We're Here to Help - 234: Merlin & Captain Ron (with Rory Scovel)

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

Gareth and guest helper Rory Scovel help a caller accept a large gift from an eccentric relative. Then, they brainstorm how to remove a neighbor's tasteless art installation.See images from the episode here: http://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-234 Check out Rory Scovel's new comedy true-crime podcast series, “CrimeLess,” launching December 3rd. Each week, Rory and his co-host, the veteran journalist and true crime podcaster Josh Dean, break down a brazen heist, outlandish scam, crypto caper, monkey gang war, and outrageous crimes. Go to roryscovel.com for Rory's Know Your Enemy tour dates.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. We've never been back together, Rory. We haven't. We've never been back together. Rory is our guest helper, Rory Scoville, fantastic comedian, actor, producer. Thank you. What else are you doing? Just all of it.

I paint. I'm a big painter now. I paint. I sell paintings. Good for you. Like gift paintings. Do you know what story I was telling someone the other day was when we made Good life we were in a pilot together and well first of all i honestly i love bits and i've always been

like the bit man like even yesterday i shot something for a friend of mine in chicata i'm bitten it you know what i mean i'm i'm pretending video village is its own village but then and you and i met each other really starting to shoot this thing and i was watching you in wardrobe and i was like i think i've met my bit match i was like this guy maybe likes bits you were doing so many bits good bits i was like this this guy might do more bits than me it's the best doing the bits um but when we had to snort coke fake coke in a scene and they'd set up everything and you and i and steve berg friend of show and the three of us were they were going to like we were all going to

snort these fake lines none of us asked any questions and when we snorted them it burned so horribly. Yeah. Because, and we were like, what? And they were like, it's baby aspirin. And we were like, it really burns. Yeah, it hurts. And then they, and then we had to do it a couple more times.

And then other people I've talked to are like, baby ass, that's not what you do. People are like, you do like vitamin B or something like that. Right. And we just. Something that actually is healthy, no matter how you ingest it. Well, it's the only way I actually take vitamin B now. You know what I tell people about doing bits on? that taping of that pilot is what you and I kept bragging about being there for room tone

on certain productions and I and here's what's so funny is that that is such a specific funny moment to honestly I think only you and I on set I don't think anyone else you would thought it was funny but to retell it people are like what the fuck are you talking it is that is a great bit too that's a great that is true Well, that's what ended up happening because it's like, I mean, I really, we just had so much fun. That was really like one of those things where I was like, man, this guy, I just adore this man. Oh, immediately. There's been, when you get into like bits and comics, you can immediately tell where you're like, oh, I'll know this person my whole life.

Well, you also, you do such a good job of like, I don't think, a lot of times of my stand up, I'm like, oh, it's like a different gear. you are very good at transferring your sense of humor to the way like there I remember there was a time I was in australia and this comic was telling me about how you did a show and I don't even know if you did this as a bit regularly or a couple times but he said you did the whole show holding the wire of the mic as the mic dangled and you just were yelling the whole show and I was like what like he's like the whole show yeah I've done that I did that a few times because you can You can only do it so many times because you're just yelling. But it was so fun to just act like you don't know how you're supposed to hold the mic group. Well, that is what, that's actually what I thought. The whole, I was like, I was like, how did he yell that? I just am always jealous of the ability to yell on that level. But I also topped into my hand.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Like you're holding, yes. Like you think you're holding the mic as you're talking to the wire. And I think at one point I tapped it, I was like, is this thing on? Is this thing actually on? That is so. just not getting any reverb or anything.

That is so goddamn funny. That's so stupid. But then, so now you're on, you're about to start your tour. Where can people go get tickets to your tour, stuff like that? Go to Rory Scoval.com. All the dates are there, and we're getting all over the place across the country. And are you recording a special at the end of all of this? At the end of it, we're going to shoot a, we're going to tape a special.

Who's we? Are you now that big thing? The team. You get the team. Right, okay. I don't, actually, I guess we will be the crew and the director and the, yeah. I guess that's what I mean. Yeah.

And we'll do it at the end of this tour. Some, we'll announce a big taping and all that. Okay, because I'd really like to be involved in the team on that. You're in it. You're on the team. Is that true? Okay. Because I'm not, I don't know if there's emails going around or whatnot, but I really.

I don't put you on them. I don't bother you with stuff like that. That's awesome of you. I don't bother you with commissions. You know what I mean? And then that, wait. What? And then we just did our calls. I think we had two home runs. Oh, easily.

Easily. We saved two lives. But you also did a podcast with Daniel Van Kirk. That was a little advice he called pen pals. People would actually write in letters and you guys would give advice. Do you think that's why this is an easy gear for you? I love it. I've always loved it. I've always loved the gear of like, you know, I mean, obviously sometimes we get a letter, and I'm sure you get a call that's a little more rough in tone. Yes. It's a little more serious.

We think we have our producers who try to keep, but when we, when Jake and I first started this, there were some where we were like, I mean, look, divorce is hard, but it sometimes it is the nuclear way, you know, and we were like, that's not the show. It's what you got to do. I was like, that's not funny at all. Yeah. I think it's great when you can mix in humor with some of these more serious things. But yeah, I love it.

I love the tone of it. Uh, we, uh, I mean, we always say that we're like, we're uncles. We're drunk uncles and it just has to be a big problem, um, to the person, drunkles. Um, well, I think it's, uh, it's good. I think this show is probably going to do a lot for you. Oh, yeah. Um, everything I've ever done has moved the needle massively. Do you talk about where you live now? Do you talk about that? Yeah, I live in Denver. Okay. And are you loving that change of scene? Is that better for you? I love it. Denver is a fantastic. City, for me, so far, I'm into it. Been over a year.

Love the state of Colorado. Family loves it. Just a nice vibe. Easy to pop back to LA. You have a game room? You got a game room over there? We have a game room. We're renting this house.

We've got to buy, but we're renting this house. This house is too big for us. Got a game room? What does it got? Got that? Games. I mean, what else do you put it in there? Well, Rory, listen, we got two beefy, beautiful calls for people today.

Beefy calls. Yeah, we get some beefy calls. So Rory Scoval.com for the tour. He'll probably be holding the microphone. My dear friend Rory, there's no one else I'd rather do baby aspirin with. Oh, man. The best. And to the show, without further.

Sweet Jesse here. Before we get to calls with Rory, we have a little bit of Jake and Gareth for you, featuring the delightful Pam Reynolds. Hey, Pam. Hello, Jake. How are you enjoying California? It's lovely. I love it.

Are you enjoying it? I love it. He lives here. I know. Is Gareth being a good host or is he being a little teenager? He's been very good, yes. I've had to get him in order every once in a while. We cleaned the garage and it was a fucking, it was nuts.

