We're Here to Help - 133: Never Leave a Chicken Unattended with Steve Berg and Arden Myrin

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Jake, Gareth and Steve Berg talk to a caller about becoming a cool bus driver. Later, Gareth and special guest Arden Myrin help someone whose father in law constantly rewinds during football games. Finally, the guys follow up with the second caller from episode 107 "The Donut King." Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we are back, Jake. And I think this episode's going to be fun, Gareth. Why is that, Jake? I'll tell you why. Specifics. Just whenever you're ready. I'll tell you why. Specifics. Just whenever you're ready.

I'll tell you why, because we got two calls and a follow-up. What if, is that right? You're married to that, huh? I don't know. At least I said it. No, Kevin has no choice. You know what I'm starting to set up are national anthem people who are gonna help me with the national anthem. Fine.

Yes, because the San Francisco Giants reached out and they said if I get it right. No way. I can sing the national anthem at a Giants game. What? Holy shit. What do you mean if you get it right? If I'm not an embarrassment when singing the national anthem. So would they test it?

I believe there will be a submission. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Because you can't, yeah, that makes sense, because you can't make it, that believe there will be a submission. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Because you can't, yeah, that makes sense. Cause you can't make it, that thing can't be a joke. Like you can do a first pitch as a joke. You can do the seventh inning as a joke. Roseanne Barr taught us that you can't do the national anthem as a joke.

No, people take it seriously. I take it seriously. I completely understand not wanting to mess that. I wouldn't want to do a bad version of it. It's funny actually because when we talk about, like we were just talking about Kat Reitman on the show. Yeah. So how I met her was on this horrible show called The Real Wedding Crashers.

You'd beat me for the part? Of course, I was better than you at it. And it was, okay, so we did a bunch of press and one of the things we did was we were going to throw out the first pitch at a White Sox game. But what they wanted was they were like you'll be a bride and groom and it was like I was so we were she was in a wedding dress and I was in like a tux and we were going to go out to the mound and I was going to start to throw it and then she was going to stop me take the ball and throw it. And you know, so it was kind of like a dumb, I mean, again, everything was stupid with

the show. So, so we were like, yeah, great. So we got flown out to Chicago. We were there, we were in the guts of the stadium. And I'm saying to her, I'm like, do you know how to throw a pitch? And she's like, nah, I mean, yeah, I do. And I'm like, they take it very seriously. She was not that interested.

They were like, do you want some warmups? Whatever, we were just hanging out. We go out there, we kind of do it. She takes the ball from me. And I mean, she throws it two feet in the dirt so hard and they start booing so loud. And she was back there. Especially at Kamisky in Chicago.

Yes, and she was there was there like why are they? Why were they booing and I was like, it's like a If you if you'd ask my dad, he'd say she could be a better pitcher for the White Sox. Yeah Worst team in the history of baseball. Yeah, I'm like saying they're not doing it like the movie Major League They're not trying to sell it. That just happened. Yep. Which is pretty wild. There's no montage. No, but when it was happening, I thought like, I bet there's going to be some reason that

they're trying to go to Nashville or something. Right. Then I talked to my brother who's a lobbyist and into the kind of inner workings in Chicago. And he's like, no, they want a new stadium. Oh, that's the wrong way to stadium. Oh, and I'm right. Way to go. Like we want tax dollars to help pay. What'd you produce?

The worst baseball team in the history of Major League Baseball. We're taking for a new place. You're like, no, your strategies, man. You've got to be like fun for the city. I look at certain photos. I'll send them to Edelstein because Eric's so into going to games. Yeah. And I'm like, going the idea of going to Kamiski to a near empty stadium sounds so fun to me. Yeah, I agree. I was just gonna say if I was still in Chicago,

I would go to I would take business meetings there. I would do it. You're like, what do you want to do? Like, hey, let's meet on this. You like how about you want to do 2pm? They go, where do you want to meet? You go like this. Let's meet behind home plate at Kamisky tickets are like $10. I think we'll talk at full volume. The catcher can hear us. What's going on? Yeah. What's going on?

Well, the angels are up by six. Maybe you ever heard of Mike Trout? He's literally right there. Michael. You're like, what world are you in? It'd be fascinating. I also love Edelstein's ability to go to everything. Like that is so dead within me. Yes, same with me. The idea of being able to just go anywhere is just, it's like going somewhere to me is a big

deal. I agree. And speaking of when I I went to see the Eagles at the sphere. Yeah. One thing I didn't mention before, but it's really weird about that venue is the lights are up. So you can see everybody. So strange. Joe Walsh, I guess the older ladies love Joe Walsh, right? He's the only guy there who the all the ladies still like the rest of them. And you guys are cool as the Eagles, but Joey Walsh, I guess there's something cooking with that all-timer. But he would do his, he would get to the mic and be like, all right, now we're gonna and you would see like 11 women, they were all in like the same kind of outfits, would stand up in certain sections and do like sexy dancing, but you could just see them.

So my brother and I are like sitting in a section, you'd be like three ahead, eight seats over. There's a lady sexually dancing to like witchy woman. And I'm like, this is wild, man. If I can dim the lights, I'm dying. I did. That is a weird element. It was.

