We're Here to Help - 183: Jake's Faves: This Show's Becoming Jackass (Re-Release)

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

For this re-release episode, Jake picks a call and a follow-up from a caller who requests off work to attend a BDSM class. Plus, Jake and his brother Dan help a caller whose sister is crashing guys' night.See caller images here!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we're back on a Wednesday. We are back, Jake. Really fast, Gareth. We are at the tail end of a three-hour block. We're doing this intro and then we're done for the day. We've done a bunch of calls today. Yeah.

I mean, really great calls. Great calls, great world building. We just are very lucky to have an audience that knows the show and understands that we are here for Minutia and producers who are able to find this stuff constantly. Shout out to the producers. It's truly amazing. Little love to Matt. We text about it all the time.

Jesse, Rob, the world building of season 2 has been really fun. The callers knowing the world, the guy John who called in today with a problem also created the Pigly and Mo website. Shocking. Mr. H comes back, it's just like, it's really fun.

It really is, and it's always fun to try to solve these problems. So I don't know, you'd think in a three hour block, you'd be like, I always, I still really enjoy. Me too. Recording the show. We are always laughing. So let's ask a favor to the audience.

So we have very consistent numbers. We know, I studied the numbers, I like it. I've made that very clear on this. The fun for the show to me is the interaction, the game of it. It feels very different, really fun. Can we, can the audience all tell somebody new about the show and have them start listening recently?

I wanna see people's reaction when they enter this world. Well, maybe the thing to do is to say, why don't we try this? Why don't we say, try to convert a friend to a fan. Yes. And when you've got that conversion conversion just get a quick audio clip of them The new person the new person saying what they like That's fun and we'll start using some of those at the end of the show and here's how we could maybe do it Send somebody a link to an episode you think they would like

We could also say to it could be anyone. Yeah, I think a gateway episode. What's a good gateway episode? We can have the community weigh in on a good gateway episode so we can start doing what you're talking about. And then, negative or positive? Yeah, I agree.

Let's enjoy it. If somebody, they send it to him and they don't like it. Now don't send him a Pigly and Moe, we've already covered this. We're not gonna get's enjoy it. If somebody, he sent it to him and they don't like it. Now don't send them a pigly and moe. We've already covered this. We're not gonna get involved in it. This week is a re-release. The re-release is, if you guys remember,

there was a woman who called in who was taking a class where she was learning how to be tied up and tied people up, and she needed to lie to her boss. She's a nanny. The reason I'm following up apart from it being a great episode is she's one of the examples of the kind of callers who I love the most on this show.

And it fits right into with what we were just talking about. She knows the world, She's in the joke. She's for no reason ragging on Garrett. Just murdering me. You think I was the one who was getting into tied up beatings. But it just proves that she gets the show. Loves you.

But like whoever it is, they need to get on one of the bits. Well, you know what else I love about her? What? And a lot of our callers is they will not placate us and take a pitch that they don't. They'll be like, no more. They want the actual solve. She's like that. She's like that. And she's really funny, has a really fun sense of humor where we're instantly just playing a game that she and I are so connected and we hate Gareth

I don't know how much of a game she was playing but yes She instantly stepped into the Pam role She very quickly played ball by the way you agreed with that that she was in the Pam role The Pam role that I was now was that she and I are into each other You got confused and you agreed because Pam has admitted to you that she likes the responses. No. And she said, when I said I wanna do a standing six, nine

with Pam, she laughed and said, does he, has he seen me recently? She didn't say, yuck. She said, he wouldn't want to, to which I said, I've seen you gorgeous. When you, when you pass away, Jake, we have to study your brain. There, there are ways that you hold on to little things that are just so you're, you're the way that you can take that thing that I thought was dead and zombie it back to life with

a new twist. Shocking. It's not regular. Just so you know. You, it's like you, yeah, I do think it's a compliment. I'll be honest. I do think it's a compliment. It's a skill. You have a skill. Like the fact that you're not practicing law, that's a shame.

It's being wasted on a self-help podcast where we talk about bounce houses and graves that are getting digged up in yards. So Gareth, if we ever get sued, can we represent us? I think there's no better way than for this show to go down by representing itself. I think so too. And in the end somebody, and then we, maybe we,

you know, I've tried to do this with Lamorne Morris and we text and we both say yes, but we've never done it. I want to go on people's court with them. And I want to take it seriously and one of us sue the other one. Yes that feels like maybe we could sue their podcast for slander I 100% agree that we can and this should happen and I don't think this should be a thing that when we're done We don't follow through on I Love it. That would be amazing

I love it. That would be amazing. I said in A's episode, it seems like this is an edit cut, but I just did a hard transition. Yeah, that's Jake saying, we leave it here. Well, I was thinking about it for a while. I'm like, it's really, because Gareth, Lamar and I have been talking for a while. I tried to get Max, Damon and I all to do it, because the four of us are on a text chain. And I said, like, guys, let's go on the people's court and sue each other and Greenfield was instantly out. So Moritz texting me Ben Burtzley being like I would do it. Side texting. Yeah side like let's do it for real and then Damon's a mystery he doesn't text back and then just type like a heart emoji where we're like I think

he's in or he's out. But today we have Heather back and then in going back and thinking about that one, I thought, you know, also I want to highlight is my brother, Dan, who was my original, Dan to me is the funniest guy on planet earth and he has been since I've been two years old. Your brother is hard funny. Oh, he's hard for, he never stops. He came to Alaska and visited the movie because he and I, we financed the movie together

and my brother is a producer on it. Oh wow. Yeah, he was so funny hanging out on set. He does a bit in the movie. He's one of the best type of humans where he walks into a group of new people and I just start going like, Dan, Dan, and all of a sudden the cast and crew starts just chanting Dan.

He does a full dance, fully yucks it up, fully commits. He wants to do a bit in the movie so we get him one line after his one line in the thing. He's going to Dakota and Joe like, actor to actor, Dakota. Talk to me. Where am I at? And he never breaks. We did this whole joke where he and I were fighting the whole time of if Salmon season had already started or if we were too early. His claim was we're too early.

My claim was, my hot take was that it had already started. So we just did that bit to every single person we met in Alaska. We would just make people interact with us. We would ask them, my brother and I are just in a big world forever. And in the end he sent a bunch of shirts that said Sam and Season as a wrap gift.

We were just like, Dan, you are the king. So I wanna highlight Dan again. He is building a app right now for our show. Basically he's an app developer. We were having fun about a website where you can rank things and you can pick. Cause he was listening to the show and he was like, you guys need something where everybody

can just go in one place. So we've been doing that. That's coming. It's going to be called weneedtopick.com. It's not ready yet, but I just want to highlight Dan, Heather, thank the community. And Gareth, what do you got? I think that's true. Thank the community.

