We're Here to Help - 185: Good Bit Man, Let's Go (with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein)

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

For this bonus episode, Jake and Gareth swap stories with friends of the show Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Agent Nate Russo returns in Oracle III, Murder at the Grandview, the latest installment of the gripping Audible original series. When a reunion at an abandoned island hotel turns deadly, Russo must untangle accident from murder. But beware, something sinister lurks in the grand view's shadows. Joshua Jackson delivers a bone-chilling performance in the supernatural thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series. Love thrillers

with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Hey, Steve Berg is here. I'm going to predict Steve's accomplishment list involves making food, having coffee, and doing one tiny little errand or around the house thing. Jake, because he said he's done a lot today. Bathroom. Yeah, a successful bathroom. Yeah. A successful bathroom. I would have liked, I would have liked better, but I was a little anxious about starting the zoom.

You know, I get stage, I have stage fright, which is definitely true. No, but I woke up to my cat sitting on my chest, meowing in my face, and I had nothing to eat. So I went to Trader Joe's right when it opened. First one in there by the way. You went to a Trader Joe's this early in the morning? Yeah, I went right at eight when it opened. That was literally the first thing I did.

What for? I had nothing to eat in my house. Oh, doesn't sound like you. I was hungry. No, it does. I ate all. I ate everything. I've never heard of somebody eating their house out. You know his wife's gone right?

Yeah, Suzy's gone so. I didn't know that. His wife's gone. I'm living in chaos, it's Bachelor Boy style. So it's just Carl's Jr. rappers and like Post-its. Hold on Steve, at our age we can't be bachelor boy style. It is. Bachelor boy.

Man. In the house. But also what that means for Steve. Our big body's walking around the house is not a bunch of bachelor boys. But what that means to Steve is like, I ate all the pasta. You know how much brown rice pasta I had?

Bachelor style. There's none, and that's actually what I'm having for dinner tonight. I'm very excited. But I also had my air conditioning service this morning. Okay, what's going on with that AC unit, babe? It's fine, but it turns out the guy's like, yeah, actually I was out here four months ago.

He's like, you still want me to do it? And. I was like does it need it. He's like not really I'm like okay cool. That was waste so you rebooked him and didn't remember I thought it had been a couple years and turns out I had done it in like November We like 18 months at least Jake can we get into the accomplishment prediction that really nothing has happened well But I will say I'm busy, but I'm crucial. I've been a busy busy be busy busy be and he's all hopped up on caffeine Yeah, when will I ever have time for me right? That's we haven't even explained what this episode is and Steve's talking about how he's a busy busy B Because Steve showed up ten minutes early to his all time having had 15 minutes or 15 minutes early yeah the idea was

Stephen Gareth and I were gonna take a little bit of time for us I thought I just I would thought I would sit in the lobby and then you know just kind of like you know read a periodical or something yeah I got a brand new people magazine I can read once you see Steve you can't be lobby. Yeah. I got to bring people magazine. I can read once you see Steve, you can't. You just got to get to excited. Hold on, Steve. Just hold on tight. You just hold on tight.

Well, first of all, so this episode is we're releasing it today. Yeah. Oh, are we? We're kind of we're sort of hot off the presses. We're kind of going a little. We can talk about the Diddy News and be very topical. That's exactly right. Did that shit happen? Guilty on two charges.

Not guilty on a bunch of others. Yeah. Man, he's just not gonna do any time, is he? He's doing a little time. I interrupted the intro, Jake. No, I mean. So we're just gonna have a little, a little laugh around. So here's what happened, and it was a Wobby Wobs

and Not A Text idea. We were all texting and we were gonna do another re-release of just other episodes, which are fun, but you know, they're not the greatest because people have already heard them. And they're fun for us because we get to re-listen to them and then we do a new intro. And then they said,

why don't you and Gareth just get on and just bullshit about the fourth? And I've been wanting to do a little Zoom with Gareth. And so hold on, watch this. Three, two, one. Yeah! Wow. So that's tiny.

Oh, somebody's got a little, are you allergenic right now, Jake? You're so good at that. Thanks man, it's time. It's, yeah, the allergies have been killing me. Me too. Way to go. Thanks man.

And so then we said. Imagine being Steve's AC guy who's like, buddy, how high are you? I know it. Not even. But by the way, no, you called him back in a short period of time, and he was a gentle not to charge you

Yeah, he didn't charge me. He's like, yeah, man, you know Jesus don't have to have us out. We change the filter every 18 months. Yeah, and then you well Here's what he also could have done to you Steve Yeah, you need a whole new AC and everything and then like the character from memento who doesn't write it on his arm He could come back a week later and do it again. He really could. He could be AC Memento. We are gonna get so rich off this guy.

I wasn't stoned this morning when he came over, but was I stoned when I made the appointment? Likely. I'm like, you know what I'll do. I'll get on top of the air conditioning maintenance. Oh, god. Which is, I mean, as we all know, those units are expensive, fellas. All right. Yeah. Hold on.

You want to get the most out of them. Hold on, Steve. I agree, Gar. So today we're just going to have a little Fourth of July F-Round. We invited a couple friends, one who's going to aim to be here when we asked him and one who's already here talking about how ACs work or don't work. And it's coming from a guy who, again, booked an appointment two times in a few months, one of them, which was totally irrelevant. And now he's nodding and looking at us.

And he really boasted today about how he showed up to Trader Joe's before anyone else like a flex. It's not a flex that he called a bachelor boy style. Well, he's just sitting in a house with towels on the ground. By the way, you're not wrong. Everything you're kind of pointing out is accurate. This has been a crazy, crazy, crazy. What are the now I'm turning because I was just I'm waking up.

And so I was in seeing Stevie's sweet face mode. But I think Gareth has been up for a little bit more. He's seeing things clearly. What were the accomplishments? I think I've been laying it out. I'm all business today, folks. I mean, I wake up. That's not an answer to his question.

