We're Here to Help - 193: Baby Face in the Delta Lounge & The Goodnight Show (with Roy Wood Jr.)

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

Jake and Gareth are joined by Guest Helper Roy Wood Jr. for this bonus episode. First, they help a family set boundaries with a posse of raccoons. Then, they brainstorm ways a mom can make bedtime more entertaining.Are you looking for a new friend? Go to https://tinyurl.com/heretohelpfriend to be part of our next Friendship Game.See caller images here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-193Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back. Wow. With an intro that's going to be a little different for you folks. A lot more fun. I'm here with the king himself, Eric. Hi, we're here to help. I'm honored to be here. So Gareth is on the road.

He's doing stand-up. Everybody go see him, garethrentals.com. He was driving from California to New York in one shot. What? Yeah, he's a lunatic. He's a real one. That's amazing. Today's episode, we have the unthinkably funny Roy Wood

Jr. on. Oh, I love him. Really? Yeah, yeah, he came on, he crushes it. Isn't he a legendary Cubs fan too? You know, we didn't talk baseball at all. Buddy, I think he's a huge Cubs fan. He's a huge baseball guy. I know that. I think he might be a Cubs fan. Fun for next time with him.

Fun, yeah. How was Neil Diamond last night, King? It was an incredible effort from everyone. This guy, Nick Fratiani, that played Neil Diamond was truly incredible. When he opened his mouth and started singing, I got emotional. Because I really was- How emotional.

Weepy. I mean, definitely choked up trying to hide it from everyone. Yeah, I love Neil Diamond. I never thought I'd be this guy. I got into him real late, like 2012. But he was truly amazing So I'm gonna focus on his incredible performance What do you ask you a question? What do you so Jen Greenbaum?

Josh Greenbaum's wife and Jen is in her own right my buddy and Aaron's buddy. She loves Neil Tyban Not even without any irony. She goes to the concerts, she gets emotional. What is the thing with Neil D? I was shocked. It started with me. I was working on a cartoon and the director, the brilliant Lisa Schaeffer came in and she just looked at me and she's like,

I just have to say this. I went last night, whether you're going ironically or unironically. Doesn't matter. Neil Diamond is one of the greatest shows ever and I looked at her I was never into him. I kind of viewed him like we all maybe did as a kid and I'm like really She's like just go because he's doing three more nights at the Greek. I went within a song and a half I'd never seen anything like it. He is the closest thing. I've seen to Elvis. He does

You're saying that about everybody. No, I don't King. I does get called a Jewish Elvis. You're saying that about everybody these days. No, I don't, King. Who did you just say is a Shaq is the closest thing we have to Elvis? I think you said that on the last record. All right, you're not wrong there, buddy. But that's in terms of Elvis personality-wise,

of pulling people over, doing ride-alongs. What did we just do yesterday together? We went and test drove Cadillacs. Who was in the back? Well, total legend, Armon. And Anne, what did we think of those Caddies? We loved them. I mean, we loved them.

It's like an electric Cadillac. And I wanted you behind the wheel, because it's an electric Tony Soprano car. So Eric. It's so fun. My lease is running up in October, and I've been talking about a new car. So, Eric. It's so fun. My lease is running up in October, and I've been talking about a new car. And if you're lucky enough to know Eric in life,

he's your go-to guy for everything. So with Eric, I've been saying, like, I've got to figure something out here. You know, I've kind of gone unexciting in cars. So Eric, when I first moved to LA, had a convertible that he won on a game show. I don't know if we talked about that in the first one. We might have.

No, I won the chair with John McEnroe. And John McEnroe changed my life forever. Because I actually won the least of anybody on the chair that day. So basically the show is called The Chair. And they measure your heart rate when you're calm. And then the idea is your heart rate's going, and then they're going to do things to stress you out and you have to answer trivia questions while keeping

your heart rate low. Okay. And it was hosted by John McEnroe and his whole thing was fucking with people. Right. Trying to like get them stressed and who better? He was amazing. The king. Yeah. So I was at the time working at Starbucks, and I started doing a game show circuit. And then I ended up on this show called The Chair.

What does that mean, the circuit? Oh, I did a ton of game shows. I actually ended up not being able to do anymore because I was on so many. How many did you do? This is new information. Oh, yeah. I did like five or six.

I did Beat the Geeks. I did one where you can fall through a trap door. Yeah. I did a whole bunch of them. And like the corniest thing with McEnroe, like he was so goddamn cool. And then the whole thing, like my mantra was, they can't really hurt you.

They can't really hurt you. They can't really hurt you. So I was at like $20,000. And the whole thing is I answer the question correctly, and then it's keeping the heart rate low. So I just went very inward, and then I'm like, they can't hurt you, they can't hurt you. And then all of a sudden, I felt a searing pain on my chest,

because they had a medieval giant mace that was probably 10 feet around shooting sparks, trying to stress me out and get my heart rate to go up. And then I looked down, and my shirt is on fire. And this was a cheap, big and tall shirt. My shirt is on fire. And I just quickly looked down, felt the pain, put it out, and then just concentrated and keep,

but then McEnroe was, hey, hey, stop filming. And you're not allowed to film. And they go, we can't, John, we can't. He's like, he's on fire. And I'm like, I'm okay. He's like, Eric, are you okay? I'm like, yes, sir, I'm okay. He's like, he's on fire. And I'm like, I'm okay. He's like, Eric, are you okay? I'm like, yes, sir, I'm okay. He's like, that's amazing,

because you just won $25,000. And he's like, what about your shirt? I'm like, I'll just go to big and tall, John, we're great. And I ended up walking away with $33,900, which was actually the least anybody of the winners won that day. And then at the very end, a PA came in and said, there was a group of all the winners, said, hey, Eric,

John would like to meet you. And the person that just won $250,000 was like, well, do we get to meet him? And like, he asked for Eric. So I walked back there, and he's in his room. I'm completely shell shocked and starstruck. He's drinking a Heineken. He's like, you want a beer?

I'm like, yes, sir. So he hands me a Heineken. How fast did you drink that beer at that age of Eric? Did you do the weird jaw thing where you just chugged it? Nervousness, yeah. Yeah, why not just get it in as quick as we can? And this is why I don't drink today, friends. But McEnroe then grabs a tennis ball,

signs it for me, throws it to me, and then on the show, they played up that I worked at Starbucks. And he's like, you don't work at Starbucks. And he's like, you don't work at Starbucks. And he's like, you're an actor. And I'm like, Mr. McEnroe, if you come to Starbucks in Highland in Franklin tomorrow at 630, I will be there. And I'd be thrilled to give you as many pastries as you want. And then he's like, well, he's like, you're good.

You have that thing. He's like, just hang on. Keep going. And Jake, I didn't have a ton of confidence moving down here. Someone like John McEnroe saying that to me gave me wings. And I couldn't believe it, and it meant the world to me. So Eric, we hang out all the time, correct? Correct.

