We're Here to Help - 123: We're Aging Like Presidents

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a son's love of Spider-Man, a teacher fundraising for an Esports team (donate here!) and a house overrun by chipmunks. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Two. Two. Two. Two. Two further ado. No! Oh no! We've got two callers! You're going to love this thing and hopefully we've got a follow up on this lovely. Jake, what's your favorite part of the call today? One of the calls today. I've got to say I like the problem and I like the pitches. Yeah, you're very supportive. Are you just asking what I like about it? Yeah, I mean I like the problems.

I like the panor. I like the back and forth a lot. The back and forth is important. I feel like we finally found it on both of these. And I think the audience who likes the show is going to like it. That's why I think we paired them together because they're a winning team. There's a theme. If you were to say the theme of mine, I would say romance and second chances. Yeah. Wow.

I would say fighting for it. Ooh, shark, what would you say the theme is? Of these two calls. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it.

I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it. I would say fighting for it say, um, fighting for it. Shark. What would you say the theme is of these two calls? Uh, I was going to say, don't give up. That's kind of like second chances. Well, the beer, but again, different. Yeah. A little different.

But again, it's okay if they all make sense. It is. They're supposed to. Remember that we're not just doing generic openings. These are specific. Exactly. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to our show. We really hope you enjoy it. We appreciate you sticking with us.

Without. We love you. Further. Say it. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu.

Adieu. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu. Hello. Hello, welcome to the show. We're here to help. You got Gareth and I. Can we get your name, please?

Yes, my name is Zach. Zach, and where are you calling from? That will be Plainfield, Illinois. Ooh, Plainfield, Illinois. You know it, Jake? I've heard of it. What are you? Right outside Naperville.

Oh, yeah, I know it. What do you write outside in April? Oh, yeah, I know. Kevin knows it for sure. So, Zach, we're going to say from Illinois, what can we do for you? All right. Oh, I think Gareth will have a little bit more fun with this one than Jake. OK, but we'll see about that. A little bit of background. I am a huge nerd.

I love Batman. This is a Gareth Galt. I have Batman tattooed on my calf. I need my son after Robin. We'll get there. I named my son after Robin. Well, after Robin. His name is Grayson Richard, which is Dick Grayson backwards. I'm having a daughter in December. Her name's going to be Ivy after poison Ivy. And then my son's going to be four in December.

And there comes my issue with I'm a huge Batman nerd, but I think he loves Spider-Man more. Oh, man. Okay. Okay. So, okay. My question is exactly how do I get my son to be a Batman? I mean, I think it loves Spider-Man more. Oh man, okay. Okay, so...

Okay. My question is exactly, how do I get my son to love Batman more than Spider-Man? Oh wow. Good lord. Jake, are you legally allowed to comment on this? I think my comment would be, congratulations for finding a woman to give you two babies.

Yeah, honestly. You pulled, that's a woman, throw you two babies. Yeah, honestly. You pulled, that's a woman, throw a crown on her head, give her a big hug. She saw the Batman tattoo and still banged you. She's like, I love this guy. She's like, he's losing sleep over, he's trying to make my son a Batman pinata, but I just love the guy. You know, here we are in Blankainview Illinois and it's working man it's working. It's so funny to have such a uh niche passion and to have your son just go in the opposite direction. He has to. He has to, Zach. Yeah I know he does but I've tried everything like when he got his big boy bed, I bought him the Batman bed, I've tried everything like when he got his big boy back, I bought him the Batman bed

All the Batman action figures. He's for my man. He's for and by the way, it's probably like It's too much watch you didn't let him come to it on his own. You're forcing it down his throat I could sure see part of me would think that it's like a sports part of you think it's like a sports team where it's Like if you kind of brainwash them young enough it'll work out. Yeah unless you go so hard. You went hard, you went bad, you have the tattoo. How did your son find out about Spider-Man? How did this happen? I honestly think like in my personal opinion I think Spider-Man just has the better kids show like on Disney Plus he got like the Spidey and his friends. Um, so Zach, what, what is it you like about Batman? What do you connect to?

For me personally, I think my love for Batman came just knowing that he doesn't have superpowers and he's still able to like make a difference in the world and that's kind of like what I aspire to be. I have no superpowers, but I can still be a good person and make a difference. I think that's really nice. That's really sweet. I think that's nice too. Zach, we didn't get your age. What is it? 27. Okay.

And what do you think makes Spider-Man interesting? I think Spider-Man is just like, so relatable. Like he is like the younger superhero. He's like, even like the new, like, I guess, Tom Holland movies. He's in high school and like going through that type of stuff. I think, I mean, even in kids, I feel like can just like relate more than to a, a grumpy old man that is all about vengeance. Yeah.

Now I got something for you. Okay. If Batman was walking in an alley and saw Batman, would he want to hang out with himself? Damn, he's a loner, you know Yeah, yes, but now he's a lone wolf But if that I was walking down this dark alley and he saw a younger relatable spider-man Maybe the two of them could bond and become great friends.

Do you think that's possible? It's definitely possible. Now, I'm not talking about them playing like parcheesy together, but what if there was a crime occurring? And where I'm going with this, Zach, is- Zach is like, this is some real tough questions, Jake. I don't know, I like it. And look, I know this isn't comfortable, Zach.

