We're Here to Help - 210: A Ship-Load of Options (with Cat Reitman)

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

Jake and Gareth are joined by friend of the show Cat Reitman for this bonus episode! Together, they help a female boat captain navigate condescending men on the high seas. Plus, a tasteful gift for Gareth and a pre-game chat with the callers from Ep 201 "The Pickle and Chip Classic."Sara, 38, Philadelphia is looking for a friend! Think you could be a good match? Submit to the Friendship Game here: https://tinyurl.com/friendforsaraSee images from the episode here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-210Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Visit gemini.google/students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Good guy. We're lucky, Gareth. We are lucky. I mean, we really, we are very grateful to have the guests we have on this show. But very early on, we had a friend of both of ours on, and she crushed. And then we couldn't stop asking her on. And we've been trying to get her on for a minute. She's very busy, but we actually are joined today by the great Cat Reitman. What's up, guys. Here we go. Here we go. How did we know each other? Did we know each other through the G-Man? Or did we know each other before? I don't think it was through the G-man,

but I think I've been a fan of yours forever. Back at you? But when did we know each other? Because I remember when we started doing this pod together, I know you really well. It's like we knew each other. Very well. I feel like it was probably,

I mean, I know that my dad was upset. with you and like really he spoke of you really highly so there was also something familiar. Oh my God, Jake. Oh, I thought your dad hated me. No, oh my God, no. He really, he not only adored you and my dad, as you know, it's hard to get

in his, he picks his people, right? He's like, Gareth, not so much, not a fam. No, but I will say, I tried. Did you? Oh my God, wait. Gareth, can you very quickly tell Jake the bit you were doing at that one, like, party we had?

where we hired a band to perform at a party, Jake. I think it was like a madman theme party. Fun. So imagine Gareth in a full suit. And my parents come because I was really close with them. My father passed away. I was so, so close with him. And Gareth shows up, and he's standing in between me and my dad,

and I could feel Gareth because I know him enough at that point being like, I'm going to get. I know that Gareth, too. And it would give me a stomachache. Before you start, I'd go like this. Stop. Stop, stop. But too late, band is going and the lead singer of the band was like a real character.

Take it away, Gareth? I don't even remember this. I just remember. I don't. Your dad is obviously an icon. And I'm like, I mean, but I also am like, you're my friend. So I'm like, I don't want to. But what did I do?

I can't even imagine. I was hammered at that party. So for the listener who's unfamiliar, my father was Ivan Reitman. And he directed, and Ghostbusters and all these, like, iconic comedies, right? Twins and kindergarten cop and things that we all grew up on. And also just a really good dude.

You know what I hate about really fast, Catherine, because my dad died, dude. I hate the was. I know. Like, your dad is Ivan Raymond, and he is right. But I'm like that, because I've had that where I still talk about my dad like he's alive. I love that. But I'm like, I don't want this path.

10 shit. I'm like, I get, I don't get this. But I'm like, that's who my, that's, I don't know. I think I do it because I don't want to confuse people and just asking like, oh, can I send him a script or something? Yeah, nobody was sending my notes. Can I, can I?

When you say someone, you mean Gareth. Yeah, well, that's right. That's right. Okay, so I'll keep going. So Gareth's standing next to me, band is going. Lead singers haven't at it. And all of a sudden, Garrett starts doing this bit. And God bless him, because all.

All of Garrett's bits work for me. I'm that broken person. I'm the 1% and find everything he says funny. So I'm also dying, laughing. I should add that layer. But Gareth has decided that the lead singer of this band is his dad. Oh, you think you're the only one with your dad here, Catherine? Look at my dad.

Working it up there. Oh, dad, way to go. Way to hit that. No, he's going to be tired after this one. I better get my dad a snack. So he's just stretched. I'm so embarrassed about my dad, just like you are. Sorry about my dad.

Look at us bringing our dads to this event. bet. Yeah, exactly. What is his father's day? So he's like, he's working it to death. And by the way, my father, I don't know if it's hearing or the band being loud like this. Yeah, he didn't like it. Oh, well, I did a bit at your wedding to your dad too and also bombed. Yeah. What did you do? I don't even remember, but I tried to do a quick like, hey, you know, and it was like, mm-hmm. I was like, got it. Say you later. Your dad's tough, though, dude. So you hear in that that, so he would say to me, we did no strings attached together. And Liz Meriwether wanted me for the part. I ought to audition for your dad so much. He never laughed. After each take, he would go like, huh, then when we were on set, I was doing a scene where my character had the button. And it was like me, Coutcher, and I think ludicrous.

Nobody on the crew is laughing. So remember you're talking about the sound guy laughing? That was one of those gigs where because everyone was so, but also respected your dad so much. Nobody wanted to express anything until he did. so I get it so I'm doing stuff to silence and I would like

save the button where I'd be like soda water and then because it's silence I would just add shit I'd be like sort of water goes I like the dribble dribble in my mouth and then you'd hear cut he walks over puts his arm around me

and he goes oh god do you know what a joke is Jay no he did not change not in a mean way in like a smiling Ivan way and I go yeah and he goes because you say the joke that's written And he goes, I laugh. And then you talk.

And I think, now I can't cut because he won't stop talking. He goes, I need to be able to cut, Jake. And I went, yeah, totally, exactly. Thank you. Somebody murder me. And I felt every take I'm looking at him and I'll get a look of like, I'm sorry I've disappointed you. You are my hero.

and I will try unsuccessfully again. I want to hug you and him so much in this scenario. First of all, imagine being a four-year-old girl getting the same exact direction. And second of all, Garrett's heard this our entire friendship, but I was raised on that. I was raised with, like, Landit. I remember sitting in the back of the car

going home from like a VE, violin, recital, or something from school. And he was like, do you know no one can hear you? Do you know that you're not projecting? Do you know? And I just remember in the backseat being like, Yeah, he's right. I just like the same thing.

But he would, he would, well, he would say things in a way where he would say like, it was basically he was saying, the circle is here, you're over there. Do you know that, right? Right. And I'd be like, I do know that. I do. And you'd be like, because we need you all in the circle and I'd be like, that makes a lot of sense to me. I don't think I'll ever get there.

Yes. Happy to try unsuccessfully again. Well, it sounds like, it sounds like I was probably hitting with your dad that night. You were just like in the circle. Yeah. He was just trying to avoid it. But your dad is a tough individual. He's a tough customer, but you should know Jake that he literally,

I remember him saying like, Jake's comedy is so intelligent. He literally said that to me. Like he thought you were so smart. Wow, that was so different than the vibe around him. It was kind of, it felt like maybe that's just who he is. it felt like I know you have regrets about casting me babe

but we're stuck together so it would be a lot of like I would like stand next to him in between takes and do like the rubbing of his back being like sorry that this sweating fat guy still hear my guy and then you'd be like first even I'll be like let me just chugged my way into the scene

to literally disappoint everybody and then you know Kutcher was doing his thing Natalie Portman was doing her thing they can't do wrong they can't do wrong No, nothing. Everything was great. Also, the idea of you, after ever take to shuffling over and rubbing my dad's back. Rubbing his back is so funny. That thing where you're just like, you know, it's your dad.

You know this morning, but you're like, please like me. Too much. I think that generation, though, in general is like... It's different. They don't say the compliment to you. They give you the note and the criticism. And then, like, I heard for most of my life, my father would, like, fan over me to other people. Like, he would say for wonderful things, but not as much to me.

