We're Here to Help - 113: Started Really Good and Ended Really Gareth

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a bathroom break during a romantic getaway and how to respond to an annoying nickname. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back! Showtime. Jake, Jake, should we tell people what the look is right now and can we peel back the curtain a little bit and tell them what, why don't you walk people through the, what are you wearing? No, Gareth. Can I tell them? Jake's wearing a T shirt and a towel.

I told you that before we started. But you just have a real good look. Well, and you're fresh out the shower. And you just, and I will say, I would, I don't mean to accuse you of having a fetish, but you could have put shorts on. There was time. I mean, I signed to put shorts on. I signed on.

Well, here's the reality. I got on the zoom and you said, what is that? Look, what are you a greaser? I said a grease monkey like a grease monkey. Yeah. And I looked at myself in the zoom and I thought, yeah, it's not great. So by the way, you as a greaser, they'd be like, hey, old man, no Gross. All right. Listen, I got a little first of all weight shark. How's the weight? Are you heavy? Are you holding?

Uh, I weighed myself yesterday for the first time since the weigh-in. Yeah put on Sev. Wow You know, you're not a heavy guy man. You're just fine. I think you got extreme with the 180. Now get to a natural fight and weight. Yeah, I feel like I'm in the sweet spot now. You're just fine. We don't need him fighting though, Jake. No. Okay.

Fighting, weight. Yeah, everything to him is a silly little silly little fantasy league he's joined where he... Wait, well, cause you're playing a lot more tennis. When was the last time you wrestled with Gus in the fake locker room? Man, you are gunning with that curly hair today cutie. I Did the perm mess with your brain? Stop it grease monkey cuz you look really cute. Is that what we're going for stop because I can sit here and just take it But is that what we're going for it? You're a giant am the only I am knuckleheading harder than you today and

sure you put on weight yeah you're fat Jake you look bad I'm and at a certain point what are we going here for with this look are we going for cute KWT yeah we're going for cute rather than funny yeah I would say your brand's funny but go for cute unless you get older you get less sharp So I gotta lean into the lead. I'm trying to lean into everything. Hey in terms of life No, no, no, no, no, no, no shirt This is

Everybody without further ado enjoy wait wait. No, I got to promote my stand updates real quick So a little ado real quick. if you are in Denver, Colorado, I will be at ComedyWorks at Greenwood Village this weekend, the 12th through the 14th, then I'll be in San Diego the 18th, then Bakersfield the 20th, Manchester, Connecticut the 24th, Albany, New York the 25th, Syracuse the 26th, that's all September. Without further ado, Jakesy Greasewood. Hi. How are ya?

I'm good. Without further ado, Jake's a Chris Winkie. Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? Good. We're excited to have you on the show. You're going to save the day for us. You're going to give us a call that we're going to get really excited about.

So can we start and can we get your name? My name is Allie. Allie. And where are you calling from, Allie? Minneapolis, Minnesota. Minneapolis. And can you tell us something about yourself that might surprise us a little bit? Ooh, I'm really into rollerblading. That's cool.

That'll do it. That'll do it, Allie. Allie, Minnesota, you like rollerblading. What's the problem today? Tell us what you think we need to hear. Tell us what you wanna tell us and then end it with a specific question if you don't mind. Okay.

So I am going on a weekend trip this upcoming weekend with a guy and I've never done like a weekend trip away with a guy before. Okay. So, just thinking about, you know, like expectations and everything. But my main question, how do I get him to leave the room so that I can poop without him knowing? Oh, Ali. Yeah, that makes sense.

Ali, Ali makes sense. Allie, Allie, as a man who's stayed in a lot of hotels, this, this is an, a, this is a beautiful question. Yeah. So Allie walk us through this a little bit. So this is your first time taking a, a trip with a man. Is this your first big relationship? Yes. Okay.

All right. Do you have any idea what the rooms have you looked online to see what the room setup is? Yes, so the first night we're staying at a hotel. Okay, that'll be a little trickier. It will get a solution. You do? Yeah. Quick pause. Wait, quick pause before we go. What's the hotel room solution? Share room bathroom in the same spot? Well, you want me to solve this one right away? I mean, we could just, we could milk it, but I can just tell you the solve right now. Allie, you're looking at it all wrong, sister. You're thinking, how do I get him out of the room to drop a deuce?

My dear. No, no, no. You need to leave the room to drop the deuce. Okay. They've got a lobby bathroom. There's a bathroom in the gym. You're going to do one of two things. You're going to say at some point, you're going to get a little peckish and you're going

to say, hey, I'm going to run downstairs. I'm going to grab us some Pringles or something like that. Do you want anything? Make it so very much so that he feels very secure in the fact that you're going alone. You're going to go down there. You're going to run like hell. You're going to run to the shitter. You're going to get the deuce out of you as fast as humanly possible.

You're going to hope it's a ghost or you're going to give it a quick wipe. Then you're going to go to the ghost or you're hoping it's very little residue. So it's just a quick, you know, a quick hit or not one where you keep wiping and going, what the hell's going on back there? This is nuts. I'm sorry. I'm just like, you asked, then you're going to go to the front. You're going to get a can of Pringles. You're going to get something else. You're going to pay for it. Obviously this is adding a little bit of time. Right. So you're prepared to go back up there with the story that when you were down there purchasing,

there was someone in front of you purchasing some stuff and they could not get their credit card to work. OK, this started really good. It ended really Gareth. Well, so. So, Ali, what I will say, which I love, because you can also just say, like, you're going to take a call or go do something.

Sure. I love the idea of early on the lobby, the gym, make it easy on yourself for the hotel. Well, what do you think of that as an idea of, I mean, don't shit where you have sex with your boyfriend as a sane. Right. Right. What do you think of that?

