We're Here to Help - 198: Masterclass & Water Wubbie

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

Jake and Gareth share poker insights with the help of Jake's brother Dan. Then, the caller from Ep 196 "Mannequin for Dennehy" takes the guys' advice and runs with it. Plus, Steve Berg and Er...ic Edelstein pop by to help confront an emotional support water bottle.Join us for the 200th Episode LIVE recording on Patreon tonight, August 18th at 5:00pm Pacific / 8:00pm Eastern. We will be in the studio taking new calls and follow ups: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodThe We’re Here to Help Van and Jake’s brother, Dan, will be at the Maren Morris concert at Ravinia on August 22nd. Meet fellow listeners, make some real-world connections, and be part of our first-ever fan meetup. Use code GILSENTME for 20% off reserved Pavilion seats at ravinia.org. Terms apply.See caller images here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-198Want to call in? Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.PATREON: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a headgum podcast. I sent this to Natalie. This isn't an uh-oh. This is more. I was going to do it with you, me, Stephen Garrett, you, me, Stephen Eric. But it just made me laugh.
Starting point is 00:00:41 And then I was just going to send you for bits, but I thought we might as well do it in an intro. There's this guy on Instagram who does a thing on cameo. What are your thoughts on cameo to start? I think it's, look, it's a great way to make an income. I think sometimes I'm very puzzled by people who are on there.
Starting point is 00:01:04 And there's something strange about putting a price tag on your being to me that feels a bit forward. And there's something fake, humble about it of like, I'm just happy to do it to interact with the crowd for $65 in my living room where I'm going to do like 12 a day while I'm on vacation. I think it's a weird thing personally. Like, look, if you're making scratch and everyone's happy, cool. That's how I feel. It's funny to me. It's not for me, but I think we know people who are on it. God bless, you know, there you go. But also, I mean, it's a very funny thing.
Starting point is 00:01:40 It's like a concept that has entered our culture. Yes. That was not there. The idea of being able to write to an actor or an athlete and have them say stuff. Yeah. It's crazy. Still, to me, as a 47-year-old geyser, I'm like, this is madness. Now, the new generation is everyone's growing up,
Starting point is 00:01:58 in it, but it's madness. And maybe as a joke at some point, I, through a third-party friend, have gotten one from someone who a friend of mine doesn't like and send it to them. And like that sort of stuff is where you go. I was going to do for a while, it's really funny you say that. So my buddy, Dave Callahan, got some stuff from the challenge people. So they would be like, like, hey, bud, or whatever and have like a whole message, like the guy Josh from his porch giving like a funny message.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Yeah. I was going to do for self-reliance press and then I just forgot about it, but have somebody like a Tony Danza be like, hey, my best friend Jake Johnson just directed his movie. You got to see it and post it on my Instagram.
Starting point is 00:02:46 But there's a guy who does something really funny and Gareth, I'd like to show you the clip of it now and for everybody else that's just audio, but that's all that matters anyhow. But I think you specifically, will like this because it's a football player. Okay. But Natalie, will you just show the clip?
Starting point is 00:03:02 Sometimes we're on board of my cameos, and I just write the craziest prompt that I can think of. And this is one that I just sent to NFL Hall of Famer Ray Lewis. Hey, Ray, my coworker Kevin talks in a baby voice during meetings, like full baby talk while we're discussing serious stuff. The other day, he said he made a whittle mistakey-wakey on the spreadsheet. Hey, Kevin, check this out. This blessing comes from Jim.
Starting point is 00:03:28 And I'm telling you, all your coworkers got a problem. Because in me, you're talking with this baby voice, like full baby talk, while people discussing serious matters. I mean, just the other day, just think about it. I made a, I made a wooded, mistake you wake on on the spreadsheet. That's what that sounds. That's what that sounds like.
Starting point is 00:03:56 So what I'm telling you is, we got to change that immediately. So you're clear and understanding that we need volume, right? Presence, expression. Kevin, please don't make me have to come talk to you personally. Really fast. Natalie, we go to the front so we can give a shout out to the guy
Starting point is 00:04:26 who made this and this Instagram what his Instagram handle is? Yes. And then Garrett you have here it's so funny.
Starting point is 00:04:39 First of all, why Ray Lewis is on cameo? He's got $70 million. Like you could argue it's for charity but he has money to give to charity already
Starting point is 00:04:48 so I don't understand that at all. But the idea that Ray Lewis, because they have to approve it. Of course. They read it. So Ray Lewis saw this problem in his inbox. It was like, oh yeah. No, he just goes 150, approve. Approve. And he goes like that, 1500 bucks
Starting point is 00:05:05 in eight minutes. I love the idea of making them solve. Like Ray Lewis trying to tell a guy at work to stop using baby voice is a great scenario. It's a nearly perfect bit for me. Because Raylowe's has to be intense. We all know him as the defensive leader. And he's He is irritated by it. Yeah, and he's letting it, but he also gets it wrong. He thinks the problem is he's talking to quietly.
Starting point is 00:05:30 Yeah. He like skimmed it. But the fact that you got him to say, wiki or whatever, is so funny. I don't know. Well, Nat, what's his Instagram? It's the Jimmy Clifford. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:45 So just a little shout out to Jimmy. Great stuff. Really good usage of cameo. And I just wanted to share that with you. I was just going to do it via text, but I thought, why not just do it in an intro? Charlotte, got me, Charlotte Newhouse, a friend of ours, got me a Brett Favre one once.
Starting point is 00:06:06 And it was, this is a while ago. But it was like, it looked like he just walked out of a car wash. Like he was soaking wet. And he was like, like Ray Lewis, he was like, he was missing a couple facts. But he was like, and you got your cat, Jose. That's great for you. I hear you're a big Packer fan.
Starting point is 00:06:26 You got that tattoo. You're intense, man. And I was just like watching it. And I was like, Brett Farve just said Gareth, just talked about Jose. But why? Why? Why? Why?
Starting point is 00:06:38 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe it gives them something to do. I get if you're hard up and you need the money. God bless. Yeah. But you're putting yourself out there to someone's paying Ray Lewis to prank him and make
Starting point is 00:06:52 him say baby wink it's like ray for 150 bucks my guy Ray Lewis you getting I mean what does Ray Lewis do with 150 like I mean I guess he just lets it stack but I would have met like I showed you that check I had for six dollars
Starting point is 00:07:08 of 46 cents yeah Ray Lou that's like 150 dollars to Ray Lewis like two two cents I have an idea Gareth huh what if we took a little bit of we're here to help money and started in intros, figuring out what cameos we could try to get and make
Starting point is 00:07:26 and get them to say to play in our intros. I like that. Right? As like a little bit of a runner to figure out maybe people could email and ideas. I wonder if there's any... Like, I wonder what the deal is with like using it, like publishing it for quote unquote.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Don't matter? then what we should do is we should find we should you and I should just go through and pick two people each or something that we think are fucking great for that intro and let's just have the show pay for it and we'll get a couple of them to say we could I could say it could be from Gareth to Jake and it could be Tony Danza just like hey you know hey hey Jake this is Tony Gareth really wants you to listen to his podcast we're here to help you know we could also do Gareth we could just write like a 10 minute intro and one guy passes on the next. So if it's Tony Danza, at the end, he goes like, take it away, blank. And then the next person does it. And the last person goes like, without further ado. We could ask them all to end it with without further ado. Or we string them together. Somebody's like part one, part two, part two, part four. And we have all you and I aren't even in the intro. The first one is, the person goes like, and we are back with a killer Monday, folks, hey, this is your friend,
Starting point is 00:08:47 you know, Cato Calim, or whatever. We got a great Monday. I'm really excited for Monday. I talked to two people. One of them's got a problem with, like, wiping their butts. The other one has, like, too many bunnies in the backyard. And then we do a great follow. One of them wants to dig up, hey, man,
Starting point is 00:09:03 you should not dig up that grave that says Orville on it. And then it goes like, all right, next. And then they would be like, oh, man, I'm so mad. My partner's got curly hair. My partner is Mo. He's being so mean about it. Same old bits. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 00:09:18 I just want to say, I know you just lost, you lost, you lost Curly and Mo. I know they're gone and that's okay. I want to say like, I'm sorry for them, but there's a time it was for them to go. They will be missed. All right, P, let's pass it off to you. What we should do is, we should write that up, and then what we should do is you and I should pick two people each and not tell the other. Yes. And then we can, like, tee it up.
