We're Here to Help - 116: Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys
Episode Date: September 23, 2024Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a hatred of cinnamon rolls, nosey parents on the Ring camera and someone calling the wrong number a lot. Later the guys follow up with the second ca...ller from episode 101 “The Legend Has Retired with Neal Brennan.”Want to call in? Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.PATREON (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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What do you guys think in Vegas, the best place to stay?
I know Kevin was just there.
I'm going with my brother soon.
Ooh, well, 50th where to stay what to do, what is a Vegas night?
There's no work, it's just fun, we're not going to a club, but gamble, hotels, a show
we're talking about, The Sphere, what do we think of The Sphere?
Very cool, I want to go.
I was opposed to it, but it seems like it's won people over, so I think it seems like
a winner.
What was the opposition to start? I don't know.
I'm just a big sphere. Yeah, I'm just against things. I go operate from a standpoint of I'm
opposed to it until proven differently. You're the same. Yeah, I'm skeptical when I'm like,
just watch the show. Yeah. Yeah. You need a big sphere in the middle of Vegas. And then you go,
that's why that's yeah. Oh, man, I gotta pull some strings to get in. Here's what
I the last time I went to Vegas, and I'll be honest, I do not
enjoy Vegas. But the last time I went to Vegas, what I did was I
booked a place way off the strip. And it was like a resort,
and it was like $100 a night. And it was incredible. And then
just went and then just commuted into Vegas
on their shuttle so it was like interest so you had it you had an escape yeah because i get i
wouldn't say anxiety but i just i'm like oh my it's so much yeah yeah yeah and uh so that's my
move as far as the actual hotels i stayed in the Bellagio once and that was incredible.
Yeah, same.
I like the Venetian a lot.
Yeah.
We did Cosmo, but I wanted to, I spent more time at Caesar's just walking around and was
like, this is so, I've never stayed at Caesar's before.
I've only been a couple of times, but I think that would be really fun.
I'm sure it's crazy expensive, but I haven't gone to Vegas enough where I want to do
outside the strip. I like being in the middle of it. Yeah, we're all young. But
the concert, off of the Sphere thing, we saw The Killers. They played a big
20th anniversary of their Hot Fuss album, and at one point the lead singer talked
about meeting the drummer when they were 16
and this like beautiful conversation they had.
And at a certain point, Leah leaned over to me and said,
are you crying?
Oh my God, Kevin.
Were you?
I was like, it's just a very beautiful story
about a drummer meeting the band.
Was this the last trip?
Yeah, this was two weeks ago.
So this last trip, you went to the killers,
you wept, and you ate a bowl of spaghetti for a family of four the next day
Yeah, this is a wild trip. It's Kevin's Vegas. This is become and this is becoming a wild trip
Kevin might out age us inactive
So you got emotional while they were just talking about how they met that's interesting and I've never cried at a concert before
I had a while they were just talking about how they met. That's interesting. And I've never cried at a concert before.
I had a couple drinks, but.
No, it's supposed to be a lifetime thing.
And then you won a couple hundred bucks.
I won 700 an hour before that.
So it was an emotional day for, and it was my birthday.
And it was, and he was gearing up
for a table of seven pasta dish.
Guys, thanks for tuning into our show and listening and telling people.
We appreciate it.
And so without further ado, enjoy this.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, we just underwater.
She just get thrown to shore.
Oh, dripping hair. CPR finally took.
That is the best.
Okay.
Can we get your name, please?
I'm Ashley and I'm from Arkansas, Wubig, and I wanted to say something.
Anytime Kevin has mentioned that people dip out of the waiting room, I was like, why would
anyone do that?
This is their moment.
They finally got here.
It's only because the little song is on a 32nd loop and every time it cuts off,
you think y'all are answering.
And I lost 30 years of my life.
Oh, so the anxiety you keep thinking you're about to go.
I didn't even know that.
That's amazing.
We have hold music.
I didn't know that either.
There is hold music. It's on 30 second loops.
I cannot believe we are at the helm
of my biggest fucking comply.
You hate hold music.
I hate, it drives me, not only hate hold music.
I love it.
Yeah, I do too.
Oh, this is insane, I'm a true psychopath.
When hold music is on, it's awful.
And then when they like every 30 seconds repeated,
dry the same thing because I'm like, hello, hello.
And then it's like being near near near.
All right. Ashley Ashley from Arkansas.
What can we do for you today?
OK, I hope you all like me because I'm going to tell you something
that every time I tell people, I'll just tell you and you'll know exactly what it is. But I
hate cinnamon rolls
Okay, what do you mean? Well, also all the setup is
You'll know what I mean when I say this. Yeah, I don't know what you know idea all three of us are
You're gonna judge this is this classic as the as any statement
All right. So yeah, okay. You hate cinnamon rolls. Uh-huh
Yes
and
So I guess there's really not as much of a visceral reaction from y'all as I was expecting
Typically when I tell people it feels like I've either just told
them my parent passed away or as if I just mad at them now that they need to convince me. It wasn't.
You're in Arkansas. I'm not trying to stereotype portions of our country, but cinnamon rolls in the
south are more important than they are everywhere else.
But I like the cinnamon roll. I love a cinnamon roll. And I'll be honest, if I'm going to have
my honest reaction to what you said, what are you talking? Like it's insane. But this isn't a debate
show about cinnamon rolls. Well, it could be. I mean, it could be. But what is the specific
question we can help you with? Yes. How do I, because here's another caveat to that.
It doesn't matter that I hate cinnamon rolls, I guess.
But somehow with people and they're like with new friends,
with parents, with teachers, any new person I come upon,
cinnamon rolls are brought up.
I never bring them up.
I do not bring up this part of me.
I do not talk about breakfast food.
I don't talk about bread, but somehow whether it's like, let's go do this or
Hey, I just had a similar role.
Do you want to see this picture of the center?
And the role I just got, it really does come up, you know, every other week in
my life, so I want to learn a quick one liner to just say, I hate them.