And then later in his... life when he got, like, softer and sweeter and more gracious, he, like, showered me in it. I will say this about that, because I've given there's a lot of thought as Gareth and I age. Yeah. He won't admit it. Not me so much. Not him so much. I mean, Gareth is 22 years old.

For life. For life. I miss that generation a lot. Me too. I miss the generation of, you've got to work for it. I might say nice things behind your back, but I'll never say it to you. Totally. And our interaction, it's okay if you have a stomachache and want to impress me.

The world where it now is just so different that there's no comps anymore. And I'm like, even when I like work now, I have to always remember, I'm not working in the business I entered. I'm working in this new business. And everybody's so much like nice. There's the whole us versus them, the battle, the idea that like it was like boxing. You're like, none of that exists anymore. No, and I'm sure this audience relates, even if they're not in showbiz, because what it basically is is learning your boss.

And that generation, you know, is dying, if not dead. And there are plenty of people now where you're like, I remember working for Jason Goldberg-Garrest, on our fabulous show, The Real Wedding Crashers, where I kept saying, yes, sir. I was just like my nature is to say, yes, sir. And I'm not saying it in like a year-so-old way. It's more like, I got you. I got you. I respect you. Yes, sir.

And he was like, knock it off. Knock it off. Don't call me that. Totally. And I think our Jen has a real hard time with being the boss. They have like weird identity crisis shit going on. I think our generation is really weird because we were raised by that generation. Totally. But we see this new generation that we're not. My generation.

Yes, the 20-year-olds. But the younger generation is so different. Yeah. And they're so confident. and they don't have any of that. Yeah. Then I'm like, oh, I remember very clearly. I worked with John Landis on the thing when I first started,

and he was giving, it was some sketch show. I can't remember what it was. But he was giving me a note, and I had, I dissociated. Because I was like, that's cool. He's here in front of me. And I was like, what am I doing in L.A.? And what am I doing? This is crazy.

And I did I shower today? Yeah, even more just, I was literally just hearing him go like, and I was going like, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. I'm a star. I was like, whoa, I was literally like jailmate number five. I was like one line in the background, but I was like, I can't believe I'm here. Totally.

There's like an AD, this is a real, I had a call sheet. What am I doing here? And he literally went, so where I told you to be, and I realized he was yelling at me, but I wasn't hearing it. He just took his hand on my face and pushed me on my mark. No. Not one part of me was offended. Right. You're like, thank you, sir.

I was like this, and then all of a sudden I felt, and I was like, oh, and the AD looked at me, who was an older guy, like, did you get hurt? And I was like, literally, and I'm glad he hit me. I wish he would have whipped me. I just lived it. What a legend. Yeah, thank you for pushing me in the face because I wasn't listening.

Could somebody punch me next time? It was so nothing that now I'm like, if somebody even goes like, hey, could you get your mark? They have to go like, hey, do you mind you guys were talking? I'm like, you're allowed to be. rude to us where there's a bunch of actors fucking around and you're like oh it's a new world but that generation were the bosses the teachers who we looked up to and i still love them oh me too and can you imagine how confusing not to make this the most endless conversation but quickly

all of a sudden stepping into my show work and moms 10 years ago where i was like 32 and all the sudden now i'm the boss i'm the showrunner and the director and all these things and i remember feeling like, am I supposed to pretend to be my dad? Am I supposed to be... And all the actresses are my age, right? So I want them to respect me enough, but I also I don't want to appear better

than anybody, and all the ADs are men that are older than me. And so it became like this for the first season. We made changes, but I just remember feeling like, I mean, talk about identity crisis. I was like, I do not know how to play this at all. Such imposter syndrome. Beyond.

Yeah. So if you were just to cheesy right now because we're in that zone. If you were to give yourself advice from now, so if you could now give that younger version of your advice, what would you say? I would say to do exactly what you're doing. Because you don't learn unless you make the mistakes. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. That's cool. I remember saying to myself over and over again, just take it one scene at a time. Let's just go one scene at a time because the day can look really intimidating and you think there's no way. And we were doing like, you know, we were doing like four day episodes. So we was shooting

like, oh my God. Like 10 to 12 to 14 pages a day. Just bananas, you know, sitcom work. And, you know, my dad and brother were shooting like two to four pages a day. So great. So I just remember being like, let's just do one scene at a time. Let's just learn as we go here.

No one knows you're faking it. And just keep going. I guess it's fake until you make it. But it's very good. It's really true, though, but it's really crazy. Well, that is great advice to give yourself, which leads us into the great advice we will be listening to in this episode. Thank you, Catherine.

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Hi. Hi. Can we get your name, please? My name is Emily. Emily, and where are you calling from, Emily? I'm calling from Long Island, New York. Long Island, New York. And I tried really hard to say that about an accent. You pulled it off.

I did it my best. You got the great Kat Reitman joining the show right now. So you got Gareth, you got Kat Reitman, and you got myself. You got three shooters. Oh, my God, hi. You are in a good zone. Kat, you got any questions for her? Emily, what's going on with you?

Why are you calling in today? Okay, so I am 36 years old. I'm a, in the summer, I own a small charter boat company, and I'm the captain of my boat. Loves us. And, yes, so, but also the vibe that I give off is very just good day. I wear dresses. I have bows in my hair. And I get this phenomenon where I get a lot of,

of men coming to my rescue. Interesting. Where they're like, can I help you? Well, they're like, they give me a lot of like, like advice and a lot of docking and a lot of, oh my God, I never, I never take my boat out because I'm nervous about docking it, but I just saw you do it. So I'll be fine. So it's a lot of condescending men that I have coming to my rescue that are like,

can I help you do all of these things? things. And I, I, they're probably trying to be nice, but I, uh, have forgotten more about voting than they probably know. So, um, I, yeah, so the name of my boat is siren song after the Odyssey where they lure men into their, um, into their own demise. Yeah. Terrible story. So, um, yeah, great story. Love it. Um, for me. Um, yeah. So I get a lot of, oh my God, you did such a good job. And it's like, Sam's on distressing, you know?

Mm-hmm. So, yeah, that's my problem. It's interesting because there are plenty of jobs where if the female is the boss, and I'm not saying anything, this is not a hot take, you know, men are threatened by it. But I would imagine that boat captain

might be the most classically male job there could be. And that must be incredibly threatening. It sounds like you're capable. and you know what you're doing. So is it just them being dicks or tell me more about yourself? So I am during the summer, I'm a boat captain and during the year I'm a middle school librarian. Holy moly. You're like a superhero.

Yeah, there's not, yeah, there's not a lot of overlap. I think that I might be the only one with those two. Two very different professions. Yeah. Super different. yeah um yeah my family I grew up in like a boating family on Long Island and then but I'm also I don't know

I'm also do me a favor here do me a favor am I just so I can get clear on this a little bit because I got I got the image of you as a just day type on the boat I got an image of and one thing that women don't realize about men is we also do it to each other constantly so it's not just these men are annoying

just to women because we are threatened by them. This is how men speak to each other nonstop. All we do is mansplained to each other. So what is this situation that is happening where a guy in another boat would think if it's a guy, if I'm on a boat and it seems like I'm stuck,

a lot of guys are going to go like, you go over there, Chief? I wouldn't drop bank or that close, pal. You're going to drop bank of that close, buddy. You're going to drag your ass on the floor. And I'll go, no, I'm good. This is what I want to do it. With that much weight, you're going to drag your ass, brother.