You made your sweet mother clean the garage with you during her visit? I cleaned it. She's nuts. She loves to clean. tell him. I do. I like to clean. Yes, I have a special skill, Jake, and it's rather pathetic. Well, I'll tell you this, Pam, I'm a very dirty guy. All right. Why don't you just open the fucking gift? Gareth, she said she likes to clean. I was saying I'm a dirty guy.

Just open it. I'm a dirty boy, Gareth. Open it. She likes to clean. Open it. This came from my little tiny village in England. Oh, my God. I'd love to go and score that little village. No, you won't go there. And it's called Old Swinford. That's not my village, but it came from Old Swinford. Okay, I can't wait.

I wrapped that drunk, by the way. Yes, and I bought some nice paper, and he... Oh, my God. This is incredible. I don't like it, Pam. I love it. You have to say it in English. You're a cheeky monkey. You're a cheeky monkey.

This is incredible. Incredible. Thank you. And the woman went upstairs. She didn't have anything. I said, do you have anything with monkeys on? And she didn't have anything. And then she said, oh, she said, just a minute. And she went upstairs and she came down and she said, look, I found this.

Is this any good? And I said, that's absolutely perfect. It is absolutely perfect. Yes, yeah. So anyway, I know you like monkeys. So I thought you'd like to have a cheeky monkey one, lad. So good. Pam, I love it. All right. Okay. Okay.

Bye to Jay. Bye, Pam. Thank you so much. It's so good to hear you again. This episode of the podcast, we're here to help, is brought to you by the great quince. Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's quince. And the bonus, Quince pieces make great gifts, too. For this holiday season, you want to give something away, you want to give a gift, you want to put some things under the tree, and you don't know what, go to quince.com.

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Because yo, tell me, a little rat. Time to send me the money you owe me. My brother, the great Danny J. And I do something for each other that, to us, it's sincere and it's sweet. We always send each other money as gifts, and we do it randomly, and we use Zell. We'll just, every once in a while, he'll get $7.50 from me with a big subject that says, you deserve it. And even though he sends me money back, I know in his heart of hearts for a moment when he saw that $7.50 on a Tuesday morning, it's seven before work, he thought, my brother loves me.

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Revenge and Shop the Collab merch. Hello. Hello. Hi there. How are you? Great. How are you? Good. Welcome to we're here to help. I'm not going to lie, we have a special one. We've replaced Jake this episode with a great, not only a great advice giver, but a great looking guy. You have Rory Scoville is joining us. So you've got me, Gareth and Rory Scovels, but can we get your name? Hi, yes.

My name is Tyler. Tyler. Where are you calling from, Tyler? I'm calling from Michigan today. Great. All right. How old are you, Ty guy? 35.

35. Rory, any questions, any thoughts before we get into what the hell's happening with Tyler? No, I think you're prying beautifully into... You like the Thai guy nickname? Tai Tai Tai Tai, yeah, actually. Tai Tai, you like it too, Ty Guy? Yeah, yeah, I like it. Rory might go with Tai Tai Tai.

What a great reveal for Tyler to realize you were asking me if I approved of his team. Ty Guy, we're not talking to you on this one. That's already established. Ty guy, we're actually, we're trying to sort out your nickname, right now. Tagai, you said a little Tai Tai Tai Tai. All right, Tyler, what's, what's going on, buddy? Yeah, so I was hoping you guys could help my,

me convince my wife to accept $10,000 from her uncle. Whoa, what this is, I've, she, so, yes, thank you for a little context. So I, uh, we got married a couple of years ago. Well, Tyler, just so you know, before context, I say, tell her she should take it. Now with context, we'll see if my answer changes. Yeah, it's going to be tough for any of us to get into her head space. They're marked bills. That kind of stuff is going to switch.

Not me. Take it still. Yeah, I know it sounds weird. She basically has a lot of anxiety around money stuff. And when we got married a couple years ago, we invited her uncle who she had not really had a lot of contact with before we invited him. And I think he was really touched because after the wedding, we got a letter in the mail from him that said, like, I'm so glad. to be invited your wedding. I was so happy to be there and meet all your loved ones

and here's a check for $10,000 and I would love to be more involved in your life and start a nest egg and like do all that stuff for you. And then my wife was really... Yeah. Yeah, I know.

She just never really responded to it. It just like freaked out a lot and she also has... She was a teacher too and it was the beginning of the school year and so she was teaching a new grade and that was She's under the gun all the time. And I'd never met this guy, really, before. It's been, like, 10 seconds saying hi to him at our wedding.

So I didn't feel like I could reach out to him. And I got to tell you, this is my first time hearing of an American teacher going, I'm so busy. I don't have time to take this to pass it to haulers. It's just, it's. Doesn't she need it to buy school supplies that the government should give her? She's too pure. Yeah, actually.

So pure. Too pure. I mean, to be like, fortunately, I have to work with the children of America's future. I don't have time to take $10,000 at unmarked bills and think about a nest egg. I'm sorry, I have to educate these kids on how

to work for their money. I'm indoctrinating. That is... Well, okay. Is there something shady about the uncle that she is, do you think that she hasn't revealed or she has revealed and you're not revealing to us?

Rory? I mean, it's not like, I don't know that he's super shady. So she described him to me the word issues were a scary wizard that lives in the woods of Virginia. What? That's because all sounds still great to me. I will, listen, if this goes

south, I will live with this man. And I just want you to know that right off the bat. That's good. Okay, keep going. So she described him, scary wizard. Scary wizard. Yeah. I guess he, this uncle and her father,

uh did not get along when they were young and so they like weren't very close um and the one time that she did seem like she he was really grumpy when she was like nine or something and he has a really long beard and glasses and walks with a cane and like wears a where's a like a cool like leather hat um so i i don't know that whatever it was when she was like a lot of A child really made an impression. Yeah. What? It might be Gandalf.

He might be the wizard. Maybe. I, uh, okay. Well, uh, well, let's, let's name the uncle. Should we just call him Gandalf? Let's just call him Uncle Gandalf. I would love that. Yeah.

Yeah. And let's just give your wife a name. You can call it. What are you, anything? Uh, Veronica. Frodo. Okay. Yep.

No, Veronica makes more stuff. Yeah, I think, right. We don't need to stand the theme. Yeah, we'll probably start to lose ourselves in a little, a step. going to thread away from the theme. Totally got it. Totally valid. You could go Arwin if you want.

No, no, no. Ty guy. Don't go, Veronica. Ty guy, we're sticking with Veronica. Okay, buddy. Okay, anything else we should know before we start to pitch here? I mean, this is quite a set.

Yeah. No, I don't. So this is your wife's father's brother. Yes. Yeah, essentially. And if you need help, like, putting a point on it, like, how, how can. Can I convince her to ask him for another check without offending both of them?

You didn't take the original 10K, though, correct? No, no. And now time has passed. I tore my house apart. I was looking for that check in the note today in prep for this call, and I could not find it. And I think that it might have, she just threw it away, I think. It's lapsed anyways, probably, right? Yeah, it's way expired.