This isn't trying to make me quirky for fun
I just hate them and then we can just move on
I like that that's a that I respect the way you pulled that question out. That was really clean and I get it
So you want to figure out a way to say?
Because I look there's certain things I don't like I don't the reason I said it's not a debate show about cinnamon rolls
It's like yeah, we could gab about some who cares
The point is you don't care about cinnamon rolls
So you don't want the whole every hang to now be you do but they're so good
I just don't like but this fraud who gives a shit. Let's talk about anything else
You're looking for one line that they go
Okay, and then they can enjoy their cinnamon rolls and you guys can do whatever you want to do. So we need a line
Go ahead.
You go.
Well, I'm going to say it does get confusing because I do like cinnamon and
I do like cinnamon toast and I do like rolls and I do like churros.
I like everything else adjacent to it.
So what is, I hate to do this now.
What do you not like about a cinnamon roll?
As much as you didn't want to.
That's exactly it. I can't tell you. I know, but what you think it is because you do like cinnamon you like rolls you like everything about a cinnamon roll what is it about the specific cinnamon roll that pisses you off?
Because if you said like I don't like cinnamon it's easy. Do you ever eat a food that just gives you a headache? No. Like the idea of it gives you a headache? No. No. A headache?
100% no.
No.
I have food I don't like, but the idea of a food.
There's stuff I won't eat, but there's nothing where I'm like,
I need to lay down.
Nobody's ever said, hey, do you want a shellfish?
And I go, Jesus Christ.
But it's even beyond shellfish because it's like.
That's an allergy.
It's like cake.
Yeah.
It's like, I personally, I find cake to be a little rich.
Now I'll eat cake. Of course. And if I eat cake, I cake to be a little rich now. I'll eat cake course and if I eat cake
I don't have a problem with it. So no, I I don't understand this. So
You're saying the I don't understand either. I don't like this part of me
This is maybe my least favorite part of my actually you stop it. Come on that
We're not going down that road
Great person. Now let me ask you a question.
Actually that's a pretty good thing
if that's the least they're a part of it though.
Oh great, let me ask you a question.
Did a family member when you were growing up
eat a lot of cinnamon rolls?
Yeah, is it trauma?
No, it's actually a part of really great family memories.
We'd go to the lake.
You used to like them?
We'd have them at camp.
You used to like them?
No, never liked them as a kid.
I pretended to.
I would, it was just one of those things
I looked around and everyone else was doing it.
I just, I really pretended I never liked them. I would then go get a toaster strudel afterwards typically
Okay, okay. This is great. That helps me. That helps me guys. So a strudel, okay, so
You specifically don't like cinnamon rolls be like everything associated with cinnamon rolls
cinnamon rolls were a big part of your childhood and you would pretend to like them and then eventually you stop liking them. Now you're at a point of your life where you just don't want to do a lot of cinnamon roll talk. Is that correct?
Mm-hmm. Okay. Yes. All right, but is that right Ashley? Is this what?
That's exactly right. I just kind of want a quick one-liner that shuts down the conversation because I
wouldn't have sent this in if it hadn't had happened four times that week.
Okay, I listen to y'all and I love this podcast
I never really planned on sending one in so I was like this is something they can do. All right, Ashley
We're going to pitch you one-liners to get you out of this cinnamon roll. Yes, but let me ask you a question
Our boat how old do you?
28 28 so your parents question's awful. What?
You must look crazy about that. Here's what I was looking for. Attach...
I can't believe the sentence is about to come up. Attach the cinnamon roll to some trauma. So go,
like for you. Yeah. Okay.
You go, ah, my dad used to love me and he passed away. So I just can't, a darkness is very shrouds the cinnamon roll.
So that it, because if I heard that, how about, how about allergic?
But she likes cinnamon stuff.
I had that I'm allergic to cinnamon.
That's a great out.
But she wants cinnamon.
What you could do is become a closet cinnamon person, but that, all right.
I'm going to pitch you a couple more.
I would love to find a
a dark
version. You know how you yeah, you kind of hear my personality me going dark is a terrifying idea.
Okay, but we could do it. All right, we could do it. People would be that the whole syndrome thing would probably be forgotten if I went dark
for a little bit with somebody but that's actually probably good. So keep going. I don't she said a lot
But yeah, don't I think we're looking for one line. Okay something here's one. Yeah, I'm a strudel girl
Okay, so not for me. I'm a strudel girl. Yeah, but that's gonna lead to a lot of talk
I'll give you an example. Go you want a cinnamon roll? No, I'm a strudel girl. Well, we have cinnamon rolls
Do you want them? No, I'm married to strudels. What do you mean? I don't do cinnamon rolls. I just do strudels.
Oh, I love strudels too, but we have like I'm just got them out of the oven. I got six.
I don't want one.
What? Why not?
I won't.
Oh!
Again, this is the problem is the lifestyle.
I'm on a diet.
Bet she's not.
Then why'd you eat all those potato chips?
I want sweet, uh, frosting. Oh Oh I've got one. Go. Try me. This
isn't one line but it could get you out of it. Short. Oh you gotta have one of these
cinnamon rolls. They're so good. I wish I could but I can't. Why? Last time I had it
I barfed and now I always associate cinnamon rolls with barf and I hate it but I don't
want to talk about it but it's so disappointing, but enjoy.
I think that's pretty good.
It happened to me with gin.
Don't say that part.
I think associating it with you got sick
off of cinnamon rolls once and you can't eat them.
Ooh, here's a way to really end it, going off of that.
Give it to me again.
Oh, you've gotta try these cinnamon rolls.
So gooey, so yummy.
I wish I could, but I can't.
Last time I had it, I had like... Oh, you've got to try these cinnamon rolls. So gooey. So yummy. Yeah, but why can't what's last time? I had it I had like
Oh, you had horrible. Yes. I don't want to talk about it, but enjoy I
I think that's pretty good
What you're just saying is something personal happened to your body last time you had it by the way Jake did these
Universal sign for mind-bending diarrhea, which I guess which is a sweeping down from the tummy to the bottom
But you're just you're either saying what you're basically saying is I don't want to talk about it and bending diarrhea, which I guess, which is like sweeping down from the tummy to the bottom.