Starting point is 00:09:43 We can reveal who we each picked. Yeah, we each get a budget. Okay, yeah, so it's like Top Chef. It's like Top Chef. And then the audience can vote, who played Cameo Better? Same script. I like the idea that if we get, we each get to pick two, let's say we have to keep it under 300. Combined?
Starting point is 00:10:04 Combined. So you can go 290 and 10? Yeah. Great. But you have to do two. I think you have to do two. Okay. We tried, we write the script.
Starting point is 00:10:14 for them. We see if they could get as close as possible to, like, doing an intro and a toss. Okay. And then, okay, one person's your intro, one person's your finish. The audience will pick the winner. Okay. When do you want to start doing this? Right now, probably.
Starting point is 00:10:31 What does the winner get? Between either me or Gareth? Yeah, you got to put some something up for the other person, the loser. That's interesting. That's mean. Or you do just a prize. I think punishments better.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Different energies. Yeah. That's why they're married. They're giving one. They give a different spice to the kids. A devil angel. Two are the same. You know what we could do?
Starting point is 00:10:57 Let's get on Patreon and chew the fat a little bit. Okay. Because it's going to take a little processing, but for this intro alone, the seed has been planted. It might take a little bit to execute this way. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:09 Well, there we go. Everybody, enjoy the show. Enjoy the show without further ado. Join us on Patreon for the live 200th episode on Monday, August 18th at 5 p.m. Pacific time. Who doggie. And we were brought to you by Hungry Root. Look, come on. You know what's going.
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Starting point is 00:13:05 things you can offer to building it up my website is a square space website i love my website it could not be easier. You know that it's user-friendly if I'm using it, and it looks so professional, as well as the fact that we use square space all the time on this show to help corroborate some, you know, normally some nonsense. But don't forget about the suits and wig party that was thrown. We had them square space it up. We had a woman on the show who wanted to do something that she didn't want her boss to know about. So we created an entire fake chef website. I've sure that Squarespace is, you know, they are like happy to have you use their website for professional stuff, but we've used it for a couple of fibs. There's cutting edge design. It's got an
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Starting point is 00:14:38 And they're all sets of prices that make sense. I carry so much Quince stuff with me on the road. I wear it when I have to look good for podcasting, even though Jake will make fun of me for reinventing my look. Well, Quince has been a big part of that. Quince has closet staples you don't want to reach for over and over, like a cozy cashmere and cotton sweater for $50. They've got breathable flow-knit polos,
Starting point is 00:15:01 comfortable lightweight pants, truly stuff you can wear when you're just kind of chilling out or when you want to go look kind of nice for dinner, you're doing. I'm going to be honest now. I do wear some quince. I like their shirts a lot. I like the pants. They are high quality so I can wear them if I've got a work event, but they're also very comfortable. So quince has become a long sponsor of ours, and I'm a man who wears quince. It looks professional. It's easy. Feels good. It's comfortable. So keep it classic and cool with long-lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.com here to help for free shipping
Starting point is 00:15:34 on your order and 365-day returns. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash here-to-help to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash here to help. All right, Dan, you want to get us started? Sure, absolutely. They're on with us, brother.
Starting point is 00:15:58 Literal brother. For real. One dude you can say that, too. Everybody else is fake. I agree. And you've said that to me before when I've called a friend brother. You said, that's fake. I'm the only real one. It's true.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Watch your tone and watch your language. Okay. They're on. Start asking them questions. All right. Welcome to we're here to help. I am your third wheel today, Danny Jay, here with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds. Who are you, where you're from, and what are you calling about?
Starting point is 00:16:30 Hi, guys. Hi. My name is Nikki. 26. I'm from Brooklyn, New York, and I'm calling about, I need help with my poker game. I'll give you some context. Basically, I have been playing poker with a group of about eight to ten guys at like a different points depending on the game. Sometimes we'll be five, sometimes we'll be up to like ten. And they're all my boyfriends, friends, mostly friends from college and then friends we've made. and they're some big, big old personalities in this game. And as recently, it's gotten, well, I'll start by saying I was invited to play early on because I had a real interest in it.
Starting point is 00:17:18 They taught me and I learned quickly. And then I really freaking liked it. And I was doing really good. And so I kept inviting me back. I got in the poker chat. They play like once a month. But lately, I have been really, I've been really hitting long. and I think it's just because they've kind of upped the stakes a lot.
Starting point is 00:17:37 They play about like with like $50 buying games. They're always buying back in over and over and over again. People end up losing $400 or winning $400,000 and I'm, I am scared in the water. So I tend to either break even or I'll make a little bit of a profit, maybe like $50, or I'll lose them, nothing too crazy. My problem is that I'm playing this game for like six hours with these big scary dudes and i really want to make more of a of a profit i want to take more money home i'm not good at blessing i get chickened out people scare me out i've lost some really
Starting point is 00:18:13 great hands to just being too scared so i'm looking yeah i'm looking for some uh for some advice this is an interesting problem dann you've come to the right look nick you number one oh i know have come to the right. Okay, got you. First of all, turn your video off, bro. All right, I'm awesome. But keep going. Nikki, you may know the backstory.
Starting point is 00:18:39 I think you do, but you've come to the right place. Because one of us has played poker professionally for years. And that's, yeah, this is not like a casual with the dudes. True, kind of. One of us has played for a living for years. and that's Jake this guy nose poker
Starting point is 00:19:01 backwards and forwards and he's going to take you from the amateur player that you are to world series caliber player in the next five minutes Jake take it away that's an oversell
Starting point is 00:19:15 you did it on purpose you pinned me out Dan for me to lose and you treated me like you did at your bachelor party but I fell down and you shout me in the butt butt
Starting point is 00:19:23 guess what you're gonna rise like a phoenix from this one Don't doubt yourself. You got it. Nikki, Danny Jay, it's my brother, Dan, if you don't know that, but yet. Oh, yeah, that's great. I got the brothers.