I will say it does take me a little while. sex with your boyfriend as a sane. Right, right. What do you think of that? It does take me a little while. I get a little bit of stage fright when I'm not at home. All right. I got a pitch on that. I respect. What is it? You're going to go to the gym to work out. Okay. And you're going to put on your workout clothes and you're going to go down there and you're probably not going to work out. Your workout is going to be- But you will come back sweaty because of the stage fright. You will come back having pulled the muscle. Yeah

Yeah, you're gonna go down there and do that But the time in which she's so but what you're saying is you like to be in your own bathroom It takes you a minute. Yes. Now, let me ask you a question about this This gentleman yours. How long you guys been together a few months Few is in three or few as in eight? Like three. Three, okay.

And how old are you? What age are we talking? I'm 30. 30, and how old is this guy? He's 37. 37, okay. So, I gotta say, 37 years old, that's a lot different than a 21-year-old guy.

Oh yeah. He understands the way the body works. He's not, just like you're not, you're not excited to hear him in there and hear the sounds that come creeping out from under the door. You're not fired up about it. But you do get it. Well. Go ahead.

Well you do, if you want to, listen, I think it's, you want a couple of these trips before you're introducing the fact that, you know, food also comes out of us. I would say I disagree. I would say I like to believe we're all made of magic for the first year. And then you realize we're made of waste. The other move. OK, the other move. And this is tricky in its own right.

OK, the other move is that it's time for you to shower. You go in there, you run the shower, you drop the deuce, but then- It takes her a while. And also, you're going to be dealing with a strange flush sound. You're acknowledging that something else is happening there besides a shower. That's why I pitched the gym. Can I ask a question on the question, Allie? Of course.

Is it the fact that you're taking a dump? Is it the post-dump smell? Or is it the sounds that could come out? If you had to get specific, which what is the nightmare of this? Because I get it. You're not on an island with this concern. Yeah, I'd say the sound.

OK. I don't disagree with that at all. Because the sound would be, the sound or the smell would be. I agree. But the idea that somebody's going in there, fine. But you know they're sitting on the other side just trying not to laugh because they can hear everything. I don't think that's true. I think that's what we all think is happening.

I think he's watching, you know, he's watching like Bar Rescue or something like that. But how about this, Gareth? How about this, Gareth? Ali goes, hey, I gotta hit the bathroom. And he goes like, great. And in the background, you hear Taffer going like, I'm the, I'm scarier than the Super Bowl or whatever that means. You got fruit flies in your liquor bottles.

And then there's some guy in a little cute cap being like, I'm a mixologist. But here's what you don't want to have happen. While he's watching it in the background, you hear. Pfft. No. So there is a, you know what, and then you come out there and go like this, what crazy thing did

Jon Taffer do this time? And he's like, I'm not worried about Taffer anymore. Yeah. Someone's got a rescue. Exactly. I'm shutting you down, Ali. Exactly. You're going to kill somebody. You just became the before version and I need Taffer here to replace you.

Oh, man. So what about this? And look, is it cool? No. But will it work? Yes. And that is you bring a sound machine from your phone in the bathroom. Okay. I mean, I'm, I'm just pitching you, Ali, cause we need you to win here. So I think Gareth gave you something really interesting.

And that is what you could say. And I find this, I wouldn't do the lie. I wouldn't do the weird running around sweaty with Pringles and coming back. It's going to be a Gareth ending and I don't think you want. I don't love the term Gareth ending. It's going to be great. You're going to come back up with Pringles. So sweaty and be like, so here's what happened.

There was a tornado in the lobby and then somebody has credit card. It's only if he says something. I agree. But how about this? What do you think of this as an idea? I'm going to go to the hotel lobby for a little bit. Do you want anything? And he goes, why?

And you go, I'm going to go to the bathroom and I don't want to do it while you're in the room. And he'll go, oh, that's fine. And go, this isn't up for debate. I'm going to do what I'm going to do. I've had the privacy of my own hotel. Okay. I've had this version too. And this is a workable version.

This is if you want I to me, I would want the one to two trip buffer before we introduce this, but I think you are within your rights. I think you are within your rights to say so we're spending a couple days together. I am going to have to go to the bathroom. So at some point I might say to you, go take a walk. So I feel comfortable.

I think that but also you know, the same thing is is you don't want to be around while he's going to the bathroom, right? Yes, correct. So you could create something fun and that is the equivalent of putting a sock on the door in college. If you're having sex, I did that when I was pooping. But go ahead. Did you know? But the idea of it that you could do is you could say,

we are going to create a thing here, and that is we're not going to call it what it is. We're going to say, I might need to meditate in the room by myself for a while because I'm so spiritual. You mind taking off for a little bit? And the other one will go, I guess I'll use this as an opportunity to go to the gym so you can meditate. You're such an amazing person, right?

It doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be, get out here so I can drop heat into the toilet bowl. You could say, I'm gonna read about the history of our great nation, I'm gonna meditate. I had one, I was the, a girl who I ended up dating for a while was at my place and we were hanging out and she was like it had been established she was going to spend the night. And then at like 1130, she's like, all right, well, I should get going.

And I'm like, what? He's like, I got to go. And I go, what do you mean? Did she goes, I got a I got to go to court. She goes, I got to go to court in the morning. And I go, what do you mean? And she goes, I have jury duty. And I go, how is go to court. She goes, I gotta go to court in the morning. And I go, what do you mean? And she goes, I have jury duty. And I go, how has this not come up?

I was completely missing it. I go, how has this not come up? And she goes, I just have to do jury duty. And I was genuinely like hurt. And like 20 minutes into this conversation, she goes, I have to take a shit. And then, and then so what we started. So Garrett, you dated you.

So then what we started doing was, if one of us had to take a shit, we would go, I have to go to court in the morning. That's so funny. So I think that, by the way, Allie, I think, I think we've fallen onto the win and that is you, you gotta bring it up. You get, how do you feel about bringing it up to even get to this discussion? Does that make you feel weird? No, I think it's, I feel like it's fair. After a few months, you can at least say it, but

I like the idea of like, very duty or something or calling it something else. Yeah. You know, you, you got it. So you've got to do something. And then what do you face time with the president and what do you think the other person does while that happens? Do you want the other person to leave the room? Do you want the other person to put headphones on? Hmm. Right. Because I feel like leave the room. I like leave the room. You do. OK.