But you're just, you're either saying what you're basically saying is I don't want to
talk about it.
I don't want to yuck your yum.
Yes.
You enjoy it, but something happened to me and right now girl, I'm not there.
And they'll go, okay, how about this?
Here's the one liner.
I don't want to yuck your yum, but last time I had
them I got really sick so I just can't anymore. I like that because then you
don't even have to do the it was diarrhea barfing and then they'll go oh
no and then if they start following up you go like this. Trust me we don't want
to talk about it. Yes. What do you think about that? Actually I don't know how I haven't done that before.
It's perfect. Do you like it?
I really do.
I really do like it.
Let's try it.
As you can see, I don't have answers for them
when they ask why.
Here we go.
Let's see how it goes, and remember, Ashley,
we're thinking fast and end it.
So you are moving on and then part of it.
Are you wanting me to do this right now?
Yes.
We're doing it right now.
But think about.
Oh, okay, perfect.
But think about it.
Get ready.
As soon as that moment ends,
think about something else
to get the conversation moving elsewhere like an enjoy or
That every time I love it. Let's see what I do it. All right sure oh my god girl
You have to try these cinnamon rolls. They are so yummy. There's a bunch of them go grab one oh
That is okay. I know they look so good. They smell fantastic
Don't wanna yuck everything you've got going on,
but made me sick one time, so I'm just gonna pass.
Okay, Ashley, great start.
Agreed, it's close.
Let's talk about word economy.
Yes.
Okay?
Short but sweet, that's what you want.
Yes.
So let's cut out the preamble. Yes, and let's just go with oh
I don't want to yuck your yum, but but last time I had him I got so sick. So I can't anymore you enjoy
You're right. It'll be so jarring. That's the shortest sentence. I will have ever said in my life
Here we go. You're looking at not go deep on the sim and roll chats. Yeah. Yeah, you're right
You're the way you're doing it feels a little too dramatic.
Let's just go quick.
Ready?
Ashley, stop laughing.
We're at a party.
Oh my God.
You got one of these cinnamon rolls.
They're so good, girl.
I'll get you one.
No, thanks.
I got sick one time.
Ashley.
We need more words.
Because that's going to lead to a lot.
Too much budgeting.
All right.
I'm going to try.
Let's go you and me.
Let's see if we mix it up.
Great.
So remember, we made two videos. We made two videos. We made two videos. We made two videos. more work then because that's gonna lead to a lot too much budget all right I'm gonna I'm gonna try let's go you and me let's see if we mix it up great so
remember we we we made too many cuts yeah hey you want to cinnamon roll no
Ashley thank you for the call
I thought you said it cut it more. I thought you said it cut it more. You said add more back.
No is incredible.
Last chance.
No is incredible.
After all, did you want to spin a roll?
No.
And by the way.
Seven out of ten.
That's pretty good.
Pretty good.
Ashley, let's try one more and then we're done.
But what we're saying is more than no, more than the one previous to that, but we don't
want to make it feel like story time. And you're ending this.
This is quick.
So now to you Ashley,
do you feel like you got a good handle
on what's about to happen?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm ready.
You don't even need to do the yuck your yum.
It's just-
I'll ask you.
Okay, okay, so here we go.
Ashley, let's do this.
I'm gonna cut the yuck your yum.
Yes, whatever you wanna do.
Then as soon as this is done, Ashley,
I'm gonna ask you and you do it your way, right? Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Great. Here we go. Mm-hmm
Oh the cinnamon rolls are out of the oven yet. You want one? No, I'm good
Last time I had them I got so sick. So I just can't but enjoy
Okay
All right. Hey Ashley. Do you want one?
No, I'm okay. I got so sick last time I had one, but y'all enjoy.
Pretty good.
There we go.
By the way, great.
Great.
What do you think?
I felt good.
Good.
You killed it.
Yeah.
I like you.
Y'all, I like how you did that.
Your personal.
I thought that was a likeable.
Nobody's going to fuck with you if you got sick with them last time
Let's do five. Let's do five in a row great drill this great call. Yes. Hey, Ashley you what Ashley you want a cinnamon roll?
No, I'm okay, but y'all enjoy I got sick one time. Hey, I
Know I'm okay. Hey y'all enjoy I got sick one time Ashley you got sick last time the last time you had it
You got real sick. Not one time last time keep going. Hey Ashley. Do you want a cinnamon roll? Oh
No, it's okay. I got super sick last time so I don't really want them to go enjoy. Yes
Hold music to your nightmare finish the battle
Ashley hold music to your nightmare.
Finish the battle.
Ashley, you want to cinnamon roll?
Nope.
Don't want one at all, but you enjoy it a lot.
I got sick. I hope you don't.
Thank you for the call.
Ashley, Ashley.
Follow up with us.
Let's see how we do today.
Follow up with us in five minutes.
Ashley, you got it.
It'll be all right.
You got this.
Go get them.
Okay.
All right.
Thanks.
We believe in you.
You did great. Okay. All right. We believe in you. Yeah, you did great go
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Hi.
Hi, Dad.
Hi there.
Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please?
Yeah, this is Baxter. I'm 28 and I'm from Cleveland.
Baxter or Dexter?
Baxter.
Baxter. Cleveland, beautiful. Great name. First Baxter.
All right, Baxter.
That is the first Baxter.
Yeah, it's our first Baxter. Does that feel good?
Yeah.
Okay, you don't seem too far off.
It does, yeah.
Okay, Baxter, what's going on? You got Jake and Garethareth no guests. Just us. That's the boys. That's party, buddy
Yeah, so my wife and I are actually building a house currently and our lease was up in July
So we had to move in temporarily with my parents. Oh boy until the house will be finished. Yeah
It's been alright
There's been some things that have been a little weird
and uncomfortable, mainly why I'm calling today.