Starting point is 00:19:37 I was calling for this reason. I knew you play. I do play. Gareth, do you play? I haven't in a long time. I used to play just house games, yeah. Yeah. What I will say to you right now, Nikki, is there's a scared money don't make money.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Yeah. And if the stakes are getting too scary and you're playing a little timid. they know that and you're turning into something that is referred to as an ATM. There are certain people who are invited to the games because they're exclusively ATMs. And are you sure you're not being ATMed? So that's a great question. I think, I don't think I'm an ATM because I think that one, I'm both, also now I'm not buying back in like crazy. Normally if I lose, I take my elves and I walk away.
Starting point is 00:20:24 I'm not trying to prove a point. I play reserved, and so I don't lose big hands, and I'm not giving that much more money to the table. My boyfriend, who is the guy who invited me to these kids, she's definitely, I think, a bit of an ATM. They definitely, they wheel them and deal them for sure. So I see it happening to other people. I also think we have, you know, there's one character who's like a literal joker, and he plays with such pure chaos that you can, I don't even know, understand what his gameplay is,
Starting point is 00:21:02 but it causes so much disruption to the entire game, so it doesn't also feel serious. Like he'll bump a bet, you know, from, I don't know, like $5 to like $30 and won, and then everyone feels the need to compete with him. So he's also kind of an ATM. I love it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah, he's, yeah, total agent of chaos. Yeah. So then, Nikki, just to be clear, because obviously our show isn't a poker tutorial show, but I'm not against talking poker. I'm just thinking about the audience. So what is this? Go ahead, DJ. Look, Danny Jay here.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Jake, quit underselling yourself. Stan, stop with this goofy routine. You have the knowledge that spells and the ability. You've already said phrases. All of us, our jaws dropped. Just ATM. Scared money, don't make money, ATMs. It's like you guys already are speaking a different language.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Bring us all along to the poker knowledge. Give her the advice to make her the player she wants to be. First of all, it's a high compliment. You're in an all-duits poker thing. That's great. That means you are ready to compete. Take their money. Jake's going to tell you how right now.
Starting point is 00:22:15 I can censor the question, too, if you need. So it's not just general poker. Yes. I'm really looking to, yeah, go like that. No, you go, Nikki. I was just saying I'm really trying to learn how to bluff or just be better at that. And also just like not let people chicken me out of the game. I get, you know, I got a, yeah, let's come.
Starting point is 00:22:40 All right. Here's my first piece of advice, Nikki. So of the eight people sitting around the table, you got the agent of chaos, correct? Yes. Then you've probably got a few people there who you believe. might be better than you? Oh, yeah. There's people, yeah, they're studying the stuff.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Okay, so there's a few people, and then there's a few people who you feel like are just also fine and might be ATMs, right? Yeah. Here's the first trick about poker. You're not necessarily playing the cards that you're getting, you're playing the table. Meaning, if you get Ace Jack and you're excited,
Starting point is 00:23:16 but it's against one of these people who are better than you, fuck the Ace Jack, don't play. but if it's against the aeos of chaos all of a sudden a seven ace feels pretty good because he could have anything so there are certain people at that table that at your level right now if you make a big bet and they call you or raise you get the fuck out of the way you don't want to get a ring with me but listen i don't want to if i'm a boxer and mike tyson's in the ring i don't care how much training I did. I'm not in there. You give me Buster Douglas' big ass. I might take my chances. Wow. So you're basically saying don't, don't push. If you've got it, hang in there,
Starting point is 00:24:01 but try to make more plays against the loose can. What I say with poker, what I do is when I first get to a table and I'm taking it seriously or I'm caring, is I study the table of who's good and who's bad. And the people I'm not sure of, I stay out of their way. The beauty of poker is when you're just at the antis and the blinds at the beginning, the money's so low. So even if you have like a pair of sevens, if it's me and that other person, I don't know how good they play yet.
Starting point is 00:24:29 I'm not looking to commit my chips against him. Now if I flop a set, sure. But if I don't, I don't want to get in a battle with them until I know what they're doing. If it's one of the ATMs, fuck a 2-9 feels good. I also wonder, like maybe it's time,
Starting point is 00:24:48 well, what do you? you think about something like this what if we what are you wearing to the game nick you just regular clothes because i'm going to pitch what you're talking about hold on this isn't what it's about you hold on god we she's one of the guys stop it danny jay don't you jump on his back danny jay jump it on it no garret that got weird and i think you should walk it back i'm going somewhere all right the pans on there's a little oil in it don't you say don't freak out don't freak out before i start putting some stuff in there nicky if he's out a line we apologize.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Nikki, I'm not asking about a low cut top. Let me go. All right, let them cook. You're not asking, okay. Well, it depends. I like, you know, I pull a fit. I bring fit every time for sure. I usually don't make it too, you know,
Starting point is 00:25:33 I'm playing with my boyfriend's friends, you know. I'm going to suggest we start wearing sunglasses at the game. I'm also going to suggest that we wear like some kind of hat at the game, too. I think we lean into like a little bit more of the character. that I used to see at the World Series of Poker, sometimes from clowns, hoodie, maybe an unlit cigar that you just sort of chomp on a little bit, stuff like that that shows that Nikki's reinvented herself
Starting point is 00:26:00 while she's been in the shadows talking to Jake hearing terms like ATM and Danny Jay, who surely jumped on me about the outfit question way too fast. Well, because I think you also changed your course, Gareth. I think you were going in one direction and now you're saying put sunglasses on. The whole idea. The whole idea is that you lean into this idea. a backpack with nothing in it, whatever it is. You heard 26-year-old lady and you think you're 26 and you said... I don't even have their age written down.
Starting point is 00:26:24 I don't even have her age written down. I'm the guy who doesn't have her age written down. Put it to the camera. Show it. Show it. Put it to the camera. What does it say? Just script.
Starting point is 00:26:34 It's literal scribbles. It's literal scribbles. It's not. It says Nikki 8 to 10 guys. B.F's friends. Nicky, 8 to 10 guys is what you are. Stop it. You both stop it right now.
Starting point is 00:26:45 You rat, you grease ball. Nikki, Gareth, we're here to help, just you and me talking here. So, um, not just you and me, you're creepy, you rat. Now, stop it. You are not with this show is about, you pervert. Stop it. So, Nikki, what I'm suggesting is. Suggesting?
Starting point is 00:27:07 Stop it. God, you said the word suggesting? Danny J. no. Get him, Danny. Stop it. Nat, call HR. You guys, she, I'm. We are HR.
Starting point is 00:27:17 Nat is HR. Matt's HR. I think if you reset your outfit a little bit, maybe there's something to that confidence. And it's also showing up being like, I'm done fucking around. I like that. That's good.
Starting point is 00:27:32 I do too. That's good. Here's another move, Nikki. I want you to bluff on one of the early hands. And if somebody calls you, I want you to fold but show the bluff and if you win, show the bluff and then don't bluff again.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Wow. That's great. But I need you at the beginning of the night to risk some chips. And if you're talking about a $50 buy and go, somebody goes like, you know, what are the blinds? One, two? Yeah. So it's like two, two, then somebody goes like six.
Starting point is 00:28:13 then you go like somebody goes like six somebody calls you go i fuck it i'm all in everybody folds you show a 10-5 and you go i know you guys didn't have anything this is so good i will say in that exact scenario people will go in with like they will they'll fight me out so i got you so you guys have a little bit of a blackjack game people will just call to move chips around yeah yeah but i think what you're saying is maybe i don't know the idea of just doing a bluff early where you show the cards to show. Guess what?
Starting point is 00:28:44 I also know crazy. Yes. And then from then on, you're only hanging in there with good hands. And then you act like you're being a little crazy, but you go,
Starting point is 00:28:53 we show that we're basically trying to paint you as an ATM. Mm-hmm. You know, what you could also do, pretend to be drunk. Ooh, yes, have drinks with no booze and pretend you get a little... There's a lot of alcohol flying around the party.
Starting point is 00:29:07 I've done that at a casino. Wow. Or when I was at a table alone, I pretended to be sloppier. Are you drinking at this, Nikki? I didn't last time. I wanted to see what a sober game is like. I like the fake drink.
Starting point is 00:29:19 I like the fake drink. If I'm you, I pretend to get really drunk. And then when you look at the hands, say things like, oh my God, I want to play this. I don't even know why. Wow. And then everybody go like, I'm just going to take all Nicky's money.
Starting point is 00:29:34 What am I doing? And then you're playing as tight as you've ever played. Yeah. But you're representing that you are a drunk. party girl who money doesn't even mean anything. I love it. I would do, I'd say two things. One, I'm an ATM
Starting point is 00:29:49 and now I recognize it. I'm also an agent of chaos and I recognize that. I would say if you never buy in again next game buy in again except $100 is the cost of tuition for this
Starting point is 00:30:04 exceptional master class in poker you just got for free from Jake who by the way, you should You should offer this class online, Jake. You can make a fortune. Dan's been trying to get me to do an acting class at a black box theater where I wear a turtleneck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:20 He's your friend. He's your brother and your brother. Yeah. Did you let it allow him to help you? It'd sell like hotcakes and you smoke one thin cigarette the whole class. Oh, like a Capri, like a Capri 120. That's it. An active disdain for every student.
Starting point is 00:30:35 But this one, online poker, $5,000 a class. class. There'd be 20 of them tomorrow. All right. Land the plane, brother. But I would say this. Do Jake's strategy, which is exceptional, but commit the entire night next time. Except you're going to lose 100 bucks. Have fun. You're wild. You're bluffing. You're sloppy. And then next time, you act the same way Jake suggested, but you're actually tight.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Exactly right. But Dan, I don't think she's got to lose a whole night. She's playing against amateur players. she just needs to lose a couple of hands early on or show because these experts who are studied in there are also not very good so then they'll go like Nikki's a loose player Nikki's drunk I will catch her later my patience will pay off you got it masterclass you got it masterclass yeah yeah everyone's like critiquing each other's moves afterwards always like a whole thing everyone thinks they're the best yeah yeah everybody's read the same poker books and tells people who's a good a bad player based off really basic moves. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Exactly. I would... So, Nikki, what are you going to do? We've given you some advice. Where are you at here, pal? This has been really, really helpful. I am definitely going to go with the sunglasses and the hat
Starting point is 00:31:53 and just kind of pull a different move. Though I do think that will contradict... I have to kind of choose one or the other because I don't know if that'll go with the drunken party girl. I will be honest. I feel like I've played enough with these guys that would be a little out of
Starting point is 00:32:07 character for me, but also maybe that would work. Like, you know, just one night, I just kind of let a little too loose and I get too sloppy. I'm a very conservative player and I think they know that and they know that about me for sure. Yeah. And so when you have a big hand, Nikki, everybody just folds because you're obvious.
Starting point is 00:32:24 You're what we call an ABC. You're an ABC player. Wow. So an ABC players, you know exactly what they're going to do. So all of a side when you go like, I re-raise. Everyone goes like, oh, of course you do because you have a flashy loser. And then you go like, oh, nobody called. It's like, no shit.
Starting point is 00:32:40 You're sitting there going, fold, fold, fold. Oh, I have a good hand. I'll end. Exactly. That's okay. After A comes B, after B comes C, then comes D. It's pretty obvious, honey. We learn the alphabet as children.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Yep. Yes, 100%. Okay, so I'm going to try the bluff early. That was something I was thinking about. But you got a show. You got a show. And then. Even if someone.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Like, even if I don't see it through. Yes, of course. Then when you fold, flip over your cards and go like this. I got caught. Masterclass. Show that you're a different player than you are. So all these little geeks who study Phil Ivy go like, got her. Mental note.
Starting point is 00:33:24 She's loose. Right. And then you tighten up. And then once every thinks of you as tight, then you loosen up. You're going to make so much money, Mickey. You're going to make a fortune. I'm so excited. I will let you guys know how it goes.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Actually, please do. Yes, I will. I will. And I hope I, I hope I, for you, for you, Jake. I hope I get it. The only thing I would add is, I think the part of Garrett's advice, which was solid and was actually not creepy, Garrett. So I guess I owe you an apology. Thank you, Danny.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Is that I do think you should wear a hat. It should be a, we're here to help hat. You can get it online there. I said it. done. Good work, Jesus Christ. The hat you should wear is the hat I'm wearing.
Starting point is 00:34:10 It says he knows where the hot dogs are. It's confusing. People are definitely going to be looking up more than they're going to be looking down. I don't even fully remember what this call was from. Is it the hot dog party? It's samples. I think. Oh, samples.
Starting point is 00:34:26 He knows where the hot dogs are. I think which is great. We don't even know the merch. I think you're going to win and also good luck Keep us posting Thank you very much I appreciate it guys Have a good one
Starting point is 00:34:44 All right Nicky Thank you for the call We'll just have it chaotic We'll just have it chaotic Hello Hi Hi welcome back Thank you I'm excited to talk to you guys
Starting point is 00:35:00 And we're excited to talk to you. We are excited to talk to you. But we don't know who you are or what this follow-up is. So will you please remind us your name and what your first call was? And then we'll get into the update. Sure. So my name's Paige. I'm from the Chicagoland suburbs.
Starting point is 00:35:16 And my first call was about my mother-in-law giving me some strange gifts. One of them was a mannequin. And the other one was the dick slippers. Yep. All right. I remember dick slippers. We just did this call. Yep.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Yeah. Meaning you sprung into action. But, Paige, you were also going to send the dick slippers told Stevie Berg. Yeah, and they should have arrived today. Oh, great. We're having a little Zoom chat with him in about 30 minutes. Awesome news. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Okay, I hope they got there. Me too. But Paige, this isn't about Steve. We could make every episode about Steve. It's not about Steve and his dick slippers. Are we doing that? No, that's not the show. No.
Starting point is 00:35:55 It could be. Very easily. Very easily. This is about you, Paige. So what was the advice we gave? What did you do? Where are we at now? So we have two big wins.
Starting point is 00:36:08 The advice on the mannequin was to pretend that a designer named Sweet Jesse paid for her. And so I did that. I told her that Sweet Jesse, the designer, saw the mannequin and wanted it for his store. And she... Did you remember that? Pitch, Gareth? I think it was mine and I don't think I did. That's an incredible fit. I don't remember. All right. So a designer named Sweet Jesse wanted the mannequin and wanted to buy it. Yes. And so I went with that. And then she
Starting point is 00:36:47 understandably had a lot of questions about who's sweet Jesse. Why did you see the mannequin? Like, whatever. Yeah. And so I kind of got a little. it stuck um but ultimately then ended up she wanted to see where her product was going to be so i had to set it up in front of this the store random store um oh my god oh my god page wow way to go good what you did way to go thank you wow page and she was happy she was proud can i say something to you page and to the audience of this show and when our show works the best
Starting point is 00:37:30 it's when you guys pull a page and that is taking a goofy pitch and making it the next level she went to a shop and now just karma and love a tarot reading metaphysical store with crystals incense
Starting point is 00:37:45 candles Steve Berg sage and rocks by the way I know Carmen love Eric and Steve traveling band if they weren't a jam band it would be karma and love Steve Karma and Eric Love
Starting point is 00:38:00 But the mannequins Outside in a dress and a little Summer hat in huge shades She looks at home Well what I also What I also really like is that you felt like You were kind of not You didn't have enough ammo to get
Starting point is 00:38:16 To feel like you were winning with the lie And so you went huge Because you see this and you go Oh this is true There's no BS here Also that's sweet Jesse Sweet Jessie's shop. Totally.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Sweet Jesse runs Carmen Love. Do you know anyone associated with the store, or did you just put a mannequin in front of a store and just pray? In real life, I do not. But according to my mother-in-law, there was like a friend of a friend and that we saw the mannequin. Page, Paige, you're getting better. Page, walk us through. Literally, you just put it in front of the store and took a photo? well we were trying my husband and I we were trying to see a store that wasn't open at the time
Starting point is 00:39:01 but we could just like ditch it and so and we set it up and then we saw that and it was closed and we were like wait this actually kind of works like given her outfit given it just the area of the store like it seemed like it would work since it was kind of early in the morning it was closed 10 out of 10 by the way you got us you got us we hey we're ringing the bell for you My arm's going to fall off. Never what I've thought. Put it in front of a closed store. I thought you knew the owner.
Starting point is 00:39:31 Yeah, I thought this was like kind of arranged in some way. This looks so legit. You know what we're going to do for this? It looks so legit. It's is. Let's do this really fast. Natalie, is the next caller here? The next caller is not coming in for another five minutes.
Starting point is 00:39:46 Okay. Paige, you want to just join us for the next call? Absolutely. Oh, I would love to. You've won that hard. This is the evolution you took of something. It's now, we're in the middle of season two.
Starting point is 00:40:00 The show's different now. Because now what we need to tell, ask callers is we can't solve all the problems. We just plant the seed. Yep. But then we need you guys to run wild. It's the Mike Tyson quote. I mean, it's everyone has a plan
Starting point is 00:40:15 until they get punched in the mouth. You got punched in the mouth, and then you found karma and love and abandoned a mannequin. But by the way, what a move. Amazing. But where did the mannequin go? Did you throw it out?
Starting point is 00:40:26 That's my question, yes. It wasn't your question. That was Natalie's question. Oh. That was you taking credit literally for Natalie's question. That's my point. No, that's my point. That's where the mannequin lived.
Starting point is 00:40:41 I don't know where she's gone. I'm assuming she's not there anymore. But you just left it and drove off. You abandoned the mannequin in front of Carmen Loves. Manikin orphaned. That's good karma. I don't know what that is, but I'll tell you what's awesome, is when the next person came to open karma and love and was like,
Starting point is 00:41:02 hmm, what's going on? They're into all this shit. You know what they took it as is a sign. Oh, for sure. They're like, oh, my God, brother. They're burning sage, right? I love that it's an Eric spin-off. Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Brother. When the student is ready, the mannequin will show up. This means everything. I'm taking her home. What a huge victory page. So when you showed your mother-in-law this picture, she just was like, oh, great, okay, all right. So what would you do, Gareth?
Starting point is 00:41:36 Yeah, he was excited. Of course. I mean, it looks really legit. So I think she just was kind of proud that her purchase was put to good use. And it fit right in at karma and love. And so, honestly, everybody's happy. And then dick slippers wise, do you even need to tell her what happened to the dick slippers? No, I didn't say anything.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Okay, yeah. I mean, you've got the headline here. Well, karma and love is going to love those things. He's going to be working it every day. Can't wait for Steve to walk by karma and love in his dick slippers. He'd be like, geez, this is insane. It's wild. What am I even doing?
Starting point is 00:42:14 I'm excited for him to get the package. I made it like care package style because I thought, like, what would pair well with slippers so I put in some some sleep or some face masks a note and then I found penis shaped pasta to go in there too so he's got a whole little
Starting point is 00:42:33 theme care package so you know what we're doing with old Stevie Berg on Patreon now just because Morgan who runs our Patreon Morgan Now is just running wild and having a lot of fun and I know you don't know this Gareth but we're starting a whole
Starting point is 00:42:49 Steve Berg is reviewing in products. And what they posted is PO box and you could send him anything. He's going to just review them. So he'll have to review the, he'll have to eat the pasta and then
Starting point is 00:43:04 go like, the shape of the penis is actually, it sucked up all the marineria in a special way. What's great is each one's like a little cup. Yeah. I never would have thought of it. My first instinct was yuck. My second instinct was yum. I don't love penis pasta.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Penis. You know what I'm interested in? Tell me if this is growth. Vagina pasta. As I say it, I hate it. How about butthole soup? I hate it, but I'm also intrigued. Is that crazy?
Starting point is 00:43:37 It could be a whole spinoff. Well, Paige, this is such a great outcome. But like Jake said, I mean, we merely threw seeds and soil. You watered, you cultivated, you tilled. The new term is, we need you to pull a page. Yeah, honestly. Pull a page. Above and beyond.
Starting point is 00:43:56 I appreciate that. I appreciate that. It was the idea of the sweet Jesse just really set it all into motion. Yeah, but I got to tell you, Paige, what you did here, which is very impressive, is you changed what a follow-up is. A follow-up for a while was just, did it work? And then they would go like, yes or no. Now it's, did it work? And what did you do?
Starting point is 00:44:17 How far did you run? How far did it? Because what I would love to hear. from follow-ups is this is where we started. Then I made some choices. You really made some. Welcome to the choices. It's so good.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Well, congratulations page, a huge success story. Huge. This is big. Thank you. And hopefully this my only worry is that this doesn't dissuade your mother-in-law from giving you things, but even if it does, we are always
Starting point is 00:44:46 our lines are always open for you if you want to spitball what to do with some of her bullshit. And also, Paige, stick around. You want to take a call with us? Yeah, yeah. You're definitely sticking around. I would love to, yeah. Great. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. While you're planning beach trips, BBQs, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.
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Starting point is 00:47:34 It is as good as it gets. I'm addicted to Kachava. Kachava's called me. It have been like, hey, you need to stop. And I'm like, hey, you need to stop. So there's a bit of friction there. But it's only because I love the product. So fuel your daily adventures with Kachava.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com. Code here to help for 15% off. Hey, Paige. Yeah, do it. You know how to do it, right? Oh, yeah. Take over.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Oh, amazing. Okay. Whenever you're ready, Paige, action. Hello, welcome to we're here to help. Hello, how's it going? Good, how are you? I'm doing well, I'm doing well. You know, I feel like I'll be even better after I get the help that I need here.
Starting point is 00:48:31 Absolutely. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from? Yeah, my name is Michael. I'm 30 years old, and I'm calling from Denver, Colorado. Incredible. What's going on? Also, Denver really fast page is where the hypothetical first live show is going to be. Jake is teasing it. A great town for a live show. I know it. And close to everybody.
Starting point is 00:48:57 Michael, you got myself, you got Gareth, and then you've got Paige, who's going to be a guest helper today. And Paige was, she had a problem. She did a follow-up, and she just changed the game in the follow-up where she evolved it. Crushed the follow-up so hard that she's sticking around to help you, Michael, because she knows what she's doing. I'm grateful. Michael, the floor is yours, sorry. So pretty much the problem that I'm like asking.
Starting point is 00:49:26 So I got into an argument with my sister recently because I have a water bottle that I bring around kind of like a liter-sized water bottle, like pretty normal. But I bring it around with me around to where, wherever I go usually like either around the house or like in the restaurant
Starting point is 00:49:48 and she is saying that the water bottle I bring around with me is an emotional support water bottle and interesting but interesting because I bring my water bottle into restaurants but that's just because I get like thirsty very frequently
Starting point is 00:50:04 and you know sometimes restaurants have like bad service and won't refill my water when I need it so you know I bring my water bottle just in case, you know, if I ever need, like, a sip of water. And, like, you know, I bring it around the house and stuff because I just feel like it's more convenient to use than just having an open glass next to, like, my laptop
Starting point is 00:50:24 and just having to, like, spill on it. It's, like, worst-case scenario. So I think it's just very much a... I just get thirsty pretty frequently and, you know, and just have a water bottle handy. But he is, like, convinced that it is, like, some underlying concepts where
Starting point is 00:50:44 you know I should go to therapy for this and like oh it's a crush for me. She thinks it's a wubby she's accusing you of having a water wubby. That's the right term. Yeah. You got a wubby, you got a binky. Yeah, you got a binky bottle. You're a little guy.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Question for you, Michael. Does the Wobby have like stickers on it? Because I think that matters. No, no stickers. It doesn't have like places you've traveled. It's just Yeah, some of my friends have those kinds of stickers on theirs, but no, mine is just for useful purposes. I agree with the line of questioning, Jake.
Starting point is 00:51:22 I think that's fair. The stickers on the water bottle is, look, it's a choice, and it's sometimes okay, but it's like sometimes when I get it, you kayaked. Well, it's an age thing. Yeah. You can have a bunch of mammoth, California, when you're 24. You're 47, it's like, I don't care what you've been. I can tell you've been a lot of places.
Starting point is 00:51:44 You're sniffing 50. Dudes sometimes try to age themselves down, and it's embarrassing. So, Michael, if you were to bottom line the question today, what would it be exactly? Well, pretty much, I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to explain to her that my water bottle isn't a crutch, and it's actually practical. But there could be a chance, like, do I actually have a problem? like I'd like to have outside perspectives because my family is convinced
Starting point is 00:52:12 that they're leaning on her side. They even are saying when I walk around with the bottle, they're like, oh no, he's hitting the bottle again. And they're like, please don't bring it in. Michael, where else do you bring this water bottle? Not just restaurants and around the house. Yeah, it's, I mean, I bring it around pretty much where I go like to the gym or hanging with friends.
Starting point is 00:52:33 And sometimes I do bring it into like bars or clubs. okay that's that no look michael it's getting a little weird page that let's page what are you thinking so far honestly I am with you I am currently sitting right next to my emotional support water bottle so there we go you know I also like to stay hydrated I bring it with me all the time so I feel like you have the right right person helping you out here I'm on your side but I also like that you call it what it is maybe Michael maybe we do something a little different. Maybe we lean in that it is an emotional support water bottle and you don't need therapy for it. You already have your therapy. It's the water bottle. There it is. And maybe we put a
Starting point is 00:53:18 sticker on it that says emotional support water bottle. It's like people can walk into a restaurant with a fucking bird. Well, maybe what we do is maybe we even go further and maybe you put like a little set of googly eyes, a mustache, and like a jaunty hat on the side of it. And maybe you even get like a sticker that says, Wobby on it or something like that. I'm Wobby. I'm Michael's Wobby. I'm Michael's Wubby. Michael's Wubby, and you just lean into it.
Starting point is 00:53:53 I will say, I love to have a water bottle with me. Taking it a new bar, taking it into a restaurant, that's kind of where I, that I would not do. Because it's a water bottle and not an emotion. support water bottle for you. Right. Like I love having a dog. I'm not bringing it into a fancy restaurant. Yeah, but I think that's true.
Starting point is 00:54:12 The other option, if I may, and then if I may, the other option is that you show your family that it's not this, and you show them that you don't need it. And when you go in somewhere, you heighten some moment of severe lightheaded dehydration because you actually do run so thirsty that you do need this. And as you're trying to placate them, it leads to some minor medical moment where you do need water quickly,
Starting point is 00:54:47 and that maybe shuts them up. Interesting. You know, like being some kind of medical problem. Like, oh, I need water. Yes, and you need water. Now, the downside is that, look, they're going to probably going to be a good, amount of eye rolling, but I'll tell you what they won't
Starting point is 00:55:05 do. If you're in a mall with them and you're like shopping for an hour or something... I get, I need water, die. And you're in like a store in the waiting room and you're going, water, water. And you need someone to go get you water. Garrath, you set a fire. And you go like,
Starting point is 00:55:21 oh my God, does anybody have a water bottle? And he uses his water to put it out. Yes. And please God, if only someone had water. And then everyone back away. And you just go. like, could everybody please chill out? I have water for a lot of reasons.
Starting point is 00:55:36 Don't worry, yeah. Water isn't just for drinking, fam. What if you went a different route? That's your page. What if you went to different route and just started buying like lots and lots of water bottles and had like an excessive collection of water bottles so that eventually they would be okay with just the one?
Starting point is 00:55:57 You could say, oh, fine, I'll get rid of some of these if I just keep the one. Okay. Like go to the extreme and then pull back. And they're like, wow, he's a changed man, even though we're doing the same thing. Exactly. Like it feels like you went on a journey. Or what if you did a water bottle of your sister's face?
Starting point is 00:56:19 Printed out like thicker. Yes, you could, I did it with my kids where we made, we made like water bottles with like them as babies and gave it to family members. You could go to one of these companies and have a water bottle with all pictures of your sister while she was growing up. And so it's just a collage of her. And then she goes like, get that out of here. You go, I'll get this out of here. But I'm going to have the other one and never comment on it. Or I bring this everywhere.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Well, I like that. Here's an alt on that. Get a camel pack. And that's that water backpack with the straw. And just start rocking that. And you do that for three weeks. They're going to miss the water bottle so much. That's when you bring that thing out,
Starting point is 00:57:03 Nobody's going to have... Those water packs turn us into gerbils and cages, man. They're nuts. They're nuts. They're nuts, but if you saw someone recreationally wearing one... If I saw a guy walking in a restaurant with a camel bag... And then you know what else you could do it? Like, when you're in the restaurant with your family,
Starting point is 00:57:22 you could ask them to refill the bag, the, like, pack at the table. Can you just lean forward? You lean forward, like, a weird... And you ask them to unzip it. Just can you screw it off a little and just pour some... of that in there. Cubs are great. And then you go still, not sparklings. I'll do tap.
Starting point is 00:57:40 I feel, I'm like, please fill up the water. I'm like, fill up the glass. And I'm like, oh, also this fill up me as well. Can you do it back? Yeah, Paige, what else you think in there, big killer? I don't know. I'm still thinking about the one where you say it's like emotional support. Maybe you get like a printout from like a fake therapist that says like why you need it.
