We're Here to Help - 215: Best Advice Vol 2: Make It Your Own (with Cat Reitman)

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

Gareth, Jake and Cat Reitman hear from callers about the best advice they've ever gotten. Featuring an oatmeal hack, a charismatic German dentist and a terrible method for hiding farts.Sara, 38, Philadelphia is looking for a friend! Think you could be a good match? Submit to the Friendship Game by emailing the show or fill out the following form: https://tinyurl.com/friendforsaraWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Visit gemini.google/students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

And we're, we're out, we're, we're, we're, we're back. With one of the true stars of our show. Yep. One of the funniest people on planet Earth. And rapidly becoming one of my favorite people. Truly the best. She's the best. Such a winner. The best. The nicest, the best.

And always, always shooting. So good. We texted her afterwards. Because she's somebody like Eric and Steve, I'm not afraid to say, come back on the show, come back on the show. Danny J. my brother, come back on the show. Justin Long, I could push him a little bit. The new girl cast, I can't push. Lamour and I could push.

but Zoe I can't just say come back on the show she'll be like I would love to let's get lunch right Max will go do I have to do the Zoom thing I'm like uh yes the idea that you're opposed to Zoom I know it's crazy but Kat Reitman is somebody

because she's more your friend I don't feel comfortable I want to push her hard I want her on all the time I want her to be like a Stephen Eric for us that she was down for that I want her to have her own day She, no, now you're pushing.

Now you're jaking. No, but she, she is down, but she, you know, that is the thing. It's like, I think that's the ultimate compliment you can give to someone is that they just have chemistry with, like, everybody. And she is so good at doing that sort of stuff. She's the best. I've known her forever. And I swear to you, I remember being at her place with her husband, and they were showing me like this, like, sizzle reel for working moms. and I mean, we were just so used to getting rejected all the time

that I was like, all right, yeah, maybe. And then it was like two years later, I was like, Jesus Christ, like what is happening over here? She blew up. Yeah, but she deserves to. I mean, she is truly, and you got to remember, she gets into it on this episode a little bit. She's from a family of just, you know, incredibly talented people.

And, but she is the best. So we're very lucky to have her today. This episode, we're doing the other format where people are, calling in with the best advice that they've ever had. Yes. Or advice that the show has inspired them. Like there's a number of them are advice we've given.

They've taken it. How did that apply to their real lives? And this one, we're doing less ads because it's fully sponsored by Rocket Money. So we appreciate Rocket Money. And we also like these because then it's less ads. Well, and Jake, with all the money you save with Rocket Money, you could end up going and buying yourself a little Parmesan.

coming to a live show having me sign it that's happening all the time now anybody going to a Gareth show everybody bring Parmesan and if anybody listening is having Gareth come please Parmesan the floor

before he gets on stage That clubs will not appreciate that Most comedy clubs do smell like there's been Parmesan on the floor for a while I'll tell you the stage I was on last night towards the end of the show I just looked down and I was like This needs to get cleaned.

This is really, this is crazy. This is actually crazy. I was back in New York and I guess I'm doing this thing, so I've been there a lot. And I was remembering the way I started my career was doing two-person shows with Oliver Raleigh, who does our theme song. We did the show called The Midwesterners. And we used to rent out theater spaces in the Lower East Side. And I was Googling them.

They're all gone. But they were these spaces created in the United States. like the early 90s. There was this like the beginning of alt comedy. Just these like cool people would get these tiny little creative spaces like surf reality or collective unconscious. And they would just host, you could just rent them and do whatever you wanted. These like little 80 seat theaters.

Yeah, like a little black box or whatever. They were so great. Oh, the best. They all like, the guys riding it all had like weird dreads. You know, everything smelled like bad. And you were so, the idea that you were getting on a stage was so exciting. It was so scary. Yes.

The amount of prayers I would do at that place were like, as like literal friends are coming in and I'm in a corner being like, dear God or anybody up there, please help me, this is, this means the world to me. My arms are shaking. I'm like sipping vodka to control myself to literally then do dumb characters. Well, you think back on that material, and you're like, material was horrible. The joy I felt over horrible material.

It is upsetting that that doesn't exist as much as it did, but then that's really like... Or maybe it does. Well, it does because the internet is the black box now. Like, being able to just put your own stuff out there. But maybe there are people still doing these theaters. There are. We just, I'm just, I'm not part of the community.

But I bet there's a bunch of people. still doing it. There are, I just think it's now, like we're saying with the Zoom, it's like, you know, you can do it. Yeah, you can just do it. You can, it's not a black box. It's a green screen. They still exist and it still is, you know, just a new way of doing it. Like, for example, this podcast, which has become a really fun way to just be creative and make stuff. Yes. Back in the day, if it was pre-internet, and we were still doing everything we were doing, you, me, Eric, and Steve would probably have a version of a sketch show that we performed at a theater in LA just so we could all be writing something, getting together, and rehearsing it. But we're able to jump at our hotel rooms

and do it. Yeah. But especially when we do those chats or this morning, it's just, it's the same energy as it was back then where it feels other than Hollywood. It feels other than the grind. But you're making shit. It's all the same muscle. Totally. I mean, it's, It's just, I don't know. I really do think, like, I love it. I do too. And I think that's the thing. It's like being able to do it with your friends that you met through this stuff is the best,

which reminds us that people should go check out Weird Here to Help if you haven't already. They all have. Do it again. Go listen again. Yeah, that's going to be, everyone, you know what we're going to do on that every other Friday. We're going to do a weird here to help with the Kings, Steve and Eric. The best moment from that episode is when Eric says he can solve the, old man spirit following the woman around so simply.

