We're Here to Help - 194: Bucket of Frogs & Some Guy Named Roy

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

The guys help a caller whose daughter brings frogs into the house. Then, they start a pyramid scheme (for a good cause). Plus, a follow up from Ep 160 "Spying Gary."Are you looking for a new friend? Go to https://tinyurl.com/heretohelpfriend to be part of our next Friendship Game.See caller images here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-194Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back. Gareth, tell us about this weekend of a few weeks back. Uh, it was good. On July 20th, folks. That's we're July 22nd right now. This intro is August 4th. But Gareth did ayahuasca, we were texting last night.

I want, well, I've been watching a show called Making the Band with my kids on, it's a Netflix show where they're trying to form a band. And every, first of all, I need to say publicly, I was wrong, Gareth does not have a perm. Thank you. I have been wrong, and the reason I'm wrong is men of our generation, Gareth, what you're doing with your hair is insane. Thank you. I have been wrong. And the reason I'm wrong is men of our generation, Gareth,

what you're doing with your hair is insane. Thank you. It's utterly insane. For our generation, we both know, and it's why you always correct me, that that looks like a perm. It's not a perm, it's curling cream. But I did not realize, I knew some YouTuber little boys,

all the guys, all the like the cute boys that my daughters watch who'd make like travel shows There's a guy I send a garroth. I had a travel show. I had a travel show 20 years ago. You're a fucking Stop stop stop. Let's let's do this. Let's have this conversation and not talk about age. Can we do that? I'm relating to you. I'm I'm your age. We're geezers, dude You know when we're on a zoom with Eric and Steve, you know how old they seem That's how we seem to everybody else

When eric's going I bought socks from colombo And then you're going like this. I curled my hair like a youtuber. They don't go that's a 20 year old boy They go these are four guys sniffing 50 Sniffing it eric's not our age 50. Smith in it. Eric's not our age. Eric's no man's age. Eric is a time, Eric is ageless.

Eric was thrown from the universe. Maybe old, but he'll be here forever. He better be. He will be. If the lights on Eric ever went off, just turn Earth off. By the way, how great will it be when we get to sell all his shit? 40 bucks later, then what?

Well, it's gonna be like, it's gonna be like Bill Walton's estate sale. Next time he comes on and we do another chat, I was mad, I was, Gareth and I were texting, I listened to the Wednesday episode at Natalie and it was so funny with them and I was saying just how great they are, but we've gotta bring something up.

For a while, Eric was wearing this ill-fitting trench coat and It came out of nowhere It was similar to the perm one day Eric and I were hanging out the next day You just were on the path of admitting not a perm so I don't even think okay Let's not use the P word agreed similar to the same thing It was one day styling cream one day you were G, the next day you were this whole other guy. Eric did that with a full on private investigator type trench coat that was so not his style

and looked like 1984. It was like mid 80s. It was a wild look. And so knowing me. Do you know where he got it? Yes. There was some guy who was on some TV show in the seventies, who was a private investigator, like McCloud or something like that. Somebody, I can't remember the name. This is Dennis Weaver's. That's exactly what it is. Somebody like that. And he goes, I could finally go, I was keeping it together because we were in

mixed company. And then once the other people left, I went like, what in God's name is that jacket? You maniac. And he was like, oh, you're threatened because I look good. And I was like, no, and he goes, oh, I'm a fucking looking like a fucking PI and you look like a rat, Jacobus. And I was like, I'm curious of what's happening.

And it was some guy's house who was on some show in the 70s, had a state sale. A state sale? God, this is state sales stuff. It had like literal garbage in the pockets and Eric's like, I'm saving it. This is a Kleenex from like Jack Weaver, brother.

He was not Colombo, but a less successful one. His story of- We gotta support these guys, dude. They're us. That's exactly right. His story of it will lead off our next chat with him. It is one of my favorites. But I was watching, making the band, and I finally realized it, because my daughter and

I will send Gareth videos of this one YouTube boy. He makes these YouTube videos where he's just got, he's what all these kids are doing. He's got the curling cream. I would say you've sent me seven videos in the past two days of him. Yeah, well no Gareth, he's different. Well, a couple. Those are different boys. Yeah, well no, Gareth, he's different. Well, a couple- Those are different boys. Right, right.

But it used to just be this one boy, I would watch him and I'd be like, this is insane. And my kids love him, they think he's great. Then I started watching Making the Band, which is a show about, it's basically what Diddy did back in the day on MTV. Yeah. But now Netflix is doing it, but they're also doing it like Love is Blind, where they're in those stupid cubes for some reason. All the white kids, all the boys, have curly, creamy hair now. But Natalie, it's like, you know, like when Bell Bottoms once

have started, like people from another generation must have been like, but why are the ankles so big? Don't get it Gareth trying to make the band. Okay, leave him alone. All these boys I'm in one of the cubes that nobody's coming checked on me in quite a while. I was just sitting in one of the cubes I don't think anybody's plus 31. I took ayahuasca in one of the cubes But I realize there's a puke in my cube. These boys are not getting perbs. No. They're just all, there's, and I don't know,

there's some animal that my daughter called it, a poca, what is it called, alpaca hair? Alpaca. But I was like, it's not alpaca hair, there's a new thing, and it's curling creams. Is this about ayahuasca still? How was it? It was great.

Oh wait, the caller's here. They are. They are here. They are. They are. It's just fully... I think this is pretty good for an intro. But how was the Ayahuasca?

It was great. I'm dying toahuasca? It was great. I'm dying to hear about it. It was great. It took, I had to take a lot of it. How come? Because I couldn't get through. You kind of like try to break through and I had to take the max dose. But why couldn't you break through?

