We're Here to Help - 242: The First Annual Helpies
Episode Date: December 22, 2025Live from Los Angeles, it's the first-ever "Helpies!" Hosted by Jake and Gareth, the show features appearances from some of the best callers in We're Here to Help history.See images from the ...episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-242Want to call in? Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.PATREON: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey, we're heredos. The Steve Berg-2020 calendar is here. Well, almost. It will be available for order on December 3rd at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We are doing a limited run of 500 calendars, so get yours while you can. All orders will ship December 9th, just in time for the holidays. Visit www.com.com to order.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, we're here to help, help, we're here to help, help, we're here to help us.
Gareth, where are you at? We're finishing off another year of the show. We are about to enter year three.
yes and we're going to have an announcement soon about it we're talking to headgum we're coming back we're not taking the weird break we took after the first one yep
we've been really happy with rabbit grin it's all kind of working right now we're doing a big ending this year to celebrate season one and two
overall we're at big daddy i think we're this is our best year like you said i think we really you know it is
the calls rabbit grin puts us in a great position we are now going to start
the official helpies first annual first annual where every winner i don't know if this has been
announced they're getting a calendar yeah so the winners of the helpies today we'll get a calendar
sent to them um we've sold so many of these goddamn calendars i mean it's it feels like we're going
to run out it's crazy yeah yeah it feels like it makes no sense no no no it's crazy is a professional
model. And so, Natalie, what do we do?
You guys are going to listen to the nominations. So we are going to start with our best
international caller. Best international caller. It's a good order. That's a good starter.
Oh, and how many, did we get a lot of votes on we need to pick? Did people actually vote?
Really? Yeah. Good job, everybody. Thank you. Thousands of votes. Thousands of votes. Good job,
everybody. It's exciting. So this is our best international call.
Okay. Are we ready to announce the nominally?
Let's give it a shot.
That's the spirit.
And the nominees for Best International Call are from the United Kingdom.
Roli, who was accosted by an old woman on his morning walk.
Yeah, the first one I thought I missed heard until it happened so many times and this became a theme.
And so I was walking past her and I smiled at her.
Excellent.
And she said, shit on me.
From India, Hardik, whose neighbors stole his parking spot.
I might actually hire some people to pick up this B-1 guy.
Quickly, Hardick, if you film it, send it to us, and we'll put that theme song under it.
Okay.
The Fresh Maker.
From Iceland, Margaret, who needed to pick an accent.
Hi, I'm Margaret.
Hi, I'm Gareth from Bumble.
Hi, how far do your legs go?
What's the question?
My legs go from my ankles to my ears, yeah?
It's perfect.
Well, first.
Question to everybody really fast.
What did you guys think of that with Eric reading it, the sound effects?
Who did the sound effects on that?
The clapping and the music?
Your editor, Chris.
He did a great job.
And he picked those clips?
No, that was Jesse.
Jesse.
Great picks.
Also, Eric's voice.
It's perfect.
God, he's good.
So now we get to who wins?
Well, I would like to know who you think wins.
I think Raleigh from, I think they shit on me, lady.
I think that one.
Oh, you do?
Yeah, that was such a saga.
Yes, it was.
And I can't remember the exact resolve, but it like, we got, I think we helped, sort of.
I think Margaret.
I asked a great call.
Do you know?
I do know.
Do you know?
I do you think.
I'm a Margaret.
Yeah.
I think it's too good.
Is it time to announce the winner?
But you've got to do the whole like, oh yeah.
Let's see.
This is my sweet spot.
And the winner is.
I can never get these things open.
Moonlight.
Oh, no.
Raleigh.
Raleigh, UK, Raleigh.
The shit on me, woman.
And we have Raleigh joining.
And by the way, great call.
I'm happy he won, too.
Yeah, he's great.
So, Raleigh, are you here?
I can see you.
So, congratulations.
You've won Best International Call
at the first annual helpies.
Really?
That's crazy.
I did not expect that.
Yes, it's crazy, but it's not any crazier
than when Blockbuster did an award show.
They did the Blockbuster Awards.
Oh, yeah.
Spike did one.
Spike did.
I was at the Spike one with Damon Wayne's Jr.
It was the dumbest men's choice awards.
The men's choice awards.
So stupid.
But this isn't any more stupid than the spike.
What our point is that this is as dumb as the other dumb ones.
So therefore, this matters as much as that.
Sir, how does the feel to win the first award?
Yeah.
I would so much rather have this than men's choice.
Was it Blockbuster?
I did an award show for all.
And everybody in Hollywood took it seriously.
They're all wearing gowns.
Gowns and tuxedos to go to the Blockbuster Award.
The first Oscars must have been, people must have been like, what is?
They must have thought of it.
They're like, this will never work.
And now people are like, I've spent my life trying to get this award.
So more about you.
What's going on with the story here?
What's going on with that old lady?
Where are you at?
What's the latest?
I've spent in Italy for the month.
So I haven't seen her in a little while.
but the word got around about how she was around me
and now we've got a few neighbors
who whenever I bump into them ask for an update
and it's yeah it's pretty much how I'm known
I say around where I live.
Did it spread in your neighborhood?
Really, it seems like you don't like that being known as that person.
I sure don't know.
No, it's not my favorite association.
But you know, it's better than nothing.
Yeah, it's a look, baby.
So how did it spread in your neighborhood?
Well, my friends found out about it.
I hadn't told them much about it,
but as soon as they found out,
it was like wildfire,
and now there's a good few neighbors who,
who, they wouldn't know my name,
probably don't know what house I live in,
but whenever they see me,
they come and ask what she said.
Is she still saying stuff to you, Roli?
She is, yeah.
Like, there was a gap where I didn't see her for a while,
but yeah no she came back strong she came back swinging what was the uh last thing she said
to you sir oh it it's honestly it's very repressive i think i told you it's pretty much the general
line of inquiry but it's it's yeah uh like you know what she's what she's planning to do with me
you know after seeing you i get it yeah yeah first time was audio only now i'm thinking of the
things i would do to you we'd all love to be shit on by roly
Are we doing this weird laugh the whole show?
I think it's nice.
I don't.
Let's just go back to Garrett.
You're done reading these because this brings out the monologue and it brings out this guy.
No.
Yes.
No, Jake.
There's no studio audience.
Jake.
They don't count.
They work for the show.
I'm playing to them.
The audience at home.
Well, if it counts, I love it.
It makes me feel like I'm at the Oscar.
That's what he's trying to do.
Is there anyone you'd like to thank in your acceptance?
Again, you've won the first.
The first award of the first help.
Yeah, is there anyone you'd like to thank?
Huge honor.
Just like the Oscars, I imagine my name will be that first one on the list that everyone looks back to.
And of course I have to, I have to thank that old lady.
I don't know a name.