Let's do the Gateway episodes. Let's hear some proof. Let's hear some conversion memos. We appreciate it. Truly, so much of the show is the fans and the colors. So that's really where it comes from. Yeah. I think that's it Well at some point you'll hear me lick the rim of my coffee mug, but until then without further ado

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Come on. And we are back. We are back. Welcome back. BAM! Wow, she's coming in hot. I'm a shark. Ferith.

Jake, this, I don't even know how to explain. We just finished this episode. And for me personally, it's insane. Yes, we got a special guest, our friend Heather from Orlando. What's up, Heather? Hey, still doing good over here. Maybe. We got the shark in a Quincy shirt looking good.

What's up, shark? What's up, guys? Feeling good, looking good. We got Gareth in a weird pink bedroom. What's up, Garf? Hey, Jake, this is all bad. Classic Garf. So crazy. Classic Garf,f. It's Garf.

And, you know, Heather, you're really getting, you're really jumping in a lot, Heather. I'm not going to lie. It's a lot. I feel comfortable. You really do. It's kind of like, we're like, do you want to come in? And then you're like laying in my bed like, these sheets suck.

So we got a fun show today. Heather's going to be on it. She's one of the callers. And then she joined us for a follow-up and we threw her in the intro. So you're going to love her call. She's one of the callers. And then she joined us for a follow up. And we threw her in the intro. So you're going to love her call. It's really fun.

After you hear her call. I'm doing all the ads. Ooh, should we do an ad with Heather? Crazy. So you're not doing an ad with Heather. Where's my cut? Heather, you're fun. Heather, do you want to talk about Quincy clothes?

Kevin's wearing Quincy clothes. Quince, Quince, my bad. Yeah, they're my favorite. Yeah, we love Quince. What do you think about ZocDoc? All I do is go on ZocDoc and Squarespace. She's the best. And HelloFresh.

She is the best. Well, I don't think they're with us anymore. But it's a help. Yeah, it's Green Chef. But thank you so much for trying. Really fast before we get out of here and start this great show, Gareth, you texted us but thank you so much for trying. Really fast before we get out of here and start this great show. Gareth, you texted us you had a dream last night.

I had a... Heather, it's a lot. I, uh... You're just right, Heather, keep going. I had a dream that I went out to eat and that, um... I... Well, Heather, so far the dream, you're really amping it up. Uh, but, um... Okay, I'm not on camera though, so I need them to remember I'm there. That's that's actually super fair. Yeah.

So I went to a zoomer in. Get her on. No, you can't because of your job. So I had a dream. I went out to eat and I was at a restaurant and I and I sat at a table away from Barbara from Shark Tank, who again, we've had some contact with. What? That's right. And I, as I was like sitting there, I was like, should I say something, should I not?

And I just lean over and I go, hey, you know, we've been trying to get you on my podcast call, we're here to help. And she goes, with Jake Johnson. And I go, yeah. And then I'm like, oh yeah. And then we, so we talked for a minute and then as she's leaving, I'm like, I gotta lock it down.

So I go, hey, we'd really love to have you on the show, you know, and she goes to her husband, she goes, get his phone number, he answers all my calls. And I got his number. And I was like, and then I was like in my head, I was like, what should I do? I was like, I think I'll just give the number to Kevin. I was like strategizing and I woke up and I was like, and then I was like in my head, I was like, what should I do? I was like, I think I'll just give the number to Kevin. I was like strategizing and I woke up and I was like,

the show is really entering my world in a bizarre way. But by the way, man, I think that's getting us actually one step closer to the great Barbara Corcoran being on this show. I can't wait. I had a dream last night. I was standing on a pier in the middle of the ocean. And it was a little platform and there was a big killer whale swimming around,

and the water was pretty clear, and I was watching it, and I wasn't scared, I just thought, what a beautiful creature. Did you throw your back out? No. Jake, your dream sounds so much better than all of that crap we heard just now. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado...

I do! I'm right behind you. Great job, Heather. just now. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado. Adieu. Am I behind you? Great job, Heather. Heather, you're so funny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hi, how are you? Good, how are you? Good, thanks. Thanks for calling. We have Jake and Gareth and the shark with you today. Can I please ask what your name is, what your age is, and where you're calling from?

Attaboy, shark. Well done, shark. Good work, Jake. I'm Heather, 25, Orlando. Great. Perfect. Heather and Orlando do go together. Am I wrong? No, you ain't 25, Orlando. Great. Perfect. Heather and Orlando do go together. Am I wrong?

No, you ain't wrong, Jake. You're right. Heather, what's up? What's the problem, though? Okay, we got a complicated one. I really don't see an option, so I'd love some help. I told my boss that I signed up for a four week cooking class so that I could be off work and go to a BDSM rope tying course.

Wait, say that again. I know the cooking class. What is the course you're taking? It was a BDSM rope tying class. Oh, okay. And wait, and what did you? And I didn't want to tell her where I was, so I told her, I signed up for a cooking class with my friends.

Gotcha. Now she's saying, can I get some of that chicken parm and you're saying, can I tie your legs to a pole? Only if I can tie you to the wall and feed you it. Yeah. So let me get your dishes. You go like this, well. All right, Heather, so you keep talking,

walk us through what's happening. Okay, okay. Okay, so every week, we talk a lot at work on her nanny and the kids go to sleep and then we chat. And I just was making up stuff about the class and she kept asking me like, how's it going and stuff. She just had a new baby, so she's just home and she was really invested in it.

So I just kept making up details and now the class is over and her baby is doing well and she's ready to leave the house. She wants to go to the class with her husband. Holy shit. I don't have a place to send her and I can't let her find out I was lying because she'll think I'm a liar

and I take care of her children. I got a pitch. I did too. OK. We are sponsored by Sk- We are sponsored, tie her up. Tie her and her husband up. You know how to do it.

Put them in your dungeon. They have to die now. They have to die now. That's the end of it. No. We are sponsored on this show, I think still, but I know we have been in the past by Squarespace, right? Yes.

Which means we could create a fake website for this cooking class that we could then say it has been canceled. So you could send her the link to it. She could look at the link. The link could look real. We could maybe either have Caitlin or somebody, one of our followers on here, who's

really good at designing a thing? We can give them a shout out who could build a fake cooking class a four-week course everything that you said Yeah, make it seem very real send her the link and then she goes. Oh, no, they just they did the school Just shut down and then we can make a funny reason why they closed closed down why. I guess the main woman was into like tying people up for sex. It was like a sex front. It was like a sex dungeon. And then you go, none of that was there when I was there. But I guess they also did this thing in the basement.

