We're Here to Help - 201: The Pickle and Chip Classic & CopperTone Style (with Beck Bennett)

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

Beck Bennett joins the guys for this bro-nus episode. First, they tee up a Pickleball match between brothers in-law. Then, they help a caller named T-Squeeze prepare for a live modeling session.Check out Beck's new podcast What's Our Podcast? and watch Fixed, now streaming on Netflix.See caller images here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-201Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. We have a very special guest, Mr. Beck. Bennett. Beck, I've been a fan of you for a while. We met at a Derek Waters' Crab Party. We did. You were very nice. You came up and introduced yourself to me.

I was so excited to meet you because I've been a fan of yours for a long time as well. So you got a podcast. What's Our Podcast? It launches 827. 827 as well. Headgum as well. Oh, it's a HeadGum family. It's a HeadGum podcast.

It's called What's Our Podcast? and it's a podcast where we don't know what our podcast is about. You and Kyle Mooney. Oh, you and Kyle? Oh, great. Yeah. And people, we talked with people for a little bit

and then they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we go into a different studio and try it for like 30 minutes. And so we've had, it's like it can be anything. So it's like we've had auditions, jeans, beef. Beef, yeah, we had Caper Lamp pitched us to sinners delight and we didn't know what it was going to be and we just like went in the studio and did a podcast episode about like sinning and delighting and sinning and really funny yeah um

so it's just like really loose and fun and uh yeah comes out august 27th i love it and then what is the before we get into the call yeah what is the movie i remember we got an email from PR saying movie Natalie do you know what I'm talking about am I in a movie fixed fixed Oh, fixed. Yeah, fixed come came out yesterday. It's a dog, it's a dog movie. It's an animated movie on Netflix, created by Gendi Tartikovsky. I have to think about his name every time I say it.

Who did, he did like Dexter's Laboratory and Hotel Transylvania movies. And this is just like an R-rated sort of, it's about a dog who's going to get fixed. and he finds out he's going to get fixed, and he runs away and has a night out on the town with his buddies like one last night of trying to use his nuts as much as possible.

Is it? So my buddy, Josh, did a movie called Strays. Did you ever see that one? I never saw that. That was like, was that, that wasn't animated though, right? It was kind of, though. It was like real dogs, but obviously they animated them around.

They take mushrooms and you have. Yeah. Is it like an R-rated or is it more kid-friendly? No, it's R-rated. There's like, there's a lot of sex acts and a lot of foul language, a lot of buttholes. Cool. The dog's balls talk to them and become characters in and of themselves. It's not safe for kids.

That's what I was asking. Yeah, yeah. A lot of dog buttholes. They animated the buttholes. There's just so many buttholes. What a goofy job being an animator, huh? Yeah. I guess when you're doing buttholes.

And all day you're doing it, and then you get a note where they're like, is that where the line should go and you? you go like, well, I've looked at a lot of photos, yeah. There is always a line there, and they go, but it looks odd, right? And you go, it does look odd, Jerry. It's a butthole. And we're not used to seeing these animated buttholes, but trust me, this is right. And they go, I don't know.

And you go, if you want me to not make it real, I can, but this is what a dog butthole looks like. So it's up to you. It's not going to be good. There's no version of this that looks nice. But if you want it bad, I'll give it to you bad. But this is the most accurate interpretation. This is what a dog's butthole looks like, animated in our style. Yeah.

Again, you are the boss. Again, I'll keep, I'll go back to the drawing board literally. And then that guy, the butthole drawing board. That guy goes home to his wife or she goes home to his husband and goes, like, how it's work. Like, it's just stressful. They just don't get the vision. It's just what's hard about it is it's fucking they're on me all the time. They just want different buttholes and there's just really, there's not that many different versions.

And they just want different stuff. And I don't know what to do. It's hard. It's hard to be an animator. But it's fine. All right. So I'll do the dishes. I don't care.

Like, let's just... You had the kids all day. I'll jump it. I'm like, I just... Can I have like 10 minutes in the backyard where I sip a bourbon and feel bad for myself because I got in trouble about buttholes all day. One thing I will say, you guys in the photo of, you know, the cover art,

you guys have these mics, these chest mics. Yeah. Did you ever think about designing those and, like, using those to record your podcast? That'd be cool as hell. It'd be good. We've never gone that far. It'd be great. If someone wants to make them.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't even know if they actually existed ever. It'd be cool as hell. Yeah, that'd be really cool. He's trying to increase his sex appeal and that would just tank it. When we got on YouTube, Garris started to get really sexy. You're trying to up your sex appeal?

Yeah. Is there something you're trying right now? So many things. Truthfully a lot, back. Not even has a joke. No, lots of stuff. Opening the shirt more, creams, lot of things. Oh, you always had the.

Have you always had the necklace? He never had this stuff. No, this is, this, my mother got this in a handful of things. He never had any of this crap. Back, I've known him for 20 years. He's never had a V neck like that. Hold on, Jake, Beck and I are talking. I, uh, I like this, though, because I think that chest mic might leave a little of that to see,

which I think is a good feature. I agree with what you're saying, Beck. Yeah. I do look good. Thank you. You look really good. He started putting a lot of, like, do you see how shiny his face is? Yeah.

And it's because before these zooms, he puts a lot of oil on. Not even before the Zooms. It's we do it in the morning. It's just a morning routine, Beck. It's not for the show. That's so cool. I should do that. I would love to sidebar with you.

That could be what your podcast is on one week. You guys could be a lotion show. That'd be great. I'll bring my whole kit. It'll be a whole thing. Oil the fuck out of you guys. I do lotion. I want oil.

I'd love to get some oil. Are you a big lotion guy, Beck? Jesse's trying to make me. I put some lotion on today. She tries to make me do the, the lotion with some sunscreen. And I'm like... Well, yeah, sunscreen is different

sunscreen. No, but it's... You want to put it out... I do lotion, yeah, yeah. It's called the banana boat. Jake, we're talking about cream. Stop, back off. Oh, yeah, I do all this stuff.

You know, I do the sunscreen when I'm outside, but that's enough for me. But I do sunscreen, like, when I'm going to do something outside, she's like, just put it on no matter what. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

That's what they say, yeah. That's for the skin care. saying, oh, for the skin care. For the skincare, protect the skin. It's a lotion sunscreen combo. Now I hear what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jake, if you're interested, I'd love to send you some information.

It's a two and one. It's very manly. Men love two and ones. I do like a two and one, but I do think there's a level of sunscreen that we are buying the hype. Here we go. The amount of people who are so caked in sunscreen stuff, and then they go, there's more sun when it's behind the

clouds, actually. And I go, is that right? And they go, you know, the UV things go through buildings now. I'm like, we're in a cave. No, we're not going through buildings. The UVs aren't going through buildings. That's insane. And I don't know what you're talking about.

You were saying that there are people covered in sunscreen. You know people. Like white just over-creaming, dude. And people. We have names. We have everyday life, too, Jake. No, I would not just Garrett. There are the amount of people you go to do an event,

you're outside, kid game, and some of those, you want some sunscreen, and you go like, I mean, I sprayed myself, but I think I'm okay. And then they just put a glob on their hand where you're like, that's so much goddamn cream, man. But they're rubbing it in, right? No, they put a glove on their hand and just sit there with a big glom on their hand.

They're doing it wrong. Safety first. You can't just put sunscreen on your hand and have it close to your face. It's like a light blocker. Yeah. That would be a fun thing to be out of game. You want some sunscreen? Somebody just...

Unload it and just sits there with it. You got to be careful. That's how I was doing it for a long time. I was getting burnt. I was bred itself. Now I rub it in. Yeah, it's really good. All right.

We got to let in this collar again. We got to stop talking about this. All right, let's do it. Hey, everybody. We're here does. We're actually doing something we're a little excited about. We're going to experiment with for a minute. A little different to how we regularly do the show. We want to know some advice someone else gave you that was helpful or advice that you gave to someone that was helpful and how it worked out. Now, look, obviously we are, you know, we're the drunk uncles. So we would like this to be an entertaining story or an interesting story or something like that. we're really just kind of looking for the best advice. So will you email the show if you have something that's helpful pod at gmail.com and in the subject line put best advice.

So, you know, could be a funny story, could be a wild story, something like that. And we will probably follow up with you and talk to you on this version of the show. We're going to try out. But everything else is going to remain the same. Cut that out. That was a stupid last part. All right. Thank you.