We text every day. Yeah. I've heard this Mc and Rose story a lot. I just worked with John in the dink. Yeah. You said thank him for me because he gave me the boost of confidence that I needed, right? Yeah. This is the first time I've ever heard part of the story that your shirt was literally on fire. On fire, we gotta find. And he said stop filming. That is burying the lead, my king.

I'm not gonna say to John McEnroe, do you remember my friend you said he's very talented? But you'd go like this, all right, I'm here to say my line, get the fuck away from away from me If I said do you remember on a game show? There was a guy who had a big and tall shirt that caught on fire and you stopped of filming he would go Yeah Is the part that is remembered the compliment that you have it Are you really asking that was fuel my time? the compliment that you have it.

Are you really asking? That was fuel in my tank. I didn't care about the shirt. The money was great. I did work at Starbucks the next day, but Johnny McEnroe saying that to me. Said you got it, yeah. I'm like, shit, I might have it. You have it, King.

But then you bought an old Sebring convertible. Yeah, with a salvage title. Yes, but that was the car when I moved to LA and we became buddies. I'm not a car guy. So I've been obviously going to my go-to guy, Eric. And Eric said, let's do Cadillacs. We get in this Caddy, and that Escalade is the real car.

I like it a lot. And Armin's in the backdy and that Escalade is the real car. I like And Armand's in the back and we have a true king in the back of the car just saying Google claim you and I was like his timing was just the best. Oh, he knew what he was doing He knew what he was doing and funny. He had a comedic rhythm to him. He did He did so Eric and I were both he'd also called us old guys He did sobering sobering. He said sobering, he said when we all get to a certain age, uh, and Eric and I were shocked. No, it- Shocked. We're not old.

We're in tight iron flip flops, Fred. You mean our dads? Are you kidding? We're of the people. Are you kidding? Kids love us! Nope. Shocking.

That bald spot's undefeated for making conclusions. Why do you think I don't want a convertible? I don't want the glare on the back of my head. It's so sobering going to a baseball game now and just lathering in sunscreen on my bald spot. It's just cruel. It's the worst. It's the worst, man.

It's the worst. But so we start driving and Eric starts blasting the theme song from Sopranos on his phone. We're driving around the Dana in a huge, with our back listening to the theme of Sopranos. And it was just one of those true great life moments. Carving back, listening to the theme of Sopranos. And it was just one of those true great life moments. I loved it. I mean, it felt like a giant electric Cadillac. It was so, I felt a little like Elvis too. Me too.

All right, so let's give a shout out to, so the Rudy Garcia who has been, now my trainer since Jiu Jitsu days, who has entered the team, and then he started training Eric. Eric's going back to him tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. I've never had a trainer like this in my life.

I've never had a workout thing. He's just, you know, one of those geniuses. He just knows the body so well, and you have maybe an expectation of what it's going to look like working out with a black belt that could destroy my whole neighborhood if you wanted to but instead he just really builds up slowly with intention. I'm so grateful. It's weird to be 48 and I've never felt better. Yeah and so he's now training my wife, he's training now Morgan. There's rumblings that Nat Attack

might do something with Morgan with him. So he's deeply ingrained in the team. We don't make any money on this. We are not part of it. There's no cut we're getting. We just want to bring it to the community. If you're interested in training with him, he's doing Zoom stuff.

Check out his website, gfit.trainer. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Ladies, gentlemen, them, let's cut this. Let's restart this. Cut that Natalie. Are you tired? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Well, there's a new holistic bad-ass way to get in shape and get in shape.

Now Rudy Garcia at gfit.training. A new you starts tomorrow. Pretty good. He's also doing it on Zoom. Guys, everybody enjoy the show. And that's it. Oh, also, we're doing more We're Here to Chats. Volume 3 is coming up with the King and Bergman.

We're having a lot of fun. We've gotten all the emails and all the comments and let's go. So you want to give us in your announcer voice without further ado, Eric. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, it's Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. We're here to help. That's Hulu Animahem, your animation destination. You can catch all the shenanigans on classics like The Simpsons, Futurama, American Dad, and many, many more. Hulu Animahem is your animation destination.

Stream now on Hulu on Disney+. For Hulu and Bundle subscribers, terms apply. Hello? Hello. Hi, how are you? Good, how are you? Good. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Can we get your name, rough age, and where you're calling from?

Yes, my name is Rebecca. I am 30, and I'm calling from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Okay, Baton Rouge. And Rebecca, we're just gonna jump in because you have Jake, you have me, and you also have a guest helper for this call. Very excited to have the great Roy Wood Jr. also here. You're welcome.

Yes, thank you. Oh, wow. Yeah. Impressive, right, Rebecca? Absolutely. Okay, so a lot of pressure. So why don't you start by just telling us what's going on and what the three of us can help you with. All right.

So I'm calling in because my family has a little bit of a relationship issue, but it's actually a relationship between my father-in-law and about nine raccoons. Your father-in-law has a weird relationship with some raccoons. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Good setup. And so it's, the question is, just so that we can have that out of the way, is how to

set up, it's just a boundary question, you know how couples therapy goes. So it's a question of how to establish boundaries with the raccoons. It's been going on since 2016, but it was a slow start. What's been going on? He- Is he feeding them?

Is he fucking these raccoons? What's happening? Yeah. So essentially in 2016, one raccoon started visiting my in-laws home and his name was Scrawny. Okay. You know it's good when you're like, it started in 2016 with one raccoon. Absolutely. Okay. Scrawny. Scrawny came to visit, yes. And Scrawny was a kleptomaniac. And so Scrawny would kind of sit in the tree and just kind of watch eerily at the porch. And then eventually Scrawny stole my mother-in-law's beautiful candle that she'd gotten from Tuesday

morning, just ran off with it in broad daylight. And that's when Scrawny kind of earned some surveillance. People started kind of, you know, narrating what Scrawny was up to and everything. And a few years later, there was a beautiful raccoon who joined Scrawny named Babyface. That's insane. Babyface joined the party during a big heat wave in Louisiana. And so everyone just kind of fell for her, the whole family. She was just absolutely gorgeous.

They were a cute couple. And so my father-in-law was afraid they were getting overheated and he started providing them kiddie pools in the summer Okay So he started feeding them and providing them with some kiddie pools and then Yes, multiple kiddie pools and their favorite snacks. So some fruit loops Watermelon cookie Delta one lounge. What the fuck is this? Yeah, it's like a company picnic

Delta one lounge for sure some photo Let's see the photos. Let's see everything Oh scrawny scrawny. Scrawny, babyface. 2016. Of course. I just want to get to the part where they have kids. They had to have kids.

Okay, actually, that's what happened next. That's the next part of the story. You can't be in the pool with a bad bitch and not going on hit that. That is true. How could you not going on a hit that. That is true. How could you not? You got Froot Loops, you got King, you got a little hot tub. Yeah.

Okay, we're seeing some, oh wait, hold on, let us see this video real quick of one of the raccoons crushing the watermelon. Nibbling on some watermelon. Okay. He's deep on the porch. No fear. No fear. Yeah. He is really... Okay, so is that... Are we watching Scrawny or is that Babyface?

