We're Here to Help - 146: Sweatpant Wedgie Butt & Filthy Granny

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

The guys help a caller brainstorm what to do about her coworker's distracting wedgie. Later, a British caller asks for advice about his morning walk, which is regularly interrupted by an old woman shouting explicit insults.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Anniversary savings await you for a limited time only at Dell.com Slash deals that's dell.com slash deals Two, two, help, help, help, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, We are. And you know what we've been doing is we have been airing them as they come in. Trying to. Yeah. Trying to. Season one, what we did is we just banked a lot and we moved them around. I think part of the experiment of this year, and maybe it's worth talking about,

is maybe we edit less. Sure. And just put them in order and see what happens. What do you think, Gareth? What's your gut feeling? I mean, I think some of these you want some polish on because I think there's some times where they can go on long.

I'm as guilty as the caller is. Same with me. But no, I think there is something to, I mean, we talked about it before. We've had calls where we feel like we're on a deadline and we're like 45 minutes in and someone's like, no. And we're like, oh my God.'s like now And we're like oh my god, but there is the process is pretty good. I will say in some of these early ones. We've recorded Good options. Yeah, and also great problems, so yeah, I think that

You know some are easier than others, but I don't I'm not against that just to kind of feel it out It's an all sure yeah, just to kind of see the actual flow. The good thing is our fans are vocal. If they don't like that, we'll know. They'll let us know. We will know. And Gareth, what are you excited about with Jordan Love and our bet?

Cause we have a bet that ends at the end of next year. Well, this would be, this is gonna be February. Oh, so we're gonna know. This is right around when we'll know what's going on. Super Bowl. Yeah. But this is, our we'll know what's going on. Super Bowl. Yeah. Our bet is this year and next year. Well, it was three years and one year's passed, so I have two Super Bowls left for the Packers

to... To win the Super Bowl. I can't believe it. Sometimes I hear the bets back that I make. Now if you would have said get to the Super Bowl, I don't know if I can do it. The NFC's not great. But you said do it. The NFC's not great. But you said, win it. You know what's also not good is that people in my life

have learned about my option A name. And now they're pushing. They call it out. Yeah. They go, of course you wanna buy the first thing. You're option A. And I'm going, no, this is a legit decision I'm making. Well, the bet we made was, Gary said that Jordan Love

and the Green Bay Packers will win a Super Bowl within three years and we bet $1,000 on it. Well, no, you gave me odds though. So I have some odds. My payout is less. I pay you less than you pay me. But the bet is insane. Yeah.

So we will know at this point, we're recording this early. Yeah. Well, no. If you've won. Future Us is no. Yeah, by the time this airs. By the way, Future Us is cool, and a movie that is underrated,

even though it is highly rated, is Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. You wanna talk about great sequels? Yeah, I never saw the sequel. Oh my God. That's how you do it. Totally different. You're talking about the one they made like five years ago.

No, no. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, the sequel to Excellent Adventure. Okay, I got it. So, because they did make one a few years ago and- You're not talking about the remake. No.

Okay. Did you see the remake? Yes. Was it terrible? It's fun to see them. Speak freely. Hey, Keanu's not listening. Yeah, well, come on. It was terrible. It wasn't terrible. But the first two are really good. Yeah, the first one I remember seeing back in the day and thinking probably

the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. That was the best movie. It actually ruined for saying Socrates is harder for me because of them calling him Socrates. Socrats. Yeah I've said like Socrates before like I've been like well very similar to Socrates. By the way, Keanu in that era his performance in Parenthood was so good. He was my favorite actor as a kid. By the way, Point Break. The best. So so great that era of movies was so good the best Yeah, the best I'll tell you what when I fell off of the Keanu train a little bit was I mean I look I well I just adored it. It was like saying point break was probably the coolest movie. I'd ever seen in my life. Yes

Every time I go by every time I go by Lake Michigan, and I'd see a baby wave I'd be like I might just run in there and disappear. I might not he's not coming back Yeah, I'm I'm wearing jeans right now And I might just go into that wave that goes up to my belly button. You'll never see my ass again Jake We see you yeah because I can't swim right? Jake almost drowned trying to break. I'm not going over my tits because Lord knows I can't hold my nose underwater. Doesn't matter, I'm still Johnny Utah. Johnny Utah's alive because of his tits.

These tits keep me up. By the way, a realistic Johnny Utah is he's not a great swimmer, he's got tits. Well, I mean he was an athlete who blew out his knee He probably doesn't by the way every cool character from the 80s and 90s Was an athlete who blew out his name. He just went too hard a trailer Ricky, Texas They were just the coolest characters by the way, and you had do you love the original Roadhouse as much as I do? Yes For the reasons but I think part of the reason we like that movie is because it was one of the first movies where I saw boobs. No, we have to, I mean, look, yes, but that was for me, Total Recall. Uh, when there was, there was the three boobed woman, but that doesn't count.

It counted for me. That's just horrible. We got to start the show. What a horrible reveal. Uh, but that doesn't count. It counted for me. That's just horrible. We gotta start the show. What a horrible reveal. Listen, we wanna thank... Started for me. Listen, gosh, I can't believe the... One of those was fake.

That's like three-card Monty with a chest. Doesn't matter, even better. Listen, the show's... And I'm still looking forward. Imagine the guy you just heard talk helping people with problems. That's the premise of the show. It's insane. And we're at about 150.

150 episodes. We're excited, we're having fun. That's the premise of the show. And we're at about 150. 150 episodes. We're excited. We're having fun. We appreciate the support. Share the show. Tell people. Yeah, please. And without further ado. Hello. Hello. How are you? Can we get your name, please?

My name is Erin. Erin. And where are you? Can we get your name please? Uh, my name is Erin. Erin? And where are you calling from Erin? Uh, St. Louis, Missouri. Ooh, St. Louis, Missouri. And what do you like to do in St. Louis? Um, just go to the arcade bars, I guess. Ooh, arcade bars, I guess. And what's your favorite arcade game?

um probably The Super Mario old school old school. Yeah, Gareth. What's your favorite arcade game? I mean Honestly, I would say any one of those driving ones. Oh, well, you do the drive it. Yeah I would say any one of those driving ones. Oh, well, you do the drive-ins. Yeah. And if it's a motorcycle.