We're here to us. Appreciate it. Love you. Love me. Love you. This episode of We're Here to Help is sponsored by Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Listen, guys, there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. I am angry that Eric Edelstein isn't on the show more often. I am angry that Steve Berg is not on the show more often. I find those men to be absolute kings. There's a lot of things

that we shouldn't get angry about. You know what happened to me the other day? I was on the road. I was doing some laundry and it ate one of my quarters. Now, quarters on the road are very, very important, especially when it comes to laundry and I had to go to the front desk to get more quarters. They didn't have any. All right? I just wore dirty underwear. So instead of getting angry over one of your situations, get an angry orchard and feel good. Feel chill. and refreshed, not getting pissed off, but just having a tasty orchard. Angry Orchard is the number one hard cider in the country. I'm a fan of Angry Orchard myself.

I drink cider. I like Angry Orchard. Grab an Angry Orchard cider today. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Please drink responsibly. Hello. Hey, how are we doing?

Good. How you doing? I'm doing very well. we get your name please i am taylor hey taylor where you calling from taylor calling from sidona arizona oh i love sedona right yes are you a big believer in uh the magic of sidona for texas you know um i have some family members that are and definitely a lot of co-workers that are um i i like to ride the fence i don't go either way how many crystals you got oh well i do have i do have a couple

I mean, it's just part of, that's just part of living here. I know, but even if you're a man who has a couple of crystals, you're into this stuff. Yeah, but I mean, they're there more to just look at. I'm not necessarily convinced they're changing my day to day life. Okay, so they don't have individual powers, you know, that thing? I mean, that's, that's the theory that most people go with, but I don't know if I'm, I don't know if I'm there yet. Okay.

Respect. All right, Taylor, uh, you are on with Gareth and I and then Mr. Beck. Bennett. So you got some shooters, buddy. You got some real shooters here. Yeah, this is going to be really good for you. So Taylor, Arizona, got a couple of crystals. What can we do for you today? All right. So a little backstory. So my brother-in-law is, for lack of a better term, a little bit of an ass. And he grew up with five brothers. He's very cocky. He's very competitive. He's got quite the ego and likes to protect it at all cause. And I am a professional pickleball coach.

So I coach pickleball for a living. That's it. Thank you. It's a fun life. But last time we were all together as a family, it came up, you know, pickleball and whatnot. And he just went off saying that he would absolutely destroy me. Now, keep in mind he's never played pickleball a day in his life.

And I do this for a living. But I mean, the rest of the day, it was just, oh, dude, I've been an athlete my whole life I could take you down, no problem you know, there's not a chance you're going to take the win and I mean, for a while I was arguing with him like there's no chance

I'm going to wipe the floor with you and he just did not stop and so now I'm at a point where you know we didn't get to play that day but we're going to get to see each other here in the next few weeks and I know for a fact he is going to bring it right back up and is going to either

start talking trash again or going to want to go play. And so I'm on the fence of do I try and just shut him up and like destroy him and put him in his place? That's nerve-wracking because what if I mess up? And if I don't do that, then what's another way to handle this where I can just be like, dude, this is, this is ridiculous. Like, this is what I do? You've never played before. What's the point in us doing this and me, you know, embarrassing you in front of the family? It's just like this weird scenario where I don't know whether to try and take him out or come up with another solution

to just try and shut them up. Well, first of all, I love this call, Taylor. Yeah, I do too. I think this is very clear. I think you did a great job of setting it up. Beck, what are your first thoughts? Wait, I just want to get some facts straight again. You said this is your brother?

In-law. Brother-in-law. And he's got five brothers, and he's a cocky son of a bitch. Yeah, is he... Exactly. What's the age difference between the two of you? he's got me beat by probably 10 years it's my half sister so she's 10 years older than me so you're walking around at 35 he's walking around at 45 exactly okay you're at 40 your body

starts to fall apart has he been taking care of his body does he work out does he he like he plays sports still i i mean no he's got three kids and they're all young so he's you know he's running around with that but outside of that i mean whenever i see him he's you know cracking a beer and hanging out and just kind of do the shit. I don't think he's doing regular gym stuff. And you're good at pickleball you play. He's a coach? Yeah, but you know

coaches can kind of like stand on the sideline, some coaches. Yeah, look at Andy Reed. You know, like, you're a coach your coach who plays. By the way, I never thought as an Andy Reed frame. Well, I'm just saying it's like, yeah. Imagine Andy Reed like, all right, I'll go

wide right. No, I imagine this guy, Taylor, you're a guy who hits with, look, I just did a pickleball movie. I played a lot of pickleball recently, had the coaches. You're out there hitting in shorts, correct? Absolutely. I just got off the board. These guys play five hours a day. You're going to murder him.

You're going to murder him. I think that you, I think the whole, like, not planning it is great. So you can prepare. Like the next time you see him, I think you're stretching, you're hydrated, you're ready to go. And he won't be. He'll be, he won't be warmed up. He might pop a hammer. or something like that, you know, he's, he's just, he's not taking it seriously.

So I think if there is an opportunity, you spring it on him. You're ready to go. And you're just, you're going to crush it. But see, Beck, I don't think we need to do a surprise attack. Yeah. I think. You think you have given the time to prepare? I think you let him talk his shit in front of the family.

You let him fucking write all the checks that he can't cash. That's right. And then he goes, oh, I'm going to beat. And you go, oh, you think so. And then you go, if we did a best of seven, who would win that? Each game's up to 11. And you go, oh, I'll beat you four or nothing. You go, oh, then you go, how much?

Yeah. Or you go, well, what are the stakes? Because I know I could beat you. Loser has to do what that's humiliating. Loser has to do what for the entire family, a night that's catered where the loser has to be the weight staff? That's nice. I like the loss. I like that.

If you want to give, I don't know if you want to give him the runway to, like, start prepping, though. I would say, Taylor's a coach. I'm aware. Andy reads a coach. I would say, why don't we, why don't you have your wife, Taylor, tee it up the next time you're all together, day of, you can have this time to prep. Get ready. Make sure your game's sharp. She sort of springs it on there when he talks a little bit of shit.

And you've cave and then go, all right, let's go. Can I ask you a question, Taylor, but this is a little bit of a hustle. We're going down two different roads here. What do we call in brother-in-law, Taylor? Let's go with Ryan. Hey, Taylor, you're a professional pickleball coach. You're not just some guy who plays, correct? Correct, yeah.

How good are you? I mean, you know, I'm not amazing. I'm not going pro anytime soon. But you coach the game. Yeah, you know, I'm not. the moves. I mean, this is, it's, you know how. You charge people for your expertise. True. Yeah. I mean, I, I'm pretty good. Yeah. Does Ryan know the rules? He's never played, guys. He's going to be all in the kitchen. He's going to be in the kitchen all day.

Oh, yeah. He's going to be like a stoner. Taylor, if you are a coach of pickleball, you know, they do this in the jihitsu community. Here we go. Buckle up. They do this in the jiu jitzy community. Get rid. What are they do in the jiu-jitsu community? Ask Jake to stop showing up to the gym. Go ahead, Jake. Very funny. You with your one-liners.

You wouldn't say that at the jiu-jitsu mat. I wouldn't. Well, because I don't go there anymore. Because you're not even there. You're just at home. I hurt my knee. But what they do in martial arts communities, every once in a while a joke comes.

They do it in boxing gyms too. You can YouTube it, I have. But it's just a guy off the street in jeans with no shirt on who walks in and goes, I'll fight anybody here. You guys are fucking sissies. And then it's not the students, but the person who runs the gym

gets in the ring and shows that the technique that they teach works. So it's, I'm a fucking badass. I'm gonna walk into a jihitsu room. I'm Gareth. I think everybody here is just rubbing around with their faces.

Why is this random guy being named me? With their faces in each other's butts. So get on the mat. And when your arms get ripped off and your head gets popped off like a top of a dandelion, you're going to realize this is a pretty serious game. And so what I'm proposing is...

I'll be so oiled up, they can't grab me. Yeah, that's actually really true. We were talking about getting oiled before you called. Yeah. He knows the show. He always talked about it. It's a theme. Here's what I think you have to do, Taylor.

