We're Here to Help - 211: Weird Here to Help Vol 1: Angry Old Hitchhiker & A Two-Time Hat Thief (with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein)

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

In the inaugural episode of Weird Here to Help, guest hosts Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein are confronted with a pair of mysteries involving a stubborn spirit entity and a Japanese hat thief.Sara, 38, Philadelphia is looking for a friend! Think you could be a good match? Submit to the Friendship Game here: https://tinyurl.com/friendforsaraSee images from the episode here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-211Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Visit gemini.google/students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. appetizer, and we got a big meal coming up. The Amuse Bouch and get ready for a Tomahawk. This is the first ever weird here to help. It's the same format of our show, but this one's going to be hosted by

Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein. We're going to watch this and break it down like a game film on our Patreon. Yeah, and how do we do that, Gareth? Because you've been wanting us to do some more stuff. So what is that? We sit on a Zoom, we play it, and we watch it literally like two coaches watching.

again. I think, yeah, I think what we would do is we would probably have, you know, I think if it was you, me, myself, and Morgan, we would have it just playing, we would watch it, react, and then when we want to stop and explain why that was crazy or whatever, we can do that. Bob. Have you heard from Steve or Gareth after it? Eric, uh, no, I haven't. I, uh... Because neither of them texted me either after. No. By the way, I saw it. And I talked to Steve this morning for Eric.

Okay, and nothing. We went to Derek Waters' crab party, and we did not mention it. What a mystery, actually. I wonder if they did a little, like, don't even let them know what they're fitting on. I bet they did. Here's what I'll guarantee you. That's shocking, actually. I don't know.

I'm excited to see what happens. So we are going to watch and react on Patreon, and then at the end of this episode, Gareth and I are going to give an outro after we've listened to it as well at this point, we haven't. So everybody, enjoy and stick around till the end and catch what Gareth and I thought of the first ever weird, here to help.

Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Here. Weird. It's a weird. Weird

Hey folks We're here You're here No other place exists at this moment Except for this moment right here Eric, my buddy Edelstein What are you doing, buddy?

What are we doing here? Steve, I can't believe they let us do this This is beautiful They're insane They gave us the keys to the car Oh, I love it Well, that's a perfect analogy, Steve Because let's say this

We're here to help is incredible. It is a electrocruiser going down the highway at 80 miles an hour, clean, efficient, beautiful, glorious every week. And yet, it is not quite serving everyone. Sometimes you have to get off that highway, ditch the electrocruiser, get on a riding lawnmower, and start driving in the ditch. And that is where we come in. The surreal zone, the psychedelic zone. You know, as we all know, there's different levels of... reality, and we're playing at a different level of reality.

And Steve, you are... So we think. No, so we know about you. Now, Eric and I discovered years ago early on our friendship that if you put us together, we make 13 feet exactly. Yeah. So we've referred to ourselves as one entity as 13 feet. And it's usually 13 feet of love.

You know, if you wrong us as 13 feet of retribution, which you don't want that. We've never had to hold that out. We hope we don't have that today, but we're definitely ready. but we noticed also when we would go in together at events. One, it was a heck of a lot more fun to go in in solo, but we have the ability we're in together to maybe make people feel a little bit better. Bring a little levity.

Yeah, we need to. Some of that larger man charm. Yeah, and to the people here that may jump in and see it's Steve and I and, and like, bummed, it's not Jake and Gareth. If you're on this show, you were never going to talk to Jake and Gareth, first off. You have a weird issue, so you're going to talk to Jake and Gareth. to two weird guys aren't weird here to help. Yeah.

So let's embrace that, that we are coming from the fringes happily, proudly, and it's going to be so exciting to help the people that wouldn't normally be helped because society's decided to pigeonhole them and their problem here as crazy. Well, we're so excited about it, too. I mean, we get these emails, we get all kinds of emails from people with all kinds of problems, and we have to do a little bit of editorializing to be like, maybe this doesn't fit on the main show, but we've started putting them in this other folder when there's a problem that's a little bit like, I don't know if this fits.

And so very curious to see if you guys are going to be able to provide some insight. I feel pretty confident that you will. You know, I do too. We're going to dig deep. Well, all I can promise is we're going to do our gosh darn best. And that's all we really can do on this mortal coil. You know, Eric and I have seen the other side and we're ready to share our knowledge. And I think another thing, Steve, that I love is let's be honest.

world is a little crazy and much crazy from social media. But you and I always, we have a mantra that we dial each other in on, and I hope that that can spread throughout this of focusing on the micro. That may be the world out there, and it's always important that we stay engaged with it, with limits, but what is good? What's in your micro that's good? So, Steve, I'd love to start with you. What are you fired up right now?

What makes you happy? Oh, well, I'll tell you what's been making me happy. Since the pavements documentary, which is a documentary, kind of a meta-document, about my favorite band of all-time pavement, I have been reabsorbing their earlier work in some of their B-sides. And just the sheer amount of, like, youthful noise is just really the medicine I need right now. So, yeah, it's old pavement. We're talking like slanted and chanted before a lot of the B-sides, a lot of the rarities, maybe some early BBC cuts. Yeah, that's where I'm at. What about you, pal?

I love, well, I just finished a delightful book called My Lunches with Orson, which is Henry Jaglam was this director that recorded all of his conversations with Orson Wells. And he had permission. But Orson Wells is, Jake and I get called the Yantas of the east side of Los Angeles because we're gossipy and love it. And when I read this, there was no bigger gossiping Yenta on this planet than Orson Wells. Bless his heart. He comes alive in this and it's hysterical. I was like, laugh out loud reading it and there's a remarkable about a wisdom in there these old heroes there's not a ton of them left and boy i got to see bob dillon recently he for the first time ever did a perfect cover of garden party the ricky nelson song and i was just in heaven rickie nelson oh bob's up front of well i like elvis but rickie nelson was my guy i watch him every week on Ozzie and Harry. He was a delight. Oh, man.

