We're Here to Help - 190: Box of Cigars and A Bottle of Whiskey & Reverse Benjamin Button

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Jake and Gareth help a caller by investing in some new advertising for the show. Then, two baby-faced callers need help being taken seriously at work.Are you looking for a new friend? Go to https://tinyurl.com/heretohelpfriend to be part of our next Friendship Game.See caller images here!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Agent Nate Russo returns in Oracle III, Murder at the Grandview, the latest installment of the gripping Audible original series. When a reunion at an abandoned island hotel turns deadly, Russo must untangle accident from murder. But beware, something sinister lurks in the grand view's shadows. Joshua Jackson delivers a bone-chilling performance in the supernatural thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series. Love thrillers

with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Listen now on Audible. We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help. We're here to help.

We are back with a special Jesse-centric, our only producer on Sherlock, Jesse. He didn't know he was going in that direction anyway. Let's lose Sherlock. Sherlock doesn't fit. Yeah, we'll come up with a new one. But this is the Jesse special. Maybe after today, people can pitch it.

So Jesse admitted something really sweet. He said he's running point. He's a little nervous. And I said, don't screw up because these dogs are going to bite. He said, I've seen it. Podcast. But we are thrilled. You're in a closet.

Don't worry, Jesse. You're swimming with the big boys But Jesse we are thrilled you're running point I'll tell you why you've been a big addition to this show Thank you. Also. I feel yeah I just it'll be nice to not be attacked Nat has really leaned in to the nickname as of late I also think that has been our breakout star. She is a hit. You're not seeing the emails, Gareth.

There's a lot of, I'm in an appetite. Don't let her see them. I sent it to her. Ah, crud. And she says, stop sending these. I see them myself. I'm not interested. Oh, that's good.

But I will say what she is potentially interested in, and she and Robbie Robb, or Wobby Rob came up with an idea that I think is fun and I don't know if you've heard this yet Gareth. The I mean this seriously now the friendship game thing the Fridays. Yeah. Do you want any of these texts or did they talk to you about it too? I don't think they talked to me about it. Okay.

Well then I'm going to give it to you live. Oh wait wait okay I actually don't know what you're talking about. Yes. Then wait. Okay. I actually don't know what you're talking about. Yes, then you say it we could start doing like we could start branching out with a version of Friday friendships and start Making that a component of the show It's it's live it's happening Is it well as of the airing of this episode it will be what Natalie and Rob pitched is

Doing once a month of friendship episode. Yeah, and on Fridays every once a while releasing a Casting episode where they are bringing different perspective people on and interviewing them And have a morning Morgan run it and having either Eric or Steve join. I said I don't want you and me part of it because I don't kind of ruin it. I want to be surprised on the Wednesday. And then casting couch with Eric and Steve is just insane. I also want Nat attack to run a lot of that.

I want Morgan part of it. Steve, I was like, let's just get the team building around on that one. Steve, when he's in a power position, like if Steve, like when we were doing the last one and he had a notebook and a pen, like when he feels like he's like got like he's leveled up a little so quickly, it's like he's like he's, the ego's not so prominent, but you can tell that he's chuffed. He's happy with himself. When he's not in a position of power,

he pretends to be so submissive. Yes. He'll go like, I don't have any self-confidence. I am such a little rat. I'm just, my ears are just covered in rainwater. How do you want me to say that? Like, what's the best way for me to deliver that? As soon as you go, Steve, you're in charge.

He goes, exactly. Here are the rules, my peasants. Back to one, everybody. Back to one. Let's get it right. Garrett, are we obsessed with Steve? I mean, let's be honest. A lot for what brought us together was Steve.

We both it was like we both found a Yeti. We both were like, hey, you have Gremlin rights too? I have Gremlin rights. When I first met Steve, I had just moved to LA. I got put on a Herald team at the I.O. I was no commercial agent, no headshots. Just expected Ron Howard to see me, to see me at an improv show at I.O. and give me a bucket of gold. You got it kid. Very similar

origin stories. Really believed that's how it was gonna work. Truly believed I was like hurry up already. Yeah like I've been here, I've done three mediocre shows where I wasn't listening at the intros. I've been here six months and I only do English accents. Let's move. I just do a guy with a mustache routine and I definitely drank too much. And so by the end of the show, I'm very sloppy. Mr. Howard, Mr. Spielberg, isn't there a bucket of gold

you need to give me? But I met Steve right away. We were on the same team and he goes, we went out like a group rehearsal and then everybody leaves and me and him just kept drinking. And he goes like, Jesus, he's like, you're a super funny guy. How do you make your money? And I go, I'm working at a casino down at Hollywood Park. I'm a third party player. And he goes, you're not making it through the arts? Oh my God. And I go, no, that's why I moved here, you asshole.

I'd like to. And he goes, well, I just made $40,000 in a Twix commercial where I literally just lift somebody up and spin them. And he goes, $40,000, J-Man? He goes, your commercial agent doesn't send you out? I go, I don't have one. And I'm not even in the union.

He goes, oh, we're going to change that. And then he did. He walked me into his commercial agent and he said like, you would be an absolute fool not to find this guy. Then he goes to the theatrical agent, how could you not be finding this guy? You'd be an absolute fool. And they listened to Steve and I got in the union

because of Steve, I got everything because of Steve. Wow, that is so, he hated me when I first met. He was like, this guy really thinks he's too cool for school. He he was the alpha with you and oh, completely with me completely. He would. And like we sometimes would go outside for a cigarette and he'd be like, you'd finish your cigarette so fast, like, oh, la, la. I was like, wow. I was like, I genuinely thought we were cool for like a half a year when he was like, I

hate this guy. Ooh la la. Ooh la la. The other thing he would do, and my wife always loved this the most about him, is when he would come to our old apartments, he would park like a block away. And that's not a joke. And the street would be empty. We were in Silver Lake on Rowena.

