We're Here to Help - 141: Comedy Can Be Fun (Season 1 Finale)

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Jake and Gareth chat with someone whose grandma wants to be buried with the caller's dead dog. They also chat with a listener facing a bizarre matching tattoo situation with her boss. Later, they follow up with the first caller from episode 59 "Spraying Mess." This is our season one finale! Thank you so much to all the amazing listeners and callers! The show will return in about one month!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lights are going up, snow is falling down, there's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing, McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. And we are kinda back. One more. Final episode of our first season.

Yeah, that's right. But this is the first first season. Yeah, that's right. But this is the first big season. We started this as the beginning of this was Gareth came and visited me at a kids park where I was with my kids. I was there already. I just happened to you stumbled on me. Yeah. What are you doing, brother?

Yeah. Jake Jake goes, do you have kids? And I said, no, I just like watching them run. I just like watching the kids play. And we said, we, we talked to the idea and I said, well, let's do this. Let's do 10 on spec. And if I got to pay the produce for a payment, if the premise doesn't work, then we bury it.

Yep. And then we got to pay the producer a payment, if the premise doesn't work, then we bury it. Yep. And then we got the shark. Yep. We started doing them and it was really fun. I think, I think it was not, it wasn't totally right away because the beginnings, they were really serious calls. Yeah. I remember the beginning, we were like, you know, people were talking about like real relationship problems. And we were like, this is not us.

Mm hmm. people were talking about like real relationship problems. And we were like, this is not us. Took a minute, but right away we were like, this is a good way to be funny and helpful. You know, I mean, really we were just like, that was the thing was I think like, obviously we didn't, you know, I thought we would be good at doing this kind of a show together. And very quickly we were busting each other's balls

and finding some good advice as well as ways to mock each other. And Zoe was our first guest, right? Yes. Wow, crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. But yeah, so I mean, that's really like, we talked about it and we right away,

we just started enjoying it. We started doing it. We had a great reaction. And then I think as we went through it, we just were like, we're going to take a break and we'll see what happens. So if you're listening to this in 2027, but one thing we've talked about off air that we'd like to say is how much we appreciate all the listeners, how much we appreciate all the emails, how much we appreciate the community, the people who have stuck with it and cared and made it really fun and pushed

us to keep doing it. Because without you guys, honestly, we're just, we're three dudes doing a zoom. No, it is this is a happy hour during the pandemic. Without question, it is that is what is great about the show is there's a community based around trusting us to hear your problems and making them public. And all the comments honestly had been something Gareth isn't a big comment reader, but shark and I are. So the show has evolved in a choose your own adventure kind of way, where all of a sudden guests and how we do the guests,

what has been so fun is getting the analytics and seeing the numbers, seeing what people respond to, what they don't, and being able to make changes quickly without studios, without networks, without financiers, without anybody really besides the three of us making those decisions. That has been such a fun part of it. And the way that this base has responded and continued to tell us what they like and what they don't like has made it really fun to kind of move with everybody. It's really what is the best part about doing a podcast is that you can pick what you wanna do.

I mean, you and I both have a foot in the other world and it's different. It's not, it's just different. 100%. And so if you're listening to the, I'll go ahead, Jared. I going to say, and with that, you know, something that you guys pushed for that was super helpful for me too, was like, let's hire really talented people to work with us too.

So shout out to AJ, John, Josh, and Caitlin. They helped so much behind the scenes making this show. A hundred percent. Really, really good. And so I know that the three of us are like extremely appreciative of like everything they did behind the scenes too. So that was really, really what became, it became a real team. Yeah.

Yep. Uh, I think, I think probably Caitlin was the beginning of it. When she emailed the show and then we had a zoom with her and we hired her on the spot. Yeah. And then all of a sudden she's running our social media and blowing it up. Yep. Our show has more followers than I do and that happened quickly. Fast. But like that's an exciting, that was a really exciting part of it. And then when the New York Times reached out to us via email.

And I was like, Ooh, this is so nice. We're like, it's not through publicist. It's not through a project. We're able to kind of do this during the strike. It felt like, oh, this is really exciting. I see why people get really hooked into the new world or you're like, oh, it's really exciting and it's really fun. Yep. So listen to the show, share the show. And also, truly, thank you for being part of it, because it's been really fun. Yep. So listen to the show, share the show. And also truly thank you for being part of it. Cause it's been really fun.

Yes. Appreciate it. And appreciate all the tattoos we've gotten. So really enjoy it, share it. And without for the last time in a little while. Hey, this is Jake. I am coming back into the intro at a later time. This was the shark's idea to put a little tag onto this because after all this talk of being done, things have changed. We have received and loved the output from the fans. We've gotten literally hundreds of responses saying, don't stop, keep going. And it's really meant a lot to us.

