We're Here to Help - 172: Babe on Men & Do It For Thailand

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Jake and Gareth help a caller determined to use a surprising nickname. Later, they encourage a teen driver to face her anxiety. Plus, the follow-up to Ep 147 "Cooking in Soup," with a surprise appearance from New Girl's David Walton, aka Jake's "Robe Guy."See caller images here!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Gemini. Oh, Jake, it is. To us, Gemini was an American gladiator. But not to the kids of today. We're talking exams, essays. This is stressful stuff. We went through it. We were on our own. But Gemini is offering something really great for college students. So if you are a listener of We're Here to Help and if you want a little extra help, Gemini Advanced is now free for college students in the United States of America. Sign up before June 30th and you'll get free access all the way through spring finals

2026. So Gareth, when you use Gemini, which we both use, what do you use it for and what do you like about it? There's sometimes like if there's a topic that I think I want to do stand up on or if there's sometimes like if I'm writing something for my other show, it's just like a way to kind of have something. It just gives you all the information and right away you go oh okay now I actually get this now I can personalize it visit Gemini dot Google slash students to learn more terms apply but crispy strips are now at McDonald's tender juicy and its own sauce would you look at that well you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious.

New McCrispy Strips, now at McDonald's. Ba-da-da-ba-ba-ba We just got another email as we were doing this from a woman named Desiree. Okay. Subject, a great idea. Uh oh. Fellas and Nat attack. You're now officially in the emails, Nat. How does that feel, Nat, attack?

It's been happening. It's been happening a lot. It's pretty good for you. I have a phenomenal idea for the bride in the most recent episode, 171, the one with the father-daughter dance. So literally the one that dropped today. You could take the clip of Campbell talking about

why her dad is so great, including the story about how he supports her anxiety, and maybe even you guys responded, and lay it over a song intro that they could dance to, whether it's his style or hers. We did this in high school for our dance teacher after dancing with her for 17 years with quotes and talked about how great she is.

And let me tell you, not a dry eye in the house. Highly recommend. I can't find the one we did, but I recorded a quick example. Wow. Let me see if this works like this. Okay, I can't find it. I was picturing techno.

Can you hear? I'm gonna do what I remember. It's two like over little wonders by Rob Thomas. All right, let's see what happens. I am a dancer. I believe that we learn by practice whether it means to learn to dance, by practicing dancing, or to learn to live by practicing living.

Martha Graham. And then we let the rest of the song play out, and I think we did voiceovers over other instrumental parts. And it was a hit, so I would recommend to Fred. She should do it. Well, let's reach out to her, the woman from The Caller today, and see if she wants to do this,

because then we can get her the audio. What do you guys think? What do you think of that pitch? I like the pitch. I like the idea that it's maybe over a beat. So it's kind over like a beat. Yeah. So it's kind of like a little like of a like, and we're like hearing what we're saying

over that for an intro. So it feels musical. This might be technically really hard, Nat Attack, and if it is, we don't have to worry about it. But can you replay the stuff of her telling that anxiety story with Gareth beatboxing and see if we could just create a version we send to her right now?

How weird do you wanna get in it? You want me to play that section of the episode right now? Right now, and then if we can, with good audio so that Gareth can do as a scat man, improv man, jazz man, give us a little taste. And then we can send her the thing and go, are you interested in this?

Because our friend Desiree had a great idea. Oh my God. Well, I'd have to find where in the hell in the episode that little segment was where she was talking about her anxiety story, you know It sounds like you're making that sound very hard. I Mean you can just drop me a generic beatboxing track and then we can line it up later Let's do that. You're her attitude. Would you did you feel that? Yeah, I did You started it girls. Would you guys stop fighting? Jake? Don't I did. You started it. You started it. Girls, would you guys stop fighting?

Jake, don't do that. That's so 99. Yeah, I don't mind faking a beat. Will you give a taste of a beat and then we'll say really quick to start it, I'll give a little intro, drop the beat and then we'll see what happens. So ready?

Okay, yeah. Before we do this father daughter dance, we want to throw to something really special that a young woman said about her dad and her man. G-Man's going to drop a beat over. So this is a conversation that really happened, folks. G-Man, take it away. Maybe take your hands away from your mouth. I couldn't really hear it. Well it's recorded really good over here.

Okay so as long as we can actually hear it, because I couldn't hear a it. Well, it's recorded really good over here. Okay, so as long as we can actually hear it, because I couldn't hear a lot, I just see how confident Garrett is. Your eyes were making me think you heard it. At first I didn't hear anything, then there was a piece in the middle that was sounding pretty good. So Natalie, can you try cutting that

to putting that over that clip and sending it to her? Better than Kanye's new stuff. Yeah, see if it works. Wait, anything's better than that. But I'm not going to actually do it. I'll ask our editor to do it. Yes, of course. But yes. Yes, we can try. I don't know what Gareth is doing, so it's going to be a real surprise. You can talk to me too, Natalie. I'm right here. You don't need to talk about me like I'm not here, Natalie. Guys, please.

Jake, Jake, don't be that guy either, because now you're just making it seem worse than it is. Now you're doing that thing where you're acting like a thing happened and it didn't, so don't do that either, please. You and Natalie are fighting, not you and me. I'm fighting with a lot of people. I think everybody's fighting here. Jesse, sign on, I with a lot of people. I think I want to

yell at you too. Excuse me. Everybody's yelling at you anyways. Yeah that's exactly right. Hey Jesse how you been? Good. You don't have to be here. All right. Shall we start the show? I agree. You guys, you didn't say without further ado. Hello. Hi. Hi, welcome to We're Here to Help. We're going to solve whatever this is. Just want you to know that.

I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Can we get your name, please? My name is Vijay, like Victor James initials. Okay, Vijay. And where are you calling from, Vijay? I'm actually down in San Pedro, California.

Beautiful. Beautiful. And you get in the water over there in San Pedro, Vijay? Your water guy? I mean, I'm on the water right now, technically. Kind of ties into my call. Very interesting. Rough age here, VJ?

What are we dealing with? Early 30s. Yeah, OK. All right. Jake, any animal questions for VJ? Should we just get in? Let's get in. All right, VJ.

