We're Here to Help - 207: Laughing Emoji Laughing Emoji Laughing Emoji

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

The guys help a caller whose neighbor likes to have "friends" over during blackouts. Plus, an update on the van, Gareth's vest and the first We're Here to Help Wedding.Sara, 38, Philadelphia is looking for a friend! Think you could be a good match? Submit to the Friendship Game here: https://tinyurl.com/friendforsaraSee images from the episode here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-207Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Visit gemini.google/students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. a really unique intro today. Why? Because what we just did, Gareth and what that attack just told us, you utter mania. I play for the audience. They weren't there. They hear that next.

We just did a big follow up with page. You've been on talk show. It's the T's. Play the game, man. Good Lord. What do you mean? You brought a guitar for me. I'm shot.

But sure I could play it for you. I hate the tease. And then I hate when the guest goes like, you want me to sing? I love. No, nobody wants you to sing, Hugh Jackman. You know what I like? I like the throat of clip where they pretend they don't know.

Oh, what clip is this? I'm not even sure. I think this is, you know the clip. You know the clip hot shot. There's a flute behind this couch. Yeah, that's the crazy. I can play it. I'm like,

Give me a break. So what we have is Paige, who had the van that we wrapped in the We're Here to Help logo, went to Ravinia with Dan. My brother, Danny Jay is here, Dan Johnson. Hey, everybody. And there's something that comes out of, she comes on, we talk about the thing, the end of this intro and I don't want to give it away. There might be something in the works.

Yeah. Lots is happening. A lot is happening. Things were at a five, and they get to a 10 fast. We might be at a 10 on this one. I think we might be. So we were just going to talk briefly, but we ended up thinking it was substantial enough

to include it in the show. So you're going to hear all of it. And a lot, Dan, Dan, you are a machine. Well, look, you're inspiring, Gareth. I do what I can. Dan, I think you were like this before you knew about me. He was. It's been like this since literally I was born.

That's fair. That's fair. Look, it's, I don't want to give anything away either, but there's some great stuff happening. Yeah, great stuff. And so everybody, enjoy. And then from that, we're just going to get right into the show. Great. Love it. Without further ado. Kind of. Stop. Paige. Hi. We're glad to have you back. Should point out, you have Jake, you have myself, and you have a of Jake's brother Dan, the great Dan Johnson.

With a microphone that he is now doing ASMR into often. Oh, yep, yep. Hey, Paige, chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk, chik, chik, chik, chik. By the way, everybody when they first get a mic does all the same stuff. Oh, for sure. It's so fun. I'm sure, yeah. He was doing it at the van the other day. He was. It's true.

So, first tell us. They gave him a tiny mic, and he didn't. know how to act. He's not wrong. I believe it. One margarita in a tiny bike, you lose dance forever. Tiny mics are best. Yeah, tiny mics are interesting.

So, Paige, your initial problem, what you did, where you're at, totally catch up the audience. Okay, so I originally called, I think like a month or two now, ago about, and I was calling because my boyfriend, who was a plumber, he got a creepy windowless 2003 Astrovan. And we live next to a grade school, and it was creepy. It was old. It was a little bit rusty. And so I called in hoping Jake and Gareth could come up with a solution. And their solution was, get the van wrapped.

Hey, we're here to help. Logo, all the pretty colors. Awesome. It looks so good. It's just so good. Okay, so we did it. So we, so Rob found a place, Wobby Wob crushed it. We got it wrapped.

And how's that been? That's the first beginning of the follow-up. It's been good. It's been a lot of fun. We're getting more and more fans coming up and asking about it. It looks great. Yeah, so we're having fun with it. Connor's taking it to work every day.

So he's taken it out and about. That is amazing. That in its own right is amazing. It looks amazing. I got to see it in the flesh. It's a very special couple, and it's a very special van. It might be the best vehicle in the greater Chicagoland region at this one. That's saying a lot from a guy like you.

It's true, and I love Chevroletes. And this van is amazing. Wow. So that's huge. Coming from you, that's huge. So she earned it. Wow. She should be, Paige, you should be freaking out.

It's a big honor coming from down. I am. I know. Oh, my God. Now that I've met him, I get it. So the next big thing that happened was Elizabeth at Revenu reached out. Revenia is a music venue, festival in Highland Park, Illinois, and said, would you want to bring the van to Revenia? That's how it started.

And people could take photos with the van in Revinia. So we said, of course. So then Paige will, and then. Dan, we had, we need to pick. We did a vote for them there to get Dan there, because I wanted Dan near the van with the people. So then Dan and Paige were together at Ravinia, correct? And a Marin-Morris concert.

Yeah. She's fantastic. She's awesome. She's a talent. Great. So you guys all went to Ravina. People saw the van. Both sides of the family came out.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It was a gathering, a special gathering. And then the vest was there, too. Vest was there. We got a lot of updates. I'm not, I'm waiting to jump in with the, the, the Dan updates. Dan was on the scene.

He was the anchor Dan. He was really, there was a lot of breaking news. His phone was dying, but he took pictures and was sending pictures the whole time. He's a very special couple. So, Paige, we heard through the grapevine that something occurred post-revenia in your life. Yes, so Dan almost ruined it, it sounds like, but Connor did propose the next day. Wow. Congratulations.

Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. A lot of, well, look, when I saw these two, they're obviously a couple of young kids deeply in love. And Connor, by the way, is. is fake Gareth. Interesting. He is, it's almost spooky how much he looks like Gareth Reynolds.

Paige, are you with me on this? I agree, yeah, no, I bet like if Connor gets out of the van, I bet some people are like, oh, that's him on the side of the van there. People think it's his van. 100%. That's a turn I did not think about until right now. Yeah. They don't think he, they think he hosts a podcast.

