We're Here to Help - 145: The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread & Always Wear a Condom

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Jake and Gareth stumble on a bonafide hit single, thanks to a caller whose "cat voice" is annoying her partner. Plus, the guys help a pair of sisters punch up a groan-worthy joke that is ruining family gatherings.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help. And we're back. Ah, Jake. Gar! Oh, Jake. Garf, man. So, Gareth, what are you most excited about in the new year personally?

Ooh. Well, you know... What are you about these days, G.R.? I've just really making a lot of my own stuff has started to excite me more and more I think You know as we've talked about with this podcast one of the things that's great is just being able to Work your own version of entertainment, and I really have leaned into that hard So there's a lot of stuff that I'm doing a lot of like little field piece shoot things. Like I went and hung out with a ballet company and rehearsed the Nutcracker with them.

And it was insane. So that sort of stuff. What about you? You just took, you just wrapped work on a, and you're loving that. I really loved it. It was the movie The Dink with Josh Greenbaum who directed it, who you were loving that. I really loved it. Yeah. It was the movie, The Dink with Josh Greenbaum who directed it, who you know Josh too.

Yeah, great guy. Well, we did help out together. Great director. Yes, me and him. And it was just so fun. And it was so fun working with all these different, I hadn't done a big comedy in a while with just like all these different actors popping in

and crushing it. Yeah. And it was more fun than I expected. I had been doing more different kind of projects lately as an actor. Yeah. Where you're like, you know, more, less improv and more like you're just doing the thing.

You're an actor. And it's good. Sure. And I was like, yeah, it's fun. And I was like, holy shit, man. Being in just like a cross-covered situation and laughing was so fucking fun. You, as I've seen, as I was. And I was like, holy shit man being in just like a cross-covered situation and laughing was so fucking fun You as I've seen as I was a part of new girl

But in general and I think this is the best way to make things you make up a lot of you even if you have the line You start to riff off the line and do more of like that sort of shit. Yeah, I love it Well, I love it when it's the right group more of like that sort of shit. Yeah, I love it. Well, I love it when it's the right group. Yeah, right, exactly. And you're with somebody and the director's on the same page and the writer's with you and the other actor's with you.

It just gets real, I mean, it's probably the same thing you're experiencing when you're doing these segments of like you have a game plan of what's gonna happen. Yes, it's like Mike Tyson said, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Speaking of, I've been listening to his audio book. Oh wow, he reads it? No, well. That must have taken a long wow, he reads it? No, well...

That must have taken a long time if he reads it. I'll tell you the only weird part of it... It's like Berg Riegen audiobook. I would pay for that. By the way, I'm copywriting that intellectual property right now. I'm fighting you for it, I'll sue you. Chapter seven! By the way, we might have to write a history of the podcast. For very small, like, it'll just be for this base,

but it is narrated by Stevie Berg. By the way, Steve Berg is in the movie with Fortune Feister. Those two were so funny together. No, I know Berg came out for a couple days. He sent me some pictures. I mean, he and Fortune as a doubles partnership. They were so funny. Our caller's here. So let's get into it without further ado.

Hi, can we get your name, please? Irene. Hi, can we get your name, please? Irene. Hi, Irene. Okay. Hi. And where are you calling from, Irene? I'm calling from Massachusetts. Ah, you near Boston? Yep, I actually am.

Ah, I love Boston. Okay, Irene, Massachusetts. How old are you? Thirty-six. Thirty-six, you're just a child. Irene, what do you do for work, Irene? I work at one of those scary AI companies and also for a human rights organization. Wow, the dichotomy of your career. And what do you mean by this? I know I'm selling my soul in order to afford my human rights career. So Irene Massachusetts, 36.

Um, okay. What's the, uh, what's the problem out today? What can we try to help you with? Yeah. Well, I moved in with my partner a year ago and he has this cat, Mrs. Gingerbread, and we became best friends. The only problem is I use a special voice to talk to her because I think that every cat deserves a special voice. My partner doesn't feel that way

and he uses his normal voice to talk to her and he hates my special voice that I use in my special songs that I sing to her but she loves them and I don't know what to do. Well for, let's hear the voice. I'm a little worried that when I do the voice, This episode is going to be titled like the most hated woman in America. No, don't. But I'm just going to go for it

because it's really driving a wedge in our relationship. We just can't hear it. It's just a little bit of a special voice for a widow doing a Missy Jettabweed. And she's a very, very special little floppy little dush. What do I do? Hold on, we're not done, Irene. I'm not with Garrett. I didn't hate you. I wish we were.

Can you give us a little bit of the song? Oh yeah. Yeah, I mean, do you want the song that I made up or like the variation of coming round the mountain? I want the song. I want them both. Those options are unreal. Here's what I would like you to do.

What you do for Mr. Gingerbread when you are your most fired up. Mrs. Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. So let's hear the one you made up. She's married. And don't do the short one. Don't do the short one.

Yeah, well, when we're both fired up, it would be like Jesus always special cool Jesus always special cool She's about we special go to know special in the world. Do you have that way special cool? Details The devil's in the details. Bravo. Because hearing this is a lot different than thinking about it. By the way, I'm feeling like Mrs. Gingerbread and I'm like, I'm kind of laying on my back right now.