Yeah, okay, well let me finish. You cut me off. Well, start. It's about give and take. I wake up. I feed the cats we play a little stick and as soon as I'm like well Trader Joe's I got about 12 minute drive Get there right at 8 p.m.. And by the time I get a PM, huh? 8 a.m.

You got me dude nailed me ma man. Ah Nailed me, ma, man, uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Today, but by the time I get back, that guy is pulling up. I timed it all perfectly.

Turns out he burned the quick part. He didn't. He didn't. Turns out he didn't. He didn't need it. Yeah, hold on, hold on. No, but if I did. I know, if you did, it would've been perfect.

But hold on. Thank you. What did you get at Trader Joe's? Oh. Okay, well, I've been doing these pastas. I call them a garden pasta. We kind of make it fun. And so I get some ground chicken, Jake,

and then I also get like four peppers. I get two green, two red, a big onion, and some mushrooms. And I cook those vegetables down. It's almost like a ratatouille in a way. And then I add the traditional marinara sauce on that, and I will be doing brown rice noodles, because look, you can't do flour noodles during the week. That's okay. So hold on Gareth How are and I know I've said this to both you guys in person and I did not ask to set up my own

slam-dunk, but Gareth and I did Something cooking with Bert Kreischer or something burning so yeah burning Bert friend of the show, really good to us, brought us to his place, has a whole setup, a whole fake podcast house. A house. Fake podcast house. It's a business house.

This dude is just in a party state, he's ripping joints, cooking food, we're all telling stories. I love it. And got a really nice business out of it. How is there not a version of cooking with Steve, everything you're just talking about that meal, just the way Jennifer Garner has a couple cameras on her

as she's making little pastries? Yeah. I wanna know, good fucking garden potato. I want to hear four peppers. And then you go in as like, you know, with a little apron on, go into the camera being like, hey everybody, do you guys want to learn how I make this?

I completely agree. It's like, my buddy Jeff. I completely agree. You need a GoPro and a steak. Yes. And you could just put it wherever you're going in your garden for picking in your kitchen for starting, because even what you're saying now is there's no. And I mean this in the nicest way. There's no substance to it.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Garry, you are nasty this morning. I could keep listening. I could keep looking up on the wrong side of the web. Yes. I could keep listening to it. Jake, I think I think we have a crabby Appleton in our mouth. Listening I saw what he woke up on the wrong side of the web. Yes Listening to it I think we have a crabby Appleton in our mouth. I hate to say it though. I love mean Garrett Yeah, well, it's so funny. And when he's yeah, he kills a great He's a scary well people mean you were scary that last that last episode people were like jeez

Well, I mean we Heather and I were really, I forgot how intense that exchange got. Heather's so funny. She really. We had a caller come on and she had been on a few times and she just was doing, what's been really fun about the show is now the callers really know the show. So not all of them, but a lot of them really know all the bits. And she just decided everything Jake said was great. So I would say something really stupid and she'd be like,

that can I please hear Jake finish? And every time it gets rid of, she'd be like, shut up. Yeah, it just was having a caller do that bit. And Garrett and I happened to be in person for it. Shut up, Garrett. It just was. But having a caller do that bit, and Garrett and I happened to be in person for it. I just gave up. It was just, it was too much. I gave up.

It was like comedically, it was a 10 out of 10. I have a great experience with Jake, and I was like, I was like, shut up, Heather. I was eventually like, Heather, shut up. He was. God, she pushed you. But it was so funny. But no substance you were saying.

I agree with your original premise. I think that it really is an injustice that there is not a Cooking with Steve show. And that there's not, guests can come on, different people, like I would love to sit and have like a, you explain, because you know, it's probably just copying too much of Bart, so you'd have to do your own version, cause what I really liked that he did, and I hadn't seen his show before I did it, but he asks, what do you want?

And then he makes it and the fucking dude's a good chef. He's good. He's good. He's chaos, but he's good. But then there's a version of what Jennifer Garner does, which I find to be, there's a bunch of these Instagram actors who doarner does, which I find to be there's a bunch of these Instagram actors who do it now, which I mean,

I think the woman from Sopranos does it too, where all of a sudden they just filmed their really expensive kitchens. And for some reason they make videos of them like cooking pastries. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I don't think you're a fucking chef. I don't know what's happening here,

but you'll look and it'll be like a billion views and everyone going like, oh yay, yummy, wowsers. What's also great about it? Bakey, bakey. And I'm like, what galaxy am I in? This is just an actor making brownies and if someone's gonna do it, I would like it to be Steven. I agree. Yeah, Well look I you know

I guys think through the vote of confidence really building me up. This is great. Especially after Gary's just tore me down I mean you did nothing What have you done today? Nothing, but I didn't start off with whoa. I'm crushing the day. I've been to Trader Joe's got grocery for the week I saw the person guy had a nice conversation with him. You didn't need him. Well, I found out today, I'm probably gonna be buying the extended, like the annual checkup plan for the air.

So he did take you. That's what he sold you. He did take you. He got me. I didn't sign up for it, I had the pamphlet. I'll be showing the better half, and she'll make that decision. By the way, going to that, Steve,

and I've given this thought. The prank we did on you, in the end, you had so much confidence that you had murder she wrote at the end in, and then I re-listened to the episode, you didn't figure it out, Susie did. Completely. Yeah. But I gave her credit for it.

I know you did, but kind of tone. She's like, are you sure this wasn't Jake and Garrett? Like she needed, okay, that's Suzy doing it all. They have a history of doing this to you. And then you were. I was like, wait. And there was like a flashback of all the times you guys had pranked me.

I wish it was a great like little montage. Steve, your big clue. It was all black and white, you know, when you were speaking slowly. Yes, totally. Your big clue in the episode of Murder, She Wrote was that your wife told you what was happening. But I was smart enough to deduce that she was correct.

