We're Here to Help - 245: Freight Train & Sloth Memes (with Colton Dunn)

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

Gareth and guest helper Colton Dunn help a caller whose coworker snores on the night shift. Then, they pay respect to a legend.See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-245Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, we're heredos. The Steve Berg-2020 calendar is here. Well, almost. It will be available for order on December 3rd at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We are doing a limited run of 500 calendars, so get yours while you can. All orders will ship December 9th, just in time for the holidays. Visit www.com.com to order. Well, we're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. Help. Well, hi, Colton. Hello. Colton Dunn. You're the guest helper today. We're here to help. We'll get into your many projects in our intro to the episode. But how do you feel like, all right. So this, we're trying to solve people's problems. What do you feel like? Because we haven't recorded any calls yet. How, do you feel like you give good advice in your relationships, in your friendships?

Of course. Yeah. I feel like I feel like I give good advice. Really? I think sometimes I'll be a little too confident in my advice, and it won't be good advice, and people will take it because I said it was so confident. Do you ever get offended when people don't take your advice? No, I mean, the only time I would get offended if somebody didn't take my advice is when

they like aggressively want to let me know that they didn't take it and they're going to do it a different way and then it fails in front of me like and then I'm just kind of like well see I have that with my girlfriend a lot where I'll be like I'll like suggest something and then I'll be like all right just just pass I don't need to hear like the long winded reason why you're passing just pass just do a soft pass and she's like you know we just really got a lot of good I think what Kathy said was so good and I'm like hey go just go live your life leave me alone. How much of your own stuff do you consume? Do you like to watch most things or do you kind of just like, on what level are you into that? I mean, I'll always want to watch it, you know,

to see like how things got put together, you know, because it's like I also only know what I did, you know, the day that I was there. So, you know, I'm always excited to watch something that I worked on just to see where it ended up. But I'm not like a repeat viewer. You're not like, man, I'm fucking awesome. I'm not like sitting in the room watching clips. Yeah. I remember when the first commercial I booked was for W.B. Mason in Boston. And they wanted to hire my roommate.

And he'd moved to New York. This is when I was in Boston. And they wanted to hire him. So they called my place. And I was like, oh, he doesn't live here anymore. And they were like, well, if he can't do it, do you want to do it? And I was like, fucking yes. So I call him.

And he's like, yeah, I'll do it. And I was like, God damn it. But then they felt bad, so they're like, why don't you play, like, a reporter? Like, you're just going to be interviewing someone real. And I was like, fuck, awesome. So I go do it. I'm like so chuffed to be on a set, finally doing something. And it was premiering the night of the, like, West Wing's new episode, like the season premiere

of the West Wing. Very cool. Great time slot. It was great time slot. And it was for a commercial, which is weird to know when the commercial is going to air. So, like, six of us were sitting around. And as the commercial got 20 seconds in and I hadn't appeared yet, it dawned on me that there's a strong possibility

that I'm not in this goddamn commercial. And sure enough, it just got to the end and I wasn't even in it. And I was just like, eh, and everyone was like, wow. It's still pretty good. I was like, in the background where you can see like, okay, well, there I was there. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. And everyone was just, and I'd never even watch the West Wing. I was like watching like the season four premiere just like, there's nothing you can do. Nothing I could do. And I was just like, God damn it. That, I would say that's pretty good.

That's like a pretty good metaphor for my career. And then, what was it like when you booked Superstore, like, because obviously that show became very large, did you realize, like, when that started, that, as an actor, that has to be one of those, like, I've talked to Jake about this before, who is the other host of the show. Like, there is some level of, like, oh, my God. Like, you must feel a great sense of joy slash relief to finally have consistent work on a popular show.

Like, is it, are you over the moon? Are you still like, God damn it, it's fleeting? Do you have imposter syndrome? How do you feel about it? Well, it's over now. Like, when you did it, though? Like, when that happened? So, I mean, I have that context on it now.

But, yeah, of course, at the time, it's like it's just the best and it's like you know and the nice thing was is I had been I've been living out in Los Angeles for years you know I had seen shows I'd been on I done other pilots I had written worked as a writer on shows I had seen all the different types of trajectories and how shows could go the cast was great we had a great time hanging out together and you know it was for a while there it would get like it wasn't like an early pickup but we would get like on, you know, a lot of times they make you wait really long to tell you whether or not they're going to do another season. And it was always usually sometime toward the end of the season that we were on. Yeah.

Like we were shooting, that they would be like, all right, after this, after your break, we're going to be coming back. And like that is, like that, have that happen once in, in this business is great. To have it happen as many times in that show was just like, what a huge weight. knowing that you're going to go back, go back to work.

You've got a place to go. There's going to be some stability. And it changes, it changes your career, too. I mean, it's like being able to have that level of recognition. Do you feel that if you ever walk into a big box store? Are you ever like, like, do employees in big box stores recognize you? Not so much. I mean, every once in a while, if I go to, because here, the show is just on NBC and now it's

on Peacock. Right. And I think, I think it's going to watch it on Hulu too now. But for a long time, it was just on Peacock. And over the pandemic, it was on Netflix in, like, the UK, Canada, Australia. So if I, when I go to those places, you'd like, yeah, I can't, it's very hard to go anywhere. Yeah. Because everybody's, a lot of people have seen the show. So here it is still a good number of people.