Well, you know, a little piece of esoteric news. Earlier in the week, there was a congressional hearing talking about UFOs, which I think is really fun. First off, I am a, as you know, I don't think anything euophologically themed coming from the military of the government. I think it's all BS. I'll be honest. But it's funny that we live in an era where they can be a congressional hearing about UFOs

and it doesn't even make the news. That's how wild the times are. We're like, that's crazy. That's crazy. You know, anyways. Well, since you brought it up,

I did see they released that footage of them shooting a missile at an orb. I think it's a balloon. The orb seemed to go off course and then come back, but I'm also like, hey, um, why are we shooting a missile at UFOs? That perhaps would not be my strategy.

No. For real. Dial back on the hellfire. I mean, I've died in this movie, Steve. There's no reason to shoot a missile at a UFO, right? There's not an upside to it. I don't recommend it.

Honestly, so if you are a civilian out there and you have some kind of F-14, you're flying around its arm to the teeth, you see a flying saucer? My advice, my first piece of advice on weird here to help, leave the UFO alone. Leave it alone. That's the clip. That's the clip. Leave it alone. That's all we need.

Leave it alone. Leave everything alone. You're in the woods, you see Bigfoot or Yeti, leave it alone. Give them a peace sign and walk away. Eric, do you eat Greek yogurt or you can't, I know it's dairy, but can you? I'm starting to move a little more toward that way. I was very rigid for a long time, but I started eating eggs recently, and I am high as hell off them.

I feel like I got this booster in my tank. And this will lead to the only hate I've ever gotten is from people mad at vegans or vegans when I start eating fish, so I'm already open myself up. But I will say this. For me, I think I was severe. protein deficient. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know my vegan brothers says, all right, well, you can get a legume.

And I'm like, I understand that. This old man needed eggs because I've been working out a ton. Right. It's also, it's okay to enjoy life a little bit, I think. I think so, buddy. And boy, I've been doing that. Eating Greek yogurt is, you know, like, all I'm saying is, a great way to start your day, folks, you take some frozen blueberries and you put them in a bowl and you

let them thaw away you're having your first cup of coffee. By the time you're ready for your second cup of coffee, those blueberries are perfect. And I'm putting about, oh, maybe like a cup, a cup, cup and a half. with Greek Yoda in there. A generous, maybe, well, I shouldn't say too much. A little bit of honey in there. And then some slivered almonds.

You mix it up with a spoon. And I'm telling you, it is the best way to start your day. I have had every breakfast known to man. In terms of a breakfast, like, you have a busy day. You're staying light, you're lively, you're on your feet. It's good for the brain. It's good for the stomach. I swear to God, everyone, please start your day like that.

Get back to me. If it doesn't work, I have some other options for you. But boy, I'm on the Greek yogurt train right now. Also, I'm on the sourdough train right now. Oh, I feel great. Pre-probiotics. Also, Greek yogurt's supposed to be amazing for dogs. Do you want to give a little without further ado?

And without further ado, let's launch into some weird here to help. Did I say that wrong? Weird here. Weird here. You did so great. No, you're carrying us right now, buddy. God, I already messed it up. This is not a great way to start.

No, I took that. I'm all my head. Don't you say that about my friends. And without further ado, please sit down with a. nice snack and enjoy some weird here to help. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Look, you're probably overpaying for your wireless. If you don't have Mint Mobile, you definitely are.

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Go to quince.com slash here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash here to help for free shipping. free shipping and 365-day returns, quinz.com slash here to help. Hello, you are on with Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. May I ask your name and location, please? My name is Emma, and I'm calling from Saskatchewan. Oh, hello, Canada.

Our wonderful neighbors in the North, love it up there. Emma, if we could, just to get a sense of you, we very quickly would like, no, you're on a desert island. can only bring one movie and one album, what would they be? Um, I think I'm going to bring a night's tale for my movie. With, uh, Heath Ledger? Yes. Interesting.

Lost him too soon. Queen did the sound track. Yeah, okay, okay, yeah. Did they really? Yeah. Oh, that's odd. What a great soundtrack. They used modern music, yeah.

Oh, how cool. An album? Um, and I think for a number. album. I'm going to bring it's going to be a tough decision, but it'll be one of the Mumford and Sons. Okay. Okay. Fantastic. Fantastic. Sure. People love that fiddle. Yeah, people love that fiddle. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So talk to us, friend. How can we help you today on Weird here to help? Okay. Well, so this is a bit of an

ongoing interview in my life. Um, but over the course of about 10 years, I've been told by three different people that are completely not related that I have an angry old man attached to my soul. And so I guess the advice I'm looking for today is, what do I do about this? Do I look into it? Do I just ignore it? So I'm trying to find some direction on that.

Well, okay. Wow. First off, I want to say thank you. you for calling in and sister, I believe you came to the right place. A couple initial questions right off the bat. The people who have told you this, the three people have told you this, was this a recent thing or is this, you said this has happened throughout your life? Yes.

Well, okay, so the first, the first instance occurred in about 2012. I was in my teacher college. I was in the College of Education, and I was offered the opportunity to go to an indigenous culture camp to kind of learn more about the indigenous peoples of our area. And so I went up to northern Saskatchew, and it was a great time. I learned so much. It was an, you know, awesome experience. And one of the events I could participate in, or one of the opportunities I was offered, was to participate in a sweat lodge. Hell yes.