Right, right. So what is happening to get them chiming out? Yeah, if I was in a predicament, I would accept the help readily. But it's usually just like docking the boat. And like I'm the only one on my boat. And so as you're docked, they do what? They say like, you need a little help? You want to be guided in?

Yeah. And sometimes, and when I do it, like, because I'm very good at it. So when I do it, it's like, oh my God, you did such a good job. Well, it's like, good girl. You did great. It'll be like, okay, easy, easy. I'm like, yeah, I've got. Can I ask, your male friends who are also captains,

have you connected with them and asked if they get the sort of feedback when they're docking? They definitely don't because I also run a water taxi on Long Island. So my family company is a water taxi, and I have my little small boat. And when I'm on the water taxi, I work with, like, a big captain looking guy. like he's got a beard and he's like he you know he looks like he looks like if you were going to draw a picture he looks like it you know and um almost every time him and i worked together on Sundays and I'll be like him and I cap co-captain because he captains as well um and he'll say she taught me everything I know but everyone thinks that's a joke but it's not I literally was I was his I trained him on the boat on my boat on the water taxi and then he and then um If I jump behind the helm, like, people will look at him and then look at me and they're like, you're the captain. I'm like, yep, and then they'll laugh. And then I start driving the boat.

And they're like, wow, I didn't really think you were the captain. Can you tell me more about, you mentioned bows and dresses. And that's not normal boat attire, let alone, you know, putting gender aside. Are you wearing a costume? Are you wearing something that attracts? And I'm just kicking all the tires. You might be fishing. kicking all the times.

I'm glad did you ask it, not me. I know. I know. The comments wouldn't be warm. I'm allowed. Can you tell me about your outfit? Because it's hot and I don't like... Okay, it's old navy.

You're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not in like a same little moon... No. No. Yes, you're not... No, that's... No, that's wild.

Okay. No. It's just like any... Got it, got it, got, got, got, okay. So you're wearing a very reasonable boat attire. You're being spoken down to. Yeah. Meekers and shorts, but a dress over it instead of like a shirt.

So I'll allow it. If you, I agree. Could you pin the question down as specifically as you can of what we could help you with? Because I think I know she flipped to this. Imagine she flipped this and she's like, how do I get a date? Yeah. You never know. Okay.

So my question is what is, what is? an appropriate, what can I say back to these men that doesn't emasculate them because we all need to protect fragile egos and also gives me some sort of like power and like shows that I

have been a boat captain for 10 years. Yes, that makes a lot of sense. Great. I mean, I would say that I wouldn't worry about amasculating them a little, little bit just because it's probably a good way to show how it feels. I mean, I have a couple ideas, but I don't want to jump to.

Yeah, go. What do you go? You go first, Gary. Well, I would say what you could, like, so you're bringing it in, you're docking, and then is it some of the people who are kind of helping you dock or like saying the kind of condescending shit? It's usually, yeah, people like screaming from the dock that I'm about to pull into. And what do they scream?

But it's like a lot of, do you think that you can fit into this spot? Do you know how to pull in? Can you, like, are you sure you can do this? Do you want me to grab whatever it is and pull you in? It's so annoying. My first one was going to be maybe a little more specific, assuming like people are helping you, like, tie the boat up or whatever. And then they're going like, gosh, what a good job.

But if that's the case, you have a bunch of, of protocols when you're coming into dock, right? Like there's a number of things you've got to do to get ready for it, right? Hmm. What if you, like, had a laminated sign that you flipped over where it was visible to the people on the dock that was something along the lines of, like, no need to be impressed, like, I'm an amazing captain,

or unsolicited mail cheering, like, with a big X through it or something like that. Funny. Something that you flip through to just sort of set the tone a little bit. You could also, going off of that, you could go the opposite. And when they said, do you need help, you could pretend it's your first time and you're confused. So if they go, you need help, you think you could fit, you go like, I have no idea. I've never done this before.

It's my daddy's boat. And so there's this thing of panic of like, which one's the gas, which one's the break? So there's a moment of like, whoa, whoa, then you do it perfectly. and they go like, that was really smooth. And you go like, wow, it's my first time. Or you could all off of that, you could almost just be like, I don't know what I'm doing. Everyone, get away.

Move. And then just like, you know, get it in there perfect. Yeah. Help, help, help. And then they all start yelling. Back away. And then you go like, I need help. I need help.

And they all panic and turn up the volume really loud and pretend you're freaking out. And then you park it perfectly. And they go, what was that? And you go like, I'm a fucking 10-year captain. Get out of here. Hey, hey. I think, unfortunately, all of our advice is going to be exhausting, right? Because it's going to require you teaching people something.

And having been in your position where I've had lots of men around me not taking me seriously, including, like, guys I hired to be cast being like, why are you giving me notes? Like, I've had so many versions of what you're saying, Emily. And when I have attempted to teach lessons, it's been exhausting for me and didn't pay off much. So I unfortunately think the best advice, you're going to get is that you're going to have to make an internal switch where you don't give a fuck. You're going to have to just keep doing your gig and eventually let your reputation build. Now, there are all sorts of women out there who make choices in how they appear to be taken more seriously.

And it's really unfortunate, right? Because you're like, it's hot as balls. I don't want to wear a fucking pantsuit. I want to look, I want to wear an old navy dress. I want to be myself. I want to be able to express myself. I'm really, I enjoy looking this way. But there are things you can do as far as like, no, uh-uh. I'm the captain, take me seriously, right? And there's also the Gareth approach where you could put, like, you know, you could rename your boat to like, yes, I'm a 35-year-old woman, and I've been doing this for 10 years or something. You could put something on the damn boat that spells out to step away. I've got this. But I think the biggest piece of advice I can give you is that you're going to have to make an I don't care choice. I got some for you, Emily. What is the most annoying job while docking a boat that is like essentially and I'm not a boat man believe it or not or not look at you said that and the chimp fell over yeah he didn't like it he didn't how dare you he didn't like it um but is there a job that is like essentially for like the interns you know like is it is it the job that they have to grab the rope and pull it in and tie it around the kind of job that you emily at this point of your

career. The deckhand. You can't believe you still have to do it. What is that job? I mean, not so much on like the smaller boat I have because it's like a small charter boat but I'm like I feel like if I can

be like yes deckhand please take my take the line you know like I don't know because it's me I'm the only one doing anything so I don't know. So here's what I'm trying to get to, Emily.

I'm trying to get to if I'm moving furniture, let's say, which I've done a lot of. We get it, Jake. He's strong. He's got a good core. He's built. He's got a good core.

He's got a good. Thick. And this has never happened, but if a man said as I'm walking up the stairs, you sure you got that, honey? I would say go ahead I would love to watch you do a big boy so the thing I'm trying to get

that's what my sister told me to do because my sister like that was the advice she gave me she was like just make them do everything that's what I'm like I know but Emily here I'm like but but what I don't know I feel like I need to like prove myself and be like you don't get out of here

but who are these goofballs so this is where I'm on the different page prove to who somebody goes if i'm walking my dog and they go you sure you know to take care of that dog and it takes a shit i'm handed them the plastic bag right they'll go fair enough dude you want to make sure all the shit's off the grass i go by all means so you got some guy who's asking you if you need help sure i do grab the rope do all the grunt work and then they'll go is this your first time you go no i've been doing this for 20 years and they go well you know how to do all this and you go I didn't ask you to be involved.