So they have a Ring doorbell.
I'm assuming you guys are familiar with those things.
Ring doorbell, yeah.
So it was on Shark Tech.
It's true.
It's actually a fun story.
They passed on it.
Everyone passed.
And then Richard Branson bought it.
So, yeah, so they get the notifications on their phone.
They get the notifications from their ring doorbell whenever someone's leaving the house or coming in or a vehicle too big drives by.
And so, you know, they'll just make, they'll make comments, you know, later in the day, my dad goes to work really early, but for, for 15 in the
morning.
And, um, my wife's been going to workout classes in the morning.
And, um, when she was newer to this program, you know, she signed up for a class, she thought
it was for 5 30 AM and she left and went to the class and found out that it was for 5 30 a.m. And she laughs and went to the class and found out that it was a 5 30 p.m. Class that she came right back and my dad, you know, that evening, he's like, makes a comment, you know, oh, hey, I saw you, you went to your workout and you came back really quick must have been a good workout. And you know, it's just an example of just these kind of weird comments about the rig.
Yeah, I get it.
And nothing means spirited.
It's just weird.
It is weird.
He's stalking you.
Yes.
He knows he knows pretty much.
We'll go, oh, one bag of groceries.
And you're like, it's not a conversation.
It's funny how that little shit will drive.
That shit drives me crazy
Nuts the stuff where people are just like oh, yeah, what you only got one thing you go what yeah?
Yeah, one bag and you go yeah, I had a bag in the car and they go and you go how's this a conversation?
He's just I mean you honestly you're just want to be like fuck you who cares. Yes, okay, so your dad's commenting a lot
About the videos, but you are staying with him.
You're under his ring.
That does mean something Baxter, uh, but your, your lease is out.
You're building a house.
I get why you guys are.
All right.
Back to you.
Yeah.
So, um, you know, my mom will make some comments too, but it is mainly my dad.
And, um, you know, another example, I, I'll have, um, work meeting earlier on
Fridays and help he's like, Hey, I noticed you go to work early on Friday. What's that about?
so it's like kind of weird that you're just watching me on your phone when you're at work, but
So so I guess the question would be you know
What do I do fake a fight with your wife or fake a fight with your wife in front of the door?
Where you say really embarrassing stuff that he doesn't know how to comment on where you're talking about
You know you go like yeah
You know what I'm asking you to do for once is peg me and she goes
You want me to put a dildo on and put it in your butt and you go. Yes one time
You know how many times I've had to have sex with you. I am a man. It's my time and she'll go fine
You know what? I'll give you what you've always wanted. I'll
call you. I'll have you call me daddy and I'll pump you in the
butt. And then go like, fine. And walk in. So he goes, I don't
know what I just saw. I don't get it. I'm turned around. I'm not
bringing it up. But now he can't bring up other things he saw because that would mean he saw this I
True I like that pitch. I like the idea. You know what you could also
Start doing is just any time you're approaching the ring
Just pretend to be on the phone about something serious. Like, just make it so that every like matter of fact clip is on.
It's just how about something like this?
You go off into let's create like an Indiana Jones type thing for your dad
that your dad can't help himself, but he's got to admit he's been eavesdropping.
And then you go, are you listening?
Every time you're on the phone, you go like this.
Well, what do you when you walk in, what are you talking about?
A treasure chest. That's that. I mean, next phone you go like this. Well, what do you when you walk? I go? What are you talking about a treasure chest? That's that next time you go?
Wait, you you're saying it was from a ship. This is the best. Okay, wait near the beach
Okay, I my my other pitches. This is this is what we've got to do
I was gonna say maybe we try to like fuck with the bet
This is right the way we do this because it's your dad
And it's fucking weird out of there soon. So let's create
Yeah, let's create a fake a fake reality every time you're walking up to the ring cam Yes about treasure and then you and your wife both do it or your wife doesn't oh, no
She does it too
Cuz then what you could say on the phone one time is you could stand there and be kind
of like profile the camera and you go like this.
Of course, nobody's listening.
No one can ever hear this.
This is just us.
And you go, I know it's life and death.
I really like the idea that we heighten a treasure thing every time you're approaching
the door.
So your father is invested in a plot.
Yes.
But he also recognizes there's it's too much of
a privacy betrayal. And if he brings it up, you deny it. Because what we want to do is go,
you're treated or you go like this. Yeah, you go. And I can't talk about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just something like I, I, I, what, what, what? The goal of this pitch Baxter is to get your dad to go,
I know everything about the treasure.
And then a rock. Yes. And then all the details.
He goes, and you just, I know it's in like, you know, it's near Akron.
I know it's here. And then, and then really what you could do then is you could go,
dad, there's no treasure. We just, it was just seemed like you were watching us on the ring cam a little bit
So we thought we'd create a little Indiana Jones plot for you. What do you think is something like that Baxter? Oh, yeah, that's good
I love I think that I I feel like I've seen this on a TV show or two a time or two and
Take away from next let me tell you let me say what was just happening back there
I agree Jake and I were enjoying the fuck
Out of this pitch we've never seen this
TV show the fucking Indiana Jones plod with the ring cam and a regular backstab
Name it name it. He didn't say it sounds like a tea a couple shows have done this you mean it's a hacky idea
Yes
The spirit of the prank I mean
hacky idea yes yes spirit of the prank I mean yes I don't think okay look I I'm gonna here's what we're gonna do back sir you killed us Baxter here's what we're
gonna do it's okay it's okay we're here for you is on fuller house by the way
your rejection of this idea is a Seinfeld.
I've never heard, I know buddy, hang in there.
Hang in there.
Get us back.
I'm going to try.
Get us back.
Baxter, we have worked in TV for a long time.
Neither of us have ever heard of this remotely close.
I'm not sure if that's true.
Now I maybe have been in it.
