We're Here to Help - 112: You're Gonna be a Doctor???

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about an American Ninja Warrior audition tape and some coffee shop drama. Later, the guys follow up with the third caller from episode 98 "Your Eyes Won't Believe What They Chainsaw." AUDITION VIDEO HEREWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And it is the show. We're back. We're back. Jake. We're at the end of a recording session. Yes. We had fun. Yes.

We had good calls. Great calls, some great follow-ups. This episode's gonna be a fun one. Yeah, we really are finding that in the follow-ups, it's funny because a lot of times we don't remember what the initial call was, but a lot of times the callers either don't listen to it. It's been a little disappointing. Sometimes they get to the edge.

It's been a little disappointing. But sometimes it works. Well we had a run for a while with our follow-ups where it was building momentum. Yeah. And then recently it's been a lot of, what were the pitches? You said something really stupid that we didn't take, but then what happened was this and we go like, well, all right. There's some hits, there are some hits, but there's also, we take some hits.

I would say in all honesty, and I want to go around and get everybody's opinion in terms of our pitches. What do you think our actual hit rate is? Not in terms of it being a fun call, but in terms of the person takes the advice and their problem is solved. Shark, you start, I bet you have. Well, you want me to start, because I think he's gonna-

No spin for us. Real answer. I think he's gonna have a better grasp on the reality. Yeah, how come? Just because I think he's a little more connected to the callers and the world of that. I'm gonna honestly say 40 percent. Wow. Yeah.

I can't believe that shocked you. Maybe 30. That's tough. Maybe. Garrett, you think that's low? I was going to say the I was going to say like 70. I was going to say 65 to 70. That's what I would think. But I thought you guys were gonna be negative.

Why wouldn't you be your real answer? Well, I would say probably about 60%. My answer is what I think you guys don't want me to say. What is that? Oh, that's what I said. You said 40, we both were jargon. Jesus. No, I thought that's what you wanted.

Why would we- The problem is- We wanted our real answer. I said no spin, real answer. The problem is, there's some where we just don't know ever. Yes. But I would say that I think we get probably, yeah, probably 60% to 70%.

That was the 40th. I thought you guys were going to be negative, so I wanted to be very- Not yourself? Well, I wanted to be very not yourself Well, I wanted to I wanted to temper it with what is it? You are the temper with saying 40 maybe 30 Insane Gareth The reveal of what your guys's answers are gonna be is also ruined. I was gonna say 68

Yeah, I totally agree and I was gonna say Same I agree, but I think part of it to your point Gareth is sometimes the 68 the other number which I totally know Feels like we're so off. Yeah, that it feels like wait%. What do you mean the other number? What's the other number? The 22%, right? Of 68? 32. That matters. No, I got it, I'm 32.

I would say 15 to 20% are, we totally missed, but we know it while we're missing. I agree, the 15 to 20%, we end the call a little awkwardly. Yes, then there's about 15 to 20%, well we know that's a great solution. Yes. Then there is that middle ground where you go, I don't know. Like the callers calling in who called the jet skis.

Yeah. Like that one I thought was a big one. The, oh, the one I was really thinking was Allie weekend. She calls it, uh, the dump in a hotel. Yeah. But then in the end, she took some of it kind of, he was in the shower. She didn't, she just ran to a hotel. Yeah. But then in the end. But she took some of it. Kind of, he was in the shower, she didn't, she just ran to a lobby and took a dump.

I think part of it is you leave the call like you're about to play a game at Notre Dame and you're hitting the sign walking out to the field. Yes. And then the other team scores a couple touchdowns and you change the offense a little bit. Yeah, but for her, so our pitch at the end was talk to them and she was gonna have a conversation making fun.

Yes, an honest conversation. She ended up, and you guys will get the reveal at some point, but she held it so long she got a little sick. Wait. And then went like, did you talk to him? She was like, I had to because I was feeling sick. But what she did was she did one of our pitches. Go to the lobby while he's in the shower.

Go to the lobby while he's in the shower. That's a different animal. We were saying make an excuse, not run out. But that was one of our pitches. Yes. I forget whose, of our pitches. Yes. I forget whose, but it's pretty good. Yeah. And then she also had the conversation and now she still is making herself sick.

Well, that's what I mean. I'm like, so that one has to be viewed as a miss. I agree. Where you're like a catastrophic, where you're like, wow. And then in the end we go, where are you at now? So you're like, huh. I'm not, yeah. I'm not not doing well I'm sick from poop yeah so without further ado hi welcome to the show thank you so much yeah thank you for calling can we get your name and something about you that you want to share and then what your issue is?

Okay. Um, my name is Libby. Um, something that I'd share is probably that, um, hmm. Yeah. It can take a second. Just think about it. Something about something about you that, you that you'd like us to know.

I've watched New Girl plenty of time. Okay. It's an adorable fact. Yeah. All right. So Libby, you watched a lot of New Girl and then what is your issue today that we can try to help you with? Okay, I am calling in today to get help on a drunken application to American Ninja Warrior. Great. What?

Yeah, my roommate and I did this one weekend in college and we were not expecting a call back from them, but we did. We did get a call back. Great. And for video, an interview video. And so the question that we have is that if we were to follow through with this bit. What's your gut? How do we show them that we're the people that they want?

Yep. Because we're very unqualified. Okay. Okay. Yes. Okay. You sent in the app. The application is merely filling out the application

and you kind of lied on it? Well, we didn't lie. I wouldn't say that we lied. Well, let me ask you this, Libby, before you say anything else, are you a ninja? Can you do all the stuff? No. He lied.

He lied. I guess we should get into what lying is. You fudged the truth a little bit. You shouldn't be applying to this show. But you and your roommate, your buddy, are not a couple of American Ninja Warriors. No, not at all. We're just a couple of college girls

that thought it'd be fun. Because guess what, it is fun. And guess what, you did everything right. All those shows should be pranked every day. Everybody should be trying to get on. The day of taping, they should go, are you ready, Libby? And you go, yeah. And it starts.

And you can't get up the rope. Yeah, Libby's in the water. And they're watching you. And they go, cut. Some maker's mark fell out of Libby's pocket when she fell in the water. And then you're trying to do a rope swing thing. And you go, I will not do that.

It seems scary. And they go, get out of here. And guess what? It's not live. They'll move on. Yes. But I think they do like to have the guess what? It's not live. They'll move on. Yes. But, but I think they do like to have the duds.

It's just, you got to look. In shows like Wipeout, they do. Yeah. I don't know. American Ninja Warrior is pretending to be a sport. I think. Similar to the challenge. Okay.