Do you know? I can't see the video, but I think that's Babyface. Okay. Oh, they go right by the pool too. Okay. Oh, they go swimming in your pool? Well, they have gotten in the pool before, um, but it's not commonplace. They only did that really one time. Uh, that was kind of a lesson learned. Okay. So the whole family loves them. I'm hearing like, oh, a little baby. Yeah. Everyone's excited. There's no, everyone's excited. Oh my God. You have little dog bowls for them. Oh, that's the pool, too Yes, yeah, they're eating out of your hands

Yeah, so my father-in-law started hand feeding them I mean hand feed like literally just this is bad handing them food and they're eating it right out of his fingers Right near the baby pool Jesus Christ in this last one. We got three of them in a tray Yeah, is this some kitty litter box? Yeah, I believe that one's a cat litter box. Yeah. Yeah All right All right till we got me we got a raccoon problem But Jake you keep trying to move on but the videos keep coming now

They're eating the Froot Loops out of the goddamn hands on the driveway. I wouldn't say the videos are heightening though, would you? They're just all the same videos. It's getting worse. We can watch 40 videos of a raccoon eating Froot Loops out of someone's hand. I don't think we're learning anything else. First of all, you can't feed... You feed a...

If you hand feed a wild animal, it's terrible for the wild animal. Cause then one of those animals is going to go up to another person, try to eat out of their hands. So Rebecca, this is your father-in-law. He does this. What does the rest of the family think of this behavior? Yeah. So at this point for a lot of these videos, they're a little bit older.

Everyone was actually okay with it. We really loved the raccoons and they kind of just were mostly in the back porch area. Like they would come up to the back porch and they would honestly kind of knock on the window a little bit to gain attention. And then they would come out and be fed. The issue actually comes as with guests that babyface got pregnant and she introduced her toddlers, her three toddlers to the family. Introduced?

And at that point- The terms you're using are troubling. Keep going, sorry. Yeah. At that point, everyone became concerned about her nutrition naturally, that she wasn't getting nutritious food. And so my father-in-law started supplementing with some cat food because, you know, they had vitamins and stuff, protein.

And after that, a bunch of raccoons started coming, some that were not these two lovable raccoons. Well, how the hell are they gonna determine that? Of course they're coming. Well, you know. No, I mean the raccoon. Well, how the hell are they going to determine that? Of course they're covered. They could, no, I mean the raccoon community. Where are they going to go? That's baby faces food. They're scavengers. Yeah, you've made a raccoon Santa. So at this point, there's nine raccoons and now there's warring kind of groups kind of West Side story situation. Yeah, because they're fighting over the turf of the fucking Delta One Lines.

Oh my god. 100%. Okay. So, yes, that's not really even the end though. Because at that point, it was still manageable. The issue comes with the fact that now they're camping out in the garage. Hold on, what does that mean they're camping out in the garage. And for this- Hold on, what does that mean,

they're camping out in the garage? How'd they get in the garage? For this, I've got to hand off the phone to my mother-in-law, Susan, who's here with me. Oh my God. Because she's on the front lines. I live 30 minutes away and I just come and I come and go as I please.

I'm not living this scenario But my mother-in-law it is there and and she's here to share kind of when they invaded the house Oh my lord, and so if you're okay with that, I'm gonna hand off the phone at this point Hi hi Welcome to my name is Susan. Hi, Susan. You're on with Jake Johnson. I'm Gareth Reynolds. And Roy Wood Jr. is also here to judge and hopefully fix your, what we could only call, invasion.

Hey, Susan, could you jump in a little bit? And you should. Well, thank you. Can I ask a couple of questions? Of course. What's your husband's name, Susan? James. James.

And James started feeding these raccoons a couple years ago. Of course. What's your husband's name, Susan? James. James. And James started feeding these raccoons a couple years ago? Yes. It started with the one, you know, scrawny. We named it scrawny because it was the ugliest little raccoon you could ever see and it had a terrible scrawny tail.

Yeah. And then that led to Babyface and then Babyface had some kids. Yeah. And you were hand feeding them food loops and everything. Yes, food loops and, you know, vanilla cream cookies and watermelon. Seems like, uh, and when you were doing that, Susan, what did you think was going to happen with the neighborhood raccoons? What was your guess?

Well, um, he was doing the hand feeding more than me. I just looked, looked at, would look and watch and we have a lot of walkers. We have a lot of walkers in our neighborhood. So I'm sure most of our neighborhoods can, I know the neighbors can see this going on because it's right in the driveway. In the front. And they have to think, yes. And so they must think we're a bunch of dysfunctional people. Yeah, they do. I'm certain they do. Because one lady actually came up and asked us about that.

Were you feeding cats? My daughter insisted. One lady came up and she said, my daughter insists you're feeding raccoons, but I'm sure they're cats, right? I tried to have an intervention. I'm sorry, hell no. Yeah, I was waiting for the, you know, the people to come in, the animal control people come into our house.

Because as of right now, there are now nine babies. Nine? And all the babies used, nine individual toddler babies this spring. Oh my God. And they all plan together, which is unusual. They used to stick with their moms. The moms teach them how to come and then they do their stuff.

But you see, my bottom line is I was knowing this wasn't right. First of all, you know, they don't have babies. I don't believe that. And they don't, but they do carry germs and all sorts of bacteria. So what got me one night was kind of the, what I thought would be the finalization of this situation. I sleep in a different room than my husband. Yes, we do.

That's dysfunctional. But we do that. One of his snores. Yeah. Yeah, we do. That's dysfunctional. But we do that. One of his snores. Yeah. Yeah, we both do. He probably has rabies too. Yeah. And so I sleep in the bedroom over the garage. So one night I hear this terrific noise in the garage. Like something was just being thrown all against the walls and everything. And I'm thinking, I don't know if someone is breaking in or what. And I got up and tried to get my husband up and he's just completely out of it. And so I grabbed the gun because, you know, we live in Louisiana and that's

what we do. Um, I grabbed the gun to go to the door that leads to the garage and no sooner I open that freaking door and we're face to face, we're face on face. Like that man. I was freaking freaked. So I'm a combination of freaking scared and and angry that my husband allowed this to happen with his dysfunctional dysfunctional taking care of these freaking animals. Keep going Susan, just keep going.

I ran into the laundry room, I closed the door as quick as I can, the laundry room was right there, so I had a broom. So I figured I'll get it out. I'll quickly press the button in the garage and it'll run away, of course. Well, no, it did not run away. It got up on the top shelf and was hissing at me. Literally hissing. And this wasn't Scrowdy or Babyface. No, this was another one, just one of the other random ones

that now live there in our house, in our household. I feel like it's in our house because this is in our living space, all this is happening. And so I had to take the broom and I was trying to broom down. He didn't want to get down off that shelf. He just, and I kept brooming and brooming and brooming until finally got him to go out the door. But this is at 1 30 in the morning when you're sleeping

thinking somebody's breaking into your house. Someone is. Yeah, so there was serious. Yeah, they got broke. Yeah, and so there was serious anger and I had decided at that point, this was gonna be over and my husband was gonna have to get over the fact that he's not gonna be able

to have his raccoons. I had this serious conversation with him the next morning and then he said, okay, all right. I'm like, look, if you want to feed them, see where they come from is our house backs up to the wetlands slash woodlands and that's where they come from. You can see them when they come. They come from out of there and they walk all the way through over our patio, through our garden, over to our driveway. And now they have a group that comes to the front porch too. This is all happening during the daytime, right? Right. Daytime.