What kind of hotels it is a little shady for you if he's like, I got to do jury duty at 1 a.m. and you're like, just take a dump, man. Go outside the hotel. Sorry, I had some bad wings. I got to do jury duty again. You're like, it take a dump, man. Go outside the hotel. Sorry. I had some bad wings. I got to do Jerry duty again. You're like, it's not safe.

I'd rather hear you fart, man. Or it's going to be great if he's like, I'm going to go get some Pringles. Yeah, exactly. Somebody, there was a tornado. Um, but what do you, okay. You know, we've given you some thoughts, Allie, what do you think you're going to do here?

You know, I think I'm, I think I'm going to come up with something to talk about it without having to talk about it and then have the other person leave the room just to be respectful and keep some sort of spark of romance alive. Let's do a practice with you and me. What's your guy's name? We'll call him Dave. Dave, I'm'll call him Dave. Dave, I'm going to be Dave, you be you.

And let's see how you pull this off and I'm going to try to not joke it up. I'm not just trying to keep it very real. That's why I got cut out of this. Just so you know. Okay. That's a fact. I want to hear how she does it. Room service might arrive towards the end. Just so you know. I think that's okay. Okay. Uh, Hey Dave. know. I think that's okay. Okay. Hey, Dave. Yeah, what's happening?

Yeah. I was just wondering, you know, I feel like I need a little time by myself, you know, maybe meditate, sit with my thoughts a little bit. How do you feel about maybe just, you know, doing a couple laps outside or just getting some fresh air and I can kind of text you when I'm ready for you to come back. What? Is everything okay? Yeah, I mean. Have I done anything?

I'm literally just sitting here watching Bar Rescue. No, no. Do you want me to turn it down? You're great. I put headphones on. No, we're having a good time. I just- Agreed.

I made a great time with you. I know. I just, I need a little bit of personal time just to take care of like, I'll be honest, bathroom stuff, but I just rather not call it that. I want to keep this a nice, fun, romantic weekend. Okay. Al, can I jump in? This is Jake.

Yeah, this is Jake and Dave. On behalf of Dave. This is Jake on behalf of Dave. I think you got to set it up right before you start it. Okay. I think you got to say, hey, on this upcoming trip, rather than talk about the bathroom,

I don't think you could just say, hey man, can you scram for a little bit? I'm going to meditate. I think he has to know the plan. Allie. I think he's got to be in on it. Right. Okay.

What that felt to me as Dave, I was like, either she hates me, something's happening or I'm going to come back and it's a surprise birthday party. If I come back in the room, just smells like shit a little bit. I'm going to be disappointed. Hey, could you do some laps? Yeah, why? Just because Kenya, what we do just smells worse. Yeah. What did you do? Undo it. Whatever you meditated about your man.

What did you like? Do you is that you get so horrible incense? You meditated and smells like one match and a huge pile of shit. Your sage smells like shit. So, I think you've got it. See, that's what I went through when I was saying the court in the morning. I was like, it opened this conversation where I was like,

is everything okay? By the way, because I think you were right there. Yeah, I was. And you're like, I can't let you leave it. Are you, did something happen? And she's like, I have to go to jury duty tomorrow And I have to leave now and you're like you're acting insane She literally goes I have to take a shit here. I was like, ah, yeah, just say that

Yeah, so I only let's let's start with the bring up now this time Gareth your Dave and Ali let's see what happens with you. Just bring up the discussion about the trip and the shits to see if we can get to a clean place with that. Okay. All right. Whenever you get how much chemistry Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin used to have, how sitters a great movie.

Yeah. Hey Dave, I got to ask you something. Sure. Go ahead, babe. So really excited about our trip this weekend. Yeah Just I wanted to you know, it's a little a little ground rules that obviously we're both gonna need to use the bathroom at some point But instead of okay, you know like talking about it. I'm shocked. Dave didn't just say I don't take dumps I truly thought you were gonna say something like that.

Dave had a great start but now he's being serious. I've never had gas in my life. I don't have a bone hole. Just go grab Pringles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So keep going, Ely. So I was thinking, you know, if we need some time in the bathroom we could just say we're gonna meditate. We don't have to like, you know, bring it up, talk about it. You mean go to the bathroom to... Right. Right. Okay, so you want us to call that meditation? Can you just do that while I'm in there? Meditate while I'm in there? Honestly, one, it feels a little soon to do that in front of each other. And two, I don't know, I just I like to be able to do that knowing no one else is around.

I don't know. Do you have some sort of strange thing that comes out of you? I don't know, Ali. This isn't going the way I thought it was going to go. Why don't you and I, why don't you and I do it, Jake? Okay. Do you want to be Ali or Dick? Sure. I'll be Ali. Okay. All right. Ready? Yeah. Oh gosh. And by the way, I almost think we do this at the first hotel. I'll be Ali. Okay. All right. Ready? Yeah. Gosh. And by the way, I almost think we do this at the first hotel.

Oh, you do? So no setup. Maybe. Okay. Fair. I think maybe we're giving it a little too much. I think you might be right. Okay.

So we're at the hotel. So quickly, Ali, what's the trip about? What are you going to a wedding? You doing something or is it just a little vacation? A little vacation. Do some hiking. Fun. Okay. So you just came back from a really long hike.