And he would park way far away. And finally, I just called him out. I'm like, why are you doing that? And he goes, just in case an older person needs a spot. Oh, stop. Jesse, he did that on his own though. There was no older person. Yo, who is that for?

Just in case. Any old person who happens to live on that street and not on the other block. Every space is open. Just in case a bunch of old people need to park this afternoon. Good Lord. What a... He's too pure. He's too pure.

He's too pure. What a sweet Midwestern. He is what I used to believe, quote, moms were in the 80s in the Midwest that I didn't have. I used to think other people's moms were just Steve. Maybe that's why I like Steve so much. He was born to be a mom in the 80s. He was born to be the mom. I grew up near being like, so that's what moms are? He's like if Edie McClure wore a man with a lisp. I agree.

Jess, you don't know who that is, but it's killing like eight people right now are like, wow. Well, people are age, Gareth. Eight of them. And not all of them. Sad like- No, no, because not most people just know her as the woman from Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Plains Trades at Audible. A bunch of people just went like this, oh yeah! And now we're getting people. Female Steve Byrd!

Still not Jessie though. Jessie's like, what movies? No, that's nothing for me. Jesse's like, have you seen Sniper Wolf? Oh! Have you watched Pokemon? Yeah, big Pokemon guy over here. You guys, we have a caller and we need to promote this friendship game.

So, let's get out of the intro. Okay, so. Look at him cracking the whip. Okay, so I thought you then Jesse, what do you mean for the promote? What did we do wrong? What are we promoting? Go take it over sir. We are gonna run a casting session, like you mentioned. So we have opened.

That's right. The submission process. We've been getting a lot of emails unsolicited. People are just assuming that we're gonna keep doing this, but we've heard the emails, we're gonna do it. But if you have already sent in an email, you still need to fill out this Google form, which we are putting in the description of this episode.

Ooh. I like how we thought this was gonna come from one of us. Yeah, I agree. I'm glad he's doing it. Google form? What? We felt like we did our job. We were like, Jesse'm glad he did it. Google form. What? We felt like we did our job. We were like, Jesse, we talked about it.

We talked about Steve Byrd. Was Steve Byrd in nine minutes? I was like, we did such a good job. So yeah, there's a Google form in the description of this episode. Go there if you wanna be part of the friendship game. You can only submit yourself. You can't submit your buddy or your father-in-law

or anybody else. We're looking to get out of Fullerton. No offense to Fullerton. Yeah, we can go anywhere. We can go anywhere. Yeah. I might have a nickname for you. I got an idea too, go.

Sweet Jesse. Ooh. Well, I got no problem with that. I kind of like Sweet Jesse. There's a sweetness to Jessie. He can't not smile. It's interesting. It is adorable.

I also, when it's you and me and Nat Attack doing this, we know she's hating the show. Yeah. She's furious. And Sweet Jessie. She's hating our pitches. She's just like, Jesus Christ. She's just telling them to go to the DMV.

I know she'll say when the call ends. You can't do that. The call ended. We just did it for 45 minutes. I was thinking sweet Jesse, Gareth, what are you thinking? I'm into that, I like that. I like that. What were you thinking though?

I was thinking teach, cause it felt like he was in charge. No, you want everyone to be our parents or our bosses. Yeah, I'm a submissive. Hey Jake, before we go, I want to tell people I'll be doing stand-out. Alright, without further ado. No, no, no, you can go to garethrentals.com for all these dates. I will be in Irvine this week. I'll be in Nashville, and this is all in August, Nashville, Lexington, Kentucky, Huntsville,

Alabama, Chattanooga, Tennessee, and then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia, and then Fort Collins, Colorado, and go to garethrowns.com, and there's more to come in September. Anyway, without further ado. Further ado. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Squarespace.

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That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash here to help. Hello there. How are you? Welcome to the show. Good. How are you? Good. We're just, we're having a giggle. Can we get your name, please? Yes. My name is Paige. Hi, Paige. And where are you calling from, Paige? I live in Chicago. Oh, great.

Beautiful. Paige, where are you in Chicago? Sorry? Where are you at in Chicago? I live right by Wrigley. Oh, beautiful. What do you think about Rickett's change in the area? Were you there pre or post?

You've been there for a while? Yep. I was born and raised here. So, how do you think of the neighborhood change? Real opinion? Not my favorite but some of the bars are still there so I'm okay with that. I know but a lot are gone. I hadn't been back in a while it's a very different vibe. It's very different yeah. I grew up going there those bars like

everything had a certain feeling and now it feels like it could be Dallas. It's too clean. It's too clean. It's like what happened to New York when they Disney fight it. You're like, it's safer. There's like a farmer's market, all really nice hotels. But I was like, there used to be a stadium just dropped in a neighborhood.

Character. Yeah. Yeah, but it was crazy. And now you're like, it's lovely. I can buy things overpriced everywhere. Yeah. But this isn't about us. This is about you. Paige, well, how old are we talking here?

Give us a range here, just so we know. 28. 28. June 1st. And Paige, your life memoir is coming out pretty soon. What's the title of this book? Oh god, um I am not creative. It's me p Here to stay. It's me p here to stay either way. I like the real title. I am not creative I also like that one. It's me p here to stay

It's me p i'm here to stay. It's me, P, I'm here to stay is also. There's insight. If I was at an airport and saw that, I'm buying the book. I'm not buying it, but I'm definitely like, who the fuck is, what? I'm going, I'm not creative. I'm P, I'm here to stay. I'll go like this.

Yeah. Let's try it on the plane. I don't get good wifi, and I'm not spending the nine bucks for it. The memoir came from our Patreon people, and it is a very good insightful question. So when, I page Chicago 28. It's me, Paige. I'm not creative.

What's going on? So I'm calling with, hopefully you guys have some advice, but my boyfriend recently acquired a 2003 windowless Astrovan white creepy van. Oh, I love those. And we live next to a grade school. Right. A Cassie grade school. And he's driving the thing around the neighborhood.