You know, I don't know much about her except for, you know, what she likes to do in her private time.
But yeah, she's brought with you guys, so that's a treat.
Might be nice in 2026 maybe for Roley to take us on one of the
the walk, so maybe we could hear the woman live and we could say something to her on behalf of
the show. Maybe we'll do that. Yeah. Well, listen, enjoy. Enjoy Italy. Enjoy Italy, Roley. Hopefully,
thank you so much, guys. Great to see you. We will be sending you a Steve Berg-Hunk calendar
as that's the trophy. It's the ultimate trophy. So would you want it in Italy or do you
want it back in England? I'll be back in England in a couple of days. So that would be great. Oh,
look at that. It looks amazing. Yeah.
You know what we should do on each one?
We should write.
Yeah, they should sign it.
We should sign it and then say,
Oh, I'd love that.
That would be great.
Yeah, okay.
Well, enjoy the photos.
That's a treat.
Thank you very much.
You know what we're going to do?
We're going to send you two and give one to the old lady.
Oh.
Yeah.
Next time she goes like, I want a shit on your face going like this.
Look at this.
Shit on this guy.
Look at this.
There you go.
What do you think of December?
We're going to send you two.
One for her.
Thank you very welcome.
All right, Raleigh.
Thank you.
Thanks, guys.
Have a great day.
Bye.
Wonderful, warm feeling.
Yeah, that's exciting.
The helpies is about warmth.
Yes.
And reflection.
And reflection.
Reflection and warmth.
Are you guys ready for the next category?
Yes.
Okay, next category.
All right.
And the nominees for Best Sports Call on.
Alex and Jack, who disagreed about their PFF rank.
Because I don't think I'm the best.
Right.
If you're going to show up and play floor hockey and, like, be mediocre.
Like, don't pretend that you're the best.
Aaron and Sophie, who sang for their season tickets.
So I've been in the waiting list for season tickets for forever.
We finally got them this year.
And my partner at the time went in on it with me to buy them.
And then about a month ago, we broke up.
Taylor and Brian.
who competed in our first annual Pickle and Chip classic.
You versus Taylor at Pickleball, what do you think is going to happen?
I will annihilate him.
Have you ever played pickleball?
Brian?
That's back.
Jesse, wonderful tips.
Great.
What do you?
I know which one we don't think it is.
I agree.
It's not the tickets.
Not the tickets.
And I'll tell you why, it's a great call.
The saga ended up working.
Yeah, but it was a lot.
That first call was a little bizarre.
The relationship was heavy.
We got there with them.
One of them didn't join.
Yes.
Who do you think?
It's got to be pickle.
The floor hockey one was, I mean,
but the floor was a great one changed the game for the show.
And that really was.
Excellent.
A great.
It was perfect.
And we really.
Perfect.
It was quite a, it probably.
had a more dramatic ending for sure so maybe that i gotta say that one was you know i got to say sometimes
the show and i don't know i've got a question for the producers what are you when we have a guest
how much time do you put in to picking the call that it might work i was re-listened to the one which's
aaron today with dakota fanon and the alarm thing happened to work for her are you guys thinking
oh yeah this could really work for her for some reason or is it just sometimes blind luck
Yeah, I knew she did that with her alarm.
You did?
No.
I just became a friend, huh?
Jesus Christ!
Whoa!
Very clearly it was revealed why he's one of my oldest friends.
What?
Are you serious?
Oh, my God!
You guys knew they served Vilvania?
Oh my God.
Oh, my God, I'm going to do marinerette here.
Okay, serious answer.
Jesse and I spend a lot.
lot of time on picking colors because it is the most important part of the show i totally agree it's
everything and jesse does a lot of work so i'd like to shout out jesse shout out i mean you're shouting
him out after we are so it's not like uh you know it's not a traditional shout out you're so
all the time all the time all the time is it from you to someone else it's i'm happy for jessie
but if he is not the center he gets so mad my god now look how happy he is
I'm not.
This is the worst kind.
Did you see that smile?
He's like,
are you pleased with this?
He's like,
now it's on me again.
Oh, my lord.
You get Morgan in the room.
It just activates negatively.
In my direction.
But so that's what you guys do,
because a lot of these,
when you go to the Katie Nolan one,
that one was perfect.
Perfect.
I mean, we also get lucky sometimes,
obviously, but we do our best.
Yeah.
All right.
So you're predicting floor hockey.
Yeah.
Okay.
You're predicting pickleball?
I think.
By a hair.
The winner, for the best sports call, the first ever goes to Taylor and Brian.
Wow.
It did pull through.
And they're joining on Zoom.
Hey, Brian.
Yes, sir.
I want to tell you something here, Big Daddy.
you lost at pickleball that day.
You know that, right?
Yes.
But you won today.
Best sports call of the year.
We're sending you a goddamn calendar,
and we're not sending one to Taylor.
Well, I don't know about that.
He's not on the call, Brian, you won't.
We'll probably still send it to him.
We got a bunch of us.
I don't think that's right.
He might rejoin.
Brian, in a lot of ways, you won, and he lost.
And you dominated him.
Well, I don't, I mean, he was drinking beer during the pickleball game.
Hey, Brian.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's true, Brian.
Brian, did you ever do?
There's nothing wrong with light beer.
Brian, did you ever do the, uh, wear the underpants thing?
Yeah, we did.
Hey, Taylor, what's up, my man?
I made it.
Sorry, I was watching the live and then I couldn't figure out how to see it.
That's okay.
Jake, you had some stuff you wanted to say to Taylor.
You got a calendar now.
I was going to cut you out of the calendar.
some stuff got said while you
Yeah because if you did
If you had to go to work or something
Sorry man you lost today Brian won
He gets calendar you don't get a calendar
But now that you're here
Congratulations you won
The first ever
Help me for best sports call
And I gotta say you beat
I think it was close
Had to be
So talk to us now
Where are you guys at
What's the latest
Brian was saying
He did the dinner
Where he wore the little panties
Tell us
yeah um yeah it was thanksgiving
it was uh you did thanksgiving with the
the bikini bottoms dude we were on we were on the verge of disaster
for the entire meal i mean it was
i'm still still a little scarred by it i think most of the family is
how many people were there
uh well we got my family support bryan heather the kids i think we had
eight maybe ten
So walk us through what happened?
Will you slowly paint the picture?
Well, he came out with apron first.
Apron first and then the big reveal
when he came out with the food
and just walked around from person to person
how much turkey would you like?
Would you like when you know?
Do you need some stuff?
I mean, nobody can keep his straight face.
Nobody could even answer the question.
Of course.
How could you?
It was just absolute chaos.
Brian, what a victory.
bud. How did it feel being the fucking
hunk?
Hey.
You know, there's one thing
I'm not, and I'm shy, so I
have no problem. I'm all about
having a good time. Hey, Brian.