Will you do the new expensive ones? I mean, I steer a little clear of those because they're a little much. Like that is a very immersive experience and it'll be like $10. But yeah, I'll go ahead for that. What about you? That's what you like, yeah.

I mean, guess. I mean, I feel like it's gonna be either a shooter or like an NBA jam type pinball Balls a great one. Yeah, I bet you get the no tilt a lot too. I can see you getting Favorite too. Yeah, I love that yours is the motorcycles Garrett Like I could see his ass crack this is for. Going back to Robert and Barbara from the shark tank, but Aaron, it's not about us. It's about you. What can we do for you? Okay. So I have this newish friend at work. We've been friends a little bit less than a year and we were doing a project on work and she was wearing sweatpants and

her friend or my friend she wears her pants so far up her butt crack. She's just kind of like a walking wedgie I guess and it kind of makes her pants look a little bit shorter too and I just am just wondering if I should tell her about it or if I should just let it go and pretend like I'm Not seeing anything Gareth can you see that bigger? Yeah, it's um, it's different than what I pictured because it's like the The pants aren't necessarily as taut as I thought they would be or like hiked up, but the crack is They also are they're like

Stretch pants they look like exercise pants. Yeah more than yeah Sweat pants, but the the butts doing a lot of the work But look at behind the knee behind the knee. There's wrinkles. So fabric wise. Yeah, not taught everywhere It's hard to imagine how the fabric goes so up the cast. I'm gonna tell you something that might put you in trouble here. It might be the woman's body. Because I don't think this is necessarily how she's hiking up those pants.

I think it might be the shape of the body. It's... Yeah. Well, but okay, let's get into it, because I have it now CSI'd blown up. There are underwear. Because you can see the straight line there, so there's underwear. So really quickly for anybody listening, we no longer do YouTube, which I know is annoying timing, but we are on Patreon, so just get on it for this if you want to see it, and then get off if you want to get off it, but it's worth seeing. So it is a woman in gray stretch pants. You

are right, Erin. She has pulled them up. Yes, they're high. This is not her body. This is a decision she has made. She's put her hand in the fabric and pushed it into her butt is what it looks like. What it also looks like is the butt cheeks are eating the sweatpants. Yes, it looks like they're sucking it in like angel hair pasta. Yeah. And there is a- do you agree with me Jake that there is an underwear line there? Yes, I see a line. So we're talking about two different layers being rammed up there.

And so Erin, I understand your dilemma. If I was in the position where you took this photo, I would be thinking about this nearly non-stop It would be it's not a good look it would be something I thought about all the time It's constantly on my mind, and I just don't know what to do about it, so let's let's start from the beginning What have you done? What have you thought where you at in this situation? I haven't honestly haven't got too far from the beginning, what have you done? What have you thought? Where are you at in this situation? I haven't, honestly, I haven't got too far. So I honestly was just thinking about just letting it go and just hoping I don't have to see her

in that kind of situation again. It's a lot to do with. Is she wearing those pretty much, is that the style of pants she wears all the time? Yes Unfortunately, and I just don't really understand because I've also seen it and now I've seen it a couple of times in shorts, too And it's just like I don't know if this is her who she is I think what she does is she takes her right hand and pulls the back of them up and

Just make sure they don't go too low and I don't think she realizes what's happening back there is she takes her right hand and pulls the back of them up and just makes sure they don't go too low. And I don't think she realizes what's happening back there. I completely agree that I don't think she knows what this looks like. You know, you wouldn't do this if you did. No, and you know what I think you could do? I think there's a way to play this

while trying to maintain some sensitivity for this woman. Yeah. In the photo you sent, there's a cigarette prices against the side where you got like a Bronson for five 73. You got, you got reds for 10 14. You got new ports for seven 11. You could maybe ask her a question specifically about the prices and send her this photo.

Ooh. Right, and go like, am I insane? Sorry. Interesting. Like am I insane, but a Bronson is 573? That's good. Right, so she goes, oh yeah, it looks, then goes, Jesus fuck, is that what my butt looks like in these pants? I

I think that's good because I really don't I think she's she must be doing it for a reason I mean she has to be doing this for a reason it can't just like a statement no no I don't like this is a side you want me to honestly say what I think she has swamp, but I Think she gets swampy back there, and I think she has swamp butt. I think she gets swampy back there and I think she puts it up there to sort of- Try it? Being serious, well to sort of- I know you're being serious.

To sort of- And I'm judging you. I'll be honest. We all are, but we appreciate your honesty. I'll be, I'll fall on the sword. Your handle of swamp butt is to yank your underpants further up? No, no, no, no, it's not number one. No, there's multiple other ports of call before I'm going with that.

Oh, but your last effort. This is the Hail Mary. Yeah, okay. This is where you go at the end where you sort of just treat it like a butt tampon. By the way, you're not wrong. So Aaron, where are you guys? Is swamp butt heat a thing there? By the way, you're not wrong. So Erin, where are you guys? Is Swamp butt heat a thing there? Where are you?

um, I mean It can be but I not at the time that we need to be wearing pants Are you in Florida? Are you in St. Louis? Oh St. Louis I'll say though sometimes you walk into places and you go, Jesus, this is overcompensating for the outside. She's inside right here. Yeah, but you would see sweat marks. Yeah, we have all the seasons, so it's pants.

It's like polish. I don't think you're wrong, Gareth. I think you're potentially onto something. Well, either way, it's a little irrelevant because what are we gonna do about it? I like your pitch. I, you don't know her too well, right Erin? Correct, I have only been friends with her

for like seven months or something, so. That seems pretty long to be able to, I mean. Do you, I mean, do you text? Yeah, we text. A lot? Yeah, we text a lot Yeah, I think you might I mean this is the straight this is down the middle try it, but I think you might want to say you know I have two pitches one is the earnest one where you just say hey

You know, I'm not gonna lie like just do you know that it looks like that back there? That maybe is my last ditch. Gareth, that's a brutal text, my man. That's not a text, it's an in-person. Okay, that's a face. If I got a text from something like that, I'm saying get your sword out. Get your sword out. We're going into a battle.

