We're Here to Help - 237: Toilet Paper Usage & Dolla Dolla Coins

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Gareth and Jake help solve a case of disappearing toilet paper. Then, they discover a cool new way to pay for your morning coffee.Cast your vote in The Helpies: https://weneedtopick.com/helpiesWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, we're heredos. The Steve Berg-2020 calendar is here. Well, almost. It will be available for order on December 3rd at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We are doing a limited run of 500 calendars, so get yours while you can. All orders will ship December 9th, just in time for the holidays. Visit www.com.com to order. And we're here, we're here, we are back. Oh, Jake. I mean, well, let's just get the business out of the way. It's time to vote for the helpies. We need to pick.com slash helpies. Yep. Make all your selections.

It's going to go fast. Yep. And yeah. And we don't, and if whoever wins, wins. So that's what we did with the calendar too. Who whatever photo got the most votes, that's what's in. There's no discussion after that. So if you want to be part of the show, we need to pick.com slash helpies.

There's going to be a bunch of categories. Natalie's going to figure it all out. Do your voting. But speaking of the calendar, we may as well just get into it. I was in Omaha. just now doing stand-up, Steve Berg's Neck of the Woods. I already talked about how during the show, a woman was crestfallen

to find out that Steve wasn't at the show. So there's like a green room waitress who comes in. She said the first night she was a big fan of the show. Well, let me just say this really fast. For anybody new to the show, Steve Berg is in all of our chats. He's on our Rocket Money episodes, which is our best advice, and he is the co-host of Weird Here to Helps.

Because there are people who have written in saying they just start, and they go, you're talking about people we don't know. Well, and we should also point out of, well, look, if you're looking for a full update, we also, as Jake and I have been playing pranks on Steve for a long time, one of those pranks was that he lost. He'd been on a football game that had already happened. He needed to do a calendar shoot.

That's what it's sort of turned into. We've got the calendar. We've seen the calendar. And there is an appetite for the calendar. Which is shocking. Which is shocking. Which you and I actually even got into a couple nights ago. I know we did.

Again, we don't want to argue on the show. But you and I, you've really come around. What's happened with the calendar is that, look, Steve has become sexy. Gareth, here's the difference. Since we've known Steve, Steve has always. bragged that the ladies like it but it's it's even Jake it's not even just that it's that it's what I sent you the other night I sent you a video where Jake where Steve was on a project and he says stuff like this oh there was this the girl who was doing my makeup she was

obsessed with me and Jake and I would go what did she do and he'd go she was she was putting makeup on she kept doing her job Steve no Jake stop she was she kept They were, every day, they were like, we might need to put a little stuff in your hair. And they did. Right, because you're bald in. No, because she wanted to touch the follicles, bro. You wouldn't get it.

Okay? And she'd be putting makeup on, in between everything, she'd have to do touch-ups on me only. And we'd be like, you were sweating, and he'd go, I was barely sweating. So it's like that. But here's the difference.

Here's what's happened now. Yes. So I had one of those the other night with Steve. I know. You sent me the video. We can't post it. No, I know we won't. It's perfect.

Same thing. He's drunk. He's hammered. Well, I'll tell you why at a second, but go ahead. But what I've learned with the calendar is you and I were wrong. He was right. I'm just having trouble. The ladies love this guy.

The ladies love this guy. It's a hot calendar. So what happened in Omaha? Then I got a little Catalina stuff. And then we'll stop this goddamn show. Our green room waitress, Anna, when she found out Steve was there that night, she was visibly excited to see Steve.

That's cool. After the show, you know, I sell merch. I would say 35% of the people either recognize Steve or when they found out it was Steve, lost their minds. But the best one was a woman was talking to me about how much she loved the show. there was, she was, like, it was kind of a wild story

she was telling me, and she goes, and I just love Steve Berg, and I go, that's him. And she goes, oh, my God. And she got shaky. And Steve is just standing there. Steve's just standing there going like, hey, what's going on, Fifter? And everyone's like, oh, my lord. But then the green room, you know, you get to order however much you want, you just tip, tip them. And at one point, Steve was crushing medellos at such a rate that I said, do you just want a bucket of

medellos? And he goes, they do that? And I go, yeah. And the waitress is like, I'll bring you a bucket. So like it was chum for a dolphin, she just comes in with this enormous bucket of opened medellos, and he just looks at me, he goes, they're opened. I'm on the clock.

But people were very excited about the calendar. If I was selling the calendar, I would guess I would have sold 50 to 60. Ladies and gentlemen, the calendar is for sale. So if you're interested, get them now. We're only doing 500 of them.

I'm going to make them a little collector, collectible item, and everybody enjoy the goddamn show. There it is. Morgan here. We sold out of the 500 calendars within hours, and we received your emails and DMs asking for more, so we are rushing the order and making it happen. This will be our last bunch, and we can't guarantee that they'll be to everyone by Christmas

and the holidays, but we are trying our hardest. I am doing all of this out of my home, and I never thought that this is what my job would entail, but the people need Berg, and we've got to give the people Berg. So you can pre-order them now on here tohelppod.com, and I will update everyone with shipping information as soon as possible. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Seoul. This holiday season can be stressful. We all know it.

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slash here to help, that's uncommongoods.com slash here to help for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer on common goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Hi. Hi. How's it going? Good.

Where are you from? I'm from the New England area. Oh, I thought you were going to... Yeah. I thought it was from another country. Sounded European. Yeah. No, I'm not sorry.

New England area. I was very excited, yes. Well, I got to say, I bet we're more excited. Oh, God. What's your name? I'm Ali. Ali. How old are you, Allie?

24. Okay, what's going on? What can we help you with? So this is my first year of graduate school. I just started in August, and I live with one roommate who we can call Peyton. And we already knew each other from work before school. So when we both got into the same grad program, we decided to live together. And it's been good.

But in the past few months, a toilet paper situation has developed and it's slowly escalating. So pretty much every morning when I go to use the bathroom, the toilet paper roll is empty and I have to replace it. But my main concern isn't that it's an empty roll, which is rude, but the fact that this week I had to replace the role so many times. just to get an idea of how much toilet paper we go through, Peyton bought a pack of 12 family-sized rolls, and in the span of two weeks, they were all gone, which means that we went through 12 rolls in 14 days between two people, but I'm out of the apartment from 9 a.m. to 10.30 p.m. every day for school.