And this guy just, Gandalf just has, do we know how we, made his money? I have no idea. No. I just, well, I just think there's, I, again, I don't believe him to be a wizard. I support your right to.

He's a wizard. Okay, all right. Well, what do you think, Rory? I mean, he wears a leather hat. Yeah. Look, here's, I have a question about that, does your wife, is there any chance your wife feels apprehensive because she's worried that

this will somehow affect her relationship with her dad? uh i don't i don't think it's that i think that her dad also would like to be closer to him too it's just that it's like awkward because of years of of not talking yeah okay well i that would that truly was kind of my only hurdle left too i was gonna because and and does she seem unbothered by it or does she seem very against it At the time, she, like, I would catch her, like, staring at the check and just sort of, like, like, afraid of it. Honey, come to bed. Honey, put the check back in the safe.

Let's just cash it, hon. How do I thought that? No, it would be fun. Let's just cash it and see what it would. That way, you stop worrying about it. Let's just cast the thing. Let's just cash it and just see. Let's sign it over to me and let's just cast the goddamn thing.

I wish. I wish I had done. I mean, in the days of Kevin Smith, I think Clerks was made for $10,000. And now I'm not saying that pitch is going to push her over the edge, but it's not a bad first pitch. Do you want to pitch on making a third clerks? I think I kind of want to get another clerks out there.

I think it's very, look, it's a great setup. I mean, how much have you brought this up to her? Do you feel like you've kind of exhausted her? No, never. No, okay. Oh, okay. My first pitch is maybe the way in, because this was at your wedding, how long ago? Three years ago.

Three years ago. I mean, this is wild. Look, first of all, the fact that this guy could be a nest dagger for you is huge. That's really, there could be a huge upside here. So I think I have two routes. my first is maybe you go the emotional route and you just sort of suggest that you know this guy seemed very the gandolph seemed very uh nice very open at the wedding you know that her father uh mrs gandolph that she doesn't feel right about taking the money because there's no real relationship maybe it's

time we start opening the door into gandolph's world a little bit more and just start to stoke a relationship that way you know maybe as she starts to get to know him a little bit more um she'll feel more comfortable with it which i think you should probably do anyway my pitch as far as what you should do would be come up with some stuff that could be paid for with 10,000 dollars and either one of two ways either start to kind of bring it up like be like we need a new car or we need a water heater or we need three hot times we need three hot times we literally we want to be lord the times we literally had to we bought a new car last month for nine thousand five hundred dollars i mean what the fuck is happening right now yeah a deer a deer totaled the old one

did at any point in that did you mention the gandolph money uh no no i didn't i'm realizing now that maybe it was a mistake well it's not a mistake here's what i think you have two hurdles in front of you and I'm not trying to make it you know any worse but it's only going to get worse before it gets better I mean I think we all know we all know that okay but you have two hurdles one you've got to convince your wife this is worth us taking this money because we really could use it everybody could use it and also people don't offer a an amount like ten thousand dollars if they can't afford it yeah so you can go ahead and eliminate any sort of grief or guilt

overtaking the money. However, I think if your wife agrees and it's like, you're right, we could totally use this $10,000. Is that going to be bizarre to then go to the uncle and go, can we have the money you originally gave us?

I'm curious what that moment will be like if you are able to convince her. Yeah, I could, I would be so I mean like I've done a lot of of therapy in the last couple of years. And so I think I could

verbalize like this was the anxiety and I've worked past it and now I would like to have more of a relationship. But I just don't think I can do that on her behalf. I know the idea that you're trying to side relationship with her uncle.

Yeah. So I'm going to go hang out with your uncle for a couple weeks. Yeah, we're going to a bowling tournament and well, I'll call I'll text every day. There's the movie. Yeah, that's the movie.

Yeah, I definitely, look, I think what I would, I think what you should probably start with is maybe mentioned to her that, do you have any kids, Ty Guy? No, we're trying to start a family. Okay, all right, look, you're trying to start. There you go. There it is right there. I got nap.

You lean on that for the pitch to the uncle. And you actually use that for both of them. I think you really, I think the starting, the starting the family is a very expensive, real conversation you can probably have. And what you should maybe do is just say to her, look, I, I'm very excited to start a family with you. My anxiety kind of, you know, has made me bury some stuff down that I don't want to talk about some issues that I've sort of left alone.

One that I can't shake is that your uncle, offered us 10 grand and said he wants to help us. You're a teacher. I'm a simple mechanic. I don't know what you do. We didn't ask. I'm a simple mechanic or whatever. I actually think you're wildly complex.

Don't be insulted by Garrett's description. I'm just a simple man. I have tools and I know very little else. I eat pies and I eat Oprah and that's all I'll ever eat. I'm a simple pie ochra eating mechanic. Sprite. I only. And all you know, we've had this argument about me in Sprite, but I'm not going to drop Sprite.

It's not paying for itself. I'm not dropping Sprite, babe. We need the money. So, and I think you could just say, I think one of these things, it's a very helpful, lucky thing that so many people would love to be in this position where he offered us that. Now, I'll admit that I feel like our time with that, that check is over as far as the post date on it. But why don't we just start to see if your dad, who also has some regrets about maybe not having a relationship with this guy, if we can maybe reach out to him and just start to talk to him a little bit, if he wants to help us out great. But if this ends up just being an emotional connection, that's also great. But I do think that it would be a very helpful line for us to have in the world that we all are currently facing and living in.

Also, you've got to consider vicinity. You could let this guy in. He still lives so far away. It's not like, all right, we start a relationship, but he's over every day. Yeah. This guy, it'll be from a day. Like, if he's awful, it's not. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Even, he might not even be real. There's a lot, there's a lot of details here that make me think this was maybe a shared apparition. But if he is real, I thought that too. I think bring him over. I do think you could. also say, I mean, the fact that your car just got fucked up and it was $10,000 basically and

it never came up, you know, I mean, that's not a bad one either, you know? I mean, I think there are ways to have a financial, like, the weird part of me wants to just call her and pitcher, but I do think that would probably not behoove your cause the best. It'd be great for the show. So good for the show. That would actually gain us money through ad buys and such what. Just give me his email. but if you want something like that we can go crazy but i think you might need to do this sort of thing you're talking about which is just kind of say you know like have this conversation with her where you just kind of say look i can't stop thinking about this this could be a very helpful

situation for people who just got a cardiered are about to have a family and you know we could use it it would help us yeah it would help us and then if she goes yeah i think you then both full core press. You're like, look, we, we, our car got fucked up. We realized we're trying to have a family. We had a lot of anxiety about cashing that check. And then it just kind of got away from us. You want to not make it sound like you're asking for money. You ought to also lean into going, hey, and also without re-upping that 10K, even if you didn't do it, we, we actually feel weird that we don't have a relationship with you. We're so grateful that you were grateful to get to come to the wedding.