Yes. Right. Right. Or the podcast is like a plumbing podcast. We're here to help you fix your plumbing. That's what we should have put on. When Connor goes on his own, the name of his plumbing company is going to be, we're here to help fix your plumbing issues. By the way, he should honestly have that and keep the man. Yeah, we have pictures. He's very, very, so, by the way, I just. went to look and see Connor and be reminded and boy I just got to say again Dan Dan's night with the van and the updates are just awesome I mean he's all over the play yeah that's the one that really stands out is Dan laying on top of the van

I'll just show him and he got up there quick I mean I was on top of the man it was a lot of fun it's a great van you guys have made something very special Let's point out he's wearing the we need to pick.com t-shirt, too. Got to be that day. So did anybody say get on the van or you just jump up there? Well, I thought, like, we were posing in front of the van. We met a bachelorette party. They all came out.

You know, she was smooching your guys' mugs on the van. You know, a bunch of ladies were having fun with Marin Mora's. And then I realized we should all go up and sit on top of the van and take some more pictures. It's a great place. I don't know why Page and Connor didn't join me But I think they may in the future Well, it's interesting, Dan, because you said You all were there saying how great the top of the van

But only you went up there That's true That's true And you're laid on it on your side I may have been a little selfish Maybe I didn't make enough room for Page and Connor In retrospect And you yelled at her, take my photo, take my photo

Hurry, hurry, my phone's almost out of battery Just me, just me Just me Everyone's stand away Don't ruin my pick. But I will say when I met him, I'm like, oh, Paige and Connor, you guys, you know, married, you know. That's how you almost ruined it. I almost did.

Yeah, he got on the tiny mic and was interviewing us and was like, oh, he married a couple. And I'm like, no. And Connor's like, shut up, shut up, shut up. He was proposing in a near couple hours. Oh, did he propose that night? No, the next day. So walk us through the proposal. What happened, Piz?

Yes. This is a romantic show. He should have called in for help on this proposal, but we were on the river walk with our dog, and he proposed. Oh, that's a beautiful spot. Yeah. Yeah. And we did go to a bar and stuff after. How do he do?

All our friends were there. Was the proposal good? It was. It was. I should say, I should say, while we, while I met him, and they said, no, no, no, we're not married. I started to lay it on a little thick. Well, I was just going to say, I have in-text message here at 525, so 625 Chicago time, Dan texts. So the other fun part is I am pushing them to get married.

I was laying it on a little thing. Yeah, you can really read a book. You can really read us. He's got a good eye. That's funny. I was pushing hard. Yeah, he did offer to... Sorry, go ahead.

No, no, you go, Paige. Please. Dan did offer to be our officiant as well a couple times that night. So we'll be making him up on that. Are you? Please. A hundred percent, page. Let me just say something.

With all sincerity, page, the honor cannot be beaten. I am a man of God. and I would love nothing more than to unite you two in holy matrimony. On top of the van. On top of the van. But hold on, Gareth, one thing. We can get an altar up there. Page, let me just say this.

If my brother officiates your wedding, if I'm invited, I would love to come. Oh, my gosh. All right. I think we can work that out. I would love. Because you're doing it in Chicago, I imagine. Of course, of course. Yes.

So we might do a 24, if Dan officiated, Dan, I will let you know if Dan officiates it. It's not, he did mine. He does take it very seriously. Yes. Okay. It will be way more sincere than you expect. He will be as weird as ever at the party after. No doubt.

No doubt. But during the service, there will not be jokes. The jokes start when he has one sip of a sea breeze cocktail. He had a margarita in his hand for every picture except for when he got on. top of the band. And that was after the marg. So, you know, you could do the math on that way. Make it singular.

The marg. Yeah. Yeah. Only takes one. Let me just run you through the rest of the text real quick. So the other fun part is I'm pushing for them to get married. Then I meet the parents of Paige, pull them aside, and I ask if I should lay off. Maybe they don't like the guy.

And the mom urgently whispers, it's happening tomorrow. Then later told them I'm an officiant, a man of God, and I did marry Jake. So, priest is fine, but I'm available. So there's a world where that happens. We have to see about tomorrow, but hush, hush, hush for now. The best is that he's saying, hush, high. Who would we tell? As if Gareth's calling me.

Yeah. Hey, Garrett. Heard the news. Wait, this is so funny. I didn't know any of this is going on. Oh, that's all true. I pulled your mom aside. And I'd look, you know, you never know, right?

I could tell you're madly in love, but maybe she's not into the guy. I don't know. So when I meet her. I'm just like, hey, just want to make sure, like, is this something that you, you know, you're down with? And she was like, with an urgency of a thousand sons coming through her eyes, she was like, hey, hey, shush. This is happening tomorrow. Get off the van. Come down here.

Stop drinking marg. Stop drinking marg and get off the van. Quit yelling about them getting married, you fool. Put the tiny mic down. You're ruining it. A priest is fun, but I'm a man of God. So, Paige, we're going to get off with you. We just want to say thank you for being a huge part of the show.

Of course. Thank you for the van, for going to Ravinia. If you decide Dan is your efficient, we would love to be part of the show. If not, we wish you nothing but the best. Either way, follow up with us. We're all invested in the story, and we appreciate you. I'm excited to see the van October 4th as well. Yes, yeah, we'll be at the show.

Oh, fun. Awesome, awesome. I guess I would just say, I don't think there's any ambiguity. I think we're locked. I think I'm officiating this wedding. Well, let that make that decision. That's what I'm saying, Paige. I mean, if God gets away?

You want to get the vest back for that. We got the best to Revinia and Soldier Field. Oh, you got it in Soldier Field? So many balls are in the air right now. It's crazy. The show is going crazy. We're bouncing from Dan officiating the wedding to the vest is also making an appearance. I'll meet the van October 4th.

Garrett, you may end up being best man in this wedding. I'm best van. And I'll wear the vest as your officiant. Oh, my God. If you do that, a portal will open. Hi, everyone. Sweet Jesse here. we are pleased to announce that Sarah will be the contestant on our next friendship game.

