We're Here to Help - 200: 200th Episode Special: Two Hams and a Cave & Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

For their 200th episode, Jake and Gareth take calls in-studio and unbox a gift sent by the caller from Ep 174 "A Thing For Dinosaurs." Then, they salvage a moonlit wedding photo and plan a new life for Gareth's terrible plaid vest. Plus, surprise follow-ups from Ep 197 "Don't Cry for Me, Season Tickets" and Ep 112 "Put Some Jeans on that Baby Jesus."See caller images here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/200th-episode-specialWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. yeah we are all of this will also be main show but tonight it is live on patreon yeah and we should remind anyone listening to the non-live patreon to join the patreon yeah we're having a lot of fun over there because you're going to miss out on stuff like this i agree and oh shit and then for those who have joined us on patreon thank you guys for sticking with us yep for those of you who have stuck with us on the main show yep thanks for sticking with us thanks for telling people thanks for telling people. Thanks for telling us you didn't like the Wednesdays when we were just kind of throwing to old shows. By the way, thanks for also writing and insane. Now they missed the re-releases.

Yeah. See, this is what happens. That's what happens. So what's going on with you, Gareth? Well, you know, the usual stuff, I'm getting ready to go to Fort Collins, getting ready to go in a van again. But, uh... You're driving from here to there. That's right. Yikes. Yep. How are you? You just got announced that your movie will be on Apple. Yeah. Which is great. Yeah, that's going to come out.

I'm driving at Fort Collins in a van, and your movie comes out on Apple that Ben Stiller produced. Okay. We're doing this. Yeah. Do you know what I'd like to talk to you about and nail right now is do the fucking cameo thing. Yeah. Let's just write it up. Okay.

Because we have a great competition in that. Okay. Do you want me to physically write it? Sure. Let's just do it. All right. So we just, what we had talked about before was there, we, each get $300 to get two people.

Yep. A beginning, and we're back. They say something, then something short without further ado. Yep. So like the in and the out. And a little bit of medium stuff in there that we should write for them. Okay. And same copy.

Same exact copy. Well, it always starts with We Are Back. Yes. Okay. Maybe do like an under, do like an underline like, and we are back. Okay. I will, I'll take a picture of this and do it. proper okay and we are back exciting show today we got some bangers great well how about we know

where the hot dogs are yeah we know where the hot dogs are um and then let's think uh oh we really appreciate you sticking with us thanks for pulling so many pages from the girl page from the lady page okay do we want to say that almost to give it the illusion of talking to somebody yeah yeah like maybe like maybe it's to Connor about his living situation a little bit I think that's really smart or we could also just create a fake thing at the top and just go like hey Connor yeah your good friend okay you know or hey Jake hey Gareth whatever it could be hey Connor this is from your friend Okay, Paige.

Heather from Florida. She came to my show. She did? Yeah, she came to my show and... What's she like in person? I met her before. In my background, I have like these crazy bedazzled fries. Right.

That she gave me. Wait, are we talking about the same person? I think so. Not the Madonna lady. Oh. Heather from Florida, the lady who took the class where she got tied up and then killed you with her big Joe. Come on now. All right, fine, Heather.

Fine, Heather from Florida. Connor, Heather from Florida. Okay. I mean, we can punch this up. But, okay, so basically, and we're back, exciting show today, got some bangers. We know where the hot dogs are. Thanks for pulling so much off the page.

Was that what it was? Yeah. Thanks for pulling so much off the page. This is going to be from, to Connor, from Heather. And then do we want to. And then do we want to. Hi. Do we want to end it with...

Well, do you want to close it out at the end of the show? We could do the wrap out. Yeah. Okay. Well, you know what we could do? Hey, Steve, you know what we're talking about? No. We're doing a cameo competition for...

Gareth is going to hire somebody. I'm going to hire somebody. Maybe it's not a throw and a finish. Maybe somebody just does the whole copy. What do you mean? So we each get one person? Or you get 300 bucks. You can do whatever you want with it.

I like that. Because then we end it with after all that. and without further ado. Okay. So, okay. So, Steve, we're going to read you something. Flicking it in. And anything you want to do to punch it up, pitch on it.

So this is going to be a cameo celebrity, is going to read this part of the intro. And then we're going to, so we basically have $300 to top chef a cameo intro of the show. The intro we have now is, and we're going to. We are back, exciting show today, got some bangers. We know where the hot dogs are. Thanks for pulling so much off the page. And we're going to make it to Connor from Heather from Florida. That's what we have so far.

Wait, so I'm sorry. Don't burn the chicken. Please don't burn the chicken. Please don't burn the chicken. Which is something you did, Steve. Is there a new choice for bangers? Well, it's here. What are you got?

I mean, y'all like rock and roll because we got a hot slab of it for you today. That's how we end it. Why don't we put that at the end? Y'all like rock and roll because we got a hot slab of it today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything else, Berg?

Can you read it one more time? Yeah. I wasn't paying attention. Well, and then we got to do without further ado because we got a hot slab for you today. you weren't paying attention Steven oh I was you know

I was trying to figure what was going on any weed smoke today Stephen not yet I should be doing that no but it will be you're such a nark now

since you stopped smoking a weed it's like I can smell I can smell I bet all those little things behind you are stuffed with your little pot so we're just looking for crazy things the person has to say because the winner of the contest

is not who does it the best but whose is pound for pound the funniest hire to do it. Right. Right. Well, let's, I feel like let's give them some more ammunition. Let's punch this. That's what we're talking about. Hit me from the top. Okay. And then Steve just interrupt when you want to. And we are back. We've got an exciting show today. Got some bangers. Pause. Holy carrot sticks. Are we excited to be back? Like, I would go weird. Yeah. Holy carrot sticks. Are we excited to be back? Can we just take a minute to say how? You're right, Stephen. But so. You're dead right. But let's think for a second, because

we're saying, hi, Conner. So we got to make sure this reads, like they're not doing a show thing because what we don't want is the person trying to be funny. So, holy carrot sticks, am I excited to be talking to you? Yeah, yeah.

Right, let's make it all from Connor to... I'm already wishing I wasn't the one writing this. I understand. Holy carrot sticks, are we excited to be talking to you? Okay, next line. You know what it feels like we're in court? Yeah, and you got us. The stenographer is like, I really should not be here.

We have an exciting show today. Got some bangers. We got to take away. We got an excited show today. We got some bangers. You like that, Stephen? I mean, bangers, I feel is overused. Let's new choice bangers.

Go inside that thesaurus. Have we got some red piping hot pod material for you? I mean, am I really writing this? I don't want to mention the pod, Stephen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're trying to trick them. Got you, got you, got you. And then next line.

After Holy Carrot sticks, we have excited to talk. It's excited to be talking to you. Okay. Got some mad lib word we're waiting on. If we don't have bangers, what could we have? I want the Berg Thesaurus. Which he could also, it could be Scythoris and we can still say. Bangers is like each, a banger.

is a unit of what a phone call what is this what is it everything of what he did down to a I know but Stephen a banger is like when we the reason we said is when we take a good call we're like man those were some bangers so just I'm having a hard time coming over with something better just give me 10 seconds 10 seconds is a long time on a live Patreon show seven six he held it he said called a unit of measurement and then held up two fingers like you have some sand fantastic segments coming up for you. Will you write it? No.