What's going on? OK, so you guys seem like the guys that could help with this. I have recently started calling all of my like guy friends and guy colleagues, babe. I started referring to them like, Hey babe, thanks for that. Thanks, babe. And most of them are cool. All of my friends are cool. My issue is the smaller one is my wife doesn't love it because I call her babe she's getting used to it so that's that's kind of resolved itself but the other one is where I work which you're asking you know if I'm on the water I actually work on the USS Iowa it's a battleship museum down in you know down in the port and a lot of my colleagues, or staff, or whatever,

are all old white guys. Some of them are retired admirals, retired captains. They're all pretty high ranking, most of them. And they have not responded to Babe, as well as I would have hoped some of them were fine But I would say about it's like Sammy Davis It's good, oh babe how'd that tour go that's great And and I'm just looking for maybe some advice how to get them. You know on the babe no

No, you're not jay. I mean hold on now look. Yeah I you know, do you burg and I call each other babe? Yeah, we call each other babe a lot and I remember one time I was like dating a girl and and it's like you could see the text on the phone and it was like Babe had the best hike or something like that and she was like what's going on? I was like no you could see the text on the phone and it was like, babe, had the best hike or something like that. And she was like, what's going on? I was like, no, it's Steve Berg, I swear to God. I just had it with Damon Wayne Jr.

because he and I always pretend we've been in a very long affair with each other. But it's always just privately with he and I. We were just talking on a Zoom, FaceTime, but I didn't realize his wife was driving. And midway through he just showed and I had to say like, everything I said was a joke. I'm apologizing, I didn't realize his wife was driving and midway through he just showed and I had to say like oh everything I said was a joke. I'm apologizing. I didn't want you to hear that but VJ. I got a question for you pal

Yeah Because I get this I hear where you're coming from I've also experimented with this stuff my dad used to call people grown men baby face and sweetheart Sweetheart is the full when you do proco grown men, baby face, and sweetheart. Sweetheart is the full, when you do Proko, say sweetheart. But he says it to grown men and it worked. My brother and I experimented with doing this

and it did not work for us. So what was the moment when you decided you wanted to try babe on men? Which is a move I agree with, I love it. Babe on men. Why and what happened? I would say it was probably, probably like a month ago, give or take, I tried.

I introduced it with my friend group first, we're just like friends. Went over, awesome. Everyone loves it, everyone's calling each other babe now. That's great. So I thought to myself, why not bring this into my professional life? Try it here.

The first person I tried it on worked great. Older, retired guy. He already calls people baby all the time. Guys and girls, a little problematic, but he means well. And then so like perfect. It's working. This is great. And then I went to a, I don't want to say their name, but he's a retired captain. And I was like, hey babe, can you help me with the tour coming up? And he looked at me like I was a crazy person. That I was missing ahead. And I was like, oh, that's not great.

So I felt it out since then, like I said, about a month, give or take. It's, I had mixed results. But I think the people that like it, really like it. And I feel like if these guys can kind of get past this discomfort, they would also really truly enjoy it as well. I think it's better for the world. Veejay, that might be a jump though at the end, Veej.

Eh, you know. It might not be, but so what is the specific question then? How we can help get you to be able to say, babe, to the old retired captains at work? Well, I'm gonna say it no matter what, but what can I do to help them come to terms with it? You know, that they can start to enjoy it and embrace, babe. Well, you're gonna do it no matter what, which is interesting, Garrett.

It's tough. I mean, look, first of all, Vijay, look, I respect the fact that you've dug your heels in and you're gonna start calling people Dave. Oh, also something that I totally forgot to mention. There is a weird pyrodynamic because they are all, high-ranking retired guys, and most of them are, but I am in charge of them at work.

They are mine. I don't know of them at work. They are mine. I don't know if you're allowed to call them babe. Vijay, I hate that for this. Babe said so much worse. I hate that for this. It complicates it a little bit. It complicates it a lot a bit, Gareth. Because now you're the boss calling employees babe.

It's like Mad Men. The male, only the guys. Even then, I mean, think of the world we live in. You can't, it's not, it's, I think. Yeah. Look, I can give you the pitches I wrote down before we heard that. You might just have to, if we want to stick with it, I mean, it's up to you. No, let's hear the pitches. Okay. The first pitch is, you gotta go worse than Babe to make Babe seem appealing.

Give me an example. Shuggy. Walk me through that. Hey, honey pie, I was just, uh, hey Shuggy, can you do me a favor and can you clean the glass on the flag memorial? Can I pitch on your Shuggy pitch? Yeah, you can Shuggy. VJ, what if you did this? What if you called, you were pretending to be on the phone

with a friend in front of them and you said like, Matt, how you doing? And then you go, all right Shuggy, thanks so much. So that they hear that Shuggy is an option. So then when you see them and you go like, hey babe, give me one second and then I can go over that paperwork. And then you get on the phone and you go,

I'm sorry Shuggy, I'm just finishing up with a work here. Let me call you right back. So they go, babe's bad. This fucking guy might be calling a Shuggy soon. Or honey pie. Or honey, let's close with babe. I mean, I've said worse things over the phone to my friends. So that makes sense.

You can say honey. No, it's Battleship. Sorry. What are some of the things you've said over the phone to your friends? You just say I'm on a battleship. That's what the noise is. Well, that's there's a there's there was a noise above me.

I don't know if you heard it. We're doing me then. All right. Okay. All right. Go ahead. That's cool. What were you saying?

Jake? What are some of the other things you've called your friends over the phone? Sweet stuff, hot pants. Hot pants is good. Sweet lips. Baggy jeans is one that I call my friend. What a nickname.

I think that that can work. You know what else you could do? Is you could have a friend show up to your job and You could call each other babe a lot so it normalizes how much you're using babe So it shows them that you and your regular life for a babe guy I mean that's I would have to drag a friend down here, but yeah, that's doable. How bad do you want your babe dynamic? Bad enough to call in the podcast. Yeah, I mean, VJ, you might have to log some hours. I mean,

you're talking to guys from the greatest generation and you're acting like bringing a friend to your work is going to battle. Yeah, that's a good point. You're right. That's a good point. Let me pitch something else. I really, really like the nickname Baggy Jeans.

One of the best nicknames that I've heard in a while, and something that I gotta figure out somebody in my life who's gonna be called Baggy Jeans. Edelstein. He'll hate it. He'll kill me. It's gonna be something I'm not afraid will kill me. What if you just gave them all individual nicknames rather than babe that were less sexual

and less intimate and more weird like baggy jeans? Yeah. So they were just Euro weird nicknames because there's something about fighting for our country and then fighting for your life as you age to have a younger boss call you babe, because like, I didn't fight for this country to be called babe at work on a retired battleship.

I know, babe. But if I'm called dirty socks, I'll go, I don't even know what that means. That feels almost more derogatory than babe though. Well, maybe we find- I don't disagree, take away dirty. What did you call his pitch his pitch? His whole mistake was dirty VJ. You're right the pitch at the core is let's move babe is

Baby is like again. It's like wait. Yeah go You're telling me these are retired captains some of them are a lot of them are lower ranking but the Some of them that have reacted not so positively are the higher ranking ones. Hey babe, you know it's a great nickname that I've been called and given to people in the past. What's up captain? Captain. What's up soldier? Well I already call the guys that are captains I do already call captain or cap. So cap works.

But here's what I'm saying. I think you're trying to force babe where it's not a natural fit. Your friends, of course, they're babes. Of course, they're sweethearts. Of course, they're baggy jeans. The guys that work have natural nicknames, captain, soldier, lieutenant. Private. Private, chief.