It's a look at footage of Grateful Dead and Company. You've got all these people doing the Grateful Dead dance in full lights. That's weird. That shit is meant for the dark, my man. Yeah, that really is. Dancing at concerts when you're a fan, that's for a dimly lit.

And probably tripping. It's not the time to be sharing your experience. Or pretending you're tripping like you're at a bed show and you're doing the tripping dance simply because that's what people do now. Yeah. You're dancing as if you're on drugs only because you've seen video of other people dancing that way. Not how a human dances.

But my only note to the sphere, dim those lights. Oh, great. Well, listen, we got no notes for this episode because it's a banger, right Kevin? Or dim the lights on the episode. Yeah, do this if you ever watch this. Listen to this in a dark room. Without further ado.

Dim the lights. Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim. Hello. Hello. Hi, what's your name? My name is Steve. Hi, my name is Bridget. Great name, Bridget. Well, I'm a guesting here with your boys, Jake and Garrett. We're.

It seems like you may have an issue you want to bring up with us. Care to share? Yeah. So. Do you want to get any more information, Steve? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Where are you from? I mean, sorry. I'm learning. We're want to get any more information, Steve? Oh yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. Where are you from? I mean, sorry, I'm learning. Where are you from, Bridge? Care to share a special.

It is. First of all, thank you for asking me where I'm from because I've been rehearsing in my head. My name is Bridget, I'm 39, I'm from Metro Detroit for a couple hours. And I didn't want that to be wasted. Great. Yeah. Well, Bridget, you nailed it.

Are you close to Royal Oak? I am about 45 minutes from Royal Oak. Great, great, great. Good stuff, Steve. So, Steven, finish us off. What's the last thing to say? Well, Bridget, are you enjoying spooky season this holiday? No, that isn't it.

That's the last thing to say is what can we do for you to do? Oh, what can we do for you? Do you enjoying spooky season? If that isn't what we do for you to know, what can we do for you to share? You enjoy your season. It's like what a six year old would say when he came over. I mean, I am. I hear you. Oh, my God. Hold on. What? Oh, my God. I can't bridge it. Bridget, I just I'm so sorry.

This call is chaos already, but let me we're going to get it back in order. We'll get it back. You absolutely know to get out of track in a minute. Gareth, we're going to air this one second. Let's just move on. But no, we cannot because Jay, because Steve once again has left the call run away because he's got a rotisserie chicken that he over oiled that set his smoke detector off again.

Okay, so now Bridget, back to you. What can we do for you? God Almighty. Thanks guys. So I am a real estate agent in real life, my day job, but you may have heard that the economy isn't great. And because of that, I decided I last year wanted to get a job that would kind of supplement that income.

And I decided to get my CDL and drive a school bus for the district that my kids are in. Cool. So I've been doing that for just under a year and I'm really like, I'm killing it with the elementary kids. Like they just think I'm hilarious. They think I'm great. We get along wonderfully, but the middle school and high school kids, I can't connect with them. I don't know if you've met like teenage boys before but they are the scariest creatures on earth. And so my question is I want to be respected by these kids. I want to be able to be like, hey, sit down or hey, stop swearing or hey, could you not walk up and down the aisle while I'm driving? But I also want them to be like, no problem, Miss Bridget. You're so cool. We're going to listen to you. And right now I just am paralyzed in fear because again, teenager. I get it. So I'm going

to do a quick recap to get Berge back in it. Can we find out though, did Steve, Steve, what was happening there again? The chicken is just smoking. It's an olive oil problem. Can we find out, though, did Steve Steve, what was happening there again? I the the chicken is just smoking. It's an olive oil problem. I took it out. We'll finish it later. It didn't work out. Never leave a chicken unattended is what I just learned. So title. She Bridget is a school bus driver for at her kids district. She's killing it with the middle school kids, but the junior high and high school

kids aren't showing her a lot of respect and the high school boys are swearing, walking around the aisle while she's driving and she's looking for ways to one have authority where they listen, but two, maybe be respected because she's cool. Is that correct, Bridget? You got it. It's the elementary school kids that I'm killing it with, middle school and high school. They're tough nuts to crack.

Awful age. I was such a brat when I was that age. That's tough. Same. They're not like physically threatening. I was such a brat when I was that age. That's tough. Same. They're not like physically threatening. They're just being disrespectful like verbally. Yeah, and not even to me, like to each other.

And so sometimes I'm like, hey guys, could you chill it on being terrible human beings to each other? And they kind of like look at me like, do you really think we're gonna listen to you to a Bridget. Do you say chill it? Yeah, that's You just triggered the inner 10th grade Bradded me where if a bus driver goes like hey, could you guys chill it and be cool people? I'm throwing a spitball at you

Right like I don't know how to talk to these kids and I'm certainly not gonna come on and be like Hey Like Sigma, that's a thing. I don't even know what that means. Like I'm not trying to be like them I getcha, but I don't want I'm 39. I don't want him to be like, oh our old bus driver so late 39 is not old. You're kidding. I get this. Um, I think Ten years older than you Gareth. There's two. Wow's not old, you're killing me. I get this. I think... Ten years older than you, Gareth. There's two.