She is from the Philadelphia area. So if you live nearby and think you might be a good match for Sarah, be sure to write into the show. Go to the link in this episode's description. And if you want to get to know Sarah a little better, check out episode 202. I have a connection. That's the Friendship Game Casting Special. And good luck. And we were brought to you by Squarespace.

Oh, we are, I mean, we're doing some fantastic stuff with Squarespace on the show. I've already talked about it. My website is a Squarespace website, has been for a while. But we use Squarespace's all-in-one web design platform all the time. It helps you succeed online. Whether you're starting out your small business or Squarespace just gives you everything you need to claim your own domain. showcase your offerings, professional-looking website, you grow your brand. Or like us,

maybe you're working on a calendar for a guy who lost a bet a while ago, or you're looking for a place where people can vote to help you pick winners on your podcast. We have incorporated Squarespace on this show. Look, you have to know that we love Squarespace. And it's not just because we use it for our shenanigans, gives you everything you need to offer and services and get paid all in one place, consultations, events, experiences. It just gives you a way to showcase what you're working with. There's cutting-edge design with Squarespace's collection of cutting-edge design tools. Anyone can build a bespoke online presence.

It's a great way to generate premium quality content or your personalized design recommendations. So listen to us. Listen to us. Check out Squarespace.com slash gill sent me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code. Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or business. Domain. Do it. And we're brought to you by Hero Bread. Oh, come on, Hero Bread. Do you know what we're talking about? Let me tell you a little something about how good spaghetti is. That's the end of it.

But how good is it? It's really good. Noodles, pasta, all that stuff. If you want to make yourself a delicious pasta dish, you're always feeling a little guilt about the noodles. You know, you're like me. You dream about noodles smothered in some sort of cheesy sauce or maybe it's a taco Tuesday family night you know whatever it is hero bread and their noodles are here to solve your problem with bread health goals are important we all have them but we also want to live our lives and with hero bread you're able to do both you can enjoy bready favorites guilt free i have told stories multiple times on this show about I've been like cooking for people, have some tortillas or some bread out,

have people like, oh, this is so good. And you're like, yeah, and it's good for you. It's got five grams net carbs, zero grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 32 grams of fiber. There is even a croissant. It is the best bread. It is the best tortillas, the best noodles.

Hero bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to hero.co and use code here to help at checkout. That's here to help. at h-e-r-o-c-o. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Dell. Huge savings on Dell A-I-P-C's are here, and it's a big deal. Why? Because Dell A-I-P-C's with Intel Core Ultra processors are newly designed to help you do more

faster. It's pretty amazing what they can do in a day's work. They can generate code, edit images, multitask without lag, draft emails, summarize documents, create live translations. They can even extend your battery life so you never have to worry about forgetting your charger. It's like having a personal assistant built right into your PC to cover your menial tasks

so you can focus on what matters. That's the power of Dell AI with Intel inside. With deals on Dell AI PCs like the Dell 16 plus starting at 74999, it's the perfect time to refresh your tech and take back your time. Upgrade your AI PC today by visiting visit in Dell.com slash deals.

That's Dell.com slash deals. Hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Welcome to the show. Look at you two, flirty birds. Stop.

Name age, where you're calling from? What's it? So I'm going to go with the name, Christy. And, yeah, I'm flirty. and I'm from a really rural town on Vancouver Island. I love Vancouver Island. So do I. Yeah, it's like the mini Alaska.

It is gorgeous. All right, that's the end of the small talk. All right, Chrissy, so what can we help you with today? So I have a very quiet neighbor, you know, near retirement age, works nights. The issue that we've got Has been happening for about six years Since I moved into the house And he had an affinity for ladies of the day

I'd say night But he works night So he hires women to come during the day Which I'm not here to bash any women You do you love that for them The only problem I have Is that I have very curious children that are five and three, and they like to talk to everybody that's around our house.

So if they're out sunbathing on the deck, which is super close to ours, most of the time women of the day. Oh, wow. Yeah, women of the day. Then, you know, my kids are going to want to talk to them. They're bringing them flowers. My son is now obsessed with what he calls boo-boos. so this is almost daily now

and in our town because it's so small we have like scheduled power outages so they could go 24 or 48 hours most people in town they're going to stock up on food you know get that generator going he stocks up on ladies of the day yeah and not just one he'll do two for 24 hours

god this guy well it's the way we all were with toilet paper during the pandemic he's the ladies He's going to the market, going like, you know, everybody get in the cart. Yeah. Wow. So, Chrissy, it doesn't seem dangerous or sketchy. These ladies don't seem to be in trouble.

We just got an old guy who hires. He's just running kind of like his one-man bunny ranch. When I first moved in, because of the woman was kind of skulking around and I was leaving my house, I started filming her because I was like, Well, what if she is breaking in? And I sent it to my neighbor. To the old guy. This is great. Yep.

Yep. So I sent him it. And then he said, oh, weird. I didn't know she was in town. She's from this other place. And we've had dinner a few times. I guess she should let me know when she's coming. I didn't know my hooker was going to break in.

What is he going to say? Yeah. What does he say that? Wait, quick pause, Chris. Do you have the video? I sent it to Natalie. I would love to see it. Same.

Yeah. And the exchange with the neighbor. Well, let's get into it. Let's see it. Okay, but I don't think that we can post the video too. Okay, so, Gareth, will you talk out and just explain everything we're seeing? Gilby-play? Sure.

All right. So, Gareth, start walking us through it as it goes. Eight seconds. You're driving, Chrissy. this woman has a fanny a bag in the back and she so far, Chrissy

it just looked like a woman walking. Yeah, this is not a woman breaking in. That's just a woman walking down the street. You're a crazy person. So that was after she saw me and she ran from his house and he was walking away.