You got to go out there and prove your worth. And if he beats you, I mean, maybe... Career change. Kind of career change, man. but if you can't beat a guy who's never played who's talking shit because the problem with pickleball is everybody thinks it's so easy anyone can do it the thing that's annoying about it is a seven-year-old lady

could pick it up and she's playing just as good as a 24-year-old but as you and I know Taylor there's levels to this game sure yeah there's levels to the game I then I'm gravitating back to what Jake was saying originally I think since this guy probably doesn't know shit you should tell him you've been thinking about it and you want to play him you want to play him and whatever yeah best of seven

I think you could come up with a nice family bet and then you should train you should get ready he just came up to courts I know but he's coaching it's time to start playing maybe you get a coach maybe you get a coach to do drills with you you know what I mean you up your game and I really and I think that the winner

if you win then he never gets to talk about pickleball in with the family and you ever again and you could also make like a shirt a jacket make like a nice jacket an embarrassing jacket that says like it has to be like Taylor dominated me and pickleball because he's more of an alpha dog on the courts than me family champion family champion and then if you're worried that he's never going to wear that then you make one for yourself that says I dominated Ryan, he can never talk about pickleball with me or the family ever again. And you wear that shirt to family gathering. Or a shirt that says, ask Ryan who wanted pickleball.

Yeah. Yeah. With the date. And the whole family comes out and watches. Yep. Yeah. You know, it's part of the, it's part of the, you know, the responsibility of being a pickleball coach. You're going to get challenged.

You have to represent the gym. Yeah. It comes with the job. It's Kobe Kai. I think you just, I think you've got to take them down. Yeah. And you got to let us know how it goes. I think you should maybe even film it.

I think you should 100% film it. Right on. Yep. Oh. I think we should do interviews with Ryan and interviews with you beforehand. Totally agree. Let's get the shit talking. I think we should get Ryan.

Actually, I got a question for you. This is a good question you're about to ask. Could you send Ryan a Zoom link right now? I had a feeling. I had a feeling this was going to come up. I texted his wife this morning. He's at work. Because I figured that might be where we might be where we were headed.

What does he do? From what I understand, he delivers potato chips. I think he works for lays and goes. Ryan, like that guy literally lays around. You know what I mean for a job? This guy lays around and pickleball coach. Taylor he's not in a laboratory I think we could probably get him on the phone

if he's delivered I like two things I love one you don't really know what he does and two you think that loosely delivering potato chips is so immersive that he can't answer the phone The second he's on the job driving around all over the place Oh exactly that's what you mean

You pull over to the side of the road for a minute Take a Zoom Yeah okay sorry let's not push this I think we could push it That's a crazy answer. I mean, you want to push it? I think we should push it. Get him on the phone.

Yeah. Taylor, will you send Natalie his info, and let's just see if we can get him on last second? And we could even do another call and then see if we can follow up after the next call. Yes. And then if not, and we can keep back for a little bit, maybe he can come on. Because I think what we need to do here, Taylor, is we got to do a little battle between you two guys. And we got to see who wins. And we're team Taylor.

Yeah. Of course, yeah. Until we talk to Ryan and John John. He can't fucking delivers potato chips for a living. If he wins, he's the underdog. Stay on board, at least for now. Sounds pretty cool to me, honestly. Back, no.

Who would you cheer for if you're watching a movie? A fucking guy who's in his mid-40s who delivers potato chips or a pickleball coach. I'm cheering for potatoes a little. Your movie's all about a pickleball. You're the protagonist in a pickleball movie who's a coach. But, you know, the chip delivery guy, he's got to be the underdog. Of course he is. He's not the alpha there.

And his wife is saying your body's fall into shit. You can't do this. Taylor's favor is higher and higher, considering this guy's surrounded by junk food all day. Yeah. Of course. Sitting, sitting, delivering junk food, yeah. And now you talk about your face being oily.

Hey, no wife. Imagine this guy sitting around all those potato chips in a hot truck. He has just one shiny potato chip. He's one shiny potato chip. He's easy to beat. Pickles and Chips. The pickle and chip classic is what we got to call it. By the way, what, so what do you think, Taylor?

Okay, so I just emailed his number. He's going to have absolutely no idea that this is coming, but he'll know what we're talking about. It's great. Yeah. And, yeah, it might go, it might be interesting if he answers the phone. I mean, are you worried about it? Should we not do this? You tell us.

No, I mean, I'm not overly worried about it. I'm a little worried. He might start saying some wild stuff on air. I think that's what you'd prefer. Yeah. And we'll keep him in line. Here's what it is. All right.

So you want me to call him or you want me to text him the Zoom info and see if he'll call in in a little bit? Will you text him and see if there's a time you could call in and then maybe we'll come back. And if we lose back, then we'll do it and we'll schedule another time with him. Yeah. Yeah. Taylor, are you down for this competition with him if we can get him? I'm absolutely down. Because I was, I mean, at first it was like, okay, if I do beat him and he scores one or two points, that's all he'll focus on, or maybe he'll stop making fun a pickleball.

But if we can make it like public and put a bet on it, I feel pretty good about it. Also, Taylor, when somebody brags about two points, this is what you need to do. And this is what I do when I make bets with Gareth or you got to get them to write a big check first. so he's got to say I'm going to beat you and then you go so not a couple of points you think you could actually beat me he goes I know I can't

so you go all right well if that's what you think let's make a bet on that not can you score a point on me anyone can score I could punch Mike Tyson but I'm not going to knock him out he sounds like the type of guy who's going to find a way to like make it you know like he won whatever

like he won a couple games and that it's a handicapped And he's like, nope, you make the rules clear. Yeah. But like it seems like there's almost no way to win with this guy except for, I think he does need to pay up. And I also think you need to have a written thing of what the thing is. Yep. And it's no, you can't spin it.

The pickle deal. Because if he goes, no, I know I can't beat you, but the game sucks and you go like this, sounds like a coward to me. You'll have a jacket. Yeah. You need to come to his level and shut him up for good. I think so, too. That's really the goal is you shut them up for good. And so, Taylor, when you're playing, don't be sweet and you don't go to the kids.

Yeah. Every once in a while people will do this and in the middle, they pretend they're being a good person by showing mercy and it's fake. Don't lay on your back and all of a sudden put your legs up and go like, I let him win game too. I felt so bad. That's an act of cowardice. The only way you can actually show love is strangle him to death of that court. And you are killing the part of him. that is full of shit.

And people, I want other people to go, Taylor's no joke. That's hard to watch him hit it so hard at Ryan. Yeah. And then when Ryan, try to get him, get him in the face, get him in the junk. Go left to right where Ryan twists an ankle. And when he does go, if an injury occurs, you forfeit.

Yep. Because part of this game is lack of conditioning. Is lateral movement, which you don't have. Let's go. When he serves it, underhand, and soft, slam it down his ass. yeah and when your wife looks at you like you're being a psycho go this is how i bring food on the table for us yeah it's true yeah this is this ain't a game this is part of your brand

this is part of your brand yeah and people in the community are going to go you want to get good at pickleball you got an update he just responded and he goes oh yeah how i'm going to whip your ass so hypothetically he might be available to take the call and he's ready to go See if he can take it right now. I want to talk to this guy. Well, we got it to someone else waiting. Do we have someone else waiting? Yeah, we have our next caller.

But I did text your brother. Brother-in-law. Brother-in-law. So if you can ask him to respond to me and I'll send him all the calls. So let's do this next call and then we can put a pin in this and then we can talk to you. Okay. All right, Taylor, she's about to get real. Okay.

Hold your crystals, buddy. We're about to fuck him up. Grab your crystals. Grab your crystals. I don't have any power to them, guys. Get a pickle ball crystal. Go get a pickle ball crystal. All right, let's take the next one.

All right, buddy. Talk to you soon. Hello. What up? What up? What up? Oh, what are you going to be? What's good?

What's the good word? What's good? Straight chilling, dude. Kicking it with my boys right here. Just taking calls, giving advice. What's your advice? name, my man? My name's Tony.

Call me T-O-Tone. Professor T-squeeze. Yes. Professor T-squeeze. Yeah, the T stands for throttle. That's from my Biker gang days. Damn.

That's a story for another time. I don't know if it is, my guy. Hey, T-squeez, let's hear the story. This is the best name we've had. Well, yeah, I'm just squeezing the throttle, you know.

I don't really ride motorcycles. I'm just curious. Hey, Tony, that's not a story for a nice time. That story took no time, my man. That's a story for no time. Squeezing the throttle. I like to keep it simple. I like to keep it simple, you know.

Classic T.O. T.O. T.O. This is a story for another night, John. We'll give it to me. I just squeeze the throttle. It's five words. Tony, would you expect that other night to be? I've actually ever sat on the back of a motorcycle. Can I tell you a little something, T-Squish?