It's comforting in a way. And if you look at the picture we have of Mrs. Gingerbread, it looks like you have got her in some sort of hypnotic state. And she loves you. Yes. Yes. She loves me so much and now that was the coming around the mountain cover that was yeah I also have an original song

that I made up a chair please yeah this is just one verse of it I'm gonna do one very not only really it's like hold on I read many verses might be bohemian rhapsody well then we'll see can you please do the whole thing? Okay, start. It's gonna be too long. It would be like 20 minutes. Okay, we can't do 20 minutes. Bohemian Rhapsody is short compared to your song. Yeah. Alright, give us a couple of verses.

Yeah, give us the real part. So it's like... I love you, Mrs Gingerbread. I love you very much, my sweet friend. I love you, love you, love you. I'm always thinking of you. I love you very much, Mrs. Bread. And then this is just a sample. So it would be like, Oh, how I love you. Mrs. Gingerbread on your round head. Sit to triangle shaped ears. I love you, love you, love you. I'm always thinking of you. I wish I could outweave the age of you. And it goes on and on. Come on, Garrett, that's excellent and you know it. I'll be honest, it's awesome.

It's better than we thought. What I love about this, it is way better than we thought of it. What I love about the second one is sometimes I'll be listening to a serious XM and it'll, and I'll go, ah, you know what, fuck it, I'll listen to like the 40s channel. Yeah. And it will be a song like that one quick one quick thing I don't mean interrupt Garth, but Rob can we use part of that somewhere on every episode? Maybe we end on that and maybe we start episode one of season two and people learn about it in this episode But the new end is somehow we just get that song

every episode. And I just want to credit Mrs. G for like inspiring me because she's such a star. Don't diss her. I think that's- You're the real, I mean you're an artist. Yes, so- I mean I am a secret star, but yeah.

I wouldn't even say secret anymore. So Irene, we now have a picture of this. So I think the only problem is is you live with hit your partner and you shouldn't you should live with 15 cats and just Let it rip for morning till night Yeah, but you should have a recording studio where you are and you should be putting out you make cat songs And you have a really nice life, but I only have is a non supportive partner I think you're a champion. We'd like to sign you to here to help I don't know what I'm doing. You're a really nice life, but I only have is a non supportive partner. I think that you're a champion Yeah, we'd like to sign you to here to help right here. I don't know what I'm doing. You're a star so Irene

What is the problem so he doesn't like these voices? Yeah, like last night I was talking to her in the special voice and you know singing a little and he was like, can you please stop? Like he hates it. Okay, and then he believes cops should be talked to in a normal voice. But Jake, we love what we just heard. Yes, agreed. Imagine living with what we just heard. I can't.

You see the problem? Yeah, I do. You know what I mean? You're trying to watch, like, you're like, oh yeah, let's watch that Martha Stewart duck on Netflix. Or I'm trying to create a second. We were trying to watch Married Stewart duck on Netflix. Or I'm trying to create a sexual...

We were trying to watch Married at First Sight. Yeah. Or I'm thinking I'm trying to create a sexual vibe with my partner, because hopefully tonight he's going to go down and I go like, hey, you want another glass of wine? And she goes, great. And then she goes, I'm always thinking of you. Nope, not tonight. So his kind of thought is, or is his thought he believes cats

just shouldn't be talked to that way. Yes, yeah, he believes cats should be talked to like they're people. So what if you did a great old test and he sat on one side of the room and you sat on the other, you put the cat in the middle, you sing, he talks regular,

and you see where the cat goes it's a great thing really smart I don't know if she's like reading our pheromones or like the mood but she would know what we were trying to do and she would just leave interesting okay typical cat love all right so then the so the specific question is then, what? Is how do I... It's like when he comes back from work, I have to turn off the voice, but I want to be able to continue my rapport with Mrs. G. Yeah.

Yeah. And I don't want to harm his ears. But you really feel like you can't hang with the cat if you're not doing that voice. She can, but she likes it more. It's so hard it just pops out. Yeah. It just pops out because it's natural and organic.

Here's an idea. Here's a way to do it that might just plant a seed. You could do it in more whispers and as if even though he can hear, you know you're not allowed to talk like this around him. So it could begin the idea of like, I'm so sorry, Mr. Junior, but I can't talk this way. And then he's going to get it. That is what I do at night. Yeah. We're trying to fall asleep, but it's like he hears it and then like his body wakes awake a little bit.

I can't believe I on this call am the one who's like this voice to your cat But so you're leaning towards she should cool it when he's around well It's what do you I guess what do we want to solve here? Do we want to solve the fact that he thinks it doesn't work or do we want to make him happier that about the voice? Because you could pull a move where you're like Mrs. Gingerbread and I are gonna go to the bedroom where we're gonna do the voice because we don't want to upset you. Yeah, that's pretty much what we're doing.

And I'm just, I'm trying to figure out if there's some ways. But give us a hint of where you wanna, where you think. Because Gareth's question was right in my opinion of, is this really a question about you and him in your relationship? Because there's an easy solution for the relationships thing.