I like yours. Do you know that's what your butt looks like, dude? No, I don't. Look, there's delicate language. Yeah, I was doing this on purpose. This is a mean, that's what your butt looks like dude? No, I don't. Look, there's delicate language. Yeah, I was doing this on purpose. This is a mean... That's a text you would send to me, Gareth. I turn everything into a thong. And it would trigger me.

Hey Jake, do you know what your butt looks like with these sweatpants? It's like someone saying your breath stinks or whatever. Okay, quick question. Save your next pitch, Gareth, because I want to hear it. But Erin, Erin, if you saw her with a booger in her nose, are you the kind of person who would say something? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I can definitely say something if she had a booger in her nose. I can say the pretty wild thing. Yeah. And you guys have that kind of dynamic. Yeah, we're goofy people, but I've seen also a little bit of a defensive side too.

So that's why I was a little bit nervous about it, but particularly, I mean, we're pretty goofy. You are, so what would your guests be? Can you do us a quick little favor and you play you and her, how you could loosely bring up, kind of going off Gareth thing being like, do you know your pants are wedged up there and what your honest guess of what

she would say back to so we can get a real sense of the type of character we're dealing with? Okay. Well, I mean, if I said that she might be a little defensive and I don't know why, because sometimes she's defensive about weird things. Um, so I mean, if I said that I don't, I, because sometimes she's defensive about weird things. So, I mean, if I said that, I could see it go in two ways. One being like, oh, hell no, that's crazy. I didn't know that. Or also being like, well, I do that because, I don't know, for some crazy reason. I don't know.

I got you. But the angry, it reminds me of, I was in fourth grade, I was playing football with some friends and a guy got hurt and I said are you okay? And as he was crying he yelled do I look okay? Yeah, that's a really defensive way to deal with you getting hurt my man But exactly the booger comp is really good because you everybody wants to know you'd want to know you Did you just but not good Jake? Yeah, I just found it in one of my drawers I've been using it like all day, and I love it. Okay good to catch up Think about looking at this ass. I just said the grass I said it's like knowing you have bad breath. I'm looking at this

How you doing? I'm Jake nice to meet you. Oh You're in I get you I I you would want to know you would want to know even if you're defensive it now the question is do you want to? Put yourself in that Situation which like I don't know I mean maybe you don't but here's my here's my my other pitch And it's a weird one. I would replicate the look and see if she She gets eyes on your version of it, and maybe that prompts something. That's the soft way to get it out there. I love a replicate.

Now, you're entering dangerous territory on the replicate because the line between parody and helpfulness is tricky. You got two asses scunched up with sweatpants. That's a tough little look. Here in my dream scenario, here's how this plays out. Okay, you go for it. You get a similar style. You fucking credit card it deep inside there.

And then you're hanging out with her and she goes, you're like wedged up there and you really do it. And you go, oh, I know, well, you do it too. Yours is the same. Like that's where it gets. Or you do it differently and you do that same moment and if she goes, you're wedged up there, you go, oh my God, thanks for telling me.

You don't tell her until the next day. And then you go like, girl, just like I was telling me you don't tell her until the next day and then you go like girl Just like I was yesterday. You're wedged up today Here's here's here's the other version of that either you or your wife do the wedging and You talk to her as a sidebar of like look at how my wife's got it. It means her pants are so my god Gareth I have an idea based off that, which I really like. You replicate this same photo, but you do it of your wife's butt, and you tease your wife behind your back to your friend.

And you go like, look at what she did. You go, look, I love my wife. I like it. Look at her, her butt cheeks are eating the sweatpants. It's disgusting. I honestly. And then you say to her, what do I do? Do I tell her?

I mean, look, this is as close as you. We're not getting Seinfeld's show about Seinfeld. This is as close as you can get to pointing out that sweat pant wedgie butt is an issue without telling her that she suffers from it. Today's episode is brought to you by Alma. While online tools and resources can be a useful starting point or supplement, human relationships are an irreplaceable part of mental health care.

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E.com so we got some good pitches for you on this one So you do the replicate right you do garris you just dress like her. You're hoping for her to say, you got sweatpants up your butt and you can at some point say same. A version of that that's less confrontational is you take a photo of your wife's butt with sweatpants stuck up there. You show her jokingly and ask her, what do you think I should do? Or the third idea is you show her this photo and ask her a question about something on the side so that you can, or ask her about those pink shoes,

go like question. May I do an overtime? Yes, go ahead. Here's my quick overtime pitch. Have your wife wedgie her butt exactly like this picture. And then to both of them, when you're hanging out, say you notice something, which is that they both do the butt wedgie and kind of poke fun at both of them lightly. And your wife is then so then it feels like they're in it on a team.

I like bringing up that the then you would need the wife to say, all right, I'll agree to stop if she does because you don't know then being proud of the reason why I like your pitch is because I don't think she knows it looks like I don't think she does either. So I think it's a way to show her

what it looks like without being like. That's why I like your pitch. You're like cigarette prices. It's just a little, like, what are you gonna ask about cigarette price? This is a way where you go, you know, you say, my wife and you look at this side by side. Do the same thing, that's right.