You got involved in my business. There's work to be done. You know what else you could do? Clean the sides of it. Make sure before I come back, you scrub all the stuff off. And they go, like, I'm not cleaning your boat. And you go, why are you even talking to me? I thought you were volunteering for work.

What do you want? A buck? I'll give you a book. I'll give you a sandwich. But they're volunteering for free work. Put them to work. If you have stuff on your boat, you want to unload. They go, you need any help.

You go like this. Yeah, all those boxes in the back need to go to my car. I'm going to be getting a nice tea. And soon they're going to go, this fucking lady can't do anything. And then they're going to go, why am I moving her boxes? How often are you dealing with like the same people, Emily?

Like how much of these? Do you feel like it's regulars doing this? Yeah. Well, so a lot of what I do is bringing people to, like other bars and restaurants like in different areas. Like I've done that a lot. And so it's like, very often, like, drunk men in their 20s and 30s that are like, yeah.

I got a pitch on that. Yeah. All right. How about this? You carry an extra, like, wheel with you for when you're bringing it in for a dock. And when a guy asks if he can help you, hand him the wheel and say, yeah, the wheel fell off. I don't know what to do. And then just go about your business and start doing your work and be a little showmany about it.

Show womany about it. That's fun. What if you do it like it's a kitty wheel? So like, you have your kid in the backyard has their little fake car. Yeah. And you could give him like a little kitty wheel. That's very funny. Or a little fake, a little boy captain hat.

A little boy cap. Or a toy boat and you go, I think this one's more of your speed. I got the big boy. You know, or whatever. Something like that. I think giving a mini captain's hat to a man trying to help you sends a very loud and direct message. It's a way to, especially if it's that sort of thing,

that will embarrass real quick and just go like, like if there's a way to frame that where you're like... How about a little pin? A pin that says, I asked a boat captain if I could help because I'm a captain too. I'm a captain in my head.

I love that. I'm a big, because I'm a big boy captain too. And then you finish the whole thing, Emily. You have a button maker in the library. Oh, you're sucking. Let's go. It's like when you finish. Go ahead.

No, go ahead, Gareth. Well, I was just going to say, it's like when a little kid goes on a plane and you get the wings. Yes. That's exactly right. And then you've wrapped the whole thing up by saying,

now what do you do, sir? And ask them what their profession is and be like, all right, let me know if Monday morning I can come in and show you how to do your job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't get in the whole ending, though, like that. Because now you're dealing with a drunk and you're,

but I'm not saying it for the guy's sake. I'm saying like, it's the same thing if, like, somebody asks an actor for a photo and the person doesn't want to, and they go like, why would you ask? They're asking because they've seen, why are you creating this moment? The drunk guy is saying, you want help. So all we're looking to do is speed up Emily's moment, humiliate the guy a little bit.

Get a laugh. Why did I do that? The laugh helps the medicine. And then have one of the friends go, look at you. We got a big boy captain button. Yeah. Right. And that's it.

And Emily, you're not stumbling. All right, hot shot. You're moving. I'm a hot shot, big boy captain. Or I like the idea. I just asked a 15 year, like, how many years do you have on it? Or what's your boat captain title? Like the highest ranking?

Is it just captain? Or do you like earn more tiers as you go? So I'm a U.S. Coast Guard with a 50-ton master upgrade. This is what I'm talking about. Sounds great. That's exactly what I just asked a coast guard. A U.S. Costa. Master.

Yeah. I mean. If they needed help docking their boat. It's going to be a big button. Yeah. Fine. It's something like that. I mean, you could make a few.

Obviously, if you have access to a button maker, which is the dream for all of us. But you could make a few that are just like that level of like, it's like giving, it's like someone won the mansplained blue ribbon, essentially. Yeah. And if you do that in front of buddies who are drunk on a boat, they'll be talking about that for the rest of the day. And it's fun for you. It's like giving out a prize. It is like it's not too aggressive. I think it's interested. I do too. Yeah, I think I like that. I like it. I was like, I feel like sometimes when I'm like, bro, leave me alone. Like I'm coming off like aggressive and I don't want to. Well, yeah. But the problem is you're. I like the passive aggressive. Yeah. Passive aggressive is great. I think for this. One if you're getting a laugh. and you're getting a laugh thick yeah yeah but let Emily let me ask you a question just so I can get a a better sense of this so the guys while you're parking are not boat people they might be they I mean everybody on Long Island thinks they're a boat person I got you okay

but they're just like guys who drive a boat yeah I'm I mean if they've seen a boat they're both for understood like it's yeah South Shore Long Island that's that's that's the vibe. Okay. So what we're really trying to humiliate is it's essentially if Michael Jordan was shooting hoops at a park and somebody goes like, you need help with your shot? Yeah. Because if you move your shoulders, it could go in. And rather than going like, I'm Michael fucking Jordan and you're just some fucking dude near a park. A pin that lets them know. I'm definitely not the Michael Jordan, but definitely the analogy. Compared to these guys, you are. Yeah. The guy who looked like a real fisherman. You're the one who talks.

him yeah sounds like mj to me yeah you go make yourself some pins emily but let's be let's try to pitch on what that pin says so it's very clean because what i don't want is a guy gets the pit and goes like thanks the hell is this do you do you need help right i'm happy to wear this yeah do want me to put this on while i help you uh i'm confused right move us in the boat world don't give It depends. We, you know, dock boats. Honestly, I liked mansplaining blue ribbon. That was a...

That's funny. Maybe we can work on that. I like that one. Like you said, you can make a few. One could say, I think I'm a captain. One could say, not at all a captain. I'm not a captain, but I offer advice. Yeah.

Okay. Fake captain. Fake captain. Doc head. What about I helped a captain today? I'm trying to think of what would say on like my son Yeah, totally Or a boat captain junior

Make believe captain How about boat captain helper? Deck hand I'm just going to put this out there That there are certain especially if drunk You're going to piss some guys off And because it is emasculating And it is making a joke

Some guys are going to take it and roll it And their friends are going to laugh at them and that's going to be exactly what you want. But I'm just going to warn you that already on top of a situation that's coming off a little bit hostile to you, because you're taking it personally, right? That this pin might offend, and you're going to have to use your incredible female thermometer

to sense out which kind of guy you're going to give this pin to to not get yourself in a hairy situation. I just want to, for liability purposes, give this to you. Why don't we talk about something that Gareth said earlier, so therefore... Sounds like a mistake. The only thing is, we haven't nailed is what the pin says. But what if there is just a banner that you put on the front of your boat while you're docking it?

With like the X. That literally just says 10-year captain, all the credentials. Or don't need help. It could also say, don't talk to the captain while docking. Yeah. Don't, in quote, help the captain. Yeah, don't help the captain. Or say, sir, come.

Because we've seen varying We've seen varying degrees of this, right? Like if you go to a touristy thing, it's like, please don't feed the pigeons. Like, whatever the thing is. We're all used to it. And when you see that, you're like, all right, I'm not going to be the asshole

that does that thing all the gosh probably do. If you've already started and you read it, it's a really fun, humiliating thing. If I'm with a group of friends and one of them goes like, hey, you need help and I see the sign, I'll go like, literally read the sign. That's right.

