We're Here to Help - 196: Mannequin For Dennehy & A Party For Adults

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Gareth and Jake help a caller ditch a creepy mannequin. Then, they make a kids movie night more adult-friendly. Plus, a follow-up to Ep 119 "The Queen's Off-Duty," featuring a special appearance by Cat Reitman.See caller images here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-195Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I just don't want to do the same bits because you know me. Okay. But all of that, yes, we'll live on Patreon. And we are back on the live show. Firing. Yeah, well, we haven't recorded it a minute. So now we have, we're probably going to be weirdos. I miss you guys.

Yeah, it's fun. It's kind of been nice to take a break. I've seen nice to be back. A lot of we're here to help merch on the road this run. Is that true? A lot. No way. Yes.

The new stuff that Morgan created? Yeah. Some stuff. New, mostly new, honestly. Yeah. Some wear here those hats. Morgan's kind of killing it. And by the way, Natalie, you and Morgan went out and got a little friend date.

Yeah. We had our own friend date. We just, you know, talk shit about you and Gareth a whole bunch. Respect. Yeah. I'm going with Morgan to do a concert tonight. Nice. We're seeing Gracie Abrams.

That's adorable. Yeah, well, and with my kids. Yeah. When I asked Natalie how the hang was with Morgan, she was like, it was great. We both might start taking Jiu-Jitsu. I was like, oh, my God. No, no. I was like, the worst takeaway possible.

What they're doing is they're working with Rudy, Rudy Garcia. I know, yeah. It was just, we're all going to beat you on to do it. It's already due. She asked me if I wanted to do a self-defense, like, class with Rudy. You should do it. Sure. You should do it.

That's awesome. This is like your TB 12. What's the guy that Tom Brady works with? You've got that trainer guy. You're in like your little, you're in your like bargain bin TB12. By the way, you're right. And the worst part is I don't even get a cut. I'm the worst Ponzi scheme guy.

They're like, you're part of a Ponzi scheme. And I go like, but I'm not even on the triangle. But I could be convicted for being a part of it, but I've made no money off it. This is where you and I are similar with option one. Yeah. This is my version of option one. Option one keeps biting me. Go ahead.

What are you going to say? Funny thing that Gareth brought up is we are recording today, volume three, with Eric and Stevie, but it's not Aaron where this is a regular Monday, but Steve Berg, group texted, what are your guys' thoughts on wardrobe today? Yeah, which is a classic. For a Zoom. Verge's text. Well, it'll also, I mean, the best was how Hardy bombed when he asked on the text,

if he should come having had, which is like, when you shoot something and they're like, we're not going to feed you, so eat, come having had. So Berg's like, should I come having had? And everyone's like, what? He's like, should I come having had? And we're like, he's doing a bit,

but we're all like, what do you talk? Yeah, eat. If you're hungry, eat. We know you're going to come having had. You're always had. Yeah, well, one time we recorded the show and he was cooking the having had during it. And he had run off.

I was on a plane. uh yesterday and i forget because i've been wearing this hat all the time a morgan special she brought it to the house yeah and it says he knows where the hot dogs are i don't think about what i'm wearing sometimes and the flight attendant read it and i couldn't remember out loud that's hard where she's like reading it and fathoming it as she's reading yeah uh he sexist wow sexist Why don't you throw in a cute little outfit at a 20-year-old? Because a 20-year-old boy would never make that mistake. You know who would make that mistake?

A guy born in the 1970s. Yeah, look. You fucking weird geezer, dudes. You're out here sniffing 50. Dress like you're in a boy band from the year 2000. I thought this is for Patreon. You're right. But only flight attendants could be she's.

Oh, let's do the riddle where the doctor sees their son. How could it be? And you go, by the way, I think about that riddle. I think about that riddle all the time. That, that, because I'm like, it's so insane that there was an era where the answer to the riddle was that the doctor was a woman. And it was like, I remember being like, what? It's the uncle? There's two dads.

Oh, grandfather. Grandfather. Twin brother. He's his own brother. And then they were like, no, it's the mother. And you're like, the mother. And I remember in like 1988 being like, that's impossible. Natalie is simply not laughing.

I wasn't born yet, so. Well, that's what I'm saying, Gareth. You got to realize you're us. They're them. You and I came up pre-internet, son. I don't know. First of all, you remember when we didn't have cell phones because you were in your late teens, early 20s, you fucking geezer.

I got my own line, dude. I had a cordless, grandpa. Okay, for starters. A little fake rich boy with a little cordless. was Zach Morris Sam on the Radio Shack Bro, of course What do you even?

Yes, of course You had to give your address For a cordless phone How great were you? How's like Reunion got to go to Sharper Image and sit in the chairs? Man, I don't know what

That store, I was like How is this even possible? To me, Sharper Image was the future. The best. I was like when I have money, I will live in here. Same with me.

Yeah, and then now it's just gone. Yeah, because it's trash. I don't agree. It's just marble. It's just marble balls to go back and forth, and you go like, for $49? It was all stuff where I'd be like, when I am a big business man,

I'll have these things on my desk. And then now I'm in an embassy suites and somewhere in Tennessee, the city I can't pronounce. With Ziploc bags of my clothes behind me. By the way, I'm traveling for business with a hat that says he knows where the hot dogs are. So wait, so he's reading the hat.

He's like, so it was, I had, you know, I'd worked and then Oliver Raleigh, and I went out, and Oliver, a show, friend to show, theme song, man, and we were out in his stomping grounds, which were Bushwick, which was fun. And we were doing the hard push about doing live shows. He's hard pushing you. Yes. Well, Oliver and I did, you know, seven years of a two-man show, traveled the country with it. And he was like, let's just go. Let's have some fun, just pop. And I was like, everything you're saying is sounding right. And I haven't been drinking. And we were just going drink after drink. So next thing I know, it's... You signed it a deal. I would have signed anything. It's four hours later, and I'm at the airport, and I don't live this way anymore. I mean, Gareth, you and I, we used to live this way together on flights, pouring beer on our heads, on planes.

Hungover traveling is... You did? You poured the beer on your head. I just spilled mine. On your head? No, on my crotch, and I go, I'm just going to leave it. And you were like, buddy, go. clean yourself but then 15 minutes later you were pouring one on your head i was like jake i don't think we should be on a plane right now i'll be totally honestly yeah i think we were too far but question for you too what's weirder a man on the back of a plane who pours a beer over a beer over his own

head or a man who pours a beer on his crotch of his denim jeans and then goes like this spill leave it that is the weird part without question go dad it off i mean it's you pouring it on your head. Why did you do that? There's a callback, man. It's a callback. Because that's what we did when we first met in a bar and on the plane, I think he brought it up. Remember when we did that? And in the moment

it felt appropriate. He started doing it like, you're going to join me and I was like, no, no, no, buddy. It was like a four-hour flight and then he started pouring it. I mean, it was like a dead flight thankfully, but I was like, well, we had to hold back the plane to ourselves. And the flight attendants were party animals with us. And we're just feeding us, Budlites.

I mean, feeding us. Not charging us. They were like, here you go. Let's go. And mind you, going back to being geysers, it was a different era on flights. Yeah, there was space. There was room to be an animal.