That call, I'll never stop thinking about it. But wait, before we start the show, though, Jake. No, we don't have time. Come on. It's showtime, baby. Without further. I want a do. A do.

Damn it. Hello. Hello. Hi, welcome. Thank you. Well, you know, we're calling, we're waiting to hear if you have been inspired by the show or what this call is about. But I will say, you have Jake, you have me, but you also have truly, Jake, don't do that. Truly one of our favorite, maybe the most requested guest helper in the history of the show.

Guest helper. The great Cat Ritman is here. Meow, meow. Oh, thank God. Meow. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Here we are.

Here we are. I love it. Oh, thank God. It's so funny. Well, no, because I, like, I hear that you guys miss her a lot. And so I get to talk to her too. Oh, well, that's nice. It would also make sense if you were like, oh, good.

Someone to tell them they're wrong. Someone. I wouldn't describe you, Katis, for me. How dare you, Jake. I'm so reasonable. Can we get your name, please, caller? Yes. It's Whitney. Hi, Whitney. Welcome aboard.

Thank you. All right, Whitney. So what's going on? You tell us where we're at with it. Whatever's happening. Well, you sent out an email asking for people to come in with, like, the best advice they were given. And I was contacted by Sweet, Sweet Jesse with some very specific instructions. and here I am. Okay, well, what is the advice that you were given that helped you? What was the situation you were in?

I mean, it's pretty niche and not probably something that a lot of people have, but I cannot stand the consistency of oatmeal. Like, it just looks so disgusting. I don't know if I saw Corky's Revenge where I think they made fake puke out of, like, oatmeal, and so, like, it just forever turned me off, like, no. and I used to work in an office where with the free coffee and everything they would also give like free oatmeal

like those little instant oatmeal packets Oh sure okay That makes more sense I'm like a baldron of gruel With me How's the day? What's your right? Are you living in?

There's just a vat of gruel Ready to go at all times That makes more sense No the little packs Yeah Whitney my gut is that you are not alone I have a feeling there is a huge contingency of people

who are totally grossed out by the consistency of oatmeal. Not alone. Right. Right. And so I would get in the summer... I'm not one of those people. Good for you, Jake.

I mean, good. That's fantastic. You can go anywhere you want and order oatmeal and be happy. It doesn't look like barf to me, Whitney. Okay, Jay. You have a different opinion than Whitney's. As the great fifth wish says, who cares?

Jake, when that happened, you admit it, it completely undercut the show. No. I agree. I'm doing a bad job today. I got to go. Just kidding. No quotes needed. No quotes needed, though. So, Whitney, the consistency grows as you out. Yeah. Right. Oatmeal grows with me out. But I would, because I used to live in the Northwest, in the winter months. Man, everybody was eating at oatmeal, and it smelled so amazing. And I had food envy.

Like, I would love to enjoy this oatmeal that you wanted to eat the peak. This is a turn. Whitney, so you like the smell of oatmeal. Oh, yeah. I love oatmeal cookies, right? It was just... Not to be my dad right now, Whitney. But honey, close your eyes.

Well, for the record, there's a very simple solution. Close your eyes and eat the fucking oatmeal. Oh, Jake, is that the sound of your dad? I love his voice. Yeah. You like the smell. You want the food. You don't like the way it looks.

We've got two beautiful things. They're called an eye. But it was also the consistency. It was the consistency. So in your mind, you don't want the mouth taste. Right. I don't want the feel. I understand.

Yeah, the mouth feel. Okay. I got to the mouth feel. That's what I meant. Right. So one day I'm in there. And speaking of dad advice, a coworker came in and I was, you know, lamenting about my oatmeal thing. And he goes, I don't want to like patronize you or whatever.

He goes, but can I make you the oatmeal the way I make. it for my children and I was like I'll try anything at this point I'll try anything at this point and so literally the answer and maybe this is because I'm also a rule follower so I was making the oatmeal two instructions which just made it too soupy and soup too gross he added like two tablespoons of hot water that's it and now it's the consistency of cookie dough and I can get on board all day long and I ate it and now I enjoy instant oatmeal. That's actually interesting.

Totally. Whitney, my youngest son cannot touch oatmeal unless it's the same exact consistency. Kind of like very, very dry. You could pick it up like a pancake. Yeah.

And I kind of get it. Yeah, you put it like two tablespoons of water. You kind of stir it together and it kind of clumps up and now it's like a bite, a single bite or maybe two of like oatmeal cookie dough.

And then I'm on board. I can get into it. I'm happy you have found your way, but just to be clear, puke can have a consistency like that. Like a dehydrated? Yeah, if you're dehydrated. You've barfed a pancake?

Not a pancake, but after a minute, it could form a pancake, sure. That's honest to God, that's scary. Yeah, anyway. I mean, I've never had dry vomit like that. Oh, God. I want you to go check somebody. Oh, God, no.