It's been really fun. And so we got a great offer from Headgum where we're going to come back and do 50 episodes. We're going to do a season two. It's going to be once a week. It's going to release on Monday. There's not going to be the video of it, but we are going to keep it going. So we're going to get back in it, have a lot more of Gareth and I. We're going to figure out the schedule and we're going to move forward.

We're going to keep the show alive. It's going to start again towards the end of January. There's going to be a little bit of break and we are going to keep this thing going. So it honestly happened because of the base and you guys reaching out. And so we're going to listen. So we're very excited. Thank you for telling us to make it work. And we did. And so we will see everybody end of January. I think it's something like January 19th or 17th, something in that zone. And so have a great holiday.

We hope you enjoyed season one and we're gonna start season two with a whole lot of me and the Garf Man and build this thing up and let's see what happens and see if season two felt any different than season one. So without further ado. Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz. Hi.

Hi. Welcome to the show. Wait, this is crazy. Hello. This is crazy. This is nuts. We shouldn't do this. All right, next caller, please.

Yes. This is crazy. Hi. No, no,'t do this. All right. Next caller, please. Yeah. This is crazy. Hi. No, no, no. Can we get your name please? Yes. My name is Kate.

Kate and Kate. Yeah. If you were in the jungle and you're having a fantasy, what animal would you like to see first? I think I'd like to see a slob. Mine would be a silverback. Mine would be a silverback. Yours would be a what? A sloth?

A sloth is a great answer. I thought you said slob. A slob, Jake? You mean the jungle or Shinchonetti, honey? It's just Berg with his shirt off taking a one-hitter. There's a chicken burning, there's a chicken burning. So you would want to see a sloth. I think that's a great answer.

I feel like they're just not threatening. Non- of all animals. I think that's a great answer. I feel like they're just not threatening. Non-predatory. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, very chill. Kate, you like a chill sloth. Where are you from? I'm from New York.

This city? No, Long Island. Okay. Gareth was just in New York State. Yeah, not Long Island. No. Kate, sloth thing. You York State. Yeah, not Kate sloth, I heard beautiful. I'm good Kate sloth, Long Island What we do free today

So I'm having an issue with my grandma So her name is Janice she's 86 86. So she's around the age where we're trying to ask her her dying wishes, where she would like to be. She's not married, she doesn't want to be like really with her parents. So we're like, where do you want us to put you when you have passed in the nicest way. And her first order of business was that we sprinkle her ashes wherever she's had fun, which seems like a lot of work. But in the past, yeah, in the past two years,

she's set on getting buried with my dead dog in my backyard. Her dead dog? No, no, no, no, my dead dog. She wants to go where your pet dog was? Correct. So I think we could heighten that a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Was she close with your dog? A little bit. No. Okay. Let's not put her with the dead dog. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, no, I mean, she was, yeah, it's like in my parents backyard. She likes the dog, but I think it's interesting. Yeah. No, I mean she was eating. Yeah, it's like in my parents backyard He likes the dog, but I think it's just a little a little kooky to have her in their backyard. I agree

Yeah, we're all signing off on that being not. Okay. No, so yeah, so Kate sloth, Long Island Grandma named Janice 86 Wants to get sprinkled where she had fun, maybe brought up the backyard with the dog. What else you got? So yeah, so the main issue is that now the dog thing is like that's what she's hell bent on and she really wants to like put it in writing that we have to put her body in our backyard.

Now, sorry, it felt like we were talking about cremating. Yeah. We are talking about full on. We're talking about the body. We're tooming. That's criminal. No, no, no, no, no. You're not putting a 114 pound woman in the dirt. No, no, no, no, no. I got my first pitch. But yeah, like full ashes, not just a little bit, the whole thing in my backyard. Okay. So then what is the, so that seems pretty clear. Janice has staked her claim. She wants to, is it, is it her son or her daughter who lives there? Is it her, is your mom her connected to Janice? Yes. Yeah. So she wants to be in her daughter's backyard. Okay. Okay. Correct. Yeah.

So my question is she's coming for Christmas and we kind of have to break the news to her that we're not going to do this. Why? Yeah, why? Sorry. Let's devils advocate it. I'm already on Janice's side. It's Ash. I'm on Janice's side. It's Ash. Agreed. Yeah, that's fair. No, that's fair. I personally would not care. My mom is hell bent on no. So I'm kind of stuck between convincing my mom that this is fine or getting Janice to choose a different route. So I'm kind of stuck in the middle here. What's your mom's aversion? route. So I'm kind of stuck in the middle here. What's your mom's aversion? I mean, it's her mother's ashes? That's it basically? Yeah. Yeah, they're not like the best of friends. So I think she doesn't really want her in that close proximity, I guess.