Someone else is right. Please, because then we'll read it back. San Francisco is so good. Pretty good. Got some what? San Frantastic segments. Segment's coming up for you. Okay, but we can't say segments because we're trying.

Well, you're saying beggars. Okay, so yes, me is Vegas. Do you understand the push I'm trying to do? He looked into the sky with his two fingers and called a banger a unit of measurement. What are you talking about? We don't want them thinking they're doing advertisements. We want them thinking they're doing a cameo to another. I will say the behind the scenes people are saying get moving through this and I don't know why.

We have your packages ready to open and someone is waiting. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's here. All right. So, Stephen. Damn. That's it. Steve, do you want to be here while we open these packages and then we can.

No, we're not just opening the packages. It's first to follow. Oh, the follow. So, Stephen, you're out of here. I came basically, but what I want to say is congratulations on 200 episodes you wrap Shut up, you listen to Steve, Steve. Oh, my God, baby.

I remember my podcast was just a twinkle in my eye. Love you guys. Congratulations. Hold on really fast. I hope for 2,000 more. We will be with you, Steve. But before we go, will you read back what we have?

Yeah. He said, yeah, which is I want to I want to highlight that Steve said yeah. When you asked if I wanted to read it back. I was like, he did get hide before. And he lied for some reason and said, no. I just got done dinner. What did you have?

chicken tea he mothelah yeah I told you he cooked a bunch of Indian food yesterday yeah and we are

well I don't even know I think it says I think it's holy carrot sticks is how I think it starts are we excited to be talking with you we've got some

San Frantastic that's where it starts to go off the rails for me I don't know if we can I don't know if we went beyond that that's what we have as far as Steve's stuff. Thank you, Steve's help.

Oh, you're, you, you call the right guy, guys. All right, have a good one, guys. Bye, Stephen. Enjoy getting high. Bye, buddy. Everything is as we've been. Without. Further. Do.

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Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. How you doing? Hey, Rob. Hey, guys. How are you doing?

Good. Good. So, Rob, will you remind us, even though we know, I don't know if Gareth knows. will you remind us who you are and what your call was? I know who is. You do. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah.

I mean, look behind him. Pretty easy. So basically I called in because I wanted to figure out a way for my wife to kind of get on board with my dinosaur obsession. Yes. And it kind of evolved to a point where you guys were very much trying to get me off of doing dinosaurs for as long as I do. And then eventually you saw the work that I did And that kind of flipped a little bit That's right

Completely Yeah So It would be like LeBron James being like My wife's upset Because sometimes I go play basketball On the driveway You can play

Raise your kid Yeah, you'll be fine And so What was the final advice at the end And where are we? All right So final advice we came to an agreement that I would only work on dinosaurs

after my son went to sleep. And usually wouldn't say anything about them until my wife went to sleep at night, too. Because you stayed up a lot later. Yeah. You can have your dinosaur time. Until 2 o'clock in the morning, 3 o'clock in the morning, that type of thing.

And so before we get into the next phase of this, have you been doing that? Has it been working where are we at? Wifee, feel free to jump into, but where are we at? Yeah, I'll start. So for the first, like, probably months after the phone call, I would say he was doing an amazing job. Like, he wasn't on his phone at all.

Once our son went to sleep before I went to sleep, like we were together, doing things together, like no phone. And I had to even step back and realize that he was just doing dinosaurs that whole time because he wasn't on the phone anymore. So I was really surprised. So he was doing great. great. And then we kind of hit two roadblocks.

The first one, the Jurassic World's rebirth trailer came out. That's not great for Rob, is it? No, no, no, no. We kind of spiraled. Of course he did. Jake. Everybody's going to fall once in a while in life. I'm on Rob.

She said, obviously. 100%. Okay, so he spiraled because of Jurassic Park. Of course. Stop saying, of course. Like you're there, like you live in the house. So, I think. Things were going good.

The trailer comes out. Things start going south, right? Yeah. Okay, then what happened? I mean, then it kind of just so much came out about the movie and he's very involved and, you know, online and all the TV. It's a very funny to watch Rob in his world of dinosaurs. I know, and looking so sad. Listen to his wife, disparage his dinosaur addiction.

I've also never seen a caller just. have to listen. Yeah, yeah, he has to just sit there. I know. I know, it's unfair. All right, so keep going, Jackie. Keep going with your update. Yeah, so, I mean, it wasn't, definitely he was off the phone at night, you know,

looking at the dinosaur stuff, like, less than before. Great. But then he started working on, like, a special project, and it kind of made him get really excited about doing work for people. But, yeah, so that doing it. that special project kind of inspired him and also me to start maybe taking his talent a little more seriously and doing it a little more seriously. I think he should.

Yeah. So yeah, so I'll let I'll let him take it from there because it's kind of his. So, you know, after our correspondence a little bit, you know, like Jackie said, I started thinking, you know, maybe I should try to do things a little bit more seriously and put myself out there. So that led to a whole bunch of discussions for us about, you know, what we wanted to do. So I decided to start my own website that sells my products. So we've been putting that together. And what's the name of the website?

It's an apex racks3D.com. ApexRex3D.com. It's cool. So, you know, over the past, like I said, over the past month or so, I've kind of converted the garage to a little studio and bought a few 3D printers, set up a workbench for myself. I threw a TV in the garage. What, yeah.

This is all feeling positive to me. We're in the early phases of a transition, obviously. But into a hobby to a career. Is that how you're seeing it, Big Rob? I mean, depends on how many people enjoy my products. And Jackie, is it different for you? If he's not just talking about dinosaurs, he's making some scribble doing it. Yeah, I'm actually really excited about it.

I'm going to get it going. It seems like a pretty big ringing of the bell. I agree. I'm like, their vibe isn't ring the bell. Jackie's vibe is, you're going to say especially who? Rob. Well, Rob's a little bit nervous. I could tell, but it seems like, it's a big moment for him.

Okay, all right. This is a reveal. And so from the follow-up to now, Well, from the first call, you mean from the first call, the beginning of this follow-up. Are we done with this section? Do we move on? Are you feeling anything? I'm feeling like the original problem was I'm obsessed with dinosaurs. The original problem was he had an issue that he was like side addicted to dinosaurs. It was troubling his wife was annoyed with it. Yes. So we said more dinosaurs. No. No. We said we limit the time. It's after the kid goes to bed. and after your wife goes to bed

but we also were like bro, you're making some really good dinosaurs. Maybe if you turn this into a gig gig that could change things in a little bit of time. So now he is making the dinosaurs but you're also not doing it at all times. Is that all correct? That's definitely correct on my end.

And so much less. I mean it feels like and Jackie feels good. Jackie out of 10, 10 you're the most happy, zero you're the least happy. where are you at with him calling the show with where we're at you can be honest

we've accepted a lot of losses it doesn't change the show if it's negative we'll cut it out it's live so I know but the main people will cut it it's live so just Patreon people hear it

then we cut it for Maine cut all this for Maine no main show it's just a page show just the Patriot no now we're talking give me a fucking drink

let's go my lord so Jackie where you at I would have to say like an eight or nine And Rob out of 10 Where are you at? Couldn't be closer to 10 Yes

From the you calling in Yes I agree We got a road bell So Rob out of 10 Your feelings after calling And everything that happened Ten is it was incredible zero Who's dog shit where you at King

I mean I'm at a 10 I got a great new garage space I'm, you know, I'm working on dinosaurs and she knows that I'm, you know, what I'm doing. It's just a win. Yes. Okay. I'd say it's a win for me.