This is hard stuff. Nobody's comfortable. Nobody's comfortable. Nobody feels good. Nobody likes this. But maybe you didn't give birth to Batman Jr. Maybe you gave birth to Spider-Man Sr. Oh, man.

Zach, that's not the reaction. I know it's not the answer you want. Not the one I wanted. Okay. But you both can't just be like Batman freaks together. Then he's just you Jr. Well, he can tell you what he loves about- He's more like a Nightwing freak because he's named after him, you know Oh my god, what's night?

That's a very robin when he grows up. You do not want him to be robbing to your bed Look, that's the opposite of why you have kids You but you know, no Zachary's that hold on that you do not You don't have you do not have kids so that your kid could be your little beta sidekick. That's not why you have them. They are their own super... Well, I think he's gonna take my mantle, you know?

Robin never takes Batman's mantle. He does in the comics sometimes. Zach, you don't want a Robin. Fair, fair. You don't want a Robin. You don't want... There's one thing we't want a rob. You don't what there's one thing We can all agree on no Robin. Yeah Nobody wants a Robin. Nobody Robin. Come on. That's like it's like puberty Batman. We don't want that

It's a hold on. Do you want you kind of said something different in the prep the premise and now you're saying something different here Or maybe I'm rock You wanted him to love batman is what I thought but now it sounds like you want him to love robin Would your dream be to him get a robin tattoo on his leg? I have the robin tattoo as well. Like I have a son for him since I named him after robin So you would love him to get a batman and robin tattoo like my dad's Batman and I'm Robin in this tattoo. I'm like I worked for my dad and hand him stuff. That's not the dream Zach. How about when he's 20 years old in a bar and a woman goes you really like him and he goes my dad's Batman and I'm the kind of weird sidekick. Honestly, it will be something that is getting removed while talking to a therapist. It will be something that is getting removed while talking to a therapist.

But if he had a Spider-Man tattoo or something he loved and they go, you really like this? And he goes, more so. I really connected to my dad and we became friends over our love of these characters. Come on, Zach. What do you think? I just feel like you're legally obligated to say that You're not wrong Jake I again, I'm gonna have to I'm to have to bad cop it. OK, go for it. I think let me say this.

I think what you're saying makes a ton of sense. And and if no, no, no, but I think well, but you know what we got to do. We took an oath on the show. We have to help Zach. We took an oath and we have to pitch. You're totally right. You're right.

So if you want to, I don't know if you have anything, but I'm going to give you, Zach, some pitches in the direction of trying to get your kid back because right now he's fallen in with the wrong crowd. Yeah. And we need to get him. We need to get him back. So I'm going to, I'm going'm going to I'm going to throw. I'm going to throw some fast pitches your way.

And I got one after the fast pitches. OK, because I hope it's good, because what I'm going to tell you about my pitches is I don't think I think maybe one of them works. Go. And I have like five. Go. All right. I'll end with the one that I think works. But before we do it, let me just give you some honorable mentions. Here's the first one. Lean into it, accept your fate and just get a Spider-Man tattoo and pretend that you parented

your child in this direction. But I don't love that. Another one. What if when you're out one day at the mall you stage this and walk through an alley and we do our own origin story of how your son can become a Batman fan and we fake that someone shoots you in the stomach. Hmm. Like I said, I liked the beginning, hated the end.

Like, I hate that Zach liked it. Yeah, so do I. It's a red flag, Zach, and it's my pitch. Big red flag. Okay, here's another one. Let's just etch a sketch and shake it. Another kid. I know you said you got one coming. Let's just let's just throw numbers at it. Have another son. try to get him in that direction or dare I say this fake a spider bite and show your son the real side of a spider bite not superpowers. It's well I see it she some real problems swell up a little bit you know maybe need an okay and something like that show him that a spider bite doesn't work out the way it does in the comics and my last pitch would be cuz Batman really does

Yeah, I need to find a way to put us you put a bad thing around the guys I'm not a cave with a billion dollars in a bunch of toys saves everybody and then is like a great body Yeah, right again as a weird outler you're biased You're biased say hi to your butler, if you're doing the spider bite routine. It is amazing. The last pitch I would have is throw a, have a bat, I used to do this at kids birthday parties. I used to show up, I used to dress up like superheroes for kids birthday parties, order

him a Batman. Ignore his wishes and order him a Batman ignore his wishes and order him a Batman and just see what happens. I got something for you Zach. Okay. What's your guys bedtime routine? You guys you reading stories what do you guys do at four years old? What's the how do you how does this kid get to bed?

Yeah, that's a that's the hard part. It's hard my son to bed. Yeah, I have four years old. We do read him stories and we give him a bath. So reading stories is what I was hoping for. So once a week, most likely Sunday night, you tell your wife, I got it. and you improvise a story of the great Batman that ends with a to-be-continued, so that he goes like, well then what happened? And you go, well, you'll have to wait till next Sunday to hear the greatest story ever told about the legendary Batman.