You have an ocean of nicknames right here, but I'll tell you what they're not doing on a, if you think about it, especially on a ship, if these are Navy guys, you're stuck on a ship underwater. I don't want somebody calling me cute ass. So I think you might be touching into something. So when my dad did it, when he would do these nicknames, first time I ever saw it was outside of Wrigley Field and he was trying to park and he said it to the valet guy.

He said, hey, good looking. Could you park this car to the easy exit? And my brother and my jaws dropped. It was like a 45 year old tough looking black dude. And he looked at my dad and flirtedly kind of smiled back and said like, no problem, my man. And my dad goes like, thank you, thank. And I was like, what the fuck?

And I tried it with my brother when my dad wasn't around later, where I said like, hey the fuck? And I tried it with my brother when my dad wasn't around later, where I said like, hey, sweetheart, do you mind? And they looked at me like they were gonna murder me. Yeah. So I think that you got, I think in terms of reading the room, we've got an ocean of nicknames, man,

with anything war themed. Go ahead, Gareth. Well, I think you're right. I think it's like, you might not even, it might not need to be captain and sorry You know, it could be like big guy Tuffy like you can do stuff like that. That's maybe just a little more I Guess based in the alpha brain

Because I think you got to leave babe for play babes for outside those walls If you were working for him, then it is kind of a fun game to try to get away with being a babe guy. But you're saying that I should call my bosses babe. If you feel comfortable doing that. Yes. Wait, but VJ, but VJ, Gareth and you just nailed it. I don't think you could call somebody who works under you babe. I think you got gotta give them a nickname of power and the guys who you work under, you give them the flirty bedroom nickname. You give them babe. You could call people you work with renegade. Like you could come

up with a new name for each guy. But it's tough, it's about you respect them and they are more powerful and they are chief captain, renegade soldier, killer Rambo. Rambo's good. You call somebody JCVD? John Claude Van Dam. You damn right. Call somebody Rocky, call somebody Apollo.

Yep. Call somebody Mike Tyson, Big Mike. Iron Mike. Iron Mike. You work with a Mike? I work with about 13 Mikes. You guys all know my good iron Mike name. Mike guys are like that iron man name. Mike, Don, Jonathan, you know.

Well, hey guys, who remembers in the old video game Mike Tyson's punch out, who was the guy who had the rose in his mouth? Oh, uh. Remember? God damn it. He had like a little flair to him. Yeah. My guess is he was Italian. He was like a little Flamingo guy.

Yeah, he had that beautiful long hair. Yeah. Let me see. Because we could just come up with nicknames from Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Pull names from there and go from that. I like that. Gareth is now with these ideas, could you lean into the idea that people who work under you don't get the flirty ones and those friends and Don Flamenco. Don. He got a Don. Yeah. You got to work with a Don. Don Flamenco. You go Flamingo. Good idea. So what do you think about leaning in this direction that we're

going and it's a, you know, it's a little bit different than you. But it's more fun. But it's more fun. And I think they have more fun. It's more fun. And it's more safe. Yes. Yeah. It, babe, I used babe because it was fun. And now even if I pick all from say all from Punch Out, all one game, I have a different nickname for everyone through Punch Out. That's fun.

And I really like that. I think that's a, I think that's a big win. And I think once they get into that that they'll like that more than babe but I also really would ask you to lean in to calling your bosses sweet names and seeing how that goes. You got bald bull you got super macho man glass joe king hippo mr sandman. By the way glass joe. Soda pop inski.

Piston. Piston hondo. Docuus. Gabby J. kid quick. Bear hugger. So Piston, Hondo, Dacus, Gabby J, Kid Quick. Ooh, Bear Hugger. I mean, you got some winners. You got Mr. Dream, but you can't do that.

Oh, you got Little Mac. Look, we built this together, but this is way more fun than babe. Now you're assigning Punch-Out character names to the guys you work with. It's gonna feel less flirty and weird to them, and it's gonna feel more just kind of strange, but I think you're way more able to get away with that.

Just imagine this, VJ. That's way more fun. Imagine this, VJ. Babe outside of the boat. A guy, an old retired captain walks in, he's got a question for you, and you go, Mr. Sandman. Mr. Sandman, what can I do for ya? And then you go, ah, great tiger, talk to me. Hey, there's my great tiger, how was the weekend?

Yeah, you go, hey, little Mac, give it to me straight. Doc Luis, give it to me. Doc Luis. Hey, why don't you take lunch, Soda Pop Pinsky, take 30, enjoy your sandwich. Popinskie, get out of here. Uh-oh, everyone look alive. King Hippo's on the ship. Hey, uh-oh, uh-oh, here comes Glass Joe.

We got bald bald. Some of these are better than others. I agree. We're starting to scrape. Some will hurt feelings. Bald bald can't be a bald guy. It's got to be hairy. Yeah. Glass Joe has to be a super tough guy.

King Hippo needs to be very skinny. Skinny, yeah, like when you call a fat guy tiny. Yeah, exactly right. Piston Hondo, random. And then Little Mac has to just be, it can't be a big guy, but somewhere right in the middle. There's options.

I love it. VJ, you happy you're gonna do it? I'm absolutely gonna do it, but I will start calling my bosses, babe. Can you do us a favor? Yeah, I'm about to ask the same thing. You go for it. Well, look, we've put on all this work. It's gonna be great and you're gonna have to break these nicknames in.

It doesn't seem inappropriate for us to ask you to have maybe your phone recording a voice memo the first couple times you test a few of these out. And send them all and we can cut them together. And send them to us and let us hear kind of some of the reactions to this stuff. Or even if we don't get to a reaction, VJ, just, King Hippo, Mrs. Anne. I think if you just get that, that's great,

but how great would it be to hear some guy like, what? Incredible. What do you mean? Either way. Babe, I think this is a big win. Yeah, honestly, babe, I think we've done, we built this city together, but I think this works pretty well, babe.

Me too. I love it, I love it. This is gonna be good? I'll get back to you guys. Yes, you have to. Hey sweetie, we're gonna talk to you really soon. Thank you very much for the call. We loved it, honey. All right. Thanks, babe, I'll talk to you guys. All right, sweetie. We're going to talk to you really soon. Thank you very much for the call. We loved it, honey.

All right. Thanks, babe. I'll talk to you later. All right, cute ass. Talk to you later. All right. All right. Bye, good genes.

We'll talk soon. All right. See you later, cutie. All right. Kisses, babe. Bye, babe. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by the one and only Squarespace. Let me put it like this to the audience.

And they know, we've got a lot of comments saying, let me guess your show's sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, it is, by the by. But let me tell the audience something right here. If you're thinking about getting a website and starting, you don't know where to start, you're like, I don't know how to do it. Check out garethrents.com.

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and then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Hello. Hello. Hi, welcome to We're Here to Help. You're on with Jake, Gareth, get the boys. Can we get your name, please? My name is Sarah. Hi, Sarah Sarah. How old are you approximately?