Might be our biggest. It's up there. We got to wait and see. Yeah, so go ahead. I should point out that the bell is a mug with chalking it. Great. Sounds right to me. There we go.

So then somewhat after we finished, I think I reached out to you individually. Yeah. And the subject of the email was Gorillas possible? Did I tell you this? Amazing. It would be amazing if Aaron had to call the show to be like,

I wish Jake had never met Rob. Well, you laughed. There's boxes in front of us. No. So I... Jesus Christ. No. Jake.

So I reached out and I said, Jesus Christ. You do good work, my man. How do we get you off those dinos? Or something like that. I don't really remember, Rob. So jump in and interrupt me. If you remember someone.

something different. Yeah, no, no, you, you were very complimentary of my work. It's just charming you into guerrilla camp. You, uh, you asked me initially about a gorilla and out of context, in context, none of it's fine. We both were both spiraling. He's got dynos on his nose. I'm shooting gorillas in my wife have a text thread. I know. Yeah, so we went a little back and forth. Keep going Or a little back and forth. And then, I mean, I don't want to ruin the surprise of what was actually made. So.

But I had not seen it. Nope. Well, I mean, you saw the initial sculpture. Yeah, we did some. Yes. And then you made a little something for Gareth, too. I did. Yeah.

And so I think this, I have been, this has been in my house. I've been dying to open it. Because this has now been, Rob, how long have we been doing this for two months? Dying. Yeah, two months, I would say. Yeah. So, all right. Shall we?

Well, do you want to do yours first since it's, pretty obvious what it's going to be. Yeah, we'll do mine first and then we'll be yours after. Does that sound fair? Yes, I can only a man. And then you are very excited. Now you've seen some. So Rob, will you explain the process of what we've done as I've done this in terms of the photo and everything else? Okay, yeah. So initially you sent me a photo. I had asked you for a photo of the creature

that you wanted. And so you sent it over to me. I sent you a couple other ones just because they had a little bit better angle. I then took that photo, started sculpting in a program that I have called Zbrush. And basically you start with a virtual ball. Rob, the seriousness on Jake's face. I don't want to make a huge mess because then we've got to clean it. You don't got to clean it. Keep going, Rob.

All the things. I feel like I'm at home. So then you just, it's basically like sculpting in real life, except you are doing it virtually. So periodically between my sculpting sessions, I would say, send Jake updates and, you know, there was only positive feedback ever, yeah. What was, but you said, I gave you a positive feedback because the work was excellent. Rob, oh, God.

I'm not a guy who's just giving him. Get a garage you too. Rob, let's average response time from Jake when a picture would be sent or, or an update. An hour, too? If that, I mean, I'm pretty sure he was the way. Any part of you surprised at the response time? not this initially yeah and then eventually you were like it's been 40 minutes i hope jake's okay eventually he's like slow down on the emails man i got to go to bed okay so jake is tearing through the

and then do you want to start your opening process sure okay i'll start the opening of mine the only reason i want to be extra careful is i don't want to break it oh well i've got did you get a card i did okay we'll open the cards after i'll open my card now while you're doing it gives us some content doesn't it okay i got a card here thank you rob first of all rob i don't know what the hell it says, but thank you very much already. Gareth, Jake wanted you to have this in joy, Rob. Well, again, Rob, you are, you've always been a word smith. Holy shit, Rod.

All right, Rob, Jake is getting closer and closer. Jesus Christ, are you talented? Are you talking to me here, Rob? I mean, this is, I'm a guy who used to think of myself as a sculptor. Oh, wow. All right, let's get, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Let me, let's have, show it to the camera. Let's have a look here. Hold on. Rob, a hundred out of a hundred. It couldn't be better, my kidding. Oh my God, it is. That is as good as it gets. Look at how fucking good that looks.

Now, I want to say a couple things very quickly. Where is it going to go? Right in bed. Morgan has asked, Jesus Christ, like the mob's trying to get you. Rob, the work is excessive. exceptional. How touched Jake is by it. Probably the best thing I've ever...

You have two daughters. So be careful. This is the third best thing I've ever been part of that. Okay, okay. All right. There we go. Rob, thank you. I truly love it. You are so talented, my man. The paint job you did on this is phenomenal. The eyes, you crushed it.

I appreciate it. Yeah, that was one of the things. Now for Gareth's. Okay. I am an opening mine. But, Rob, you're a master talent, man. I appreciate it. Yeah. I think you are going to have to explain to people that why you didn't get gorillas.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're all curious. What do you think? I love it, Rob. I love my chimp head as well. Look at these. So it's chimp us?

Look at the head. Here, right at the camera. We're together. I mean, come on, man. I mean, I cannot. I am absolutely. And it's got a little place for Steve to put his weed if he wants to. And yours is a ginger.

And obviously, it's not been lost on me that mine is the, the heretic of the group, the outcast. Jackie, before we go, Jackie, thoughts on how this is all shaken out. Oh, I'm so excited that you guys love him. he really had so much fun doing it. It was the first time he ever did a primate to my knowledge. So I'm really excited. And what did you?

What was it for you when he was talking chimp faces rather than dinosaurs? Did you realize it's just him talking about sculpture that annoys you? Or is it just the dinosaurs that bugged you? Was it fun to hear about a chimp's face? It was fun to watch and learn about the process. I think it was just the lots of dinosaurs that was the... Yes. We've thrown him off the dinosaurs a little.

Look, he's going to be doing Jose soon. He's going to be doing Steve Berg's face. You know how long he's going to have to talk about figuring out those cheeks? Yeah, I don't know if your problem's gotten better, but it's become a business. So now he's talking about work instead of just boring you with dinosaur check. I would be interested in commissioning and Eric. We all know that you're very, honestly, let's sidebar after this and let's sort of talk about. Because it is, okay.

It's a problem. I mean, we've had these for four minutes and you're already talking about, all the other things you need. You need a Jose. I want to Jose. Christmas is coming up. You need to stop talking. When's your birthday?

It's close to Christmas, but I don't want it. It's not, look, I'll take it. Okay? How about this? If, Rob, if you start working so much in the garage, do one of your head and put it next to Jackie when she's watching TV. It'll be like you're there. Ming bang, boom.

Solved another one. New problem. Rob, you are. I hope this is the beginning of a huge explosion for you. It should be. one more time the website that's a apex rex3d dot com Jackie we are

we appreciate you we appreciate you guys both being involved Rob you're going to see that in the background of all my shots I'm going to put it up right behind the head I'm sure it's going on your wall too obviously yes it's going to look like I killed the chimp in the wild people want them to charge more for everything yeah people in the chat are saying charge more

but I don't even oh they're on the website yeah okay I thought they were just going off the Yeah, yeah. I mean, I definitely I'm pricing based on the past, what people are willing to pay. Now, you know, see what happens. In the Jurassic Park community, there's

high rollers, there's little rollers. Oh, you're going to make a lot of money when the movie comes out. Movie came out, Jake. Never mind. All right, Rob. Thanks a much. Great to see you, buddy. Yeah, take care. Thanks, Jackie. Thanks again, Rob. These are awesome. Thanks. See you, but. Get ready for an email in one minute.