But she doesn't have to do a move where she hands that aggressive guy something, he's already getting busted. Do you say anything up top when you're starting the voyage? That's cool. I do if it's the water taxi because there's like a lot of people and they're kind of there for a tour and that's the vibe for that boat. But for the little one, not really because it's only like six people and it's usually like a family or friends going out for a ride.

She also said it was like guys just on the dock, right, that weren't on your boat. Yeah. Yeah, not the people on the boat. They know I know what to do. So there you go. I got one too. A horn that as they're talking, you're pressing the horn.

So you do the rhythm game, the sound game, where whenever they're talking, you hit the horn and then go, what? So they go like, hey, do you need brim? And then as you're going, whenever, they try to talk, you're drowning them up, and then you park perfectly, and you go, I couldn't hear you, I was parking a boat. Or what if you also get some of

those, like, earmuffy things that the people at work at the airport put on? You could just put those on as you're bringing it in. Just block them out. Just very clearly. I think the sign, I think the sign on it. I know you can't bring it on. Yeah. But even if you

mime it, if they go, you want help, do the finger up and then you go like this, so they'll think you've got something in your ears. So they'll even go like, oh, all right. And then when you get off and they realize they don't, they'll go like, what the fuck? She mimed having headphones on and I bought it. I mean, we've given you a shitload of options.

Which one do you like? A shipload. A shipload. I do like the pins. Okay. I do like the pins because then I don't really have to talk to them. I can just like hand them up in and walk past them or like back down load. And what do you like that PIN saying?

I like boat captain helper. Likes that one. She ain't afraid. By the way, if it just says boat captain helper, that's not mean. If I'm saying, hey, do you need help? And the lady just kind of nods at me and doesn't do anything. And then doesn't say thanks or anything.

Just walked by and handed me a pin that says boat captain helper, I'll go, thank. I will be. be embarrassed. Yes. But I won't feel like she's saying, fuck you. I agree. And it's not saying like, mansplanner, let me teach your lesson.

It's just this. I just go like, I guess I was a boat captain helper. Because I wouldn't do the one that said junior on it. Yeah, boat captain helper. And then you can even say thanks. You go like this. Thanks for the help. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And they go like, I like, yeah, no problem. You did great. Yeah, that's what I would say. And they're drunk. I would go, thank you. You did great, buddy.

And treat them like a kid like this. Hey, and you go like this. You did so good. You couldn't have done that without you. Hey, thanks for the help. That was huge. Thanks for the help, captain. He goes, hey, thanks for the help, captain.

Yeah. And then give them a boat captain helper. And then they will deep down go, kind of out of control I offered help to a boat captain. I don't know why I did that. I thought I was being really cool, but. Emily, are we hitting a target for you? Does this feel good? Yeah, no, this is great.

because I was looking for something to say, but this is much better. Yeah, I like this. Then I have to actually engage with someone. Yeah. This is less, and because it happens all the time. Like, it happened two times.

I had my friends out. It happened two times while they were out on the boat with me. It happened when I pulled into one dock and then when I pulled into the second dock. It happens all the time. So I really like this pin. I do. And I really like a sincere smile and a wink that you just go,

thanks, Captain. Yeah. And you're treating them the way the flight attendants and the pilot treat kids. A child. When a kid gets off a plane, they go like this. Hey, you did great on that flight. And the kid goes like, wow, thanks. I just fucking sat there and watched screens and Drake Sprite.

It also is like, you killed it. It's fun for you. I mean, it is a, it's just like, it'll be more fun than just sort of sitting there stewing. Yeah, it definitely was mean, silly. Yeah. Yes, you have an outcome in for that. You got something. Yeah.

You got access to a button maker. I mean, it's meant to be. Well, why don't you send us pictures of the buttons, and maybe you can, I mean, just keep us posted. Let us know how it's going. But that sounds perfect. Yeah, I think so too. I will definitely do that.

Yeah, this is great. You guys were very helpful. Can I give a compliment to the show and you, Emily? Agreed. This one started. It was hard. It was a little heavy. We got through it.

The cat went, let's get deep on this. Uh-oh. Didn't she, Gareth? Yes. I love it. I love it. And to be fair, new girl and working moms are in my rewatch always. It's always not in my house.

Oh, thanks, Emily. Thank you. Love that for us. She had to love that for us. I just, we just found out. Kat had a hard time on working moms being the female boss. Oh, my God. For sure.

For sure. Just to compliment us again. It's rough out there. Here we're entering heavy. your themes. Most of you do. What do I do if my socks smell bad? And Gareth will say something like rub cheese on them or eat them.

Try to eat them. Try to eat them. It'll make you feel bad about what you're having. Yeah, you'll fix your problem. I would say something like rub shit on your neck, so your neck smells worse. I'm teaching the middle schoolers, and I was looking through a book, and it said that the same bacteria that grows in your feet is the one that grows in blue cheese.

So, all right, Emily, thanks for the call. Appreciate it, Emily. Love that for us. Bye. Love that for us. Bye. Bye. Hey, how you doing?

I'm doing good. Thank you. How are you? Good. Did you email the show? I did email the show. Would you email the show just to remind us and the audience? I emailed the show asking whether you wanted any help with an artist with a specific call.

And I also tapped right on the end. Yeah, I know exactly what this is. And, yeah, yeah, this was a very good idea of my old Jakester. And, Kat, I'm glad you're here for this. So you are an artist, yeah? Mm-hmm. You're a painter. Sorry, Jake?

She's a painter. Okay, you just swallowed it. And you've painted something and you would like to show us and get our opinion on it? Uh-oh. I would, yeah. I assume Gareth wasn't there when you recorded that original Squarespace advert. No. Oh, so will you tell us what I said in the Squarespace ad?

We were doing our ad separately, Gareth, and I, on an ad. I don't remember this part of it. You are a lunatic. What did I say in the Squarespace ad? Somewhere along the way you said, if somebody would like to make a website for Jake and Pam's love story. Pam's my mother cat. Me and Pam have this crazy back and forth.

It's all a lie. It's not all right. It is a lie. Okay, so wait. Can we get your name, first of all, caller, just real quick. Amy. All right, Amy. So Jake asked you to...

I said on the ad, if anybody's making an ad, you want to make one about me and Pam's love story, just make it and send it in. I love this. I love this, and I also... I don't. I also, like, good for you, Jake. I've seen this woman.

Pam's hot hot. She's hot as hell. She's hot. And she's flirty. She's not flirty. Good for her. Good for her. Jake's out of his mind.

Can I talk about being interrupted? for one second? No, quite frankly, because the things you're going to say are nonsense. I tried to read in there by Dominique.

Yeah. So Pam is flirty and fun. Yeah. And she likes the gamenship of it. She'll say things like, oh my God, I said, like,

I would love her and she'll go like, he hasn't seen me lately. He wouldn't know. He doesn't want to see me in video. So it's like, I love her.

She's asking him to leave her alone. We send each other naked picks. Who cares? All right. Who cares? No. It's not genitals and face. It's just genitals.

Just jens. Just jens. Yeah, I'm so glad that it's cat here because Jesse mentioned there'd be another guest and I was really afraid it was going to be. Oh, yes. Sorry. So, Amy, can you now take over and let us know what you got? Is it a, are we going to see something? Yeah.