Wow. All right, Jake, have fun. Have fun with the old made up town that you're running. That's funny, cute. Anyway, Bridget, here's what I'm going to say. I think there's two ways to attack this. One is to incentivize and the other might just be to appear cool. Can you decorate your bus at all? Is that allowed?

Yes, and so I will tell you that I do cater to the elementary kids because they like me we're done right now I have okay. Okay, we've won right now. I have Some Halloween like gel cling on things and I have I know I know it's embarrassed I'm embarrassed to say it no it's awesome no it's not I thought there was groaning I thought there was groaning like there was okay no Bridget it's not here's what it is it's it's young so it's making it feel like it's a kid's thing yeah if we're going after the high schoolers If we're going after the high schoolers, then we're going after the high schoolers.

If you've already got the young kids, the young kids are sweet. They're fine. If this call is really, how do I get high school boys to show a little respect? Uh, cause if we try to set too big of a net out here, we're not going to get anything, but we can get the high school boys to show you respect. Okay. Um, so I would say the way to do it with that age, the biggest mistake you're going to make is to try to get them to like you. Like and respect for teenage boys are very different things. They're never going to like you.

They don't even like themselves. They definitely hate everybody around them. Yep. They don't even like themselves. They definitely hate everybody around them. Yep. They hate their parents. Everyone. They hate everything. Their bodies are changing. Their minds are changing.

They're fucking know it alls and they hate everything. So them being like, you know what? Fuck my dad. I also hate my lacrosse coach, but Bridget, the bus driver has cool stickers. Not in a million years. Is that the third thing? Not in a million years, but you know what it could be hey my dad he's too hard on my lacrosse coach sucks and there's so many rules on the bus fine follow the rules trevor i think there is a way to i had a teacher and

is a way to... I had a teacher in maybe sixth grade who's... because I was a little shit and she was like, if you're well behaved in my class all week, the last 10 minutes of Friday's class, I'll let you tell jokes in front of the class, do whatever you want. And so I was a choir boy for that week because I knew I was incentivized for the last 10 minutes on Friday. So is there a way to maybe like, I mean, you are kind of true. It is like a way to what Jake is kind of saying. It is kind of a way to like treat them almost like peers. If you're like, look, if you guys want to be shits all week, whatever, you can do that.

But if you guys have a good week, nobody week, whatever, you can do that. But if you guys have a good week, nobody's walking while we're driving all that stuff. X pitch. I don't have it. But I hear what you're saying. At the end of the week. So Bridget for you, what is it the kids want? So I will tell you that the first week of school on Friday, um, at the end of the week, I bought, I bought suckers and I just said, Hey, there's suckers on the dash. If you want one, take one when you get off. And that was pretty well received. A lot of pandering, pandering, pandering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen guys, I am desperate. But by the way, the reason I say that, but Bridget, the reason I say that is

that's a sign of weakness. And they're gonna run with you're like this. Do you like me? Would you eat this candy? No, I'll take all the candy. Yeah, you're kind. It's also candy for this age is not the way it is for- But the young kids love it.

Love it. But I think that is a solution like to me I actually have candy written down in my piece of paper candy will work. Yeah, that's actually before the show even started he had Burning in his stove That's what's burning in his stove. He's just going to candy chicken. He's trying to put olive oil, a bunch of skittles. It was a nightmare. I'm making my own to be popped.

So Bridget, you gave candy suckers to the kids. And what was the reaction? So of course, elementary. I mean, 10 out of 10 loved it. Yes. High school kids, honestly, a lot of them were like, Oh, thanks. Yeah. The sweet kids, a couple of them. Yeah. Uh huh. Because a couple of the boys, I was like, Hey, there's a, there's suckers if you want one. And they honestly may as well have told me to go to hell because

yeah, they just walked off the bus. Like, are you serious? Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Miss Bridget. I want to suck on a sucker. Like I'm a four year old sucker. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, Ms. Bridget, I want to suck on a sucker like I'm a four-year-old sucker. Pass. Yeah. I'm 15. I'm smoking cigarettes this weekend, weirdo. The only thing I'm going to put in my mouth is a vape.

Yeah. I know. And I think I'll get fired if I pass out vape. No, you're not going to. Yeah, nobody's. I have a real pitch. I have a real pitch. So you tell the high schoolers, uh, here's what I need on

the bus. It's not a lot of rules, but it's coming down from my boss. You got to stay in your seats. Uh, now if you're moving around, it can't be while I'm driving too. We can't be cussing. There are kids of different ages. I know it's 16. You could swear and you're cool, but I got 10 year olds on this thing, you can't do that. So that cannot happen. I don't wanna report you, I don't wanna go to your parents, I don't wanna go to my bosses, but I will start it immediately, that cannot happen anymore.