It was a little bit more like greyhounds in the sky. Yes, completely agree. I mean, how about this? Gareth and I grew up in an era when there were ashtrays on the seats. Seriously. Smoking and non-smoking sections on a plane is one of the most absurd things. Thinking about it, now it's insane. The whole plane.

smoking. It's not a smoking section. How about this when we were growing up, really nice family restaurants had smoking sections. And the berry between smoking and non-smoking, not a glass wall. How about this? You could smoke cigarettes in McDonald's. How about this? I did for years. How about this? I still have a couple of their ashtrays that were made of aluminum. So great. Are they the orange, yellow ones? Yeah, the ones you'd flip them, maybe silver. Yes. Anyway, Jake, you're old. So, okay, so you're on the plane. He reads the hat. What does he say?

He goes like this. He's like, and I was so out of it and tired. It was one of those moments I'm like, I just hope I make it. Yeah. And he's like, can I get you anything? And I went like, nah, nah. And then he goes, he knows where the hot dogs are. And I didn't get the reference.

And I go, I go, say it again. And he goes, he knows where the hot dogs are. And I go, yeah, absolutely, man. And I had the moment where I was like, he's crazy. And I'm not, I'm sweating. I'm not dealing with his insanity. So I just went like, yeah, man, absolutely. And then he walked away and I thought like, whatever, dude, everyone's insane but me.

And then I'm like, oh, I'm wearing a hat that says, you know, look at the fucking hot. It's me. It's me. The doctor was the mother. Oh, my God. Yeah, I had the great callback. Now, wait, did any part of you think about having a cocktail? On the plane?

Yeah. With that level of hangover? Yeah, I want no because I was coming home at one and the family. I was, like, coming home into, like, dad duty. Yeah. And I was, like, uncool to be, like, sweaty. And then be, like, what's that smell in your breath? And I'm like, list you mean?

And then my wife being like, you are really loud and joking. And me being like, I am more than usual. She's like, you haven't stopped talking in two hours. I'm having a good time. It's good to see you. And you're dying on the inside? You guys won't see me bang my head against the fridge for laughs? It's like, no, we want to see you sober.

You pour a beer on your head. Come on. I pour lemonade on my head. They're like, just maybe be normal. It's literally Wednesday. Dad's back. Party's on. Party's on.

So you, Garfan, you had a video you were talking to now to talk about. Well, I mean, this is a pretty good intro. We don't have to do it on this. Should we do it another one? Yeah, we could do it in another one. I have a personal update on taking some of the show's advice in my personal life. And I think that'll be a fun intro. But this was boisterous enough, I think.

So you guys want to mention Ravinia, though? Yes. Yes. So what is the date of Ravinia again? Ravina is August 22nd, which will be in like a week and a half from Monday's episode. Okay. And there's a code, correct? Yes, Gil sent me for 20% off reserved pavilion seats.

So guys, Ravinia, which is in Highland Park, Illinois. It's a northern suburb, reached out. They are fans of the show. They are longtime listeners. Shout out to everybody who listens at Revinia. We're doing a really fun thing. They are bringing the van, our van, that's in Chicago, Gareth, is going to go to Ravinia.

Revinia offered them free tickets. They're going to park inside and people could take photos with the van. So great. The van is the greatest. I honestly was thinking about the van yesterday. It's so great. The van's the greatest. So the van will be at Ravina, August 22nd.

Rivania. Ravanya, perfect. They're giving our audience a 20% off if you want to go, take some pictures. Dan, my brother, is going to be there. He's going to be kind of, we're sponsoring it with the website we're creating for our show. We Need to Pick.com. Group decisions made easy. How about that tagline?

Guess where I found it? The internet. Wow. Wait, what do you mean? You stole it? He said come up with a tagline. Okay. Just stole it.

We're just creating this website for the show. It's fun as hell. Group decisions made easy. We need to pick. So he's going to be there. So go to Ravinia. See, Dan, there's a video. I'm going to actually send to you, Natalie, really fast.

It's on my Instagram right now. It's Dan at Ravignia with his shirt off dancing to Bonnie Redd years ago. I saw that one. So, Dan will present very professional. He's a very smart man. He's a lawyer. He's done all this stuff.

You get a couple sea breezes into that king. You get a pineapple vodka in that man. That shirt is off. Pineapple vodka is a very specific type of human. If it ain't delicious, why is he drinking it? A pineapple. So meet Dan, see the van. Go to Ravignia.

Fucking beautiful. Pretty good. Yeah, all right. Well, let's go into the show. Without further. A-doo. Hey, everybody. This is just a quick announcement that we are doing another live on Patreon show.

It's last minute. We just decided we have gotten the emails and we've heard people requesting and the Patreon community has been loud about it. So we appreciate it and we're doing it. August 18th at 5 p.m. Pacific on our Patreon, we're here to help. We are going to go live for about two and a half hours. We're going to take calls. We're going to take comments. Morgan's going to be running the board in terms of the comments. And we're going to have a lot of fun for every one of our non-patriot listeners. We love you too, baby. And that everything that's on there, the episode will be released at different times. Our 200th will probably have

uh two calls and a follow-up but all the calls will eventually make it on the main show but if you want to hear it live and you want to be part of the fun go to our patreon we're here to help and uh join the madness and for all you saying we say without further ado and then ads i get it i get it but uh you know we don't place the ads so without further ado This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Hey, oh man, we love Rocket Money here.

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That's Kachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com. Code here to help for 15% off. Hello. Hi. Hi, welcome to the show. Hi, oh my gosh, thanks. Great. Thank you. What's your name, please? My name is Paige.

Page. Where are you calling from, Paige? I'm calling from the western suburbs of Chicago. Hey, the girl, Paige. You're a Cubs fan? Here we go. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're a bear's friend? Yep.

You're bulls fan? Yep. What about the Black Oaks? Oh, sure. You care about the Chicago sting, the old soccer team from when I was growing up? Oh, deeply. What do you think about Brian Denny as an actor? Do you think he's the greatest?

Absolutely. I agree, honey. You're the best. What's your call? Paige, how old are you roughly, just so we know? Brian Denny. Going to a Chicago sports party, I'd be like, hey, how good is Brian Denny? Well, Paige, I don't know if you know this, but if you don't, you need to pass it around Chicago.

There is an unthinkably funny comedic rap song a guy does about Chicago. And it's like bears, bowls, cubs. And then one of them is like, favorite drink, old style, favorite actor, Denny He. And it's just this whole. He's who's walking around playing softball. There's a line where he's like, going to Jewel for the damn wife. It is on YouTube, go Denahey rap, Chicago. It is so funny.

I've listened to it a thousand times at least. And then I worked with Brian Denahey. And it was before he passed, and I go, favorite actor, Danny. And he goes, huh? And I go, the rap song. And he goes, what a rap song? And I go, does this rap? And you're like the thing.

And I tried to tell him. And he found no comedy in it, no charm in the back and forth. And I went, I can play it for you. And he goes, nope. And I went, run on. No right on. And then I sat there trying to eat, like not eat shit while I was eating shit where I was like, favorite act of Denny.

He finds the bone. Paige, she's sitting next to him, trying to pretend like nothing happened. Ugh. Two-hander. Father and son. The dynamic was right.

Well, I'm excited to listen to it after this. Yeah, you're going to love it. All right. Go ahead, Paige. What's going on? All right. So, back in October, I was like about two months pregnant,

and I have a seven-month-old daughter, and my mother-in-law showed up, just like very unexpectedly with this five-foot-eight mannequin that she bought me. And she's very frugal. And so just the fact that she spent money on this thing in general was like kind of out of left field. It's so it's tall. It's like life size.