That is strange. This reasoning is... That is strange, yeah. I mean, we're digging so much, we might find dog. Yeah. I mean, we're digging so much we might find dog. Yeah. It seems... So, the issue is that your mother and Janice have such an estranged-ish relationship that that's why your mother doesn't want her in the yard.

Correct, yes. And she feels like this was her dog, like her kind of... But it wasn't. ...s soul dog. But it wasn't. No, my mom, my mom. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. So my mom doesn't want her with the dog.

Holy shit. Yeah. I gotta jump in. Is all this real? Yeah, unfortunately. Okay, so this is wild. So your mother doesn't want her mother's ashes near her dog? Yes. Yeah. Correct. And also in her backyard. Yeah. All right. So here's what we got to do.

We got a pitch to you, pitches that you can pitch to Janice so that Janice doesn't have to get rejected but she could get... I used to call Gareth option one because whenever we would make a bet he would always say yes to option one Still happens by the way, I Hear the first pitch and I go hey, you're not gonna beat that And then I go he goes and then they'll be at pause and he goes what was gonna be the second thing? I go something that gave you a bigger advantage. Thank you things vastly better Way better idea.

But we already shook on option one. So what we need to do is we need to, you need to present Janice with something that she signs off on and goes, that sounds fun, fully forgets about the backyard. No 86 year old woman needs to hear that her daughter doesn't want her near her dead dog. Yeah, it's such a weird rejection.

I think Jake's right. I have a nuclear pitch that I'll save till the end. But what if you want to start with it, just see what happens, see if it takes us on a weird alley. I think you could lie in one direction. You could lie to Janice and just be like, yeah, we're going to put you in the yard. Then you don't.

She's Ashley. Ghosts, ghosts, spirits. Ghosts, see that going to put you in the yard. Then you don't. She's ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost. See, that's all I'm on that. I'm where you're smoking. He's the haunting type. Yeah. You just look, Gareth. We could all say we all know what happens when. And how about this? Here's what we don't. Here's my line. The other direction.

You tell Janice your mother is going to reject it, but don't worry. You're going to put the ashes in the yard when your mom's not around. Love that. I was thinking about that but I'm a really bad liar. I would I would tell my mom yeah. Okay so we can't do that Kate give me three things about Janice that's unique. She's a horse girl. A horse girl? What like a centaur like, you know, that's not it Kara Hey, but comedy can be fun sometimes I got to thank everybody in this crowd tonight every one of yous I love She's a horse girl, okay. Yeah

She's very bougie like you like like fine China He likes nice nice thing like this. Okay. Okay. By the way, Kate, you're firing off great example. Yeah, these are great. Okay. Thank you. Horse girl. Thank you.

Horse girl. She's bougie. She likes fine china. What else we got on Janice? She doesn't love people. Is she single? Is she Kevin? Is she Kevin? Does she like pens? Does she have a twitch about pens?

Does she have a hedgehog? She still blows my mind. So you're in Long Island, are there any Okay, so she doesn't like people. So you're in Long Island. Are there any barns near you? Yes. Yeah, there is. And she actually used to have her horses on Long Island.

Okay. Do you know where is the place that she used to have her horses still open and available? It is. Yes. I don't know if the stable area is open to the public, but my dad. It doesn't have to be kid. Jake's told his story before. Yeah.

It doesn't have to give the cliff notes. You essentially snuck your father's ashes into Wrigley field. You didn't ask for permission to put your dad's ashes in Wrigley field. You didn't ask for permission to put your dad's ashes in Wrigley Field. You did it. Yeah, I threw out the first pitch and then I walked by home plate and I, he was in my pocket.

So it's very easy to go there. I scattered the old guy. Yeah, you could get a monocle, go down there and pretend you're interested in buying. You know, you should also do, is break in in the middle of the night. Or just, I mean, again, it's ashes. But you want to do it. So here's my first pitch.

Okay. I don't hate, I liked Gareth's lie. I thought it was going to be crazier, but I think it's a good pitch of just saying to your mom, I didn't do it and then do it. But if you're going to tell the mom, then you're creating a lot of trouble. You don't need to do that. So here's what I would pitch. I would say to your grandma, Janice, here's what I'm thinking. I want to put you in a very expensive bottle. So not this fucking trash bag, not a barf bag. I want you in fine China, the nicest one you've got. It might be, Garrett. You never know what the box is going to play. I like that. I just love the idea of being like, not a barf bag.

