We're Here to Help - 195: It’s a Parade & Monopoly Intervention (with Ty Burrell)

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

Jake, Gareth and Guest Helper Ty Burrell find a caller's dad a new pee spot. Then, they confront a game night cheater.Check out The Good Life, created by Ty Burrell, and starring Jennifer Garner, Ty Burrell, and Colton Dunn. The Good Life is a feel-good comedy inspired by Ty’s real-life childhood and available now, only on Audible.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. pleasure. I listened to a couple episodes in prep. I will now be listening to many episodes. It's ridiculous. It's great. It's great. No, it's really, really great. My brother, who was just down with us, referred to you as the Phil Hartman of that show. Oh, man, that is the highest praise. Wow. But I think you're kind of that way as an actor. I think you got that. You have what my favorite actors have and that is you've got the phil hartman thing where you can ground when you need to and then you can get so insane in the same like the second half of the line i uh the grounding part i really appreciate that especially coming from you that that means a lot but the grounding part

for me is always sort of like are we done grounding can we can we go back to the can we go back to the ridiculousness we both worked with the same guy so that but uh fred willard what were your thoughts on oh same fred is just i mean was but is in many ways i think i don't know if he was to you but when you think about like your or to you gareth like people that like really impacted you comedically they're mostly people that are writing their own stuff or creating their own stuff i'm thinking of like Albert Brooks or Steve Martin or Christopher Guest or or Lily Tomlin or Whoopi Goldberg in the early days or whatever but like Fred did it just as an actor totally just as an actor he actually changed the way I

look yeah he was so fun I mean I watched waiting for Guffman recently and I was like insane it's just it's relentless yeah yeah but he he just created that the Fred Willer tone, and he would step into it and you'd be like, I am fully on board. You don't belong on planet Earth, but yet it's grounded, yet I don't know, but yet everything you say is ridiculous. Yeah, I mean, Phil Dunphy is a real rip-off, a real, I mean, in many ways, a real rip-off. And I had worked with Fred on a multicam before that, a couple of years before that. And so I, you know, went on bend at knee, we all went and just said, would you please, I mean, you, I stole the character from you. Would you please? Would you please, would you please play the dad?

You are the father of this character already. So. Whether you like it or not, the character came from you. Yeah. So are you going to be an absent dad? May you may as well get paid. Will you show up for your son? It's a son that you didn't know you had when he showed up like late in his 40s and he's like, Dadda!

Here I am, when you should, baby. I look like you. I'm doing the stuff. Co-opted son. Yeah, but he was really gracious about it. And, yeah, just I really, I still miss him. he he he in real life did you did you ever cross paths with him like yeah he did an episode of new girl too okay i got to work with him one time it was later in his life but i was such a fan

yeah he was one of the only guys i like asked for a selfie with yeah yeah where i was like you get to work with fred willard it's yeah he he was he was he was incredible i best i don't think anybody has ever done what he's done and and i don't think anybody will like i agree with you Best in show, you know, like, it's just, like you said, it's like it is, he is, and in real life too, he sort of was a little bit ethereal. Like he sort of was, you knew Fred, but Fred also was from some other, like loftier place. I always felt like, unknowable, but in a good way. Yes. And I worked with him for years. Totally. But, like, because you didn't know where the stuff was coming from.

was sort of like be talking about like how he liked to drive and go watch minor league baseball and then you start this to start the scene and there'd just be the weirdest darkest shit agreed and the just the craziest yes yeah they don't even know where it comes from no it just was like i thought we were talking about pie and now and now you're just like into like weird weird dark stuff but yeah he was amazing loved him i was just reading about your uh podcast the good life tie Yeah. It says it's inspired by real-life childhood experiences. Yeah.

We, my, uh, my dad and his brother, uh, bought this country store out in the middle of Oregon when I was, when I was 10. And, and where were you coming from? Not, not a huge city, but to the locals out there, you know, we were definitely city people, city folk. But, uh, this store was, in the podcast, it seems like, and it's, it's an exaggeration. but it actually is what it was, which was the store, was the grocery store, the gas station, the cafe, the federal post office, the county library, the local gas, excuse me, fire department, and the hardware store, and it was all in one building as if we were, we were trying to develop a sitcom in the 70s, an affordable sitcom in the 70s. Um, but, uh, yeah, it was really, it was bonkers.

My dad was a, was, uh, working in the, in the foster care system and my uncle was in finance, kind of a little bit of an imposter, but was in finance, ostensibly in finance, and they were burnout and they wanted to kind of get away and, and, you know, find a better life. And so they bought this store knowing nothing about business or anything. And it was a, ultimately a massive financial failure, but for, For eight years, it was amazing. Them trying to figure out how to run each of those departments and us being kind of feral. And how many siblings did you, like, so at 10, you just jumped into this?

Yeah, so there were four of us, and we had two cousins, so there were six of us that were running around, you know, getting bullied. I was extorting candy. We actually thought maybe it was a federal crime. I was extorting candy to the bullies through the mail, through the post office, and, you know, handing it out through the slot in the post office. But, yeah, we, we, the six of us just ran rampant through this place, and our parents tried to win over the locals. It took forever to win over the locals. They really, like, it was a logging community at the time. Oh, my God.

