We're Here to Help - 13: Fake Jake: Part II

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Jake and Gareth follow up Monday’s episode by meeting Fake Jake. Later, they talk to a caller who owns a bakery. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

all right jake here we are we're here to help. Another episode against all odds. You seem different right now, and I'm going to ask you why. Stop. Leave it off air. Leave it off air. What did you just read, and what were we just talking about? You're so good and bad at this. Well, we're talking about other things we want to incorporate in the show a little bit.

And we'd been talking for the past week or so about, you know, when you see, I'm going to cut to the chase. So there was a commenter who commented on Gareth, uh, some YouTube video or something. He didn't call them fat.

Aaron Paul. A long time ago when I was a lot fatter, I was a lot more fat. And we have been laughing about it a lot and it's part of the fake jake episode that's coming on we hear the backstory this episode but what we decided we're going to try to do on the show is we're going to try to find that commenter and have them on the show and just to get their side of it we're here to help figure out where that comes from and in reading old comments gareth got

triggered i found the clip and i was like let me see if i can find it and as i was scrolling through it i was seeing a lot of stuff i missed new stuff and there was a lot more horrible going on coming at me so while i was looking for the one bad one that i haven't found i found like 40 new ones and give us a taste of one that was the winner of the new bash why does this guy look like amy schumer so today we have a great not funny and by the way i'm not saying that comment's not funny that was the next comment not funny okay today we have a great episode we have the uh the guy who played fake jake so the guy from the instagram photo that i posted out with that young woman,

we found him. He agreed to come on the show. We get his house, which is amazing. We get his side of the story. I think it's a lot of fun. And our other call Garth, you want to talk about this one? Yeah, we're dealing with someone who is in the cake pastry industry at a bit of a crossroads. Wonder, this is a real real this is a tale as all this time do you stick to your guns or do you lean in it makes sense and um and uh we definitely have some fun with that and guys we're looking and we appreciate you all sharing the show and telling people uh it means a lot to us we're having a lot of fun uh we're going to keep doing this show for a while we're into it we're going to keep trying to grow it. And we appreciate you guys sticking with us.

Absolutely. And if you share this podcast on Instagram, it seems like one of us will probably thank you. So that's a good incentive to continue to do that. I think for now, we're both into that. We'll see how long that lasts. I mean, by doing it, we found fake Jake. That's true.

That's true. So speaking of fake Jake, let's meet the man of the week. Fake Jake. enjoy the episode there's that guy what's up fake jake what's up dude how are you good man uh are we calling you fake jake on this sure man whatever you want to call me. No, man. It's an ongoing joke for many years, man. What can we call you on this, bud? I mean, you want to call me fake Jake? You want to call me Jacob? You want to call me by my real name? I really don't care too much. What's your name? I want to be vertical. Verdi. Cool. Verdi, this is Gareth. What's up, Bertie? How are you, man?

Gareth. How's it going, brother? Good. How are you, man? Good, man. A little sick today. I was I didn't want to cancel you guys, but I woke up this morning all upper respiratory. Well, let me start. Let me say you're twins. Maybe that means Jake has a cold. Let me start with this, Bertie. thank you for coming on the show big time you know you definitely did not have to do this uh you definitely could have just blown it off and i wasn't hiring a fucking pi to find you the the people who wrote out made it very clear you guys did not cross any lines. You weren't hitting on anybody. You weren't asking anything.

So I wouldn't have played this game if there was anything kind of dark or creepy. Yeah. They said you guys were super nice. And it was a wonderful night. Generous. Okay. So now it takes us to the beginning of this journey, at least from my end. Okay.

My end starts when Iona wrote and said, you know, she told me she had a wonderful evening. And should she send her stuff to Jacob at Rain Dance? And I said, I'm really glad that you had that. Who the fuck are you? And she said, oh, well, I met you in Edinburgh. And I go, no, you didn't. Then she sent the photo and it was you with that same cap, the same shirt, kind of, and the same necklace.

Yeah, we might have similar faces, my my guy but we do not have similar style jake you have a sword necklace i mean come on everybody has a sword necklace by the way for her when when you were like when she was in the phase where she probably was like you don't remember me after hearing the night that you guys had just put what what the fuck is what happened yeah so then i said no and i laughed you know because i said like well that's during the night that you guys had, she was like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. So then I said, no.