Yeah, so I was only able to capture her walking away but he had cameras all over his house. Okay. So basically what we saw was it was not, and by the way, Nat Attack, why can't we post that? We can post that. Then the text

exchange. I just didn't think it was worth posting. Oh, I know. Okay, now I did. No, I get it. So, Chrissy, to the neighbor, you wrote, hey, yesterday, as I was leaving the house, I saw a woman around your front door, she saw me watching, and she took off through someone's yard, just looked a

tad fishy. Neighbor replies, really? That is weird. I wasn't expecting anyone and there was no knock question mark thanks for letting me know crazy smiley emoji you said yeah just look suspicious is all i am a total weirdo and filmed her walking away just in case crying tongue emoji crying tongue emoji then the video followed by uh neighborhood watch has taken very seriously around here uh he says ha ha ha weirdo that was today question weirdos spelled incorrectly correct uh did she have long hair question mark you She did, yeah, long wavy hair.

People's vehicles were siphoned the past night or so and some fishing gear off boats on our street, keeping a close eye on the hood. They're siphoning. He says, shitty. I do know that girl, and she's been over for dinner a few times, but she's been living in sacked for a while.

Guess she wanted to surprise me, question mark? Message first, always. Insane crying emoji laughing, insane crying emoji laughing. Then he says, Thank you again for scaring her away, exclamation point. This is amazing. What an exchange. What an exchange is her?

She's a friend we've had dinner. Anyway, thanks for scaring away, my friend. I genuinely appreciate it. Next time when my friends come by, shoot him with a shotgun. My friends are robbing everybody's gas. My friends are drinking petrol. Don't mind me. My friends are thieves.

This is incredible stuff, Chris. So he has brought a bunch of thieves in sexy clothes into the neighborhood. They mess around. He gives them money. He leaves. They come back. They don't only rob him. They're robbing everybody.

He has brought. They're drinking gas. So this is wild. Speaking of drinking gas, I just watched a My Strange Addiction last night where a woman's addiction was smelling gasoline. Best show of all time, everybody, my strange addiction, available anywhere you can watch

trash TV. Chrissy, so... On TLC, which remember stands for the Learning Channel. Oh, TV. So what is the specific because there's a lot going on. Yes, it's about the kids asking them questions. The kids about

boobs. It's about a bunch of thieves. It's about an old man who's insane. What? Can we help you? with today? Yeah, so mostly it's about the kids. Like, I can't really tell them, hey, these are hookers. We probably shouldn't talk to them when they're

on the job. And, like, they are small town type of women. What does that mean? Well, they don't think the escorts you get in a big city. I need a little bit more

explanation. This is, I'm not understanding. I don't get escorts in the big city. and I don't get him in the small town. And I'm assuming a lot of our listeners are the same. Gareth is looking at me like he knows. What is the difference, Gareth? I think she's throwing a little physical shade in their direction.

Is that what you're doing? They look like they've been maybe working, you know, 40, 50 years doing this. Oh, so he's getting people closer to his own age? I guess so. But maybe they're, yeah, just a little. I mean, it's a little rough around the edges. Sure. Chrissy, here's what I need from you.

Nobody knows your last name. You got to just speak freely. If you offend somebody, we will apologize. But at this point, in this point of our lives, if somebody gets offended, they'll comment and they'll hate us and that's okay. But they're just, what are you saying? They're just really rough? They're ugly.

Yeah, really rough around the edges. Like, they look like they've been smoking, you know, maybe partaking in. drugs. Okay. So he's hiring straight up like drug addicts in miniskirts. Maybe. I don't, maybe.

I'm not sure. So, first of all, for the kids, first of all for the kids, I would take this, you know, your little gloves off

of trying to make everybody feel good and not say anything rude. Your kids shouldn't be asking them questions and bringing them flowers. Yeah. Oh, definitely not. Every time I see it, I'm like, let's go inside.

Yeah, but this is not a situation where you go like, well, I'm just trying to make sure you know what hurts their feelings and then my son is talking to linda about her uh boobs and her razor blades and she's going well i like to keep this blade out in my butt and you get away this is a

get away from me bitch situation not a hi welcome to the neighbor do you live here and she goes i live under this old guy's house when i rob them these are dangerous folks yes yeah that's the question the question is like if if this if you feel like he's in inviting a crime syndicate into your neighborhood. That's a bigger problem. They don't feel. No, that was somebody else. All right. As long as you're not.

They don't feel like they need work. You, well, they sounds like they're getting work. They are getting work. Weekly work. The question is, what do you say to the kids, right? Well, yeah, it's like, okay, how do I keep the kids inside? Especially during this nice weather and they're outside on their patio. and my kids want to play outside.

And our checks are so close together. You see the boobs all the time. They're always out. This is a regular. Only if it's like over 20 degrees. So it's only happened like a handful of times, thankfully. Because we don't get very warm over here. So 20 degrees, that would be in Fahrenheit, like, I don't know, 80.

What do you mean you see the boob? They're sitting on the porch with no tops? Yes. Uh, yeah. No brown. No, bro. Tits out. So here, all right, so my first pitch is this is a, you got to let this guy know, he's got, he's in a neighborhood.

He doesn't, like, if you want to live like this, you need acres. That's kind of where I'm at. I had a couple options, but I do think that you've had communication with him. I think it's easy for you to say I just want you to know sometimes the women that you've gone out with a few times are out there topless my kids ask questions

they're of that age can we try to contain your dating life a little bit more potentially get out in there my husband is way into these hookers I can't stand it anymore you need to lock them up in the

that's strange such a weird turn make it a little weird all of it's weird but are you trying to take it off of you off of me well what are you going for what's the point of it he knows it's a woman in the neighborhood funny in it so he also will do it but then finds it a little weird and funny oh you don't want the scare you want him to laugh laugh, little scared. Then how about we do this?

What if we also just do? Do you mind if it comes from you? I mean, we could try it. Because here's the other thing. You text on that I'm Messenger. I say this with no judgment at all, which is a lie. That's how people get away with saying total judgments.