And that is, just don't do the voice when he's around. Yeah, or cut it in half. Or you're like, you know what? It really annoys him when I do this. Like for example, my wife, when we got moved in together, she was like, just please don't play video games. She's like, I just find it so unsexy to see a man playing like video

games. And I was like, that's fine. So if I was ever going to do it back then, Steve Berg had whatever was placed, I'll go to his house. So there is a very easy solution. If you're like, this is about me and him. But if it's about what's best for Mrs. Gingerbread, that is a different pitch. So if you can kind of narrow down what you're kind of hoping to hear a pitch on, I think it'll help the pitches. I think I'm hoping that his mind could be changed. Then I have a pitch.

You talk to him that way and you make up songs about him. He's jealous. You talk to him that way and you make up songs about him. He's jealous. Mmm. He doesn't realize that, and it happens when people have kids, but you're like, we've got this wonderful thing, I've got the sweetest woman in the world,

and now she's so sweet to them and not me. So if he just gets a little song about him, if he gets a little bit of a... I know he's gonna reject it at first because he's scared. Yeah. Because he's scared. He's scared to admit. That does track.

He's scared to admit. He's jealous of a goddamn cat. I really... Because the cat's out there purring her ass off while you're petting her stomach and you're going, you are the greatest, you are the greatest. And he's sitting on the couch going, I mean, I fucking worked all day too. There was a time where I used to lay on my back and she'd pet my stomach and look at me, at me like that.

So we might just have to read. I mean, I hope you're right. I've got a pitch too. By the way, the I hope you're right is the real premise of this show. Title. Yes. What's your pitch? I hope you're right is the real premise of this show Title yes Well, I think I I just feel like maybe he's jealous that you have a great voice and great songs Like I genuinely like think

You really feel that way, Karen? I do. I feel like if I... I'm just trying to put myself in his head space. Jake, you'll admit when we heard the songs, they were way better than you thought. Yes, but the voice at the beginning was harder to take than I thought. It's a hard thing to hear. So the voice is... you know, whenever... if I hear someone do a baby voice, I'm not thinking, like a couple calling each other baby all the time. I'm not thinking like, God, am I jealous?

They got a great voice. I'm thinking, my God, it feels like nails on a chalkboard. Yes. So the voice- But to Mrs. Gingerbread, it feels amazing. But to Mrs. Gingerbread, it feels amazing. So- Like look at the look on her face in that picture.

Yes. Agreed. Honestly, it looks like she took ketamine. Mrs. G loves it. It feels amazing. So here's here look at the look on her face in that picture Ketamine mrs. G. Love it so Here's here's my pitch and I don't know if it's gonna work I don't even know I don't know if it's gonna solve it But why not write a duet for you and your partner to sing to mrs. G and let your partner feel to sing to Mrs. G and let your partner feel what it's like to sing a song to the cat in a voice and See if that can bring your partner over your jealousy and feeling excluded like that. Do you think that would work Irene? Well, he is a musician and so

Yes, okay, I thought this was a weird path. I think this is right. He plays bass and he was in a band before COVID and then they just gave up. He hates Jake. Yes. This is a guy with a bass. He's my career thriving in the kitchen. Yes. He lives with Robert Plant of Cats. He lives with Robert Cat. So Irene, I think Gareth is right. I think what you ask him to do is say, will you do me a favor as an experiment? Will you drop a very simple bass line, but do you, you're a great musician, to this song? And I want to see how the cat responds, and then no matter how she responds, you go, she has never responded this strongly. Also, if I may, let's leave that where it is because if we like it, I don't want to talk

past the cell. But we could also record this. And when you two are hanging out and you're trying to watch Married at First Sight, off in the corner on the computer, you could put on the new hit cat single for Mrs. Gingerbread to hear a little bit too, to not feel like you'll... So you mean he records his bass, she records her singing, they edited. Yes, we have a song, a song that we can play on this show and help other cats.

But here's what I would say first we do. I think we end there, Gareth. But I think the first one, they got to improvise together. And they've got to find it. Yes, make it feel like part of the process. But by the way, also, Irene, I think Gareth is right. There's a way to get him involved in this and say, so I called in this show because I know the thing is annoying and they found out you were a musician too and have asked

us to put together a song that's three minutes that's the exact song you were singing with some of his bass and is that something he'd be willing to do with you then I think he would then we bring you both on for a follow-up where we play the song we talk about it and now we are getting past the bad voice because now he's just part of it yes I think what we have is Sideline Syndrome. Sideline Syndrome, I love. And then we experiment with different types of bass riffs. Really find out what Mrs. Gingerbread likes the most.

And to that point, make your partner feel, oh that's good, that's a good idea honey. Give a couple of those. Oh, and here's another. This is how we really sneak it into him at one point You need in this song a great Sonny and Cher moment that he needs to sing too But he also needs to find his weird cat for chorus. So you're going like yes I don't like singing but he doesn't he says oh, I don't have a good voice and I'm like, I don't have a good voice But I love it for this you just need him. You're like, for the fun of it, harmonize.

Yeah, yeah. But he's also got to be doing his version of your voice. So that he's like, you know, based off of yours, I'd be like, just make it sound, you know, harmonize with this and you guys find it together. It's fun. It's silly, whatever. But then you do it for the cat and you love it So now it's not your annoying thing. It's it's your guys is annoying thing and he's like it's working. I

Do like that? Try to get him involved in making a short horror movie starring mrs. Gingerbread Yeah, and I said it would be about a couple where they move in together and everything's great but then she starts singing and talking to the cat in a special voice and it gets crazier and crazier and he said it was too close to home. Yeah, listen, let's just stick with what we got here. Let's land this plan. Yeah, I think it's like the Temple of Doom. The more details we hear sometimes from you, the scarier it gets. I think we've got a good zone right now that'll bring him into the spotlight a little bit. We're just trying to get him in and we're trying to get him to admit that Kat likes it.