Right. No windows, he's got locks on the back. Oh, there's a phone. And I'm... Ah, shit, what is he doing? It's very similar to the van I tore in the dollop in yeah, but this is a scary van it is there's no doubt This is what now this is a kidnap van yeah, no yeah That's clearly your problem page, but this is the van that you when you were a kid you were right warned against yeah

This is the after school special In their puppies and candy. Yeah, so and we live 20 feet from a grade school. Why did he get this? Why this? Does he need it? Okay, some backstory. And I say acquire because he traded a box of cigars and a bottle of whiskey for this thing what the so he is a plumber Great, so he does kind of need a like a work van

I'm not this one specifically maybe this one specifically and I already have a pitch but keep going So yeah, that's my concern. I did not want him getting this van, but he got it Of course he did how many miles does it have on it over thought I Have no idea That he drives he got a box of cigars. Yeah kid me. This is a wonderful deal has to I do have a pitch but pages there more yeah That's pretty much the gist of it. I just I'm sick of looking at the thing. I want to spruce it up. Throw some lipstick on the peg.

Yeah, so do I. That's what I want to do. That's exactly what I was thinking. What are we what are we calling the boyfriend? Can we get can we have his real name? Is that possible? How about John Wayne? His name is Connor. Connor, John Wayne Casey see the cloud.

Connor, okay. Connor, yeah. Is he a plumber for himself? Does he have his own company or does he work for a big company? It matters. He works for a bigger company. But does he ever do... He does some side jobs here and there. Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

This is what I was hoping for. Here's my pitch coming in hot. We're gonna have the same pitch I think. Yeah, cause it's the right answer. Yeah. We gotta get this thing detailed. Yep. And the detail work has to be about his business.

So Conor's plumbing and handymanman work it's gotta be, my guess would be friendly get a cartoon version of Connor with like a thumbs up and a wrench have his number on it so this is a full-on work truck because no kids gonna go to like a plumber's truck, like you have puppies in there? No, you don't, dude, that's a work truck. That's not a kitten caravan. And so we just have to fully deck it out. And you know why he can?

Because he got the whole vehicle for a box of cigars and a bottle of whiskey. So then if you want this creep mobile, you gotta spend $200 and get a wrap. Completely agree. I think we could call him Fix It Connor. We could put the number on there. I think that that is the move.

If for some reason he doesn't want to do that, we should- And it might be a dangerous van. You could try to sell, like you ever see people have like their cars wrapped with other commercial advertising? You could also do that and bring in 50 bucks a month or something like that. Yeah, but that could still be scary. Promote the podcast.

Yeah, but not if it was like for Geico or something like that. I know, but if I see- Or the podcast. Or the podcast. Yeah, or the Here to Help van. Yeah, we're here to help plumbing. I'm here to help Connor. Wait, hold on. And we'll sue him to Help fan. Yeah, we're Here to Help plumbing. I'm Here to Help Connor. Hold on.

And we'll sue him. Now we're talking. No, hold on, Wobby Wob. That's wonderful. How do we pay for a rap that goes over- We advertise the show. We turn this into a full We're Here to Help rap. If you have any questions, call it.

Right in Wrigleyville, that's a wheelhouse base. I think I have a follow-up. We'll talk off-show, but I should do a We're Here to Help Rap, like an actual rap. But keep going. This is right. I love this. Really fast. What would the rap be?

No, I want to do it off air. I don't want to... Do it off the top of your jacket. We got to stay focused. We got to stay focused. We got to stay focused. Pigly and go. All right. Listen, review us on Yelp.

You love this podcast because we're here to help. That's it. That's it. With problems on the show. That's why we had to kill Pigly and Mo. I killed it. 10 out of 10 finish. Okay, so Paige, what do you think about pitching him, and I don't care if it costs us some money? Yeah.

I think he would be into it. My only hesitation is like how cartoony are we looking or talking? Not too cartoony. No. Have you ever seen our artwork for the show where it's Moon, Gareth, those like cartoon versions by phones? It would be that with our email on it, the where they can listen. So driving around Chicago, people go, oh, there's a podcast?

It's good for the numbers. Our numbers in Chicago will spike. You know what I love? Yeah, they're up. I've always thought of us like the Ghostbusters, and now we finally have the vehicle. I really, I love this. I think this is great.

We will pay for this. Yes. Where's Connor? Where's Connor right now, Paige? He's sitting on the deck. Can we get an answer on whether or not he's down with this right now so we can know how far ahead? How many miles are on this thing? So we don't know what the hell's going on with him. This is a mistake. He's not going to shut up about the thing.

Connor, they want to talk to you. They want to know how many miles are on the van. As you can be. 165,000. Such a steal. Hey, Connor, what's going on? $155,000. That's awesome. First of all, you got Jake and Gareth from We're Here to Help and we just want to say, first of all, thank you for getting on the phone and second of all, thank you for acquiring Astrovan for cigars and whiskey.

It is a steal. I couldn't pass it up. No, you couldn't. Without question. Hey, Connor, Jake here. How do you like living in Wrigleyville? It's great. I'm a Sox fan, so it's a little tough for me, but restaurants, bar life is awesome.

What do you think of the Bears? We're back. The Bears are back. 100% we're back. You love Benny Johnson as much as me? Yeah. Oh, of course. Of course.

He's turned the team around already. And what do you think about King Poles or GM? You gonna let him cook? You know what? I'm gonna let him cook for a little while. Me too. Cause you know, he's made some mistakes, but he's growing up, ain't he?