You know, Ty, you know what the words got to be. Or when it comes to it, you good, you good, Ty, bad Veronica, you know, you could be the guy who's like,

hey, we just wanted to have a relationship and she's like, give us the money. Yeah, good cop, bad cop. Good cop, bad cop it. But I do think either way,

there's a way where you could maybe do this in a little bit more of a goofy fashion, if that would help you, where you could kind of lay out you know you could put out there some um you know pamphlets to fiji or some screenshots or something like that you could Photoshop yourself on the beach you could also Photoshop you two in a Ferrari

with a family you with a Bjorn you could do something like that use the caption this could be us but you play in yeah I mean again I don't know it's worth it's worth seeing I mean we don't know it's definitely not it's not a bad idea to put a slogan we don't know her vibe we don't know we actually she's not on the call so rory's totally right um but you could do something like that if you think that'd be a little more of a funny way to show your sincerity but at the end of the day i mean you are teeing yourself up for that conversation what do you think of this so far tyler okay uh i really like the angle of uh like the starting of family angle and and uh you know Remember when we had that $10,000 last month, and now we don't, that would be nice again.

And, yeah, I like those angles, and I don't know, that gives me a good place to start from. I don't want to push too hard is the only thing, right, because he's really just afraid of anyone being mad at her. any time ever I don't know if anyone would be mad I think you got to lean in and no one's going to be mad I do think did the uncle ever ask like hey you guys got that check right because he would have noticed it never

cleared he has shit loads maybe he didn't I mean maybe he's just like which we never know even more confidence to go hey we didn't want to take the money from you then something the car got fucked up and we actually could use it yeah that's I I guess her so her anxiety would be kind

of like how do you re-approach him after all this time too probably right i think i think yeah i think and how do we how do we how do we how do we do we do that without like yeah offending him a lot you know well here's what you i have i got okay i'll add a couple a little more specificity of this one what you could do is if you wanted to start the conversation in a sweet way you could show her a christmas card from the year 2031 of your family and it can be you her and then you could add a kid or two in the picture i mean you're just going to photoshop these in a dog, a nice tree, and some school supplies behind her that she's going to be giving and gifting to these children around the holidays because things might be tough. When she maybe is lightly charmed by that, you can say, I have no problem reaching out to him and just asking him if, as the holiday season's approaching, if he has any interest in coming to a dinner, or if he wants to maybe spend a little time in between Christmas and New Year's in the area, see, does her dad live where you live?

uh yeah her dad lives a little wild but his this this uncle lives in virginia yeah but but you still extend the olive brain even if he's like i can't i don't want to whatever the conversation is going it's the holidays it might just be a nice thing to do in general then maybe your intentions don't feel nefarious which i don't really think they are but but it might that might be the way to just be like i'll i'll manage it all i'll manage it all call him he was very sweet i'll email him whatever the fuck you want to do but um some version of that okay i also think it's worth it's worth on the the the photoshopped card to make the children a different race than you just to see if that gets a laugh i i love that rory i but you know here's

what i'm going to do let's do what i'm picturing it's going to crush yeah and again i don't know her about so why don't you do two one where they're yours and one where you've adopted One where you've adopted. Feel it out day of. You'll have the two options and then day of you can kind of open an envelope and make that decision. You also, if you wanted to, you could say, I'll talk to your dad about it. I'll talk to your dad about it. But why don't we invite Uncle Gandalf over for some holiday spirit this holiday season? Right, right. Because a lot of those teachers, they go home from Hogwarts at the holidays. So he could be around. Yeah, very much. If time even is a thing that he pays attention. to or participates in? Probably not. Honestly, he probably, you know, can somehow, you know, alter it. He might be a shapeshifter, but I think if we're just getting, look, all worry and I can do is

pitch by Earth law, and I think by Earth law, something like this might get you there. What do you think you're going to do, Tyler? I like the, I like the idea of me talking to him because, honestly, I think it's going to be a really tough pitch to get her

to talk to him at all. You just need her. I think. sign that's the way do you want to do right you know i need to like get her to say yes before that i can do that but but i i think i could handle it do you want to make anything like a christmas card or anything like that or you feel like you're just going to kind of go oh yeah yeah i do like that a christmas card like for gandall you mean yeah well no like a fake christmas card that you show to her to be like this is us in the future with a happy family uh we're going to be supportive by our sugar uncle a little bit yeah not in those words no i think that's a great idea

yeah and i think also the idea that i just had that is uh dependent on your ideas so thank you very much but the sending a card to him too as well as maybe a phone call you know just like a handmade thing i would reach out like you said not nefarious and i just to be very clear you you did come up with that idea off of our stuff so we do have full ownership over that idea still that's not kind of yeah we still feel nicely involved in this don't be afraid to use the phrase king arthur wouldn't have become king arthur without merlin don't be afraid to use that in the heat of conversation if you're feeling like you're losing water a little bit i would definitely throw something out there like that yeah and you can have that i'm not yeah i'm not going to take ownership

no all this stuff is yours yeah we don't none of this is copywritten as a matter of fact roy i don't even know if you are allowed to, you know, I don't think that's your IP to, yeah, I don't even know how IP were, I don't know what stands for, to be honest. But, um, but, but you guys don't want any of the 10,000 if I do end up with it, you guys are finally, get us on the email with the uncle, get us on, let, C, C, C, C, us. Yeah. Um, again, I don't know what that stands for, but BCCS. Um, no, but seriously, I mean, do you feel, what are you going to do? What are you going to have this conversation with her? Um, depending on her mood, maybe, maybe this week.

I'll try to do it sooner rather than later. Do you want to start by having like some, do you want to pick up some takeout, bring it over, be extra sweet? Is that going to help or do you just want to just, is that feel a little, then are you feeling a little nefarious and sneakiegy? Well, hold on.

Takeout might not work in favor of we could use the money. Just be like, that was $900 worth of steak. Where did you get these lobsters? I don't, I don't know. borrowed the money from Alan and we don't I we're screwed we actually needed to recover the debt from this takeout to pitch you that we need the money look at this we're in too deep for us we're in a web now we're in a web I already reached out um what uh all right well

honestly man I'll go ahead what are you going to say no I think yeah I think maybe just like making her a nice dinner at our house. Why didn't you make a nice dinner? Yeah. And then just, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put on some music and say, say, you're right, sing it, sing it. Make a little song to someone else's.

Well, how would that go with the uncle? Yeah. I love you much better. But just like, what does this have to do? She's like, just sexy. Let's reach out to your uncle together. Something like that. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. feels like I lost Rory but um no all right so Tyler why don't you do that and I mean I'm very curious how this goes

um I would I would say since you have some anxiety level do you want to practice with us real quick do you want to kind of give us a practice in pitch of this sure

yeah let's give it a try okay so just let no pressure but just start and then we can correct it from there so why don't you play Veronica now remember remember, she's a teacher. She's serious. She has some anxiety of her own. Okay.