I love you, Tony. T-squeez, your story is getting sadder and sadder. And more relatable. I've also only sat at the back of motorcycles, and I have squeezed the man in front of me. They've got a T-Squise. Because how hard I've grabbed that torso of the guy who's actually the man. My uncle had a motorcycle growing up, and I got behind him,

and I was trying to be cool and hold it back. And within a minute, I was doing two hands under the ribs just holding man titty. It's terrifying. It's so much more dangerous to be on the back of a motorcycle holding somebody. As dumb up a thing as you could do is holding a motorcycle. Is that a, is that Ty Borella here? Nope, it's Beck Bennett. That's right.

Oh, great. Yeah. It's right, Mr. T-Squoise. Yeah, it's great to talk to. Professor T-squeeze. Oh, sorry, Professor T-Squoise. Wow. All right.

We already got a lot of info on you. I don't know if any of that's helpful, but... It might be. So why don't you... You guys don't want to know my memoir or nothing like that? What kind of animal I'd suck off in the jungle? I think he's not been listening to what kind of animal you'd suck off in the jungle? All right, Professor T's squeeze.

What animals are you suck it off in the jungle, Professor T's squeeze? Dying to hear. Probably like an eel or something. I feel like that go down smooth. Jesus. Wait a second. Hold on, Tony. This is a real question now.

You have to go in the jungle and you need to give an animal a blowjob. What animal are you giving a blow job to? An eel's dish? A jungle eel? That's a terrible idea. Oh, yeah, I feel like it'd go down smooth. It's dick. You don't eat it.

Tony, you brought this up. Okay, man. If you had to suck off. How about a two can? Yeah, that'd be fun. definitely give you a lot of probably a lot of positive feedback why a teucan

you just got that cool nose and that face yeah he hopes the dick looks like the nose they hang out they hang out in the jungle and birds make me horny what professor tea squeeze uh guys I've got some serious issues and I need you to get to the fucking bottom of them

I think he's going to be good Tony you are firing Professor Toskis. I'll be on bottom. All right. Before we get into it really fast, Gareth and Beck, if you were in the jungle

and you had to suck an animal's dick, which animal's dick would you suck? Really good question. Thank you for asking me. Well, not an eel. Not an eel. It can't be a gorilla. Jake, you've got the deal with him.

That's my idea. That's your territory right there, my guy. Maybe like a sloth. You would say. I'm a sloth. It's a great answer. They'll take forever. That's the beauty of it.

Really take my time with it. I just feel like they wouldn't be, you know, they'd be predictable. Like, they're not going to, like, all of a sudden go, like, just freak out or something. But you would be sucking that dick for so long. That's the idea. But they're not going to hurt me. You know what I mean? They're not going to hurt me.

Gareth. That's the idea. What dick you suck? I love sloth. I love sucking a sloth. stick. That's a good one. I think I would go with maybe like a lemur

or something like that just because I would want to know what happens to its eyes during orgasm because they're already big. So, you know, what happens? Plus I love lemurs. I'm 100% panda. Oh, yeah. That would be nice.

I like panda too. That's good. I think a panda and sloth are similar but I think I'm finishing way faster. And pandas are so much cute. You mean yours? So cute. You're finishing, Jake?

Yeah, Jake finishes when he gives... It's interesting. I'm also going to be mask for a baby. Okay, I just wanted to kind of get to... Not touching ourselves? No, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't. I'm not going to ask the poor panda to do that to me. That's criminal.

No, of course not. They got the claws and everything, so that's going to be a nightmare. That's interesting. Tony, back to you, sir. You've taken us in a weird direction. Now, take us home with your question. All right. So, um, about a month ago, a month and a half ago,

I went to place some of my buddies bar-tanned at. Not like that fake shit that you did for six seasons at that dump in L.A. Real bartending. T-O-Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee, by the way. Hey, seven years, so not to brag. No. You're going to come out. You, man, get the facts, right?

First season was at a real bar called the Prince, though, not to brag. Oh, okay. Well, I only saw the first season. Jesus, Professor T-squeez. What's the problem? Okay, so I went to this place and I got invited to be a live model for a lady's paint and sip. Oh, boy. And I was super stoned when I agreed to it.

Hey, hey, it's a professor. Tone, how you look naked, Big Daddy? Well, you know, I'm not going to lie. I have been hitting the gym. I mean, I'm no Mike O'Hern, but I've been lifting weights consistently for the last six months and probably in the best shape of my hot young life. Pretty good. What's your body fat around? talking about 18, 19%.

Your body fat, what are you about, 18, 19%? 35. Oh, I have no clue. I haven't checked that. And for this photo show, you're taking your skims underpants off? No. I think the state of Idaho has got laws against full mood. Oh, okay.

So you got out of pants on. Yeah, I'll have underpants on or underwear. Okay, so keep going. Now I've got a sense. You've got a good looking body. You're keeping your underpants on. keep going Yeah

So once I sobered up I kind of realized Or thought that Yeah I'm in way over my head I don't know what to expect So I just kind of wanted to get ideas For I don't know Maybe some costumes

Or you know Playlist I could throw in my ears While these ladies are uggling me Then kind of what kind of I could do I'm going to go I don't think you're getting uggled My man

I was getting ogled No, okay, so I, it's a, it's a lady's, uh, paint and sip. And I was told from the host, she said, we're a bunch of middle-aged ladies who like to drink wine and giggle. This is fun. So it's kind of, that's kind of, yeah, it's kind of what I'm going to be walking into. Yes, all jokes aside, I love this for you. I love this. You're perfect for this.

You're perfect for this. Um, well, I'm not sniffing 50 like you guys, but, uh, I'm in my early 40s. I'll be 42. Sniff and 50. in about a week. You ain't sniff in Florida anymore. Okay. Yeah, by that, 42, you ain't a young man anymore.

You're sniffing 50, baby. I'm in the best shape of my hot young life. Yeah, Tony. You can't say young life. You're pulling a Gareth. You're 42, my kid. You're 42. But I look like I have reverse Benjamin Button disease.

That's what Garras says. So I look like it's in my late 20s. So, Professor, when the sun hits the back of your head, how much scalp is it seen? I've got a full ass head of hair. My guy. Nice. Nice. What about your body?

It's not a perm. It's real curly. So you have a hairy body? He's a rosemaster. It's a killer. No, my bod. My body. I'm not a very hairy dude.

Okay. I mean. But the curtains are as curly as the drapes. Hey, stop talking for a minute, Professor. My guy. Yeah, what's up? My guy. My guy, let me walk you through my pukes.

One thing I'm going to recommend is when you do this live model when you talk. the entire time. I'm going to say, pull back in that. Just grab a mic and just roast every woman in there. I think you should be like a pig on a platter and an apple in his mouth. That might be the best move.

Yeah, I'll have to hit the tanning bed. I only got a, it's in a couple of days. So, yeah. All right, so you're looking for, so this is a clean one. And I think we can do this pretty fast tone. Yeah. So you're just looking.

Get that bell ready. This is a gimmee for you guys. I think so, too. It's right in your wheelhouse. So, Tony, you're an ideas, man, and you're coming and gunning. What are you thinking of wearing, and then let us pitch on that? Because I know you're not coming in with a blank slate. No, so I've got a few ideas, and I was thinking about maybe, so I'm a Southern California transplant in eastern Idaho.

So I was thinking about maybe bringing them some beach and dressing up as if I was going to the beach. Yes. Bringing like a beach umbrella. I got a really loud red and yellow Hawaiian. It's got pineapples on it. But here's what I was really thinking I'm going to wear some denim jeans And then, you know

After a few poses or so, take them off exactly And under those denim jeans Underneath I got some jogging shorts That look like denim shorts Okay, then what do you got underneath those? And then underneath that I got a pair of underwear that look like denim shorts And then what do you got under that?

Jake He's a, I want you to be like a Russian doll He keeps taking off denim shorts To reveal more denim shorts smaller denim shorts. But then the bottom thing, Tony, is I want like a little banana hammock with half your balls hanging out. Jake, you just read my mind because I actually have a banana hammock. It's leopard print.

Nice. You're wearing that. Does it ride up the butt a little bit? Oh, it is. It's long. Okay. So then I want, as you're building, each costume changes a new pose. The last one is butt out, face turned, biting the bit of your hand.

like you're just so fucking cute yeah your ass is out you're doing a little bit of a bend out where you're doing like a you're modeling jeans and you're giving those ladies what they came to see yeah and maybe if you can get like a little dog to bite your leopard print thong and just start pulling it off yeah the copper tone yeah the copper tone style it fits right in there with the beach you can even get like a fake dog and just put it's you know what I mean and then here's what I want for your last one if you just because I I think you win on beach, and I think taking off the jeans is great. Taking off the shorts is great.