And then you went into your mind palace. I was smart enough to deduce that she was correct. By the way, a Steve Berg version of Murder, She Wrote is always confused, and then his wife, who only appears in one scene in each episode, just goes like this, like, I'll stop it, the mailman did it. Well, do you remember? Aha! One night, Jake this, I was like, oh stop it, the mailman did it. Well do you remember?

Ah ha! One night, Jake. What I was saying was. It's like Inspector Gadget. One night, we were all in your yard, Jake, and we started talking about it, and we called it Murder He Wrote. And we laughed for so long.

No, Clay Allen actually and I, I mean, developed. We had lunch, we talked about it, but I was gonna play Jessica Fletcher's grandson. Yeah, Clay Allen actually and I, I mean, developed. We had lunch. We talked about it. But I was going to play Jessica Fletcher's grandson. Yeah, that's basically a little slusher. So funny. Yeah. Murder, he wrote, would be amazing. And the idea of suit because because to what Jake's saying, it is true. It was like I think we were so gutted with you knowing what was going on that it really clouded the reality,

which was that we had you. You had me. We just gotta get to Suzy. We gotta get to Suzy and let her know next time. Gareth, I was so, because what I really in my heart of hearts wanted, Steve, and so did Gareth, we talked about it, that there was a world we were gonna do this

for like five years. Yeah. And Steve keeps Gareth, we talked about it. There was a world we were gonna do this for like five years. And Steve keeps sending whatever, because a lot of calls to the complaints of some of our listeners, we repeat pitches. Well, I'll tell you why. We're not the sharpest tools in the shed and you just after a while, some of these calls

like booking an air conditioning guy who's just been there, they seem familiar. Yeah. And some of them are like. There's so many tricks in the bag, you know? Yeah, and that's true. You got a weird box in your attic, weird box in your basement.

It was like, send it to Steve. The best solve. Because every time Steve reacts to it, it'll be like new. They'll go like, this is crazy. What happened? Chocolate from South Africa? What happened? I was very scared, but I did eat it. Well, my wife said to not have them, and then I got really high one night and I tried to. It was game over. I will say, I'm good at forgetting, as we all know, and

if people want to send me products, I'd be happy to go through them and review them. Oh, well hold on. We can't give your address out willy-nilly me products, I'd be happy to go through them and review them. Ooh. Well, hold on. We can't give you your address out willy-nilly. No, I'll get, I'll give you a PO box that I'm supposed to create. It's on my list of things to do. So what is the thing you're pitching that you would test products? I'll test your product. I like this.

Yeah. I'll test your product, give a full honest review. I'll put it in use. I like, you know, if it's a jump rope, I'll go out product give a full honest review. I'll put it in use I Like you know if it's a jump rope I'll go out to a church parking lot and jump rope and say I don't know this one doesn't really have a lot of flex Okay, how does that grab you grabs hard grabs hard yeah But I also I gotta get eyes on that. I gotta get eyes on this to-do list it's P. O box, that is the to-do list.

Yeah, what is the, hold on, you, Gareth, you nailed it. Steve, off the top of your head, what's on that to-do list? Oh, boy. He's looking back, I did. I don't know why I'm looking over there. I was looking in the hallway for help. Your wife's not here to solve this one. In your head, for real, what's on the to-do list?

Yeah, well, I know here's one I did accomplish recently I was sent a thousand dollars worth of steaks and so I had been meaning to get a deep freeze for about two and a half years But once I got those steaks, I'm like, I can't fit all those in my just regular refrigerator. Why'd you get a thousand steaks? I can't fit all those in my just regular refrigerator. Why'd you get a thousand steaks? A thousand, I do MC work for Omaha Steaks, and they sent me a little gift. Incredible. And no one in my family eats beef,

my wife doesn't eat beef, so now I'm basically just gonna clog my arteries with like T-bone steaks. So what's your brag here? I'll be dead in six months. Thank you Omaha Steaks. You got a freezer? Yeah, I got a freezer, so that got a freezer. I got a freezer.

That was a big you. I have a to do list, like a weekly. And then I have like the to do list, which we're kind of looking for either right now. It's the only thing you did was look behind you and told us about something you did do. Yeah, no, I did the deep freeze. That was big. Well, it's not the only thing. What's on the weekly and what's on the overall?

Well, the weekly one was good. Trader Joe's nailed that. That's a weekly one. Well, that was I put that on my eye. Cal last night. Putting I if I don't have it on my eye, I will not happen. I'll just forget about it. I'm trying to bid his way out of this.

He's in a half Nelson. He's trying to bid his way out. It's tight. No, I really haven't made it. Trying to bid his way out of this he's in a half Nelson. He's trying to bid his way tight No, I really haven't made it's a holiday week, so you know I'm trying. You know I'm going easy on myself Okay, all right, so we're not gonna get any answers on the actual to-do list or any of that stuff No, no, okay, Gareth. What's going on with you pal? I'm a little concerned about Steve and his to do list and all that stuff. He's kind of crabby out into that.

We should point out. We invited a second force of nature. Yeah. Sure. He's muted. You're on mute. Hold on. Eric showed up in a tie dye shirt. Thank you for joining us. You look good. I like how he's got to sit like a mermaid now.

Yeah. Jake, what did you eat, Jake? I'll eat anything, man. You just ate something. I took a bite of ice in the coffee because I'm trying to... I'm trying to do keto these days. Eric knows. Oh boy, I see.

I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why. Here we go. I did a body scan where you can go in the back of a van in a parking lot. Jake, I don't see that. Some guy touches your body? In a parking lot. Wait, no, this is not true.

It's fucking true, Jack. What are you doing? I was trying to stuff in Catholic school, man. This won't end well. I didn't go to Catholic school, I went to public school. So I went to a body scan where I go like, well, you know, so I went to the place and it was in a strip mall on the east side of LA. And I get there and I go to the little like, you know, so I went to the place and it was in a strip mall on the east side of LA.