43 43 and where you calling as a kid your puppy North Central, Pennsylvania will be a little vague there. Sure, we don't want people to know about this. It's going to be a scandalous problem. What do you do for work, Sarah? Can we ask you that? You can. It's a weird job.

Basically I work on slot machines, but the state of Pennsylvania won't let us call them slot machines, so I work on VGTs. VGTs. Which stands for Video Gaming Terminal. And what let us call them slot machines. So I work on VGT VGT stands for video gaming terminal. What do you do on slot machines? Are you doing the applied mathematics about who can win and how many you can win? Are you a technician fix? No, no, no, I'm just a technician that goes around and fix them when things go wrong with them. That's cool. So Sarah What can we do for you? wrong with them. That's cool. So Sarah, what can we do for you? So my daughter just turned 17. She has had her learner's permit for over a year now basically and she has been driving a total of one time. I really want her to get behind the wheel

of the car and practice driving so that she can get her license, but I don't know how to motivate her to do it. Oh my god, this is insane that she's not motivated. Her father was supposed to teach her, but he's not the most reliable human being in the world and hasn't been taking her, so it's now fallen on me. Yeah, okay. Wow, that is such, I, that is, yeah, because when we're 15 and a half, I mean all you're thinking about is yeah But also there's something about this generation and motivation, which is shocking. Mm-hmm Just don't want to do stuff. Yeah, it's different. Well part of it is

She has anxiety. So the one time that she did go I I wasn't with I She told me this I don't't know, like a month or two after it happened, but apparently she cried when she drove for the first time. She what? So I guess... Cried. She cried. Because the anxiety just got to her about being behind the wheel, I guess. But I'm like,

kid, the more you do it, the less anxiety you're gonna have like I get it's scary when you first started well I'm gonna tell you what we're not gonna do on this is we can't pitch sincere things about how to help a 17 year old with anxiety yeah so no I understand that so I'm just warning you to motivate and Yes, okay that makes sense. I mean my yeah, I just want ways to motivate her to do it Yeah, that's what I'm looking for like I get you can't help me with the anxiety. We can't have a big stuff But we could maybe get this kid wanting to drive. Yeah, I mean part of me thinks it is like, I mean, look, it is scary when you first start. And then you might want to, this is my first thought and this might be stupid, just start watching movies about driving. Maybe throw on The Fast and the Furious a little bit.

Something like that. I can tell Jake likes the pitch. My other thought is what if you came up with a reason why you can't drive and she needs to drive you somewhere? This is where I was thinking. And it's not like, let's say you hurt your wrist or your ankle and you need to go, you need to have her drive you somewhere you're not gonna go on the freeways but you're just gonna take her on like she's just gonna take you on a little simple route get her behind the wheel again there's something interesting about this what kind of town do you live in small town

suburban city where yet it's it's pretty small I mean the area where we are there's a decent amount of traffic There's some highways, but we're very like there's rural roads minutes from where we are Okay, so you we drive on and not you could get you could get your own roads pretty easily. Oh Yeah, yeah, okay, and What are three things is what are we calling your daughter? Or Flora For a Cora, of course, okay, what's something that Cora really wants? That you haven't said yes to yet. Mm-hmm

My kids really want cell phones. Mm-hmm. I'm saying hanging in the good for you. We'll do it good for you But it is a real cell phones. Mm-hmm. I'm saying. You're hanging in the, good for you. Won't do it. Good for you. But it is a real want. Yeah. And it's a real no. Yeah. Seventeen-year-old girl has some wants.

She is Sephora girl. What does she like? What does she think? She want to see, she want to see Taylor Swift live? She want to see Olivia Rodrigo or the great Billie Eilish? Who does she like? Um, no artists that come around here, unfortunately. But we're talking. We're talking. Right now we're in the beginning stages of a negotiation.

Right now we're just putting all the numbers on the... Right now we're at the beginning starts of a beautiful negotiation. Well, is there anything... I mean, there's got to be something that interests Cora. What is something that Cora wants? Oh my gosh. She's such a simple kid. Like she doesn't. That's the thing.

What did you get Cora for her last birthday? I really have to think about this. What was the big gift for Cora's last birthday? The biggest thing she got was a PlayStation 5 and that was like two or three years ago now. Okay. Does she have a job? She does.

What does she do? She can make her own money. Yeah, she works fast food. So like, that's why like her wanting something at this point. She she knows like depending on what it is I'll split costs with her because she can make her own money now Sarah how does she get to work? I Have to take her this is this is this is the thing she's gonna be going to college Hopefully she's planning on at the end of next year when she graduates.

And I don't want to have to be the one that has to take her to college. Right. I want her to be independent so she can get there on her own. Yeah. I don't know. This is a hard one. Yeah, I don't know. It's tough because-

We need to talk to her, I think, because we need to know what- because we could try to incentivize her. Well, look, here's- mean, here's here's the pitch. The first pitch is make it so she has to drive you somewhere. You've twisted your ankle. Would you be willing to do a fake injury? Yes, but I'm afraid how much that would freak her out. Yeah, she's got anxiety.

Also, she needs to practice. You can't do a fake thing and then she's only driven once. I honestly, Sarah, like... She needs practice. It's hard for us to say, force your teenager to drive a car. No, no, no, no. I understand. Honestly, you know what might work? She has listened to the podcast with me and loves you guys.

I'm wondering if you two just kind of gave her a pet dog. By the way, thank you. That's gonna work. Here's what we're gonna do. If that would work. What is her name? That's gonna work. Her name's Cora. Cause she'll be like so embarrassed that I called this show. Well, let's not shame her.

No, but I'm with you. I'm with you now. Let's make this the A side. That might like light a fire in her butt to get her behind the wheel. Can we do something? Hey mom, mom, can we do something? mom can we do something is? Cora is Cora home right now Wow this is big he is actually she might be asleep, but let me go I think it's worth waking her up and put her on the phone Waking up okay, great open the door. Let's hear everything that's asleep. No, she's waking up. Okay, great. Open the door. Let's hear everything that's going on.

This is going to be a fucking crazy thing. Now, I want to hear what you say to her. This just got way weirder. Actually, just hand her the phone. Throw water on her. No, don't throw water. Oh, sorry. Just hand her the phone.

Okay. All right, hang on. I have people on the phone that want to talk to you. It's fine. It's fine. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Good morning. Hi. Hi. Good morning. Hi. Hi, Cora. Were you napping? Yeah. Hey, Cora. This is Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds from We're Here to Help. Hi. Hello.

How you doing? How you doing? What am I doing? How are you doing? What did you say? How you doing? How you doing? What am I doing? How are you doing? How are you doing?