But I'm a parent, I haven't been a bus driver my whole life, this isn't my life's passion. So let's do something. If you guys follow the rules all week, on Friday, high schoolers control the music. Okay. It's so you could go like pick a song that now we can't have songs that are like gross or vulgar. But if you guys want to bring in a mix and I control the thing Friday, we blast music. But if one person blows it on a Wednesday, then you go, Hey, everybody, we're not doing music this week because Trevor decided to walk around the aisle. So none on Friday.

I basically basically what I had and my hat on that would be if they don't get it to the point where that's going to happen for them you pick the music and you put on like disco or something that's fun to further incentivize it plus it makes you kind of like a fun villain character yeah way you could also play music every day and you pick so that it's just low-going and then on Fridays you say we can turn the volume allowed and have some fun, but I need the heights because my elementary school and my middle schoolers

are cool. I need these high school boys to step up. I think you leave it music list so that Friday is a real event. Yeah, that's fun. Actually. It's a big deal then. And then if they get to pick the songs, it's funny. It's fun. What do you, I will say this and I don't want to be a naysayer, but I mean, I'm guessing 90% of kids have earbuds and they're already listening to their own music. So you've got it right. So music's going to be a problem, but I do like disco ball. There we go. But I mean, but turn it into like, There we go. But I mean it.

But turn it into like it becomes like the party bus. Here's what I also just thought. Yeah. Are you familiar with the silent disco? I am familiar with the silent disco. Yes. I'm wondering if there's a way that you can maybe incentivize that.

So it's like the kids who are good get the silent disco on Friday. What is the silent disco? It's where you hand out headphones, but she's got to buy all the headphones. But whatever, it's not gonna be that like you buy you buy a few pairs of headphones. And the kids that are that kind of win MVP for the week. Do you think a high school boy wants to be part of a silent disco or would he go if he goes, hey, a bunch of the elementary schools and you, Trevor,

you know what I would do? Thanks. And then I'll go like this when no one was looking. Get the fuck off of me. I'm cool. All right. Fine, Jake. We'll just put porn on. Are you happy? What? Sorry, I'm just are you know, I like I like the angle of the plane, the good cop and the bad cop at the same time I don't think you have to go full lean on me Morgan Freeman on the kids and like threaten them because I mean high school kids

Are scary. No No, I want everyone at the end of the day. I want you to have fun I want you to joke around with your friends. Whatever like I'm definitely not your friends, whatever. Like, I'm definitely not hard on them. But when it's just like the F word, every other word out of your mouth, I'm like, come on guys, honestly, it's too much. Here's something you could do. Now it's a little devious. I don't know if you get in trouble, but you could put like a fake recorder at the front of your bus and saying like, hey, there's been complaints from some of the other parents that there's been some like really inappropriate things

being vulgar, inappropriate things and mean things being said to us. This is not my control, but now I have to have this recorder. Although if you get the school may have an issue with something that's going where Steve is going on this. You from a smallish town? Yes. Okay. So you probably have a connection to the cops?

Sure. Yeah, the liaison officer at our school is super nice and parks in the bus garage. What's this fellow, what's his man or woman's name? What are we calling this officer? We're gonna call him, we'll call him Jim. Jim. I would have Jim get on the bus We're going to call him. We'll call him Jim. Jim. I would have Jim get on the bus and go, I've heard complaints from families about people walking around in the aisle, vulgarity around kids, general disrespect. And a school bus, this belongs to my county, my department. Uh, not having a seatbelt seatbelt on squaring around kids is a vulgar, uh, ordinance one on 1.395, uh, punishable by a five to 1200 and whippens in a town square, standing up without a seatbelt is ordinance nine one three nine four. Uh, punishment is 800 to 1200 hours and two nights in jail.

Uh, there will be no bullshit on this. And then he points at you and he goes, this nice woman right here is your boss. If she gives me one complaint about any one of you, that's the rule of God. Be careful. And then he goes, I don't want to come back on this bus again. Cause then you're going to see a different guy. I got arrested by the ordinance officer at our junior high. His name was officer friendly. He pulled a

gun on me when I was in high school. Those guys get very real very fast. And I literally went officer. I go officer friendly. Chill out. Chill out. I knew you when I was a kid. Hands in the air. So those guys get very real very fast. I love the the way that Jake didn't. There was not a gap between pitch and rationalism. Like reason why? Yeah. Well, cause I was thinking like at first you're going to go, I'm not afraid of that cop, which I wasn't.

Guess what? I got afraid of that cop. So if you've got the cop on this bus, at first the teenage boys are going to be like, man, shut the fuck up officer. And then you're going to go, officer friendly is a scary dude. Yeah. I don't want to go to jail. Officer friendly handcuffed me to a wall with my arm too high and I said it hurt my shoulder

and he didn't care and I was like, not friendly. So the name Officer Friendly is amazing that he pulled a gun on you. Not friendly. I can't believe he pulled a gun. You probably had it coming. Yeah, is it weird that I'm automatically on Officer Friendly's side?

I'm sure you were doing something. But Bridget, what do you think about that as an idea that you bring in the cop to lay down the law and then you are good cop and they are bad cop? Yeah. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I just am nervous that they're going to be like, again, I just want to be cool. I just want them to be cool.