Yeah, which was, it was amazing and I loved it and I feel so lucky to have been a part of it. For sure. And during the sweat lodge, there was, I think, four elders and then maybe like eight of us there that were participating. And so we'd be in the lodge for a bit and then it would, you know, of course, be dark and very warm. And then we would take little intermissions and it probably went on for about an hour and a half. And about halfway through the sweat, I had a feather land on me. And so I just kind of held it. And during one of the intermissions, I kind of brought it out.

And we were allowed to talk to the elders during the intermissions. And I asked them and I said, you know, this feather landed on me during this last sweat. And they were like, that's a really bad sign. They were like, that is a sign of, you know, potentially evil within your soul and we think that this is a major issue for you and so we think you should go and actually leave the sweat and go talk to some other elders and get guidance

and so I did and the guidance was basically that I have a lot of evil within my soul. So that wasn't specific to an old man. The next time was about like maybe a year later I was teaching and a really sweet little 10 year old girl in my class just model students so lovely came up to me one day and she was like I just want to let you know that I actually had the gift of being able to see people who are dead and I just want to let you know that when you're teaching there's actually an old man standing behind you

all the time what and he looks mad and so then I was like that's kind of crazy and then the third time was then, fast forward to about 2019, I was again at work teaching, and one of my colleagues actually approached me on my last day of work, and she said, I want to let you know that I'm actually a medium, and I don't know how to bring this up, but I feel like there is an old man who is angry and upset attached to your soul, and I don't know what to do about it, but I want to let you know. okay wow i mean we're talking three ironclad sources i would say starting truly sweat lodge kids know and then this medium i believe it i look um okay wow okay here is the thing emma first off i want you to know that uh i am a very quick study in an empath not in the spiritual way but just a person i feel like i can pick up on people's vibe and spirit and i have a good like first impression you are not an evil person you sound very sweet

very kind I can tell by your giggle and your laugh you are a sweet person I do not think this has anything to do with you personally so first of I will say

this is the materialist side of myself all the things people are saying are not based in any kind of science whatsoever I'm not saying that there isn't an old man attached to you, okay? And I'm also not saying there is.

But just no, like, you are, yeah, well, maybe here. But like, let's just say, like, this is not fact, okay? You didn't get an x-ray done. The doctor was like, oh, well, there was an old, uh, old man, angry soul attached to you. So. Agreed, yes. Right. Agreed.

And I do not, I think, whatever this might be completely is not your personality and your soul. okay now i agree a thousand percent there steve right i want to get that i want to get that up front on the table right away like that we can i'mma we steven and are both intuitive we can tell you're a rock star you're amazing you got a great energy that's coming through but you may have caught a straggler you may be dealing with an energetic entity and again i'll go back to this the buddhist may say it's there for a reason part of your journey in life is to solve this and figure it out. I will say we're

going to have some fun talking about this with you now. I actually have a guy that can clear this old man. This is not a joke. I have an incredible healer that I will refer to you that will remove this if you want it to be removed. And I've dealt with two different

healers that pull these things. And what somebody now is perhaps laughing, this to me is science that's currently undiscovered. That in 200 years we'll know, oh yeah, an energetic entity, it's actually a physical disturbance in this thing. It's something manifesting, something from your past or a past incarnation that is hanging on now that is perhaps not supposed to be there or that old

man is there for a reason or is you in another life or someone you're connected to. But I want to let you know, I actually have somebody that can cure this by the end of this call and we'll get to that. But Steve is an expert at this. You are in the right place. This is the exact reason why we're doing weird here to help because the angry old man that is Jake Johnson would not deal with this call and you should look at Jake Johnson and see you can have you can have an angry old man with you and still do quite well look at Jake Johnson okay so just know we love you and we're going to figure this out and I actually do have a solution but I want Steve to ask some questions first Steve I'm thinking young Ian collective unconsciousness yeah I'm thinking of an

entity and I'm thinking our friend is right where she's supposed to be right now I'm going to just ask you some very basic questions. These are the questions I ask when I am actually investigating a abnormally high, strange cases. Prior to 2012, any time in your life, have you ever played around with tools of divination? That means tarot cards, Ouija boards, anything like that? No. Okay. I will say, though, this summer I went on a camping trip with some friends, and we did decide to see if we could talk to the old man through a Ouija board, but the Ouija board did nothing. Nothing happened.

It was a good night. I won't touch those things. Yeah, I'm not scared of Ouija boards either. But I'm just trying to, like, you know, understand the full scope of this. Have you ever visited, have you, did you ever feel that maybe you were in a dwelling that was Paranormally infected or like that was ghosts in there Or like, you know, a childhood home or a grandma's house Or did you go to like a haunted place to do ghost investigation?

Did you ever mess with any stuff like that prior to 2012? Okay. This is what I'm going to say. I don't really believe in ghosts. I don't really think they're real. However, sometimes I do think my childhood home was maybe haunted. Okay. And my parents have a bit of a fear that maybe somebody from our childhood house has latched on to me.

I don't really think that happened, but that, you know, it's out there. What it's worth, I do have chills right now, which sometimes is. One thing you can do is probably take a little too long to do on the air. I would recommend this just to put your investigation head on. You can absolutely find through public records who lived in that, who every single single resident who lived in that house and it would be interesting to see if there was you know and a lot times they'll have reports it went through newspapers.com you can find if there was any kind of incident at the house that might be some kind of like fun investigation just so you know if you want to pinpoint it

down to like oh it did come from there obviously there's no way for us to determine that right now but you are kind of finding yourself in this like do you ever feel like abnormally out of control like there is something else working through you and making decisions for you? No. Okay, so you don't feel possessed. I don't think it's taken control of my mind and body yet. Good, good.