And I laughed, you know, cause I said like, well, that's not me. And she was like, oh, that's so disappointing because we had so much fun and you gave me so much good advice.

So that's what started the fun for, you know, I talked, I reached out to Garrett and Kevin and said like, there's a whole situation. And then we, we posted it out and a lot of people kind of gave notice and so we then had her on and she said the the night the guys james and jamie they said they met you you were drinking with the guys you were buying them

top shelf whiskey top shell which for us was a big red flag that this might not be the real Jake. And then at a certain point, you said you're an actor. And they said, yeah, you kind of look familiar. And you said, yeah, I was in New Girl and Spider-Verse. So my guy walks in. Now we're caught up. So now we're caught up. So how this really happened with Iona,

she came in a day later. So we were at this bar. We were trying to go out. We were drinking all night. We're trying to go to some nightclubs and we can't get in because one of the guys with me is wearing joggers. So we tried four different nightclubs. We can't get in anywhere. No matter how much we're going to spend, doesn't matter. These guys are like, you can't come in. So we go to this restaurant that's still serving alcohol. So I walk in and there's this guy, James. He walks in kind of the same time we do with this girl he just met. And we're, I, you know, I try to find the bathroom. The bathroom is a maze upstairs around a corner. I walked by and go to the bathroom and he goes, man, it's a maze finding the bathroom,

right? I said, absolutely. And we just kind of share a laugh. I go downstairs. I stand at the bar. I'm waiting to buy a drink. He comes over and orders two beers. I look at the bartender.

I said, hey, I'll pay for his beer, right? He's a nice guy. He shared a nice word with me. Hey, very classy Jake move. And so. I'm liking this. I'm liking this as the Jakes. So the Jake.

So, you know, we're standing there. He's like, thank you. This guy was super nice. James literally goes, can I give you a hug? I'm like, for buying two beers? Like, that is super gracious. I'm like, sure. Very Jake up to this point, but I might have not taken the hug. Just so if you do this again.

I got you. That was probably the first time any dude has ever asked me for a hug. For a beer. Yeah, I know. Seriously. So the guy sitting next to us at the bar says, you look familiar. And my buddy. Oh, the other guy, not James.

Not James, a different guy the guy's okay so okay so this guy looks over goes you got the way with a name like hamish i'm sure he looks like us too i am seriously hamish could be the the triplet keep going though yeah and so then my buddy who you were texting who you know who you guys have my number the radiance guy he looks at uh he looks at hamish and goes yeah he's famous and so there's always kind of this joke because his kids like to take pictures of me and send them to their friends and say i'm with jay johnson so he goes yeah he's famous and i'm like oh we're doing this tonight i was like okay yeah yeah i played on some stuff so anyway has that has that, has that set up happened before?

Yeah, I've been out. I have some friends who are celebrities or, you know, famous artists and DJs. And are they really celebrities or would they maybe just saying they were, or you have an entire group. It's a, it's a crew of nears.

Oh my God. I want to make a documentary on that crew. We got to see this crew. They're almost there. Not the B-league, but the F-league. Amazing. Yeah, James E. Depp. You got a whole bunch of them. Oh my God.

Rex Greenfield. Oh, that would be great. But Lamorne Morris shows up as Lamorne and he takes the real lamorne he's like hey man fuck it these guys are pain man you look just like him no i am i'm him i don't know who these other fools are but that guy mango he's paying real money to sponsor this event and i'm in all right keep going man keep going oh that's that's funny no no worries i mean so it happens quite often. So the setup where someone does that, it's not really intentional.

I was just standing there. He said it. We ended up hanging out with James that night. He says, hey, you want to meet up tomorrow night? My buddies are like, yeah, let's meet up. He said, I'll bring some friends. And then that's when Jamie and Iona came into the picture. Okay.

And then that was the night, right? So it started off with some drinks and talking. And ultimately, I had to look you up jake and on wikipedia to figure out okay is he married does he have kids because i don't know this well at what at what point were you like i'm gonna go all in was there a part of you that's a good question like i'll pull out or there or at some point you kind of cross the threshold where you're kind of talking about alcohol's hitting you the night's fun the alcohol but you know they were like so happy to be with you yeah yeah yeah or i was just like i was like i got i'm gonna do this right and when did but when did you decide uh because iona said that very clearly early on you said, hey, if you're with a celeb, be cool, no pics.