And then it's now wine country, but at the time, I was. It was a logging community, and they had never met. My dad was very much a beta male. And it was like the first beta they'd ever come across. It was like, he was like an alien. You know, they were like this guy who was sort of like asking them questions about their life. And, you know, gentle. Very gentle belly fur, sort of like, you know, like open.

And they didn't trust them for a long time. But eventually they did. And that's basically the arc of. of the show really it's it's kind of an audible sitcom i guess but um the arc of it is really them trying to ingratiate themselves into the community and that's really fun and so how does that work so is it you guys write scripts do you got and then you see you've got a great cast you got jennifer garner you got colton done jillian bell bobby so you got a bunch of killers there yeah a ton of killers really really funny people um and just like all those people do like 10

characters, you know, in real life. And is it like a voice, is it, you know, is it like a, do you guys record it together? Does everyone do individual? Is it scripted? It's scripted. It's, there there's definitely some improv in there, but it's mostly scripted.

I mean, you know, there's some great improvisers in there. But it's the way I've been thinking of it is that it's an audible version of a sitcom. That's cool. And audio sitcom. Yeah. And it was super fun. You know just really like i got to do it home in utah yeah yeah but it was really fun i hope people

like it i think it's kind of like a good hopefully it's a good like summer road trip show and it says it premieres on july third so it's out it's on audible yeah audible original yeah great's yeah and would you ever do it it it's such a fun idea man would you ever do it like as an indie movie or a tv show tv Are you really excited about the audio version? I think, well, I think we're, we'd like to do another season of the audio version, but I also really have been thinking about it as a TV show. Well, we ask everyone to check it out, Ty, yeah, huge fans. Thank you for joining our podcast.

Truly. Real joy, man. Great stuff. It was really, really fun. I'm a new fan of the show. I'll be listening. Thanks so much for having me. Thanks, buddy.

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Hi, Carissa. Carissa, where are you calling from? Your favorite place, Arizona. I didn't realize people from Arizona were listening when I called it the worst state. I was about to say, is Arizona your favorite place? I'm not. I love to let it pass. I thank you.

And then, Chris, how old are you roughly? Let's just get that. I am 34. 34. All right. Well, we've got a really great one because you've got Jake. You've got me. But we also have a guest helper. We have Ty Borel joining us to help solve whatever this problem is. Ty. This is Carissa. Hey, Carissa. She lives in Arizona, unfortunately. So, Carissa, let's get started. What is your issue today? All right. Well, I'm calling for help on behalf of my mom. So every evening, my dad will walk outside.

to water the plants, as he calls it. But it's really him. He goes pee outside, and then he goes and feeds all the horses and the other pets. So one evening she tells me that she would like to purchase lime to cover up the pea spot because it smells like an outhouse, like whenever you walk by it. Okay.

And my dad thinks she's being absolutely ridiculous, but she's adamant that he needs to do something about that foul smell that he's created because it's ruining her daily walks. Whoa. Worried about your dad's diet a little bit right off the bat. Yeah, so, wait. So, Chris, a dad just, I mean, I got to go with doubt on this one because I will go in my backyard to pee.

Totally. Totally not. I prefer it. I'd be too. I'll seek it out. I seek it out. Same with me. But may I ask, is your dad peeing in the exact same spot?

Is that insane if he does? That is crazy. That's crazy behavior. We've established that peeing outside is very sane, but peeing in the same spot is absolute insanity. It's not a toilet. The only reason you pee in the same spot in your house is because that's where the toilet is. The beauty of outside is go anywhere, brother. I love that.

I love that the National Parks use that as their tagline. It's not a toilet. And it's not. And it's not. No. But does he use the same spot? Yeah. It's like right next to the barn.

And he just goes in the same spot. And she was like, every time I go by, I'm going to throw up. Okay. And what does dad say about this when you bring it up to Carissa? He basically rolled his eyes at her and said, oh, Joe, you're being ridiculous. And Carissa, what? what do you think is joe what's your what are we calling your dad let's call him bob bob and joe and so who do you think's being ridiculous here both of them yeah but you called in

so we need a bad guy and we need a good guy because i personally think i think if bob's walking outside taking a piss outside what is this piss that much worse than deer piss You're talking about a fucking barn. Where do you think the horses go in the bathroom? Hey, what isn't Bob's body that's so disgusting? It's just that it's outside the barn. Horses are literally taking shits on the floor. Just mere inches away.

There's a bunch of horses dropping heat on the floor. Bob, piss. Bob, you animal. This is insane. Go inside the barn, Bob. She doesn't sign the bar. It's one thing if you live in like an urban area and she's just like, I don't want to see it. But you have animals.

When you have animals, that stuff's just part of the thing. Yeah. Do you have other animals besides horses? You got pigs shitting and pissing too? No, we used to, but they got eaten. It's an interesting answer, obviously. Hot did Bobby everything with his parents? I'm guessing the humans ate the pigs, am I right?

Yeah. And I didn't find this out until about two years ago. I would say you ate your pets. I did. That's the grimmest part about living on a farm for little kids. Yeah. And we've gotten to the root of the guilt of this entire thing. Dad killed.

Dad. Yeah. Well, dad's a new thing. Yeah. I'm going to side with my mom on this one, though, because she has a really strong sense of smell. Okay. It's the same spot. The same spot is the thing that seems very different for everybody on this.