How are you doing? Currently a little sleepy. Yeah. How long was the nap? Ummm... What time is it? Uh, like three-ish hours. Wow! Any good dreams? Right home from school to nap. I love it

Yeah, I was pretty tired. No, I don't think I had any dreams That's all good hey Cora while we're in this like sleep state in between. Can I ask you a question? Sure, how come you don't want to practice driving? It just makes me anxious. It's very scary. I'll tell you what's great is once you get past that anxiety and you're fucking driving, kid, because you're gonna have to drive yourself to college. Your whole life you're gonna have to drive, you know? But one thing right now is you got a little bit of fear in front of you.

I think you gotta just face the fear and go through it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's what I think too, but I know it is but here's the beauty what I would do if I was you Can I just give you some stupid advice if I was you? Mm-hmm. I wouldn't practice on a highway I would go to like a country road and just drive up and down the street because guess what's going to happen? Every time you drive, it's going to get easier. Also, Cora, you have a rare thing in the dynamic right now as far as driving, which is you

actually have leverage over your parent. Big time. Which is rare. Why? Because your mom really wants you to practice. Your mom wants you to start driving a little bit more. So what you can definitely do is start to pick things that you want Yeah, what do you want Cora? Like and you can make her get them Like she'll sit in the car and you can go wherever you want

Cora you could do whatever you you could have you could say you know it helped me mom if you sang Beyonce while I drove Yeah, and go like I'm not joking. It helps my anxiety. You could say mom. Would you wear an eye patch while I drove and go like, I'm not joking, it helps my anxiety. You could say, mom, would you wear an eye patch while I drove? Yeah. She would go, sure, honey. Anywhere. Of course. Yeah, maybe I will do that.

No, not maybe. Let's figure something out. What would you like your mom to be doing? Extreme leverage. Yeah. What would you like? Now, is there something you want? Like, what's a gift you want?

Is there a concert you want to see? You like Billie Eilish? What do you like? Video games. I'm not sure. That's like something I think I'd have to think about. Okay. Well, this is what you should do. What would you like to see your mother do that would be really funny for you? Yeah. I bet if you drink tea like something like silly and goofy Yeah Well what you could probably do is you could probably convince your mom to wear a clown wig and a clown nose

And you could drive her through a drive-through and you could make her just order ketchup Would that be fun for you Probably yeah, okay, so we can start this is what I would recommend Cora Would that be fun for you? Probably. Yeah. Okay. So we can start. This is what I would recommend, Cora. Why don't you come up with a list of five things, five places you either want to go, they can be wherever, or five things you want your mom to do while you're driving that's

not going to distract you, but you do have a lot of leverage. So if you come up with this list of five, I bet you when you put your mom back on the phone, we can tell her about this and she'll sign off on it. What do you think of this, Cora? I think that this is a good idea. Let me ask you just something straight up. When are you going to start practicing driving? What did you say? When are you going to start practicing driving, Cora?

Because we both know, let's be honest with each other, you want to drive. Yeah. You don't want to be a 32 year old and go, I can't drive. You just feel a little anxious. It's not gonna. Can you do me a personal favorite? Have you ever listened to We're Here To Help? Um, probably, like... My mom probably has had it on before and I've heard it.

You don't really like it. Well, I don't think I've ever, like, given my full attention to it, but I've probably listened, like, in passing. Try some time and then give me five stars. Go ahead, Jay. So I'm gonna ask you to do me a favor and you have no idea who I am, right? So it's just a random voice in your ear. And maybe this isn't happening. Maybe this is a dream. Hey Cora, you might still be sleeping right now.

So when you wake up from this... I don't think I am. You might still be sleeping right now. So when you wake up from this weird dream, from a curly-haired man who looks like a... Like he's a JCPenney mannequin. By the way, it sounds pretty attractive. And he looks like he should be in an Annie remake as Annie. By the way, mixed with Mark McGuire. At least, at least.

Mixed with his new face. At least he drove here with clothes on. Go ahead, Jake. Here's how I would pitch the guy talking to you. If Mark McGuire and little orphan Annie was merged together. By the way. But dressed like a Jay-Z.

And he had a Ken. Mark McAnnie. Ha ha ha. Annie McGuire. Annie McGuire. Mark McGhany. Annie McGuire. Annie McGuire. So here's what I'm asking you to do as a favor to the show, to your mother and everything. As soon as we hang up, just go to your mom and say, I'd like to go driving right now and just drive for 10 minutes. That's it.

Will you do that? There's going to be a lot of people listening. This show is surprisingly, I'm not going to lie to you, there's people in Thailand who listen to it. There are people in other countries who are listening and you know what they all want to hear in a follow up? That you got your driver's license. I'm not kidding when I tell you there is, there'll be, we get over, we have millions

of downloads a month. This is a real thing. Millions. And they're going to, they're going to care if you, Cora, learn to drive. And when you get your driver's license, we're going to ring a bell and our audience is going to feel like this was a heartwarming moment. It's going to be like the Superbowl. And they're going to go like, there's gonna be,

on forums people are gonna be like, go Cora, you got it girl! And a bunch of people are gonna comment and email in going, that's a very real thing, I was nervous too. I was just gonna say. They're gonna go like, but she's just gotta do it because it gets really fun, and when you call in, everybody's gonna celebrate.

Everyone, when you first start doing this, has that anxiety, and it's not the last time. Right. But you definitely- That was deep. Wow. You started talking without a finish. I had a finish.

You started talking. I had a finish. You're going like this. A lot of people are going to feel, and then you're going like this. Man, I curled my hair. No, that's wrong. It's wrong. I mean, it's get, honestly, Jake, even Cor is sick of it.

And I wear a vest. Move to the vest. Work the vest, work the body. You only brought the vest because of the hair. Work the body. Okay, so Cora. The head's concussed. Cora, what do you think?

Are you gonna go today? I think maybe. Take away the word I think. Yes, maybe. No, that's not good. Here's what we're going to ask, Cora. In two weeks, we're going to follow up with you, okay? Okay.

How many times are you going to practice driving in the next two weeks? And when I tell you there's people in Thailand who are interested, I'm not kidding. When I tell you people in the Philippines are interested, I'm not kidding. When I tell you people in Ireland are interested, I'm not kidding. When I tell you do we have pretty good numbers in New York, we do. But also, Cora, remember, you also can have leverage with your mother. Your mother's going to sign off on wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do. So we're not going to you.

Are you going to make the people happy or are you going to let a little bit of anxiety win? We're talking millions of downloads, kids. I think I will let people be happy. Yeah, and when is it gonna start Cora? Not tomorrow. Fine today. And great.