It has makeup on, full face, big boobs. And the expectation was that I would dress it up seasonally and put it on display in my living room. What the fuck? I don't know Oh my lord You put a spider web on it What uh

She sent this to you Yeah so since it was October She put that spider web on it In the picture that I sent Wait Paige this was unsolicited Very unsolicited I have never had any sort of desire for a mannequin I don't know where it came from

This is your mother-in-law or your mother sorry In-law That's my thought law. That makes me a weirder. Super creepy. I know.

Some other suggestions were that I would put it my wedding dress on it and put it in the living room and like give it a name. Why would you want to manicure in your living room? You got two young kids.

This is coming from nowhere? Yeah. Absolutely nowhere. Completely just out of the blue. You saw it on Facebook Marketplace and I guess thought of me and purchased it and then just came and

dropped it. off and set it up like that with a spider web on it. But for anyone listening, when she says put a spider web on it, the mannequin is totally naked and big boobbed. And there's just kind of like a lacy spider web over it. So you're still seeing the mannequin's boobs. Yes. It's like.

Yes, very much so. It's not like, and it's bald. And so at Halloween, you wouldn't be like, ooh, scary. You'd be like, is Paige okay? Yes. Paige, this is weird stuff. I also see other photos that Sweet Jesse has a building up towards. Are those going to be reveals, Sweet Jay, or can we see them now?

Jesse's learning a lesson about pictures. Well, those come later. They're actually not tied. Oh, did you see them? Yeah. What's going on? Okay. Those are penis slippers.

Yes. Why do you have these, Paige? What is happening with this call? I don't know why I have them I don't know why she My mother-in-law gave me both of them Your mom-in-law gave you fucking dick slippers

Cock slippers Yes And a naked mannequin Yeah So the mannequin Arrived in October And then with the spider web With all these suggestions

One suggestion was that She was going to sew matching outfits For the mannequin and my daughter To wear on her first birthday which we avoided. She wanted my husband to somehow create custom, like, shoes for it because it doesn't have, like, all sorts of weird suggestions. Like, and I'm getting these very frequently, weekly, like, weird, weird suggestions

on what I should do with the mannequin. So I needed it out of my house, and so I was able to sneak it back into their house. The mannequin. And, yeah, so they were out of town. This is weird. I'll admit it. They were out of town, and I put it in their bed. Okay.

At least you were open about how you felt about what you did, because you're right. It's weird. Super weird, but I mean, like, I kind of wanted to show, like, hey, this in general is just a strange thing to gift somebody. I'm going to want up you. Did you say it? Were you like, I mean, you had to underreact, but when you put it in the bed, you're clearly, really, I mean, you're trying to send that message. Did she receive that message?

Not super well. So they didn't see the humor in it. And it was just kind of like, that was creepy. And don't you want your mannequin? And I was like, well, I mean, the mannequin is creepy. I thought what I did was a little bit funny. I'm not going to lie, but I don't want the mannequin back. But I didn't say that.

I couldn't tell them that I didn't want it back. I didn't want to, my fear is hurting her feelings. Yeah, of course. Because she spent money on this thing and like, from her perspective. Yeah. Yeah, not much. It's a very weird thing to see and be like, I know who wants this. Agreed.

And to be so wrong. It's aggressive. Yes. Paige, what's going on with? This was a weird call. This is nuts. Yeah, it's super weird. I don't know.

But so the mannequin is out of my house right now. Okay. My fear, well, it's not really a fear. It's very real. She's trying, wants to get it back to me pretty bad. Like she's been bringing it up a lot. The baby is born. So when she gave it to me, I was pregnant.

The baby is born. So now we're back on the mannequin grind of frequently being her mentioning, okay, do you want the mannequin back? I have the mannequin for you. I can drop it off, giving suggestions of what to do with it. So my specific question is how do I? not get this mannequin back into my house. How do I get rid of it without hurting her feelings or how do I do something funny with it

so I can be rid of this mannequin and I don't make the treat you big in my house? This is an interesting one, Paige. There's a couple things. The first is clearly the mannequin is the most obvious problem because of its size and it's I would say the mother-in-law. But the problem I really think is that. that she now thinks that this is, that you run a goodwill from, you know,

Facebook market. And she's just going to bring, I mean, she gave you dick slippers. Yeah. Don't sleep on the dick slippers. I agree. For a mother-in-law to give someone with children dick slippers.

And it's also graphic. It's graphic. And it's like, to do that as a joke is like, yeah, whatever, okay, I'm going to throw it away or I'm going to get donated.

But to do that and be like, you're not wearing it? Just imagine all of a sudden she walks in and you're sucking your own, slippers. Yeah. You're sucking that huge slipper dog. She's like, you're like, Ma, do you mind if I call you, Ma, you're my mother-in-law. What do you give

these for? You want to walk in and I got one slipper in my butt, one in my mouth? What are you giving these for? If your reaction was that, I think you might have been okay. And then get this mannequin out of here. What do you try to get me divorced? Look at how hot she is. I got every hole full of my slippers and I'm on top of this goddamn mannequin. Come on. I got work to do. I got two young kids. Mom. Come on, Mom.

Trying to get my life in order here, honey. Well, I think it's true, though, that, you know, she's kind of, you've kind of just, it's just open now, so she's going to bring stuff. I do have a pitch on the mannequin. It's got to be crazy. Well, my pitch on the mannequin would be, take the mannequin back, be like, take it back. To the Facebook market person? Or no, from mother-in-law.

From mother-in-law. Okay. Take it back, you know, end that saga. then go donate it to the Goodwill Salvation Army and say to her, I had a friend who's a designer come over. She saw it and was like, oh, this is perfect.

I can really use this for my studio. And she gave you 50 bucks for it and then just give the mother-in-law 30 and be like, there we go. We're splitting the profit. Okay. I got another pitch. Go.

But I think Gareth's pitch is very, solid? What if you take it back and you dress it up exactly like her and you put the slippers on and you literally go to her house and take her clothes? So when she has to come over, she has to see the type of woman she is. And that is she's a weird mannequin in your house with dick slippers on. And then she could go, this is odd in your living room. And you go, this is your gift. This is you. Get a wig that looks like her hair. Just make. take a replica of her, put it in a closet whenever she comes around, is right in the middle of the living room.

Don't put it in a corner. Make it so you can't move around it. And then she'll go, what is this? And you go, let's call her Connie. You'll go, Connie, this is you. This is you in my life. You're a weird fucking mannequin with dick slippers. I like a version of that maybe where you are, you take it back, ask her for a dress,

go buy a dress, put a sign on it that says Connie, put a wig on it, and then have one of your kids help you sort of design Connie and make the face kind of crazy and just be like, yeah, we're just going to turn it into like an homage for you and make it look insane looking so that she now feels that it just hates it. She resit she's going to, she's going to ask you to take it out of there. Yeah. She's going to say, oh, you know what you could do? I have an idea going off of that. I think we're on to something page. Dress it up just like Donnie, make it like you, and then tell the kids you got to get rid of it because it's scary. Tell your mother-in-law because it's scary in the kids.

It's not bad either. That, yeah. Honestly, it probably would because my oldest daughter, she's 16 months, and then the baby is a newborn. And so the baby might not notice, but I feel like my 16-month-old daughter, she will probably most definitely be scared of it. Yeah. And then you could also say give her the socks back, the slippers, and go, why, and go, I'm just afraid of my young children playing with these. What are we teaching them? And I go, you disgust an animal?

Yeah. So children. They're dick slippers. I'm a mother. It's not a bachelor party in Nashville for fuck sick. I'm a mother in the western suburbs. My favorite actor is Denny. If someone gave me dick slippers, I'd be like, this is inappropriate.