So I'm just, I'm shocked every morning when I see it all gone. So my question is, how do I get my roommate to reduce how much toilet paper she uses? or get her to pay for her share. Holy shit. What, my mind is bending with nearly a roll a day to yourself. Yeah, and I just walk in and shocked. Allie, what is Peyton doing with all the toilet paper? That's not for the ass.

I have no idea because we have pissing in the bathroom. There's nothing in the trash either. You've checked the trash? I've checked the trash. I don't know where it goes. Wow. This is wild. I would say let's set up a camera, but Gareth was arrested for this in the early 2000s.

Well, you can suggest it. I just can't comment on it. Gareth won't be able to be part of it. I won't have to get off the zone. I won't have to get off. So you can pick if you want to go on that route, God bless, good luck, but I cannot be around that. So here's what we can do, though. In the early 2000s, there was a guy I knew who used to put cameras in bat.

You know what? Never mind. No, go ahead. Go ahead. It's okay. Because he said he was investigating toilet paper use. Yeah, never mind. And he probably was.

Yeah, never mind. Yeah, okay, whatever. It doesn't matter. Okay, all right, all right. Anyway, Allie. It's going to take us probably a second to wrap our heads around the fact that. Because something's happening, and this is where Gareth is going and he's right. This isn't, she's just a little loose with toilet paper.

Yes, something's wrong. There's a mystery. Yes. A big mystery. She might be a dirty mystery. She might be using it in other aspects of her life. You can't have that dirty of an ass that you need an entire role of family-style toilet-family. Family size, not style.

That's how Maggiano serves dinner. I don't want to do family-style toilet paper. Don Casavetti's again. And that's the truth. So all I think about is a bunch of people eating in Italian pasta at a table. Hey, I'm going to wipe my ass. Let's do family style. Everybody gets a wipe.

Someone's parpeting parvaj on it. That's nice. Hey, I just finished. You guys want to help me what his family style? Forget about it. Hey, I'll wipe it for you. Say when? You wipe my eye, wipe you.

There we go. You're wasted away. I married into this crazy family. The old woman grabs the butt. cheeks, it's good to see you. Now, this is a dirty butt. So, Allie,

we need a little bit of help from you before we start. And if the answer's I don't know, then we're going to keep going, but do you have any guesses? I don't. I really don't know where it goes. But the toilet paper's always been like the first thing I noticed in the

bathroom because it's either empty or the paper's all the way down to the floor. The paper's all the way down to the floor. It's touching the floor. Like she's floppy grabbing a piece and it just goes and hangs down to the grounds. Weird. Like a lot of it or just like enough to touch the ground or like a cat plate? Enough to touch the ground.

Okay. What is happening? Yeah, this is so. This is hard because my instinct, I want to set up a hidden camera. We cannot. No. A confrontation It's obviously you could have done that already

You could have said like Hey do you use a lot of toilet paper? Yeah But that's weird Yeah and we only see each other In short bursts of times I feel like the one interaction with her I have I can't make it about

How much toilet paper she uses Right Yeah Her whole day sounds like short bursts While you're gone But I don't think this is a situation where she's taking 12 dumps. I don't think

this toilet paper is just getting used on her areas. I'm not expecting you to answer, but if she's checked the trash, there's none in the trash, what would be... I think she... You know what this reminds me of?

The guy who didn't wipe his ass. Like, the woman who had the guy who did... Like, some people maybe just don't... Like, she might just be way overdoing it. Yeah. You know, it could be crazy, Allie? Not crazy, actually, just weird for you. What if you say, and look, this is going to be embarrassing for you.

This whole call is embarrassing for you. I'm going to tell you right now, there's all of this is, we're just going to be entering an embarrassing phone call, but let's lean in, okay? Okay. Here's my pitch. I don't even like saying it It embarrasses it for me and for you And I also know Gareth likes it

Legally, I can't comment on whether or not it Go ahead Ali, you say Hey Peyton FYI I got to start using these wet wipes So I'm just going to be having those Because

I'm having a problem with my bottle I've got Tyler paper's not working And she'll go I don't go And here's what I'm trying to get at And I know it's embarrassing, Allie. For her to connect and relate, you go,

I just can't keep that thing clean. She goes, what do you mean? And I go, I wipe and I wipe and I wipe. And it goes, it's as if there's a layer. I wipe a layer off, and then the new layer appears. And you go, so I'm trying these wet wipes. So do me a favor. You do the toilet paper.

I'll do the wipes. I'm going to be bringing them out. But just so you know, I'm not using any of the toilet paper. It's all you. And here's what we're hoping happens. She goes, it's crazy you say that. I basically go through a whole roll, and I'm still dirty. You're trying to get the confession.

And then you guys as a team go, maybe we have the wrong type of toilet paper. I don't think, here's my only issue. Or you go, maybe we go on Amazon and get that $200 bidet and we shoot it up our butts. I like the bidet pitch. That's always there. The problem is, I don't think Peyton. knows she has a problem. I know.

That's why we're turning it in the alley's problem. But I don't think, I don't watch your mouth. I don't think that Payton is going to go. You're just spicy little man. I don't think that Peyton is going to go. Oh, I use way too much toilet paper. I think she's going to go, oh, sucks. You got an ass problem.

Yeah, let me go through an entire roll of toilet paper on a Tuesday. Yes, I think that's insane? Yes, she's insane. Jake, there's none in the trash. She's probably just overdoing it. Let me ask you this, Allie. Is your issue, as much as I hear you have that conversation, is your issue that you're spending too much on toilet paper?

Or is your issue that this is fucking crazy? Or both? Yeah, I think both. It really mostly feels crazy. It's also not the first time I've had a roommate that has used so much toilet paper. What? This is strange. So I feel like it's following me in my life.

I think you might be wiping your ass too much. I think you're a sleep wiper. You wake up in the middle and wipe your breath for 10 minutes and go back to bed. You're just eating it in the middle of the night for some reason. You're dreaming and in your dream you're like, here I am in beautiful New England. You're touching a waterfall and you're like, oh, lovely. So dirty, though. Let me just going to put it under this cascading waterfall and clean it.

You wake up. I wish there was footage of you just taking toilet paper up while you're sleeping and throwing it right or burning it. You're just burning it. Throwing it out the window. And every morning, Peyton's getting up and going, what the fuck is with her? Or we get a call in a couple weeks from a neighbor ago. I don't know what to do. My neighbor wakes up in the middle night and I was trying paper out the way now.