But, yeah, I have, I only happened really once. That was a really funny one where somebody recognized me in like a big box, you know, like a Walmart type store. Like, where are the remote control replacement? You're like, no, I'm good. You got a note. All right, man. Well, I think we got a caller here.

So here we go, Colt. We're about to solve problems. I don't know. We're going to get into it in a minute. But thank you for joining us. And enjoy this episode with the Great Colton Dunn and without further ado. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by the great Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I've told you before. I've saved money on a Packers radio station I didn't realize I was still paying for. There was a weather app that I was using, to track a hurricane that was hitting California on my drive a year and a half ago. And I was paid, they did the thing where they go, hey, seven days for free. And I went, oh, that's great. Then I avoided the hurricane two years later, well, guess what?

Still paying for that hurricane info, okay? I'm not saying I'm a victim, but, you know, I am a victim. I started using rocket money, and I found that I was paying for a subscription to when I directed my movie, I got something where I could see different images of different DPs and things that they shot. You know, it was something like $9 a month, and I got it. I looked at the photos, and I pretended to be a genius, and I looked at the world differently, and I thought, how would I shoot? What do I see?

Wow, Jackie Scorsese over here has a vision. And then, like a true bozo, I didn't cancel it. That was three years of spending without looking at it. that's real life that happens so on one dashboard you're going to be able to see your checking your savings your loans your investments all that so gives you a very clear view of your financial picture so let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join at rocketmoney dot com slash help that's rocketmoney dot com slash help rocket money dot com slash help hello hi hi welcome to we're here to help who are you please

I'm going to go by Lauren, so I don't, like, lose my job or anything over this question. That makes sense. That's fair enough, Lauren. Nice to meet you. That's exciting for us. Lauren, you've got Colton done here as the guest helper today. You got me. You've got Colton.

How old are you, Lauren? I'm 33. And where are you calling from, even though it's going to be a lie because of your job? Just name any city in America. I'm calling from Michigan. Michigan, the great city of Michigan. All right, Lauren, 33, Michigan, Colton Dunn, Gareth Reynolds, here to help. Ones and twos, what's going on?

So I have kind of like a unique co-worker-related problem without giving too much away. I am a nurse practitioner and I work in the hospital and I only work 12-hour night shifts. Um, so that's typically like 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., which I actually like for the most part, um, there are like some pros to that. Um, one of the perks. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm a mom. So that's like the main reason I'm doing it right now. Um, it just, you got to sleep all day when the kids are there. Oh, sorry. Keep going. Yeah. And I see my kids more than if I were working 7 a.m. since they're pretty little right now. Um, I really like to sleep all day when the kids are there. Um, sorry. I really like. Um, I really like. like the people I work with on nights. In general, the pace on. I do like her. I do like her. That's part of the problem.

If I didn't like her, honestly, this would probably be easier. But one of the biggest perks of my job is like, it can be busy, but even like on the busiest nights, you typically have a little bit of a lull when, like, around like 1 a.m., 2 a.m., when, you know, ideally your patients are sleeping. you've gotten your work done and I can go back to my office and as long as I have my pager on me I can kind of like rest my eyes like a 90s drug dealer mm-hmm yeah I got to say the pager is the pager I'll be honest is shocking uh I I hate that thing but that's um even for a large hustle system we're still does anyone ever paid you 420 for weed uh no I am like a very um

I do consider myself a drug dealer, but, you know, like with a license and everything. Word up. Yeah, yeah. Respect. Respect. Okay. So I work. So I have like an office that is pretty small that, and I usually work with two other people on nights.

And again, I love most of my coworkers that night. But it is a tiny office. Most of us like to enjoy that well and, like, kind of, you know, you know, lean back and close their eyes when things get slow. And I have one coat worker who, again, I love, but she has the most guttural, ronkerous snore I've ever heard in my life. And she's very good at, like, like, I'm jealous because even when I close my eyes, like, I rarely can actually fall asleep. she's like out and like her airway has gone with her and she's just she's like is she's sleeping in a chair yes she has this uncanny way of like taking these office chairs and leaning as far back

as possible and she's just out and she is um is she is there nowhere she could lay down flat um so we technically we technically have a call room that we have access to. In recent years, people go down there less because we're taking care of, like, thicker patients on the floor that we're on. And so, like, people don't know, maybe I derail you, though, because maybe that's not, is the issue just her snoring or is there, is there, is there, the issue is like, if anyone else in the office wants to, like, relax or like,

I can't even put my AirPods in because I can hear her. over. Wow. And we've even tried, like, using the drug dealer pagers to, like, page each other, like, me and, you know, my other co-worker who's, like, with me on the nice shoe snoring like this and, like, turning our pagers on as loud as possible

to try and wake her up. And she, yeah, it's... What, uh, Lauren, what should we call snorri? What's a good fake name? What do you want to give her? I'm really nervous. I'm going to slip up and say, her real name, but we can go with

Jessica. All right, well, we'll be able to, if you fuck up, we'll be able to bleep it or whatever. Okay, so basically she works the night shifts. What is her proximity level to you when you're hearing the snoring? Are you in the same room? It's a tiny, yes, it's a tiny

office. So even like, even if we all sit in like the corners of the room, like as far away from each other as possible, She's, like, I don't know, like 12 feet away. Have you said like, hey, you snore? Yeah.

