We're Here to Help - 22: Advantage Jackie with Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Bert Kreischer talk to a caller about a pickleball game getting out of hand. Later, Jake and Gareth chat with someone who’s lying to a co-worker about their past.  Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We got a great show today. We've got a very special guest that we are thrilled about. He brought us together for his show. Something's burning. Mr. Bert Kreischer, America's best friend, the machine himself. He's got multiple specials on Netflix, Razzle Dazzle. He's got Secret Time. I mean, truly one of the more prolific standups and podcasters.

And everyone who meets Bert loves Bert. So we were lucky to land him for this episode. And, and he helps us. He's so funny on it. Yeah, he is. You see how his brain works in this so well.

That's what's kind of interesting about this show is you see people's problem solving ability. And Bert, he's a pitcher. Kevin, Kevin pointed it out where, what were you saying that you liked so much about this one, Kevin? He laughs when the caller says hello.

It just gets started. So yeah, he fit in fantastically and we're very lucky to have him. Thank you guys so much for listening and telling your friends. We appreciate it and enjoy the show. Hi. Hi there uh thank you for calling the show uh we're here to help instant chuckles from yeah you're uh i'm not gonna lie you're not only getting

the expertise of jake johnson and gareth reynolds but on this call we we have the I mean, truly a man who needs no introduction, but I'll give it anyway. One of the greatest comedians working today, podcast guru and advice giver for right now. Bert Kreischer is also joining. So you're getting three all star experts. But before we get into that, can we get your name, real or fake, age, and where you're calling from? My name is Jackie, and I'm 38 and from Houston, Texas. What can we do for you, Jackie? What's the problem? Okay, so I live behind a relatively new church, and they have some really nice facilities. And within the last year and a half or so,

they put in like a pickleball court. Are you familiar with pickleball? Oh, yes. Yeah, we're older white guys. We know pickleball. Okay, so like normally... Wait, pickleball's not for younger black guys? No, no.

Oh, they're marketing this game all wrong. They're going after young black guys for sure. Cool 15 to like 21 yeah yeah yeah cool hip people all right uh okay jackie so there's a pickle their pickleball has opened at the church behind you right and it's during the day it's fine like people are there um playing pickleball and it's normal noise but the problem is at night, usually they shut down the pickleball court. But there are people who come who are not affiliated with the church, like guerrilla pickleball players. And they will play late into the night.

And it is like we've emailed the church and they're like, oh, yeah, nobody's there. And we're like, oh, there are definitely people there playing pickleball very, very loudly. Oh, I already know that this is a huge problem this is the biggest problem with pickleball just the same way that introducing water to americans in the 1800s in florida created even more mosquitoes this is the biggest problem in america right now and what you need to do is you need to become an american guerrilla warfare artist you need to find some way to sabotage this pickleball court so they used to have the same problem with basketball courts back in the 80s and then they just put the bar you remember the thing that you yeah right hearing wheel yeah they put that over the thing the guy

would get up in his out in his thing and just put it over the hoop so you couldn't play basketball and it did make it harder to play but you're also talking you're also talking about the original karen yeah because yes bert you're right but what we're telling jackie to be is to just karen pickleball and find a way to sabotage but we're on her team i'm on her team i'm on oh yes we're with you jackie the the level of which you sunk your teeth into this one immediately so so basically what we're going to pitch on i guess is ways for you to fight the guerrilla warfare on your home yes right uh how do you become the person who one day said hey just put a big plank of wood over the hoop and people will not enjoy the game of basketball so much. How do we neuter pickleball at night? Which is a tough one because I actually

don't have a ton of familiarity with the sport. Jake, you got something? It's like, just so you can see it, it's like tennis meets ping pong. Right. So it's on a tennis court, but it's smaller. There's more of a ping. It's like a plastic ball, but that's the game. It's a net. It's a smaller thing. And they're playing in that space. I got a question for you, Jackie, just because I'm trying to think of how to ruin it. Right. And one way to ruin something, if you're if a bunch of friends and I said, hey, let's go play pickleball. Let's do it after the kids go to bed. Let's go 10 to midnight. said, hey, let's go play pickleball. Let's do it after the kids go to bed. Let's go 10 to midnight. You know, really fun. We're excited to do it. Well, the wrong music would kill the vibe.

Is there a world where you can talk to other neighbors and you guys blast something without disrupting other people's lives so that there's music at a certain volume playing and it's a certain type of music that ruins the vibe of pickleball absolutely we have speakers in the back of our house and like we can we've thought about like you can we can actually like tell theory to say things to them so we could say things to them or we could play music if you've got some suggestions though no no no i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna jump right in and say music is not you You can't fight fire with fire. You're trying to combat noise with more noise. It's tough.

And you just got... Keep going, Gareth. I got some ideas. Okay, I'll throw one out there, and Bert, give you a second, even though I could tell you are... You're like an idea geyser. By the way, this is my...

I love this. This is the thing that will keep me up at night. If I was going to solve mysteries, it would be mysteries to guerrilla warfare in your neighborhood. Okay, this is great. I'll throw out one and then Bert, blow me out of the water. Speaking of water, that's my pitch. You go out there and at 9 p.m. you soak the court.

It's not going to happen. There's no long-term damage. I think it would dissuade people from playing on a wet court just because you are that i remember when i used to play basketball if it was raining i would really second guess whether or not i wanted to have a game so i'm gonna say water no long-lasting damage in the eyes of the lord i think you're still okay he created the element for the love of pete um but bert what do you got talk to us i would hear as a person who used to play pickleball at night so when we were on tour in uh during the pandemic

every night we would set up a court at like two in the morning and we would play until like six in the morning the number i know so like i am the enemy. I am the enemy. You are, but that's good. We have insight into the mind of the enemy. The number one thing you need to do is blind one of the opponents so they can't see the ball. That's great. That's great. You need high energy lights.

Great. And you need them angled at a level where one person can't play a fair game. That's great. I gotta say, what we do great on this show is give options, and every now and then you just go, well, we have it. I mean, I really... But Garf, I think you're right too, man,

because here's what I will say. You think a couple elements? Well, when you say pickleball and you say earlier it's for older guys, well, one of the big fears as you get older is injury. So what people want to do here is they're looking to play because they want to get a little less fat and they want to keep their muscles moving. If I go to a basketball court to play and the ground is slick, I'm not risking tearing my ACL to play a game in the middle of the night with a bunch of older guys. Pass. So if you take a hose and you spray it down right before you put your kids to bed and

then out your window, you have a bright spotlight. The light is great. It's a security light. Yes. And that thing goes right on a court. You just can't play on that side. You find another court. I think that's great.

Hey, Jackie, is that a reality in terms of the geography of your place? Is that something you could do out your window? Because if you just put a light out, I'll tell you the kind of asshole I've been in my life. If I can physically move a light, I will. It's not, but I could try to figure something out. Well, you could even talk to the church about getting something right there. Like you're just talking about... The church has left her on an island.

Don't you ever say that about the church has left her on an island don't you ever say that about the church jake we got soak we got a light what's other ways she can sabotage smell i will say something for me is smells pretty good uh you're a genius you're a genius i'm sensitive i got a big nose if something smells like shit and a bunch of people are hanging out i'm out is there a way to incorporate the smell of. Is there a way to time your shits so that you can take a shit at around 10 o'clock every night on that? Just so when they get to the court,

if I'm ready to play and there's a wet pile of shit, first of all, I'm not cleaning it. I'm going, I'm not on that side. It's really good. It just changes i was thinking you could rub shit and this we're really we're really attacking this for you jackie

i was thinking you could rub some shit on the fence but i'm thinking if i show up to a court and in the middle of a place where i'm going to be running and trying to be aware of my space there's like a smushed pile of shit i'd be like hey there's got to be another one closer that in combination with a wet court and light i'm gonna look whoever this is i got another pitch i got another baby keep going you're hot creepy old homeless e guy that you hire to hang out at the court in a weird jacket and i'll tell you what that will do you get to a court it's nine at night you're like hey let's all take a little bit of a one hitter in the car and play pickleball right fun you're grooving out to the eagles you're feeling good you just want to sweat a little bit

you see like two guys who look like they might be smoking crystal meth and one of them has like a weird pipe near them you just go i don't know this place feels shady pass it smells like dog shit there is because there's dog shit in the middle of the court jake there's but like you know if you go to a grocery store la we got a lot of homeless people you go to a grocery store and all of a sudden there's like a weird older lady playing with like a mouse out front i'm going to a different grocery store yeah i'm not afraid she's gonna murder me but i but I go like, I'm going to get my like $30 worth of quick bites at the one three blocks away. Pickleball's exploding, Jackie.

There's other courts. There's a world where you could either do it yourself. Your husband can do it, but be those weird people on the court that makes it less fun and a little bit shady to play on and just give him an alternative to go pass i think that's their shit yeah we we've thrown a lot of elements burt any other pitches i pepper spray pepper spray cover oh jesus christ wait he's not wrong no that's i'm not jesus christing in a bad way i like that soak the net and pepper spray right before you go to bed. That is really good. Spray the net.

Get bear spray. Yeah, that is really good. Or also, what is any kind of that spray that smell like you can actually get hunting deer piss or deer skunk spray? Yes. You know, they do things where you can get like a different kind of animal piss to keep coyotes away. This court is going to be closed down within a week of you pulling.

You're not even going to have to worry about daytime pickleball. But what's going to happen then is the church is going to go in the morning. It fucking smells like deer piss. And they're going to then say, we need to fix this problem. And the way they're going to fix the problem is putting a big gate around it and locking it. So you need to make it a problem for the church. I mean, Jake is really, this feels like 1400 stuff now. Jake is nailing his letter to the door of the church. But I mean, Jackie, we have thrown a lot at you. How do you feel about this litany of options?

And are you going to take all? Are you going to kitchen sink it? Are you going to pick and choose a couple? What are you going to take all? Are you going to kitchen sink it? Are you going to pick and choose a couple? What are you thinking? I mean, I've never been more inspired and supported in my life. So thank you very much. That's what it's about. That's why we do this.

That's why we do it. You have dogs. Great. Dogs make shit. Great. I feel like walking them to the pickleball court at night before bed is very easy. Yes. Gather that poop.

Have the, you know, you don't need to be like, you know, kind of pushing their bellies at the court. Have it ready to go. This is gross, but it's not gross for the sake of gross. It's actually true. There's a really big difference between solid dog shit and diarrhea dog shit. Thank you for saying what we're all thinking. But it's a very easy fix to a dog.

If you give that dog a piece of ham and it's not used to okay all right now we're poisoning dogs i swear to god i swear to god i would have given a thousand dollars i think i thought you're gonna say there's a difference between solid dog shit and solid human shit because there is you're not wrong either burt it's just it's a big commitment to ask jack Jackie to squat on a pickleball court. Jackie, just once. Just pretend you're camping. I'm very shy. Well, not anymore. Jackie, let your dog take a shit and then take a picture of you above that shit like it's you.

And then just leave that picture at the court on the net and say, advantage Jackie. Gabe set match. Okay, so Jackie, you got two two dogs so that's an easy solution i would i would recommend trying to get it wet what else you got yeah i mean i'm i i think that it's my calling to sit out there and pretend to have uh severe mental illness as well okay great so you feel comfortable doing that too okay so you're thinking about the dog shit on the court you're thinking to go out there yourself and what about other smells that we had brought up? What about the light? Is the light possible?

I think I'm going to work on the light situation. I think the other smells are possible. I'll have to look into my options. The pepper spray or the bear spray? I mean, seriously, that's shit. Nobody's going to want to go play pickleball when it feels like they got tear gassed. And you just got to put it on the latch to get in. And all someone needs is a little pepper spray on their finger one time to not trust anything.

