We're Here to Help - 142: Psychological Warfare & Duck Daddy

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

Aaaaand we’re back! In their first call of the new season, Jake and Gareth chat with a high school teacher who wants to bring a local petty thief to justice. Later, they help someone brainstorm how to break up with a duck. Plus, a follow-up with a superhero-loving dad.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Rules and restrictions may apply And we are with a season two. Against all odds, Jake. Again, you know, we talked a lot about the end of the show. Yes. Little embarrassing for the team. I agree. But we were really done. It was like five retirements. Yeah, it was. it was like two weeks and then we're like, all right

Well again, we said it I said it briefly, but you weren't on it. What ended up really happening was headgum came and you know made an offer that made sense and It kind of hit everything that you and I were talking about that we wanted to try to do. Yes. And so it felt like let's come back. I mean and also we really I mean I think I having gone on the road see that there are a lot of people who love this show and there really was quite an outpouring after we kind of said we were gonna take a breather. Yes, which was more than I expected.

Yeah, and I think we were, you know, look, I mean, we really wanna keep doing the show. We're glad to keep doing the show. There are changes. Yeah, but before we get to that, just to talk a little trash, I did LaMournin after his live show. Okay.

Damon Wins Jr. and I went on it. He's starting to do it. He and Kyle are doing it live a little bit. And there was a part of the show where he said at the beginning, who here has heard my podcast, LaMorne and After? A few applauses. Then when they said, you know, now we're going to do a segment of the show where we like help this woman out with some dating advice.

Who here has listened to We're Here to Help? Well, directly to you, Lamorne, more applauses. So why don't you suck it? Lamorne applause, yeah, good. So that felt good to know we were coming back. To be on his show and beat him, good. Not that I wanna talk too much trash. Now Lamorne knows it, so he's gonna deny it like he does.

He's a little liar, but it's not happening. That was cool. I'm glad we're starting with that. With anger. Yes. But he told me, he's like, when we were leaving, he said, we're moving over to Headgum. And in his press release, he said, and they got mad at me because I wanted to say, we're coming and we're going to be way better than we're here to help.

I saw. Did it actually get printed? I at least heard he wanted to do that. I thought that was... Oh, he did. What a loser. We share some reps and I at least heard he wanted to do that. What a loser. I thought I would just assume they would let him. It's good press for us.

But yeah, we are very excited. We're about to start our first session of The New Era. We will say that people are gonna be upset, but Shark will not be joining us for this run. This season, yes. But it was Shark's choice, and part of what happened at the end of season one, why it was breaking down, was it wasn't Gareth, it wasn't me, it wasn't Shark.

It was kind of all of our schedule. And Shark said he could come back for some, but he couldn't commit to all. He's got a very busy summer coming up. He's a Shark. At Tonic season. He's a Shark. And so there's nothing but love for the Shark, but it's a new group for season two.

Yep, we're excited. I mean, look, one of the things that we said as we got into the show, and one of the things that will stay consistent is that we are planning on having great calls, we are planning on solving them like drunk uncles, we still have the bell to ring. I'm very excited to do this with you, Garf.

As am I with you. We get a lot of texts in back and forth. I think really quick is if it's New Year's, and we're talking resolution, for me what I'm looking for season two is put an emphasis on the caller. Really see, get more into that. I think it's going to be a lot more you and me. We're going to really try to bank his money, you and me. When there is a guest coming in, sometimes we're gonna view them more as like a guest host. So it might be Gareth with that person,

it might be me with that person. But the majority of the stuff. We might do some where it's both of us in a person. But yeah, but we are definitely focused on making sure that we're doing the show together. We've got 52, so we're gonna try to do as many as us. Yeah, one a week, we should point that out. And they're gonna drop on Monday.

And all the video ones. They're everything will be ad free on Patreon. Yep, so if you wanna watch the video, just go there. And then we've got Morgan, who you're gonna meet this season. She is running that and she's pretty great. I've known her for a couple of years. And I think that's kinda it, Gareth. Yeah, we're excited. So listen known her for a couple of years. And I think that's kind of it, Gareth. Yeah, we're excited.

So listen, that's a lot of business. Let's get into the meat and potatoes. Let's Parmesan the floor. Let's party. See what happens? Without further ado. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hey, can we get your name please? Hi, this is Jeff. Hey, Jeff. And where are you calling from, Jeff?

Calling from Northern California. What part? Sacramento area. Great. The Diaz brothers right around there. And Jeff, Northern California, what do you do for work, Jeff? I'm a high school teacher. Nice. Nice. Diaz Brothers right around there. And Jeff, Northern California, what do you do for work, Jeff? I'm a high school teacher. Nice. Nice. What year you teach over there?

I teach juniors in high school, UF history and psychology. Juniors and seniors. Respect. If you had a favorite animal, what would it be? Jungle animals included. Giraffe, for sure. Giraffe for sure interesting for sure interesting I'm writing that down Gareth. What would yours be? Jungle, I mean lemur. Oh including any animal including cats sloth sloth Sloth adorable, and I love the pace the sloth You can walk ten feet with the sloth and that's time travel. Yeah. Yeah, I love this one What about you?

Yours is gonna be crazy. Nah, grill, silver. Okay, of course. Jaguar would be a great answer, but mine is silver. So Jeff, Northern Cal High School teacher, loves a draft. What can we do for you today? So my nephew, we'll call him Ben, is a middle schooler, a new middle schooler.

So he's in seventh grade. He started this year. And he rides his bike to middle school. And things are going pretty well, kind of an adjustment from sixth to seventh grade. But one day he rode his bike to school and parked it there, didn't lock it, and then he came back at the end of the day and the bike was gone. So he was devastated. It was a tough night for him.

He goes home, tells his parents. But the twist is he comes, he walks to school the next day and he sees a kid riding his bike back. So one of the students now, I think probably an eighth grader is now joy riding his bike, his bike back and forth from school. Right. Yeah. We want to find out what kind of character this kid is.