Taking off the underpants is great. But I want you to heighten the last one, and I want you to take everything off and cover your junk in a Maryland Monroe-type pose and have like a whoopsie-tow. Yeah, but your hands just do it and have like a whoopsie look. Yeah. Yeah, Jake's not saying beach towel. Jake's saying both your hands cup the stuff. You cup in what the good Lord gave you, and I want your face doing like the, uh-oh. Yeah.

And I also have an idea. Maybe you get a little ice cream cone when you're down to your leopard print, and you're like really getting messy. I like that a lot. It's dripping all over. And you're like, oops. It's kind of building off the oops idea. And you're kind of going on like, oh, no. And you're trying to like, you drop some on your stomach and you try to clean it up and you just rub it around.

You go, oh, no. What about honey? Well, honey. What about honey? I like that. I like honey, too. Yeah. Maybe a little Winnie the poo thing, just like shirt.

It's not a hot. Covering. Well, they think two hours. You stand on a garbage bag. It stinks two hours. What if you do the honey and then you release bees? Well, okay. Let's take a time out.

Let's take a T. I have a bigger, bigger question here. Go ahead. Jake, I like we're going with that, though. Thanks, brother. Did they tell you to come in with props and ideas? Wrong question. back back to you Tony

we are where we are because I'm like this doesn't sound like usually when you go in the model this is where you stopped Beck the goal is to get him turned away from the event at this point you think Professor DeSquise

needs this question right now so another thing of it too is if this goes well I could be invited back I don't think that's going to happen This could be a recurring thing. Yeah. Hey, T-Squise, you getting paid for this?

I didn't even ask. You're not. And do you know these people? Are any of these people your friends? No, so this is like a monthly thing. They do the third Saturday of every month. I'm not sure how long it's been going on. But, yeah, I don't really know anyone personally.

Tony, I got a pitch. Lay it on me. What if we do the same? beach theme but after each pose you ask one of the ladies to come up and take off a layer like you remember the movie major league just thinking where they had that photo of the GM and after each in they could take off a layer of clothes yeah they have that cardboard cutout over exactly right you are that cardboard cut out you're the present that these middle age women get to unwrap and their gift is fucking tea squeeze in a banana hammock that's right

Ah, should I, I like that. What if you come as a birthday present? Should you what about your pants, bud? Should I stuff something down my pants? No, of course you should. No. That tea chicken balls should be it, my man. You're the man.

What are you talking about? You're sniffing 40. Hey, Tone, you got a little guy down there? You're a real guy, not like Jake. Well, I mean, it's slightly above average. Tom, you know. If you're above average, you ain't stuffing, Tone. You got a little guy down there?

Slightly above average. No stuffing, but yes, to the fluffing. You can fluff yourself up a little bit and get a little chub. Yeah. Maybe right before. Maybe a little, but you can't. If you're above average, what's above average for you? What are we talking, inchwise?

Well, slightly above that. I think the national average is like 5.56. You weren't walking around at six inches. I think the national average is something like, I don't know, like 5.56 or something. I'm not sure. You know, here's how comfortable I am with my size. I know the national average. Oh, come on.

I've looked up the average. You guys have looked up the average. You've got to know if you're above average or not. You're talking to Idaho average. We're all pretending like we haven't looked up the averages. I'm checking the average every year. Does we even change? Yeah, people get bigger.

It's changing. 5.8 used to be the average hyphen outs five point, or five feet eight inches. height-wise used to be average. Now it's five feet nine inches, so I'm below average. But not my penis. My penis is above average still. I like all this stuff we're hearing. I got a couple other pitches just so you have them.

And they all pretty much will involve the leopard thong. Yeah. Let's hear you. Okay. Since you were talking before about being like a biker, even though you're not, you could do a biker. You could get a vest. You could do some goggles.

You could do a helmet. Oh, fun. But we do no shirt and we do the banana hammock. I also really like Beck's idea of you eating during it. But maybe we lean in. you being like a little baby so you could show up in a diaper you could wear a bonnet and you could be eating something throughout it and getting yourself nice and sloppy i think something like yeah i think that's a great idea i also think you could be eating something that you wouldn't

expect a baby to eat yeah like a full steak or something a year a year a year a hero a year with a lot of the white socks multiple hot dogs is a good idea too with a lot of relish and that sort of What do you think about eating, Tony? Are you going to bring food? I mean, yeah, it's possible my blood sugar gets a little low while I'm there, so I might need to take a little snacky to. What do you think, and this is just because you're a wild man? It's a problem.

And I'm truly just asking you this, because I think you're a little bit crazy. You ever consider dropping a Viagra and just going out there rock hard underneath your shirts? Just imagine. Tony? Is that you good? Tony, just imagine you take off some layers and these women go, he is diamond cutter hard. And Tony, you don't mention it.

Or if you stuff it, stuff it with something sticking straight up. Yeah. So they all have to draw a little guy with a humongous heart on. Yeah, I feel like that could be an idea for the next time. Okay, you don't want to start. And get your foot in the door. You got to get comfortable. Yeah, exactly.

I got to get my foot in the, dip my toes a little bit. I think you're right. What do you think start is like a birthday gift? You coming in a big box and then you just keep getting unwrapped. Oh. Yeah, there could be something there. It's cute. So we're giving you a bunch of ideas, T.

Yeah. I really, I really, I like the beach. Yeah, I like the beach too a lot. Yeah, what do you think, T, what do you think, Squeeze? Professor T, Squeeze, what do you got? Yeah, well, I do like all the ideas, and especially with my birthday coming up, it'd be nice to give myself that as a gift. Oh, you're going to be 43?

No, I'll be 42. 42. Oh, okay, 42 is still young. Okay, keep going. I thought you had him. Yeah, I definitely like all the beach ideas we got going, and I think maybe I'll throw in some sunglasses, too, so they won't feel a much of terror in my eyes. Yeah, that's good.

If you like the beach, let me make a suggestion of showing up with a little sand to put under your feet. Throw a little sand down. You could be standing on it. Just kind of lean into the vibe. Oh, what about lifeguard themes? Ooh, I like that. What about the red shorts?

What about the white on the nose? What about the glasses? What about one of the cool red things that you throw in to save people? Yeah. Yeah. The thing with that is, though, I can't swim. I don't swim too well.

Well, there's no water. That'd be stolen valor, my guys. That's stolen valor right there. You know what I like about Tony? He's got lines. It's just impossible to predict where they might be. Well, he's also talking about stolen valor,

but he wants to stuff his pants earlier. That's stolen ballot. That's stolen valor right there. He's sucking an eels dick in the jungle. All right, so take it away, Tony. So we've given you a bunch of ideas, very invested in this, dying to see the photos. Please fully commit, which I know you will.

And please send us some picks. Send picks or post them and tag us. I'll see if I could get some of the ladies to show off their artwork. Oh, that's such a good idea. Great. I would love that video of you walking into. It would be great to maybe be able to set up a little something to film us. Anything you could do, but seeing their art would be really funny after we saw photos of you.

But what are you going to do, my man? Should I wear a GoPro around my waist? Absolutely. All right. Yeah, no, I'm going to go in there, and it's like five, two-minute poses, and the longest they'll have to stand still is 10 minutes. So I'm going to just, you know, slowly unbutton, like every few poses, under a button on my Hawaiian. Okay.

So you're going beach guy and you're going to slowly undo your Hawaiian. Are you wearing the leopard thong? Yeah, that's going to be the grand finale. And we'll see how it goes. You know, I'm going to test the waters and slowly take off the geneception. So you're talking about five layers, you'll rip off a layer each switch. And then you'll reveal the thong. Um, yeah, but I don't know if I'll rip off a layer each switch, because this needs two hours.

If I do all that, I'm going to be naked in 10 minutes. But I got to tell you something, Tony. I like that for you, though. You got to be courageous. Yeah. Because this is not a situation where you need to ask for permission or read the room. Everybody's just as timid as you. They're just looking up at stage at you.

This is not the time to go like, can I get permission to be a legend? Yeah. Legends don't ask permission. No. They do it. And you have to be so confident in what you're doing that nobody even questions this this was wrong. You pretend you've been doing this for a decade of your life, man. So when you do a pose and you take your pants off, throw them down.

Don't go like, is everybody comfortable? The jeans come off. The reason is because underneath my jeans are jeans shorts. Yeah. There's a, there's a method to this. Uh-huh. It all makes sense. It all makes sense.