Stop it with that. That's not gonna happen. But why not? Because I'm not. You're not. You like to give away suckers and have stickers and what was the term you said? Chillin' or whatever? Chillin'.

Chill out. Chill out. Cool it. I don't care. Shouting chill out. Chill out. Chill out. Chill it.

But is there a way, is there a world where we do that on the A and then as soon as friend, as soon as officer Jim leaves, you say, look, I know that was a lot. Let's make it. Yeah. Boom. Why don't we do this? You guys got to follow his rules, but if you do follow his rules, we get to do the thing we were just kind of talking about.

Someone picks the Friday soundtrack for the ride home. Because I, and you guys, you go like, guys, I don't want this to be lame. I'm looking to have fun too. So let's just do this. Let's all be very controlled Monday through Thursday, and then Friday on the way home, let's enjoy our weekend. And guess what? Bridget's cool.

I honestly. One question. Go. All right. Don't make fun of me. But what about rope lights or something around the top of the the seat or the ceiling? What about what that lane? No, like right? Yeah, I don't think decorations are gonna get you any mileage with

teenagers, if I'm being honest. I mean, they would with me, but I'm a different kind of teenager. But I mean, not you mean not a teenager? Well, I'm putting easy. Okay but I'm a different kind of teenager but I mean not you mean not a teenager well I'm saying I'm putting okay I'm uncomfortable with that number but there goes my chicken I do chicken I do think this is like really a super solid plan one you're making him you're gonna look so much cooler and nicer compared if this cop does the job and commits to the bit I think you are I plan one you're making him, you're going to look so much cooler and nicer compared. If this cop does the job and commits to the bit, I think you are in great shape.

And then I think if one of the teenage boys stands up rather than you go like this, Trevor, Trevor, come on, man, you got to get, like, don't do that. And then you go, if he goes, sorry, you go like, and then you could say like, Hey man, that's my ass. Yeah. Because guess what? It wouldn't just be you. It's a, we meet too.

So I need you to stop doing that. And then you go, you may go, all right, sorry. And you go, if one person tell like, come on man. And then it's us versus the fucking popo. Versus just create the popo to be the bad guy. And you're fucking one of them. You're just 39 and not that cool, but you're changing the narrative though because you're yeah, I think I think this is the way to go.

I see this working like gangbusters because I see all of a sudden as the kid you're like Bridget's fine. Like she's cool. She's not up our asses. She's not. I wouldn't try too hard. I wouldn't do the lights. I wouldn't give them candy. I wouldn't be overly friendly.

Like if a teenage boy walks in, don't say hi to him. Do not ask how his day was. Don't remember details. He's not gonna go, you know what? That was really sweet. She remembered I had a math exam. That's gonna just be weakness. This is jail culture.

So you're not a punk. They're not taking your commissary. You're right. Because the first day of school, I accidentally mis-run the boy's stop. So then the second day, I was like, okay, I'm going to get this stop. And I got it. And he comes up and I was like, look at me, huh? Second day of school, remembering where you live. And he was like, look at me, huh? Second day of school, remembering where you live. And he was like, huh? Yeah. By the way, he had no sense of humor.

Your comment was perfect. That's yeah. Yeah. It's also hilarious to miss a kid's house. Yes. Agree. When did one job kind of thing? You know what I mean?

Like, come on, just like that kid's like, cool. What's the plan? All right. Just jump over that little river. I think this is pretty good, Bridget. I would say there's a good a side, there's a good B side. And I think you can play it, you know, like you're once that happens, you're rewarding the kids because you don't like the stuffy environment.

The office, I think that's exactly right. Um, so I would go with it. I mean, what do you think? I think I'm going to do it. Yeah, I appreciate it. Never would have crossed my mind. It would have been suckers and party lights. And I really mean this.

Thank God you called. Yeah, really. And honestly, the cop, I think the cop, the school cop is going to love this role. Like he's like, uh, yes, please. I get a flex on some kids. You bet. That's why they take their job. Just remember Steve almost burned his house down with the same chicken twice.

That's true. That's true. So at least in that Steve is what you're saying. Yeah, correct. Yeah, sure. That's it. It could be worse. least in that Steve is what you're saying. At least in that Steve. Yeah, correct. Yeah, sure. That's the point. It could be worse.

It could be me. Bridget, we appreciate it. Please follow up with us when you find out what's happening with the cop. If he's in, let us know because this could be really... Yeah, keep us posted. I'd like to know every development. You got this, sister. Okay.

Hey, thanks, brother. I appreciate you guys. Bye. Thanks. All right, Bridget. Go get them. Bye. Bye. Thank you. All right, Bridget, go get them. Bye. Peace.

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That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. Zocdoc.com slash H-T-H. Makes you think of Gilby Camp. This episode is brought to you by Filo. Filo's got current seasons of shows that we all love like A&E and MTV. It's got Discover, it's got TLC. There are classic shows like The Office, Martin, Friends, shows you can watch over and over again, Mad Men, Orphan Black, 75,000 movies and shows. You can rewatch them over and over again. We've talked about the hits. Let's talk about some of the weird ones. It's not a big deal, but I've watched a lot of Love After Lock-Up. So has Jake.