No, I've never heard. I cannot picture anything near you know what a new girl
We created a whole fake P. I think cuz somebody was stalking Zoe's character. I think we've stolen
Jake's right on that's exactly it's the spirit of the idea
It's we create something that gets everybody scared. But I you were right, but but
But I still think I don't want to say ours is better
But ours is gonna get ours is gonna solve I would I can it would be an honor to write it
Ours is gonna solve this problem far quicker. I think I really do think that your father probably doesn't know about this episode
So what I okay, there's an alt pitch, but he's seen it in one of his shows. There's an alt pitch
I have an alt pitch, but I I want to say even if you feel like we're encroaching upon some of them
I like the Indiana Jones, too
It's so funny for you to just walk up there and be like look blackbeard's dead
But we can still get the treasure and walk in the house. And then the next time you walk in the house, you go, the magic
shovels missing. And just how are we going to dig it? Dad to go, huh? Yeah. And then rewind it and
go, why? And then the dream is he writes it down. Blackbeard. And then you go. And then as you're
fumbling with your keys to get in, you're're going look. It's 15 paces past the city
Council house here's another one
This is meaner
Baxter you woke this and Jake we had a sweet we had run
You start pretending to be planning over the phone a surprise party for him
It's all him eavesdropping.
It's just a lot of like, I don't know,
do you think he's gonna know?
I'm like, of course he's gonna, like he's my dad.
And he goes, but we'll all be there.
And then it's like, and then you go like,
so the fun of it, and then you go,
the only thing, the only way he would ever win this
is if he was on it,
cause we'll all be in short shorts and Hawaiian shirt.
So if he showed up it and then like walk out
so that he goes, you go like, all right, it's dinner.
And he shows up in like short
Short Hawaiian shirt and like a spinny hat and a fancy dinner and you go like what are you doing?
He goes, there's surprise. Oh, I was gonna beat you. I
Love that right. How about this guy? Why don't we through the ring cam?
create a fake baby that your wife is having and
create a fake baby that your wife is having and when we're gonna do the reveal to the parents that the baby is coming you actually just say dad you've
been watching us on the ring cam a lot so we invented a baby so you so you you
you walk up and you go I don't know she's late so we're a little nervous
about what it could mean I mean we want to have kids but we don't know she's
walking up and she goes,
I'm telling you, I just feel bloated.
So I know.
And then it's like you both, like you come back
and be like, well, we just went and saw the doctor.
We did the ultrasound.
Or you know what we could do,
what could be fun Baxter,
is cause that's gonna be really sad
for your mom and your dad to realize there's no baby.
What if you do a surprise attack
and you guys start faking like you and your wife are gonna get divorced and
It's building towards the end of this thing
I'm assuming your parents love the couple want you guys together want grandkids out of you have a nice thing cooking here
How happy you live with them if my daughters ended up living with me as adult
I'm gonna be thrilled so they're right now having their cake and eating it too. Your dad's having a blast
He thinks his comments are hilarious. So you're building up to the big divorce.
And then you go, you go eventually on it.
She goes like, we're telling his parents tonight, you build up to this big thing.
They're sad.
They're going, they go, mom, dad, we have to tell you.
And the dad goes, I think I know where this is going.
And you go, yep.
And he goes, go on.
And you go, you spy too much on ringing.
It's weird in his house.
And he goes, but go on about the divorce. I like that. You go, go on. And you go, you spy too much on ring and it's weird in his out. And he goes, but go on about the divorce.
I like that.
You go, I know divorce and that you're watching us and count it in that picture.
Any of these, I would also, I would tell mom and swear her to secrecy so that he's before
we go there.
You're right.
Baxter, would your mom be with you or would she be with him?
Oh, that's a good question You know, I think the I really only gave examples of my dad, but my mom's been kind of
We're going both. We're going after both. What do you think of all of this stuff?
We've said what what lie do you want to tell and what's the reveal? Oh
I the baby one is is actually pretty enticing.
Imagine the disappointment.
Well, they have six grandkids already,
so I think that a little prank would be okay.
Okay, I respect that.
That's a big one.
I like it.
I will, and I'm just, I want you to do what you want.
I'll never get over the treasure one.
To me, the joy of creating an Indianich.
But then what we're building towards on that one
is, because what we need is the big reveal night.
So if you do the treasure, just to pitch it out,
here's what I would say, Baxter.
You found the treasure.
It's worth millions.
You need to spread it out amongst your family,
because it's too much money.
So you're gonna give your dad $150 million worth of rubles
or whatever and you know, emeralds and diamond.
And so that when you go, you go,
dad, we have to talk to you about it.
And he goes like, go ahead and you go,
I think you spy on me too much about the ring camera.
And he goes, I guess, continue with the gems.
Then you go, what gems?
We're gonna give him $90 dollars in gems and rubies.
And we need him to keep secret, but he can spend it.
We don't need the money, we want my parents to have it.
We just wanna continue on our life.
What do you think of that?
Just so the big reveal is he's thinking about
all these emeralds and gems he's getting at.
Baxter, I insist.
This is, you cry laughing does not happen a lot.
I insist that you do this, Baxter.
It's so fucking funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I'm with you.
No, honestly, it's really nice.
I am with you guys.
I was saying, while I love the baby pitch,
I think that I am leaning toward the treasure.
It's in the world building you can do.
I totally agree.
And then the big peak, are you going to, what do you want to build towards?
Do you want to build towards dad's getting treasure?
Do you want to build towards the police? How do you like ending it?
Cause what we're looking for is when you're telling your dad the truth, he
still thinks there's another thing coming and we want him excited.
Wait, may I say that what we could do
is it could get intense with the pirates now know
where you live.
That's excellent.
The pirates know.
I'm with you.
So that's the, and then so when you sit your parents down
to say something to them.
That's excellent.
He's scared.
I love this.
It's two days after they have found you.
I love this.
And so you're sitting down to them and you're saying to them, you spy on Ring Camp too much.