Oh, and Jackie. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry, Garf. How old are your kids, Jackie? They're six and nine years old. Damn, I was going to say nothing grosser than a dirty diaper. I swear to God, if I take a rocket, but if I take a hike and I see a dirty diaper, I'm going on a different trail.

Might be time to ask the hubby to step up a little bit. You know what I mean? An adult diaper, even if it doesn't have shit in it, Jackie, if you just get an adult diaper that looks dirty. In February, I'll wear the diaper and crap in it for you. If your husband won't step up to the plate, if you can wait a few months, I'll give you a human crap-filled diaper, no problem. Jackie, are you there?

I heard a long pause after I said I'd crap in a diaper for you. Okay, great. I definitely think spray. I really do think a little pepper spray around the area. I mean, we are kitchen sinking it. Do you feel like this is going to solve your problem? Oh, yes. The multi-pronged attack is exactly what I needed.

Thank you so much. That is what we're here for. And, Jackie, are you going to do it? I mean, some of this for sure. Whether or not the other stuff logistically will work out, we shall see. Can you make note, film some of what you're doing and send it to Kevin because this is something

that I think we should do an update on I would love to see I would love to see an update I want to follow you on Instagram I want to see where this we want to see what's happening take us with you

take us with you and remember when you're spraying wear something over your eyes because you could pepper spray yourself and then fall in the shit you put on the court

if you're not careful that's an ending that would that's an ending if one of us because you could pepper spray yourself and then fall in the shit you put on the court if you're not careful. That's an ending if one of us was doing this. That's my ending. That's my ending for sure. The police show up. Sir, what are you doing? It's dog shit. Oh, I have a dirty diaper.

I have a light in my eye. I pepper sprayed my face. It's dog. I'm wearing a diaper. It wouldn't be mine. Sir. Jackie, thank you for the call. Bert, thanks for coming on million i love you guys i love you i'll talk to you later thanks today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake.

Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're, like, asking for snacks. They're being annoying.

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is if you sound like you're from another country if it can actually help with the accent that's a big ass turn. And applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in. When I think back to taking French it was just like so much it was like i'm never going to do that like how do you order

food how do you get a drink how do you ask for directions but so babble's great now listen listen everybody should we bring him in right one quick pause should we bring in the clothes studies from yale this is interesting michigan state university and others prove that babble is better so one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to go to college 15 hours you just did a semester yeah that's wild yes yes that's a wild study so speaking of language should we bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold on let's get him kevin doors open

oh you meant gill yeah i meant kevin what kevin was gonna do it no i thought we were talking about the closer they we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's?

Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious XM. Now, listen. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel

subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone. At Babbel.com slash HTH. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off Babbel.com slash HTH. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L

dot com slash H-T-H. we're gonna watch you to babble we want you to babble i'll tell you what i don't want to babble your ear off i gotta go back to the jalopy rules and restrictions this episode is brought to you by zocdoc zDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement, and it was crazy.

It was a crazy situation, and there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up, and there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use ZocDoc. Because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone, and then you call, do they take your insurance? Yeah, but the problem also is it's just so much harder if you're just using search engines to try to find someone,

and then you call, do they take your insurance? Yeah, but the problem also- ZocDoc has filters for all that. The problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up. Yes. And what I like, I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it. I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Yeah.

Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did you use zocdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on uh but we don't think it's a tear that's the good news but i am going to get an mri oh the doctor report back it's just an old man's knee it's actually pretty much what it sounded like doctor said to me about my hips i'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah you're just uh he goes i've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? What a jerk. Well, that guy's

hopefully not on ZocDoc, but again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance, locate it near you, treat basically, and again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right, Gil Buchanan 1s and 2s, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right., Jake, if you're lucky. That's right. Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy.

Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You never, literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear? How much does that cost you?

Free. Free. That's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Hello. Hello there. Welcome to the podcast. We're here to help. Hello there. Welcome to the podcast. We're here to help. You're on with Jake and Gareth. Before we start, can we get your name, where you're calling from, and how old you are?

Morning, Jake and Gareth. My name is Alex. I'm 35 years old, and I'm calling from Seattle. We want to help you. We're on your team, so what's going on? What can we help you with? All right, guys. Thanks for having me. All right, so to have my issue make sense, I need to give just a little info and backstory. Sure. First thing is that I'm a pretty big guy. I'm 6'5", 280 pounds. And so the backstory is that I was a bartender

for a long time in a small resort town. Kind of during the busy season, I got asked quite a bit, like once or twice a week, if I played college football. And I would always say no. But then my buddy, who I bartended with, said that we should turn into a game to kind of pass the time. So he suggested that every time someone asked if I played, I should just make up a college that doesn't exist or wouldn't make any sense and just kind of commit 100% to it. So I'd say, yeah, I was a defensive lineman at Rhode Island A&M Tech,

or I played offensive line at the Oregon School of Cosmetics. Usually people would just kind of laugh and get the joke. Other times they think I was serious, but, you know, it's kind of like, who cares? It was a resort town, and they'd be gone in a couple of days. So it wasn't a huge deal. So fast forward, I got out of the service industry. Fast forward to my new job. I started about a year ago. About three months in, I noticed a male co-worker I hadn't really seen before. I work in a big office. Give me the once over, which at my size, I'm fairly used to. But then he, I'm going to call him Bob for

the sake of the story. Um, Bob kind of followed me into the kitchen and he stood there and he said, uh, where'd you play ball at? And I said, uh, basketball. And he said, nah, man, you're a football player. So I instinctively tried to give him a fake name to be funny, but I I'm a little rusty. I haven't, I haven't done this in a while so instead I just blurted out University of Texas I still kind of thought he thought I was saying it jokingly but he definitely did not take it as a joke got all excited started telling me about his nephew who plays high school and I just didn't correct him it was honestly a pretty quick initial interaction so I just laughed it off and we kind of went our separate ways but since then every time i run into him he excitedly brings it up

with other people around him and i know i should have told him earlier but now it's kind of weird because it seems like i lied on purpose and that was you know nine months ago yeah this big nine months this is a pregnancy it is it is you know, it is a big office. You know, there's about 300 people in my office building. And I don't see them tons. But I'm a little worried that it's going to kind of spread. You're afraid you're going to get caught and it's going to be humiliation at some point. Yes.

Yes. Yeah, so I get it, Alex. You used to do a bit about being a big football player and it happened at work and now you're afraid it's going to come back and get you. So what do you do now? Yeah. I mean, before when I was bartending, I'd never give, I just wouldn't give a real schools or if they were real schools, they were just ones that didn't make sense. Like a cosmetology school or something like that. But University of Texas is a real lie. And the problem is if somebody could Google you and you could eventually get somebody who's there. Here's what would do uh i'm gonna lead out on this one

garth i don't know if this one we need more backstory i think it's pretty clean i would go to the guy one day next time he talks in front of others and i would put on your bouncer voice a little bit and i would go hey man i'd appreciate it if you don't tell people about my past a little bit i've moved down from that. I'm not into it. And just put a little bit of fear in God and mystery, and he goes like, no, man, it was all meant to be cool. And you go, I appreciate it, man, but if I'm not leading out about my details,

I'd appreciate it if you didn't spill them. And let him go, not only do I not like Alex, but I'm afraid of him. Lean in more and say, you know, I had a really horrific injury injury and I tore my ACL. That's what I was going to say. Or don't give the details. I would just, you know, there's parts about you that he's bringing up and you're just letting him know, I ain't into it. I was kind of going somewhere similar. I was going to suggest you tell him that you had an injury

and it was a little traumatic. You can kind of do some welling up um i have uh i have a bad pitch let's hear it i'm all about it you lose 100 pounds that's honestly it's probably not a bad pitch for my health mustache lose 100 pounds yeah but what is that i mean yes but what does that help oh you change your look and your identity. You change. The look has changed. You've gone incognito.