Okay. Should I start? No. Nope. Okay. Just sit there. Okay. I feel if you started not going to be... I had some... I had some choices that I was going to wait. I think, again, you're kind of the... You're kind of just there, okay? Got it. Got it. Got it. Fair enough. Fair enough. All right, Ty Guy. Go for it. Okay. Hey, Veronica. Welcome. Welcome home from work. Great to see you. I was thinking today a lot about, you know, I was looking through our old photo album with our wedding pictures and how, what a beautiful day that was and how much money. Okay. And I saw this, I saw this picture of you and your uncle Gandalf.

And it reminded me of the, you know, he wanted to be a little bit more involved in our life. And I was just wondering if, you know, you wanted to start, like, how? Have you heard from him or have, do you think maybe we should reach out to him or something? Tie tight, quick time out. What scale of 1 to 10, what kind of hard press you think she's going to put up here? Just so I know as an actor, what I should be throwing at you. You mean like resistance to this?

Oh, I would say maybe like a six or seven out of ten. You got it. I'm going to go seven just to give it a little flare. All right. And then I'm going to jump in. If you want to give me an extra workout, maybe go eight or nine, and then maybe it'll be easier in real life, you know? Okay.

All right. All right. Time in. Okay. Tyler, I told you to stay out of our scrapbook. Okay. I'm going to jump in. Rory, yeah, I think eight is.

Eight's too much. I don't think that's going to be a workout. Tyler, here's my worry. Here's my worry. I knew I was going to get pulled. I knew it was going to get pulled right out of the gate. No, you're going to stay in your, I'm going to actually take over Tyler here

in a second. I think that it feels kind of random if you do it that way. And here's what I would do, okay? So she's come home from work. We've established all this stuff, okay? All right, so I've just walked in. No, you've been

home for an hour and dinner's getting, dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. So we're just sitting there, we're having a little red wine, okay? Oh, these fucking kids. Honey, honey, honey, honey. You do it, you do it for other reasons than just, you're so giving. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, you're right, you're right.

You really give. Hey, there's something that I wanted to mention. And I really, you know, I've been working with Dr. Clark a lot on anxiety and stuff like that. So the last thing I want this to do is feel like it's coming out of nowhere. Because it is something I thought about for a while, but it's nothing bad. But, you know, I just. What is it? what is it there she is um you know i just keep i one thing that i've always thought about

is when at our wedding when uncle gandolph was there and he offered us that check for 10 grand oh god here we go no no no but i just you didn't i i respected the decision to not cash it and all that um the only thing is i there's two things one I think about the fact that your dad seemed to want to kind of have him back in his life a little bit, and that maybe we didn't do that for some reason, I don't know, or anything like that. But the other thing is, as we're talking about, you know, extending our family and even after the car thing with the deer, I just keep thinking.

I told you, I only had a couple drinks. I didn't mean that. I wasn't trying to hit the deer. You didn't even say that before. So that's new. I'm kidding. Are you? Go on.

Go on. Okay. Sorry I interrupted. No, it's okay. We should probably, that's actually enormous conversation that we'll put a pin in. Later. Later, yeah, absolutely. Don't fill the glass right now.

Let me finish this. But I do think, is there a world in which we do kind of reach out to him and try to reconnect with him a little bit? Not only because I think that we should be as big of a family as we want to be. your dad seemed to want to get to know him more. I mean, he lives on his own in like a wizard shack in the middle of Virginia. Yeah, it scares me.

Yeah, it's weird. It scares me that he's like that. Should we invite him over for maybe dinner this holiday season? I'm sure he could fly himself out. But then on top of that, isn't that a really good lifeline to have where we kind of, if let's say, we do need $10,000 or we need $1,000, like to have that emergency valve to me feels pretty lucky. and I just think you could use it to give your kids more supplies

because of the failure of us to take care of teachers as a society. Like, do you know what I'm saying? What do you think of something like that? I cashed the check. What? That's why you can't find it. Veronica and seen. I got into crypto.

What, Veronica? Which one? Have we made money on it? I don't even remember. Do you have the code? I can't find the email. I can't find the code. What the fuck?

Can't find the code or the email. God damn it. All right, Tyler. What do you think of that? That was pretty good, Garrett. That, honestly, you just swayed me to get involved. Well, I want to talk to you after this about some interesting stuff, actually, Rory. What do you think of that, Tyler?

Yeah, I really like the approach that you took. And I love the idea of a lifeline, too, in addition to all the other things as well, because that is a really, really good point as well. it would be great to have someone who could just their 10K be awesome there's a good reason to want to do this as well as a financially

beneficial one yeah it just seemed like the right call in general it does it really does so so what do you think Tyler feel all right I feel great okay yeah I think this was really good advice okay all right well there you go

and again put me on any email with the uncle I really want to get to know this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just want money, Gareth. I'm insane. You sound crazy. All right, Tyler. Thank you, buddy.

Good luck. Let us know. Keep us posted. Thank you, guys. Bye-bye. All right, buddy. Hello. Hello?

Hi there. How are you? Doing well. How are you? Good. Can we get your name, Age, where you call him from, please? Yeah, this is Peter 37.

I'm calling from Glencoe, Illinois. All right. I'm in Illinois right now, Peter. Oh, fantastic. Never mind. So we've got... I love that. We've got...

You've got myself and the great Rory Scoville helping you today. Well, I will say, We just solve a banger of a problem. We're hot. We're hot right now, Peter. We're hot. Yeah, we're coming off a win. Yeah.

So even if we don't help you, we are going to feel real good about the day. Yeah. But Peter, what can we do for you? What's the problem today? Yeah. I mean, I think this is pretty straightforward. But, and I sent in a picture of this. So somewhat recently we moved into our first, I guess, you know, called Suburbs House.

We're north of Chicago. You and you are? And pretty white and now one year old. So, yeah, you know, we've got the yard for the first time, real house. We got a neighbor and awesome dude. Just like your older, you know, ponytail hippie but drives Harley's like this nicest guy in the world. He's your standard ponytail old guy. driving hard. He's a regular number. Votes blue.

You wouldn't have thought, but it does. Definitely does some hard drugs. A lot of needles on the property. You know, the easy classic neighbor. Easy chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll bake a cake on your birthday, kind of guy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, first, first time I tour of the backyard, I look over and he's he's sunbathing in a loincloth. Yeah. Captain Ron. You got yourself a Captain Ron. You got yourself. All right, yes.

You got yourself a Captain Ron. Okay, so keep going. Yeah. So he's got this beautiful giant tree in his front yard. About a year ago, huge storms come through, knocked down the tree. And he's just devastated. It's like, this is the reason I bought the house.