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website is Squarespace, Kevin's website is Squarespace, super user-friendly. Many of our callers' websites are Squarespace. Yeah, we like, we did the wigs and suits. Yeah. They were Squarespace. This woman called, she'd been lying to her boss about taking cooking classes while she was going off and doing some more naughty stuff. We helped make her a website that was so legitimate, her boss believed she was taking cooking classes. You think we're putting in 40 hours of work to do that? No! We're using Squarespace because they make it that easy. Squarespace, we're talking design intelligence, Squarespace payments, connected to your social and multimedia accounts, it makes it easy to sell

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Sorry, Arden. Can we get your name, your age, where you're calling from, please? My name is Jordan. I am 40, and I am calling from New York City. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident.

I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident.

I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. I am a New York City resident. Sorry, Arden. Can we get your name, your age, where you're calling from, please? My name is Jordan. I am 40 and I am calling from beautiful Bloomington, Indiana. Oh, gorgeous. Okay! Driven through it a bunch. Listen, Jordan, Jake's not here. He's a Hollywood hotshot, but you know who we do have.

I know the type. Who do we have? It's disgusting. We have in his stead our guest helper, Fantastic, has her own podcast, which I've been on a bunch, but she has a lot more stuff coming up. But the host of Will You Accept This Rose, the fantastic Arden Marine is joining us. Hi, Arden. Hi, guys. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Karen. Hey, there. Hi, Arden.

Hey, girl. Jordan, is there something you'd like to say to Artin? Felt like you were. I'm starstruck. I'm almost speechless. There you go. Well, that's going to be shitty for the show. All right, Jordan. Thanks, Jordan. Why don't you tell us what is going on? What the hell's up?

Well, I have a father in law problem. OK. But thankfully, it's not the typical type. He's a great guy. Love him. Love my in-laws in general. But he is absolutely terrible with the remote when we're watching football together with the rewind, the fast forward, the pause. It takes five hours to watch a game. He can't find the right spot after the commercial. Sometimes he forgets to fast forward through the commercials and rewinds at the wrong time. And I can't text my buddies while we're watching. How are you? Is he pausing? Are you starting the games late? That's why he's able to fast forward through the commercials? No, he's pausing usually.

Pausing where? Just at a random point, like, oh, let me pause and go get another drink or go to the bathroom or get the snack. He's building up time in those go to the fridge pauses. And then when he's trying to skip the commercials, he's going too far. I mean, I'll be honest. Or he's forgetting that he can skip the commercials.

Oh, and you're just sitting there because you're not comfortable being like, Hank, let's fucking go. I do, but Jordan, may I call you may I call you Jojo? Yes, you may. I'll answer for him. Yes. Okay, Jojo, listen, I'm gonna be honest with you. I am your father-in-law in every television situation. Jojo, I'm sorry. I'm the bad I am the nightmare remote operator. I'm the like we got to pause it I am a nightmare to watch something with and have me be in control of the remote So I want to you're talking to somebody who's psychology. I'm playing the part of your father-in-law right now. What's his name? Okay, perfect His name is Charlie. Okay. I'm Charlie right now

Okay. Well listen, that's tough to hear too. I'm not gonna lie. Okay, well, listen, that's tough to hear too, Arden, I'm not gonna lie. It's not my best quality. It's not my best. No, but there's so many surrounding it, so it's okay. Okay, Charlie, keep going. Is there more to this, or is that basically where we're at? I mean, that's the crux of it. I can't text my buddies while we're watching the game, which is a crucial part of it.

I can't check Twitter. I can't check the score. And it takes five hours to watch a game. Does he know he's bad at it? Because I know I have shame around it. I panic and I'm ashamed and I'm aware. Does he know? No, no.

He has no shame. OK. Jordan, what do you do for work, roughly? I work for the school system here. Okay. I have a pitch that's obviously a lie because those are so helpful in situations like this. Do you want me to go, Arden, or you got something? No, I like it.

I felt like you were channeling something. I was into it. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna say that you say there's something for the school for this football season where there's a group of kids who you need... hold on I'm so sorry. Jose! Stop it! Sorry he's crying at one of my favorite chairs. It's a new thing he's doing. Yeah. Anyway, back to the advice from me, who clearly is a professional grown man

who you should be listening to. Yeah, obviously. I would say that there's something either in a teacher's group or there's something you're doing with a group of students where you are, it's important that you are able to communicate live with them. So you have to ask him for the next six weeks when you're watching a game to not pause it

because it's not only that the game will get a little ruined for you, but it's also important that you can communicate in real time with a group of people. And then maybe after you do that for a little while, he'll kind of get the hint that this is a better way to do it. I'm a big fan of lying. And I am a big fan of lying, particularly if you're sparing somebody's feelings. Sometimes it's the easier, kinder way. I think good relationships are built on lies. Baby, it's a baby lie. relationships are built on lies. Babies. It's a baby lie.