And I would go to like some parking lot or something. No, by the way, a parking lot is practicing. That's great, that's perfect. Going in and out of the driveway, dear, is practicing. So Cora How many times are you gonna practice in a week and if you say up and down the driveway guess what counts when if you say In around a Walmart parking lot when if you say Up and down a country road victory if you want to drive yourself to work and your mom wears a clown outfit and you get out and then she has to drive Home in it when done

How many times can we expect it in seven days? What's the over under? You want me to like actually calculate that I want you to give me a number out of seven Seven how many seven days? Like out of seven? How many? Seven days in a week? Like Four You promised me, hold on You promised me you'll practice four days out of seven? Yes I'll take that deal, I won't push for another day

No, take away I think! If you sign a deal kid, you sign a deal At sixteen you're a baby, at eighteen you're an adult You're you sign a deal at 16. You're a baby at 18 You're an adult you're talking to a couple adults here. We're close to deals now I'm not saying for you said for I would have said six Gareth would have said watch fast to the furious and curl your hair I also said other stuff and leave it work the body We're trying to lock in a deal here kiddo, and if you're happy with four I'll concede You know what I really want I want seven days until you get your license because you're happy with four, I'll concede. You know what I really want? I want seven days until you get your license

because you're already 17, you can get it at 16. But you know what I'm happy with? Go up and down the driveway. You do four out of seven days, fuck. I don't love it, but I'll take the deal. So if you are willing to do four times a week, and if after you do it, will you do me another big favor? And if you don't wanna do this, you don't have to. You're doing me enough of a favor by signing this contract.

After each lesson, will you make a very short voice note and rate how you did out of 10? So all you got to do is go like, let's say you get in the driveway today, you're feeling really anxious and you just pull back, go on the street and pull in and you go I felt terrible They go two out of ten But guess what you know I think that is a good idea to actually do that do that because guess what that counts is If you just pull out and pull in counts and then guess when all of a sudden you go the next one Just go four out of ten and you know it's going to happen. We're gonna be at a seven out of ten in no time Yep, and your mom will be wearing a clown outfit

Maybe the mom stuff, but I think it's good But what do you think of that? Will you just record those voice notes and then send them to your mom and she'll email the show so when we air this I Tell you we're relatively big in Thailand. I wouldn't say big but we have viewers the Thailand stuff It's fucking cool as hell. You don't pay attention to our numbers I do we live in Thailand. I love it. What's up? Anybody in Thailand listening? I believe you it's core. It's cool Not only is one person rooting for you seven figures So will you go today seven figures are cheering for you in a very helpful way Yeah, no one's against you. Everyone are cheering for you. In a very helpful way. Yeah, no one's against you.

Everyone's cheering for you. All we're asking you to do is practice. And if you come in and you say one out of 10, you know what everyone's going to say? I get it, girl. Exactly. So Cora, we have an agreement? Yeah. Yes, we have an agreement.

And then will you do me a favor and will you record after today when you do your first one? Just give yourself a rating. If you want to do a brief what happened But you don't have to and as soon as you're done send it to your mom She'll email in the show and we'll include all these at the end. Do you mind doing that? Yes, okay, and what are you gonna? Thank you, buddy, and when are you gonna practice you're gonna go in like 30 minutes? Um Hungry I want to eat dinner. How about this?

Um, yeah, 30 minutes. I'm hungry. I want to eat dinner. How about this? Hey Cory earn the dinner practice earn the dinner Yeah, don't eat until you're driven up and down the driveway kid And by the way, if you want to eat while you're driving, maybe you're right do what my buddy does just takes everything off Alright here's what happened Cora I didn't wear a shirt driving into work today and I got humiliated Yeah well Here's what happened Cora. I didn't wear a shirt driving into work today, and I got humiliated Yeah Well many revealed Mike that it was because he wanted to eat and he knows he's a sloppy little boy And he knew he's gonna cover himself in food because he has a big thing tonight So he ate without the shirt pulled into a parking lot everyone saw him naked in his car

And he waved everyone away, but Nat who you heard earlier on this didn't understand so she approached the car And then somebody knows for a long time ago wanted to talk to him so he had to get his clothes on frantically Cora thank you very much. Can you put your mom back on real quick? We believe in you but Cora last thing Yes, I would like you to practice before dinner Is that okay? Do you mind? Is that okay? Do you mind? I think that's also a good idea. By the way, the whole practice... Dinners for closers.

By the way, kid, the whole practice, we're talking 10 minutes. Don't start thinking you've got to do a two hour drive. It's not Fast and the Furious. It's one of the most successful franchises of all time. It's a five minute lesson. But guess what? If you're're feeling confident which is what's going to happen don't be afraid to go a little bit further okay but if not we win at a one out of ten if you go hey zero out of ten that's a victory people in Thailand

are gonna freak out can you throw your mom on the phone yep thank you Corbett thanks Corbett we'll talk to you really soon we'll talk to you really soon everybody's gonna be cheering We're gonna in about a month. We're gonna be ringing that bell when you get your license people in the Philippines are gonna freak the f out Yeah, I Believe you Stop numbers shaming your host co-host So here's what we got here's our deal

Cora's gonna practice today Okay, it's before dinner. She's not good. She's gonna determine how long it is and what she does It might just be up and down the driveway Whatever she we find with that whatever she wants to do mom she's gonna do then after on a voice note, she's gonna rate herself out of 10 and then she's got, you're going to, maybe you need to hold it, then you need to send all her voice notes of each practice, uh, email them into the show and we're going to include them and we're going to do a follow-up in like a month and then we're going to do a follow-up when

she gets her driver's license, okay? I think this is a wonderful plan. Yeah, and I don't know if you know this, but we have audience members in the Philippines and they're interested in this, would be my guess. We're actually looking at the numbers right now in the Philippines and they're the most invested part of the world. So, reminder that seven figures worth of downloads And the Philippines

Are interested in your daughter doing this and when she gets her driver's license, we're gonna have a celebration with her. We're gonna fly her to the Philippines. No, we're not. Do me a favor, you guys are gonna do it before dinner tonight, but make sure it's really important that she grades herself each time

and she's allowed to be honest and it's allowed to be a bunch of zeros out of 10. She's just started. Sounds good. Alright, mom. Sounds real good. So I'm expecting an email in about an hour and a half because she's not eating dinner. She's practicing before dinner.

Dinner's for closers like Jake said. Okay. Don't be afraid to throw in the Fast and the Furious later too. Yeah, don't do the Fast and the Furious. Also Gareth wanted you to dress up like a clown and go through Fast Food. That was his pitch. My pitch was this. Fast Food and the Furious.

We'll talk to you later, sir. Thanks so much. Gareth curls his hair. He started at 45. Jim Tries Naked. Okay, bye. Bye. May 1st.

Four out of ten. Caught ice cream afterwards. May 3rd. Ice cream afterwards. May 4th. Four out of ten. Caught ice cream afterwards. May 5th. Four out of ten 10, got ice cream afterwards. May 3rd, 8 out of 10. I forgot to record one for the last time and the time before that, but I would say 9 out

of 10 and 8 out of 10. Quick summary on how things have been going. We've been out about, I'd say, half a dozen times at this point. Her anxiety level has definitely dropped from about a 10 to about a 3, which I figured it would once I got her behind the wheel and going. My anxiety level has gone from like a 2 to about a 10, but that's kind of par for the course for trying to teach somebody to drive, I think.