That's kind of part of the call, but you also got to find out what his family's like, because we're not too worried about an eighth grader But we are worried about an eighth graders weird uncle who just got out of jail. Yeah, it's true Things get different. You're not an adult anymore when it's like you could play the adult card But then when like another adults there you're like, alright, this is a wash. This is a tricky situation Now I'm having an actual argument. It's a hundred fifty dollar bike. Just keep it. Yeah Yeah, all right. So so your nephew Ben got his bike stolen And there's an eighth grader riding around on a Jeff. Yeah

Yes, and and the kid brings the bike back to school Every day so he has now sort of just commandeered this bike. So shocking Exactly and as a high school teacher like I go go straight to punishment. I want this kid. Yeah, I want the we want the bike back but yeah, but I also got to figure out the feel the yes But also Jeff, you know the rule of the streets which you know is you know snitches get stitches And so we don't want Ben doesn't want like tell a teacher Yeah, it's my first pitch gone. Exactly.

Okay. So keep, so keep going sir. So that's pretty much the, we sort of have two simple goals. One is to get the bike back and then two is to sort of get some sort of like vigilante justice basically, because Ben doesn't want to tell a teacher. He doesn't want to tell a teacher he doesn't want to tell the principal but I mean maybe this is just my goal the second goal but as a high school teacher like the kids probably steal on bikes all the time I think you're right so we want the kid to feel you know the the power of the law I

mean we just we want you want, we want. You want justice. We want justice. Karma's not enough. Okay, so this is a pretty interesting setup, Garrett. Yes, it is. So, we got a, and what's your relationship with your nephew, Ben? How tight are you guys? We were real close.

He's a kid of few words. Okay, so not the most popular guy in the world. I mean he'd know you I mean I among middle school kids I don't know I don't know you know I think you don't know Kat but I okay when I talk to him about the issue he's pretty I said do you want the kid you know do you want there to be consequences for the kid and he's kind of like I don't care. He just wants his bike back. Yeah, I mean, that's what he says. Yeah. Well, that's where it gets a little strange.

It's third party revenge then, which is a little strange. And I don't think we can go hard on third party revenge. No. But I do think we can go hard on getting that bike back. I agree, that's kind of where my head's at. Okay, because I think, Jeff, you're in the second part might make Ben's life miserable And as your buddies in the bar, we don't want us We don't want a seventh grade boy to start getting his ass kicked by some eighth grade thief

But there is Yeah, that's why this phone calls happening. Yeah I was smart enough not to come up with revenge. Jeff, you came to the right place, god damn it. Yep, absolutely. And so now the question is, we're going to just start on part one of this, and that's getting the bike back. And then Gareth will probably pitch ways for revenge. It's hard. It's hard to get revenge as an adult on a kid.

It's easier. It's easier, but revenge as an adult on a kid. No it isn't, it's easier. It's easier but it's also stranger. There are actual real world implications that come in like a few. But that's like saying it's hard to steal candy from a kid. No it isn't. Why don't you start? Because you're probably,

I think we're probably gonna be on along the same lines for the opening. I think we are. So I think for the beginning, you gotta go a little bit private investigator. Wow. Nevermind, when you said we were on the same page. I think season two, you're me, I'm you. Well, hear me out. Okay, I like it.

So I think the first thing you gotta do is, I don't think you wanna view this as a one week thing. I think you wanna view this as a system and a play. And that is, first you gotta investigate who this kid is you got to investigate his family a little bit you Have to follow him home. So you know where the bike is right and very quickly you're gonna be able to get a photo of this boy's life and Once you have that then you're gonna go he comes in he parks the bike there. He goes there this is this kid's schedule, right?

And once you have that kind of thing, then the question comes, how do we steal it back? And my part two, which is going against what I said earlier and I said Gareth was gonna do, maybe we steal a second thing. Right? Because once you know- That's where it gets dicey.

I know, but once we know- That's when you're committing crime as an adult, stealing when you're when you're committing crime as an adult. Stealing when you're a kid different than stealing as an adult. You're not wrong. But I think definitely P.I. him, stalk the kid, don't call the parents, don't do a thing, and if you have to, steal it right back out of the garage. I'm on the same page. I would do the follow, I would find the house, I would somehow re-steal the bike back I think if you want a slice of revenge and it's got to be through your nephew because you don't want to put adult problems in the nephew world and then

have him dealing with shit at school that he doesn't want to deal with but you could do some flyering of bike thief and a picture of this kid who stole it an image of this kid and you it. An image of this kid. And you could hang some flyers around the bike racks. Watch your bike around him. He's a thief. Danger, bike thief, known bike thief, something like that. And that's really, you know, try and,

but again, your nephew's gonna have to be involved in that. Yeah. But it's also like, you're in a kind of weird space where it's like this kid can't admit he stole the bike Yeah, that's why you could steal it back and it's kind of similar with the flyer part. Yeah, I like the flyer You could also do the scare technique and that is one day when he's driving his bike home You go in your car and as he's like when there's like a red light or a stop you pull up and go like hey Hey fuckhead, that's my nephew's bike. I bought it for him

And so it's not about the nephew It's you confronting him and if you were and if he rides off you go like I know where you live mother Baba, and so he goes like whoa Like there's there's doom coming it again. I'm word. This is advice and as we say on the show We are not legally this is advice Because what's good about that? That's your first port of call right you start with that this kids a little freaked out Yeah, then you but by now I would say already know where he lives and where he stores the bike then

Like back go I got one okay Jeff I think I think I hit something here Okay, better not so dead with your car. No well so you stalk the kid a little bit right stock is a term Then well you know but you but you know what I mean Funny that you guys started by saying don't you know but you but you know what I mean. Funny that you guys started by saying don't you know don't get overly involved. Pointing that out is not going to help us. Well guess what we're trying to we're trying to find a baby boy we're trying to find it. Let us cook. So here's what I actually think you should do. You follow the kid home, you know where he is, right?

You study his path. In terms of the animal, you stalk him a little bit, right? Sure. Then what you start doing is leaving notes for him. Going, I know you stole that bike. Cool. You've got ten days to return it. Then another place, a sign where he's riding his bike home

on a pole. Six days left. Six days. I know you stole that bike. You start getting in his head of this idea because you wanted him to have a punishment. Here's the punishment, guilt, his conscience. He's an eighth grader.