Hello? Hi. Hi. How are you? Doing good. Great. Welcome to the live Patreon 200th episode. 200 is crazy. We just got chimp heads.

Things are happening. I don't even know. Wow. Yeah, I don't even know what to explain it. But welcome to the show. Very excited you're here. What is your name, please? I am Bennett.

Bennett. And Bennett, where are you calling? from? San Luis Obispo County, California. Beauty. And rough age, Bennett. I'm about to turn 30 next week on Monday. Congrats.

Really quick pause. Hey, Rob, will you ask the audience if anybody's got a question for her that we can start this call with? Yeah, I think you just did. Okay. Okay, that's right. I got one real quick.

What is it? Bennett, if you were able to have the head made of any species of animal, which is now possible, Thanks to our friend, Rob. What animal head would you commission? It would be my head or it would be a head in my possession. A head in my possession?

No idea. What does that mean, Bennett? Like a human head? Explain that one. Is it my head? I would like have the head of a cat or I would have the head of a cat in my house. Oh. So is yours a statement or a question?

My question is, okay, if it was going to be my head of a cat, head, I would want the head of a cat. If it was going to be... I think that's plenty. I would want no head of an animal just randomly in my house. Okay, but what was the thing about if it was going to be mine the head of a cat?

She's going to make... So you would just want a cat to... And her and a... But your face? Anthroposized. Whoa. By the way, I got a guy who could probably do that. So it's a mix between a cat and your head? I might take Jose and mix it with Garrett.

I have a feeling it's going to be Jake. chimp stop that's port number one that this ship's going to no you'll wait okay i'm in deep trouble okay let's talk what's up and i lied about it and i need some help getting out or making this situation better all right what's up okay so my me my boyfriend my dad and my brother all went to a wedding last weekend or no last month sorry and then they had disposable cameras for the guests to take pictures of the wedding from their point of view right um so my boyfriend got his own disposable camera and he had big plans for it the first 23 pictures were um jump scares and then people's faces really quick so like he'd scream at someone they'd turn around and then he'd get a

picture of their face so he would just yell at people And then the 24th was a picture of his phone with the Google search results of 9-11 was a inside job. So we got a little bit mysterious. Okay. And then the 25th, he's wondering, what do we do for the 25th? He comes up to me, my dad, and my brother. He goes, what do I do? This is the coup de grace. This is the last picture on the disposable camera.

What do I do? my dad looks outside he sees at the moon there's a full moon and we're in ocean beach California in San Diego and he goes how about we moon the camera on the ocean beach pier with the full moon in the background so that's the last picture so we all go to the obfair the sun setting there's people all around I'm the one taking the picture and I go Okay. There's one moment where there's nobody on the pier. I go three. I'm on the count of three. I'm going to take the picture or pull down your pants. So I go three, two, one. I clicked on one right before they pulled their pants down and I messed up. So I was able to take pictures on my cell phone. But when my boyfriend came up to me, he was stoked. Did you get it? I'm so excited. Did you get the picture? I told him yes. so my question is when he asked the brine and groom about this disposable camera and how the pictures turned out and they say nothing about a mooning picture and all they see is a picture of men with their hands on their way what should i do or should i tell the truth or i mean he was stoked to you guys so okay so everybody was excited about this goofy photo and you did it a little bit early and you blew it and it in the moment, you didn't want, you didn't want to say you blew it because everybody was excited

and that's kind of a buzzkill. So, you know, I did not even get the full moon in the picture. Right, you took a bad pick. Yeah, you blew it. You blew it. Completely blew it. And so then when you, when you, they asked, did you get it? You didn't want to eat crow in the moment.

So you said, got it for some reason. Yep. I understand. That's right. Few people just pulled their pants down. I know. It's a whole thing. Everyone was excited.

There's an energy. Back in the day before cell phone. you did have one shot. Yes. No, you got your film developed and you'd be like,

ah, that's great. Yeah. And so soon, they're going to be able to ask the bride and groom about the picks, and you're wondering,

do you come up with a big lie? I mean, it's going to be clear you didn't get it. Well, yes. Who's friends with the bride or the groom?

You or Ben, or your boyfriend? You are. It's me, yeah. Who are you friends with the bride? I'm friends with both of them But mostly the bride Are you thinking like ask her

To say that the shot worked I think you could do one or two things You could say the shot worked Or you could say It was like too dark to see what was going on So it's like the actual night Rewind the picture versus Bennett I'm going to go in another direction Bennett

So I have the I have the picture of it. Oh, you do. I'm done with their pants down. Oh, let's see it. On my phone. Oh. I have it.

I sent it to you guys too. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you just missed the moon. You've just. It's separate. This is separate. That's not. Not from the disposable camera.

That was the one. Yeah. Can we just, what's going on with the guy in the middle? Yeah. That's my brother. But I see two normal butts and then like a green alien. Let's talk. Let's talk about the dad first.

He's got a great butt. The dad's in wonderful shape. The, I think he's got a girlfriend of the guy on the left Yeah the guy And dare I say Who's in the middle

That's your brother Brother's in the middle And he's wearing his underpants Does it look like there's a lot of sweat going on? Something's going on No one ever said that he was fun Okay so he's got his glasses Held on by a strap

So I don't think I've ever seen a butt Like the guy on the left To be honest Guy on the left butt That's her boyfriend I know but I'm not trying to be weird here

It's like the Grand Canyon's in between those cheeks. Yeah, there is a real, talk about a full moon. Your boyfriend's bottom definitely has a... A full divide. There's a full plate tectonic structure. How high up on his body does that darkness go? What do you mean he's really lucky?

I don't think we're saying the same thing. I think your dad's very lucky. Now your dad on the other hand, walking around in 70 with that ass. Dad can get it for a door. Your dad can get it. The brother in the middle, he's a lost cost. Where is his own set of problems?

I believe he has pens in his back pocket. How many marathons does your dad run? Honestly. And so I'm trying to figure out Bennett where the call is here. Because you got the photo of them. You don't have the moon. We're just talking about

when your brother, who kept his underpants on, says, can I see the photo from the bride in the groom? I think he's going to be really bummed out when he finds out that his whole disposable camera, there was the coup de grace,

the big deal, last photo, did not end up turning out the way it was. Yeah. I think that's a big bummer. Because he's expecting the bride and groom to have a great laugh and it to be in like the book

and everybody's happy. It's a beautiful shot of the moon. How fun. And then seeing Dad's Little Ass. So I got distracted. I looked at Dad's little laugh. Dad's ass is good. So what's dad doing?

Is he crawling? Why does your dad have such a great little body? He's a surfer. He's a surfer. He's Mr. Waterman. He's just fantastic. He's just crushing it with that. Yeah. It's a shame we've got to see your brother's ass. Oh, I know why your brother's not showing off. He's intimidated by your dad's ass. You know what else he's doing? He's pushing out. He's probably covering some.

He knows his dad is a monster hog. Yeah, he's got booty daddy issues. His dad, well, his dad stands there. Dad's just dropping a monster in front. He's got that cute little ass. Then we're going to get into the problem, but I believe the brother, or I believe the boyfriend is looking.

I also don't think his pants. I think he's got covered in the front. Dad, pants down, dung out. He doesn't mind going to prison for this. By the way, what the dad is doing there, I have seen adult men do it Wrigley Field at the trough. Now you're about to say Woppers. So we're moving on.