Uh, alright, you just got back into the room. Really got my insides working. I think I might take a shower in a little bit. That was a great hike. That was really beautiful. That was really special. Do you want to maybe shower up and then do dinner? Yeah, that'd be great. There is just one thing. I didn't know how to actually address this, so I hope I'm not, you know, I'm not

trying to make anything strange. Everything's fine. Um, I know that I'm not even saying right now, but I know that at some point over the weekend, we both are going to have to go to the bathroom for a little longer than a P and, um, so I just for my own comfort just because this is our first time sharing space in this way I was thinking it would maybe be for me easier to do that if you could maybe just go to the lobby for 10 minutes just so I can have a minute alone ass what do you mean pass I'm not gonna sit in the lobby like a fucking hole you can go You can just go outside and make a phone call. You're just a sit in the hallway That's sitting in the hallway. I'm saying in the hallway like I threw you out of the ball

You're doing it the whole time is this is what I don't care. It's not it's not even about that And then just about what happens if I come back too early Don't have to think about how long you don't get text me. We have we have these things called cell phones So you'd be able to text me and say I'm ready. You're bringing it in the toilet? Yeah. You're acting like that's just an alley thing. That's a society thing.

So if you have people in society, why don't you do that? I don't bring a phone in a toilet room. Well, Dave, you're an outlier, and one of the things that I love about you is that you're an outlier. But one of the other things I love about you is how you nurture these needs. Fine, I'm kidding right now.

I'm gonna sit with the door open. Good. About animal. Good, because we're going hiking. I like animals. I've never been more attracted to you in my life. I'm going to go eat Pringles in the gym. So, Ali, this rarely happens on the show, but everything we're pitching, I'm not liking because I go back to Gareth on this one. I'm coming home to Gareth and I'm saying even if you do the lie

I don't think you do this talk is too early for me I would be weirded out if we went hiking and she came back and should like will you stand in the lobby for 40? Minutes while I take a dump. I'm like and do what just taking shit But I think if you did the move where you said hey I'm gonna run downstairs and grab some bottles of water for the vending machine. So we have it in the room We don't have to pay for it in here and he'll go I'll go with you and you go, you know I'm actually I'm gonna bring my phone. I'll go on I'll text you if anything's up and he goes sounds good and then you text them like You know get in the waters gonna hit the bathroom or whatever you're doing. I'm just down here for that

I'll be up in ten. He'll go sounds good and You just do the first trip Just be weird And look Look if he if he finds this to be weird It does open you a little more naturally to this conversation and then you jury duty it and then you do Okay, he said is oh D. Why but then says, and I am hearing that, I'm just not addressing it. No, I understand that you heard it. I saw you hear it and I also saw you move right

through it. I understand. I know it's about that. So what I will say is if this comes up into a talk, then that's a, the Gareth story with that girl is very charming. I mean, honest mean honest to God Gareth when she said the thing about jury duty and shit What was the thought you had you guys then made a game of it? Well, oh when she I said literally go I go go take a shit She just goes she goes I just I go I go I will shut that door and another door And I know you do your thing and no worries. Yes, but it became a charming thing. So I would almost say, Ali, weird out on this first one, make yourself comfortable, do what you need to do.

Think of Gareth when you're making up excuses. If you got to lie a little bit and you got stage fright and it took you 30 minutes and he goes, what happened? You go craziest thing. The there was a robbery and just make up the lie as you have time. It's even you will have time while you're sitting there You know doing your business a circus thing go town a circus. Yes, sir Down that there was the guy the guy at the front desk had a seizure while he was checking out my fingers I had never done it, but I fixed it what I fixed. Yeah

I went to one in his mouth. Anyway, they said that I could have the Pringles for free. So now, Allie, we've given you a bunch of ideas. Even though I balked on some of them, that doesn't mean you need to, obviously. So what do you think you're going to actually now do? Honestly, I feel like maybe it'll just be a talk about it and maybe it'll bring us closer. Maybe it'll just be a talk about it and maybe it'll bring us closer. Do you want to do a practice talk with Kevin? Because Kevin might be the best thing. So, Allie, will you do a practice talk with Kevin? No, Gareth. I have a BFA in theater.

A BFA in theater. Okay. So, this is a sharkFA in theater. Yeah, we know, we know. Okay, so this is a shark and Ali. Ali, will you just show us how it's gonna kinda go as real as it can go? Okay, okay. All right, let's see how this goes. All right, hey Dave.

Hey, how's it going? Hey, okay, so I have to be honest. Okay. I know we're gonna be away together for a whole weekend. And I was a little nervous about it just because, you know, obviously we both live alone, so we both have all of our alone time, whatever, but I just was a little nervous about,

you know, going to the bathroom in front of you. And just wondering like, you know, how we can go about about it just to make each other comfortable I guess I don't know how you feel about it but just makes me a little nervous do you have a do you want me to leave I mean if you're comfortable with that yeah that makes that might be the best when I have to go to the bathroom do you want me to leave? No, you can do it in the room. I can always go for a little walk or head to the lobby for a little bit.

I think we should both leave. You mean the relationship? Right now? I think we should both leave and never talk again. I'm going gonna go. I think you setting it up as like kind of a serious thing. It's very disarming to realize you're talking about taking a shit. I agree, by the way.

Yeah, it's starting very sweet and I was like, this is gonna work. And then it ended in the way they're ending where it feels weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's a weird conversation. I mean, it's it is just ending where it feels weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's a weird conversation. I mean, it's it is just kind of it's weird every relationship you have this thing where at some point you guys both kind of come out of the bathroom together and go, I poop. So, Ali, we have made you do stuff a few times, then constantly told you it was wrong. But Come home to Pringles,'re thinking of having the talk with them.

I think so. Maybe I'll try and crack a joke with it. Okay. So then why don't we do this? Why don't you please follow up with us after the talk before the trip? Absolutely. Okay. Because what we're all really hoping for is you went off great.

It was perfect. The trip is this weekend. Yeah, we leave Friday. Oh, I have an idea. Allie, you ever consider doing this talk via text? Oh, he's not like big into texting. He's, you know, older. He's 37.

