We're Here to Help - 248 Weird Here To Help Succulent Chinese Bruce The Spruce

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

New Year, New Weirdness! In this episode, Eric and Steve find new use for a bag of teeth. Then, they confront a demonic animatronic. Plus, a follow-up from Ep 239 "Pandora's Cable Box."See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-248Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, it's Tignotaro from the Handsome Podcast. And I'm May Martin. And I'm Fortune Feimster, also from The Handsome Podcast. And we wanted to let you know that we made a very fun special episode of our show, sponsored by Squarespace that's up now on our YouTube page for you to watch. Handsome finally formed a band and recorded a hit song live in the podcast studio. And we documented the whole process for you to watch. It's by far the most ambitious and inspiring moment on our show.

to date. I feel like we can't say much more about it without giving too much away. So just go watch us make complete fools of ourselves and have the best time ever. Or become the newest pop sensations. That's right. Go to YouTube.com slash handsomepod or listen wherever you get your podcast. That's YouTube.com slash handsome pod to hear us record a song live. See you at the Grammys. Oh, for sure, buddy. For sure. Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com. slash handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code

handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Ladies and gentlemen, are you feeling slightly left of center? Are you feeling slightly right of center? Sure. Then you are in the right place because weird, here to help

with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstom. Stevie boy, you're looking beautiful. How are you doing, buddy? Oh, man, man, I am doing San Frantastic today. It is, we're in that weird liminal time between Christmas and New Year's where you're like, I don't know, there's not, work doesn't really, isn't really a thing right now. It's like you don't want to start resolutions too early. A lot of people are getting, you know, the things they want to do into the last second before the year, you know, ends.

So it's a weird time, right for weirdness. Right. Oh, yeah. This is when it really crops up. you're at least suspecting it, I feel, and I'm sure our callers will deal with it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you just got back from, you know, seeing your lovely family in the Pacific Northwest.

Vancouver, Washington, which is completely wonderful but also a very spooky vibe, driving around those trees, Steve. It's undeniable there stuff up there. The trees speak to you. They sure do. And I'm willing to listen. Let me ask you a serious question. When you went to Mexican food on Christmas Eve night, did you bring a non-dairy cheese option on your person? Oh, absolutely.

I had a pocket full of nutritional yeast. I made pecan cheese and I was home. My poor dad's trying to figure out. Oh, yeah, I made pecan cheese. How did you store the cheese? How did you store the cheese? Like in a Tupperware? Oh, yeah, in a top of where, but I could put in a Ziploc bag

if I needed to take it anywhere at any time. And I'm just ready. You're mobile with your homemade cheese. I'm mobile. I'm not here to get cheated, Stephen. I'm not here to get cheated. But, Steve, I want to talk to you if I can. Oh, please.

Because I think I'm coming into this podcast and realizing just how special these listeners are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the best. kind of a two-way street. And I honestly think I need some help. Oh, do you? Because I sometimes feel like I am from another place, another generation, and I'm having trouble sometimes navigating this new era.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to throw this out, and we're going to call this segment, Am I the Crazy Woman? Okay. And to all of you at home that just heard Jake Johnson's voice go, let me stop you there, yeah, you're crazy. I heard it too. We all heard it. We're going to acknowledge I do come at a base level of crazy.

But what I'm asking is this specific. question or gripe crazy. So Steve. Yeah. So we all know I enjoy. I love getting a lunch alone. It's one of my joys in life. I just re-upped a newspaper subscription,

physical hard copy for 2026. Of what? L.A. Times. L.A. Times. Great red. And I'm getting like the New Yorker and I'm getting Mojo and other things because what I love to do is I love eating alone and reading. Yeah, you have to read.

It's a joy. And I've had awkward situations if I'll run into somebody and they are like, I'll join you, and it's like, no, you will not, friend. I'm having to read. So I went to my happy place, which is Rice Walk. Oh, Mama. On the corner of Laurel Canyon and Moore Park in our beautiful San Fernando Valley, I'm having a great meal, and Steve, I'm sitting there and something feels off.