So you're basically suggesting he goes into witness protection but doesn't leave. Wear a Hawaiian shirt, wear sunglasses. I want some blonde hair, glasses, handlebar mustache, 100 pounds lighter, or dare I even say, I don't know if you probably don't love this one, pack on 100. Let's just go in some direction here where you are, you're no longer going to be recognized. He might see you when he comes up to you and goes, so when you were playing the offensive line and just go,

offensive line, the fuck are you talking about, dude? I run a boat down in Key West, my king. Yeah. My wife loves both of you guys guys but i think if i came home 100 pounds heavier with a handlebar mustache and blonde hair she wouldn't she wouldn't forgive you well how about this here's some more good news this guy isn't married so the wife is out of the picture anyway okay we're talking listen how bad do you want this guy to fuck off so a divorce divorce. A divorce as well. Here's another move you could do. Here's another move you could do is when he brings it up next,

you could go, dude, I was joking. I feel like it might be people talking about that. He's been telling other people, and it's not like people come up and ask me, like, specific details about it, but there's, like, those, like, there's jokes, like, oh, hey, let's have Alex move that table because he used to play college football sort of thing. And so, like, and I haven't corrected, I haven't, like,

told anybody and, like, been, like, committed to that to them, but I also haven't really corrected them. Okay. I think, I kind of think here's where we're at. I think you got to either take Bob to the side a little bit, put a little fear of God into him. I think you, you all, you either do that. I think you, the other thing you could do is you could tell him like, Hey man, you had

a really bad injury and you don't like bringing it up. The other move you could do is uh change your identity lose about 100 pounds or gain 100 pounds and go incognito at work uh but with this in mind what do you think you're gonna try to do probably of those options i think probably pulling them aside and trying to put the fear of god into them a little bit you like that more than the injury saying like hey man stop fucking putting my information on the streets, man. Yeah, I guess I could kind of go either way. It just would be it. It's a weird move. It feel it feels a little bit, Alex, like maybe you're like looking for the silver bullet with nine months removed. It is a tough one.

But with nine months removed, it is a tough one. It's hard. I mean, like, the best one is the one that Jake pitched where you say, bro, it was a joke. Get over it. But I think if you're not comfortable with that, you're kind of just like, you know, you're kind of just going to have to make some concessions. It's a difficult position. Yeah, that's fair. So do you, Alex, can you, you've already played a character of a fake football player.

You were a bouncer. Can you step back into the bouncer role and just in as vague as terms and as mysterious as possible, let him know, stop telling people about my past? Yeah, I think I can do that. And could you give us a run through? Yeah. I'll jump in.

I'll be him. Okay. Okay. And you just shoot us a run through? I'll jump in. I'll be him, okay? Okay. And you just shoot me down, okay? All right. How come you don't ever wear any of that University of Texas gear? Is it because it doesn't fit you anymore since you were like such an in-shape lineman back in the day? What was your number again?

Yeah, Bob, you know, I really appreciate you, how big of a fan you are. But I got to be me with you. I, um, really not comfortable talking about my time when I was at the university of Texas. It just, uh, brings back some tough memories and I'd appreciate it if we don't talk about it anymore. Ooh, I think that's good. And by the way, what you just hit on bring back some tough memories, comma, I had a pretty gnarly injury and I ain't getting into it. And then he's going to go, all right, there's a whole part of this guy's life I don't know about and much respect. You went way sweeter than I expected, but I think that's going to work. Garf? And I think eye contact throughout that'll be good. Don't break the eye contact.

Yeah. Maybe push my chair out and stand up. Yes. Yes. Full side. All right. And then go, there's parts of my time there that you know were really negative for me and i've moved on i like it plus you'll be 100 pounds heavier potentially so he's going to be super intimidated with with blonde hair and a mustache and a handlebar mustache right hey we appreciate the call i think we're going to help you get out of this one buddy all. All right. Thank you, guys. I appreciate your time. Good luck, Alex. I'm the best man.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh. And you can check out all of his work at OliverRaleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to

garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on our show, please email us at helpfulpod at gmail.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.