We've mostly been practicing in the parking lot at her high school. She is starting to move on to back roads and we're kind of working out a plan on her probably driving home from school, but we haven't quite gotten there yet. I'll let you know more once I have more to share. You know when a shirt just becomes your go-to? That's what happened when I picked up a few new pieces from Quinn's. They're the first things I reach for in my closet. I'm going to tell you why. They're lightweight,. They're comfortable and they are always on Point you want to look good this summer gentlemen and ladies

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Producer Sherlock here. This next call is a followup from episode 147, Cooking in Soup with Michael Cera. This is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, Hello. Hello. Hi, welcome back to We're Here to Help. You're on with Gareth Reynolds, known for his noodle arms,

Jake Johnson, who's 28 again. Can we get- Also known for my noodle arm. Also known for your noodle arms, Jake Johnson, who's 28 again. Can we get- Also known for my noodle arm. Also known for your noodle arms. Can we get your name and tell us about the first call before we get into where we're at? Sure. My name is Sam and my first call was regarding a couple of people outside my office window who used their hot tub without

any regard for it. Nude tubbers. What we call Jake and I when we get out of the shower, a couple of nude tubbers. I prefer not to be called that. Listen, you shot- Is that because you have nude alarm? Shut up, Sam. You shot the first shot today, Johnson. You shot the first shot today off mic.

Okay, so the issue was that it was your office, right? It's across from your office because of where you are, you're able to see these people get naked in the hot tub. You're on with Michael Cera. And had you tried any tactics and then tell us what our advice was to you? Because I don't remember. Yeah, so you guys gave me some great advice I had.

I got a bottle of wine right away after our phone call and wrote a nice handwritten card to them and left it on their front porch and rang their doorbell and kind of ran away. Oh, we've got, we've actually got a picture of it here. Yeah. You got them a nice bottle of red and a nice card and a note that said, hi neighbors, just a friendly head dive. Heads up.

Heads up. From next door, my office window happens to look out on your backyard and I've occasionally seen you getting into your hot tub. Just a friendly FYI in case you didn't know. Cheers. Hey Sam, was this our advice about the wine in the note and running away? It was, yeah. Running away is so much...

I gotta say, kind of solid though. How'd that work out for you, Sam? I agree. It was pretty good. It worked out pretty well, to be honest with you. The behavior stopped for a couple days and then I had a really awkward encounter with the guy a few days later he was taking out his trash and he looked just straight into my soul and we made eye contact for a really long time and and then it was after that that they went back to being naked. So when you say it worked out pretty well.

Yeah, but Garrett, you're missing a huge thing. Ours obviously, our thing failed. But he was very nice and Canadian about it. Yes, but it worked. And then he made direct eye contact with you, saw something in you, and decided to go back to food-tubbing? Noodle Arms. Yeah. He dominated you with eye contact. Sam, explain to me what you think happened there, pal.

I'm not sure. I see now that they're making attempts to try to cover up there, you know most private parts But what does that look like? What do you mean? Just kind of like, you know that awkward shuffle where your hands are trying to cover up Very neighborly Okay, but hold on what Very minimal effort on their part. But Sam, what happened during that eye contact? Oh, it just was like, he just stood there at the trash can staring at me and I kind of

stopped what I was working on. I wasn't sure if he was looking at me or just in my general direction, but it really felt like he was looking straight at me. How did he know that it was you that left the note? Jesse, Sherlock jumping in. Yeah, he's got a ring doorbell, so he probably saw my face, and then I also saw my minivan,

which is parked right outside my office. Sam, you left a lot of breadcrumbs out of this first part. I know. Sam, why did you run away? Was that our pitch or did you improv that? I just ran away because I think I was a little more nervous about the interaction. I didn't mind confrontation, but then when it got down to it, I was pretty scared. When you walked up there, was your plan to run away

or were you gonna hang in the pocket? Yeah, good question. I wasn't, I never intended to talk to them about it. Understood. Okay. But then you could have taken some moves to hide your face and whatnot, but like a knock, you could have knocked, the knocks allowed.

This is real, this is really funny stuff, Sam. So I just, will you paint me a picture of what he looked like at that garbage can and what you kind of look like? Because it's shocking to me that he got the note, told his wife, they stopped doing it. He sees you at a garbage can and something in that eye contact decides,

he says to his wife, we're fine. Yeah, we can do crotch hands. That'll be plenty. And she said, agreed. Yeah. I mean, they saw... So what happened at that eye contact that changed the course of this relationship that soon the hands are moving away from the crotch, and they're basically saying, we don't care if you see.

And on top of Jake's question, how long was the eye contact? That's, but go ahead and start with the first one. I would love to hear Garrett's question first. How long was the eye contact? It felt like a long time. I want to say it was probably five or six seconds. It's a long time. Sam, can I do something right now? Count? I'm gonna count and you tell me if this is real. Okay, so ready? long. Hold on, Sam, can I do something right now? Count. I'm gonna count and you tell me if this is real. Okay, so ready? The eye contact, I want everyone to picture the eye contact.

Now we're going one 1000, two 1000, three 1000, four 1000, five 1000, six 1000. Oh, it's awful. Was it that length? Yeah, it's awful. We are that length. Yeah It was holy shit So yeah, he changed his mind during that who broke the eye contact Sam you were him you right? He did no he didn't look at my desk. So yeah Oh amazing. Yeah, just look I didn't realize you were at your desk. So he

That's what he was able to do. He saw on the note that he had the Harvey Oswald vantage point. And when he went out there, he was definitely trying to clock who'd been checking out him and his wife naked in the yard. And he looked up, he sees Sam, he determines Sam is the beta, and then he decides that it's okay to be naked. Sam, I have a pitch. Oh, great.

Go to work naked. We send robes. Just robes. Sam Lett us send robes. Robes. Two robes. Two robes. Sam Lettuce said robes. Robes. Two robes. Two robes.

You know what we could maybe do? David Walton, who played Dr. Sam Newgirl, is a buddy of mine and he has created a robe business. Maybe I could talk to them about sending anonymously just two robes to their house. I think two robes. That would be amazing. Are you into that, Sam? I am because I think you guys pitched that as a potential follow-up in your first call.

I even prepped another letter to them to support that. You've already prepped the letter? What's the letter you got? May you read us the robe note? Sure, the robe note, it says, Hey neighbors, I hope you enjoyed the wine. We've now shared what I can only describe as a biblical eye contact.

You and your natural glory, me at my desk, it was the real Garden of Eden moment. And the thing is, you're more visible than you realize. I totally respect your right to enjoy a good tubbing, but I just ask that you consider adding a robe to your transition. Wow. That's the best of luck to you.