So in my email, I said, I'd be happy to do anything related to what Jake wanted to. And let the record reflect that I sent many examples of very clothed paintings that I'd done. Well, that is a terrible bit of runway into whatever was about to happen. And what were the back and forth, Amy? The back and forth was Jake said, ha, ha, these are fantastic. A tasteful nude would be hilarious. I think it would be. And have you painted a tasteful nude?

I have. I think I've sent it across to Jesse. Hold on. Hold on. Before we get into this, for the ignorant, this is a representation of Jake and Garrett's mother's love story and were with the added context that they're both nude in a tasteful way. Yes, Jake has to end up right there. It's like, it's like when, it's like if you're, if you're texting with a guy and the guy

just wants to see your breasts, so he goes, how can I see your boobs? Ha, ha, ha. Like, he's trying to be like, ha, ha, ha. I'm just kidding around. So Jake asked for a tasteful nude of my mother and him And Amy here for some reason allows this to happen So let's just get it over, rip the bandit up. It is my biggest wish that Jake is completely dressed ideally the way he is today like very casually. It's completely naked.

Same. That's not what I'm on at all. I wouldn't hit a tachito either. You know, Amy, you're excited for Kat to be here. This is the first time I've been unexcited that she's here. But I agree, Kat. If I'm totally casual, And she's naked, great.

Like eating a sandwich? If we're both naked, great. I'll tell you my dream. Sure. Sure. Jake's totally naked. She's just in her house, like, looking out the window, freaked out. Okay?

So we've all got once. Why would you want me naked in your mom's? Why would you want that? That's your dream? All right. Amy. Natalie, let's just see this stupid thing. He's spiraling.

He is spiraling. You're spiraling. Everyone's spiraling but me. Oh, my God. Amy, I love what you've done here. First of all. way to represent a normal woman's breasts. The breasts feel like...

They're so hot. They feel like they're like a woman who's seen life. They're caught. And I'm not kidding. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. And I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Gareth, what do you like about it?

Every part of it's problematic. It's fucking Adam and Eve right there. That's the vine. Jake's a both thing his eyes because he's a gentleman. Yeah, so the tattoo says Pam. I'm like, great. He's a fan. And why don't we just got like a little loincloth over our genitals?

Look at Pam's face, how good it is. Look at your toes. J-P wait, scroll down. Look at the little girl. You're aroused. Amy, you got some powers. Yeah, for sure. Cat.

Can you go up? Oh, look at that. Now, Amy, are you in a place in a career where you're taking notes or are you not for notes? I got a note. I got a note. Okay, I'm finding. I'm finding that you captured an element of Jake's eyes

like I see, but they're a little bit they're a little bit like he isn't, like he might be dull. I wish they were a little more focused but I find that you you got the color and sort of like Jake has these like sweet dog eyes

you know what I mean? I don't think we need to do notes. I think what we should do is get rid of a picture. I don't think we should. You know what I like about, can I give a note on Pam? She looks hungry, does it. Doesn't she? She does.

Look at her face. She looks like a little bit of like a serpent. Ooh. Like this is a, like you see how over the boobs there's that snake? She's having fun. She's having fun, but she's also, I'm scared, aren't I? What is happening? Look at me turning away because Mama Pam is hungry.

Amy, when you were drawing, painting this, were you thinking to yourself, Pam? This could be heaven or this could be him. Pam clearly doesn't have this in the male relationships in her life. I don't know with a son maybe. And so now she's got to. What are you talking about? What are you even talking about? She's hungry for male connection and fill.

It's as if a son never filled her up. She's dreaming of this. She's dreaming of it. And Amy as an artist? Because I think you've nailed Pam. She's dreaming of this. But what is as the artist? What's Jake thinking about there?

What's going on there? Because he's looking away, but she's marked him. I think he's respectfully, he's tastefully averting his eyes. I agree. And in your eyes, what happened before this or what's about to happen? I don't think we need an answer to that question. I'll tell you that much. I don't think we need an answer to that question.

He got Picasso on the line. Shut the hell up, Gareth. And are they on a mountain? I think he's turning your head, Jake. Oh, it's about to start. Shut up. All right, that's where we'll leave it. Amy, thanks for the painting.

Thanks for the call. Appreciate it. Good luck with everything. You won't be calling the show again. You won't be on the show again. Thanks a bunch. All right, thank you. Appreciate it.

Don't mail it to Jake no matter what he writes back. And I'm not kidding. Thanks so much. Appreciate you. Yeah, Amy, well, you done a wonderful job.

And did you send it to Jesse? Is that where it's at? Or is it just an image? I sent the picture, yeah. I'm going to get my hands on that soon. It's currently in my flat in Edinburgh, Scotland. Okay. Yeah, they won't ship you.

You're paying. I'm bursing it anywhere. No, I won't make it. All right, Amy. Thank you, thanks a bunch. Appreciate it, Amy. Take care. What you did was a war crime. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye.

Hey, everyone. Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow-up to episode 201, the pickle and chip classic. Be sure to tune in next Monday, where we will announce the winner of the classic and get a full game breakdown from the guys. Hello. Hello. Hi. Welcome back. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me back. You're welcome. Listen, you got Jake, you got me, and you have Kat Reitman joining us, who doesn't know what this is, but to be quite honest, neither do we. So what was the first call and what's going on now? What's your name? My name is Taylor, and gentlemen, we are just a few days away from the Pickle and Chip Classic. Oh, shit. So Taylor, really, fast for Kat Reitman. Recap what this situation is for her, so she is fully caught up with us.

Okay. So I am a pickleball coach. That's what I do here in Sedona, Arizona. And I have a brother-in-law who we were together at a family outing, and he started telling me that he would whip my butt in pickleball just because of his natural athletic talent. So we got into a little bit, argued back and forth. I kept telling them there's no way you're going to win. And so I called the guys and said, you know, what do I do here? Do I play him and try and beat him in front of the family? Do I come up with another solution?

Do we put a bet on it? And so the gentleman came up with a plan. We have a bet in place now. We are doing this match on Friday. Oh, my God. L loser has to serve the whole family dinner and an elephant trunk speedo. that's right it is uh it has become pretty huge it's pretty awesome so taylor before we start what is your brother-in-law's name again brian brian and what is happening with the family

the game the build-up we know we got brian on here too he's not on right now just walk us through what is happening since this started with your guys's family yeah so when the episode dropped it went, you know, I guess, viral within my family, right? Everybody was, my mom was sending it to all family members, you know, everybody's into it. So it has become quite the big deal. I have aunts that are coming to the match who have already made, they've already made t-shirts. They've got T-shirts with, I hope, me, I think they're rooting for me. Brian's got a few of his brothers coming, his kids, and then Brian has another buddy that does

like YouTube videos, so he's going to come out and film it. Oh, my God. We've got a lot of people email in wanting to go to this match, by the way, Taylor, who live in the area. That's another joke. We finally got it booked. We have a court that I'm happy to share if people want to come. It's, you know, middle of Phoenix

if they're in the area. Are there stands? I don't know. So it's Brian's neighborhood court area. There's like 24 courts. So you're giving Brian the advantage here. Truth. Yeah, but

He wasn't going to come up here. Kat, he's not going anywhere. He's happy. And who would you say, Taylor, who is the underdog in this situation? Because I'm feeling for Brian here. I mean, he was the cocky guy who called you out, no doubt. You did the right thing. But you're kind of, you're officially a professional at this.