Just can't believe it. The tree was the reason he bought the house. You do have yourself a Captain Ron every step of the way, by the way. Yeah. But, yeah, so he's like, well, okay, I'll do something cool with it, like, you know, carving or something. I'm like, all right, you know, that sounds pretty cool. And then about, I don't know, two weeks later, and this is like fall, so we're not too far off from like Halloween. But all of a sudden this like half a person just comes out of nowhere sticking out top of the tree.

like a like if you imagine like the bottom half i have a look at the picture oh yeah oh okay okay yeah yeah yeah uh here i'll just good laugh yeah yeah so just for people who are listening um okay i guess i would describe it as you know sometimes when you see a car driving and they are a funny quirky person and they have like an arm coming out of the trunk in a way that It's sort of like, I bear, I'm a criminal or something like that for a lot. You have crushed this example. God, good for you. We're looking at the half, and this tree was big.

We're looking at the half tree version, still using a trunk for appendages, but. And we should describe it, the tree trunk is still about 15 feet or more high. Yes, yes, yes, it is. It could be 20, that might be 20 feet. 20, 30 feet up there. and just awkwardly put a top of it where it's been clean sawed is the lower half of a body. But like if, imagine if someone was doing a handstand and you cut them off at the pubis and then you just place the legs upside down on the trunk.

So it's half of the body, just the legs, but they have pants on, they have sneakers on. And what's most alarming to me, Rory, is it looks like it's still part of the shirt. So it is like this person was sawed in half fully. It does. It is such a choice. It's a choice. It's a huge. It's a real choice.

It's a Captain Ron. It's such a Captain Ron would easily do this. It's, I love how much he loved this tree and thought this is what. Yeah. And you're like, what did he love about the tree? That's how he honors it.

You're pitching kind of sentimental things. Like, why don't you honor it by making some. tables out of it or we could do a, you know, maybe a plaque. And he's like kind of taking those all the heart, like, that's good. That's good, yeah. Because I was picturing an upside down person who looks like they dove right into the top of the tree and they

got stuck. Well, oh, you mean, are they proportionately the size of the tree? So the legs are kind of the same size as the trunk. No, no, no, no. The legs are kind of sticking up. It's someone who's probably about five, nine, five, five, ten. So just regular guy legs. It looks

like a murder happened at the top of a tree and it's somewhat torturous. Okay, sure. I got to tell you, the only way you could, if you wanted to up the ante, he would have bent those knees

so that the knees were bent. Yeah, that's good. So that your brain couldn't even fathom what you were looking at. I'm already there, but you're right, it did, could have the, like, like he fell into it more.

It's very strange, Peter. Okay, obviously, this is a great, great picture. so keep going. Yeah, so had a good laugh for about a week. Sure. You know, then the season's changed and legs still up there.

Yeah, hasn't gone anywhere. We're still there. He's sticking with it. And he's sticking with it. Yeah, it seems to be a permanent installation here. And so it's, and, you know, if people come by, you're like, oh, like if we meet somebody, They were like, yeah, we're the house next to the leg sticking out of the tree. Oh, it's a landmark now.

Absolutely. Yeah, a little bit of a landmark, yeah. And, you know, it's like, I like a good, I don't know. I mean, I hate to, like, say I hate something that's kind of funny, but kind of the point, it's like, this is what we're going to have next to our house moving forward. So the question is, what do I do about this? I currently have a good relationship with them, so I don't want to, like, rock the boat here, but I kind of want those to come down.

I don't think you could talk to him about it. I mean, I don't know how you feel, Rory. I feel like, I mean, what is it about it that bothers you? It's just that it's kind of just, I mean, it's very stupid. Yeah, it's kind of, it's kind of jokey, obviously. And like you're saying, were you going to say hacky? Yeah, it's a hecky. It's a little hacky.

Yeah, I think that's where it's gotten. There's a little hokeyness, too, where you're like, yeah, we've got kind of a nice neighborhood. The trees look good. Then there's that hokey thing right there. You definitely can't pitch, hey, will you take it down? It bothers us. Because I think that's the sort of thing where he's going to be like, no, it's my property. I can do whatever I want.

Well, here's the thing. And this is why I think you're probably apprehensive about your, I think it's why you're reaching out in general. because it's like, how do you do it? And like the best case there is, he goes, oh yeah, no problem, who cares? And then you go, great. But if he says, no, he likes it, even if you're like, all right, well, we can live with it.

It will have slightly adjusted the relationship. Yeah. It will become contentious to a certain degree. It's just, does he live alone? So we're going to add to the, of Captain Ron he does not he has a couple

of roommates and he's he's in his 60s how old are these roommates and I've only seen one another ponytail guy same age

you know mid 60s it's an interesting dynamic over there you ever hang out you ever hang out with these these fellas no i have not although um i did briefly there's uh something called the winneka music festival over here which is pretty cool event but also just to give some background on cats and ron

um we're we're watching a show and he pops out out of nowhere and i'm like oh hey you know what's going on he's like uh let me tell you uh just not selling tickets at the door i can't believe it so walked around the side and uh hopped a fence and went through the woods and uh to go into the festival yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's uh yeah so yeah hung out with them for a little bit there but uh other than that it's one of those things that's great about getting older is the the kind of it's like you can do like stuff that's and and blimp be like i'm 60 you think i'm sneaking into through a fence? Yeah.

Like, you're getting that, like, it's, he's really in a great spot where his body's still functioning, but he's still a little Bart Simpsony. And he's got the confidence of, you know, the world is a suggestion, really. Completely. That sums that up. Completely. The world is a suggestion. Well, boy, it's a tough one.

It's tough because I think the stakes are high because he's a neighbor and you don't. don't want to. And you do like him. You do. I'm going to pitch. My first pitch to you is, and this is, I'm going to, I'm going to say you Donnie Brascoe it. I think you're going to need to become a little bit tighter with Ron and the Ronmates. And I think what you're going to need to do is go over there and have a hang. See if they want to have a couple IPAs. I know they will. See if they want to have a hang. Get to talk to them and maybe get, into the part in the pun root of this a little bit more find out why it's that what it means the thing i will say is my guess is that ron is probably not super attached to it he's probably just like did it

thinks it's funny and maybe now he's a little into it my pitch eventually to you would be that you should if you could pitch other things that he can put up there almost seasonally, that might be the move. Like right now, we would be doing some Halloween stuff around the holidays. Christmas, make it Santa. It could be Santa legs. Yeah. You know, but maybe the way in to just start is something a little bit like that.

Because I don't think what you're going to be able to do is have nothing up there again. I don't know what you think, Rory. Well, it's a tough conversation to have. But we've all had it with our Captain Ron's. There's a world where you go, hey, you just, you know, it's so funny. It's weird just wondering, is it always going to be up there? It freaks us out a little bit. However, we love you.

Don't be afraid to say these things. We love you. And we don't want to like, we don't want to be like the neighbor that's, you know, telling you we can't handle it. We can handle it. But if there's a world where you wouldn't mind changing it, or taking it down. We would love it, but again, we like hanging out with you.

We don't want to ruin this relationship. I think sometimes you've got to be that sort of open about it. You might even make the relationship better by saying stuff like that. But there is a world where he goes, oh, I'm just too lazy to do it. If you can get up there, go for it. I think it might, I think it kind of might be that. It's hard to fully know, but that's why I'm pitching a little Donnie Brasco. Now, there's a couple other angles.