There's nothing to be nervous about. No, you guys just relax and draw the pictures. I'm the artist. I'm the model. That's exactly right. Yeah, I'm steering this shit. And you do want to get fully naked about halfway in so you can start eating and putting it on sunscreen and oiling yourself off. Don't forget the hot dogs.

So I think no matter who you are, the hot dogs are going to be pretty good. Tony, what a win in the middle of it if all of a sudden you open up a backpack and you got some hot meals. You think the leopard print thong is the showstopper. It's the food. It's the food that you're bringing out and eating in the thong. Oh, there's a hot spaghetti. I can do a cooler and drink some beer. Absolutely.

Yeah. And I think every time you bring, yeah, you definitely should bring a Ziploc bag full of spaghetti. And you bring it out. Every time you bring a piece of food out, you're like, look, what I have here. I really like the idea of showing up with some beer, too. A treat, too. Hey, Tony, you got to follow up with us, man. So Tony likes some of great.

Yeah. And Jake, I like the idea of having the ladies undress me, too. Me too. We'll see if we can get to that as well. Oh, you know what you could do, Tony? you could offer it. And if you got a timid group, you said like, there's no pressure,

but you go, something I like to offer to my patrons, my customers, is you're allowed to do this if you want, no extra charge, have fun. If it's not for you, I'm happy to strip myself. I do it nightly. But each of you has the opportunity

to take a layer of clothing off, starting with whomever wants to go first. I think that's right. And then do something cute where you go like, and if it makes you more comfortable, I'll close my eyes and then wink a little bit and keep one open. That's nice.

that and that shows him you're having fun all right he's a fun guy you're a fun guy squeeze yeah no this squeeze your money in the bank dude it's unbelievable the gig

the gig is in two days it's on a 16 so I expect to follow up in a couple of days you know we're recording Monday we're doing the live show at 530 will you call in with an update and try to have photos

Will that be 5.30 p.m.? 5.m. Hey, hey, what did you think it would be? You think we're going to do a live show at 5.30 a. Were you asking Pacific time and you said P.m.? I don't know. I don't know how you show this fuckers do things. Okay, T-squeez. I think we're again hitting that threshold. What time is it right now, T-squeez?

I'm on down standard time. That's right, you know. It's a four in the morning right now, my kid. It's the middle of the F-A-11-40. Come on, Tone I can tell you that Now we're talking All right T-Squise

We got a roll But we're excited to talk to you Monday And I hear about how This was hurt out It sounds like it's going to be fine Yeah Congratulations I appreciate your help

All right buddy Talk to you Talk to later That bell off Well We'll do it in the order It normally works Thanks buddy

Okay Okay bye Hey Hello. You ready to do this shit? I think so. This is exciting. This is big.

Taylor, here's what I got to ask of you, though. Okay. When the shit starts going and Ryan starts talking his talk, don't go beta passive right now. But Taylor, we're trying to get him to say what he's going to do on the court, not comedically. then you say I don't think that's true and then we'll say

let's make it interesting okay but if you're giggly and light and who knows it's like trying to put a overcooked noodle into a tight hole exactly

and we've all been there a million times it's not gonna work yeah it works but it takes forever yeah it's a lot of apologizing I mean it kind of works it doesn't work

no it's fine for who doesn't work for? I mean, if you try, look, it can work. I think we're all saying the same thing. Push real hard and be ready to apologize. It might be nice on here, Jake, for you. It might be nice on here, Jake, for you during this to maybe jump on Ryan's side a little bit and start to back that pony. Of course. We'll see what his energy is, you know? Yeah, I got a feeling Beck might jump with Ryan a little bit. I think that I could see that happening as well. I could slam him. I might, I might just go up, come at him.

Okay, we're going to see what happens. I want to hear his voice. All right. So Taylor, you ready to bring Ryan? You're going to like that show a lot more. All right, let's get this King on. All right. He's here.

Brian. Hello? Is this Ryan? Well, his real name is Brian now that he's on the call. Oh, okay, Brian. Hey, Brian, how you doing, bud? not bad how about yourself good my name is jake johnson you got gareth reynolds and you got beck bennett and then you got your brother-in-law taylor here thank you for joining our show today

no problem thank you for having me uh you know what we want to talk about today do you know anything about this are you totally in the dark i'm totally in the dark what's going on my man okay so we hear you're an athletic guy you got five brothers and you play sports is this correct yes you versus taylor at pickleball what do you think's going to happen i will annihilate them have you have you ever played pickleball brian i played i played tennis i played ping pong i'm pretty sure i would be all right you can play so when you say that rye

and let's say you play up to 11 you're going to annihil him like you're going to beat him or you're going to annihil him like you're going to get some points because he's a coach at this thing that's fine that's why coach is coach wow so if you

played a best of three to 11 how many games are you winning Ryan well I would only need to win two so the first two you're not even going to play It's not even going to be close. It's not even going to be close.

That's what you're saying. I'd be very disappointed at myself. Okay. And Taylor, who do you think would win if you guys did a best to three? You or Ryan. I find this whole conversation insane. There's no way I don't take the win.

Interesting. You think he's getting a game off you? I think he might score a few points when I mess up. But outside of that, I think basically what he said, but on my side, I think I'm only going to need two games. Well, it'll be over after that. So then regardless of who gets more points or whatever, we're just talking about who wins the first two games first, right?

It's the best of three. You both are pretty sure you're going to win. This feels like a great opportunity to get the family together to watch a match and have some stakes on it. Now, we're not doing money. This is within family. but we could do a little bit of pride, right? Yeah.

So this is now to you... Go ahead. I was going to say, I like the idea of when I beat him, Brian has to serve everybody dinner for that night in a fun outfit. I like that, too. It's a lot of pickleball tying, too,

the kitchen, the serving. Yeah, Brian. Yeah, but then Taylor, but Taylor, now your sister's going to encourage that because she knows what the funny outfit would be, and she would enjoy that dinner. What would the funny outfit be, please? Oh, it'd probably be the elephant shrunk Spito.

Oh, okay. Okay. And then I got a question. The only one that's going to have an appetite is going to be my wife, not them. Jesus Christ, Brian. Brian is going to win. Brian's going to win. No, no, Brian's not going to win. No, no, Brian's not going to win.

I don't think Brian's winning. Taylor's going to kill him. That answer. Brian versus Taylor Do you both agree Whoever loses this match You do a family dinner And the loser has to wear

The elephant trunk speedo And walk up at the beginning of it And say, I want to start this dinner Dinner by saying Sincerely The other person dominated me At the pickleball court Because they are better at that game than me

Now please enjoy your night While I serve you in these trunks 1,000% So you would do it I'm there Taylor yeah I'm there Who am I going to embarrass myself in front of

He's embarrassing himself in front of his whole family Because you think he's going to lose If he loses Yeah No You're going to be the one wearing the trunks my friend This is bigger than Wimbledon This is turning insanely good

Agree Taylor I look forward to your dad's facial expression when you serve me a filet bignon and lobster in the elephant's be awesome. Taylor, your rebuttal. My rebuttal is you've lost your mind. I mean, this is insane.

There's no way. That's a fact. So you admit that you've lost your mind, Brian. Not when it comes to beating him in pickleball. Great. And so question for you two guys Because I'm truly invested in this And I know our audience will be too

Yeah When do you guys both think Is a fair time to do this match I'm assuming that Taylor You could figure out the court You could figure out all the logistics Is this is your job When will happen

Brian, when's the next Kid birthday party Well, Kylie's is September 20th There we go We have pickleball courts here. I think. Yeah, let's do that then. At the kid's birthday party?

It would probably have to be on a different day because you know your sister and the girls that we have. I can come out and spend the night. Yes, I'll come out and spend the night. We can do it. You're not taking the attention away from the four-year-old's birthday party. That's fair. But no, he's right, but he's right.

He's right. There's just a little mustard on it. That's all I'm sorry. No, but he's just saying we know the world we live in. let's not set a date that's never going to happen. This is the girl's day, and the mothers are going to make sure it's not about two men fighting in the backyard

about pickleball and who wears one of them. I know my wife when I go, no, it's actually really worth it. My brother and I are going to fight, and then one of us has had their dick in between your own budget. She would go, I hate that I picked you. And I'll go, I get it.

