband got really into bowling and they said we went too hard on, we went too

hard on, sorry, we went too hard on bowling as a sport and it needed to be defended a little more properly and so Jake and Gareth and I agreed to give this person a local hall of famer by the way two minutes to defend bowling because you know we should have both sides of every story so without further ado here's Casey. Hi Jake and Gareth. My name is Casey Murphy, or as my wife calls me, Big C. I'm a local bowling hall of famer and I own a pro shop in Springfield, Missouri. I'm reaching out because I feel the need to defend the great majestic sport of bowling. Now, I thought you guys gave some good advice to Cathy, but I think bowling is a lot cooler than a pod gave a grunt for.

First, let's talk about the two-handed bowling style Kathy's husband used. It's not an outlier, it's the future. 70% of new bowlers are using the two-handed style. It's not granny style, it's more of a side throw with two hands. Trust me, Google it, it's cool. Bowling takes a lot of athleticism. The out of shape bowler is no more. Competitive bowlers are gym rats and have to be the master of speed, angle, and spin.

We aren't just athletes, we are true artists. Next, our apparel is the best in sports, hands down. When bowlers walk into a bowling alley, they are not just there to knock down pins. They wanna make a statement, and what better way to do that than with a sick bowling jersey. They aren aren't just shirts they are masterpieces of polyester planes lightning bolts and brightly stitched nicknames like Dead Eye

or Maverick or dare I say shark guys nothing says I'm serious about leisure activities like a shirt that matches your ball. You guys also took a lot of shots at bowlers for having a lot of bowls. Think of bowling bowls like golf clubs. Driver iron wedge. Based on the oil pattern on a given night you have to have the right ball ready. The serious bowler has at least six balls if not a little bit more. Kathy's husband was dead on. Let's not forget about bowling puns in innuendo. Who doesn't love a good pun and bowling has the best? Walk into any alley

and you'll see team names like the pinups, balls of fury, split happens, pin pals, and credit balls, ball busters, gutter sluts, just to name a few. It's not just about the score, it's about the fun word play that keeps everybody coming back for more. Guys, bowling is not just a sport, it's a cool, pun-filled adventure. For example, my pro shop's name is Balls of Fame Pro Shops.

Because the professional that works there, me, is in two halls of fame. It's a take on Hall of Fame, and edgily replaces Hall with balls. Classic. You guys get what I'm doing. I think I made my point. No one will ever question how cool bowling is now. Big C signing off with the Universal Bowling Models.

Grab your balls and finger your holes. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Kaitlyn Tanwakeo. And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh.

And you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L.L.I. dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike. D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds dot com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.