Well, this is part of the problem is like she is one of probably the more, like, I feel like any of my other co-workers on nights, I could be like, what is wrong with you? Like, go get a sleep study. But she's probably one of our more sensitive people on nights. Yeah. Well, I mean, okay. I'll tell you this, the longer that you don't tell her, like that's going to be more, she's going to find out. Somebody's going to be like, hey, man, you snoring.

And she's going to be like, oh, wow, it must have just been tonight. And people, then everyone's going to be like, no, you've been doing it a whole time. I've also gone down the thought process of like, what if she like does kind of know or has an inkling and just doesn't care, which I don't, I don't have confirmation on now. I think, I think you definitely got, I would. say this, just right out of the back, you got to just go, hey, can we talk a little bit about these nights? Because you're working close together with her, right? And, you know, just to know, like, is the snoring, is that something that you do every time that you conk out? You know, I would bring it up immediately. I think you're, I, so the other thing is that, like, I travel,

like the guy who opens for me on the road is, it's unbelievable how bad the snoring. is and for some reason he falls asleep in four seconds like there's like a lot of times where I'm like hurry go to bed go and like that pressure of me being like fall asleep and then I'll just start to hear it and we've come up with a couple different systems like a married couple when we have to share a room which happens maybe 20% of the time but I'm comfortable like telling him to shut up or slap clapping my hands together or shaking him but you don't feel So essentially your question is, how do you get Jessica too fired? How do you get her fired and nobody knows it's you?

I think I would either like to lure her into the call room that, you know, that people don't use as much anymore. Like somehow like gently encourage her to go down there without. How about some information about this person? Because I am I, it sounds like you're dealing, you're using kid gloves here. And I'm trying to figure out. So how old is this person?

Are they like, are they a full grown adult? Yeah. She's probably, she's nine. She's probably, I think she recently turned 40. Like, you could just tell. You got to tell this lady she's snoring. I used to snore a lot. All right.

I used to snore all the time. And I could snore sitting up for sure. I think it might be worse sitting up maybe, right? Yeah. And I don't, I don't snore that. I don't snore anymore. unless I sometimes I'll snore when I'm like if I'm sitting up in a chair

but my wife will wake me up but here's the thing is I never know that I was snoring in my mind I was just sitting there like this and I kind of doze off a little bit and then somebody's like hey man stop snoring what a way to wake up to it when you're snoring so there's a very good chance that she does not know that she is snoring that you know

when she's clicking into that phase it's, you know, it seems really quick. She's not picking up, she's not hearing. How did you stop snoring so much? Did you? I quit smoking cigarettes. I worked out exercise. I tried to eat better.

Is Jessica, is Jessica bigger, Lauren? Yeah. Okay. She's bigger. She might still snore then when you bring her into the room to lay down. That's what the sleep study would probably find out. well is some of the issue you're you're you're you guys have a you have a oath what do you know what's so ironic

without without giving too much away is like a big part of my job is people who have like like need to wear yeah yeah sleep apatine yeah apparatus um I've been like is there a way I can, like, like, roll in one of these, like, machines and just leave it next to her. No, you can't just fucking trap her in, like, top gun. Like, you could, in, like, a creative way, like, maybe the, so, like, maybe one night she's snoring. Do you have security cameras? Ooh. Not in the office.

Not in the office. Okay. You wanted to abstain her. Just figuring out a way. Well, what, I was going to say, like, set up a reason for her to review some tape of the night before. Well, I... And then when she hears that, you'll be like,

oh, yeah, that's just you snoring. And she'll be, like, mortified. I think that's... And she'll be like, oh, my God, is it that bad? And he goes, it'll be like, well, you know, I mean, it happens every now and then. But you're a friend, you know, no big deal. And she'll, you know, but...

And then maybe she'll just ignore it. Otherwise, otherwise, yeah, just put a TV in that room. I think you're... Be an iPad. What Colton's sniffing around is probably what you're after more than anything, right, Lauren, which is like, you don't want to directly confront her. You don't know her well enough. You feel weird. I think you're in a unique position being in a hospital where you can probably find ways to make this someone else's

issue and have someone else bring it. Like, are you friends? How close are you with some of the doctors that you work with? Are you? Um, so I have thought about, like, Yeah, trying to see if I can get like a nurse because we actually, our office is on the floor that like most of our patients are on and our office backs up to the nurses station. And there's been a couple nights when me and my coworkers have been like the nurses have got to be able to hear this through the walls. Like it's like shaking the office. It's so bad. I think just to like color the situation a little bit. But I think she's gotten better in recent years, but I don't know if I, as a bedside nurse, would want to confront her about that.