And I get there and I go to the little like, you know, what looks just like a physical therapy training place. And I walk in to check in and they go, oh, the scans aren't here. They just use our location. They're in a van in the parking lot. Good feeling.

Ask for a guy named Spider. You know, come will. And then I go, well there's no van in the parking lot. And they go, well he must be late. Just hang out. You'll see the van. Good vibes all around, for sure. Ten minutes later, a van pulls up. I go inside it. How did this start, Jake? Why did this start? This just, you know, Gareth, I'm going

to tell you. So my journey into the martial arts. Sorry. Sorry, King. I know you love karate, but I was out there rolling on the mats, Jack. So wait, so you, you're, you have the, the dalliance with jujitsu has been going on and this is where I'm going to do my morning to do flux and you're going to be able to kill me. Gareth. I've been working on a lift and heavy King knows this. I texted him, but I deadlifted 325 pounds the other day. That's real.

This is confirmed. This is confirmed. That's real weight. Confirmed by text message, Eric? We have a psychedelic trainer that is changing lives. Oh, right, I remember. As we speak. Rudy goes, who? Everything is new with G-Fit.

G-Fit. G-Fit. And so he pushed me, I didn't wanna do it, and he said, you're being a bit of a baby. And the weights, when I started lifting, I went like, I don't want to do it, and he said, you're being a bit of a baby. And the weights, when I started lifting, I went like, I don't got it, don't got it. And he goes, help, help. For a guy your girth, you should get it.

Oh Jesus, he did it. That was the tone. That was the tone. You're a big boy. Just like, lift the weights weights you human baby sissy. And so then I was going like, well I kind of want to know where I'm at and I need to know numbers.

Because I'm like you work out and you start getting in this zone where you're like what am I doing? If you're not going to get in a street fight which Gareth, you know me, I would love to just test my, you know, you work out, you just, go ahead. No, it'd be great for you to get in a street fight to bring you back down to earth for a minute I've seen him in a street fight. I saw he's one to know

For those that don't know they try to Jack this man's fucking cell phone on Avenue and this man went ahead and said you know what no Because you came and saved his bacon. No, no, no, no, no. He was taking you tell the story. What happened in 2004? We were moving three gentlemen. They were beating him up. They also like gentlemen. Absolutely.

And it was one of the first times I'm like, Jake's just given a little bit more. And only other things. A weird thing I'd only seen in my Gonzaga friends, went on professional athletics. And I, we were moving from 1545 North Las Palmas, still there Jake, we got to check it out because that thing's getting knocked down soon and it is tragic. We're moving on up to 1850 North Whitley, where I'm going to live in an office with an accordion door for somebody that I met in Second City. But who lived in that building, Eric? Who lived in that building also? When we moved in? Bag. Brian Austin Green.

We were real nasty and jealous of Bag. What not we, you? I was real nasty and jealous of Bag. And what did you do one day? Chucked everything and sourour cream down the pool. And you said we're creating pool day. I'm Ryan. Austin green.

Brian has a green swimming in the pool with a couple of friends. Eric and I on the porch. He's just going off on bag. I didn't have a lot of thoughts on bag. I'll be honest, but Eric was hot and it was funny. Then Eric goes, fuck it. And by the way, bag was with some friends who would have beaten us up.

Oh, easy. Me and Eric. I'm not against bagging the boys. Oh easy Against bagging the boys no Eric whips a thing of sour cream Adam, you know, it doesn't hit him but it splashes nearby Seagull took a shit near him probably took some sour cream shrapnel Eat the system. OK, wait. So then you see explain how Jake kicked ass. And then we'll get to what he was in the back of a van. I was in the process of moving and.

We were moving all my stuff in my Sebring convertible at the top down because it's a convertible can actually tell the quick story of the really sweet couple from the Midwest who looked at your apartment. Do you mind? Oh, yeah. Well, I just wasn't living well back then I was I was a work in progress. And as I was moving out, there was a couple looking around like, huh, maybe we could make the transition like a bachelor apartment in Hollywood. And then I was like, Oh, I'm moving

out if you want to check the place. This place was in such a disgusting state of disrepair. They'd walk in and go out themselves and walked out with a look of horror. But she did muster just a look of pure human sympathy. Someone had been living like that. Someone was living like an animal in Los Angeles. Eric volunteered it. A really sweet couple from like Minnesota. He's like, I'm moving out if you want to check it out now. And they're like, you don't mind? Go ahead.

Oh yeah, it's ready to show. The back hallway where the bathroom was, I remember I used it once, was like a scary dungeon with no light. They literally felt like they walked into like a serial killers of like I left LA Do you remember that anyone see the movie barbarian the whole yeah? Oh god great I just watched it you know when they go down and they enter that like basement they keep walking down was Eric's place He showed that

Even as the old woman back there Yeah, my kitchen was an electric walk on top of the toilet. What? Yeah. I'll tell you between an electric walk and a Foreman grill. I was working with the market pizza Bella in the back of a pizza joint on Whitley and Franklin. And I just, you know, I I was into some pills. I wasn't living right. I wasn't living right.

I wasn't I wasn't the best version of myself that you guys see now. And I know you all kind of look kind of look to me as a spiritual. We look up to you there. Yeah. Yeah. I being on pills and having an electric walk on your toilet is so specific, it belongs to the script. You sit there and wonder where it all went right. So that we're moving and so we're moving my stuff just like four blocks up. And we are very excited because even though I'm only living in a den with an accordion door,

we now have access to a pool. We know this is a step up. And we also do Chris Farley's brothers used to live in this high rise apartment. And so he would party there. So that's even more exciting. Yeah. So as we're moving, I So that's even more exciting. Yeah. So as we're moving, I come out with like the last two things. I have a hammer and I have a giant cigar store. Indigenous head.