How did it feel being the main course at
Thanksgiving dinner?
I don't think my
my father-in-law
or mother-in-law
want to have very many conversations
with me for a while.
Wow.
Who guess what? Because they
We deserve one picture at some point.
Any picks?
The wife is, that's the hard one with the wife.
Okay, I understand.
Just because it's supposed to be.
Wow.
All right.
We can dig into this, maybe.
Hey, Brian, can I throw something out at you, man?
You interested in being a calendar?
Oh, Brian.
Do I be interested in being in a calendar?
Yes.
Yeah, we just did a calendar with Steve Berg that has sold so many goddamn
copies we don't know what to do with them
we might have to make a
counter you tell the wife if there's
a financial decision now
you get 40% of profits my king
and great iceberg out like that
and burg is not in it
hey I was thinking for 2026
we got Brian he lost a pickleball
he drank beer during the match
we like the direction he's going in right now
the audience for first
his cat like there
holy shit with that
we'll have to get it we'll have to get it
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So where are you guys out with Pickleball?
you guys played again?
We haven't played again.
We have to.
We will soon.
I mean, I know it's annual now.
And the family's committed and my dad's getting hats.
And I mean, it's.
Well, let us know so we can help blow it up to make it an even larger event.
But it's becoming a really fun thing for the family.
It's becoming a big game.
You guys are going to do it next year.
Brian, are you training it all?
man no yeah but mostly just exercise wise not pickleball wife that's okay conditioning trying to
try to try and to drop some pounds get more back into you know you know not fighting shape but
be a little bit more agile you know respect the hell on that i'm doing the same thing brother
hold on and uh taylor uh would you not fighting shape per se but we're in the middle of their
experience right now uh taylor you're still in hate being fighting shape
kill Jake's Mike can we uh Taylor will you be wearing the bikini bottoms if you do lose
if I do lose sure but I mean we've got a head start at this point as long as I keep going
it's not even close it's gonna be hard to catch me all right Taylor and Brian can I pitch something
when is the next match we are I have not gotten that far ahead okay can we and this is more
of a question to Brian because I know Taylor's answer Taylor's going to say of course
Brian, will you play with Taylor and let him teach you a little bit?
Hmm. Interesting.
Yeah.
I'm not against that.
I think that's a good way for you guys to get together.
And I know it's not going to feel good, Taylor.
It's going to be scary.
But sometimes you've got to teach somebody to maybe kill you one day.
It's called Parenthood.
What?
I don't mind it.
And I hope one day we can get a doubles match going.
Me and Brian try to take somebody else down because Brian are actually bonded over this now.
That's right. And I think you should train him to be better than you.
Well, you know, that's going to be tough to do.
But here's why I said, because in a couple of, if every year it gets closer and closer and closer,
you could enter a great zone in a couple of years.
Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah.
You said it's like parenthood training someone to kill you?
You're trying to train your kids to be greater than you.
Okay. But you said kill.
Well, kill in this sense.
It's another step.
It's, I might be greater than.
Sure.
Sure.
All right.
So, guys, we appreciate you.
We loved this call.
Sexy calendars of Steve Berg.
We'll be shipped to you.
Yeah, you're getting...
Don't worry.
You know what we're going to do?
Brian, you said your in-laws are not into this.
You're right, Jake.
Do they want a calendar?
We're giving them a calendar, too.
We're giving them a calendar, too.
If they don't like seeing you in your underpants,
they surely won't like seeing Steve.
Steve Berg post 12 times.
We are the Oprah of Steve Berg calendars.
You get a calendar.
You're going to get a calendar.
So, guys, you're going to get a few calendars.
We appreciate you and follow up with us so we can know about the next match.
A lot of guys.
You guys are the best.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Bye.
Great.
I'm up for the calendar.
Let's do it.
What a great ending to this moment.
Here we go, Animal Call.
Ooh.
Jake.
And the nominees for Best.
animal call are
Aubrey
who fed her cat earwax
Oh right
You got a big old fat cat name
Livy it ate your earwax
And you picked your ear
And gave it to the cat
Yeah I was really curious to see if she'd eat it
Mateo
Who fell in love with a duck
Mateo
Why the fuck are we talking about their dicks
Yeah
Because there was a day
when Gandalf was climbing on me, and I spotted it.
And it scared me, and I pushed him off, and I sprinted it.
I brinked up my staircase.
Rebecca, Susan, and James, who had raccoons eating out of their hands.
They might be 69ing.
I've never seen a raccoon blow job.
No, I don't know if they've been doing that.
Yeah, they could, you never know.
It's a C2 raccoon's 69.
Wow.
Everybody's thoughts around the room.
Starting with you two boys.
I know.
Never mind.
Never mind.
Actually, you know two now.
Yeah.
Morgan doesn't know.
Morgan?
Captain Morgan.
Calendar, Morgan.
Calendar girl.
Gandalf.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'm not sure.
There's one that I feel like I'm surprised was not on this place.
Please.
Mrs. Gingerbread.
I think she gets best song
The Patreon is going crazy about that
Oh really?
Yeah they're like where's Mrs.
G
She wasn't nominated enough times
For this category
Wow
Oh no way
Interesting
The nominees
Oh yeah that's right
You had to email in
Hey hey hey stop getting mad on Patreon
Yeah
If you wanted her in
Vote
There you go
You're the Obama of the helpies
Don't boo vote
Who do you think?
I don't think it's going to be Gandoff, even though I think Gandoff would be mine.
We got a lot of comments and emails about we hurt the duck.
It had a tough ending.
They're like, you guys are doing that.
You murdered the duck.
It had a tough ending.
I don't think we murdered the duck.
I just don't.
I loved that story, and I love that duck.
I love that duck's penis.
Go ahead.
Merch.
No.
He's a merch machine.
today.
That merch is, I love
that, Doug's penis,
Gareth Reynolds.
Me next to a duck cock.
What do you think?
I don't,
I don't think it's the raccoons.
The raccoons was such a good call.
It was correct.
It might be.
I think the earwax,
that activated you in a way.
Yeah, that was the first time I got.
I think I probably said five words
on that call.
That was the first time I got mad.
You were furious.
So I feel like people will be responding to that.
I feel like it will be earwax cat.
What about you?
I'm going against what I said.
I'm going Gandalf.
I thought he also made that beautiful video.
It was a saga.
It was the beginning of season two.
That was great.
And the winner for Best Animal Call.
Look at Natalie's face.
So look at me.
So excited.
And she knows.
She knows she killed it.
The winner is
Mateo.
Wow.
Man, am I excited joining on Zoom?
Wow.
Dying for a follow-up.
And guess what, everybody?
It's going to be sad.
We're not going to know what's going on with that duck.
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
Mateo!
Hey, guys.
What's up?
You've won a helpie for best animal call.