Yeah. So was that a feeling early on of like, I don't want this going out and I don't want to eat shit at the bar tonight? Or was that like, this is what Jake would say? No, it was past experience with other celebs. Like if you want to be cool with them, they don't want a bunch of paparazzi, fangirl boys taking pictures right right so kind of just something in my mind like when i'm

with somebody don't take pics you're like so it works in this moment just yeah it's the part yes yeah so it wasn't really uh yeah it wasn't really anything that i had to think about it was kind of a natural reaction at that moment but i'm like, no, no pictures. Yeah. And so you're doing the night, you're having fun. You check IMDb, you get the credits. All of this is lining up. Then there's one question I have, because she said everything was really fun. He knew about New Girl. He knew about you said it was your first big break. And the cast was like family, which by the way nailed it spot on yeah by the way she asked me what was the first thing you ever acted in and i didn't know what to say i was like i'm 45 what did you say like i don't remember i said i'm 45 i don't remember the first thing but

new girl was my first big break by the way if you ask me right now, I'd say I'm 45. I don't remember. But I know New Girl was the first big thing. But my man, Fake Jake, here's where I got a question. You had a lot of facts, man. You were coming hot. But then you tell this woman, we slept with 500 supermodels. Oh, my God. I can't remember saying that whatsoever. She said, everything was good. You my God. I remember saying that whatsoever. She said everything was good.

You were talking. You said, she said, yeah, it was really nice speaking with you. You were so invested in like my relationship and the relationships with the guys and you really cared. And then when I asked about you, you said you were happily married, but there was a period when you first started that you were sleeping with supermodels around the world walking through that fake jake i honestly don't remember saying okay it didn't happen just so you know for the record i don't remember saying that at all that's funny okay so i'm gonna ask us that's jake stick on the record on that one if we do it again lead out with let me buy you a beer i've had sex with 500 supermodels all over the world they love what we got cooking good and bad all the good really great yeah we

take a lot of mango we're great in bed hey you know that was a mango ad right there i was trying to sell some you know yeah and then there's there's another thing that they said she said you then started bringing out some poetry this is what this is what got me this is where it's embarrassing so this is this all happened because jamie said or james said that they were her him and iono used to be a thing oh we didn't know that and very new girl very new girl yeah and and james was like like, dude, Iona seems to be a really cool girl. Like, you want another chance? He goes, I don't know.

She'd give me another chance. So then, you know, Drunk Brain was like, let me coach James on how to like get together. Let me tell Iona like what romantic stuff is and try to like try to get them another chance at, you know, love again. Do you remember the poem because they were like genuinely touched by the poem oh i have i have a lot of these poems i used to write but uh i don't know if i want to share them on here fake jake you acted like me in a bar you can read they said they they genuinely she said she was like crying from your poetry which oh my god well yeah so so it was it was so i i the one i gave her and had her read it's not a poem uh i did read her some other poems

but it's it was my it was my it was my lady's birthday like two weeks ago so we uh so i i sat down and i wrote her something really nice and so i I can read it to you. This is one of the things I gave her. By the way, just again, here's a very key difference between the two Jakes. And this is where the roads diverge, my guy. So let's hear. Okay, man. It's a little wordy, but okay. It says, I love you.

Simple as it may seem, so profound it really is. Nothing in life comes easy, but something so valuable is worth all hardship. I wake up to you every morning, consider you in every moment of the day. I desire to enjoy my free time with you, and I dream of you when I'm asleep. No greater love or goal have I found in my life than to just be with you. You make the stars shine bright on a dark night. You make the sky much bluer during the day. You give me life. I cannot imagine a day without you, not because I deny the possibility, but because you so completely consume my mind that a world without you is a world without life. You deserve all the joy and happiness contained in the world.

I love you. Happy birthday. First of all, I got to say, you're not Jake Johnson. You're Nick Miller. Yeah. You're a writer. God damn it. That is Z for zombie part two.

My man, you got the pay. Let me let me ask you this. That's great. How long have you been with this significant other? About eight years. Wow. And the second question is, can Jake borrow this and read it on his next anniversary? And Jake, what would the reaction be if this came out of your mouth?

What are you doing? Stop it. Are you OK? What is it? Get that hat off. That doesn't the ultimate. I was just going to say, the ultimate twist is you pretending to be him.