If you could. Pute can be dry. Go ahead. If you could boil the advice you've heard, about this that worked for you into a sentence or two that has less to do... Yes, that has less to do

with oatmeal, but as an idea of advice that perhaps our audience can take with them, will that be in your opinion? Sometimes the exact directions are not the right direction. I love that, actually. I fully agree with that.

I like it. Your thoughts? You seem a little bit... Skeptical. Agreed. I'm not sure that's such a win. Oh, you guys really like it. I feel like I should get on board.

No, no, go ahead. Well, I guess what I would... It may be the asterisk to it, you know, is that this is only when it comes to food, right? Because they can say, like, baking is a science and everything like that. Like, sometimes the exact instructions aren't the right instructions. Totally agree with this. Totally agree with this.

Or it could just be make it your own. yes make it your own way less cool though way more generic but it's not just about food it's about it's about everything hers was specific yours was live love life kind of sort of a sort of a just do it kind of yeah that's do it there you go just Nike it so Whitney I like this is a great call and great use of the new format very interesting appreciate well done well done Whitney slim don't I'm glad Gareth, come back to Vegas. I'll come back and see you again. What did you two crazy kids do in Vegas?

You don't even want to know. Just do it. I think I did a show for 54 people and went to the hotel. Tough markets. One guy's top danced on stage because he thought it was his moment. Yeah, I opened to show up because it was so precarious. Make it your own. Thanks for the call, Whitney.

See you soon, babe. Bye. You ready for another? It is good stuff. There you go. Garrett, just side note, I love you so much. Well, we, Vegas, our old stop at Ground Camp. Oh, my God.

Where are we met? Where we met. Hello. The show I didn't get. You're better for it. I think it worked out. I wanted it bad. I think it worked out.

The three of us in Vegas, could you imagine? Can you imagine? Here we go. Am I right? The butterfly effect if you'd been on the real wedding crashers. It would have been the huge isn't it? Not canceled. No, pro, still cancel.

Still cancel, let's be honest. Hello there. This was weird. Terrible. Caller. Hi, guys. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Well, welcome. We know that this is a little bit of a different episode. So if you have good advice you were given, walk us through the situation, what you were told, or if you've employed advice from the show, let us know that, and I should let you know, it's not just going to be Jake and myself, which is good news for you, because we also have the Great Cat Reitman. Oh, my God.

I know. Hi, Kat. I know. Sorry. Hey, cutie. How are you? I'm great. What's your name?

Katie. Jake. Oh, I thought you were talking to me with that setup. Jake. Hey, cutie, how are you? What's your name? I thought we were alone at a bar all of a sudden, pal. My name is Jake.

Jake. Hi, Katie. We've met before, dear. She's talking to the caller. By the way, this is how you discover I have Alzheimer's. I'm like, where am I? Hi, cutie. Over and over again to Jake.

How are you doing? I'll take it. Not good. In my age, I'll take it. Hi, cutie. Katie, where are you calling from? I am calling from Raleigh, North Carolina. Alina.

Beautiful. Right on. And what, uh, walk us through? What, uh, what do you have?

Um, Wilson's cat's there, I'll say it's like a little bit of like a work and mom's vibe to my story. Ooh. Here we go. Hit show, Kat Reitman, working moms.

What didn't she do on that project? I'll tell you what. I know. She did do crafty. Everything else she did. Go ahead, Katie. Get easy. So,

still on Netflix. Still on Netflix. Yes. It's amazing. Um, have rewatched multiple times. All right. So I'll get right into it.

I basically employed like the entire premise from the episode that you all did where Kate called in about her daughter, Darcy, who only wanted to hang out with Long Island Lisa. Because, you know, she made, she made it super fun, but it was a little bit too fun. So my problem was that. Well, hold on. Real quick, Katie, we should probably tell Kat the frame of reference. So basically we had a caller who. who, for fun with her daughter, came up with a character

called Long Island Lisa, and her daughter loved it so much that she couldn't just be regular mom. The kid didn't want to hang out with Mom. She was typecast. Oh, that's fantastic. The kid would ask for Long Island Lisa, and then when it would be mom,

the kid would be like, uh, the game's not as fun. Yeah. So she sort of felt her, her actually got insecure about the character she created. Yeah, so they'd be greater than her. Katie, what was? your situation with this and what happened?

So I will just say to kind of round that out that the great advice that Jake and Gareth gave was you need to be super fun too. So like come back into the storyline of Kate, aka Mommy and like have a lollipop and like make it so that she wants you there too. So I basically took what Kate did and made sure to incorporate Jake and Gareth's advice and the whole thing. So my five-year-old has two cavities, so I was shamed into making sure that he's flossing every day. My bad.

Get out of here. Get out of here. No one's doing that. Right. I know. Well, now we are. So let me tell you about it. So I was like, all right, this kid hates flossing.