And I realize there are three different tables in Ricewalk, watching videos on their phone at full volume. A nightmare. I, oh, God, don't get me started on this. I'm here to get you started, buddy, because I felt like I was about to snap. And we've talked about this, that one of my great goals in this life is to avoid being on page A9 of the LA Times, character actor arrested in Valley Strip Mall scuple. Character actor attacked in Valley, because I weighed every, I looked around, I'm like, these guys are all a lot smaller than me. I think they could all beat my ass.

Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, I can't really back up my size, they're working folk. God bless. But Steve, I want to start talking a little more about manners and common courtesy because is this a fight? I just have to give up. And I'm genuinely asking our listeners. Eric, it's 2025. Everyone's on their phone. But I'm like, to me, it is so rude. I have a fantasy of getting those $3 airport headphones. Yeah. And walking up to each Taylor, oh, sorry, you forgot to plug these in. Oh, sorry, you forgot to plug these in. Oh, sorry, friend. You. And I'm realizing, I think I'm fighting a losing battle here, but I'm losing something I treasure that is, and people like, well, just put in headphones your own. I don't want to. I'm talking

with Paul and Nancy at Rice Walk. Yeah. They're like family. I've been eating there for over 21 years since I had a bachelor apartment. Didn't have a kitchen. Your family. I love hearing people fight in the kitchen. I like the experience of it all. And now I'm legit like, I feel much sensory overload. Yeah. When in there. What do I do, buddy? There's nothing you can do.

Just not go out. Because it's not like a younger generation problem. I see people our age and older doing this. I was actually at a Christmas party and someone stopped like, oh my God, I got to show you this video. I'm like, I'm trying to mingle and like catch up with people. And I go, I go, I go text it to me later. I'm not going to like pause what I'm doing in the middle of a Christmas party and watch a

two and a half minute like funny video. Like, hold on. Did you actually say? texted it to me later. I said, texted to me later. You're a hero. You're an actual, this is why you officiated my wedding. This is why you are one of my actual heroes in life. Stop it. Because I was leading into, I'm just going to say it. And this is going to catch a lot of people by surprise. One of the worst moments in this life, in this place called Earth, is that moment where somebody starts to tell you about a funny video, and then they pull it out. That's horrible. And it's,

I have to fake like I'm interested. We have to wait for them to pull it. up, then they show it to you and you have to start acting. You have to, oh, man, yeah, that cat does lack like people. Oh, that's, oh, wow, yeah, that's really, just leave your phone in your pocket. Eric, would you say this is the gripe of 2025 for you? I think, yeah, and I think I want actual change in 2026. I want it starting from this podcast. If you have a funny video on your phone, send it to someone to watch later.

The other thing, I still. I don't drink, I still love going to bars. Yeah. Part of the joy of a bar is all of us shooting off our mouth and giving opinions that seem right are probably wrong. You know what? That was actually invented in 1973 in Dublin. Are you sure?

Yeah. What ruins that moment? Is somebody, oh, I can actually look it up. And it's always the same kind of person that's like, oh, I can actually. Oh, I'm sorry, you're a wizard. You have the same stupid phone in your pocket we all do. Yeah. I don't care.

Let us be bar idiots and have uncertainty and let the bar know it all be right. You pulling it out. Oh, you know, I was actually, you know, this is, it's actually 1940 and blah, blah, blah, blah. Shut up! You want to preserve tradition, the Cliff Clavins. Yeah.

And that's one of my favorite actor stories because, you know, he originally went in an audition for Norm. And he knew he wasn't Norm. And then he just, this is a lesson for us, Steveo. He looked at the career, said, uh, yeah, I love them. You know what you're missing is the bar know-no-it-all? I'm like, what do you mean?

He's like, every bar is a no-it-all shooting their mouth off. And then they wrote the part for him. He created a character in the testing room. Yeah. Amazing. And these phones, and I'll tell you what, they can at times be trying. The Cliff Clavins of the world are vital and necessary,

and you learn from them. And the idea of now that this has replaced the bar, know-it-all? No. No. So our friends, listening at home, If you're in a bar and somebody's shooting their mouth off, and again, is this probably me? Sure.

Doesn't matter. And you're like, oh, we can actually figure this out. No, you can't. I think if I owned a bar, which Steve, I hope one day we do. Imagine you, me, Jake and Gareth own a bar. Oh. I would say cell phones in the pocket. No pictures, know anything.