And it's almost as if he can't believe this is happening, but you get in between his ears, is what he did is wrong, and there's a real consequence. It's not gonna be an ass kicking, it's more than that. It's something that he doesn't know how this is happening, because you're an adult, and you can figure out things in eighth grade or can't, but you just keep pushing. Jeff, I think that's the pitch. I think you give them a 10 day limit. You start putting

some signs. You start with something outside of the house. Everybody knows. You start with some signs on the path back, put a 10 day limit on it it. Now again, the reality hits when it's like, at 10 days, what can you really do? Yeah, but here's the, so Gareth, but going off of that, so my sister and I, when we were growing up, I didn't read a book for an in-class essay or something like that, and she had, so I asked her for help on it.

And she was panicking, because I hadn't been doing any of my homework, and she thought I was going to fail out of school. She was right, it just took me until I was in high school. You landed on your feet. Ish. But she did a thing that was a family story that's still incredible, where we were all sitting around,

my mom, me and her, and she was scared that I wasn't telling my mom about this book thing, because she said, I'm not going to help you tell your mom. And she just went, as if she were the wind. She went, tell her. And I go, what the fuck are you doing? And she goes, tell her about the book. And my mom goes, what are you talking about, the book?

And it kept going. And it came out. Meaning, what you could do here, Jeff, is you could get this little boy's head that in 10 days, the police are going to get involved and mom and dad are going to find out that it's, this is going to be revealed to everybody in this town. Yes. Your face is going to get plastered everywhere. The police will get involved. We have video evidence of you.

We know everything you have done. You are going to go on blast, and not only are you gonna give the bike back, but you are never going to steal again. I'm watching you, and you're a little piece of shit and you're gonna start doing better. I think the escalation of the signs and things is good. I think what you could do is put a picture of Ben

with his bike next to a picture of this kid and knowing someone's taken a picture of you is alarming. It's scary. So, that's scary. Oh, how about this? Take a photo of him. Take a photo of him on the bike, and then see if you have a photo of the bike before. That's what I mean. Yes, and put them both

together. So do a side by side of like, it's very clear, that's day four. But you should be scaring him. Yes, I think you start escalating, I think you start escalating. Yes, Jeff. He's got to be in like a Christmas movie where you're like, you know, holy shit I have been so selfish and I'm now seeing everything falling apart to you. Just put some cuffs in the driveway Yes So now Jeff Jeff, where are you at? Cuz I gotta say I think we're cooking with gas over here. Where are you? Yeah, I yes. I so that's where I went with it initially in my head because the psychological part. Yes. Systematic. Yes. Psychological. Yes. Pressure. Yes. Yes. And as a high school teacher, that's what I have, like, that's kind of what gives me confidence.

These kids are, I've been doing it for a while, but they're big, they're, you know, they're high schoolers, they're insane, but I always kind of go back to like, my brain functions more correctly than yours, so I think I can figure this problem out, and that's always helped me. So that's always helped me. So I that's where I went I'm I'm a little I'm not sure how comfortable I am with social would I be taking the pictures? Hmm, would I be laying the notes or is this Ben? Am I giving him no suggest how it hold on hold on from this moment on there is not involved But hold on from this moment on there is not involved but hold on from this moment on

Ben is not involved at all. Oh This is my journey Hey, I don't know. I'm not talking to Ben. Yes, Jeff. You called the show If I if we were talking to a seven-year-old, yeah, if we were talking to a seventh grade boy, it'd be a different call Yeah, we're talking to an adult man named Jeff. And we're pitching adult solutions for a child's problem. So Jeff, this is all you and you have to make it very clear. This has nothing to do with Ben.

So I would almost do it. I think what you need to do is you want it a little revenge and you want your nephew to get his bike back. And also as a teacher, you want this little revenge and you want your nephew to get his bike back. And also, as a teacher, you want this little eighth grade punk to learn a lesson. So you've got to do moves so that you're not going to beat him up, you're not going to physically threaten him. All that's dogshit moves.

But you could do is find a way to get in his head that He knows that there's somebody out there, there's the eyes of God in Sacramento that knows, somebody knows that I have stolen and my parents are going to find out soon, the police are going to find out soon. This whole little world of power that I've constructed is about to fall apart. And now this thing is saying, not only do I have to bring the bike back? But I have to do three other good things Into a Christmas miracle what you could do Jeff is I

Were sensing some hesitancy what you could do. I sense fear find the route and could do. I sense fear. Find the route and and make it one epic day where there's a lot of signs on this kid's ride back and try to pack it all into one ride where you've got flyers all over for his ride. You've got as you get closer to his house you've got a big sign. You've got a lot of guilt being laid out that day. I think it's got to be more than one day. I think what you're saying is right, Gareth, in that that makes it easier for Jeff. But as an eighth grader, you could also go like, weird day, who cares, moving on. Yeah, but what you don't want is like day six for like, like the kid's dad to be like, hey, you put a sign up and be like, oh shit. But you got to do it. You got to do it at weird times.

Yes. But I think what you're doing is you're putting in his head And be like, oh shit. But you gotta do it at weird times. Yes. But I think what you're doing is you're putting in his head that whether he likes it or not, the end is coming soon. So either he handles it or you do. Yes. But that, you know, it's the same thing if you ever watch one of those like First 48, those detective shows.

Yeah. They'll just say to the person, even though they don't have it oh yeah we know it's we know it's you yes we have video evidence of you in the back of that Burger King so is there something you want to say and he'll go like yeah my cousin shot him and I had proof of that and you go like thank you very much yeah we do know it's him yes so you're just now saying we know it's him. Yes. So you're just now saying, we know it's you. We have proof of it. But I want to see how you handle this to see how hard I want to press.

Because stealing a bike is this level of crime and this is what will happen. There will be, everybody in the town will know. They'll be fliered throughout the school. Most likely you could either get suspended, possibly expelled. The police will get involved. Your family will know there will be a fine. There will be this. You have a choice to make. And his choice at first is going to be I'm pretending I didn't just read that living nightmare note that I found

in my backpack. Living nightmare. And he's going to go that didn't happen. I threw it away. And then what you need is and it and you can't go as crazy as this, but my hope is he lays in bed, moves his pillow, there's another note. What's she gonna do, little guy? And again, like Jake said, you can't do that part. So just to be super clear, this is a fantasy. But Jeff, so what you've got to do is how do you figure out that this kid keeps seeing this thing until he finally leaves the bike back at school, doesn't take it and your nephew can just grab it, and then I would keep pushing.