Girl, you have got to confront her about this story. Just tell her she's snoring. Years. She's a little scary sometimes. How many years? Well, okay, so you're thinking you'll bring it up and she'll be like, yeah, I know I snore, deal with it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that could be true.

How many years, Lauren? I have no. I have no, oh, God, I'm revealing way too much, but I've known her. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do that with your job. You don't want to do that too much with your job. I feel like, okay. I feel like you're okay.

But regardless, look, it is time without question. It's time to stop this. Yeah. I've got a couple ideas, Colton, you can jump in, you can nix any of these. I'm working up a couple things right now. All right, I'll just, I'll get the ball rolling. My first one was going to be, as I kind of alluded to, you have a doctor or you have someone who's maybe, I don't want to, like, above her, say, I heard what was going on.

Your snoring is, well, yeah, it's a little too loud for like a shift or whatever. I'm a little worried. Have you ever taken part in a sleep study? Like, you might honestly need a CPAC machine or something like that. Yeah. Have them, you know, and you could tell them and be like, look, we actually have concerns about how much she's snoring. Is it, would you feel comfortable? Like, you maybe even can record her doing it and show it to one of them and be like, this is bad, right? And have them say, I saw you doing it the other night. I think you. need to, like something needs to change. And maybe even on top of that, you could show her or the doctor could show, or the nurse practitioner could show her what is actually happening. Because I think to what Colton's saying, like, she probably does not have any idea what's actually happening when she conks out. So if you kind of confront her with video evidence of it, I remember one time in college someone showed me a video of me blacked out and it made me be like I can't drink um it's like

there's a totally different thing when you see yourself as this another be another being so that to me feels like maybe a place to start from what do you think of that colton I think it's great I think you want to you're going to want to just check your local laws as far as uh that's legal One side, and just remember you're at work, and, you know, that, you know, she got upset about you taping her. You just have to make sure you got rid of that video. The doctor did it. Yeah, the doctor did it. You know, but, you know, I think, yeah, I think full come, full, just like showing this person what's going on is the right thing to do in this situation.

That would be our first step, but it seems like that, that's just not your vibe. You know, I like I like that it's coming from a place of like medically I'm concerned about you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess I guess if it comes from a place of like, I'm not,

I'm not doing this because you're annoying me. I'm doing this because like... Yeah, exactly. Like, do you have access to CPAP machines? Do you have so? You got it. We definitely do. I don't know what that.

The rules would be on, like... You're allowed to. Like, well, check like this out. Or maybe if you know a company that is trying to sell them and you reach out to them and go, you know, I work at this hospital, I'm, you know, an MP and I'd love to, you know, trial your product or something. And they just, just have the CPAP machine on when she comes into work one night. Oh, hey, girl.

And then, like, take it off and like, girl, you have got to try this. Like, I was just, have you ever done one of these, these is crazy. Walking around with it? That's so funny Walking around with it, like, I'm so happy. Oh my gosh, girl, you've got to try this. Got it on your back like a jetpack. Oh, my God.

I was in such a deep sleep. For some reason, I can't sleep at work. You've probably never tried one of these, but you would love it, you know? Not that you need it because I know you can sleep, girl, but you got to try it with that. Oh, you sleep. We can barely hear you keep. Oh, but yeah. So, yeah, maybe get creative with how to approach it with her, you know, medically.

Get one of the doctors involved. I think that, like, that to me as an outsider, I would like that the best because that's someone else entirely confronting for you. And then, like, I do think if you were in that, like, I think to what Colton's saying, like, obviously you don't want to shock the system, but just be like, hey, you're a beast when you sleep. But if there's a way to be like, like, I think seeing it would make her be like, oh, my God. Because the goal is kind of to just get her into another room. But I think the fact that you can't really do that unless... Is she married? Does she have family?

No. And that's like, I mean, my husband snores. And like, I tell him constantly. So she doesn't have like, she doesn't have a partner. He's like, you know, informing her of this. Right. Well, what do you think? I mean, look, Lauren, you don't, I, I know when people have had their, you know, they're, they're blown away by our pitches. That is not the energy you're giving off. Are any of these appealing in any way? Are you leaning towards any of them? You know, I feel like an asshole for saying this, but I do think your, like, stance of, like, this is actually a health issue. And, like, rather than just, like, coming from this at, from the stance of, like, I'm annoyed and I. can't sleep like maybe I should just genuinely be concerned about another human being like that is that that that humbled me a little bit I feel like that's that's a good point that do you think there's someone there that you could empower to do this on your behalf a little bit would you feel comfortable like is there someone there that comes to mind that you could have do

this because I think you could do it I think a couple of you could do it but I also think if you had like a doctor coming and be like Jessica look I'm a real deal doctor and what the fuck is happening when you sleep I have I have like one or two people in mind that I feel like I could

I could get to do it who are who are some of our like night fellows night fellows sounds awesome like just so I'm trying to get an idea of like what the what the reaction that you think, like what's the bad reaction

that you're worried about happening? What do you think is going to happen if you say this that she does that, tell me what that looks like to you? I think her feelings would be hurt and she would be embarrassed and kind of, I'm worried that she would kind of go like, well, I'm just not going to sleep. I'm just not going to sleep at work anymore.