Yeah, not a barf bag. What was your great line? Comedy could be fun. But I would say you're putting her in something very expensive, very nice, like a little case. And then what you would love to do with her permission is bury her where her beloved horses once were Because you would love the image of her riding on those goddamn stallions I hear back in it with just a skirt on Okay, it's weird weird obviously at the end, but yeah, I think Yeah, yeah the end is super Cut the end I Ble. Yeah, the end is super. Cut the head.

I blew it in the head. I was going to say topless. Yeah. Well, but maybe you didn't blow it. Now you definitely know I'm cooking with gas. No, you're not. No, I'm not. I'm ruining it. Stove's off. What do you think? I like that a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I feel like she could go for something like that too. Just like

a really nice kind of like little cozy second home. Yeah. In her race. Yeah. So she can ride off to the next existence. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, I like that. I don't know how I could bury her at the stable that way like incognito

Of course, you know, okay Kate. It's not a body. You're not going six feet deep Here's how you bury ashes take them in a cup throw them over your shoulder. The wind takes them They're buried and by the way, there's nothing ownership can do. No, they're not going to go, Hey, cool. You go like this. Okay. I'm cool. Yeah.

Hey, all right. What are you going to do? Suck the ashes up with a straw. They're everywhere. The dirt. It's quite literally trash. No, it's ashes. Part of your, so when you say, you don't know how you could do it, Kate,

are you thinking six feet in and in a coffin? What do you think is the tricky part of burying at literal ashes I'm thinking like if I had her in a nice container then burying the container Kate how big is this container in your eyes um like a couple feet maybe oh thank you very big is that yes yeah person does not turn into too much. You know what I would do actually? I would put it in a container and pour the container out, take the container home. Here's what I would suggest, just to pitch on

that. Nice container, something classy, she could fucking shop with you for this thing. Half on where we're talking about at the horse area, the stables, and then keep half at your house. Keep half at your house on a mantle. It's nice. Keep her in something nice. Yeah. It's interesting. Okay.

What do you think? What do you think of that? Kate? You don't want to have her around. Do you? Yeah. I can say she's the haunting type. Yeah. I, yeah Like it's the haunting type. Yeah. Oh, yeah

Yeah, she also I mean it would be at my parents house and my mom obviously Wouldn't like that. My dad also suggested that we put her in the horse poop area of a stable so that Yeah Shade on that. Yeah, there's a meanness there nasty Yeah, yeah, that's a little a little fight. I think this is alright. I'm gonna pitch one more thing Just because you're on Long Island. So you're the water is a possibility as well. What if we did half stable Half the nice China thing you have seal it up and just drop it off the boat one day when you're going it does janice like the water yes i like that i like that idea because then you got a titanix down to the bottom and is kind of like by the way and then you get the use the

nice china so yeah then you kind of stables you just throw it out and then you drop the other half in the water. What do you think Kate? You're going to pitch this to Janice? Oh, 100%. Yeah. And I like I'm going to pitch to her that she can pick out her own container because I think she would like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do that. Perfect. Let's do this really fast, Kate. Let's hear how you're going to pitch it to her. Does anyone need to be Janice for this Jake? I don't think so Okay, it could be interesting to just have someone there to just kind of react light. Don't think so. Okay, okay Gareth would you like to play Janice? Oh, uh, I guess if you think we need yeah for sure

Yeah, yeah, all right, all right, and and what's Janice's ex-husband called? There's a few, but Angelo would be the main one. Angelo's incredible. Did Angelo pass on? Yes, he did. And what did Angelo do for work? He was an artist and a psychiatrist. Ooh.

Of course. The big two. And an actor. Ooh. Bingo. As we all are. Angelo. I've always wanted my shrink to act.

They do. They act like they're interested. That's right, yeah. All right, Kate, let's hear the pitch. Okay. Hi, Grammy. Oh, hello, Kate, let's hear the pitch. Okay. Hi, Grammy. Oh, hello. Hello. So you know how we were talking about you being buried with Lucy in the yard?

Yes. Yes. Yes. In the yard. I was thinking that, you know, we're going gonna sell the house one day and then I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to come visit you if you were here with Lucy so I Was thinking if we set you a calm set where you used to have your horses

Oh, and then we could pick out stop maybe a nice hold on. We got to start this over It's not a me note. I was very me. Yeah. Yeah, but you don't start with the negative Well, Jay Jay as a sale person, you know as a salesperson if you're trying to sell a 1999 Corsica a Chevy Corsica You don't go. I don't have the Malibu available, but you don't even want it. You know what I do have is a 99. You're going to look at you. I know what you want. You're going to get out of here.