And a neighbor who. So I got this tenant who keeps throwing toilet. paper out the window, but she's a family friend's kid. Who teepees a tree outside of our apartment building? My apartment building keeps getting T-Ped. I'm in New England. I don't want to be specific. So where are you at, Alie?

You talk a little bit here, kid. Well, for my last roommate, I knew that she was using it because she put it on the counter underneath all of the things that she had. So she had a toothbrush. She'd put toilet paper on the counter and put a toothbrush on top, which is It's a choice. But I don't think that's what's happening because it's not in the trash. Right.

But also, yeah. No, go ahead. So we had the 12 rolls of toilet paper and then we got to the last roll and I was the one to replace it. But I felt like I had an obligation to communicate that it was all gone. Okay. But then she used 12 rules. I felt like I shouldn't buy it. So then I had to bring up to her and say, oh, I just.

put on the last roll of toilet paper, which, you know, in theory, she'd last a few days. But just so you know we're out. And she bought more. But it didn't feel like it was because, I feel like if I had a problem and I knew I used so much toilet paper, I would be hypervigilant about it and, like, buy it all the time.

She doesn't know she has a problem. I've got, I got two pitches. I'm going to pitch. You have a private stash. of toilet paper. I have a private stash. You do?

I do because I only figured out was a problem. So you're walking in there with your own role and when you're done you're taking it back to the bedroom? It's a backup right now but I'll hear what your pitch is.

I think you fully cut her off. So you are no longer going to talk about toilet paper or pay for toilet paper with her. You're going to buy yourself a family size. You're going to stash it all around your room.

When you need to go to the bathroom, you're going to take your own role in there since you guys aren't seeing each other a lot and then when you're done you're going to take it out and now she's just going to or you just have it in there for when you run out

and you're never going to say to her hey we're out of toilet paper you're going to let her figure all that out so it's her problem so she has to buy it that will maybe get you through what I would say

is the bigger pitch which is you fake a plumber call when she was gone sewage shot out of the bathtub, it overflowed out of the toilet. You've had a nightmare day. You had to call a plumber, or the building had to call a plumber.

A plumber came over, and a plumber was like, there's so much toilet paper getting used in the toilet. Well, hold on. I think we could do that I like, but I think we could do that in a different way. We could pretend to write a letter

from the owner of the building. Love it. That there is a block coming, from your unit because of the toilet paper usage. Do we know who the building manager is, Allie? Yes, we do. Does she know who he is? Yeah, she does.

Okay. Well, still, I think it could work. Yeah, I think that could work. I'm going to give you another slightly weird pitch. And I could see how you're both going to make fun of me on this, but I actually think that there's a way it could work. This happens with your stuff sometimes, though, so. I think there's a world you could say to her via text.

I know this is crazy, so please don't make fun of me because I'm probably wrong. But I think somebody might be breaking into our apartment and using toilet paper. The reason that I say that is we're going through a roll a day. And I know it's not you and me. But I've been noticing we'll put a full roll-up. I'll take my dump, L-O-L-L or however you, you know, I'll take my squeaky, you whatever, see what a 24-year-old wants to say. And, you know, I use a healthy amount.

I'm sure you go to the bathroom a couple times and use a healthy amount, which would mean we should have 14. 16th left of the role. But the whole role's gone at the end of the day. I think potentially workers from the building when we're not here are using our bathroom because I think 15 grown men took dumps in here. Well, it gets closer to earth for me

if you maybe say you think like the building manager must be coming in there and taking toilet paper. And you go, I know this is insane, but I'm wondering if you've thought of this too. There's no other rational excuse. Unless you're taking handfuls. No, but you don't make it about her at all. You say, we're in this problem together.

I'm getting a little paranoid. I honestly think that Tony, the building manager, might be coming in and stealing our toilet paper. And I know that's so weird. And I know I'm probably wrong. I got to hear your opinion, girl. that I think that can look the reason why he's pitching it and again it is crazy to send that but the reason why is because it's you guys are on the same team trying to figure out maybe it elicits

her she's going to go oh my god scary I don't think so then later tonight after she takes a dump and goes like boom who you go whoa that's my third full uh price is right wheel spin yeah I'm not trying to get to I'm not trying to get all the way around she's not at Wheel of Fortune you don't have to go all the way around no need to show boat just go around once all right go ahead and spin the toilet people roll

well I think that I listen it brings it up in a way look there's some options there Allie any of those leading you in a direction of something you think can work I mean you're either going to have to live a private toilet life

or you're going to need to invent a thing to bring it up to her? I honestly think a letter from the building manager wouldn't be the worst thing because we don't talk to him that much. And in our lease agreement, it talks about how the pipes, they can't take that much. Yes. But it actually might be a good end. Yes.

Do we want to do a text, an email? Do we want to do that now, Jake, and have her forward it? Oh, that's interesting. so that she would just pull it up and start red we'd write it as a team yeah and just say hey i got this from the building manager today any idea you know something like that alley what do you think do you want to make it look like an email do you want to make it look like a text do you want what's your gut feeling how you're going to do this do you want to say he called you yeah that could work here's what i would do alley that's really easy i would say i would text peyton hey i just got called

from the property management. Did you? It was really weird. They're saying that our unit is using way too much toilet paper and we're clogging the pipes and I told them I don't think it's us but let's both really

I guess watch our toilet paper usage, LOL, this building, who knows? Yeah, I think that could work. I do too. Do you want to do it as a text message? Yeah, yeah, I think so Let's do it now What do you say?

Let's just eat the Kohl'slaw You're pitching merch now And it's starting to work Eat the Kohl's law I use a phrase every day Why talk about the mayonnaise Let's just eat the Kohl'slaw Let's just eat the Kohl'slaw

I mean really it's time to shit or get off the pot And wipe for a week and a half Eat the Kohl's law All right so You ready to text her? Yeah. You doing this? All right.

So, Allie, just talk out loud what you're typing. But before you send it, let these two weird guys pitch on it. Okay, okay. Two weird guys, I mean Jesse and Gareth. Thank you. And Natalie are going to do our thing. The Normies. It makes me laugh so hard when you do the, like, girl, L-O-L.