Yeah. How about Joey Tooney on the line? I'll tell you what, year 41 into this rebuild I got a good feeling boys. This is the time. Sexy Rexie Gunn, Orton, we passed on him finally. Justin Fields, look he was he's awesome obviously was a good pick. Let me tell you something, we never had a four thousand yard passer, but Ben Johnson he's excited for the challenge. He's awesome. Obviously was a good thing. Let me tell you something Let's go. We never had a 4000 yard Passer yeah, Ben Johnson. He's excited for the challenge. Yeah, it's just and I am too. Yeah Yeah, yeah, no, this is this is this is it. This is it. So

Connor Yep, we saw the pictures of your beautiful van What a wonderful deal my My father used to sell. He had a car dealership on the South Side of Chicago called City Chevrolet. You got a heck of a deal on that thing. Yeah, that's a $4,500 vehicle at the cheapest. I agree. Cheapest. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You got a steel bed. Saying like eight thousand. At least, at least. I mean, you're done great. At least. But you know what? We don't've done great. At least, but you know what? We don't know how beat up it is, but you're talking about a box of cigars and a whiskey, good for you,

but let me pitch you something that we're thinking. How do you feel about us wrapping that in some we're here to help advertisement, where if you've ever seen our artwork, it's just us two sitting around, we'll get the wrap, we'll pay for it, but there's no way, what we don't wanna do with this thing is scare little kids, right?

It's a little bit of a creepy van, right? It's predatory. It's a little bit creepy. With nothing on it, it's predatory. But if we can put a rap around this thing that you are driving around in advertisement for a podcast that our Bears guys, at least one of them is, would you be comfortable with that?

It wouldn't cost you a dime. You just have to drive to the rap place. Can you imagine that van driving around with your face on it? Yes. You know what I can? I can. And what is also going to be. I'm imagining it right now.

And guess what it's going to do? It's going to spike our numbers. It's going to keep it safe around the kids. And it's going to keep beautiful Paige happy. And I think it's going to help safe around the kids and it's gonna keep beautiful Paige happy. And I think it's gonna help Caleb and the Chicago Bears take the NFC North and never give it back. And maybe on the back we could say, we're taking the North and not giving it back.

Sure. Yeah, whatever delusional thing we wanna fill on the back we can, but I think we're talking the overall concept. We wanna do the podcast art. Wrap on the sides. The podcast email. Something about the Bears

and something about the Packers being clowns. Sure. Yeah, go for it. However you want to do your little tantrum this year, that's fine with me. But I think we're talking about... You're going to be wearing a Bears hat in the photo. We're going to Photoshop. Go ahead. Go ahead. Do whatever you like.

Hey guys, go to Imagine Town for the afternoon and call me when you're back. But Connor, what do you think, man? I'm sold. Okay. I'm 100'm sold. Okay. I'm 100% sold. Great. Wobby Wob, the guy who's gonna unfortunately have to do the majority of work.

How do you feel about this? I think it's great. When we saw this call come in, that was my immediate pitch. Great. So let's do this. That's what we're gonna do. Connor, thank you for being a sport.

Could you throw a page back on real quick so we can just wrap this up like the van we're about to put our faces on? Yeah, absolutely. Nice to meet you guys. Thanks, Connor. Hey, Wob, should we have each of us have big mustaches and oversell the Chicago of it? Maybe instead of phones, it's like a Broward. Maybe one phone, but we have like a table a hot dog It's a hot dog party. It's a hot dog party. There's old-style beers. We're both in bear shirts No, we can't oversell the Bears because the problem will be then they think it's gonna be a Bears podcast

I think we want to use it as advertising I would use the logo the email and then if we want to throw some but the back Yeah, the back should be Chicago stuff. But yes, if we just do our full advertisement on the sides. Hey, Paige? Yeah, hi, sorry. We got a solution here. Connor's a great guy. He's a wonderful guy.

You guys got a wonderful thing. He's 100% on board. He's 100% on board. Yeah, I can't wait to see it. Paige, here we are. Do you feel, Paige, you made the right call by calling in. How you feeling, kid? You're a 28-year-old in Wrigleyville.

You had a problem. Is it going to be solved? I think it's going to be solved. It's better than I imagined. Me too. I didn't know what I was thinking, but this is 100% better. So Paige, we're going to do this.

We're going to turn your van into a we're our first ever Merch and well we might find out something to do People sending photos. I can't wait a bit around the can't wait to if and once people see it Please send it in and here's what we're probably gonna do next time. I go to Chicago We might try to Gareth and I drive around in the van. I was just gonna say, I'm there in October. I would love to get a ride in the, we're here to help them, maybe take them around for a spin. And we get that Blues Brothers thing

where you have a little megaphone. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, next time I go to the movies. Tonight, performing at the Dent Theater. Yeah, and you just go, tonight and every day, wherever you get your podcasts, about 200 episodes running now. Don't miss it. You call them, we fix them.

We're here to help with your problems. Tonight, call. Paige, we're going to move on this kid. This is a win. This is a big win. Before we go, will you just say, my name is Paige and I'm a hundred percent in charge? My name is Paige and I'm a hundred percent in charge. Thank you.

Thank you, Paige. All right. Thanks so much. Thank you. Appreciate it. Hey, Rob, can we pull any sound bites and start turning you into a button man so that you can just at a certain point... We will...

Just all of a sudden you hear, like, my name is Paige, I'm a hundred percent George. Throw a hot dog party. Turn you into, who is it again? I'm forgetting his name, Steve, what is... Are you talking about Dog Town? Oh, Fred. Fred.

Turn into Fred. We will eventually be like, alright, Rob, so please, please, hold on a second, I'm in the middle of something here. We. Turning into Fred. We will eventually be like, all right, Rob, so please, please, hold on a second. I'm in the middle of something here. We can figure that out. This would be amazing. Amazing. Well, and especially the six other people

that'll call in wanting to do it in their city. Yes, exactly. I don't know if she's there. Same with me. This is the new Pigliamo solution. Hey, can we wrap your car? People are like, what do you mean? I'm trying to get my dad to come to my wedding. Hey, what if we wrapped your car and we're here to help outside? Is that cool? It's just, I was trying to actually think of when I can allot a two to three day recovery from my

butthole. What is the recovery Nat? You just shouldn't work out for two to three days. That's it. And no sex. But I mean. You are unbelievable. Really?

You start off, you're so quiet and demure. And then just the more we get to, you are a fucking killer. You know what you are? You're just like, it's just like I'm on a walk and I hear gunshots. I'm like, what the fuck? Say what you just said to Jake. He asked me what the recovery was like for a Brazilian. And I said this should be included in the episode. I said, it's fine. You just can't work out for a couple days, and then he was like okay, and I said no sex For two days she said but that won't be a problem for you. What she said

It was implied if this is if this is 45 what's 50 for you brother, what's 60? Batch a lot worse apparently botched botched hi there welcome to the show now we have you guys know the deal are you ladies are you non-binds have they you know that we have two callers same-ish problem yeah so why don't we start with whoever was just talking? What's your name? I'm Bailey, I'm 29 and I'm from Atlanta. Bailey, 29, Atlanta. And let's just get the second caller's name out of the way so we have it and then we'll

start with you, Bailey. Hi, I'm Jesse. Jesse, okay. Seems like you're not going to details. 31, originally from Maryland, but living in LA. Okay. Okay, so Bailey, 29, Atlanta. What is going on? All right, so my problem is I'm a professor at a local college. I teach English, but we have several dual enrollment sites. So when I'm there, my classes are entirely made up of high school students. And I get a lot of

comments, not even from the students, just from other faculty and administration about how, like, oh, we thought you were one of the students or how are you one of the professors? You look so young, you can't possibly be old enough to teach them that kind of thing And my problem is I just need a better way to respond to that than to just awkwardly laugh and walk away Hmm, okay As anything else to that or that's pretty clean That's pretty clean I mean the only thing is they continue to say this even after I've been there for a while So like they know who I am

But but the comments persist Okay All right, Jesse What's your version of this? I have a similar kind of issue where people Think I'm younger than I am. And so growing like after college, I didn't think it was a big problem even like having kids and stuff. But then a couple years ago at work, I was kind of like talking with one of the interns and he thought I was also an intern, which became a big problem. And right now I run

my own business. And so whenever I do the online networking thing or sharing my portfolio and things like that, it's not really a big issue because they don't really see my face or hear my voice. But whenever I go to like in person networking events, everyone also thinks I'm a college student or, you know, a lot younger than I am. And then I feel like they don't really take me seriously until they see my work. And then, yeah, so similar issue where people always think I'm younger than I am. And it's just like, I feel like it's just like, I feel

like it's becoming more and more of a problem. And you, I mean, you both just have young faces and you're just, you're, you're sick of it. I understand Bailey's version of it a little more because it's like everyone, nobody thinks you work where you work. But I guess that's sort of what you like too, Jesse. Yeah, so I mean, like for me, I used to be the art director at USC for their athletic department. And so the incident with the intern was like, he is like fall break for the school.

And he was there at the front desk. So when I walked in, his first like was like, oh, why are you here? And my first question was like, why are you here? Like it's fall break, shouldn't you be at home? And he was like, yeah, but like, shouldn't you be at home? And I was kind of like, well, I work here. Like, what do you mean? And then, yeah, he kind of like, I kind of told him, you know, I'm married, I have two

kids, you know, the whole thing and his mind kind of like exploded, you know. And then at that point, I just like, it hit me how often, you know, like security would stop me because they thought I was a student at games or at photo shoots or how other student athletes thought I was also a student with them. You know what I mean? Yeah, and so now that... Okay, so we're seeing a picture of you, I believe, Jesse. Hold on here, let me get a better look at this here.

Oh yeah, you look very young. Wow, well, okay, all right. So what we're looking at here is, Jesse, you have a hat, you have a hoodie, you have jeans, you have holes in your jeans. I mean, you look young to begin with, but you also look like you're dressed, do you dress like this normally in the picture we're seeing? Well, so this was my like attempt at dressing older.

What? Because I used to wear just USB gear. I used to be in like USB gear all the time because that's where I worked. Yeah. And so part of it was changing my wardrobe and I feel like that was a step up from where I was before. Jake, looking at his wardrobe, that's not helping. You're dressing like a 15-year-old boy.

Yeah. I don't know who's telling you what adults wear. You got your knees cut out of your denim. You got your pants rolled up a little bit. You got green socks. You're wearing a hoodie and a baseball cap. Oh, I wish I'd seen his picture. I feel like I'm missing out here.

We'll post it and blur out your face if you want, Jesse. Bailey, how are you dressing? Well, that's you graduating. Do we have a photo of you that's not in the day you graduated college? Oh, no. Also, that's the day I graduated my with my uh PhD to help that out a little bit yeah so so you guys both have kind of baby faces

a little bit yeah so what the just to kind of catch up a little bit trying to figure out what is it we could actually what are your guys' pitches? What is your question officially? How we could help you. So my question is just, what is a better way for me to respond when people make those comments to me besides just kind of like laughing awkwardly? That makes sense.

And Jesse, how about you, bud? Mine would be what are some things I can do to like look older? Jesse put a suit and tie on. I got another add on to that too, Jesse. I mean, first of all, a suit and a tie is going to go a long way. Or even a button down and slacks. Look at you with this one dimple to you, little cutie.

You are fighting a battle here. You just you look young. But the face doesn't look crazy young. It's pretty young. But you're not doing yourself any favor with no facial hair and dressing in forever. Twenty one year. Jake's right. and dressing in Forever 21 gear. Jake's right. Well this,

I've tried, I think, you know, I have like a baby face, baby voice. I'm five six, so like, I already look small, you know? Jesse, you're legally a cutie. You're right. I've tried the facial hair thing. My kids don't love it, so, you know. Okay, I get that.

Can't do that. I could try the wardrobe Another wardrobe upgrade. Yes 100% wardrobe upgrade and I'm gonna add on to that What if we just do what if you just dye the the sides of your hair a little gray? Or how about even a pin that says I'm 31? Or how about even a pin that says I'm 31? I can make myself a pin. Because here's what I'm thinking, Jesse, at least for you, you like your style.