Yep. And you go, obviously we all know in the neighborhood that you like to hire women of the day or the evening. which is how you spend your money. We all know on this weird little Vancouver Island that's a small Alaska. Do what you want with your own money. The neighborhood kids, mine included,

are seeing a lot of naked women's breasts. And I'm getting questions that I don't have answers for. Could you do me a neighborly favor and ask the hookers to stay inside your house if they're underdressed? That would be very helpful for me. don't hate it Don't either

Don't hate it And I like the little With the confrontation But it's over It's over Facebook And it's nice It's LOLs It's weird emoji smiley faces

It's I'm not 50 It's I'm not mad at you LOL Hey you might askin the hookers To stay inside LOL And if they go outside LOL Can you make sure

they cover their weird tits, L-O-L, and they're literally stealing gas, L-O-L? Can you keep the neighbor to a little safer L-O-L? See you around. Heart emoji. Heart, no. That kind of vibe. Chrissy? He's a weirdo.

Don't hate it. Me either. But? Yeah, he could come back denying it. Like, oh, yeah, my friends. That's fine if he denies it. Your message is still there. Your message is still there, which is just.

Look, I have kids. I know what you're doing. Yeah. Okay, Chrissy? Yeah. Will you open up Facebook Messenger? No, we're talking. Oh, you know, this is going on six years.

Six years. Time to end it. Okay. All right. We're opening it up. There we go. How do you feel about opening it up for this? I feel nauseous.

Okay. Good. So we need you. Will you tell us when you're ready, and then we're not going to pitch on what you're going to write. You're going to pitch because this is your real life. But before you send it, let's all be an agreement. Of course, we're looking for comedy and lightness,

but this is your real life. So let's make sure we don't put you in a dangerous spot. And so can you just start with what you're writing and let us know? Okay, I have it open. Okay. But just text, put it in as you're saying it. So don't say it and then just go like, I'm going to write it later because what I'm going to hope for

is you take a little screen grab of it and we see it too and then we see the scent. And then the follow-up is, you know, what happened? Yep, so I got heat thief. I've noticed over the years. Oh, dear, that's a long time that you have an affinity for hiring

women who come hang out with you. No shade. You do you. But the kids are starting to ask a lot of questions. I like this.

But my... How about my... kids my kids my kids are trying to ask a lot of questions i frankly don't have the answers for can i pitch something chrissy pitch everything is perfect for example and then put the example of what some of the questions are for example uh my son is commenting about booboos. Boobo sounds like injuries. Booboes that he sees on the sun deck.

Well, booboo is an injury. He's saying boobs incorrectly, but we need this old timer who spells weird all wrong to know what you're talking about. Okay. For example, my son is not talking about boobies. Yeah. Not boobies.

boobies, there we go, that he sees on your patio. That he sees bear on your patio. Don't let him off the hook here where he's like, well, if your kid's asking why a woven his boobs, that's on you, babe. It's called the birds and the bees. We are not letting him off the hook here. Okay. For example, my son is commenting about boobies that he sees bear on your patio from our patio.

and I have to bring my kids inside. Because there are naked prostitutes on your porch. Women. Okay, because there are naked women on your porch. Because that's what you're saying, right? Pop up. Okay, there are. Bottom on.

There are topless women on your porch. Okay. I have to bring my kids inside because there are scantily clad women on your porch. No, they are topless women. Oh, my little plus topless. What happens when you get approved to call in? All right, let's see. All right.

So now I have a, how to end this for the, you know, how would you like to end it, Chrissy? What are you asking him? Um, oh, right. All right. So when you have these women over, could you keep them inside? Or if they're outside. Could you remind them that this is a residential neighborhood and to please follow local laws about decency?

Is that insane? No. Because you're not saying something crazy. You're not saying that you're saying like, I'm not getting the cops involved, but there aren't laws. You don't have to take, I mean, you do what you want, Chrissy, but I think it's not crazy to say.

I feel like they're allowed to be topless in a yard. So then you're asking, all right. I'm probably here. Probably. I understand. Okay. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure that it's legal. You can't in L.A. Sadly. Well, Vancouver Island. Man, I feel like you've been here. You've seen it.

Yeah, I hear you. I didn't think you could just walk out. I mean, could I walk around with my dick out? All right. Let's, let's lock back in. The Vancouver Island.

You've seen it. Yeah. Listen, that's a different problem. Uh, let's have a reread, because I'm going to suggest that we take out the fact that we're calling them sex workers just because we don't need it. It's like, look, you have a lot of women over. It's interesting that I think is enough. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't love the, you know, I don't love that. So why don't we do a reread real quick? Okay. Okay. So I said, hey, Steve, I've noticed over the years that you've had an affinity for hiring women to come hanging with you. No shade. You do you. So how about I've noticed over the years, you have a lot of women over to your house, period.

No shade, you do you. Yep, I like that. A lot of women over at the house. Okay. I can't believe we're doing this. Okay. I can't believe we are either. We're a weird turn of events.

You know who you called. I know. Excuse me, what was happening. Okay. I've noticed over the years that you've had a lot of women over at the house. No shade, you do you, but my kids are starting out with a lot of questions that I frankly don't have the answers for. For example, my son is commenting about boobies that he sees a bear on your patio from our patio. And I have to bring my kids inside because they're topless women on your porch.

When you have these women over, could you keep them inside or if they are outside? Can you remind them that this is a residential neighborhood and to keep their tops on? And then make it funny Because my kids are asking me questions That I'm too prude to answer Laughy emoji So this is just a favor I'm asking between neighbors

Sorry I'm a prude Let me know if this is okay All right But I don't have the answers for Five laughing emojis so many laughing emojis. Yeah, so many. What do you put in 50?

I'm going to do five there. Five's cool. Yeah. So, now I'm going to go, sorry, I'm such a prude. I hope this didn't come across. Keep going. It's rude?

I don't know. Yeah, I think that's nice. But that's nice. She's, you're being extra nice. All right. Ha, ha, ha. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face. Okay.