Also, Mateo, I'm seeing dinosaur stuff in the background.
Jake, please.
Have you not contacted Rob Miranda?
I mean, this is so...
I have not.
The fucking guy is a dinosaur sculpting expert.
Mateo...
Oh.
We got to connect you to.
Mateo, yes.
He'll probably be buying you a Raptor.
But...
Go to that place up.
Let's easy does it.
Mateo, you've won...
About 500 dinoes?
Okay, just easy does it now, Jake.
Just lock in the pocket, okay?
So this is intense coffee.
This is...
Cold brew ain't no joke, Jack.
Jake's drunk, and he sees...
That's liquid cocaine.
I got this.
You need more dinners, Jack.
What are you doing?
Mateo...
It's called Geralee the show.
Mateo, how does it...
King Cog, I'm King Cong, bitch.
If you can block Jake's voice out, that'll be really helpful for the rest of this.
How does it feel to win a helpie, and did you think you'd win?
And is there an update for us?
Hold on.
Really bad ending, but great for the first forfex.
I'm worried about the...
That concern entered my mouth.
Yeah, understood.
Merch.
It is a tremendous honor to win this podcast, and my time on here has been truly pretty awesome.
Probably one of the greatest parts of this entire year.
Well, that's fucking great to hear, man.
Because you crushed it.
Yes.
Oh, hey, man.
And your video crushed it.
Yes.
Oh, I am extremely glad that you guys
Like in
I enjoyed it
I did ask a few people around my apartment
Complex a few people said that they did spot him
But I have personally not
That'll do
Wait, that'll do
Hold on Mattel
Come across him again
Let me get crystal clear on this
The original call was
You wanted the duck to stop
Humping your leg
And getting weird with you
Yes
We pitched
can't even remember.
We pitched duck costume.
We pitched faux duck to put on his porch like he's seeing other ducks.
And Mattel, what did you do again?
So I put a, like a, not exactly like a stuffed animal, but I put like a stuffed, stuffed duck out.
Okay.
And the point is, the duck stopped messing with you, but people in the building have seen it?
Say it.
Ring the bell!
100% bell ring.
100% bell.
When did somebody say to you and please don't lie?
I can't deal with this level of excitement.
If you're honest with us,
you're getting five raptors for the background, buddy.
All right.
That's the carrot.
It was about one month after our last...
Great.
That's huge.
Which means you and we did not kill the duck.
The duck ghosted you.
We did not kill the duck.
It worked.
He went, this fucking guy's got somebody else.
All right, I get it.
You're in a thing.
Fuck you, too.
Don't worry.
I'll put this weird dick on somebody else.
I got a pig's tail as a dick.
I'll figure it out.
Well, this is huge news.
Yeah.
Mattel, where are you going to put the calendar?
Because you're getting a Steve Berg sexy calendar.
Your background looks pretty.
Oh, yeah, you're getting one, buddy.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it's a big deal.
But your background looks pretty, it's pretty crowded.
Are we going to be able to get in that background there?
If I'm getting a Steve.
calendar, I will take down King
King. Yeah. So you're telling him, that's what we were
open for. So the quote is Steve Burke
took down King Kong.
And he takes dream. Yeah.
That's good news.
Well, listen, you're a king.
We love you. We love the call.
Thank you. Follow up if you hear
anything about this duck again.
And, you know, you're getting
a calendar, my man. Congratulations on the huge
win. Awesome. I just want to say
you guys are absolutely incredible.
I love this.
podcast and again just yeah you guys are you're a big part of it buddy thank you
thank you matthia appreciate it buddy you know what i think we should do that was great
great some really that's red there's a genuine relief there agreed by the way i'm not making a joke
i presented at the spike choice awards and it was at that moment it was damon and i as i was just for let's be
cops yeah yeah as i was on stage i was like awards are stupid that they're this is stupid i don't want to do this
There really was a time when there was, like, so many.
And people were showing up.
Remember Cable Ace Awards?
No, but I'm sure.
What does that even mean, cable ace?
It was like a big, it was like an Emmy Jr.
People took it seriously.
They took Blockbuster seriously.
That's crazy.
Google Blockbuster Awards, Red Carpet.
You got a popcorn thing, didn't you?
Who knows?
I mean, MTV Awards gave you a popcorn thing, but I think.
Yes, I think it was like a Blockbuster box as a trophy.
You know what we should do.
We should create a fake award show.
We have, Jake.
All right, next.
Spoiler.
Look around.
This is real.
All right, next one.
We have.
And the nominees for best follow-up are Tom, our first intern.
So I had been in a psych ward, and I needed a really cool story to tell at school.
So we made up the story that I had been an intern, and it went pretty well.
Zach, who made his friends shit in the woods.
Within the next five minutes, we were half a group.
Really? So you really had three go off and have to take wild shits
and the place that gave you your problem from the beginning?
Absolutely. It's one of my greatest success story.
Mr. Hot Takes.
What's your hot take on fruits?
See, now there is a hot take.
Hot take on fruit.
Strawberries, great.
Honeydew melon, fantastic.
Watermelon, get out of town.
Honey, do, over watermel.
If it's not Mr. Hot Takes.
It has to be.
Now, I've got to say...
The first two are great, though.
All of our follow-ups.
The follow-ups are such a big part of why I love this show.
Yeah.
Mr. Hot Takes is in a...
I mean, Mr. We talk about, like, if we get asked on stuff about a call...
We bring up hot takes.
Schools are doing his follow-ups.
Schools are doing...
It's been franchis.
All right, so here we go.
So who is the winner?
Oh, who's the winner?
Yeah, Jesus, you are so coffee drunk.
Yeah, I'm fucking high as fuck.
What did you?
Follow up.
Here we go.
And the winner.
The pride.
I mean, we know who is.
I don't have to open it.
Mr. Hot Takes.
Why don't you just...
All right. I'll open it.
You are hammered energy right now.
This is, this is Rustic
in at 2 p.m.
You're not wrong.
You're not wrong.
Mr. Howtakes.
Yeah, there you go.
Well, I mean, we just didn't.
it just to be sure.
Go join in on Zoom.
Let's bring the King out himself.
Wow.
Wow.
You guys.
You, sir.
What an exciting win.
I am excited to win.
Also because I wore the jacket in case.
Take the pair brought myself this.
And about five minutes ago, I got really worried that if I didn't win, I
I would have to, in a walk of shame in front of the entire school,
walk this back to the trophy kids with a hot take jacket and explain,
I didn't win.
Is there any part of you that thought you wouldn't win, though?
I mean, we knew.
We have Harold of you.
The intern.
You guys did such a good job.
The intern was special, yeah.
I thought the intern.
And it's also a real short window because when you guys give someone a kidney,
there's no way I'm being like a year.
I guarantee if that happens, your old news.
Yeah.