I don't know. It's hard to explain. It's like, it's, I don't know. I mean, you're asking a lot of here, like, of the substance to make you feel like you're having the experience that you want, which is like one where you're really like fully leaving your body. And I couldn't like get there. So I had to take a massive dose.

And so it was long, long and insane. And so is that because you've grown an immunity to the drink? No, no, no it's not. It's like it's just kind of headspace and a combination of factors but it's not that. It always takes me, it always takes me like two hours to get into it. Weren't, was it you saying it last time or somebody else saying it that there's a time when you're done with it? I've never heard that. Do you remember that?

Okay. No. Okay, then maybe it was somebody else. Maybe it was Neil. Somebody was saying that, and it's not like you want to be done with it, but there's a time when the substance is done with you. It's interesting.

I've never heard that. But that, I mean, it really is kind of, I mean, it sounds crazy to anyone who, but no, you definitely, you're listening to a substance is what it feels like, which is just, and as insane as that sounds. So- And what were the big takeaways of this one

or the big moments? It was just so visual and I would say to, you know, try to, as always, it's always try to be like, you know, good person, all that stuff, but try to let stuff go that if it doesn't, if it's like, if it doesn't bring you joy, let it go. If it doesn't bother you, let it go. And that's what the substance was saying.

That's what my takeaways were from the substance's influence, yes. And so does the substance is the idea of it? I forgive you for the curling cream stuff. That was a big part of it. The perm thing, all that stuff. What have I done? Well, it's not a perm. And I'm letting it go.

It's okay. You don't have to let it go. You could, I'll bring it back. I'm not going to let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let, let it go. I didn't take the weird potion in diarrhea in a tent. Stop calling it a potion.

Nobody diarrhea'd, not in a tent. And it's not a perm. I'm just wondering why my 20 here. Alright, without further ado. This episode is brought to you by Hulu Animaham. Picture a magnet attracting all your favorite animated shows. That's Hulu Animaham, your animation destination. You can catch all the shenanigans on classics like The Simpsons, Futurama, American Dad,

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because they are the best. So go to squarespace.com slash Gil sent me for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hungry Root. Shopping, planning, and cooking food really can be simple and stress free. Imagine having your weekly shopping cart filled for you and your meals for the week decided on. Taking all the work off your plate and making life easy.

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Hungryroot.com slash here to help, code here to help. Hello. Hello. Hi. How you guys doing? Good, how are you? Welcome to the show. Can we get your name, age, where you're calling? Good, how are you? Welcome to the show. Can we get your name, age, where you're calling from,

all that good stuff? My name is Colton, I'm 26 and I live in Oklahoma. Okay, Colton, 26, Oklahoma. That seems good enough. What's going on, Colton? So basically, my girlfriend has two kids, but one of them is four, just turned four. And she's kind of like, she loves frogs basically. I know it doesn't really sound like a problem, but like every time she walks outside and

she grabs a frog, she wants to bring it in. It's her new friend, you know? And then everybody, like her mom, and everybody's like helping her. They're getting her like habitats for the frogs. I'm like, I don't want these frogs in my house. But I also feel bad. Like I'm like, am I being rude by not wanting this little girl to have her frogs or? I mean, keep going.

Call this a good. Garrett loves this. Garrett is in. Well, that's that's most of the question, but that's what I love about the fourth party. We just had her birthday party two weeks ago. Frog seems the whole thing was frogs. And then her actual dad

I got her a turtle for her birthday. She's already gotten bit by the turtle. I'm like, can anybody not see what's going on here? What exactly is going on Colton? She it's it's you feel that it's obsessive No, he feels like it's going sideways. She's into a weird thing. The turtles biting the frogs are gross This is the wrong phase to encourage. We gotta draw a line, you know How bad is it? We can take frogs outside all day How big is the habitat that has been brought into your home? They will just use any cup out of the pantry though They'll use a cup from the house or when I pick her up from her nanas

She'll have I don't know, a bucket or something. A bucket of frogs or just one frog? Frogs, yes. Of frogs. One time she had a bucket with like 10 in them. And the frogs will just go in the house and be living in various cups of yours and stuff? Well I usually draw the line at the door and it's a big deal. She cries.

It's the end of the world when you have to let these frogs go. Yeah, I get it. And I'm like, I'll tell her, you know, these frogs have homes, they have mamas too. And she's like, I'm their mama now. And I'm like, what is the great kidnapper says? Exactly. I like the idea that you're like, they have homes like they used to not anymore. Now they're just like in your bush. I'm the mama. Yeah.

What should we call your girlfriend for the sake of this call? We can call her Kelly. That's her name. Kelly. Okay. Secret, I guess. Does Kelly understand your POV on this at all? Is Kelly got your back or is she kind of like lighting up?

Yeah, she definitely understands what I'm saying and everything, but it's also when I'm not around, I come home and I'm like, have there been frogs in here? I know they're behind my back. Yeah. This is interesting, Colton. And so have you tried, what have you tried? Huh, this is interesting Colton. And so have you tried what have you tried? Well so far I've tried, you know just I want to get her like an actual Something official and leave it outside. Maybe like yep That's like a bug catcher type of thing. So it's like the frogs have their designated area. I'm cool with that, you know That's what I was thinking. You know, I like a people have like for pet bunnies They have like those outdoor cages. Yeah Colton how you with your hands

Pretty good. I like to do whatever around the house If you were on a friendship male dating show, would you say like hang out in a garage? Drink a couple beers build something show would you say like hang out in a garage drink a couple beers build something? Probably not but I try to work on my own car and stuff like I just YouTube it but I don't really think I know anything. But if you can if you can mess around with a car then you can build a outdoor frog run. Little frog palace. I'm talking about a palace where this little girl can go inside. Oh crap. But it's not hard, I'm going to tell you why.