Well they, because then their fear is heightened to the point that maybe pirates are over there.
And then they, but then the reveal is there's no trouble.
Yeah, the reveal, exactly, the reveal then is so cushioned.
It's a relief.
Yes. Pirates are, it's getting dangerous, it's getting close.
We might all have to flee.
And then what do you think of that?
That the bad guys, the pirates, whatever, are getting close.
I think that's it.
I think we've had it on the head.
The danger aspect is really gonna.
Excellent.
I think that'll get him.
Because he loves watching TV and movies all day.
And he'll get brought up.
So I think we do this.
This is great.
Let's let, I don't know what your, when are you moving into your house?
Your new place?
Uh, it'll be early November.
Oh, fucking perfect.
Yeah, agreed.
So I would say, why don't we do a follow-up with you soon?
Like in the next few weeks or something, just to see how it's unfolding,
because you might want to do a little more world building before we get to the big reveal.
Yes.
And then if it happens to be going fast, will you find a way to film the reveal probably with one of his ring cameras?
Oh my God.
Because if we can-
Do it on the porch!
Do the reveal on the porch in front of the rig camera.
Excellent.
Dad, can I talk to you?
Outside alone.
Mom, dad, can we talk to you on the porch?
That's a great idea.
Oh, please.
And then if you send us the footage that has that like ring camera look to it.
I'll die.
I will pass away.
I agree.
I will die.
So will you either follow up with us while it's going if it needs a
twist or a turn but if you're cooking with gas keep going and the big reveal
just try to make sure you can film that reveal. We need an update before the
reveal. Okay I'm into that. And then because we've got to get it right.
I've never I think I'm this might be the most invest. I think it is Hey, I will okay
All right, thanks Baxter
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Hello.
Hello.
Hi there.
We heard you whispering a little bit.
You whispering to someone.
Oh, you did.
Oh my gosh.
Are you whispering too, but I was, I was running through the the that's a pitch. Are you practicing? That is absolutely
We appreciate that is you know what yeah
I love you. Yeah, what a good man
Take away all anxiety nerves. We're just having yeah, what's your name here, bud?
My name is Alex Alex. Where you calling from? I'm calling from Greenville, South Carolina South Carolina
You like music I do like music favorite musician
Let's think about that favorite musician right now. It's probably hosier. How's it cool?
What's your if you're on the road? What's your last meal? I did to
death row what what's your last meal? I did to death row what um meal I
I've been real big into barbecue right now. So I'd probably go a good brisket. Oh nice
Hopefully you're getting the chair. Okay, so now
What can we do for you? Take your time? Have some fun. Let's see. Don't worry
Rehearsed it. This is now you're in the tank buddy. You're in the shark tank
Amazing amazing. Okay. So here's the thing for the past four to five years
I've had this this older gentleman
Calling my phone. He's trying to get in touch with I think his friend's name is Stevie
The problem is have I as I've expressed to you, my name is not Stevie.
So he's got the wrong number, which is fine.
Um, usually when he calls I'm away from my phone or I'm working and I'll leave
these kind of odd, quirky voicemails.
Um, and they're funny.
So, you know, I listened to them.
I have a laugh.
I show them to my wife.
She has a laugh.
We show them to our friends and it's kind of created this really hilarious,
pleasant ecosystem of receiving this guy's voicemails
and laughing about it.
And that was great for a while.
And then the voicemails started to take a little bit
of a dark turn, you know,
cause he, for one time, for instance, he's like,
baby, where are you?
Miss you.
Give me a call back.
I haven't heard from you." And that
that that cut me to the core. I started to get really stressed out like
what role am I playing in the dissolvement of this potentially beautiful
friendship just because I won't do something as simple as answering the phone.
And I know that's the obvious solution. Just pick up the darn phone.
Hey, after five years of trying to get in touch with a friend, I thought it would now would be a great time to tell you. This is heavy. You have the wrong number. So the other day he called me
and he wanted to invite Stevie to his retirement party, which great for him. And I just, you know,
I don't want to be responsible for Stevie missing out on what could be a great reunion and celebration
of this guy's retirement.
Yeah.
Looking for creative solutions.
Oh, I got a question for you to start.
So we're five years.
We're five years into this.
That's the question.
You have a question.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. So Four to five.
Is it a personalized
answering thing?
Does it say, Hi, this is Alex.
Leave a message.
No, no.
It's the number one.
I'm the kind of person
where if I get a phone call from someone
and I don't know the number,
that's not my circus, not my monkeys,
that's their problem, they'll figure it out.
Sorry.
Title, title for sure.
Wait.
That's a great expression.
Agreed, it's not my circus, they're not my monkeys,
it's not my problem, I love that.
But Alex, we got a pretty potential easy one.
I agree.
Because I don't think we answer and tell him at this point,
especially when you said that he was.
Oh, then I don't agree.
Oh, well, I mean, if it's five years in,
the turn of this one got to me when,
if it was just he's leaving silly ones,
he misses his friend.
Then he invited his friend and he's like,
I gotta get in touch with him,
and he's probably like, I don't know what the fuck happened.
Stevie didn't call me back.
Now maybe they email, maybe they have another way,
but he's like, when I call this fucking guy,
I don't hear from him.
Yeah, well there is another element
that I should mention and that's that
in some of the voicemails it sounds like
they do meet up from time to time.
Yeah, interesting twist.
But why they don't have a conversation about,
hey man, you're not returning my calls, what the heck?
I don't know.
Because it's a hard thing.
Some people are weird with phones,
some people are weird with texts,
some people are weird with emails.
Like you know people will go text
and they don't text back for three days
and you're like, I guess that's just you.
Yeah, you're like, all right.
All right.
I think there's a very easy win here.
I do too.
Go ahead.
You want, no, go. Mine is beep. Hey, this is Alex
My phone number blah blah blah, please leave a message. I like that and I like that pitch. What the fuck?