They tied people up. And I mean, if you're interested in that, I could lead you towards that. But in real life, but the real pitch is, you got to like that, Garf. I love it. Right. OK, keep going. My initial pitch was going to be something like that.

It got shut down. So all right, so we're creating the problem for her, right? Yes, we're creating the school. So OK, so we've created that via sponsor. Why not via sponsor? Why not also send them our home cooking sponsor? So you can say, and I know you really wanted to do that, so I actually got you and we can hook you up

with like three free at home meals that they can cook together so that she doesn't even have. Yeah, but here's the problem with it, but she wants to go to this cooking class. So if the- She wants to get out of the house. If the problem was she said, cause that's the solution- She does it over to your house. If she said, cook me a meal.

She comes over to your house and you cook it together. Yeah, but I think she's looking. Yeah, she's looking. So I think that would be the solution if she said, I want to taste your great cooking. OK. No, I'm down. I think Sainik got shut down.

I just worry that she might go, I hear you. I just worry that she might be like, huh, this is a little suspect. But I... Okay, yeah, I wanted to mention, she and her husband are... Hold on, Gareth. You just said... Hold on, Gareth. You just said that because I... Hold on. You never...

We've done over 100 episodes. You've never had a little bit of a pessimistic, I don't know if it'll work. Yours I said, I don't think it'll work. You go, hey, I gotta say, I don't think yours would work. They might be suspicious. We pitch hobos and Santa outfits. One time.

One time. No, I just. You just fought fire with fire. You 70s bushed my 70s bush. The last thing you want, the last thing you want is for her to be like, I don't think this class existed. I agree, but they're- Because then it becomes crazy.

If we really start going down that road, Gareth, we don't have a show. Everything we pitch could be that way. Well, the stakes are high because it's her boss. I agree, I agree. But I hear you, I hear you. I like the pitch. So we got that, let's put that to the side.

Let's see if we can pitch something that tops it then. OK. Well, what were you going to say, Heather? What you were saying? Your fear. Oh, I wanted to say they're very intelligent people. And same with us. I mean, I'm worried that they did. We're screwed. Have you ever considered Parmesan in the floor?

Yeah. What if you throw something in her car? I'm a shark. I'm a shark. OK. They're very intelligent people. Throw dog shit in her house. Why don't you put some dog shit in her bed? Cut eye holes in an eye mask. Start flossing in her living room. Really smart people. Get her tickets to an ostrich farm as the people were messing with yeah real Need to have an IQ cutoff for our pitches. Yeah, so I've got a problem. What is it?

The person I'm trying to mess with is really smart cut it down. Bye our shortest episode So let's get back to this and see if we can get a win. Heather, you are a nanny. You like your job. Question. Why didn't you just say what you were doing? What's wrong with that? Because I've only worked here for like four months at the time.

Yeah, you didn't want to be judged. That's just too personal. Yeah, I get you. I didn't want her to be like, what? You know? And then I also didn't want her to be like, well, don't do that. Just come to work.

Yeah, great. I agree. OK, I hear what you're saying. Now, this is just for the show and backstory. Do you like to tie up or do you like to be tied up? I knew you were going to ask me that. Um, I wanted to be tied up, but I went with a friend, and we kind of had to take turns because we both wanted to be tied up, but I went with a friend and we kind of had to take turns because we both wanted to be tied up. And so when you go to a class like that, what are you then learning or are you just going

there to be like, I'll volunteer? No, we were partners. So and I told her the cooking class, you had to have a partner and I was like, if I don't go, they're going to my friend out, so I gotta go. Uh-huh, gotcha. So, they were teaching us specific ties each week, and then they got more complicated each week. Was the, did the instructor have a ponytail? And was he wearing teevahs? Did you say yes? Yes.

They were two females, and one had a ponytail. Oh, nevermind, okay, okay. If there's a female with a ponytail, she's cool. Did you feel like you- A guy in teevahs had a ponytail. Oh, nevermind, okay. It's not as good. If there's a female with a ponytail, she's cool. Did you feel like- A guy in tevas with a ponytail with some version of a tattoo that wrapped her on one of his arms and a bracelet and sun soaked from that Orlando sun.

The ponytail is the body's first rope. God gave us all a rope. But now, Heather Orlando 25, we've got one pitch so far, and that is we create a fake website about this cooking class. We make it very real. We pitch it with you until you're happy with it.

When you and us and as a community will do a follow-up, where we can show it to people on our, maybe on the Instagram or whatever, we can build it really with the Patreon community because they've been really kind of hands-on to make it as real as possible When we feel it's bulletproof You send her a link to it When you hear that, what do you think? It's a big risk if you get caught you've lost your job That's what I'm worried about because

Okay, if she finds out I mean at this, she wouldn't be mad about what I really did. She would be mad about the 1000 lies I made up and told her. To get it. So I am, I am in deep, you know? Okay. Yeah. I think, I think the website is the only way out. Okay. So you feel right now, just to be clear with what you said,

because I got a little turnaround there. If you said to her right now, just to be clear with what you said, because I got a little turnaround in there. If you said to her right now, I didn't go to the cooking class, I went to a rope tying class because I wanted to get tied up, you feel like she would not trust you anymore and you would lose your job. She would say, so why did you tell him? I mean, I made up so much stuff about this class. That's what you mean by the thousand lies. Okay, so you've now talked, you're gonna die by a thousand little cuts.

It's really... Your options are fully come clean or get filthy. And I think you're probably right that it's probably better to just go big. Where did you leave it with her? Like, when she suggested this, what did you say? You were like, oh, yeah, I'll hook you up. At first, I was like, oh yeah, I'll hook you up. At first I was like, yeah, send you the link.

And then I thought maybe she won't ask again. She asked again. And I said, you know what, my friend booked it. I'll have to get it from her. And then she didn't ask for like a week. So I thought I was in the clear. But then last today's Monday, last Thursday, she said like, you know, my doctor says I'm ready to go

and leave the house. And that cookie sound like so much fun. So we gotta move. If we're gonna do this, we gotta move. Cause it will become weird. I mean, I would, yeah. It's right at the line. I know.

Cause if somebody tells me they've done something and I ask, I go, hey, can you hook me up with that? And they go, yeah. And it doesn't happen. I'm now starting to go, why? Yeah. Why are you being controlled? You have a cooking class. You're fucking weirdo. You're so weird. So let's just talk real quick. So the, the, we're going to put this. What? This is not the, okay. It is. Yeah, it is. It could help. What do you got? This is not the pre- no this is not the- okay. Yeah it is, yeah it is, it could help.