That would be something. I think I could. Here's what I'm saying Colton. Couple of 4x4s in the corner and chicken wire. Yeah, and like some plants, a loof pad or something. Exactly right my guy. Cups from your girlfriend's house. some plants, a loofah pad or something. Exactly right, my guy. Now there's the only problem I have with that. Cups from your girlfriend's house. With buckets.

Yeah. A lot of grass. And guess what? Kitty pool on the bottom. A little kitty pool would be perfect. Yeah, a kitty pool is perfect. And guess what? There's plenty of kitty pools out there.

I think that's why there's so many frogs. And if you leave the top open and they happen to hop out. Okay. Actually be careful in case a bird comes in and just has an all you can eat before. Watching you process. You get the downside to your pitch. Yeah. Well, all of a sudden you're sitting there and she's like, I got 11 frogs and then two

hawks are like, I have an idea. You got no frogs. We got one. You're out of frogs. That's awesome. Thank you for presenting me with a... Did you hear they opened a little frog restaurant down the road? It's unbelievable.

The best part is there's a little girl hysterically crying while I eat. The waiter's weird. She cries the whole time that she feeds you, but that's unbelievable. I'm just a weird ass, I'm a weird ass hawk. What do I care? But what do you think about building a little frog dojo? That's right.

I can definitely do that. The only thing that I think might be a problem is we're trying to fence in our backyard right now. And we have like half of the supplies still. So I'm worried if I do that, then people will be like, no, when are you going to do the rest of it? I gotcha, okay. Wait, what is your, do you understand his concern?

Yeah, he's currently getting pressure to fence in his yard, and they're not even fully done with the supplies, so if he uses supplies to do a little frog palace, they're gonna go like, Colton. How far away are you from having the fence built? I mean, I think I just need another little bundle of fence. So there you go. You're not too far away. You know what you could do Colton?

That's also, maybe like a month. But Colton, this might be lining up perfectly here, big daddy. And I'll tell you why. You're going to have scraps when you build a fence. I know that because I've built the fence, not everything works out perfectly. And guess what? The girl does not need to go in the dojo. I was wrong. Build a little frog enclosure with your scraps from your fence

and get a little bit of chicken wire. It could be small. It could be like a little dome world. And you know what? If you had maybe had the bat, you use the fence as the back of that little zone, you could paint it blue and make it kind of look like it's underwater.

That's cool. Yeah, that'd be cool. You could build kind of look like it's underwater. That's cool, so. Yeah, that would be cool. You could build it into the- There's a little area right off the porch. That's exactly right. And if you had two areas, if you had a corner, you could do it in, well, you already got two walls. All you gotta really do is chicken wire into the ground.

Yeah, and we are renting, so it ought to be removable, but our owner's pretty cool. You're putting a fence up on a rental, my guy? He's going to go in on us with it. We have dogs and kids, so for peace of mind, we would love the sense, and then he's going to cut it off. I got you. Okay. So let's do the same thing for the full exam. I know, it's very weird. No, no, no, that's fine. I get that. What I was laughing at was how Jake susses out

any ripoff from a mile, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, when we were renting an out water, we put an art studio in the backyard. I remember. And I had to pay for that. You did, yeah, I mean, I remember a couple times I was doing stuff to my apartments

and I'd be like, out of power. I'll just do it, I don't wanna move. Yeah, most of the time I'd rather just not wait. If I could do it. Same with me. I'm like, just, you know, let's just get this thing done. Colton, what are you thinking? Now look, this isn't the silliest, most comedic pitch. Which I have, by the way, but we don't need that. Yeah, that's what I was thinking was like, I don't know what, the only crazy thing I was thinking was like, if they tell me I'm going to put on a frog costume, I'm hanging up. But no, mine no Go ahead mine would be when Kelly's gone

Sit down and you put on a documentary about the ten most poisonous frogs Scared scared out of her I was just saying if you if you wanted to have the one that wasn't gonna make it I got else you got That's it. I Got one for your colon. He just up like a frog. Hey, yeah, what do you think? Live your life as a fraud The words was the worst possible thing that could make me do But I do think that's a good idea

I like I definitely think the if you if you lean in and you have a zone for it, you're owning it. You're owning the problem. And you're saying, this is where you go. This is where this happens. And I bet you that she will want to put the frogs out there versus put it in your pants. You know what could work with a four-year-old?

And the audience is not gonna like this hmm, I Hate to say it cuz they're gonna don't don't don't don't say it. Why would you say it? It's over. Let it go If we played how frogs from a very famous podcast No, no, why they're gone About how frogs need to not go inside. Oh my gosh. And if you played that clip and the best thing to do is to put an enclosure outside for them because it's really bad for them, she could listen.

That's not coming from you, Colton. And then you could say, do you want to build the enclosure with me? They died in a drowning. I'm talking to Colton. I'm talking to Jake about reality. Oh my goodness. I think Tigri and Moe would work for Callie, but I think that she would just go, no thanks. You know it's amazing.

Here's a- She just, I'll explain her. She just blows it right off. She just does not- She doesn't care. So. What if there was a kid show like a Miss Rachel called Mr. Gareth and Mr. Jake? And we did a little thing there. Let me know if you need to hear voice options, Colton. I'm ready to go.

If we gave her an option of why the froggies need to be outside in an enclosure. You think she would blow that off? I don't think she would blow it off. I mean, it depends on how, if it's like hand puppets or something, she definitely would watch it. But I think just if I put it out there and built it up. You know this is an audio show. Yes, my king.