Same butt. Okay, Erin. Erin, what are you thinking here? Where are you at here? Well, I don't think, honestly, my wife would, you know, pull that up her ass to take a picture or hang out. You know, I could do that. That's actually the second one I was going to go with because I'm going to go with the

cigarette price one, the first pitch. I'm definitely going to do that first and see if she even like notices like that her but anything else but cigarette prices yeah But then do this Aaron would you text it to her and what question would you ask? Um probably like something about like did Someone change the price of the cigarettes for Newport ports because they're supposed to be a different price, okay? And that would make sense now it makes sense with your job. That would be a normal question Yes, yeah, because we yeah, we do like we change prices at the stores and stuff

Constantly, so don't you say you get a customer maybe went in there and fucked around with the prices. Are you wrong or something like? Sure But I think that? Sure. Try that. Does that work? And I think that's fair to do that via a text. And maybe the only reason I'm saying that is because maybe we could then get a response and have it ourselves too. Because then she's seeing the photo. I think you're safe to do it in text because, look, she's either going to see it or she's

not going to see it. Yes because look she's either gonna see it or she's not gonna see it. Yes. This picture, our eyes do not go to the cigarette price. We both right away go, oh my god. Nobody's gonna look at the cigarette prices. Not even her. I would imagine even yourself unless she knows and she's made a choice that she you know. She might go god damn my ass looks great I've done it perfect I've pulled off what I'm trying to pull off and then God bless. Then yeah, then what are you gonna do? You got a friend who fucking does this.

That's the thing, sorry. And then that's a different call. Yeah, that's a different, by the way, you're a writer, then that's a different call. Yeah, you really have one option after you do that, which is the pull aside. Because, you know, this is kind of your first, like, is she gonna go, oh my God? Like, it's like an alcoholic seeing themselves blacked out in a picture.

It's like, oh god. That's right. Yeah. And so Erin, then, I think we know, but just for the fun of recapping, because I like a good recap, will you walk us through exactly what you're gonna do? All right I'm going to text her a picture of the picture I sent you guys and ask her about the cigarette prices and if someone changed the prices correctly or not and see if she notices that her pants are up her ass in the picture and hope for the best and Great I guess yeah, you know and Work that yeah, by the way if that doesn't work, then you call back. I definitely think we need a call back either way

I mean this is a very we're gonna know very quickly because here's what's not gonna happen It's not gonna be an immediate fix. She's not gonna go out and buy all new sweatpants She's not gonna text you my ass looks like that She's gonna privately freak out if she's disturbed but you're gonna really tell because that looks like a work outfit She looks comfy. She's gonna wear something like that again What you might see a couple days after that text is that nearly the same exact sweatshirt in that same getup? But just a little bit looser in the butt. And that's all we're looking for. We're looking for 10% better.

That's right. It's just such a strict ridge. Yeah, for all... Some wins on this show, we're looking for 100%. This is just, we're looking for one big step in the right direction. Yeah, and this isn't just because she has a big gray piece of fabric jammed up her ass, but the silver lining. Yeah, and this isn't just because she has a big gray piece

of fabric jammed up her ass, but the silver lining. That's what we're after. And so Erin, will you send that text and then will you please follow up with us in about two weeks or a month? This is important for the show. This one is important for the show. This one is, I feel that as well.

This is a big deal. I'm not gonna lie, Erin, this would make my work day harder. I also feel bad for her. I feel bad for her. This is a big deal. I'm not going to lie, Aaron. This would make my workday harder. I also feel bad for her. I feel bad for her more than even seeing ass crack. I feel bad. This is... I feel bad for Aaron. I feel bad for me.

You feel good for you. I'm so sorry. Maybe. Garrett is happy. Garrett likes seeing stuff like this. Now where are you taking this? Where are you going right now? Bye, Aaron.

Thank you for the call. Please going right now? Bye Aaron. Thank you for the call. Please follow us. Bye. Bye, thanks. Thank you. Hello. Hi there.

Hi. Thank you so much for having me on your show. You're very welcome. Thank you for joining us on the show, whoever you are. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please? Sure. I'm Rowley, I'm 37, and I'm in London. Rowley, we detected a London accent because I don't know who that is. Jake went to an international school.

International school. What part of London are you from, Rowley? Well, probably the same part where the sounds of it. I don't think so. I would there now. Jake, where are you from in London? Let's just... Where were you from originally? No, no.

Where are you from? And it's Rowley. Where are you from, Jake? Where are you from, Rowley? You're from Rowley? Gareth Stop. Yeah, me too. But what are you saying?

You're saying his name is Rowley? No, hold on a second. You're saying you're from, Jake? Where are you from, Roli? You're from Roli? Gareth Stopp. Yeah, me too. But what are you saying? You're saying his name is Roli? No, hold on a second. You're saying you're from his name? No, I'm simply trying to let the guest speak. Where are you from? Bridgerton.

Bridgerton. Hey, Roli, what can we do for you, sir? Okay, yeah, so I'm calling today because every morning when I get up, I go for a little walk around my neighborhood, like a 15-minute walk. And pretty much most days, if not every day, this old lady, she tracks me down and she just says the grossest stuff I've ever heard to me. It's so sexually explicit and disgusting. And I can't get her to stop. And I was wondering if you guys have any advice.

If her name is Pam, I'm going to freak out. Enough! Enough! Good Lord. So, okay, this is a great setup. How old are we talking is this lady? I'm not great with ages. I go for about mid-70s.

And we obviously, yes, great setup. We obviously need some examples of what she's doing. Before we get there, before we get there, so just so I can paint the picture a little bit, because this is a setup I do like a lot. Yes. You live in London, you go for a morning walk, you set a 15-minuter, you added an hour at the end of minute, which I appreciate.

You see a 70-year-old lady during your walk. The first time you saw her and she said something, how did that go? Do you wave at her? Like, how does this start? Where do you see her? What's the... Yeah, you've absolutely nailed it. So I moved here a couple of years ago now, and I was going to check out the neighborhood and there's this gorgeous little area that it looks like Hugh Grant should be doing a rom-com there. And I was walking through, everyone was really friendly, lots of families, and this lady was like,

she was smiling at me. So like as I walked past, smile back, you know what you do. And yeah, she just fired one off at me. And I'd say, as I hold buzz, smile back. You know what you do? And yeah, she just fired one off at me. And ever since, it's been a daily occurrence. What were you wearing, you little slut? Yeah. Tees.