And so really, it's completely out of control. And my idea was, look, if you want to feed them, all you have to do is feed them like they're by the wetlands, by the wooded area, not in our living space. Okay. What do you say to that? Let me just tell you right now. Y'all gotta stop feeding these fucking animals, period. I'm not, I'm not. There's no boundaries. They don't have boundaries.

They're wild creatures and they're just gonna impose and impose and impose. You're a free lick. I don't have to go in a trash can. I don't have to catch fucking lava. Possums are on the way next and everybody gonna be sucking and fucking in your garage. All of them.

All of them. I don't know what's fucking straight orgy already. And like, I don't know if raccoons are like mice where they have simplistic DNA where like the sister can fuck the brother and then the brother can fuck the mother. Oh, they do. So. Yeah.

They're all a bunch of, yeah. You gotta trap them all and relocate them. I don't even know, these boys have been domesticated. Yeah. I don't even know. Like severely domesticated. They don't even run from us. In other words, you open the garage door to go out into the garage, they just sit there,

they're in the bag that my husband had. Well, they've been hand hand fed Froot Loops. Yeah, why would they? Yeah, I know. One question for you, Roy. Roy, one question for you. You said they're all gonna be sucking and fucking. You think they're gonna suck each other.

Why is a raccoon sucking another raccoon? You've seen that one, Roy? It's true, these suckers are freaking having sex and everything else together. No, Susan, I know that, but they're not 69ing. They might be 69ing. I've never seen a raccoon blowjob. Really?

No, I don't know if they've been doing that. Yeah, they could. You never know. I've been to that part of Pornhub. I'm sure it's there. Everything is there. I mean, this is... So, Rebecca, what is the... This is a wild setup.

Yeah. And I think Roy is going to be right, but what is the... This is a wild setup. Yeah, where are we? And I think Rory's gonna be right, but what is the specific question we can try to help you with? I'll move you to Rebecca then. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you, Susan.

Appreciate you, Susan. What a great way to meet someone. What a cameo. What a cameo. Hi, Rebecca. That's wild stuff. What is the question today we can help you with? Well, the question was to set boundaries with the raccoons, but it sounds like you guys don't think

that's possible. We were thinking of... Do you? Well, my father-in-law is the feeder, so how this convince him to maybe feed them by the wetlands or how to train these raccoons that this is no longer where they're being fed. That could be a way. That's an amicable just lay a food trap in the forest. You're still going to attract all other types of shit that are gonna come sniffing around.

It's like, and this is a terrible analogy, but close. In Alaska, certain cities have expanded and the polar bears, because of global warming and blah, blah, blah, come into town. And the polar bears have gotten so good with it, they know what day trash day is based on the scents of the garbage sitting out on the curb. So garbage day is like one of the most dangerous days

around some of these Alaskan towns. So you're just attracting more shit to you. I don't know if, and then, and now all jokes aside, you're eventually gonna get into issues where they're gonna start chewing and gnawing on stuff. We had squirrels on our wall in Birmingham, like incessantly for nine years. They just lived between the drywall and the brick.

They figured out a way to burrow in and under the roof, but through that spacing, they would gnaw on shit and electrocute themselves and stank up the house for two months with dead body carcass. So you could get into a situation where this could cause a fire. Like you could lose shit. So I think maybe leverage with them like that.

But I think- What did you, when you had that problem growing up, Roy, what did you do? Was there anything? We poisoned the squirrels. Okay. Now, here's the problem with poisoning squirrels who live in your walls is that the poison

don't work right away. So they would eat the poison and then die in the walls. And then they started stanking. So we switched to BB guns and air rifles. I had a Remington, I was on rifle team in high school. I was a decent shot. So, you know, I wouldn't recommend that now here. I don't think we're necessarily looking to kill the raccoons.

I mean, we definitely all love them. Yes. So we're not looking to do that. I don't even know if we're pitching that, Rebecca, but I think- No, I'm not. No, what we're saying though, is that we are very deep in this problem Because the idea of trying to relocate them like they already have they're already in the Delta lounge

Why are they gonna sit at the gate? Like yeah, hey, Rebecca. Can I ask a favor? Of course is James around He is can we get that wild man on the phone? Oh I'm gonna be starstruck. I guess so. Yeah, okay. I'm not gonna Solution boys I'm gonna pass it off. Okay, okay This is really you tell the truth

Great moment it off. Okay. Okay. This is really, you tell the truth. Did you hear the truth? That's a great moment. Okay. I want to do on speaker. Okay. All right. All I can hear is, Hey James, can you hear us? I'm talking. I don't know what you're, what you're saying though. Hey James, can you hear us? Yeah. I can hear you. What's Susan yelling at you? What's she saying? Oh, well, she's pissed off at me. You know, I feed them and I know it's my fault. But what do you get out of it? Like, do y'all have, clearly y'all don't have pets because the raccoons would have smelled them and not really been around? Well, we got cats. Yeah, we have two cats, but they don't care. They don't care about anything. You know, I can, it's gotten to the point where they just help themselves.

They come in the garage and I run them off and they just run to the truck, turn around, they come right back. You go out and you look at the balloons and you just kind of observe them, right? You just kind of like look at them through the window. Oh, no, no, no, no. They come up to me.

I mean, I hand feed them and basically, I go out there and talk on phone and whatever. They come up to me and, but I guess. So these are your homies. You're like awkward, man. Yeah, they're about your homies. Okay. That cool. One other thing, they got little ones,

you know, little toddlers and they're real cute. And they're, you know, sit there and, you know, you can see how the mother's training them and stuff like that, but it's my fault. I know it. I know it. But hold on, James, what would you like to have different here?

Do you have a question? Do you have a question? Do you have a problem or are you happy with the situation? Oh, well, no. Well, no, I mean, I guess my only problem is I'm almost, yeah. They're in the garage. I want them out of the garage. I got to probably go down and feed them behind the pond or something. I don't know. Get them out of the't know, get them out of the area.

But I think they just become so blatant that they don't give a shit about anything. They come right up to the door, they come, you know. You open the door and they're there. Well, you never gave them a reason to. And they're never gonna eat. I think if you move the food, move the food, it'll take time.

Go out to the forest, have your one hour of time with the raccoons. Have you looked into nature cams, James? Oh yeah, I got them. You talking about deer cameras? Yeah, deer cameras or whatever, like scout camera, wildlife camera, whatever.

Mount a couple of those, boost your wifi. I got it. And then you can ride and bring them bitches out. He doesn't wanna watch my video. He likes them. They're his buddies. He likes to feed them.