He's like screaming and fighting me every night. I got to make this more fun. And so I created a character called Dr. Brunhilda, who is a German dentist who visits our home every evening. Pause, pause, Katie. Yes, yes, Jake. Can we hear the voice? Obviously, I'm super prepared. I will tell you, it's giving a little of Jake's, like,

international student mixed with, like, maybe Mrs. Doubtfire. It's definitely a very expensive. All my characters, my accent work, all my characters have gone to international school, and that's why it's hard to tell where they're from specifically. They're terrible. They're not accurate, and they all sound the same. Not true.

Sort of a neutral international. No, my characters are from places. So, for example, I do a great cockney. Let's hear it. I'm over there, fault, in Cathedral, really. Got to be out with the head, nickels and thorns, yeah? Okay, all right. Can we just hear, like, the traditional English?

For me? Yeah. Keep it calling. Really, I'm going to go to the... All right, Australian. Oh, you really put me on the spot here, Big Daddy. Well, let's hear it. Over there in the Outback, y'all?

Because I've got to go punch a kangaroo in the goddamn face. But all my characters, some of the time they were three, went to the same school. International school. I see. South African teachers. One time mentioned international school was why their accent was a little hard to distinguish. And Jake has not let it go on. But all my characters grew up with German kids, Japanese.

So they're like, it's hard for the outside. But in the community, we know exactly where everybody's from. But this is more about your German voice. I'd love to hear it. Yes, I'm ready. So every night I come in with the floss, like, pick thing and say, oh, hello, child. This is Dr. Brunheel. They're here to fluff for your teeth.

Excellent. Excellent. It's great. And what does the child do? Flosses. Freaks out. So then I floss. No, he loves it.

He thinks it's hilarious, right? Because I'm not in there, like, yelling at him to floss. So he thinks it's super funny. And one of the great benefits of being a kid when you actually go to the dentist is like, you know, you get that little prize box where you get to take a toy or something, right? So here's where Jake and Gareth's advice come in is that I'm like, I can't make Dr. Brunhilde like so fun and funny that he wants me to do this voice all the time because honestly it kind of hurts my throat.

So the prize box is delivered by mom. Like it was normal. Well, because I got a complicated little guy too. I have to, like, I have to sing breakfast stuff where I have to, I do, I'm doing, like, improv. You know, musical improv when you're, like, rhyming stuff? I'm doing that all through breakfast just to get my little guy, like, getting on it. You know, he eats when I do it. He joins, he jumps on.

Can we get at least? No. Please, come on. Pretend Garrett is the little guy. Come on. Gareth, are you ready for your oatmeal? I'm not eating it. It tastes like puke.

Oh, really? Because I'm pretty sure that oatmeal. is how you score. How do you score? You eat your oatmeal. You eat some more. It's a little of that. Pretty good.

By the way, there's a rhythm to it. It's very hip-hop. It's very 80s, 90s hip-hop. Totally. Totally. But by the way, the spoon to do, to do. Liam all of a sudden is like, my little guy is like, okay.

He loves it. Before you and he's like, I'll eat some breakfast, ma. Totally. He's like, I want to score. Give me some more. Totally. So, Katie, it works, but you don't want to be doing it all the damn time. Yeah, I get it.

So you bring out the prize box. But mom brings out the prize box. Yeah. Right. Exactly, Jake. So I bring out the prize box, but I'm actually not giving him toys every night because, like, no, who has money for that. Oh, my God. You can't be doing that.

Yeah. No. So I make it, like, fun. I basically pretend to be, like, a race car or a jet and give him a piggyback ride, like, around our upstairs. And that's his, like, prize for flossing. It takes 20 seconds, and Mommy does it. So it's super fun, and he loves it. How old is he, Katie?

He's 5. 16. I know, I was not going to say. He's 20, actually. He's a little bit older. You know, here's just, I think it's all working for you. I'll throw a little, I'll tack on something else. If at some point he wants more prizes, what you could do is start a little voucher thing,

he gets a coupon at the end of every flossing. And Friday, he gets to go to the prize box with his five vouchers. That's great, Garrett. You turn a real like a Dave and Busters. totally I will You get 100 tickets Yeah

I love that He's like Evolved a little As a German dentist Because my 5 year old In kindergarten You know So he's learning to read

And so Her world has expanded a little bit That if he asks Like he wants her to stay For book time At the end of the night Then she's working on her English So she will read

Like a few sentences You know Being like The truck went to the store And so then he gets to help her read the book too. So overall, it's been a huge win, but I couldn't have done it without.

So, Katie, you really thought, when you were in this problem, you really thought about the show and you said, I think I'm going to use that advice. Yes, absolutely. Like, I remembered Long Island Lisa and how she made everything fun. And it was like all due to the show. I'm an OG listener. We appreciate you. Katie, we actually have Long Island Lisa here to say hi.

I'm kidding. We don't have that. Oh, my God. No, we don't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break your heart. It's okay. Thank you, Katie.

Thanks, Katie. Great call, Katie. Thanks, everyone. Bye, bye, guys. That is, oh, really. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

By-bye. By the way, I did something like that. That bit you just did. I did the James Corden show years ago. Uh-huh. And it was at the end of the segment. And Chris Pratt, we were doing. Jurassic World.

He stood up and he was making an announcement to the crowd. And the bit felt like he was going to do the Oprah thing where I go like, you know, like everyone's got a gift. And he was like, hey, everybody. And I go, under your seats, taking to the premiere. And right? Oh, shoot. I thought it was going to get a big laugh.

But it was just disappointing. People got excited. And then I had to go. And he turned back and he was like, no, we did. And I was like, literally don't know why I yelled that. And then he was like, and he was like so nice. He was like, oh, good. Well, we are giving you.

was, like, sitting there while still on TV being like, I literally wish I hadn't have screamed a joke that didn't land for no reason. By the way, you would have been perfect on the real wedding crash. You would have been perfect. You would have been perfect. That is so funny to have to sit there and be like, hey, and then literally, and when the commercial went on, I went like, yeah, dude, sorry about that if it was lame. And he was like, what?

And I was like, well, you were doing the thing that the studio asked you to do. and I yelled something over you and took away and he was like, oh, it's all good. And I was like, yeah, just, if anybody's pissed off by that, I do apology. And everyone was like, all right, guys, good show. I was like, yeah, again, that one moment at the end, I'm really sorry about to everybody.

Everyone's like, please stop doing that voice. I'm like, I can't, I don't feel comfortable because I blew it, but everything else was fine, yeah? Having to leave there just like, yeah, that was pretty bad. No one seemed to really acknowledge it. In the car texting being like to the, like, Again, sorry. All good.

Really fun seeing everybody. Good luck in Japan. Sorry I did that thing at the end. And everyone being like, thanks, man. Yeah, we'll see you soon. Nobody's saying anything about it. It's a humiliation. No, being expected to suddenly be able to do press is a crazy thing, actually.

Especially when you're not part of the machine. Yep. Yep. It's crazy. They're doing it. They're like, are you free Wednesday, do this thing? And you're like, yeah. And you're like, I don't have any story.

I don't remember the project. No. And all you want to do is do bits and get people laughing. And then you're like, oh, there's real things happening. Oh, you guys were told stuff to do. I should just shut the fuck up. That's right. That's right.

That is so fucking funny to me. She humiliated. But real quick, Kat, when we did do the real wedding crashers, do you remember the bit of press we did at the White Sox game? Oh, yes. This was, we were supposed to be a bride and groom on the mound. Not that I like that saying, but. No, but the act is fun. We were out on the mound and Kat was supposed to,

I was going to like throw out the first pitch and then Kat is supposed to like take the ball. Slow down. Slow down. What am I wearing? But also what, hold on, set us up with this. So you guys were supposed to be getting married. Well, we're supposed to be. We're flown to Chicago and they're like, and this is like, you know, look, it's Ashton Coucher and Jason Goldberg.

The guy's responsible for punked. And all you got to do is play it cool and be super. funny and relatable, and Gareth and I are like 24 years old, and we're on this plane being like, yeah, we can do this, right? Like, we have no experience. We made a show where we crashed six weddings for NBC, and it was a hidden camera show, so we're flown to Vegas or to Chicago to promote it. We go to a White Sox game where I am dressed as a bride, and Gareth is dressed as a groom,

and it was that we had just been married or were about to go get. get married. It's within the day. But first, because we're such diehard White Sox fans, they're allowing me the bride to throw the opening pitch. I have no experience thrown at all one foot. Oh, my God. It was actually, I was going to throw it.

And then the bride is like, hold on a minute. Wait, wait a minute. Yeah. Takes it. And then she uncorks. It's her story. Yeah. And I like, and we're supposed to be real.

We're supposed to play this real. Like he throws it. I'm like, no, man, I want to throw it. I take it from him. I'm supposed to nail it across the plate. That didn't happen. And then, and Gareth gets it, and we're so jacked up because it's a full house. And what we didn't anticipate is that if you do not get that ball across the plate.

Holy. Jake, they booed so hard, I cried. Like, they booed hard. I've had to throw out the first pitch. It's scary. Oh, you've done it. I bet you did great. But it's scary.

I've practiced. It's scary. Oh, I'm sure. If you don't do it, especially in Chicago, after taking it from your husband? So you grab it, you one hop it, and the crowd boos you. Hard. Hard.

And Gareth and I are like, and all of a sudden it's supposed to be like a flip, and they're like, check out the wedding. If you liked this bit, you sure will like the wedding crushers, but they're booing so loud. And Gareth and I have flipped to this moment. Like God. Where we're waving and smiling, and they're booing us and throwing stuff now. No way.

So we hobble off the field and go back to our sad hotel where I think we get like one night and then they fly us home the next morning. And I remember we went to a bar close to our hotel and we're just like, that was okay. It wasn't that bad, right? It wasn't that bad. We were cordoning. We were both like, look, look, look, look. People got emotional, which is a reaction. That's what they wanted, actually, if you think about it.

The spin of a miss is so shocking. Yeah. Yes, yes. It was quite a 24 hours. But also, the nature of that show, it was always a little bit like who was going to get picked to do press. It was always like you were trying to prove that you were the one who could do it. Oh, you wanted the press. Gareth and I were like, we did it, we got it.

We're being flowed to Chicago. We thought we were so present. We thought it was a big deal. Yeah. And then we were bombed. Well, it wasn't. At the time, it felt like it, but it sure wasn't. It sure wasn't.

That is a heartbreaking story. It was wild. Yeah. Yeah. That whole show is. Every part of that show. Every part of that show. It was like our trauma, our trauma center.

Yeah. Ready for one more. Sure. Hello. Hello. Hi. Welcome to the show. How are you?

I'm good. How are you? Good. Thank you. Great. What is your name, please? I'm going to go with Sophie. All right, Sophie.

Perfect. All right, Sophie. So we know that you're either going to talk about great advice you were given or advice you pinched from the show. I will say you're lucky because it's not just Jake and myself, but the great Cat Ritman is also here. Oh, my gosh. Amazing. Hi, cat. Oh.

Hi, honey. How are you? Good. How are you? No, Jake. Jake. You just went through this. Jake, Jake.

She said, honey. Jake. I was like, we've just been talking. Jake, it would make no sense on like eight levels. Agreed. Okay, Sophie. She has dementia. Look, she's doing what she can.

She's trying. She keeps touching her ears. It's true. Sophie, are we doing advice that you were given by someone else or from the show? From someone else. Okay, so why don't you tell us the setup and what the advice was and how it worked out? okay great so I had two job offers at the time and one I'm sorry bragger so everybody want to tire me it's a down economy don't even need work I'm like so rich I don't

need it but everyone want to tire me and I was like okay this is a problem I have too much money okay so you got two job offers yeah so one was from a more kind of boring but much more more stable, you know, kind of finance firm. Kind of a job I could do in my sleep. Not, you know, exciting, but a better package. Look at you. And then, well, I'm just saying it just wasn't, you know, any kind of anything exciting. But the other one was, it's more exciting.

It was more of a wild card, though. But it was a bad boy. Cool or better. Yeah, it was the job I wanted. And, but the package wasn't as great. Why make those lips get? You know, I just, it's the bad boy. But he literally.

the bad boy? Why are you doing that? No, he literally, you said Sophie, that was it. You go the bad boy, the one-on-one. And then he fights his little? It's a little bit. It's Ricky Gervais a little bit in the office. Yeah, it's a little. Yeah. David Brent. All right. It's a little David. Oh, it is. It is. That's what it is.

Gareth, would you just take one moment and describe who this bad boy is and what his mode of transportation is? Well, you heard. I mean, look, you've got the, you've got the regular guy sure yeah great he looks good he's got everything we want you described him as having a better package there's some stability but then you got the bad boy he's at the bar he's asking what the deals are he's tipping 50 cents he doesn't care he's out but not allowed to vape in the bar he's vaping maybe too drunk to take the moped home he'll figure it out also he's cheap and he has a small dick he's the bad bar he's got a better package this guy's asking much better yeah the Your bad boy sucks.

The bad boy. This was not the bad way we all thought. Stop biting your lip. Hey, tell you what? Sorry, you want to take a risk? Go ahead. Whatever. This did exist on nothing but corn dog.

The package is decent. The package gets the job and it's similar to my moped. It'll get you from point A to point B. Well, I'm not even promised to it's going to get you there. But the neighborhood. Yeah. It won't get you there fast and it won't be powerful. Hey, can I get one of those cocktail umbrellas to pick my teeth like a toothpick?

A bad boy. If you put your vape away, sir. Oh, sorry, you don't like donuts? Donut flavor. No, the donut loop, that terrible. I was thinking smell. This man runs on Duncan. I hate the people with the vapes who do like the tricks.

where they like push a circuit. You're up like, okay, so Star Wars bar. Sophie, you had two job offers, one from finance and one from a bad boy. And walk us through the advice you got, the decision, and what happened? Yeah, so my, my boyfriend,

we had actually just started dating. He said, well, why don't you ask, you know, the cool job for something ridiculous? And if they give it to you, great. And if they don't just, you know, go to the other. thing and I respect the hell out of that point. That's great. Right. And so I did and they delivered. They gave me like a, well, hold on. So what did you what'd you ask?

Well, I told them that there was a basically a big discrepancy or big difference kind of between the offers. I told them what the difference was and they said, all right, let's do what we can do. I think it was like, I mean, I'm not sure what the difference was, but at the end of the day, I got a $20,000 sign-on bonus, which, just to give you some context, it's amazing. My offer was, like, right at $100K. Like, we're not talking hundreds of thousands of dollars, right? But that's a real bonus. That's a significant bonus, yeah.

It was crazy, right. So, anyway, it worked out. It was great advice. Give us a taste really, just give us a taste, if you don't mind, Sophie. What is this bad boy? gig. If one is finance, walk us through what bad boy gig is. I bait just to be clear, Garrett said bad boy

he did. Wait, I thought you said bad. This is not exciting. Talk to quit the mirror. Tell us why it's the bad boy. What did it do? One would have been more. It's vaping. It's lock in the bathroom. It's in there for a while. What's it doing? Go ahead. All I want before she answers, all I want is for her to be like, uh, I am in party, birthday party clown.

No, literally it's 20K makes a difference. Sorry, go on. Really fast. So before you go, Garrett just keeps throwing

out the weirdest lines. Why would the bad boy lock the bathroom door? Hey, you don't even want to know. I'm asking, though, I want to know. I'm a friend.

I'm not going to tell you. But I'm going to push on it because it's fictional. Did you develop a new accent? I have diarrhea. That's what I'm figuring. I knew it was bathroom or late. I ate Wendy's chilly

and it ran right through me. Yeah, I'm sick. I'm sick. I have I B.S. I've Crohn's. The truth of the matter is is when I eat because my IBS and my cron. I need to use the bathroom and I'm going to use a lot of toilet paper. Excuse me.

Hey, I'm peeking my head out. The bad boy and the bad boy never lights a mask. Excuse me. Would you mind asking them if they have another roll of toilet paper? The bad boys in turn. Oh, God. Don't sniff at the end of it. Don't tell me he's in town.

And for the love of God, both of you need to take it down and out of your own getting off the Zoom. It's become too much. What's the matter? You don't like the deep end? No, here's what's happening here. She's getting so turned down. Her head's going to fall off.

Yeah. Turn the air conditioning on. Both these guys have IBS. Both these guys have IBS. By the way, I don't have an air conditioner, but I do have an oscillating fan. Well, I want to. You don't have an air conditioner.

You have IBS, and you're lag in the bathroom. with just a hot box. Yeah. Yuck. Yeah. What vapes smoke that smells like donuts? Yeah. You can be thankful for that donut hump.

By the way, if I'm in that apartment with you, man, man, I'm begging you to smoke some more vapes. I'm like, anything besides this diarrhea smell, just blow donut in my face. You like the bad boys think. I get you. Sophie has just got it on mute and she's just mouthing to her boyfriend. I regret this. I regret calling.

Sophie hangs up. Every listener. Every listener. Sophie, so you take the bonus. Are you happy at the new gig? Are you glad you went through with her? Okay. Funny enough, it was the worst job.

Oh, bad boys had a sad. Of course they do. I should have known that they weren't. I mean, then COVID hit very soon after. So it actually, and then I, you know, I landed out of job I'm very happy with. So at the end of the day, everything worked out but yeah no it's a nightmare so do us a favor sophia if you can uh can you boil down

the advice to one to two lines that our audience can take with them from this that is not this job specific but if the advice you were given and you used was a one to two line what would it be um let's see if you have nothing to lose, I guess, ask for something crazy. And if they give it to you, you get what you want. It's cool. I don't know. Definitely not merch, but it is cool. I know.

Now I'm trying to think about it. No, but it was cool. I think it's accurate. If you got a backup, swing for the fences. Yeah, but that's the word. I agree with that. That's weird analogies. You mixed up a baseball one with a ballroom.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I supposed to stick in one analogy? I don't play by rules. I'm a... The bad boy. Sophie, thank you for the call. Thanks, guys. See you.

Thank you, Sophie. It would have been great if you were like, thank you, Sophie, and it was just like, um, like what is the sound of my hang? She's just, like,

episode 210, we're used to it. Yeah. We don't need them here to do the show. We've literally go, all right, guys, could you stop? They have not Enough Oh we've had people do this thing

We're like Nah These ideas aren't great I don't know Yeah we've had people Literally be like Nah I don't Not that either

I'm not doing any of this And we're like right on Thank you for the call We're like we'll see later Nat We got another one Where are we out here I have some emails

That people sent in Sure Yeah Let's do one Okay Do you want to You want me to read this? Yeah

So this is an email Best Advice email From Carly My first year teaching, an older teacher told me when you have to fart while teaching, do it behind the most annoying kid or the one that picks on the other kids. So when it stinks, everyone thinks it was them, I've been doing it for 13 years and it works like a charm. That is shocking. Crazy. Sometimes when you think of the other side of like the teacher's experience, it's crazy.

Like that they're hungover. I only wish that there was another detail that's like, these kindergartners never see it coming. Like, you just want to hear that they're, like, tiny, innocent kids. My mom gave me advice about farting in school. Okay. And she told me, because I remember asking, it must have been in first or second grade, and I was like, so what do you do? Yeah.

And she said, just start making sounds. And so the fart is one of the sounds. And I'm not kidding, I did it. And it backfired to such an insane degree. What happened? So imagine a second grade. So second grade, all the kids are looking at the teacher. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I go, boop, pop, pop, pop,

everybody turns. And they go, pop, boop, pop, boop. And everybody's going like, huh? All eyes on me. The teacher's now mad at me for interrupting, where she goes like, why did you do that? And I'm trying to play it off like, did what? Right. Are you like, my, man, I didn't fart.

I mean, if anything. What? Pretty sure I didn't fart. Excuse me. So you're just scatting and then in the break. It is horrendous advice. Your butt just scattered? Yeah.

Because that didn't come from your mouth, my man. That would be another way to do one of these if we wanted is the worst. advice you've employed? I got some for you to. What is some bad advice you guys have gotten in your life? Oh, man. You've ever been given.

So I was raised by my father, who both of you know, was very much a man who always was like, don't be afraid to go for it. Don't be afraid to show him what you got. Like, my father was a film director, and so he was on

the other side of an audition, which was the job I was trying and failing it for most of my life. And so when he would run an audition, like, he got to see actors and they would leave. And so he would always say to me after my auditions, don't be afraid after an audition to say, you know, I can do it a few different ways and just go for it. And I remember being like, okay, okay, I can do that. Because, you know, we all drive home from auditions being like, oh, maybe I should have just swung for the fences. Yeah, right.