Sorry. I'm saying, I'm saying you guys are going, it's like too far. I think I think if I built something out there, I think she would definitely like it. And then I would have more like ammo to be Like see what I did this whole thing out there. So you do not let the frogs come in here anybody, please Okay, absolutely. So then let's do this really fast before we go because you're gonna build something Colton Yeah, I'm gonna do the best I can thank you what I can do and will you send photos of it and then ideally video of her playing with the frogs out there and success I'll see what I can do. And will you send photos of it and then ideally video

of her playing with the frogs out there in success? Yeah, I could try that. And then last, before we go, Colton, you were worried about what we were gonna make you do. So will you now do in a one minute version, your version of a Miss Rachel, where you're talking to kids about why frogs need to stay outdoors.

It's a kid's show. Imagine with your hand, you're doing a puppet. Colton, I don't want you to get self-conscious. I just want you to go for it. Use a little bit of that little kid voice. Hello, everybody. It's the worst. We all know it.

In three, two, 1, action Colton. Well, you know, same voice. That's the same voice Colton. We want cutie Colton. No, you gotta go cute. You gotta go cute to little kids in 3, 2, 1, action. You know these froggies they got they got moms and houses of their own Do you want that frog to not be able to eat breakfast tomorrow? What are you even gonna feed this frog pizza? Frogs don't eat pizza You gotta go out there give it back to his mama. She missed that frog

Sorry, I'm gonna do exactly what I've been doing to her pretty much. No, it's pretty good. I got to say pizza and mom. That was Jake. The only reason Jake had you do that was to pay for our advice, but I definitely think you paid the toll. Yeah, I think that I was so nervous before and I kind of got over it. And now I'm nervous again.

The call's over so you're good to go. I wouldn't be afraid to put a little astroturf on one of those chicken wire walls either, Colton. Give it a real kind of nature-y, you know, child nature. Oh, you know what also could be nice, Colton? If you printed out a We're Here to Help logo and it was in the back of the little frog dojo the master brainer always so good on the bottom of it a photo of Gareth and I that little animated thing we do or the our little logo so the frogs can just shit on it. Yeah, yeah. Put it in the frog toilet. I think that's a pretty-

See who gets shit on more. Oh my goodness. How you feel Colton? That sound alright? Yeah, that's pretty good. I think that's doable and fun at the same time, you know? I think so too. Well thanks for calling in Colton and follow up with us, okay?

Yeah, follow up. Colton, could we hear cutie Colton say thank you before you go Thank you work here to help it was a good time Before we go, could you say thank you all for listening to we're here to help No voice Sure, oh my goodness. Thank you all for listening to We're Here to Help. Pretty good, Colton.

Thanks bud. Bye buddy. All right. Have a good one you guys. See you pal. Good call on the voice. I love the idea of pitching Ply and Moe and people like, no, no, no, we don't want them.

No, no, we're good. You try to bring them out of their graves so hard. Wait, really fast? Leave this in, Jesse, for the end of the episode with the Pigly and Moe too. But I just, I texted Hannah because of the fun of the Kat Reitman thing. Hannah Simone, we've been texting a bunch lately,

and I said, hey, you want to just jump on the pod for a bit today and I was gonna have her surprise and do a call with us and she wrote I'm not home I said you want to jump on do some bit and she said I'm not home then she wrote Gareth is probably right you are probably wrong She's fucking funny dude. That is so fucking funny. Unless it's about money. Oh my god. God, she is fucking funny.

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So there's a bit of friction there, but it's only because I love the product. So fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com. Code here to help for 15% off. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Welcome to We're Here To Help. You got Jake and Gareth. Who do we have? My name is Eli. Eli. And I am, I'm his friend Josh.

Eli and Josh. We got two guys here, which is new for us. Where are you guys calling from? We're from Kansas City, Missouri. Okay. And what can we do for you, Elijah and Josh? All right. Well, about a year ago, I was invited to play basketball at a church with a friend from

college, not a church I go to, but it was his church group. We started playing for a while and they were super strict about numbers. So we didn't have eight people and they would just fully bail. So I was tired of basketball getting canceled. So I asked if I can invite Josh and they said, yeah. Around the same time, my friend that invited me, he stopped coming. So all of a sudden I'm now a guest and bringing guests, but I didn't have like much of a connection. I'd say Josh and I were two of the better players there.

And as time went on, uh, we started learning some like kind of weird things about the group, like, you know, the church or basketball. So they were always like trash talking, but like a weird church way. And they wouldn't like, like it if we trash talk back. Can you give me an example of church trash talk? Josh, you want to, you want to take that? Yeah. So I don't know if it's church trash talk, but, uh, one time I was on a team with

Eli and they had this guy on their team we were playing against that just loved talking trash and Eli made a tough shot and he said, oh, they're making ugly shots. That was an ugly shot, which I mean, this leads into the story a little bit, I guess, but I didn't know that was a term, like supposedly an affectionate term. Because when I kind of called him out on it, I'm like, what do you mean ugly? What do you mean ugly shot he was like oh you don't know like that's a compliment whatever that kind of started some tension so I guess that's an example okay he was definitely

lying to you about that but keep going okay he was oh Garret that feels so good to hear because I was like there's no way like I've never heard that before I thought it was crazy he was covered. He was gaslighting it. Ugly shot means you weren't supposed to make it. It's a bad shot that went in. It's a bad shot. It's like you're lucky. So it's not a compliment.

It's like when somebody banks a three pointer, you're like, you didn't call bank. You didn't call bank. That's an ugly shot. And you pretend like you meant to. That's what I thought. But when I called him out, he started getting defensive. So I'm glad to have this validation now. Well, it's the same thing if somebody makes a bad call in poker, but then wins the hand.