And in those Sunday nights, you're telling him all the stuff you learned in the comics, and you're building him up to be The greatest superhero of all time all he's thinking is is this is a story with my dad I'm liking it and after about the seventh Sunday, he's gonna go I actually just know so much more about Batman the way you get a kid into sports is you just have the game on I I really like that. Let's take your temperature. I have an add on to that too. Okay. So where are you at with that Zach? I actually like really like that because it kind of like gives me and my son something to bond over and then they get some excited for the next

week. Like that actually really sounds like a great idea. Like I do read them like a it's called bedtime for Batman. Like it is a children's story story But I do like making my own story from what I know so that way he's actually like oh what happens next I think that's a great idea I think that will also you could you could be talking about what you love about it so that he can understand What's so great about it through your love of it as well as you could kind of cater it to his other? Loves if you're sort of you could kind of make it relevant to his little world in a way too. Um, yeah, make Spider-Man get captured and not be the bad guy. Let's pump the brakes, Zach.

Slow down, Zach. Let's pump the brakes here, buddy. Nobody's killing Spider-Man. Here's what I would add. Spider-Man. That's our point. Um, when I was a kid, my brother for my birthday had a guy he worked with do a Kermit the frog impression and it blew my mind and made me like Kermit the frog a lot more. What if on these Sundays you have a voice memo from Batman to Zach every week?

Just the quick line, just something like, you know, like, Hey Zach, I heard you're really brushing your teeth. You're doing a great job. Enjoy tonight's story. Was that whole pitch just for you to do a voice? No. No. He's so either sag after eligible, but no. Who would so is you pitching?

Zach makes a voice note as Batman and after he gets someone else to do it. So you'll do the first one and then you'll flake. Who's he gonna get? I'm not suggesting! Is he hiring on Cameo? I'm a busy guy! Stop this. Look, what, 50 bucks a pop?

We're in. No, I'm not suggesting it's me. It could be me. I'm not suggesting it's me, but someone around you have, or you could even do it, Zach. You sound a lot like Batman, but you could just, I think that adds a personal flair that maybe brings the kid in a little bit more I think the big key and there's Zach is he's got to know what you love about him But then I will say this if you do this for three months and he goes Those stories are cool got any spider-man stories

Let the kid be himself. I disagree. Then that's when you tell the story about how Spider-Man passed. Yeah. That I think that's, I think that's when I hired camera cameo of Jake saying that, uh, he loves Batman more. Yeah. I love the idea.

Yeah. Find me. I can find me. I can't be. I was difficult. Hey Zach, we appreciate the call. This is a lot of fun, buddy. Thank you. Yeah. Good luck. I appreciate it, guys.

I appreciate it. See you. And we're sponsored by Greenlight. You know the deal with Greenlight as your kids get older. There are some things about parenting that get easier. Jake. It's a way to teach your kids about money management. If you got kids, you know how important that is. I wish I had this as a kid.

I had no... Also, I didn't get allowance, so it wouldn't have mattered. I was going to say, yeah, we'd just been empty. My green light would have been empty. Like you said, your dad just hit a hundred dollar bill around his place every now and then. My green light would be like one year I'd be like how do I deposit a CINO? But I think it's great I think it's you know it's a debit card and it's very easy for the family we're able to manage it we're

able to do allowance that way and the kids have been able to take control of their finances in a way that I have found very exciting. Yeah, like the Greenlight app also includes a chores feature where you can set up one time reoccurring chores. There's a lot going on. So sign up at Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to greenlight.com slash Gil sent me. That's greenlight.com slash Gil sent me to try Greenlight for free.

Greenlight.com slash Gil sent me to try green light for free green light dot-com slash gil said This episode is brought to you by Zoc doc Zoc doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you an Instantly book appointment with them online a dear friend of mine uses ZocDoc all the time. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Gil Buchanan! Wow, J.K. Johnson, it is unbelievable to be back. Honestly, I've been doing nothing but core work. We are out of time. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on, wait, listen. The way ZocDoc works is you can find a reputable doctor or physician within your area. You can book the appointments immediately. There's no more waiting awkwardly on hold with the receptionist. You know this whole music. You're going, what's going on? And every 30 seconds they go,

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Love After Lock Up. Do not sleep on Love After Lock Up, people. I agree, I agree. Get involved with it, okay? I agree, I agree. Jersey Shore. I'll never forget the guy who kept the salami in the bathroom. Oh, you see, now I got to get back into watching it at Filo. Best of all, with Filo, you can get all this for just $28 a month.

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Yeah. Uh, my name is Austin. I'm 28 and I am calling from Maryland. All right. What can we do for you, Austin? Hey, so I am a teacher here in Maryland. Um, at the end of the last school year, my athletic director came to me and was like, hey, we want to do an eSports program.

We've never had one. You have experience, which I do. We think you'd be perfect to start it. And I said, great, I would love to do that for you. And I kind of laid out some expectations you might need. He said, no problem. We can find the money. We'll help you out.

I said, no problem. We can find the money. We'll help you out. I said, perfect. So fast forward through the summer now, I meet with a bunch of people looking at where we should play, how we should do it. I get a quote for some computers. I take it to him and he goes, we cannot afford to do this out of pocket. We're going to need a fundraise. And I'm sure you have had your experience with school fundraisers, either as a student or neighbor, parent, whoever. And I don't want to do just like candy bars, cookies, overpriced goods. I need something that's going to shake it up a little bit because our goal, our price range is a little lofty.