So, all right. So listen, Jeff, that is, I think we'll both sign off on that as our a pitch. Very effective, yeah. Now, if you're uncomfortable with that, you already know the other pitches there could be. You can go to school, you can present the argument, you can steal it back, you can be a grown-up about it and go to his house and confront his family. Those are all options. But hold on, because Gareth, when I was younger, a neighborhood boy tried to steal my bike

from my brother and I. Sure. And my brother told my mom, because the neighborhood boys were bigger and they were gonna kick our little asses. I understand that move. And that's my brother was like, I'm not getting my ass kicked with my brother,

my mom's tougher than both of us, she's gonna handle it. We went over to the house, my mom confronted his mom, confronted them in front of me. My mom left, she left feeling heroic. For nine years, whenever I saw any one of those guys in my neighborhood, it was a sprint from them trying to kick my ass and me running away. So I was like, I don't think that's the move

for Ben's point of view. Yes, I think there is something to the idea that street cred wise you then Potentially can be heard. Yes, and it would help you you would feel like, you know I let him know but you're making a seventh grade boys life hard. He's gonna have to go to high school with this kid I don't know there you go. So so a pitch for us Yeah, like as a number one pitch a a little psychological warfare, some signs, on the ride home, a note if you can make it happen. But you're kind of leaving Ben out of this and you're taking this on. What do you think, Jeff? But two, another one, an easier one, is just one big note at the school, right?

The flyer. Yeah, something like a flyer at the bike rack. And three is just go steal it back. Jeff talk to us. Yeah, I like I said, the psychological warfare is fits with me well. And it also title. it also is anonymous. Like we could get our justice without anyone knowing. There's no reveal moment. Your notes could be like a ransom note. You could cut things out of old newspapers.

Imagine walking in on your teacher cutting letters out of magazines. It's an art project. Yeah, he's like, Jesus. It's about US history somehow. He's like, Jesus. It's about us history somehow. So keep going, Jeff. So you want to, you're leaning towards this. This is exciting. I, yeah, I, yeah, it doesn't involve Ben.

It is anonymous. It's crazy. No, and there's no physical threats to the boy. No. No, I'm not. Yeah. Jeff, you're there, right? Jeff got awful quiet about the physical stuff. Don't pause there, my man. Hey, Jay, did you keep talking, Jeff? I'm not, yeah. Jeff, you there? Jeff, you got awful quiet about the physical stuff.

Don't pause there, my man. Hey, Jay, did you keep talking, Jeff? I gotta go now. No, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! But the idea of that, Jeff, is you just plant in this kid's head that a nightmare is beginning. And there's a way for it to end, and that is stop stealing. Return, feel guilt, stop. And also, return everything you've stolen.

I want this kid going back to a pharmacy and being like crying and going like, I stole candy three years ago. Here's a buck fifty. I took Twizzlers. Yeah, and the person working there goes like, I just started. We're a CVS. Yeah. It's not like we're a mom, pop. Yeah, and the person working there goes like, I just started you. We're a CVS.

It's not like we're a mob, huh? Yeah, exactly. We steal every day. That's why we work here. Yeah. Why do you think we unlocked the stereos so my cousin could steal them? Yeah, we're locking razors up.

Yeah. So what do you think, Jeff? Yeah, I like that. I really do like that. I think Jeff's a little weird. The phrase, you know, I like that. I really do like that. I think that's a little weird. The phrase, you know, I know. Or I don't know if that's right. But that is chilling. That's chilling for a story. And you could also put it, if you could, if you stalk where his bike is and it happens

to not be in the garage, because if it's in the garage, what's weird is his parents don't care that he stole a bike. That is weird. If an eighth grade boy comes home with a $300 bike, the question is, where'd you get the bike, pal? So he might be storing it outside. Right, that's what we were wondering, which kind of made it a little more creepy,

is that what kid takes a bike home, somehow has it at home, and then re-rides it back to school and just keeps doing this. Yeah. Well, like we said. Where would he hide the bike with his parents? But you definitely. Yeah.

This is a follow-up. Exactly, he's begging for it. So what we need from you is, we need some. Report. Yeah, we need some reports back. Some pictures. How long until you think you start initiating the plan? Maybe no pictures.

I would say no pictures. As much as I want them. Me too, no pictures? I would say no pictures I was what I want them me too. No pictures. No pictures. Yeah, right. No Yeah, the pictures of the sign for sure just no pictures of a little boy riding a bike. Yeah, it's part of that heat Yes, let's let and just you know some discernment on your end as far I mean again, we're getting into some muddy waters here, but the kids stole so the point of this is to get the light all And any listeners don't forget that part the kids stole so Jeff Here's what we need from you when we do a follow-up a little bit more about the kid his backstory What where the bike is and photos of the early signage?

Yeah, maybe keep some maybe keep a little notebook and some notes like it's a stakeout so you can update us with some hits as far as how this is going. And don't be afraid to eat Chinese food in a car late at night alone. And maybe get divorced. The case is taken over your life. And if you eat pistachios don't throw them outside because they can really pile up. Yep, inside the car only. Okay bud? Got it. Thank you guys. Thanks Jeff. All right, Jeff. Keep us posted. Okay This episode is sponsored by Philo

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Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com slash Gil Sent Me. That's Greenlight.com slash Gil Sent Me to get started. Greenlight.com slash Gil sent me that's greenlight.com slash Gil sent me to get started greenlight.com Slash Gil sent me hello. Hello. Hey, can we get your name, please? Yes, you can my name is Matteo Matteo and where are you calling from but from Texas Texas Matteo from Texas about how old are you? I am twenty-six.