Okay, this would be my first pitch, would be, hey, just had a call with the building manager. I said I'd talk to him so you don't have to. But apparently, because the building's pipes are so old, they've noticed an issue coming from our unit. He said we're overusing TP, question mark. I know it sounds weird, but I know I know. I don't use a lot. Are you using a lot? Wait, hold on.

Gareth, she was going to do it. Oh, sorry. I thought you wanted us to catch. Hold on, Gareth. She was going to do it. I take a second, you're talking. I looked down all of a sudden. I'm like, he's still talking.

This was her moment to talk. Sorry. I thought that's what you wanted. Okay. Okay. I'm very glad Natalie's not here Hey I just got a call

from our building manager and he said I don't know exactly the phrasing for the pipes but I saw some building manager and he said that they're noticing problems with the sewage pipes and that it might be coming from our apartment. So he said that we should,

I'll take pitches, please. Jake? Yeah. She'll take pictures, please? She's ready for a bitch. Then pitch. I want, I'm nervous. Pitch.

I just wanted her to go first. All right. Give me the lead up again, Ellie. So you weren't paying attention. I was. I just want to make sure I worried smoothly. No, you weren't paying attention. So, yeah, I was

paying attention. You weren't paying attention. What did she say? What did she say? I just had a really weird call from the building manager, the sewage pipes, they're clogging. So, and this is where we are. Jump in.

Mm-hmm. I will say, Alie, your voice sometimes gets a little bit slow and it does lull me into a state of relaxation. No. In a good way. Oh, that's good thing, okay. If you wanted to, look, and mind you,

is it because I'm also very tired, yeah, but if you ever created a meditation kind of app? Yeah, sleep wiping. Can you say just one more wipe over and over and just walk us through a very slow wiping section now I could you just take 30 seconds and do that? What do you want me to say? You're just talking about Peyton slowly wiping her button

using the entire roll. Go ahead and three, two, one, takeover. All right. And now it rolls the paper all the way. way down to the floor and rip off 20 squares. Totally roll them into a ball

and reach really far and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and throw it in the toilet. Roll the toilet paper to the floor. Rip off 20 squares. Throw it into a ball.

Okay, so 20 squares is great. So good. All right, Garrett. 20 squares. Let's get this text going, send it out, and let's solve this problem. So I said, I don't think it's us. And he said there's just a lot of toilet paper. The plumber told him there's a lot of toilet paper clogged in the pipe right below us.

Do you have any idea? No. I think we have to watch how much toilet paper. toilet paper we use going forward. Oh. How about this? Allie, will you read the setup again? Wasn't paying attention.

Hey. Hey, I just got a call from our building manager and he said that he's noticing a problem with clogging in the sewage pipes. I don't think it's us. But he said, I don't know. I guess maybe a plumber would know

that this toilet paper. but I also wonder if I just keep it vague enough that there's a clog and that he said we should watch how much toilet paper we're using. We're going to simplify this. How about this, Sally? Just got a call from the property manager. He said we need to start being careful with the toilet paper usage because we're having pipe problems.

This sounds so good. So easy. And then I said we would use as little as we can. he said thanks so it's a non-issue but let's just think about it going forward have a great day at school allie it's a non-issue shit there from now on but it's a non-issue just do less all right allie so type it up and then let us know read it back to us and then we're going to hit send when we're happy yeah because it's time to eat the cold slow you leave it out too much you're going to get sick.

You can leave it out for a while a little bit more. You actually can't, not what Cole's law. No, it's good to stay out for a while. Keep going out. Good, gut strength. Not gut strength.

You leave it out until it it ferment? No, not ferments. I'm not trying to get it a probiotic, but I'm saying it's amazing what your body can take. That's bad merch.

Allie, you ready? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I just got a call from our building manager, and he said that we have to be careful with our toilet paper usage because they're having trouble with the sewage bike. I told him that we could do that. I hope everything's going well today. Transitioning to a grading card is awesome.

I really love you so much. You're my best freaking friend. Maybe rather than I told him we could do that. I said, I told him we would keep an eye on our toilet paper usage. yeah okay maybe do we even want to add like plus maybe saves us some money question mark no that's not bad it's insane that's insane we're for sure not doing that crazy pitch how about hey just so you know i have a stash in my room it's like gonna be good could you use a roll a day and it's the weirdest thing that's ever

happened to me elsie got a fucking real problem over there someone needs to clean this up also what's going out of your bundle there was no property manager then called also hey did Did anyone teach you how to do it? Yeah. So will you read back what we got? Okay. Hey, I just got a call from our building manager, and he said that we have to be careful with our toilet paper usage

because they're having trouble with the sewage pipes. I told them that we keep an eye on our toilet paper usage. Thumbs up emoji. No, wait. Now, I love it. I absolutely love it. Before we hit send, let me just say one thing. The other paper used it twice.

And then a thumbs, like, hey! I know. The only thing I'll say is, before we sent it, if she, I don't think she'll do this because I think this is a shameful enough zone where you're not going to say to the building manager, hey, you thought we used too much TP, but it might be something to think about going forward.

Like, if that ever happens. One of us calls us the building manager. Okay, great, done There you go We will be there to help Boom, done If we have to We'll create a fake email account

We'll be part of this Listen, if this sinks you It sinks us all But the main thing It'll be this If it's the middle of the matter And she goes Tony, the guy who comes to the building

And you go, it was not Tony It was a guy named Gareth I think it's someone who owned the building I don't know It was a guy named Gareth Yeah I mean we'll use different names obviously We'll be

Reynolds No No No How's that No. What do you think, Al? What do you think, Al?

Are you going to send this? Yeah. What if I just take out the second toilet paper usage? I think that would be good. It felt like a lot of toilet paper usage. Will you just read it one more time so we could enjoy that you used it twice? You want to with it twice still? Yeah, just one more time.

Just read it real quick. Okay, okay. Hey, I just got a call from our building manager. And you said that we have to be careful with our toilet paper usage, because they're having trouble with the sewage pipes. I told them that we keep an eye on our toilet paper usage. I just say I told them we keep an eye on it. And somebody make that.

It's not merch, but just somebody make that as a shirt. Yeah, it's definitely framed on a wall. Thumbs up. Toilet paper usage twice feels fibby. For sure. It's because I feel like you're talking about my toilet paper usage. I've never heard you say. toilet paper usage until today. I've never

heard anyone on planet Earth until it's like a twice and one tags. It's a toilet paper usage thing. So I think the toilet paper usage is what we're all kind of flagging over here. So you want to do any more emojis in that text? No. I'm asking now. I like the thumbs up.

