We're Here to Help - 246: Great Guys & Island Music (Season 3 Premiere)

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

Jake and Gareth are back for another season of We're Here To Help! First, they help a great guy from Bosnia avoid awkwardness at the barbershop. Then, they strategize a grunge band breakup. Plus, a follow-up from Episode 94 "Ding Dash Ditch (with June Diane Raphael)."Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, it's Tignotaro from the Handsome Podcast. And I'm May Martin. And I'm Fortune Feemster, also from The Handsome Podcast. And we wanted to let you know that we made a very fun special episode of our show, sponsored by Squarespace that's up now on our YouTube page for you to watch. Handsome finally formed a band and recorded a hit song live in the podcast studio. And we documented the whole process for you to watch. It's by far the most ambitious and inspiring moment on our show.

to date. I feel like we can't say much more about it without giving too much away, so just go watch us make complete fools of ourselves and have the best time ever. Or become the newest pop sensations. That's right. Go to YouTube.com slash handsomepod or listen wherever you get your podcast. That's YouTube.com slash handsome pod to hear us record a song live. See you at the Grammys. Oh, for sure, buddy. For sure. Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com. slash handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We're back.

All right. Gareth and I were just doing on Patreon, a chat. We're doing more of them. We're going to actually start doing the chats with the guys on Patreon. We're going to try to do at least once a month, maybe twice a month. That's just for people, that's with Scatter and Pee-P, just in case people are going to understand. But the idea of it is main show is feeling more. Mondays me and Gareth, Wednesdays there's a guest.

Fridays, every other Friday is weird. occasionally we'll do like the, you know, best advice. But any new friendship game or anything that, we're probably just going to do on the occasional Friday or on Patreon. Just as we're figuring out, every season, as we've always said, the show keeps evolving. And now we are officially in season three. Yes.

Which is wild. Big things coming, but also the show is going to change and evolve again. Yep. But now it is season three. And the first big storyline of season. the first we're in a whole new galaxy folks mind you season two

storylines like the kidney they're still going the calendar these are still part of the season two storylines don't fade away but season three storylines Berg's attitude is heart throbbingness that that can't go anywhere that's not going anywhere

unfortunately pee pee pee pee pee pee is here to stay we we are nicknamed him peepy because when he's doing his podcast cute guy voice he we were all doing a chat and he goes excuse me guys I gotta take a pee oh as soon as we started you called them out because it was like

the second the subject changed away from him he was like I'm gonna go pee pee pee so we're calling a pee pee and Eric is Elvis's monkey scatter but yeah we were just talking on Patreon and something happened talking about animals talking about I love animals you're talking about the stand-up special

about how the end of your special which when it's available you're going to tell everybody here, and we hope you guys all support them. But you said it's about animal mortality, and then I thought, for a guy who loves animals so much and there's a sweetness to it,

I thought, does the G-man ever want kids? And I never have. I love being an uncle. I love being able to, especially with the road, and then I told you that I think I'm ready to make a lifetime commitment to my decision to not have kids. And so I thought, what does that mean, Gareth?

And I explained, that means seeing a specialist who can cut the cord. And then you said you're going from cable to Wi-Fi? Streaming. I'm cutting the cord. Cable to streams. So the first storyline of season three, which Gareth, I'm going to push Natalie to release this on Monday. Sure. That's fine. This is being released January 5th.

I'm, yeah, I think I'm probably going to do it this month, I think. And I'll tell you what. I don't know how much you know about it, but it is... I know nothing. It's very strange what happens. The actual procedure itself is pretty simple, outpatient, no problem. Sometimes there's a problem, but I'm hoping I won't be in that category. all, the entire story of this,

every behind the scenes, a doctor appointment, anything Gareth is willing to do is going to be on our Patreon. Sure. I will record whatever. Everything. I probably,

I don't know if I'll be saying wowie as much. You might. I might. I don't know. I haven't been through it. I mean, this is the year of the SNIP.

This is the year of the SNIP. Yes. And the first thing I want to say is do you have the doctor or the place you want to do it? No, but I have someone I know

who has done it and recommended a doctor, so when I get back after this run, I'm going to... Is it in the L.A. area? Yes. So here's what I would like to say to our community. Show up. We want the best. If anybody has a link

to the best... I'm open. We will, as a show, we will, as a show, fly Gareth there. there's no fucking way I'm flying for a vasectomy I'm the home so little that I'm not going to go what if it's the best

vasectomy doctor in the goddamn what is the offer going to be I mean the odd that seems very simple it's like this is not simple this is a surgery you're producing you're producing Mo yes you are street drugs here's the If someone's going to go in those walls

and cut off your ability to eject semen into... Well, actually, no, you still eject semen, but what does it do? It just... There's nothing in there? From what I've heard, it's a very similar appearance,

but, yeah, there's just the... It's just not firing the sperm. So it snips the part of the balls that have the sperm and fired off, it snips that, so in that moment... You think I'd know more considering I'm 100% doing it. Well, so here's what I'd like.

Voice notes. Yeah, that's possible. Doctors. That sounds good. What do you know about this? Because here's what we might be here to help. A bunch of guys could get snipped this year. Hey, I'm down to do it, make it like a polar bear plunge or whatever.

A bunch of us could go down there, stand in a line, bang us out. Anybody who's considered? Now, what I'm down for, I'm down for a snip partner. If there's someone who wants to get snipped together, I'm down for someone from the show to join. We can maybe get a group on. You're talking about like an audience member. We pair you up like a friendship.

Yeah, like the waxing. Hold on. We could do. Wowy. Anybody wants to get snipped with Garrett Raton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be vasectomates. So season three starting off with a goddamn bang.

Yes, with an empty load. 2026 where Gareth is getting a vasectomy. I am. And we as a community are going to go through that with him. Thank you. We're going to hear about it. This is really, we were, I want to remind everyone, we were on Patreon six minutes ago.

and this just came up and now this is the year of the vasectomy what could be more important than this you know I got to tell you something else there's going to be two big things of 2026 and I had forgotten to tell you this part of it

so 2026 year of the vasectomy as well as taking the chimpanzee love from me to another level so I've had people who work at sanctuaries reach out and gone back and

fourth. I am figuring out right now how to, quote, unquote, adopt a chimp. Jake, how, you're putting a vasectomy ahead of what you just said? I'm not taking it home. I know, but it doesn't matter. The vasectomy's bigger. I want to do it with the, I want the chimp to do it. Keep going.

I'm out of line. But the vasecta, Gareth, vasectomy is bigger. Okay. I'm more excited by your news, but go ahead. I'm excited, but you're getting a vasectomy. There's an enormous news. You're adopted a chimp. I never thought this is how today would end with me.

I never thought a statement would be, you're getting a vasectomy and you're adopted a chair. By the way, it's funny that we were like, all right, you got an intro? Yeah, I got an intro. All right. And then here we are going like, what is happening? You get it a chimp.

Season three is starting with a vasectomy and the idea of potentially as a commensate. community. And I'm going to tell you how this might happen. So for the listeners of the sanctuary in Kentucky, who I'm currently talking to, guys, there's no evidence of this yet. This is just chatter. Speculative. But I'm currently in talks. I might try to go on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune with Lamarren. Okay.

And the proceeds are going to be for Jim Sanctuaries. Jake, let me just say very quickly, if you go on Celebrity, Wheel of Fortune. My mother's head will literally explode. She loves the show? I love the show, but I also, the celebrity one, she will lose her fucking mind.