I'm afraid those things won't get us there. Okay, so eSports, you're starting an eSports league at the school and eSports are video game sports, yes? Yeah, yep. So we need some computers. We need mice. Did you say you need mice? We need...

Did he say mice? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what he means. Like a mouse. Yeah, yeah. Come on. I've never heard of him referred to as plural mice before. Actually, I hear what you're saying.

Yeah, I've heard mouse like we need a bunch of mouses. We got it. Yeah, I think you're right, actually. Oh, mice? I think you're right, Gareth. At first, I thought you were yucking it up, but I think you're dead right. Hearing them is called mice is a little weird. Multiple mouses is what I would go.

Mice is. What are you going to say though? Multiple mouses. We need about 50 mouses is weird. It's not great either, but I've never heard someone refer to it. It's true. You're right. It is meant to be singular.

We need mice. And you need chairs. Well, first what's really weird, and maybe this is just an age thing, but you're doing video games as a sport in high school It's in is it yeah. Yeah, you guys know what you guys are playing. Yeah. Yeah, what are you guys playing? Gamers I what's the what's the game on the gamer squad? We I played smash in college. Hell yeah, so we're gonna do smash super smash brothers Who's your character and then a lot of the kids want to play overwatch?

Yep, I love over Lodge. That's where the Jake just so you know, that's where you've overbooked an Airbnb Gareth you're you're my Jake Jake Jake Jake Cigarettes and sports in ice jake. I'm talking Austin right now, but these guys do eSports and vapes Yeah, yeah, that's right. But I also, Kevin, so Kevin, have you ever played Overwatch or are you just the Smash Brothers guy? Hold on, Jake, we'll be right with you. It's Overwatch, my guy. Yeah, yeah. Alright.

Alright, so Austin, back to you. You're trying to get money for video games to be a sport. What is the number you guys need to get this? eSports league at the high school Sure, so for the six computers the six monitors the six mouses that we're gonna need Grants okay grand ten grand. Okay. Thank you And then if you get so do you guys do like is it like regular sports like you do tryouts and somebody doesn't make? The video game league so good. That's brutal

You don't even get to play video games. Yeah, the whole salvation didn't make the other teams Fuck's sake let these kids win. Yeah, so it is tough. You're out man. You don't get to play I'm like I'm in this community because I'm fucking out. I'm not an athlete. That's why I'm here. You're also not a gamer You're the seventh best. We have six computer screens. I'm not an athlete, that's why I'm here. You're also not a gamer. You're the seventh best. We have six computer screens. It's like, I'll bring mine from home. I just want to be in this community. Sorry, you don't get a varsity jacket

from playing video games. This is wild. It is crazy. It's gotten crazy. The fact that it's in high school is crazy. Every kid, if they want to be in an e-sports league, should be a varsity. Well, unfortunately, that's what I feel.

We're going to have one team. We'll do we'll do subs. You'll do subs. Someone's going to be. So imagine telling your parents. My hand, my hand, my hand, my hand's cramping. My hand's cramping. Hey, all you need is someone to get hurt on the top six

and you get your opportunity. Yeah, yeah. Imagine telling your folks what's going on. How's school? It's really like telling your grandparents what's going on. How's school? Or like telling your grandparents? What's going on in school? Things are really good. My grades are getting C pluses, B minuses, and I'm a sub for a video game football team.

We're in the finals. I don't know. What sport are you playing? We're playing Smash Brothers. Candy Crush. We're playing Candy Crush. Candy Crush. It's a race game where I'm Luigi.

Oh, interesting. Your grandpa just. Could you imagine what it's going to be like when we're grandparents? What these kids are going to say to us? And then they're going to get mad at us for having a bad attitude being like, I can't support this. I can't even imagine. Honestly, it's bad stuff.

Well, it is funny when you start to feel out of step with the culture that surrounds you, like musically, that happens a lot. I'm sure it's different with kids. But a lot of stuff, I'm just like, like my phone all the time. I'm like, how do I get that? I'll tell you what. So I just went to the Olivia Rodrigo concert and the Breeders opened for her.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. That's what my wife and I are getting fired up. And they started playing their hits. Yeah. And I was like, man, if they were rocking this in 99, Lollapalooza would be shaking. Yeah. And all of a sudden it was like, no, they did a great job, but like people were still, I'm like, man, you blink your eyes. But anyhow, this isn't about us getting older and Kevin staying the same age.

Not you, Gareth, because you're definitely aging like a tomato, man. You and me are sitting on the shelf in the sun, man. We got mold all over us, old boy. Stop dragging me down with you. Kevin and I are closer in age. Kevin's shirtless. He's looking good. You and me look like a couple of fruits that have been left out for two years. Stop bringing me down with you. We have no preservatives, Gareth. We're just aging, dude. We're aging like presidents, old man.