Yes. And allows you to do it. I really think it's coming from jealousy. And you as a musician, and when you revealed the music, it was way better than we thought it was gonna be. So, are you gonna do it, Irene? This is a piece of it. Yeah, I am. I think, honestly, Mrs. G just has great taste. I think you're right. And so will you follow up with us?

Yes. Either way, but ideally the follow up with us? Yes. Yeah. And then... Either way, but ideally the follow-up might have the new hit single. 100%. Yeah. And then... I will. To take us out, will you give us a little bit more of the song? Yeah, do you want the original one? The original one's the best. Yeah. So just remember remember because it's 20 minutes we're gonna fade this out so at some point just hang up give us a taste and then and then we'll say goodbye. Or no Rob do can we hang up or yeah we can hang up on her. Yeah so yeah Rob's ready to go. So just start singing

it off and Rob we're gonna give you the power. What if Rob hung up right now? That would be not great for the show, but the best bit. Comedy is the move. So let's take us out, and then this is going to be the end of this call. So we're done talking. We appreciate it. And the floor is yours. Okay, this goes out to Rob. Oh, how I love you, Mrs. King, your glad. This goes out to Rob. of you. I hope that you're thinking of me. Bum bum bum.

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See Mint Mobile for details. Hello. Hello. Hi, welcome to the show. Hi. How you doing? Hi. I'm good, how are you?

Good. Can we get your first name please? Yeah, my first name is Allie. Allie, and where are you calling from Allie? LA. LA, what part? I live in Manhattan Beach. Manhattan Beach, okay.

And about how old are you, Allie? I'm 28. Okay. And what do you do for work? I am graduating medical school in four months. I love it. Wow. What's your favorite hobby?

My favorite hobby is watching sports. Watching football. Who's your team? The Rams. Ooh, the Rams, okay. And if you were to see one animal in the wild, what would it be? If I wanted to see one? Yeah, dream animal.

You're in the wild by yourself, you pick the terrain, you turn a corner, you see blank. What are you seeing? Elephants. An elephant. And how come? What do you like about an elephant? They're gigantic and smart and independent. And amazing.

I think we know what you're looking for in a love interest. That's right. If any guys are listening, that's right. Yeah. If any guys are listening, that's the... That's a pretty... Looking for elephant men. A gigantic, smart, independent thinker. Allie, we got a nice little picture of you, I think.

What can we do for you? Okay, so I am calling in because my mom tells this story that she thinks is super funny but is actually really uncomfortable for my sister and I. And so the story goes that she'll be talking about, you know, what like just like funny things that she says and she'll say when I was when the girls were younger, I would say, be safe, have fun and always wear a condom. And that's like kind of the punchline of her joke for anything.

It's like, you will just say like, yeah, I always told the girls when they were in high school to have fun, be safe and always wear a condom. And it never hits. Everyone is always just super, it's just awkward. And my sister and I, she's gotten into the habit of telling this story more and more. I think like she's told it and then she's gotten her head and so she's telling it more and more

at like the events and stuff like that. And so most recently, um, on Thanksgiving, uh, she, my sisters, we did it all with my sister's boyfriend's family and she told the story again in front of like his parents, his sister and his nieces. And like everyone just, it never hits the way I think she thinks it's hitting and my sister and I just sit there awkwardly and then worse

is that she never said this to us neither my sister nor I. What a twist. I remember her ever saying this to us and so she always asks us to like finish the line for her like land the joke and we're always just like you never said this and so my sister is also kind of in on this with me and this was her idea to call in and how do we get our mom to stop telling this story? Do you want to bring our sister in real quick? Sure. Ugh. Yes please. Hi. Hi. Okay who are you? Because we're talking to Allie. Oh you are. This is Sam. Sam. Okay. Okay. Allie, Sam. Sam, Allie basically laid out the problem Sam, Ali basically laid out the problem that your mother says she ends her goodbye to you story was saying always wear a condom. Yes.

And you have the boyfriend who you just had Thanksgiving with and she told it in front of your boyfriend's family and it bombed. Yes, it bombed. It was his parents, his sister, her husband, and their two very young children and our good family friends. What? Who she's never met before. What is her reaction when this bombs? She just has, it does not register at all?

Not at all. Zero. Like she thinks it is a hit time after time. And honestly, I think she thinks it gets me. Will you do me a favor really fast? Will you do an impression of your mom telling the story? So we'll be in a gathering, literally anything else could be the topic of conversation. And she'll go,, oh you know what I always say to you guys, girls what is it? Have fun and then she'll lean to us and we have to go, always wear a condom and she'll go, have fun, always wear a condom and then it's pretty much silent in the room. And when did this start? Pretty much silent and when the room and when did this start? I?