Your style works. You look good. You're a nice looking guy. So you don't want to start wearing slacks and all that. You don't want to do facial hair. You're right that your voice sounds young. You're five, six, you got a baby face. There's a lot that if I'm meeting you

and you walk up to me and go, hi, I'm your counselor, I go like this, what is this, an internship? But if there's a pin that says I'm 31, I go, what does that mean I'm 31? You go, I know I look young, I'm 31. I go, great, moving along. Now I like you more, I think it's funny. I go, oh, that's funny.

And you go, because I look really young and I got a baby face and I dress like this. I just want people to know I'm 31. Now it's out of the way. Yeah, there is some, I mean, it's interesting. And maybe that's a way that makes it more interesting and just gets it out in the open so it doesn't bother. If I were you, the first thing I would do

is I would just age up the wardrobe a little bit. And if you find that it keeps happening, yeah, I would wear something like that. It doesn't even need to be crazy. How about a hat that says I'm an adult? Yeah, I mean, but. I'm a legal adult by over 12 years. Or not an intern.

Not an intern. Or a badge that says what you do there, like it's almost like an ID. Or a hat that says in my 30s. Yep. I think some of it is just like, probably gonna be like a conversation starter, but I honestly, I'm almost relieved to see

that what you're wearing in this picture is your attempt at looking older, because I mean, in a non-offensive way. By the way, imagine what he's wearing when he's trying to look younger. I can't afford to find like a backpack and he's got like a lot of hats with the spinning things on top of the propeller. Short shorts waiting for the bus with the backpack around your head.

The big lollipop with a lolly just going like, so Jesse, when you're hearing these thoughts, what are you thinking? Are we anywhere near a zone you're interested in? What do you think about? I do like the pin and hat idea. I think wardrobe wise, I think this is my attempt at also being like a cool dad. Yes.

So I feel like if that's like injuring me, it's definitely something I'll think about. I think I think here's where we live with you, Jesse. And then we might need a follow up is as a rule at work, button down and slacks. Yep. Okay. Yeah. And I think the button you can still be cool dad. And I think maybe the button you have a button 31 and proud something, you know, whatever nice in my 30s But that says a button that says I'm in my 30s is pretty good Okay, that's kind of funny honestly that is I think that's just a way to get it out and it is kind of funny a Young-looking guy with a pin that says I'm in my 30s is pretty funny how long until I'm wearing a Jake and you're like buddy I emailed Jesse on this side. I'm like it ordered two of them

How funny would it be if I were a pin that said I'm in my 30s and Jesse goes funny question mark And then you go all right. I want it for real. He doesn't think it's me. He's like Where are you getting your pin? Let's make sure they're coordinated. Let's do this He doesn't think it's me. He's like, is this really Gareth? Yeah, where are you getting your pin? Let's make sure they're coordinated. Let's do this right. How amazing. Send it to me. I'll get a Brazilian butt wax. Keep signing it G. Just so you guys know on a previous call I agreed to get a Brazilian butt wax and it's all I'm thinking about. Alright Jesse, let's put a pin in you for a minute and put a pin on you. Let's put a pin on you and in you and Okay, so Bailey your question is what is a good retort for when people say this?

Can you kind of just say what they're saying to you again that is getting them so frustrated? Yeah, so I, and this is, you know, after months of being here, so like they know who I am by now and I'll be walking into the building and somebody will say like, oh, I thought you were one of the students walking up and then somebody else will be like, yeah, I can't believe you're one of the professors. You look so young and I've even had before how are they taking you seriously? You look like one of them and just not having a response. That's annoying.

Yeah, that's tough. Do you teach in the same building for the most part or are you all over? Yeah, the same building. When I'm at the dual enrollment sites, it's all the same building. And that's primarily where you work? Yes. Okay. What do you think of a huge lie, Bailey?

A huge lie? Okay. For example, they go like this, I can't believe you're one of the teachers. You look so young. And you go, I am young. I graduated high school when I was nine. I graduated undergraduate at 11. I graduated college at 14.

And I got my PhD at 15. And you go, I'm 17 years old. With that in mind. It's like a Doogie Howser situation. You are a Doogie Howser and you lean in. That their professor is a 17 year old girl. There's nothing that shows that you're older than you appear than knowing Doogie Howser at your age.

Yeah, that is shitty though, Bailey. I can understand how that could be a problem. I have a couple pitches. Okay. My first one is going to be maybe too much, but that's a space I like to play in. It's just going to be a sign that you either hang on your office or you hang on when people enter the building where you're teaching, which is a picture of you that says,

Bailey, 29. Yes, I'm 29. That's it. Something like that. Okay. The second okay is I'm an idiot you're teaching people right? Yes, okay. This is what you do You get a bunch of shirts with your picture on it and says professor Bailey 29 not a student and you have them wear that for like a day in and out of your class. Okay, like a spirit day, but with my face.

Yep, exactly. You could also do you teach out of one classroom? Yeah, I do. We could also get you can also get a poster made. To put on the door or something. To put on the door because the shirt would be good at first. But I mean, the tricky one with this one, Bailey, and I think what she's looking for Gareth is one-liners Yeah, because she's getting it not just in that classroom. So Bailey, can you walk us through?

What do they actually say to you Gareth you be Bailey? Okay, Bailey just Ask Gareth a bunch of different times how they say it to you. Let's see if any of these stick. Okay, so wait, sorry Gareth is me. Gareth is you. You're one of the people who asks you. Okay. Okay, so he's walking in in the morning and I say, oh, it's you. I thought you were one of the students coming in. Oh my God. That's so funny. You're so old. I thought you were one of the students coming in. Oh my god. That's so funny. You're so old I thought you were retired. Oh

Okay, go again daily go again, oh It's you okay, I can't believe you're one of the teachers here, you know, you look like you're one of the students I know it's a disease and I'm so tired of talking about it daily go again. Oh My god, I can't believe that it's you. You look like you're 16. Oh, that's so nice, especially coming from an elder. Bailey, go again. Oh, I thought you were one of the students walking in this morning. I wish you were one of my students.