Look, I'm asking stupid questions just to like cross things out, right? Because there are people who have felt that way, right? What, so are you wanting to take this as like something? Because obviously now three separate people of varying ages have mentioned this to you and that is not something anyone really wants to hear.

So are you now kind of at the point where like, you know what? Maybe I should, you know, take the reins here and see if I can get rid of this. Like do you, are you now starting to believe that maybe people are right? Listen, I'm not a risk taker.

I, you know, if I can solve the problem, I want to do it. I don't know if it's a problem, but I'm like, that is pretty, normal to have three people approach me and tell me this. And it makes me think, you know, if I can get rid of this, if it is a problem, get rid of the problem, I would like to. Right, right.

Okay, Eric, tell me, Eric, tell me about this healer that you know. Yeah, well, a couple things, and we have resources, and we're obviously going to want to check in with you again, because I'm pretty confident we can get this removed. But the first thing is to come through a sweat lodge like that, that is incredibly powerful. and that is stuff that's also tied in with collective unconscious and everything else. So for the next time, I'm lucky enough to know a lot of brilliant indigenous folks that this would, they would not bad an eye at this. So we can bring in a Ryan Redcorn, a Shanley Paddock, a Bobby Wilson to kind of figure out

what this may well be. But yeah, this happened for me years ago where I was at my therapist who's a very rational, normal person, although this advice is going to sound like whatever you would think a hippie-dippy the L.A. therapist would be, she kind of, I was telling her about some issues. She kind of paused, and she said, I'm going to recommend you to someone that's going to seem crazy. But his name is Joel. And Joel deals with entities in our energetic field. And it only sounds crazy because it's science that hasn't been discovered yet. We can pick up things. And when I went in there with him, the first time was still during my drinking era, where he started saying, when you are drinking,

you let your guard down or just under and there are things actually looking to penetrate and grab on like we know that there are parasites in our blood parasites we deal with there are energetic or spiritual parasites that sounds crazy to a lot of people right now but i believe it's undiscovered science so this guy actually goes into your energetic field and sees what's there and i have a very strong feeling i would like to volunteer jake johnson to pay for a session of this he's good for it can't be done over Zoom though I do it all the time over Zoom and I do it especially This is going to sound funny But I play a lot of bad guys And as much as I meditate

And try and do everything else The body kind of knows And I think you're kind of subconsciously Inviting things in So after I play a big old bad guy For three months I always check in with him He's like oh yeah

You got an interesting thing here And sometimes you're like This is actually from your childhood And it's oftentimes these entities think that they're helping, thinking that they're doing you a favor. This angry old man might be like, oh, she's so sweet, she's so nice.

Steve, the person we're hearing over the phone right now, I got to help out. I got to be a boundary. It could well be a loved one from this life or another life of somebody thinking that you need an advocate, that your channel is too pure, that your vessel's too clear,

and that they have to stand there and be that angry old man fighting for you. most times they think they're helping they think they're here to help as do Jake Garrison much more yeah right yeah this is something or someone whether I don't know if I believe

that it's a ghost from your first house it may well be a loved one or an elder or an ancestor or someone that thinks that they're helping but has joined you on a cosmic ride they were not invited to join you on a hitchhiker is what we call it in the field Oh, is it really?

I love that. Yeah. There are, you know, I mean, look, I don't, I, I, I'm, I'm maybe a little more skeptical about this stuff than Eric is, but I will say, like, this is something that has been reported. A lot of times when people go to a place that has a large abundance of paranormal activity, people will report taking it home with them. And it's usually not a very positive experience. And they do that, they call it the hitchhiker effect. So, very well, I mean, like, you know, Eric's got some theories about maybe past life energies and parasitic energies. You know more about than I do.

However, I think maybe it is worth exploring the childhood home. You can either sit back and just wait for someone else to say this and have a fourth person mention this. And that's no fun. That's going to ruin your day, you know. Or you can be proactive and try something. And I know you were kind of saying you're not a risk taker. I think this is minimal risk. I am going to defer,

I would defer to Eric on this one and say, Eric, do you think you could talk to one of your friends and they could just do a basic Zoom meeting? Yeah, I'm going to set up a Zoom meeting with her, and I'm joking about Jake Payne for her. I'm happy to because I have a feeling real magic

will come from this. Yeah, we'll figure that part of out. We'll get some answers. Guys, I love this idea. This sounds great. Really? In, Emma, what I would say. Yeah.

Emma, I'm going to get rid of this guy. This old man, he can hear us now. You think that you're serving her, but you're not, and we're asking and inviting you to go because you're not wanted here anymore. Yeah. We know you think you're helping, but Emma is a giant, bright, shining soul,

and she's got everything taking care of on her own. We don't need you anymore, and do not come over to this guy and do not come to Steve. I mean, I don't have the power. No, Burr, God damn it. Well, look, I'm a researcher. Oh, no, this is how we get in trouble, Steve. You've got to clear this.

You're right. You're right. So, Emma, I promise you, I'm willing to bet a steak dinner in Winnipeg, Saskatchewan, wherever, wherever, we're going to clear this thing. And I happen to know the perfect healer that will clear this thing. And not only that, you're going to get information on who it is, how it happened. And we're going to check in back with you. And I think we're going to have some amazing answers. and I think deep down based on those three things,

that's a heck of a lot of evidence that this is going on, especially the 10-year-old because kids know. Like my dad talks about, he was like two or three and have vivid memories of sitting on a porch as an old lady. My niece has demanded Bobka at age two and say, no, no, I'm Jewish. I want Babka. And like, it's, I think the veil is very thin with kids.