Yeah. Okay. So tell us when you send it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Eat that's law. We eat it one time without the double... Yes, read it, but we're eating a slaw on the call. We're not waiting until we hang up. Eat the sloth.

It's psychotic. Okay, I sent it. That's how we're going to do a read-through. By the way, don't, for now on, if anybody listens, don't say I sent it, say, I ate the slaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, read us what you wrote. Yeah.

Hey, I just got a call from our building manager and he said that we have to be careful with our toilet paper usage because they're having trouble with the sewage price. I told them we keep an eye on it, thumbs up emoji. Perfect. Truly perfect. Great. If you get a response, we are going until what?

We got another hour. Yep. If you get a response, will you call right? I will try. Okay. It's interesting. You didn't have fun, huh? I have a word that I'm actually late for.

Okay, go do your thing. Go do your thing. All right. All right, good luck with your toilet paper usage. Keep us posted. Thumbs up. Thumbs up emoji. Thank you so much.

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Hello. Hey. Hi, how are you? Doing well. How are you? Doing good. Welcome to the show. Can we get your name, please?

Yeah, my name is Kyle. Kyle. Kyle, where are you calling from, buddy? I'm Colin from Knoxville, Tennessee. Oh, beautiful. Love it. How old are you, Kyle? I am about to turn 26

He's a kid, right Jake? Yes, young guy Young guy You having a fun, Kyle You enjoying your 20s, Kyle? Yeah, I am I feel older than I am though That never stops, so just

Can I ask you a question? Yeah, what's up? If you had one note to give us In terms of producing a radio show, what would it be? What could we do better to make Kyle Enjoy the show more? Man, bring back Piggly and Moe.

Kyle, Hey, Kyle, no problem, Kyle. What can we do for you today? Kyle, why? I guess their current didn't happen. A little bit outside of Tennessee. In a small town. Well, it almost feels set up.

Okay. What's going out, Kyle? Oh, my God. Well, this isn't an easy one, so we'll see. We're the best in the business, Kyle, so don't even worry about it. I knew who to call. So my father-in-law, he insists on paying with the $1 gold coin. Cool.

So, like, he will go to his morning stop before work, and he'll go to a gas station or go to a coffee shop. This is so good. This is great. Also, before you go, Kyle, you're going to be in bad news. Gareth always has $2 bills on them. But that's normal. Gariff goes like, they're cool. I request them.

I do the lick, I do the finger lick before I start peeling them off too. You're embellishing. Yeah, I'm embellishing. Do you think $2 bills are really cool? Obviously, the greatest currency, I've held to my principles of that since I was six years old. Why did they make it if they didn't want? Look, they made a dollar that is unique. You see a $2 bill.

You're telling me something doesn't happen to you chemically. It's cool. if I'm just telling Kyle right now that what his father-in-law is doing is weird what I'm saying is fine I'm not like

The $1 coin is weird But Gareth goes He's told me in real life Dude whenever I have a chance If I'm at a bank Which I'm not at as much anymore I'll always go Can I get him in $2 bill

So I always have one in my wallet Someone's like Someone's like paying for merch And they start whipping out twos I'm like well those aren't getting spent Those are hanging Those are hanging with me for five years Okay, Kyle, back to you.

So your weird boomer father-in-law, that's nothing like Garrett's your peer in your 20s. All right, keep going, Kyle. So you got a real weirdo on your hands. Keep going. Yeah, he's quite strange, but I love him. So anyway, he'll get his coffee in the morning or he'll get his gas, and he'll get like, you know, $15 worth of stuff.

And my wife works for him. My wife works for him, so she sees this all in action. and, you know, he'll get his $1 coins, and he'll start laying him on the counter. He gets really excited about it, too. Yeah. And the cashier's looking at him like, what is this? You know?

And at the time, they don't even recognize it as you're a currency. Yeah, that's not real. You're paying me with, you're paying me a garbage. I said dollars, sir. Exactly. Yeah. So, you know, I don't know if you guys are familiar with like gas station lines in the morning, but they're pretty long and pretty, pretty hasty.

People are pretty mean. You're trying to get to work. And also, aren't we doing cards now at the pump? I mean, everybody is. Yeah, if I see a pump that says prepay, I'm like, I'm not going to go here. Yeah, but even those inside, people are moving fast. Yeah, yeah, time is money. Absolutely.

Yeah, so a lot of times, the person who's, you know, at the register, you know, they're my age. They probably never seen a gold coin in their life. they have to go to the manager and ask if they even take the currency. They're like, is this real? I get this. It's a lot of headache. And then the sticker is the manager is usually, you know, 30, and they'd never see the dollar coins.

So they're like, I don't know. I guess we can accept this. Oh, man. I guess this isn't garbage. I don't know. It might be garbage, but let's just take it. Let's take this crazy bank's fake coins. You go like this.

Hey, Scott, this crazy person's trying to pay with garbage. It's just real? And then Scott goes, I don't know, but it's only $9. Just take the garbage. It's not going to take it out of my own. I don't know what to say. This guy comes in with fake coins all the time. We just enable him.

I honestly don't know. Just take the weird garbage and put it in that vault in the back. Well, what's so bizarre about this one is like, it's the psyche of going through that constantly. Because that just happens all the time to have people just be like, wait, what are you doing? Like that attention is odd. Hey, Kyle, what can we call? father-in-law. We can call him by his real name.

His name's Jonathan. Okay, Jonathan. I'll tell you what, Jonathan likes weird attention. Yeah, he definitely. Definitely. That's going to be a problem in solving this, probably.

For the audience, right now, while we think about Jonathan, can we remember the guy in China who took the back of his hair and pushed it forward? You go, why would you do that? because that guy likes weird attention. Could we imagine Jonathan with that haircut for this?

Yes, I will say I am taking a cowboy hat off if we're doing that. Oh, you had him in a cowboy hat? Yeah. I had him to stets up. Tennessee and coins. That's cool. I'm picturing a toothpick and I'm picturing one, two. And he's not using two hands to count it out like a kid.