I don't know how to put that diplomatically friends. That's the best we're getting. That wasn't your best moment. At this time in the morning, that's the best we're getting. Yeah. And a giant cigar store, indigenous head. Sure. And then I come out and I look at,

there are three guys attacking Jake at once and he is fighting them off. One of them is hitting them. One of them is grabbing his cell phone. And Jake, if I recall correctly, saying, I'm not giving you my shit, man, I'm not giving you my shit, man. I'm not giving you my shit, man. Yeah.

The other guys also on top of him, throwing blows. It was shocking to come out to so much. So I thought he, it was improv folks. I thought he put me up to it. I didn't need to. If this is really it, I'm like, oh shit, these guys are doing a herald. I come here and fuck with my body.

So then, but then I, it's also sort of undeniable what's happening so I just you know while holding the head and the hammer just go hey and then they swirl and look and they're just kind of because I'm standing on these stairs with the Sun behind me and I'm already tall as hell anyway so I looked about 20 feet tall and I was in the middle of a scrap for my life. And I was right at the point where the tipping point was happening and Jake's tour was about to go down and I hear it was fucking Paul Bunyan. And what it looked like, it was like that because the indigenous head, it was a huge head. It looked like he was holding the head of something.

And then the way the hammer was, looked like a huge weapon. It looked like a mythical creature of defense came out. It was. And these three dudes scattered. And then Eric walks over and my head was banging. It was like I got a couple blows to the temple and the adrenaline was going down and I go like, Whoa, thanks, man. And he goes, good bit.

J man, let's go. Wait, you still thought it was a bit. He thought it was a bit? He thought it was a bit through the drive to his place. And in the middle of it he's like, wait, are you okay? I'm like, no, my man. I was punching the face a bunch. This whole gig might be concussed.

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G-Force. We think he's on the right path. I believe in Rudy Garcia, who is who is, you know, when the teachers ready, when students ready, the teacher appears and that's Rudy for us. But Jake just has that little bit extra. I think if Jake focused himself on professional athletics, he could have made it. You've got to play me NBA. He's more athletic than my friend, Dan Dick. The NBA. Yeah, I think you could have. And what Water guy?

I can see. I can see with a lot of training, a lot of focus. Single baseball, single baseball is real. You have a good arm. You throw the baseball well. Yeah, single baseball. And you can drink on that. That's a that's an athletic event where you can drink. Exactly.

By the way, Jake had been born into my friend Dan's family, he would have made the NBA. My buddy's dad, Randy, held him back. But Eric, Eric, once we start toying with the genetic makeup of a person, I think we're sort of saying that person is not right for it anymore. Jake as is.

He's as is. You all know, he's very athletic. He is. I'm not dimensioning that. I'm just saying he's more athletic than my friend that made the NBA and my friend shorter than me too. This goes back to frizz ball in the park where we would play two on two.

Yeah. And I will say, you had prowess. You both were good. You did have prowess. I gotta say, well, Eric, you were missed on those days, but it was the three of us and Clay Allen and Clay Allen sneaky athletic. He was good. He's a glider. He's a glider. He moves well.

And I got to say, Steve, you know, and I've complimented you, Gareth, on your athleticism. 1987 Oldsmobile, where Gareth's athleticism is the athleticism and I just sounds like a dig but it is not because you guys know how I feel about cars. He's an 87 Oldsmobile with 200,000 miles on it but it never breaks down and you want to go 90 hit the gas. It'll get you there. You want to zip around of course. It's gonna do it Garrett's had like Tom Bad knees from yes major league back in like when he was 22

But you look new braces when you were like a kid compliment, he's still hitting 280. I know it's still good Laying down that front to win it all It looks like it hurts though. All right, this all Leads us to Jake Johnson, deadlifting a great amount of weight, and now you go into a body scan van. Here's what it is. I know that these days I'm stronger than I've ever been,

and I'm feeling good about it. And then I was like, but I don't know a gauge. What's the gauge of this stuff? I was like, I don't give a fuck how I look in some denim pants. I hate seeing you hurting, Eric. Oh no, it's so much better, I promise you. It can't be better, I know you.

No, no, no, no, yesterday was much worse. You poor thing. That's really. Oh no, no, no, no. Boys, I promise you, I'm up front. But here, no, by the way, Eric, you're not up front. Yeah. Sure I am. No you're not. Buddy, you're sitting on the. Yeah. Sure I am. I told you I was.

No you're not. Buddy, you're sitting on the side like you're in excruciating pain. Also, every time I ever see you, you go, better than ever, brother. Eric, will you tell the story really fast of the Dick Van Dyke show you just saw? Oh God.

I mean, I'd much rather. This is like where you look at everything that everybody laughs about you behind your back and God damn it, they're right. So I have a reputation for dragging friends and for me going to see a lot of geriatric rock stars. He's take, he's taken me to see Kenny Rogers and Jerry Lewis, we played a fake typewriter.

For a moment. For a moment. What was that show, Stephen? Joking, first off, what we saw at Kenny Rogers, I got so drunk I fell down a flight of stairs, it was fine. Oh. Remember at the end, I felt,

I literally fell down the flight of stairs in Saban but I drank so much whiskey, that was so loose, I was, nothing happened. Nothing happened. What? You're also indestructible, Berg, but like, it was shocking. I have thick bones. But it was shocking.

Steve does it. We were so, I would black out drugs. Steve could get hit by a truck and once he got up, I wouldn't ask him if he was okay. I'd be like, if he went like this, Jesus, that truck was coming at a 35 mile an hour pace. I'm going like this, you good? You go yeah, I go, okay, so the next thing we're doing.