Fair. Yeah. Maybe Wipeout would have been a little bit more up our alley, but you know, we went big. So what is the next phase they're asking asking for what do you have to do? A video of a video interview straight up or I mean at some point they've got to be like they want to see some ninjas Yeah, they can also bring her in but let me go ahead. What do they look so? So on the email that they wrote back they said shows your personality a lot of energy Someone that's athletic and show us your personality, a lot of energy, someone that's athletic, and show us our,

quote, ninja-related skills. Yeah, of course. So you've now, okay, just so we know, what do you want to keep lying? My instinct is let's keep pushing. Well, yes, you want to call it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I think I think you now as far as without being too surface level. Do you look like you could be on the

show? Fair question. Maybe. Okay, great. I played I played fourth. Okay, I wouldn't say I keep up with them. That's fine. You're young definitely Yes, I think we can I got a question. Let me can you run upstairs really fast and when I mean really fast I mean like fine. Yeah medium. Yeah, make it to yes. Okay. Yeah, so he was probably run upstairs So here's what my move is gonna be for you Okay We're gonna we could create something ridiculous at the beginning and then we do a section of this stuff you do It's just really Pedestrian stuff that you do really intensely.

Like, where you're like, run upstairs and you're like, oh, but it's timed. And then it's like, three pushups. And then it's like, jumping over like a very small chair. Five jumping jacks, two pushups. But you're not doing it. So what I hate... So intense. What I hate is when people are silly and they're letting the audience know I also know this is really funny because then I

go what are we doing this is this is and this is gonna be like an interview or this is your video this is your follow-up video yes and and then they'll they'll bring her in if they like this and dare I say yeah get a gi where a key for the whole thing exactly right and let's create a character for you yeah but what do you think about something like that, if we create? And is it you and your roommate or just you? Are you guys like, is that a partners thing? Yeah, so it's going to be as partners.

OK. Now, I got a question. Do you guys look anything alike? Yeah, we look pretty similar. OK. I was going to say, I was hoping for no, because I was going to say part of the bit is you guys say you're identical twins.

Like that. By the way, by the way, I don't think we need them to look like to say that No, that's what I mean. I would say they better the worst. So let's go Dungeons & Dragons Let's do headbands one does red one does blue. Let's say we're identical twins. Yep. Let's do what Jake's talking about We're gonna show you breaking a ruler. We're gonna show you doing two crunches. Yep. I, but here's the thing about a ruler. I don't want anything silly and too arch. I don't want anything where the people watching go, these girls are really funny. Okay. I want a board. You can go to get plywood at Home Depot. It should just be very thin. Okay. But when you break it, I want the whole Seagal setup where you're like, your fists are on the side and you go like, then you go like. Okay, but when you break it I want the whole seagull setup where you're like your fists are inside you go then you go

Huh, and when you break it afterwards your face should have a moment of glee. Let's I've like You're fucking dealing with a new camera. Yes a smile, but you did it. Yes All right, and this has to be edited or not. Yeah, or you do it. Oh, whoa. Are you editing it? Maybe Libby. I have a pitch. Go. You do it all as a oner. A one take. Yes, here's what I mean.

You set up. An on, you set up your own little. Yes. Course at home. Yes. And you say at the beginning, you guys go to camera, you go like, hey, I'm Libby, this is how we're identical twin sisters. We're always together.

We believe we're the next great Ninja Warriors because our dad and our mom were ninja warriors We've been doing this since we were friggin born or you just say the reason why we need to be on the show Just watch I love that too And then we do this. Yeah, the reason why we need to be on the show is because your ratings are slay. Yeah Why you need I don't need the bat you need us more than we need you. Yeah, exactly right I kind of like that. I do too. And you go in there. Yeah, that's really good. You could also do another thing where you set up a really weird backstory you do fast where you go like we've been doing this since we were kids. My dad used to work

on a crocodile farm and we lived out of a bus and the reason we became ninjas was there was three crocs who used to live on the bus with us and the way dad would feed them is at the end of the day, you would just throw a big fish in the back. And it was me and my sis and those crocs. It was either us or the crocs. And we would just kick and scream, let's go! And then you enter a one-er routine where you run upstairs, you do three push-ups. Your sister, while you're doing the push-ups,

sits on your back, looks right at Cameron, goes like, one, two, three, then while- She can do more more by the way Really right? Yeah, that's just a taste. This is an appetizer. You want the meal by the cow? Yeah, then she gets on the bottom you hold her feet looking at camera you go one two three. She could do way more Then then we do five push-ups. Yeah, then we break the plywood Yeah, and then we look into camera and say we await the plane tickets. Exactly right Our availabilities are every day. We are available whenever you want us. Yes. We have nothing going on

I will see that I that's on too much. Yeah, yeah, I need this but I love that Well, this is just for one stupid. Yeah, I know It's just to make nobody laugh at American videos or whatever, but what if you did something of the oh, here's the ending What if you had a big board that said? American Ninja Warrior needs us and that's what you punch through or we get a big piece of paper Yes, that says American Ninja Warrior Libby above it and you run and jump through it and then that's the end of how you can Maybe that's the beginning. Yeah could yeah could be yes totally I like the paper I think I don't think I'd be able to break plywood fair um but a piece of paper a thousand percent okay do you like

the paper at the start or the end is that your finale or your intro I feel like that should be the the intro so they know that we're bringing the heat. Yeah. Great. Now on that, are you going to just hand write American Ninja Warriors or hey, American Ninja Warriors, meet your next two ninjas? That. I think, yeah.

That's what we're doing. Okay. So that in marker, don't do any funny drawings next to it. Don't do stick figures of yourself. Try to actually do the best handwriting you can. Parker, don't do any funny drawings next to it. Don't do stick figures of yourself. Try to actually do the best handwriting you can. So when they turn on the thing, it starts off seemingly real.

Yes. Here's what we're looking to have happen. We're looking for some PA in that department to leak this online and for people to think this is the worst audition that has ever happened. This is what happens on those shows eventually though. Like, it's like American Idol or America's Got They like the dud too I don't know if this show does but I think you're gonna you're gonna get eyeballs on it

And what do you think about what what are we calling your roommate? You're Libby. She's what? Abby Libby and Abby her perfect. What do you think of the idea that you guys are identical twin sisters? I Think that I think it worked. Okay, right. What do you think you guys are gonna wear? Okay, so we have a dog and we have a red pair of socks and a blue pair of socks With the dog's face on it. Okay, so I think that will start from there So that's not much to start with just you know, that is a pair of socks What are you gonna do about the knees? Where we have a matching

This student made on a roll t-shirt. So maybe we can do something with that. Okay. What do you think about karate outfits? Yeah, is there any way we can get a gi going on? Because what we're thinking is you're thinking kind of cute and funny and we're thinking ninja Yeah, because what we're thinking is you're thinking kind of cute and funny and we're thinking ninja Serious well ninja. Yeah. Yeah, so I love the socks I think the socks are great no matter what but they're socks So I don't think we're gonna be jumping through paper and then the camera is gonna pan down and see the feet Well, I might see him when we're doing crunches. Yeah, maybe maybe maybe in a kick or whatever But but I think I think if you can order a gi or two geese

It's just steps the comedy up nicely and I gotta tell you as a guy who over my life has bought probably 650 geese they're not that expensive crazy crazy stuff way less than that Probably crazy though more than four hundred you have a gi right now. I have 400 keys you have geese. Yeah, okay Hold on a second Libby. So Libby hold on one second. When are you wearing your gi's now? When? Yeah. The second I get home till the second I come here. You ever wear one of your jiu jitsu? I don't, I do no gi now. You're a little tackle buddy? You're a little fake man? No. So you put a gi on him? Rush guards. You like him naked? I definitely put him in. I don't like him naked, but he prefers to be pantsless. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. You ever put him in an outfit? Yeah. Okay. All right, Libby. So what do you think? I mean, I think if we can get you a gi or two. I think if you jump through paper.

Your identical twins. Jump through paper. Jump through paper. Identical twins. Start with some pushups, move into sit-ups, three jumping jacks, break some plywood. Libby, what do you think about a oner, just setting up a camera? I think we could do that. However, I think it'd be more difficult.

Yeah. But I think if we were to pull it off, it would add to the effect. Yes. What is, when you say more difficult, in what capacity? Because you have to move around the space? It's just like- Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Well, if you think it needs to be edited, okay. And dare I say at each cut point, let's put it in Eagle noise. But Eagle noise is a great idea. Sound effects. A great Eagle noise every time. I think that is excellence. And what do you think about then if you're doing this, what could you do in the neighborhood and I don't want silly, funny pushing a shopping cart and you guys are so charming because they're gonna want the I'll tell you what the second they think you guys think you're funny

They've turned it off. Yeah So what can you do in your neighbor? That's kind of athletically challenging that you can do it Kind of an okay way. I guess throw a few bricks. Is there like a hill near you? Are there steps? Mm-hmm a bar. Is there like a hill near you? Are there steps? A bar. Is there an obstacle? Are there? Uh, can, can Abby look at camera and go, uh, that hill's about however high. You just get a soft measurement and then go, she looks at camera, takes a stopwatch,

hit start, you start running up this. You, when you get up there, no matter how long it takes, you it takes you yell I'm done yeah she stops it and goes like only 48 seconds a lot of people get winded when they walk up that thing yes and then but so hail is great right what else do you have around they could prove because here's what we're trying to prove love Libby. Actually, why don't you tell us, what makes you a ninja? Not that pause, not that, you know what a ninja is, Libby? It's an animal. Yes, they want me, they want Abby and I,

because we are what they need on the show. Yes. All the other people, yeah, they they have the muscles. But we have the the entertainment for the viewers. Okay, which is but hold on. Which is what? Funny. Okay, no, but we need to go serious.

Yeah. So when you say that, let's let's instead of calling like, don't call out exactly what this is to them. Show them. I think you say, we might not look the strongest, hell, we might not be the fastest. What do we have? And one of you goes, the wow factor. And we call it the wow factor.

And that is, you are saying tongue in cheek, it's the entertainment value. But I do think we want to make it seem like you're trying and earnest. So let me ask you a question. Do you actually want to be on the show or do you we want to make it seem like you're trying and earn it. So let me ask you a question. Do you actually want to be on the show or do you want to just make the audition tape? I want to be on the show. And how do you think you would do it on the show? Not well.

So that's why we need to leave that part out of the conversation. We have to get you onto the show. So this reminds me, when I lived in New York, I was pretty broke. And I had a moment where I thought I saw a couple of people busking down at Times Square. Mm-hmm, I've heard this. Yeah, and I thought like, I'm going to go busk and I'm going to make a bunch of money. But I didn't have a routine. No.

And I just started. Sure. And you get revealed really fast. Right. So if that's what we're building to, that's fine. But that's not what this audition tape then is. What you just did with, when you just started talking about Abby, I like that. Maybe you jumped through paper, you go right to it, you go right to the attitude. Gareth said something before, which I liked, and that was, we don't need American Ninja

Warrior, you need us. And then you can go go now part of this audition tape is you want to see our skills well for women like us we don't do nothing for free yeah see you in LA camera just the taste here's just a taste and then you go like this in three two and it goes off yeah but maybe you go in three two then you do an editing trick and you guys have disappeared. And then you just hear one and then you hear an eagle thing go, yeah, that's the whole thing. It could be that. I like the idea that we see a pathetic sampling that we're treating like the end of the Rocky montage. I've got another pitch from the eagle thing. Okay. What if rather than you guys doing athletic feats you just show footage of wild animals

That's pretty good and you go the same beginning you punch through the paper you set you guys up or identical twin sisters We've never been separated for more than ten minutes on our life. We grew up in a van fighting crocodiles We've lived in every single country. My sister is swam to the bottom of two lakes Then you go now you have asked to see what we can do The best way to describe it is this to show you what's in us an eagle sword the bottom of two lakes. Then you go, now you have asked to see what we can do? The best way to describe it is this. To show you what's in us. An eagle sword.

Yeah. Then you go, or this, a gorilla climbing a tree. Well, you could go the heart of an eagle, the strength of a gorilla. And you see the, and then you go. The venom of a snake. The power of a whale, a whale jumps out of the water. And then you go, my question to you is,

can you show Handel it? Yeah. Quah! I like that too. It's almost like a ransom video. Yeah, and then, because then you don't have to do the bad pushups and the sit-ups or the running up the hill. You're just flirting.

Look, I mean, there's a couple ways we can go with it, Libby. I think either way, we're going to play absurdity seriously. I'll tell you what, either way, we're not going to win American American Ninja Warrior No, and I don't think you're gonna get there But you just might and also I think it's gonna be great for all of us when you make this video to see it Yes for yes, it's gonna be great. So Libby Floor is yours. You are Libby you watch new girl a lot You want to do American Ninja Warrior. You sent in the first application

when you were drunk, I believe. We just kind of glossed over that. Yeah, it's awesome. Now they've followed up and you're going, what do I do? We've given you some pitches. Tell us what this video is going to look like from your point of view. Okay. So I like ideas from all the pitches. I really like the idea of the gi outfit. That's it, like the little karate suit. And then the eagle sound. And then the running up the hill with the timer.

And this like, and the pushup up and then also just very mediocre half yeah but we do yeah that makes it look very impressive yeah I like all those two I think that's right I mean I think look go shoot it yeah and remember I do not laugh yeah and take it serious this is you guys should be trying to come across as killers Yes, and cocky and be like, but you've never seen that before There's also something people do where they'll kind of do like comedy voices and comedy faces and that's to let everybody know This is actually funny cut that out. Yeah, not funny piece just truth and comedy. This is serious you do

Running up a hill timed. I'll tell you what, you already told us you're not that athletic. It's gonna be hard. And you're gonna be in a gi. Yeah, and you know what's gonna be funny? When you naturally need to take a break on the hill because running up a hill is hard as hell. When you do pushups, doing them till you can't do anymore. So three's the bit, but what if you try to do 30?

Yeah, what if you do 13? That's also hilarious. I agree, especially- An earnest 13 is very funny. hilarious. I agree. Especially... An earnest 13 is very funny. Funnier than three. Yes. Especially a 14, your arms are shaking.

In real time. Yes. And then when you start struggling, we're, ah! And then before the struggle, your form goes bad. Yes. Your ass pops up, and then the, ah! Cuts to the next thing. And then it ends with you running through a sheet of paper with a dumb little signature

on there or something like that, and in camera going, going let's be honest you need us more than we need you that's perfect okay are you gonna actually do this yes okay will you send obviously you send us to see this will you send it to us and will the sooner you do this the sooner we can air this and we'll connect it and we'll put the whole video up on YouTube with us. Okay, sounds good. Okay. Good luck. Listen. Good luck.

Thank you so much. We're bowing. Go get them. Hey everyone, it's the shark. I'm proud to share with you all that we have received Libby and Abby's American Ninja Warrior audition tape. The link for that is in the episode description.

You can watch along on YouTube. Enjoy! Alright, look, it's football season. You think you got a quarterback who's gonna throw for 800 yards? That's crazy. It's not gonna happen. What about 300 yards? That's possible. How about a receiver in Green Bay, you know, grabbing a ball for a touchdown? I sound like I don't watch football, but I do. So check out DraftKings Pick 6. It's the newest way to compete against others and play fantasy football to win cash with DraftKings. You pick a player, choose if they'll have more or less than a stat, you know, like the over under, yards, touchdowns, catches, whatever it is, and then you get your picks right and you'll win cash. Cash! Download the new DraftKings Pick6 app now and use the code here to help.

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And let me do that website in French for you Babel dot com slash S-T-H Rules and restrictions may apply Babel Hello Hello sir Welcome to We're Here to Help America's No More Packages I'm Looking Up

Can we get your name, age, where are you calling from and your issue Uh, yeah, name, Jake Hamilton. Whoa. Age. Middle name? Michael. Okay.

Your social security, please. Oh. Don't say it. What's your problem? Jake, don't say it. Jake doesn't test Jake. That's just to see where we're at. Jake, check your comfortability, Jake.

Oh, gosh. You guys had me freaked out. We're going to get you back in a good groove. Jake, where are you calling from? Nashville, Tennessee. Nice. And about how old are you, Jake? 35.

35. And what do you do for work? You don't have to be too specific, but what field are you in? I'm a Ph.D. student. I'm about to graduate hopefully in Cardiovascular research So it's gonna be a few People chat. Yeah, this is just gonna be three almost doctors chewing the fat a little bit here and solving a problem Oh, yeah

What if the question is something coming up on an exam call me after I'll get rid of Do that one on my stop it? Should we talk by the way curly doesn't play into the most stuff too great for me. I'll be honest with you This event recall issue Jake are we talking atriums, what are we after here? It's just parts of the Jake what is the question? Well, so I yeah, I don't I don't really focus on one chamber. It's all it's both.

It's really more like basic research, basic cardiac contraction, how the heart regulates contractility and respect the hell out of it. What's the question today? My man, what can we do for you, buddy? The question today. OK, so I said I'm just grad students I'm broke. You guys know that probably I go to a coffee shop to write my dissertation I'm a regular there. I've gone almost every single day since February

They know my name my order 16 ounce medium roast two scrambled eggs and toast It was perfect for me except one day about two weeks ago, I go in and all the staff had changed and the change seems to be permanent. The main new staff member there is probably a manager, is a Chatty Kathy. And it's 7 a.m. and I'm trying to order and she'll talk to me about things that I frankly just don't care about. Instead of just pouring me my standard cup, she started using me as a guinea pig tester

for different coffee formulations. Terrible. And recently, when bringing me my food order, she suggested that they're giving me too many eggs with my order. She said that this is actually four eggs and you should be getting two. Hate this. Causing me to be concerned that they're going to reduce my portions. So my question is, how do I maintain friendly relations with this new staff without having

to be their guinea pig? And how can I get my eggs and toast without them skimping on my portion size? Jesus Christ. This is hard. Well, it's two problems. You got to stop being the guinea pig and keep the egg intake. That's not two in there. Yeah, but I understand this one.

But this, so this is the obvious first one you're gonna hear from the outside world. And I just have to throw it out before we go is, why not go to another coffee shop? Not a bad question. Yeah, I had that in the one minute summary and it made it one minute and a half so I figured you'd ask so This coffee shop by the way, Jake. Thanks for keeping it lean and mean. That's nice. Yeah

Hey, no problem. No problem Yeah, so this coffee shop is close. It's about five minutes from my house. Yeah It's on the way to the lab My my wife and I have a nine-month-old at home. Congrats. And thank you. And we also have a dog. So it's just really convenient.

Also traffic gets really bad. I get it. Around seven. It just nukes. And I've actually tried. In the time that I emailed you guys and now I've tried another coffee shop and traffic is really bad. It just didn't go so hot.

So ideally I'd be able to make this work. Good pushback. Okay. Yeah, I agree. Well, the first problem is how do you stop being the coffee tester? Or do we want to try to do them as one? Because it seems to be a... It's hard.

It's hard. But it seems to be a big shift that occurred obviously with the new staff. And is it one person when you said there's that one lady who was talking about the four eggs to the two eggs, is she also the guinea pig lady? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let's give that lady a name. She might be the owner. Yeah. She might be the owner. Let's go with Courtney. Courtney. So Courtney essentially is the problem. Oh, is might be the owner. Let's go with Courtney. Courtney. So Courtney essentially

is the problemo. Is that right or wrong? Yeah, I mean that's that's right. Yes. Because it's are you it's just that so he started working there. Courtney came fired everybody else. Courtney goes, oh, try this. Try this. Also, your order is a little weird though. The people gave you too many eggs. But if it weren't for Courtney, you could say to people really quickly. I'm not and it's Courtney who small talks too much, right? Yes, yes, and and you actually you said something very casually, but I'm gonna I'm gonna bring it back around You said she fired everybody you might not be wrong because the old manager and I really liked each other and You might not be wrong because the old manager and I really liked each other and whenever I ask about what happened to her, everyone gets really cagey and doesn't really want

to answer. They just kind of give me a look and they're like, she needed to take some time off. So I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what happened. That's a nice way of saying dropped. Here's the issue. They're in conflict.

You're asking for less of an experience on one side and then to keep more of an experience on the other. So you're saying, don't engage with me about my extra coffees and stuff, but I want to keep the egg. I need the favor of more eggs. But is it a favor or that's just what it used to be? Like you didn't get extra eggs on purpose. There's you know what two eggs look like too. I mean, is it also going to be a doctor? You should know what eggs look like. I didn't get extra eggs on purpose, but I also did because of course they gave me what, what they gave me at first, but then I realized I'm getting really good portions here.

Okay. And it's only like five 50. So now I got them every day. It's tough. But yeah, now they're. So basically it sounds like Courtney came up And the reason the manager got fired was they've given too many eggs And they weren't trying to sell different types of coffee so they couldn't upsell so you had So yeah, I might be the main reason yeah for the whole or mr. Hamilton There was nine or ten people that got too many eggs and by the the end of that, Courtney goes, our margins are fucked up. So the eggs are the problem.

Or the old manager was the problem. And you are now just living in a new world at this coffee shop. Because I don't know how on God's great earth we can go back to, hey Courtney, can you give me those extra eggs at the same price, stop chatting and just give me my coffee? This is what I think.

Okay. I think we're going to have to ask for an extra egg and pay for it. But I also think we've got to get to stop the coffee tasting, which is annoying. Are you attractive? Is she attracted to you, Dr. Hamilton? I can answer for him. Yes. She is, right?

Nine month old baby, a doctor. You're hot. She is right nine months old baby a doctor You're a doctor sit in a cafe, but I'm not talking to you. Give me some curling cream. I don't know I don't know that's a that's a well, what's the vibe? Yeah, I mean Jake come on. Are you a fucking home? The vibe is she's talking to me about a lot of is she doing she doing this to everybody? This is an interesting point Gareth. You know that's a good question. By the time I get my coffee and actually finally get over to my little nook in the corner, I am not paying attention. But maybe I should. I don't think she is. And this is what I would think. I feel like you're leading us down a road. Here's what I think. I think the way to stop the coffee testing,

this is the only, the pitch I have for the coffee testing is this. You go in there on a day where you don't have to go in to work with your wife and your kid. And when she offers you the coffee, your wife says, you're doing lactose? I told you no milk. You make her be the bad cop for part of this.

Just change the vibe of that relationship on the a side. Okay, so I think that's a way to shut it down I'm just make it awkward enough So when you go back in there, she's not gonna feel comfortable offering you a weird coffee can come can I pitch on that? Yes, of course spit take You're pitching that he does a spit. Yes. She gives you a coffee that she tries. You go, ew, what is this? She goes, hazelnut. And you go, it's disgusting.

A spit take. It's true. And you go, can I get a napkin to clean it up? And she goes, yeah, is everything OK? You go, I ordered coffee. I'm so sorry. That was disgusting. It made me want to barf.

Or an allergy. The biggest problem with the coffee testing guinea pig situation is that I just want a 16 ounce cup of coffee and if it tastes better or worse some days than others, I don't really care. I just want coffee. But isn't she giving you like She'll give me like half a cup

and then she'll give me like, she'll say, try this and then come back and get the dark roast after. Wait, what? I don't know how to end me to be like, no, just give me what I want. So I'm going to go back to Gareth's other thing. Are you sure she's not flirting with you? She's got to be. Because this feels like such a move of like, so that you go back, it's like the cute bartender

who's like, you go, can I get a beer? I'm not sure. I mean, she could, I mean, she's not, she's probably around my age. I haven't seen a man or a woman. You haven't seen a man or a woman? That would be a potential partner for her. So I don't know. Jake, when you let out your ponytail, do you do like a slow shake and does it like be the beautiful waves kind of going in the air? Does it bead? And does she just kind of look at you and gets a like a slow shake and does it like be there the beautiful waves kind of going in the air? And does she just kind of look at you and gets a little sweaty. This is why the wife come on

Just are you hot? Are you hot? Are you hot? I? Guess take do it. Yeah, I don't know take a goddamn picture yourself right now and email it to Kevin and we'll keep talking But then we have to have a look in this yes we are okay he's hot he doesn't know he's hot because if well this is gonna decide how serious this is very serious and I'll tell you why because what this might be is it might be a situation of you're making her day a lot better because she likes flirting with you and thinks you guys have a thing and you come in and she might be like he's here every day day. I mean, I courted my wife, she was a day bartender,

and I went to every single one of her shifts. And so, on those- Such a creep. Thanks. You court, oh, that's a good way to put it. But what I did when I would go in there is we would do little things, and we would have this little game that took months.

And so she might think you guys are in a little flirty thing that makes her mornings better, and she might think you guys are in a little flirty thing that makes her mornings better and she might think you're going, Oh my God, here I am. Just a guy. I'm so busy being a doctor. I didn't even realize what kind of coffee I like. And she's really teaching me a lot. New pitch. Yeah. You wear a wedding ring? Usually, yes, but I'm extremely forgetful. Okay, sweet. So, so I can't guarantee it's on every day. Here's a new recommendation You're gonna go in there with your air pods in and you're gonna pretend like you're on the phone

I like this a lot. Okay, you're distracted when you walk in I don't have air pot whatever Whatever you hold the goddamn phone to your ear. Like it's the 80s. Okay, hold on. Okay. Okay. Do you have facetime? Yes, I have facetime. It's also what do you do you have headphones that you use for your phone? It's not air pods. Uh, no Okay, it's just the crazy This PC has been six years ago. Just I get it. You're in the hell and you're in it The world just left me behind again. I understand you're in it. You're in it We're gonna need you're gonna need to get just a fucking fake pair of headphones. You're in it. You're in it.

You're going to need to get just a fucking fake pair of headphones or a prop. You're going to walk in there. No, Gareth. He can do this. He can do this. What if I'm discovered with a prop though? Then you're insane. Then, then, then.

No, but Gareth. Then it might get really weird. Jake, you're right. Well, hold on. How about this? Let me pitch on Gareth's pitches to clean this up a little bit. My pitch isn't even done, but go ahead. I know.

Go ahead then. No, no. Bring the notes in. It's okay. No, because you were getting really intense about the fake Air Pods in, we're gonna have a guy wearing like little fake things in his ears, it's gonna get caught. Little fake things that he's gonna get caught. I was kind of excited to hear how crazy this would get. If he has Air Pods in, imagine me walking in

and being like, uh-huh, okay, yeah, that's great. Hey, can I just actually get the regular coffee? I'm not on a call. Okay, I think what we need to do is I mean Sheila has the the pie charts relax and uh okay great thank you and you walk away nobody's gonna rip it out of his ear and be like talking yeah so but not only work one time yeah so but also are you saying that are you gonna pretend he's talking to his wife or he's no he's on a work call so here's where I'm going

with it I would maybe can you ever your wife's probably not gonna want at seven in the morning to go to a cafe especially with the baby but maybe you can be FaceTiming with her while you're ordering and like this so that she's on there and you're planning it and then you go like hey one second I'm so sorry can I just get a coffee in the same egg thing and then you go okay honey what were we saying oh my god and then yes you're so busy on this FaceTime with your wife and baby news that Courtney just goes really quickly,

and if she goes, try this, you go, I'm so sorry, can I just get the 16 ounce coffee? Oh, here's what we could do, Jake. Take it to go once so that you go, hey, can I just get a 16 ounce coffee, blah, blah, blah, the same thing I always get to go this time. I'm in a hurry, and you go, I know I'm always here I'm always in a hurry to get back to my wife and my kid. The 16 ounce to go is great.

I think it solves our coffee problem. Right? Yes, because she can't, but it doesn't solve our egg problem, but I think it solves our coffee problem. What do you think, Jake? I think it's worth a try. I think, I'm worried that it's going to go back to the same dynamic when I don't take it to go, but it's worth a try. I think, I'm worried that it's gonna go back to the same dynamic when I don't take it to go, but it's worth a try.

But how about this, Jay, we like, But maybe, you're saying basically just make it a little bit of a colder interaction. There's gotta be ways, yes, to seem like you don't have time for this. And signal that I'm married. At this point, it's just you don't have time for this. I think it's too.

Okay. Because I think you're right about the time. I want this woman to know that you're married with a baby. I want this woman to know that- We think you're hot. That you- I thought you saw a photo. Thank you. And that you don't have time for this.

I want both of those at the same time. Yeah. And then the egg thing, I think, is the second thing. Once we start getting the coffee, and if she says, drink half of this and come back to me I need you to confront yeah I need you to say I'm so sorry I have so much I've got work to do can I just get a 16 ounce black coffee. You just want the caffeine yes you don't want any of the extra fixings because you need the caffeine for work and I think that's okay to say I do you could say it with a smile but just just say like, I'm really sorry.

Can I just get the 16 ounce and she'll go like, oh, yeah, of course. You also could say you can give me a sample, but I need that 16 ounce coffee. Yes. Oh, that's good. What do you think? I like that. I like that. There we go.

I give her the option to be flirty. Yes. Yeah. But also gets me my coffee. He knows he's hot. It's just really, I don't care if she flirts with me. I just want my coffee. That's it.

That's what you say. That's right. We've got that option. Now, let's get to the egg business. Okay, that's great. Yeah. That's a little more complicated. Well, it might not be.

She gives you the thing, it's only two eggs. You go, oh, I think there used to be more eggs here. Right? She says, I know he used to give you four, but it's two. And then put a look on your face like, okay, whatever. And then go, how much for an extra egg? Can I throw you an extra? Do you want extra money? Do you want more money for that? How do we do that? Because you're basically saying I'm used to eating four eggs. I got a crazy pitch. Okay. She cuts, she cuts she's gonna if we think she's gonna cut your eggs down. She has okay I actually have information she has

Okay, I have got I love our show go ahead toast a couple I I've gotten eggs. I told you I go there every day. Yeah, they're actually a few times Yeah, so I've gotten eggs and toast a couple of times and the egg portions were a little bit smaller, a little bit, just enough to where I wouldn't have noticed unless she had said that, but it's been consistently smaller. So now I can then- She cut at least an egg out.

Okay. That she cut it. Here's what we're gonna do. You, in the morning, for the next week, are gonna put in Tupperware two scrambled eggs. And you're going to go in there. Oh, this is actually great. Well, you're going to go in there, and when they put the eggs in front of you,

you're going to very clearly take out your egg Tupperware and put it on your plate with your eggs. This is great. Okay? They're going to see this. It's going to spur a conversation. Of weirdness. Yes. Sir, you can't do that. Sir, why are you doing it? Something like that. Yes. And you're going to say, I used to get more and I need the four eggs for my breakfast.

And then you also say this, I'm sorry, I'm a PhD. I'm so tired. I'm a young kid. I go, I just, I love this place. I don't want to stop coming, but I'm used to getting the four eggs. Believe me, I want your eggs, but I don't want to be a pain about it. Exactly. And you go, but I'm used to the 16 ounces of black coffee.

I'm used to this and I'm used to spending $5.40. Feature of consistency. And you go, it's one of the most annoying parts about me. Ask my wife. Yes. But I need everything the same. But I didn't want to put you out. Jake, let us ring the goddamn bell.

I think Garrett nailed it with that. What do you think, Jake? Fuck. Jake, listen. It's awkward, but you've got to run through the fire. I think if I'm going to do that, it might be easier to just break down in tears when they bring me out my eggs. Just kind of bumble out. Here's what I'm going to say.

But hold on, Gareth. I got to jump in here to defend your honor. My guy Gareth gave you what I consider a home run. Thank you, Jay. This has been a hard call. It was a hard one. From the beginning. Not you, us. But it's like a low outside curve ball. I was looking, honestly, to ground out,

and afterwards I was going to say we made solid contact. I was going to pitch next, wear a shirt that says, don't fuck with my eggs Yeah, I like four eggs and just go let's just get out of this Gareth created something where all of a sudden we're putting this idea that you're a weird creature of habit But you don't want to put anybody out, but you have Tupperware you get your meal Then you just very quietly put your eggs on it She sees it and goes like huh next? Next time she goes to the chef

Just give that one guy four eggs. Why he's a weirdo It's it's just better than crying. It's better than It just shows that you don't want to be an inconvenience You don't want to be rude, but they're going to have to ask you what's up. And if they don't they're going to see it Yes, so jake But they're going to have to ask you what's up. And if they don't, they're going to see it. Yes. So Jake, now we're at the point of this show. So we go to you. What are you going to do?

It's okay. Whatever you think. So I think the idea of just if she wants to play with me and coffee, then I think the idea of just Telling her as long as I get my my 16 ounce cup. I'm willing to do anything. Okay. I'm good They're great. Definitely gonna do that knock that one down Next that that one was a home run. We're batting a thousand there the second at bat regarding the eggs You know the only concern well, that's not the only concern, but one of the main concerns is cold scrambled eggs are kind of nasty. But Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake,

no, he's not wrong. But Jake, here's what you got to remember. That is not the final part of the plan. You're going gonna have to eat cold eggs for a week in order for us to get you the four hot for the rest of the time. Run a mile to the block. To walk a block. So we are, this is not the final solution. This is just how you're saying to them.

They have to see me take them out? Yes. Yes. If not, what's the point? Well, how many people are in there in the morning?, how many people are in the bathroom or a back alley? It's not like Coke. So how many people are in there when this day starts? No one when I get there.

So the time I order food is usually about eight thirty. And there's people. OK, I think we're going to be I think you just you don't need to make a big show of it. But you need just like, you know, when you know when you put your change in the tip jar You want them to see it? You know Eric Edelstein brings vegan cheese to Mexican restaurants. It's tough to hear Jake any pitches on how we get him to stop doing that or How can I fit more cheese in my pocket? Yeah, I go sure So Jake I you know I think on this one, that's our advice.

We hope you take it. If not, I think it's time we got to start moving on to the next call. I think, Jake, and I'm not saying it because it's from us, I think you should try it because I think if someone takes notice of you doing this a couple times, something is going to change. I agree. In a good way. I agree. So, that's it. We want to know, so you let us know if this worked at all. And if you do something else, call in anyhow. Let us know. Okay. Alright. So now before we go, what are you actually gonna do next time you go into this coffee shop? Egg-wise. Everything-wise. Well, it's going to be tomorrow.

I'm going to order coffee. If she tells me she wants me to try a concoction, I'm going to say, I'm happy to try that along with my 16-ounce cup. Perfect. Done. Then you get the plate of food and it doesn't have a lot of eggs. I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to hard boil eggs and I'm going to bring them in and I'm going to be eating one when they bring me my plate.

Jake, I got to be honest. I love you. I didn't see that coming. It's so close to what we pitched, but crazier. But crazier. That's not going to work. What we want them to see is we want them to see the product.

He's directly solving the problem when we give him the food. If you're eating a hard boiled egg. Not, hey, we got an egg stowaway weirdo over here. I'll tell you what, if I'm Courtney and I see you eating a hard boiled egg, I don't take it personally. I go like this, I've never seen that in my life.

Yeah, I go, I don't know if that's a problem. I just don't get it. I've never in my life seen somebody, I go I go. I don't know if that's a problem I just don't I've never in my life seen some weird or eggs while eating a hard well we're taught it's when you put it years Never seen it in my life. Did you go? Okay? That's okay, buddy, however you want to handle like yeah, can I get an egg sandwich? Are you eating hard-boiled eggs? Yes, I am here you go. No charge. I'm married currently already, but I'm not wearing a ring. Yeah So if you do it Jake it's gotta be Garrett Garrett is right It's gotta be so close to the pitch yeah

What is the difference with a hard-boiled and a scrambled because you hated the scrambled, but you want to do a hard-boiled? Uh, I love our show. Hardboiled are just transportable. It's the same topper where my kid... What are you gonna do? Just put two eggs like you got extra nuts in your pants? This is madness. It's not easier to... What are you gonna put it in? What, a plastic bag? There's something weird about what, Jake? I think there's something... something feels weird about just like...

like pouring pre-scrambled eggs onto... Alright, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake. Hold on, hold on. Let's meet in the middle, okay? Chop up the hard boiled egg? When they drop off your scrambled eggs breakfast, take the two hard boilers and put them on

the plate. Yeah, I'm fine with that. You can also cut them up. Yes. Make it like a salad. Have them peeled before you go in and put the two hard boilers on the plate. How about this, how about this? Let's meet in the middle here, Jake. How about this? You make hard boiled eggs, right?

Have them peeled, then just take a knife and chop them into little pieces. On the plate. Yes, but you can also do that before if you want. Sure, yeah, yeah, but when you go in, you're putting extra eggs on the plate. That's what we're looking. That's the whole point of this.

I see, I see, no. It has to be on the plate. Yes So I'm taking it. It seems almost like a power move. It is a power You're solving that you're telling them you're telling them you're gonna be a doctor. Yeah, this is gonna be a problem You're telling them. Oh Problem allow me to self solve. I'm not a pain in the ass rather than exactly two eggs. Then I eat two eggs. Yeah, exactly. You're, you're, you're letting them know that there used to be a better system that you depend on.

You are happy to stay, but you are going to fill your sandwich with four eggs. Okay. Well, well put. Oh, but all right. Now, Jake, why don't hold on? Go on the plate. Jake, you walk us through what you're Eggs go on the plate. Yes. Jake?

Eggs go on the plate. You walk us through what you're going to do tomorrow morning and then we're going to need you to call back ASAP. Yeah. Maybe like in an hour. This has been insane. So, Jake, what are you going to do? The floor is yours.

Take us out of here, King. All right. I'm going to go in tomorrow. I'm going to order a 16-ounce coffee and I'm going to be firm on getting that 16 ounce coffee and doing whatever else in addition to that, not instead of that. Yeah. And that's not rude. No.

That's real. You're totally in a money zone. Okay. Then you order your thing, you get the plate, you notice it's fucking missing. Well, I already actually messed up because before I leave in the morning, I'm going to hard boil eggs. Okay. Yeah, okay.

Or the night before. Before I leave, I have to hard boil eggs. Okay. I'm going to bring those with me. So then about 830, when I usually order my food, I'm going to get the eggs out. When they put the plate down, I'm going to immediately put the eggs on the plate, cut them both in half, look up and say thank you and smile and start eating. Yes.

Perfect. And also the adding of the thank you, really sweet, really weird, but great. Yes. You're going to come off great in this. This reminds me of the book club lady who had the end of saying- I feel like being weird is almost part of the power move. The weirder I am, the more they might not want to like fuck with me, you know? Well, I don't know if we need to bring...

Listen, we want... we love you. We want to go. But no, you're not trying to come off as like, crazy. Don't touch the weirdo. Let him eat his fucking home eggs. You're just saying they don't give you enough eggs. I'm a sweetie pie. I want more eggs. Who just wants his consistency.

I want four eggs. So price it too to see you put it Yeah, I may as well just throw the eggs at them. No just thank them Yes, let them see your behavior. Someone will go what the hell's going on. That's when you go I love the four eggs. I miss the four eggs, but I don't want to be a squeaky. So one last time Jay Okay, take us out. What are you gonna gonna do I'm gonna go in order my coffee be firm about getting 16 ounces of coffee before I do anything else there concerning coffee great I'm gonna order eggs and toast and when the eggs and

toast come out I'm gonna put two two harbored eggs on the plate immediately, begin cutting into them, and say thank you. And then I'm going to start eating. Great. And by the way, if nothing happens, do this for a few days. Yeah. And then if there's nothing there, call us back. We'll try something else if it doesn't work.

Yep. This is our A option. Sounds good. All right. Okay. Thanks, Jake. You keep us posted, goddammit. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Thank you. Keep us posted. God damn it Okay, sounds good. All right, Jake. Thanks a lot. Go get him Oh And ladies and gentlemen, let's remind you we I went into a little gilby cannon there an accident

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Get 10% off your order at hero.co and use code HELP at checkout. That's H-E-L-P at H-E-R-O dot C-O. Hero bread! Hey everyone, it's the shark. The original call from this next follow-up aired on July 22nd. It's called Your Eyes Won't Believe What They Chainsaw, and it is the third call from that episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher go for it. Enjoy. Hello. Hi there. Welcome to the show. This is your second time calling I believe, correct? Yes, that's right. Okay, you're a follow-up. So can we get your name and then just remind us what the initial problem was please. Yeah so my name is Kira and I was dealing with a guy that we were calling

Chin Rash. Oh yeah Chin Rash. And we talked about doing skincare routine for him to see if it fixed it. He had a inexplicable chin rash that we couldn't figure out. He gave you the chin rash? Yes. Every time they kissed, she got a gnarly rash. And you had him shave, you'd still get the chin rash. Right. So we were going to have you do a flirty thing where when he comes over, you say, sit down, do a whole skin care and then see what happens. So what the hell happened? So he came over and I was trying to get him to do the skin care.

He's like, why do you want to do that so bad? And I couldn't convince him to do it. And so I finally told him, I was like, look, I went on this podcast. They told me to do it. We should do it. I told him about it. He thought the whole thing was hysterical. That like, he wanted to tell everybody he knew, he thought it was so funny.

Yeah, let's do the skincare. So we do the skincare. He won't let me film it. He's being all weird. Fair. And because you guys asked me to film it, I couldn't film it. Yeah, no, I get it. I get it.

We ask. Nobody wants to be a rash guy. Yeah. Right. Right. So we do it. Unfortunately, I do still get a rash. My face may be the worst I've ever gotten.

Actually, it was kind of wild. Weird. Um, but, but then he was like going on a boy's trip, like a few days after that. I barely hear from him until he leaves. Never heard from him again. I think I weirded him out with the podcast. Wow. What a turns.

This isn't sour Garf. No, it isn't. It's because, well no, it's, go ahead. Let me tell you how sometimes we run a mile to go a block. Akira, he wasn't the right guy. You're right. He gave you a disgusting rash. Imagine that in your life.

You want to live with a face rash? Well and you're not the first person to go through the rash and dash. No. This happens. So guess what? You didn't have to say I'm dumping you, but you did say I'm dumping you by saying your face is gross. Let me skin care you.

I called a podcast because your face is gross. You dumped him. Am I wrong, Karen? Right? You're not wrong, but okay, so Kira, did you tell him the name of the podcast? I did. He was like checking it out. That's why I'm a little shocked because he seems to think it was so funny and he was so excited. All right. How about this? How about this really fast? My man, if you're listening, Colin, email the shark and we're going to get your side of it.

I think it's okay. So how long ago was this that you haven't heard from him? When was that? Like how long has it been? It's been a few weeks. So I was gonna say, I have this theory, he was going on a boy's trip and he told me he was gonna tell all his friends about it. So I have a theory, he thought it was funny. He goes on this trip, tells his friends about it. They're like, dude, what the fuck, that is so weird.

And now he won't talk to me. I don't know, you know, I kinda, here's what I really think happened. I think he did have fun with it. The dust settled a little bit and he went, seems like it's not working. I'm giving her a rash. She's wanting to skincare me. She's going on a podcast. There's a lot of fish in this sea and maybe my face chemistry and somebody

else's just works better. And I think he said, great gal, a lot of fun. But let's jump, let's rub faces with somebody else. He's doing you both a favor. You're right. That's what I was going to ask. Like, if let's say that you kept getting this rash, could you have stayed in this? It's insane. If you don't know that was the whole, like, it's just unfortunate because he did have a good personality and you only meet so many of those. But I, I don't know.

It was going to be a conversation. It was going to be a conversation. Rewind, rewind. Somebody tell me if I'm wrong. Wasn't the first call, you liked them, but it wasn't that serious? Yeah. Why are you rewriting history that you lost Prince Charming? But you can't say, you know what, this restaurant's fine, but the spaghetti is only okay. But it's close to me and it's convenient.

And then it closes down and you go like, it was the best spaghetti. That unfortunately is the dating world. But now you already gave a review a seven out of 10. Oh yeah. No, but listen, you eat cold SpaghettiOs when, when you can't have them anymore. You're like, that was a fine Italian, a pasta because it's gone. And you're just like, ah, it was good. So to the boyfriend who disappeared.

Yeah. The ration dash. Feel free to reach out to the show, man. Yeah, by the way, she doesn't have a rash on her chin anymore. So guess whose fault it was. Here, we appreciate the call. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds to show us produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeon.

Our social media director is Kaitlyn Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's oliverralli.com. The album artwork is by James Faustike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Faustike. D I K E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds dot com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland.

You can find him on Instagram at P A D D Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at Patreon dot com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like to be on episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash your to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.