I teach you tact. Ooh, Bailey, go again. Oh, hey, it's you. I thought you were one of your students. Oh, hey, I teach you tact. Ooh, Bailey, go again. Oh, hey, it's you. I thought you were one of your students. Oh, hey, it's you. I'm done having this conversation. Bailey, you got some options there. What do you like?

Those are some good. The disease one is funny because they'll probably never bring it up again out of fear. Agreed. The tact one, the tact was a good comment. All right. So now let's see. The tact one, the tact was a good comment. All right. So now let's see.

I also like, I also like what you said at the beginning though, about just lying saying I'm 17 and going through my progression of my studies. I feel like I have a pretty good poker face so I could, I could give that pretty straight face. All right. So let's see this for a second. Gareth, you're a student Bailey Gareth and I are going to each one by one be students to you or professors or whatever. And just see how you respond.

Don't worry about it being perfect. We're just finding one that feels right for you. Gareth, you want to go first? Sure. Oh, Hey, Oh gosh. I can't believe you're a professor here. I swear to God, I've always thought of you as one of the students. No, I am 17. By the way, checkmate. Okay. He's so weird. Oh, my God. You're a teacher. You look so young.

Dude, it's crazy. Oh, yes. The disease. I will always look this young because I I don't progress with age. It's the disease Then you should come After that going like ah man, sorry, that's not anyway I also like the idea that you walk away as soon as you say it and there could be some confusion You literally just say it's the disease and walk away. Yeah. Or you know what else you could say? I'm actually nine.

I'm looking for my mommy. No, I wouldn't. But hold on, Bailey, you're kind of money in the bank here. So let's just go- Let's do a couple more. Yeah. Oh, hey. Oh my God.

You're a teacher? You look like one of the students here. Yeah. Let me teach you some tact. That was scary. I would pull back on that one. Because you got- We're not going for scary.

I would. I think your other tone's working a little bit better, where it's fun and weird and mysterious. Maybe try on this one. Let's just hear, I'm nine looking for mommy. Let's just see what happens. I'm gonna ask. I'm not sure I can say it with a baby voice. I'm not sure.

You live in your zone. You're a teacher. You don't look like a teacher. You look like a student. Well, I'm not even a student. I'm nine. I'm looking for my mommy. I like that. How about this one?

Try this one. I'm actually a witch and you wink and walk away. You look like a kid. You look like a kid. You're a teacher. No, I'm a witch. That's scary too. It's scary.

I'm not feeling that way. It's scary. What do you think about overall just some of those? Yeah, I think if I felt less awkward and wasn't on the phone, I could probably do the disease one better. Here's what I would say. Are you, do you live with anyone, Bailey? Yeah, my husband and our son.

All right. Let's start practicing a little bit. So when you and your husband are there, run through some of these and just start practicing. Can I jump in for a second? Yeah, you're right. But we got her right here. So Bailey, if you're comfortable, I'm definitely comfortable.

Can we do a little game together? Yeah, sure. Will you do the lie thing? I'm going to be the student and let you see how it plays out. OK. I will say I was expecting, when I said that earlier, I was expecting you to be like, oh, 17, and then to keep going with that and not just have it in.

I agree. So I was looking for, that's why I'm doing it, because you set us up and we're in a good zone. Let's just see how it works. OK. So you're the professor? Yeah, I am. Whoa.

How old are you? You look like a student. Well, I'm only 17. You're 17. Yeah. I'm, I'm kind of a prodigy. I finished high school when I was six. I went to college, graduated from, I finished high school when I was six. I went to college, graduated from

UGA when I was nine, and then I finished my doctorate at 16. Just started here last year. You graduated college at six? Yeah, like, well, no, I graduated high school at six. Whoa. I'm not that good. That's amazing. Yeah. Cool. That's amazing. Yeah. That's what it is to be a prodigy.

Let me be Bailey for a second. Keep going, Jay. Good. I know. Honestly, I was gonna ask you, because you look a little older for your age. If I gave you 20 bucks, would you buy me some beer? Definitely.

Will you give me an A if I buy you beer? I'm looking away. Bailey, I think it's honestly pretty good. Hey, Jesse, what do you think about you doing the same thing? Saying I have a disease. I think we know by his response. Let's just try it. Garrett, you're a student. Jesse, you're you. I mean, I'll be an intern at your work, Jesse. Okay.

Man, I'm learning so much so fast here. Yeah, I love it. Does he? No. Okay. I'll see you later. Not yet, killer. Not yet, killer.

He's got hate. Get ready for this. How long have you been interning here? Oh, I actually work here. Oh, you do? Like it's my job. Yeah. Seriously?

You look like you're younger than me. Yeah, I have a disease. Oh. What is it? Um, it's like reverse Benjamin Button or something. I don't know. Wouldn't that be better? We call it.

I don't have the name. Benjamin Button. I think you're bad. That means you're like a regular person. Jesse, you're calling it reverse. Benjamin Button is the best way to say I'm getting older. I've ever heard. I have a reverse Benjamin Button.

Jesus Christ. I have ever reverse Benjamin Button. Jesus Christ, you followed it. I have a reverse Benjamin Button. I'm aging in real time. Jesse and Bailey, will you guys talk to each other and see what happens if one of you guys are together. You both look young. And then somebody walks up and asks you both why you look young.

Ready? Oh, Hey, Jesse. Hey Bailey. Hey, Hey, Whoa. You guys look so young. You guys are professors here. Yeah, we, uh, we actually have this disease. We met in the support group. Bailey, you're on fire.

Is that true? Jesse? Yeah, that's true. What's the disease called, Jesse? Um, it's called reverse Benjamin-Thomas disease. Well, you know what we should call it? Tortoise syndrome. Tortoise syndrome.

Tortoise syndrome. You can call it tortoise syndrome or yeah, I think this is really nice. I think Ben, Jesse, let's maybe lean in on the clothes for you. I'm a little bit worried about this lie for you. I agree. Okay. Bailey, I think you're money in the bank on the lie. Yep.