And the kids, No. And so I would take what the kids said with as much weight as I would, the sweat lodge and the third person. But Emma, we're going to get to the bottom of this. And ultimately it'll be your decision if you want this old man to piece out. I think you do. And I think his work here is done. I think he was trying to help. But we're going to figure this out. And Emma, I also was just one other thing I want to add. There are things in your life that oftentimes when, you know, they've been festering. And, you know, since 2012 was the first time someone said this to you, now it's

2025. So this step has been building up in you. And obviously it can affect you subconsciously in a way where it's like a slightly like doesn't feel good. I'm not saying it's unhealthy. But I think the basic act of you being proactive is going to alleviate 80% of it. So what do you think? What do you think Emma? 100% in. I love this idea. I already feel comfortable with the idea of a healer, giving me some knowledge and potentially helping me get rid of this guy.

I love the idea that he might not be evil, but might be here to help me. So I love all of everything you've said. Yeah. And like the thing is, you know, the people who are interpreting this stuff, I mean, like, I would go ahead and say, like, I feel like they might be wrong. I mean, like, no one, no one is an expert on any of this stuff. And if anyone told you they're an expert, run because they're not. There is no certainty when it comes to this stuff.

Emma, I am an expert. I know what I'm doing. I'm deeply rooted in these cultures and we're going to get this thing out. And it's going to happen. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I truly think, how do you intuitively right now feel hearing this? Are you starting to feel some kind of cosmic shaking going on right now,

even the idea of this? I actually feel comforted by, this. Like, legitimately, I'm feeling comforted. I'm like, okay, I can be proactive. I can take, you know, charge of this. Yeah, this is something that I have thought about often. I love this. And I think you'll be surprised when you find out whatever's there thinks that it's helping and guarding you. Every single one I've had had a justification for why it was there. Right. And it's really hard when you feel like you don't have any agency in life, you know? So I feel like just a simple act of you like saying like, hey, you know what? I'm going to get a little weird and get on my

comfort zone and try something that is not actually in my my cultural uh field of play normally and try something new and if it doesn't work obviously just blame eric blame me and then we'll make a joke out of it that's why we're all here if you've heard that we're here to chats i get a lot of shit and i deserve a lot of shit but i think you ran into the right two giant hippies today yeah i think so too i would love to we we have your information we're going to get on top of uh trying to line you up with someone we feel like it's a good fit for you i think it's great i totally trust him uh amma thank you we're so we're so glad to be able to help we can tell you're a lovely person this whatever is hanging on to you whatever this hitchhiker is it is not a reflection of you remember

that know that believe that and it might have served its purpose you might have needed an angry old man i wish i had an angry old man for a lot of my 20s and 30s to help me with boundaries you did you're hanging up with jake yeah What are you talking about? But I think we're going to delicately and with love tell this old man that his work is done. Emma's got this now. We're going to shake off this hitchhiker.

We're going to drop them off at the liquor store and we're going to drive away. Yeah. Sounds great. Thank you so much, guys. No, thank you. And it's an honor to meet the old man with you as well. I'm sorry that your days are numbered.

And also, and just know this, when you meet this person, no matter what you think, like no matter how outside the comfort is, comfort zone is I would say play the game leaning to the game take the advice try it if it doesn't work then god bless you can throw it away but I would say like when you have this session with this person just be very open-minded to it so we're excited for you Emma and you're a wonderful person this is going to be great thank you so much for calling thank you so much guys bye Emma we'll talk soon you're stuck with us bye Emma bye friend thanks bye bye bye bye bye bye

Now we wait. Now we wait. Now we wait. Oh, just sitting here. Uh-oh. 818 till we die. I see an 818 number from the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, California. How are you doing, friend?

Welcome to Weird here to help. Hey, you're talking to me. I'm not in that place. I'm in a different country. I'm in Japan. Oh, well, I could not have been any more incorrect on that. Could I? Please do visit the San Fernando Valley, though, sometimes, friend.

It's incredibly underrated, but we say, Ohio, goesaymos to you. Sui massan. Okay. Boko no to my, Eric, Wah. Whoa. Hey, Eric, and hey, Steve. Thank you very much for having me. It's 5.45 in the morning here in Japan, so I'm on my second coffee.

Excuse me if I'm not so sharp, so I'll do my best. Do I say my name or something? Yeah, what's your name, pal? Okay, well, look, is it okay if I use it. fake name? Sure. Please. Okay, cool.

I'm going to go with Aaron. Is that okay? If you call me Aaron? We like it. You sound like an Aaron. You're Aaron from now on. Yeah. Talk to us, Aaron.

Okay, cool. I'll try and keep the question pretty quick and fleets and Qatar, but it's a bit of a whole picture I'd like to paint. The picture is, the question is, I've got a weird email accusing me of interfering with another man's hat, not just once, but twice. Did you say another man's hat? Yeah, a hat, what you put in the head, right? A hat.

That you were interfering with their hat. Yes, he accused me of interfering with his hat twice, not once but twice. And the question would be, should I respond and if so, how? Aaron, let me just stop you right there real quick. I'm like having a hard time kind of. picturing in my head interfering with a a hat. I'd like to paint a little picture up until the emails, if you wouldn't mind.

Sure. We love context. Okay, the context is that's exactly what I'll go for. Okay, so I have a rather unique job here in Japan. Like, I'm an English teacher, but also I preside over Christian-style weddings. Not so Christian as some others would be, you know. know, but hey, it's, it's, I own a bit of money out of it. I quite enjoy it.

It's a very unique job. Yeah. It's a gig. I'm very lucky to have this. It's a really fascinating job. Anyway, at the end of the, what do you call it, semester, the July or so last year, we have a summer drinking party with a bunch of the other wedding conductors.