Twenty-six. Uh, Mateo, twenty-six, Texas. What's your favorite animal in the jungle or the city? Squirrels count? Raccoons count? Oh, anywhere I guess is the question. in the jungle or the city squirrels count raccoons cow anywhere, I guess is the question I would have to say a Turtle absolutely turtle

What do you love about a turtle big dog You know they live a Quiet time, but they can definitely party They live a quiet like a turtle party. Hold on. He live a quiet life, but I don't think I don't push back Guy what part of the turtles party come on you've seen it the pizza and the sewer the karate Yeah, okay. I got you. You're talking about the ninjas. He's watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles like what a documentary. These guys are cool as fuck, man.

These turtles know how to... I don't know why more turtles aren't like this. I bought a pet turtle while it was sitting in a little puddle of water. You didn't feed enough pizza. So, Mateo, what do you got for us today? Texas 26 Turtle, what's going on? Okay so I live in an apartment Complex okay, and we have a

Lake with you know turtles, but with also and a couple Yeah, why yeah Yeah, and a couple of months ago my wife and I Notice that this one duck in particular was very comfortable with coming up to People he was extremely chill and so I just kind of started to just kind of spend my spend my

spare time out there and eventually he got very comfortable with me I was able to pick him up I did send a couple of pictures I mean Mateo what I'm seeing is first of all pure magic it is basically, you've gotten so comfortable with the duck that the duck is on your shoulder now. Which I can only imagine for other people in the complex would be like, that's, he has a favorite. I also gotta say, Mateo, it's a rough looking duck. Yeah, it is rough.

Okay, so you got, so we got a picture a duck shame But yeah, but I mean this is this guy's red eyes. This guy's had some fights. Yeah Okay, so we did well we did decide to name the duck Gandalf Gandalf okay, Gandalf the duck so walk us through this Mateo So you go to a lake at your apartment, there's a duck. The duck has mothered you, essentially. You're its mother.

That is pretty much it. Yeah. Because there is a whole thing with animals that certain animals, and my guess is this guy has had a little bit of a tough go and could have been kicked out of his little troop. Because ducks are sons of bitches. If you go on a deeper rabbit hole and you Google these guys, they get, I'm going to tell you this. I should have thought you were thinking of geese.

No, geese are assholes to people. Geese are the biggest assholes. Ducks are assholes to each other. Geese will stalk you. Okay, so we're talking about, okay. But within the duck community, some ducks suck. Title. Title, merch. And so, merch.

Some ducks suck. So my guess is this duck at a very young age with that funky face and that fur pattern got kicked right out of the group. And so I saw this whole documentary about animals, documentary, who I'm not going to acknowledge. Thank you. I'm apologizing already. Let's just keep going. They find other people to be their parent. Like a hippo believes this weird guy is his dad

and he goes inside this guy's house. There's like a duck in a park, I think it was an Echo Park in LA, follows the same guy every day. So I think what's happening, Mateo, is you are this funky duck's mom or dad. Yes. And so-

Especially ducks. I think there's something specific to ducks imprinting. Yes. Imprinting is the word. If a duck sees a person, the first thing it sees, the duck is like, dad, mom. So tell us this heartbreaking question now. Okay. So it's becoming a bit of a problem. And I'll tell you in a way that it is. Okay.

The duck will not leave me like alone, okay, and so I have to Walk my dog Yeah, and the duck will bite on to my pants and will stay on the entire time So now as I'm trying to walk my dog, I am essentially dragging I'm trying to walk my dog. I am essentially dragging Okay What it does chase me to my apartment? To the door which is on the top floor it was literally me

Get in though. This is this is not from a place of aggression. This is love well Let's see it from let's see it from Gandalf's point of view view He's like ah dad. What's up my man? Where you going? Where are you going? Let me in? Let me in. Who are you hanging out with? Yeah, why did my dad close the door on me again? Yes. Yes Yes, he will chase me up the stairs and then he will camp out literally the entire like Today be on my porch and so if I leave and come back there is just crap I love this Korean. Yeah, my boy from your from your sister Let me ask hold on the tail before we get to the ending because I gotta say this is one of my favorite setups in a While it's a great setup

And I gotta ask you now and you got to be real Yeah, what is your responsibility in this relationship? Did you feed this little son of a bitch? Were you extra kind to him? Did you have a lot of bread early on or did he just? Imprint on you as you were walking. What did you do sir? That is a great question when we met the duck my White with yeah when we met the duck my White duck yeah when we met the duck My wife was like do not give that duck stuff Will you not by the moat Matteo you married a smart woman, but I can guarantee you didn't listen

No, obviously this guy went like this dormant you go. What do you know? I'm gonna give it some bread and now you're like I've got this You know how about this? I'm a duck daddy, and now you have crap every time you leave your house. Yeah, I Think I gave him like one Cookie it was like one Unless you're hungry this matters vanilla I know I'm as you're hungry this matters vanilla Wait for if you get a fucking vanilla wafer you're a wild man wild And you the duck goes this is the sweetest treat I've ever you are literally the sugar daddy Yeah, this is a hundred percent your fault

But I need to tell y'all the most traumatic Parts alright shit Okay But I need to tell y'all the most traumatic part of it. Alright, shit. Okay, you You must know a lot about like animals and stuff. I don't know if you guys are N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n Nine-inch corkscrew penis? Yes. You did know that, Dave? Yes, if you Google duck boner on YouTube, your mind will be absolutely blown. Why would you Google that ever in the first place? Jake, what I love about this show is it's not about us. No, this moment is.

This moment is. Why would you ever Google? If you're about to say that I'm weird for knowing that a duck has a corkscrew penis, I'll let you talk, but I'm not going to let you paint me in that corner. I'm going to ask you a question. I said earlier. I've gone on deep YouTube Absolutely, I've never thought to text and I don't think you're gonna be dicks You know you've not gone deep actually in the picture is that right there you could yeah

It's like a piece of freshly cooked pasta. Oh my god What we should really be talking about is the female duck vagina, but we won't get into that. But how do you know this? Jake, if you take interest in animals for as long as I have, eventually you hear the lore and you find out that a duck's penis is like a pig's tail. Oh my god! See, it is definitely... So it's penis is a corkscrew. So what God! Yeah, see it is, it's definitely. So it's penis, it is a corkscrew. Yes.