Step into the role real quick. Corsica it up. Okay. You want me to be Kate? Be Kate. I'm Janice. Okay. Is that okay with you? Perfect. Yes. I'll tell you what I was going to do and you can do it if it feels right at a certain point When Jana starts talking too much you can jump in as Angelo and say that you've always loved her and you want her back It was gonna be a way to just derail the call but maybe yeah

Broadcast your derailment. I was very subtle. You were at first, but you were building. I was gonna say that was my tent. Hey, Janice. What do you by the way, Kate, what do you call her? Grammy. Grammy. What do you call her? Grammy. Yeah, he's got it.

What are you, Christopher Walken and Annie Hall? It's Grammy. Call me Grammy. Grammy. My name is Grammy. It's me. It's Jan. Grammy. Grammy. My name is Grammy. It's me. Comedy. Comedy can be comedy. Can be fun. Grammy. Yes. So I have a wonderful idea that I wanted to run by you,

that we're all very excited about. Oh, stop. Oh, I was I wanted to see if you were as excited about this as us. Okay. She is changing every line. Well, because I just had to drop walking. Come on, stick with me. We were thinking, do you know where you had your horses? Oh, yes, the stables. We were wondering if if it was okay with you if

we could bury your ashes there because we know how much you loved it there and we love thinking of you there with your horses riding in a skirt and topless and just really enjoying it. I had a top on. I always wore a top. Grammy, you're getting lost in the weeds of the pit. I think you're the one who's a bit lost. I am. You pushed it. What do you think? Comedy can be fun, but there are limits.

But it has to be appropriate. Yes. Grammy, what do you think about that? And then what we were thinking, if you wanted the other half as we could actually get really fine China and throw you in the East fucking River. The end fell apart, but everything up until then sounded pretty amenable. What do you think?

I don't know if you'd throw me in the quote East fucking River. Sorry, that's me, Angelo, honey. I'm back. I'm back, baby, for what's mine, Janice, in your mind, baby. The acting painting shrink Let me tell you what I love about you. Hi. You are a horse in a skirt. It's hopeless mama I'm gonna throw you in the East River baby, and I'm gonna jump in after you I'm digging the dog up and tossing it in after you babe

Okay, what do you think this one kind of went off the rails a little bit? What do you think for real about the pitch? I Like it. I think that's a better idea. Just don't even mention Go positive go positive. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right. Let's try it. Yeah. Okay. Well, you will you follow up with us? Yes, that's what I was gonna say give it give it a pitch and you follow up with us? Yes, that's what I was gonna say. Give it give it a pitch and honestly follow up. Let us know how it goes. And I am not opposed to the idea on that follow up if Janice needs to have a little more pressure applied to having her join the call. Ideally, she doesn't. Yeah, but but let us know how it goes, Kate. But I think that's pretty stubborn lady. But but

I'm gonna I'm gonna try. good. She's a stubborn lady, but I'm going to try my best. So is Jake. Yeah. All right, Kate. We appreciate it. Good luck. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, Kate. And by the way, RIP, Angela, we lost a real one.

We did. Truly. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much. It means a lot. All right. Bye.

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Hello. Hello. Welcome to We Are Here to Help. Oh my gosh. Okay. Hey. Shocking. Hi. How's it going?

Good, how's it going with you? Good. Pretty good, I'd say so far. What's up? Not much, just was sitting, eating some soup and then I got a message that you guys are looking for calls and now I'm here. What kind of soup?

Italian wedding soup. Yeah. Sure. Well, let's do this. What's your name? Uh, my name will go by Kara. Kara? And where are you calling from? Denver, Colorado. Denver. And what do you do for work? What's your day to day Kara? Um, that actually is going to tie into my story. so let me think if I... Sure, we'll share. I'm a graphic designer. Cool. Okay. All right, so Kara, graphic designer from Denver. What's the issue today?

So, I am pretty close with some of my coworkers. It's a pretty small company. And last weekend, actually only a few days ago, uh, the night before Thanksgiving, me and one of my closest friends who's a coworker and one of our other coworkers all went out dancing and we're dancing, having fun. And my coworker's friend points out my tattoo. I have a tattoo of a bow tie pasta noodle on my like elbow cut, like my inner arm. And he was like, Oh, I really hear it two months. I like that zone.

That that that's kind of where we're going with it. I guess everyone likes the idea. Why would you not get an elbow pasta there? I mean, it just, oh, wow. You actually know exactly where this is heading a crazy way. Um, I will say if you actually want to know, one of my friends once asked me as an icebreaker question, if your sexual identity was a pasta noodle, what would you pick? And I

picked a bow tie. Okay. So I then got it tattooed, of course, right? Why would your sexual identity be a bow tie? I mean, she's kind of beautiful. She's got a little kink in the middle, rough around the edges, but she's got a really beautiful face. Okay. Unfortunately, mine would be angel hair, but I'd love it to be a lasagna. Lasagna is the best. I'm a lasagna sheet. I just lay on top of yours and then there's another one of me.