All right, well, you've waited back. Yep. Hey, Steve, I've noticed over the years that you have a lot of women over at the house. No, sheave, you do you. But my kids are starting to ask a lot of questions that I frankly don't have the answers for. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face, laughing face, laughing face. For example, my son is commenting about boobie. that he sees bear on your patio from our patio

and I have to bring my kids inside because they're a topless women on your porch. When you have these women over, can you keep them inside or if they are outside? Can you remind them that this is a residential neighborhood and to keep their tops on? Sorry, I'm such a prude. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face. I'm in. Chrissy, how do you feel about it? You know, fingers are going a little numb from the anxiety. But I think it's time that. I finally address this after six years. Yeah, and he's home, so I feel like he's going to see this immediately. We'll send it really fast and let's see what happens.

Okay, send and I have said it. And then here's what we're going to do, Chrissy, follow up with us. And if he calls today or if he responds today, calls back. Good work, good stuff. Now we wait. It is an hour and a half later. Jared and I took a break, we're back. You must be, I'm excited

because this is such a quick turnaround follow-up that I'm like on pins and needles. Okay, so I got a response and his first response was just a laugh reaction to my message. That's good. Yeah, that's right. So, you know, starting off so good.

And then he said morning, dot, dot, dot. I guess you just have to tell the kids that I have friends that come over for coffee or dinner, question mark. As far as naked ladies on my deck, I really can't ever remember any topless chicks in my backyard. If I'm cooking sometimes, they'll hang out with me, but always have clothes on, question mark, question mark, this part baffles me a little. I mean, at least maybe a bikini on after a lake day. Anyways, it's pretty simple with the kids. I have friends that come over just like anyone else, dot, dot, dot, dot. The naked booze, I'm lost on that one, but I'll make sure their top stay on.

laughing face laughing face shrug emoji if you have an appropriate time when your son in an inappropriate time where your son saw boobs on my deck my help me figure that part out dot dot dot ha ha okay and let's make sure we cross out his name at the top what a response yeah but this is interesting so then what you say i said hey see oh sorry i said uh where are we at We said, hey, to be fair, the top list was a couple of times or two. But my son's love for these things have grown exponentially. Laughing face, laughing face. So many emojis between you two animals.

Like with the actual text being like, hey, get the naked women off your deck. And then it's, hey, I'm going to do what I want. There's not a problem here. I'm genuinely saying it's kind of affecting my life. Hello, well, well. Yeah, but also I'm allowed to do what I want It's so funny you have that attitude It's kind of damaging my kids

Oh my God laughing out loud rolling on the floor I don't know why having friends over with damaged kids Well sometimes I see boobs And it's just kind of like get your shit together A little bit old man L-O-L-O-L-A Well humans have boobs And so do the women I'm friends with

All right, I'll get the police involved I'll kill you in your sleep I'll kill you first Fuck you bitch okay so then you wrote oh and I did laugh react to his message yes great okay good and I said I don't want to cause an issue

or anything more of a heads up just as things get warmer out and the kids are outside more again no shade man laughing face laughing face he laugh react to my message he said no shade taken I'm definitely not worried about it I understand that the kids are next door

so they don't really have to help his parties He's laughing face, laughing face. I laugh react to this. Yeah. And I say, keep the topless parties at the lake. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face. Omg, hilarious. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face.

He responds, laughing face. So is that where it's ended? Where it's ended? And I feel, because he's outside pretty frequently, and our houses are so close together that I know that he's going to say something to me. and I think I'm just going to have to say laughing face. You just go out there the next time you see him,

you do a big fake smile, laughing face, and wave, and you go like, thanks, b***. And he goes like, laughing face. And now you guys. He'll just leave the name out. Thanks, Steve. Thanks, Steve. But now you have made it very clear

that you don't find this appropriate. He's made it very clear. I'm okay with it, but I'll keep it on it. So what I think is going to happen is it's going to get 15% better. Yeah. That's kind of what I think. I think it's like, it's not a home run by any stretch because he's basically

like, like we were saying, like he's not going to change anything, really. I think he will change some stuff. He will see this. Well, he has a new awareness. Yeah, he'll go like this. Hey, guys, after we have a cocaine-fueled orgy with my old wrinkled dick, do me a favor. Keep your bras on if you're outside.

and they'll go, no, we don't respect you and we're going to steal from you. And he'll go, okay. How old is this guy? 71. Yeah, I'm guessing, like, late 60s or early 70s. The behavior of this is not 45. The behavior of this is...

He's a little like Vancouver Island Dan Balzarian. He's like a low-rent Dan Balzarian. He drives like a really fancy sports car. He does. I was wrong read. He's bargain bin, Belzerian. Yeah, incredible. He's bargained in Billzian and Belzarian is at this point.

A laughing face emoji, laughing face emoji. From him. I have machine guns. I'm going to kill people laughing face. Emuzee. Laving face, emoji. So, Chrissy, where are you feeling here, bud? Where are you at?

Um, you know, nervous wreck. Okay. That's not good. Okay. But not where yet now? Um, I feel pretty good about it. It's like known, but it wasn't mean. I mean, live your best life, Steve.

But let's keep them inside a little. But you did it in a way that was fake friendly, and he responded in a way that was fake friendly. So he now knows where you feel and goes like, fuck that. That kind of sucks. But he now knows it. And he doesn't want to be a bad neighbor, and he doesn't want to fight. So now there is a move that I think you could possibly do.

What's that? Maybe it's too far. Bottle of wine. Drop off a bottle of wine? Just to be clear, like, peace offering. Just like the hot tub? Or bikini tops. Oh, God.

More robes for the ladies. Nice, Nat. We'll get David Walton here. We'll get him a bunch of the robes. I don't have fancy robe money. Well, we provide the robes in this industry, but we're not offering robes. I don't hate the bottle of wine. I actually, I would say, if anyone needs to be bringing a bottle of wine, it's probably him.