So what's the duck, what's the vagina all about? Does it fit that? That we don't know. I assume it's a wine bottle. I don't know, I don't think we know. I don't think we know what the, I've never seen that. But why were they created this way? The world is strange and the penis evolved.

And I think what we should be asking is why aren't ours like that? But Matteo, the show's not about our penises or the ducks, but you were making the point Jake's now seen a duck penis I got a job for a second. Come on. I got a stop first get over it a duck Yeah penis is like a corkscrew and I know you know this Gareth, but what is the female ducks? I don't I take I'm telling you I've I've Quack my tail. Do you know? Yeah, a

duck vagina is a Group but going in the like opposite. Oh, so it's a perfect mat. Okay, there's an image of it. Okay, by the way Okay, great. So they were made perfectly for each other. Who's right? That that's okay That is I've never seen the bone form that is alarming Rob. Well done Yeah, so okay great. So now it's a weird dick, but it's a weird vagina and they work well together No more questions. Mattel why the fuck are we talking about their dicks? Yeah Because there was a day when Gandalf was climbing on me and I spotted it. And it and it scared me and I pushed him off and I sprinted. I sprinted up my staircase.

It was literally drastic. Like I was sprinted up my stairs and I did. And he camped outside my door. I do have clips of his... Do we have them? I can definitely get those... We'll put them at the end of the call. Yeah.

Okay, so... But that was very traumatic and kind of changed the tone of the relationship. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so now I don't know what to do about this duck. It gives me a lot of stress when I just want to, you know. Wait, you rejected him just because he's got a weird dick? No, because it's becoming sexual.

You can't reject your duck son because he's becoming banged off. Oh, his dick came out because he used Mateo as his, I understand. And I'll tell you what, I don't know Mateo well, but I'll bet you he doesn't have an inverted corkscrew vagina. You know what, Gareth, don't make presumptions. Well, I mean, no shame. I hope you do. God bless. If you do, I got a perfect match for you. If you do, I think it's time for you to accept your fate. All right.

So now I get it. You liked this little guy. You flirted with him. You gave him a vanilla wafer. And then when his dick came out, you go, I'm not ready to party. And you ran away. And now he sits outside your door shitting on your doorstep. Jake, does it now make sense when you asked the start of the call what his favorite animal

was that he mentioned the only other thing in the lake outside of his apartment complex? But Metair, here's why I blame you, because even through this you haven't learned. I go, what do you like about him? You said they like to party. They like to party. Now a lot of people say sex stuff like, hey man, she's cool, she likes to party. So I think you might have a weird thing with animals that you might be leading them on, because I

Did you give this did you give this talk of my agra have you ever drank beer with the duck Okay, well listen, it's a hell of a setup. Yeah, but then what is the specific question I Guess just what should I do about? No Keep going I guess just what should I do about? Well, and then plus he does just kind of chase like when people come over we have you know We do have you know Parties and people associated with you and things like that. People associated with you? He wants to fuck all Mateo's friends.

He's territorial. Well, whenever people come over, they'll be like, hey man, I just got chased by this duck up there. His duck with this weird dick. Wow. That's incredible, man. What a setup. Now, are other people in the building getting terrorized by this duck, or is it just you?

Because if it's a community thing It or is it a tail and Mateo's friend specific because if so, what a duck So there are people in my Building that do like the duck and that do not like him But but I do tend to like Carry him and so people do know that me and the duck do you have this type of like yeah So you went to you went to farm has the ducks behavior generally gotten worse since you Opened the vanilla wafer door has as the behavior changed then Yes, I feel like as time has gone on, it's become more aggressive.

Alright, then I got some pitches. It's crazy. This is an insane setup. Save your pitches for one more second. But you're gonna go first. So, Matteo, what is then the specific question? Is it, what do I do now? Is it... Because we got a great setup. It's not going to be a call to city because half the building likes them. Also, you fed them. You picked them up a lot. So you're in this relationship.

I agree. And I also don't like the idea of having to displace the ducks now. Same. So I don't want that. So, okay. So what is the specific question we can... And by the way best set up in a long time Yep, it's fantastic, but what is the actual specific question? We can try to help lock in I guess my specific Question is what do I do now about this duck that will not leave me?

Like alone, okay, do I go about it that helps? Yeah, I think I'm a tail Matteo You phrase it nicely in the email how to break up with with the duck. I think maybe way that you can put it okay, I unfortunately a Traditional breakup is not possible here because you would have to sit the duck down and an Italian restaurant So yeah can't freak out around other people well you got to be careful if you're eating an Italian meal with a duck,

because you might end up eating its penis thinking it's part of the pasta. But... I thought that'd do more. I'm gonna pitch a couple things. Do you wanna go first, Jake, or do you want me to... No, I think you got something. I want you to cook. You're going to need to do... I think...

The first thing that came into my head... Yeah?...is outfits. You're going to need to do, I think, the first thing that came into my head is outfits. You need to convince this duck that you're no longer around. And the only way to do that is to rock some to car and from car disguises. And you need to make that seem like a thing for a while. Now disguise wise I'm gonna pitch one thing that I think you could pull off and one thing that is pie in the sky you're gonna be like I don't want to do that. Why don't I

start with the outfit I think you should do if you wanna still be able to live a regular existence and have your neighbors not be like, hey, is Matteo okay? Is just like a gumshoe, just like an overcoat, a hat, maybe even a long fake beard. You just don't wanna present as Matteo anymore. Big sunglasses.

Big sunglasses. Matteo's gone. So make the duck think that you no longer live in that space. Throw a lot of cologne on so you have a different scent. If you have a doormat in front of the apartment, get rid of it. If you don't, put one there. Just, you know, maybe put a wreath on the door. Just present like Matteo's no longer there. I think it's a good pitch. Can I give a different type of pitch? But I'm not shitting on that pitch, because that might be our winner.