I don't have kids around. Dick slippers is crazy. Hold on. No, don't pick that apart. You said it would be inappropriate because I don't have kids around. The reason it's inappropriate is because you have kids around. It's a, yeah, I've just said I wouldn't wear them. So, Paige, when you're hearing all this stuff, where are you thinking?

Where are you at? So, okay, I'm liking a lot of what I'm hearing. I feel like... I feel like we're about to get let go. No, no, you're not. You're not. I think the thing that my concern about having Connie in the house at all is the fear of her seeing it and liking that I am paying homage to her in my home on a regular

basis so I mean I feel like we could still we could still probably go down that line but I just that's the only thing I see with that one is her kind of like you know enjoying it and so yeah and so I'm kind of thinking that maybe we we run down the line of um from designer saw this beautiful mannequin and is wanting to purchase it. Do you have a friend you could use who's your designer? Or do you want us to be one of the designers? We could, it could be Roy, it could be sweet Jesse. Or do you want somebody in your life?

If you guys could be the designers, that would be incredible. All right. So how much did, do you have any idea how much mom paid for this on? Facebook Marketplace. $50? $50. Are you willing to go sideways $50 on this?

Yeah. So say a dear friend of yours begged for this because she's a designer and... Do we want to say she offered $100 so you're giving her what she paid?

So there's no angle for her to be like I'm at a loss? Well, she paid $50, Gary. Yeah, but if you're split... I guess you give her all of it. What are you talking about? You're splitting with yourself, Garrett? No, I'm like, no, if I'm her, I'm like, hey, let's split it.

Right, but it's... Okay, you're right. So you did... I heard this thing about a CIA agent who said the tricks about lying. He was a spy. And they said, you got to keep your story simple. he said just keep it simple so designer friend sweet jesse 50 bucks we're even do we want to do a rehearsal i don't understand what i'm doing in this buying the thing you're the you're the designer friend i don't want

it the character jessie you're missing the point okay you're getting it and you're getting it and you're getting the dick slippers. I don't want any of it. I don't want any of it. You're missing the point. Your nickname is not, I don't want it, Jesse. It's sweet Jesse. Okay.

Sweet Jesse gets a mannequin and dick slippers. Okay. He's leaving. He's out of here. We just need your home address. Oh, my God. Steve Burr. Yes.

let's send it to Steve even though he knows by the way he would love it it's just going to be a paid in the butt to ship it I know it is it's the problem it's big it's expensive so here's what here's what I think page give her 50 bucks say sweet a guy you know

name sweet Jesse bought it he's a designer and be done with it and then follow up with us what she says what do you think of that should we have her run through this situation once just to make get the butterflies out. Do you want to do that Paige? Yeah, sure.

Garrett, do you want to be the mother-in-law? Sure. Don't say sure. It's killing me to not be the mother-in-law, so thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. I haven't acted at ages. Okay. All right, Paige. Three, two, Cardi go. Hey, Connie. I have some exciting news.

There's a designer named Sweet Jesse who saw a picture of that mannequin that you got me and he's super interested and he was willing to pay fifty dollars for it oh gosh what did you say i gave it to him i sold it to him i thought you'd be excited for the fifty dollars yeah there's a gift you're so right i'm so sorry By the way, even though you're now out of it. Even still, you're out of it. You're right.

You're right. Then you go, I'm so sorry, but here's the 50 bucks. And she's like, hey, you go like, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I feel terrible, but here's $50. And then you go, I'm really sorry. I thought you would have been into it. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm so sorry.

I really misread that. But you're 50 bucks. Yeah, sorry. 50 bucks. I think that's great. Look, I think, look, you get to the goddamn mannequin out of your house. That's what we're looking for. And then let's send the dick slippers to Steve.

Ah, there we go. There we go. What do you think of that? That's so perfect. That's perfect. All right. Let's have the dick slips. Everybody wins.

Yeah. I can't wait. I can't wait for the group text where Steve. Steve says, does, did you guys send me dick flippers? You know what I'm going to get on this one? I'm going to get Steve to get that to-do list, his PO box. Yeah. And then we're going to reach out to you with his PO box, and we will send him the dick slip.

And you know what's going to be, here's the side bet with Steve. And Paige, if you're uncomfortable about this, speak now or forever. Hold your peace. Okay. The side bet with Steve is going to be, did you smell him? did you try them on nope they're going to be too small but he's going to go a woman in the western suburb that mother of two sent me they were they used i'll go yeah then he'll go like jesus and then he'll get stoned and go like uh-oh do i wonder what those little piglets

smell i had a sniff he's eating the chocolate from another country can i sniff in the slippers can i say this this is what this is what's great get the P.O. Buck set up. And we tell him it's for chocolate, and sure, we'll be sending him some chocolate and stuff like that. But we can also be inundating his P.O. box with things like this, with our dick slippers, with our things that pop up on the show, with our stuffed lizards, with our, you know, novelty ships in a bottle, whatever it is. We'll just sort of turn Steve into the we're here to help Trash bin and his P.O. box. While he's expecting chocolate, he'll be getting dick slippers.

Did I put anything else in the box? Or should it just be like an anonymous dick slippers? It's up to you. Paige, we're going to say don't put more stuff in the box, but go for it. Any stuff you want to get rid of. Cool. All right, Paige. Keep us posted.

I will. Thank you. All right. Thanks. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Hi.

Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you? We're good. Things are good. Natalie just told me to put a cock on my wall. Oh, all right.

Can we get your name? Yeah, I'm Mark. Hi, Mark. Where are you calling from, Mark? I'm calling from Kansas City. Awesome. How old are you, Mark? 41.

Forty-one. Forty-one. Mark, what's going on? What can we help you with? Oh, boy. Okay. A few years ago, my family and I, so I'm married, we have two kids, we moved to a new neighborhood, and we didn't really know anyone in our neighborhood, so we were trying to come up with, like, a fun way to meet all of our neighbors. So we decided to host these big outdoor movie nights, and we went all out, like have a big projector, we bought like a movie-style popcorn machine, we have coolers of beer and, like, drinks for the kids.

all this stuff we picked the movies we picked the dates we made these flyers for them in fact we like put them on magnets so people could you know put them on their fridge and remember when the event was going to be so it was this whole thing it was the first night we had no idea if anyone was going to show up and it was like a huge success it was awesome we had neighbors from all over coming there was like you know over 20 people there kids met a bunch of friends. We got to socialize with their parents. It was awesome. We're looking at the setup and the posters and both look great. Yeah. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like a really fun thing that's kind of become a tradition in our house. We love doing it. But what has happened over the last

few years is like more and more often, parents are now just kind of like sending their kids up to movie night, but they're not coming to. And drop off. Yeah, it's becoming a drop-off, which kind of presents, like, two problems. One of them is not a huge deal, but the kind of the two issues that we're running into is, one, like, it does help to have some extra supervision because we've got kids ranged from, like, 14 to 3 running around. And then the second one that I think is probably more important is, like, the whole point of it is to just be social and hang out with our neighbors. and so we don't really see them a ton outside of this event.

And so, you know, it kind of stinks for my wife and I. We're like, well, shoot, part of this was for us to meet people in neighborhood too. So our question for you is, like, how can we encourage the parents in our neighborhood to continue to attend our movie nights? Yeah, it's kind of babysitting now. Go ahead. So this is a big thing with kid parties. and that is the no drop-off or drop-off.

Hmm. Sure. But it is, Gareth, it is a major shift. Do you have to say? Yes. You have to attend. Well, you don't know. You say, when your kids are young, there's no drop-off.

Yeah. If there's a pool party, that means on Saturday I'm going to a pool party. Yeah. So if there's a bounce house, you got two hours at a bounce house. And so then there becomes an age, you know, depending on the group, but around 7 to 10, where it starts saying drop-offs are okay, but you're also welcome. Well, now the invites are drop-off party, which means they don't want to host the grown-ups, which means they don't want to buy the beer and entertain.

They're throwing a kids party. So you're doing the opposite. mark so i would just write in bold no drop-offs so so it's funny so we we like this was kind of becoming a little bit of an issue at the toward the end of last summer like the last movie we hosted last year we had over 40 people in our backyard pretty great now and there were there were adults running around as well but like we were chatting we're like okay well you know how can we encourage you know more parents to stick around because i hear you like and we are all about the drop off party too like if we're doing a birthday party please drop them off i don't have to worry

about small talk any of that um so what we did this year when we passed out our magnets was we added a little like note to it and it was somewhat passive but we were like fun for all ages young and old we didn't want to say like hey get your butts to you to the party but obviously that was not like i think that was too mark i think it was too coded yeah i would say do you hear have, is everybody in the community part of an email thing, or is it just the advertisements up? It's really just, no, there's no, like, email chain or text chain or anything like that. Like, we have, we have phone numbers from a lot of the parents because, like, our kids are now great friends.

Like, they'll run down and they'll hang out with them. And, you know, like, their kids will come up and they'll hang out at our house all day. And we are totally cool with that. It really is just, we want to change the culture of this, like, one of them. Okay. And how old are the kids? so our children are like 10 and 12 okay um but again the age range of kids is is pretty wide like as old as 14 15 and as young as probably three and like we get the we get the you

could send a note that says no drop-offs come but we kind of we we're we're too subtle for that we want something fun like oh you know they hear it and they're like oh we want to go We don't feel like we're being forced to go. I get it. Why not throw in, why not throw in an R? Throw in an R. I mean, if, you know,

more adults will show up, yeah. So you can do a bunch of kid ones, but you can get, you throw an R in, that gets the parents out of the house. Then you can kind of tell them why you did, they get there, they show up.

Like some of them will be like, yeah, my kid can watch Terminator, whatever it is, you know, or whatever movie. movie it is, whatever you think, you know. But then there's like an age restriction or a PG-13, then they show up. When they're showing up, they have a couple beers, and you go, well, we wanted to do a more adult one just because it kind of just turned into like a babysitting service.

So we just want to make sure the parents are still kind of active in it because we want to keep doing it, but it's just a little difficult if only the kids show up. And you could kind of do it a little more on one, one on one after a couple of pops. Okay. I'm liking this. So, yeah, we, you know, we do like, like, Halloween-themed ones in the fall, and we have talked about when everyone gets older, we can kind of go beyond just Casper the Friendly Ghost, which is kind of where we're at right now. Oh, that's really.

So what movies are you showing, Mark? Oh, well, they're all kid movies, right? Like, the whole point was we want to make sure that families can show up. So we've really kept it to... Oh, you're doing Matilda, Super Mario Brothers. Homeward Bound. Isle of Dogs is a good one. Babe.

Oh, so you do once a month. Yeah, yeah. So we've done quite a few of these. Charlotte's web, yeah, chicken run. The theme this year is dogs. So we did like Homeward Bound, Tiled a dog. Boom. There we go.

That would mix it up for sure. I think Gareth might be right here. I think you got to go PG-13. Okay, so let me ask you this then. So we are often babysitters for each other, right? And so if one family is going on a date night, the other families are taking care of business. If all of the parents are out of the house

watching reservoir dogs, what do we do with all these munchkins? Well, I think that's why Jake's saying PG-13 is probably the right balance. I'm also a little confused with the problem, Mark. So you are friends with the other parents? They just don't want to come to this movie night? Yeah.

So our problem is when this started, we had a pretty good mix of like adults and children. Right. And over the years, like the last time we looked around, my wife, now there's like 20 kids running around and like her and I. And we're like, wow, we have just become like the neighborhood babysitters, you know, like date night trumps free beer. and so we wanted to get the parents coming back without them feeling like I don't like telling other adults what to do you know so

when we brought us up with friends they're like they're like well just tell them just say no drop off you're like yeah then I'm telling a parent what to do and I don't know hey Mark you ever consider they don't want to come to your house to watch a movie in the backyard well yeah so that we're like we're wondering if we offended them or something

This just isn't their jam. I wouldn't say offended, but I'll tell you this. I don't want to go to my neighbor's house on a Thursday night. I don't watch Casper the Friendly Ghost. Now, if my kids want to run around and have fun, great. I got to spend two hours in the kitchen. No, you're not in the kitchen, man. You're watching the movie.

But I don't, what if I don't want to watch the movie? Well, that's the, that's the question. How do I get you in my backyard? I respect it, Mark. So the real question is, how do we get moms and dads in your backyard? Because it's not the movie. How do I get you to come over? It's not, they don't want to watch.

No. When we're bound, they saw that 100 times. They've seen it 100 times. Also, they don't want to sit in the lawn chair, watch the thing. This sounds okay. But you guys all like each other. Yeah. So there could be a, you could do different activities where it's like kids are watching the movie.

And it's not going to be like, beer pong, but some version of a adult game or something happening that that community might like. Okay. I'm thinking here. Gareth, what are you thinking? I almost think, like, you could put together, this is, I mean, this might be stupid, but you could put together, like, a gift bag for adults and put on their free gift bag for

adults who attend. like something that is like a little bottle of wine a couple of things yeah that's so weird I know but I hear what he's on me today yeah but I hear what he's trying to figure out a way to get here's where I think

the rubber meets the road on this one Mark if you guys all in the neighborhood know each other and like each other and you babysit each other's kids and yours can run over there and, you know, others can run to your house and the parents have a system? Yeah.

Maybe the movie night isn't as much fun for everybody as it is for the kids. Maybe that's just a kid's night. I got one. So you could say to everyone, like, everyone pitch in and we'll get, like, two babysitters. Yeah, yeah. I think, I mean, that's, I think that is part of it,

is it is, it is certainly shifted to where, I think parents are like, okay, we've met the parents, we trust these people with our children. now we can just send our kids up. But, you know, like, you mentioned I with dogs. You know, West Anderson, that's not going to necessarily entertain like a four-year-old. So when you've got the four-year-old who's like, I want to go home, and you look around,

you're like, well, mom's not even here to take you home, you know? Which is crazy for you. It's crazy. What if you did that? What if you create an imaginary injury that happened to a kid and you just put on the poster, you just put on the poster due to, like, what? whatever, a child injury at the last event, parents must attend with their children. Wow. Okay.

I don't hate that, Mark. I also don't hate the do-do-a-misunderstanding slash misplaced child for 45 minutes. Yeah. And then right, like, only because it is night and there are 40 kids to two adults. if your kid is under nine years old, please attend with them. All are welcome. And then you could write like, we would love all the parents to come. But if you have a kid under nine or ten, we're asking you to please also attend. Okay. So like type that up and deliver it with the magnets the next round.

And make it very clear, all are welcome, but like 10 and under it's mandatory to have at least one adult with the kids. Okay. You know, it's funny you say that because we all go trick-or-treating as a neighborhood, and we did lose a kid for, like, 25 minutes last year. Right. No idea where you went. Happened to get a movie night. You don't want to get into specifics.

And don't forget in all this, Mark, what they're doing is pretty insane. So this is not, you're not asking a lot. You're putting on a whole event. You know, you're just being like, don't make me watch your kid. I don't think it's insane what they're doing. I think they're gaming the system a little bit. I think Mark might have built a system. that had gray area.

Yes, but now it's like... The idea you've got to change the system and say there's no gray area. Yeah, go to Mark's yard, hang out. It's perfect. Yeah, that's, it's a lot. It's just go watch the movie of Marks, and when you're done,

we'll pick you up when the movie's over. Have fun. I would put a disclaimer. Do you hand out all these movie posters door to door? Is that how this works? Yeah, so it's kind of like, it kind of sounds creepy.

We didn't know anyone when we moved here, and so we've printed a bunch of these up, and I kid you not, like, if we saw kids, like playing in the front yard, we're like, oh, kids are there. So that's how we got to know families. We're like, oh, you know, go deliver one of these up to their door. So we just walked around, and that's how we got to know the families in the neighborhood.

And how long ago did you do that? How long has it been going on? This is the third summer that we've been doing this. Oh, you've been there for three years now. We've done close to 20 movies. Yeah, yeah. I got one more. I like that one.

I think we're good with a disclaimer. Here's one more. You're saying you only went door-to-door with people with families. You know, you got these other places you haven't hit up where it's just people with no kids. Hit them up and tell them you do a movie night with three beer. Territ. No. How, Christ.

How real is that dead. I don't hate it, Gareth. I don't hate to give more eyes out there, right? You got a three-year-old without parents and a weird 50-year-old drunk. Well, we're fucking vetting a little bit. How? You're just going door-to-door going, dude, you want to go to my yard and watch a free movie with There's also kids without grownups.

I'm going to, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to knock on your door. And you're talking about all-roated movies. I'm going to knock on your door. All right, you're the weird 50-year-old in a bathrobe who clearly is high as shit. Okay. So I knock on your door. Answer.

I have flyers behind my back. Okay, first of all, the door stays closed at the begin. Yeah. Hey, how are you, neighbor? Can I, can you open your door for a second? What do you need? Never mind. I don't want that.

Okay, next house. Okay Hello Hey Is your door open It's closed Well can you open it Cracked

But I got the chain still up Yeah Oh never mind Sorry I think I got the wrong address What do you want? Nothing my guy What's one of those little magnets Uh huh

That I open the gate No I pull you in No Now you're in a world of her Oh my God Oh my God This is where all the lost boys

And girls From the village go Wait what so I think inviting random adults is a terrible idea personally I said I think we have it I truly I truly think it's bad I wanted to get it out there Mark seemed to like it so where are you at Mark well I liked it until the role playing maybe shed some more light on how bad Mark let's be honest he didn't create the easiest environment for a pitch

no but here's what I really feel Mark you know and I'm just got to be honest no I think what you've done is really great you've created a sense of community, which is really fun. You created an event for the kids all to hang. I think what is really happening is the other parents in this area don't have as much fun of these things and don't want to socialize at this event. But the kids are all going, can I go to the movie? And they're going like, yeah, I guess, just go. So if what you're saying is, I want all the parents to have fun at my party, we can't guarantee that. If you're saying, I want to keep doing this, the kids are really liking it.

I don't want to break the tradition, but I can't have a fucking three-year-old running around. That is fair. And that is just another flyer going around saying, if your kid's under 10, you've got to be with them. Or don't come to the movie night. But we can't get grown-ups to want to come to this party unless you're going to like, you know, do jello shots

and create a whole different thing. But that's not what you're looking to do. You've created a great event. It's a movie night, but it's just become a kid's movie night. How about this? This is what I would do. I would lose the 10-year-old thing because it's like it's not even about he wants the parents to come out. I would say parents must attend and maybe each time you do it, you have like a novelty drink, an adult beverage that is sort of like themed along with the movie a little bit.

So like a Casper white Russian or something like that. Something where you go. That's a fun idea. There's kind of a tie-in. You could do it in a way where it's not a huge deal. Mark likes to host. He likes the event. It's a way to maybe just entice him out a little bit more.

What do you think, Mark? Yeah, I mean, we love hosting get-togethers. That's no issue at all. So, yeah, maybe the next time we pass out our flyers, we could on the flyer include some different, like, drink options or something to just try to bribe them to come. I think you're right, Jake. It's hard to convince adults to have fun.

It is. To find the sweet spot. what I would do is do a combo I would be like parents have to attend and this week we're doing this because that way they're forced to go and they will have fun if you make it a little more

there's a little more novelty I think so let's do this what's the next big movie you're doing we're hosting a movie like in the beginning of August now those have already like all those magnets they've already been passed out

but then we always do like Halloween fall ones okay so let's worry about November we're going to pass out some more Okay, so let's worry about September, and let's pick a movie and a drink right now. Does that sound good? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, so give me...

Well, I can tell you the movie. Can I tell you what we think we're going to put on there? Yes. Because we're thinking E.T might be on the docket for an October movie. I love it. So E.T, obviously, you got Reese's pieces for the kids. What cocktail would work well with the Reese's pieces for adults? G&T.

Meagre. E T, G&T, G&T, gin and tonics? Yeah. Fine. Oh, okay. All right. So get your G&T while you watch E.T. We will have Reese's pieces for the little ones and GTs for the big ones.

I love it. That's on the flyer. Yeah, I got it. So then you just get a couple big bottles of gin, some tonic. So they go like, oh, fun. This is a great idea, Mark. because then they go oh fun you know what let's go why i guess mark's doing a gin and tonic thing we'll all have a couple of drinks it'll be fun we'll walk over but then you're not saying only

parents g and t for et et for the kids g and t for the the the adults for the kids et for the adults and then put a slash or bring or b y o b yeah yeah hey we got there we got there not there and you going to put those on the magnets? Will we either put it on the magnet or we sometimes put like a little note with the magnet you know when we pass it out? Then will you, when you make the thing and you make the note next and will you send it to us? Yeah, of course. And then will you follow up and we'll see if this thing worked.

But I think this is actually going to work. Yeah, I think so too. Actually, Garrett, my wife and I were going to go see you in Kansas City in September. So I'll just show you the picture. great bring all the kids from the neighborhood it's going to be fun yeah we'll bring 40 children that's a dream of mine to be 40 kids all their parents are hammered appreciate it mark all right buddy good luck let us know thank thank you appreciate it thanks bud sweet jesse here this next call is a follow-up to episode 119 the queen's off duty

Hello? Hi, how are you? Good, how are you? Good. This is Meredith from Washington, D.C. I'm a follow-up call. Meredith, can I congratulate you on just taking the reins? No banter, no chat.

Do you have somewhere to go? No, but I like it. I do, too. I think we need the callers to be bosses. I think you'll eat those words of everything. I will. Hey, Gareth, do you remember, Meredith? If so, what's your guess?

Ooh, Meredith, D.C. Mm-hmm. God, I don't. Do you? Meredith, can you give us a clue? I don't either. Will you go clue by clue and see if we can find it? Sure.

Thanks. So this is one of the few calls that Jake actually did not take the caller's side. And it involves animals. or replicas of. Jesus Christ, those are great clues. Now, okay, wait a minute. I didn't take the caller side. It's about animals and replicas.