I'm even talking about the pants. I've seen men drop pants to below the knee in a line full of men. Dick out, hands on the side. Interesting. Just pissing in a bucket. I mean, I don't like it there. Whatever her dad's doing is working for me. But what the dad's doing, God damn it, is a power play to his son.

Look at how he's breaking that boy. Yeah, he has broken him. Look at the weird position. He's got pen. Look at the way he's like pushing his butt out and his dad's so confident. Well, the brother, yeah, you're talking about the brother. The brother in the middle. The brother in the middle. Yeah.

The boyfriend doesn't care. No, the boyfriend, look, the boyfriend is clearly in a long-term relationship because he doesn't mind showing two hams in a cave. Dad's rocking. Brother, again, looks like there's some sweat. It's a wedding. No shame. Is that sweat?

I don't know. It's either way. But by the way, if it's sweaty, drop the underpants. Yeah, I agree. I mean, if it was Gareth on a plane, he would, what did you take the underpants all the way off and throw him out? Who's Gareth? By the way, another time on a plane

I was flying back from England and I found like edibles in my bag before I left I was like I fucking brought him over for some reason Aidem had a pretty tough flight and at one point got obsessed with the idea of taking my boxers off I was like they were so constricting

weird so I went to the bathroom and I took those off and I put them in my pants pocket and walked back to my seat like they were a hanky hold on Bennett so you ate some weeds yeah a lot of your underpants were too tight I was sitting there watching money ball and I just kept going these are a nightmare I want I want them off and it became obsessive and so I went to the bathroom and like Tommy boyed around ripped off your underpants pulled my pants down yeah everything was drop my phone on the bathroom floor I was like this is no bad I was laughing my ass on yeah what a blast and then went back and I sat down I was like

that's the best. It was like the whole flight got better. Amazing. So Bennett, I'm trying to figure out what we could even do to pitch on this, but I don't even know

who we're pitching too, so it's when the... I got to pitch. Go ahead. Basically, just a bottom line your problem, Bennett, you don't want these people to know you fucked the picture up.

Now, the picture you got here on your camera on your phone, do you feel good about this picture? Yeah, it's great. She didn't get the moon. I think that'll do it. Okay, so here's what I'm going to suggest.

We're going to... Give it to them. We're going to lie, and we're going to say, we're going to frame that, we're going to treat this picture to make it look like it's got a little bit more of a disposable camera to it. This is a good idea. Easy to do. We're going to frame it. We're going to ask them at some point to have your boyfriend over, and when he comes over, you're going to display the picture, and they're going to give you credit for how good it came out. And when you guys are leaving, they're going to give it to him and say, this picture was such a good idea. We want you to have it. So I love everything about this besides you're counting on a third party again. Well, this is true.

So how about using Bennett to do it? Great. Love it. And that is same everything. Yep. But Bennett, you say you went over, you saw them. Just say to your friends, I just printed out this photo. Just please tell me, please, if it ever comes up, which it won't.

Love it. But as a gift that they sent you for coming, put a little thing that says a frame that goes like, thanks again and just give this to the three men. I love that too. And no one's going to ask, they're going to go like,

God, we're legends. Give it a little, I think that's right. We did it. And I think the show needs one of these two, but just of your dad, just to your dad's bottom. I don't think the show needs that. Yeah, we do. Hey, you know what?

We could have Rob make one of these out of... The dad butt? Yeah, dad butt. I got to go to the bathroom No you don't So what do you think about that What do you think about Printing it out

Beating it up a little bit Putting in a little frame And giving it say you were gifted this From the group She absolutely loved it Said thanks so much for everybody coming She can't hang in her place Or just like one of like the gift they gave

Is they printed out really fun photos And gave to people And this is what they gave to this group like it yep what do you think bennett i think i think that would work out i never even thought about that speaking of working out fabulous yeah i think it really worked i think it's fun everybody gets a laugh and then because you do have this photo so it really works so i would clue them in right i would tell the bright and groom yes but you just i'm doing that yes you just but you say what jake and give the bride and groom a copy too you just say it'll probably never come up but if it does

This picture was from the disposable camera. Because this is, you tell the bridegroom exactly what happened. You can play this. Yes. They also will get this photo, which is what you wanted them to have. And. But let's, and then ask them live with this live forever. I think what you could also do is wait a few years.

Yeah. And then you could reveal the lengths you went to to cover up the fuck up. I think that's a lot of fun. It becomes a lot more. A 10-year game. Yes, it becomes a lot more of an interesting story. I think so, too. And then you can unburden yourself of the picture.

I think that's a lot of fun. What do you think, Bennett? I think we did it. Thank you, pal. And how do you think you're going to tell your dad that we need a picture just of his? We can just crop the other boys out. Bingo, don't need to answer it. Go ahead.

You can do that in two seconds, King. Bingo. Nice try, Bennett. We don't need you on this one. We got your dad. But that obviously wasn't the question. Yeah, go ahead. How are you going to tell, uh, Brian?

and groom, how are you going to do it? I think it's going to be a phone call because they live far away. Oh, this is simple. I'm not going to see them for a moment. So it's going to be a phone call where, or maybe like a FaceTime where I can share my screen and show them the picture. I love it. I don't think that they, they're not the problem, you know.

You might not even have to tell them. Safe to do. So Bennett, if you're happy, we're happy. Thank you for the call. Good luck. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. Bye.

Bye. This episode of We're Here to Help is sponsored by Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Don't get angry, get orchard. Listen, guys, there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about. But let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. I am angry that Eric Adelstein isn't on the show more often. I am angry that Steve Berg is not on the show more often. I find those men to be absolute kings.

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The great news is students get Google Gemini's pro plan free for one year. Sign up by October 6 to get free access to Gemini 2.5 Pro, unlimited image uploads, deep research, notebook LM, 2 terabytes of storage, and more. Visit Gemini.comgul slash students to learn more and sign up. terms apply well is anybody able to see the comments on the patron if anybody has any questions while we are waiting this is a pretty good time to do it just all want to know how they win this best well then we need the last call well let's create how about this let's create a contest right now okay and let's do it before the next caller comes back okay and perhaps is it is it

Can we technically have different Patreon people call in and get on the show? Yeah, we can. So why don't we do a quick contest? Call in, you got 30 seconds to pitch why you deserve the vest. Very good. At the end of the show, we will pick the winner. Oh, hello? Hi.

Holy crap. So first of all, what is your name? name? My name is Miranda. I'm going to go ready, set action. You have 30 seconds to pitch why you should get the vest. Okay, ready? Okay. Ready, set, go. I think I should get the best because I've been a big fan of Garris for a long time and also a big fan of you and just this podcast in general and I think it would be super fun to have it. But also I work for a multimedia company. We've got a photo studio, we got video, we got CGI, I'm a retoucher

so I could take a really cool photo shoot of the best and retouch something funny with the best. Maybe I was thinking like that old guy's butt. 30 seconds is up, Miranda. By the way, you got... Best pitch so far.