I don't love this one because, I don't know if it'll work, but you could do an anonymous letter. We've done that on the show before. It's not from you. It's from someone else who says, hey, a bunch of us neighbors are sick of these fucking legs. Will you take them out of there? Please, it's really weird. We don't like it. But I just feel like Captain Ron's probably not going to care. If you're looking for a lie to maybe start the conversation with I you could say we've been talking about selling the house uh we're not sure we're going to do it but we did have a realtor come over and the realtor did say something like that sometimes is not something that prospective buyers love you know i like something

like that um yeah he might read through that though he might and he also might not give a shit What if you wanted the legs for yourself? Like, what if you had something that you wanted to do with that? I'm a murderer. You could also say I had a friend who died that way. And it reminds me every time I see it. Wow. How's he ever going to know that?

That's skydiving accident. Peter, that's not a terrible. pitch. Jesse, I was not trying to discount what you were saying, Jesse. I like that as well. No, I like Jesse's pinch. It's also, it's just, it's just kind of, it's just like, I want to take those legs home and bang them.

What Rory's saying, well, Rory's saying is pretty good. What do you? I think you should adjust Rory's pitch just slightly and say it's, it's my wife who had a friend and she's really sensitive about it. Right. And she won't come up. over anymore. I really, yeah, get it, yeah, that's, that's the right move is to move it a few degrees away from you. I still think what you should do is do a little bit of a hang, but I mean,

there's, I don't, honestly, if you're over there and you sort of, after a couple of pops, say, hey, what is with those legs? And he tells, yeah, it's just a stupid thing. And you could say, I just have to tell you my wife had a friend who died skydiving her cousin died skydiving it's just tough for her I know it's funny I think it's funny

is there any way we can replace it with some because I think if you get him down they're probably just going to leave it at this point do you let me ask you do you think he he's the kind of guy that's is willing to is he a hard ass or he's the kind of guy

that he's like oh man I'm sorry I had no idea. No, he's definitely the latter. I mean, okay. Yeah, yeah. Like, he's the kind of guy that just like, so this would be perfect example.

Like, I was, we needed some extra storage. So I built like a little shed on the side of our house. He comes over, he's like, put some legs on the top of that thing. Mind if I throw some legs on it?

Hey, I got this extra half of a mannequin. Can we do shoulders up? Make it look like he went through a wormhole, kind of, trapped eternally I mean that would have really added to it

I know you're about telling a story about the shit I just got to enter up real quick because I think what you should do is cover the tree to make it look like a green pipe

from Mario and have that be Mario's legs go pipe I'm going to love that might be the best idea I've ever had my entire

life And put some like Cooper Troopers, like walking around. So, okay. That's Halloween right there. I want to say Rory was getting us right there, but now he's pitching, just turn the lawn into Mario land.

So. Like Mario Land. Which one? That bugs him. Just you go crazy with trying to punch up his yard as Mario Land. I got some stars. You built the, You built the shed.

Yeah, yeah. Well, just like a small exhibit. Like, he popped over and he literally, he made me a smoothie. Okay. And he's like, hey, I just, you know, had some extra. I've made this for you. You know, also, it's probably coming into, like, my property line. I don't care.

I'll let it go. You know, like, yeah, just. Oh, he's an ad guy. He wanted to, like, kind of. Just so you know. Oh, look at that. He was smart to bring the smoothie. he like because he could have just straight up confronted you but he's like I'm trying to do this other thing

do we want to convey peace do we want me also he owns he owns a roofing company like he sent over guys to clean our gutters like he's a good guy he's a solid guy okay okay here's what I'm going to say I'm going to give you a couple options on how I I'm I still think scapegoating your wife's trauma is the way to go going to love that. Now, I will say, and honestly, that means use that for everything. Yeah. Use your wife's trauma with every, not just this Captain Ron guy. Literally the rest of your marriage. Any issues. Whatever it is. You want to return a lawnmower? My wife was killed by a lawnmower. My wife's, my wife's cousin got run over by a lawnmower.

My wife's favorite movie is the lawnmower man. And we just watched it. And it's guydiving accident right into a lawnmower. It's crazy. I would say one of two things, or maybe a couple. One, you could call back by bringing him over a smoothie to have a tough conversation with him. You could get him something nice from a shop, bring it over, say, hey, I just wanted to ask you something, something like that. The other thing you could do is you could go to the, you could go to like a nursery or something like that for trees, not kids, and get him, get him a tree, get him a replacement tree. Get him something and say, hey, I really, you know, I always think about that tree, how much it meant to you. You know, trees are kind of our legacy. Why don't you plant something

like this near it and then you'll have a new tree sprouting there by the way while we're talking about trees which i think you brought up cap and run i can't remember at this point but um the legs are there forever because the only reason i ask is my wife's cousin just died in a in a closed pool dive and um uh so uh they were all having fun but it was a hot tub he didn't realize it was a it wasn't an olympic sizer and um yeah passed away common mistake yeah he had he had a There was a freshly laid, concreted pool, and my wife's cousin jumped into it thinking it was full, and he only went halfway through the concrete, and it just kind of reminds her of that bad time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, Peter, I don't know. What are you thinking? How do you feel about some of this, even though it's nonsense, but some of it's real? Yeah, yeah, I think, obviously, the pulling on the heartstrings with the death is, I mean, it just seems like a win. The nuclear move, I think. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to have to get the wife's buying.

I mean, even if I say it, just because we've got to be on the same page, because he does, like, pop over. Look, if you feel like it's better for you to do it, then you do it. Do you think you could do that? I think I could pull it off. You know what else you could do.

You could say your parents are coming to town or something, you know. Hold on. Hold on, hold on. Go ahead. Is Ron the kind of guy to go, oh, my God, what was their name? Would he, like, look into it? No.

I don't know. Honestly, it's a little bit of a fear. It just occurred to me now. But you don't even have to say who is. She went to high school. I went to high school with a guy who this happened to. And it reminds me of it. It reminds my best friend in high school did this.

What was his name? Captain Ron. And you just say you're new. He just run. He just runs. Gareth Reynolds. Yeah, just say it's me. I haven't followed me.

Well, do you really feel like he's going to be able to micro-fiche his way all the way back to like your college days when you're a guy at your frat house jumped off the roof and passed away? I mean, yeah, I doubt it. I doubt it. Are you worried that you partially might not be able to? to, uh, do you want to practice? Do you feel like you're going to do this? I think, I mean, I think I could. I would try. I mean, I think it's, all right. Yeah. This to me is better than you in the dark of night, like a thief, getting up there and just ripping the legs off, you know, which is always a possibility. I think something like this, I think you can pull it off.