Okay, keep going. So, I'm in talks with them now. They had asked me to do it for a while. I've always said no. And then they asked me to do one with Lamorne and Hannah, and it was a few weeks back, and I passed, and then I started talking to this chimp sanctuary.

And I thought, I reread the email. I was like, why did they even ask you on Wheel of Fortune? I was like, I don't need to go on Wheel of Fortune. And then I read, it's all for charity. And I go, oh, there, you just get a fee for showing up that goes to charity. And then the fee they would pay me, I would give, I'm like. And you can get more because if you win. I won't.

I agree. I mean, I'll be so bad at it. Yeah. I sometimes call you Garith. It's a fair point. So, but I thought that fee alone, I could send over there. And then I started thinking, you know what we could do? We could use that at the beginning of the adopt-a-chimp program and as a community.

And I've been talking to this place and there's a couple of chimps that we can get the backstory on in their names. And then I'm going to make hats with Leah that say, I adopted a chimp with Jake Johnson. Oh. And every profit, she gets her cut because she's doing legit work. Yeah. But every profit, rather than a penny going to the show, all of it goes to the chimp. So therefore, if you buy a hat, you are technically like a Packer fan. Yes.

In a part owner slash parent of the season three, we're here to help chimpanzee family. And as of now, there are three chimps in a sanctuary, Ike, Donald, and the third son of a bitch's name. I can't remember right now. But I know their personalities a little bit I'm reading about them. I got funny photos. We might adopt all three of them. Oh, God. That's awesome.

No, all of it right now is just talk. That's amazing, though. But if that happens, this year, what you're going to get, if you stick with us, is the story in our intros and on Patreon, Gareth is going to get a vasectomy. We are going to go through them with him. We're going to hear the beginning, the middle, and the end of it. We're going to hear about how it is after.

and you have the opportunity to become a parent in the community of a chimpanzee. And Gareth, you'll be a parent. I was just going to say, there's a nice little, there's a nice crispness to the idea. I'll shut down my human daddy,

but become a chimp papa. You're going to be a dad, brother. And when we officially send the donation in, we'll get cigars. It's a boy. Gareth, Steve and Eric will get hats, dude. They'll be like, dude, and then you imagine all those guys? And we're not everybody's the dad.

Everybody who buys a hat, you're the mom too. Can I make a pitch real quick? I mean, this is a long intro, but let me make a pitch real quick. We should invent a chimp that we're calling Steve or Pee-P, and we create a bunch of terrible things that it started to do to make Steve feel like he has ownership over this bad chimp. And then we'll tell him that it's a fake. I will say we adopted four.

We adopted four, and one more calling Steve after the calendar. And we'll show Pitt will just Google image of whatever, like a kind of chubby chimp. So the Steve Chimp got a little weird. You know what we could do? Actually, Eric listens to the show, so we can't do this. But I was going to say, we could say one of the names is Eric and what is Steve, and we'll be like, and it's just their behavior. We'll be like, the Eric one got really weird during a meal. It attacked the guy feeding it.

And the Berg one's just really kind of weird and randy. It seems to live in a little bit of a diluted world. All right. Everybody enjoy. Head has a lisp. And we are brought to you by Butcher Box. When dinner time hits and your fridge is full of question marks, Butcher Box has your back.

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That's butcherbox.com slash here to help. Don't forget to use our link so that they know we sent you. If you like our podcast, you're going to want to listen to a new favorite of mine called I Need You Guys. Join Jenny Slate, Max Silversry, and Gabe Leedman every Tuesday where the fun finally makes it out of the group chat. These three friends have been together as buddies for over 20 years and they're not afraid to get real. crack each other up along the way and bring in new guests every week to join in the chaos.

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she's a very funny woman, then go listen to I need you guys, Jenny Slate's new podcast, wherever you get your podcast. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Do you like building websites, Elizabeth? Yeah.

Do you know an easy place where you could build a website? Squarespace. Squarespace.com, a sponsor of the podcast. We're here to help. Thanks, Elizabeth. We adore Squarespace. My website is Squarespace. My other podcast, the Dallops website is Squarespace.

Every website I am associated with a Squarespace. I am currently working with one of the callers behind the scenes on a website. And we're going Squarespace, because they do it all for you. They make it easy for you to get involved in the website game. And you have to have a website. I mean, what are we doing here? They've got everything. They have cutting-edge design, SEO tools.

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Welcome. Can we get your name, Age? Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. Yeah, where are you calling from? My name is Adman. I'm 44. And I'm calling from Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Wow. What's your name again, bud? Adman. It's spelled A.D. N-A-N. Thank you. You're welcome. Sherryevo.

And you're 44? 44, yeah. And Adnan, how'd you hear about this show? We'll get a fair question. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good question. Well, my wife actually introduced me to the show a year, a year and a half ago. She's a big Jake fan, fortunately or unfortunately.

and I've been listening to you guys ever since. And you listen to it there in your homeland? You're just listening to us? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That makes me have it. I think so too. Thank you.

Thank you. So, my friend, what can we do for you today? First of all, what time is it where you are? Oh, it's late. It's very late. If I'm a little quiet, my baby boy is sleeping. It's around 10 o'clock at night. So, my friend, what do you got?

Um, well, my son and I have been going to the same barbershop for the past, let's say, three years or so. Um, and when I book appointments, I book it for both of us. Uh, and we go one after another. Okay. Um, and there are two barbers at the shop, the owner who cuts our hair, um, and his colleague. And they're both great guys, right? Um, and the issue is kind of too. twofold. First, when we come in together, one of us always has to wait for the other one to finish, which is kind of time consuming and fairly unnecessary. You're talking about, Anand, you want the two chairs.

Oh, no, we're in one chair. That's the problem. But you're saying, get the colleague and the owner cut our hair at the same time. Well, yes, I would, I would like that to happen. That is the You guys go to see the same guy. Right. At the barbers where two barbers work at the barbers. One guy is just sitting there chatted. You're like... Right.

You both like the same barber. Yes. Yes. We like both of them. Yeah, no, he said he doesn't care. Oh. Anyone could cut his hair. Oh, okay.

All right, keep going. Well, yes. The second issue is actually that, what you're just saying. Is that the other barber at the shop is usually free. and he cut my hair twice or three times in the past and that was when the other guy was on vacation and as a matter of fact he did an excellent job even better than the usual barber

so the question is understood right how can I ask the other barber my hair without hurting the feelings of the barber we've been going to all this time question for you yes the barber you like his name. Let's give him a name. The better. Tony.

The one you don't like. I like both of them. I understand. What do you like less? I like both of them. I like both of them. I just want sometimes I want it to be a little bit faster so that we don't lose time. He's not going to listen to this.

You're our only Sarajevo guy. We're fine. We're not hot there. Yeah. It's our grain one. But you got Tony is number one. Who's our number two? Give a name. I don't know. Um, who cares? Garrett. Gareth.

Just to be clear, um, the shitty barber who you like less is Gareth? Well, no, there are no shitty barbers. Please don't get me wrong. But the less, the last great guys. The less good barber is Gareth. No, he's actually, he's actually the one he did, he did my haircut even better than the first. Oh, Gareth's the great bar. It's actually a compliment for you.