We're gonna be seeds. It's gonna be great. So Austin, you're trying to figure out a way in the town to raise 10 grand for video games? Yeah, and I think the problem is really apparent. I think a footnote to this too is like our community, a lot of our students are high need and that a lot of their families are not wealthy or have a lot behind them economically, which also kind of adds another grand. I heard you mentioned something about using their own. Yeah. So we would want to foot the bill entirely. And so that way the kids don't have to bring anything. Yes. You mentioned

like using known setups. I explored that idea, but there's like an equity piece so we're gonna make sure that everybody has an opportunity i think yeah to play if they want to or at least try out i think that's fair here's what i'm thinking austin rather than go around because you're dead right a bake sale is not going to do it you don't want to go around to some grandma with a muffin and go we're trying to raise money for what for kids to be on screens more. You know, they might give you money to not share this league. Yeah. But you know, it's the beauty of an online community.

Austin, you could raise money from somebody in Brazil. Right. So we just need to get, we need to get some version of a Kickstarter thing that your school needs to be in this e-sports league. What other schools are you playing? Do you have a rival? So we're going to be the only eSports program in the county, which is why I think they're pushing really hard to start it. They want to look really good. But so you're going to play in that. But we have a cool rival. Yeah. Come on. You don't need to play.

So we were looking at national at national teams to play online. Oh, okay. So you're trying to win play it. So we look at a national at national teams to play online. Oh Okay, so you're trying to win the state. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, okay, there's a couple leagues have regions and the nationals. Yeah Nationals, okay Well, I think if you're gonna do like a Kickstarter or whatever some version of that I think that's the right way to fundraise, like Jake's saying. You can go anywhere with that. And my gut is that the way you're going to have to do that is you're going to have to be stunty. You're going to have to do...

You Austin, or you and another teacher... Have to make a video. Yeah, you guys have to put it on. You have to put yourself on the line. Like you'll have to do certain things to hit certain tiers. Have you discussed anything like that? I hear what you're saying, because we could pitch in that direction. Let me pitch on something really fast before we get to the tiers.

But I think the tiers is right. OK. But what I thought you were going there that I started getting excited about Austin is we need to make the players in this league stars and so we gotta make that's like a way to look at it too, you know Cuz then part of it and you could get involved with like the drama department at your school and you could do like a you Could connect but the idea of like what's that show? We're you know, somebody's saying oh the voice or one of them were all the chairs turn Yeah

you could have them in like just a chair. And then like, you get like a Chicago bulls announcer voice where you're like, like he's five foot three inches tall. He's walking around at a one, about 85 to 90 pounds soaking wet. He's got the fastest fingers in this County. We're talking about blank. And then he turns around and he goes like, donate. Now, if you want to see me take nationals at candy crusher,

he goes, I will crush your dreams. Everybody gets a nickname. Everybody has a style and then he can do it almost like Brady bunch with the eyes where he can go like, you think I'm an animal. Let me introduce you to Sarah. And then all of a sudden Sarah comes in and goes like, I love candy crush. Yeah. Right. Something like just so you can maybe get a little momentum of this team.

And then throughout it all, you go back to like, but we got a big problem here. You turn it into like an eighties movie. If we don't get $10,000, they close down the dojo. You know, you call the room, they're going to do it. The dojo or something like that. And they're shutting down the dojo. Why you guys are too good your fingers are too fast You play it too high of a level. I Like that. I think I think you should I think what you could do is you if you made something like that I like that too. We can share that on our social We'll post about it for sure and then and then I think also in conjunction

Oh, that'd be so cool what you could be doing is trying to drive people from that to like a GoFundMe. And on there you can have tiers. Yeah, and then we could do the tier system. Yes. You can do some gifts, some stunts. Like, all right, you know what, you can have a virtual cup of coffee with the team.

Or you can, the team will play you in a game of your choice. Or yeah, they'll check. Or yeah, you could do stuff like that. Like that's kind of the other thing. And we'll also, how about one of the tiers, and we'll do a high tier for this, but if somebody gives X amount of dollars, they'll get on the conversation and we'll get on a Zoom with them and you

and some of the players, and we will introduce them to the players, the show, and we'll put it all on the Patreon. We'll just thank them. Yeah, I like that for sure. But that's got, well, that'll be the big ticket item. We'll do one of those, but then one of them has to be meet the players. One of them, they get to play with the players.

One of them, oh, one of them, how about this? You name the dojo after that person. So it's like the Gareth Reynolds dojo. Whoa. Right? Sure. Sure. Sure. I just got chills. Yeah. Yeah. I'll buy a whole thing right now.

Gareth is writing a check for $10,000. It's going to bounce, by the way, Austin. This check will be bouncing. I'm just so fired up. But that idea, we could create tiers like that. I got you. I like. Yeah, go ahead, Garf. Well, I like all that. And then I think Austin, as the coach, as the leader, you should lay

it on the line. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I'm just so fired up. I like, yeah, go ahead Garf. Well I like all that and then I think Austin as the coach, as the leader, you should lay it on the line for a couple of these things too.