Want to say about a year ago? I mean, maybe she had done it here and there before but it's it's really picked up So it just picked up every gathering now, it's it's a story so the only thing I can relate to on this is when my dad and I got Close when I was in my late 20s So the only thing I can relate to on this is when my dad and I got close, when I was in my late 20s, I lived with him, and we went out with all of his friends once, and we were all ordering food, and I asked for, like, chicken or whatever, and my dad in front of the whole group goes,

Jesus, he eat chicken now? This guy would never touch a bite of chicken his whole life. And it just wasn't true. That happens with parents. And I went like, I do like chicken. He was like, since today the guy loves chicken. And I go, and I was so, I went like, I called him Crocco at the time. I was like, Crocco, I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, this guy would never eat chicken. Now chicken this is chicken that and everybody's laughing as if I am embarrassed about the fact that I ordered chicken But I was like this is as weird of a two minutes as I've been in in a long time So question about your mom

Do you think she knows this is a made-up story or do you think she thinks this is what I said to her? She thinks this is true. She definitely thinks this is true. You guys are sure it's not? She's never said this. Either way. It insinuates that we were going out in high school every time to go have sex. Yes.

Also that you guys have penises. And that you never ripped up the penises you don't have. That's fair. That's fair. Because she's saying to you guys, put a condom on, always wear a condom. It makes no, I mean, that is, let's not, let's not sleep on that point. She is asking you two to always wear a condom, her female daughters. But the parents do- I guess this suggests that one is used at some point.

Yeah, but it's still weird. Here's the luxury of this position because I didn't realize this when the call started. You have to be the punchline to this non-joke. I didn't either. Right. Yeah, she makes to be the punchline to this non-joke. I didn't either. Right. She makes us finish the line. The difference is they have a line they have to hit a line in order for the mother to get what she wants out of this situation. So to me the easy solve is don't hit the line. Exactly right. We need to attack mom's stupid premise

with an ending that's even a bigger loser. Or Gareth. Rather than a bigger loser because she doesn't read the room. So she's missing and thinking she's hidden. So. I know where you're going. Yeah. It's hit.

And I fear if we said something, she would just double down on her thing. So here's what I would say. What's the setup again? It's, and I fear if we said something, she would just double down on her. Here's what I would say. What's the setup again? Be safe and the story is have fun. Have fun, be safe and always leave a condom behind for your mom. So she goes, no. And you go, that was the old saying. You always said, always leave a gram of cocaine

and a condom behind for mom. Cause then she'll go, that's not the same. And you'll go, then, Ali, you go, that was the old joke. That's saying I remember. That's what I remember. If you two have it in unison, it's great. Yes. I think Jake's fully right. We need to turn the gun on her.

Because then she'll go, I don't like that story. I like the cute story that I'm funny and a cool mom. Especially if it hits. Yes. If it hits. She's the butt of the joke. It's great. Yeah.

And this is perfect timing, because we're about to go into a bunch of Christmas parties where my sister and I will both be there. I feel like we almost about to go into like a bunch of Christmas parties where my sister and I were both be there. I feel like we almost need to like go bigger because it's like almost too close. Okay. And then she'll just be like, no, no, no, it was up. You always were kind of and then we're like. Is this Sam talking?

Yes, that was Sam. So Sam, give us a hint of what would be bigger and stop your mom in her tracks. Be safe, have fun and I don't know that maybe but that's our problem Yeah, we need all right. I got one. Yeah, I got one mom conceived us on her head I'm conceived as honor. It's just it's really wordy Too much of a riddle. Yeah, I agree What would be something in terms of your mom's personality that would be really embarrassing mom wears a butt plug?

mom loves butt plugs be Have fun be safe and mom loves butt plugs Don't take my butt plug is great. Or, have fun, be safe, and don't use my vibrator. Oh god, sorry. I feel like we're still getting the embarrassing end of this. By the way, you're right. Or how about this, have fun, be safe, and your mom loves to masturbate.

And then she'll go, Oh, my God. And you'll go, that's what you used to always say to us. How about always have a side piece? Always have a side piece. I like that. I think I like that one, too. The scandal or even like drugs and alcohol. She's very anti anti any kind of drinking. And like, I think that would play on more of like her brand.

So, you want a drinking punch? She does, like a party drinking one. What is something of your guys's, what is your guys's, what about something like, and your mama loves to get turnt up? I like, at the very beginning, I think Garrett said like, Your mama loves to get turnt up. I like at the very beginning, I think Garrett said like, it sounds like an always do an eight ball or something.

But yeah, I always do an eight ball. I always have an eight ball. Then who are is everybody? I almost think that would be great because there will be some people that and some that don't. And then I think that would be great because there will be some people that don't get it and some that don't and then I think that would be funny. All right, so yeah, let's try again guys. So then you guys are gonna try to say at the same time and Always what is it always have or always do an eight ball? I would say always have an eight ball cuz that's like So I don't know neither gareth is our best bet here

tell you what goes goes faster than you think sounds like a lot till you're doing it that would be a great finishing of the sound but by the way that's also I mean great thing for merch Paul sounds like a lot of goes really fast when she's doing it Here's what you can do okay, that's what you do you guys can do it together So you don't have to say at the same time it could be a tag team So so we can have so what we could do is we can have Ali say, remember an eight ball sounds like a lot. And then Sam says, until you're actually doing it.