He's flicking the coins. All right, Kyle, can you do us a favor? We're going to close our eyes for a second. Can you paint a physical picture of Jonathan? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's pretty in shape for his age. He's tall. He's got a full head of hair.

He's got a real, like, spunk about him. You know, he's got a lot of energy. Kyle, what's his age? He's niff and 60. He's somewhere in there. Late 50s. Mm, good shape. Didaunt, no cowboy hat?

A denim shirt sometimes? No, he's a, painter, so he's always wearing paint clothes. Like an exterior house painter or like an artist painter? Exterior house painter. Okay, and what does your wife or girlfriend do with him? Is she also a painter? Does she do administrative work? She does it all. She's the boss when he's out of town.

But she also runs paint to the guys and she's kind of like an errand person, but she also does painting too. That's probably one of the hottest things I've ever heard. that. A family business... I mean, Kyle, I think you're doing something right. And the other thing I'm going to recommend you right now, and then we're going to end the call. Have you ever been interested in changing all

your currency to $1 gold coins? We're interested in sending you some of that. Because, my man... Jonathan's living right. Yeah, it's... Family business, painter, a painter full of gold coins. A lot of good. A lot of good.

But we also got to remember this is your wife is experiencing the same sort of stressed with Jonathan. Oh, yeah, she doesn't like it. Yeah. Oh, she, yeah, she gets in there so easily. Is this a lifelong issue, or is this recent? This is recent.

So he picks up, like, weird, strange things as he gets older, as we all do. I got to tell you, Kyle, that's what happens to men. Yeah, there is something to that, but this is, this is not a hobby. See my chimps. Oh, my God. Merch, damn title, new show title. Kyle, go ahead. Oh, fuck.

The strangest thing about all of this is, you know, he's got a horde of golden coins. So he'll go to the bank and he'll trade his $1 bills in for the $1. And he keeps them in his band. cup holder, and right before he parks, he just grabs a fistful of him and goes up to the store and starts picking out what he wants to buy.

So are we, are we, first of all, that's amazing to live your life like you just hit big on a slot machine. That's exactly right. But is he, he's not doing a debit card or credit card at all? I mean, he must have that for larger things. He does, he does.

But he's, this is for small purchases. Well, maybe not even small. purchases because if he's like rolling into the store with a handful. This is under 20. Is this under 20? Yeah. It's still probably. Most of us.

I know, but here's where I'm going to, Kyle, we're going to be on your side. But here's where I'm going to say, we lean closer to, Gareth is going to pretend he doesn't, but we lean closer to Jonathan than to you. Listen to this geyser, try to relate. Anyway, go ahead, buddy. Go ahead, grandpa. By the way, Gareth, you've done a wonderful job painting your goatee, orange. Go ahead, Grandpa.

Because guess what? We both know that's graying. It's great. And you got some weird pumpkin orange color. Who would choose this color? Are you fucking kidding me? By the way. Can you imagine?

You came up with a black beard. You're the funniest guy I've ever met my own way. Can you imagine looking at shades and me being like, that's good. That'll play. That's the right. That's the right color. That'll be nice. It's a pretty ugly one.

I will admit. it's beautiful it works perfectly it's a fire of orange but here's the issue that I'm coming across Kyle as a here's honestly two issues this is not a joke one I'm considering doing this now

I'm considering literally going to the bank and giving $100 and saying do you guys have gold coins and having a bucket because in my car I like to keep cash and I have weird little compartments in my car so I like to be at around the $200 range

Are you not listening to this problem? The problem is that that's not a... Most people are not aware of the Saka Jua coin. So it's... But it is real currency. But I wonder if like... Okay, keep going. There might be a solution in this, what we're talking about now, but keep going.

I mean, I don't have much more. I just kind of... I think it's hard because it's not like he's... So your pitch is you're going to adopt this horrible quirk. My pitch is, thanks for the suggestion. It's not the show, no. I've got two pitches for you, and one is, one is basically get him hooked on the $2 bill. Okay, transition him up.

Try to transition him to the less strange currency. It's still got the quirk, but that's going to be hard. What I think you maybe need to do is... If you have someone in your world who works retail or at a restaurant, set up a sting and where you're going to go out to eat or you're going to go into a place and you're going to have this person deny that they will accept those. And that will maybe make him feel like,

ah, this is not the lock that I think that it is. And that can maybe transition you into the conversation of it's a little weird. The problem, as we addressed at the beginning, is nobody does this because they're like, it's convenient. He's doing it because he thinks it's kind of cool. So the only way to do it is to make it a bit of a logistical issue. So something like that. Find a way to make someone you know or when he's trying to pay someone or when he's trying

to use or you say that people are, or dare I say, Pigley and Mo talk about how. Dude, Gareth, I've written Piggly and Moe. Look, right there. Oh, my God. Bigley and Mo. To be fair, you have that written out of every page. Garrett, I was waiting for you to finish. You came to the same spot.

It's Pigley and Mo. Is this? Kyle. It's Pigley and Mo. Is your relationship with Jonathan, or is his wife the kind of relationship where she could say, hey dad I was listening to a podcast and play him a clip while the other you film his reaction

because a lot of people say well it's not a realistic it's just a bit for a bit's sake and I go I hear them they would think they're just pitching it but it doesn't do anything but if there is a way because they do now fake

Instagram commercials all the time so if we could do like a fake Instagram commercial clip so they could see our face Jonathan doesn't know who we are. And if he goes, is that one guy from that show? Yeah, it is. He's not going to Google me. Yeah, it's fine.

So you can say, I saw an Instagram clip. I don't even know the name of the show, but I'm sending it to you because it was so funny because it's like you with the gold coins. And we do a Pigley and Moe, but we don't even call it Pigley and Mo. It's just a clip about how annoying it is. And we pretend Gareth works retail.

Now, okay, love that. I was going to ask our angle, that's pretty good. If the angle is I work retail and it's really pissing. And I pay with gold coins. So, Kyle, is it real that you could show your dad or your wife could show your dad this Instagram clip? Is that something that could really happen? Because what we would need is the other one filming it

because our audience is so mad at Pigley and Mo that we have it, it needs to work. If it doesn't work, the backlash is going to be so intense. Yeah, we can't handle it. This is high stakes. This is high stakes.

My only fear is he really enjoys paying for things with his coins. Like it's his, it brings his day up when he does it. And he kind of likes the tension of the cashiers. I'm going to be on it. I understand.