Yeah. I had my miniskirt on and my bra. Those were your little boy short shorts. So what did she say? I think it was winter in London, to be honest. So I was probably wearing some pretty thick clothes. So what did this, that first day, what did this older woman say to you? Yeah, the first one is one of the only ones I can really say out like without just sort of pacifying it a bit because it's pretty gross. But yeah, the first one

I thought I misheard until it happened so many times and this became a theme. And so I was walking past her and I smiled at her and she said, shit on me. Oh my God. What the fuck? And that's become a real, it's become one of the two big themes of her. And for some reason, it only seems to be me.

In the neighborhood, I've seen her talking to other people She's been pretty active in the local church like she She doesn't seem I mean, I'm not gonna lie. She Visually, she probably unfortunately fits a few stereotypes It's something if my fire something off like that, but like what would the stereotype possibly be my man? Oh god the pigeon pigeon trench coat. Nothing underneath. Like I said, no, like I'd say she seems to look like if she, if I put you in any trouble,

I wouldn't like so enough and have a laugh about it. But like, like, I mean, I didn't know they look like they had an argument a long time ago and they're trying to stay as far away from each other as possible. And like, I wouldn't say dentistry is number one on her priority list. Well, I gotcha. Jake, scale of Wanda completely shocked by that. That was not what I was expecting. No, I wasn't expecting it either. No, me.

Shit on me? No. So, OK, so she walks by you, says shit on me. And what do you do? So I honestly, I thought I'd miss her that one. I like because it was so it was a little surreal. And then so but it was made pretty clear like the next few times when I went. Yeah, that was something she was pretty into as well as some other things that were extremely graphic

and just very demanding. Just to be clear, are there always kind of like things she wants you to do to her? It's pretty much to her what she wants to do to me. Yeah. So she's meeting up with you in a really weird way. Hold on, for anybody listening with kids, cover their ears, whatever you wanna do,

but we gotta hear. So what else is she saying? Yeah, let's roll. I mean, I'm not, I can't say the exact words because they're not, I just can't. Of course you can. But do you mind if I just say like, instead of first, like lesser or something.

Yes, you can get close to it, yes. But like, like one that was yesterday was, like yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes walk? This is my literally like how I start my day. This is not how we judge London mornings. Oh, and honestly, I've lived here a long time. It's not been my usual experience. Okay. And how often is this isn't happening every day? No, it's not. It's sort of like it. I'd say on average with it's like four or five times a week, like mornings a week. That is absolutely insane.

Yeah. Insane. There was a good two week period where there was none and it was just glorious. But then she came back with a vengeance. I got a question for you, big guy. Because she was writing new material. Yeah. When she says, F me and my dirty C, how do you respond? 30 times I just laugh because it was quite an extraordinary thing to like, they range, but that's pretty much the theme. Like it's along those lines and like, and then like them.

The worst thing I did was ask my friends what I should do about it, because now this has become, you know, every day what she said next. Like, yes, I like they very much wanted to continue I'm not loving it yeah agreed I'm split I'm split on this one personally I what I did once say to her like can you please stop saying these things to me that I'm really uncomfortable and she said you'd love it. You dirty little, you know what? Well, I mean, he did ask for that. I mean, she's dominating me.

She's fully dominating you. Does she, like, if you're, if you're trying to kind of walk away from her, does she seek you out? Yeah. Yeah. When this was happening, like fairly early on, I was like, I'm a bit numb to it now, I guess, but early on I was trying to really avoid this. Where I live, you can either go the nice way, which is this little walk and it's really charming, there's a rose garden and everything, or if you go the other way, it's just one of the main arteries into the center of the city, so it's madness. It's ugly.

So this really is the only nice little way. So I try and mix my roots up a bit or like there's this rose garden It goes through when I was trying to let go through different ways, but honestly You should be able to walk wherever you want to walk we are not victim blaming here You are allowed to take a walk without getting sexually harassed by this weird old lady And what and and like okay,, if we're being totally honest, it is absolutely fucking hysterical, but it is a version, it is harassment.

It is. I mean, it is like a sexual harassment. I mean, honestly, this woman is sexually harassing you in a park, it's funny because of what she's saying and that she's English and that she's 70. So what we're gonna do, Gareth, because we're gonna live in the funny because of this show. So he

wouldn't be calling us if it was a more serious thing. He was crying when he goes out. I'm not feeling violated. It's annoying. I am, but you're not. But that type of call is very real, and this is not the place to call for that. There's a lady who is saying shit on me Shit on me Have me in my dirty seat Have me in my dirty seat And when you're saying It's like she's in the house And when you're saying stop it, stop saying that, she's saying you know you love it

So yeah, we are in a situation now. Now it's making sense I don't think you should change your route. You're allowed to go where she wants. Now my question about her is, is she a, does she have a home or is she just kind of roaming the area? Yeah, she, she lives in one of the, like one of the buildings on this really nice square with the Rose garden in the middle. I believe she'd like, she sort of, um, she comes in and out of there. I mean, one

night or one random thing that happened is I was coming back for some drinks one night at about, I don't know, two in the morning and it was empty the streets and she just was standing there with, I think sandwiches wrapped in like tinfoil, like aluminum foil. And she was trying to give them to me. Now this could be my mother. You know what I'm doing? And I mean, I have to say that feels like that was a shit set. Aluminum foil and she was trying to give them to me. No, this could be my mother So this Before I met Gareth this happened to me with Pam

Jake come on It's just you don't you look the if I hope everyone could see his face the way he said it he delivered He's asked me in my character We're getting Jake the character. Yeah 69 stop it now, buddy. Come on now. You're at a pitch count your arms. I'm in love with you enough Really? It's very difficult This episode is brought to you by one eight hundred flowers Valentine's Day is coming up and for me there's only one place I trust. That's 1-800-FLOWERS.COM. Every year I order my lady friend, my wife, flowers from 1-800-FLOWERS and I do it because

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What are you noodling, Jake? My first thought is we need to be a little careful. This woman sounds actually scary. So my first thought was this. Maybe we play the game with her. Like I used to have a neighbor who would never listen in Atwater and he would just talk at me. And then what I started doing is as he was talking at me,

I would talk at him and we would have the weirdest conversation of nonsense. And it would just, I was just trying to make myself laugh where he would literally go like, you know, my back frowns fell two feet into your yard and I'll go, I love salami sandwiches with mustard. And then he would go, well, the winds are coming east to and everything the other one said was insanity, but it made the experiences more fun for me.