This is where it will happen, the incident of the hat, right? Now, if I can paint a little picture over the participants, is about seven or eight, I think I counted them up my head, participants. One young Japanese lady, and she's like the coordinator, and the rest are pretty much older white dudes, because that just

fits the bill of a, you know, wedding celebrant here in Japan. Right, right. And pretty much all of them are bawling. There's two of them who have hair, you know, regular kind of hair on their head, and the rest of them are either shiny bald or receding right back, you know, mustache on the back of the head

kind of hair styles, right? Okay. And so we're having a great time. Having a great time. I've got to introduce one other character. This is the main character, and I'm going to call him Barry. Okay? Oh, okay, yeah. Barry.

I might even call him Barry Pooper, who cares. Anyway, Barry, he's an older guy, much older guy. He's a veteran. He's got Scragley here, like, like, Hulk Hogan and his very late of years, blonde and thinning, and he's got a kind of dressers like Crocodile Dundee or something. He's got a hat on now. This is really important, the hat. He's a gross old guy

And he's And he refuses to take his head off Because I don't know why He's got complexes about his hair Or something like that I mean he's bawling You're in a room with a bunch of bawling folk So early August

About 4th of August I get this email Here we go Aaron Sam I do not have your email address So I am having Kanaka Sam Use her good offices

To forward this letter to you for me there is an unresolved issue which occurred at our summer party someone removed my hat twice without permission or apology this act was very disrespectful to me and is of dubious legality i did not confirm the identity of the cretan at this party who did this because it would have caused a big commotion and ruined the party for the other people there. Could you please confirm my suspicion that you are the person who did this?

Please reply directly to me at email or send your reply back to Tanaka San. Best regards, or regards Barry, not best regards, just regards. Wow. Weird. First off. What the fuck anxiety attack?

Yeah, hold on. Aaron, I got to say, this is one of the most aggressive emails I've ever heard. First off, if he thinks of the guy, and he's calling you a cretan, first, if I have, anyone who calls me a cretan, you're going to see, you're going to see the dragon. Yeah, that's like an old West insult. Like, you have to take off your glove and slap someone afterward.

It's the rule. All right. We have to look at the rest of the emails because, unfortunately, there's more set up. It's in the emails. It's going to get all the way through. Okay. Let's go. I'd love to continue.

Here we go. So I penned my first reply, and it goes like this. Hi Barry, I'm sorry that somebody tampered with your hat. As a balding man myself, I am also very sensitive to having my head and its adornments interfered with. It does not bring me joy to hear of your discomfort, nor do I appreciate your suspicion or accusations of me being a cretan or someone who would do that. I did not witness the events you described, nor do I have any information that could help with your investigations. I wish you good luck in your investigations and hope you find peace

for the record I can confirm that I'm most definitely not a cretan nor the person who interfered with your hat 10 out of 10 response out of the gate I think it's perfect right you're a good writer too you're good writer too thank you very much

thank you very much thank you very much I took a lot of work in because I don't want to just go half ass and then an angry email or midnight or something you know I want to proofread that show and go to chat chiefly in there and don't know

I am so glad you brought the, the offensiveness of the word Creighton. That's like digging in the wheel. It's like, that guy sat there and Twitterless and looked him in the air. Like, what's the worst thing I could call this person? I'm a crap. Man, get on my face, Jack. Come on. Get on my face, Jack.

Exactly. Can you read us this response? Can you read us this response because this gets even more wild? It gets wild. So he replies to me pretty much right away. Aaron. Thank you for your quick reply. I did not accuse you of being a cretan. I asked you if you were the cretan at the party

who removed my hat. If you closely read my earlier email to you, you will notice there is no comma in my question. The lack of comma makes a huge difference. You were a suspect because you were sitting next to me at the party. But when my hat was removed, you were not sitting next to me. What's the fuck? Okay. First off, it's the the crime he's committing of you, which isn't a crime, obviously.

You can remove himself and not, I mean, like, when he brought up legality in the first email, I'm like, give me a break, you baby. I mean, like, God. Like, I mean, yeah, no one was her hat removed. I don't want my hat removed, but like, get over it. Like, it's a moment in time.

Should I just let him go on his merry way and just let him sit in the silence? No, no, no, no. a big believer, and justice needs to be served no matter how cold the darn case is. Eric, where do you stay in that? And you've enlisted us now because honestly, part of our job in life is to battle against the pricks.

And now we've found one. So I think what we should do is send this guy an anonymous email. Just saying, hey, co-chees. We keep an email format, like not get them some people to deliver. No, no, no, not you. I'm saying this comes from us. And we just, this guy is clearly such a lunatic. Yeah. And out of his gourd, and those people can be

fun to mess with. So I vote, Steve. We set up an anonymous email account and tell this guy, hey, I'm the guy that mess with your hat. And I'm going to do it again. I moved to Japan to mess with balding men's hats and my dream's finally coming true. See you soon, pal.

I've got a little side story. Would you indulge me? Would you let me go off on a little tangent here? Aaron, go to town, babe. Let's do it. Okay, I'm going to town. We're going to town. So like I've been in Japan for 20 years like I said But I'm kind of a spring chicken really compared to some of these guys A bunch of them are really lifers

You know they've been around the block You know, they've got grandkids and stuff But there is one younger guy Who's just joined the gang And he's only been here in Japan like a couple of years And we're all sober at the start And so you know I give him a clink of the beer and say

Hey man what's your name? I get to talk to him and he's into the same sort of things with me and oh wow that's pretty cool you know and as the night goes on I'm going to call this guy Gary is that all right yeah Gary is a great utility name for anyone perfect yeah Gary uh so Gary uh yeah Gary uh yeah he gets uh he's just uh he's just a kid you know uh just two years in japan he's got a japanese yorkan apparently i think he said um and he's got a few beers under his belt there and he's getting a bit loose and gaggly and chatty and stuff like that and I don't even know how this happened but he

leans into me, he leans over to me, he says hey and he whispers to me like his face is like sort of 10, 15th 10 degrees from he says, I'm actually a seed saver and I go, what? I'm a seed saver

and I go, oh really well I dabble in a bit of gardening myself, you know, I like to you know, scoop out of the seeds and grow some chili pems And then he goes, no, no, no. And his eyes glare up, you know, with a little bit of a knowingly nod. And he goes, no, I'm a seed saver. They go, oh, oh, oh, close.