Yeah, let me go look at the damage to the truck. Yeah, slow down turkey. As Steve gets hit by the truck, he would go look at the damage to the truck. Yeah. Slowed in on Turkey. Woodburn has rot. Slowed down some key. As Steve gets hit by the truck, he would go like, Jesus, is your truck okay? I am so sorry. But Eric also took me to see Jerry Lewis. I mean, this is late stage Jerry Lewis, where he literally, he couldn't, he didn't do anything.

I know none of these guys do. He showed those clips and then played the typewriter. You got to be kidding me. That's what you show me. I'm not joking. So he has like this old typewriter from the 50s where someone plays the piano, but he plays the typewriter like he's playing the piano.

He was doing faces. I'll give him that. He was like. Ah! Ah! He was doing faces. But also, Gareth, he said, I'll give him that. Like it was money well spent. him that. It was a faces while playing a keyboard is not I'll give him that.

I'll give him that. So he was making faces. Yeah. So I didn't mean to throw you off on Dick Van Dyke, but I was just saying. This was much needed. And then my buddies, Mark and Scott, also give me a ton of shit because I once made them, I had this whole thing, we picked up Mark in Toronto,

he was working, we were supposed to go to the Outlaw Country Show, I'm like, hold on, we have a day off and Charlie Pride is doing a show in Western Pennsylvania. So I pick him up and I wanna make sure I get to see Charlie Pride early. Who is Charlie Pride? No idea, thank you for asking. He's a country artist.

Okay. He's great. He is, he's great. What? What? Oh my God. I'm sorry. Trailblazer? Charlie Pride's the greatest story. Basically, Gareth, you'll get into him.

He's one of these amazing American stories. Charlie Pride's first country album came out. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everybody Wikipedia. You're not Charlie. It's an all time great. He is a legend and a hero. And Charlie Prides first ever country album tickets to his show because of this. He's not listening to Charlie Pride.

But we lost Charlie two years ago. I'm still dealing with Charlie Pride. Was he nearly 100? OK. He was talking about a young guy like a Charlie C years ago. I'm still dealing with it. How old was Charlie Pride? Was he nearly a hundred? Okay. He was so old. I thought you were talking about a young guy like a Charlie Crockett. This is another older guy?

No, he's incredible. Charlie Pride is historic because in the early 60s, his first album came out, Charlie singing the music he loves. It goes to a rocket on the country charts. And the only slight interesting thing is his picture is not on the front of this album because Charlie was black. Shut up, Eric.

Shut up with your tone. By the way, I think you're coming with your glasses about Aries. Eric saw the movie. Wait, hold on. Look at Eric. I think Eric saw Cocoon as a little kid. Those are my people. I know. Agree. I like the old guys.

Oh, don't you dare tell me you were an influence by Denny as well, buddy. That's how we got here. Fair enough, you got it. Come on. You know what else I love is that this story is headed towards how this show disappointed the people he took there.

And he's like, you don't know Charlie Pry. Also, the rhythm there of his photo wasn't on, because he, we all know this story. It's happened a million times. I thought you didn't know Charlie. I don't know Charlie, I know the story. White guys have stolen black guys' music forever. Well, but he was the first to come out

and straight sing country music, and he couldn't tell. And so it was this whole thing, and he went on to this meteoric career and I really wanted to see him when he was 80 My mark and scott were true because i'm like, I don't think we can stop in niger falls It sounds like we've all seen it before. I think we're good I want to make sure we get to the casino early and they're like you're not really Because I get a lot of shit because these trips demand leadership and I step up and they're like It's adults just going to see a show did not need leadership

Ruin a vacation, that's what a dad does to ruin a vacation. That's what I do to ruin everything. The reason I call you out here is I'm looking in a mirror, not in a zoom. Nobody. I know that's why waves of love and empathy. I keep going. So that that group needed leadership and you stepped up, Jack. Yeah. So I didn't stop at Niagara Falls. And then also I will say this, the show is heroic,

but Charlie did have to leave the stage twice to change pants. Nothing, that means another day. He needs to change pants. Yeah, yeah. Gareth, hold on, hold on. I'm going to Gareth for a second. Eric, I love you. And you really should work in some kind of damage control for celebrities.

Because you went and saw an 80-year-old shit his pants twice, and the lead up to that was that you saw something heroic. That is heroic, man. He came back out twice, Garrett. He got knocked down twice by his stomach, which I can understand. He was contractually obligated. He's that heroic. I mean, he probably can understand. He was contractually obligated. He's that heroic.

I mean, he probably didn't know what the fuck was going on. Look, my friends made him a lot of good- Because he's being pushed out there to make money, Gareth. These guys are getting milked. And you and Berg have the lowest- The fact that Berg was like, he did make faces, I'll give him that. And you saw a guy shit his pants twice. And we're like, I watched a hero today.

Not all heroes wear capes. A hero. his pants twice. And we're like, I watched a hero today. Not all heroes wear capes. A hero. And there was some silence in the drive after we saw him. And I could tell that they disagreed with my decision not to stop at Niagara Falls for Charlie. But I stood by it and whatever. But especially with those two have a difficult thing. And I'm trying to make up for it. So this week, I realized I had a chance to really do right by Mark and that is that we were going to Vandy camp.

And yes, that is a day camp circus put on by Dick Van Dyke. And as the pause. Gareth, your thoughts on this so far? Twofold. One, obviously, why? No. The second is just a real sense of... I'm almost impressed by Eric's inability to not do things because when I hear these things, I think I could just be at home. And he wants to go to Dick Van Dyke camp. Van Dicam. Van Dicam. Yeah.

Steve, if you were still living in LA and were invited to He wants to go to Dick Van Dyke. Vandy Camp. Yeah. Vandy Camp. Yeah. Steve, if you were still living in LA and were invited to Vandy Camp, which I've stopped getting the invites to. Yeah. Yeah. What do you see? How you respond and how does the text come in?