Yes, you're a coach? Brian just said, would you call a coach a professional with? Good question. I mean, I know he coaches. Jake. Yes, Taylor. Oh. Since we talked, I'm now a sponsored pickleball athlete.

Well, let's go. Let's go. He's going to wait. Is that pre- or post the episode dropping? Host the episode dropping. I don't know if maybe you guys help me out a little bit. Maybe somebody heard it. 10%?

We can make that word. Fuck yeah. Well, I actually, you're our first pro. We saw a couple pictures of you and you do look pro. Athletic, athletic. Like you do. You do.

You do. Yeah, but let me tell you a little bit about Brian. All right. He's hot. Okay. Brian ain't no joke Tell me about it Brian tough

He built or what's going on over there? No, we're talking to Taylor right now Brian tough Brian, the other guy Yes He ain't no joke Okay, we got a real competition Why don't we

Okay Well we know where we're at I mean look Unless you have any more questions for Taylor Cat Because we do have Brian here too Oh boy Let's get Brian I gotta tell you

All right, let's go. So my buddy is coming to announce it, and he will be wearing your vest, Gareth. Oh, my God. A cat, I don't even know how we update you on this, cat. First of all, this. Cat is getting too weird. We got to just blow past the vest. No, no, no, Cliff notes.

Should we just blow past it? Cliff notes. I bought a vest from Target. I liked it. I was mocked for it. Hold on. I'm sorry, you do have to slow down. Is this a like, it's cold outside puffer vest or four.

Puffer vest. Hold on, Kat. No, this is because we were on YouTube and he wanted to look cute. So he showed up to work one day. I'm answering your question. They were a perm and a new vest that was insane looking. I know exactly the perm you're talking about. And like a weird necklace and such tight clothes and so oily in the face. I was like, who are you?

And he goes like, I can't wear a vest. We didn't Jake didn't even want to talk about it. I wore a puffer vest. Then for our 200th. He's got eyeliner on. Kind of. For our 200. I sent them photos of guys with eyeliner and I said, don't go down.

this phase, my friend. I will. Yeah, yeah, it's a good friend. That's a good friend. So I wear the puffer vest to the 200. I wear, hold on. I wear the puffer vest to the 200th. The hair, even just the hair moves in the last few years. It's another conversation. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much. It's not Garif. No, it's not. The chokers. The chokers. You saw you wear in chokers with your perms. Target. A vest from fucking Target. I had a vest from Target. I had a vest from Target. He just explodes. I wore a best from Target. I wore it to our live 200. that Patreon. It got mocked. We ended it by saying

we're going to start letting people have the vest like the sisterhood of the traveling pants. So the vest is now going across the country. It's got a spreadsheet. It's got all this stuff. And currently it's going to be at this game. It's literally now in its third location. So this vest is traveled. It's now coming to this match. Yes. So that's another layer. Which is big. It is a beautiful layer. I agree. The show is getting very insider baseball, which has been a lot of Let's move on. Let's move on.

Can I ask quickly? Yeah. I want to talk to Brian, but do you guys already have a pick of who you think's going to win? I do. Taylor. Taylor. Okay, we think Taylor. Let's meet Brian.

Yeah. I think Brian is running on confidence, but let's bring him in. Why don't we do that? Taylor, are you good with that? Bullie ball can work. I'm ready. All right. All right.

So, here we go. All right. So now we've got Taylor and now we've welcome Brian. Brian, just so you know, we've been talking to Taylor. You've got Jake, myself, and you've got our guest helper. our fan favorite, Catherine Reitman is joining us, too. So...

Hi, Brian. How are you guys doing today? See, even the first thoughts on the voice, Kat. Okay, okay, this is a man. This is a man who's not afraid to play ball. That's what I hear. Brian, can I ask you a quick question?

It's like talking to Paul Bunyan. Hey, Brian. Yes, sir. What's going to happen when you and Taylor play pickleball on Friday? He's going to get a taste of his own medicine. How sad. You know,

Can you remind me of? Randall Tech's Cobb? Remember the actor? Who is that? All right. Keep going. Go ahead, Brian. Jesus, Garrett. And so, Brian, what have we missed since this episode aired?

I'm glad you haven't lost your confidence. Where are you at here, Big Dog? Big Dog? Just been practicing. And how do you feel your game is? It's good enough. And how do you... Where do you...

Bri guy? Where do you get that confidence? And I'm not trying to question you in a bad way. View this as like a pregame interview. I'm Aaron Andrews. You're Brian to pickleball champ. But where do you get that confidence going against a guy who teaches it? Because you don't talk like a guy who thinks you're going to lose. You're talking like a guy who at a fucking game of pickleball with your natural athleticism and your mind power. You are going to beat him. Just walk us through how? I'm just an athlete. I'm very, I'm very good at sports. I catch on the things very easily.

And every sport I've ever played, I excel at. I mean, I know Taylor has maybe one of lacrosse background, I believe. And, you know, that's awesome and all. But, you know, I played baseball at a very elite level for 30 years of my life. Brian's calling from jail, Kat. We should point that out. But this is interesting, Brian. Listen, Brigh Guy, I'm still in it, Jake.

It's too good. First of all, I think we all can say that your confidence is inspiring and astounding. It's attractive. That being said, I'm Team Taylor. You are? I want Taylor. I want Taylor to wipe the floor with you, Brian. Why?

Because the confidence coming off, Brian, while inspiring, and I could use some of it, frankly, he's coming for someone who's trained in this particular field. These guys mouthing off about how he's played sports. Enough. Taylor, show him how it's done. Let me say this before I say something really fast. Earlier before you got on, Brigh guy, I said I think I'm for Taylor. I think I'm in Brise camp.

Not surprised at all. What's going on with you? Why? Have you ever seen the movie Karate Kid? Sure have. Who are you cheering for? Who are you cheering for? Who are you cheering for the bad guy? Of course.

In karate kids? What? Oh, look at this. Oh, my God. I just want to remind you guys what they look like. So Taylor is white shirt. So, Brian, guy, what are you throwing up here with the thumb and the finger going up? It's Shakabra.

Right. Right. It's hang loose. It's have fun. It's how fun guy. Guys, really quickly. Taylor, do you have any advice you could give to Bri? Brian about the match as a coach?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, just get the swimsuit trunks ready and prepare for loss. Okay, and Brian, do you have any final words that you could say to Taylor before the match? Just show up, buddy. Show up. I will say, I didn't know Brian spelled his name, B-R-Y-O-N. How does it make you feel, Gareth?

I don't, I don't, I feel more intimidated. he's going to get his bry on hold on gareth you haven't weighed in i jake is can't bribe guy i'm i'm a taytay girl where are you it's tough i'm looking at the picture it's tough the picture makes it tough because i think look taylor there's a jillers the guy's the guy i want to take home to the family taylor's the guy i want him to meet the family you know we've been dating we're doing great but there's brian look Who else to steal your girl? Yeah.

I mean, he's a bad boy. He's a bad boy. Look, Gareth historically loves a bad boy. I love a bad boy. I am going, I think Taylor will win, and I want Taylor to win. He's got the million-dollar smile. You know what I think, guys, in terms of what you just said, Gareth, Taylor's the guy who coaches pickleball, but Brian's the guy.

Who wins. Who wins at Pickleball when, Brian, it becomes a dog fight. If this is a technical match of dinking, he's going to beat you. We're the same age, Jake. You were raised on these movies. You know that Brian's taking a handful of sand throwing in Taylor's eyes. He was blind he can't see. But guess who always wins?