You can't do anything. You can't settle debates with your phone. And also, we're going to say it right now. Nobody wants to see a funny video you saw. Well, I will also say, email it, text it, remind yourself later if it's so wonderful, if it's so cutting edge, if it's the Lower East Side in the early 70s, you'll remember to send it if it's truly artistic greatness. But I think we got to stop this, Steve. I agree. I think it even bleeds over into other directions, too, where like, you know, the whole classic like bong room, dorm, you know, chatting sessions about what it all means?

It's like, man, what if the dollar bill is really, like a free maze? It's like some of those rumblings, while, like, I'm sure a lot of people hated that stuff. I loved it. I loved like, you know, that kind of stoner like, what if, man? And now people are like, well, there's no what if because this actually happened here. I'm like, okay, like you said, you pull out your phone. You have these fact checkers in real time where I'm like, look, I'm not trying to like talk about facts. I'm just theorizing on something that may or may not have any merit.

But it's fun. It brings up good conversation, you know, like deep consciousness conversations. So that was a fun little thing. You're seeing a different side of Steve. We're not all sunshine and biscuits. We have issues. We are asking for society to do better in 2026. We are the beta testers for these phones.

Put in your headphones. We don't want to see your cat videos. Email them to us and let us watch them at home. And if you're in a bar trying to settle a debate, that's an issue with you, friend. Yeah. Leave that phone in your pocket. am 90% biscuit. That's why you're here, buddy.

That's why you're the biscuit aren't the gravy big daddy. Come on. It's why we're a great combo. Let's get into it. Let's go. I hear we have a caller. We're very excited. Let's go.

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sent me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hungry Route. You've heard us talk about Hungry Route before, so you know how much we love it, because it truly simplifies our lives. As a busy parent, it's been a game changer, saving time, reaching health goals, and reducing stress. to do all my weekly food shopping with Hungry Root. It makes it easy to make sure that I'm getting good nutritious food for the family in one-stop shopping.

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Go to HungryRoot.com slash here to help and use code here to help. That's HungryRoot.com slash here to help. Code here to help to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Caller, you are now on Weird Here to Help with Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. What is your name and where are you calling from? Oh, love it. Hi, my name is Ellen. I'm calling from Melbourne in Australia.

Oh, wow. It's a joy to meet you. We're so glad. What time is it over there right now? It's a very respectable 10 a.m. roundabout. Beautiful. Beautiful. I'm glad we can coordinate everything. Let me ask, Eric, can I ask a real quick question before I for you? Yeah, please. I'm not, I'm not, I'm being, I'm being sincere when I say this. I am one of those few Americans who loved Crocodile Dundee. Actually, I like the second one better. Oh, my God. It's parity of himself. No, is Paul Hogan a big deal, like in Australia? Look, these days, not so much. I think at the height of his career, he was like a little bit of kind of like a kitsy thing

that we were sort of into. But, yeah, he's faded into obscurity a little bit. Okay. Aside from Crocodile Dundee, if we had to ask you, what is your favorite movie? My favorite movie. Please say B-Mex bandit with Nicole Kimman.

No, my favorite movie is actually probably an American werewolf in London. Oh, that's a good movie. That's a great one. This is our fun new one rolling today because I talked about visiting a grave when I was in Greenville, South Carolina. If you had to pay tribute and go to any famous person's grave, who would it be? I really have no idea. I don't know. Maybe I don't know some heinous war criminal and I could like vandalize it or something.

But I do not have a name off the bat, unfortunately. No, I love that. Well, no, that answer just gave us the exact insight we know that you came from that place is very cool. Okay. You're on weird here to help. We are weird. We're guessing you're weird if you're here. So what is going on?

How can we help you today? Your fellow weirdos, unite. Yes, wonderful. So a couple of weeks ago, my fiancé had his wisdom case removed. And we were, I was lucky enough that the dentist let us keep the taste. Nice. Now that I have them, I don't know what to do with them, but I feel like I would be missing out on like a weed-o opportunity

if I didn't like, I don't know, turn them into some kind of like tasteful interior decor. But I don't know, I don't know how to achieve that. So, yeah, do you guys have any ideas of how I could decorate my house with human teeth? So there's two, it's a set of two. You have two wisdom teeth, right? And those are pretty big from what I'm gathering, right? They're a larger tool.