You know, if someone donates, let's say, or how about this, if you reach half, if you reach $5,000, you do this. When you reach $7,500, you do this. What could the this be? I'm glad you asked me that Jake because I do have some pitches and Austin I want you to remember before I get into these some of these are gonna make you a little uncomfortable sure that's the idea but this is in the living man it's 28 you know social media this is the game okay some of the stuff is not gonna be great sure the first thing

I'm thinking is you could have an eating competition. These are gonna get worse as we go on Much to what we just went through with Kevin the shark He just lost some weight you could put you could say you'll lose 20 pounds if you get to X amount of money now It's gonna start to get bad A polar bear plunge or something where you get into a body of cold water for like five minutes. Um, I think, uh, I got one actually. Go.

If you guys can get to the $10,000, you shave your head. I like that. How about this? Oh, you shave. How about this? The school had pitched that and I think the good idea. How about this though? Go ahead.

Just to put a hat on a hat. Why don't you shave your head and then you'll spirit gum your head hair to your face and make it look like a beard and you'll make a video thanking everybody. By the way, I thought that was more a bit for us, but that would be great. Yeah. Call yourself back. I think that'd be funny. Yeah. Yeah. I'm into the tears. I'm into our, yeah. So here's tears. The first tier you donate, you get to meet the players,

right? And if it's not a parent or somebody you know from somebody else, you do it over zoom. If it's somebody who gives a hundred bucks from whatever and they, no, how about this? A message from the students. I think that's right. Treat it like a cameo. Yeah. So tier at a hundred bucks from whatever and they want, no, how about this? A message from the students. I think that's right. Treat it like a cameo. Yeah. So tier at a hundred bucks. Yeah.

Message message from the team, thanking them specifically. They can even talk about some specifics, just like a cameo. 100 to 500. Um, what's another thing we could do that's close to that? Because the, uh, higher ones are going to be the biggest donor at the top of the Um what's another thing we could do that's close to that because the Higher ones are gonna be the biggest donor at the top of the thing whatever that is Oh, we'll do it like an auction Austin at the end when you get to the ten grand whoever has donated the most That's the person who will be on Who will meet us on the show and if they don't happen to be fans and they just gave money for the thing even funnier. Yeah, they've never heard the

pot and they're like, who are you guys? And we're like, it's a call, we're here to help. And they're like, why don't you go to kids modify? I'm here to create an e-sports thing because my kid wants to play. You guys are weird and you didn't help. Fine. Okay, so number one comedy podcast in America. Here's a tier for donation. They need nicknames. Like when you watch these players, don't the e-sports players, they all have like, you know, it's kind of like, and one,

where they'll just be like, the executioner. Okay, if someone donates X amount of money, they get to give the player the nickname. So like Sarah becomes like whatever. That's fun. They get to pitch on it. You might enter a dangerous zone from a rich bully You don't want to be you don't want to be geek number four on the eSports team because one rich guys

He's got a bad. I want Sean to be called the alcoholic dad. All right, buddy. Thanks, sir. Thanks for donating We appreciate you, but so we got some tear ideas for you We got a finish for you. We pitched a video where the kids become characters Austin What are you gonna do? Yeah, I think I think doing the Go from you page with the tears is really really good getting me involved. It is really good I like getting the players involved because I think it shows us more about them I don't want to necessarily be all about me, but it's for them and we can do that

Yeah, I like tears are the only concern I have so like the sending the message in the kids Yeah, that might be a little touchy. Okay, like meeting them one-on-one with like an adult I see some securities concerns there's Well, we could do the cameo. We could replace it with like the cameo. We send it to them. There's like no interaction between the two of us. We can just do that.

Yep, do that. And then here's something you could do for the school. At the school. Does the school have a football team? Yeah, we do. Does the football team matter at the school? Is there a sport that matters the most at the school? Like what's the team, what's the best team at the school?

I would say football matters. Basketball probably matters a little bit more. Bebo. Okay. So here's what I say you do. You challenge the coach of the basketball team to a race and everybody at the school has to spend two bucks to watch it. And the proceeds go half basketball, half eSports. But you get then the basketball team and the eSports team playfully talking trash. You start building up the hype of the eSports team. You got your six eSports guys and shirts being like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You make it like a pep rally five. And then you do the big race against them and you do the idea of winner takes all. And maybe you talked to the coach before and you say, we're trying to raise this money so he can be part of the game of it. So you guys are trying like, uh, Craig Jones just did this Jiu-Jitsu thing where he did this whole tournament. And one of the things he does Jiu-jitsu against like the women's champ and they were like talking trash the whole time he was being really it felt like it was really weird and

then in the end you realized she was in on it they wanted to raise awareness for oh I'm like oh that turned out positive but it was really weird stuff he was like drinking whiskey before the match well like you and him are in cahoots. I I like that and I would say listen We're charging charging two dollars a ticket to raise a race is good But maybe again, maybe we spiked the punch a little bit on that one And why don't we say the race is maybe you're trying to do first one to do five laps around the gym But every time you do the lap you have to chug a big glass of milk. Yes, and you could do the spin thing around a baseball bat.