I got the wrong number
Then he might go he doesn't have to think I left him all the time
He then he emails or sees Stevie and goes did you change your number and he goes no, what's your number?
And he goes, oh fuck. I got a wrong thing thing here I've been given the wrong thing for years. I don't I I like that pitch that okay. So here's what we got
We're gonna have Jake's what I'll call safe pitch. Yes, and we're gonna have my run to the fire pitch
Okay, my pitch is that on the show right now after a brief rehearsal with us
You call him to the number you have and you tell, either through a voicemail or on the phone,
hey, just so you know, sometimes I can't understand,
but I think you've been calling my number,
trying to get in touch with your friend Stevie.
I'm not Stevie, so I don't know if you know that or what.
We've been together for five years.
But what are we gonna do?
I mean, at some point it's like. At some point you to rip the band-aid off that's what I mean it's
how we write it dad can I'm sorry you're talking about passive aggressive a slow
peel I'm talking about right now it's not a slow peel I'm talking next time he
calls he hears another man's voice another man's name he then contacts
Stevie they figure it out as opposed to Alex saying, for five years
I've sat on this, now-
But I can do- No, but see, no.
It's the execution.
Yeah.
I'm gonna call you.
Okay.
Okay, you're the Stevie guy.
Hello.
Hey, how's it going there, sir?
You probably recognize the number that called you as the one that you call Stevie from,
is that right?
Yes. Okay, so I don't know how this happened I've had issues with my
voicemail over the years and I wasn't sure if our lines were getting crossed
Click! Stop! Stop! You're being unfair! I'm not! You are! Somebody calls yep yes but it's
Stevie he's got it's Stevie! Stevie comes up on the phone. OK, you're right. OK. Stevie!
Hey, actually, hold on.
How long is Stevie?
Sir, actually, this isn't Stevie.
I know this will seem a little strange,
because I think you've been calling my number for a while.
What?
I think you've been calling my number for a while.
Who is this?
You were born to play this role, by the way.
I just remembered, he's about to retire.
It's an old guy.
Yeah, yeah, OK.
Stevie! Hey, hello there. Actually. This is not Stevie
I actually I know you I think you've been calling my number, which is this number for a while. Who is this?
My name is Alex. Okay, and I'm not Stevie. I think you have my number saved as Stevie's number
What are you talking about? I think what you need to do sir, because you've been calling Alex, not your friend Stevie. I know that because you've been leaving me voicemails.
For how long? A while, I guess. I just I've had issues with my voicemail over the years.
What? Yeah, like I haven't been able to retrieve my message. I don't know what the fuck you're
talking about. Sir, you're old, but you're not 90. So so remember that when we're having
this conversation. So so sir, what I'm saying is you've been calling this thinking I'm your friend Stevie. I'm not a mouse
I would reach out and it's been happening to you
It's been happening for a while, but I've had issues with my voicemail over the years, okay
So I appreciate the call sir sir. I think you sir and if you're gonna try to sell me something
I'm gonna up your ass sir click sir I Mean it you're going to try to sell me something shove it up your ass. Sir.
Sir.
Sir.
I mean it though.
Alright do it to me.
Try my pitch to me in earnest.
And tell me what the pitch is.
The pitch is that I'm saying to this guy, hey I think you've been trying to call your
friend Stevie at this number for a while.
It's not Stevie so I think you could email your friend Stevie or find another way to
contact him and get his real number Alex
You be Alex try to confront him Gareth is going to be I'll be whatever his name is. Yeah, not Stevie Stevie's
All right. Let's see what you got. Okay. Hello
Hey
No, it's actually not it's not not Stevie. I should have introduced myself.
Hey, my name is Alex.
You know, you've been calling this number a lot
and I just gotta tell you it's not the right number.
What do you mean?
So, you're trying to get in touch.
I think it's your friend Stevie.
You've left him a few voicemails
and I always seem to miss the call when you call.
And hey, I heard you're getting retired
That's awesome. I just want to make sure he does not miss the invite
By by telling you this is the wrong number
Do you have Stevie's number is this I?
Don't I don't have Stevie's number
I'm actually not sure how you got this number in the first place because this has been going on for a while.
All right. Well, I'll email Stevie, whose email I have, and resolve it that way.
I mean, there's a sweet path at this, Alex. What do you think about the confronting or leaving a changing your outgoing message?
What path do you think?
Yeah, the changing the outgoing message is is very
appealing to me that one is is pretty easy because I don't have to deal with
it going sideways but then our show doesn't get exactly what I'm nervous
about is this guy getting on the phone and being like you could say that's it
well that's exactly what I could play this This has been a lie. Let me let me ask you this, Alex.
He doesn't know what you sound like.
We could from your phone call this guy right now.
And I could do you and tell this old man what's been going on.
That that could that could also work.
Now, I should clarify that I'm pretty sure that his friend's name is
Stevie when he leaves these voicemails it's wild. I mean I can't always
tell what he's saying. Sometimes I wonder if he's calling when he's had a few.
Well change your outgoing message. That's what I would do. Change your outgoing
message and see what happens and then if you need a follow-up yeah if it keeps happening we can go to this
nuclear option which which I think will work him confronted call call him and be
like sir yes I agree that definitely will work yes it just might yeah yeah two
big issues could happen it will work it'll add the problem yes it might
embarrass him the old guy and the old guy might go why haven't you told me for five fucking years?
Right well by the way
I would be my fear in conjunction with the outgoing voicemail that's gonna help us alleviate that problem, too
Yes, because then you can just pretend you just got this number two months ago. I like that
Sure, you might have just nailed it. I would go outgoing message if he calls again you just I love that thing
The air just said hi. I don't know who you are. I just got this phone number
So then he panics that Stevie changed his number. Yes contact Stevie in the way. He contacts him. Yes
I mean you change your number. Yes, you could do that right away or the way he contacts him. Yes. Email. Did you change your number?
Yes.
You could do that right away.
Or next time he calls, go, hello, is Stevie there?
No.