What happens? Here, it's like basically Ferris Bueller and Cameron where Eric can work me over. Like I'm very pliable with him. Well, he'll put it out there, I go, no man, like I'm totally good on that. Like I'm not like a big Van Dyke fan, I'm not a Van Dyke head.

And then he'll say something about, but what I thought, we'd see this show, leave early of course, then we go down to Chinatown and get those noodles you like. Oh me brother, I'm driving. And then I'd be like, I could eat. That's interesting. He's got my number.

So many times. Oh, he's got my number. Like yeah. I'll drive big too. I will say, one out of the three things though, is incredible, but you're gonna have to sit through some utter garbage, like, you know, to get there. Yeah.

Like the Jerry Lewis thing was insane, but the Kenny Rogers? Pretty great. Yeah. Pretty great. You know what I'm saying? And I'll take one out of three. That's an MLB Hall of Famer.

That's okay. You'll go to three comps. Yeah, but you're willing to go to three events knowing two of them are gonna be terrible because I don't view it like baseball stats. Yeah, baseball stats are really, they're kind of an outlier in sports. I view it more like going to a concert,

I view more like life-saving medicine. If I'm gonna go on, it's gotta be, yeah, yes. It can't be, it can't be even 50 50. It's like, now this is gonna be a good ass show. But you got to slog through it to get there. And one of my joys in life, y'all know live music's my medicine. One of my joys is when I do one of your medicines, one of my medicine. Back in the day, you just have another muscle relaxer. I got a

condom this morning. This guy's got a lot of medicine. That's right. My wife, my wife goes back off. It's my medicine. No, but like I don't go and I'll see the people that are the next big thing. I went to one a couple of weeks ago and then I very respectfully was like, he's not my guy. Well, he's not the next thing.

So you slog through. Then say it. See James Mcmurtry. Who? Who? He's not the next big thing. Say it, say it. But you slog through. Say it, say it. Then I went to see James McMurtry. Who, who, who was that? Never, ever, ever. Then I went to see James McMurtry at the Cupidore and was blown away. I'm sorry to cut you off.

But about three weeks ago, he sent me that great text. You know that when he sent me a report, I was just going, buddy. Then you wait like six. Then you wait, then you wait, because you know a block of text is coming. He's like, very close to you on July 3rd, Anne Margaret is playing.

And I'm like, Anne Margaret? She's like 90. He's like, she's dancing with pap. Yes. This is 1950s. This is no bit. And he almost had me going. I was like, I mean, he's right.

This could be a great opportunity. And I'm like, no, it's the last thing. I'm like, I can't go to Embarker. What am I thinking? What am I doing? It's a 90-year-old woman being tortured by some weirdo in her group trying to make money off her. Eric is all over every concert in Omaha

that is quasi-interesting to Eric. Eric's sending me like a flyer for it. Do you know how often he says to me, dude, some minor league team is playing five hours away from over all let's go That's another state brother Fly into a different state drive to another state for Berg to drive to another and he goes But then we get to watch a minor league game for three hours. I'm like, I don't want to see the event. Why don't we just meet in like a Denver in the middle? Oh God. All right. So Steve, wait really fast.

So Eric, we know tangents to other concerts, please. Vandy camp, Vandy camp. So Mark and I go out there. I promised him good times I like dude, he's 99 years old. It's a crazy start to a pitch of good times our spirits are gonna be renewed I've heard this is amazing. I've seen Instagram videos of dick van dyke singing. This is awesome How old and he's 99 90s and mother? 99 and he turns 105 months. A 99 year old man should not be hosting a camp.

Let him retire. He should be in hospice. Me going to an event starts with a 99 year old is the thing we're going to see. Perform. A 99 performing for you. This is what I told Eric the other day. These guys are being tortured this is yeah

They are these are people pulling these old guys up to tap dance to milk the money out of them Eric's going like This is darkness brother Frankie Valley just walks out there and he This is darkness brother. Frankie Valley just walks out there and he Falls to its own music. It's craziness. I'm in a casino out here in a few months. I am But just because it is such a shit show I'm like, is it this bad? I bet I don't know but normally when I go to see some ironically it never never works. It's never good I kind of the pure intention which I had for bandy camp. And we got out there and it seemed magical.

There's like this outdoor circus. I'm seeing other groovers around. I'm like, man, we're all just gonna get renewed. What's a groover? So we go out. What's a groover? Kind of like, you know, a cooler version of a hipster. What is that?

It's Eric. Eric is a groover. Yeah, I'm a diamond groover. What is a cooler version of a hipster. What is that? Eric, Eric is a groover. Yeah. What is it? What is a cooler version of a hipster at a 99 year old? It's a man who's extremely stoned wearing a tie dye shirt, dancing with his hands up in the air. What Steve said? Yeah. Like he's at evangelical snake handling church. Oh, my God.

I don't know. I'll talk to you off the air. I just had some really good luck in a Bill Walton. Yeah, like Bill Walton. Steve, I'll talk to you off the air. I just had some really good luck at a Bill Walton auction to be continued. Oh, congratulations. This life, every little glimpse into it is unreal. What the hell is a Bill Walton auction? They auction off his personal possessions.

What? Yeah. Jake, you said no tangents, but how can you resist all the bread crumbs? How could you just sell off a dead man's stuff and a bunch of groovers buying his dirty socks? Yeah. Oh, this is disgusting.

Tide ice shirt. Let the man rest, Eric. Card jacket. A watch. A watch. Eric's gonna be Bill Walton. Yeah. His hair. Steve knows this. This is the goal. Bill had it all figured out. If anybody listening to this has any access to Luke Walton, his normal seeming son, just know they are auctioning off your dad's personal items to groovers.

The definition of a groover is a man in a tie-dye dancing as Steve said, like this. Arms above my head. Like how a baby dances. When I die, a message to my daughter, someone clip this, don't auction my garbage and my dirty under my ass. Some groover. It won't be groovers for me. It'll be a new term called a hustlers. Yeah.