I think that's pretty great. As if your mom is teaching you to get more cocaine. Yes. Yes. He's gonna be mortified by that. Like you have done. So Ali, why don't you say, remember an eight ball sounds like a lot. Yes. Yes. She's gonna be mortified by that. So, Ali, why don't you say, remember, an 8-ball sounds like a lot, and then Sam, you say, until you're actually doing it.

Okay. So let's try it. Okay. The mom, here we go. Okay, well, it's like I always told the girls when I was dropping them off, have fun, be safe, and? An 8-ball sounds like a lot. Only until you're doing it pretty close

yeah practice a couple times give a little you see see who's comfy and do should we swap roles yeah let's try swapping roles let's swap yeah okay so Allie you take the point okay well that's like I always told the girls have fun be safe An eight ball sounds like a lot Until you're doing it By the way, that's right I think that's right add if you need to and an eight ball Just make sure whoever started use a transition or a word to sounds like to make sure you're connecting to mom

Yeah, got it. All right. Let's try one more one more It's like I was going first whoever the order we just did was right. Allie second. Okay. Okay. It's like I always told them have fun. Be safe. And an eight ball sounds like a lot. Only until you're doing it. That's it. Guys, he killed it. I will tell you, some people won't get it. Those who do will really crack up that your mom told you, and eight ball sounds like a lot until you're doing it. But here's why that's okay, Jake, because the problem is that mom is already bombing on her terms. At least now we're bombing and the onus is on mom. That mom has advised her young daughters

to get more cocaine. Less interested in doing the bit now. And then I think it also switches it to like the people that laugh and then the people that don't are gonna be like, wait, what does that mean? Why is that funny? And it immediately moves on the conversation.

100% agree. They're not saying in a lull of like. I think this Yes, right. Yes. I agree. I agree. I think this is exactly right. Guys, please try to have a family member, another sibling, a cousin, a friend who's in on it to get a cell phone and fake so no one could see they're filming it, pretend they're texting, but see if we can get this interaction when you know it's gonna happen. Yeah, you know it's coming.

See if... We know, we know. So set something up so we can see this. If it's just audio, that's fine. If we could get it on video, it would be a gold mine. And let me say this, you can't rehearse this too much. You want to stick the landing and make it right. So go through it 20 times.

And then please, please follow up with us, guys. Please. You want to stick the landing and make it right. So go through it 20 times. And then please follow up with us guys. Please. We will. This is the perfect. Thank you so much for your help. We appreciate you guys. Thank you.

Bye guys. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Hero Bread. Hero Bread is my absolute favorite sponsor we have because I love eating the food. They've sent us a bunch of packages and now I'm hooked. I'm buying it on my own. I love the tortillas. I love the bread. I love the bagels. I love everything. Look, it's a new year. You've got your health goals, your resolutions or your intentions for the new year.

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You're on with Jake and Gareth and new producer Jesse. Hi, Jesse Hello So can you remind us who you are? Could you tell us what your issue was? Could you tell us what we advised you and could you tell us what's happening? So I had called in about my cat Mrs. Gingerbread and the songs that I love to sing to her and the special voice that I do. Oh, yes.

Yeah. The best songs. The best. Thank you. My partner, Derek, hated them. Yeah, hated, but things have taken a turn now. Hold on, sir. Sir, we will get to you.

Be quiet, sir, for once. I know, I know. I'm not the one you're rooting for Sir, you are not the star of this call. Yes So first of all you had wonderful songs right Gareth oh the comp like bohemian rhapsody level cat song And what was our advice to you it was to work with Derek who's actually a musician on recording the song. The ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread. Right. And take it slow. What happened? Well first of all I do want to say that Derek felt a bit misrepresented by the call that I had with Derek.

We will get to Derek. I just love how Derek's victimizing himself. You know what I mean, Jake? It's just like, it's pissing me off. It's just so on brand. No, but everything has changed since we made this song together. I feel that there is a sense of harmony in the household that wasn't there before and you guys really were here to help.

Well, listen, I don't know if you know that, that's what we call the actual podcast, which is crazy. Jake, should we hear from Derek for a minute? We've badgered him, silenced him, maybe. Yeah, I'm okay with it. Derek, you have the floor. Please speak to your truth and tell us what we're missing and tell us how you're feeling Yeah, no, I haven't heard the original podcast yet, but I wasn't any impression that was about her cat voice Not what song yes, I think it was about a little bit Well, it was about you do a little voice that he does not like and then you do songs that he hated.

Mm-hmm. I think there's a reverse. I hated the voice. The song was okay. I mean, the song was great. I think now you would say that the song was great. Before maybe there was an issue. And is the cat who Derek is the cat yours am I mistaken? No, yeah, she's she came with me from the animal shelter. She's but right Yes, right. Can we hear the cat voice just to remind everyone what that is, please? And Derek when you hear that voice, what are your thoughts? Well, in small doses, it's okay, but I hear it a lot.

It's like having a, it's like a Cartman sort of. Wow, that's. I don't disagree. By the way, once you hear it, you can't unhear it. I think we hear it a little bit more and think about Cartman for a second. I mean, I just feel what feels like for me. It's there. It's there for sure. It's definitely the thing is that Derek does have a cat voice.

And I had blocked it out when I called you guys and was like, he doesn't believe in special cat voices. It's not true. I had just blocked his out because I didn't like his. Derek, can we hear yours please, sir? It's only fair. Well, my cat voice is just, it's an occasional, it's like an accent on my regular voice. So I just call her and like, hey, Mr. Gingerbread, you want to come in and get some data? Kind of like that.