I get it. But it's very important. Honey, I'm going to win. Yeah. So can you guys, can we do the 21st? or the 20th that worked for you well the 20th is the party

yeah I thought the 21st was okay I mean I would say Thursdays and Fridays work best for me but I don't know what works best for Taylor well let's figure it out right now Taylor Taylor's ready whenever good Lord

it'd be nice to have the whole family there too to watch the match yeah and someone to film it too so by the way the 20th is a Saturday so could you go out can you do the match the 19th that's what I'm thinking Friday the 19th Yes, I'm there. Okay, so what we'll do is I'll have Morgan create a social media post about this match on the 19th.

Could you guys send in a photo of each of yourselves so that it could go like a tailor versus. No, not in the punishment. No, no, and like your pickleball ensemble. In whatever, you know, or whatever photo you got just so we can do face versus face. And then we'll go loser. And then, Brian, if you can send a photo of those elephant trunks. You got it. Thank you.

And then we would love a photo of the night, too. And please come in right after the match. Don't email us who won. We would love to hear it live. And it's best of three, Taylor, up to what? It's up to 11 each game. Is that correct? Up to 11 win by 2.

0 is considered a skunk, right? 7.0 is a skunk, yeah. That's right. you're not going to need that information It's interesting that he has it though And you only get a point if you're serving So you know all the rules, right Brian? Yep

Yes Hey guys We got a match We got and where are you guys doing this What state are you in? As we say it's Arizona Wow This is incredible

Well fuck guys This is the sporting event of the year It's only going to be 118 We'll make sure we do it in peace I was going to say temperature. Oh, great. So it'll be amazing. Yeah, it's fantastic.

Well, and just to be clear. Maybe you could get somebody to announce it to like be doing commentary on it with a mic on the side. You just make as professional as possible. Might want one of those little. Maybe we can, Taylor can figure out how we can just mic each other up and we can do some little trash talk. That would be the best. That would be fantastic. You've got to film this. Make yourselves up.

By the way, this is the we're here to help Super Bowl. This is our first Super Bowl. This is the biggest thing since floor hockey. I think you guys are going to, both of you are going to want as many of your supporters there as possible. Hopefully you can do it at a court that has like some bleachers next to it. Oh, I never said. Because whatever you need to do to win, now there's no cheating within the courts, but crowds cheering, signs, heckling.

Yeah. Bring your squad. We can promote it too if we want to promote the location, get some actual people there. yeah yeah well look at taylor spotlights on you it's showtime baby hey it's showtime show up this is fucking showtime i'm gonna show up that's not that that has the cadence of trash top he tried to say it's gonna be a showdown there ain't no showdown it's a fucking showtime it's a show up it's a way early guesses guys gareth and beck where are you guys at

I mean, I think it's going to be, I think it could be tight. I think that Taylor's experience is, you know, unquestionable. And I think Brian's attitude is unquestionable. He's not going to be that. He's not going to phone it in. The second you hear Brian's voice, it's intimidating. But then you got to remember, he's around potato chips all day. He's probably snacking.

Taylor does this professionally. My heart. I got a few chips on my shoulder, so it's all right. Okay? Oh, he's got a chip on his shoulder. Brian, how are you doing in shape these days? How's the body? You feeling good?

I'm feeling amazing. Jesus Christ. I think I'm betting on Brian. I'm feeling amazing. I'm going, Taylor. You're going to. I think this is going to be a... I love that impersonation.

Yeah, the impersonation is right on. Well, I'm not going to need... Three games, I'll only eat two, and I'm going to skunk them. I'll win and won somehow. Kind of Vin Diesel over here. Hey, fellas. Please. I get just laughing at this all day.

Please send us some stuff, some images, so we can build this up a little bit as much as we can. This is a Super Bowl for us. And it really does need to be filmed for us. As much as you can. I'm putting it in my calendar right now, September 19th. September 19th. I'm calling it the Pickle and Chip classic. That's the name.

The pickle and chip classic. The pickle's going to get chipped away. The pickle's going to get chipped away. Holy shit. Just a great call, guys. We're really excited. Thank you for doing it. This is huge.

Fuck, man. I don't know who's going to win. I can't wait to find out. I'll tell you who's going to win. We are. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

But one of these guys. We're taking the W. Let's go to lose. Yeah. One of them's going to lose. and have to serve the family dinner in an elephant-trugged speedo. Part of it in Brian and Taylor, tell me if you don't like this.

Commentary in the background. I think whoever loses has to start it with a sincere statement of the other guy beat me. But you can't do it. Like, Gareth and I used to do a yearly bet about the Packers and the Bears. And whoever lost, we'd have to start the dinner. You'd be wearing the other team's gear. And the whole dinner, sincerely, you'd have to talk about

why that other franchise is better. better. But you can't do it as a joke. So you're not being silly. In earnest, yeah. In earnest, you have to start the thing and go, thank you guys for coming to this dinner. While you're standing there as elephant trunks, I just want to say this happened because Taylor or Brian kicked my ass at pickleball, not because of some bullshit or the heat or some excuse, because they're better than me at that game, and I have nothing but respect for them. Now I'd like to serve you guys some food. And I think also with the serving the food, you have to go into all the details and the preparation very seriously.

Like what you have here is a steak menu. Like it's a tasting menu. Yeah, yeah. You really break, and very seriously. And when you bring it to the other person, you've got to do it from one knee and say, my lord. Yeah. And then just a, and then a little kiss on the hamlet. Yeah.

A little humiliated kiss on the hand. Each, each course. How about the pinky? Oh, I thought you said, what about the pee-pee? I don't know, I mean, it's right there. It's right there. Whatever you guys feel comfortable with. Pinky, pee-p-p, something's getting kissed.

Brian Taylor, is all those little amendments to it, are you guys comfortable with that? Do you both agree or no? That is a dealer's choice. I'm in. Yes. I'm in the 90%. Do you want any of this written down, or do you guys, are you guys a word of mouth? are you guys a deal is a deal on a handshake

or do you need a contract kind of guys? I think deal is a deal and we've got the conversation recorded so there's no back in the out. That's exactly right. Jake, do we want to have a follow-up maybe a couple days before the event just to make sure everything's in line

we're good to go? Yeah. So we're going to want to check him prior. This is only cut off his Achilles or what? I don't know. Nancy Kerrig in his ass. You definitely got Tonya Harding vibes.

Yeah, that's Nancy character vibes. Erika Lully. Definitely. This is definitely that. Yeah. And all of a sudden this little sweetheart pickleball coach,

you're just going to get a couple of guys and club his little legs. That's high right, right? Just fucking dance around it and make him with a broken leg. I would never do that. No, I would never do that. No, okay. Okay, that's good.

But the fact that you said that makes me feel like you might do it. Yeah. Or at least you're thinking about it. I don't know what you're talking about it. I don't know what you're talking about. This guy smokes. This guy's the best. He's going to kill Taylor.

I knew this is going to ask for you, Jake. Taylor, hang in there, buddy. Just let your game do the talk. Don't listen to Jake. Don't listen to Brian, even though he sounds like the berry white of chips. All right, fellas, we are going to, as soon as you send us some, we're going to start making some advertisement. Natalie's going to be in touch.

We would love you guys each back on individually to start hearing. how it's all going and fuck good luck to both of you good luck to both you this is a heavy weight match I love it huge huge fan of the show guys thank you thank you hey man you're a huge part of this show you are the show you are the show this is the show

I'm going to be no joke thinking about this before I go to bed probably for 10 different nights 10 different nights I'll forget it and then it'll pop in and I'll go like I'll get a stomach egg and go, why do I have that stomach egg and I'll go, because I'm Taylor. Yeah. I'm not Brian.

I'm a Taylor. Yeah. I would be terrified to have to go against this rhino on that court. He's going to say the meanest thing. He's going down. He's going down. Adam, boy, Taylor. Can't wait to hear everything, guys.

Thanks, guys. Good luck, you guys. Thank you. Love it. Bye. God bless. Bye. God bless.

God bless. Hello? Hi. Hey, how are you? Oh, hello. Good. Hold on a second. Yeah, whatever you got there.

Yeah, what up? How are you doing? There you go. That's better. Good. How are you all? Good. What's your name?

Where are you calling from? What was your first call? Well, I mean, great to be here. First time, long time. I know how this is. Yeah, my name's Tony. Model. Professor T-squoise.

T-bone. Yeah, T-squeez. Yeah, well, it's actually Dr. Professor T-squeeze now. So you did... Yeah. So he's a course online and I'm a motorcycle doctor. Oh, okay.

No. Nobody knows what's going on. Okay. So T-squeez. Yeah, it was about four days ago. T-squeeze. Hold on, buddy. T. Will you tell us what your first call was,

what we pitched and what you did? All right. So my first call was, I was stoned when I agreed to be a live model. And when I sobered up, I was like, well, shit, that was a bad idea. And after talking to you guys, I realized it was a fucking great idea. Right.