Man, he likes the whole thing. Does he ever go out to eat and pay with the coins? No, it's strictly like around $15 when he's doing his morning routine before work. What's the morning routine? Before we get to that. But, I mean, okay, go ahead. Well, because I'm going to say I work in coffee. He pays for his coffee.

We always spit in anyone's coffee who pays with coins. That's insane. Okay. Go ahead, Jake. You're just now, that's a terrible, but you're just trying to. to get back to performing. No, I'm not. That would even be...

That's not true. Let me ask you a question, Kyle. What is the big... Because what you're saying about Jonathan is interesting. And I think you were right about the Pigley and Moe, and I think the problem is, he likes that weird attention. He doesn't care.

He gets a lot of enjoyment out of this. So to get him to stop... I can hear the... I can hear the audience going, just let him pay with gold coins. So please explain the real issue. Is it just the annoyance from the daughter? You're not there, so it's not your annoyance? Is it you hearing from your wife her nine out of ten frustration that's ruining her mourning her mornings?

Or is it more an annoyance? Because there's a way to do it. As a father to a daughter, you want to know it all you want. deep down, is for them to want to hang with you. So there's a way we could get something in there. If you create a family business, if I'm in my late 50s and my daughters are working and hanging with me,

I'll get rid of gold coins for them to keep hanging with me. So we might have to, gold coins are me, Pop, but I'm too embarrassed to go in that goddamn store with you because it's humiliated. So what do you want? You want to go in the morning and weird everybody out? Or you want to do our mornings together. Otherwise, I'll meet you on the set.

Yeah, that's pretty much the biggest problem is if she's with him, she has to walk out of the store from embarrassment. But also, it does hold the lineup when they have to have the manager if it's actual currency or not. But he doesn't care about that. It's tough because everything I'm thinking is like put someone behind him who's like, come on, sir. But he doesn't care. He doesn't care.

Imagine craving attention on that level. It's disgusting. Natalie. He's trying again. He's trying again. It's a joke. I won't keep it about Kyle and your dad. I do too.

I do too. I think that's important. Garrett, that was so obviously what we're talking about. We're trying to mute Natalie here. Okay, let's keep going. But the problem is that it throws me out because I'm like a raccoon. I see something shiny. I have to attack.

So you admit it's. shiny. Thank you. Like your face. I am shiny. We have a color. I'm freshly lotion. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. So, Kyle.

Sorry. My partner drives me nuts. He distracts me. He knows I'm a stupid old man and he throws something. Johnny in my face and I can't help it. It's mean. It's mean. What he does to me. It's mean. It's bullying. He knows a weakness.

Go ahead. He puts mustard on his shoulder. Go raccoon, because he knows I'm going to go like this. Go raccoon. So, Kyle, I think the only actual way we win here, and I hate to say this, is through wifey. Okay. I think we're going to need to do a follow-up with her,

and we're going to need her involved, and we're going to need her to withhold. She's going to have to say, Do they commute to work together every day? No, no. They don't always have the same mornings, but sometimes they try to have like a little daddy-daughter thing before work. That's what I thought.

Dad, hold on, Gareth. You're going to go back to How's there a Way to make this about me? We're right there with the answer, brother. There's a really easy way to make it about it. No, go ahead. I have another pitch, though. Go ahead. Okay, no, you go.

My only other pitch would be, What if Kyle starts using $2 bills, like, and we set this up for a month, and then she sits them both down and is like, you two with your quirky money shit, cut it off. I'm sick of going out with you, Dad, when you're doing this and you're holding up the line. Kyle, you now with the $2 bills every time you're doing that.

It's just weird. Ooh, I have an idea going off of that. I think that's great. how about she, when he puts the gold coins down, she takes them and pays with a card. I don't hate that either. It could be both. He's still doing it.

It could be both. You could do that, and then when he does that, that's her sort of escalated soul. But here's how you diffuse it, because he doesn't want to admit he's just doing it to weird people out and get attention. I like that pitch, too.

The teller goes like this, $9.40, she goes like that. He puts them out. She just goes like this. Actually, hold on, Dad. Takes them and goes, and puts a card on and goes, trying to get the points.

I like, I like that, too. I also don't mind her doing that just being like, look, it's weird. This is my way of, yes. And then go, there's people behind this side, I'll just speed this up. Takes the coins, put him in her pocket. He goes like, huh? Yeah. I think there's anything there tickling you, Kyle.

Yeah, Gareth kind of hit a grand slam there. There's two zones there that could work. What are you thinking? I'm thinking go with a two-prong approach. first start, you know, interrupting his coin payment with her card. Yes. And then if she does that long enough, we can kind of try that out and see if it has any effect.

And if it doesn't, then we can have like a sit-down meeting with him. Well, the sit-down meeting is you, we pretend you got a $2 bill problem. Yes. So you need to do a month of foundational work. But you don't really have to do that. He's not with Kyle. But we need to see, the dad needs to see that. that Kyle has sort of started doing this a little bit.

So they need to go out once or twice. I got this dad. Whenever you're with him, Kyle, first thing you have to do after this is go to the bank, get $100 and $2 bills. Yes. And then here's what you could do to help. Oh, here's something fun too.

This is the other thing. Your wife could get $2 bills. And when he pays with the gold, she goes, oh, actually, never mind, I'll make this easier. Takes them all and pays in $2 bills. Oh, holy crap. So there's 10 coins.

She grabs those, leaves five, $2 bills. Are we trying to get him to do $2 bills through that? Because I feel like he's just going to be like, we're the cool currency family. But then you go, you know what you do, Gareth, you go like this. He has, let's say it's 10 bucks, he's got 10 coins, he's feeling all smug. Then the wife goes like, actually, I'm going to make this easier for you, teller. Here it takes all the coins, puts five stews. And then goes like, actually, I'm going to make it even easier.

Takes all the tunes away, it gives a $10 bill. But we're trying to stop the line. she's running on chase. You only have to humiliate three times. Okay. I, Kyle, we've I think we got some good stuff here at the end. I think whatever you do, what we really want

is some evidence of this happening. We need it. But what do you think you're going to adopt and what do you think you're going to start with? You're going to start with her doing the take the coin card approach, you think? Yes, I think that's a great

first attempt. Yep. Because I don't think you're going to be discouraged that easily. Okay. So I think it might have to be a two-pronged approach

like I was saying. So I think we start with the card and then if that doesn't work, maybe she can do the $2 bill thing to kind of like demonstrate the madness, like how crazy it really is.

All right. There you go. I think that's great. I think please try to grab some footage of some of this. I know it's not going to be easy, but it's just crazy. So, do it.

Thanks for a great call. Yeah, great. This really, this put our minds at work early. Yeah. So, so, and let us know what happens. Keep us posted. Of course. Yeah, thanks, buddy.

Thank you guys so much. All right, buddy. Thank you, pal. Bye. Have a good one. Bye. Hello. Hello.

Hi. How are you? Good. How are you? Welcome back to the show. We know you're a follow-up, but that's all we know. So what's your name, please? Allie.

Allie. Okay, Allie. And, Allie, what was your first call, and what's going on? I called in about my roommate's excessive toilet paper usage. Oh, my Lord. Oh, well, I remember. I mean, why don't you just refresh it for everyone? But Jake and I definitely remember this one.

Yeah, so I'm living with a roommate. get along pretty well. But he at one point got a pack of 12 toilet paper rolls. And then in two weeks, we went through all of the toilet paper rolls. And I was putting on a new roll every morning. And it's especially weird because it's just the two of us. But then I'm out of the apartment from like 9 a.m. to 10.30 p.m. every day. I'm not really home. So I'm trying to figure out either how to get her to reduce how much she uses or get her to pay. And for the month that she uses. Yeah.

And then our pitch was that you write a letter from the super, right? Or an email? It was by saying that he called me and then texting her what the call was. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Well, what happened? She never acknowledged it. What? I texted it to her, but she was away for the weekend.

And so we didn't really see each other for a few days. And then never talked about it in person. And then we've texted since then. We've hung out since then. But nothing about the toilet paper? No. And at first I was worried that maybe, like, she solaced a lie and then she was really mad. No.

Like, we hung out. And it was really nice. And now it's been a few weeks. Has anything changed? Has the usage dropped? I've never had to think about toilet paper since then. It fixed it. I don't know what about it resonated with her.

But she was like, Jesus Christ, I'm using so much toilet paper. You explained to her what rationing is. She got embarrassed, but it stopped. Yeah. So my problem is salt. Look, sometimes, and this is the part of the show that's not feel good. We're not always going to be in the end, we're going to comb your hair, take all the knots out. Sometimes we're going to shame you.

Sometimes you're going to get hated. Is that nice? No. But also, you're using too much toilet paper on your butt. Yep. Use less. And it's the real world, honey. Yeah, hey, God.

This is a what problem? It was a pipe problem. It's not her fault, right? No. This is the landlorn. The fake landlord said. It was disgusting. A fake plumber came over and a fake landlord escorted the fake plumber.

Then she imagined that conversation where the plumber was, One of the girls in Unit 4 uses a lot of toilet paper on her butt after she poos. It's mostly daytime flushes. She might have a problem with her butt. I don't know. She's overwiping to some extent. By the way, the idea of a plumber and a landlord talking about my wiping would humiliate me. It's absolutely.

It's horrendous. Did anybody talking about my wiping habits would humiliate me? To insinuate that you have to wipe more than a regular person on a level where a plumber's involved. Some embarrassing thing about humanity is we all wipe our butts. Yeah, it's shameful. You would imagine a... Everybody you ever think about victorious secret models,

they all have to wipe their butts. It just changes it, doesn't it? It does. At one point, I had to come to terms of the fact... Every politician. Yes. I mean, I've thought about the fact that the print... like Trump shits.

He sits there. They all shit. They all shit. Biden. Biden, Biden wipe. But they all, everyone, everyone in esteemed levels everywhere, everyone that we find attractive at one point. Everybody you're like, Jesus Christ,

like Cindy Crawford in the 90s doing those Pepsi commercials. Yeah. Right before shooting, she was like, hold on. Something's not agreeing with me. Randler trailer and Joe's dropped heat. Oh, and had to use the trailer like flush pedal. Yeah. And she was just sort of like, ugh.

I'm using. so much toilet paper. It's crazy. I got to flush again. You can still tell I went. You guys have a caller. Okay. Natalie wipes. Do you want me to not? That's disgusting.

Rob told us the amount of toilet paper you use is excessive. By the way, we went on that tangent. This is the, Ali's an actress. This is a Rob. This is a Rob call. Rob is trying to humiliate you, Natalie. He said the amount of money he spent, He said he bought stock in Charmin. All the woman does is wipe and complain.

Let's move past this. Agreed. Well, Allie, this is a win. This is a bell ring. Ding, ding, ding, ding. What it is. No doubt. Well, good news.

And I would say never bring it up to her again. No, it's great. It's over. Yeah, totally. It's over. No, that's what's great. I mean, it's actually perfect because she never asked you any questions,

which I mean, you are in the, the middle of a fib, and the problem solved, and there's no friction. Remember Gallagher, the guy who used to hit Watermelons? Sure do. Went and saw me concert when I was 11. Any twin brother who copied his routine? The story, Jake, is crazy. Both those guys

take shits and wipe. Okay, thanks, everybody. Thanks for the call, Ellie. Take care. God bless. Thank you so much. Bye-bye now. the floor and rip off 20 squares slowly roll them into a ball and reach really far and wipe and wipe and wipe and throw it in the toilet roll the paper all the way down to the floor and rip 20 squares. Slowly roll them into a ball

and reach really far and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe. And throw it in the toilet. Hey, this is Gigi from North Carolina. I'm calling to nominate my favorite episode. Episode 74, he lost his wife and dog. I was crying, laughing, listening to this about a guy who there was like a Debbie Downer at work, who the guys suggested tell him that something sad had happened and he, you know,

didn't want negativity around the office. Caller suggested that he'd tell the guy that both his wife and dog had died. It's so amazing. Even though, to be fair, I think the twin circumcision episode probably should genuinely win. While I'm here, just want to say Kat Reitman is by far the best guest helper. She's amazing. I was a fan of Pigley and Moe, and I really miss Gilby Cannon. I love you guys. Happy New Year.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only,

and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two, two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to Patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda. And this is the podcast, Best Friends. And we're here at HeadGum.

So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. We talk. And then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience members can ask questions. about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.

We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, PocketCast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were.

I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good.

Thank you so much. You're welcome.