So enjoy it now.
Now, Mr. Hot Takes, what's your hot take on the helpies and you winning?
Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to tell my students.
First, I'm going to ask if they know what the Nobel Prize is.
Very good.
And then from there, say, basically, this is the Nobel Prize.
It is.
It's kind of the biggest award in podcasting, actually.
I think it is.
I mean, look at the size of this thing.
It's a shame that you're holding up a huge trophy, and we're sending you a camera.
But I get you.
Wait, I've got a question for you, Mr. Hot Takes.
We're obviously sending you a signed calendar.
The Steve Berg calendar is your victory.
Is it appropriate to put it in your classroom?
Yes.
Oh, well, I'll tell you, guys, I'm on your Patreon,
and I already bought two calendars for bits.
And the first calendar I bought for a bit,
I'm filling out with the school schedule
and hanging up in the teacher's room right by the mailboxes.
Wow.
So it'll already be there.
But we're sending you two more for more bits.
Yeah.
It's great because I'm also buying some frames
and seeing how many houses I can sneak them into.
We're going to send you four more.
Do you want 150 calendars?
Actually, I knew it was going to be a calendar,
and I had an idea for you guys.
Now that it's signed, I watch the hot take us.
I was going to say you guys could look up,
you guys know Steve Berg's address, obviously,
just pick a random house like a street over,
drop it to the mail with that person
with a note that says,
Happy Holidays neighbors.
That is so funny.
It's the greatest.
idea. We could do every house on his
block. Oh my God.
And just as a holiday gets
Mr. Hot-Tex, that's the funniest
pitch of all
the calendar pitches. I really
I don't know how else to put this, but we've
missed you. We've missed the energy.
Holy shit, Mr. Hot-Tick.
You guys have turned out of bits.
You've been able to turn a bit into something
that's helpful in my classroom. But Mr. Hot-Takes, that's
next level, sir. Why don't we just do a few
at the adjacent neighbors?
The directly next door and a
Flankers and across the street.
It's awesome.
Oh, my God.
You know, all you get like holiday cards?
Happy holidays.
You know what we'll do?
We'll sign them as him.
We'll write on the cover.
Yes.
Happy holidays.
Hope you have a great New Year, Steve Berg.
Let me know what you think of this.
With your eye contact.
Let me know which one's your favorite.
Let me know which one's your, hey, have a good December.
Thanks for watching.
Thanks for watching.
What a hot take.
Boy, nobody's ever deserved this more.
So you've already outdone yourself, so I'm not putting pressure on you.
You've already won huge.
But any other hot takes on the tip of that tongue of yours?
Well, you know, I thought I would think of some of the ones students have given me this year.
My favorite this year so far has been Michael Jackson is an impressive.
He's not?
He's not impressive.
That's such a young person saying that.
Wow.
If you were alive in the 80s before the new stuff,
the guy's the most impressive guy on planet Earth.
Oh, 100%.
What do you think I yelled at this student?
You can't yell it too loud at a school.
Michael Jackson's the best.
Everything he did was good.
Well, the way he glides on stage is pretty good.
I made sure he was talking musically and not personally.
Good.
If he had so personally, I'd have agreed.
The way the man moves his body, tell me that's not impressive.
It's not moving anymore.
But that's a good one.
The way the man moved his body.
And then another one I really enjoyed was
Nobody actually likes dark chocolate
They just say it to sound sophisticated
I agree with that hot take
Great hot take
And then can I just show you how often I
You guys are on my mind in this classroom
I'm just going to turn my camera to
Garif I think I stole the title from you
But there is the wall of flames
Wow
That is awesome
Every picture every time we take a picture
Can you imagine having him as a teacher how awesome it would be?
I would love it.
Well, let me say, Mr. Hotchecks, we love you.
You have been one of the reasons this show is so enjoyable.
We've done about 250 these, and without people like you calling in with energy,
Gareth and I would be bored of each other.
No, we love you.
Like, you're so great.
Even coming in with the Steve Brick-Counder Brank.
But everybody from this community, they'll pitch things.
things that are greater than we'll go like we'll find anything that now we can do yep thank you
hot takes thank you thanks mr h doctor hot takes bye bye bye bye fucking great the best
shocking shocking wow emotional that is that is i feel a little me too feel something i feel
something yeah wow these the best by the way what a great prank idea let's
do that for sure. Yeah, we just have to
look. Those will go out today. Yes,
that's a top priority. But we've got
it. Will you sign it? Tell me which ones you're
We'll sign it. Anyone can sign it's
not his signature. It's not not not not authorized. It doesn't
matter. If anyone
sign it, we're doing it as bird.
That's true.
Here we go.
All right, best song.
I'd be careful with this
Colbert, brother. Yeah, I mean
It's strong. Talk to you.
Yeah.
Yeah, say that to you.
I'm just letting you know.
Yeah, you've just...
It's like liquid cocaine, brother.
Yeah, I can tell.
I gotta get out of here.
Hey, no gambling today.
Do you hear me?
You're not my boss.
Do not gamble today?
Do you understand?
You're not my dad.
My dad's dead, sir.
Sir?
I'm going right to commerce.
No.
You do not go to commerce.
I'm going to holly.
You're not going to bike and you're not going to commerce.
Look at your foot.
You're not my dad.
What's wrong with your foot?
It's like your foot.
All in.
Let's go.
What do you guys want to do?
Hey, we need to get more people on Patreon,
on ASAP. Jake, where are you?
I'm in a bad spot, but logistically,
I can't tell you where I'm here. Hey, Morgan, how many of those
calendars have sold? I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it. I'm going to sell the calendars. I'm going to sell them outside of the
casino for a little while. Get some chip money.
All right, what's the next one?
Here we go. Let's try again. There we go.
And the nominees for Best Song are
The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread.
Music and lyrics by Irene.
Music and lyrics.
And this is about it at weddings.
This thing has gone through it.
I like it.
I love it.
22nd pilot.
Music by 21 pilots.
Oh, yeah.
Lyrics by Ben.
The song's out the wedding.
This was great.
But my taste in music's on the stage.
And it takes a PowerPoint.
you show you how
Don't cry for me
Argentina
music and lyrics by Andrew
Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice
performed by Aaron
Gareth and Judd Appetow
For Detroit Lion tickets
All right
Don't cry for me
Argentina
The truth is I never
left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my
promise don't keep your distance boy that was a wild one she got a lot of domination shocking i mean
and the winner we don't have to guess do we i mean just open it just to be safe but and the winner is mrs gingerbread
house it is mrs gingerbread okay joining a irene joining on zoom let's bring god agreed thank god
I mean
Hey you've won
Thank you so much
I think people knew I was for the people
And I'm so grateful to you all
Well I think not only are we grateful for you and your song
But people at weddings have been
Which is crazy
Did you ever think that this song would kind of move around the world
the way it has?