For sure, and I will say this, Miranda, the tough things about being first is this. I think you, we got to just turn this into the voice now. Okay. So now you finished your thing. Now it's you got the judges. I think the beginning with the compliments of this stuff ate some of the time for me. Once she got into the photo shoots,

got very excited. The idea of that old man, that on top of the old man with the butt, that's a big thing for me. Gareth, your thoughts. Big fan of that. I would say, yes, your plan, like, thank you very much,

but your plan with the vest is what's exciting. So out of 10, what do you give Miranda? I like the idea of putting it on. I like the idea of putting vests. I kind of forest gumping the vest in old things that we've posted. I like that idea a lot. If she can commit to that,

that gets me from a seven to an eight. I'm at an eight five, so let's combine give her 8.25. Okay. Okay. Miranda, thank you so much for calling. You are deeply in the running. Yeah, but I mean, you're crushing so far.

Right now you're winning. Without question. But we'll see. Once somebody gets more than 8.25, Miranda, you're out of the competition. That's right. Next. Yeah, I'm Adam from Dayton, Ohio, and I'm 25.

At a boy, Adam. So, Adam, you want the vest? Yeah, I want it. You know the rules of this crazy game. We're going to give you 30 seconds in three. You know the rules. Three, two, Adam, take it away. All right.

I'm getting married in October, and I think the vest would be the greatest addition to my suit for the wedding. Okay. I don't know how to even a bad-looking vest and make it look good. And I think my future wife will love it, too. They don't call me Flatum for nothing. They don't call you what?

Flatum. Radham? Blatim. And that's 30 seconds. Miranda, it was a pleasure knowing you. So, Adam, we're going to put you on mute for a second because we're not allowed to do questions because of the arbitrary rules of the game. because we didn't do it to Miranda.

Yeah. Gareth, your thoughts. Well, Radham stepped it up. Radham. Radham stepped it. Well, Adam, but he calls him Radham because he makes radical decisions like this one. Putting this best on in your wedding.

Incredible. That's a huge upgrade. Unfortunately, that's big for me. Okay, but here's my question. This is what I wish we could ask Adam questions. Can't. No time. Here's the problem.

We just came up with this. game four minutes a hundred percent right you know the rules so here's the problem i don't want this vest on it party picks i want it during the vows i agree that's what he said can the judges can can can we get clarification we don't need to talk to him will it be in his wedding photos in like the front during vows or is it party let's ask him you can answer yes or no yes so this is a yes every now and then we have one yes or no so this is a yes or no will you be wearing it while you say your vows while you exchange the ring and you do the kiss. The answer is it yes or no to that?

Radham. Is it yes or no to that? Yeah, answer is yes. Okay, that's big. Okay, thank you so much. Thank you so much for, thank you for joining. There's no way she's letting him wear that. She might be a fan too.

Adam, can you come back on? Platam, one more? It's supposed. Adam are you on? It's going to be two callers that Adam's going to win. Adam is back. Adam, your wife's going to let that happen? All right, Adam, listen, we weren't allowed to do follow-ups.

Can you hear me? Oh, Miranda? I'm his fiance. Oh, I said yes. Okay, all right, great. There we go. Okay, thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you so much. 10 is my answer. Thank you so much. Thank you. 9.8. I need a little wiggle room for me. I'm going to go 9.2. Great.

So we are at 9. Whatever. Bye, Miranda. We love you. Thank you for you offer. Miranda. We're really sorry, but you're sorry. She wrote, damn it.

This has become a very exciting game. I agree. 24 people in the waiting room. Okay, so on to the next, let's do this, but the idea of somebody wearing that vest in a wedding photo?

No, like his whole wedding. It's incredible. So, guys, if you're going to call in, good luck, but you're now beating a 9.5. Next caller, whenever you're ready. Hi, you there? This is Aaron.

Yeah, this is Aaron. I'm just calling it a note there that I did lose the tickets, guys. Wait. Well, Jesus Christ. She's been in the chat. Wait, Aaron. Yeah. Jud call.

Yeah. So, yeah, you should have lost the tickets. Oh, I did. Yeah, my friends all voted. Everyone voted against me. And so what did you? Oh, you gave the tickets to your ex? Yeah, because they're right.

Wait, stop, Aaron. Hold on. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, stop. This is an actual follow-up now. Can we get your name, please? Yes. This is Aaron. Aaron, and we just talked to you a little bit,

but Aaron, you are the person from the Judd call. You did the singing. You have the X, and it was for the Lions tickets, correct? Yep. And we pitched, we had a sing-off, and you beat all of us in the end, and then you, quote-unquote, won the tickets. Yeah, but we all know, you know.

So, Aaron, this is a follow-up. What's happening now here, kid? so at first after it happened I talked to her and she felt bad she didn't show up so she's like okay I'll let you have the tickets which I was like fair but then it came out and it was worse than

you know she expected and then so she was like I think you didn't really agree to the terms which is true when you listen to it I did say if I lost to Garris that I would give Sophie the tickets and that's true by the way. I lost, so.

Holy shit. Wow. Can we try last second to get her on? Jesus Christ. You don't get the money back, Aaron? No. This is the opposite of a ringing of the bell. I'd literally transfer the tickets today.

Oh, Aaron. All I got to go to is the preseason. Aaron. The preseason. Can we last second, last second, try the X one more time? This is... Sophie? This is amazing.

I don't know. We were just in vest pitch mode. I know, but this is now follow-up. I agree. This is now episode 200. We're back in it. I agree. So, Aaron, here's what I would say.

I think it's bullshit that you're paying for them. I think what's fair to Sophie. And Sophie, if you get the fucking guts, email the show, but you don't deserve to get it for free. I think you owe her that money. And what I would be willing to do on this, if you're comfortable, Aaron, is I'd be willing to try to contact people's court. wait what was the last part contact people's court and try to get you're going to contact people's court are you offering to represent her you're going to do it Aaron I'm going to represent you in people's court and I'm going to represent Sophie but no because you're doing it as a bit you don't think Sophie deserves it

I'm doing this for real I thought we were doing bits wait can you guys leave her a voicemail to ask me like getting money back yes what do you want what do you want me to say exactly we don't have to do it as a voicemail we could do it and clip it and send it to you after, right? So we could just go right to camera. So this is two camera. This is too Sophie about Aaron. Hey, Sophie, we need to leave you a little message here about the contest. This is me, obviously, Jake Johnson, and this is Gareth Reynolds. Hi. Hi. Hello. So we know and you know what happened with the tickets. And you know in your heart of hearts that you didn't show up. I'm not getting into the details of your breakup because I don't know them.

but I'm just a man who likes to live in balance what's fair and what's not fair and I think you're dead right I think you're dead right that she didn't beat Gareth no she didn't I have the voice of an angel it was very difficult for her to overcome that but I still think what Jake's alluding to is the idea that you can't fault someone

for coming in second to a contest you refuse to show up to what your defense would be on this was we created arbitrary rules and said if you beat Gareth then you get him if you don't you don't you're right on that Absolutely. But here's where there's a catch that I don't feel comfortable with.

I don't think you should get the tickets and not pay for them. That feels like horseshit. If you're saying, I don't want to spend all the money for those tickets, fine. Give her four back. But here's what I'm going to propose to you, Sophie. Let's do this. Either we get the face value of the one ticket, not all of them, right? Because if she didn't buy all of them, you know, your seat, her seat, two butts.