That'll be the ultimate. What I will say, Verde, is I was showing my wife this and we were having a really good laugh at it. We were enjoying it. And the best turn is, you know, I posted and a lot of people laughed and they were like, whatever. And I showed it to my wife and she goes,

I mean, the eyes are the same. Wow. And I was like, that's the best part. That's awesome. Here's my two things. The first one is, do you think you'll do this again? Do you think there will be another night where you can throw the Jake on

and enjoy yourself with the blessing of the real deal? I mean, it's never planned. It's not like I want it. But when I'm with all my friends and we're all drinking, it happens. Maybe. So I would say let's make a Jake rule. A Jake rule. And that is if we're doing it,

it's your job to make sure nobody in your group sucks and takes advantage of the game. Okay. Yeah. Can we get a jake shake we should do a jake shake yeah but there's the gamemanship of it is because i'll tell you man and the reason why even when this started gareth goes like this shit might be dark man and i was like i don't think so i go when i was in high school in early college my buddy billy and i used to take road

trips and we would when we would go to new cities we went to like the mall of america bill would walk around to people and go like hey i'm sorry my buddy's having a hard time waiting in line for the roller coaster and the person would be like why and they're like he was on the wonder years and they would go like oh he was and then people would let us like budge the line and then they would go like hey you're free and they wouldn't talk to me they would talk to my buddy bill they would go like hey your friend from the wonder years does he want like a hot pretzel and like hot chocolate or something he's been waiting this whole day and he'd be like he would prefer it so we would like sit in the back behind restaurants and they would like give us free food because they found out there is like the the what vernie's doing is going out and having a big night.

Arguably the saddest statement I've heard on this show might be, hey, can we cut in line for this roller coaster because I'm friends with the kid who's on The Wonder Years? Oh, that's fantastic. You know what? It would never be bad. It would never make you look bad because, I mean, we have our own. I have plenty. I have a beautiful wife.

It's more like when someone comes up and it's in clean fun. You know, we buy them a drink. I get it, man. It makes you fun. If you ever need, I was called once on YouTube a fat Aaron Paul. If you ever need one of those to join the crew for the almost, you just give me a shout. Holy shit, fat Aaron Paul.

I would love to be a part of it i'm ready to roll gareth i wish you told me that uh two days ago i was hiking with lamorne on uh griffith and we saw aaron paul and we all talked and he had his shirt off if i knew you were fat aaron paul i'm taking that fucking photo man oh man Oh, man. I swear to God. That was one of those comments where I was like, I can't unsee that. That hurts. Very. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you so much.

Next time you're fake, Jake, tell him to listen to the podcast. Help us spread the word. We appreciate you coming on, man. Seems like a lot of fun, buddy. Will do. Thanks a lot, guys. See you, man. Thanks, bro.

I appreciate it. Thanks, man. will do thanks a lot guys see you man thanks for it i appreciate it thanks man today's episode is brought to you by babble that's right jake listen you know what babble is right science-backed language learning app that actually works which i find to be very important science-backed jake listen don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor they come learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over, they're like asking for snacks. They're being annoying. They're or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help. And Babbel is going to help you. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn,

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is that it's got a speech recognition technology. Yep. Because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country. Yes. If it can actually help with the accent yeah that's a big ass and applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in like when i think back to taking french it was just like so much it was like i'm never going to do that like how do you order food how do you get a drink how do you ask for directions

but so babble's great now listen listen everybody should we bring him in right one quick pause should we bring in the close studies from yale this is interesting michigan state university and others prove that babble is better so one study found that using babble for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester in college so if that's true which yale's no joke it's just putting schooling in a a different light yes you spend 15 hours let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like well i don't know i didn't go to college 15 hours you just did a semester yeah that's wild yes yes that's a wild study so speaking of language should we bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold on let's get him kevin doors open oh you meant gill yeah i meant kevin what kevin was gonna do

it no i thought we were talking about the closer the we were he parked in front of all our cars so might as well oh we can't leave well what's what's the problem go. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent.

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Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash hth. We're going to want you to babble. We want you to babble. I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I've got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. I have fun. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc.

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close you use that doc yeah you would use that doc because it's just so much harder if you're just like you know like using search engines to try to

find someone and then you call do they take your insurance but the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up. Yes. And what I like, I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it. I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Yeah. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are?

But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the. I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this.

Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? What a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you, treat basically, and again, you can get an appointment quickly.

You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right, Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right, I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You never, literally never left.