Oh, Steve, there's the teeth. Oh, my God. I mean, first off, just looking at them, how are you not trying to make those into earrings? Some tasteful gold wiring around them, right? That's interesting. I mean, that's the greatest earring I've ever seen right there. And it says your love, your fiancé.

Yes, actually. Beyond a legally binding document, You're wearing his wisdom teeth for earrings. That's a lot cool than Billy Bob and Angelina wearing each other's blood around their necks. I will say, while it's cool on paper, my initial reaction to someone, I'm like, oh, that's an interesting. What is that a scrimshaw or something? And you're like, no, it's my husband's wisdom tooth. I'm like, anyway, cool, nice to meet you.

I'm out of here. No, but fellow weirdos will know that's awesome. Are you kidding? Fellow weirdos are going to know. It could be a good litmus test to find out. He's too. He's not, I suppose. If somebody's weirded out, they're not our friend.

They're not weird here to help. I will say, just, look, let me get this out. I think some people might think you got serial killer vibes if you're wearing a human tooth around your neck. I mean, it's all me crazy. But, like, I would, I mean, like. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Shark teeth.

Like, look, there's a lot of people out there. Look, I don't care what people think of me. No one, no one's like that. Everyone cares what people think of them. I'm sorry. That's, it's bullshit. I agree. I worry people are going to get the wrong idea.

And also, like, when you're wearing something that you have to explain to people and they explain why you're not crazy, I think it's going to cause more problems that's worth. Look, it's an option. It's the funniest option, probably. But what if you, like, what if you had, like, a little cabbage patch kid and you kind of, like, glued those to the mouth of the cabbage patch kid? Yeah, I don't mind.

I don't mind that idea. I think the idea of a doll or even like if you have like a chupacabra doll and you use those for the for the teeth, that's fun. I'm still, I still do like the earrings thing. Yeah, the actual fangs. And then so it's just kind of sitting there. And then when people, and they're already in your home, you know, they're weird and they get you. Now, you know, the fact you said the grave you'd see would be to vandalize a war criminal. I love it.

And this is all right in line with that. Now, here's a twist on Eric's really good suggestion. I mean, I love the jewelry suggestion. Thank you. Is your fiancé's mother alive? Yes, she is, yes. Do you have a decent relationship with her? Yeah, I certainly do, and she's also quite weird.

So she'd probably be game for whatever you're about to suggest. I mean, what if you make, like, you know, so you take Eric's idea, but instead of you wearing it, you give it to her. As a gift. Here's your son's tooth. You literally gestated and made these teeth. And she's weird.

We love her. And then, so you could take one, make it into a really pretty necklace. You could also take one and then go to a geographical point of significance and bury it. Ooh, who, who, who.

It's a powerful ceremony. Yeah, a powerful ceremony. Yeah. Yeah. And make an intention. Yeah. Oh, make an intention. Yeah.

Like whatever your dream is as a couple, you let that wisdom to bring it forth. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Kind of like a little, like, almost like little like friendship, little friendship pendants, except where I're burying them and giving them to mother-in-laws. I like that. You could do that.

The other thing I love, if you don't want to do that, what about a special goblet for occasions? And then you embed the teeth in the bottom of the, goblet. I can just kind of see it. And then you just give somebody a very special visitor house a drink in that goblet. Yeah. Well, my fiancine actually do have a tradition that when we have a big milestone or we celebrate something and we pop a bottle of champagne, we actually keep the corks and we write the date and the occasion. So we could incorporate a tooth goblet into that ritual and that would fit in very well. Oh, I love this. This is really,

Now, if you want a more rascally-esque option. And we do. And we do. And who doesn't love a free meal? You go to your, actually go to a restaurant that you don't like very much. Like a chain restaurant. And then you bite into your food. Like, oh, my God.

And then you like pull the tooth out. Oh, that's genius. And you're like, oh, that's genius. I literally lost my tooth on this meatloaf you gave me. And then all of a sudden you're getting free meals right and left. and you and your fiance can put that down payment on that van that you wanted. I mean, you're saving money. And record it all because you might be able to have a moment very similar to my all-time

favorite Australian who is that guy that got dragged out by the police trying to have a succulent Chinese meal. Have you seen that video? I see you. He's my hero. My ultimate dream in life is to play this guy. He's amazing. I deeply relate to him. Yeah, he's amazing.

I deeply, I don't think he was conning anyone, but he's one of my heroes. but you go, you buy it into it and if they call the cops, you record it and then you are Succulent Meal 2.0. It's going to go crazy on YouTube and you just have to share some of the proceeds. You never have to work again because you blew it on YouTube. Everyone Google's Succulent Chinese Meal Australia

and you're going to watch. It honestly probably is the best video ever. It is. It's a funny thing I've ever seen. And he's Steve, he's a lot like me. He's a man of principle and passion standing up for what's right. The nice thing is about the picture of the teeth we saw. I saw four distinct large chunks, maybe a couple of extragglers. You have options.

I mean, like, if I'm you, I have fun with it. I'm like, one, a part of it is going to my mother-in-law. What a great gift. Number two, you do a little ritual with your fiancee. You go out to a geographical place that's significance for both of you. Barry it, do a ritual, have a fosters. Boom, lovely day. No foster, Steve.

No shrimp on the Barbie. It's not a bad beer. Like, I'm so, what, like, if so, what, like, if so, I want to say, like, oh, you have a Budweiser. I'm in America. I wouldn't be offended by that. Buddy. What?

What? I also, I love the goblet. I think the goblet. The goblet's fun, too. It's a fun chance for some arts and crafts time as a couple, which is really vital, I think. Yeah. And I do think, I do think at least going to a chain restaurant, someone who's not going to miss the meal, you know, that they have to absorb.

And you play the tooth falling out trick. Oh, and then just keep the tooth. You can do both. You do the tooth falling out at Outback after you bite into your Owls Springs chicken, make a big scene, recorded on YouTube saying you're just trying to have a succulent meal. Yeah. Then you go and you turn it into a goblet. Yeah. Best of both worlds.

Here you are just trying to have a, you know, chicken terriaki with some rice and steamed broccoli. You bite into that chicken terriaki, your tooth falls out. Boom, that's grottest. That's a grottest meal on the house. Oh, no. They're not going to charge you. You just got a free meal thanks to two big guys. Yeah, and you might get a t-shirt and a gift card, too.

Oh, my gosh. My fiancé, my favorite thing about him is that part of a human brain that feels shame. He does not have that. So he would be amazing at faking some kind of culinary disaster at a restaurant. Oh, I sort of got it. You're marrying up. And you're awesome, but I'm still saying. You're marrying up someone with literally no propensity for shame.

Oh, I wish I lived in Australia. I'd come over tonight. So record him doing the tooth bit at this restaurant. And especially if it's a restaurant, it's problematic that deserves this. Check Yelp reviews. Ain't no problem there. If he has no shame to really record it, get kicked out, do the second meal, then keep the teeth, get the free meal, and then turn into a goblet. Yeah.

I mean, this tooth falling out, con. And you can get a lot of mileage out of this tooth falling out. I'm like, let's say you go, like, wow, it worked so easy. We got a free meal plus a gift card and free dessert and some T-shirts. I mean, look, you hold on that tooth And every once in a while you bust out the con Oh, you're on a gravy tray with biscuit wheels Absolutely, dip, dip, dip, eat, eat, eat.

Boom. Yes, that sounds amazing. I think I'm definitely the sort of the goblet angle, I think fits into our life perfectly. I think that's 100% locked in. As for the teeth falling out at a restaurant, I will have to pitch him on that, but he surprises me sometimes.

with what he's game to do, yes. Oh, I love it. Yeah, this guy sounds like a legend. You're marrying, it sounds like you're marrying a wonderful human being. Yes, yes, that is, that is correct. That's why I said yes. I love it. When are you guys getting married?

Well, when he proposed, we were actually overseas on a really long, very expensive trip. So now that we're engaged, we're kind of like broke again. So the next time that we have like $2 to rub together, that's probably when the wedding's going to be. be, but we're not in a rush at the moment. I'll tell you what, this is the perfect time to use that tooth con because you'll get

some free meals out of it. And nothing tastes better. I swear God, yes. Nothing tastes better than a free meal, especially you're trying to save up for a wedding. No, free is a very good price. Oh, it's the best flavor. And then also, you can incorporate the goblet in the wedding. Mm-hmm. Oh, what you said?

Completely. Completely. The gobly, yeah. It's going to be incorporated in the wedding, Steve. Yeah, completely. Beautiful. It's all working out. And we would love to send a message for the wedding as well if you'd like that. Oh, that would be very sweet. Look, it's a long way off judging by the state of my bank account. But, hey, maybe I can go to one of my favorite restaurants, fake the two things, and then I can exhort them into doing the catering for my wedding for free.

That's exactly right. That's beautiful. And never be afraid because the wedding's about the love. And my wedding was 900 bucks. We did it at the Burbank Moose Lodge. Steve officiated. So you lead with love. love and don't follow the trend to have a crazy expensive wedding.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Because people actually enjoy a less expensive wedding more. You get a cake of bears from like a little, little mini-thoffages and call it a day. Do it out in a field, out and a bluff. But the main thing we need is a union of two legends coming together and we're so excited. We're now part of it. We're deeply meshed in this. Yeah.

We'll be at the wedding. Yes. Yes, for sure. We all send the invites in the mail. I would at least like an invite. I was gunning for it and I think we might have gotten to you. Eric, you and I in Australia. Oh, please.

And Gareth's huge over there. Gareth can't walk the streets without being bought in Australia. Yeah. So we'll just write off Gareth's coattails and, you know, have a great time. We'll continue. This is a whole hotel-riding experiment. It's work. Done, friend, done.

And the goblet's going to be in the wedding. It's going to be seal it at the end with a kiss and a drink from a goblet with wisdom teeth. Oh, absolutely perfect. Absolutely. We love it. We're so glad. So we kind of feel like we help. will you please keep us informed and let us know everything that happens?

Absolutely, yes. Thank you so so so much for all of your. It was an honor to meet you, friend. This was, I don't think we'll ever get a call exactly like this ever. So this was a beautifully unique and wonderful call. No, and he doesn't say it to everyone. I know. This was very meaningful to us and we thank you.

Yes, wonderful call, Ellen. Thank you. Okay, thank you guys so much for all of your help today. Awesome. And I'm sorry for Steve bringing up across. I'm sorry. One that's his reference. It's not only dated.

It's the most obvious, whatever. Damn, not a knife. This is a noise. Oh, God. Thank you so much. Please keep us informed on the wedding. Please don't listen to my friends. I like fosters, too.

I'm going to have one tonight. All right. All right. We'll see you and out back to takehouse. Thank you so much. Oh, Lord. See you then. Bye, guys.

Bye, friend. This episode of We're here to help us. Brought to you by Mint. Now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover. There's the drinks, there's the holiday food, the gifts, it all adds up. Well, guess what? Mint Mobile is here to cut back on your overspending, especially with your wireless bill this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. I've used Mint Mobile.

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Well, hello, my friend, welcome to Weird Here to Help with Eric Gittlestein and Steven Berg of Omaha, Nebraska of the Omaha Burgs. May I ask? Hey, I ask. Hey, homie, what's your name and where are you calling? from? I'm Parker, and I'm calling from Arizona right now, but I'm originally from Utah. I'm with family right now. Where in Utah?

Like the Provo area? Oh, I've been in Provo. Sure, sure, sure. Guy, I mean, the Topinaga Mountains, I got lost there in those mountains one time. Parker, just so we can get a flavor of where you're coming from and who you are, if you were on a deserted island and you could take one book, one movie, and one album, what would they be without thinking about it at all? Shoot.

Go. Shoot, probably the Bible. That's a good call. This is the song, we know where he said. I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be so interesting. It's just, you know, it's long. It's long, you know, a lot to, like, lot to chew on.

That would be Bob Dylan's one book, he said. Bible, there's tons of good stuff in there. I love all the story. It's a good job. Let him on old Christian run. Imagine going out to the open call to see him, and he's playing gospel music. That's what he did. Okay, so we got the Bible, and what else we got?