Could you just do it a little more, please, Derek? Do it a little longer, please, Derek. Um, it's time for your man, Mr. Gingerbread, come on, let's go get your bread. So there's a twang. We've got a twang. Can we hear both of you guys talking to the cat together in your voices? Yes. Mr.

Brad, you got to come who's giving you your food. Why are you giving me your food, Mr. Ben? Gareth, how do you talk to your cat? Let's be honest here. I'm trying to think because, you know, this is a very, it's a very private thing, but it would be like, it would be like, oh, little buddy. Who's my little buddy? Huh? Yeah. Little guy. Oh, it'd be like, oh, little buddy, who's my little buddy, huh? Yeah, little guy.

Oh, it'd be like that. Okay, so we're getting a picture of what's happening here. And Jake, how do you talk to your gorilla in the yard that's made of stone? Come here, give me a little kiss. I won't tell nobody if you don't tell nobody. I love you. So question for you two, what happened with the song? Walk us through that.

Take us home on this. What happened? Derek, do you want to or should I? You go ahead. I mean, it just felt so natural and organic, I feel, of a process. It really, I think because Derek's a real musician, and I mean, I guess I'm a little bit real,

but he really is a musician. Yeah. And so it really just, it just felt like it was flowing out of us, mostly out of Derek. Really? Yeah. So, so what you're saying is essentially, oh, go ahead, Derek. No, it's gonna give you guys some more kudos because the advice also did help me like I had to dust off my cobwebs

and get back into the music mindset. And that really did that. So it was good. So where we kind of headed is you guys made a song for the cat. Derek, you kind of got back into it. And so we have a Mrs. Gingerbread song. Now, are we able to listen to the Mrs. Gingerbread song? I would hope that that would be. We do have the song. Yeah. Thank you, Jesse. Do you guys want to say anything before we in the audience hears this song?

I think it speaks for itself. Yeah. Okay. Derek, you feel the same way? Yes. Do you want to dedicate it to Mrs. Gingerbread and your voices real quick and then we'll throw to it? Mrs. Gingerbread is actually white. Okay. Derek, did you just do her Mr. Gingerbread voice? I believe so. And we're seeing a picture. It's confusing right now. I don't know where I am, what my voice is. I fully understand. I can't. It just mirrored and it worked.

Yeah. We've got a picture of Mrs. Gingerbread who's adorable. Let's hear it. We'll cut this silent part out. Or keep it in, who knows. Okay, sure. It's part of the song. Oh, you start with a minute of... I would cut that next time though, yeah?

Yeah, next time I just... Will you release this on Spotify? Start with the music. I think people will think it's not working. I mean, I think that's the only issue with this. We did fight over the silence a bit. Yeah, the creative... I love the... How long is the silence, with this. We did fight over the silence of it. Yeah, the creative. I love the-

How long is the silence, by the way? More or less than five minutes. I'm being told it's five minutes on the dot. Let's get rid of it. Yeah, I agree. Let's cut it. Oh, wow. This is... I like it. I love it. This is... Beautiful. It's great.

This is going to be huge for you guys. This cat's changed. This is big. I know, I'm scary. It should be. Your cat's ready to have cocaine. I love you, I love you, love you, I love you. It's great. I think it's a flu.

It's funny because we kind of know the acapella version. To hear it sort of translated into a song. We get a sense of Derek. This is the couple. Yeah, right. Oh my God. You know what we'll do at the end of this, at the end of the episode, we'll just play this song without us talking over it.

Yes. In case people just want that too. This is a, you know what, if anybody's getting married, please somebody do this as your first dance and film it. This is a, you know what, if anybody's getting married, please somebody do this as your first dance and film it. This is a first dance at a wedding would be incredible. What can you imagine? Or like a father daughter dance.

Oh my god. Or a mother groom dance. Incredible. A grandma looking around like what the fuck? The pitch of it being at a wedding is awesome. This is also great at a Halloween party Like a spooky It really does feel like in a mood like in a John Hughes movie when the main character finally gets This the person they want and there's like a scene where they're kind of dancing finally. I beg any of our listeners try to have sex to this song.

Please and we are begging people. Follow up. Sorry, we don't mean to sour what is a beautiful cat song but please if you're hearing this song and you're gonna have sex to this song. Or whatever you do to it. If you can work out to it. Imagine lifting really heavy weights to this. Sure, sex is great. Chunky little monkey.

Or play this for a kid as it's going to bed if you have a young kid. This could be like their lullaby song. That's un-purring at the end. Oh, listen to that. Oh, whoa, whoa, the ending. Yes. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. Wow, I'll be honest too. Excellent. Not only is it great Did you go through this Jake? I saw three minutes ten seconds, and I thought whoa long

It flew by a great It's really good It's great Three minute limit, but we thought it was so good that it would be okay to go past that. Well, the ending is great. It's a great little Wrap something I ask our listeners to and we will actually just do the same thing at the end Where we won't talk over it is it inspires anything in your life? Let us know that could there could be a follow-up just to the song Totally I think that's I think that's a, we're here to help banger. I love it. I think it's the best original piece of music that we've been involved in as producers, which we are technically, legally.