Wherever the best time in the world, go to Z you, brother. You literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear? How much does that cost you?

Free, that's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Hello. Hi. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you? Good. Well, you're on the podcast. We're

happy to have you here. Oh my goodness. Thank you. I was going to say hi, my name is Mackenzie and I'm a longtime listener, but that feels weird when there's six episodes. So I'm a six episode deep listener. That's pretty good. Hey, we'll take it. So Mackenzie, let me get that spelling right. Okay. And Mackenzie, where are you calling from? I am calling from New York, the Upper West Side. Okay. So what is the reason for the call today, Mackenzie? Okay, so what is the reason for the call today, Mackenzie? So I am calling because I recently started a small baking business called Burnt Sugar Bakes.

And I'm seeking advice on if I should be more of a very niche, specialized cake bakery. And this question comes from a very specific reason. So recently, I had two orders in the same month that happened to be extremely specific. And the first request for was for a boob job cake, basically celebrating someone's decision of a boob job and their recovery. And it was a gag cake. And then the second order was again, very specifically a classy penis cake. The classy part was less specific. I did have to clarify. I'm a little bit confused. What was the second one?

A classy penis cake. Yeah. What is that first word she's saying? Penis. Penis. Dick. Oh, classic. I'm sorry.

I thought you said collapsing. Yeah, collapsing penis. I was like, what the fuck is a collapsing penis cake a freshly orgasmed penis yeah i was like oh disgusting that is a that would be absolutely here's the thing about our dick cake we want it to be kind of collapsing. Yeah, I need to mallet, you know? Gross. Okay, so you've made a, so lately you've been getting gag gifts. You did a boob job one, which I'm assuming is just two big boobs, yes? Yes, exactly. But basically I got free creative reign with both of these and I make a lot of really custom cakes that are super detailed, a lot of frosting.

I actually sent in pictures. I don't know if they somehow can make their way to you, but they're really high end cakes that are very, very large and detailed. So they have a lot of work done to them. They have a lot of like pearl accents, a lot of coloring, a lot of glitter, a lot of work done on that. But when I posted my wrap up like post on instagram of these cakes i started to get an influx of messages all for like really classy genitalia cakes basically

and now i get it overtaking my business i've had to like literally turn down like baby shower requests and things like that because you're Because you're just sitting there fucking baking dicks all day. Yeah. Mackenzie, is the question. You have a legit baking shop called Burnt Sugar Bakes in New York. You are a artist of baking. You love the craft. You're good at it you care for it you did a couple of gag things

and now you're becoming the genitalia the uh baking genitalia queen yeah and is that a path you should go down is that the question that is ultimately do i say fuck it and just lean in interesting okay can i ask a quick question to get a little backstory to get us started? How did you get into baking? So I actually worked in tech for the past 10 years. I worked for a lot of big tech companies, like top four tech companies. And I lost my job during earlier this year when everyone in tech was kind of losing their job. And I always loved baking for people on a personal level.

It was always just kind of like my gift to people. And I was like, you know, I'm going to bake through this depression period and just figure it out. And it kind of just dawned on me one day, I should really just pull this into a business. And that was about eight or nine months ago. And it's become a full-fledged business since then. And I have about like five, six orders a week. I get booked for parties, but now I'm making a larger name for myself in a different area than I expected. Now, Mackenzie, let's pretend for a second you're on Shark Tank. How are your numbers in those nine months? How's the business doing? I break even, and this will be my first month that I'm actually going to be making a direct

profit where I could pay my rent on my own. I like those margins, Mackenzie. I like them a lot. Breaking even. I like what I hear. Gareth, we have not got the margins yet. I like the margins. I'll offer you $1 a cake in perpetuity. Well, let's say, okay, so cakes are on average like $300 to $400 if they're low. Oh, yeah.

The cakes are not. I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. A nice big cake for a big party. Yeah. There's like 50, 60 people. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not going to the goddamn Jewel Osco for these events. No, no. And you really can't go into like Momo Fuku and request. Um, no, I get it. These, these are, these are big cakes. So you've been doing it for nine months, and you're now starting to break even. So I'm ready to start jumping in a little bit. Gareth, are you?