I get it. They're my buddies, but I guess everybody else has a little issue with them. I mean, I do, But I guess I guess everybody else has a little issue with them. I mean I do You know I'll buy them You know cookies and stuff like that. Yeah, they like you know she yeah. Oh, yeah And the way things go for her. You ever dress up the babies? I'd love to but no no they

I think there's about nine of them now. Okay. Yeah, I think there's about nine of them now. Okay. Yeah, I think there's about nine of them now. All right, hold on a second. What would you like to dress them up as? I don't know. I don't know. You can be honest, Michael. Put them in little caps.

Put a little cap on them. Make them little burglars? They are. That would be perfect, yeah. I mean, they all look the same, you know? You never tell which one's what. Yeah, I just am concerned if you catch one, if one of them gets rabies out there, brother, and they start spreading through the whole group

or painful or whatever, then you've got a situation where animal control's gonna have to take them away anyway. I got a pitch, James, I got a pitch. Okay. Animal control is not to take him away anyway Okay You got land that is it your land that goes to the lake? I think we're about to have the same pitch I mean we have We have I mean we live on three acres, but uh Okay, this is perfect. Yeah. This is perfect. Here's my pitch. I want you to build them a little raccoon house and I want it to be I want it to be

as far from your main house as possible but I want that raccoon house James. I want it to have multi floors. I want it to have different entrances and exits. I want you to get little seats in there. You put food all around like little like gerbil things. They got to work for food. There's no food around the house, but you fridge. Yeah, a little beer fridge. And one side you just do glass so you can see in and out. But you create and look if they battle James they battle.

Well, you know, you know what's, if they battle James, they battle. Well, you know, you know, what's ironic. I wanted to kill them all. That's a turn again. I wanted to kill them all because I had, I wanted to kill them all at first a couple of years ago. Cause yeah. You mean in 2016? When did you want to kill them?

16. Yeah. Yeah. Probably 2012, 13 or so right I had chickens in the back and I shoot I had fortified that cage, you know the coop. And I mean I had a chain so secure anyway, they ended up killing 13 of my chickens and I was on a war path, but I didn't get any after that. But then it kind of turned into like, okay, well, they beat me at that. So I do have an area in the back that I can do that with.

James, I think that- That they made that. I think Jake's right. I recently experienced my first catio, which was a little area for five cats at my friend's house to hang out and play, and it was catered all towards cats. I think you could have a nice project building a raccoon cave far away, you're doing the slow relocation, that's now where the Froot Loops are, that's where you'll be hanging out and handing out the goodies.

And it can go right in the chicken coop that you already have. That's right, that's right, that's what I'm saying, it's dual purpose now, they've done killed all my chickens and now I can use it for their, that's kind of ironic. Let them move in. Yeah, I could definitely, yeah, I can do that. Yeah, well. Hang some posters up. You feel good with this idea, James?

I think it's a good idea. Okay, can we maybe talk to Rebecca again so we can just kind of float this up the chain of the family? Absolutely, hold on a second. Way to go, buddy. You too, James. Yeah, he's all right.

He's a reasonable guy. I agree. Yeah. Hello. Yeah. Hi, Rebecca. Welcome back. So we just talked to James.

We basically pitched him an area that he builds. The chicken coop. The chicken coop that he kind of revamps for the raccoons. It gives them a project. That's where the Froot Loops are. You guys can all do it as a family. It feels like Susan's them a project, that's where the fruit loops are. You guys can all do it as a family. It feels like Susan's out. I think that's perfect.

But yeah. Okay, and then the rule is, if anybody feeds the raccoon around the house, you call animal services and get rid of them. Oh my goodness, okay. I think this could work, I really do. How does Susan feel? I think this is a great idea.

Okay, what is- Do you wanna hear her opinion on it? Will you put Susan's wild ass on the phone? I will put Susan on. Okay, I will. She's going to have been hurt some months. I like that shit. This is like being a mediator.

I don't care about Susan's opinion. We found some shit James agreed. Hey, Susan. Right? We got to do an agreement. Susan, we're gonna get that work. That's all I need, yeah. Susan, walk us through what you've heard,

what you're thinking, take over a little bit. What we're hearing right now? Yeah. Yeah, the idea. I think it's ideal. We need to get them away from the living area, our living space. And we do have a place all the way back on our property that already is a poop-like thing that could be a little bit

more fixed up for him and that would be fine. I would have no problem with that. And what do you think if James ends up hand feeding them by the house? What do you think of fair consequences? I don't know. I'll tell you why, Susan. I'll tell you, here's what I'm afraid of. James likes those little raccoons.

He's gonna get tired and just see one of the little ones. We know that. I'll just hand feed him. I like these sons of, but James doesn't give a fuck. He's wild. No, he doesn't. He doesn't give a fuck about it. Because it lasts three days.

When I gave him that ultimatum, I gave him that ultimatum that night when the raccoon came into our house atcoon came, came into our house at night was trapped into our house at night. That's when I gave him the ultimatum. And so you think he listens to you. You think he listens to you Susan? No, I know.

It lasted all of four days. Four days kind of he fed them Fruit Loops day too, and you know it. Oh, yeah, he's doing it without me seeing him. He's got, he's tricking you. Jake. Oh, I know. I know.

You can't be tricked. You're the raccoon, Susan. Jake, what were you, Jake, you had a point? Where were you headed, buddy? I don't know. Okay. We're talking about punishment for James if he breaks our agreement, Susan. Here's what I'm trying to get to, Susan.

If he goes out there and builds a little raccoon house, we got that all situated. He agreed, Rebecca agrees, that's far enough away. Let him do whatever the fuck he wants in that little house. He wants to put a seat out there, be the king of the raccoons, do it. If he feeds them around the house, would you call animal control and get the raccoons removed?

Would you actually animal control and get the raccoons removed? Yes. Yes. Would you actually do that? Or, I have some freaking moody. Oh, hell yes. Because they're being hand-pelled and what's going to happen, Susan, is one of them is going to bite somebody and they're going to get them all killed. And guess who's fault? It'll probably be me. They're going to put them all down. They're gonna put them all down, and it's gonna be James's fault and your fault, Susan. And I'll be the one at the hospital getting the shots in the stomach for the rabies. Agreed. Is that what they do for rabies? Yeah. They give you a bunch of shots in your stomach. But to your question, Roy,

she clearly has looked this up and knows the specifics of the rabies shots. So Susan, will you run point on this raccoon house and make him do it? Yeah, I will. Because it's already started, so. Today's Tuesday, June 24th. When can the raccoon house be fully finished,

in your opinion? I believe he could have that done by Saturday if he worked on it starting today. Saturday okay so then if he feeds them and if it's not done by Saturday and you see him feeding him you got the gall to call animal services and say there's nine little raccoons they might have rabies can you relocate them before they start biting people? Yeah I had the phone number already so I don't have a problem. All right, so that's 100% you're in, Susan.

Yeah. I like it. Will you throw James' wild ass back on? No, no. Yes, I will. Here's James. Great speaking with you again. Bye, Susan. She's happy. This is insane.