I did not, but in hindsight, I really said.
And how does that make you feel when you're looking at your cat,
thinking that people dance to this at weddings,
people have played it at home,
people have admitted they listen to it daily?
That's crazy.
I mean, it makes sense to me.
She is a star.
I want to dedicate this to her.
I do want to dedicate this to Derek,
even though we did break up.
Oh, wow.
And I'm going to have to ask you to,
unring the bell.
Why?
Well, you didn't know, hold on.
Let the woman speak.
Since the episode aired,
Derek and I broke up,
I am unemployed and now living with my parents.
So I'm going to ask you the-
Irene,
listen,
we're not,
Irene,
I did you hear we're going to send you a calendar?
Jake,
not now.
Jesus Christ,
read the room.
All right,
Irene,
so this is interested.
But I,
I mean,
you feel like it's the
Mrs.
gingerbread situation that got you to this
point? You're willing to put the culpability
on us and the show?
Yeah, I think so.
Tell you what, we're sending you two
calendars. How about that?
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
We didn't murder the duck, by the way. Go ahead.
We didn't murder the duck. The ducks alive.
Irene, walk us through. What happened here, pal?
Yeah, I mean, I don't want to air anyone's dirty laundry,
but it just
it didn't work out and he's wonderful
and she's wonderful
you don't have the cat anymore
she's Derek's cat
holy shit
oh boy we got to get this cat
holy shit drink two of those
we're going to get the goddamn cat do you hear me
so
you write a fucking bangor
and then
ballad you include his ass in it
because I know he was a music guy
he was half of the magic well he was
half of the magic but he was
The whole reason we got this story is because of his attitude.
He wasn't half the magic.
Well.
He wasn't half the magic.
Yeah.
He wasn't.
He wasn't half the magic.
He wasn't half the magic.
This is like it's not your fault in Goodwill Hunt.
He wasn't half the magic.
Irene, you got to cry soon.
I mean, you guys were, you were there to help, but, but then you weren't.
It's okay.
We all have failures and,
You're not getting the calendar.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I'm sending two to Derek.
What is in this coffee?
Who are you?
You're out.
What are you doing?
The cat gets one.
He gets one.
You're out.
Your mouth didn't even know how to do that.
You're not in the world anymore.
My own mouth rejected your brain there.
So your parents have an animal?
They don't.
You're going to get another cat?
You want a duck?
I mean, I think I'm their animal now.
I'll tell you what, Irene.
This has been a bizarre and yet also kind of downer call, but look, you're getting a calendar.
It looks like there's a fridge behind you.
It might go great up there.
I'm not ready to move on.
When did this thing fall apart?
It's been falling apart.
I can tell.
It's been falling apart.
What were the two jobs you had and what kind of work are you looking for in what area are you in?
I had an evil AI job and a human rights job.
I'm looking for anything, really.
I mean, bit comedic roles, stock photo model.
I can, you pay me and I can pretend to be normal.
I don't think so.
Because you promised me you were going to be normal.
I don't think you could put that on your resume.
I didn't see you there, so I thought maybe Natalie is not here and I don't talk to.
She's here. She's clearly ready to talk to.
I mean, I don't know.
Maybe you want to be in a calendar?
Jake, all right.
We might put you with the guy who played pickleball.
We'll sidebar on the next calendar because, again, I don't think you're writing it.
I think of beverages.
Irene, whereabouts are you located if people want to reach out and have you pretend to be a human for.
Boston area.
Boston area.
All right.
And in closing, we're going to send you some calendars.
In closing.
You'll send you 44 calendars.
How about that?
Does that make you feel good?
What would you like to say to Mississippi?
Mrs. Gingerbread.
I love you, Mrs. Gingerbread.
I love you so much.
I always will.
Nothing will change that.
I love you so much.
I wrote a ballad about you.
I've been written a ballad about anyone else.
What about Derek?
And Derek, you're such a wonderful person.
And I really wish you the best.
And I think you're amazing.
Do you want him back?
No.
I'm going to go my own way.
So the thing you said about him wasn't
Totally true.
You're like, do you want Mrs. Gingerwood in your life?
It's an award show.
She changed the vibe, not me.
You've been the conductor of the vibe the whole time.
No way.
Not with her.
With Mr. H., we were getting emotional.
Stop pointing at her.
Go ahead.
I want me to see in my life.
I want her in my life, but Dee and I are taking a little break,
and then we're going to be platonic friends in the future.
Okay, that's exciting.
I'd like to take a little break from G.
Okay, dokey.
Look, Irene, thank you for calling.
We're going to send you a 44 counters.
You can sell them on the street corner like a newsie,
but we appreciate you.
The song is great.
Such a banger.
I have merch.
We have merch of the song.
It's just been really great.
Any other songs you thinking about
and they're cooking in the back of your head?
We have nobody loves her,
nobody loves you like me on the Spotify.
Right.
By Mrs. Ginger and the Breads.
Maybe in the future we'll do some more,
Mrs. Ginger and the Brad. That sounds great. Well, we appreciate you. You truly do deserve this
win. Yes. And I have to say this, and I mean this officially going forward, a caller cannot unring
the bell. It is a bell ring for us. Yeah. Because the thing was, you wanted to be able to do it
around him. You did. What happened between you two kids after? We can't control that.
And I mean, this is just, I just want to say this is perfect timing because my dad has a doctor's
appointment on Zoom. So I have to go in.
Goodbye, Irene.
Happy holidays, Irene.
Say hi to dad.
Actually, tell your dad to get on and we'll be the doctors.
We'll confuse him.
Goodbye, Irene.
That's a goodbye officially.
Goodbye.
Wow.
Bravo.
All right, here we go.
And this is guest helper.
This is exciting.
And the nominees for best guest helper are
Kat Reitman.
Christmas time?
I mean, if one of these.
He's here, it's not going to be short.
Santa Marlon.
Do we celebrate Hanukkah?
No, even though, for the record, I'm a Jewish fish.
Now, I am not going anywhere.
I'm staying where I am.
And if I have to bite, I will.
Lamorn Morris.
So we really do wish you the best.
Lamorne, you got anything?
Yeah, shout out to Deacon Jones in the back.
You got to call me.
You got to call me.
You owe me something.
He is so funny.
I'll take payment soon.
Venmo works.
I listen, don't think because you had a wedding
That I wouldn't go run up on you
I love you
And I know there's a wedding
I need my stuff
Neek and what
Justin Long
Come on
Rebecca, please
Your hair
You have the perfect head shape
Oh
Bullocks, what are you talking about?
No, really
I'm being fully honest
I've never seen you look more useful
than just then
You're teasing me, aren't you?