What do you got? She says, um, we say that the cooking class is like a traveling cooking class and I didn't know but it was only in Orlando that one time. So then the website is sort of reflecting that or are you saying no website? Well, oh yeah. I think website can reflect it. That'd be fun. Yeah, I would lean towards that. Yeah, the website would reflect like going to Atlanta. Yeah, August, 2024, Atlanta.

Here's my fear of that, guys. Here's my fear of that. I'll go to Atlanta. Well, it's not Atlanta. No, she's not going to Atlanta. She has to go to Davies. OK, you're right. OK.

So, Shark, how long would it take to actually get this website going? Are we close to done? If we talk to Caitlin today, and is it five o'clock? Yeah, we can do it today or tomorrow, yeah. Okay, so if we had today's Monday, Heather, if we had something to you by Wednesday,

would you send it to her if you approve the look of it right away? Sure. Okay. What do you approve the look of it right away? Sure. Okay. What do you think of this as a real solution? I would need to, I guess, tell you all the details that I told her. Yeah. You could put that in an email.

Totally. Email to us. Caitlin and I can put it in the site and you can give us notes too. If you're like, change this, this doesn't make sense. Let us know. Okay. I on there would put like almost like tour dates, like a list of cities where this is going to be. And the thing that you standups do like sold out.

So you put a date and then you put the red box around it. Tickets moving fast. Yes. I would do that. Yeah. Heather, are you into this? Yes, but I'm not on Patreon. No, you don't have to be. Well, you have to join.

Yeah, actually join the train. What are you doing? Heather? How? OK, I'm going to get money for your time. Sailors knots around people's wrists. You don't have time to me. Wow.

Wow. This is tough to hear. This is tough to hear. This is tough to hear. Well now this is important to me. So I'll lie that you're right. On the Patreon too, we tie people up. I would say 60% of our stuff is knots. Is this tying people, yeah it's all knots.

It's like a sailing class. More, it's like more. Yeah, good Lord. It's like 85% tying people up. Now that we're gonna go, but this is something I really think could work. work make sure obviously you don't need to hear it from two guys over 43 years old I Made you a little younger Gareth. What no, you're actually right

Do not send this and give notes don't just say yes until you are 100% confident with this website because we can make it bulletproof. And I really believe this is going to work. She's going to get it. She's going to look at the website. We're going to have all your details and then she's going to go like, ah, too bad. Uh, it's not here anymore. And they're canceling a lot of stuff. They've moved.

And then you go like, oh, that sucks. Then right away you go, let's find something else for you. Yep. Actually, I would even suggest that you maybe have a cooking class that you've researched in the Orlando area. And so you can say... How about this instead? Send this link and go, I don't think she's here anymore.

She travels a lot. But here's one that my friend also recommended. And also, why does it take four weeks to learn how to get tied up? Yeah, what's going on? It was a once a week for four weeks. Oh. So just four classes. So why did you have to miss?

Oh, you had to miss work once a day for it. Once a week. Yeah. OK, gotcha. Because I was thinking 30 straight days of somebody going like this, and that's how you get tied up. I'm like, after the fifth day, I'm thinking, I know how to get tied up. Yeah I agree. I get it

now I feel like it's 25 days not to work. Heather thank you for the call. Oh yeah I didn't take a month off. Thank you guys. Okay Heather let us know because we want to do it right. Okay bye. Okay, bye. Bye, buddy. Bye, bye. Bye, bye. Hello. Hi, welcome to the show.

We're here to help. Can we get your name, please? Hi, my name is Sarah. Hey, Sarah. And where are you calling from, Sarah? I am calling from central Kansas. Kansas. And have a lot of people told you you have a very pleasant voice in your life?

Is that a reoccurring thing? You know what someone once told me that I would make a great like voiceover for a cartoon character I believe that you know believe that person really smart So I've got some sad news and then some personal very happy Okay, I'd love to hear it. The sad news is Gareth is doing a live show in Alaska. He couldn't make it but it's truly not his fault. We pulled this off last minute so he wishes he could be here. But the personal good news is we've replaced him tonight with my older brother, my BFF, Mr. Dan Johnson. It's true, Sarah. I'm here for you. Oh my goodness.

Wow. I'm here, Sarah. The man who, when I first got on television, Sarah, as the character Nick Miller of New Girl, we were at a bar together in Chicago called Old Town. True story. And Dan stood up and yelled, I'm Chris Miller, Nick Miller's older brother,

and I actually did go to law school in the 80s. I love it. I'm glad to have you on. And then later that night, and then we're gonna get to you, they asked me to get up on stage at the great Second City to do an improv thing. And it was a friend of mine, I think it might have been Bungrop, who said, it was wild,

man. He goes, you got up there, your brother heckled you from the first moment until the end. A true brother. Yeah. So Sarah, you're in for a treat. So you also got the shark, of course. So the floor is yours. Hello. Please tell us what is going on and we will do our best to get you out of this situation. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. So the situation is I have a sister who invites herself to all of our family's guy functions.

So I'm talking father's day at the local cigar lounge. I'm talking going down to a bar downtown with my dad, husband, and brother-in-law. And understandably, it drives my husband crazy. Yes. So Sarah, is it, so is it your sister? My sister, yes. Goes with your husband. Boys night.

Yeah, her boys night. And it doesn't matter what the occasion is. She tags her. She just invites herself along. And she shows up. And who are, in terms of the boys night, who is it? It's your husband? Who are, in terms of the boys night, who is it? It's your husband? Yep, so it's my husband, my dad, and then my sister's husband, so my brother-in-law, and then I have another sister and another brother-in-law.

So it's the four guys and then her. Understood, but it's not like you and me, Dan. It's not like, you know. It's not like your husband and his brother are like, I can't believe my wife's sister showed up. Yeah. It's a husband, a brother-in-law, a brother-in-law, a father. So she's going to her husband's guy's night out. Yes. Yes. Wait. So your dad had three daughters. Yes, he did. So I get it now.

So it's him with his three son-in-laws. That's correct. Yeah. And he's going like, Hey, look at this. I didn't have I got three guys were having cigars and then one of his daughters is there. Exactly. Okay. So more than the husband because the in-laws the husbands they don't matter this is a father daughter

100% what is that? What is what are we calling your sister? Rachel Rachel What are we calling her you said amber amber amber so since our sister's name Rachel. Let's just call her Rachel. I like that. Let's go with that. We can't. What are we calling her? You said Amber? Amber. Amber. So what does your dad feel about Amber crashing these?