Starting point is 00:58:02 And we got two doctors. Yeah. A nice disclaimer. We got the, we got literal doctors. What are you doing? Let it go. All right.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Let it go. So, Mike, we've given you a lot of shots on golf. Yeah. Which one is getting past that goalie with the cute gloves? I mean, this is great. This is all great ideas. I feel like buying like an excessive amount of water bottles is a little bit too much. It goes like the full gambit.
Starting point is 00:58:31 and then my family will probably think I really have a problem, even though they do. I think I really like the idea of getting like a sticker that just says, like, emotional support water bottle and leaning into it as like a fun little joke as well as like, no, but I'm actually bringing it with me. By the way, Mike, I also like that laugh for yours. Yeah. It was a little evil villain. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:57 Yeah. I mean, I mean, we might be enabling right now. But I think something like, look, at the end of the day, who gives a shit? Gives a shit. Even if it is. Who gives a shit? You want to have water around you? I don't think that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:59:11 You want to be a 50-year-old man or dress is like a 20-year-old. Who cares? It's crazy to do it, but who cares? Leave them alone. Leave them alone. Yeah, like, what? They want me to do something practical, like be addicted to heroin? No.
Starting point is 00:59:24 By the way, water is the fucking fountain of life. And so, Michael, let's finish with you, sir. Will you tell us? What are you going to do here? Well, I mean, I do like the idea of like finding that emotional support water bottle sticker. I would probably have to do some research of like, is there any kind of like printable sticker that has that that I could like. You can make your own real easy. You can get up printed online.
Starting point is 00:59:51 We have somebody who's been emailing us who does sticker design, Michael. I'll find it and forward you her info. Oh, yeah. That would really help. I'm totally done for that. I can't vouch for it. I just know she sent a lot of emails about making stickers for the show. That's a good, that's a vouch.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Let's make stickers for you. Yeah, with that she's like, I'm a sticker to then. I'm like, I don't. What are we going to do with a bunch of stickers? Here we go. Get ready. So I think it's just connected. The calling, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:18 We found our market. Yeah. I think you're our market. Yeah. Get ready to have some options. Every business has a customer. You just have to find him. Look, you got to find your whale, you know.
Starting point is 01:00:31 I'm the whale. I can hear the whale. You do love water. Okay, well, that sounds great. So we'll, Jake will link you up there. And then are you going to sort of make any big gesture with it? Or you'll just be carrying it around and let your family kind of piece it together? I mean, what do you guys think?
Starting point is 01:00:51 Do you think it would be better for me to, like, want them? Personally, I, well, Paige, what do you think? Maybe let's get your POV. I don't know. kind of going back and forth in my head. I think on one hand, just having it be subtle is totally fine, but then I'm also one for a grand gesture. And so I feel like you could always...
Starting point is 01:01:12 I think it's a grand dresser. Yeah, yeah. I go with just let it happen, but I think there's a pitch for both. I really do. I think it, and maybe it's different for people. Your sister, maybe you want to go a little bigger with it so that it really, you know,
Starting point is 01:01:27 it's kind of put it in your pipe and smoke it. But I also think it's a very easy thing to send a groupie to the family with a photo of it and say, hey, everybody, I've decided to lead into this. This is, what do we call it, Wobby Wob? Wobby Water. Wobby Wob. Let's connect it to our producer, Rob. He's Wobby Wob.
Starting point is 01:01:45 It's Wobby Wob. This is Wobby Rob. Wobby Rob. This is Wobby Rob. He's been helping me a lot. He makes me feel very safe in restaurants. He helps cure my issues. Please accept him.
Starting point is 01:02:01 How about if in the sticker, we could have a talk bubble that just says, I'm here for you, Michael. Or it also just says, thirsty? Thirsty? We could have a few. A few talk bubbles, like a keychain with catchphrases. But what are you thinking? You want to do an email to the group?
Starting point is 01:02:21 You want to do a text. You want to do a grand unraveling. You want to just rock it and see what happens? Well, I'm actually with my family right now. I'm visiting Colorado with my sister. So the whole family is here in one house. Get her on the phone. Or did we want him to just go into the room where they are and make this announcement?
Starting point is 01:02:42 Yes, you know what? That's a better idea. Will you, Gareth, you nailed it. Will you just go in there on speakerphone and make the announcement? Let him know. Do we want to rehearse this or should he just go in? What do you want, Michael? You want to rehearse it or just go live?
Starting point is 01:02:58 Well, is it that I'm telling them I'm going to get a. sticker or just saying like my water bottle is my emotional support water bottle name wobby rob i'm not getting rid of it ever i think i think go in and go hey listen i know you some of you have had concerns about me in this water bottle for a while and i think i finally come to terms with what i want to do bring stevie in too steve just popped in oh he's going to be in a sundress eric has not replied to my text this morning he's replied to steves he has because eric's a star in natalie I just want to make sure he knows that we're recording.
Starting point is 01:03:35 Steve, you're a little butt catcher who returns to text right away, not Eric. Yeah, of course I am. Are you just meeting me? Listen,
Starting point is 01:03:45 listen, you little butt kisser. Every teacher loved me, every parent loved me. We're in the middle of a call with Michael and Paige. Thank you. Everyone loves Steve.
Starting point is 01:03:55 Hello. Michael, will you tell Steve what your problem is and what you're about to do? sure yeah so Steve my my issue is that I'm having an argument with my sister because I have a water bottle that I take around with me pretty frequently and my sister is saying that it's a crutch and it's an emotional support water bottle and pretty much the solution that we came up with is that we're going to have a sticker that says emotional support water bottle and we're calling it Wabi Robb in name of the producer and we're uh maybe we'll have little stickers saying like thirsty or need a help baby thirsty i'm here for you michael i're here too i it's a pretty good compromise so the pitch we have
Starting point is 01:04:51 what we're basically on the precipice of high eric king we're in the middle of a call oh beautiful i won't say wait really quickly no say something steve will you tell eric what's this problem is yeah so our our man here great yeah he uh has he loves to carry a water bottle around like i do it as well but his uh sister likes to bust his chops about it being an emotional support water bottle and so the compromise it sounds like that he's going to put a sticker this is emotional support water bottle and maybe some other kind of like light ribbing is that that's this is that the gist well that's his big issue thanks eric Hey, Eric, you're coming in hot, gang.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Now, now, I'm coming in, I'm coming in medium. There's a lot going on in the world. I think we could, we could fight through this without calling people. Eric's got a, hey, Eric, let's mute Eric. Eric's got a, the mic of a pilot. He just became biff-wifted us. We did a call. Who cares?
Starting point is 01:05:50 I was like, so what do you think? So her dad calls her baby, and he goes, who cares? We were like, okay, that's hurting. I don't care I'm done you know that kind of emotionally hurt me I'm going to take a sip of my water bottle right now I don't blame so Michael is about
Starting point is 01:06:09 to walk in the other oh guys say how to page too what up page hello we're not going to tell pay oh you know what Steve you're getting a product from page in your PO box
Starting point is 01:06:21 yeah I'm going to go run run on down there oh that's exciting I haven't got a notice yet but I bet I'll go check it out since I get that notice We should probably have him open it on air with us. Yeah, Paige, you want to tell them what you're sending him? Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:35 Did I or should be a surprise? I would look, I mean, it looks like, keep it a surprise, Jackie Jay. Keep it a surprise? I think so, right? Okay, great, keep it a surprise. Okay, so Michael, will you do the Gareth pitch where you walk into the room? But Michael's in Denver with his whole family right now. Oh, the mile high city.
Starting point is 01:06:52 So he's going to walk into the room with his family and go ahead, Michael. Yeah, and pretty much, I would say something like, I know you've had concerns with my water bottle, but I'm going to, I found the solution. I'm going to get a sticker that says emotional support water bottle. And hopefully this will find the compromise between the problem in our house. Like, look, you're owning, you're owning the bit. Like, this is you winning, I think.
Starting point is 01:07:27 I mean, like, you're saying, like, yeah, make fun of me. It's an emotional support water bottle. I'm hydrated, and these things are a great weapon. And what are you mad about, Eric? I can tell you're pissed. I'm in no way, mad. I'm in full support. I'm just wondering if the first steps toward growth in this might be a trip to a therapist office
Starting point is 01:07:44 to get to larger issues between you and your sister and, you know, stuff like this. Like the water bottle is like a life. He's whiffing. He's whiffing. Yeah, I think the water bottle might be a microcosm for something bigger. It looks like the dragon showed up today. No, dragon's here to help. Dragon's here to help.
Starting point is 01:08:07 But I come in and here's three guys holding hands. I think sometimes you need just a wee bit of the tough love here of there's a lot going on the world today. If she's making fun of a water bottle, just say, I'm hydrated. When I'm 85, because I've been hydrating for so long, I hope you're still here with me. But if you're making fun of hydration, I don't know where you're at. Well, Michael, why don't you tell Eric where you bring the water bottle? I bring it around with me pretty frequently where I go. So, like, I do bring it into, like, restaurants or, you know,
Starting point is 01:08:36 I want to hang out with friends. He brings it to bars. Yeah. I would say bars and restaurants is questionable. I mean, I travel with mine. Like, it's in my backpack. Eric brings vegan cheese to restaurant, actually. That's true.
Starting point is 01:08:48 I don't do it. I keep it in my pocket. I keep it in my pocket and pull it out. Eric, you just, Eric, you did not. make things better just now. No, I just got busted bad, G.R. Bad, brother. Say it's in my pocket.
Starting point is 01:09:01 See, that's the problem with my life and my track record is there's nothing I can have a high ground on. Nothing in this world. And I'm at least aware of it, but like, yeah, I have vegan cheese. I bring my own sauce. I make Burgerville spread, if anyone's been to the great Northwest burger chain, in my pocket and dump it on stuff. So, but I do it discreetly because deep down I have real embarrassing.
Starting point is 01:09:24 of bringing my own stuff into a restaurant. And I had a slight thing with my sainted wife last week because she likes bushy coffee. And I have this new diner by us. I love, she's like, okay, well, I'll grab coffee at my place. I'm like, babe, I'd love it if we could power down and drink that coffee before we go into Delias. That'd be incredible.
Starting point is 01:09:43 Because I would be offended at her bringing in her bushy match lavender latte in a great place like Delia's on yours. First of all, I've never heard anyone pronounce a bushy. I think it's boozy, but. Buzzi is better. Yeah. Even my dyslexic guy knows that's weird.
Starting point is 01:09:59 I have a loved when I can say it properly. I have a, I have an official speech impediment and I'm nailing it. Well, there's not, you've been nailing it for about 50 years, brother.
Starting point is 01:10:10 There's no ass and boozy. Hey, Berg, pretend it's not busy. Pretend it's Sousa. Fiva. He yelled it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:19 I've been working with a speech pathologist. I hope that's true. If not. I wish it was. What do we, Berg, your voice is your,
Starting point is 01:10:28 is your fortune. It's gold. Guys, guys, guys, we're in a call with Michael. You started this, Jake. I know. Give it you, Michael. I'm here for you.
Starting point is 01:10:38 Give it to you. I think, well, I think what we're about to have him do, I think what we're about to have him do, is go in the other room, make the announcement. I wouldn't be afraid,
Starting point is 01:10:47 Michael, to say, I've heard the whispers. I know some of you talk. I am now leaning all the way in. this water bottle is officially for emotional support. I'm getting stickers made. That's it.
Starting point is 01:11:00 Anyone have any thoughts on this? And then when nobody does, because they're all like, Jesus, Michael's gone crazy. Just walk back out with us. Let's do it. I think that's good. And Michael, I mean, as a water bottle carrier myself, and I mean, I carry almost everywhere.
Starting point is 01:11:15 Bars and restaurants, you may just, I would say, do some soul searching on that. You know, I'd be a like you and me, Eric, we're kind of the same where I think you should also get a sticker for your cheese that you bring into it. You're not wrong. I wear
Starting point is 01:11:33 emotional support needs on my face, friend. All right, Michael. Take a deep breath. We're on speaker. Go in there. Do your thing, buddy. Oh, this is happening live. Yes. This is exciting. God, I can't believe him here. By the way, Jake, I've never seen you dress like this. You look like an MTV DJ. from 15 years ago. Stephen Holden.
Starting point is 01:11:57 He knows he does. Emily, I have an announcement to make. I know you've had concerns. I've heard the whispers about my emotional support water bottle,
Starting point is 01:12:11 but to sway those concerns, I'm leaning full in. I'm going to print out a little sticker that says emotional support water bottle and stick it on there and probably have a little comments saying how can I help or thirsty and I hope that you'll be able to you know we'll be able to find the compromise here yeah that was the suggestion they gave me
Starting point is 01:12:37 they're on the phone right now so they're hey guys I think it's on it I guess so they say at least it's on it I heard one I guess so first off Michael let's celebrate you clearly have a cool family that's supportive. But Michael, you might be the coolest member of the bunch. Yeah. Thanks. You know, at least some people appreciate me. Yes.
Starting point is 01:13:02 All right. Walk out of the room, Michael. Walk out of the room. Michael, keep us posted if there's any updates. We definitely want to see what the finished product looks like. And Paige, thank you for not only crushing your follow-up, but for being an assist on this as well. Well, thanks for including me.
Starting point is 01:13:20 This was a lot of fun. It just was a lot of fun. Thank you, Paige. Page, Michael. We love you. Have a nice weekend. We love you too. Have a good day.
Starting point is 01:13:33 We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're here to help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecky. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you standup on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for
Starting point is 01:14:16 entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. One, two, day. Hello, I'm Joe Mercosuraising. And I'm Russell Daniels. And we're the co-hosts of The Downside.
Starting point is 01:14:40 Now on Headgum, we are a safe place to complain, be negative, Kvetch. We don't like toxic positivity. No. Because it's toxic. We're not going to sit there going, hey, Hey, look on the bright side. Enough on the bright side. That's all anyone's talking about these days, the fucking bright side.
Starting point is 01:14:58 So tune in to some of your favorite comedians, some celebrities. Like Caleb Huron, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Alana Glazer, Busy Phillips, and Dan Soder. We let them come on and we let them share what shitty about their life. We look at the things that seem nice on the surface and we go, why is it shitty underneath? It's a fun time, but it's a place you're going to listen and go, oh, thank God I'm not any of those three. people on that show right now. Yeah. I feel better about my life. So please subscribe to us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, PocketCass, or watch us on YouTube. New episodes every Tuesday. This is the downside.

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