Yeah, exactly. A little white lie that's like, he doesn't need, look, he's a grown man, you know, he's probably over 65, I'm going to guess. Like, he doesn't need to have his wrists lapped. Charlie's doing his best. He's psyched to hang out with his buddy, you know, Charlie and Jojo. Like, so rather than like like he's probably excited that you're over He's like I get a little ADD and I'm like I just want to keep settling in and get my snag It's like so I think maybe I like the white lie of something that you could include him in Is that you could have a decoy friend text you and like I don't know I like I like this so that he

He doesn't need to at this stage in the game, there's no reason to call him out for being. Overwhelm him with the terms. Say, and Kevin, you can jump in here because you have a pen Twitch, but why don't you start saying stuff like, we got a live stream on Twitch, it's me and a group, we have, you know, stuff like that, where you're going to see

his eyes kind of gloss over. And just once you see that, that look in his eyes, you've won. And then you just say, so if possible, if you got to get a drink, you got to take a whiz, you do it during the commercials, which by the way, is how it should be anyway. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, that's what they're there for. I have a pitch Jordan that might be a little tricky. Two words. Drug him. Second remote. Is it possible that you could have a little pocket remote when he pauses playing with fire? Then you're backseat driving like you can't and he would feel... No I actually kind of like that can't. And he would feel...

No, I actually kind of like that. Yeah, that's what's up. Can you even just say, hey, do you mind if I fast forward through the commercials? Or I wouldn't even cop to it. I would just hit play when he pauses during commercials so he's not missing the game. And then when he is like, what the heck? He's like, I don't know.

Yeah, I went to the bathroom too. It was playing when I came back or something you can only do it so many times but maybe you can get through a couple of games with a little pocket play sounds appropriate as I say that out loud I love watching a home game and doing pocket play. There's nothing like pocket playing with your father-in-law. Don't let him know I'm pocket playing. Yeah. Okay, so let me ask you this. What are you watching? What is the device that you are watching this on? Yeah. It's like a Roku TV. I would guess that I use Apple TVs mainly, but what I would guess is that there's probably a way on that remote to change what the buttons do.

I know there is on Apple TV. You can start fucking around a little bit. You could also, third option, you could change right when he goes for that early whiz, you could go there and change what rewind does and what play does and just make it so the remote's a little backwards to him. And then you could take over the remote and use it and be like, let me do it. I love that. But that might be a little complicated too. Well, last time I was there, I had to fix the TV. So he sees me as like, I know how to make it work anyway. Well, there's also a way where you can scapegoat that a little bit into some problems. Like,

you can say you could, you could claim there like if he were to skip a part of the game, you could be like, damn it, this remote's doing that again, because I think the remote jumps further ahead than you want to go. You could make it seem like the tech is the issue. I like that. And then you could maybe get the remote. Either way, we're talking about a coup. I like that.

I like the coup. A Roku coup. And I do think there's also a way you could come in and be like, oh man, I got a hard out. I got to meet Casey at five down at fucking Pep Boys or whatever. Like, obviously, I like, but like I have a hard out. So like, if you don't, I'm gonna like, you might just always have to have a hard out. You gotta fast forward through shit.

I like that. What I also like is Arden's take on what men do. Um, which is that we're all going to probably meet at Pep Boys around when it closes. And fight. Absolutely. I gotta go meet Casey down at Pep Boys at 5. We're eating sandwiches with spaghetti in them. I just thought you said meet Casey at Pep Boys and fight. Like at a fight club at Pep Boys. Hey I'm gonna go meet Casey at Pep Boys and beat his ass. I like that. I like that. Okay, well Jordan, there's a few things there. There's kind of coming up with the hard out. There's the second remote. Roku-ku. There is the fake, there's the Roku-ku, there's the fake live stream text version.

That's pretty much it. Those are pretty much the universes. And blaming on technology. You get the second remote or blaming on technology. Yeah, the sort of scape, the scape remote. Go ahead, Kevin. The language I would use for that, JoJo, is there's an operating system update and just blame it on that.

These operating system updates keep screwing me over. Very legit. Yeah. Yes. I like that a lot. Well, there's some options for you, Jojo. So what do you think you're going to do? Where are you leaning?

Yeah, Jojo. Yeah, I think the, I think the, uh, blame the software, blame the tech combination of those two, maybe second remote. They definitely have more than one of the same kind of remote in the house, but that could possibly be a, and you've got backup things, you've got backup things. If that doesn't work, you've got to be planned, which is important. You know, the more that I, there is a, uh, that you can get like a You know a remote that controls basically everything what you might want to do is get one of those and every time he does something Shut it off Just shut the TV off and do that three times. I mean like I don't know what's going on but I think just maybe we just leave it now because

You know, it's better to have it be like, you know know like whatever we missed two seconds than it fully shut off Yeah Yeah, but either way Jojo. I think that's very well. It sounds like you've got what you're going for So would you like to say thank you to Arden for all of her help Jojo and your new nickname? Yeah, I mean I'm next time down. I'm down with pet boys with the boys Have to let them know I'm Jojo now. Yep, that's right, JoJo. The Pep Boys! The Pep Boys!