So to be honest, he's not saying anything. He's never made a scene for me or anybody else. It's just my husband. He's like, why is she coming? Well, what is Amber's husband's fake name? So we're gonna go with Chris. Chris, and what does Chris say to your husband about it? Yeah, that's right.

That's a good question. I guess I haven't explored that. It's very hard to get them away from each other. They're very close They're very codependent Yes, they are like they met in high school. They were 16 years old high school sweetheart Not that there's anything wrong with that Amber Dan is married to his high school sweetheart Defensive Sarah. Take it easy. Get a little defensive, Sarah. You take it easy.

There is nothing wrong with that. I mean, look, I just came from a guy's night out, and of course, Kelly was there. And we were smoking cigars. I just don't see what the problem is, Sarah. Right. OK. But so they're always together.

They're always together. So it's very hard to talk with one without the other there. And how would you describe Amber in the group of sisters growing up? Was she in the middle of it? Was she the baby? Was she the baby? Was she the middle? Was she the oldest?

Where's she at in the group? What's her vibe? Yeah. So she's the middle child and she, I love my sister. I love my sister, but I would describe her as she's very stubborn, very selfish, whereas me and my youngest are more like-minded and not were more people pleasing. Whereas she really, really doesn't care what people think But we're all three very tight all very close, okay, so

Your husband says at these guys night does Amber ruin the vibe or is she just there? She ruins the vibe Absolutely, she's allowed. She ruins the vibe. Absolutely. She's loud. She's a talker. She speaks her mind. So yeah, she makes her presence known for sure. I've got my first pitch.

You're ready for a pitch? I think so. I love it. I think your husband needs to set up the next guy's night at a place like a men's spa where the only way you walk in it's like if you go to like an old golf club where you're like the locker room has a bar you go like I'm sorry, we would love to smoke cigars with you and talk wives. But in this specific place, it's unbelievable.

It's guys only, there's a sign on the door. I love that. Go ahead, Dan. No, finish up, finish up. Well, I think there's something to that. Now, it's not gonna be easy to get Chris on board with that. This is my point. This is my point, Jake.

I think you're shooting early, and I'll tell you why. Okay. Well, and I do want to add, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, there's more to learn. Yeah. Okay. So I do want to say, so like I said, I have a good relationship with her. I feel like I can come to her.

I did talk to her this year, like approaching Father's Day, because that's one that she always tags along to. And I just said, I tried a couple of different things. I said, hey, let's us girls do something fun while the guys are getting together, in which she responds, oh no, I like cigars or I like drinks so I want to be there too. I don't want to miss out. I've offered to watch her kids so she has the opportunity to go do something for herself. She responds, oh well if you watch my kids then I can just go be with the guys that would be great. So then finally I just said and I'm passive and nice so I said it through a text

Hey, um My husband doesn't appreciate it when you come to guys night I'm Saddle a delivery was you okay if you didn't come? Do you know the way I said this nice and passive because I'm from the Midwest. I texted, hey bitch, no one likes you. You're a piece of shit.

I've always way bonded more with my youngest sister. You're the C word. You literally ruined our family. Bunny ears. I put Vaseline on my face? Yeah. I got to say, Sarah, that's... So you said, but by the way, Sarah, I think you made a big mistake.

I think you made a big mistake. You blamed him. Yeah, that's tough. What was the reaction? What was the reaction? So the reaction was she said, I completely exclamation point smiley face and then you know what happened? What?

She went again? Neither of them came. So my brother-in-law didn't come. Yeah. So I was like well now I'm at a loss. I feel like I've tried different options. They haven't worked. So here it is.

So that's where it's at right now right now Chris and Amber no longer go to the guys night does your dad and the two other guys do they still do it or is it now like got a weird stink to it they still do it but they miss him they they would like for him to tag along but they do still get together poor Chris yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Poor Chris. Looking out the window. I wonder what the guys are doing. Probably smoking a my father. And do you think, Sarah, from your point of view, Chris wants to be back out there with the guys. I do. I, I will say that in general, um, he doesn't have a closeness to our family as the other two brother in laws do.

I would say my younger sister's husband and my husband, they, they really, truly are like family and that they gel so perfectly, um i would say yeah they're they don't come near as much family functions as the others do um let me throw something out there let me throw something out there this might be right this might be wrong i just got a gut feeling. This is going to be a swing and a miss, but I love the ambition. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's all right. I think Chris is asking Amber to come.

Yeah. Oh, I think he's saying I don't feel close to these guys. Yeah, it's your family. It's not these guys. It's your family. It's not my dad, it's your dad. I don't feel like these two other guys are like, hey dad, hey dad. And I'm like, you have it dad, you little bitches. Stop acting like you're part of their family.

Guess what? You get divorced, you're out. He's like, they're weird. They're acting like he's our daddy too. You're a grown man. He's like, but I gotta go because they're nice. They're inviting me. Come with him.

I like you. So if you come, it's fun. You're fun. I've liked you since I was 16. All I want is Amber. What I don't want is Amber's D bag brother-in-law. And these Tweedledee and Tweedledum being like, yes daddy, yes daddy, can I get in the inheritance?

Suck off. Guess what? The truth is, Chris and your husband, they're not brothers. They're not brothers-in-law. They're just two dudes. They're in fact nothing. They're not brothers-in-law. They're in two dudes. Nothing. Yes. They're nothing Chris hates your husband, Amber By the way, Dan, let's rewind. This will be a swing and a miss too. He hates your husband

How fast the winds turn for old DJ? Yeah, guess what Jake you were ambitious But that time you connected that ball sailed out a statement Thank you, cuz you sniffed it out. It's all Amber's husband because that's what I'm thinking because I'll tell you what and tell us if we're wrong Sarah. We're not but But Amber when you say things like you just, I'll babysit your kids and you can go do anything, everybody in the world wants a night off.

Yeah. But she's going, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna hang out with my dad, your husband, my other sister's husband, and go smoke cigars because I love cigars so much. Because Chris has told her, I don't know how to say no to these guys. I can't spend another Friday night with these goobers

talking about the tile company. Help me, Amber. I can see it. You can? Yeah, I really can now that you're talking through this. What? Is this true? Yeah, of course it is.

It might be true. I mean, I can't confirm, obviously, but like like as you're saying it, it's absolutely a possibility. And so maybe Amber's swallowing the grenade. So what you can do is on these guys nights, you can turn it into a family night and the guys can do their thing. Yeah, but Chris is allowed to hang back with Amber and you Like if you guys all go do something and then there's a part where your dad goes like hey me and the guys are gonna go Watch me hit golf balls. Wait, here's two sides. Wait a minute Jake. What Sarah's father is not Chris Elliot father is not Chris Elliott. Sam. Chris Elliott's a very different.