And then he goes, he's not.
And you go, I'm sorry, man, I just got this number.
I don't know who Stevie is.
What I would do, this is what I would do.
That's smart.
Outgoing voicemail.
And then you have, because of that change, then I would maybe answer next time.
I totally agree.
I wouldn't call him.
I would answer next time.
Yes. I agree. I agree. There you go. Alex,. I wouldn't call him. Yes, I agree.
I agree.
There you go.
Alex, all of a sudden we hit it, I think.
What do you think?
Oh yeah, no, I think it's a win-win.
It's a small lie.
It's just you just, you can never admit
to five years of this behavior.
I could, but you're right.
But you just go into, I got this phone, here we are.
I agree.
I think that's right.
I think too, you know the people that call me that have my number
That might be a little confused know me and they would understand like oh
The people they're confused by what well, what's the bit? What do you talk?
No, no, I like people that aren't this guy that are calling my number that are then hearing that I all the sudden
Hold on. You're not saying on the voicemail, I just got this number.
Yes.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Hey, it's Alex.
This is Alex. This is Alex first and last name if you want. Leave a message.
You are now recording a regular outgoing voicemail.
With your name on it.
Easy, easy peasy.
Then when he calls after that, you answer the phone he goes hey Stevie go no
Sorry, this is Alex who you looking for Stevie. That's not this number. I if he pushes on it go. I'm sorry, man
I just got this number. I don't know Stevie then go back repeat the number
So he looks at his phone and he goes shit
And I would do this ASAP so that Stevie doesn't miss this retirement. I agree
That's the only thing is there's that clock on it.
I, you know what I do in terms of the clock?
It's not till February or December.
But we're good.
We're good.
I put the message on today.
You can't probably do it while we're talking to you, but will you send us the
outgoing that we could play along?
Make a, just, I don't know how you do it.
Yeah, just, you can send us a link to that so we can get the out we can call you and record it
And then as soon as it's so that's right
Then as soon as this is over next time he calls stance of the fun. Mm-hmm perfect buddy
Love it. This is a fucking do it. We appreciate the call
Yep
Yep. Go get them, Alex.
Thanks, bud.
Will do. Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz,
biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz,
Greetings. This is Alex.
If that is the person that you intended to call, then you're in the right place.
I'm currently away from my phone right now and we'll give you a call back as soon as I enable.
Thank you.
Hey, everyone. Producer Kevin, AKA The Shark.
The original call from this next follow-up aired on August 1st It is called the legend has retired with Neil Brennan and it is the second call from that episode
So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher go for it. Enjoy
Hello, hi, we know this is a follow-up. That's all we know. So who is this? What was the problem?
What did we say? And what did you do?
Well, this is Ashley. And the problem was that I had Cindy, the brain tumor.
Oh, right.
Well, it's great to hear from you. First of all.
Yeah, we made it. We did it.
Wow.
Okay. So you had a brain tumor, you gave it a name,
and you didn't want it to be doom and gloom,
you wanted it to be fun, is that correct?
Correct, yes.
So we named it.
And you are a guy's suggestion.
Yep.
Yep, Cindy.
We threw a retirement party for her, which was very fun.
And so walk us through what happened,
walk us through where you're at,
and we know it's a good follow-up, we're talking to you.
Yep.
Right, yeah, surgery, well we'll start there.
I had surgery on July 31st, everything went well.
Great.
They got all but two very small pieces of Cyndi,
is what I was told, which is fine by me.
Recovery is going well, not as fast as I would like it to be going, but here we are.
We're still alive, much to be grateful for.
Great.
So yeah, that went good.
And then the party, the party was also good.
It ended up ultimately being a COVID superspreader event.
It was not great, but, um, the party itself was fun.
We, um, actually listened to that podcast episode while I was still in the hospital
with a friend and my sister.
And I realized that we didn't, we didn't exactly follow what you had suggested.
Nobody does.
But we did.
It's just, I know.
These follow-ups are humbling.
You mentioned that in some of the follow-ups and I was like, oh man, we didn't do it.
But what did you do?
We kind of did.
We kind of did.
We had a party and we took kind of all of your suggestions and just put it into one day.
We had a cake. A cake was fun. My friends put together a slideshow of just photos of me and them.
And then all of the photos where I was just looking like a lunatic or I was
And then all of the photos where I was just looking like a lunatic or I was
Bloody for whatever reason
They were just like that was Cindy that did that
And then we everybody did like their favorite memories with Cindy
Which was mostly all their favorite memories of me also acting crazy or saying or doing crazy things in the cake
We're saying it now we're seeing it now.
Oh, we're seeing some pictures of it. Oh, wow.
This is great.
Oh yeah.
And we did.
We, um, we campaign.
We popped champagne.
That was very short for me.
I shot arrows.
We shot arrows in my face.
Yes.
Not my face.
The printout of my face.
Well, look, I just, I'm going to, I'm going to wrap this up, but the reality of it is
apart from anything else. We are so happy
You're doing yeah, we are so glad if this is a huge win
You're kicking ass. It's great to hear from you
Yeah feels like this is just a huge victory for you and for us and for everybody and you're kicking ass
You seem to be doing everything right? Yeah, honestly, it's great to hear
So, you know, we didn't really do much and even if we did you didn't really listen all of it
I can't make your brain surgery about us. I mean I could we can
There's a way listen long enough we'll start doing voices
Do Cindy or do this to be mr. Bigly?
I'm glad to do it. You want to do Cindy or do Mr. Huma?
I'll be Mr. Bigley.
But honestly, Ashley, it's awesome that it worked out.
So we're really glad.
And enjoy your recovery.
Yeah, thanks, guys.
Huge victory for everybody except for Cindy.
That's right.
And that's how we like it.
And the pitches for the show.
Yes, yeah.
We appreciate your answer.
Yep, thanks, guys.
Thank you very much. All right your answer. Yep, thank you.
Thank you very much.
All right, bye.
Yep, bye.
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