Hey, James. Hey, James. You got till Saturday, they gonna call ICE on them records. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. James. Well I guess I got a project. There's two things and we gotta know if you agree to this because you're not allowed to

get mad at Susan. You're signing a deal right now. Oh, okay. Saturday, which is, yeah well that's what we're proposing to you. You can pass on it, but we're trying to get a deal done, man. We're trying to figure this thing out. We're not doing this show just for shits and giggles. We're trying to solve problems. Okay.

All right. Susan has agreed to this. You tell us if you like it. This Saturday, which would be 25th, 26th 7th 20th, I think June 28th You're gonna be done with the cat house in the chicken coop and it's gonna be ready to go From that day on hold on. Do you don't like that James a few. Yeah, let's buy him a little more time. Yeah, give me a little bit of time here. Okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on, guys. Then you're talking to mediators, James. Counter, how long do you want?

Well, I don't know. When can you get it finished, baby? Three weeks. Three weeks? What are you gonna build a fuckin' hot tub up there? All you got is that little blue goofy pool and you're gonna throw Froot Loops in there. They don't need AC, my king.

It's a box. They're raccoons, they live outside. Here's something else you gotta consider, Jake. Something else you need to consider is that once this new facility is built, it's gonna take time to start that transition. So then, gotta give them, like, how long before we just accept that the raccoons

ain't fucking with the new Delta lounge? Yes, I understand those. So, yes, you're right about that. Because you're like, you're gonna have to like train them to follow you over there. Like, you're gonna have to sit by that shed every day for another week. No, Roy, Roy, you ET it.

You ET it with the Reese's Pieces. Yeah, yeah. You'd read me. You'd run out. You leave a trail. Yeah, yeah. You'd read the trail. You leave a trail. But. Yeah, go ahead. Now we have two big trees right next to our garage.

Okay. And there's about three nests of them up in there. So they walk down straight from there. So they, so as soon as I guess they get out of the nest, they'll be away from the garage But they built a nest near the garage because yeah food source. Oh Yeah, I think James James you're gonna have to put in the work and be the pied piper that is going to show them We're a new era is starting I'm gonna go get you're gonna have to spend some time over there with Froot Loops showing them that if they want the food source We're doing a restart. Yeah, I got a picture. Let's go James

Here's what I'd like you to do. I Think you could first of all just to get the numbers clean here. I don't think through three weeks is excessive Can we agree that you can have it done in a week from today? She wanted Saturday, you wanted three weeks. How about next Tuesday? Seven days? I mean, it's possible, yeah. All right, you want to compromise?

How about this? Let's do the end of next weekend. So we'll do that's perfect Okay, so July so 7th of July. Yeah, you got the holiday to go out there and work on your raccoon. Yeah Are you gonna do it all that weekend? Well, I'll probably do it during the evening time. Okay, so by July by July 6 you're done. Is that fair? That's fair. Here's what I'd like you to do before that.

As you're doing this, I want you to eat every day, fruit loops all the way there. And then one day, maybe July 2nd, maybe the 3rd, I want you to cook a barbecue. And in the middle of this raccoon fest, I want, I'm talking delicious food, James. I want hot dogs, I want hamburgers, I want ribs. They're getting Froolook from the house, but they're getting a meal in the raccoon mansion.

Hot dogs. You want me to cook barbecue for them? Yes. I want the food to be so good, James, they move the nest. He wants a fucking housewarming party. I want a housewarming party, he is right. Oh my God.

Okay. So that they go like this. You know what we get at the house? We get fucking Froot Loops and some other trash. trash I'm telling you at that shack about three acres away. They got barbecue for us Just remember you're doing this because you love the raccoons and the alternative to this is not good So you're gonna have to log some hours, you know You did create this world where the raccoons feel comfortable hanging upside down trying to kiss your wife in a garage.

So now you need to kind of shake the exesketch a bit and let's get going. So James, let's do this. Every day until July 6, are you willing to do a Fruit Loop trail to the chicken coop? Yeah. Promise? I promise. I'll do it. I'll see what they do. loop trail to the chicken coop? Uh, yeah. You promise? Well, I promise. I'll do it.

I'll see what they do. And then July 6th. Okay. Then July 6th, will you have the coop being as good as it can be done where they could all move in there? Yes. Uh, yeah, I think that's possible. Yeah.

Okay. Doesn't have to be perfect and it can keep changing. Now let me ask you what- I'm not doing the barbecue for them. Okay. Forget the barbecue. that's possible. Yeah. Okay. Doesn't have to be perfect and it can keep changing. Now let me ask you what... I'm not doing the barbecue for him. Okay. Forget the barbecue. That's fair. That's fair.

Yeah, that's for me. Fair. But then while you're eating it, eat out there and leave some dirty plates out there. Okay? Yeah. Excuse yourself. There you go. Let him get some smells and licks.

One last thing. If on July 7th, you feed them near the house and Susan calls animal control, do you understand why she did it and it's not her fault, it's your fault? Oh, I know. I know it's all my fault right now. Okay, but on July 7th, if animal controls and takes babyface away from you, it's your fault, not her fault, correct? That's correct, yeah. Do you your fault not her fault, correct? That's correct. Do you

agree to the terms of this negotiation? I agree to the terms. Okay, thank you sir. I think that's a good one. And can you throw Susan back on the phone? Certainly can. Thank you James. It's fun to picture them all around the phone doing this. I'd love to see this animated. Be unbelievable. Hi. Hey, Susan. So we got a deal we want to know if you want to sign it. I do.

I was listening and it's perfect. Okay, so every day you remind him he's going to ET it to the shed. Right. And July 6 is the last day. If he feeds them around the house after July 6th, you don't even ask. You call animal control. Just call them, yeah, and they'll come take care of those. And James knows it's his fault.

Yes, well good, because it would be. He started this and you'll have to be the one to end this. He knows that, Susan. He knows that. I think, I will say, I think we're at the point right now where we all understand why you're upset But what's gonna help James the most and you is to encourage the movement of this this? Coop that he's building for the raccoons. You know he knows he's got to do it Take some photos as the things going and then on July 6 when this official maybe put a sign out there

things going and then on July 6th when it's official maybe put a sign out there letting the raccoons know it's the new house or however you want to do it and then find a new management maybe we'll talk in August and September and see where we're at okay I can do it that sounds like a good idea thank you so much for your help I think we owe you a thank you. To be quite honest. I think this is gonna work. I have no clue. Well, it's been fabulous talking to you guys. It's been fabulous talking to you. Jake, should we just,

I know you do a good impression of a New Orleans accent. Do you want to cap the call with doing that for him? No, thanks. Roy, it's pretty good. Go ahead, Jake. Roy, do you do a New Orleans? Well, they come to tell on one and get the fuck out my garage. They are holding that two feet. Roy, do you do it in New Orleans? Well, they call me till I want to get it.

Fuck out my garage. They are holding two feet. Okay. All right, Susan, we got to go. He can say. There you go. That felt racist. Even though I know Cajun isn't exactly a race per se. I still found it racist. It was racist. It felt a little bit of that Zatarans on that food.