I know I'm not an impression guy, but that was not Chris. No, no, no, no. Sarah, anywhere near your dad? My dad is like a teddy bear, like so friendly, so inviting, so welcoming, just a total sweetheart so okay I don't know what character that plays after but so his vibe so you so does your dad like golf no what do the guys do just smoke cigars in a hot dark room usually drink drinks or cigars. Yeah, those are kind of alcohol.

Are you related to my family? Yeah. We might be. Cause I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you honestly, if I'm Chris, I'm going, I can't do it. No. I can't sit in, I know my brother Dan can't do it either.

He couldn't even hang out in a casino cause of the smoke. It's repulsive. So. I mean look, it's repulsive. It's disgusting. So. Who wants that? So he might. I'm with you. I don't like it either.

No, let me, I got it. Here comes a truck. Let me put my face over the exhaust and then we'll talk about, you know, football. It's stupid. It's just dumb. Kevin's a cigar man. There's a big humidor from Jake right behind me. You know what?

I appreciate that. Yes, I listen to every episode. I know that that was gifted to you. Yes, it was. It was, and it says the shark on it. Oh, I love that. Sarah, we still gotta help you though. Yeah, what do I do?

Will you phrase, I know this is too late in the game to do it, but will you phrase your problem in a question just so we could see if there's a way out of this? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

Now that we've talked, I'm feeling a little less hopeful, but my question coming after this- Hey, we're here to help. Thank you. Stomped out your hope, huh? You literally just said, after talking about it, I'm less hopeful on a fucking podcast called We're Here to Help. This is the epitome of a failed premise.

Guess what? I think Gareth might be better at this than I am. Yeah. Yes. No. You know what we're missing? Just some jokes. Just some jokes where we go,

we didn't help at all, but they felt more positive. Do you guys have given me great insight that I did not have before? Nah, we're talking about that. I feel like that is extremely helpful. Okay, all right. So phrase it in your question if you don't mind. Yes, the original question was, and maybe we need to change this, but how can I get

my brother-in-law to come to Guy's Night without my sister tagging along? Right. But the new question would be... I'm asking. Sarah. The new question would be... Why did I call in? How do I get off this call?

Because you're making me hate things? No, okay, so I have an idea Okay You tell Chris The next guys night that you're throwing amber a surprise party for just the girls Amber a surprise party for just the girls. Ooh, I love that. Right? You say this. Oh, that's really good.

And then it's all the girls, and she's like, what is this? And we're like, yeah. And you're just fucking celebrating Amber. It's Am's night with a drink and the nails and all the stuff Am's loves. And she's like, what is this? And we go, you go, honestly, this is just because we like you and we want to night with you.

Oh, I love that. And honestly, that fits so well with me and my sisters. Like, that would not be weird for us to do that at all. And then you could also say after that, the next one, you guys surprise me. So she's like, it's not just to get me away. You go like, we're trading a new thing where we're like passing on the surprise.

So now Amber, or you say the Nexus, now you're planning the next one, right? But this- What I like about this plan the most is that- You're gonna shit on it and we were about to win. No, no, no. What I like about it is what should happen is you're forcing Chris to go to guys nights he hates

and he should, because it's good for him. Yeah. It's good. He should. Grow and he should. Cause it's good for him. Yeah. It's good. He should grow up Chris, enjoy it. You're all over the place. He has been in our family way longer than anybody else because they've been together for like 16 years. Yeah, your dad's great. Suck it up Chris.

He could find a fun night and hang out. Yes, he can. But really. I can go too. But then, but really what we're doing is Yes, you can. I could go too. But really what we're doing is, because you can't control Chris, Sarah, but you can control your sister because you did it most of her life. Yep, it's true.

As her older sister, that is absolutely on point. Oh, I could tell. And you have been puppeteering that little girl as much as you can, and now she's breaking free So let's pull some goddamn strings and the strings are gonna pull is the next one that your husband is Figuring out with your dad and the guys and he could be talking to Chris and the other guy about we're gonna surprise You know dad

And we're gonna take dad to some cars and drinks and just do a night and then he could say you he doesn't say anything to Chris Then you guys reach out to her and say we need you to come do this thing for us Or you pull amber in and it's a surprise for the other sister So she's helping you throw the other sister to make it not all seem about amber getting away from guys night Okay Great, so you got two paths. One could be Amber's helping you plan this and it's like, we're just going to do a night for her. Let's just have fun. We don't do this as sisters and mom enough. Is mom still around? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're all very close. And then say there, no, how about this?

Go there doing a surprise for dad. So let's do a surprise for mom. Oh yeah. Oh, that's kind of sweet. Right. Cause if it's just about Amber, she might see through it, but be like, will you help us do this? Let's give mom a great night. Yeah. I love that plan. And you should do like a nice Dude, you guys did it. Nice job. Thanks for saying you guys, not my brother Dan.

No. What, by the way, while I was saying it, Sarah, my brother was just shaking his head, waiting to go, nope. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I'm a guest, so I'm supposed to be polite.

Great idea, guys. I'm really gonna work out. So, Sarah, what do you think you're gonna do here? You think you're gonna do that? Oh, absolutely. I love the idea of kind of putting it on the parents because then us as sisters can kind of gather together to plan it and then the guys can gather together to plan something for my dad.

Yes, I think that's right. I think it will work really nicely. And then you just need to get Amber in on the planning so that, and never blame it on your husband if about her not coming. Okay. I think that's gonna create- Bad wife move.

That'll be just a shit zone for him. And then he and Chris have to deal with it. Yeah. Then if she gets mad at him, it's just like, come on. Yeah. It's tricky. So now we rarely do this, Sarah, but we're about to get off the phone. But simply because my brother Dan was on, could you do something and pretend you're

texting it so you're more honest? But could you give each of us a grade, one through 10 via text? And just say the text. Sure. You're a mean-spirited character. I'm the grandma from the other call. Hey, you are.

So now Kevin, for example, keep in mind, he produced this. He called. He got you on. This was a call like siblings. So I just want you to think of that. So go ahead. Your first one would maybe be Kevin out of 10. He did put this together.

Did work out nicely. Go ahead. 10 out of 10. Wow. Great. Congrats. Now, how about me? What did you think?

And you could be honest. 10 out of 10. I thank you so much. That means the world to me. And now how about me? What did you think? And you can be honest. Ten out of ten. I thank you so much. That means the world to me. And now how about Dan? Seven out of ten. Midwestern. We appreciate it. Thank you for the call, Sarah.