So this guy is, like, proudly telling a perfect stranger such as yourself. Hey, how about those, those cubs? Oh, wow, yeah, you know, the price of me. By the way, I never jack off. I never spill my seed. That's weird. The reason I brought up the other chap, Gary, the Seed-saver, is if you wanted to play detective, if you wanted to get to the bottom of this crime, I kind of feel that he would be my suspect.

He was playful and drunk and not knowing where the boundaries are. Right. And not bull. Like, I'm pool. Everybody asks the bull. So I almost think that he might be a little troublemaker. Well, you might be. Now we're playing detective.

Now this gets interesting. I mean, Berg, this is so unfiltered to say that their seed saving is also the kind of son of a bitch that's going to pull a ball to his hat off twice. I agree. Right now he's... This guy just handled it so poorly, but we already know he dresses like Crocodile Dundee, so logic is out. Yeah. Like, you know, fun movie, nice time. We're not trying to dress like that.

And this guy's leather fedora got removed and he's going crazy. And one, we have to protect our friend here because the tone of that, you know, email's mental illness. It is. And he threw out the C word, comma or not, way too soon. Yeah. To our friend here. It's at 5.45 in the morning over there talking to us, helping us with this incredible call.

But I'm sure it's the Seed Saver. But if this were Colombo, the Seed Savers who everybody thinks did it, but isn't because that's so wild. Steve, what if we try? Because this is my favorite. When someone annoys me, kill them with kindness. Interesting. Instead of that, where you put the dagger in while grinning at them and just fileting them,

what if you say that you basically wanted to vote your life right now to solving this case? That this guy has been so egregiously wrong by having his hat removed twice that you really want to get to the bottom and find who this Creighton is, that you may have a suspect. Somebody had a very ribbled conversation with you after a few drinks. And then if we start to say like, hey, you know, you match they're crazy by pretending to mirror it. and that will drive them kind of crazy on their own while you don't get a speck of mud on you.

I like that, Eric. Right? Like we say, like, you know, we approach us like we're one of the great 70s detectives, Colombo, Mannix, or whatever, of like, I have been trying to work on this case. I really appreciate you work. You are right.

That comma was absolutely took it away from an accusation to a friendly question. How do we solve this case? How do we get to the bottom of who this vicious hat? There's a hat thing. walking around Japan, no accountability, he's going to do it again. It could be one of these things where you kind of like turn the tables on him. Eric, I love the idea.

He won't know what to do. When you do this with people, because they're putting venom out in the world wanting it back. Yeah. Brother, Aaron, they want that email from you. Don't contact me. You're giving them what you want. Right. If you do this of genuinely like, I'm here to help.

Yeah. How do we find this monster? I had someone that had a borderline inappropriate sexual conversation. You want to talk legal, I was kind of harassed. You know, I'll tell you what? Over the appetizer course. Because I do think we have a seed saver hat thief

that needs to be fed or stopped. I think so, too. So, Aaron, are you able to type something on your, should we just, let's just, should we let's crack this email? Here we go. Hello. Hello. Whatever his name is.

I hope this message finds you well. I love that, Eric. Right. I love it. Come on. I love that. We're starting sweet. Yeah, we're starting through.

Also, that is fine. You well. It's such a like almost condescending a little. Sort of a little bit, but couldn't. And then this guy was wrong. Let's acknowledge that wrong from the gickle of like, I'm just so sorry this happened to you. In the Old West, you could get hung for taking a man's hat off,

especially if you had male pattern baldness. I love getting weird like that. That's great. Right, yeah, some crazy, like match crazy with crazy and they don't quite know what to do, right? They're off balance. I love the old West. But then you're going to come in now and you're here to help because we want to spread this helping around this world. A troubled world needs more help and you're going to, you get to be our guest helper today.

I will say, I think Eric's line verbatim of in the old West that could keep you killed. Yeah. Yeah, it was on the same equivalent as stealing a horse. It's so funny. Taking a man's hat off, like, you know, there's a lot of balding cowboys. don't talk about enough. You don't see him because Hollywood. It's also disarming in a way where I feel like this guy's like, God, this guy

like out crazy to me. So, you know, like, wow. Which is the only language they respond to. That's exactly right. And that's how we're going to win today. Yeah. Okay. So do you have that in the Old West, you could be killed for such an offense? However, the Old West you can get killed for mixing with a man's hat. Yeah.

However, however. Oh, I love it. Love your delivery there. However, we have not, we find ourselves not in the Old West, but in the current era of Which I'm sure you killed in feudal Japan as well. Like there was a code. Look, there was a code. You don't take a man's hat.

We're going to make this guy feel seen with the hat removal. Yeah, read what you have so far, pal. Okay, hey, hello, Barry. I hope this message is trying too well. I admit that I can't stop thinking about your hat. I'm so sorry. I started typing. I don't know what happened after that.

In the old west, you could get killed from messing with a man's hat or in the, in feudal Japan. Is that better? Yeah, and feudal Japan as well. But we find ourselves, we don't know what city you were in, so I'm just going to throw it. We find ourselves in Hokkaido, 2025, with a mystery on our hands. They can't be handled in such a way. However, we find ourselves not on the old wish, but in modern.