I was calling from a different city, FYI. The city's not going to matter. Part of me thought it was going to be the dinosaur one, but that was the guy called for us. That's Rob. No, this is an aquatic animal. Oh, is this the swordfish? yes ding ding ding ding remember the guy wanted to put a swordfish on the wall

and she didn't want it is that right and then we decided to do like a swordfish bathroom we decided to theme it okay there it is walk us through what the original call was for any of these maniac listeners who have not gone back and listened to the back catalog and also sweet jesse always says where the original one was before but meredith what was the original call um yeah the original call was i was i was moving with my boyfriend in dc and he the only thing he wanted in the apartment was this nine-foot replica swordfish that his grandfather caught um and so we talked about it and we ended up on a compromise because we have two bathrooms and one bathroom is a guest bathroom, so we wanted to make that, like, nautical theme, and I wouldn't have to go in there

if I didn't have to. Cool. However... I had this... It sounded like the tense of this was strange. Before you go, Meredith, Gareth, what's your guess? I don't think they're together anymore. Meredith's good.

The swordfish ended it all. No, we are still together. However, we measured the bathroom wall, and the bathroom wall wasn't big enough to the fish. Respect to the fish is big. I already have a pitch on that, but go ahead. Cut the fish in half? No, length. Lengthwise.

That actually was brought up. Him wanting to cut it in half and hang one half from the ceiling, and I vetoed that. But we did end up. So remember I told you we have those long hallway? Of course. Yeah. So you can't actually like. see it from the kitchen, you can only, like, see it when you come in the front door.

So I compromised and allowed him to hang it on the wall when you come in the door. And that way, if I don't, you know, I don't have to see it if I don't leave the apartment. And if I do, I only see it, like, twice in the day. So that's been okay with me. And I actually, you guys want to see a picture? Yes. And we did find out that her name is Beth. I don't know where the name came from.

Oh, that's the whole wall, huh? Wowy, wow, wow, that is... Holy shit. I got to tell you what's crazy about that, Gareth and Meredith. Gareth. If you guys were a couple? If we were a couple, if it hadn't worked out. And if Jesse and I were, it would be sweet Jake.

I got to tell you what I like about this is that thing once existed in the sea. And it still does. That's crazy. That's crazy. crazy you imagine being an underwater explorer different life for me and coming across that son of a bitch back in the day jake custo you steve and eric on the boat with me steve just handing us like fresh tuna like boy that ain't gonna get fresher than this eric constantly trying to run the boat and me going it is the wrong direction

buddy we go north there's no wrong direction on the ocean brother. Okay, so Meredith, that's gorgeous, but it's not what I think. It's what you think. It's, so I have to tell you, I'm actually, she's really grown on me. And I've even, like, taken to, like, decorating her for holidays. So, like, right, yeah, right now she has, like, her Fourth July gear still on, but we did, like, we did, like, Christmas gear. We did.

What did you put on that girl for? Christmas? We did a Santa hat. And then we also put my boyfriend's Jewish, so we also put the menorah on the desk underneath. A Jewfish? A Jewish, yeah.

Hey, Gareth? I'm pushing. You can't say that. Jewfish, like Jewish, but with enough. Go ahead. You can't say that. I'm allowed to. No, no, no, no, no, no. Merida. You think so, but your boyfriend doesn't. Put a bunch of nonsense. George people can't laugh about that.

You know what I mean? I'm a 64th. That's great though. You guys, I have a different problem now. Holy shit. Wait, hold, but stop for a second, Meredith. First problem solved, yeah? Yeah, yeah.

I would say so. Ring the bell. For the people doing stats, which will be revealed soon, we have some real animals putting stats together. Morgan is running point on it, It's going to get interesting. That is definitely a victory. Perfect.

But now, Meredith, is this a real problem? It is because... Jake, do you want a guess? I have a guess. What's your guess? I think they now want to know what to do with that bathroom. I think they now want a new pitch on the style of the bathroom. Interesting.

Meredith, from D.C. What can we help you with today? That is not correct, but a good guess. So technically, Caleb failed to mention that this fish, is technically his brothers because he got it from his grandpa, but he couldn't fit it into his house. But now his brother has moved to like a real house in Virginia. They have lots of space and he wants it back.

And like I said, I've grown accustomed to seeing her every day when I, you know, walk in and out of the door. She's part of your family. It is, yeah. So Caleb's brother, what's his, let's get Caleb's brother's name? His name is Will. And what does Caleb think about Will take in Beth? He doesn't love the idea, but apparently he had made an agreement with him that we were

allowed to take the fish. If Will moved to any time, we would have to give it back. Fuck, Meredith. He signed a bad contract. I didn't. He did. I can't believe we've gone from your first call where you were like, I hate this fish to now you're like, I don't know what to do. I can't let go of her.

It's called love, Gareth. It is love. Yeah. That's what always happens. Do you ever been with a woman who wants you from the start? Nope. It's not how it works. We got to chase.

We are best, baby. We're chases, babe. They always say, we're the fishermen. Yeah, they always know, we're not the fishermen. We're the swordfish, baby. They go, I don't want you. You're too gross for my house. I'll put you in my bathroom.

And I go, I don't fit. And they'll put you in the hallway. And then they start dressing me up like a Jew fish. I won't. I can say it, my dad. Even though he didn't raise me, I could say it. It's in my blood. Lucky.

Thanks. Well, I don't know. I mean, that is a tough one. I mean, if he's asking for the fish back, the only thing you could do is come up with some, I mean, is this definitely happening? I think it is. He hasn't pressed on it too much,

but it has been mentioned a few times. Like, oh, when can we come over and get the fish? I have an idea. Okay, go. What if we made a audio recording from Beth's point of view asking to stay? Ooh. I like that I really like that

I like that And then we just send it to them cold And you say hey I hate to say this But I was hanging out with the swordfish And she's got something she wants to tell you I love it And then tell her Tell him

Beth has split personality And Gareth will both do it at the same time You want to I was going to pitch. You have a familiar voice. You could just do Beth as you and just do a plea as Beth. But I don't mind doing the both, obviously.

I love to work. I got one. Go. How quickly could you try to get Kat Reitman to come on? Oh, my God. Just see if she's available. Just hop on. One quick second.

We might have to, if she can hop on and just do the swordfish, because then it's a totally different voice. Oh, God. Anyway, Meredith, you think this swordfish is going to go? What do you think the stances? Where's everything? You know, it's a lot to come over to us.

And, like, I mean, that thing is on the wall secure, you know? Yeah. It also comes in two pieces. The thin comes out from the fish. Meredith, just because I wasn't on the call is the first call. Is this the actual fish, or this is a replica of the actual fish? That's the fish. Well, it's a replica of the fish.

It's the replica. Got it. Yeah. I mean, it's so cool. Oh, it's a replica of the fish. Does that change things? Get rid of it. No, I was just kidding.

I mean, we were kind of like talking about how great it is in the ocean. Meredith, honey, it's a piece of trash. I thought this was what that Jew grandfather was pulled out of the sea. Oh, right. I can say it. You can't. By the way, I'm happy it was a Jewish grandfather. I imagine Ernest Hemingway.

I didn't imagine a guy going like this. Jesus, it's deep over here. The waves are killing me. Oh, wait. Hold on. Hold on, Meredith. We might be winning. Cat, this is what it is. I have you on air for we're here to

help right now. Can you do something for us real quick? it's not by the way it's not good obviously um obviously not good okay i'm going to tell you the problem basically buckle up okay so so this is a follow-up call this woman meredith called and her original problem was that she didn't want her boyfriend's huge replica marlin in their house her grandpa caught it or his grandpa caught it yeah marlin like a big sword fish fish yeah so uh morning by the way. I hope you're well. Hi. Hi. So, so he, he puts, he wants to put this swordfish on the wall. Meredith's like, no.

So Jake and I pitch, hey, why don't you put it in the bathroom? They have two bathrooms and theme the guest bathroom like a nautical theme. Meredith likes that. They go back. The Marlon is too big. So they decide, welcome to the show. So they decide they're just going to put it kind of in the back hallway where guests can't really see it but you sometimes might see it but it's nicely it anyway they kind of start liking it marit kind of starts liking it she uh they start dressing it up for uh you know christmas and july fourth they're kind of they're having fun with it it's becoming enjoyable it's a jewish fish it's jake wants me to point out that it's a jewish fish again i'm not going to get into any of that right now but that's just what jake's i don't like it no no no katherine

you're you're live on air katherine katherine kather you're live and jewish by the way um so uh So, so offended. So then the guy's brother moves into a house and he can now fit the fish, the swordfish, and he wants it back. And now Meredith is like, well, I actually like the swordfish. So we've gone back and forth on a couple of things, but we think the best thing to do right now is to send the brother a voice note from the POV of the fish, who we've been calling Beth, and kind of pleading. to stay in the house with Meredith and Caleb. So we were wondering, would you be okay if we went straight to offer and offered you the role of Beth the Swordfish asking to remain in the house with Meredith and Caleb?

Okay, first of all, I'm extremely busy. Yeah, I know. Okay, great. Thank you. Thank you so much. I know you're busy. We all know you're busy. Okay.

So whenever you're ready, I'm sure you need a minute to sort of get, again, I can give you a light direction here. There you go. Free up the diaphragm. Can I warm up a little? Put her thing really close to Mike so we can for sure hear her. This fish beth is in Marlin. Again, she's living with Caleb and what was the woman?

Meredith. Meredith. And she loves the holidays and she's in the back hallway. Correct. And Caleb's brother is now requesting the fish. And Meredith and Caleb want to keep the fish. The brother's name is Will. And Will caught this, correct?

No. Will and Caleb's grandfather caught it, but it's also a replica. I don't know if that plays in any of this. Okay, well, she doesn't think that. She thinks she's the real deal. I agree. He is so right for this role. I'm a speaker with my husband, by the way, who think this whole situation is totally normal.

Hi, Phil. Hi, I agree. When you're ready, Gareth. I'm ready. Whenever you're ready, Catherine, no need to slate and no need to say that you'll shave or show your hands. You're fine. Whenever you're ready. All right. Catherine, Catherine, Kevin, 5'7, coming in about 125. Okay, first of all, I'm not going anywhere. All right. I know what I like. What I like is this back hallway.

Would I love to be in the kitchen? Sure, I'd love to be in the kitchen. I'm a fish. Fish like to be around other cuisine. do I like the heating instruments, the oven, the stove? I don't. I do not. But the back hallway suits me just fine. I'm not going anywhere. Okay. Do you know what they dress me up for Halloween? Do you know what they dress me up for Halloween? I was a whale. I was a whale. I was Moby Dick. And it was hilarious. And I made people laugh. Christmas time? Christmas time, I am Santa Marlon. Do we celebrate Hanukkah? No, even though, for the record, I'm a Jewish, fish. Now, I am not going anywhere. I'm staying where I am. And if I have to bite, I will.

It's great. Bravo. That's great. Can you do, just so we piece it together. Can you do one thing where you just say, so Will, do us all a favor in this house and let us be, or something like that, a direct plea towards the brother, who's requesting the fish back? You got it. So again, I'm not going anywhere. and will if i can even call you will you let us be perfect everyone's clapping katherine 10 out of 10 perfect unbelievable uh i'll see you at the premiere thank you bye phil thank you so much cat bye bye thank you incredible meredith what do you think we will cut just her stuff will you send it to him in a text so that we can hear you can get a screen grab of his

response? Absolutely yes. Or I can even go over they live close by so I can go over because I wanted to see their new house and I can play it in front of them and maybe get his reaction. Great. If you could film that reaction or get video or audio of the reaction that would be great. And

if it becomes a back and forth maybe we'll have Kat come on and talk to Will as Beth. Okay. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. continues. You're very welcome. Thank you.

You're welcome. Bye. Bye. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. This is Nick from Utah, giving a quick update on my second butt wax.

It went really well. The first one grew back pretty well. I read on the comments, a lot of the horror stories of what could happen with ingrown hairs and different things like that. I didn't have any of the, that fortunately so um did seem like it was grown back pretty quick though a lot quicker than i thought so

i was overdue for my next one but luckily i got it today so yeah it i mean it hurts a lot but it felt good it feels good now she put a little bit of icy hot down there afterwards which the first one did not do so that being said i did go to a new ascetician this time because the first one i went to no longer works at that company. I also learned that when she did my, the first one, when she did my buttwax, she was brand new. And yeah, now she's like either quit or fired or something like that. I don't know. But I wish I knew that she was brand new.

That would have freaked me out a little bit. I actually ended up going to an entirely new location, one that was closer to my work. And after I booked my appointment, my wife told me that this girl I went to. to high school with actually works at that location. So I was like, oh, shoot, like, what if it's, what if I get matched with a girl that I went to high school with? That would be, like, the worst thing in the world. So I was going to text them and say, hey, what's the name of the esthetician that's

waxing my butt? And my wife told me that that is probably the creepiest thing I could do. So I did not text them. And luckily, it was not the girl that I knew waxing my butt. So definitely dodged a bullet there. but the new girl that helped me was awesome she she walked me through the whole thing she was a little bit more aggressive and she kept saying oh this isn't going to hurt as bad as the first one and so she just kind of went for it she like you know didn't give me a countdown

didn't ask if it's if i'm ready or anything like that she just poured it on and ripped it off but yeah she was she was very helpful i i kind of talked to her briefly i didn't bring up my wife as much. I did mention, you know, my wife once or twice, just so she knew, just so she knew I wasn't a pervert. She did tell me that she does have other patients. She has like, she says she has like five other patients, five or six other patients. I come to her for the same issue. So I'm not alone in this. And it was honestly, it was very, it's very nice to know that I'm not the only one experiencing these issues. So she was very helpful. I went into it not knowing if I was going to ask her to be my esthetician the whole time or not. I know we had talked about that. I honestly was

like, I'm just going to see, you know, how the vibes are, see how it feels. Maybe I'll ask her, maybe I won't. But then she wrote down her name on a business card and was like, hey, if you're coming back every month, let me be your aesthetician every time. Like, I'd love to do this for you. So I thought that was awesome. So yeah, it was great. so I'll probably just plan on going back to her every single time. Overall, great experience. Esthetician was awesome. I think we've solved the problem of whether or not to go back to the same one every time.

So far it solves the main issue every time. So that's been helping a lot. I will say when I walked into the clinic, she kind of looked at me and she's like, are you just doing the crack? And I got to be honest. Like I, you know, it was hard for me to say, say, yeah, I'm just doing the crack because I know that my fellow backdoor boy, Gareth, he did the whole Brazilian.

So I'm like, man, can I truly call myself a backdoor boy if I'm not going to get a full Brazilian, if I'm just going to do the crack? So, you know, it's something I've been pondering. And I think next time I might need to go all the way in and just do the full Brazilian. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here To Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler.

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, who stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on Headgum called Next We Have.

Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't, because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge, Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The Do Boys play a game called Miller No One. Meal, and Steph Tollivan I go head to head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound.

The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should. But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next We Have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.