Yeah. What I wouldn't do with this is you could get yourself in a spiderweb that you can't get out of. We might be dealing with, like, a really dangerous character. Well, I like the idea of maybe just talking about, like, things you have to get from the grocery store over her to sort of drown it out. The thing that scares me is the...

cookies in the tin foil. Yes. That made me think Baby Reindeer. foil. Yes. It made me think baby reindeer. Okay. Yes, absolutely. I've got a fear. Am I out of line to think that we could be, okay, talk me out of that situation.

I do like the, like, just waffling my own nonsense right back at her. The only thing is the one time I did say, it's where like, can you please stop? And she just kept saying stuff to me. It sort of made it look like now I... When my neighbors were walking past, now I was having a conversation that involved this stuff for us and me just having it said at me. Right. I get that. It's like, now I'm involved. What you could do is just every time it happens, let out a yelp and try to like, like it physically has hurt you.

And like, like if she would just be like, hey, ready? No, but I think, but I think she's going to turn that into you like it. Don't you? Here, here are my pitches. Let me throw something out based off of that. What do you think about a handwritten sign that says, stop, this is gross? Well, I can as much as I love it, so like her seeing it, I do feel like when I'm walking around all the kids in the playground in the Rose Garden, it's gonna look like I'm maybe the problem

Yeah, you know, okay, okay, okay, here's what I got sorry Here's my first one just say you're a cop When she does I'm a cop. You can't do, I'm an office, try something like that. That's my first one. And the other two I had were kind of nixed out. The other one is AirPod.

Just wear AirPods and make sure you're playing something and listening to it when you walk by and make it very obvious to her that you have them in and that you're listening to something else. I've got an idea. I wear over the ear heads. I wear like big over the ear headphones and that's still that she doesn't like not a no problem. Yeah. But you can hear her through that? Oh, I sure can. Yeah. And they're really annoying in the way they let you hear what's behind you. So when you I walk past her, it's just perfect. Like, here you go.

I'm gonna go off something, cause I kind of like the I'm a cop thing. The thing I'm gonna pitch off that is maybe film her. Ooh, that's good. That's very good. And here's what I think it is like, and it's gonna be weird at first, but if she goes like, what are you doing?

You could say like, I'm a reporter and I'm gonna report all this. This is insane behavior. Or evidence. I mean, you don't wanna make it too, yeah. What do you think, Riley, when we say that? I like that, yeah. Cause when I knew I was gonna speak to you guys,

I was like, should I take a picture? But I felt a bit bad about that. Like, cause I'm not sure how she's doing. But if it's just for her own sort of like, maybe I't be doing this I think it's a pretty good idea I've got a weird I've got a weird turn on this and this could be a mistake what if you ask her if she's willing to be a subject of a documentary I think over engaging what do you think Rolly I think that sounds like the start of a Netflix documentary in which I'm found in her sink or something.

You're right. You're right. I just think she seems like such a character. I want to get that camera on her, but I don't think you're wrong. The soft version of that is the one you pitched, which is the filming of her. People... I change with... One of the worst things about today is the level of filming everything and everyone, but this can really play to your advantage. I don't think this woman is going to want to be on camera

saying some of this shit, and if she does, great for the show, we can hear it. I do think it kind of gives this element now of like, you're not just throwing this away to me. Yeah, this is captured. But it's the same idea of you are magnifying the bad behavior. So, there's another idea going off of that, the idea of like an amplified mic, you know,

like an air horn. What about if you have someone on FaceTime and when she comes up you show them her doing it, like you're sharing it with another person? Or have you ever thought about taking a walk with someone else and just seeing if she does it in front of others and even pointing her out to that person like when I'm with my partner yeah so when I walk with my partner she just said like and yes she just says nice things to her like can we be friends way yeah just about you. It's very strange. Well, maybe I'm one of a few.

I don't know how well, but it feels like it. Okay, so then I think... Okay, go ahead. What if you put a few signs in the park that are almost like, you know, those guitar lesson ones where you kind of can rip off a number for a guitar lesson? How about an email that says, have you been harassed by an old woman in the park who says dirty things to you? Put a few of those up and maybe you get a few people together and you could find a community and worst case to her, she's like, oh shit.

And then you guys could all go there one day? Yeah, but then there's like, yeah, there's something you can all go confront her or something. I think there's something interesting about that. She lives right on the park. So that's pretty interesting. Yeah, I like that. Because what you could do is if you got more than five people, you could go outside of her house together. Or just take the morning walk together. So she knows you know. So it'd be a strange group to get together.

That'd be a strange group. And then if you guys all saw you had similarities to each other, it would just weird it out too. You're like, we all wear our jeans in the same way. It'd make you ask questions that you don't want the answers to. I'm really, I like Gareth's things about maybe forming a community,

but I'm really leaning towards having your phone out and as you round get near her house, start recording and just put it out. And as soon as she says something, you point it at her. And if she just says, what are you doing? You just say evidence. I like that a lot. And I think maybe it would be a good way to start with that.

And then if that's not doing it, go with the signs. And then it seems like I've started with gathering evidence and now I'm sort of looking for allies. Because all she's gonna do and she says that is Nobody wants especially if they're quietly doing this to you. They don't want it public. I agree. Yeah, so you're just saying There's something happening here goofy that you don't know about but I'm getting evidence Yeah, I'm bringing it to a podcast Yes, I'm doing to our podcast and you're damn and that's not an empty threat

You are and so I think there's something to that. I Think so too. If you feel good about that one, I think that's a good start So really walk us through your official game plan And if you're not gonna do it then we can keep pitching because we want to get you out of this situation You should be able to walk. it. I really like this. It hadn't occurred to me to film her. It had only been to go to my partner, but I like that a lot.