And then I'll give you my crazy disguise pitch, but go ahead. Well, let's hear the crazy disguise pitch. Wear a duck outfit. Okay, I'm going to move on. No, no, no. Let me just say, it's just, the duck will be like, holy shit, I don't want to go next to that enormous duck. I think you might be wrong. I think it might go like I want to fuck that

Then we go to the gum. Yes. I'm just glad I got it out. Go ahead. So my kind of thing is Maybe a little close to the where the duck thing, but I mean it is a serious pitch I would go get a taxidermy duck and I would start carrying it with you to and from your office so that Gandalf goes like you're in a relationship Motherfucker and I would get the I would get a male duck and I would make sure it's bigger than Gandalf Now you tuck a penis out. No, that's not a bad idea

I mean you could just get a big piece of pasta and stick it on but I wouldn't I wouldn't ask the taxidermist at any point In my life, can I get a duck you got one with the dick? Well, you do it towards the end of the internet. You don't open with it Yeah, you go you've set a price and then you go for another 800 bucks. You think you can throw the dick on that thing? Yeah, I said it's crazy. My wife. I guess my wife just texted me. She's is there anyone to get a dick on it This is insane. This is insane. What a duck dick? What does that mean? Do you know what that means? Let me just read this email she wrote.

Can I get the noodle dick on that thing? Is there any way to get the rigatoni cock on the duck? But here's what I would do, Matteo. I would go find a very realistic duck and I would start walking it with you. And I would, you know, you're breaking up with him. And the best way to break up with somebody is If the person's like we're not through you're just being weird you then go like can I introduce you to my new partner?

Like I'm really sorry, but I've changed in you know, this is Jerry That's that's real good. I I think either way We're suggesting there needs to be a new way to get in and out of your home to your car. Yeah. And I think so. And what do you think of when you hear those two, Matteo, where are we living right now? I really like the idea of getting a taxidermied one and I could even just

like, kind of like put it out on my porch. Yes. Because then he ended up with me like oh there is one up there like yes. Yes. I think that's a good idea. I think that's a great idea. What is what where you're living Matteo uh in Texas. Yeah. What eats the ducks you got coyotes? Um, we have coyotes But but we live in a like sort of like protected area and I believe that the ducks were actually Brought like to the I gotcha. Okay, so there's no there's nothing that Gandalf's afraid of And I wasn't saying bring a coyote, but I was thinking maybe have a little coyote piss in a bottle And I wasn't saying bring a coyote, but I was thinking maybe have a little coyote piss in a bottle

That you just spray near your door and around hey, hey I like what I like about the shows we jump in sometimes and you know protect ourselves from our own pitches I think you have a winner. Don't talk past the clothes. I think but what's the winner the Dug a tax and dermy duck and he's gonna put it by the door porch duck Maybe you could have one you could have a walking duck in a porch duck merch Always have a walk in a porch duck or has his porch duck I keep going to be honest though. It's to be honest. I'm not opposed to the duck costume I think that would just be like well, but hold on but are you doing that to be funny? Or do you think it's gonna actually work? I?

Think it'll scare him okay You're doing it to scare if you see videos online Sometimes people like people will wear a dog outfit around their dog and the dog will be right. Oh shit Yeah, but I yeah, right let's start with the taxidermy. Hold on Gareth. If Mattel's interested in putting on a full duck outfit with a huge duck dick and running at Gandalf and he's not doing it to be funny, he thinks it's going to work, you're going away from that video first of all I'm not

suggesting you run at Gandalf or just walk near it you're just walking to and from your car now as a duck and you're just letting him know like there's a new duck in town in his little duck brain he's going, a big duck moved into Mateo's. Or a big duck just claimed my man. Or yeah, Mateo's banging a big duck. And then he goes he doesn't even let Mateo out of the house I should have done that in the first place just locked him up. He's too cute to walk these streets. God damn that duck did it right. What does he expect walking around looking like that. But then I think what you got to do is you gotta, when you make eye contact with Gandalf, you have to have a little move where all of a sudden you pull out your rigatoni dick.

And it is two feet long. I think, I mean, look, we love the dick part of this. I think instead of whipping out your duck's long, what would be better would be to like, just take your wing and just kind of do a point and then maybe do the like cut throat the wing you know I believe it as much as you believe whipping out a duck I believe the whipping out the duck thing for sure what do you think where are you gonna find a human-sized duck in Italian restaurant all right, Matteo. Go to an Italian market. We've basically, we've basically, or make it at home. We've basically got the pitch for you.

Agreed. One of two things, you're either carrying a taxidermy or you're dressing as a duck. I think for the purposes of our show, it'd be great for you to start out in the duck costume. But whatever you want to do. We're here to help you So what do you think you're gonna lead with and yes, we want video of whatever of everything we expect video of okay I Can definitely look online break up? Costume as far as taxidermy. I mean hey, I mean we're in

Texas you get that easily. Oh they sell like yeah You'll be able to find that no problem Yeah I'll be honest. I want to do the Duck outfit, but I do think that the duck taxidermy is gonna be the most So start with it Mateo so start with what's gonna them both. So start with it, Mateo. So start with what's going to...

Yep, right there. Look, they're available and they're really going to... Please do this. But here's what I think you do, Mateo. I think your instincts are right. Rob's throwing up some pretty great image. Not the ones you find in nature, but the ones you find in the tub. Mateo, these aren't for you.

These are just for the people who see the video, but they are pretty damn good. But here, Matteo, I think your instinct is correct. Start with the taxidermy duck. I would make it very realistic if you could. And see what happens from there. If it doesn't work, then maybe get in the duck outfit. But what I'm going to beg, and I know Gareth is too, will you please follow up?

This has been my favorite call in a while I would like to know how this whole thing is my friend. We deserve this. Oh Yeah, yes Whatever path we take I will record it and get it to y'all I have a ton of clips of him chasing me and his yes Do me a favor and send them all and we'll just we'll just connect them on to the end of this one and What would be nice would be for maybe when we revisit this we can start by watching some of the attack That's a great development. Yeah, yeah with our input. That's a great idea. And then how about calling us back in like a month? Okay?

Would you guys want me to cut the clip into a sort of compilation or yes? Sure, you're gonna edit for free. Absolutely You guys want me to cut the clip into a sort of compilation or? Yes. Sure. You're offering to edit for free? Absolutely. Yes. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah.

We want a documentary. Okay. See how it does on round two. Anything? Nope. Okay. Well, there you go, Matteo. Great stuff.