And spin, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you make it really hard and funny for the students. Or you do a thing, oh, here's another thing you could do. You try to get sponsored in the town where everybody's got to give you like five bucks a lap. And then what the lap is is a big crazy thing where you have to chug milk and do all this so you're basically getting 25 bucks per family you do five laps total but that'll add

up man yeah yeah we do pepper always quite often so we could probably insert that in yeah yeah but it should be silly and ridiculous as opposed to just like I'm doing a 5k cares yeah make it nuts make it like make it should be silly and ridiculous as opposed to just like I'm doing a 5k cares Yeah, make it nuts make it like make it weird and funny and then film it and that's part of the You know the it's part of what we could share to agreed So Austin to what I was saying. I mean, it feels like we've thrown a lot at you But basically why don't you just give us your exact plan real quick so we can uh... we can wish on your way

yet i think we make the go on the page uh... we can make other sort of new social media pages to get out there i can be the front of all of that uh... we can work on the tier system the highest being is really great at the end of the i really appreciate you both meeting you guys we have a zoom call and then we can do i the dunk tank. I think it's really good. The kids are really like that um, we can even add like the the race as an incentive to that too, um And sort of like if you want to see me do some ridiculous things at this pep rally We got to donate this much money and we can do that. That's right. Um

And then I think I and then I can send you guys like the videos and the pictures and whatever you guys need Yeah Then I think I and then I can send you guys like the videos and the pictures and whatever you guys yeah Yeah, and then I think it ends with you And when you hit your goal it ends with you taking the kids out for a milkshake shaving right before you do that You will have shaved your head and you will spirit gum your head hair onto your face And you'll take them out for a public milkshake with your weird beard Yeah, yeah, all right, so Austin, do us a favor and keep us in the loop, okay? Yeah, let us know, okay? We'll help you out.

Yeah, I will for sure be reaching out with the updates. All right, buddy. Thanks, Austin. Go get them. Cool, thanks guys, appreciate it. This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. This season, get premium technology that inspires joy from Dell Technologies. Bring your most intensive projects to life with our most powerful XPS laptop.

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I'm doing freaking awesome. Great man. Well, thank you for the call. You're on the podcast. We're here to help with Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. How you doing today? I'm fantastic. I'm happy to be here.

Yeah, we're happy to have you mind telling us your name your age and where you're from before we get into it? Yeah, sure. So my name is Ben. I'm 40 years old and I am from Grand Rapids, Michigan. What brings you to the call or the show today? Yeah, so I'm calling because I have an out in Grand Rapids and my yard is pretty much overrun by chipmunks. I mean, they're freaking everywhere. Like literally, like I walked down my stairs and I see one sitting on my front porch like

almost every single day and it's driving me bonkers. Chipmunks? Chipmunks, yeah, like little rats. Give me a, give me a number. Are we talking 10 chipmunks? We talking a hundred chipmunks, yeah, like little rats. Give me a, give me a number. Are we talking 10 chipmunks? Are we talking about 100 chipmunks? God, I would guesstimate probably anywhere from 40 to 70. It's hard to tell them apart.

Wow. So these are, these are a lot everywhere you look, you're seeing chipmunks. Everywhere I look, my front yard, my backyard, they dig holes all over. So I have like little holes in my yard. My wife sprained her ankle in one of them, which was pretty awesome. Is this a neighborhood problem or a Ben problem? I think it's a neighborhood problem because I was talking to one of my neighbors about it and this is this like Midwest middle-aged woman who seems like super casual, super nice,

and we're talking about it. And then she goes on to tell me how she took care of the chipmunks in her yard, which I don't know if you know how people take care of chipmunks oftentimes, but that is frequently was basically just like a bucket that you fill with water, you build a little ramp, put some like peanut butter out there,

the chipmunks climb up, they fall in and drown. So they make them walk the plank, they walk the plank to the jet-hop? Basically, yeah. Yeah, the peanut butter plank. I know, no shit, right? And so like this Midwest, like Grand Rapids is kind of in the Bible Belt of Michigan,

so it's very conservative, where like this, but sort of like this prissy little lady is telling me about how she's killing chipmunks in mass, basically, in her backyard. So I don't want to do that. My wife was like appalled. Right. I understand that. I get that too. So what we're looking at, Ben, is you have a chipmunk problem, but you don't want to murder them.

And the question is, do we have any idea of healthcare? This is a tough one. This is tough. This is a tough one. You guys are from the Midwest, you know, right? So I'm going to lead off with something a little bit interesting here. And this is a real thing. So when I bought my house here in California, we had a family of raccoons that had lived under our house. And it was a generational

problem, the owner said, meaning that when the one family moved out, one of the kids decided to take over the area. And they just would not leave leave and they were big and aggressive. And when we first got here and I got photos of, I think I posted on my social media when I first came in, but I would go to my back door and there would just be a bunch of raccoons standing on two feet staring at me. And I was similar in that, like, you know, I'm not going to kill them. I wouldn't be against somebody grabbing them and removing them. But who wanted to be after that? So I started asking around and the advice I got from somebody, which was really interesting was, uh, leave music on 24 seven

where they are. Cause they don't like that sound. And then when they leave a gate up the areas because you don't want to gate them up and trap them. So I just, I literally just put music on nonstop for a few days and it annoyed the hell out of them. And they found someplace else. So there is a world where you create, you find stuff that's really annoying for chipmunks in your yard, like lights. I'm sure they don't, you know, either lights, sprinklers, some weirdness in your yard that chipmunks don't like. Yeah.