I think that's pretty confronting. And I think if that doesn't work, there's loads of signs around that park all the time that people check out. I think that's a great idea too. Just start an email address for her. And then, ooh, you should start an email address for sure But if she gets over it great whatever those texts

Getting getting harassed over emails better than in person Yeah, imagine if she emails about herself like now this is Netflix I've been harassed by a two. Let's meet at a cafe One person emailed back and it sounds out to be And then you meet her in a row late at night. That's her Sandwich in a So do us a favor on this one one keep yourself safe Don't go near the fire on this one and to follow up with us in a few weeks, please

Yeah, definitely. I really appreciate your what are When are you going to pull the trigger on this? Tomorrow. Oh, well, yeah, I'm guessing either tomorrow or the next day, given the odds. But just have that phone ready, because what you don't want is you don't want to, after she says, shit on me, you then hit record. Have it rolling in your jacket. It's rolling. I would have it out, and I would have it rolling 30 seconds before you see her.

I agree. Walk by her with it. And then if she does say hi, you say hi. But even like whatever. As soon as she says it, you then let her know you got it on tape. It's changing who you are to her, which is good. And all of a sudden she's going, fuck. I got to find a new guy to I gotta find a new time me and my dirty city and what we might

Like what we might want to do is if she stops harassing you you've mentioned being up near a park near kids a lot We might want to black put her on blast a little bit and put signs up over as the Call number two saying like be careful of this lady You know let's just get on the show And call number two, saying like, be careful of this lady, you know. Let's just get on the show. Third, Berg is out, she's our third co-host. We love her. She's awesome.

She and Berg host one when we're both too busy. I don't know if that's, I mean, coming from me, that pitch is a little off. Fuck me. It's a little strange. All right, Samantha, no more pictures for a minute. They're all shitting on you. All right. Well, we appreciate it and follow up with us for real So you are gonna do the camera? Yep, definitely. Yeah

Let us know And rolling maybe call us before you do the Forming a community you do the formula community. Oh, can you help me write it? That'd be yeah, maybe we can help you write it. We can talk that one now because we don't want to get you in a danger zone with that one. Okay, that sounds good. Thanks guys.

I love it. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Hello. Hello. Hi. Welcome.

Hi. Welcome back. Hello. Hello. Hi. Welcome. Hi. Welcome back to the show. Thank you. Can we get your name, please? It's Erin. Erin. And Erin, could you remind us what your problem was?

Should we do a clue and try to guess, Jake? No? Yes. That could be fun. Erin, can you give us a clue and can we try to guess? Sure. It had to do with the fact? Yeah. Yeah, it could be fun. Aaron. Can you give us a clue? And can we try to guess? Uh, sure It uh had to do with um pants

Oh, was it a woman whose pants were up her butt and you work with her? Oh, that is Good game, the clue's fun. Oh, I've been reliving this wedgie. And so, yes. So you had a coworker who pulled her sweatpants off her butt. And can you tell us what our pitch to you was? I couldn't. I can't imagine what we would pitch in this situation? Well, you said to Mention like something in the picture like a cigarette Bigger at prices or something right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good pitch

Taking a picture of a wedgie giving myself a wedgie or something and bringing it up or my wife. The way you're talking about his pitch makes sense. By the way, Aaron, it's really demeaning the way that you came. You had a lot of mustard on Garen's pitch and then when it comes to my pitch it was like a blah blah blah, take. Take a picture of what you what I suggested was that you show a picture of your wedgie. And you're like, can you believe I'm walking around like this? By the way, not a bad pitch, actually.

Well, tell that to Aaron's attitude. So, Aaron, what did you decide to do? Um, I went with the first one about the picture. Um, but instead of asking about the cigarette prices, I asked about like her shoes saying, like my wife wanted new athletic shoes. And that's why I had to take care of it. Will you read the actually, do you want to read them, Aaron? Or do you want, how about this?

You read what you wrote, Garethareth you read the response can't wait Okay, but I Okay, I'll read you you read awesome. Okay. Yo forgot. I took this pic during Map because I was gonna ask what shoes you were wearing because Steph needs new athletic shoes and didn't want to interrupt While you were on the computer entering numbers. What are they? Those are from Lulu Lemon.

I got them on sale. Let me see what they're called. Man, I was clenching my butt. WTF. Oh, gee, I didn't even notice. I'm dead. Oh, this is awesome. We're back, baby.

We're back. This is an amazing win! We needed this. Yeah, it was, it was, it kind of... Oh wait, it goes on, it goes on, it goes on. Oh, there's more. Yeah. And then she wrote, go ahead Gareth. They were called the Chargefeel Low Woman's Workout Shoe,

but I think I got them hella cheap because they aren't carrying that kind, but the Blissfeel shoes by Lululemon are really popular, too They're not any more expensive Than like popular nike shoes, even though they say lululemon sounds good was your response link. Yes Okay, is that it is there more? Um, well there and then she said more about these shoes that like honestly Who cares about these shoes? I don't care about these shoes and uh, I just kept saying like sounds good and then We actually did a project together

To the past two days and she she she came up to me asking about if I like looked at the shoes and I was Like, I don't know what you're talking about the shoes and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. She said the Lululemon ones and she's like, didn't you look? And I was like, oh, oh, yes. OK, so all right. So that makes sense. So you got caught in the weeds in the shoes. You always got to remember the main lie, but that's fine.

You got yourself out of it. Then you could also say to a certain point, I passed them on to my girlfriend, her wife, whatever she is, she out of it. Then you could also say to a certain point I passed him on to my girlfriend or wife whatever she is. She's handling it now the real question and The only thing that fucking matters on this whole call is how has the butt crack been? since this text exchange It hasn't been as bad as That picture that picture. That picture is brutal, but

it is. It is really. But they are still just a tad high. And now I got the shoe problem where she's coming at me with those. But I think she had so the but still in this year. Now she's always

talking shoes. Yeah, I think I should Probably be able to be like hey, it's up your butt again, and she'd be fine with it Okay, she's gonna really keep going on with these shoes, and I just I don't you know what you can do now I got a pitch go I got one too Now you can say jokingly Hey, you clenching? That's what I was gonna say is,

now you can take pics and go, hey, the clench is back. Yeah, but you don't even, Gareth, you don't have to take a pic. Yeah, show her. She needs to see this. Because now all you have to say is, uh, are you a little stressed?