And a live model mean you're going to be there, people are going to draw you. Yeah, I'm standing there and artists are sketching my hot young bod. And you called insane. I think your question was, what do it? Should I do it? Should I not do it? I was stoned when I got it. And we pitched, yes, you should do it.

And then we pitched you, you should have a look and a whole style. is that correct i think we were pitching you like a birthday present or something and you yeah which is great for artists to just draw a box yeah that really that's a lot of fun for them squeeze i asked you to do all this stuff and you just said a weird thing about live model took a deepy breath and we're done the only reason i came in there to wipe that butt was because you stopped writing gig so what's happening god damn it's nice to see you the last one

You got to come and shoot in here, kid. So T-Squoise, you wanted to be a model. Tell us what we pitched and what you did. Okay. So you guys pitched, I believe Evan Williams was with y'all, too. And you guys just pitched different types of costumes. You say Evan Williams? The whiskey.

I'm a comedian. I forget his name. Who is with us? Any case, it's not about him. It's about me, guys. Let's go. Oh, Beck Bennett. Talk about the great Beck Bennett?

Yeah, that guy. Who the fuck is Evan Williams? It's a bourbon. So tea squeeze has a lot going on. Hey, tea, how far, how deep in the Steve Berg train are you right now? You want to know what happened? This is what happens when we do night calls. Yeah.

Because we mostly do them at 10 a.m. To be fair, the last time I did just work, so I couldn't drink. He sounded like he had been. But you're right. There is a degree of warmer spice tonight. All right. It's a T-Squise. I'll email him and see if he's cool with that.

I love it. So T-squeez. What did we pitch you to do as the live model? So you guys helped me. You pitched ideas on the idea I had, which was to dress like I was going to the beach. And you said the banana hammock underneath. You remember I hit them with the geneception with the denim on denim on denim and then the banana hammock underneath.

Unfortunately, in the state of Idaho, you can't go full bare ass. So I had to keep that hidden. But I still put on the show But yeah Any case Wait, hold on Okay All right

T-squee slow down Because we're seeing some pictures So can we go back to the first picture Please Jesus Go back to the first Okay The first picture is you On a towel

In very short shorts Very short shorts Crocs with socks Crocs in one Is that a crock in the left foot too? Yeah they're both crocs Yeah There's a job of a croix

of a crock in that crock. A pelican on the towel, non-reel. Two hot dogs in between your legs. One with a bite taken out of it. Shades and a sort of floral shirt that's open. And really short jean shorts. Super short shorts. Then we're seeing a shot from the back.

A lot of men's asses. Rob, are you produced in the night? This is what happened was Natalie. You didn't run it. This is a Robb night. I actually, Jesse picks it. Jesse's trying to. So this is another man.

ass. By the way, tea squeeze. I wanted to be me to you. You got a great looking ass. You were trying to talk shit. You said I had a bald ass head on the last time. I got a full head of beautiful crew here. I'll be 42 in a couple days. Tea, tea. What up?

You got a spot. I'm looking at the shot from the back. No. No, dickhead. That's where it grows at of. Yeah, that's what every bald person says. Guess what's going to happen in three years, T. Let's. Where it parks is going to It's talking more and more.

Let's focus on the good, which like Jake said, is the ass. Good ass. Oh, thank you. Thanks, Gareth. You got a beer sitting on the stool. Rob, slow down. You got a beer sitting on the stool. You had like another beer in your hand.

Now we're seeing back ass at a someone student, an art student, or whatever, drawing you with a degree of seriousness that should not exist. Okay, all right, let's see. And so you're stripping down during this, obviously. You guys told me, too. You're damn right, we did. Can we see the next one, Rob? Okay, so, well, that's...

Wait, hold on. You think it parts from there? We got a shot from you behind, T, and right where a man bald's, you're parting from there? Because the sea is parted. It looks like a starfish right there. And then in the middle, right with the scalp is there.

Well, it looks like there's the butthole of the starfish. And that's the scalp, my king? Well, I come with that way. It reminds me at home. I have a boy. That's not tea. Tea, we got a close up. It was part of the beach scene, man.

But then you got to put a little sunscreen on there, my man. You trimmed it out for the beach? He trimmed out the back. Of course. Okay. By the way, me too. I'm tripping. We're all tripping the back.

Tea squeeze. Okay, so. Oh, Jake, by the way, you told me to go in there and take charge, and I did. And I busted out one of them beers, and I popped it open all slick-like. And then they told me. I couldn't drink it. Why? I was bringing outside booze.

I was bringing outside booze into a bar. That's ridiculous. Okay. By the way, we got a shot of you sitting front and center with shades on and a 12-footer in your hands in between your legs. And I got to tell you, you look great. You've got to you. That means a lot coming from a handsome man like you.

I'm looking at a handsome man right now. But that you, this will, they won't they is out of control. Tea squeam. Jesus Christ. Now there's one of you with your leg up and your thong under your jorts is being revealed. That was Jake's last his pose.

He said that should be my finisher and I hit him with that but again I couldn't do full bare ass and that was just kind of a group shot. But I got to give you a lot of respect to you. A lot of respect. You really committed and I love that in the photos you have the artist with you and Rob can you go in

on the drawings that some of these ladies did? That's incredible. Beforehand I let everyone know about the podcast And if they were willing to be a part of it And everyone did Everyone agreed except for one dork So we sat his ass in the corner

And he ain't in any of the pictures Yeah But that first photo was spectacular One artist She listens to the podcast So she drew a picture of me holding you I think I see that one In one of those

Really good Yeah no it looks like you and Jake Kind of combined This is really good stuff Yeah well she didn't get to finish it Because their poses were timed, but I bet we could get her to finish that picture. I mean, that's really nice. Sure.

We might want to turn it into like a 3D art. That's pretty nice. That's really good. Okay. That could be double fisting you guys as babies. He doesn't know, squeeze. So this is pretty good. So the night, all in all, that's Michael Jackson.

That's not you. Obviously. But all and all, the night went well. Yeah. Great. No, it was a huge success. And it was, yeah, good confidence boost for me. It should be.

Yeah, great. And really quick, and then we got to get off this call. But what was the vibe with the artist when they were seeing you and drawing you? Was there some heat in that room? Yeah, dude. I was swimming in it. You were what? Swimming in the heat.

I was swimming in it. Now, anything happened since? You get some, no, where we're in here, killer? Got like you take those clothes off. I work for a time. Oh, yeah, I'm 24, but can I, can I shout out the event? Yes, yes, please. Melanie, the woman who puts this on, like, she's really passionate about it.

And it's great that she allows artists to have live modeling in this part of Idaho because of this shit going on out here. I agree. Can we say yes, as long as you promised to show up and model again? Oh, no, I actually got invited back. I'm going to be Mr. December. No way. Any idea what you're going to dress up as?

No. I mean, well, I'll call you guys in December. You're damn right, you will. And so, shout about that. I'm thinking maybe like Elf on a shelf or something. Yeah, what's... I think you just nailed it. Yeah.

I don't know if you can get any better than that. And then shout them out. Yeah, the website is drawing folks, but it's f-ol-x.com. Cool. And, like, honestly, it needs some Squarespace, guys. Like, it really does. it looks like shit, and I told her that. But in any case, all the information you need for it is on there.

And it is a really good time, and it would be really fun if we can, since you guys actually are here to help and you helped me, it'd be fun if we could help her out with that event. I love it. Sure. I mean, we'll be talking to you about your, maybe your December session. And if you're in the Idaho area and you want to draw a man holding hot-doxys. Maybe, hey, maybe.

guys could get a Pam and Eve to show up to be models sometime. Take it easy. All right, buddy. We'll talk to you later. We appreciate the call. Ring that bell. Let me hear that bell. It's amazing.

All right, buddy. See you, bud. Hey, thanks, guys. Thanks, T-Squie. Hi, this is Hannah. Hi, this is Hannah. Hopefully I won't be referred to as a Karen in the comments. my hot take is that I don't think some people who like we're here to help understand what a hot take is

because I just like happened to click on the Spotify comments after episode 199 and so many people are so up in arms about hot takes like about that woman's hot take which like it was a hot take Yeah. Happy Wednesday if this gets posted. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis,

Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only,

and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Solvin. And this is The Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that.

Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of. Some you definitely haven't. All of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba, to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew? Who knew?

The mobs involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.