That's what we are. JoJo and the Pep Boys. JoJo and the Pep Boys. Absolutely. That's my favorite musical. And JoJo, really quick, I know we're about to wrap up. Roku has this incredible entertainment movie trivia game on their app, on their Roku thing. If you need a little icebreaker with the old

man, go through and see how many. If you get 10 out of 10, it's kind of a big deal. My wife and I spent way too long doing it a couple of weeks ago and it was a blast. So a little icebreaker if you need something to chat with. I feel like Kevin's just getting some Roku cash on the side. That was such a... Just use promo code shark and you'll get like 10% off. Shark! It's very clear what's going on. It's very clear what's going on.

All right, JoJo, keep us posted. Hopefully this works out for you, buddy. All right, will do. Thanks a lot, guys. Go, JoJo! Go, JoJo! Go, JoJo! Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh, and we're brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Look, they have revolutionized the way we shave with their grooming products, with their razors, all super high quality, never overpriced.

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Cool. I don't want to talk. Yeah, it is cool, and I'd love to show them to you. You don't have to. They have styles for every... You don't have to. We're coworkers. No, no, no. You are legally committed now.

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They will be 20% off. Do you understand what I'm saying? And I'm not talking about the price point. All right, we're brought to you by Uncommon Goods. Spark something uncommon this holiday season with the right gift from Uncommon Goods. Look, I can, this is a great place to go if you go to Uncommon Goods. If you don't know what you're going to get somebody, I cannot recommend it enough to go to Uncommon Goods to get an idea or even find that thing. It is just, it's like

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Go to UncommonGoods to get 15% off your next gift. That's uncommongoods.com slash here to to get 15% off your next gift. That's UncommonGoods.com slash here to help for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer on Common Goods We're all out of the ordinary especially Kevin Hey everyone, it's the shark. I just wanted to say really quick if this is your first episode Thanks for listening and if this is your first episode, thanks for listening. And if this is your second episode, thanks for coming back. If this is your third, the original call from this next follow up aired on August 22nd. It's called the Donut King and it is the second call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as

a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hey, how's it going? Hi, welcome back. We know you called before. We know we probably solved it, but can you tell us your name and what your first problem was? And then Jake, at some point during this, we should talk about the fact that Kevin is wearing a shirt that has his initials monogrammed on it. What's your name, please? So my name is Drew and I run on donuts. Oh my God.

Donut Drew. So, Drew, walk us through where we're at, what happened, and what we pitched, what your question was, and where we're at now. Yeah. So basically, I was the guy who ate lots of doughnuts and did reviews and stuff, and I was trying to figure out like what my rules have to be. So you guys didn't so much as pitch it, but you basically gave me a challenge which was hit a new stop every month, keep doing reviews of just like the stops I normally go to, but make it a point to hit a new stop every single month. So I've been doing that.

TITLE Great. So I've been doing that. Great. How's it been going? Pretty awesome. Um, so right after it aired, a whole bunch of people like started following me on Instagram and I just got a ton of recommendations. So I wrote all those down. Um, I have them all for any time I leave the state, I now have like spots I have to hit in every single state if I ever travel, so that's pretty awesome. Great.

So you're becoming the full on donut man. That's, that's the goal. Yeah. And then the other benefit is like, I've been taking my son with me more and he's turning into the donut Prince. I've been getting him the donut. By the way, this is nice. So the community has reached out, giving you more donut places.

I remember now that you had like a great big chart, correct? Yeah. I have my personal spreadsheet for everything. Yes. So the spreadsheets get bigger. You're now going out of state and you're using it as a way to bond with your child. Yeah. Which actually kind of created a new problem because my kid is too.

So he's not the best with speech. And when I asked him if he wants to go get donut holes, he says, Douga instead of donut. And then I say, do you want a chocolate one or an apple one, what color? And he says yellow, and then he keeps saying he wants a yellow hole. So yeah, I got to pick that one.

We're not gonna start on this one. We're not gonna start on this one. We're about that one. Yeah. If it's beneath me. Then we're about to ring the bell. If it's beneath me. We're about to's beneath me, you know, it's bad. I would say this, lean into the child on the social media as well.

People love kids. Maybe the day that he says donut, it's like your social media's version of him taking his first steps. I think Jake's right. We solved this problem, right, Drew? Oh yeah, 100% ring the bell. It's a win. Bell's getting rung once again. Thanks Caddy

Shake. It says we're here to help on it. That's great dude. So we appreciate the call. Yeah, congratulations, good luck, and keep doing what you're doing and good luck to the Donut King and his heir apparent. Thank you. Thank you buddy. Thanks bud. Yeah, take care guys. Thank you, buddy. Thanks, bud. Yep. Take care, guys. See you.

Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo. And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh.

And you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's oliver r a l l i dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D I K E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz dot com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at paddyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash

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now on HeadGum. It's the very first podcast for and about Italian Americans. That's right. Well, if you're not Italian American, you can listen to, I guess. I suppose we can let you in, cut you a deal. We're talking about all sorts of crazy topics on this.

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