And then they go, whoa. Zata Ranz? You gotta dance that. You must be in the round learning that. That's definitely racist. That's all right. Tell Rebecca bye. I will.

I'll tell her. All right. Thank you, Susan. Hello. Hi. Hi. Can we get your name, age, where you're calling from, please? My name is Chelsea.

I just turned 33 and I'm from Kansas. 33 Kansas. All right, Chelsea, you've got Jake, you've got me, and you've got our guest helper, Roy Wood Jr.' is here. So we just want to jump. Yeah, it's a big deal. So we don't have too much time with Roy. So we want to just jump in.

So why don't you just jump in and tell us what the problem is? Okie dokie. So pretty much I'm trying to best my husband in the tuck-in routine that we do for our daughter. My daughter is 11 years old and we've been doing this thing since she like got out of a crib where we take turns tucking her in at night and my husband is like hilarious and aggressively creative and it's, their tuck-in is, has morphed into like this improv comedy hour where they're like cracking jokes.

They have like their own characters and like it's just turned into this huge, this huge thing. It's hilarious and I love it. But then when I tuck her in, she just wants to watch like dumb ass YouTube videos. And like will not, if I try to be like kind of funny, she's pretty much like, fuck off mom, you're not funny. So I'm just trying to like kind of be better than my husband.

Also like my husband is her favorite person. Like her dad is her favorite person. So when he can't tuck her in, she's pissed about it. But if I have a night that I can't, she's like, all right, well, that's fine. So you're trying to like- So your time to shine comes later. Well, I wanted to shine now.

Yeah, I know, I know. There's a jealousy in that. So I co-parent a nine-year-old, and your tuck-in time is my cooking. His mom meticulously prepares every meal with love and kisses him on the forehead as the plate lands to the table. And she's more culinary than me.

You come to my house, motherfucker, you get in this bag of frozen shrimp, and I'm gonna steam this broccoli. It's gonna be good and it's gonna nourish you, but I don't know how to make smiley faces in the French toast. So he's kind of bummed over here for that. I think focus on the things that she does like about you.

I think you're, aren't you, I mean, I've never raised a girl, but I know there's a, I hate my mom period, until she gets a couple of good breakups under her belt and those boys make her cry. She'll come back around. So you're, you're, you're pitching patience, wait it out. Is there any, I mean, you, you're in entertainment, Roy.

Is there a way that we can make her tuck in more sweeps? Can, can we entertainment tuck in more sweeps? Can we entertain it up or are we cooked? You have to identify the things that she likes about you. Like for my son, right? My son enjoys what I do. We watch like Formula One Auto Racing. So I'll give broadcast play by play in a horrible British accent as he plays with his toys. So I'll give broadcast play by play

in a horrible British accent as he plays with his toys. So at bedtime, I will commentate him, and he's brushing his teeth, and now Henry, what, he's getting ready to get into the bed. Oh my goodness gracious, this is the first time he's gotten into the bed this far. And that makes him chuckle. And it doesn't matter if we've been at odds all day

That's something that I know for sure would get a laugh or a quiet moment out of them This is way better than the caller before you who has raccoons fucking in their garage What is your husband doing at bedtime? What's his routine? So When she was so my kids my daughter's 10, she's almost 11 But when she was really little they did this thing that they started calling like animal hugs Which is pretty much where he'd be like, okay Hug me like you're a chimp or something and she would like pretend like she's a monkey or whatever

It's good It is now turned into Like yesterday they pretended they were starting skunks named Jerry And like By the way, it's good stuff. It is good. I mean, I can't He's good stuff. It is good. I mean, it's, I can't. It's so good. He's good. There are a couple of farting skunks named Jerry. Yeah.

And you go into bed, you're a 10 year old girl. That's wheelhouse. It's so funny. Pretty much they go in there and they'll like chit chat for a little bit. And then I'll hear them like, okay. And then they'll go into a whole dialogue of presenting to be these certain animals.

So sometimes they're not animals, sometimes they're just people. She knows Patricia a lot, where she's just this really weird cat woman kind of thing. And they play off of each other like that, but they do that for like an hour. And then he usually has to like force himself out of the room, like, hey, it's 1130. I've got to go to bed

Showboating he's rubbing your face in it. God damn it and what and shows it. What do your nights look like? My nights look like first it starts where She'll beg her dad to tuck her in right in front of my face like I didn't just burst that human. But she will beg him to tuck her in and then when he's like no it's not my turn she gets mad and then we'll go lay down on her bed and she wants to watch like YouTube videos so she's 10 almost 11 so she's into like nail shit like the acrylic nail stuff. She likes to watch videos and will Yes, and we'll watch those for like 15 20 minutes and then she usually wants me to hold her a little bit

So I'll hold her for just a second and then if I try to like joke with her or anything. She's like, alright Well, good night. Mm-hmm Yeah, the animal on them. You're bomb. Okay, you got a roll, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, buddy night. Yeah. The end of the moment. You're bombing. Okay. Uh, you got to roll, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a buddy.

Thank you for joining us. Chelsea, stay on. We're going to keep. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Roy. Thanks, Rachel. Um, okay, Chelsea.

I think, yeah. I mean, look, Jake, she's, she's bombing, right? Yeah. And we can help you out of that. We're going to be able to fix this one. I agree. I think we've just got a pit. We've got a revamp. We can. Yeah, we can help you out of it that we're gonna be able to fix this one. I agree I think we've just got a pit. We've got a revamp. We can yeah, this is just he's killing it and you're dying We've all been on the side of the fence of you. Yeah, so I

Mean Gareth we're not gonna go she does his routine are we know we're not because look he's got one I don't want to and we don't know Because look he's got one I don't want to and we don't Here's a very easy win and I'm just gonna start this conversation this way and it might be wrong, okay You walk in there and you make huge fart noise as you're putting her to sleep. The first few are not gonna get laughs But you go. All right, honey It's time. It's time. Hey don't And you just keep pushing forward.

She's going to look like you like you're a maniac. But all of a sudden, at minute two when the farts are going and you're denying that you're making the sound, you might start turning the tone a little bit. Gareth, am I out of line here? You're not out of line, but I feel like we're doing. Dad's got a good fart bit already. We've got a good, I think, I have a couple, okay, I have a couple ideas.

Pitch. One, what we could do is I like the idea, like she likes beauty, she's watching that on YouTube. What you could do is you could start coming up with before she goes to bed You're trying to beat bedhead like you wake up with crazy hair You're now gonna style your hair and her hair in ways until you wake up with perfect hair So you're gonna sort of try to beat bedhead This is a myth this doesn't need to be every night by the way that can be a mission

Another thing I was thinking is you could almost do like a fortune teller character. I love this. I was about to say character. Every night comes in and is kind of looking into your daughter's future and just sort of talking about what she sees and things that you think are possible. They're slightly motivational, things like that. And then the third thing I would pitch is what if you host the right before Bed tonight show where you're gonna interview things in her room or you and her are gonna interview things from your her room and

Find out you know, what makes them tick treat them like celebrities sitting on the couch You're gonna talk to them. Things like that. And then maybe you have a few things in the wheelhouse that are just kind of go-tos. So that you kind of like, and then every now and then you can throw on YouTube. But stuff like that.