Not Hokkaido, but yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. 2025. This is going to be the best email, and it's going to drive this guy insane. Yeah, we're making jazz right now. Oh, my God, Philonious. Yeah. Right.

I'm a good three, guys. Okay. So, okay. So now let's get into the most important part of, we kind of got the, we got the jabs out of the way. Now let's get down to business and let's,

let's lean into it. Let's pour gas on the fire of detective work. So I think now you say like, however, I have been, however, I have been, something to this effect.

I have been replaying. and reverse engineering the night of August 5th when the incident of the hat removal had happened twice. July night. Where the hat removal incident happened. What? I've been replaying the night July something where the hat removal incident occurred.

Yeah. And while I am beyond confident that it was not me, I would have remembered doing something like that. And second, I would have never done something like that. I feel I may have a suspect for you. I'm beyond confident that it was not me. You see something I feel that I may have some Intel. Yes.

I love Intel. That's great. Intel. I don't know. I love Intel. I'd keep Intel. Okay, cool. uh would you have that it was not me something something something i feel i may have some

information person to the case perhaps that's good yeah yeah yeah pertinent to the case is good and like as much as i don't want to cast aspersions or accuse someone else as i thought i was accused i will say i encountered someone that night in a state of drunkenness whose behavior was jarring, comma, and falls right in line with a two-time hat thief. And I think you can say something to the effect of, like, uh, I've come, you know, like, I'm, I'm willing to overlook being, you know, wrongly accused in order to help you. Ooh.

Oh, burn. Man. In order to help you solve this case because I've, you know, like, solve this case. Because I've, you know, like. Solve this case. as well as clear my name. Yeah, as well as clear my name and conscious. Yeah.

Yeah, my good name. Yeah, it is a good name, damn. Even if we don't know what it really is. Thank you. Come on, Aaron. For now, it's Aaron. I'm willing to help you crack this case, and I think it would behoove the both of us.

Behoove so good. That's so good. To look into this. suspect a bit more. And then I think you can cut to the end where you're like so, blank, whatever your name is, Barry, Gary, Larry,

shall we work together to solve this case once and for all? All the very best. Don't we work together? Should we cooperate? Yeah, and then you can say, and I also want to be very careful not to accuse this person

without enough evidence, because, because I know what it's like to be accused to being a hat thief unjustly. Boom! That's beautiful. Oh, that's beautiful. Come on. Oh, it's beautiful.

And then you delicately get to have your moment that you're looking for, but while we're still approaching this from a place of love, even if we know it's bullshit. Yeah, but you're going to knock the wind up a little bit. Oh, a tiny bit, right?

Just a little kick on the way out. You know, we're human. Because ultimately... We use 10% of our brains. At the end of the day, I think the point of this is to make the accuser feel ridiculous for accusing somebody of removing their hat. Right, that to me is, it's like,

it's really not to solve the case. But the fact that you would write this letter to come back and say, like, look, you, you giant baby man, look, it's been bugging me. So I'm going to, I'm going to put all my bygones aside and help you solve your case because you're a big man, baby. And like, let's work together to solve this. And then you can go suck on your pacifier. You're saying all that without saying,

it in a professional way, and I love it. Glorious subtext. Feel free to put it in your own words. Obviously, we gave me some recommendations, but I think the intention, the attitude, and, you know, the moral high ground will read clearly. I think what we should do is we're going to send this email, and then we desperately want to know what that email coming back is.

So we are hoping, I feel like today, rather than giving you a plate of sashimi, we've helped teach you to fish. in a passive aggressive asshole way which people maybe wouldn't expect from Steve and I but this is the shadow side of 13 feet this is how you can win so you're stuck with us now friend

and we sure like you so we want you to send this email craft us and then we want to talk to you again and we want to hear the email that got back and I'll also say this I want to know who the hat thief is I do too I want a song of mystery there's a hat thief walking around Japan

and that is not in line with the empathy, care, and consideration Japanese culture is so known for. You guys, the ebb to the best. Dude, we just enjoy meeting you, friend. Thank you for getting up so early. Thank you for involving me. We're here to tell you you have been wronged,

but we are going to get this guy back in the funniest and best way now. I think so, too. Please let us know how this goes down. I will. For sure, for sure. All right, Jake. There it is.

We are here to help. Um, we just did do a full breakdown for Patreon. If people want to really see us, I mean, we spent a while just kind of cooking through the whole episode. You know, we'll do. Why don't we add that to, we'll talk to Morgan. That'll be offered for free on Patreon. So yes, if you want to go have a look at us.

Just check that out. Just go, we really had a very good time. We broke it down as if it was film study. We went scene by scene. Garrett did a great job technically. And we broke down what we thought. thought of it. Very curious what you guys thought. Thank you to Eric and Steve. What I think is great is that, to me, that works if you're into the world of the paranormal or if you're not. Yes. But

let us know, email us, as always, comment. Let us know what you like. This is, we are potentially going to start doing Fridays too. Yep. But let us know. And to the gentleman in my Rivian yesterday at the Rivian shop, who has ADHD like me and said, I like all the changes and how weird it is, you're welcome. Yeah, I will say, this has been your brainchild. I mean, we talked about it a little bit, but this is, I just think great. I really, I laughed. I mean, yeah, go to Patreon.

I mean, we laugh. We have quite a time. But, yeah, we'll keep doing more of these. And thank you to Steve and Eric. Yeah, crushing it. And if you guys like it and listen, there'll be more of it. You know, we pay attention to the numbers. We would love Eric and Steve to keep doing it on Fridays.

Email in with We're Here to Help Problems, and that's it. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. If you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh.

The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecky. And if you'd like to see Gareth, do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.