Taylor will. Taylor is the light here. They're literally wearing the colors of light and dark. Cat, that's Hollywood, baby. Go get him, Taylor. That's Hollywood. We're talking real life. Oh.

I'm dying to know who wins this. Do you guys want to see the punishment? Yes. And I got to jump. We might go a little bit longer because I'm not quite ready to be off on this one. Oh, my God. Well, it's an ambitious trunk.

Let's say that. Holy moly. So you guys are actually, the loser is going to really put this out and serve the family? And serve dinner? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Kat, where are you at with all this? How are you feeling?

I know that just gave you a stomach ache. I saw it all over your face. Oh, for sure. I'm very grateful to not be married to either of you, gentlemen, because this sounds like a nightmare. I'm very sad. I'm not in the family. This sounds like my favorite Friday.

Jake wants to marry in. I would say, now, have there been, are there going to be any rules outside of the standard pickleball rules because of the personal nature and all the fans? family members there. Are we going to lay out any kind of ground rules about behavior, et cetera, or fuck it, anything goes? Taylor, Brian, your guys' thoughts.

I think we're having an ice chest with beers and... Yeah. I don't say anything goes. We're going to go a little crazy. I think that's exactly right. Talk little shit, have fun. The players do whatever you got to do. Now, no cheating.

Right. No. But you could talk shit. You can goof around. You could try to mess with the person. I do get that the bravado off of Brian is, the nature though that's like you you're above board you believe in yourself but you're not playing dirty is that what am i getting that right brand i will not play dirty and i will play by the rules

that taylor says i believe that and i will let him i will let him choose which rules he wants to follow and not follow but prior to the match so taylor what are the rules of this match standard rules we're playing three games to eleven win by two you can only say score on your serve, stay out of the kitchen, all the good stuff. Okay, great. So I love it. The best of three, games 2-11, win by 2, only went on a serve, all the rules. Yeah, that's incredible.

Can I ask, is there a halftime show? Because it feels like you need one. Kat, what are you doing on Friday? It would be my honor to come and do your halftime show. How long in-between games are you guys given for a break? Five minutes? good question yeah i mean i think five minutes is fine or fair we'll play it out i think we've got the court for what a full hour brian is that right oh it's moving yeah if we need to extend it

we can extend it yeah and is is son a factor on one side great question well we're doing it at five o'clock so hypothetically is the sun will be actually probably i mean hopefully it'll be setting it not too bad but it might be a you're going to get that sideways light switch sides. Make sure you switch sides. And if it's a really big disadvantage, figure out a fair way to do it. So maybe if you each win one game and the team that's winning is always on the good side, then the final game you got to switch during the game. Halfway through. Because otherwise, you don't want to get to dinner with the elephant thing. And the whole time it's just about the sun. The sun. Agreed. I totally agree. And now before we go, gentlemen, I would like if you guys want to. to each give you one minute to say whatever you want to say on the record officially on the Monday before the classic to our audience, your family, yourself's, one person in Greenland. We got a listener in Greenland, Cat. Congratulations. It's pretty cool.

You're a muscle tov. Thanks. Taylor, the floor is yours. I'm ready. I'm ready. I had a tournament this past week. I had private lessons with a USA pickleball pro. I've been training with my tennis pro. I am ready to go.

I'm fired up. I'm not taking any chances. This is going to be a fantastic win. And I cannot wait to be served dinner by the big, man himself, Brian. I love it. Very convincing. Confidence is strong. Honorable. Honorable, but also intimidating. I would like to say that I've truly been enjoying this, Taylor, because it's nice to finally see some competitiveness out of you and some confidence. It's been lacking for a little while. Oh, very great to see. And I look forward.

So putting my money where my mouth is come Friday. Fuck. Because it's show time. Guys. Cat, your final thoughts. What have you done, Jake? Listen, I just don't want this to tear this family apart. It's going to bring them closer.

One of them's going to have their butt cheeks out and everyone's going to be dying laughing. It's true. One of them's going to be wearing that thing and literally walk out with their butt cheeks out. Everybody else is going to be half-cocked dying. laughing and guess what if I saw those butt cheeks I'm pinching at them I'm gonna drop some bread they bend over I'm giving her a little slap

I'm praying to God that you're serving like seafood or something but those buns are open for slaps sure guys I wish you nothing but the best of luck I hydrate yeah I know you're gonna party a bit but don't forget to hydrate and by the way are you guys used to a big crowd watching you because that also can change

your performance. I had to, for the movie The Dink, I had to play against Andy Roddick in front of a bunch of extras. And I'll tell you what happens when you're about to serve that and there's people yelling, hands get shaky.

Yes, sure. You're like, oh, it's different. I'm hitting a wiffle ball. I'm a little nervous. Yeah. So, Brian and Taylor, if nerves come into play, who's going to handle that better?

Yeah. Sounds like Brian. There's no shame in my game. Oh, boy. care. He also played high-level baseball for a long time. Taylor, how do you do with stage fright, loud audience, nervousness? Where are you at with that? I'm not too worried about it. This won't be the first time. I had that tournament a couple weekends ago. I had a couple matches with an audience and with some cheering. And it's my family, you know? So I'm not, I'm not too

worried about any nerves. I'm a warm up. And if I get a little, you know, Get a little shaky, deep breath and send the ball over the day. Taylor, you are giving golden boy, my man. You are the people's champ and you still have my vote because I feel like it's the right thing to do. Brian, I have noted your confidence.

I have noted your confidence and you're clearly coming to play. I don't think voting for you was a mistake. I understand it. But ultimately, I'm on Team Taylor. chick where are you landing on this

I think smart money saying Taylor's going to win okay but I think with the odds and with Brian's confidence I'm going to take those odds I'm going to put 100 I'm going to win 250 you're a bright guy I put a little bit of money on Brian on this

now the reason is I think Taylor's a better pickleball player I think when the moment gets going you're in the middle of game two if Brian can keep up game one and it's a real game yeah and all All of a sudden, Taylor hits a shot into the net, all of a sudden, one's off. Brian's not going to be nice about it.

No. And then all of a sudden, if he makes a couple of comments and the crowd starts laughing, the world could get really dizzy. And then you're in that Arizona sun, and then Taylor's going, this is a world of trouble. And Brian has nothing to lose. He's supposed to lose. Right. Right. He's got nothing to lose.

You're absolutely right. That gets scary. Now, the other side of it is Taylor's skills are at another level. The game starts, Taylor just kills him. Brian's running around and everybody goes, man's a 42-year-old man versus a 30-year-old pro. What did we expect? Why are we out here?

That could also happen. There's many versions of this thing. There are a few. Yeah. So, gentlemen, what I would love is afterwards, depending on how you guys want to do it, either having you on individually or together, but getting a real recap.

Yes. Not a problem. First of all, fellows, good fucking luck on Friday. What I really hope happens is you both play your hearts out and leave everything on the court. That's not going to happen. You guys have a great day. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis,

Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, who stand up on the road,

go to Garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. I'm Tick Notaro. I'm May Martin. And I'm Fortune Feimster. And together we're handsome. What is handsome? Well, it's a state of mind. It's how you feel. It's whatever you want it to be. Handsome is also a podcast hosted by us, three stand-up comedians you may have seen on your TV.

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