And then there's another one of me and then there's another one of me. You're talking to three short angel hairs. Okay, so keep going. So you got a bow tie. Everyone's kind of making their jokes about what their noodle shape would be, whatever. And I joke like, oh my God, we should all get matching, whatever. And also to be clear me and this co-worker are not that close. So you don't get matching tattoos. Definitely not, I would not say so. I would say pass unless you're very close. Yes and that we are not.

But if she's listening to this love you girl. And but if she's listening to this, love you girl. I guess then we go home, we have a good night, whatever. And the next day I look on Instagram and she says, you know, so excited, love a spontaneous tattoo day. And she has gotten an elbow macaroni noodle in the exact same spot mine is in. Oh wow. But posted on Instagram, didn't text me. Kind of weird, right? Yeah, absolutely weird. Yep.

Very weird. I'm really glad that you guys agree. So she went sober the next day. Yes, the next day. Strange. Yep, strange. Okay. So then I guess the question being, tomorrow is Monday, I go into work, Yes, the next day is over. Strange. Yep, strange. Okay. So then I guess the question being, tomorrow is Monday, I go into work, how do I handle it?

What do I do? But is she expecting you to have a new tattoo or she's just matching the one you have? I think she's just matching the one I already have. Kara, there's nothing you can do. You got single white female'd. Yeah. Do you remember the movie? Now, are we pretending that you've seen it or are you pretending or do you want to be

surprised by it? Okay, I guess maybe what I want is like maybe to be surprised but mostly when it comes up inevitably is there a kind of joke I can make or like a Comment that isn't confrontational but it's kind of playing with the fact that oh you copied me a little bit Is there any here exactly what you're saying? Yeah, you know you could say we need a good answer You know you could say is that oh, you know we could do next we could jump off a bridge Oh, you know what we could do next? Uh, we could jump off a bridge. Yeah, that's good.

That's a good one. I like that. Right. Now it's a little bit mean and I don't know if you want to get mean with a coworker or you could go, Oh, what if we got like a, you know, but there's something in the zone. I don't even know if you want to do this, Kara. And I'll tell you why. You're entering a weird situation.

It's weird. It's a little, it's a little red flaggy. And look, if this was just a random friend of a friend at a bar, you could do a mean joke. You're stuck at work. It's true. And guess what? She's my supervisor. Oh, I love you girl. If you're listening. No girl love you. If you're listening. Love you. If you're listening. Love the tat. So cute. Besties for life.

Yeah. I think honestly on this one, we gotta be careful. Yeah. You don't want to lose your job. You don't want trouble. She saw the attention you were getting with the noodle elbow. She just took it. She's trying to, she's trying to be you a little bit. I think- That's the greatest compliment of all, isn't it? I told that I think you need to have a reaction of, oh, wow. That's great.

Actually did it. Wow. I think you've got to pull off something like that because if she's your supervisor, you don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you don't want to make her feel weird, but it is weird. And then you got to go like, I guess we shouldn't wear short sleeves on the same day. Yes.

I like, I like, I like your pitch of like, ah, all right, well, we, I probably shouldn't tell you every idea I have because then you'll do it. Like something, a slight bit of mustard on a thought, I think could be helpful. Yeah. And go like, wow, I can't believe, or you could go like, wow, that's amazing. You copied my tattoo. Yeah. You have a pasta tat.

I don't know what to say besides, that's a good place. You know what you could say? That's a very original place for a tattoo. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I did it. Yeah, it's fucking weird. But I think, yeah, I think you want to find that right tenor of. But it can't be too mean. Nope. She's a supervisor.

Gareth, what do you think about this one? If I got a tattoo of a dog on my left arm. I'd love it, buddy. I love it. What would you really say? I would love it. It was a very similar dog. But I like you.

I know you. I'd like it. I'd like it because I like it. By the way, Ira likes her too. I know, but I'd like it because for you, I'd be like, wow, that is so out of the realm of anything I thought Jake would do. That's awesome. That's why I love it.

What if I got a perm? Love it. Oh, I love it. Oh, do it. Oh, Jake. So then maybe Kara, lean in and have Garrett's vibe and just act like you love it. Cause cool cares. I think you do that. I think you do that. And then deep down it's really weird,

but just celebrate it and be the noodle twins. Oh God. She's not in your group of friends, right? You guys just work together. No, she's not. Okay. So I think if she was in your group, it would get a little bit much where you're like, fuck, I don't want to be a noodle. I got another pitch. Go for it. Get a fake henna tattoo on the other elbow.