I left something on the table. I don't know. And I'm not a particularly strong auditioner as it is. the story confirms it, but I went in, I bombed at something, and they, you know, they did the, thank you very much, and I went to leave, and all of a sudden I went, you know, I can do it a few different ways. And before they could respond, I just started again, not considering that there's a reader who has to... Wait, hold on, you said, I can do it a few different ways. Pause, and you started. Jake, I don't even think I paused. I was so scared. that they were going to be like, no, really, we're good, thank you.

Oh, my God. I was like, I'm not going to give them the chance. And so I started right away. And, but except this one, I'm swimming for the fences. So now I'm a big character. Now I'm big in my, and I think I'm standing all of a sudden, which I hate standing in auditions. Oh, no, I hate standing audition.

And then the reader opposite me has got no fucking idea what's going on. So he's like, oh, okay, okay, okay, we're going again. And I think this time, I'm going to improvise. So the reader has no idea when to come in, when to go out. It goes on for too long because I'm really trying to find it. And then at the end, they're silent. They haven't laughed once. They have not laughed, not even a smile.

And I said, thank you so much. Oh, my God. And I turned and walked out. And I called my down on the drive home and was like, I don't know if that worked. I don't think that was the right advice. I don't think that worked. Please tell me you remember what the project was. Oh, God, it was pilot season, Jake.

Okay, so it was probably some, I was probably, because all I went in for was best friends. So it was probably like, imagine it was like. The friend on an ABC show. Yeah, totally. Like, let me guess you're talking about Jake again. Honestly, you have it bad, you know, whatever it was. I just went big. That is a great story.

That is so goddamn funny. It's so humiliating. The auditioning is so horrendous, but you must have also, like, halfway through that, been like, I don't think this is working, right? But you're still going, you know? So you're like, oh, totally. I was not gifted with that.

You know, there's some actors who, like, go in and you can tell they, like, turn off. Like, I imagine, when I watch someone like Adam Driver and girls, I imagine he goes in and he just turns off the fourth wall, He's not even aware of people watching him And it's what makes him brilliant Yeah I wasn't gifted with that

I'm very aware of everyone Very aware of everyone Like when you're shooting something Aren't you aware like if the boom guy is laughing or something You're like okay I got something going on It's a little easier once you get to the thing Like if you're in the thing it's a little When you're like

I want the work and you are very aware of what's happening to be able to lock in is very difficult and leads to many nightmares. My mom once told me that if you know somebody's name, they'll never hurt you or beat you up. So if it's like if you're in trouble and you know their name and their family, they're more responsible for what they're going to do. So being raised with that knowing like, all right, if you're in a bad spot, try to find a link so they know that I know. them. And my buddy, Kent and I were playing in a park and these three older kids came up and they were bullying him and me, but, you know, he was getting at worse. And I knew, like, they're going to beat

my buddy up. And they were going hard on him. And I remembered my mom's advice, but I didn't know this kid's name. And so I literally just sat there and said, like, come on. And a name appeared. And I go, hey man i know who you are and he goes who am i and i you're chris cook and he goes you're absolutely right and he knocked me to the ground and beat up my friend and afterwards my buddy kent goes what was that and i go i thought his name was chris cook and he goes like i don't think his name was chris cook and i go like i don't think it works if you get the wrong name but what i was trying to do is help was there my man that you just start scatting to fart i was like Gebert, you got any?

I mean, mine will live in the shadow of cats. I just thought of my, when I first came out to L.A., someone said, don't be too familiar with the sides. Have read them once. And I probably for four years was like, wow, this is going bad. Don't be familiar with the sides. Yeah, he was like drop in. And you'll find, and I was like, okay.

And I for years was like, what the, I feel like I should probably start to learn this a little bit more. Oh, my God. Terrible advice. And that's why I have books of the Relo Letty Crashers. Yeah, exactly. Just embarrassing audition stories could be alone. We could go on for hours on just that. Yeah, it's humiliated.

All right, Kat, well, thank you for joining on this one. Thank you, Catherine. You're the best. It's Joanna from Canada. I'd like to nominate an episode of We're Here to Help. This is all the way back from season one. It was the episode with the baby dolls in the wall where Angelica's dad found these dolls in an abandoned house.

And when Jake and Gareth looked at a picture of the creepy baby dolls zippedide around their necks, they saw themselves in the dolls and they embodied Ginger Picnic. and Big Fat Baby and the commentary they had as the dolls was the funniest thing I've ever heard. So thanks. Love the Pod. Okay. I don't know why we're even debating this because, you know, we all know the best episode. Booboops are the sauce, man. It's got to be that one. It was too funny. It was too good.

Boobobs are the sauce. Hi, my name is Brennan. My nominee for Best episode, Best Cause. episode 11 less finger foods of the orgy i mean come i mean the title great title the layers of the episode the ridiculousness of the situation in the way that jake and gareth pulled the layers back i mean i've listened to this episode multiple times alone i've shown it to people when i'm introducing to them the show shout out me and it the quote in the delivery of jake saying I just ate too much chili. Does anyone want to fuck me?

It... My friends and I still love it. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod. At gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod

to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com.

Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.