And you kill them with annoyance. Yeah. You, you chipmunk the chipmunks. Now, Ben, obviously, my first instinct is put shirts on them and get them singing. But that is the eight year old solution. And I have the man. Thank you for understanding. Let me ask you this. I'm just doing a quick little search here on chipmunks.

Is your yard dirty? If you say you're not sure, easy solution. You're a filthy guy, my guy. Clean up. It's not dirty. I just after I finish eating burger king, I throw the wrappers out my window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say defined dirty, but no, I don't think it's really that dirty. Let me ask you this. You got is there yard debris or say wood piles or grass clippings or sticks or things like that? Nothing close to the house like we live.

We back up to wood. So and I have a fire pit back there where I have a wood pile and stuff like that. But that's pretty far away from the house. OK, so what I'm reading is also that chipmunks hate peppermint, garlic, and hot spices. Yeah. Do you think they're eating things in your yard? Is there any way to tell that?

I mean, they're digging holes, but that might just be recreational. So they are, they eat all of my wife's tulip bulbs. So she planted probably a hundred to look laugh on their just like, yeah, they're just gorgeous. We've we've created a buffet for them, essentially. That they love. And I like a great to your point that is supposed to deter them. And I sprayed it everywhere and it works like a week on their back.

What is a natural predator for a chipmunk? Is it a coyote there? Probably a coyote or like an owl or a hawk. So you know what I would consider doing? And look, it might be running a mile to go a block, but I would get a bunch. I would try to go somewhere where you buy coyote piss. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

Right. Because I could sell you some of that, too. We can do that offline. I got a bunch. I overbought because one thing you could do here is, you know, the chipmunks. It sounds like you don't have a filthy backyard. And it sounds like they do have enough food to eat and they have enough storage there and they're in their neighborhood. So they're not going away. And I also read that

chipmunks are prone to stress. So they're little anxious creatures. And so if you put something there, music or something that leads to their anxiety, they're going to go to a more comfortable place. I think what you've created and you don't realize it is a resort. And I think you feed them, you called it a buffet. I think they know that there's a murderer next door and I think they know that Ben's a pushover and Ben, what's your wife's name? My wife's name is Dana. And I think they're staying at the Ben and Dana resort and they're as happy as

they could be. And they go every once in a while, the manager comes out and gets mad and who gives a rat's asshole. So it's what Dave did on Alvin and the Chipmunks, not to keep returning to that show. But you're for sure the Dave. And if you remember that show at all, they go in his house and they take over his life. And in the end, they bring a lot of joy. And so you got two options. One, open the door and make friends or two, stop turning your place into a resort and

make their life stressful and uncomfortable. I would go with coyote piss. I would go with music. I would go with spotlights. Anything that they just go, let's find another area. And then your neighbor all the time has 70 extra checkpoints. You don't want to peanut bucket them. I know. Here's my favorite thing. Here's my favorite thing that I read just now, Ben. And I'm going to toss this hat into the ring is through hair clippings all over your yard. But why? It says that that sort of makes them think

that that you're dominant in the yard. And that also just sounds like a good time. But hold on, Gary. If you're going to say something on this show, you got to back it up. We that also just sounds like a good time. But hold on, Gary. If you're going to say something on this show, you got to back it up. We both know that you can't just read a headline. How would throwing in your opinion

hair in the backyard show dominance over chipmunks, man? Because you're not a kind of guy who just believes everything you read. Absolutely not, Jake. And that's that's why I would back it up with the nitrogen in human hair breaks. Offer your plants a natural fertilizer boost. I'm sorry, my throat is getting a little dry for some reason. And this is a Mississippi State University study by the Journal of Hort Technology. So I think that tossing some hair around your yard might scare them off a little bit.

So I'm gonna recommend you and Dana either go to the super cuts or just trim it down to the base and toss your hair all over your yard. Worst case scenario, you have a hairy yard. So Ben, we're gonna wrap this one up. We've given you some pretty mild advice on this one, but the way we like to finish is ask,

what do you think you're gonna do about the chipmunks and did we help at all? And if so, what are you doing? Well, so the hair idea is interesting. I shaved my own head, so I do it every couple of weeks. So I think probably within a month or two, I'd have enough hair to make a difference. Probably with 70 chipmunks, you're gonna need about 25 years,

my guy. Yeah. So you might try that. I think I'll go with the annoyance route. That's fun. I can be annoying. Yeah. We'll figure out because when I was researching this as well, I found you can buy like vibration sticks that stick on the ground. They sell vibration sticks on a lot of sites, buddy. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I'm not going to tell you which site because mine were expensive.

I know the ones. You know. So yeah, so I think that's the route I'll go. I'm hoping it works. I'm hoping I do not have to drown them. No, I don't think I don't think you're gonna need to I say really annoying for a While and take your place Everything you think about when you're in your yard is make it not a chipmunk's paradise Yeah, that's the goal. My wife has her way out one fight them in so no, you're not doing that Ben Thank you for the call, buddy. Yeah, thank you guys

buddy. Yeah, thank you guys. All the best. Good luck. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's oliver r-a-l-l-i dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz dot com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland.

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