Well done and keep us posted. Yeah. So, absolutely. Get back to you guys and a and I just absolutely Love this Podcast thank you. Hey, well, I gotta say you've just become a view Absolutely have become a big part of it. Yeah, and we're expecting a few follow-ups with you, sir That's how easy it is. If you're listening and you're like, I want to be a part of this podcast Just be in a weird relationship being a weird relationship with a dog have the dogs

Yeah, make sexual passes at you Make your life weird Then you call that's how this works. It's symbiotic All right, Matteo. Thank you. Yeah This episode is sponsored by Quince. With a new year comes a chance to reimagine ourselves for the better and more importantly our closets. This year I'm resolving to refresh my look with quality pieces and stay on budget and I can thanks to Quince.

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Hello. Hi, caller. Hey, welcome back to the show. We're here to help. You have Jake, you have Gareth. We know that you are a follow-up, but will you tell us your name and will you tell us what your first call was?

Yes, my name is Zach and I am the Batman nerd with the Spider-man loving son We were trying to nudge your son in your direction a little bit But was there also something like you were gonna lie to him and we were saying don't lie to him Was that I don't believe we're going to lie. It was more nudge and tear on let him be pretty much. So, okay, wait, so give us take over for a second, walk us through what your first call

was, what happened, what our solution was, and what you've done. Yeah, so my first call I called in about my son might like Spider-Man a little more and I'm more of a Batman nerd and I was Basically trying to get him to like Batman with me to bond over something Garret's first suggestion was to reenact the Batman scene by killing both his parents Surprisingly hard to find on Craigslist And no worries there was another one where we were gonna show them how much it hurts to have a spider bite by having like a spider bite me or his mom and just be like, this is not what happened.

That holds up for me. That kind of holds up for me a little bit. Ultimately, we came to the conclusion of like story time before bed of just making my own stories for him and just spending that little extra time at night before bed so that way it gets him like excited. And we just, yeah, we started with about like once a week per Jake's suggestion. It started off really good. Like he liked it. I was just trying to go off of like what I knew from my comic knowledge

Um, no, this is it. I believe we we can ring the bell but um, oh Okay, keep going It's going it's going good. Um, he got excited. Um, and then uh, he kept bringing me um His children's book called bedtime for batman and wanted me to read that a little more So I I read that and surprisingly enough, there's a show on Netflix, I guess. I would say it's more for like older kids, like probably 10 to 15 called The Batman. It's a little darker, but my son's now been asking me like before bed to watch an episode or two, like he's been bringing it up.

So I mean, he might not be a hundred percent on Batman, but he definitely enjoys that time that we spend together with the stories and the shows So I think this is so far away. What's the Spider-Man presence now? What is like what how much is he asking for Spider-Man or how much is Spider-Man? Still present. He still has like um Spider-Man like books and he really loves story time So he will bring me some Spider-Man books and he really loves story time, so he will bring me some Spider-Man books, but I do think that I see Batman taking over more. He does lean more toward the Batman book and the show. So this is a victory, Zach.

So, and you're still... Yeah, this is a victory. And you're reading to him at night, and he's now bringing up more Batman stuff. And you're not taking him away from his main love, but you're just influencing him the way a parent does. That's a nudge. Yeah.

Yeah. The slight nudge and just, I think for him, he just enjoys that time with me as much as I do. So he knows I like it. So I think he is like leaning that way just in general. I mean, this sounds like- Are you thinking about maybe peppering in a Batman gift or a Batman mask or something like that soon Yeah, that was gonna be like my father. Like I am thinking about buying him like his first comic book

I think that's yeah, it's more like it is older, but it's still like a picture book and I can read it to him So I was um considering doing that. I think you said Zach I think now we heighten it. And now you start doubling down a little bit more. I think you could one day, when he's ready for a movie, you rent like the original Batman. And- Oh, the cartoony too.

But it just becomes more and more that like, of course he likes Spider-Man. He can like whatever he wants. But you are just continuing to get him things that are Batman themed, because that's your guys' bond. And if he wants to somehow get his own money and buy Spider-Man stuff in his garage, then I guess he can figure that out. Yeah, well he can leave the house, god damn it. This is a Batman home. But like, he's allowed to. I guess you can... Yeah, he can go to the garage and do his little weird thing.

Who knows. But in this house? It's just we're leaning sorry in that direction is a way manner It seems like that's the way you guys are going and it sounds like Gareth we would be ringing the bell if you had it with the bells gonna the bells We're gonna need the bell to get repaired soon. It's turning into the Liberty Bell with all the ringing But yeah, let's give it a bang and so i did have a little bit more of a follow-up for you guys and maybe a question if you're willing always sure i um november 25th i called it early october november 25th um my wife gave birth to our first daughter and we named her ivy

after poison ivy so now i gotta try to figure out get get ahead of the game and get this girl into plants. So cute. Get this girl into what? Plants. Plants. Like poison ivy. Zach, let's enjoy the baby for a few more months before we start thinking about how we get the poison ivy idea to our little head.

But I think for Star Wars, that'll be the next problem, I guess. But look, for Star is what we're going to want to do is we're going to want to get some plants in her bedroom. We're going to want to have the color green on the walls. We're going to want to have the greenest, the aesthetic for all her baby photos to be lush and green and ivy. Maybe dad dresses up like a bush every now and then. But we're going to want to just set the table that this is the direction she's going in. But again, this is a call for three years from now.

Right now we're gonna win with the boy in the forward. This is season four. Season four. Season four, Zach. Zach, we appreciate you buddy. Well congratulations. All right, bud. Thank you guys.

I appreciate everything. Thanks, pal. All right, bud. Thank you. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Thanks, pal. All right, buddy. Yeah. You have a good one. You too. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler. This song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strlecki, and if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentoldes.com. Remember all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Now I love you, Mrs. Gingerbread. You're the perfect little cat just for me. I love you, love you, love you. I'm always thinking of you. I hope that you're thinking of me. Bum, bum, bum.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast now on HeadGum. Every week me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions And we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Fualow or my actual biological mother Kelly

My guests and I are just after the truth and if we find it great and if not no worries So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the So True with Caleb Heron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya!