We're Here to Help - 117: Organized Fun Can Be Tricky with Steve Berg
Episode Date: September 26, 2024Jake, Gareth and special guest Steve Berg (Hi, Strangeness podcast) talk to a caller about getting out of a segway tour. Later the guys talk to someone trying to get out of the dad funk ...before a big family vacation.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help.
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And we are back.
Oh, Jake. We've got a fun one.
And for the intro, who's not in this episode.
Nope, it's a shame.
He's just doing an intro with us.
He's just doing an intro.
Steven K. Bird.
Hey, listeners, what's up, man? Hey, listeners.
What's up, man?
Hey, will you tell us what just happened with the chicken?
I almost started a five alarm fire in my kitchen
because I'm doing a rotisserie chicken
and I did a little too much olive oil on that
and Himalayan sea salt.
You gotta get a good run.
By the way, sounds delicious.
What are your sides gonna be? I wish it was mashed potatoes, but it's mashed cauliflower in a salad.
And why are you doing cauliflower over mashed potatoes, Steve?
That's what the wife requested, so I just do as I'm told.
I like it.
Okay. I like it a lot.
Also, Jake, is there a better word for Steve to say than rotisserie?
I don't think there is.
Rotisserie.
I agree.
It's just beautiful.
Now Steve, you have a podcast, High Strangeness.
I sure do, Gareth.
Everyone should go listen to it.
Right, yeah, we talk about a lot of weird things like UFOs,
the paranormal, ghosts, weird history, counterculture,
good stuff.
And Jake?
And I have a hat that was made by
Kevin's talented,
beautiful wife, Leah.
Yeah, it looks awesome.
What's the Instagram?
Yeah, she killed it.
Her Instagram's shop.rollyhog, R-O-L-L-Y-H-O-G.
And yeah, she made an awesome shirt and hat
for Jake and his bro for Vegas.
It was my bro's 50th.
Oh!
We went to Vegas together, stayed at the Venetian,
which is by far my favorite hotel.
Yeah, why is that?
I haven't realized I'd been there before.
It's just fucking really nice.
It's really easy.
It's connected to the sphere.
So it was like, neither did I.
That's cool.
It was just so easy.
We ate at this restaurant called Bouchon there, which was all, I'm like, Oh,
we're not even leaving. We didn't walk on the strip.
It's kind of the best part.
It kind of, but I didn't realize that before.
Cause whenever I've gone there, I'm always up and down the strip.
Then I go to the older Vegas and you're trying to move around and what did you
just throw in the mouth, Bergy?
A snus.
Oh, just your, but this was the first one where we got to the hotel.
We were at the Venetian and we didn't move and he and I left and we said, let's just
do this annually.
That's awesome.
I absolutely.
Not leaving.
It was awesome.
Not leaving is the best part.
This was the best Vegas trip I'd ever been on and it wasn't even two nights. No one night we got there flew in Saturday morning left Sunday night.
That's perfect. Not one sip of alcohol. What? Wow. Wow. I don't know. That is now
two workouts. Two workouts. This trip sucks. Now okay gamble wise best. Now, okay, gamble wise, up or down?
Because I know you might have not had boos, but you definitely played.
My brother doesn't even play.
You didn't play anything?
I played under a hundred bucks worth. My brother likes slots.
So we just goofed around on slots.
And what he does, which is really funny, is he'll pretend like the stakes are high, we'll do like quarter slots.
And it would be like seven, seven seven and a miss and he would go. Can you believe that?
He almost got it
I'm like honestly embarrassed
Just the two of you just the two of us
Awesome, what were the activities like what you guys do then if you didn't or well, we had like a we went to a really nice
Dinner, we made reservations. We wore nicer clothes.
I mean, we were at Bouchon where we like ordered some food.
It was like really nice.
Then we went to the Eagles.
How was that?
I saw them at the Sphere.
The Sphere is nice.
I bet.
Was it crazy?
It looked cool.
It's crazy.
Yeah, the Sphere is crazy.
Have you guys gone?
I want to.
Yeah, it's worth it.
It's a really, I would probably go if I did it again
and just see the movie though
Yeah, the concert all that's cool, but you can see a concert
I know what's cool about it is you're in the it's like a love affair to screens
Hmm. Well, you're like, this is the biggest screen and the wildest screen
I had ever seen you feel like you're falling over at times. It's too much. Sure. You're like my head's spinning
I don't like this and other times. Yeah. It's probably because you're sober.
Yeah. I was just going to say, Hey, would you think Steve with his vertigo
would be okay in there? And also if he was, would you permit him to take a
bunch of edibles and go in there?
Absolutely. He would love it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think if, I think if you were on drugs in there, it might, it would be
as experienced, that'd be way too much for me.
Yeah.
I mean, I would say two thirds of the audience were on mushrooms.
Wow.
And you know that because you look around and everyone's just going like that.
No one was dancing.
Everyone's just staring at the screen like this.
Staring at the screen.
I was like, this is wild.
You said they show a movie.
What does that mean?
Like they show regular movies in there?
No, there's like a whole story that they try to do in visuals.
So you're like going through a visual experience while the band is going.
And you're like, you know, it's just, you know, it's very, it's wild.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I think that's great.
I also think Jake, maybe next time you take Bergy and Edelstein and let those two just edible their little faces off and watch
You know what you could take them in there when there's no show and they
Brother I've never been happier. It's better without a show actually shows up here, buddy
I had lunch with Eric and he goes how was it? And I was like, you know, it was really amazing
He was like man. How was the band?
Like I'm an Eagles guy.
I'm like, they've gotten older and he goes older and better.
I'm sure Joe Walsh still has it.
And I go, I mean, I'm sure he was better in 72.
He's good.
But you're saying like, always this.
And then he goes, he's like, man, he's like, I hear he's like, you
should have seen dead in company.
I know, I know John Mayer, but it was the best dead show that I'm like, stop it.
Stop it.
Well, Steve, you'll join us on a call in the future and boy, like we said,
you've got a couple of moments in it.
We're very excited.
Actually, why don't we add a cab?
Let's just do a little producing while doing it.
Why don't we just add the chicken call to the first one?
Great.
So we have a special guest who's gonna be a caller.
Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the show.
Go get him.
Hi.
Hi, can we get your name, please?
Yeah, I'm going to use not my real name, but you can call me Lucy.
Lucy, actually, Lucy, before we do this,
Kevin, will you send in our man of the hour?
Sure.
So Lucy, you got a special guest.
Oh, no.
I just figured we should do it early.
Is he recording and everything else?
Yep. No way.
He's probably just had a one hitter.
It doesn't.
I did just have a one hitter and I did forget.
He didn't even finish his set.
I'm very transparent.
Uh, backdrop, Steve.
It's amazing.
Thanks.
As you guys know, I'm a big fan of, uh, outer space and all things cosmic.
Yeah.
And your podcast, high strangeness is doing great.
It's well, everyone's talking about it.
It's a yeah, it's, it's yeah.
People are loving it.
No, it's going good.
I'm having so much fun.
Lying.
So you definitely took a long time.
I'm not gonna lie.
Can I suggest an alt title for your podcast?
All things cosmic.
That is good.
I will take it up to advisement with the board.
You're the board. Okay. So now, uh, Lucy, we're going to make this about her. Steven,
you're just going to fold in with us. I love your shirt, Jake.
Thanks. That's a great shirt. It's a great shirt.
I got a bunch of the same ones. It's really nice. I like it.
You know what I love about Jake? You'll give him a compliment and he'll have a weird little
detail follow-up. Yeah. It's like, I like your shirt. Thanks, man. I got 50 of them yesterday. Yeah, grossly accurate
There's no rib bottle on that one
Nailed it. Thanks, man. I got 42 of them in boxes in my head. I'll have them forever. Don't like it that much
Wish I didn't compliment the shirt. I got 30 smalls and 50 extra larges. I don't know which way i'm going
Who cares? I'm gonna awaits. Yeah, so Lucy
How old are you?
35 35 and where you calling from Lucy Brooklyn Brooklyn what section?
Downtown Brooklyn I live me close to the Brooklyn Bridge
Beautiful I just walked over it with the family
Lovely lovely. Yeah, we all loved it.
Not about that, more about you.
So Lucy, 35 from Brooklyn.
What do you do in New York?
I work in marketing.
Marketing.
Any hobbies you really like?
Spoiling my dog.
Spoiling your dog.
Trying the restaurant.
Trying the restaurant.
And Lucy, what's your real name?
Uh, nice try.
Don't answer, don't answer.
Ah, damn it, almost got it. Okay, almost got it. Lucy, what can we real name? Nice try. Don't answer. Don't answer. Ah, damn it.
Almost got it.
Okay.
Almost got it.
Lucy, what can we do for you today?
Okay.
So my husband and I are going to Chicago mid-October with another couple, one of his best friends
and his wife.
He and I, my husband and I are extremely low-key people.
We love traveling, but we generally are, you know, these museums, eat
some food. But one of the people we're traveling with is extremely, extremely Taipei, and has
kind of assigned themselves as the de facto trip planner. So as a result, one of the activities
that we've been assigned is a segue tour
Couple As a couple they have previously done these in other cities and have said that they've enjoyed them
So they wanted to do one in Chicago
And so we've we've already tried to talk our way out of going in a few ways to no avail
But this is really one of the last things that my husband and
I want to do on a vacation.
So the question is, how can we, or is there a way to get out of this without causing friction
in the friendship?
Because my husband, we can call him Ricky, and his friends, who we'll call Fred, are
extremely close.
They've been friends for a very long time.
So we don't want to cause any,
we don't wanna make any big waves.
So like, is there a way to get out of it?
And then if not, if you don't think so,
how can we make it more tolerable?
I've got it.
Well, first of all,
Yes, Lucy Bravo.
Lucy, what's your relationship with Ethel? Yeah, cause I'm just. Well, first of all, Lucy Bravo. Lucy, what's your relationship with Ethel?
Yeah. Cause I'm just showing you. I, I know the source.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I think it may be easy enough to remember.
I think we can assume that the type a is the lady.
It's not Fred, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, we've met like once or twice and she's very, she's lovely.
And like her type anus is really to get everyone to rally around fun,
but it can be very intense. Yeah. I understand that. Okay. Yeah.
Organized fun can be tricky. Yeah. And we want it. We want it, you know,
go along and have fun.
And Fred has even kind of sidebarred with Ricky to try and convince us that segways are fun.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. But we're not quite there.
Can you send us those those texts?
I would love to hear the pitch of like there's there are the way of the future.
Tell all transportation will be.
Like a Segway tour feels like a 2008 thing you did.
You do realize they're going to knock down all highways and they're just going to be
weird Segway streets.
This is where we're headed.
Eventually they'll hover three inches off the ground.
It'll be extra cool.
It was actually a call, so I don't have the source material.
Understood. I've got my first pitch.
I got one too.
You go for it.
Go ahead.
No, you go ahead.
Uh, you have, uh, Ricky email Fred and say very bad news.
Uh, Lucy fell down and hurt her hip and she's really unsure about the segue.
And we just don't think it is smart to do.
So we're in for everything else.
But I just don't feel responsible putting my woman
on a little three wheeler that if you lean wrong,
you fall down and get hurt.
She's got a very serious hip injury.
You really?
That's what I have.
Yeah, I have wrist, but yes.
Yes, wrist is perfect.
I was thinking wrist,
cause you can wear the little wrist guard and it's not
really going to fucking do anything.
Yeah, you don't want to hold CBS brace.
Oh, I like it. I like what you guys have said.
Bigger lies.
I think what if you did this?
Because there are many cases of late in life
people developing vertigo and inner ear problems.
And I myself speak for experience, young lady. I can now not even go on a canoe without
you know, titter-tottering for days.
What is happening?
You could say that there's a case of vertigo like an inner
ear thing where it's like it sounds so crazy and she's a
little embarrassed of it. But she gets kind of dizzy and
motion sickness on like weird vehicles.
By the way, vertigo is clean. Vertigo is clean.
It's like you don't have to wear it on your physical body as a fake injury.
Because then you're in a costume.
And you have to commit to that whole day weekend.
You don't have to. You don't have to wear the wrist thing.
Can we just highlight the fact that Steve is now saying
he can't go on canoes as regularly as he normally does?
I can't say I go from a long are you how often are you
denying a canoe offer? I mean fairly only like three to 18
times a week. Yeah, I mean, well as an avid angler aka fly
fisherman, I mean, like, I can't go on the boat, the ocean,
ocean fishing that's out for me. And it's tough. It's tough. Because of your fake vertigo?
It's not fake, brother. It's real. When did you get vertigo?
I developed it. You know, I was seeing the movie Capote and then all of a sudden,
Okay. Yeah. So Lucy, Lucy, this is your story. You were watching the movie Capote
and then Steve, what happened after that?
Well, I walked out.
I walked in.
No, I wasn't even high.
That could have been a lie.
That's a lie, Steve.
Can I just interject really quick because she did ask what is a way if we don't end up
getting out to make it more fun.
And this brings up a little friend I like to call Mary Jane, the teacher plant, which
is very legal in California or Chicago.
Take I would say five to 10 milligrams.
I'm not on a second night.
Hell yes.
On a segue.
You can't even go on a canoe because you're going to get actual vertigo
from your pit.
Well, I don't know.
I think a couple of cocktails or, uh, you know, a little, a little, the
Mary Jane, the teacher plant.
We go a long way.
So we're all signing off on is get real high and drunk for this thing.
That's already tough to balance on and then hurt your hip in reality.
Here's a real pitch, Lucy.
I think the vertigo is a very clean one.
What do you think of that?
I think I prefer that to like the hip or the wrist because like, I don't
want to have to pretend that I have a limp the whole weekend.
But you can get out of anything that Ethel is putting together.
Cause your vertigo is acting up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like it.
You can, they can go like, oh, we're all going to go to this like fancy
roof restaurant and eat these weird fish things.
And you can go like this vertigo.
Yeah.
And it seems like something you wouldn't make up.
It's like, it's so niche that they'd be like, you know, it seems so believable. So Steve walk us through
real, by the way, before we do this, Lucy, if you, if we can nail down a story, will
you go with vertigo? I think I could because I do get motion sickness, like light motion
thickness. Um, and I feel, I feel like that could work its way into,
like I could not have to fake it as much as like
an actual injury.
I'm sorry, Lucy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just so much thought just came out of my nose.
Steve.
What?
Steve just looked like a latchkey kid who left the stove on.
We have this clip of whatever happened to us.
Let me post it.
Lucy, Steve.
Ha!
Sorry.
Sorry.
Steve just goes.
He goes, oh, no.
Oh, shit.
Threw his headphones up and ran away.
And we don't know what just happened.
Sorry to interrupt.
We will keep the show going.
But for those who know and love Steve, that's as good of a Steve moment.
So so so in terms of the vertigo, you you you feel you can push on that?
Yeah, I think that's believable.
I do, too. And I think it's really clean.
And I'm also like a terrible liar.
So I feel like because I do have motion sickness, like I it's not as much of a stretch for me.
Sorry, Lucy, one second. What just happened, Steve?
My fire alarm went off.
Oh, my God. And here's the best question.
Why? Because I have rotisserie chicken in there.
You burned a chicken. question. Why? Because I have a rotisserie chicken in there. I think, I think I put too much olive oil on it and, uh, well, that was close.
That was close.
I am sweating.
Holy cow.
Yeah.
All right, Steve, do something really fast for us.
Yeah, babe.
Will you tell us the story of how it, so just in a very real way, you, you, sir,
have vertigo yeah yeah how how
is it discovered okay so vertigo often can happen with motion if you have too
much motion or if you're exhausted like like dehydration or something like that
I was shooting night shoots doing it like for like eight or nine days and then
I came back from Idaho to LA and the day, my wife and I went to go see Capote at the Los Filos three.
And at the end of the movie, I started feeling a little dizzy and I stood up
and I couldn't even like walk. She had just like interlock her arm and like,
walk me home. Like it was crazy.
And then since then, what are your flare ups when you're on a canoe?
If I go, if obviously canoeing is out, obviously my life.
What can you do now?
And I come from a big canoeing family.
Yeah.
But yeah, boats, any kind of like weird vehicle, I can't go on anything.
That was even like going on a swing, like a, you know, at a park.
I can't do that.
Like nothing.
So just real quick as a member of society near parks, you shouldn't be going on swings anyway.
Agreed with true dad True, true that.
So, now Lucy, back to you for a second. So, everything about that which was good apart from the night shoots and Idaho stuff,
but all you need to say is you've been working too much?
Or you couldn't sleep for five days.
Yeah, whatever, you just retired. Can you tell us the story that you are going to tell Fred and Ethel
and use those examples,
Steve's story as your own, but put it in your own words.
We want to see how you are as a liar.
Okay.
So the setup would be very simple.
It is, you are saying why you can't go on the, um, what's it called?
The segues. They ask at some point while you're having dinner.
Well, what happens?
Are you a vertigo?
Yeah, I, it's, it's crazy.
I, you know, I've been working a lot, work has been really busy.
Um, and you know, we, we went out bike riding, you know, we, we take the
dog out like riding and I, I almost fell off my bike in the street
because I got so dizzy.
And even on the elevator going into work,
I've been feeling really dizzy.
And so I went to the doctor and they said that
because of being really busy and having trouble sleeping,
it can really lead to things like vertigo.
Do you want to go on a canoe?
Yeah, Steve, did you ever go to a doctor?
I did.
And what did they prescribe you with? Anything?
They just said to avoid it, or they gave me an option of a patch to wear behind my ear
if I wanted to go on a boat, but they were unsure if that would even work.
So you didn't go to a real doctor.
You were in a mall talking to somebody
who was just walking around, yeah?
Well, it was Eric Edelstein.
Yeah, Eric Edelstein.
Eric Edelstein.
You could put a sticker on your ear
and you'll be fine.
So Lucy, I would say that you then went to a doctor,
and I would even do that, and they go,
they told me for the segue thing
I could wear a patch behind my ear,
but I didn't wanna mess with it,
and so they just said avoid stuff like that.
So I'm going to have to be a downer, but I do not want to stop you and Fred from going
have fun.
Ricky and I will do our boring old dinner and walk around and we'll catch up to you
after.
Do we think the best way for her to unfurl this is to do it in person or is it better
for Ricky to text Fred, let him know, and then we have her ready
with the story, which I think is really good.
That's exactly right.
Yeah, because she can act like she's shy about it.
Like, I don't want to be a bummer.
I don't want to be like the person that you know.
But your version of it is great.
So what you just said, Lucy, I think is perfect.
Perfect.
I agree.
Just have, yeah, just lay it out there and have Ricky do that part.
So Lucy, are you going to do this plan?
Yeah, I think so.
I mean, I'm sure they'll ask while we're there
and then I'll have my story ready,
but I'll put the bad guy or bad cop on my husband.
Yeah, and do the same thing
and talk to your husband about it.
I really liked that detail Steve had of his wife
had to walk him home, be like,
we had to like stop and he had to,
we had to walk the bikes and be like, it was wild.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
I think I can do that.
You can then, can you do us a favor and take a screenshot of when Ricky
probably texts this to Fred and maybe Fred's response so we can see that.
And then also remember you are taking the advice of a guy who has a
galaxy background and almost burned his
house down because he over oiled the chicken yeah yeah we appreciate you high
strangeness Steve Berg yep
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Hello, hi, can we get your name please? Yeah, my name is Mike Mike. Hi, can we get your name please?
Yeah, my name is Mike.
Mike.
Hi Mike.
Mike, can you tell us something about you that might be interesting for us and our viewers
that just gives us a little side action?
An insight.
It could be anything.
Yeah, I
Have a go-to karaoke song called the stroke by Billy Squire. It's a great one. Can we hear taste I?
Can send in a Christmas video a Christmas party video if you'd like it's a crazy answer Mike
Yeah, that's maybe a tattoo the end of the episode please okay Mike what is the issue today friend
Okay, guys, I'm gonna sound like a real spoiled brat in this video. Great. I'm sorry in this call
So I'm going to Disney World with my wife and kids this Saturday, right?
Okay, and I'm going with my boss and his family and they are huge Disney fanatics
They asked us to go a few months ago and I actually told them no, that I would rather
stay home.
Thank you for the offer but no thank you.
And then they offered to pay for it for my family to go.
And so I just felt like I couldn't say no.
You could.
That's your boss.
So I am going.
My wife and kids are super excited but I'm dreading this vacation and I was wanting to
see if you guys could help me get out of the dad funk is what I've been calling it. You remember if your dad ever get upset right before vacation
Yeah, I get this call Mike
You're not
100% and you're not a spoiled brat in my opinion now the commenters and the youtubers and everybody might disagree with us
But I hear you Mike
This is a tough spot you're in.
You tried to get out with money,
you can't get out at your boss.
Who are you?
It's just that it's gonna suck.
It's just gonna suck.
It's gonna be hot.
Yeah.
It's gonna be in Disney.
No, it's gonna suck.
It's gonna be, everyone's gonna be tired.
You relate.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
This is a nightmare.
Yeah.
We're going to actually,
there's gonna be three other couples
and 10 kids all under the age of 13
staying in the same house for a week
Yeah, this is hard. Yeah, this is hard. So
Mike here's the first thing
It's gonna be over before you know
Cuz what you don't want to be and I've been this and I've been told by my wife to cool it
Mm-hmm is you don't't wanna be bringing down the vibe.
Because your kids are gonna.
Exactly, that's not my personality
in any other aspect of my life.
I totally get it.
It's tough though.
So basically the question is,
and then if I'm telling you your question,
I'm incorrect, correct it.
But is the basic question,
how can we flip your POV of this week to turn
a frown upside down?
You got it, Spider-Man.
Thank you.
Okay, so now we got to find it because it's not going to be easy.
I mean, what is our angle?
Are we going at pep talk?
No.
We're going to get a game for Mike that nobody knows besides Mike.
My first instinct is a bad game
Which is a slippery slope. Let's try. I mean there are times and
This is I don't drink a ton, but I'll tell you what there are times where I'm going
I don't want to do it. Yeah, and I'll be like a little bit of booze goes along. Yeah
I a sneaky cocktail or two read could be the way to add a little bit of fun
But here's another game Mike and by the way booze for sure
You just got to be really careful if you're a little grumpy and it's hot you also you don't want to get snappy
Yeah, and we don't want to get hammered
You know we're talking about a sip or two to just make the day a little nicer
Let me pitch something that I don't know where this is gonna end Gareth
I'm gonna need some help, but I think you're going to like the setup.
Let's go.
So when I first started doing press and I would do those big junket days, you'd be
sitting in the chair all day answering questions and it was overwhelming.
I didn't know what to do.
And I was with Mike Sarah and Mike used to play a game where before the interview, he
would say, let's see if we can sneak in the word watermelon and you would
have to do it so that the people interviewing you didn't think you were making fun of them,
you didn't make it ridiculous, but you'd have to find a way to naturally get it in.
And so when that would happen, and in the middle of him answering a question I'd forget,
he would say you know what this movie is like, it's like you go to the supermarket and get
a cantaloupe, you can get a watermelon, you can get something else, but what this movie
is is it's like you go to the supermarket, you get a cantaloupe, you can get a watermelon, you can get something else. But what this movie is, is it's a comet and you would go, wow, was that good.
And it became a game in the day.
So something that we could build with you that you could follow up back with us
is like, how many people did we see sitting on the sidewalk eating a churro?
Uh-huh.
Right.
How many crying kids, how many couples fighting or whatever?
And so that when you see it, you just mark in your phone, like blank.
Like what are some things that during the day, how many meltdowns within the family?
Here's, here's what, here's what I like.
Okay.
It's almost like setting up your own mental scavenger hunt.
Like we come up with
your own little mental scavenger hunt. Part of that is something like that.
Also like getting a picture with each character. Yes. How about we try to
overall on the trip put on three pounds. More. Yes but like we're trying to eat a ton., but let's hold on because there's I think Mike first of all do you like this zone?
Yeah for sure. I mean I would I would know I do I do like this
I was trying to think of when you were talking about three pounds. I think that's gonna be low for this trip for me
I think I am going to eat this will be this will be
I'm talking about three pounds. I think that's going to be low for this trip for me.
I think I am going to eat most of this trip.
This will be, this will be, this will be 10.
So, so let's say, let's say, for the end of the week, you've got to put on five pounds.
One night you get drunk without anyone knowing, including your wife.
You've got to get a picture with each character.
You have to try each.
I mean, are you going there every day?
No, not every day.
So we're actually, there's three days at Disney,
two days at Universal.
Okay.
So here's what I'm thinking, Lust.
I'm gonna just pitch in a slightly different direction.
I love the scavenger hunt.
I like less the eating and drinking
because you're gonna be a dad.
So I like having, if I'm gonna have a drink with the kids,
but you also want
to be present, you want to be hanging out with your kids, you're doing this stuff.
Sure.
The multiple families, unless they're not good friends, it's like, it's fun
when they're buds, but if they're not also your boss, is there anything about
your boss, do you like him?
Do you not like him?
Right there.
Okay.
Okay.
No, they're fantastic.
They will love the dance.
It has, this trip has nothing to do with me not wanting to go with them.
It's just, I don't want to go to Disney.
And what is it about Disney
that you specifically don't like?
I feel like everything's a ripoff.
I think so too.
What else?
It's going to be hot.
You've already kind of alluded to it.
There's going to be moments where you're waiting in line.
There's going to be a kid screaming.
You're going to get, you're going to get angry. Probably get mad at your wife for no reason, or she's gonna get mad at you for
no reason.
This is great.
And everyone's pimpin' to get high, and you've spent all this money for everyone just to
get mad at each other for four days, five days.
That's really what it will help.
So Mike, I'm with you 100% on this.
So what I just heard is rip off, we can find a scavenger hunt for overpriced items that you had to pay for.
So you're snapping photos of receipts.
Uh, the way we can show hop is sweatiness on your back, your wife's back,
inappropriate, like where, like there's too much of a glisten on like one of
your kids back of their neck.
You go like, uh, literally sweating behind the ears while waiting in line.
That could be a check mark. Wife getting mad at you.
We can't do you getting mad at her because you might heighten that.
Here's what we can do. Jump in.
We can change it, open it to the group and we make it man,
husband, wife, bingo.
And your wife or the women come up with a bingo card of things they
think that the husbands are going to do over the week. And you come up with a list of things that
you think the wives are going to do, get irritated over a line, want to buy something too expensive,
the men what you know what I mean? Yes, like maybe make that a little bit more of a okay,
go. But I think you're right
I just want to go to Micah Mike
Do you want to include the other couples and wife in this or does that put you in a grump corner to start?
Is everyone else excited or more people like you?
So everyone knows my feelings on this trip. I've been very clear about it and how are their feelings on the trip?
They're all thrilled. They're so excited. That's trip they're all thrilled they're so excited that's
why okay so then i think he okay i think he's got to do a bingo card with us yes i think we build a
bingo card and as he goes you email into the show until we've filled your bingo card so we're talking
a joke 25 26 things that you think are going to happen over the course of the week.
I think that is it. So how about this? Let's do this really quickly, Mike. 25 is a lot.
It's a lot. 10.
I've got the pen and paper.
Okay. And so do we. So what is the first thing that you think is going to happen on this
trip that's going to piss you off? The more specific, the better.
We're flying. So a flight getting delayed.
Okay.
Perfect.
Okay.
Flight.
Perfect.
Delayed.
Okay.
On the flight and when you get specific, I want your kid's name, your wife's name or
somebody, is there anything that's going to piss you off about that flight or get into
the airport or get into the hotel?
We're renting a car so maybe someone lost a reservation.
Okay.
So somebody in the group loses a reservation.
That's for car or hotel meaning you're in the lobby and you all
have to wait because something went wrong.
Both things would piss me off.
Now you're in the hotel room that first night.
Are you going right to a thing or is the first night just hanging around the hotel? Oh no,
you said rent a house. Yeah, they're renting a huge, beautiful home. It's got like eight
bedrooms in it. So Mike, what pisses you off about that house? Yeah. It's just going to
be loud all the time, the whole time. You know, no one, you're not going to get, there's 13 kids, you know?
Yeah.
Uh, there's going to be no escape from it.
Okay.
So what would you like in it?
What would you like an escape to do?
Ooh.
Cause I'm, what I'm looking for is a moment where you're like, I like to
play chess on my phone, right?
So if I'm there, I've just got the plane, we've all landed.
I know my kids are good. They're playing with their buddies. My wife is good if I'm there, I've just got the plane, we've all landed, I know my kids are good,
they're playing with their buddies,
my wife is good, I go like, I have nothing to do.
What I'm gonna wanna do is like,
find a nice chair sitting outside,
zone out, play a game or two at chess.
So do you have something like that?
Because what we can say is when you're in that moment,
if you get interrupted on that first night
in your first break, that's a bingo thing.
Yep, yep.
So what would be, what's the first thing you want to do
is have a beer.
Your peace interrupted.
That's exactly, what is your peace on that first night?
Yeah, I think like having a drink outside by the pool.
Great, okay.
That's a good one, just a interrupted drink break.
I'll put that on there.
Okay, so drink break, so now keep in mind,
that first night, it's not your first drink.
If you're having it while everybody's unpacking and you get interrupted,
well, everyone's unpacking mine. It's when literally pieces interrupt,
everybody's settled. And there's always that moment where you're like,
the bags are as, as empty. You're going to have them.
The kids are doing something either you and your wife are connecting or doing
your own thing. And you go, all right, it's eight 15.
I actually actually gonna sit
and have a drink.
The shark, that's when he's smoking a cigar.
Or in Vegas, eating a bowl full of-
Spaghetti for four?
Yeah, spaghetti for four.
Spaghetti for four alone?
Which I've still thought about how hungry that made me.
It's the only thing I took away from yesterday.
How bad I wanna go to Vegas and eat spaghetti for four.
I was just gonna say, I love the idea for Vegas.
You're like, oh man, spaghetti for four?
By the way, if Berg was hugging Vegas
Oh, you want to go to Vegas? He's like Vegas, baby. We're like swingers. I went there. I ate so much noodles
I'm like the new Vince Vaughn. You should have seen I ate so much spaghetti. They wanted to put my picture on the wall
I'm not really Mike on that Vegas trip. Yes. Okay. So the first night you're having a drink and you're relaxed if a kid
Or anybody interrupts it,
card.
Mm-hmm, bingo.
Okay, next day, first, oh, is there anything that night
when everyone's trying to sleep,
you're afraid someone's gonna annoy you?
I mean, you could just put that,
you know, I don't know if you guys have experienced this,
oh, you have a cat, Garth, so you'll know, but-
He's actually Garrett, thanks for listening.
What did he say? Garrett, it's that- But he said we have a cat. He said you'll know but uh, actually give me What did he say?
Uh, it's that he said we have a cat
He said it's garrison gonna appreciate this garth. Oh, okay. I'll tell you why I got thrown
He wrote no sex gath does not have kids and does not go. I have bingo pitches
I'll tell you what's not gonna happen on a disney trip with 13 kids in a house
Yeah, mike's not fucking i'm saying i'm saying if he gets fucked, it's, or no sex is bingo.
He's not going to get laid.
Mike, would you be mad if you didn't have sex on the trip or do you expect it?
I think he should have on there that he has sex and he should try for it.
It's going to be hard, but I want a quickie.
Okay.
But hold on.
That's fair.
I'm going to put that.
Hold on. We have to be clear of what our intention is. So if there's a good thing, we also get a bingo hit
I think it's the things that are he thinks are gonna happen. Okay, so I think he can pull off a quickie
So do you think Mike just now we're going on a bit of a tangent, but it might end up really great
Do you believe on this trip sex is going to happen for you?
It's gonna have to be quick, which should be a problem, but yeah.
But you think there's a chance it was gonna happen and if it doesn't happen, you're pissed off.
Am I projecting?
Yeah, I would say that would make this off. It's obviously understanding, but it is frustrating.
Okay, so how about this? So no sex is a bingo.
Okay, no sex is a bingo.
If you have sex, you can't mark it.
OK, even if it's a one time quickly, that's sex.
So if at the trip ends and there's no sex, mark it down. Yep.
That's a bingo.
That first night when you're trying to sleep, are you nervous
about somebody else's kid crying and waking you up?
Nervous about my kids doing that.
Interesting. OK.
So wake up if that happened.
Kid wake up in general I think is a...
Kid wake up on a trip.
Yeah.
So now we enter Disney.
Okay.
I got some.
Go ahead.
Costume character over their job.
Meaning?
The costume, like Mickey is like not into it.
Oh that's interesting.
Kind of a negative energy from Mickey.
Yes.
It's hot.
It sucks.
I've been inside those costumes. Bullshit. Same kid in the group.
A child pukes over the course of the week.
Okay.
Yes, that's exactly right.
Pew child.
You got to go.
Okay.
A ride breaks and it upsets your child.
Okay.
But then you could also say ride anything that upsets if the lines too long and a
parent decides no ride trauma ride trauma, okay
Okay, that is that?
Loaded with a rod breaking down. Yes. Yeah, so anything that happens where if you ride hurdle if one of the kids is like
I want to go on this ride another good like I don't want to and then there's a big fight about rides
You just go right into the bingo card. I
think couple argument, a tense day based on a couple.
Yeah.
Or it'd be you.
I would be exactly right.
If I would say if I'm on a vacation, go ahead, Mike.
Oh, sorry.
There's four couples.
Should I do a couple argument between all four?
And every time one of those couples argue, I'll bark their bingo.
Yeah.
Each couple, each couple. Yes. And if you get if all four do, that's what extra points.
Oh, man. It sucks.
Yeah. OK. So OK.
So we've got now a bunch of stuff.
We've got nine stuff.
What we haven't touched on the wife mad or you being mad at her.
That actually goes to the couple fight, the ripoff.
When you are forced to pay something that you think is astronomical in terms of what
the charge is disgusting, and you go like, a bottle of water, how much?
And you decide, you're like, I'm going to do all the kids' waters.
Let's go, everybody need one?
And then you go, I got this guys and they go like 280 dollars. Yep
I like that. Does that make sense? Yeah
I also think i've already been
Just to add a couple more real quick
Something important gets lost
Oh, yeah, yeah, and then the last one would be
Someone drinks too much Well, that'd be Mike
Maybe but it could all I think it's I think it's outside of my yeah
Someone on the trip gets a little too drunk one of the nights that would be at least from the ones I've been in surprising
well, if I saw if you say the
There's a parameter for drinking too much. That's the one like I think growing up or so
What's that like? This would be like a bunch of parents
Even if like one of the parents gets drunk, I think just your judgment
I think when you're like boy Ted's pretty fucking shitface. Yeah, I would say let's we can yeah
Well, I'm not I'm not against it, but we want thing go to be hard. You're right about that
Actually, I was thinking the other way, but that's right. It's then if anybody excluding you gets too drunk
That gets marked. So we now have 12 things.
So here's going to be the challenge.
Mike out of these 12 things, realistically, how many do you think you're going to hit on this trip?
Oh, let's see.
I'm going through right now.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
I've got at least eight that I'm looking at.
Well, hold on.
So you're thinking you can confidently hit
eight out of 12, right?
Yeah, and if each couple, there's four couples.
So if each couple argues that technically four.
No, that's not, no, if each couple argues that's just one.
Yeah, but that's a plus one.
Yep.
So if three out of the four That's a zero
No, I'm gonna actually make this harder for you if three out of four
That's not a win. You need all four for the one bond. Yeah, you were right
So each couple each couple arguing at one point and it could be a small argument and it could also be tension
You're picking up. That's exactly right. It can just be they go. You said couple friction. You said you got the chicken fingers. Yeah.
These aren't chicken fingers. I did.
These aren't chicken fingers and they are chicken tenders.
These aren't chicken things. OK.
And that's it. That's enough.
That's that.
If I'm on a family vacation, another couple of those that I go like, whoa,
mama mia, it's great.
Wrong chicken. Yeah.
Well, let's get them.
And then, yeah, you could be pissing next to like a tender's a finger.
My man. You are 100 percent. You haven't done this before. Have you, Dad? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you could be pissing next to like a ten. There's a finger my man
You haven't done this before have you dad? So let me ask you a question
Can you get her? Can you get ten out of twelve?
Is that insane?
The only thing that obviously I can't control would be if the flight was delayed. Yeah, you're right. That's fine though. Losing the car from reservation or if...
Well let's change the car one to car complications.
Okay.
Or...
Just in some way.
Or travel...
Well no, because flight...
How about this?
What if we put both of those together?
Great.
And they were travel complications.
Travel issue.
So then we go down to 11 total.
So travel complications work for both. And I'm telling you why I'm getting sticky here, because then we go down to 11 total. So travel complications work for both.
And I'm telling you why I'm getting sticky here,
because we're going to turn this into a little bet.
Yeah.
So one and two, flight delayed, car shit, reservation.
You get to the house.
The Airbnb doesn't have a code.
You get there.
It hasn't been cleaned.
Water sucks.
Water sucks.
Something.
That's travel complications. So now out of 11 of these, we hasn't been cleaned. Water sucks. Water sucks. Something.
That's travel complications.
So now out of 11 of these, we've got travel complications.
When you're having your first drink, you get interrupted.
We've got no sex.
A kid wakes you up during the night, yours or somebody else's.
You've got an annoyed character that's putting on a bit of a show of like how unhappy they are. One of the kids within your group puking close enough to you that it doesn't have
to be like you see it but it's part of your day. A kid pukes. It's part of your day.
Someone's puked. Yeah. Ride trauma. Something happens with a ride that just breaks down,
a kid hates it, something. Each couple gets in a intense moment. Yep. A moment that's just the prices at Disney
are comedic. Yeah. And you go like, you've got to be kidding me. Yep. And something lost
that changes the group dynamic. Blanket, a driver's license, whatever. Anything.
license whatever anything and one person in the group gets either I'm gonna add kids to this too drunk or over sugared okay cuz every once in a while kids
will be like can I get ice cream and you just go like substance in your
age out of fucking control yeah right so yeah and you just go I think he's
literally running into a wall. Yep.
Great.
So we've got out of that 11 things. Can you try to, can you get eight out of 11?
Yeah, I don't think that's going to be a problem.
If you get eight out of 11, we're going to send you a sweatshirt.
Disney bingo.
We're going to send you a hat.
And that's it.
And we're going to send you a mug.
And that's it.
And that's kind of it.
And that's kind of a lot of looking at
Your guys your guys merch is great by the way
Yeah, well then you're gonna get it my man
And if you don't hit it call in on the follow-up, and then we're not gonna send you anything either way
We get a follow-up and you get a game to play
Where you have this sheet of paper and as you hit them family vacation bingo and do me a favor do us a favor
When the moment happens
don't check market make a note because we're going to ask about it and and if you do hit eight
when you hit it no matter where you are or what's going on you shout bingo yes and make take a phone
off your thing do a video a video and you go like this. Bingo! You just say bingo, then film people reacting, and that's it.
And hopefully it's during couple tension or hit ducal.
I think that's exactly right.
This is all we need.
This is perfect.
I need to tell anybody else that I'm playing video.
No, this is your own private Idaho.
You can't tell anybody else.
This is the rule.
Nobody can know.
Not even your wife.
Yeah, she already has asked me how the call is going. I won't tell her. I'll just start. You can know, not even your wife. Yeah, she already asked me how the call is going. I
won't tell her. I'll just start. You can tell the wife. The wife can know, but she can't influence
any of this. Exactly. You can't tell anyone else. Or you can just say this. We had a lot of fun.
They gave me some fun games to do and to think about. She go like, well, like, and then you go
like, hey, they're idiots and stupid. I also, I want you, I want you to do this. Part machine.
I want you to do this. Parvish on the floor. I want you to do this heart machine. Yeah, I want you to do this garbage on the floor
I want you to do this make physically make a big old card for yourself and print it out. That's exactly right
Okay, okay, and and if she asks you could say I'm gonna be playing a bingo game
During the week don't tell anyone I'm not gonna tell you what's on it and then Kevin will you leave that there?
Yeah, so when he comes back.
Yeah. And so Mike, this is important for me. Will you, when each thing happens, write it down?
Because what I would love to happen in the callback is you go, we go travel complications
and you go like this. The second day, and we go, then we can also go, does that count or now count?
And we go, count it. You know what else I want? I would love it if you could get a
picture, get a bingo video, but of each thing just get a picture to represent it. If you could do
that and then you can send it to Kevin and we you can kind of slide show your way through it for us.
If you got kind of pics. Just kind of, of the moment going this kid, the kid puked. I was thinking
the same thing if there's like puke remnants and there's like a kid like look at that and a mom rubbing his back and you just have to sneak a little pic. Your wife your
wife yells at you just when it's over a picture of your face in the bathroom. Or tension in
line where you've got her with her arms crossed looking away and you just
write like right before I said how long are we gonna wait it seems to be broken
and she said don't do this. And here's what's great. Here's what's great. Great stuff.
I think it's great for us. And I also think this gives you a through line for the week.
You have a little mission. We're invested in it. So you're our liaison in your little bingo
Disneyland. Yeah. Mike, do you love this as much as we do?
We love it. This has been great. This is going to be good.
Great. Yeah. And I honestly-
I'm not going to tell anyone what's going on.
I'll call Q.
I'll cue my wife in that.
Hey, I'm playing a game, but it's just for me.
And I'm reporting back to show, but you can't, I can't tell you cause
you could ruin it for me.
I think that's right.
Remember if you hit eight out of 11, yell bingo and video, everyone
reacting to you yelling.
That's right.
Mike, thanks for the call. You can't wait. You're gonna have a great trip.
Can't wait. Thank you guys. Thanks.
Bye, Mike. I'm gonna have a bad walk.
I appreciate you. Okay. Go get them.
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to help. Hey, how's it going? Good, how are you? Welcome back to the show. We know you're a follow-up. We know nothing else
So what's your name and what was the problem you called him with?