No, I'm really not, I promise
You're having a go
man who do you think i mean we we talk about all of these people as the best yeah but there's
so many more too i i do think justin with his performances on the show interesting by a hair
because he's very good at the acting i would say i would say justin by the slimmest of hairs
captain morgan or calendar girl i'm pissed i mean i mean
Michael Sarah is my favorite.
Yeah, Mike was a great one.
He should have nominated him.
Yeah.
But I hear you, there's a lot of people who didn't get, but Mike was great.
Natalie, you know, I'm going to go, Lamourne.
I do think the house of this show was slightly built by Lamarne Morris.
You're not wrong.
Our numbers, we started.
It was really slow.
The wedding speech.
That first one popped.
That felt like it was written.
And that felt like, oh, now we all know what the show is.
Yeah, I agree.
So, you're going, LeMorne.
Cat Ritman.
Not mad at Cat Ritman.
Oh, my Lord.
It's a video.
Oh, my God, Cat, hi.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, your girl won.
What's that?
What's that, Justin, Lamar?
Suck it, eat it.
Your girl won.
That's right.
Best guest helper.
In your face.
And let's be honest, I'm helping.
I am helping.
Gareth, Jake, you know I'm out here,
giving it my all.
Regular Mother Teresa type,
just passing out soup.
What's that, soup kitchen?
You need help?
No problem.
Helping.
Guys, you make a hell of a show.
It is a pleasure to be on it.
It is so much fun.
I love you both.
Happy holidays to all.
Thank you for this incredible award.
Does that come in the mail?
Do I have to come pick it up?
I hope I don't have to come pick it up.
That'll make her feel.
Could you send it?
She'll regret saying that.
Yeah, we'll say it.
When she gets the Steve Burke calendar in the mail.
She'll be like, what the hell is this?
Yeah, absolutely.
Nothing but love for all that.
She is the best.
All right, next one.
Ooh, this is a big one.
These last two are the big.
Best caller and top call.
Yeah, that's right.
And the nominees for Best Caller are,
Regina, in Finger Foods at the Orj.
I'm going to say you're going to have three great sessions before that baby comes.
Gareth, you want the over and under on that.
Would you take three sessions, Regina?
Would that, you'd be up for that?
We're betting on the session.
She has an orgies before.
Heather in Smart People are our kryptonite.
How's your wife?
I mean, your cat.
Connor in Spray and Mess.
One is Mexican.
His name is Roberto.
He doesn't speak a lick of English.
He has nine fingers.
You're living a wild life.
Kate, in Long Island, Lisa.
That was so nice of you, Mommy.
Thanks, Lisa.
Can I color with you guys?
Yeah.
Oh, awesome.
Great follow-up.
Page in Manikin for Denahe.
Literally, you just put it in front of the store and took a photo?
Well, we were trying, my husband and I,
we were trying to see a store that wasn't open at the time.
That was just, like, sitting.
Professor Dr. T. Squeeze in copper-tone style.
So why don't you...
You guys don't want to know my memoir or nothing like that?
What kind of animal I'd suck off in the jungle?
Oh, my God.
What kind of animal I'd suck off in the jungle?
I don't have a guess.
Really?
Yeah.
Who do you think?
I mean, it's obviously there's, it's an embarrassment of riches.
We were losing our mind, like when Paige did the...
Yes, we were.
I mean, that was really an exceptional call or move.
Yeah.
So it feels like maybe the problem wasn't as big,
but her solve really was where it stuck up.
I got to say, I'm not, there's too many for me.
Yeah.
I think this is a fun part why everybody gets a calendar.
And even people who weren't nominated should get them.
What?
People who didn't win.
People who were nominated.
Everybody who called.
I don't think we have enough for that.
Oh, no more.
Jake, you're in the weird phase of the coffee right now because you're kind of crashing.
I'll buy a million calendar.
I don't think you understand the money that that's called.
I'm going to sell my house.
Jake.
All right, so which one is his best caller?
Yeah, best caller.
I don't know.
Do you have a guess?
Page.
And the winner is.
Connor.
Wow.
And I think that's fair.
I'm not surprised.
Connor absolutely murdered it.
Well, the world building.
with Connor.
For so many episodes
and then he guessed it
on a couple.
Can we, he's got an
audio message.
Yeah, we got an acceptance speech
from Connor.
So he's a teacher now
so he couldn't join us right now.
I'm happy he's teaching.
We should connect him with Mr.
Connor.
Thank you so much.
I can't believe that I won the helpie here.
I want to thank Gareth and Jake
for giving me the opportunity
to being on a few of these calls here.
I hope you guys
were able to get a few laughs
out of my interesting situation
there in the Airbnb.
I'm here
to tell you that you too can win a helpie if you end up signing up for a random Airbnb and moving
across the country and then everything goes wrong and it becomes a very interesting situation
that could be you next time you can win that healthy um my life update for you guys he's growing up
is i'm actually going to be moving to texas starting next year so that's a big change uh don't know
anybody there. He's crazy. So this could
also be something interesting. I thought he had it all together
as his new job. I don't have a roommate this time
around. So I won't be able to
give you any more updates on that. He will. But if something does
happen down there, I'm
definitely be calling again. We need to follow
with Connor sometime October of next year. It's going to be some crazy
stuff. He hasn't grown up yet. You're talking very fast.
I'm going to be in Texas in April.
So what? Maybe I can go see. Well, maybe I'll meet the guy.
he said next year.
Oh, that's interesting.
Two weeks.
Yeah.
Texas is big.
What's going on?
Texas is big.
You really have not let me open one of those since the beginning.
No, I had to change your tone.
We couldn't do the whole show as that.
You're on cocaine.
No, it was a choice.
You were playing to a non-existent studio audience.
there. That's just what the Oscars are.
I know, but I couldn't do that for the full hour.
I get it.
I thought I'd get one.
Top Call.
And the nominees for Top Call are
Chris, who bought his boss tickets to an ostrich farm.
Oh, yeah.
I don't think that's a top call.
It was an amazing.
Yeah, it was.
It's going to be weird.
It's Ostrichland, USA.
Emma, who math.
masturbated while cat sitting.
So when I get there, I am so excited.
I get to just be a human for an entire week.
And, of course, that consists of just near constant masturbation.
Robert, whose brother might not be circumcised.
I mean, you could take your bad fuck.
Oh, come on.
God damn.
We're brothers after all.
No, man, I was thinking the same thing.
Angelica, whose haunted dolls look like Jake and Gareth.
Look at the big fat baby.
These are, by the way, you got a new nickname.
Little weird guy, big fat baby.
Stone, who does not have a foot fetish.
What can we do?
Yeah, so my friends think I have a foot fetish, but I most definitely do not have a foot fetish.
Okay, thanks for the call, my man.
We'll talk to you, really.
So clearly as a fetters.
Nick, who leaves shit stains on his towels in the sauna.
You can email him into a podcast about my dirty asshole, and I'm not going to try everything.