The sign-offs are awesome. The sign-offs are like, good luck. By the way, that's pretty good. I agree. You've got balls to have it already prepped. I think a robe is a great follow-up. I like that you're calling out the eye contact. Now we're on the same page. I almost feel like now if if you're gonna call it out

that far, we could send you the robes and you could hand deliver. I think Sam, what do you think about doing the same thing where we'll send you the robes? You put it there, same note, very nice and friendly. Oh, the very nice and friendly. And then just say, what's the note you're going to send again? Will you say that again?

That felt a little insane to me, but now I'm trying to... Think of the scenario. Yeah, I'm trying to think of this, because we can't get you into danger zone, Sam, but will you read that one more time? And now let's imagine you drive up in your van, you go there, you drop it at the door of the note and you run away. Now this guy, you had a real six second stare. So let's think in reality because this is real life.

What's that note say my guy? So the note says, I hope you enjoyed the wine. Now that we've shared what I can only describe as a biblical eye contact in your natural glory, Me at my desk, it was a real Garden of Eden moment. The thing is you're just more visible than you apparently realize and I totally respect your right to enjoy a good tubbing. I'm just kindly asking if you can consider adding a robe to your transition. Can I pitch on your notes? Of course. What if we lost the first sentence and we started with, I respect your right to a good

tubbing if we started there. Yeah, let's do it. So how does that lead? You're losing the biblical. Losing the beginning and getting right into losing the eye contact, getting right into, I respect your right for a good tub and uh, but perhaps you're comfortable with these robes that I, uh, you know, happily, you know, purchased and if not enjoy like I would give them the ending and that is

if in the end of the day you want to let it flop around, let it flop. Gareth, I got a surprise. Huh? David Walton. Holy shit! Gentlemen, how are you? Hi, David. Sam, it's David Walton, AKA Dr. Sam from New Girl

is on the pod. Rose. Wow. I'm walking my dog in Maine. What a pleasant surprise. So happy to be with you all. Welcome to the podcast. I love your podcast.

Walton, you got your podcast. Will you give it a quick plug really fast? Oh yeah, I'm doing an ill-advised attempt to get good at stand-up comedy. So I made a podcast called Starting Stand-Up in Maine, which is where I live with David Walton. And it's sort of like a journal of a midlife crisis, Garrett. Good for you.

Good for you. David, I also need you to meet Sam, our caller, really fast. You can't see him, but he's on. Sam, Dave, say hello. Hey, Sam, how are you? Hi, David. I'm great. How are you?

I'm doing solid. My mom just came to Maine, and she handed me a bottle of absolute vodka. This is the greatest walk. Yeah, I'm glad my hands full weirdly and then a picture of me when I was eight somewhere in the West. Imagine if the cops stopped you right now. How are you doing, sir? I know. That's what 80-year-old mothers do. They just can't get a bunch of booze at all pictures. No, I think that's what your 80 year old mother does.

A picture of yourself as a kid. I wouldn't say that's a universe like, you know 80 year old women with their vodka and photos of David Walton as a kid. You know moms are. Hey Sam, will you tell Dave really fast your problem and what we pitched and then he's going to realize why I reached out to him in the middle of a follow-up. Okay, so David, I have an office building that looks back into a residential area, right

into some people's backyard and they have been enjoying their hot tub completely nude. And I have reached out to Jake and Gareth to try to help me with this problem. And then what did we first suggest and then where are we now? Yeah so the first suggestion was to send them a bottle of wine and a friendly handwritten note just let them know that they're not invisible and that we can see them essentially. That did not work. It wasn't short. Shortly after that, they the gentleman came out to throw out his trash and we made some significant eye contact and they went back to tubbing in the nude.

Walton, they made six seconds of direct eye contact. Oh, I see. The next day, he and his wife go back in the tub naked and they just put one hand on the crotch. That's their cover up. That's their modesty now. But he just said, like, fuck it. So then our next order of business is will you read the note that we have,

Sam, that we are going to do? All right, so the revised note that we decided was, hey, neighbors, hope you enjoyed the wine. I totally respect your right to a good tubbing. I just kindly ask if you consider adding a robe to your transitions, but as my friend Jake would say, if not, let it flop. Now I understand, I understand.

And then I remembered you had a robe company. Is that still happening? Of course. Yeah, we're doing bulk sales now, but it's Wakaneechee. Look, as the friend of the pod, I'd be happy to send a couple of robes to these guys. We have the finest terry cloth spa robe, maybe in the world. Maybe in the world. Probably in the world. Maybe in the world. Probably in the world. And so maybe we could, Dave, we could get you this guy's address.

You could send a couple of the robes. We could get it to the neighbors. A rockabilly sponsored solution to this. Yes. This is what I'm talking. And after you tell everyone else where they can buy it, since you only do bulk, why don't you send them 40? Let's just get nice. Why don't you send them 500 robes's just get nice. Why don't you send them 500 rows? Let's just send them 500 rows.

Now Sam, I know this is a follow-up, but is there any part of you that would think you might start to enjoy these neighbors and what they're doing? Good question. You know, that was a question that came up after the first call, and at first it was comical, and because of the business that I conduct here in the office,

and also there's a children's therapy place right next door. And I think it's probably worth putting a stop to it. Yeah, we need to get some robes on these people. And Dave, you're the man to call. Yeah, this is a tremendous, a tremendous act on your part, Jake, bringing in your robe guy. You have one robe guy. Right away. You also know, Walton, you and I are guys who love having guys. Dave Walton has a kung fu guy that we did kung fu in a garage in Pasadena. That is totally true.

That's really... Jake's carrying the torch in the saddest way. Jake's in Alaska making movies. Did you bring your dummy with you? No, I just zoomed with him. You. So Mo. Walton, we appreciate you. We will hook up the face. Where can people buy the robes, if they want to buy a robe? Yeah, wakeneeteath.com or theperfectbathrobe.com.

Perfect. And then we will, if you're good with it for real, we would love to hook you up and we can send them the stuff. If we need to cover anything for shipping or whatever you need or the wholesale happy to do it. Yeah, no, I, yeah, here to help doing well, each robe retails at 500 US. That's interesting. Yeah. Just send me the address. I'll send you the check after those robes come.

We're going to go to, we're going to Marshall's. Hey, Sam, really good luck with your problem and And will you send me a picture of the of the robes when they get there we can do a follow-up here Yeah, exactly. Yeah We'll do a whole follow-up with it and then check out the robes to Sam before you give it to them So you could give a little review also and we'll talk about the robes a bit Right. Amazing. Sam you're the best. Walton I love you buddy I miss you. I love you guys. Thanks dude, appreciate it. Yeah of course. Alright Sam keep us posted. Will do absolutely. Thank you Sam. I can

tell by your voice how awesome it is. Very excited. See you later buddy. Yeah. Thanks Garrett. Thanks, Sam. watch video episodes of We're Here to Help. You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelicki. and if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentoldes.com.

Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg. And I'm Kristin Schall. And we're going to be hosting the new podcast, The Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people, doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do.

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