So I would just leave it as it is for right now. How often do you kind of see him out and about? Like, how often are you guys talking or making eye contact or... Almost daily, I would say. So you're going to see them soon and, you know, I think the thing that's good is that you've called it out. So if there is a situation going ahead that you don't like, if you see one of them topless or if you see one of them kind of being shady, now you can just say, hey, laughing emoji, laughing emoji, she was casing my car, laughing emoji, laughing emoji. I'm really concerned about a break-in, ha, ha, ha, ha, laughing emoji, laughing emoji. should I be laughing emoji do you have contact information to these women laughing emoji totally agree with gareth laughing emoji

yeah because now you can you have set the tone that you say laughing emoji after serious stuff laughing emoji so I think now you can just whenever there's something hey three random uh three friends of yours are walking around in short shorts in a bikini and it seems as if they are scoping houses laughing emoji do you know them laughing emoji and he'll go like just regular friends of mine laughing emoji stealing gasoline out of trucks laughing emoji and you go like sounds great laughing emoji yeah uh they brought you're out of town and they threw a brick through your window laughing emoji want me to call the cops laughing emoji and he goes l-o-l laughing emoji no those are my friends laughing emoji one of them collapsed laughing emoji because i think she oversiphoned the gas out of your boat laughing emoji laughing emoji

how concerned should i be laughing emoji she seems a little elderly question mark laughing emoji He writes back, I would definitely call the paramedics laughing emoji. That's Linda laughing emoji. She's dying, laughing emoji. Just got word she's dead, laughing emoji, laughing emoji, laughing emoji. She was a dear friend laughing emoji who had a terrible addiction laughing emoji. R-I-P Linda, laughing-oji. I am grieving so hard right now laughing emoji, laughing emoji.

I do hire hookers to replace intimacy in my life, laughing emoji, but that doesn't fight the loneliness when they die, laughing emoji. My dad left when I was two, laughing emoji, laughing emoji, laughing emoji. I can only feel things when I pay for it because I don't think I deserve love, laughing emoji. My money doesn't go to therapy. It goes to this laughing emoji. Some of these laugh tears are tears. By the way, why are you saying laughing?

I thought this was emoji of hysterically crying. I thought this was weeped. I thought this was heavy grieve. Yeah, Linda's in his text back, he's thinking, I got some working girls here, hysterically crying. What, they can't wear a bikini? Hysterically crying. Can we go back and read his thing with a little bit of a different read?

Can you pull that up? Steregal weeping. Can we just say from him, no shade taken, and I'm definitely not worried about it. I understand that the kids are next door, so I don't really have to have topless parties. Hysterically crying to the point of your head tilted to the left, hysterically crying. You on top of it said hysterically crying. Then you said, keep the topless parties at the lake, hysterically crying three times.

OMG, hilarious, hysterically crying. On top of it, he said hysterically crying. The amount of cry laughing emojis. It's like, it's insane this conversation. It's in any regular person, be like, hey, why don't you guys just have an honest conversation? I'd be like, this is so funny. Madness. So, Chrissy, where is he was happening?

Yeah, I dread having to go outside and potentially see him, but I'm just going to put on the crying face laughing face what are you going to do what's your game plan what's your angle game plan I was going to do the waves and the big smile

like hey hey Steve I hope you don't listen to podcast I have crying emoji crying emoji after you see him the first time after this it'll be fine do you want a game plan or do you want to just wing it

can call us back. I'm going to wing it. Okay. Because I want to see naturally what he says and or does. Maybe he's like, oh, I had some friends coming over for dinner. Great. Over the kid's eyes. Who knows, right?

Fascinated with this story, by the way. Same. Absolutely. Fascinated. The communication has only made it seem more insane. There's nothing I don't like about this. No, I love it. I had to stay on plot with the laughing.

Yeah. Yeah. If this is a dinner that has. chef has served, I'm licking my plate after. And I'll tell you what? When I walked into the restaurant, I was like, I don't know how the food, good the food's going going to be. And now I'm like, this is the only place I want to eat.

Same. I want 50 follow-ups. I agree. Join the show. I'm not moving. They're not moving. This just became a big part of the end of summer. This is.

Because once it gets colder, those hookers are going to get dressed up more. I know. They're inside. But end of summer, Chrissy, in closing, you got anything to say? Little Springer's corner. We'll tailor it into Chrissy's corner. You know what? I'm excited to see what happens and unfolds.

The weather's getting warmer. You know, clothes are probably going to come off. We'll find out. You're just making dinner. So, I mean, what's the big deal, right? Yeah. Well, I don't know what that means, but, yeah. Neither way.

We don't understand it, but good luck. Keep us posted. Very excited for the follow-up. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Google Gemini. College students. Do you know you can turn the most complex topics into simplified ideas

or hours of research into just minutes? How about turning class notes into practice quizzes that help you get the big idea? With Google Gemini, you can do all that and more. You can even turn long reads into quick listens

because what could be better than a podcast? I really wish there was something like this when I went into college. It would have probably helped me a good amount. But Google Gemini is a great way to practice, get ready for all the things coming your way. Use a little Google Gemini. When I was a boy, Gemini was just a gladiator. But Google has taken that idea and run with it. The great news is students get Google Gemini's Pro Plan free for one year.

Sign up by October 6 to get free access to Gemini 2.5. Pro, unlimited image uploads, deep research, notebook L.M, two terabytes of storage, and more. Visit jemini.g Google slash students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply. Hello. Oh, hello. Hey, hello. Welcome back to the show. How you doing? Good. How are you guys today? Doing great. We've had some bangers today. I don't think, Gareth. Well, we went for, see, what happened was we went from just, recording calls to a Berg and Eric episode back into calls. So we've really, it's been a lot. We've really swung a lot of directions.

So call or before we get in it, what are your honest thoughts of the we're here to chats, the four of us going on Wednesdays? How do you like them? I'm loving them. They're fun, right? And I really like the chats. I think they're really funny.

I love the random tangents you guys go on in the stories. Everything's pretty hilarious. And we're done with the, re-releases. I mean, I still listen to the re-releases, but I have listened to every episode, but like they were and I said like a refresher.

I kind of agree, curated. Yeah. Well, it might come back at some point, but right now you're like in the chats. Yeah, I'm loving the chats. The chats are really good. All right, so to you can you remind us

who you are? What the problem. Yeah. what you did all right so my name's christie and uh my neighbor is loves hookers so right Canada yeah Canada yeah right he's loving the hookers um so you know the solution to the problem was for me to message him and uh he kind of responded right away so we had a quick follow-up. Yep. And then later that night.

A lot of emojis. So many. So many. And then, yeah, shortly after that, he, uh, he brought me back. But he was upset this time. Ooh. This is new? Yeah, this is new.

Okay. Walk us through what happened. Uh, I knew it. I love when we get the screenshots. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Gareth, you want to read him? Sure.

Wow. Okay. This is, this is long. Uh, he writes. At 8.09 a.m. or p.m. his phone could use a charge. So I'm sitting here at work thinking about our exchange today, and I'm kind of perplexed. I'm curious why when the bare breast incident was a couple years ago, why this is coming up now. You also said that you don't want to cause an issue, double question mark? That's interesting wording as you're basically talking about my life, that I can do anything I wish. That being said, I respect you guys and love those kids, so I'm pretty sure I've been a very respectful neighbor. The kids obviously know I live in the house alone with the pups. So from their end, I'm pretty sure when I have friends over, it's innocent. Now, if they start asking other questions, you have to ask where these ideas are coming from.

Kind of curious hand to chin emoji. Anyways, I'm not worried about anything because it's not my deal. You brought this to me. You brought this to me, and I'm really having a tough time understanding double cry, laugh emoji. You guys in these emojis are just It's so counter to what you're saying You guys have a great evening prayer hands Okay

Yeah, a little spicy Do you have what you replied, Christ or you want me to read that? Will you read it? Yeah, no, I can read it over. Okay. So I said, oh man, I'm so sorry, Steve I only meant with the warmer weather The only reason I brought it up now

is because my son is ridiculous It came out wrong totally on my end, my apologies. really nice response yeah and then you know he started talking about his dogs and whatnot and he did say that my message to him was very awkward okay shit

so this is a well first of all selfishly a non bell ring but it sounds like but yeah hold there's more there's more there's more do it to us so quite literally like three days after the call

we had a power outage which is infamous for him to to hire some women. So he did. But he kept him inside. Hey. It was a nice day. We had a power outage for about eight hours,

which is like. Like cremots. And I saw him go in the house and he had the balcony door open and he closed the door. Great. Okay. This is a bell ring, Gary. I think we're getting our hand on the bells. It doesn't have to feel good always, Christy.

but this was a real problem. Well, if you're paying for it, doesn't have to feel good. It was a little awkward. He spoke to me in person. Yeah. Yeah, we had a chat in the front yard about a week after that, which was a little awkward. What happened?

Thankfully, he didn't bring up the hookers. I think he is a little afraid of confrontation in person. Fair. So he was trying to throw our other neighbors down the street under the bus, being like, well, they're building lots of property. It's pretty sure they're laundering money. so he was kind of giving dogs on other yeah not talking hookers he's like well you think I'm bad yeah but by the way hope just just to be straight line here you called in because his hookers were

running wild on your street with their shirts off you went through a little bit of hot water with him he's keeping the hookers inside if I'm inside I was ready to parmesan on that deck And not to poke holes, but the wind will blow the parmesan off the deck. It doesn't work. You're going to want a tougher cheese. But I agree. I think, look, it's a little uncomfortable for a minute. Now you guys are kind of back.

He's talking shit on other people. The ladies are staying inside. I do think we're on a bell ring as long as you co-sign it and agree, Christy, that this is a win. Yeah, I feel to win. Like, I happen to have any, like, dogs who's thrown at my yard or anything. Like, it is uncomfortable, though. You called him out for getting hookers. Well, you called him out for being public with his, you know, with his sex workers.

Yes, you did call him out for that. Which is hard to do, but guess what? Yeah, but you got your problem. Yes, we actually just had a call a minute ago with someone who was having difficulty. kind of confronting and you know i think our point was and i think it is applicable to this is like look if you're calling into our show it clearly is bothering you at least get it off your chest and then if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out but i'll also say this yeah but i'll also say this don't parade around your hookers general rule well i don't know i think some some some

But parade like that doesn't sound terrible to me if I'm being totally honest. A parade of hookers? Well, I mean, Gareth waxed his butthole. Now he's ready for anything. Hey, listen, you can try to shame what I have going on back there all you want. I got a diver's anus. Okay. Have you waxed again?

No, I haven't. Are you going to? I honestly think I will. That's cool. Genuinely cool. I really think I will. That's cool, man. I really went through the, I ran the whole, I ran the cycle.

I was furious. Yeah. I was regretting. That's cool, man. Have a giggle, everyone. I feel great. So, Chris, this feels very positive. I agree.

Yeah, it's feeling like a win. Okay. And, you know, weather is going to cool down a little bit, so they're naturally, and they're going to be inside and their warmer habitat. I don't think this is going to be a problem again. He's embarrassed. They're not otters. A hooker's habitat is outside on a corner, though. That is the natural habitat is outside.

It's not inside. They work inside, but their natural habitat is outside. Everybody is that. They're not aliens. So, Christy, you're happy with this? Yeah, I'm pretty happy. We're reading the bell. To our people doing stats, put it in the window.

Yeah, we'll figure it right. If something else happens, call us. Yeah, please. I mean, I think we're open to pitching it more on us if we need to. I'll fly to Canada. No, you won't. So, Christy, thank you for the follow-up. Thank you, Christy.

Yeah, thank you guys. We appreciate you. Appreciate it. Ring that bell. Ring that bell. Ringing the bell. Ringing the bell. See ya, pal.

Bring the bell. Thanks, guys. Bye. A good one. You too. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of weird.

here to help. You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help. is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

Go to Patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is The Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious. stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't, but all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba,

to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew? Yeah. The mobs involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday. Thank you.