Yeah, I am too. Well, okay. So do you feel like you could handle a lot more orders? I mean, is that something where you feel like? I think I could. I think if I had a better fridge freezer situation, as you can imagine in Manhattan, I definitely could. But I think if I was able to take more of these orders where I am getting them in the more like dick cake region,

I could rent out one of those larger freezers and that could really help me take on more orders in the long run. Okay, I'm ready. Mackenzie, I think we're going to be on the same page, Gareth. I do too. I think for nine months breaking even, if you were gangbusters and it was just blowing up and there was a big line around the block for your cupcakes with just sprinkles on them, and then you made some chocolate peanut butter one that you said, like, my numbers are insane.

I would say, don't go down the dark alley of just doing smut cakes, but your numbers aren't there, Mackenzie. And so you like to bake. And if you're just starting to turn a corner and if you can become the penis cake lady or the boob cake lady, and there's in New York city, you know, many parties in Manhattan that it would just be so funny for someone to bring like a big dick as a cake. And if you can start turning it into a big business, I think you got to go with the money. Here's my fear. What do my parents say? My daughter is the dick cake queen of the Upper West Side.

Well, I mean, I don't know if we want to go with a sash that says dick cake queen i mean what i i'll tell you this i think parents will support success you're right they might not be like oh that's a great dick hon way to go but i also think fuck it if you're gonna make money if you want to do this if you're trying to really get a business going and you really feel like this is going to help your business i i would just lean into yeah i think you can maybe there's a way to not be specifically like the dick cake you do other stuff too yeah but i also think like you're probably going to find that on instagram with social media, that sort of more naughty, reballed shit is probably going to become a thing where people are going to share it. People are going to like it.

And I think it's not like you have to break it to your parents that you're going into sex work or something like that, which is probably a harder conversation. No, but you also do it a little differently. You do it like an old school video store, right? The front of the shop, you're still selling new releases. You will still do a cake for a quinceanera. You'll do a big pony cake. Then there's like a 1960s beaded screen and you enter another side of your website, which is all the dicks in the boobs. And if that's where you're making your money, that's where you're making your money.

Here's what I would tell your parents. I've got a successful bacon shop and I'm happy. And if you guys don't have a problem with that, then I'll fucking send you a big fucking cake. You can shove it in your mouth and eat it. Well, it got aggressive at the end. I also think we're willing to have your parents on the show and we can help navigate that conversation it's a great idea that's a great mediation well

listen we are very good at this and i think there is something maybe about a little bit of a spotlight that could overwhelm them and lull them into understanding gareth that's a great idea mckenzie uh our advice to you and to say, Garf and I are going to be on the same page and interrupt me if I'm not, if we're not, but I think we're both saying, don't stop doing what you're doing, but lean in. And if people are purchasing and if people are excited, never go away from where people like, it makes no sense. When you're doing this for a little bit, if your orders are getting bigger and you're buying no sense. When you're doing this for a little bit, if your orders are getting bigger and you're buying that big freezer and you're going to

tell your parents, will you do it with us on this podcast? A thousand percent of completely aligned. That's good. And in case you do find that you just are like, you know what? I don't even need to make the quinceanera cakes anymore. That's just not where the detector is going off. I think a good name for the shop could be Baking Bits. That's my last question. Well, that was the other question I had was, do I have to pivot my name now? Not yet, but if you do, go with Baking Bits.

If you go exclusively into that, you do, yeah. Or you could have two businesses. You could have Burnt Sugar Bakes as the umbrella, and then the side game from it is, what's the name again? Yeah, you know, well, you could have baking bits. You could have a brick and mortar that's just like a traditional cake shop, and then you have your online business, which just shows that you can cater more towards the naughty.

Honestly, yeah, and it could be kind of like a red light district on the website. That could be too. Yes, I would do it. It's like a fun alley you go down. Yeah. And I think I don't think people are going to judge this in the way that you do. But yes, we would love to talk. We would love to do the mediation if that's possible. Oh, you could love that. My parents are both business owners and entrepreneurs, which is why I have such a kick to do this. So you can only imagine.

What are their margins out of curiosity? I'm just kind of still in the shark tank mode a little bit on over. We will, we'll do it. Let's do that one. Let's do that. We'll put a pin in that. Put a pin in that. Mackenzie, thank you for the call.

Thank you guys so much. Thank you. And if you're ever in the city, thank you for the call. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. And if you're ever in the city, there are two giant dick cakes waiting for you. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to us on this show. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt.

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out all of his work at OliverRaleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com.

And if you would like to be on our show, please email us at HelpfulPod at gmail.com.