The question is twofold. One, do you feel like we've solved this? Can we ring the bell? Yes, of course. And two, do you think there's gonna be more songs? Great questions, Gareth. So let us know what the answer is. Derek, you wanna take this one? Well, I mean, the voice is still kind of not great, but the song is awesome. Yeah. And we're making more music. So we are,

I'd say it's a win. But D, let me tell you something about your voice, which I have told you before is that when I met Derek, I was so enamored. And then one time, maybe a few months in I heard the voice his cat voice and I thought right it was the first time I thought could I listen to this every day well I think you're talking about the way I call her into a room yeah yeah and you know that hold on hold on hold on Derek hold on. Derek, can we hear what happens when you call that cat into a room? Brace yourself. Are you ready?

Sure. Listen to the rain! Well, I can't believe we had this whole call without hearing that. That's shocking. I mean, it's shocking to come at the bottom of the ninth. Derek, you didn't tell us that's what... Derek, how could you not have let out with that? That's shocking. I mean it's shocking to come at the bottom of the ninth Derek Well, Derek, I'm just listen we love you what you're part of the team We said do a voice and you said it's just a little southern at the end

And then you did like it's just my regular voice with a tang and then we end on this. Yeah I don't think you can be throwing stones, Derek. Can you just really fast call the, how you call the cat three times at a little bit louder of a volume so we could just hear it cleanly? Me? Yes. All right.

This is a different, this is a different, this is a different. Yeah, I mean, Derek. Question for you two, question for you two lovebirds. Where did you two guys meet? How did this thing start? And imagine if you had... Ok Cupid. Ok Cupid. Ok Cupid. So this has to be a wild advertisement. Guess what? We just got a new sponsor.

Yeah. Oh my god. They're back. If you are one in a billion, we might have a match for you. Hello, Mrs. Ginger. I'll kick your butt. Both of your families were like, they're wonderful. They got a weird thing with cat voices. Thank God. Yeah.

Well, listen, you two, we appreciate it. Also, just before we let you guys go. Jake, I'm going to hit it before we go. Oh, you got the bell. Yeah, I got the bell. I know it doesn't register on Zoom, but the bell let you guys go. Jake, I'm gonna hit it before we go. Oh, you got the bell. Yeah, I got the bell. I know it doesn't register on Zoom, but the bell's been rung. We've rung the bell.

Thank you. We love it. We love this song. What's next for you two lovebirds? I think we're gonna keep making sweet music together. Great. Oh, yeah. You guys gonna do more cat stuff or other stuff? Where you guys at?

Yeah, maybe like we're thinking of calling it the ginger band or mrs ginger and the breads Ooh, I like that ginger band Well, if you guys name your band and make new songs will you send it to us and we'll just put Uh at the end of an episode. We'll just do a quick do a little intro This is the gingerbread presenting and we'll just throw it on Could be mrs gingerbread and the helpers too. just a pitch just to get our stuff out there a little bit oh that's interesting not a bad idea all right Derek cool attitude Derek cool attitude it's just like the producers are they come in to change everything and hey

it's just a pitch okay it's just a great pitch great pitch Jake but you know what Derek's difficult to work with as some artists are and listen we love the music we love the product but look I mean you know Derek's difficult. Will you yell for the cat one more time? Listen to the band! Okay, thank you guys so much for the help. It's pretty good. So what let's really quick pitch on names for the band.

What do you guys want the name of the band to be? I think it should be Mrs. Ginger and the Breads and he thinks it should be the Ginger Band. I know and I have a new one though. My new one is Mrs. Ginger Bread and the Ginger Band. What do you guys think? I like I like the first one and it's not because Derek and I have beef. What was the first one again? Mrs. Ginger and the Breads.

Yes. Mrs. Ginger and the Breads. I've asked several people and everyone prefers that one. Oh, really? It's weird. Sometimes Derek, your picker's off. I don't know. Well, listen, you two, we're going to let you go.

We appreciate the call. Please send us the music as it comes in. We're big fans. Yeah. All, listen, you two, we're going to let you go. We appreciate the call. Please send us the music as it comes in. We're big fans. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Tell them this is Gingerbread High from the show. What a blast. Thank you. I appreciate you guys. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help,

you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler. Themed song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike.

Animations by Andrew Strilecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentholds.com. Remember all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Why sweet wind I love you, love you, love you I'm always thinking of you

I love you very much Mrs. Webb Oh, how I love you Mrs. Gingerbread There is nobody quite like you I'm always thinking of you I tell that you're thinking of me too Oh, how I love your Mrs. Gingerbread You're the perfect little cat just for me I love you, love you, love you I'm always thinking of you And I will be falling to your next deep

Oh how I love your Mrs. Gingerbread love you I'm always thinking of you I wish I could alleviate your fear Oh, how I love you mrs gingerbread You are so very sharp to the touch You're my monkey, weirdo monkey My junkie, weirdo monkey Which is why I love you so very much You need a feral special ball You need a feral special ball

You need a feral special ball The most special in the world All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and Season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod Hi, I'm Caleb Herron host of the so true podcast now on head gum every week Me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on I asked them what's so true to them how they got to where they are in life a bunch of other questions And we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Fualow, or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it great, and if not, no worries.

So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the So True with Caleb Herron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya!