We're Here to Help - 20: We Blew It with Lamorne Morris

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Lamorne Morris help a caller with an important wedding speech.  Check out our We’re Here to Help hats at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All jokes aside, can we start, even if we don't do it this time, can we start playing the intro to get us into it? I know the other one was a bit, but it did feel nice to hear it. Oh, yeah. Sometimes it starts, even with the 3, 2, 1, this starts kind of just go like, hello. Is there a way we could kind of hear it? And then whenever we feel like starting it over it,

even if you fade down a little bit, whatever, it works. Yep. But I would love to, if this works. This better not be a fucking way to just play another intro where someone's calling me fat or... You're listening to We're Here to Help,

America's favorite podcast, hosted by Jake Johnson and sweet Ginger Baby, who lives with his mommy you know you just you are a good actor i know that you sometimes downplay that because you really lulled me into that one it's just just more BS. It's another trick. It's not the point of the show, Jake, before you speak. It's not to just trick me. I agreed. We're here to help. We're not here to hurt.

We're not here to hurt. I don't know how this is helping. And I didn't live with my mommy. I was staying with her. Garrett. Don't you suddenly tell me. Can I talk? Dustin Rubin sent us the first one, and then we thanked him, and then he sent it this one.

That doesn't mean that what are you? You're not. That is contextualization. That's not rationalization. It's funny. Sweet ginger baby who lives with his mommy. First of all, it'd be mummy. But we're not going to get hung up on that because this is not a show

about how the intro should not be used to uh to uh prank the other host but i will say we have a great episode we have a great episode beyond what just happened of the show lamorne morris comes back and this is as your term would say a banger it's a banger this is a banger we normally have a couple calls and every now and then we don't need them this is one of those where we don't need it this is one call

one thing and actually Jake since we're having a little bit of a diversion on the intro yes Kevin if we could actually just because we do know that this is going to be a new girl episode i'm on new girl you're on new girl max greenfield who recently joined us of course uh and lamar zoe who's been on the show who's coming on but

but if we could just play this this was a clip we found on tiktok i mean we used to do table reads for new girl and i mean i i'll tell the story jake will probably get mad at me but jake and i was jake jake plays would play nick on the show so jake just wanted to point out that that it it disrespect doesn't feel great does it you're right and see that is when max was on a morning show and he's talking about a new girl story and he says j Jake shorthand. And instead of just rolling with it, as any host should. Who's Jake?

Hey, Dustin, Dustin, don't be inspired by who's Jake. Dustin, be inspired. And that's how Brian feels a lot on this show. So this is our weirdest intro. But let's just let's just get into the lamorne call uh from gareth whoever this other guy is the rest of us we thank you for sharing we thank you for everything and enjoy an epic ride hi hi there how are you welcome to the podcast uh we are gonna help you whether you like it or not can we just start by getting your name real or fake

your age roughly and where you're calling from specifically so I'm Nicole I'm 29 and I'm from San Diego but my husband and I are actually on our way to moving to Boise today so we're kind of over right now

I had a weird year in Boise that's So we're kind of over at it right now. I lived there for a while. I had a weird year in Boise. That's another podcast. Okay, great, Nicole. Weird year in Boise from Gareth Reynolds. Yeah. All the way, I'm in. Are you? Because I feel like it's not going to do great.

I'm excited about weird year in Boise. As you know, it was pretty weird. All right, Nicole. So what can we help you with today? Yeah. So this weekend on Saturday, my little sister is getting married. And my older sister and I are the maid of honors. And we've been the maid of honors for all of our weddings, like both of us, both sisters and everything.

And we're kind of getting a little stumped on what we should do for speech. Kind of getting a little stumped on what we should do for speech, because our speeches for each other have been pretty creative, but we don't want to do the same thing. Like for my older sister's wedding, my little sister and I did like a song parody. And then for my wedding. Can we just ask what what parody song you did? Oh, yeah. It was part of your world from The Little little mermaid nicole can we hear a little bit about it just a taste oh gosh we want to see all the people right now we want to see them on the dance floor i can't remember the words oh my gosh all right that was something

we got a taste of it we got a sense of it i'll be honest i think it's a pretty low bar if i'm being totally yeah so i you. So I think we can beat this. So then for my wedding, you know, they started to play music. They asked the DJ to play music. So I thought they were going to do a song parody. And then they had a record scratch kind of. And they're like, no, we're not going to be doing that because Nicole's the creative one. So I do feel like there is a little bit of pressure. What did they do after the record scratch instead? Oh, they just did like a regular, you know, just a speech and, you know,

saying how like, you know, stuff about me and stuff. Interesting set up a punch. I'm not going to lie. They were probably great at the event. For Jake and I, I mean, we feel pretty good about being able to beat this. I kind of agree, Gar beat this i kind of agree i kind of agree so just to kind of get where we're at your sisters did uh you guys did a song parody of little mermaid it worked pretty well uh your other sisters for you did a record scratch and then just a traditional speech is that correct yeah and so right now we kind of have an idea like kind of doing like a bit

so like we want to i don't know if you've watched the office or anything but there's this one scene at phyllis's wedding where michael scott would intro like four different wedding speeches and so we were thinking of like kind of bickering being like, Oh, no, this should be the intro of the speech, or this should be the intro, like, and then just being like, you know, we're actually just really bad at speeches. So let's bring out like, here's a video of someone helping us out. And kind of like the tag piece of it would be trying to find like a celebrity that they like so i know that they have cameo where you can pay an actor to you know make a little video um unfortunately though when we're trying to get information from her and her fiance the characters that they really liked weren't on cameo

so now we're kind of stumped and we just we don't know if that like would be like a good bit like i was trying to intro stuff like that and then like bringing in someone else to kind of close the speech but i'm just we're not sure if that's gonna land i i like that i think uh i i think there's something to that the Who are the characters they like? That's a good question. So they're big fans of New Girl and Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office. It's so interesting because we have two people who New Girl, Brian and Nick are on the G-damn call right now.

Go ahead, Nick. So the idea that you were thinking, Nicole, was that maybe you would set up something where you're trying to do the speech. It's not working. You're introducing others. Hopefully you're getting mom and dad and some uncles and aunts to laugh at this bit. And then at a certain point, you want to go, you know what, here's the real speech. And you would play a video that you would have a cameo of somebody from new girl or brooklyn 99 or the office kind of come on and say what to your sister um just like a congratulations and then like a piece of like marital advice and it could be yeah so just anything that they would think is you know and then what's funny but also. Nicole, what's your sister's name? And the husband.

Her name is Natalie. Natalie. And then my, well, my future brother-in-law, his name is Jeremy. Jeremy. You know what I think we're going to do, Nicole? You think we can do this? Yes. We're going to, what do you say we do the video right now for Natalie and Jeremy?

And maybe you'll be a part of it too, but we have a real surprise guest that our producer put together on this one. We would like to add another person to the call. The great Mr. Lamorne Morris. Oh my God. There we go.

Oh man. You can't see this, but Lamorne is laying on his side in some sort of a cab. What y'all niggas talking about? So, Lamorne, here's where we're at. We're about to make a wedding speech. Good morning, Jake. First and foremost, I just want to say good morning, everybody.

Yeah, good morning. Good morning, man. Thank you for joining us. How y'all sleep? Good. Good. Been up for a while, good morning. Good morning, man. Thank you for joining us. How y'all sleep? Good. Good. Been up for a while, but good. What time is it?

It's definitely like wake-up time. Close to. Oh, damn. Just a true idiot. Where did you get that for your head? Give me my OVO durag. Drake gave it to me. Drake gave me this.

Oh, wow. Are you talking to me. Drake gave me this. Oh, incredible. Are you talking about this Brown Lightning shirt? Yeah. That's available now? Oh. Wow. I was talking about these. We're here to help hats that are available now.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. My bad. Who on the phone? Nicole, will you introduce yourself and say a little something to lamorne morris so i'm nicole and i this is awesome oh my gosh i can't believe that you're here uh because what's really funny is that my brother my future brother-in-law is also a cop so very nice very nice okay that's something we could kind of chime in. And what does Natalie do for work?

The thing is, so she's like super smart and everything. And I don't really know what her job title is. I think she's like an environmental biologist. She goes out in the field and tells people which plants and stuff are endangered. But also she takes pictures of islands and dots birds and tell me this what are what are a few things you like about natalie and jeremy what is the family like about this pairing um i well we really like i mean i don't know they seem very well like linked together like they make sense um they both are serious but also kind of match each other's

silliness level in a way and well so their wedding is also going to be in a church so they both like met where they met was at like fca meeting um what did they meet at the christian fellow christian athletes meeting in college so Did you just give us an acronym and think that these three individuals would know what that meant? But then also she didn't know it. Yeah, that she's like, you know, it's where Christian athletes go to mingle. No, it's like a draft for Christian athletes. Okay, so they're both athletes. They're kind of serious and they're a little bit silly.

He's a cop. Yes. Like a detective where he wear a uniform does he get to like do the gang unit because i'll take this do-rag off he wears a uniform i know he has a police dog that he just got and his dog the dog's name is yes axel act of course all kind are named Axel since the 80s. Well, what's funny is his favorite movie is Rush Hour, and I guess he tried to rename the dog Carter, and they're like, you can't do that. You mean Rush Hour with Jackie Chan? Yes. Hey, Kevin, bring him on. You're not going to believe this.

Jackie Chan, come on on. He's in the bathtub. Yeah, his reception shit, he's in the bathtub. Yeah, his reception shit. He's in the bathtub. He just texted us. We're going to go with just us. Sorry. Okay, so I will say this now to Lamorne and Gareth.

Do we feel like we need more or are we ready? Because we're going to send them this video and hopefully they're going to play it at their wedding. And I will say, it's a big deal, guys. It's their wedding. It's the closer, too. So this is like you're going to have given your speech, and then you're going to bring us in for the closer, basically.

Right, Nicole? 100%. Okay. So do we need more info? What she said before you got on, Lamorne, was, you know, just congratulate them, then a little bit of advice we could go around and give about marriage is there anything we need besides them or shall we give me a key give me a key i might break into song i don't know if i'm going

to but if i get a key from her something that symbolizes your family that's as weird of a question as you could have it's a great question a above middle c i mean how you want to do it nicole do you have a range for the more um i don't okay what i like about that question is we've already they've done music but this is a nice this is a nice meeting of uh little mermaid uh you got to sing lamorne a little bit of that song parody so he knows the Little Mermaid. I know. I want to be where the people are. Okay, so I do remember a little bit of it. So what we were singing, part of it,

we want to be on the dance floor right now. We want to see everyone dancing dancing along to that what's that song again oh yeah electric slide okay okay listen i again i like our chance this is a good closure so um you feel you guys feel good should we just how do you what jake just rehearsal do you wanna i think we gotta just shoot live we're doing it live all right don't you think o'reilly it let's o'reilly what do you think yeah let's go okay so then on this video to start uh nicole how are you gonna intro it um so literally so after we're done like my older sister and i are done bickering we're gonna be like you know what we're just really bad at speeches.

So we brought in some people to help us with this speech. OK. And Nicole, just so I know what I'm working with, people probably aren't going to freak out when they see me. Right. It's probably just so. Security Guard Bryant. All right. That's all I need to say.

Let's go. Let's go. Hey, Gareth, don't forget who you are, my king. I directed you. I know what you're capable of. Talk about a pep talk. I will say, Lamorne, you're getting, and I've

known you for a lot of years right now, you're getting dangerously close to your Denzel impression. I have no idea what you're talking about. It started early with your okay okay and it might be the do-rag it might yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this is chess not checkers you understand what i'm telling you once i saw that on your head i was like i know how this is gonna start we're gonna say natalie and jeremy congrats. And I'm going to hear, okay, okay, okay.

All right, so we got us. We're going to see what we can do. Natalie and Jeremy. Natalie and Jeremy from your sister, Nicole. And what's the other sister's name? Nancy. Nancy. Don't think we didn't pick up on what's going on here with these names, okay?

They're all girl names they're all names thank you very much what's really sad gareth is when you said don't say we haven't picked this up i had to look at my notes because i had not picked it up it was a crossword puzzle that got on top of me i was like nicole nancy beautiful mind, beautiful Natalie. Yeah, right. We're at your mind palace. And Lauren said all girls' names. And I was like, all girls' names. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yes.

Victory. All right, let's do this. Three, two, one. Congratulations. Way to go. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. We are fired up for Natalie and Jeremy. How about a round of applause from everybody here?

Everybody here. Natalie, who digs in the soil and takes pictures of islands, and Jeremy, the cop, who's got a dog named Axel. You took all the info, you little snake. We just want to say that your sister, Nicole, asked us to come on and say a little something because for her wedding, when you guys did the record scratch and then just talk, she just didn't think it was enough. Am I right or wrong, Lamar? Absolutely right.

You know, she tried some things. She wanted some things to run past us. One of her ideas was she was going to run in and say, what up, my N-words? Like Natalie, Nicole, Nancy. But she was like, guys, is that a good idea? I asked my do-rag and it said, nah. So I want to apologize to Natalie and Jeremy and the entire family. We want to say congratulations.

Yes. Three stars of New Girl. We know you're a fan of our show. There's three? That's right. And all three of us here probably starstruck. Everybody's a little starstruck. And then last, we want to go around and we want to each offer one piece of advice to the newlyweds,

the couple that everybody in the family is excited about. Jeremy, this side of the family likes you a lot. Nicole made that very clear. So Garfman, you want to start? How about some marital advice to the new couple on day one of their married life? Listen, I'm in my 40s and I have a cat. That's the level of commitment I have, so I can't offer up much. But in my relationships, I've noticed that saying you're sorry when you don't mean it seems to go a long way. So don't be afraid to just toss out a sorry every now and then. Just seems to work again. Litter is my main issue. Mr. Lamorne Morris, anything.

Mr. Lamorne Morris, anything. Now, I've been married, I want to say, 10 times. All successful marriages. And the one thing that I learned that you got to do to keep that thing spicy in the bedroom is don't brush your teeth. So if you don't brush your teeth, you know what a real love is. If they're willing to go mouth to mouth with you with them dirty ass teeth, then, you know, you got yourself a winner. You'll stay together forever. And last, I would like to say the old saying is don't go to bed angry. I think that's incorrect. I think it is OK to go to bed angry sometimes. Don't take it out on each other. So if you need to, Jeremy, sleep on the couch for a couple of nights. But it's

all right. Go to bed early early start over fresh in the morning when the tequila has gone down and you've sobered up you don't have to resolve everything right away or sleep at a hotel or sleep in a hotel and before we go we've got a special guest if everybody could close their eyes for a moment mr denzel washington do you mind you mind taking us out with a couple of lines before we let these people enjoy their lives together? Ha, ha, ha. Natalie and Jeremy, it's important that you listen to these following words, okay? You must, and I repeat, you must stay together, no matter the weather, no matter the color of the sweater, because sometimes you might not like what he's putting on. OK, he goes outside and he embarrasses you. But you, too, you, too, can be an embarrassment.

So stay in embarrassment with each other. No matter the summer, even if the temperature is above 101. You must find the fun. Find the sun. I repeat, find the sun. You have to. I love you. We all love you guys. Have a great life together. Under the sea. Nicole, how was that? They're not going to last.

I wasn't sure if it was still recording or not. No, that was great. Thank you so much. All right, let's record one and get it. Nicole, do you think you're going to play that at the wedding? You can be honest. I'll have to run it by my older sister, Nancy. We got to agree on it.

What do you feel? What do you feel? I think so. How do you think it's going to go over with your group? That's a good question. Can I be honest? Your ambivalence is troubling. I got to tell you, we've all been in the business for a while. And when you're not getting picked up to series or you're not getting a green light, it's tough.

I did not think the wedding was going to pass on our pilot. Well, we're getting to the bottom of it, Nicole. So what are you feeling? Where are you? Just beep out the swear words. What are you feeling? This is a church group, right? They're athletes.

Yes, they're getting married in a church. And we do have older family members that are going to be at the wedding. Okay. So how about this? Let's try a second option. We are here to help, guys. I'm going to tell you this. I missed the church part. Gareth Lamorne, remember the premise of this show. We are on

Nicole's team, right? I know. It's true. It's just, think about when we were all doing New Girl. I don't think we got this many notes on set. You weren't there a lot. We did. I was on set got this many notes on set but okay you weren't there a lot you weren't there yeah we did we did i was there i was on set i've been on set of new girl being paid so i don't know what here we go we're gonna try again the whole thing the goal of this all right is we're gonna do it in 30 seconds all right okay okay this is this is where this is Okay. This is hard. No wonder I'm not a cameo. This is brutal. In three, two, one. Hey, congratulations to Natalie and Jeremy.

Wow. You guys really did it. It happened. If you're seeing this, you did say I do. So it's official. We're very excited for you. Lamorne, what do you think? I think it's a very special occasion.

It's a holy union. I want to give some advice, if that's possible. Please. You know, because I've been married so many times, still am. Yes, sir. Well, married to the game, baby. But, you know, if I were you guys, I would sleep as much as possible. Because when you sleep, you have that right mind for your partner.

Okay? You stay sharp. You stay solid. You stay in love forever. So we just want to say to Natalie and Jeremy, we are excited for you. Congratulations. Garf, I know you got a little advice.

Shoot it. Well, I just wanted to point out I was also on New Girl, but I don't want to make it about me. I'm a 40-year-old man, 43-year-old man with a cat. That's my longest relationship. God bless. This is going to go great. And last before we leave, Denzel, you got anything?

The game of marriage is chess, not checkers. You understand what I'm telling you? It's chess, not checkers. Make your next move your best move. You understand what I'm telling you? Congratulations, you guys. We're really happy for you. What the fuck, Nicolele that was pretty good

nicole what do you think of that one that one is good you do this voice thing where it gets higher nicole we're not buying it nicole in our heads when we heard what was about to happen we were like man nicole's gonna be so thankful i feel like i am thankful well is it good where are you at nicole be honest no no here's what i need now here's what i know nicole here's what we need we need notes what would you like this fucking speech to be god damn it gareth and lamor know me i'm rule book i'm gonna keep going until we got the rules of this we haven't figured figured it. If this is an escape room, guys, we're fucking stuck. If this is New Girl, I would walk off set, which I had a reputation of doing when things got rough like this.

Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over.

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It's like, how do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? But so Babbel's great. Now listen, listen, everybody. Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closer?

Studies from Yale. This is interesting. Michigan State University and others prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester of college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes.

If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study.

So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right. Hold on. Let's get him. Kevin. Door's open. Oh, you meant Gil.

Yeah. I meant Kevin. What? I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave.

Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke.

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Spelled B-A-B-B-E-l.com slash h-t-h we're gonna watch you to babble we want you to babble i'll tell you what i don't want to babble your ear off i gotta go back to the jalopy rules and restrictions this episode is brought to you by zocdoc zDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement, and it was crazy.

It was a crazy situation, and there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up, and there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use ZocDoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance the problem has it's all there for all

the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zocdoc we since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you could put all your information in yeah did you use zocdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on uh but we don't think it's a tear that's the good news but i am going to get an mri oh the doctor report back it's just an old man's knee it's actually pretty much what it sounded like doctor said to me about my hips i'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the... He goes, I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this.

Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you, treat basically, and again, you can get an appointment quickly.

You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right, Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You never, literally never left.

Wherever the best time in the world. Go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear? How much does that cost, Jake? Free. Free. That's right. And then find and book a top

rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Nicole, what's the answer to this riddle here? What would you like the speech to be? Let's try that. I liked a lot of aspects of both speeches. Okay. Talk to us. Talk to us. So if we did a third, what would you want? Probably, I don't know. It all was really good. It's just, just remember that it's going to be at a church. Okay. At a church with elderly, well, not elderly, okay at a church with elderly well not elderly but so then give me this give me this give me this walk us through what you would like for the gamemanship of it all we start off with an intro right hellos hellos this is yeah let's just do it this is why we're here right what i really liked about the first one was just the hype that you had at the beginning. So you like the hype. Up top hype. Yeah.

Okay. I feel like I'm taking an order at a restaurant. Okay. Up top hype. Okay. And then we transition into? Yeah. The advice.

You know, advice that you would be okay saying in a church. Church advice. Church advice. Okay. And then in closing, just a... A closing prayer? No, thanks. No? Pastor Washington?

You don't have to. Okay, so we got an intro. We got some hype. We got some advice. And then we've got a well wishes. Would you be happy with that? 100%. And in terms of length, where are you thinking?

Oh, whatever you're comfortable with. ain't bossy you're the boss okay i feel like i'm already asking a lot so do i jake is the only one i'm not someone who asks a lot i'm tired yeah this is your time to ask a lot This is your time to ask a lot. This is your time to ask a lot. That's why we're here. God damn it. We're here to help. We're doing this ridiculous thing.

Get your god damn it's out now, Jake. Well, here's what's going to happen, god damn it. If we gave her A or B, she's going to go, I was on a fun podcast. I want this fucking thing playing at the wedding. Get your cussing out, you little sinner. Motherfucker, shut it. She's giving me fucking notes up and down. She's fucking pissing me off. Let her rip, Jake. There you go. She's pissing me off. up and down there you go let it rip jake

there you go there you go all right and we're back all right nicole i feel good about that that's i'm glad you got that out in three two one The wedding! All right, USA! Cut. Those are the angels. We in church, motherfucker! We're trying again. That was a fail. Four, in three, in two, in one. Hey, hey!

Natalie and Jeremy, congratulations on getting married. Nut jewels. What a win for you two. And Jeremy, congratulations on getting married. Nuptials. What a win for you two. And this is brought to you by your sister, Nicole, who wants you guys to have a really weird moment at your wedding. And we're going to help provide it. Exactly. We want you guys to think about all the love making that's going to happen.

And multiply. Send the Bible. Send the Bible. For probation. For probation. The Bible. We can see this. No, we're starting over. In three, in two, in one.

Oh! Woo! Natalie and Jeremy got married. Hallelujah. Cut. What? Natalie and Jeremy got married Hallelujah Cut What? We're not going hallelujah Too thick?

Was it not a black church? No Natalie and Jeremy's a white church In three In two In one Hey hey Natalie and Jeremy

Congratulations guys Your sister Nicole Asked us to be part of this speech Hey, hey! Natalie and Jeremy, congratulations, guys. Your sister, Nicole, asked us to be part of this speech, and we are honored to be here. Are we not, gentlemen? Oh, completely. Yeah, it's great. What a lovely service. We all go to church and love church, so what a great service.

Shut up! Exactly. Shout out to Reverend Jones in the back. You get that replacement hip yet? You old snake, you. And cut. Let's try one last one, guys. Nice and clean. Lean and mean. This is good. Lean and mean. This is the money one. Let's pretend it's on film. This one matters. In three, in two. Yeah! Natalie and Jeremy, you did it. You you're married we are happy for you yeah very happy three stars of new girl jake johnson lamorne morris brian from the show gareth reynolds we're so happy for you

yeah against all odds you survived nobody thought you were gonna get married everybody had doubt in you all the nobody had doubt in you doesn't. Your sister, Nicole, asked us to do this. She said, you guys have a lot of fun with your speeches. And we just want to say from the bottom of our hearts that we hope you guys really stick it out. Don't go to bed angry. Always be nice to each other. Always try to listen. Gentlemen, any advice for this lovely couple? I actually have never been in a committed relationship. I have a cat, so always clean the litter. But what Jake said sounds really good. Really happy for you. Lamorne, what you got?

Always staring to each other's eyes so you could read the tea leaves. You understand what I'm telling you? You know when your partner is up to something. And guys, we just want to say in closing to everybody there, thank you guys for having a wonderful night. And please, everybody give a big hug to Natalie and Jeremy. Congratulations, guys. And don't forget Axel. And Axel.

Nicole, where are we at? Did Lamar say that everyone had doubts about Bob? That's a blooper. There's bloopers. Listen, okay. This is, I mean, honestly, we have lives outside of this speech. My kid is in the car right now.

Jake looks like he's an accountant on april 14th right now in three two one hey hey and jeremy wow a wedding you did it we're so proud of you congratulations guys we're really happy for you your sweet sister n Nicole, asked us to do this. Hi, Nancy. How you doing? And we just want to say we wish you guys all the best from your friends at New Girl. And any advice, gentlemen? Well, I just we heard about the event and we said we'll just do one quick take of a speech just to get it out there and give it to you and wish you the best. So we really do wish you the best. Lamorne, you got anything?

Yeah. Shout out to Deacon Jones in the back. You got to call me. You got to call me. You owe me something. I'll take payment soon. Venmo works.

Listen, don't think because you had a wedding that I wasn't going to run up on you. I love you and I know there's a wedding, but I need my stuff. Deacon.

Oh, man. We're so happy for all of you. And obviously, Deacon Jones is totally invented, and that's not real at all. We're just having some fun. And fun is what life and marriage is all about. This is going to go great. Jake, don't look so stressed. You should be happy.

We're at the finish line. Oh, God bless. USA! USA! We helped. What are you talking about? Nicole, I think the goal of that speech was to make you miss the one before it. Nicole, do we have any wins

here? Yes, there are some wins there. I got to ask, honestly, is there any world you're playing this at that church wedding okay let's do one more hey kevin can you mute lamorne no just this i'll keep it clean i'll keep it listen i will i will keep it okay watch this. Lamar, you start our intro. Let's see if that changes it. In three, two, one. This is hip-hop church.

I'll start again. Jesus Christ. This is my homie. Y'all are messing this up for her. Y'all are messing this up for her. Are you talking to you? Okay. You're wearing a do-rag and you're laying it down.

You are not a real person. How Deacon Jones is going to get run up on. You are just not a serious person. I got it. You just got to let me be me. In three, in two, go. Congratulations, Jeremy and Natalie. It's your wedding day.

Everybody in the building is excited, excited to see you. They come from all over the world. I don't think it's going to work with Lamorne, guys. From miles and miles and miles. guys in some rhythmic way i don't think it hey yo it's not gonna work i don't think it's gonna work people older people in church like to relate to the younger folks so you gotta you gotta bridge that gap all right let's start again gareth can you try intro yeah all right let's try it all right ready three two one natalie and jeremy you did it you got married and we want to help you celebrate stars of the hit show new girl gareth reynolds brian the security guard jake johnson

lamorne mor. And we're all here because we know you want to see something big. We got to outdo the previous speeches. And I think we are, Gareth. And I think we are. Now, mind you, the Little Mermaid song was great, but I think we're winning this one, don't you? I agree. Jake, why don't you give them a little bit of advice? You've learned you're a married guy. Well, here's what I'm going to say to you, Jerry. You got to find your way into the family just the way you have found your way into your bond with Axel at work. So I want you to start looking at your father-in-law as Axel and bond with that man.

You're part of the team now. You're part of the family. And I'll say this. Nicole has a lot of great things to say about you, too. She says that you guys are equally serious, but equally silly. And she loves the match. And I think the whole family does. Yep.

And you can see Jake's been a little emotional from even hearing about these nuptials. Lamorne, now why don't you close out this speech with some great, great advice that would play great right now? All right. Thank you guys so much. We really appreciate Natalie and Jeremy. You guys have a wonderful wedding. Thank you guys.

Appreciate it. I knew he was going fucking south. We got it. So hold on. Nicole, what'd you think of that that one was great okay i'm sorry but i didn't mention that my dad passed a few years ago okay is there a way that that piece could just get cut out and everything else is perfect yes Kevin, can you lift the dad stuff? Yep.

Thank God. Yep, I got it. But we got it. You 100% can. I should have said something. No, please. Listen, we didn't. But amazing, after all that, you revealed that your dad passed.

Amazing that after all that, we talked about your father who's passed away, and you're like, but this is the best one. Hey, Nicole. Wow. Thank you for the call. Nicole Venmo us. You owe us $1,000 each. And Lamar, thank you for coming back.

Thank you so much. I will play that last one. You really will? Yeah. Yeah. Phil, if you get any footage of it, send us a video video of this speech playing because we would love to know how it goes. I think that's right. That feels like a fair trade.

Will you make sure somebody, if not you, films it and sends it to Kevin? 100%. Thank you. Can you make sure that everyone at the wedding understands that the link is in my bio if they want a fabulous Brown Lightning t-shirt? Yeah, make sure to spread the word at the wedding about the brown lightning merch thanks guys and i'm also going to tell you nicole you got a sense of what it was like to work with lamorne for seven years we would be trying to go home wouldn't we and i would go like this please my man just say it just say the line my man please i'll say it works out with ideas guys we gotta get off this call

nicole thank you very much thank you nicole thank you so much god bless we're here to help is hosted by jake johnson and gareth reynolds the show is produced and edited by kevin bartelt the theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out all of his work at OliverRaleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on our show, please email us at helpfulpod at gmail.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.