It's strange to be married to a piss spot. Yes, I agree. It also doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Just to go ahead, Ty. Well, no, just to echo what you were saying before, I really deeply enjoy going outside to go to the bathroom.

The best. But it usually involves a new vista. Yes, agree. like there's always like what does it look like you know look in this direction and it's time of day based it's like how are you going a little further in the yard based on sun it's where's the sun i mean we haven't even brought that up like where's the sun you know what about culture is we're all agreeing how insane would it be if i was saying the same thing about taking shits if i thought that's what you guys meant and i go like

Like, I mean, I shit all over my backyard. But I don't, but I don't shit in the same place. It's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Now that's crazy. Because I shit in my front yard, my backyard on the side. Oh.

Just like a horse, you're walking while you're doing it. By the way, animals that walk and shit, I'll never understand. It's awesome. It's amazing. Just literally walking, wow. Could you imagine that was part of our existence? Oh, that would be great, though. That would be great.

I would love that. I would love us like a shimmy. And then the no follow-up. That's always the thing. It's like there's nothing after. No. And I think it could be reserved for the same situations that animals do it. So humans could do it but just in a parade.

Like you're allowed to shit and walk if it's Macy's Day. July 4th. July 4th. By the way, that would ruin every holiday. Like, oh, God, man. The 4th of July, all those old soldiers to memorial. The soldiers, the better. And parents on the sidelines just like, it's a parade.

It's a parade. It's normal. What are they going to do? Okay, Carissa. So to narrow this down. to see if we can actually help. We, being on your team, we're with Joe. Even though it's okay that horses shit and piss

literally mere inches from where Bob does it. Bob is totally out of line for pissing outside. His piss smells so disgusting. From whatever, as Gerrith said, from whatever he's eating, right? Whatever he's eating. That's an angle. But it's so disgusting that your mom can't even walk outside anymore.

So we are all living in this, reality that this is the truth we're going with, Carissa? Okay. No, I'm asking. Yeah, that's right. So the question is, though, like, what can she do to deter him from going P-Side in the same spot

like he's done for the last two decades? All right. I got a question for you. Could we send your dad a Zoom link? Yes. I'm going to have to work it for him, though, because he Is he with you? Is he with you? No.

Okay. He's on the ranch. He's on the ranch. God damn it. I have a pitch, but I don't know if we're two pitches yet. Yeah, we're into pitches. Are we gathering information? No, we're pitching.

I have a pitch, which is that I think for the three of us, the joy is that it's not the toilet. Yeah. That you're outside and there isn't any real connection to being indoors. So I wonder, without, even if you didn't put a literal toilet where it is, one version, one version might be that you put a toilet there, which takes all the joy. Like a little, even it could be a little kid's toilet. Yeah, a little baby toilet. One of those little like potty training toilets. Yeah.

To just steal the joy that I know I wouldn't want to go in that toilet once it was there. I have a pitch on Ty's pitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think the toilet there is a great ruiner. You know what you could also do? Put a mirror on the ground right in that spot. He goes, because I'll tell you what I don't want to do if I'm peeing outside. Yeah.

See my privates from that angle. That might discourage you from peeing in general. They may not be outside. That's putting me back inside of a room with a door. And by going, I'm like, y'all. Those are my balls. Pass. No, my only fear was that is I live in Arizona.

The sun is going to burn a tree. Oh, yeah. You're going to start a fire. You're going to start a fire. Yeah, you're exactly right. That's a bad idea. The toilet's great. I think I was also going to suggest like a little gravestone, like a little novelty thing where you put it to bed.

But I do like the I also, I'm going to be honest, I think Joe's being a little dramatic with the smell of the I mean I think it's outside I'm not on the side of the same spot but come on Joe you can't I agree right by barn regardless yeah I like the little toilet a lot I think something like that that not only it kind of off limits it a little bit but then on top of that it also makes them feel like a little child which I agree in its own right a little baby toilet's humiliated I think the potty training toilet. Maybe the message is that little boys go in the same spot all the time. Men don't care.

When they have to go pee, they have to go pee. Maybe there's a sign that says that. Or grownups, not just men. But let's just say men to humiliate this farmer. Little boys go to the bathroom in the same spot. Men go different places. Yes. Here's another idea.

A ring camera. That's set up on the barn? Yes. That's facing right where he pees. And you just, even if you just tell him, you go like, hey,

dad, I think there was coyotes coming by the horses and he'll go, huh? And you go like, yeah, mom and I've been talking,

we're just afraid that there's a coyote or something. So I set up a camera. He'll go, where'd you do it? And if your dad's bad of technology, just literally get a piece of plastic.

And screw it into the wall. And he goes, what's that? And I go, that's a camera. I have direct access onto my phone. And he'll go, it is? And you go, yeah, mom just want me to put it up. And you put it on every corner of the barn. So he believes there's cameras. And you go, what's really nice about these daddy is that they go 360, they see everything. And he goes from that little thing. And he go, the technology is insane. It can see

everything. And he's just going to go like, and you don't think it about the peeing at all. Never. You never mentioned the bee. It's about like, it's about keeping predators out of the barn. There are, mom's afraid that there's some coyote or something getting in there. So she had me set this thing up. They're not expensive, but I just took care of it and I already installed them. Huh? See right up there, right down there. These are all cameras.

They see everything around the bar in 100 feet. They go to me and they all go to this central office. Yes, exactly. They go to the ring people. They go to the ring people. And then they send them to me. And then if the ring. people see anything, they send it back

to me. But they do a full monitoring thing. So they said within like six weeks, it'll be all taken care of. Third party's great. I'll tell you what he's going to do is stop pissing by the barn. He doesn't want Ring H.Q. looking at his dick as he pees?

I really like that, I like that a lot. I think that might be better than the little toilet. I think because then you don't even have to bring up any. Then you never talk about peeing. And I know I know you guys don't act like to shame like we're trying to do this in a loving

way. Yeah, of course. This is a way that he doesn't have to feel. He doesn't even know and he'll never listen to this podcast. Yeah. He'll never, this will never get back to him. Yeah. You'll you don't have to shame him. You just go like hey dad, I just did something just so you know I just set up a camera and not just you show

his piss corner at the third one. So you start out of far one. Then you go to the second one and then you go to the second one and he goes like when you get that one he goes like those. There's a camera here. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me move on to the, let me move on to the fourth one. Yeah, yeah, let me go to the fourth one covers any of the foxes that we've been seeing. Well, the third one is actually the least of our troubles. But yeah, we have a, we have one there because.

My question for the third one is, what does it see? It sees everything from camera two to four. How low, how low. All the way down to, let's just say, your feet, if you were standing there, to, to like the head of an average size male. 4K, too. I mean, just great quality. Oh, this company, Dad, you are going to love these images.

They should features on these. And it works in the dark. Yeah. It clicks on the movement. We got such a great deal. And what they're going to do is if they see movement in that, it sets a little alarm off. So it'll go like, beep, beep.

and then we all get alerted and then I'll get the video and we can also come outside when we hear the beep I'll get the video but also it'll bring us out so it's nice and we it's not going to be long

it's only like six months and it's just like a trial six months what do you think Carissa oh I'm just really glad you guys didn't say parmesan on the piece spot but

I think I'm gonna think I'm gonna pretend to put up some cameras. Really? I like it. It's a good, it's a really good idea. And,

Chris, how are you going to do it? What kind of technology are you going to use? What are you going to screw in a while? We got to make sure the dad doesn't check the technology. You know those like around Halloween, how they set up those doorbells that aren't really,

they're just like decorative. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I'm going to get one of those and see if I can maybe paint it to look like a ring camera a little bit. Great. Is that a techie? He pees outside of the barn.

Great. Great. We're not going to be in a danger zone with dad. Yeah, this is great. You know what I recommend, Carissa? Put him up a little high. Yeah. Because if it's low enough, dad might be looking at it,

thinking having a coffee, just look at him, be like, I'm going to knock this off and piss. But if it's high, dad's not getting a ladder to take it off to then piss. You've got to give him one extra step. not worth it you might even you might even test a ladder to be like you know make sure that just it's just just out of reach yeah just slightly out of reach so that he'd have to put himself in danger go on that talk about that that weird rung at the top yeah yeah the day nobody nobody really wants to go on there no I would say the top three rungs I don't want to go on yeah once your hands aren't involved anymore you're like now that level we're at I feel very comfortable mid to three-quarter rung. Oh, great.

And there's always one where my leg turns into a wet noodle. And I go like, how did you know? I didn't even tell you I was scared yet. I was listening to music, pretending I wasn't. Yeah. Speaking of wet noodles, yeah. You think this is going to work, Carissa, because I feel pretty good about it?

I think so. And if not, I'm going to get a little kid's pisser and put it out there for him. Okay. And what are you going to tell? Will you, can we take a second? And will you be you, Ty, will you be Bob? Do you mind? And will you, Carissa, just explain to your dad what the technology is? Because you're going to have to do it, put it up. And then one day I say like, hey, dad, I got to show you something I did for the barn. That's right. I'm going to have to lie to him. I'm not going to have to lie to him. Yeah, those lying involved. Get the clear reason. Okay. All right. So let's start whenever you guys are ready. Hey, sweetheart. I'm, I'm heading out. I'll be back in just a sec.

Where are you going, Dad? Just to go check on the barn. You can go water to the plants. Yeah, I'm going to go water the plants. You know me. You know me. All right. Well, just be careful because mom and I put some cameras up out there since there's been a lot of coyotes lately. Oh, good. I'm worried about ash.

the dogs or horses so you've got every corner in that barn taking care of dad in the barn great you got it right sorry say it again i said outside too so uh outside too outside too right we're going to get some uh notification here yep might be doing some things i never wanted to see we're sure we need them outside oh yeah coyotes go inside and outside dad uh well is uh they're on they're on to nine to five what's uh what's the what's the schedule they are on hey dad you think a camera goes on from nine to five coyotes hunt on a schedule Well, then all the coyotes go home at five. That's true.

Who sees this image? Oh, it's going to be me, mom, the sisters, the son-in-laws, and then the people that own the company. This is very good. Kurtzik, can we start again? Can you lead out and can we try to get dad before he's pissing? Because we don't want it to be about shaming about pissing. Yeah.

This is more of like a, hey, dad. guess what, I just did something I want to let you know. But we are not catching dad pissing on plant. This is not about his pissing. It's about coyotes. I also think the third party is big. These people are going to analyze this for us. Yes.

I also like sister, everybody else. It's everybody's going to see you piss. Yeah. But so, Carissa, your dad's watching TV or hanging out. And this is you coming up to him. This has nothing to do with piss. It's good news. It's good news.

But you've already done it. You're just letting him know. what his new reality is. Got it. All right. Let's see what happens. All right. Hey, Dad.

How's it going? Great. We're winning. Cool. Okay. So just let you know, mom and I put some cameras up around the barn because she told me there's been some activity with the coyotes lately. Yeah, there has been a little. That's good.

That's good. So they're inside the barn, they're outside the barn, and they're going to... They're outside the barn? They sure are. Okay. Whereabouts? Oh, they're in every corner. So you can see...

Every corner. You can see the road. You can see back in the garage or the shed, whatever we're called. And what's a... You got a basic range on these cameras? Yep. And so whenever something sets it off, it's going to alert me, mom, all the family members. And then this is –

Well, that's fine. That's fine. You, you mom and the family members, I mean, that's fine. That's great. No worries at all. Okay. Even though it's going to go to a third party, too, like an Amazon type. It's going to Amazon.

The guys you deliver? Yeah. okay um that's right right how many cameras are there oh there's about four well this is a dilemma so this is great it's all right dad it's going to be like for six months it's all right we'll get it taken care of i think it works i think it works i think it works i think it works because there's also no there's no real way around it i'm trying i'm thinking in the moment of like if there's a way around it

and you just have to find a new place to pee. Your brain is going to go for him five. Yeah, yeah. And then guess what? It's not that big of a deal. No. This is not a, go piss somewhere else, Bob. Just for the next 20 years, we just need a new zone.

Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Chris, will you take photos of the cameras when you set them up? Yes, definitely. And then if it's possible, can you try to on your phone? I know your dad will not be paying attention, but can you try to voice record you telling your dad about these cameras?

I think it's important. I just want to hear what he says. Yeah. Okay. I will do that. If it goes like that, there is, I mean, I think he's going to come out of this with a new spot farther away and not be shaved. No, not be shamed.

This is going to be, this seems like it's going to be a ringing of the bell. Yeah. This problem is insane. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's good. I think we all feel good about that. So go do that, Carissa, and then keep us posted, and please record the Piss intervention. Awesome.

I sure will. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Chris. Thank you. Bye. And we were brought to you by Kachava. Oh, boy. I love kachava.

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maybe six weeks ago, and I did a body scan. And it was humbling, and I've been working with G-fit, Rudy Garcia. And he said, let's get those carbs down. And I said, I hear it. He said, you can't outwork a bad diet. And I said, I hear you, man. I agree. Well, here's what's hard about that, Rudy.

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Hello. Hi, welcome to the show. Woo-hoo. Thank you. Great attitude. Can we get your name or your call? calling from and how old you are, please? Yes, I'm Kat, 26, from San Diego. Okay, it's exciting. You've got Jake and I, and you've also got our great guest helper, Ty Borel, joining us for this call. We're going to solve whatever you have.

Oh, Ty. I love you. I love you both, but I love Ty, too. So that's huge. Yay. Oh, thanks. Happy to be here. Great vibes, Kat. Sorry you need advice at all, but happy to be here. No, I think it'll be a fun one, I think. Okay. Really fast, if you were going to have a memoir about your life, what would the title be? Dang. I thought maybe by the time I called in, this would have gone away. Okay, memoir, title, the island, you know?

My full name is Catalina, so let's go with the island. The island is cool. Are you an island, cat? You hard to connect to? Hey, I don't, mysterious, I don't know, maybe a little bit. All right, cool. What is your issue? Are you named after Catalina Island?

I am. I'm from Long Beach, so, and my family used to go a lot. So kind of that, and it's also my great grandma's name. Cool. A couple, couple things. Okay, my question, however, is so my friends and I, we do game nights a lot, and I have this one good friend. She's a really good friend. but she cheats in every possible way at every game imaginable.

And I'm noticing at first it really bothered me. Now it doesn't bother me anymore. I actually think it's kind of funny because other people are starting to get bothered. So my question really is, how can I kind of orchestrate a game night where we kind of get her back and beat her at her own game? Oh, I like this. And just for more background,

she and I were on the same team for a game and she was cheating with me and she kind of whispered to me like well this is just part of the game like cheating's part of it so and you know sure if that's how she thinks but it is funny because she wins every time so people are starting to get a little annoyed

and so I'd love to love to get her back but in a fun way in a lighthearted way what we're looking for is we're looking for at the moment when she loses is the game for you to say cheating's part of it. Exactly. So we're not looking to crush your spirits.

We're just looking for a little... Have you ever seen any of you guys have kids and watch Darmann on YouTube? No, it's terrible. But there's always a very clear message at the end of it and that message is very much like, well, so you see, cheating is part of it.

We're looking for... It's like the after school special vibe. We're just looking to, like, bring home the point. Can we get the cheater's name? Yeah, let's go with Doja. That's my cat's name. Doja, great cat name. What kind of games are we talking about?

Like, what are the... Yeah. So, yeah, we've played Catan, Monopoly, even, like, cart, like, pretty much any card game, that's where she really excels. She'll, like, keep an extra stash under her leg. Wow. move some, if there's like a board game situation, she'll like move some spaces or like,

if it's someone else's turn, she'll be like, oh, I think I forgot to move an extra space from my last turn, but no one says anything, which is, which is the best part, because everyone's upset, but no one's willing to say anything. Crazy. How often on the podcast do you come across somebody who is broken? This is, she's kind of in rarefied air because. It's so strange to want to win that. It's just a strange quarter.

It's really crazy. This is unique, Ty. I mean, this feels like a very hard one to start a strategy on because, yeah, like to your point, Jake, like, the, I'm not sure how to fix your friend other than just cheat better. Well, I think that's, it's maybe not fix. No, but I hear what you're saying, Kat. So she's just cheating a little bit, but everybody likes Doja, but everyone's getting sick of the cheating. Yeah.

And now the games you guys play, does anybody are there, because it's hard to pitch on this without having the rules of a specific game. So I'm trying to figure out if there's a game that we could either create or here's what I would really do. You know what? I got my first pitch. I got one, too. I would get everybody involved when Doja is not around, discuss this,

and all of you guys are cheating and texting each other. That's good. So that there's no way she could win so that it's literally six versus one. That's good. And it gets so out of control that everything she does, like if it's Uno, whatever, you guys all know what everybody card everybody has. So she always gets screwed in a game. We need her to say, this is bullshit, guys.

It's no fun. And then you say, I thought cheating was part of it. That's really good. That's not harsh. That's not mean. Look, we're in a hard situation here. We're in war. You think you're going to get out of Vietnam by bringing muffins?

Which, by the way, famously is how Vietnam ended. But I was going to. going to just add on to your pitch that maybe this is a long play that it's not just one game night that it's like maybe three game nights in a row where she is it's rigged where she can't win she can't even breathe there's just no do you can't even start the game no like it's just there's just no way out there's no way out and then you come in with the after school special I thought cheating was part of the game. And I think what you could also do in the game,

she could like pull a card when she's at her most frustrated. And the card says, I thought cheating was part of it. Where she's like, you guys are insane. It's like you got to stop cheating. And it's written in blood. You know what I mean? Fresh blood. G.R., what's your pitch?

Well, what I'm caught, I like, that a lot. What I got caught at at the beginning was like we were saying, like the specifics of a game. It's like there's so much that has to go into that. I'm wondering if maybe it's just that whoever's the best actress in your crew maybe catches her and has a fake freak out and gets a little emotional. And that kind of sets off a chain of events amongst you that is rehearsed where everybody is kind of having game night ruined because of her actions and when she kind of feels in the crosshairs you all kind of turn to her smile and be like we're just kidding but cheating is part of it i get you know something like can i pitch on that pitch because i loved

the start i think the ending's a little bit bonkers but i don't mean bonkers in a bad way i I think that we could create something here, Kat, where you have somebody come to the group, maybe you, and say you did a game night with other friends, and somebody cheated, and everybody talks about how lame it was and how much it ruined the night. So you are talking about a third-party player from another story. That could even be in this group. You could just say, like, you know, we're going to say that Kate cheated. to Doja, but obviously Kate didn't,

but we kind of have a side intervention like, okay, Kate keeps cheating. What are we going to do while Doge is there and just kind of shit on the cheating behavior so much to kind of scare her straight. Yeah, I like that. My boyfriend's part of this group, so that feels like a very easy ape goat.

I was going to just add that is it helpful? I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot to go. go through to bring in somebody new to the group, but basically like if you, it's sort of like a version of the same pitch where the new person comes into the group and used to be a part of a different game night, but, but that game night had a cheater and it ruined it. And they don't do it anymore. Or some version of that or basically like we, that game night disbanded because there was

a cheater. This is a fucking cheater. There's a snake in the grass. It's a snake in the grass. nobody's going to walk around without shoes on. Am I right? And everybody goes here, yeah, except for Doja. And then she goes, yeah, here, here.

What if we do something, and this was, what if you and your boyfriend do something where in a game, you catch him cheating and call him out and then go on like a real monologue about like, it's ruining the fucking game, what's the point? What kind of idiot do you have to be to cheat your friends? what's the point we're doing this not for fucking money for friendship if you're cheating us you have no integrity and he goes like i'm sorry i just wanted to win but i'll never do it again

i now see the cheating is not part of it i feel terrible you really did actually just write it after school special that was beginning middle and end like but we you guys put on a show and it could be playful but about how cheating at a card game with your friend or a game night is the worst form of game night play. And so therefore, it's about your boyfriend experimenting with it. And one day he shows up, that game night, he's wearing like a leather jacket. And he's trying to be like cool and edgy, smoke behind his ear.

And you're like, I don't know who you're trying to be, Roger, but this isn't you. And he goes, hey, I just can't lose. Or he could, but he could do the breakdown too. I lost myself in the cheating so much. Exactly. Who am I? I just wanted to feel like a winner.

You're a winner by being here. And losing it game night is just as fun as winning because we're doing it together. You're right. Is your friend, is Doja, like completely open about this? When I was on her team, yes. And no, because there's been some slight confrontation of like if she moves some extra spaces. Another girl in the group one time went,

are you sure? Like, didn't we already do that? And she'll double down and go, oh, no, no, no, I didn't. So she's willing to stand firm. She's taking you guys to the cleaners. I mean, you're all too nice as well. She's just stopping all over you.