So you want Gareth to cut your hair, but Tony is the OG. Here's what you do. you say to Tony this hey Tony you're the best you run this place will you do my son's hair I don't care look at me I'm 44 years old

I'll just have Gareth do it but just in order to get time done I want you because I respect you to do my son's hair because he's comfortable with you and you know my son he's a little jumpy but I'll just go to Gareth

because we're running out of time and he'll go no problem well not exactly i actually tried that and it's always and it's always well a couple of times five or six times i've tried it in the past couple of years you've tried it six times well over the years i've been going to this barber for the past um like at least six years uh and with my son for the past three years um and every time i asked him even when he was on vacation he would say well i'll be there fairly soon don't worry about it you can wait and all of that. The same thing when I asked him to do my son's hair. He said, no, don't worry about

it. You know, you can wait. It's going to be fast and all of that. So it's kind of awkward. It's just awkward. He's not letting you up. Again, you've got to. Right, a little bit. I get this. I tried that. Just kind of hitting the wall. And the wall is awkwardness. I don't want it to be awkward. I don't want it to be in the conflict. I mean, again, they're both. great guys. There's nothing wrong with them. We love them. They're not listening. It's just that it's a little bit awkward, and I don't know how to go around that.

That's one thing. And the other thing, I want it to be comfortable when I go in there. My son loves them both, right? Of course. They're both great guys. They're both great guys. Yeah, I agree. They're both great guys. Even Garrett.

So, I got a quick question. Just because we're getting a little bit of the lay the land of where you are. There are other barbers? Oh, yeah. How big is the town you're in? Well, it's not that big, and I'm kind of worried about this call,

because if he ever hears about this, there isn't a lot of chances that he's going to miss who call. You made it very clear. They're both great guys. Yeah. They are. Do you feel one of them is not a great guy? No, these are both great guys.

No, they are. Okay, okay, okay, sorry. And are you really worried about in Bosnia that the barbers are going to go, while cutting hair, did you hear the latest episode? I'm telling you our numbers. Your nightmare is our dream. Hey, it's a small town. I mean, fairly small town, right?

God, it would be. For us, it would be. If a word gets out, it's going to spread. It's going to be the first one who's going to hear. Yeah, but let me make this crystal clear. They're both great guys. Well, hold on. Do you think that in a nun?

That both of them are great? Absolutely. Okay. So we got no Rome. You're just saying that the guy, Gareth, is a little bit better. Yeah. But they're both good ones that's sitting across from you or the one. But it's more about time.

Yes. It's about time. The first guy's not that good of cutting hair. Yes. And you've tried our first pitch six times. And he won't let you off the hook. And it's got to the point you've had to call it in the middle of the night of podcasts while your son is slipping.

That's right. Exactly. Exactly. Just so just so we can hear what. The pushback sort of sounds like. Do you want to just be Tony with him for a minute? Sure. So why don't you talk to Jake as Tony?

Do the thing where you're pitching that you're going to both go. So I'm Jake. He's Tony? You're, no, you're Tony. He's himself. I want to hear how the barber, like, because I would have to be Tony because I would be making up. I have to be Tony. He's got to be Tony. Okay, all right. Okay, fine, fine.

So I'll be you, Adnan, and you're Tony. That's fine. Okay. Hey, Ton, Ton, Tony. are you. Hey, what's going on? Hi, you're a great guy. I know that.

I've heard that, too. I've heard that couple of times. You guys aren't saying that he's a better guy than me, I am? We never would, Garrett. They're both. You guys are bad great guy. Thank you. Absolutely not.

So, quick question for you, Tom. Sure. You know, I come in here with my son. We both love it. You know, we would never go to anyplace songs. You guys are both great guys. Sure. What if we just had you do my son specifically,

and I'll just go that other guy, Garrett, who's the same? But both great guys. Right? Because then when we come in, we'll just sit in the chairs together. We'll get out of here quick. But I want you specifically. It's not going to take that long. It's just going to take half an hour, 35 minutes.

You're all going to be done. That's long. Tony, we might have different definitions of long, you know? Well, we spent at least an hour there. Right. So what I'm, I get it. What I'm thinking is if it's the same time, we'll only spend 30 minutes total. That's what I'm trying to achieve.

I feel like we moved out of role play. Do me a favor. I'm going to be you. You be Tony, okay? I'm going to be you. All right. All right. Hey, Tony, sorry, I'm a couple minutes late.

I'm going to actually go to Gareth. You'll cut my son. My wife has booked out. We've got to go to see a movie in like 20 minutes. We're pushed for a time. Is that okay? That would be fine. Okay, thanks.

All right, there we go. Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, but that's, that's, Hey, hold on. That's the situation that I want to avoid, though. That would be fine as Tony. But I want to avoid that, because it's going to be uncomfortable,

and this is just a one-time shot. If I were to say that, and I said that. But I think if you said, if you're going to be for that time, this is a small town. I think the next time you go back, you're addicted to the way it was before. I think just,

if you get it done once like that, I think then you're starting on. Oh, I have an idea. What? You trust these guys, right? They're great guys. Absolutely. Both of them?

Yes. Yeah. Do you think both of them? They're both like... Even Garrett. How's not you're funny, man. Do you make the appointments over the phone? Absolutely.

And a couple of days in advance as well. So I can't say on, let's say, Friday, I'm booking an appointment for Tuesday. Yeah. I can't say, hey, I have to, I don't know, you know. Yeah, I get it. One quick question that I just need to know. Are these good guys? Not a great, are you not on this call?

I just want to know if the reasons of the guys are not good guys. No, no, they're good. Since you asked a couple of times. Since you asked a couple of times, this is Gareth guy. Seriously. No, they're both great guys. So, all right, you don't want to make it awkward. You don't want to book them at different times.

Here's what you do. I think that's the main point. I get it. I really don't want to make it off. I know. You made that clear. You're a good guy. Right.

You're a great guy. Don't forget about you, my man. The fact that you're having this moral quandary, you're a great guy. These are three great guys. You belong there. You're amongst the right people. I got to say, your son's a great guy. Well, actually, he might be an obstacle in all of that because he likes them so much.

A couple of times I actually wanted to go to the nearest barbershop. But he didn't let me go. Didn't let me go. He likes them that. much. Right, right, right, right. They are great guys. I mean, there's a seven-year-old who won't let you switch barbershop to the mirror. Absolutely. Absolutely. To the one that's closer? This is a great guy. Actually, when we went there, he sent that to him. Wow. I got a pitch. I got bad news for your son. Santa's not

real. And your kid, that barbershop closed. You got to go to the one close to your house. No way. It's a small town. These are great guys. Who are? Tony. No, you can't close it. It's a small town. These are great guys. But here's what I'm thinking we could do. I think, you know what we could do? You go to the other barbershop on your own.

Hmm. Okay, but I have to wait for him to go to on vacation. Oh, because these great guys will find out you went someplace else. Well, here's the thing. My father-in-law and my brother-in-law. Yeah. They're actually going to the same barber. Wait, what?

Your father-in-law is in the same barbers. And my brother-in-law. So the whole family is going to this barber. Well, almost the whole... I got a question for you. Ooh, I got it. Why don't you... What if you all go to get your haircut at the same time, flood the system, and then you have no...

You're not going to wait there for two hours. No, that's insane. So you're all there at the same time. You've got to cut it in two and two. All four together. Yes. That's a great idea. Yeah, one way to go. Yeah, absolutely.

You know what I like about you? He doesn't like any ideas. The way that you say no is very polite. That's another way to go. You know what I mean? There's like three roads. He's like, you can go that way. You could go that way.

But these are great guys, I don't want it to be awkward. I like that phrase, Gareth. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I have a pitch for you. Sure. You afraid of growing your hair out long? Change your hair.

You like the Beatles? I got a question for you. Is it appropriate for your line of working your life? style to have longer hair? Well, it is. It wouldn't, I mean, I wouldn't hurt. Have you ever heard a ponytail? Well, you're a great guy.

Great guy's a ponytail. You're now pushing for the Bosnian ponytail? I'm pushing for the Bosnian ponytail. I've had it. I've had it for at least seven or eight years when I was younger. Oh, right. In my 20s. And right now you're in your 40s, and guess what the 40s are, the new 20s?

So here's our solve. Will you grow a ponytail? Be a great guy You don't go to a bar Be a great Grow a ponytail Be a great guy Your kid gets his hair

Cut by Tony They're cool And then That's one way to go I don't hate it Hey You don't Okay

So What do you hate the least Out of what we've talked about What we've pitched What do you hate the least Um The first pitch The first pitch

The first pitch Which was the first pitch? The pitch you've done six times. First pitch was, hey, I'm kind of in a hurry. Would it be all right if I got my haircut at the... What's his name? Gareth. Adnan.

What's his name? I have an idea on this that's going to work. You know what great guys love? Blaming things on their wives. Yeah, it's kind of what I was going with. You know what you could do there? Go like this. Hey, I got to get back.

The wife saw me. She wants us home. Can we just cut a hill go, it won't take long. You go. Oh, God, I'd rather be here with you. You guys are. great guys. I got chores to do back home. She's not even a guy. That actually is not bad.

That's not bad. Guess what Tony would say to that? That's a great guy. Yeah. He's got a wife. He wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't say anything. He couldn't because you got to go like this. I got him to go sit in Garrett's chair. He goes, no, I won't take long. You go like this. Oh, the damn wife. She's not a great guy. Yeah. I don't hate her, but not a great guy. I love her. I love her. Right. I love her. But she's not a great guy. I, well, that's what, yeah. You come in, add a little stress to your energy.

your wife has made plans for you too you're supposed to go straight from there to plans you have a half hour you don't want to rush it you're going to go to Gareth and then when you're both there Tony's a great guy and then once that happens and it works out when you leave you go hey this was great let's just do it like this this was easy or yeah or even next time you come in

you just say the wife thing again there we go this is the new system and that's just the new system well actually that wouldn't be permanent which is all right I actually you know I don't it wouldn't be permanent in terms of doing it every time the same way. How come? Well, if you were to say every time you go there, I'm busy, I don't have time. No, no.

You know, my wife is to blame and all that. It's not permanent. You're addicted to the new schedule. Time is important. But also, you like it. Right. But when I make appointments, I make it two or three or four days ahead. Right.

So if I were to do it, that means that I'm actually planning ahead. I would be able to do it once. Hey, on a Tuesday afternoon, something came up. I'm not going to be able to be here for an hour, hour and a half. Can my dear great guy, Gareth, do my hair? But it's not going to be, it cannot be permanent. It's, you know, which is fine, which is all right. Well, no.

You know, better something than nothing. We're pitching, okay, that because this, you're, the efficiency of this one time has made you change. policy. I got an idea. Okay. You do the policy once where Garrett cuts your hair. This could work at a none. Okay. You do it once.

The next time you go in, you make a big show that you cannot believe it. Your wife loved your hair cut from Garrett and you say to your son, cover your ears. And you go, she actually did. Yes, but this is what you said. You say, Tony, the sheets were on fire.

And he goes, what you go hey at my age whatever it takes you're out playfully Garrett get over here and cut my hair you've got the magic touch with my wife and he goes I cut your hair no problem you go I love you Tony I love what happens with her

on the sheets better you're a great guy but that's my wife she likes it I do this I would prefer to sit and talk to you you're a great guy so as Garrett I want what happens at home when I get this haircut oh Gareth is his name what are we calling you

you call them Gareth Who cares? Nobody even likes him. He does. He's not a great guy. He's a great guy. And Nan, what do you think of that? Um, interesting.

Let me add a little, let me add a little more to this. Are you tip, are you tipping, uh, Tony? Yeah. All right. You feel comfortable maybe adding a little bit more money to Tony's tip? 15%. It's already a 15%. 20%.

Okay. All right. I think if you're comfortable. If you add a little bit more of a tip, if you add a little bit more of a tip, okay, you're compensating him for the change. That's just bribing. We're just bribing. I wanted to be comfortable.

That's the entire. But Adna, tell me how, tell me this. I gave you a solution that's comfortable. It is. If I had a great guy, a friend of mine, and he said, hey, I did this other thing and my wife appreciated me more and we had a wonderful night you're a great guy

I say go with him you had you made love to your wife because of the haircut because of the work Garrett did your hair you made love three nights in a row under the full moon

and she usually does it despite of my haircut here's the problem with our pitches sometimes you react like you're not calling an advice podcast to get out of a pickle I think your tone is this will never work

Well, I'm actually kind of close to that because I've done it for the past You know, two, three, four years Have you ever tried to tell him That the work Garrett did on your head Led to Lovemaking? No. You've never done that? No. Let's do this for a second. I want you to be Tony

and I'm going to be you And I want you to do truthfully your best version of Tony, okay? That's fine. Thank you. You're a great guy. Thank you so much. So are you. That's fine. Ready? Yes.

Hey, Tony? Yes. You're a great guy. Tony. Tony, I have something very embarrassing to say to you, but true. Last week when Gareth cut my hair, I went home to my wife She loved the haircut We made sex many times

That's fine It was better than usual And it was because of the haircut Therefore Good to hear that Thank you my friend You're a great guy You're welcome

You are so Thank you That is fine Don't sleep on me So Tony The boy You cut his hair That is fine.

Garrett cuts my hair. That is fine. Indefinitely. I love you. You're a great guy. Garrett is a great guy. I don't want this awkward. I like to come here.

But this is a solution that'll work. Your thoughts, Tony. I absolutely agree. Anon? Can we put you in this car? I have one more pitch. He absolutely agree. I know.

I don't want to talk past... What can he say to that? can't say anything to that. Nothing, and it's playful. It's fun. Absolutely nothing. He's going to go like this. Who is this guy?

When did you get on the phone? But that's, he can't, because what you're saying, it's funny, it's fun, he's going to go, I'm happy for you, and then you go. But I got to tell you, you need to cut my son's hair because you're so good. I don't know what's happening. And then you go, Tony, this is real. My wife, before this haircut, it had been six months. She won't touch me.

I'm like a dead turtle. It's weird. Sure. But now, I am 18 years old. And he goes, this is fine. Anon, are we good with this? Do you feel good about this, honestly? Honestly, it's a great, great story, and I can go with the version of it.

Are you going to do it? Are you going to do it? I could, yeah, absolutely. But I'm not going to go into all of this six months. Okay. Fine. But you will say you got banged hard because of it. But don't do the turtle thing.

I agree. The turtle made no sense. We all agree. I'm not signing up on the turtle. Jake's a great guy. Jake is a great guy. He's a great guy. Yeah, he's a right.

Now, here's what we want you to do, okay? Go try this. Seriously, try it. Film it. Audio record it. Please audio record it. And you're just hold it. Tony's a great guy.

We're not going to know the language. Don't record it. I could do that. I could do that. I don't care if it's in English. Okay. We'll use Babel. But try it in earnest.

Let us know how it goes. Because you're a very difficult. This happens every now. I love this. We run up against someone like you who will not take pitch for an answer. You're a great guy. He was a great guy. It's not an indictment on you.

You're specific. So we're going to go do this and let us know how it goes. Hopefully it's a win. But if not, we're going to get you a win. These are all good guys. All right. Okay. I'll try.

For God's sake, tell people about our show out there, would you? And before maybe you're in a small time. We don't want these great guys to hear about it. Tell the barbers. Tell these two guys. They're great. Bye, buddy. Bye, buddy.

Thank you. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hello. Hello.

Hello. How are you? Not bad. How are you? Good. Can we get your name, please? Yeah, this is Jason. Hey, Jason.

Where are you calling from, Jason? Sacramento, California. Jason, Sacramento. How long have you been listening to the show, Jason? Just a few weeks, actually. My girlfriend got me listening. Cool. And how did you get started?

Are you somebody, and you can be honest here, we're not sensitive. I mean, we are. We're a step above garbage. How many have you listened to at this point? Just a couple episodes, actually. What's going on, bud? Oh, well, I guess the question in a nutshell was the situation I'm in. I'm looking to exit.

I got roped into playing in this band a couple years ago that my friend started. And it's just not going anywhere. And I'd like to leave the band, but also remain friends with the members. It's hard. And so... Good for you. Yeah, it's kind of a tough one. I don't really know how I can...

Let's get some facts. What kind of music? Kind of like rock grunge type stuff. Like, imagine something like, you know, any one of Jack White's projects with Nirvana influences. Jason, let me get an age of you and the members. we're all early to mid-40s yikes okay I just mean it in terms of

a rock bandit everyone in the mid-forties that's a different animal if you would have said 27 yeah I think yeah because I think in your mid-40s you could drop out of a band and stay friends I don't think you get in your late 20s bass

I play bass I play bass okay that's a shame that Jake was that right because the look on his face right now is like Gareth would you let me cook get out of the kitchen I'll let you know what supper's on. Hey, little boy.

Let daddy run this. Scoot. All right. So what's the name of your band? It's called the Devil's Rooster. You are in your 40s. I'm shocked. I'm shocked, Gareth didn't try to guess the name there.

When I guess base, that is your role. When I go, it's the name there. You just did throw a random name. I'm sorry. I just got moved out of the room. So the devil's rooster, and who, yeah, who picked the name and why are you guys the devil's rooster? Is it a play on the devil's cock? Well, and see, that's what I thought at first.

When I first heard the name, I thought it was kind of a double entendre there, but... Nope, I just... It turns out, like, so the singer came up with the name, first of all. Do you ever say rockadoodle do? Go ahead. I have not heard that yet, but that's not bad. Um, the, uh, step above garbage. The name actually stems from, however, uh, like an actual, a literal rooster on his property

that he thinks is maybe possessed or something. Okay. And so, yeah, I thought it was like a kind of a dirty joke at first, but then it turns out it's not. And what's the lead singer, what's the lead singer's name? Uh, his name is Rick. And who's kind of the leader? Is it Rick?

well that's definitely him yeah he does uh um he does all the songwriting sings lead and does the lead and do you guys rehearse or do gigs uh just rehearse at this point um his books in studio time oh he wants to record a demo but yeah yeah exactly it's a good time to get out it seems like it's more of a recording project than it is going to be like a live thing okay and how's the music Yeah, you know, there's some good, some good riffs, some good progressions, but there's some hard, like, it's, it's difficult for him to form these into, like, coherent songs. You know what I mean? You don't think Rick's that talented. I'm not, to the position in the band, I guess.

Well, yeah, but I mean. Well, but, yeah. We don't have to. I mean, we still have the name of the band, though. Yeah. I think that, but I don't mean this is a mean thing. Like, it's, well, if he was, if you thought this, if you thought devil's rooster was going to pop, you might stick around, but you're like, hey, I don't think this band's ever going to do anything, so I don't know if I need to spend all this time doing this. Is that kind of correct? That's exactly where my head's at.

And there's nothing wrong with that. No. Gareth, we've both been in sketch groups or improv groups where you're like, I like all you guys, I don't mind getting together. This group's never going to make it in TV and movies and we're never going to have a big audience. I don't need to rehearse on a Wednesday night. Stepping out of an improv group only to keep doing improv with other people at the theater. Always awkward. But you're also saying, like, this group isn't it?

No, I agree. Well, how close are you with the other members of the band, Jason? You know what the other guys? I've really just known through the band, and I've gotten to know them pretty well, you know, but it's mostly Rick. You know, I've been friends with Rick since high school, so I really trying to avoid hurting his feelings. Of course, I get that. Like, and the other guys, I don't think if I bailed out,

I don't think they would even really hurt because it's not like... Right, and Jason, tell us how Rick got you into the band. Um, well, you know, like, I guess, like, we played together in a group earlier in life when we were in our 20s, but I ended up leaving that band because I just moved on to more serious project. And then, um, later on, you know, like a... a couple years ago, he'd just hit me up again. We'd, you know, continued being friends all that time. And he just kind of decided he wants to get a band together again

and invited me over to jam, and I did. And then the next week, he's like, hey, you want to come jam again? And then pretty soon, and it turns into a week to practice. All of a sudden, you're like, I'm a devil's fucking rooster. And like, how did I end up? Step above garbage. I get it. I understand. I get this.

All of a sudden, you're like, how am I in devil's rooster? What do you do for work, Jason? Um, I do facility maintenance for a restaurant chain. Okay. I mean, I see a merch idea, and that is how did I get in Devil's Rooster? That's because that's a real thing where you're like, I like this guy a lot. I legitimately view him as a friend. We've known each other since high school.

I'm willing to do this thing. Yeah. Yeah, I'll go get on the Wednesday. It's fun. We have a couple beers. We play. It's fun. All of a sudden, he's like, hey, we're recording.

And you're like, recording what? We're in Devil's Rooster. you're the basest I'm not the basis of devil's rooster yeah you are oh shit how did I end up in devil's rooster as a like wait how did we get here

how did we get a quick slide I think that's okay I have a couple already you work in maintenance you could hurt your hand you can hurt your hand and you could just wear

like a something on your finger like a small thing but just means you can't play for a little bit then he's going to have to move on and you could give your blessing and say look I know you're trying to record why don't you have someone step in for me you know and that could just be your way to start

the move away I got an idea going off of that Jason pretend you had a dream and in the dream you heard bass riffs and they and when you play them they're terrible make him fire you I have a similar pitch to that, which is write a couple songs that are awful.

Yes, Ingo. Hey, man, if we're recording, I got a couple. I view you as Paul and I'm John. Oh, yeah. Hey, man, I'm down to record, but can we do half mine? Yeah. And your songs are all. Lovey.

Well, I just did, I was in Catalina, as I said, and I was on one of these tours. And one of the things is they played a reggae song. It was Bob Marley. the thing. But then there was, I heard a cover, and it was clearly white people doing reggae about island life and how slow down, have a drink, enjoy island life. What if you wrote a song called Island Life? And it was all about being on Catalina Island, living life, drinking margaritas, eating hamburgers and the bass was so

cheesy white guy reggae Jason and Devil's Rooster would hate it I'll go one further you should just get like a steel drum and just start hitting on that a little I mean if you wanted to go even further I mean you could start saying like you really like what the work the band's been doing

but the vibe you're going for is a little more islandy and I mean the second you start interjecting this whole new concept. Or how about this? You're working on, you've been working on a solo project, and if you're going to stay in Devil's Rooster, you need to combine them,

because you've been doing a lot of island sounds, and you're happy to stay in the group, but your heart these days is on a fictional island. And maybe the album title you think is the devil's reggae? Because I'll tell you, If you're in your 40s and you got a band that's rock grunge and it's called Devil's Rooster, what you don't want is your bass is turning it into an island jammy kind of band.

See, what's great about this, if I do say so myself, is that he's not going to want you in the band anymore. That's what we're looking for. So then you have the ability very shortly thereafter to say, look, Rick, I love you. I love working with you, but I think you maybe need someone else. Or how about this, Jason? What if you pitch, go, hey, I just saw a movie called Pitch Perfect 3.

What if we became an a cappella group? Or you do pitch, like, maybe some hardcore choreography for the live shows. But there's no live shows that's just recording. But whatever, you're going to do it in the studio. And you said, I just, what if we became a band of dance? Yeah. So, Jason, where we're going with this is you got a fake injury, which is always solid, but it's a short-term fix, in my opinion.

Yeah, and it's way less fun. You've got the play badly routine. You've created a solo project, and it's going to got island vibes. Or you want to turn the devil's rooster into devil's reggae. Well, I think that connects to island vibes. That's sort of to me the similar, I think Jake and I are both going to put our signatures on the you want to go in an island vibes direction. What do you want to do, Jason? Yeah, I think the island vibes is definitely the move because,

It's funny that you would mention the injured hand Because the funny thing is right now I actually do have like a real injury on my hand That's preventing me from playing for a couple weeks So I got a little break here But it's still Well you used that break This pressure of like when are you coming back

We got to you know We're getting in the studio Dude the injury changed you And it gave you a chance to write some songs Yeah right yes So you weren't you didn't you actually started to I mean I don't know To do the steel drum

But you don't even use a steel drum. Use a pot. Yeah. Put a little bit of water in a big pot and go, it's crazy, but it sounds so good. When you do this, you have to look serious. And you need to wear a Hawaiian shirt and Pugushell necklace. And you're going to need to have your phone recording in your pocket.

But Jason, if it's a bit, he's going to sniff it out and go, just pick up the base. You have to commit. You're back in Devil's Rooster. You've got to walk in. You've got to walk in and they're going to go, where's the base? and you're going to be like, not my vibe anymore. I'm doing island vibes.

I had two weeks off. I kind of found myself musically. I wrote some stuff that I'd really like to play you guys. I think we laid down. You know what I would do it? I would do it via text at first. That's Jake.

Because in real life? Jake? Yeah. Let's send it. Because in real life, Jason, when people have a change, it's never as performative as I would write something like this. Hey, guys, with the injured hand,

it's given me a lot of thought about not being, with my hand injury, I haven't been able to play bass in a while. But it's actually been inspirational. I think I'm going in a different direction musically and getting really into kind of island slash steel drum, reggae, feel good music. Anybody interested in pursuing this?

I'm feeling really passionate. I think you want to seem excited. I mean, yes. And then I think what Jason's going to go is like, huh? Well, we're right about to record devil's rooster. And you go, yeah, man, my heart's not really into devil's rooster, but my heart's really into this idea of island music and go,

I just like the idea of white folks on an island on a beach, just feeling good, drinking coronas. on vacation. I just want them to love the music. You can also pitch the like, you know, this is such a bookable thing. We can be doing like outdoor restaurants for a whole summer if we want.

Or you could even pitch something dorkier. That is, we could record this and imagine it. They could be playing in the back of like a restaurant. You know what the dream would be? This plane at like a themed restaurant on like a club med. And Jason's going to go,

that's the dream. and you go, I don't even think we need to get paid for it. We'll just give it to them. Yeah, you just write back, Irie. I think, Jason, do you want to, I think Jake's right that you should start with a text because it kind of paints you into the corner and it lets them have a minute to be ready to not be as shocked. Jason's going to try to come back and convince you. Rick is going to try to come back and convince you.

Don't do that. Just being devil's rooster. and what you have to do is go like I'm kind of done with devil's rooster but I'm not done with you guys and be like it's a vague starting idea but make them cut you out

so that you could all still get drinks and they go he heard his hand and had a nervous breakdown the fucking dude wanted to make reggae music. What's great about that is that you'll be cool about them saying they don't want to work with you anymore versus Rick having any edge when you say

I don't want to do this anymore. And then if he says Hey, can you just come into studio and play this? Go like, yeah, I got to tell you, man, my heart's not there. Yeah. And you go, I just, I just, my heart's on the island. My heart's on the island. And not in a bad way, but I'd be happy to do that. But I'm at, and then when you play island music, it's bad.

And you go, dude, I'm at step one. I never thought it'd be so fun in my mid-40s to have to, like, learn new stuff. But I want to learn to play the steel drums. And he's going to go like, dude, we got to record it. album soon. I don't, I can't have you learning a new instrument and go, well, that's just where I'm at. And where he's going to say is, I think I need a new bassist. And then you go, I'm totally cool with that. That's cool, dude. We've been friends forever. I respect the hell out of you, but I, I, I want to do this other song. I'm going to, this is honestly inspirational for

the new stuff I'm writing, so thank you, Rick. Yeah. What do you think, Jason? Are you going to do this? No, that, yeah, that sounds great. I think I'm going to start shopping for a steel drum now. Do we send those guys that text? Do you want to send the text now? We're really good at writing the text, Jason, just so you know we have a great track record.

You've only listened to three episodes and you're already on the show. We're great at it. Okay, so you're, now be honest with it, Jason. If you're, I'm going to hang up the phone and tell my girlfriend, that show you like is weird, it's just a step above garbage. They tried to get me to do an island thing it wasn't helpful. You can tell us the truth? Because we are here to help. No, no. No, absolutely not. I like the idea because

ultimately that's what I want. If I could get them to push me away. You're always looking to get dumped, not to dump. Completely. And by the way, they're going to dump you. Of course they will. Yeah. It's a psychotic. I would dump you. Yes. So, Jason, if you don't want to send the text now, can you tell us what you're thinking? the text is going to be and when you send it can you send a screen grab of it to our email?

Yeah, yeah. Do you want to just do it now? Sometimes it's nice just to rip the band-aid off, yeah? You could just have it written out at least. Put it in your safe phone. You know, I just, I guess I don't know, let's see, like, if you were to write the text,

yeah, what would it say? Thank you, Jason. Because that's what I'm, okay so gareth you want to start sure um hey hey fellas hand is still a little sore comma but honestly the break has been pretty good for me give me a sec because i know i know jason ain't right in this

keep going I have sort of found a new source of inspiration colon Island music Here's what I'm thinking Let's go in a direction No Here's what I'm thinking

I'm going to go in a direction Here's what I'm thinking I've written a couple songs. No, because then he has to perform them. That's okay. But we can't catch it. We can't get him caught. I go, here's what I'm thinking. I want to play island music. I'm really digging island music. Here's what I'm thinking. Take away. Here's what I'm thinking. So

Sorda found a new source of inspiration, island music. And that's what I want to do as a musician. Yep I want to play as a musician I am done with the bass I've ordered a steel drum and looking to jam

want to figure this out together guys or are you guys still into grunge It's maybe Maybe you don't need it to be so Ultimatumee. Okay, I agree. Like, you know, it's just sort of like this is his excited text.

Well, how about this? Then we end with this. Jason, what do you think of this as a text? Hey, fellas. Hands still store. Hands still sore. But honestly, break has been good for me. Sort of found a new source of inspiration.

Island music And island music is what I want to be and play as a musician I ordered a steel drum and I think I'm done with the bass Just wanted to let you guys know where I was at as an artist

You might just want to say Maybe not even I'm done with the bass But just I've ordered a steel drum And I'm writing some songs I'm pretty excited about Yes I like that Yeah Yeah

More to come soon Yes that's exactly right That is More to come More to come boys Because this is This now we're just putting a worm on a line They are

Trust me A side A side text Is starting Before a reply is starting So Jason Pretend you're Rick for a second Here's the text

that Rick's about to get at early in the morning. Hey, fellas, hands still sore, but honestly, break has been good for me. Sort of found new inspiration. Island music. And that's what I want to play as a musician. So I ordered a steel drum

and I'm writing songs that I'm really excited about. More to come, boys. It's awesome. And then if he go, oh man that's cool anyway we've got to record it then you go kind of losing interest in the grunge if I'm honest

excited about this new direction and they go I think you will be too you started and you go like honestly with my hand the bass is kind of jacked for a while and I want to give my hand time to recover so I think I'm going to lead more into this island stuff what's great about the steel drum is you can play it with your left way easier and then what you're slowly doing is you're just getting

him to go like, fuck, I think I'm out. And then if he goes, hey, want to jam with island music, you just put that off for a while. Because your hand, you've got to learn the guitar, you got to learn the drum first. And then if you get together and he's doing his style, you go like this.

Nah, that doesn't sound right. It's, I'm thinking more like, Hey, man, eh man. Dare I say, you just Google an image of a steel drum and scroll way down on the image search and just attach that, like, Two days later, if you don't hear back.

Guess what I got. But Jason, I really think this is a great pitch. It's great. But it doesn't matter if you don't. Because Gareth and I think it's real. This is a step above garbage. This is delicious. This is delicious.

Because let me tell you why it's delicious. It's insane. It's going to work. But it's funny for us, too. And a step above garbage, what we're looking for is we're just trying to feed the raccoons. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. So, Jason, what do you think of this? I like it. Are you going to do it? I'm going to send them a text. I'm going to let them know that I'm into island music now after taking this break. And that's not really feeling the base, not really feeling grunge. And if they want to jam on some island tunes, then I'm down.

But if not, I don't know. God bless. And do your thing. God bless. But what do you think? I got a question for you. If you're going to do this, which I believe you're going to do it,

what are we waiting for? Why not just drive it off the lot now? Who are you going to go talk to? We've got a deal. Yeah. I mean, if you want us to drop a little bit off, we'll wax the tires for free. But we want you to leave in this car.

We see you in this car. We love the look. You look inspired. So what can we do to get you to drive off in the lot, a.k. Send the text while we're on the phone. What are we waiting for? It's a good price.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't know. What do we wait? I mean, what's three days going to do? I think what my partner's saying, Jason, is it feels like this all has momentum right now. And why would we sort of stand in the way of something like that? It just feels kind of right.

Because what you could take your phone right now and I could dick to, because I've already written it out. I got the contract right here. I wrote the text. My partner has it on. We could just, I could say it. You could type as I'm saying. saying it, then you could read it back, make sure we're happy, send it to the gang and move on.

Bing, bang, boom. And then if they respond in the next couple hours, because we're going to be recording for two and a half more hours, you could call back. That'd be great. All right, let's do that. You want to open up your text? Absolutely. Yeah, let's do it.

I think that's a good idea, sure. Okay. I think that works. All right, so tell me when you're ready. Let's do it. Yeah. Tell me when you're ready. All right, hang on just a sec.

Okay. Thanks, brother. You got a good feeling. Okay, got to open up. Hey, fellas. Okay. Hand is still sore, but honestly, the break has been good for me. Tell me when?

Hand must really be hurting. Okay. It's my left thumb that's got me, so it's... Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, you're not going to... Sort of found new musical inspiration, colon, island music. Oh my God, it's a great colon. Okay, tell me when.

Okay. And that's what all I want to play now as a musician. Okay. I ordered a steel drum, and I'm slowly starting to write songs. I'm very excited about this. More to come, comma, boys. My partner has something, Jason. I just have one thing.

I put his fingers up. It's mostly right. I have one thing I'm thinking we maybe want to do, which is instead, what is the middle line about what it means for the band, Jake? After Island music, the reveal. And that's what I want to play as a musician. You might want to change that line.

to, I'm thinking it could be a step in the right direction for the band instead of it being like that way it puts it on Rick to be like, I don't want this versus hey, I'm shifting. Jason, what do you think? You want it to be band specific or you specific?

I guess I don't know, it's more about you. Me, I guess, right? Or is it I'm kind of, I like it's you specific. Okay. Because then what I think he's going to do is cool.

Well, let's just do devil's cock over here, or a devil's rooster over here. Then you can do your own music and go like, no, I think I'm kind of done with grunge is what I'm saying. Hey, Jason, if you're happy, we're happy. Yeah, I think this is good. Okay, do you want to? Yep, why don't you read it back like you're doing?

That's great. All right. So, yeah, hey, fellas, hand is still sore, honestly, the break has been good for me, sort of found new musical inspiration, Island music. And that's all I want to play now as a musician. I've ordered a steel drum, and I'm writing songs.

I'm very excited about this. More to come. I think it's great. Do you feel good, Jason? Can we hit send? Can we get you off the lot on this guy? Yeah, I think so. Hit send, brother.

and then if they respond to the next two hours, just jump on the Zoom. Yep, come back. We'll just get you in. Okay, just call back at the same number? Yeah, because you might need a little help pitch and a follow-up. It might, what I think Rick is going to do is sounds good for you, dude, still fired up about our music.

We got a recording coming up, and we can get you out of that really fast. Okay, yeah, that's what I'm expecting to happen. Yeah, but we'll get you out of it. There's ways. He's going to try to pull you back in the spider web And we're going to pull him back into ours Yeah, that's why there's so much paperwork With stuff like this

Yeah Hey my man After you sent it, let us know And we can all cheers a little bit And get you off the lot All right Yeah, it's it. All right, buddy boy, there we go

The new you start You go basically what we're saying Is you're out there in the car And you've got a warranty So if anything goes wrong with that text You call back and we'll get you out of this Yeah, we're friends, buddy My man, thank you for calling for us.

All right, This is a great call. Love you, Jason. I love you, man. Love you, too. I love you, buddy. Thank you. Hey,

Gareth, no more of that. I'm talking to my friend. I love you, Jason. I miss you, buddy. Call back either way. Thanks, buddy. Can't wait to talk to you. I miss you, man.

Cool. Thanks, guys. Love you, buddy. Sweet Jesse here. this next call is a follow-up to episode 94, ding-dash-ditch with June Diane Raphael. Hello? Hello, how are you? Good, how are you?

I'm good. Great. We know you're a follow-up. Can you remind us who you are and what the first call was, please? Yeah, my name is Mike, and I'm from New Jersey, and I was calling about whether I should have a separate conversation with my son about the birds and the bees and with Santa. Remind me of it. Yeah. You and Diane Raphael was on the call.

She made Jake Glass-a-ton. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. Yeah, this is from ages ago. So, Mike, remind us of what your problem was. Take your time and reminding it. This goes back to season one. Remind us what it was, what we suggested you do, what you did, and what happened.

takeover. Fantastic. Thank you. Yeah. So I just called in because I was at that point with my son. He was entering into sixth grade at the time. I called to see if I should have the conversation together. You guys wisely suggested that I should not under no circumstances.

And so I have not. So definitely ring that bell. I had a conversation about the birds and bees before he went to sixth grade. But my wife put a stop on the Santa talk. And so I haven't had that talk yet with him. And I think, yeah. And so I have a follow-up question if you guys are open for it is the question of how do I get my wife on board with having a conversation with my son. I'm more than willing to do it.

It's more just the fact that I see doesn't really want to have it yet. She feels that it's important. And the idea of this was you were ready to tell him there's no Santa for any kid listening. I don't know what's real or what's not real. So we're just talking about what Mike feels. I'm personally not sure my belief system on this. So there could be. There could not be.

I don't know how the gifts come in my house. But Mike, your belief is there's none. And you want to talk to your wife about it. And if I remember correctly, June said one of the craziest things I've ever heard. And that was something about we told our son. Whatever it was. There's no Santa. And June had come late, if you remember.

Yes. It had to leave early. Yes. And she was all flustered. Yes. She was in such a wheelhouse zone. She was so funny. Paul was also like, what?

Like, didn't she just kind of go rogue? And he was like, no. No, she wasn't. He wasn't with us. No, I know he wasn't. But then when he came on after, we asked him about it, he was like, yeah, it was crazy. Now, Mike, you remember, go ahead. Pop it up.

Chop it off, she also, I think the conversation happened on December 24th or December 23rd. One of the, like, like that's exactly right. So anybody, when you get the producer Jesse thing to remind you to watch it, if you haven't watched that, pause. Yeah. Go listen to that episode and come back. It's the beauty of the internet. You can come back to this one.

Yes. So go listen to that one. It's so funny. It's unbelievably funny. It's unbelievable. And then come back to this one. So, Mike, so you. You did have the conversation about the birds and the bees.

Yes, I did. And that went very well. He had already kind of... How did it go, Mike? What did you say? Let's do this. Mike here. Mike, Gareth, you're the boy.

Okay. I just explained. I asked him a lot of questions about what he thought. Where do babies come from, Dad? You're in my room. I was like, you know, what do you think about sex? What is this word? What do you think?

What happened? And then I kind of went into specifics about it. with him as well. And I'd already, in the public school system, they'd already started talking about how their bodies were changing and stuff like that, which was a leg up for me

because I didn't have to go into a lot of that as well. So that was easier than you thought. And so your question today is, you want to end Santa. What a way to put it. It's not that I, it's not, that's, he's dead.

I want to end Santa. I'm just, I'm afraid that he is going to say the wrong thing at the wrong moment, and middle school kids will make fun of a lot of things, including that. Let's do this. I'm going to be you, Mike, you be your son. Okay. Let's just play out a scenario and tell me what you think of this approach.

Sure. Hey, pal. Christmas is coming up. You make your list? I absolutely have. Okay. So mom, did she get for sure so we know exactly what you want? Yep, everything is good.

Everything, you and mom both know exactly what I want. Okay, and how do you expect those gifts to come to you, in your opinion? I mean, Santa drops them off. Yeah. And so why do you think you got to give the list to me a mom? Because you guys communicate to Santa what I want. You believe that? Yes, I do.

Don't ruin it for him, Mike. That was going to be my question. My question, Mike, was going to be... Who cares? You're trying to get ahead of something, which I understand. You don't want him to be, you know, ridiculed. Is he getting bullied at school? I don't think he does.

He certainly doesn't say he seems to have a good group of friends at school. I just know one of his good friends' older parents told their son because, from a device from their daughter, that this one girl said that she believes in Santa and everyone made fun of her in the end. entire school. Do you feel like the general vibe of the class is that most of the kids don't believe? I mean, there's seventh graders in middle school. I think that the... Seventh is why it kind of starts dying, fifth, sixth, seventh.

Yeah. You know what I would maybe do? You know what I'd maybe do? Let's do another scenario, Mike. Okay. Hey, pal, Christmas is coming up. You make your list? Absolutely, I have.

And can I ask you a quick question, pal, do you, do you 100% of your heart of hearts believe in Santa Claus? Yes, I do. You do? So let's do me a favor now that you're in seventh grade. Let's not talk about it at school, what you believe in and what you don't believe in, because it's more of a family thing, right? Everybody has their own beliefs and their own kind of whatever. The way our family does Christmas is ours. But let's kind of keep this between us.

Okay. Sounds good. All right, buddy. I like that a lot. I think you can turn it. Look, because that's really easy. That might make him go, well, why do people believe? Then maybe you do have the conversation.

But I also think the idea of saying. He might not want to stop believing. I agree. I think just say, I got to protect you because you're my kid. I can't cover you in honey and put you around a bunch of bees. I think they're going to sting you. So you go, you want to run around in a bunch of honey? That's cool, my man.

Do it at home. Yeah. I think if you say, there's some people who don't want to talk about it in public places for whatever reason. At your age, everyone's got their own stuff. So let's just talk about that at home with that of mind. Let's get your list and start making some cookies, my king. We got to feed that fat old elf. What do you think of?

That's great, guys. Thank you. I think that's pretty good. Does that work? Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that's the best way to go. And I'll also say, to my wife, hey, I think I'm just

going to have a conversation that he shouldn't be talking about it at school. Yeah, yeah. Because already laid the foundation of, right, we've already laid the foundation of like Santa gets stuff that everybody gets because I know that some kids don't have, you know,

financially that they don't, you know, we're not getting, you know, an Xbox or a PlayStation isn't coming from Santa's coming from mom and dad. Right. So I think you're in a good spot. Mike, what this is really about is you're trying to protect your son and that's a beautiful thing. So let's just keep it going. I think you're in a good zone. I think you

called your uncles and we set you up in a good zone. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you very much, guys. Let us know how this goes. Yeah. Absolutely. I will. All right, guys. Thanks so much. All right, bud. Thanks, Mike. Hi there. This is Stephanie. I am a longtime listener and I listen to your podcast religiously. I just finished episode 240. And you jokingly said, we're here to wed. And it made me laugh because I'm a local wedding

planner in Ontario, Canada, and I would be thrilled and overjoyed to help out this couple in Florida. If someone can fly me there, I would be happy to plan or coordinate for them, especially if Danny Jay is going to be our lovely officiate. I thought it's just so lovely and funny that this community, you know, it supports anybody for a wedding or for a kidney transplant or even a creepy doll in some museum. So I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring and offer that up should anybody need it. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com.

And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here Here To Help You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike.

Animations by Andrew Strelecky. And if you'd like to see Gareth, do stand up on the road. Go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.