Nick, I'm wrong.
You're right.
Honestly, I'm offended.
Come on.
Who's your guess?
These are some, I mean, there's some throwbacks.
Ostrich guy was probably like, you know, first two sessions, yeah.
I it's hard it I think I'm going to go Nick I just think the shit stains were yeah it was
but also when I when she says constantly masturbating that I'm going
constantly is really the greenfield one the circumcision also a great one there's
great options buddy you're damn it what a tease all right here we go top
Call.
Hey, Gareth, do it the way you want to.
No.
Do it the way you want to.
No, because next year I won't be able to do it.
Just don't try to be cute for the girls.
Just do it the way you want to do it.
And the winner of Top Call and rounding out the first annual helpies is Robert.
Circumcision.
We're not sure if he'll be calling or not.
Do we know if we have him?
He wouldn't commit.
And he is not here.
Hey, but what a win.
What a win.
Gray call.
He doesn't get a calendar.
I did tell him he won.
He doesn't get a calendar.
Begging him for an audio.
Was there a response at all?
Yes, there was.
He just has moved on, I guess.
Let's hear what it is.
I said, I sent him a pretty desperate message.
I'm not going to lie.
That's so funny.
Please.
What do you say?
He said, oh, wow.
Really?
That's crazy.
Send me the number to call and I'll try to find time.
Wow.
Respect.
But guess what?
We probably don't even have his address, so we can't send him again.
But here's the reality.
Great call.
All of them were, thank you to everybody who did call in.
Yes.
The helpies were smash.
They will be annual.
Yes.
This is great.
Great.
January to January.
It is also fun to, I mean, you forget how crazy this show is.
So now we've got a very special moment.
Rob Miranda.
Your best friend.
He's in the Patreon right now, too, listening to.
Rob, we got to get, will we connect you to the duck guy of Mateo?
I asked him if he would make a gandall for him.
Yeah.
You guys should connect, though, in a real way.
But Rob, we're about to see the thing.
It's exciting.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
What's the best character?
This is here.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I mean, it's like he's getting put in Canton.
This is like his bust in the Hall of Fame.
I mean, this is shocking.
Walk me through all your thoughts.
I can't.
What the fuck is happening?
What has happened?
I mean, what?
What's going through you right now?
You're drunk on coffee.
You're holding your best friend's head.
I'll tell you what's going through me is this is taking,
the calendar thing has been a really intense bit.
This is, we're entering a world.
I don't know what we're doing.
Yeah, we're wrapping out the year with this is, this is,
we're in total recall now.
Why do we have a 3D sculpture of Steve?
The idea that you're asking.
I mean, I love it.
Rob, as always, you crushed it.
We're going to figure out what we're going to do with it.
It might live back there.
Apex Rex
For flightless bird and ours
Whatever we're in studio
It might go home with me
It might go home with Gareth
It's not going home with me
It's not
No, I can for sure
I would love it, yeah
I mean we could pass it around
A little bit
We could share it around
We could pass it around
We could spread the wealth
Um
There's two more things
Oh there are
Yeah
When you're ready
Yeah we're ready
Do you want Steve
Just sit next to you in this chair
No it's fine right
All right what's next
Oh
Whoa.
If you're curious, it's a plant.
It's a planter.
It's a planter.
Oh, my God.
That's going home with me.
I'm putting that in my back.
I'm putting that in my bag out with a plant coming out of its head.
Absolute.
I mean, unbelievable.
Rob, you crushed it.
Yes, a hundred percent.
The thing is, Berg would love this.
Here, hand it to me.
Berg would love this.
So, you know, I could put my heirloom tomato in my own head.
Oh, if I grew fresh basil out of myself?
How good would that be?
Yeah, that has to go over.
I can make a pesto for Thuthi and I out of my own brain?
Holy shit.
Unreal.
Looks like it's from Greece.
Yes, it does.
And last thing.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
You got a fucking keychain of Berg's head?
Rob.
Remember when Rob called
and his problem was
his wife was upset
at how much he was obsessed
with dinosaurs?
He's now making key chains
of Berg's head.
Holy shit.
Can I have one of those?
Yes.
Whoever wants...
You know what we could also do?
We could send these to one of the winners too.
I was just going to say,
you know what next year if we want?
Incredible, Rob.
We could make little Berg trophies
and that is the helpie if we wanted.
By the way,
you know what we could do?
Rob, let's
do a deal next year.
Yeah.
We're going to commission little burgs and for the help you
That's a stature.
That little burgy guy with a little body.
So he also sent these pictures.
So when he was making burgh, that's his kid's birthday party.
We should probably talk to Rob's wife at some point.
Maybe do a check-in seat.
That's going to be an unringing of the bell.
Okay.
A little party hat.
Incredible.
And then making burgh.
Wow, with the no eyes.
That's a.
Incredible.
Zombie bird.
I think there's one more.
Was there?
Oh,
the last one's the best one.
Joe's great.
Man.
Is it coming to?
Are we obsessed with Steve?
There it is.
That's Rob's wife.
Watching.
Watching Minx are good.
Watch you know what?
Oh, my God.
Cuddling.
By the way, Jake,
if you want to have a framed picture,
I mean,
that's a pretty good frame picture.
That's pretty good.
Well, I mean, what else can we say?
Thank you to all the callers.
Thank you to everyone who worked on this here, Rabbit Granu.
What a win.
And thank you to you, G.R.
Thank you to you, Jake.
It's been a ton of fun.
The best.
Thank you to everybody, and we're excited.
What a win.
There we go.
Closing out the helpies.
Hi there.
I am a long time listener and I listen to your podcast religiously.
I just finished episode 240 and you jokingly said we're here to wed and it made me laugh
because I'm a local wedding planner in Ontario, Canada and I would be thrilled and overjoyed
to help out this couple in Florida.
If someone can fly me there, I would be happy to plan or coordinate for them, especially
if Danny Jay is going to be our lovely
officiant. I thought it's
just so lovely and
funny that this community, you know,
it supports anybody
for a wedding or
for a kidney transplant
or even a creepy doll
in some museum.
So I thought I'd throw my hat
in the ring and offer that up,
should anybody need it.
We're here to help
is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth
Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at
helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to
help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog.
We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis,
Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by
Chris Foller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Foss
Stike, animations by Andrew Strelecki.
And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com.
Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only,
and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.
All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon,
and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.
Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.
Hi, I'm Nicole Bayer.
Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda.
And this is the podcast, Best Friends.
And we're here at HeadGum.
So this is just a podcast where we just talk.
Yeah.
We're best friends.
We talk.
And then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.
So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities.
Yes.
We are professional friends.
Friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, PocketCast, or wherever you get your
podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work
week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were. I'm really sorry. I felt the
support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, I don't know,
reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're
Welcome.