You've got that vibe. Do you want to practice? Do you want to say it's you or your wife? let's go with me okay I'm yeah I think I'm better off doing that so Rory I don't know if you know this about Rory but he's a he's a hot actor so Rory is going to play the part of

Captain Ron and you're going to play the part of Peter and you're going to come over there I say bring a smoothie nice little call back to hey we're pals we're going to smoothie this out but whatever you want but Peter why don't you walk over there

and talk to Captain Ron, who's got a loincloth around his package and his sunbathing. Yeah. All right. Jump right into it. I think so. Okay. Hey, hey, Captain Ron.

Good to see you, man. Hey, Pete, Pete, Pete. I was just thinking about you and your beautiful family and how I love that nothing's ever come between us. He's your life. That's interesting. Yeah, cool. Well, yeah, I mean, hey, I heard the Harleys yesterday. Those babies are purring.

Oh, yeah, that's that time of year. I like to juice them up real good. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Well, so I just was coming by. This is a bit of a tough topic. Do I look like I have an erection? I was just sitting here. And I know that I don't, but the way the lights kind of hit in my crotch there.

Hey, Ron, it's your roommate, the other 60-year-old. Don't worry about that stuff. I think Peter's got some stuff to talk about. I'm going to go inside. Sorry, he got that job narrating. podcast last week, and he can't turn it. Rod, lock it in. All right.

Yeah, well, you know, I mean, hey, hey, the package is looking good, buddy. Yeah, all right. Yeah, no problem. And you know, hey, I believe you, Pete. I have no reason to never believe you. Yeah, I wouldn't mind you. Yeah, good.

Yeah. So, you know, just moving towards that, that weird topic. Yeah, the legs, the legs on the tree. I was just got to tell you as much as I love him, Brian. Oh, Brian, okay. Yeah.

Well, so Brian, it's hard to say. Yeah, it's even hard to bring up. But it just kind of reminds me of one of my really good high school buddies. He went out skydiving. What? He didn't come out. And unfortunately, he just went straight into the ground. And every time I see those legs, it just, it kind of brings me back there.

Oh, it's Brian. God. Pete, look. What was his name? Oh, yeah, I was my buddy, John. John. What high school did you go to? Hey, Ron, it's your other 60-year-old from inside.

Don't take it places where it maybe wouldn't go. You know what I mean? I'm going to go. I'm going to make some sandwiches if you're hungry for lunch. I'll definitely take one. All right, buddy boy. Watching Peter drink these two smoothies without offering me one, just really kind of making me hungry, honestly.

Yeah, sorry about that. I just, you know, I needed the extra protein. I couldn't give one up. Yeah. Yeah, you know, just, yeah. I mean, you know, I grew up in Northern Michigan. It's just a little high school up there. All right, right.

Yeah, but trying to move on from it. So, yeah. Well, look, here's the deal. I had a, I actually had a friend in high school who was born while skydiving. And so that's where the entire thing even came from, the idea to do it. Hey, Ron. Run. Kind of even get out in there. Hey, it's the other 60-year-old roommate from inside. I never heard of that before. Is that true? Yes. Yeah. Never came up. You think I'm going to lie to Peter? We just said our word is our bond. We would Never lie to each other. All right, just making sure. Just, I never heard it before.

So I thought if he was being sincere, maybe you want to, all right. Sandwiches are almost ready. Pete, I love those legs. I miss that tree. Every goddamn day, I look and I see those legs. And it just makes me laugh. Because if they weren't there, I'd probably start crying missing that tree. Maybe there's some kind of, uh, there's some kind of, uh, middle ground we can find here.

I want to pitch to you me cutting off one of the legs so that one legs stays up there. Now I'm obviously willing to meet you halfway. Hey, Ron, I hate to keep doing this. What are you?

I'm not even in the kitchen. No, I'm locked out. There's no sandwiches. Yeah. My buddy John actually was missing a leg, So I think that would just really hit all even more. Oh, God. He was a one-legged skydiver who shoot it in over.

So that, I'm sorry. It still told me at that. That sounds like what we have is the compromise. It does. Pretty far away from reality. Peter. So you want me to take the legs down. Is that right?

Yeah. I mean, that would be just so helpful if you could. Can I put anything up there? I mean, I think, you know, something nice and decorative. You're a creative guy. I'm sure you can clip something. I know. Where do you think the leg idea came from?

I was an art major. Ron, it's me again. I'm going to end this. This is over now. Oh, you're anseeing me in real life? Yeah, it's Ant Seed. Come inside. All right.

It's Sandsene. Peter, I don't know. that's pretty good. I, uh, you seem to be able to handle the moment. You got to practice this. You got to practice this on quite a few friends. I think you got to. In fact, you've got to practice it on some people who don't know you're practicing. Oh, that's a fucking great call. Just to feel out their genuine questions. That's, okay, that's the homework. That's great. Yeah. I think, you know, go out with someone the next time you're out, either as a couple or just one-on-one, with someone. You explain the legs

and just tell them why it bothers you. And tell them it's because of the skydiving accident, play it off with sincerity. That's a great way to rehearse this. Yeah. Are you going to do it, Peter? Yeah, I'll do it. Can I ask you a favor?

Sure. Can you, when you go around and do it, just do it on a stream yard. We'll send you a link. No. Can you honestly, have your phone in your pocket. have the have the mic end out and just record this interaction for the show is that possible yeah yeah i can do that i just i really want to hear how this goes i look and again i think the out on this is just say if he's like no be like okay it's cool it's fine i just i don't want

anything to be weird i appreciate you know but i also think by the same token to what rory's saying you know the more that you feel this a serious thing to you, the more likely he is to take him down, I just think. He seems like a good guy. I agree. And I think he would go, ah, I had him. Why'd you take the legs down? Ah, neighbor has a hard time with it, you know.

His buddy John, he went into Earth, legs last, and died from a skydiving accident in high school. Oh, that's crazy. Let's look that up. What's his name? Text him. Text him his last name, his high school. I never even asked. I guess. Time to text.

Let's go over there. What I would say is maybe you want to say like freshman year of college just so you're of skydiving age for sure. Oh, yeah. Knitpick, nitpick the whole story. Where he was, he was on vacation. Who was he? You don't remember. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of trauma. Anything he asked specifically just be like, there's some trauma around me. You feel all right with this, Peter? I think this is pretty good. I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah, I mean, it's really good. Also, practice a lot of responses.

If he even says, you're sure you don't just want me to take the legs down and you came up with a bullshit story? Be ready for even that. Yeah. Yep. Rory is exactly right. This is, I think, practicing on someone in the real world is the best way to go, too. That's going to be great. Yeah.

Trial by actual fire. all right peter record it when you do it but keep us posted and good love my friend good luck thank you thank you both thank you bye we're here to help is hosted by jay johnson and gareth reynolds if you'd like to be on the show please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail dot com and if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to help you can go to our patreon at patreon dot com slash here to Help Pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive

producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, do stand up on the road, go to

Garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. What's going on? It's Lamarne Morris.

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