I don't want to bother you guys. Like I don't like and kind of turned it into like a I don't know. She just, she's sensitive. All right. I mean. Well, then I think the health thing really also helps with that, right? Because, you know, you could be like, it's not annoying, you know?

I just want you to get. We love it. It helps us sleep. We're sad to see a goat to be quite honest. Yeah. I mean, it's soothing. It's like a cat purring, you know, but. Oh, my God.

It's like white noise that's sort of malfunctioning. It's awesome. It's like a robot breaking. It's a nightmare. That really helps us. Jessica, I think maybe what, now, what is going to be your best path towards asking someone? Are you going to talk to them at work? Do you think that's going to be the best way to handle that?

Yeah, yeah. So then why don't we do this? Why don't we just real quick just to get it out there? Why don't, why doesn't Colton play the doctor or the nurse practitioner that you think is, or whoever we're talking about, who's going to be the one that you're going to ask? And why don't you be you? And why don't you just, why don't we roll play this real quick just to get a rehearsal out of the way?

Yeah. And see how it comes out and see how comfortable you are doing it. It normally seems to help a little bit. Okay. All right. So here we go. Camera pans down. Action.

What are you doing in my office? Well, he would probably be coming into our office. All right. Let's cut. Back to one. Colton, now that we go, now that we know how it works here. Hey, guys, good to see you. Hey, man, how's it going?

It's all right. You know, a lot of work, a lot of work. You know this industry. Hey, I, we collectively as a team have been talking, and we were wondering if you could do us a huge, huge favor. Yeah, of course. What is it? So, Jessica's not working tonight,

but I know she's going to be on tomorrow. and you're on for the rest of the week. We, I don't know if you've heard when you've been on the floor before, but she has been soaring really, really loudly. Of course I heard that. Who are you talking about? This guy's, yes, I hear it. Every time I hear it, she's here, yeah.

It's gotten really bad. And honestly, we're starting to worry that she's, Like, like, I've heard her, I've heard her stop breathing, like, a couple of times when she's been snoring. I don't know, I don't know how to gently tell her that she needs a late study. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a tough one. That's a tough one. I feel like you're far removed enough from the situation that maybe, maybe you could express some concerns to her. It would, it would really mean a lot to. Okay. Did you talk to her about this already?

or? No, we're worried that she's going to, she's going to, it's going to hurt her me on a little bit delicate. Okay. All right. Maybe you could just encourage her to get a sleep study in a very gentle way. Yeah. I mean, you know, I'll give it a shot.

You know, I don't want to like put her information out there. She's not my patient, you know. But I'll give her. Give it a shot. You do what you, would you happen to, maybe if we did this together? Yeah, I don't mind being there. I just don't want to be the one to break the news. To actually, oh, well, then yeah, let's do it.

You know, let's talk to her because, you know, we'll just tell her that, you know, we got some options. You know, there's a room down there. We could get a CPAP machine in there and she could conk out and try it out, see what it's like. I think great. I think that, yeah, let's do it. Dr. Dunn buzzed into it.

Lauren, I think that was pretty good. The only thing I would say is maybe front load your pitch a little bit with, we don't want to hurt her feelings, we really think it's going to be taken more seriously from someone like you. But I think that's pretty good. And also, and say that you want to approach with like sort of a unified, you know, with him. Yeah, I like that too. If you're open to that, I think that's helpful. It almost sounds like you're like, you know, then you're like, will you go in that room and tell them, you know?

Yeah, go feed the. I mean, I feel pretty good about that. Lauren, you're all right with that? Yeah, yeah. It's still like, like, it makes me, it still makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time, you're right. Like, hey, is there like a way you could, like, you know, go out and grab lunch or, you know, like, do this, like, maybe not even, you know, maybe off campus, like outside, like a little bit more

casual, not like you're, you know, institutional, you're in the office and there's a problem. Yeah. I don't hate that either. I don't really think, I don't really think she has that relationship with any of us. Like she's kind of, Colton, you're saying the doctor, like when you talk to the doctor, right? Is that what you're suggesting? I think that, I think I could help with the doctor. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like any, any stuff you could do in this, not in the office is, uh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think either way. I got you. I think. I think, that's pretty good. This is what I'll say selfishly for the show,

because we're going to want to follow up on this one, obviously. It would be great to just get some audio of the snoring. I don't know, I tried. I tried. I don't think you, Lauren. I know, Lauren, and I just don't think you've tried hard enough. But, but again, we're here to help you. I'm just thinking, you know, from a production standpoint,

it's great for the show. So if before this confrontation happens, you happen to just have your phone, near this deep sleeper who's not going to wake up from you pulling out of phone and just tapping record on an audio file.

That'd be great. Yeah, yeah. Listen, if you guys have any audio of, like, a freight train, that's close enough. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, you got to.

She needs help, dude. All right. Well, Lauren, I think we got to, I think you feel good, we feel good. She doesn't. She needs help. Her breathing stops.

You let that slip out in the, acting. Give it a shot. I think, I really think worst case scenario, she's going to know that she snores, and that's

better than what's been going on. So, yeah. All right. I like it. I like it. You guys are, you guys have humbled me. I need to, I need to look out for her.

You're doing. Good luck. Don't let the, don't let things go on for years again. Yeah. All right. We got, we got, let's, let's not let us do the first thing. That's the first, let's check that off the list. What, you know, we got to.

Lauren, you, you work in the medical industry. Allowing a problem to fester is detrimental to long-term health. So it's time to get in there and, uh, and try to find us. Oh, my God. You know what I'm saying? Now you're going to make me too bad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's just trying to feel good. We're about to check this off the list.

You got to, we're going to ring a bell. So don't you, don't go dark. You're happy. Hopefully, everybody's happy. Hopefully, you won't have to deal with this snoring anymore. That's all we want. Especially if that's the one thing, that's the graveyard shift, that is... I mean, that's not like to be able to adjust to that.

You know, I know a lot of people who work as nurses, and that shift is tough, but some people can adjust to it, and it's great. Yeah, if you've got kids, it's really great, so let's see if we can just get this one bad thing out. And I think it's good for your job, and you have a very important job, so you've got to be, like, as aware as possible. So I think it's, you know, there's a number. number of reasons why this should happen. So go get them. Get that Miami base out of there.

Yeah, exactly. So get the woofer gone. So keep us posted. All right, Lauren? Yeah, sounds good. Thank you, guys. All right. Thank you, Lauren.

Talk to you later. Have a good one. Hi. Hello. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm great.

How are you guys? Great. You've got Gareth for this one, and you've got guest helper Colton Dunn joining us. So the two of us are going to solve whatever the hell your problem is. Can we get your name, please? That's great. I'm Susan. Hi, Susan.

Where are you calling from, Susan? I'm calling from Georgia. Beautiful. All right. You ever spend time there, Colton? Sure. Atlanta, shooting. Yeah, I've been in Atlanta, yeah.

It's a big, big shooting spot. See, Susan, I'm in the business, too. How old are you, Susan, roughly? I'm 30. 30. Okay. Susan, somewhere in Georgia, where they shoot a lot in Atlanta, Colton's been there, me, not as much. What is going on? So about six months ago, I got a new phone number, and now the old number has apparently been reassigned to a new person who is now impersonating me.

What? I know. So when I got to do a number, I told, like, my friends, my family, I, you know, sent like an email to my faculty and stuff. And then for a couple months afterwards, I got comments in person like, hey, you didn't respond to my text or you ignored me or something. And I was like, oh, sorry, a new number. And I figured it just worked itself out over time, you know. And slowly that like dwindled away.

So I figured it just solved itself. But then last week, my husband and this, you know, the old number were added to a group text with like 20 plus other people that my husband works with. And they were inviting it to a baby shower, which actually is now tomorrow. and the old number responded to this invitation with like this meme of a sloth like I think it's a sloth it's like drunk passed out on the couch it says like it's five o'clock somewhere

and the you know the group text owner the person who sent the invitation was like we have a picture I was gonna ask yeah okay wait so so we've got the we're celebrating someone's what are they celebrating baby shower Baby shower. Okay, baby shower. Everyone's like,

champagne and charcutory will be provided. Hope y'all can make it. And then someone says, okay, someone you know says diaper duty challenge, whatever, a weird, there's a weird challenge.

And then someone says coming next Saturday. And then your old number texts a hammered sloth on a couch. And then the person says, is this a yes, you'll come? Susan, L.O.L.

and then did the person who's pretending to be you said yes oh fuck that's that old number I know they like doubled down oh Susan they really committed and then I think at some point someone

well here's the problem is that Colton and I are in love with the person who's doing this from your new number from your old number oh no like we're we're very you want to talk to this person um okay but what keep

the fucking I wish people could see how funny the sloth The sloth picture is It's so good Okay, keep going and then we'll We'll start pitching Well, I think that my husband just at one point said You know, like, hey guys, that's not Susan

But it's a text with like, you know, green bubbles or whatever So they couldn't actually remove the number So they just kept talking in this group text And so this person's bulletproof This person's bulletproof. Yeah, so they just have all the information, which, you know, I'm slightly afraid that they're going to show up at this baby shower tomorrow, but my main concern is to, you know, for you guys to help me with is how to get them

to stop impersonating me. Man, it's just so awesome that they did this. Is this the only instance where they impersonated you? As far as I know, I mean, he could just, I assume it's a man. It seems kind of like a man response. I think they could be just sitting there chatting with people as me. It's 100% of man, you know. It's 100% of man.

And it's 100%. I'm going to say it's 100% of man. It's a man. And it's not the only time. You do this too. It was too natural a response. Like they've done this before. They're getting comfy.

They're getting cocky with it. Have you texted them and kind of confronted them? No, because I don't want them to have my number. Oh, your new number. Okay. I did consider it, but I was like, I don't know if I want this connection to happen. Yeah, you don't want to. Is there any way to confront them in that group chat?

Like have the whole chat confront them? Well, my husband's in it. I don't know if, I don't know if all of his work colleagues are down to do that. I didn't really ask that. Oh, I see. Now, but this is just a, it wasn't an official work event. No, I mean, it's like all of his work people's, like one of their wives' baby showers. So it's, I guess, kind of a work event.

Okay. I have a couple ideas. I really do just have to, again, this. person's a hero um this is awesome i changed my number a few years ago and it it really sucks especially when you've had how long did you have the number for i mean like over 10 years why did you have to change well i went i shattered my phone and then when i went to the store they were like here's your temporary number and i was getting so many spam calls that kind of seemed nice i was like i kind of like that and yeah you know you had like a fake number and you weren't getting like

all the spam text and calls. Yeah. And I was like, I think I'm just going to keep this. Listen, it's a, look, you made a bold move. I have a couple ideas, Colton. What are you thinking? Oh, man. I mean, this is a tough one because this person really holds all the cards here. And they are really playing them well. Yeah.

And like to confront a person like this, when they have the higher ground. I mean, you're just going to get, it's going to be more memes. Yeah. I think, you know, I think this is just a slow choke. You just have to slowly, you know, get your new number out to various people,

just kind of ignore the goofiness until it goes away. Because if you confront this person, I mean, head on. Yeah, you, like you said, like you said, no, this is the bad guy in a movie, and we're in the part when we have a cork board with yarn and we're going, I don't know, what the fuck to do here. I, um, my, okay, I have two pitches.

My first one would be have someone, like whoever, a friend of yours or whatever, who will pop up in the phone with the name identified, say, text it, and be like, something along the lines of like, Susan, um, this is dark, so get ready. Susan, something really terrible happened to Andy I need to get in touch with you will you call me as soon as you can it's so important something like that where it's like this person can't sloth meme their way out of it

and they might actually have to be like oh shit okay I need to actually reply with some serious shit here that might be enough to shock them out of it my other pitch is that why don't we I'll call from my number right now and try to talk to this person and I'm not going to lie I'm going to start with a hat off to you oh yeah you're awesome well you have you have had fun you deserve it you were put in a position that you've really you've been awesome Yeah.

However, you know, the party's over. Can you start forwarding any messages either say the number is different or, yeah, I guess it's that. I mean, just say, you know, this person, this is a new person now. And there's a chance that this person started doing that and just got so fed up of the amount of texts that they just started being like, fuck it, you know? I did consider that because, I mean, it seemed kind of fast to reassign the number. Like, I don't know the timeline, but I'd probably be annoyed, too. This person, like, just got a new number near a text all the time. Oh, yeah.

And a group text is like about a baby shower and you're like, I'm wasted. It's so good. It's so good. So those, I mean, that's, those are the two places my mind goes to. Are either of those appealing in any way to you? I love it. I would love to see someone call the number and just see what happens. All right.

I'm going to, Natalie, is the best way to do this for me to just give it a call? Yeah. I don't know if they'll answer, but I'll, I'll maybe, I'll find a quick intro into what's going on. And then, Colton, you feel free to jump in. Susan, I think we'll keep you on the sidelines unless we feel like we need a closer. Like you said, I think you want as much distance from this as possible. Is there, just so we know, though, like, other than that yes, confirming that you'd be at the party, Was there other impersonations that happened in there?

No, not that I know of. Okay. And have they, have somebody else told you that they said something crazy? No, I just heard, and essentially in that group text, they were like, hey, fake Susan, please don't come to this baby shower. You're just hoping that they please don't use this power in a bad way. For evil, yeah. Okay, okay. Because he hasn't been actively impersonating you.

Hey, wrong number would do. Let me say two things. One, I want to once again highlight how awesome it is that they said yes. I don't mean to keep globing the knob of whoever this is, but the fact that when pressed for an answer, they go, yes. Exclamation point. Yes. It's awesome.

The other thing is, do we want to leave a voicemail? If they don't answer, which is very possible, do we want to leave a voicemail? I think it's, you know what, in case they're doing that visual voicemail thing where they're going to immediately look to see who it is, which is what, you know, I don't even, if a call comes from, like, numbers that I don't know, I just wait to see what the voicemail says. Yeah. So I just say like, hey, you have a number. You replied to the baby shower. I'm calling about the baby shower. I know something that they could see immediately and know.

Or should I just be like, hey, I'm calling on behalf of the person who previously had. this number. Beautiful. I want to say it's so great how you've been replying with some funny stuff. It's very funny. But this person is now concerned. Okay, all right. So that'll be our voicemail if we leave one.

Hopefully this person answers, my gut is they're not going to because they're probably so used to getting weird numbers now. But maybe they will. But again, I mean, there's the sloth gift. Yeah. Susan, it's us. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, that'll be bleep. Don't worry, Susan. I'm going to call it now, then. Okay, great. The entire country can have that number for spamming. All right, Susan, come on now. That's my best friend you're talking about. So relax over there.

It's comedic legend. I'm excited. I'm excited to hear their outgoing message, too. Okay. Ringing? Yeah. The person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet. Goodbye.

That's fascinating. Wow. A fascinating wrinkle. Wow. Now, do we want to text or send a voice memo? Well, wait, can we text this person? We have to be able to text them because they're replying to the baby show. I think that might be the way to do it.

Natalie, do you feel okay with it? a text? Sure. You're the best. Is this going from your phone? It's going from my personal phone. You have now just opened yourself up. Natalie, Natalie.

Natalie almost couldn't make this recording, by the way, so she's now like, cool, awesome. Is that okay with you now? Yeah, it's fine. What do we want to say? Okay. All right. Here's what we'll say. Hello there.

And then Susan, if you, I'm Colton, if you, want to jump in this is not a final draft so um i am friends with the person who recently gave up this number that has now been assigned to you first of all i want to say i think you're awesome yeah the sloth the drunk sloth on the couch reply to the baby shower was Chef's Kiss top-notch stuff. The yes The yes belongs

in the Hall of Fame of texts. We'd love to talk to you and give you your props in person. But, well, maybe just even say the issue, the issue, has now become that since you're replying as another person

it is messing with their work a little bit all of her husband's work friends thinks she is a drunk sloth okay yeah

so all we can offer is a plea colon Instead of her husband's their spouses. Yeah, okay. Yeah, great. All we can offer is a plea, colon. Going forward, please, at minimum, just ignore any messages intended for the original owner of this number.

If you felt like saying this person is no longer at this number, that's great, too. But we don't expect it. But while we love your comedy, it is starting to become a little professionally precarious. Again. With great power. It's great responsibility. All right, do a little editing, Nat. Don't be afraid to cut it down a little.

No, I'm going... I just... I got every word, so no, I'm not going to. Well, you really sound happy about it. It was a lot of... She's even pissed about the hello there. Hello there. I am friends with the person who recently gave up this number

that now has been assigned to you. First of all, I want to say I think you're awesome. The drunk sloth and the couch reply to the baby shower was chef's kiss top-notch stuff. The yes belongs on the Hall of Fame of Text. We would love to talk to you. to give you your props in person. The issue has now become,

since you're replying as another person, it is messing with their work a little bit. All of their spouse's work friends thinks she is a drunk sloth. Well, we've got to say, Bay, trying to hide that, right? Yeah, thinks they are a drunk sloth. L.O.L.

Maybe the, we'd love to meet in person should go. That sounds a little bit encouraging them to show up at the baby shower tomorrow, you know? That's not the worst thing, though. That's how you really get the confrontation. but you're the boss. Okay, so let's delete that. We'll love to talk to you to give you your props. The issue is now becomes, since you're applying as another person,

is messing with their work a little bit. All of their spouse's work friends think they're a drunk sloth. So all we can offer is a plea, colon. Going forward, please at minimum, just ignore any messages intended for the original owner of this number. If you felt like saying this person is no longer at this number, that's great too. While we love your comedy, it's starting to become a little professionally precarious. With great power comes great responsibility.

Thanks. All right. I think you could lose the line before the with great power comes great responsibility. I've really... That was her own line. I know. I know it's mine. You can stop this.

Just cut that line because I think I've really... I think I'm definitely encouraging them by being like, you are the best. Susan... Yeah, way too far. How do you feel about it, Susan? I love it. I'm just trying to imagine if I got that text outside of knowing that it was a podcast. I'd be like, wow, that's a wild text.

I agree. You know, I love it. I agree, but you don't have a lot of options. If they don't have voicemail set up, it goes pretty much straight to voicemail. Yeah. It's kind of a Hail Mary. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think it's perfect.

So, Susan, if you're good with it, Natalie is going to send it. Colton, you feel good about it? I feel great. Okay. Go for it. Send it, Nat. And send. Wow, so happy about it, too.

it's a green bubble whatever a green bubble interesting yeah listen we're not dealing with just some amateur this is a fucking professional

okay yeah they haven't set up their voicemail they might just have this how long have they had the phone yeah do you have any idea Susan I mean I got this

new number probably six months ago like five or six months ago And I thought that they would wait like a year or something before reassigning numbers. That just seems like... I love that you think that's part of it, too. You know, it just seems weird to assign it so fast. But no idea. I'm not sure.

I mean, people stopped saying you didn't respond to my text. Probably, you know, it's been a few months. So I think you're pretty close to the clear. We've sent the text. I think on this one, we're going to have to keep you posted. So that's true. That's true. That's, it's a backward situation.

I think we did the only thing we can really do. We'll keep you posted. That was last week, I think. Yeah, it's been like, five weeks. Okay. It's just been a week and they have not texted in that chat again? They have not, no. They're just hanging out for evening. All right.

Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, again, I think the slow choke is also a good way to do this. Just, I agree. It's, and again, you're great. And the good news is the new person with your number is also awesome. And you've got to save that GIF. You have no choice but to save that gift. It was a good choice.

You have to send it out to all those people now separately later on. And they'll be like, she said that was the fake number. But now she's using it all the time. This person inspires you. All right, Susan. We will keep you posted on whether or not we're back from this person. If they say they're showing up tomorrow, maybe give me a heads up. so I can warn this homeowner.

Legally, we can't. All right, Susan, thank you very much for the call. Yeah, thank you guys. I appreciate it. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to have. Help Pod to see our entire

catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by

Andrew Strelicki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.