Thank you, Sarah. Bye. All the best. Thanks for nothing. Thank you. Thanks, nothing. Thank you. Thanks, Sarah. Hello, caller, can you hear us? Yeah. Hi, this is the shark producer, Kevin. I got Jake with me. Gareth is probably in these.

He's missing. He's MIA, straight up. He's MIA, he's MIA. Oh no. Yeah, he was supposed to be with us... He's missing. He's MIA, straight up. He's MIA. He's MIA. Oh no. Yeah, he was supposed to be with us and he's missing, but we're happy to have you. I'm happy to be here, thank you.

So Jake doesn't know who this is, I obviously do. Can you remind Jake and the listeners who you are and what your first call was about? Yes, but Jake, do you really not know cuz sometimes I don't believe it. I really don't know Okay, I'm Heather from Orlando. I went to the cooking class. Oh, yes, Heather. How's the website? I was doing those emails with you guys a little bit and then I fell off. Oh I didn't know you were on the emails. Yeah, I was first writing with you and Caitlin a little bit. So tell me what's going on.

So the website turned out great. I joined the Patreon and people on the Patreon, yeah, were like giving feedback and helping Caitlin with it. The Patreon's fun, I'm not gonna lie. It's a good community. Yeah, it is, it is. I'm glad I'm on there. So I sent it to my

boss Tuesday night, and we recorded Monday afternoon. No way. I'm gonna show no good. Oh my god. Okay, the friendly shark making food that will make you say mmm. So shout out to Caitlin for making this site Heather, we're

looking at it right now. It's thefriendlyshark.squarespace.com. Kailin made this look incredible, and it looks so legit. Yes, it does. What people are saying is really good, how it works. There's a bunch of testimonials and how it works set up. And I'm pretty sure these photos are from listeners

that sent us photos of like their own foods. All right, first of all, shout out to the Patreon and everybody in that community who helped with this and Caitlin, this looks so good. So if you're listening, check it out on YouTube just to see this right now, it's very good. And then, sorry, I'm kind of scrambling everything. Heather, can you remind the listeners really quick what your call was about? Um, I just

Kevin, this will be in the same episode, right? Oh, that's true. That's true. Um, so all right, so just for one, yeah, we'll play it. We'll play it right after we'll go back to back. So Heather, your boss saw this and what happened? Okay. So I'm embarrassed because I rewatched our call before calling in now. And I was saying like, we got to be careful guys. She's really smart. The reveal is your boss is not very smart. Work for a very dumb individual. She goes like this, sounds good. Bye. She goes like this, sounds good, bye. She said like, this isn't the right website. She was like, this one's in Nashville,

and I guess she closed it. And I said, oh, let me look at it. And then I was like, oh, you just have to scroll down. It was in Orlando, and I kind of had to explain it to her. Like, looks like it's a traveling cookie. And then I was like, oh, you just have to scroll down. It was in Orlando. And I kind of had to explain it to her. Like, looks like it's a traveling cooking class. Looks like you missed it.

Mm-hmm. And? Oh, and she was like, hang on. She was like, this says friendly sharks, question mark. I was like, what does that mean? She's like, why would it be called friendly sharks? And you go, honestly, I have no idea. We're seeing the text right now. I'm putting up that screenshot, Heather, where your boss says,

it says friendly sharks question mark. And you say, I think that's just the company title. L.L.L. Your boss says, I don't think that is the right website. It just says it's in Nashville. And then you say, oh, shit, let me take a that is the right website. It just says it's in Nashville. And then you say, oh, shit, let me take a look. You know, this sums up our show.

We put so much effort in and the person goes, what the hell is happening? It is the friendly and then you just go anyway. Never mind. And she goes, forget it. This was stupid. And you go, all right, it's a victory for the podcast. Well, I sent her one that's in Orlando and she said like... Wait, not from the Friendly Sharks? You sent her a different one? Well, afterwards I sent her like, well, maybe you could go to this one.

Wait a second, Heather. You're talking about a whole different website for a cooking class? No, no, no. So after this, after I sent her this website, website for a cooking class? No, no, no. So after this, after I sent her this website, and we're like, oh, darn, you missed it. Don't worry. Oh, I understand.

Oh, I get it. So you're the one you took was friendly sharks. So that's now done. She can't do friendly sharks. They said, hey, do this other one. And she was like, sounds fun. I'm kind of interested. So your problem has been 100% solved.

Um, yes. I mean, Heather, Heather, this is a massive win for the show. I wanted to point out. It was the first pitch. Yes. Yeah. Well, sometimes you hit a home run on the first pitch. Yes. Yeah. Well, sometimes you hit a home run on the first pitch. You don't need to see seven always. Yeah.

So that I mean, good job. Thanks. Thank you. I couldn't have done this on my own. I am sad the Garf isn't here for this victory. It is. It is confusing. We'll tell him definitely.

It is confused. Not confusing is not the right word. Sometimes, look it. Heather, I'm getting a phone call right now from one Gareth Reynolds. I'm switching to speakerphone. Gareth, we're doing the follow-up with the cooking website.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I thought Jake said he couldn't do it. Yeah, he's on. We've been texting, Gareth. What the fuck? Go to the email and join the Zoom. We're doing the follow up right now with the BDSM person who gave the cooking class to.

Okay, he's going to join right now. One sec. Hey Heather. Are we going. Hey, Heather. Yeah, pretend it went bad. Pretend it went bad. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. That's just bullshit a little bit. We'll have a couple minutes of fun and then we'll get out with a victory. Okay. Heather, you haven't you lost your job? Yeah, tell Gareth you lost your job. Oh yeah, I'm in. But congratulations, this is amazing. It's so funny. So fun. Congratulations to you.

Thank you. What I was gonna say was, it's so deceit, not deceiving, but we often warm up and get to like the home run, like around the seventh inning. It is really funny when you did it with Cat Fundraiser too, where it was like, first one, grand slam, second one, grand slam,

and it's like, Jesus Christ. grand slam, second one, grand slam. And it's like, Jesus Christ. It rarely happens. That's why we get so excited and build a website and then do a follow-up on the day after, the day after. It's hard to get a victory. Well, so this is good for you, Heather.

This is a nice, clean, it's now over and you're moving on and now you're just locking more into tying people up or getting yourself tied up, correct? Of course, yeah. That sounds like a really nice plan. You don't have to deal with the boss anymore and now you get to have a little bit of fun and keep your job. It is funny how many of our calls can end with, I don't know, I think if we just make

a really good website, like people will believe it. Well, yeah, I didn't know if you guys were going to be like, maybe you guys know how you've been doing the like fake TikTok that we'll send to an old person. I thought you were going to be like, so we just heard that cooking classes are racist now. No one's to go to them. All right, Gareth's joining now. That would have been a fun way of doing it. The show's insane. Yeah, but I will say before and we will fully get in. Well, you haven't finished perming your hair. Do our midway through a perm.