What do you think of that, Jake? Well, Chelsea, I'm gonna go to you because I think there was some interesting stuff there. What are you kind of feeling when you hear this? I really like the tonight show type thing, because she does have like, she's still kind of, she's right on the cusp of being like into stuffed animals, but also it might be too old for him.

So we still have him in her room. Yes. And there's all kinds of, she's got all kinds of stuff in there. And she's really good herself at like improv-ing things. Well, what if we did this? There'd be a really fun give and take. What if you have these stuffed animals, stuff in there and she's really good herself at like improving things. Well what if we did this? There'd be a really fun give and take.

What if you have these stuffed animals and maybe you put a box together of stuffed animals that you're thinking of just kind of donating, but in order to find out if we keep the stuffed animal or if we put it in the to-go box, we do this interview and she and you kind of interview it and they're almost singing for their supper and at the end of the interview when she's doing the voice for it or you're doing the voice for it or you're both interviewing it, you're deciding if it still brings joy and if you still want to keep it and if the stuffed animal doesn't make it, we'll put it in the donation box that we'll donate someday. Oh, I like that.

Gives it the stakes. I really like that. Okay, that's it. Can you give us a taste of how you are as a talk show host? Oh man. Because what I don't want to leave here is you go, I like it, and then tonight you're going to be like, I don't even know where to start.

I agree. And you're going to have to realize, and every performer knows this, you got to die a lot on stage. Yeah. You're going to need to bring it. You just got to die. You're gonna need to bring in her. You just gotta die.

You gotta be doing a bit and have nobody like it and lean in. Commit. It's kind of okay for everybody in the room to not like you and guess what? Keep talking. Well, maybe what we should do, Jake, is let's pick a stuffed animal and she can kind of do the voice for it and something like that. How does that sound? That's right. I think that sounds right. I do the voice for it and something like that. How does that sound? That's right. I think that sounds right.

I do the voice for it? Yeah, Gareth, she doesn't have video so she can't see it. That's okay. Can you... you're going to be, if I get this pitch correctly, you're Johnny Carson and you're interviewing the animals, but your daughter's answering the questions, correct? I think that's- Oh, okay, that's okay. I love that.

Yeah. Because that makes it easier. So then she's being the funny one and you're driving it forward. Yes. So you should also come up with a character as the host, but yes, I think each night your daughter gets to come up with the voice, the specifics, all that.

And we're starting you as the straight person in the bit. It could be called the good night show. The good night show. That's fucking genius. That's pretty genius. And what you're starting to do is what thing in her room is going away and what stays. Okay.

And all we need is one laugh. And even if it comes from her, if you ask her a couple of questions and you both laugh, end on the laugh. All right. All right, well, let's get you to bed. That was fun. Tomorrow night, we'll do some more Goodnight Show.

And I'll tell you what else, laugh at what she's doing. Jake, you and I both know. Agreed. Even if you're faking it. A little bit of oil goes a long way, I'll take it. Yes agreed. So if she's doing a character you're loving it that's a good feeling. And it starts off the thing nights when you do the good night show you go da da da da da da. And tonight welcome lamb chop. Yeah. Yeah right. And you've got that recorded on your phone. Yes, yes.

So that you do the announcer over it. Yes. Tonight on the good night show, we've got, you know what we could do? We could give you your intro. Gareth and I, one of us could do the song. The other one could do the intro and then go, take it away.

And we'll go, take it away, mom. And what we can do is we can leave a gap where you're gonna fill in with the guest. So we can do this intro, you know, at the good night show band, you know. And yeah, and then the guest is you say it and then we go take it away. So you'll be Gil, I'll do the music.

Okay. And then you are feeding into mom. Chelsea, we'll send you the audio of this. Would you play this on your phone and then just start the show? Is this something you like? A thousand percent. Okay.

And I think it's something she'd be like super, super into. Should we introduce Chelsea as Chelsea Jake? Chelsea, how do you want to be introduced? Or mom? Let's do, let's do mom. Okay. And what's your- Actually, I don't think it matters. Should we say mommy Carson?

No, let's just go mom. Okay, and what's your daughter's name? Ryan Ryan because it's in Ryan's room. So maybe gilgames a little bit of Ryan's room Yes, and how we're gonna decide who stays in who so it's a little bit tonight show a little bit game show Okay, and should we have a box where the loser goes? That's up to you Chelsea would we actually have it is just more rather than it actually getting rid of it It's just a fun way to get bed times fun. What do you like more? I super love the idea of also getting rid of some of them because she does have just an insane amount Okay, let's do it time at the good night show and tonight we decide whether it goes in the box and the

guest is. Okay. And that the girl Ryan is going to be doing the voices of each thing that mom brings out and ask questions and each doll gets three questions. Okay, like that Chelsea? Am I going right now too or am I just listening to you guys do your thing? We're going to record the intro. And at the end, G or am I just no need to you guys do your At the end Gareth is gonna throw it to you and then in person is when you start talking. Yep. Oh heard I'm okay with you guys. All right, so I'm gonna start the tonight show music because now I've committed to that So even though the things changed I like it don't know why it's good three two Pigly and

From Ryan's room It's the good night show with your mom tonight the guest is And once again, we'll find out if that stuffed animal or character is going in the box or staying Now, please welcome your host if that stuffed animal or character is going in the box or staying. Now, please welcome your host. Thoughts, Chelsea? Oh, I thought you were supposed to. My dad. Hi. Well, you know, you don't have to start.

Thoughts on that as an intro. That you play every night. My dad, yes. I love that. I think that's gonna be awesome. I think she's gonna think that's just absolutely hilarious. We are big game show watchers in our house. So I think she liked that aspect too, that it's like kind of like a game show too.

Chelsea, will you follow up with us after you do the performance of the good night show? And then could you maybe get a voice note of your daughter's real reaction? Yeah. I have to tell you something really quick. Can I say something really quick? I'm homeschooling my kid next year and we are a hundred percent implementing hot takes way Yeah, I was well, okay. So in my head what we're gonna do is Every I think we're gonna do it once a week

But like it'll be my turn once then my husband's and then my daughter's yeah She loves making like her own little presentations and we're gonna legit make little many PowerPoints over the most insane chicks my husband's got some like Pretty hard in the ground, you know, pretty aggressive hot takes I think Do it and it's gonna be a literal part of our homeschool That's great good for you good stuff our. Our legacy is stealing a teacher's idea. You gave him the, you know, groundwork, but he did run with it very well. Yes, he did.

Well, that makes us very happy. That's really good news. Thank you, Chelsea. Let us know how this goes. And congratulations on getting picked up for the good night show. It's huge. Oh, thank you so much. It's the honor of my life. Yep. Good deal. Bye, Chelsea.

Bye, Chelsea. See you guys. Thank you. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at Helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help,

you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh,

the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strilecki, and if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentholds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available be adults and make their own decisions.