And you pay her back for her seat or we do this. the tickets are yours you have first pick of games but you send her half back and the money's clean or we have them both call in for a new competition the actual sing-off oh there we go so sophie dealer's choice of you you could obviously do what you want you could say like i'm going to take maybe i'll and keep it too but i think it's horseshit and i think in your heart of hearts you think it's horseshit too i do think you are right that you won the tickets the tickets are yours

but then you got to pay for them or give her half back give her the shitty games. You get the good games. You get first pick. I would hate this to go to people's court. Yeah. Nobody wants that. Thank you, Sophie. Aaron, in terms of a follow-up, how are you feeling? Yeah. It's a bad one.

I mean, it's fair, but it still sucks. You know, it's one of those. So we give you the vest? What's the vest? Aaron, hold on a second. I'm going to jump in real quick. We got the vest getting worn at a wedding at the fucking vows. It's just fucking girls that's terrible.

We'll figure it out. We'll get her another verse. I'm not giving you the chimp head. Nobody's suggesting you give the goddamn chip. We'll give her the dad ass. You want an ass of a nice dad? He's 65. He's in incredible shape.

So, Aaron, you now have 30 seconds. Do you want to pitch why you should get the vest? What? In three, two, one. What is the greatest question? I mean, I don't have a pitch, and I don't think I deserve anything. Six, two. Nice try.

Circles back to my original statement, but what a, you know, more disappointment, you know. Six-five. I don't deserve it. Can you say- 30 seconds. Thank you for the pitch. Aaron, we love you so much. We're going to figure this out.

Maybe Sophie calls back in. Maybe we figure it out. But the vest, I think, unfortunately, the vest is already spoken for. That's 30 seconds. That's quite all right. Aaron, we appreciate the call. I mean. Not thanks, but thanks.

Yeah, I get it. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Bye. Take care. All right.

We got a couple. Anybody else coming in? Yeah, we got a lot. Okay. All right. Let's do it fast. We can't do all of it. I mean, let's do like three more.

Hey, this John. Hey, John. Hey, John. How are you? Good. There you go. Great. Man of business.

John, you got to pitch for the vest? Well, I was going to call in and pitched. I was going to wear it to your show in Kansas City next month. But I think team Platum now. I can't beat that. Thank you. Thanks for stepping out. Appreciate it. Love you. See it in Kansas City. Steve Berg, opening for me at those shows.

No way. Great idea. All right. Here's another one. Hi, can we get your name? Oh, hey, it's Amina. Hey, how are you? Jake, her name once again. I'm good. How about you?

Amina. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead. Amina, you got a pitch? Okay. I mean, it better be good. Amina, in three, two, one.

Go. All right. I doubt I'm going to win over the guy that's not a great start. 28. I've been on the show before. Ed Gareth, I saw you in Nashville recently and hung out with Luke. It was a really great time.

Wait, quick pause. You've been on this show? Did you pitch a problem? Yes. Okay. I did. Hold on, hold on. Have we done a follow-up yet?

Oh. Yeah. It wasn't a bell ringer, but then later on it became one. Hold on, Amina. We have a minute. This 32nd clock is amazing. We have Amina on the line.

This is a follow-up. Amina, what was your first call? Jake cobbling an episode out of the 200. Not me then! She goes like this. I don't want to win the vest. I saw some guy named Luke. Who gives a shit?

You have a follow-up about the jet skis. I don't give a fuck about the guy who gets him car. We got to live on planet Earth, Amina. So walk us through, what was the jet ski problem? Okay, so my husband had a pair of jet skis and a vehicle out in the front yard, and I was trying to figure out a way to get rid of them. Right. And the episode aired too quickly, so my husband caught wind of it before we could actually solve it.

Sucks. Okay. So did you do any pitches or we aired it too fast? No, I did pitches. Like we were going to do an email from like an HOA type of deal thing. Yeah. Yeah. Did it? It's been a while. It was like last year. Okay. Yeah, we did. So did we send one? Yes, we did. But the episode aired. I understood. So it just, it all kind of crumbled. Yeah. But then you said something interesting, Amina. Yeah.

You said it was negative, but then it became positive. Can you tell us what happened? Yeah, so he finally, he finally got rid of them on his own. He just got, would you be careful with that chimp pet? You are out of your mind. I mean, listen to what it just happened. I agree. So he just decided if he chips that chimp head, there's going to be a fight.

Stop. Or I'll put good hours into this. Stop. You did nothing. I said Rob. Oh, it said I. So, Amina, he just decided to get rid of the Judski, so it's a happy-ended, but we did not help you get there. I think you still helped me.

We didn't. We started it. No, but we didn't do any of this. Wait, do you think the reason he got rid of him was because of listening to the episode? Honestly, I think the attention on it did kind of make him think about it more. Hold on, Amina. I've got to answer it. this. Yeah, that's a win. Amina, thank you very much. Yes. You're welcome. It's sometimes not the pitch,

but that's the beauty of this. The beauty of the 200th is that that is a win and it'll probably make it into the final. That's in main show. That's a win. That is main show material, Avina. So, Mia, thank you for the call. We appreciate it. You're definitely not getting the vest. But this is definitely main show follow up. We appreciate you. Thank you. You're welcome. Bye. All right, we should probably say anyone who doesn't think they can beat the radam-platum. Unless you're a follow-up. If anybody has a follow-up, we're begging for a call. Do you either come over the follow-up, you've got two more people pitching on the best.

Here we go. If you don't think you're going to win. Don't do it. Hang up. Hang up. Yeah. Come on. All right. Next person.

Hi. This is Jessica. I am from Illinois, Northern Chicago area. I'm on the Wisconsin border. I had a pitch, and then I heard the wedding pitch, and I felt like, okay, I got to top that. So my pitch is that the vest is worn at the wedding, but is also then sent to me and my husband who are doing 10-year anniversary picks in Pucana, and we will both wear the vest in our 10-year anniversary picks.

What's your first name again? Jessica. Jessica, you might have just evolved things. Jessica, you might have, you might be in second place and getting the best as well. might also be tied Well, we might be sending it from the wedding to you. The vest might travel.

The vest is probably going to travel. Okay. I could also, because I'm very close to Chicago, get it to the van. Oh, my God. We could take a photo of the vest on the van. We're going to staple it? I don't know.

Don't you just enamored with whatever journey the vest goes on. Oh, right, Jessica. We did this season one where there was like a guy who collected gumballs or chew gum. And we were talking about the idea of it traveling around. We could do that with the vest for real. The nicotine. Let's do it with the vest.

The sisterhood of the traveling vest. Yes. So it would start at this. It starts with Radham. It would start at his wedding. Yes. Then it would go to you for your 10th anniversary. Yes.

Okay. And then what we would have, everybody would need to agree on. Adam, if you're listening, would you agree and just comment in the text? Would you send it to Jessica after? We'll get everybody's information. He would. Radham? He will.

Okay. So if it's a yes, by the way, you should be muted. But, um, so we're going to say right now, thank you for that great idea. Natalie watching her mute rule slowly die on the vine. And now let's go to two more, but that's all right. Yeah. I think we might have a real play. All right.

Here we go. Hi. Go ahead. Vespitch. Okay. Yes. Hi. My name is Mia.