What's a hustler? If you got greasy hair and you're trying to make a deal like this, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. You go to a 99 year old man. All my images is one of those monkeys I see on Instagram with a chain around their neck in some country with tourists walking by and the monkey comes out and does like a real funky dance and they make money and somebody goes like, we've got to release the monkeys. That's what I always think when I hear these. So is Diggy Van Dyke has in my head, he's got a little chain around his neck. He's in the back cage.

By the way, I just I just Googled Dick Van Dyke now just to have a look. And the first thing that it says is that he had to miss an event due to health reasons. Well, eight ninety nine. Unfortunately, today is not a good day for him. Oh, go on. Well, Gareth just gave the story away. Oh, sorry. Oh, go on. I'll still get there. I'll still get there.

But yes, sadly, mercifully, perhaps for our listeners, Dick did not show. After about an hour and 40 minutes, Eric was at that show. I was so excited. And I knew, you know, there was a MC that was having some issues because he didn't bring the glasses and he couldn't read the raffle numbers. There was a whole bunch going on, Gareth. I wish I wish Dick and Arlene had met you because this is the kind of thing. This is a layup to to to MC. But God bless, too. He did the best he could.

We're an hour and 40 minutes in. Is this patron or is this regular regular regular? OK, a little more today. But talk like it's patriot. All right, I'm going to do that. Be unfiltered. Because I truly love all three. About an hour and 40 minutes in, they introduced the Vantastix, which I have seen on Instagram.

The magic of 90. Gareth, your thoughts? Hold on. Completely shocked, horrified. It's all fluff. I mean, this man is 100 years old. To be an hour 40 into an event to see Dick Van Dyke and he's not there and as I've ruined, eventually doesn't show.

And this is a makeup event for someone you've let down before. I mean, I would literally be like, Eric, look, I love you. I won't go to another thing with you. I'm mad at you now. I'm mad at you. Yeah. Next time we do dinner and you drive. Oh, yeah. Well, that's also part of the problem is I did drive and then an hour and 40 minutes in and I'd seen clips online of Dick Van Dyke

finding this found of youth and dancing with this group of musicians and his wife at 99. And they introduced the Vantastic's and his childlike thrill comes through the room. And it's three musicians and it's Arlene Van Dyke, Dick's wife. And she looks very somber. And then she says, well, I know this isn't the van Dyke you wanted to see. And then there's just a kind of horrified pause and a gas because we've all driven to Malibu Malibu High School.

Like this is a hoof earlier. They played the game. How far did you come? There is someone there from Belgium. There is someone there from London to meet the great Dick Van Dyke at a high school. Yeah. And a high school auditorium. It was at the Dick and Arlene Van Dyke High School Auditorium in Malibu. And then she says Dick is not able to make it today. He's 99 watching on VEEP and we want to send messages to Dick.

Vandy Camp has always been about your talents. So we want to invite people from the audience to come up and sing and send messages to Dick. Vandy Camp has always been about your talents. So we want to invite people from the audience to come up and sing and send messages to Dick. And then this is where I do feel so much worse. So fast. They invited randos to sing. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt guilty because I saw a couple like Hollywood folks. I saw Tia Carrera there and I saw Instagram footage Tia ended the show on stage singing to Dick Van Dyke. And I'm like, she's a better person than I am. What other celebs were there, King? But they're dead.

Put some more digits on the streets. Who else was at Vandy? I said to you, Carrera, Doug Jones. And then amazingly, people just come up to be on stage. Some an actress in the movie, a family affair. She's like, I want to come up still. And she just gave me like, ladies and gentlemen, it's so it's so from a family affair. And like I'm like, people can just come from the audience that want to be on stage and do it.

So then for me, I just started getting a little frustrated because I'm like, when did they know Dick wasn't showing? Because this is old hat for me. Imagine going to the Atterick Rockers. I get so many shows canceled. I get the option of a refund or move up. So when Merle Haggard kept canceling, I just kept moving up my tickets. And then the fourth time's a charm he played and I was like, second row. And I know I'm going to be a glutton for punishment here. I will try one more time for Vandy Camp. Oh my God. Because this is what's keeping Dick alive, Arlene said.

She wants to do a show a month until he's 100. And I'd be devastated if I missed seeing Dick Van Dyke. So I'm hoping she says he has good days and bad days. I probably will make the trek out there again. What else am I doing on a Saturday afternoon? I'm just picturing my face, if I was with you and you started saying,

I wonder when they knew that he wasn't gonna make it to me. I'd be like, buddy, I don't give a fuck. What? This was a makeup event. The last time we hung out, a guy shit his pants twice on stage and you saw that, are we rolling? King, Berg, thank you for joining the this first

ever type of show which was just bullshitting on a Wednesday. So Eric, Steve, where can people find you? Eric, why don't you go first? Eric will be at a senior center. Yeah. $80 a pop. At Eric J. Edelstein on all things. I am Steve Berg. What am I doing? Where can people listen to this? Go? I like that guy.

I want to see him and stuff. Yeah. Bergmester 5000 on that stuff. And then I have a podcast called Hi Strangeness. Available anywhere you get your podcast. Absolutely. Uh, gentlemen, we love you guys. Thank you.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler.

Themed song by Oliver Raleigh, The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strilecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentholds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hey there, we're here does that's the new name we have for you. This is Gareth. Just reminding you if you have not checked out my new podcast. Next we have also a headgun production. Please do that.

It is a show that just has a lot of good quick hitting segments that are funny. The show is just silly, goofy. It's a good time. I think people will like it. That's why it was named Time Magazine's podcast of the year. That's a lie. Don't look it up. But you know, listen, we're here to help the best. So if you like this show, I think you might like my new podcast called Next We Have. Please give it a listen. And if you like it, you know,

do all that stuff you gotta do with podcasts. Appreciate it.