So, Kat, where are you at? What are you kind of thinking? We've given some kind of options here. We're talking about having somebody else cheat in the group. We're talking about bringing in a third who talks about another game. You're talking about catching another cheater. You're potentially talking about a situation

where you're at another game night, potentially, and it's so hard to do with the games constantly changing, but everybody working together one night against her. I really like that one. Literally everybody cheating together. That's fun for everybody, too. And then she goes, are you guys cheating?

And we go, yeah, girl. because you cheat. Now, shall we stop cheating at game night? It's an intervention. It's an intervention. It's a cheating intervention. It's a game night intervention. Yes.

I agree with Ty. I think that option is more fun, friendly, a little more lighthearted than the, also if I start acting, I'm just going to laugh and crumble immediately. So that's kind of out. I might pass that on, to build it into the everyone cheating together game night.

Maybe have someone else say something, sprinkle some extra in. But I'm liking the banding together and whether it's maybe it's the next time there's some type of board action game playing. We all scoot a few spaces ahead every time and we all feel some extra cards. And you and you double down on denying it. Yes. Exactly. Well, because I'll tell you why there are rules to things like a game night.

Because if there weren't, it would be chaos. You want to know why the game Monopoly works? Because everybody takes their turn, rolls the dice, and goes the thing. If you don't follow those rules, just take all the stupid fake money and put it in front of you and have all the properties. Then you're living in utter chaos. There's a version. Sorry, Gareth. Go ahead.

No, no. Go, go. Well, there's a version. I'm pitching on your pitch, but there's a version where instead of, We all cheat, don't we? And being the end of the group thing is that it just ends in the savage, lawless society. And people have got their shirt side on their heads. So there's a little fire happening in the corner.

Food everywhere. You want to live like this or you want to play by the rules? And that's the end of the night. The end of the night is this is what. happens if we let go of the rules. Chaos. Does anybody want to live like this? And then everybody's screaming, no, it's terrifying.

It's terrible. There's wild animals bleeding out. Somebody's fighting somebody in a corner. Someone poops while walking. You know what might be the best way to do it? You might do it on Monopoly Night and someone just goes online and buys a bunch of extra monopoly money that you all pocket. And that's how you just keep going throughout the night.

So she's earnestly going broke and you guys have endless supplies. That's a really fun way doing it. It's great. Everybody's got a stack. Yeah. Everybody in their pocket has like endless 500s. Another, yeah, has an extra five grand. You know what you could also do with that?

Everybody also has extra houses and hotels. And every once in a while just adds another hotel. You need a second monot. A monopoly. A monopoly on monopoly. Yeah. And so they go like, wait, did you have a hotel there? Do you go like, yeah? Yeah. And then everybody else in the group was like, yeah.

And when she's not paid attention, let's say you have two of the three properties. You just trade. You go like this. Like, Ty, give me that yellow. Okay. And you go like this, I won't charge you. Yeah. You go, great.

You don't charge. You make deals where you go like, I'll give you rights if you, we won't charge each other. So the only person. And if somebody else lands, you go, I go, we're good. Just don't charge me if I've gone to a boardwalk. All right. Can I stay there next time I'm there? Yeah.

Fine. I'm not going to be there. By the way, my reds and yellows are open. I'm going on vacation. Everyone can stay there besides the dojo as long as they want. I'm not looking to make it a money thing. Just pay for the maids and clean up after yourself. But I don't want to like, I don't want to charge you guys.

There's definitely. Charge your full price. There's definitely a great gas light. waiting for you on this about if everybody else just buys into this other universe or even if you don't even talk about it in front of her cat because i know you're not confrontational but that night you've bought in therefore somebody let's say gareth lands on my thing i don't even say 800 bucks we just go all right and he goes like this ah next up and then she has to go like this aren't you going to charge them and then you give me the

$800 and I'll just take it but then you have unlimited money and I just literally the next hand I just hand you $800 bucks back. You just make it not talked about so it's just so weird. It's like the Truman show where she'll go like Jake just give $800 back to Gareth in the middle of the round

and then she finally goes, what is happening here? And you make her go, guys it's not fun if you're all cheated. Yeah. Did you have fun tonight? I mean, we did. Because it was really fun to cheese. It's going to be really fun.

Yeah, that is the problem. Honestly, I would like to be a part of the group that does this, because that would be an absolute blast is to just be to do it. And nobody breaks. Nobody talks about it. No. No. You're just playing until she's out.

I also think there's something in just things that are absolutely unexplained, meaning kind of like what you were saying, like just. landing on an innocuous spot and then money being exchange. Yeah. Just, just money being exchanged and everybody. Cycles. And nobody's talking about it. No, nobody explains anything.

And then she goes like, what's going on? You go like this, want to play Monopoly. We're just tweaking it. Monopoly's going on. Monopoly's gone. And then eventually when she's out, she'll go like, that kind of sucked. Then we go, how come? Because we all cheated?

because game night makes no sense if you're cheating right nor does life nor does life dojo it is life nor does life tojo can you get your group to do this yes definitely because they're more they're more frustrated than I am so that feels like a really easy you guys are all in a text chain correct I mean with her but yes all right can you get on a text chain right now and and take her off it. Yep, side chain.

Because we're going to do this for the next game night. Okay. This is what I really want to hear about because this, I would really enjoy being part of that. I think your friends are going to really love this. Okay. And then Kat, tell me when the, then say you're talking to the three of us. Say, hey, guys, I've been talking to Ty, Garrett Reynolds and Jake Johnson

Hi Okay And we have a situation To correct Her real names cheating During game night Okay Next game night

Let's play Monopoly I'm gonna go off and buy Two new Monopoly Sets you can go to a Salvation Army they always have them there I guess what you know what we're going to do we're going to buy them so you buy them tell the show we'll reimburse you for the monopoly sets in that case buy four of them so there's so much money extra pieces yes extra and everybody is going to have unlimited

funds we are not going to tell doja and then say let's create a game where we all work together very subtly, so she has no idea, but we all cheat until she's out. And when she's out and finally breaks that it was no fun that we all cheated, we say maybe we should make a rule that there's no more cheating and that cheating isn't part of it. I'm also going to pitch that you guys have a rehearsal, that you have a night with the group to actually do a little bit of the magic part to figure out where you're going to keep the money, like how to actually be smooth about it.

Just totally right. Just like four good weeks of rehearsal. Yeah, just, yeah. No, I'm just kidding. Five nights a week, nothing crazy. Yeah, no. What do you think of this text? Where are you out with it?

Okay. I have it typed out. It feels good. It feels the perfect balance. of silly, but also let's stop this. So I'm comfortable with it. I signed off on it. I'm good.

Before you send it, will you read it out loud and then Kat? If you have any changes while you're doing it, just say one second, fix it and then read the new sentence. We wanted in your language. Ty Gareth, if you guys have any pictures on it, throw it out. We are not in the finished part of this contract

yet. This is, we are still in the workshop. one question her her boyfriend uh doge's boyfriend is also in this group should i leave him cut his out yeah he's out he's out he's a man he's out he's compromised if he doesn't tell her he's fucked yeah he's gonna lose lose you're you're doing him a favor also by leaving your mouth yeah yes he's completely right he can't win here he's yeah yeah don't tell him yeah don't tell him okay he's out Okay. Hey guys. I'm on a podcast talking to Gareth, Jake, and Ty. No last name. Sorry. Ty. And we are going to correct Doja's cheating deal during game nights. Next game night, let's play Monopoly. And we're going to go buy four new Monopoly sets. And then everyone is going to have unlimited cash. But let's not tell Doja. And then we'll create a game where we work together very subtly and we all cheat until she's completely bright. until we forced her to say something and then at the very end we say something like yeah that

wasn't very fun huh because we cheated right is that why it wasn't fun anyway this is really fun oh then I go into explaining more about the podcast maybe what we should do that's about it okay that's pretty good maybe rather than you say it you present here with a letter in an envelope and in the letter it says let's stop cheating because it's crazy that you cheat again game night we love you but this is madness for now on if you cheat we all have to cheat and then this is chaos and it might end up with us living in complete savagery could be signed like the declaration of independence too yeah everybody's everybody's and then oh then there's a spot for her to sign with a pen in it and it's i declare i will stop cheating at game night it's dated you have

all signed a notary. She has to sign it. That's great. You're a notary? That's great. I'm a notary. Oh, my God. Then bring your thing.

Bring your name. Bring your stamp. Oh, it's so good. What do you think of that? I think that's a perfect way to keep it front of mind every game night. We can pass it around. Who number's hosting? Yeah.

That sheet goes. up with you. Then you frame it and whoever is hosting has it up. Yeah. The notary thing is so great too because it is ridiculous. And I think it actually, there's a way to get out of this with your friend where she doesn't feel so. Yeah. Agreed. It's funny. Shamed or something that she doesn't want to keep playing. The notary thing is even, I think, better because it's so heightened. Agree. Like she'll know it's hilarious. And everybody's got to do the weird finger print thing. Bring the whole kit.

Bring the whole kit. She's got to do her a little film in that weird book. Who gets that book, by the way? I don't know. What is a notary? Whenever I've had to do it, it's like, hold on, let me get this official book from 1935. It's an insane thing that we're doing.

I put my thumbboards in there like, okay, I'm like, I'm like, I'm in the back of a FedEx. I'm like, why are we doing this? Is this real? Nobody's ever going to look at this. He's going like, wait a second. Was that notarized you? Was that in a Glendale, Thetex?

Can we see the book? Do you have the book? No. The book is currently... That one was in Big Bear, actually. But just signing like you're going to be like, oh, good, Kat. She's very good. She's one of our best.

Yeah, so, Kat, will you follow up with... First of all, will you send that text so we know this is in motion? yeah okay and then send us a photo of the text while it was sent when people respond and we can post that too yeah um she also is pretty she does listen every once in a while so i'm wondering like we'll wait to er this let's do this right now actually hold on now when are we are in this one i don't have it scheduled yet we can wait until like maybe end of august yeah well wait for that's enough time okay that's perfect okay that's perfect great and then it'll be then we'll her on for the follow-up, too.

Sorry. No, I remember it was earlier. Yeah, it's because it's August 6th. Yeah. Yeah, you got to go fast. Get to work. You can do it. You can do it.

You got to go. But then have her on for the follow-up with us. Oh, she's on that. Okay. That's good, too. That'll soften it. That's good. It'll soften it, yeah.

Yeah. Kat, we appreciate you. Thanks, Kat. Yeah, thanks, Kat. Thanks, Kat. It's so fun. Good luck. Good luck.

Thanks, this, this, this, We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here To Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, Mix and Master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecky.

And if you'd like to see Gareth, do stand up on the road, go to garethrethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.