So, Gareth, you chasing these new hairstyles. This one's insane. What are you? I was just hanging out. Oh, you're not, Garret. You said you couldn't do 430. I know, but then we texted. Kevin kept saying he's got something. So then I said, I'll do an ever, Garret said, you good for five. I said, I'll jump in at five. We can just do some ads.

We finished the ads. He said, weird. Then he said that this went on. But just as a heads up and we can trim this part out, this is Heather from the cooking class that she showed her boss and Caitlin made a truly great website. Okay. So it's not on the website. So the website and the pitch

we've already established was a good move. Okay. But Heather, the floor is yours. Um, sorry. It's kind of hard to joke around. Um... That's what I didn't mean anything by that to start. I just wanted Gareth not to come in here

and have a tone that he didn't know because his hair is very different, and that threw me. So I apologize. Jake, Jake. I apologize. Sorry. Jake, you live in a shanty near a fake locker room with a tackle dog. very different and that threw me so I apologize. Jake Jake Jake. You live in a shanty near a fake locker room with a tackle done. It's the website was fine.

Like I said, my boss is really smart and he did kind of see through it. Yeah. It's not Caitlin or of the patrons fault. No, it's truly your fault. It's not Caitlin or the patrons fault. No, it's truly not your fault. It's not your fault. Like I didn't have messed around with this in the first place. I'm the one that kind of chose to lie in the first place to her.

But hold on Heather. Maybe there's a way that we could pitch that we could write a letter or do something from our end where we. Honestly guys, I think you've done enough. All right. Okay. No. No.

No. Yes, Heather, your performance was excellent. He just sniffed it. No. But Heather, holy cow, the Academy Award goes to you. Heather, you were great. Thank you. Heather, you were great. Heather, holy cow. No doubt you goes to you. Heather, you were great. Thank you. You were great, Heather.

No doubt you were great. I'm just not going to... No script. No script. You were great. You were great. It's just this show has become jackass. This is now...

Nothing is okay. Everything's crazy. How did you know that, Garrett? Was it me? Was I too excited? It would just the situ- it would just be very- yes. And it would be very strange to be like,

Jump on! Let's go! You're a good pern! You're right. Anyway, Heather, tell us about how your life imploded. Yeah, you're right. I, Heather, tell us about how your life imploded. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I mean, I will say we had a good plan. Your look was surprising.

She was great. She was great. I thought her performance was so good and I was all over the place because I wouldn't have been laughing. Yeah. And you know what, Jake? I blew it. Jake, Jake, you were, you really, you could have just, yeah.

When I jumped out, you should have been like, this is what you should have done. Gareth, you look crazy, but honestly, I wish I could get into that, but we're actually talking to Heather, who has a pretty difficult update. Stop really fast, let's role play. I'm going to come on, and you be Jake. Let's run it again.

Heather, how do I turn my screen off really fast? I'm going to hit video. Stop video on the bottom left. Hit end chat. I'm I turn my screen off really fast? I'm going to hit bottom left. Stop video on the bottom left. Hit end chat. I'm not even going to do that because I'm going to end up hanging up and I'm going to do this. Okay, great.

Nice. Okay, ready? So Heather and Gareth, you guys are forming the plan. I just don't even know what to say to you in this situation. Oh, hey, Jake. Yeah. Jake, look. So, okay. I don't even, this is actually really strange that you just jumped on mid call. Your hair looks fine. It doesn't really bother me that.

Okay. Well, go ahead. Can we just focus up here? Yeah, absolutely. So, Heather, you remember Heather Jake? We made the fake website for her because she made up the cooking class for her boss. I'm sorry to interrupt. It's like every word out of your fucking mouth

stabs me in the heart a little more. I know. We're not going to air this. We're not going to use this. I mean, we just really want to say sorry. And you know, it's a shame. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna pay my rent, but sure. Well, how about this?

How about this? What we can do is we can, and Jake, I'll bring you up to date after this, but what we can do is- I have been, Mo. No, no, hold on. What we can do is after the show, let's, like we can easily start a GoFundMe for you. I honestly will give you my part of the patreon

We've been working our asses off on that. I bet Jake would too You know, we could just definitely like try to set you up You know, I know Jake Bullshit I call bullshit Basically, so what why? You did a very good job Jake So what? Why? Because you did a very good job, Jake.

By the way, you know what you should do? You should quit this and be like, next time on, we're here to help. And then it's me crying. Are you like the third member of this? She's good. She's very talented. Heather's going to take me out of a job. Heather, you might have just turned into another Connor.

We might have to bring you on for a call at some point. Oh, my God, yes. This is because your acting is really good. You know what we could really do is bring Heather in if we ever need like a... A ringer. A ringer, like we're doing something coming in. So that time, I love that you made an acting choice.

You decided to get nasty with it. You didn't repeat. It was very good. Yeah. Gareth, you were great too. I think what we learned is I screwed up the first one. I got excited seeing you Garf. We did the ads without you. Shark was great. Shark was great.

You were too. I can only imagine the amount of shrapnel I took on the ads. Did you do an intro without me? Yeah. Gareth, we didn't mention you. Okay. All right, well that hurts too, honestly.

Heather. I did the intro. So wait, what happened? What is the actual uptake? I have a real, the uptake went great. It worked. Big win for us. Let's do something funny.

Let's do something funny. We just happened. So this call's over. Gareth, it's a big win. We won big. What if we stop right now and do an intro for this episode? And Heather's in the intro. Okay.

I will pass away. Okay. So everybody, so this will then be the end for this episode and Heather's in the intro. Okay. Please, I will pass away. Okay, so we're gonna- Well, Heather. So everybody, so this will then be the end of this episode and we can leave this in so that when they have heard it all. So everybody, thanks for listening to this fun episode and then get ready because you've already heard the intro.

Goodbye, everybody. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler.

Themed song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strilecki, and if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults

and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hey there, we're here-dos. That's the new name we have for you. This is Gareth. Just reminding you if you have not checked out my new podcast. Next we have also a headgun production. Please do that. It is a show that just has a lot of good quick hitting segments

that are funny. The show is just silly, goofy. It's a good time. I think people will like it. That's why it was named Time Magazine's Podcast of the Year. That's a lie. Don't look it up. But, you know, listen, we're here to help the best. So if you like this show, I think you might like my new podcast called Next We Have. Please give it a listen. And if you like it, you know, do all that stuff you got to do with podcasts. Appreciate it.