I am 28. and my vest pitch is I've been listening and I will wear it for my birthday and we can pass it all along and I'll have a we're here to help themed birthday party you were in very early on that you just want the vest going everywhere I can see that in your face Jake however we're here to help birthday theme could be interesting yeah okay what is a what is it what is it we're not allowed to ask followers but that's the only one So the we're here to help birthday theme party is I just would want the we're here to help like just my favorite different episodes playing of all times

and we'll be watching and listening and then like hopefully I can get a cake with your guys's And what if everybody has to dress up as either Gareth Mead or their favorite or their favorite caller or their favorite caller but everybody has to dress up like a great idea their favorite caller and can I suggest two of of your friends show up with a couple low-lift problems that the party solves. That's fun. Wow. Or we can all bring in, everyone can have a problem.

Everybody can have a problem. And instead of happy birthday, you play the Mrs. Gingerbread theme. That's great, Gareth. Welcome back. Maybe everyone could sing it for me. Yes, everybody can sing you. Maybe they could learn it instead of the happy birthday's song. Everybody can sing you. We love you. When's your birthday? This is a great idea.

My birthday is September 18th. Holy fuck. Well, let's get moving. I don't know when you might be first. I don't know when Radham's wedding is. But I can have a later, I mean, like, I don't know, no, no, no, we could make this work. We can make this work.

Okay, Mia, hey, we appreciate it. You're in serious contention. You're in serious contention. I mean, you're probably getting the vest at some point. All right. Here's a more. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So my, my pitch, I am, I'm in the suburbs of Chicago. Well, actually, I'm in Logan Square. But my pitch is to write a song and make a music video with the vest in it. Great. What's your name? Okay. Done. Give us your address, please.

The answer is yes. What's your name? Okay. No need to go any further. It took two seconds. We're good to go. We'll be in touch, but this is a winner. You're getting the vest.

You're doing a music video. Next call. All right. Here we go. Last one. Phil is from Detroit. You want the vest? You got it.

Hello? Oh my God. I'm here. Yep, what do you want to do with the vest? You're getting it for sure. Why do you need it? Everybody but Miranda. Well, I just taught my cat.

You got it. I just taught my cat how to sit, stay, do paw, and do upies. And I travel with her all the time. And I know Gareth loves Jose. So the vest would get a lot of cat time. I can put lots of treats in there. And I could also fashion it into like a pet bed or something. something. All right. A couple things. One, you're not making any changes to the vest that's going

everywhere. Two, nobody loses on the vest gave except Miranda. Three, you got the vest. Give us your address. Holy shit. I don't even understand. We're not turning it into a cat bed. No, we're not. I said no adjustments to be made to the vest. I won't turn it into a cat bed. But she can probably fit in one of the pockets and I can take really cute pictures. Sounds like you're taking shot to the vest. So, okay, I got it. One of the really big box. It sounds like you take a shot to the vest. Oh, here's what we could do. we could create a thing on Patreon that Morgan will oversee and we can have one member of the Patreon

said it to the next. What if I told you, what if I told you when I walked up eight hours ago in the parking lot and I said, by the end of the night, we're going to be shipping the vest all across the country for different events. So here's the,

I would love it. What if I thought, you told me when you walked into the headgum studio before the first time we're in it, or are you buying it when you were like, I look pretty good at that. When I bought it in a, earnest. And I was like, hmm. And I was like, this will be mocked so mercilessly that it will be sent all

over the country for events for the podcast. So we're going to make a music video. It's going to be at a wedding. So this has ended up again, what makes the show work is the community. And I think we got a huge fucking win. I do too. We will figure out one more. All right, one more. One more. Hey, this is, um, this is Cadence, aka Snow Party. Snow Party. She's been, she's been all up in the chat. So what's up? Snow Party? Cool. So my idea for the vest was one, because I wanted to wear it, because I used to have one just like it in, like, 2009.

But then I was like, that's kind of boring. So I have a Polaroid camera, and I was going to, like, take weird photos of it different places and maybe end this. Well, okay. Let it keep pitching. Let it keep pitching. The Superberg at the end. That was my old plan.

Keep going on. And then weird Polaroids. Oh, there you go. That's wonderful. She's going to send her just polarites of her in this vest. Great. Done. Yeah, me, weird places.

I don't even know yet. I love it. Great. Yep. Great. You'll have a. So here's what we would need. Here's what we're going to do with the vest.

The vest is going to travel. Yep. Someone's going to send it to you when you get it. Do that work. And then we will hook you up with the next person. And you send it to the next person. I love the logistical fine point you're putting on this. All right.

So at some point, you're going to get it. Do what you said. You're going to mail it off. Thank you. Well, here's what's going to happen. And this is what I'm asking everybody in good faith. If everybody plays along, oh, here's what I'm also asking everyone to do. Like if you go to a cabin, there's a book you write who had it.

In one of the pockets, say where you are and what you did with it. Could also sign the inside part. Or sign the inside part with it, like a Sharpie marker on the inside. side so everybody sign it date it in what state you're in and let's see if we could i know where i want it to end i want to gift it to the guy in greenland he's not real we have a listener in greenland i don't think he exists i do let him he won't respond to you he's shy it let it let listen to me buddy you're freezing you live in a cold land let me get you here jack With no sleeves.

Cheap. Cheap generic target vest. Cheap. Won't keep you warm. The idea that right now, Jake is potentially pitching to wear the sleeveless vest to someone in Greenland

who may or may not exist. And I think the hope in your eyes when you said, I want it to end up with the guy. He's my Rushmore, man. The Patreon is really dying for Jake to put on the vest. Come on.

It's about to go. For the last. time. Yeah. Say goodbye. It's the last one. There you go, buddy. So I'll put it on to start, and then I'll put it on at the end. Okay.

When it comes back and, you know, you know what? Here's how we end our show. When it's finally over. Lights off. Yes. You put it up. We do our cheers moment. Lights off.

Oh, my God. This is terrible, Gareth. I cannot believe you bought this. Looks good. I feel like I'm on. I feel like I'm wearing a life fest. You look good. I feel like I'm on a, I feel like a little boy.

Back a little bit. On a life vest. There you go. I think you look good in it. This is terrible. I don't. You look good in it. I want to know if it smells citrusy.

Take a sniff. It smells weird. It smells like old man. Stop. I swear on my life, I'm not trying to be made. It has an older man smell. Jake. That's because you put it on.

I can't believe. You just caked it. You just caked it. This is the worst thing I've ever had on. You look good. You know, it's nice is that you have the head, the earpiece, too? This is the one. It almost looks like you're at sea.

gareth how did you do this you look good stop it can you take a compliment natalie natalie natalie natalie natalie what if i walk in your name hold on hold on hold on natalie natalie natalie sing Natalie did me look good no he looks so bad so bad Rob he looks like a child in a good way My God. Everybody, thank you so much for tuning in.

Holy fuck. I think we have a great plan with the vest. I feel really fired up about it. God, that looks so good. I mean, listening to Jake's full opinion

on the vest, when he's sitting there, this is fucking amazing, by the way. How about that? When he's saying, looking at chimp heads, that looks so good.

I mean, that is fucking incredible from what I could see. That is fucking, what an ending. What an absolute pager of an ending. All right, well, I just want to say thank you guys. Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for joining us for 200.

Thank you being part of the Patreon. Wait, a little bit lower. Well, I'm trying to not. No, it doesn't matter. Move it over more. There you go. So we just want to say thank you guys for being part of this community.

I'm very excited to see what happens with the vest. Goodbye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim. Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, who stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice, given on we're here to help, is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is the outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster.

Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't, but all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba, to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew? Who knew? The mob's involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube.

New episodes every Thursday.