We were having a great time with you. Shut up, Kevin. We were having a great time with you everything was good great we've roleplayed with pitch and now 37 is old I don't like it open the door open nearly 50 shut up Jake what what Jake said earlier you're 30 he's 37 I truly think he's gonna go yeah whatever you want I don't care like he's not 20 and he's he's 37. I truly think he's gonna go, yeah, whatever you want, I don't care. Like he's not 20 and he's gonna like freak out. I truly feel-

He's old. Yeah, he's an old man. He's an old, old man. He's so old, he's about nine years younger than Gareth. Shut up, Jake. I'm like, youth. So let's do this, Allie. Will you please, so you're gonna do it,

you're gonna have to talk with him on the trip or before? Probably on the trip. Okay. Will you try to do something if you're comfortable with it? And if you're not I get it Will you bring out your phone and record it as a voice note? I would love to hear This conversation that would be fucking awesome. However, and I I am This conversation that would be fucking awesome. However, and I, I am Ali as a person who has a podcast. Please do that. If he sees the recording, this whole thing gets a lot.

Now, I totally agree. So I would say, can we consider have you ever considered wearing a wire? Would you wear a wire? I mean, how about a lipstick? Can you would you do this after the talk? Maybe when he asks you to go take a lap or when you have a lipstick, Pam? Would you do this after the talk, maybe when he asks you to go take a lap or when you have a minute, will you make a video telling us how it goes?

That's a great idea. And then we could get the video and then we'll do a follow-up post-game with you as well. And would you also make the video if he leaves before you start going to the bathroom? Just the minutes away, I don't have a lot of time. Squandered the time before we launched the rocket. Ali, you're the best, we appreciate you.

Thanks, Ali. We think this is going to work for you. Best of luck. I agree. Thank you, guys. Thanks, buddy. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh, and ladies and gentlemen, let's remind you, I went into a little Gilby Cannon there on accident, but we are brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

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We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you.

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We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you. We're here to help you to We're Here to Help. What is your name? Where are you calling from? Age, problem, and last movie you loved? Oh, okay. My name is Eric. I'm calling from the Atlanta area.

I'm 26 and the last movie I loved. I just watched Legally Blonde for the first time ever, so that was good. So, I'm going to go ahead and start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie.

I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the first movie. I'm going to start with the Atlanta area. 26 and the last movie I loved. I just watched Legally Blonde for

the first time ever. So that was good. Sure. All right, Eric, what can we do for you today, bud? Okay, so I've got some backstory first. So my girlfriend is from Australia, but she lives here in Atlanta. And that's where we met met and we've been dating about a year now and I've been able to meet a few of her friends and family over the phone And there's this one friend she has We can call him Daniel. I've talked to him a few times and he seems he seems okay But he does this thing where instead of calling me by my name, he called me yee-haw

like like yee-haw gid Yeehaw. Uh, like, like Yeehaw, Giddy Up Cowboy. Yeah. Like, and, um. Is he in love with your girlfriend? Um, that, that would be funny, but no, he's, he's married. Okay. Um, and so, you know, I guess, like, I guess he means it as a joke, but he keeps doing it, um, and you you know I think it's like he

thinks I'm just some dumb bumbling American from the south and like I thought it was funny at first and I laughed and went along with it but like he keeps saying it and he's like even when I'm not in the room or not on the call he calls it a yeehaw. An example of him calling you yeehaw in conversation just so we hear it is Is you, your girlfriend, are on with her friends and you're talking and you're like, oh, we went out and he'll just be like, is it right yeehaw?

You had a good time, did you yeehaw? All of that was just so you could do your Australian accent. No, it wasn't. We've done too many of these. I was like, is this gonna be a joke or a question? I was like, just the accent? I'm just trying to make sure I want to hear the accent. All of that just to do the voice we don't get new listeners all these people

have heard all of ours I'm not doing it for that yes all right so keep going so we know okay okay so okay so he calls you this he's being a little bit mean you're getting a little annoyed. Keep going. So we're actually taking a trip to Australia later this year. So I'm going to get to meet him in person. And my question is, I don't know how to handle it. Should I try and show him that I'm not dumb American or should I lean into it and go like super hard and this is an interesting question until It is I this is a tricky one because this is the how to handle a mean joke and and I think What I would say is

There's not you know, I don't think you're gonna get I don't think you're gonna be like, I'm really smart I'll show you you never you sound you don't you don't sound like you're not a yeehaw Yeah, so it's like, he's not doing it because he thinks you're stupid. He did it from the get-go because he thinks you're from Atlanta, he thinks that's the South, and he thinks you're American.

And he just, he now does it, he thinks he's charming in his film. So I think we gotta do a fight fire with fire. Exactly where I was going. I think you've gotta come back with a nickname that's equally kind of annoying in his direction. 100% on the same page. It's if somebody comes at you.

So if somebody starts a mean joke at you and you don't wanna play along at first, you just go like, ah, then they do it again. You go like, okay. Then you do it again and you realize, oh, they're not gonna stop. So then you just do to them what they're doing to you. And it gets uncomfortable.

You're basically, you're just, what you're trying to do is one of two things. Either make him go like, oh, okay, I can tell by the tenor of his nickname that That's how it feels to him. I don't comfortable. Yes, or you're just going all right asshole. You want to play nicknames? Let's play nicknames for the rest of our lives. There's two things that could happen one he could go You know, you're calling them matey. You're calling him croc Dundee, you're calling him outback, you know, you're calling him shrimp Santa Barbie, you know, you're going every time he says anything, you go like this. Now that's a knife. Yeah. You know, and then calling him boomerang boomerang,

kangaroo, looming onion, kangaroo boy. Yeah. So, and either he's going to come back and you guys are going to get a little gnarly or the other things that happens, and this is what actually happens with Gareth and I, is we'll keep going and then one of us will laugh and you'll go like, that was a good one. Yeah. Because then you could just enter a buddy thing where you go like, you're not hurting each other's feelings.