Yeah, my name is Mike and I am the sport Brad guy who went to Disney trip and was unhappy about it, dude
I've been so excited to find out how this goes Sam
so Mike we basically gave you almost a
List of a big kind of real- life bingo. Is that right? Yep. You got it. I tell your wife has heard this because you referred
yourself as the spoiled brat this time. Yeah. So it's gotten in your head. That was not
your tone. I didn't even pick up on that. Yeah, right Yeah, so I just want you guys know that
It had it made I was so excited leading up to this trip just to do this
That I spilled to my boss's wife that I had called into a podcast
And I told her that told her kind of what you guys do and that you know
I wanted to be excited for this trip and they gave me an idea so we're trying it out
She said what is it? I said you just got to watch the show. I'll tell you later
so the whole week they were all
Trying to figure out what I was I guess hiding from them and that almost made it more fun than the actual challenges
so It's been it's been a lot of fun but yeah so I actually hit eight of the 11 challenges.
I sent in some photos to the shark man. I'm not sure if he has all these. What were the challenges
Mike just to refresh our memory while shark gets these picks up what what did you hit so I hit travel issues I hit bad costume character kid
puke ride trauma what was the what was the right drama so I sent a photo in
shark I don't know if you can show it to them it's kind of clipped together. It's my son. I'm like eight different rides Oh, yeah, all of them were trauma. Yeah
I think amazing. Yeah
Oh my god, he's losing his mind
Having fun, but the the rest I went out of one
I did a ride at the Santa Monica Pier with my daughters and my girl, when we started, my daughter Olivia goes,
it's one of those things that goes up
and it just starts a second in and she goes, I want off.
And I go, I hear you, I go, that's impossible.
And then she goes, daddy, I want off.
Oh my God, I was like, why am I doing this hell trap?
It hasn't even gone off!
I was like, it's a nightmare.
Okay, so you did the-
Yeah, go ahead.
I'll just say the worst part was that, so the photo you can see where he's kind of hunched down, covering his ears.
That was the very first ride of the week, actually. us So travel issues, we were driving back. Wow. Nice pick of a man to sleep in the airport.
Yeah, I wish I was making this up, but on the way back, we got to the airport at like
6 a.m.
All the kids are cranky, everyone's mad.
We get on the flight and then they say, sorry everyone, we're going to have to de-board.
Our captain's chair is not operable.
So I'm
not exactly sure what that means if they just couldn't slide it forward or the
chair just broke but then we had to de-board they had to get a whole new
seat or a new plane or whatever that issue is so don't have to photo of me
just such a nightmare I guess oh the word yeah that's the getting on the
plane and getting off the plane is the worst one. Yes Yeah, of course you get all your kids off the plane and then
Yeah
And it's southwest which whatever South is a great but they don't have a side seating
So then you feel like you have to fight everyone for the next thing. Yeah
I don't know a photo for this one, but what happened? His wake up call was probably my favorite moment of the whole trip.
Um, so we're all sitting there.
We're all getting ready for bed.
Most, most everyone's asleep in the house.
There's only three or four of us just still awake, just hanging out.
Uh, we, uh, smoke alarm begins going off and it's a super nice smoke alarm.
And it just says that an upstairs room is is I guess on fire. So we run upstairs
We're trying to figure out what's going on and my best friend Adam
runs out of the room in his underwear and
Basically, we're all you know frantically looking for this fire and we're looking at like what's going on
He's like, I don't know the smoke alarm turned off and then his brother was with us and he goes Adam Were you vaping? the
the
the So all right all Mike the trip was made better
Did you get in any trouble from the family or the people or did everybody have fun with it? Oh
No, everyone had fun with it. So we had I
Pretty much told her one that by the way, they're all fans of the show now We watched you guys on YouTube while we were down there
My boss's wife was she she just actually messaged me today and she's like, when's your
follow-up? When's your follow-up? So they're all each man's their side of the s***. But they all
loved it. They all were trying their best to do things that they thought would complete like,
I was just calling them a challenge. They're all trying to do things that they thought were
complete challenges. And I would just keep telling them that has nothing to do with it.
But it was funny to watch. That's great too that that puts you in a real fun role, too
Yeah, it was great because it's my little secret, you know
No one knew but me but they were all trying their best to do something
So I guess I just it just made it fun for me
So, you know what? It sounds like it sounds like Mike you had an issue. You didn't want to go on the trip
You created a game everybody got involved in we
issue, you didn't want to go on the trip, you created a game, everybody got involved in the game, it made the whole thing more fun for not only you but all the adults, the
kids don't know, they just had a great family trip and it sounds to me if there were a bell
right now, we should be ringing it.
Not only ringing it Jake, I think you're right what we were talking about before, this is
applicable for any fan of the show to take and use
I think that's exactly right yes yeah yeah I think I think it was definitely something that
especially at first I thought I was gonna get in trouble for filling the beans about I was like
they knew I wasn't excited about the trip so this is nobody this isn't a secret I just told them that
you know hey I've got this challenge. It's a mile and a little side quest, uh, that I'm going to be
doing throughout the trip. And you know, I think it just made it more fun for everybody
in a way, just that they thought they were being a part of something. I guess that that
makes them.
And guess what? Cause they were.
Yep. Thank you, Jake. Uh, one last question for you, Mike. I know on that list was a couple fighting.
Is that what didn't we have that on there at some point? Couple tension, couple argument.
Did you hit that one? Yeah. I don't have photos of that to prove it. I will. I will say if
you'll take my word for it, everyone fought. Of course. There was definitely for everyone added someone especially their spouse
and but yeah it was a great trip we had a good time. I won't be back in camp for another seven
years but it was good. Good for you and we're ringing the bell we appreciate the call we
appreciate you taking our advice and we're very happy that we can ring the bell selfishly.
Goodbye, buddy.
Yeah, absolutely.
Thanks, Mike. Take care.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson.
And Gareth Reynolds.
The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ
McKeon.
Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakiya and our video editor is John Harkin.
We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson.
And Gareth Reynolds.
The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ
McKeon.
Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne.
The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com.
That's oliverralli.com.
The album artwork is by James Fostike.
You can find him on Instagram at james underscore fostike, D-I-K-E.
And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com.
Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland
2004.
And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash
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All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all
listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.