Right. And then they have to pretend like that's how you do it. You're like, no, when you went all in, you were way behind. Yeah. And they're like, that's an ugly win. You won. Congratulations. But you won because of luck. People are like, I knew. I knew what I was doing. Yeah, no, I had a feeling a heart was going to come. Shut up. I knew I knew it. Yeah, no, I had a feeling heart was gonna come Dude I knew a jack was coming I had a gut feeling yeah, right a gut feeling You just okay, just got lucky. All right, so keep going guys

Yeah, so there was like another time one of them broke, so I invited a third friend and he, I'd say Josh and I are two of the better ones. He's probably one of the worst ones. But they broke his glasses and I didn't offer to pay for it. Like there was like a lot of building tension, it felt like. But it really culminated when one night we get to the church and we played pretty late. So there's never anyone there. The parking lot was full, the church was full, and we start asking them what was going on.

And they were saying it was a financial convention, so we were asking more about it. And our third friend, Alex, he starts hearing it, and he's like, no, that's a pyramid scheme. And they're immediately like very defensive. They're like, whoa, no, that's not, it's no pyramid scheme. Like we realized that they were also like in on it We thought since they weren't there like they were they weren't about it. But so the next week Tuesday comes around when we play and nobody texts that were playing so I text and no one answers And then for three weeks I text and nobody answers about group and about basketball and now it's just it's dead

So we think we got kicked out Because of this and now they're secretly playing basketball behind our backs. That's what happened Because the pyramids because you've recognized that there is a pyramid skew. Oh, I think it's twofold I think it was a dynamic that wasn't socially working guys You guys were getting tense you were talking trash to a bunch of church guys Then they were clearly involved in a Ponzi scheme that they didn't know was a Ponzi scheme They were being ripped off and then you guys said yeah, you guys are dumb shits And you're getting ripped off and they said who invited Elijah Josh and Alex in the first place? And they said, Trevor, but Trevor's gone.

And they go, these dudes are ruining our game. Well, have you ever known anyone who's in a Pyramids game, Jake? Not officially, but I've known Pyramid games. I've known two people. And when you say you love Pyramid games? Pyramids games. Pyramids, you love them?

I think they're the finest thing ever. I've known two people who were in them and both times I've been like, you're in a pyramid scheme and they do not want to hear that talk at all. It's like they need the grace period of going through the process of realizing they're in a pyramid scheme while they keep asking you to like get a landline

or something like that. It's the same thing about being in a pyramid scheme while they keep asking you to like get a landline or something like that. But it's the same thing about being in a cult. Yeah, right. Nobody in the early stages of being in a cult wants to hear they're in a cult. No. They go like, what are you talking about? You're in a cult.

Yeah, you're being insane. Roy is incredible. Roy talks to God. Since I've met Roy and he started rubbing the back of my neck, do you realize I've worked more and I'm in better relationships? Okay. That's a cult?

Why? Because we all wear orange all the time. And we drink orange juice in the morning. We all have sex with Roy. It always ends with having sex with Roy too. It always starts with like, there's no sex. And then it's like, we're so happy that energy's back. And then it's like, Roy's been fucking everybody.

It always starts with, we were a group of lonely people. And he wanted to bring the best out of us. And very quickly, it's they're rubbing his feet and sucking his dick. Yeah, they're rubbing his feet and some guy gives him a mansion or a barn. And then they're like growing their own crops and then Roy's just getting his toes a dick suck. To anybody listening who might one day be in a cult, never ever suck your goalie or his dick.

Don't bang him. If there's a spiritual leader and they say, I am so tired. Would you rub my feet? No. No, no, no, no. There's got to gotta the whole thing is supposed to be that this person has like He's beyond this who's ever being deified should not also be like hand jobs in it like in the yard That's not a spiritual guru. That's just a dude named Roy This isn't about that this is about Elijah and Josh and his basketball thing. So alright. But I was going to say, I think that, I think it's primarily the pyramid scheme.

I don't know what is going on at the church, but I think Alex saying that made them... Uncomfortable. Yes. So then Elijah and Josh, what is the question? Okay, so I guess the overall question is, I mean, you kind of already answered it, but like, how do we find out if there is indeed still a secret basketball group that's been playing all this time?

And then if so, which it sounds like you guys think there is, but if so, how do we get back into the group, all right? Well, you might not be able to get back into the group? All right. Well, you might not be able to get back into the group. Yeah, you can. Buy into the Ponzi scheme. How do we get back into the group without sucking Roy's dick? Do not suck Roy's dick. No, but look, if there's a little Ponzi scheme going on, the way these work is you just need new people to buy in and then you get paid a little bit. So figure out how much whatever they're selling is, buy a bunch of plastic cups.

I guarantee you, I guarantee you, they'll be having like an Herbalife meeting over there where you don't have to necessarily buy in. It's not a bad idea. All three of you pitch in, that's what you're paying for for the league. You get a couple of cups get your aunt involved

You guys saw a couple of these cups. Just keep the thing going. Just keep the money flow go view it as like a waterfall Just keep the water Scape it is but eventually But listen Garrett you're in the middle of the waterfall you're just getting wet Listen, okay. That's I actually really do like that option. I don't know what the ground floor is going to be on the base of the pyramid. But my guess is you're just in the middle, just in a church. It's not going to be that bad. We're talking about 40 bucks.

That's what it is. They did join a league. If you what you so on that pitch, my recommendation would be to call the church and say someone told you about a financial meeting that goes on there. you're very interested and you'd like to show up and have like, find out. And then when you see the guys there, you go like this, dude, these vitamins are a hell of a deal. We just signed in. You guys playing oops anytime soon?

I'm going to take some of these before the next game, aren't I? Yeah, dude. And also I'm going to get my, I got a couple of cousins who are interested in this too. It's not a Ponzi scheme. I just want to sell it to others and then have them sell it to others and then you and I will start getting paid a Little bit. I'm excited. When should we play? That's I like that pitch a lot. Was there a specific night when you guys would play? There's Tuesday nights Tuesday nights go to the courts on Tuesday nights in your full gear That's a that's my pitch my pitch would Show up at the courts seven nights a week.

Show up at the courts with six dudes, ready to go, and just be like, what's up? How are you multiplying? You got three guys, what are they just gonna create, clones? Three friends. It's a pyramid scheme. Oh, okay.

The guys. By the way, basketball leagues and poker nights are pyramid schemes. Oh, completely. You gotta get enough guys, you gotta go to somebody, you go like, hey, do you play poker? They're like, I'm not very good. You're like, it doesn't even matter. Just come. That's the best. I love that. I was that guy a number of times. I was like, I thought we were just buddies. Yeah. Just

come bring like 200 bucks. That's crazy. And then quickly there's a guy there going like this, like, no, I had three, no, I, and you're like, yeah, he just lost all his money, but we needed, we needed the change on the table to keep the game going Elijah What do you guys think about showing up to the courts on Tuesday night? Have you done it? I? Like that. I think we definitely leave Alex at home though Okay, Josh and I were not a part of the calling it out ditch him. Oh, here's what you do Yeah, you throw them under the bus you go there and you toss him hard or email the group and say hey guys I don't know if you guys are cool with this, but we're not cool with playing with Alex anymore

So could you guys leave him off future emails? We feel like he's got the wrong attitude and he's not in our group of friends Is he on the group text? He's been asking us not to suck Roy's dick and we don't like that He doesn't get it. Yeah, I've been better since I started losing money in these vitamins and sucking Roy's dick. Roy's talking to God. Of course, I'm going to suck his dick. You know what God told me to do? Let Roy put a beer on the top of my head as he says I suck his dick.

Roy is really interested in the cowboy game. And so Roy wants me to lay on the ground as he stands on my back so he can be taller. That's what God wants. So what do you guys think about texting the group and just comedically throwing Alex under the bus? Gosh what you think? It's not a bad call I don't know how much of a loss Alex would view it as because I don't know that he was Too into it to begin with so like you forget an option So here are three pitches gentlemen one you send a text to the group you say hey guys Just so you know Alex will not be joining us anymore. We felt like he wasn't the right vibe

So it's just gonna be Elijah and I Let us know when the next game is. We're excited for Tuesday to just show up at the courts every night in your basketball gear until you see the guys three buy into the herbs. Get in the Ponzi scheme. I kind of like hearing more about this Ponzi scheme. It's not a bad pitch. I think we'd earn the credit for later, you know, if more attention comes, I was like,

well, at least they're in this scheme with that. I'm not, they wouldn't call it a scheme, I guess, but the financial opportunity. This financial opportunity. And so then here's what you guys got to do. You got to contact the church. You got to say that you heard there was a financial situation happening there. You'd like more information on it. So you're thinking we do that.

They tell us whenever the next mass gathering is or whatever, we show up and then try and spot our former play group and kind of. Yeah. And start a conversation. Now look, I think that's running a mile to go a block. your guys play group and kind of yeah and started conversation now look I think that's run in a mile to go a block what I would do is my first thing is I would send a text right now and say hey guys just FYI Alex is kind of out we felt like he didn't fit into the basketball group as much let us know in

the next game is I think I's gonna remember which one Alex even is No, so that's the problem is it's been a couple months now and Alex only came a few times But I think they didn't remember the guy who called them out though. So why don't you so how long has it been since? You guys got a text? It was February Jesus Christ, this is this this this scheme's dead. Yeah, I Agreed yeah Yeah, how hey guy Elijah Josh, how real is this are we entering

Pretend world are we just playing goofballs now? Are we sniffing each other's butts in a barn and saying it doesn't smell? No, we've been trying to find a way to play but the thing with this was free and Everywhere else we have to pay to get into the lead. Okay, do you have tried? Do you have their allowed they what did you guys do group email or group text? Dext text will you pull up the text and then we're going to need a screen grab of this too? And can we just, because if it's that long ago, you're talking about February, you're not going to find this Ponzi scheme. What are you going to call the church and go, 18 years ago there was a meeting there.

Can I join? Get out of town. So where are we at here guys? So you, I don't think going to the church is an option. I think February is too far away. Alex, we, I think you're right. They wouldn't remember. I mean, if this has been since February, that's too many months ago. I think our best bet is sending a text to the group right now and seeing if we could put something together, you gotta be, it's gotta be a little bit out there. But it's our hell merry to see if they'll let you back in.

You know what it could be? What? Hey guys, I'm moving. I'm having a huge party. Would love to see you there. What? See if they reply. And then when they do, be like, oh, fuck it, I'll stay.

One night's basketball. What if you pitch your a new pyramid scheme? Like what if you say that you've got a great opportunity if they want to if they want to get in? That's a great Hail Mary. That's a great Hail Mary. You guys talk about it at basketball on Tuesday. I love that move. Yes. Yes. Yes. What do you guys think of that?

Well, would that mean would that mean that we would then have to actually join up like have another pyramid scheme in the back? No, no, you just know worst case scenario. Then you're at the top of the pyramid. Just just. Just show up with a bunch of vitamins. You're at the top of the waterfall. Don't worry about what happens at the bottom of it. Worst case scenario, you make 200 bucks. You guys might be starting a pyramid scheme. No, so here's what you guys then do on Tuesday. You just stay really vague about it. Cause once you start playing basketball,

it's in the basketball. And then you keep saying, you keep saying like, I'm getting more information from my cousin, Roy. Yeah. You create this. Do not go alone with him. But you create Roy and worst case scenario,

eventually you call us back and we'll leave messages from Roy about the investment, but we'll never get to what the product is You'll do what certain great investments are will they'll never tell you don't go like this We're talking about the kind of thing where you put a thousand dollars in and in six months. You got three thousand dollars We're talking about two hundred percent in your investment every six months. You talk about risk. You don't have any risk on this We're talking about an idea that has a lot to do with travel. It has a lot to do with currency. If you think Dogecoin is exciting, we are going to change that. Right now we have people in Brazil,

we have people in India, we have people in Russia. They're all using this. So the problem is right now it's just not big in the United States. It's not big in North America, but that doesn't mean it's not big We got the clip And you guys just keep saying as you get more information you'll share it But you guys at this point have not put any money in yourselves By the way Jake very quickly How right was Hannah's text right before this? What do you guys think of that? I like it.

Is it that recording that Jake just said that we would send? No. No, that's if you get three weeks down the line. That's it if you're getting pressure. This is what you text right now. Hey guys, Miss Playing Hoop would love to talk about a financial opportunity that has fallen into our lap. No pressure if not for you. Maybe we can talk about it over ball.

When's the next game? It's perfect. What do the next game? It's perfect What do you guys like it? Will you write it and text it right now and hopefully somebody responds as we're wrapping up So who's doing the text Elijah or Josh? I'm the only one in the group chat. So I'll do okay Okay, do the thing and then as you're putting it into your own words say it out loud and any of your own words are perfect, obviously All right, can you say yours one more time and I'll put it my own word

the idea of it is Hey guys a financial Opportunity has fallen into my lap would love to talk to you guys about it. No pressure if not for you I have not invested myself. Maybe we can talk about it over ball when's the next game okay it said hey guys I just stumbled across a potential financial opportunity

And would love to talk it over with you guys during some ball would love to talk it over to see if you're interested Love you talk it over To see if you're interested. No pressure if not for you. Period. I have not overballed yet. We close with that. Not overballed. We haven't got there yet.

I have not invested myself yet. I have not invested myself. Okay. When's the next time? And I know I said your words were perfect and, but I took over. You're doing great. Sorry. I apologize. This is the show.

This is the show. Because I don't want you to ask about ball. I want you to demand ball. So how about this? When's the next time you guys are playing? We can come you guys are playing we can discuss We're around this i'm around this week Gareth your thoughts the no notes network no notes, uh, Gareth, your thoughts. No notes.

Network, no notes. Sweet Jesse, your thoughts. I'm loving it. Okay, Elijah, Josh, will one of you read it out loud and then your guys' thoughts. Yes, I'll read out loud. Hey guys, I just stumbled into a potential financial opportunity and would love to talk it over

to see if you're interested. I have not invested myself though, but when is the next time you guys are planning, oh, sorry, I meant to take out the playing ball. The next time you guys are free, we can discuss then sometime in the next week over some ball. Do we take out the I have not invested myself? Yes. Sounded weird. Yeah

let's take that out guys. Okay and then will you read it one more time? But I think we're very close. It's awesome. This is actually a sweet Jesse's pitch. It's a great pitch. Hey guys I just stumbled into a potential financial opportunity and would love to talk it over to see if you're interested When the next time you guys are free we can discuss some time in the next couple weeks over some bowl Great I like it and I think we can I think we can maybe mention It's in when there's an in-person conversation. We can kind of side mention like I mean we aren't fully in yet financially exactly right with you yeah and then who's the guy I know this guy Roy yeah we got we got a message from Roy believe me Roy is full

of messages so if you need any more the well will not run dry you could also then kind of say overball I don't I mean I don't know if it's good or not I just it started to sound a little fishy I'm still figuring it out playing ball and they go right on then go but anytime something comes up guys I'll always bring it up to you, but I don't know if this is the right one. I'm just looking to invest anything right now And you know me I'm gullible. You know me I got money and no brain So did you guys are you going to send it? Yeah. Okay, so we're recording for a minute.

So if something comes back, will you reach out? Run guys, run. They know. Roy's here. Abort, abort. Abort. But, if something happens. Run guys run. They know Is getting tased that it's not effective If you get a message back in the next like hour or so, will you reach out to will you email the show?

Let us know, because maybe you could hop back on and just update us real quick. Yeah, we're actually just if you get it, just jump back on the zoom and for another call, we'll just take a quick break from the other. OK, totally. Totally. We'll explain to the caller. Yeah, I'm sorry. You guys will. That's perfect. OK, great. All right. So don't don't be afraid to jump back to the caller. Yeah, I'm sorry. You guys will go. That's perfect. OK, great.

All right. So don't don't be afraid to jump back on the Zoom. And this is not even just for today. Whenever in future calls, just call. Whatever. Come back in. Don't be afraid to jump in, boys. Thank you. OK, all right.

Thanks. Thank you. Thanks for the help. Yeah, thank you, guys. Producer Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow up to episode 160, spying Gary. Hello. Hi, welcome to we're here to help. Thank you. I can. Okay, I can hear you now.

Okay. Are you happy? Can you hear me? I'm happy. Yeah, I can hear you. Okay. You are a follow-up, correct? I am.

Yeah. Really? Thank God, because Jake's face told me you weren't. I got nervous. I don't remember this voice. You don't? I remember this voice. I don't remember from what?

So will you tell us your name one more time and remind us about your first call, please? Yeah. My name's Sarah from New Zealand. And the call was about a man running past my house. I do remember this. You got the peeping jogger. Yes. All right.

So you said it was Sarah? Yeah, that's right. So will you retell your problem for people who didn't go back and listen and then will you Say what we pitched and then will you tell us what you did? Yes, there was a man who every day pretty much would run past nearly the same time and Looked directly at me in my wind like through my window or at my flatmate who was outside on the dick Oh the balcony porch. I don't know what you call it in America at me in my window, like through my window or at my flatmate who was outside on the deck of the balcony porch. I don't know what you call it in America.

That's okay. We understand. Yeah. And then when I saw him in the dog park, everything would ignore me. So that was very strange. It was a very strange interaction. And you guys told me- Yep. Sorry. No, go ahead. That's what I was gonna ask. Um, to do like a big sign. But I made a big sign that said,

stop looking, keep running. That's what you put up? Yeah. Keep running, stop looking. By the way, pretty great sign. Yeah, it's very clear. And I do... Jake, I'll start with my favorite part of the sign No, gee the

Looking I Also like that. You chose different colors that keep running is red the stop-looking blue big big signs. Yeah, so Sarah If I was the guy looking in the window and I thought I had vibrage with a girl in there This would fucking humble my ass Yeah, I would stop looking and keep I would stop looking and that's exactly where I would run Yeah, so tell us what's happening Yeah, so he now runs on the other side of the road and in the other direction. Oh my god Yeah, we see what that means. So

Well, I'd he walks here on path, but in no way can he look into my window and look at me He's cool. It worked. Yeah, it worked Fucking bell for sure. It's ringing. We're ringing it How you feeling? Yeah, I feel I feel fine. I feel a little bit worried that he wasn't it wasn't nefarious and that I've made him feel awkward But I'm moving out so it's fine. You're moving Okay, but moving anyway, but you felt like you had a problem Yeah, the problem's been solved. So maybe there's now there could be another problem. It wasn't the real problem, but

problem solved. Problem solved, all done. Is there anything you would like to say to us that starts with a T there's two words in the last one ends with a U go ahead. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Thank you for saying that. We don't do it for thank you. I mean, good lord, Sarah. You don't have to say that. That's insane. We don't do it for that sort of acknowledgement. I mean, we have a balance. And we talk about our council and we're trying to get people to create the stats. Yeah, we text about it. It's not a big thing. It's not all we talk about.

Sarah, is the sign still up? No, no, no the science Sarah can I pitch yes go It said if you weren't looking sorry didn't mean to offend I Was gonna say thank you, but I like that I I think not a bad idea for a follow-up sign Just because a little part of you goes I feel a little bit weird because then if he looks and he sees it he could have a laugh Yeah, and then no matter what you guys have full-circled this strange little dynamic. I like it

Maybe when I leave I'll put it up Well, if he leaves and the's just going to take it down. No, Jake, she's being nice. She's being nice. Okay. Here, Jake, I'll handle this. Okay. All right, Sarah.

Yeah, that sounds perfect for us. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Sarah, what do you think about putting up one last sign? If you're a no, great. She's a no, Jake. I just don't think I'm going to. Okay, I respect it.

It's the best. I was trying to help us. I was trying to... I hear you. Sometimes I need to get punched in the face to know that I'm losing the fight. Yeah, yeah. Somebody goes like, I can kick your ass. Go ahead and do it. What I was doing there, I was being like, don't ask for the phone number. The vibe's not there.

And you're like, let me get your number. I got a note. We're sitting at a bar. We're vibing. I love it. You know I support it. Well, Sarah, I'm very happy this worked. Same.

And please call in if you have another problem. But this is... Can I make a suggestion, Sarah? This will be the last pitch. What about a sign in the window that says, Listen till we're here to help? We just had a... We've just been stepping up our advertising.

We're doing word of mouth stuff. Would it be possible to maybe just had a... Yes, by the way, let's do that. We've just been stepping up our advertising. That's so great. We're doing word of mouth stuff. Would it be possible to maybe just get a sign up there that says that promotes the show? Listen to the podcast. We're here to help. Is that okay? And then all my neighbors will just listen to the episode where I... Yeah, but you're leaving, Sarah.

You're leaving. I'm leaving. Sarah, meet us halfway. Yeah, send me your QR code and I'll whip it out. Okay. You know what she's doing, Jake? I decided I'd ask for the phone number and I knew you weren't getting it. Hey, Gary, at 4am. Yeah, send me through a QR code and I'll whip it out. Okay, you know what she's doing, Jake? I decided I'd ask for the phone number and I knew you weren't getting it. Hey, Garrett, let it go.

She doesn't like us. I don't know why I went there for the phone number, too. Hey, guess what, Sarah? We're leaving the bar together. All right. See you later. What are the two guys from Happy Days? Oh, uh, Squiggy.

Is that who you're thinking of? Letty and Squiggy? Yeah, Letty and Squiggy are leaving the bar now. Pathetic. I'm successfully, Sarah. Thank God we have each other. Squiggy. Is that who you're thinking of? Letty and Squiggy? Yeah, Letty and Squiggy are leaving the bar now. Pathetic. Unsuccessfully, sir.

Thank God we have each other. Yeah. Goodbye now. We live in a little studio apartment. Bye. Bye, Sarah. Oh, shit. Thank you all for listening to We're Here to Help. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelicki. by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strilecki.

And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentoldes.com. Remember all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. One, two, three. Hello, I'm Joe Mirka-Saraisi.

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