Why? Because you're clenching. And now she knows what it looks like. She does, but Jake, let me ask you this. What gets you to want to get in shape faster? When someone says, you look like you're packed on a couple pounds. Or when you see yourself sitting in front of a plate of spaghetti, you have four chins and you're a big fat piece of crap.

Well, how about this, Gareth? If I was sent this photo once, I wouldn't keep following up with the shoes. That's very true. So we're dealing with a wild animal. We're dealing with... So she even after this is still clenching a little bit. I cannot... It honestly looks like she's re-looking at the picture now as Rob is forcing us to.

It really looks like a second crack is almost for like yeah Jake can I use a term I don't want to use? Yeah. Butgina. It almost looks like a butgina form. Gross. The fabric has formed a butgina. Don't gross me you laughed. Stop. vagina. Don't gross me. You laughed. Stop. So Aaron, here's where, here's where I feel we are. I feel like we didn't solve the problem with the pitch. So what we can do now is try plan B and that is when you see the wedgie and the clinch, just say clinch.

I mean, I think clinch is it's because she won't clinching. I know, but it's she she wrote. I didn't realize I was clinching my butt so much. She think this is like a muscular issue. Like the issue is why is it rammed up there? Yes Well, the clenching might be eating the pants. It looks like it's eating It looks like what a black hole does so I wouldn't all the energy around it I would Aaron do you feel comfortable next time she's clenching saying just fyi You're clenching

Absolutely, because I think now because of the tax and the shoes You she told you about the clenching you didn't So now you could say because you brought that up now. I can't stop seeing it Can I can I do one more? Yeah? let's Because it looks like you're you know, I forget what kind of store this is or whatever, but I'm sure it's the type where if you know there's someone who passes bad checks or shop lists, their picture ends up on the wall or something like that.

Let's do a picture of this and say, have you seen this clench? And put it in front of where only you and other people who work there can see. Now, only you and her can see. Only you and her can see. But by the way, take away her face and everything, so it's literally just a photo. It's what Rob has, which is horrifying.

But it's just a photo of the top of her butt to the top of her hamstring. Yes. And it's just, don't be a clencher. Don't be, yeah. How about, got clenching issues, question mark? Dial 1-800-NOMO-CLENCH. Yeah.

What do you think of something like that, Erin? Absolutely, actually. Okay. So we've given you a couple of ideas. One is to get a photo of just the clench, give it to her as a joke or put it on her desk with something funny on it. So you guys could have a laugh where you say like, no more clenching, something like that. Two, when she's clenching, bring it up to her and try to make it a little bit of a conversation

where that she could say to you like, Hey, as a friend, do I have a bugger in my nose? She could be like, Hey, am I clenching? And you go, yeah, why don't you try taking the pants down a little bit? And then she goes, does it help? You go, it helps so much. Because she might, you know, I don't know what my butt looks like. I'm not looking in the mirror from behind. It doesn't look like that. You don't have a butt, Jenna. I hope so. But if I did, I would like someone to tell me. Absolutely. And you would adjust. That's why I just want to say very quickly, the pitch was good. It got her to acknowledge.

It's just for some reason. Yeah, for some reason she was like, choose of the headline. Yeah. So, so Erin, we're getting back to the end of this. Tell us what you're gonna actually do here to get yourself out of this situation. I am actually going to say like, hey Barb, you're clenching. Cause we have that kind of like funny kind of mentality

with each other. That's why she said something about clenching. Cause she's wild like that, for real, it's funny. So why don't we do this next time she clenches, tell her and let's see if it gets it better because I've got a feeling we've started to get towards a solution, but it's going to be a multi-attack effort. So we started with the photo, but that didn't quite do it.

But you said it got a little better. Now if we start commenting on it, I think it's going to get a little better. And then last, we could put the photo up and say like, don't be a clencher. Absolutely. I know it's the second time we've been confronted with it, but I can't get over what she's doing back there. Yeah, I agree.

I mean, it is shocking what is going on back there. Shocking. Like you would, you can't wear that style of pant and do this and think that this is not visible. Shocking. It's unreal. It would ruin my day at work. I, it would.

If I saw that level of clenching. Like this, it is so bad that the nickname clench should be what happens. It's like that level of clenching. Like this, it is so bad that the nickname clench should be what happens. It's like that level. So then what's defined what a clench is? So not just in terms of butt eating pants, but for the language of the show, what is a clench? When you're pushing too hard?

When you're pushing against yourself too hard? It's when you have eating your rammed up there and are flexed. I mean, she looks like, yes, that's a touch of it. Yeah. You know what it is? It's not just that she has a wedgie. It's that she's tightening her butt. She's trying to show the strength of her buttocks off.

She's the best. She's awesome. I'm turning my thing. For now on, wear stretch bands, give yourself a wedgie, and flex your fucking butt cheeks. This is what I was just thinking. If I worked with her, I would be like, this makes the day go faster. Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. I would be like, what in the actual fuck is happening back there? I wonder if the photo of that, just the quenched butt should be merch. That is just called the clench. So anyway, Erin, will you follow up with us? The clench is great. Will you follow up with us?

Because I want this to work for you. So do I keep us posted? Absolutely, I will guys Thanks, all right It's it's unreal We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon

at patreon.com slash Here to Help Pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler. Themed song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strilecki.

And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentholds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Very much my sweet wind I love you, love you, love you I'm always thinking of you I love you very much Mrs. Wed Oh, how I love you, Mrs Gingerbread I'm always thinking of you

I have met you thinking of me too Oh, how I love you, Mrs. Gingerbread You're the perfect little cat just for me I'll love you, love you, love you I'll always thinkin' of you And I will be falling too, empty Before we do empty Oh, how I love your Mrs. Gingerbread On your well-fed sit two triangle shaped pews

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