He's calling you yeehaw and you're calling him kangaroo jack. And then you go back and forth and one of you says something, you both start laughing and you go like, that one was good. And then you move on. Yep. So, but there's a fine line because it might not be that dynamic. and forth and one of you says something you both start laughing you go like that one was good and then you move on yeah so But there's a fine line because it might not be that dynamic it might not be but it's gonna be better than you being like Prove I'm not hey never do that. I'm not dumb You know like it's just not gonna be what a dumb guy no nine times seven is 63

Like you're gonna get on the other side of that rainbow. No, wait. Oh, that is not then everybody's gonna go Okay, yeah, and then you're gonna start calling behind your back there. They didn't go Eric's a real Yeah, he does not understand Daniel's joke. Hey, like I thought he was like a southern gentleman, but he's kind of like a weak He's like a real freak show. He's a real weirdo 100% Never take a silly mean joke and go I'm not that yeah You're like. Can't shut your way out of this bag. What do you think about.

I don't want to be that guy. No, that's not you, Eric. But what do you think about, you know, fire with fire a little bit? Yep. I like this idea. I think it could work. And like you're saying, like, if he's,

if he's vying with it, we could like make a game out of it. Yeah. But by the way, also if he's not, but it, we could make a game out of it. Where we keep trying to find a way. But by the way, also if he's not, but he keeps going, then fuck him too. I got an idea too. Why don't you, how long are you gonna be there on this trip? We'll be there for like a week and a half, two weeks.

How long are you gonna be around Daniel? That whole time you're going to one city? Yeah, one city, but probably not that whole time. Maybe it might be just like a night or two nights. That you'll see Daniel? So yeah we will see him. Here's what I'm gonna recommend. Why don't you make two t-shirts, one that says Yee-Haw and one that says whatever name he has and the second day of this trip you'll give it to him and you guys can both wear it out like you've got nicknames. You can solid it as a frontman i think that could work but hold

that hold that as a uh if then type contract yes if the first half with a little pouch on the front of it then do the second half okay yes yes but very story about will ferrell when he auditioned for snl he was like he had his meeting with lauren michaels and he decided he was going to put a fake million dollars in a briefcase And put it on the desk and go I think this will help influence your decision and he gets in there and he has the meeting and then he's like the vibes Not right and he just did so he takes it out. Yeah, but then he has a second meeting with him He's like this time I'll do it. He brings it in again. There's another meeting with him

He's like bad job, right? Yeah, so he just went in there twice But that's right because so I need the room as well I love the idea of the shirt and solidifying that we're friends if it works. Now let's think of the nickname that you could call him. And then we're going to do a little run through where you get to play you and Gareth gets to do his Australian accent.

Oh, I don't really want to. OK. OK, then we don't have to. No, I'll do it. No, I'll do it. We'll just move on. No, I'll do it. OK. And then we'll see how it plays when just move on. No, I'll do it. Okay.

And then we'll see how it plays when he calls you, yeah, and you call him that. And we'll just feel it out. So let's think of what nicknames that we threw out earlier did you like that you could actually see yourself calling him? Because you're not looking to insult everybody. It's going to be a bunch of Australians. Yep. Yeah.

I liked, I think you said, Jake, I think you said kangaroo boy or something like that. Kangaroo. What hurts, by the way, that would make me feel like I'm definitely in the shirt with the pouch. Somebody called me kangaroo boy. I'd go like this. All right. I won't call you yeehaw. Yeah. Don't call me kangaroo boy in front of others. Yes, it is. It's demeaning. Yeah. Okay. So you like you want to try kangaroo boy?

Yeah. Why don't we try it? Okay, what's your girlfriend's name? Her name is Steph. I'll be playing Steph. If you're comfortable with that. Of course I am, but Steph has an accent or did she go to international school or some dumb shit? I guess it's some dumb shit.

Okay. Okay, okay. What's- She's got an accent. Yeah. Yeah, we know she does. We're talking about the person playing her. Absolutely, she does. Yep, see talking about that person playing her absolutely. She does. Yep. See so question to you Eric

Daniel's girlfriend is named what oh good. I think her name is Shanice. Hey Shanice shark. You just booked Yeah, yes, so shark is Shanice. I'm Your girlfriend you are playing you and Gareth is playing the villain in our story daniel hello We're not talking free shot gareth reynolds Eligible hands willing to shave say your height five eight and a half hot five five six five ten thirty two years old Jake Johnson five six and a half two fifteen not willing to shave because I'm afraid it won't grow back When I get naked I look like a big weird toddler 46 going on 62

Trying to put a bunch of stone animals in my yard. My wife isn't having it I'd love to swim with wild turtles. Hey, nobody goes in the pool. Can I just make it a turtle? All right. Thanks for coming in. You're very welcome How'd you do? I don't know I might have I didn't do any of the sides So is that normal? I I don't think actors ever do the sides We just do our weird intros and they ask us to leave and then our ages drop us You do your intro for five minutes and then they say thank you get out I think I'm acting. I don't know. Let's do it. We now go to

Australia. Yeah. Oh, all right then. It's good to see you. Good to meet you in person finally, Yeehaw. I'll be waiting for you two to meet actually. Yeah, look at Yeehaw. It must be a bit strange being all the way over here in a strange land. We've had a wonderful time. Let's not get on each other.

Yeah, all right. I wasn't. What's up, Kangaroo Boy? How you doing? Kangaroo Boy? Is it Yeehaw coming back at me with a bit of kangaroo says Yeah, why not? I'm enjoying myself. You guys got a lot of degrees out here. Well, all of you know, I don't have a kangaroo

So then I think so you're insinuating. Oh You don't oh, okay. Stop stop You're being way too sweet and you're letting him steamroll He's coming at you aggressively. you're coming at him aggressively. I'm like the jacked kangaroo. Yeah, so you can't, he goes, kangaroo boy, you can't go, I don't know, it's just a stupid thing I tried, I'm just yeehaw. You're not yeehaw.

Whatever energies he's bringing to you, you're bringing it to him, you're winning this exchange. You're making a generalization about an area that he's in you know nothing about. And if he's being rude to you You don't like him. Fuck this guy. He's making you feel uncomfortable Fuck him. It's one night. This guy could be a prick if he wants to be nice Let's play nice if not don't play nice. I will shave. All right, should we go again? Whatever you get we have however we see the character.

And we are back. And what you got to say, Shanice? My favorite ACD song is Bic and Blick. It's actually ACDC. Shanice has been drinking wine in the car all day. No, I went to international school with this one. You don't think either of you did. Maybe you two shouldn't have a chat now.

We went there in London, didn't we? That's right. And then our closest friend Did you call AC DC a DCC a DCC? All right? Yeah, dad. I wonder line yourself with her She's not got the best my best mate. Now. She's not I hear what he been did. Yeah You've been having a good time out here. What do you think of the way we run things out here in Australia? Yeah, kangaroo boy. I'm having a good time kangaroo boy where does that come from then it's coming from from yeehaw no I don't even think you're right back yeah I don't even don't even explain where it comes from he's

calling you he knows what he's doing he's a fucking kangaroo boy look at him he'd shit let's start from the top I don't want any explanation any niceness your view in him is fuck this guy He's kangaroo, but I think also having a chuckle along with it is helpful, but he's kangaroo boy Yeah, all right, then ye how I was the Floyd in takes forever, right, but you beat up so I Dan there, aren't you? Yeah, what's up? What's up? Tiger boy? It's gonna meet you in person shark. Why did you die? Yeah, all right one more time well well well you heard you lost your luggage It's a problem for you probably left your lasso inside of it haven't you you got any shirts for me kangaroo boy?

I lost my legs. I might just borrow some great a roo boy. I don't know you need one of my shirts Where's this kangaroo boy? It's me is it? All I don't know if you'll have any shirts that are there my size I'm a bill to be a little too big for you You are a bit of a you get out of here. You're a little rascal pretty good Eric That's good, and what you did there was if he's jabbing at you never go like well You jab definitely hurts a little bit, but the reason I'm jabbing back is because you punched me. Actually, let's say he says this, if I offended you with the name Yee-Haw or something like

that, is that why you're saying something like this? Not at all. Great. I'm not offended at all. Great. There we go. Good. That's good.

Eric, I think you're... and then you're having fun with it. And then for you, what you guys do in the South is you guys can actually handle a couple of ribbon a little bit. Take it easy. But whenever he calls you yeehaw, instantly you're calling him kangaroo boy. Yep. Yeah. Take it. I think also the other thing is like when you travel to other countries, you know, you just gear up for a little of the business. You're just going to get it. I mean, you know, so just to Daniel, give it laugh it off and give it back. Eric, how you feeling? I'm feeling good. I think, I think I can definitely do that. All right. We know you can. I think you got this. Do not in the moment, start softening up. If he's jabbing jab back, if he starts going nice,

then you go nice. Later he goes like, he calls you by your name. Well, then you can drop kang Yeah later. He goes like he calls you by your name Well, then you can drop kangaroo boy. Yeah, but you are just mirroring his okay with any of those outcomes who cares? Yep Yeah, and I still really like the idea of the t-shirt. I think that's hilarious I think that's nice to get a pouch on his if it says kangaroo boy and when you're down there man Represent us the red white and blue. That's right. Don't take any shit. Okay. Don't forget who we are. Okay? Yeah.

Well, we got military bases in pretty much every other country. Let them know why. Where's the United States of America? And don't sneak any animals in there. You can go to jail for a long time. Yeah. It can be pretty serious. Yeah.

Sure. That's a list of two things. We appreciate the call. Let us know how it goes. Keep us posted. Let us know how it goes, buddy. All right. Thank you guys so much. Thank you.

OK, thanks, angry boy. There we go. And we are brought to you by Alma. Alma can help you find a therapist to get you. OK, look, I'll be honest, I've gone to many therapists in my life have found it extremely helpful. And Alma is a great way to find someone to talk to if you feel like you need to. So therapy is more impactful when you feel heard and understood and if you

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Buz, buz. Hi. Hi, welcome back. the code GILSENTME. Hi. Hi, welcome back. We know who you are. We actually don't. We know your follow up. What's your name? And what was the...

Yeah, my name's Allie. I was the one that called about the weekend getaway and getting the guy out of the hotel room. Oh, great. Yes. Yes. This is where she's going away with this guy she's been with for three months. Yep, she needs some poop. How does she get by?

So, Ali, walk us through, in the end, I remember we had a bunch of pitches, walk us through what we said that you liked, and then walk us through what you did, and then tell us what happened. And take your time, this is a good one. Yeah, I mean, I think I liked Gareth's pitch the most when he told me to you know use like the lobby bathroom. And that's just leave go to the lobby. Make up an excuse for snacks.

Go to the lobby, take your poop, come back up and go boy they got the front dozen. And not bring it up to him just say I gotta go get snacks. Well yeah yeah yeah okay yeah. I gotta go get nutter butters, drop a deuce, come back up. They didn't happen so I got the crumb dozen. And not bring it up to him. Just say, I gotta go get snacks. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I gotta go get Nutter butters, drop a deuce, come back up, go, they didn't have them, so I got Pringle. Okay, so that was the one you were going with and what happened? Yeah, because Jake, you wanted me to maybe come up with a code word or something and come, I role played,

you were like, and it wasn't great. Yeah. So it's funny, because I thought we left it in that you were gonna have a adult conversation with him before the weekend. Right, I don't remember how it ended. I thought we left it in that you were gonna have a adult conversation with him before the weekend Right. I don't remember. Yeah, I thought that we landed on what did we land on that? Yes, but I didn't do that. Okay That is where we landed. Yeah, so you want me to go into the lobby just to take

It's great i've done it. Yeah, same. Yeah, but but it's it's weird But I thought I thought it ended there where she was like, I'm going to be a grown-up. I was like, good for you. Is that how we ended, Allie, that you were going to chat? I mean, it did kind of take a turn that way. OK. Walk us through what happened.

Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, so first night he was in the shower and I was like, perfect, golden opportunity. So I ran to the closest bathroom and I was back before he was out of the shower. I swear to God, you ran in a hallway? What's that? Did you run in the hallway of the hotel to the bathroom? and I was back before he's out of the shower. I swear to God you ran in a hallway? What's that? Did you run in the hallway of the hotel to the bathroom? Was there ever running?

Or was there a brisk walk? Speedwalking. Amazing. Was that because you wanted to get away with the crime or because this was an urgent matter? Fair. Uh, I wanted to get away with the crime. Okay.

Incredible. So you ran, you went to the lobby, you found the lobby. Uh. What's your anxiety level when you're in the bathroom? Yeah. It looks pretty high. Of course, it's also, by the way, I would imagine as someone who works at the front desk of the hotel, you're very familiar with this move.

That's totally right. You're probably like, yeah, there we go. You see a bunch of sweaty women script. New couple. Okay, so the first time you briskly walk, you make it happen, you get back to the room. He's still in the shower. Yep. Wonderful.

So then you know, he was doing that long shower was taking a dump. Correct. Because that's the other thing. Take a long fake shower. So then the next couple of days, I actually just got really backed up and I was kind of in a lot of pain from holding it. So, yeah. So I did end up having the adult conversation with him and I was like, you know, I just got to tell you, like, I really need to go to the bathroom and

it's just not happening. And he's like, all right, great. What can we do to make this happen? So we went and got some coffee with actual real milk. We were going to go get some Miralax. I feel like it did end up- How many days were you blocked up? Was this a month long trip?

What about the lobby plan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were just sitting there in prison pain? I get stage fright, so it just, it wasn't going to happen. Okay, so you just knew, I need to take this out of my control. Yes. Yes. But he was really nice about it. And I did end up having the adult conversation in kind of a different way. Okay. How'd it go? What happened?

Good. So you said, I'm going to have this. And so we're now building up towards, you drink coffee, you got some whole milk in your system. There's a rumbling in the tongue. What happens next? Yes. Um, it did work while we were out at a restaurant. So also very great, a great out. Great. So you just go, I got to hit the bathroom.

You go to the bathroom. Are you in there for a long time? You know, I walked, yeah. I wasn't in there for a long time, but I walked out and he just looked at me and said success. And then I got a fist bump. So I think that was- What a sweet guy.

That easy. I like this guy. I like this guy a lot too, because it shows two things. One, that he's very comfortable with this situation and two, that he cares for you and he's a problem solver. I'm liking his reaction a lot to success. I love his reaction. I will say the fact that we had a call before you went there about this and it still ended up in you talking to him and we were talking about going to get Mira lax yeah it's quite a twist yeah but but then some question to you what

happened back in the hotel room did you ever take a dump in the closed quarters I did not okay you just you you just so did you after that success fist bump in a restaurant, did you hold it until you got home, and we need you to be honest? Have you gone since? I did. You just held it? Okay. Yeah, but it was only like another day.

You should be going every day to be honest. That's how you become regular. Don't hold it. He fist bumped you. You should feel freedom now to go you had the conversation So where are you guys at now? the hospital Yeah, I mean we're good and we haven't had another trip yet, so we'll see what the next one is like

But you guys are still hanging out. Yeah, but this is a wash. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah This is you just once you do this once it's over She be sure but she didn't that you're not here in the end it no She they went back to the hotel she held her dump until she got home aware But but I'm telling her now the hard part so no it isn't the hard part would have been if The one restaurant that and that's what I mean. It's a wash. We're in the exactly the same spot So what next trip we're in a better spot. Well, we're in a different spot We're in exactly the same spot. So next trip. We're in a better spot. Well, we're in a different spot

But she it's a it's a half win Dump in a restaurant. Well cuz he knows that she dumps. Yeah, but she did you have to go to the bathroom again afterwards? Well, you're sitting in the hotel man. You thought like yeah Yes, Ali. Did you hold a dump in? our shows falling off the to dump it. Our show's falling off the rails. Kind of. Ali, your plot line is really taking us. Kind of. So you're saying we're in a better spot. She's kind of holding it. We wanted the end of this trip to be...

Okay, all right. So here we go. No system. All right, Ali, here we go. I think we need to... I think we need... We don't do this much and I would never do this, but this is what I'm going to say. I think the next time you guys are hanging out and you have to go to the bathroom, you don't hold it and you tell him he needs to go take a call, go watch something online for a minute, turn the T here's another good one. Yeah. Turn the TV up real loud and you go to the bathroom and you've got to do it

because we need to get through this phase and you're going to be for next you're not gonna be enjoying yourself. Yeah, it's not about trips It's just kind of if you're together. Have you gone to the bathroom at his house? Oh I have not you have an assignment. Of course. She had to she's holding it until she gets Jake's right You have an ally you have an assignment Okay, we'd like you to take a dump at his house and then follow up with us I don't care how you do it, upgrade. Oh, sure. It's merch.

You're not listening to any advice we give, so however you want to do it, but now we're out of the advice business and we're into the alley business. Yeah. You got to take a dump at his house. We're Dr. Filling. You have to do it. Okay. It's time.

Okay. And when you do and you have the conversation again with him, he already knows you're going to the bathroom. Yeah, and if it happens and it's success, you feel good about it? Just leave a quick voice note and just send it to Gavin. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Okay. And if it's a story call in if not, just say it happened. It's over. It was cool. And what you know, we'll say in the audience will say she's okay now. Yep You're in a good spot. I will finish the man. I'll work on it. Thanks, Ali We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds to show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon.

Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's oliverralli.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at james underscore fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find them on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004.

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