Okay. Sounds good. How are you guys feeling? I feel good. I feel ready to, ready to try it out. Jesse, where are you at big dog? I feel good. Um, I'll try, I'll try the new wardrobe and see how it goes.

Now let's just do something very unconventional. Cause this is a very unconventional call. We've never had two callers with similar problems. Jesse and Bailey, will you guys talk to each other a little bit about how you think this call went and what you're going to do? Yeah, sure. In three, two, Piggly and Moe. How'd you think this call went?

Piggly and Moe? I think it, you know, I think it was, that threw me. I thought, I thought we were just continuing Piggly and Moe. I'm sorry. No, I think it went really good. Yeah, I feel like it was productive. Nice. Me too. Good. Okay, and experiment over. Alright, you two, hope we helped and keep us posted.

We would love a follow-up on this. Sounds good. Good luck with your Brazilian butt wax. Take care, Bailey. Hello? Hello. Hi. Welcome back.

Yes. Hello. Hi. Welcome back. Can you tell us who you are and what your first call was, please? Yes. My name is Paige. I'm calling from Chicago and I had originally called about my boyfriend's white astro van Yes, we are so excited

Yes, you should be it turned out great Okay Talk to us cuz Jake. I know I'm very excited about this we have seen it Yes page talk Yeah, well put can we put the photos up now of it to Natalie? Yeah, I'll always look at it again I have one note, but until what was his reaction when he got it He was very excited. He was we could not stop laughing. We looked at it for two hours straight and we're just cracking up. The wildest and best thing we've ever seen.

It's shocking. It's shocking. So you had a white van that was creepy, that you didn't feel comfortable having him drive near schools. And we paid a nice chunk of change to get this van wrapped in every penny. I agree, by the way. It's awesome. It's incredible.

And so has he been driving it around? Where is it parked? Where can people sit in Chicago? Oh, my God, I can't. Wow. It moves around. We haven't had anyone reach out to us about it yet. OK. But we're waiting for like a poster.

Does anyone know what's going on with this van? So I can get in there and say, that's our van. And so where does it live? It's just in Wrigleyville. Yep. Does he is it always parked in the back alley or can he ever do street parking on game days? Please say street. He can do street parking, yeah.

He's got a sticker for it, so. That'd be nice. Anytime you can, if you could just drive around Wrigley during game days. Honking and waving. Honking and waving and making videos. Honestly. Yep. I mean, it is I mean it is so

It's like I feel the same way Rob killed it. It's like it's like the mystery. It's like the scooby mystery van Exactly. The colors are so bright. I feel like the kids won't be terrified. No Working on a future audience and then if he ever gets bored of the van I feel like the kids won't be terrified. No. No. No. He's gonna be working on a future audience. And then if he ever gets bored of the van, let us know because we'll either buy it or we'll have somebody else buy it.

This thing is now because he'll have his own life. 100% buy it. I feel the same way. I'll put it in my driveway. I will 100%. I will drive that around in an embarrassing fashion. If you drove that when you were on a tour Yes, that's exactly what I'm thinking

Sad and crazy and the best right yeah But it would be worth literally putting company money and making sure the engines good. I look Jake Connor fixed the AC in it today. So it's good for this heat in Chicago He was in there working on it today. So he got all the heat up for the call. This is a huge win. I mean, this is not a win for just you guys. And we've really but this for the show community for the community.

For Chicago. Yeah, for sure. And the one note is obviously you put a Bears logo on me, which is strange. You know, but I'm so I'm on such a high nothing could take me down. So Paige, how you feeling about everything you called in do a podcast with a little problem where you at? Yep, I feel like you guys really nailed it on the head. I think you had one pitch and it turned out perfectly and it was Rob's. Was it Rob's pitch? Yeah, wasn't it? A group effort. It was Rob's pitch. He's here. It was my pitch. It was Rob's. Thank you, Rob, and thank you for working on this. It's well again, we did a lot too, but um,

so you feel good, Paige, we would be ringing the bell if I had it behind me. Oh for sure, I'll answer for her. For sure. Connor's there too. We should get a bell for the band. Oh, Connor's there? Yeah, hey guys. Connor! What's up?

What's it like to have the best van in America? It is turning heads guys. It has been turning heads. Do you really feel- I'm driving around in a crazy van. Do you really feel people looking? Oh no. I went and picked Paige up off of Southport over by Wrigley the other day and people were stopping and they were just staring.

You know what we're going to see, actually, Connor? What? I want to make sure on the app where we get our analytics, I want to see if our Chicago numbers jump. That would be great. I mean, if they do, how funny would that be? So funny we'd get a fleet. I'd be so proud to be a part of that. Every major market.

100%. I think that's new to you. Yeah, it's 100%. Well guys, glad you called in. One thing, I'm going to be in Chicago two different times in October. It would just mean the world to me if I could ride around in that van for a little bit and maybe take a first spin if you guys are down for that. Please. Of course.

We'll drive you to, I'm assuming you're doing a show or something, we'll drive you there. Well, that's kind of... Get you right to the doors. You made the show sound little and meek, but it's okay. But by the way, if they drove you to the show and waited outside in the van afterward when you left you left out front with them you get that my show you guys all leave together I want to I at least want to I want to take a spin So I'm gonna reach out to you guys and I will be in that van in Maybe twice

Well guys we appreciate it. It's fun. This is awesome. We're very happy. No, you really hit it out of the park. Yeah. It's a good thing you're near the park. I appreciate you guys.

Keep that on the street as much as you can, man. Yeah. No, don't hide it. Don't hide it. I won't. I won't. It'll be out there in Addison. It needs to be seen.

I love it. All right. out there on Addison. You need to be seen. I love it. Alright. Thank you guys. Bye guys. Thank you. Bye. Thanks everyone. Bye. Have a good day. email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help you can go to our patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Themed song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strlecky. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentholds.com.

Remember, all the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only. And all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon. and make their own decisions.