Oh, this is excellent. Of a different piece of pasta. Oh, my God. Do that. By the way, make it make it huge. Make it like, make it like. Lasagna. Yes, get a lasagna on the neck.

Cover your neck across the neck with a lasagna sheet. Get a henna of a pasta somewhere else and show it to her and be like, guess I just stepped it up as I'm in the pasta lead. Oh, or henna around it with like marinara sauce, with chunks of meat. Or like put a Chef Boyardee henna around it with like marinara sauce. Yes, chunks of meat or or like put a chef boyardee Hannah around it. Like something like that and be like, hey, looks like you got to step it up to meet me where I'm at. Or or don't say anything. Just have a fake tattoo on the other arm.

This is the way to have fun with it. Yeah, this is the way to have fun with it on the other arm. This is the way to have fun with it. Yeah, this is the way to have fun with it on the other arm. Now that the noodle tattoos are over on the other arm, get another thing that's food based so that she could say, yeah, I might get that too and go like, great. And then when she has it come the next day with yours off and go like, Oh no, no, mine was Hannah. I would never get an egg tattoo come on but i really think you do this we're entering a wild zone i think you do that we are i mean i've got a source of henna artist so i've got a lot to do

but i would just get another bit of food like react how you're're going to react. Be like, oh, that's great. And then be like, I guess I'm going to have to step it up to be the like, you know, food tattooed person in the office. And then in two weeks or in the new year, come in with a henna tattoo on that other elbow of an egg of a sandwich of whatever. And don't say anything and just see what happens. Here's my real pitch to you. That's my real. Yeah, my real pitch is just say I love it girl and move on. I think I think you're right. I mean, I think you might be right.

Because I think this could get really weird. And I think getting I think getting a I think this could get really weird. And I want it to. I think getting a copycat tattoo with a coworker, I think that's a strange move. It's weird, we're dealing with a weirdo. I think it's a strange move and I don't think it's a move you wanna be like, I'm gonna poke the bear.

Yeah, I don't wanna mess with it. I think we go right on, you copied my noodle tattoo. And I think it's gonna get weirder when you come in in the new year with a shrimp on the inside of that other I by the way Yeah To get a fake shrimp on the other arm and not anything is very sure and if she cop just get a shrimp Just get a shrimp. Just get a henna shrimp See what I might get a henna shrimp. I mean, maybe I'll sit on it for a few weeks and see if it's still doing. Don't sit on the shrimp. Come on.

You'll get sick. I'll get it may keep it fresh. You get sick. Trust me. You don't want to sit on a shrimp. Sit on a shrimp for a couple of weeks. Trust me. Trust me. Do not do that. Comedy can be fun. Comedy could be fun. Comedy could be fun. Um, but I would say Kara, you either get a fake shrimp, see what happens, or what I would do is I would go, Oh my God, girl, I love it. You got a noodle like me.

And then change the subject. Well, listen, like you said, Kara, you have a couple weeks. So sit there, noodle it, and then come to your new decision. And Kara, just to be clear, when I said noodle it, you made a sound. And was that because I deflated you with my corny humor? It just felt like you made the comment just to get the joke in there, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Okay, perfect.

Well, now you know how Jake. You know? Okay, perfect. Well, now you know how Jake feels every single episode. For sure. Well, thank you guys so much. I think I'm going to leave it. Let us know what happens. We appreciate it. I will.

Let us know what happens. I will. Thank you. And we're brought to you by Quince. Listen, you know what Quince are. Fantastic clothes. We love our Quince. They have a bunch of seasonal must haves, cashmere sweaters at $50, European linen shirts, versatile activewear. Truly the Quince clothing is awesome. We've got a bunch of it and Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman passes the savings along to us

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So head to squarespace.com slash Gill sent me to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain using the code Gill sent me. Hey everyone, it's the shark. The original call from this next follow up aired on March 7th. It's called Spraying Mass and it is the first call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hello.

Hello there. Welcome back to the show. We know you're a follow up, but we have no clue about who you are. So what's your name and what was your first call, please? My name is Connor. I called about 30 times. Oh, boy. Say no more.

Say no more. Say no more, C-dog. All right, Connor. So just to update the audience, I'm sure they already know, you always find yourself in weird Airbnb situations. You're always living with elderly people. It's chaotic. There's been bathroom problems.

There's been cooking problems. There's been shared space issues. However, I do feel like the last time we spoke, you jumped on a call to help with someone else's problem. I don't remember what it was. It was so-so, but your update was that you were kind of in a regular living situation. Am I wrong? Yeah, so way more of a regular situation. Brought the roommate's age down to be in 34 now. So much closer than age gap. Okay. So what's the update? Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, no, that's the update. I got, I guess more of a follow up is now I'm working as a substitute teacher at a school in Salem. Wow. And the kids are, I mean, kids are scary is what I- Ooh, Connor, I have an idea. Yeah. I want you to start doing a thing when you're teaching called hot takes and What you do is you initiate a hot take a hot take could be no food is better spicy and Then you've got to argue that hot take and you've got to have three points And what you're gonna do on the days you substitute is you're going to write Mr. H's hot takes on the board and then you're going to call on kids to get up and argue their

hot takes. And whoever has the best hot take at the end of the class, the class is going to vote. You give them a piece of candy. If I was a student, I'd love that. Of course you would. They're not going to let me do that in my class. Why not? You're a sub.

You're a sub. How's money, baby? It is better. I've got kids. I've got kids. I've love that. They're going to let me do that in my class. You're a sub. You're a sub. How's money, baby? It is better. I've got kids that are like doing TikTok dances in the middle of class. So maybe if getting them to do hot takes, that could be something a better use of their time.

If you could get them hot taken and you could start being known as Mr. H's Connor hot takes. Everyone comes in, they're like, there's hot take guy. There he is. Yeah. Hey, there's Mr. Hot takes. And you go walk in, you go, you go, we're doing this Mr. C. And then you go, everybody's going to get up one by one and you're going to give a hot take.

So the first part of class, think about your hot takes. You can be in little groups, talk about your hot takes. You got to prove your hot take. Then who's got the guts to go first. Then random each person who goes up, selects the next person. A popcorn style. Yes. Popcorn style. Sure.

Popcorn style. And it just, it's random. So you don't even get to, you just let's go. Everybody has a hot take the end, you vote and Mr. C presents them with the hot take title. I do like that. You're going to do it. Oh yeah. I'll give it a try. It is. Will you follow up with us? How it goes. I got a feeling it's going to go great. I'm happy you have that feeling. I'll give it a try though. Yeah.

And tell us this other thing, Connor, before we let you go. How's home? How you doing? It's going well. It's going well. What's a Wednesday night between with you and this roommate? Who's cooking? What's happening? It's usually it's a shared meal. Whoever wins the pickle ball that day, usually, uh, doesn't have to cook. You guys are doing pickle five days a week. We're whenever we get a chance, we got it.

We got, I don't know, we got into pickle ball once we moved in and, uh, it's definitely gotten way more competitive. Let me ask you a question about it. I've been playing a lot of pickle ball. How good are you? Oh, excellent. That's without a doubt. So in other words, kind of the person who steps in the kitchen has to cook in the

kitchen. What kind of racket you're using these days? Interesting. What kind of racket? Um, cause, cause Connor, it's a big difference. I know you rock it. What are you rocking Jake? I'm not, I'm not going to say it because I'm not officially sponsored yet. It's a big difference. I know you rock it. What are you rocking, Jake?

I'm not I'm not going to say it because I'm not officially sponsored yet. I got like a Jula racket. I'm looking out there. Okay. You're talking about like a $14 one on Amazon. I'm talking about a $90 one. Judgment. Oh shit.

No, these can go up to about $300. Oh my God. The game the game is evolving, Gareth. That's crazy. It's a fun game. I gotta get the ones that got good control. It's a great game. Have you played?

Yeah, I love it, it's awesome. Yeah. Oh, you and I would get really into it, wouldn't we? Yes, yes we would. Yes we would. I just wanna say really quick. You know we would. One of my favorite kind of behind the scenes things

about Connor that no one knows about is, when I like kind of co-book him with other calls, I will explain to the original caller, hey, is it okay we have this guy who's kind of has these weird situations with his roommates? I think it'd be really fun to have both of you on together. And every single time that caller will email back and go, I know who Connor is.

Yeah, Connor. I know Connor. It's the most obvious thing to them. I know who Connor is. Yeah, Connor. I know Connor. It's the most obvious thing to them. I love it so much. Well, Connor, we love your updates. Keep on rocking. And I would give Hot Takes a shot. Because even though everyone knows you, Connor, it becomes very apparent you don't listen to this show. And for some reason, we just love you for it. I don't know what else to say. Connor, we appreciate you,. You're all right. Bye guys. See you later buddy.

Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Kaitlyn Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash Here to Help Pod.

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the La Morning After podcast now on HeadGum.

That's right. Every Wednesday a new episode drops and we... Wait, La Morning... What are you doing over there? It's nothing, just polishing my Emmy. Why? Because we're now the only official Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Headgum.

Does he have an Emmy? No, but he has been a guest on the La Morning After. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans. For questions. We poll them for questions, Jesty. Just polling them constantly. Up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to The Morning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.