I really like the movie Radio. I don't know if you guys know that movie. Oh, Cuba Gooding Jr.? Oh, Pete Cuba. Yeah, I'm radio. Yeah, I remember that movie. Yeah. You are radio.

I am radio. You're the radio, the weird. I am definitely the radio word. Okay. And what album, buddy? Probably. I'm really into the new 21 Pilots album.

Okay. Okay. Are you, you're a young man then, it's young tastes. I like this. Yeah, I'm like 26.

Oh, God, a golden year. Golden year. Young taste, he's throwing out radio on the Bible. Radio in the Bible. That's young, man.

It all comes back. The Bible's on a big comeback with the youth. It's in now. It's in. It's deeply, but no, this is why we do this.

We have a greater, a better understanding of where you're coming from. and we love it, and we're here to help. So what is going on, my friend? Yeah, talk to us, Parker. Yeah, so I need help. figuring out what to do with our haunted animatronic Christmas tree.

Oh, my God. So about two or three years ago, my wife's 94-year-old grandmother gave us an animatronic Christmas tree that she got secondhand at a, like, a thrift store that she just thought was the cutest thing ever. And so we've had it, and we had it up. I lived with my parents in the basement for a bit, and we had it up one year, and it started going off

while it was turned on. Oh, God. Mm-hmm. And so we decided, okay, we're going to just have it be a still, you know, decoration and took the batteries out. And the next year, 2023, we pulled it out, and a few days in, it started moving and lighting up again. What?

After the batteries were out, had been out for the entire year. What, Parker, are you serious? Yeah. You have a demon Christmas tree, just FYI. Yeah. Yeah, and then we thought it would be like there's no way it's going to happen again this year, and then it started moving, and our two-year-old son started freaking out. No, when you see moving, because a two-year-old knows.

A two-year-old, the whale is thin. We get our relationship with whatever you want to call it, The Great Beyond, the big gahuna, source energy, God. We get that kind of educated. They try to shove it away. Kids know. And sometimes dogs know. Have any animals had any interactions with this tree?

I bet they're freaked out by it. Before, I just feel I can get a picture. When you see the tree moves, like what kind of animatronics is a tree doing? Because I'm having a hard time picturing it, man. I've got a video. Oh, my, wow. I don't even want to see it. I'll be on.

I'm very freaked out. Close your eyes. I'm a very spiritual man. I think I think we know where this stuff freaks me out. I have a trained diet, Parker. I'll be able to diagnose it fast. And no spirituality. And Parker, just so you know.

With no. Yeah. I love that, Steve. I'm glad to hear that. I have a little bit. Okay. Yeah. It's a great Gnostic mysticism, I feel like.

Yeah. Yeah, it's your own deal. I'm very gnostic. You know, spirituality's a buffet, babe. Take whatever you want. And it's a Vegas buffet. Go, Jesse. We're not going to stop.

Just go. Parker, I've got no audio on this video. So I'm just going to play it. And if there's any audio for them to be aware of after, just let us know. We'll describe what's happening. It's not your fault. It's my fault. Okay.

So here's the first one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is less a Christmas tree and more a demon incarnate. We're looking at a green Christmas tree that is very demonic in appearance. And it is about a foot high. and its head is spitting around in no kind of discernible organized fashion. It's just kind of like making these random bobs and weaves.

Parker, are you telling me this tree is not plugged in or have batteries in it at that point? Has zero batteries. Parker. Yeah. You already know what to do, buddy. Your book was the Bible. You know what we're dealing with right now. You know, brother.

If we're speaking in, like, you know, just hypothetical terms and theorize it. and speculating here. You said this belonged to your grandma. Well, so it was gifted to us by, yeah, I was like our first year of marriage was like our first Christmas decoration. So that's kind of one of the reasons why it's been tough for us to get rid of. And then the second one, once it came out the second time and started doing it this year, my wife was like, I don't, if there's a spirit attached to it, how can I throw it in the dump and just have that spirit? Like, am I accounted for that? I hear that.

I'm okay with throwing it away, but my wife is kind of wrestling with that moral side of it where she doesn't know what to do with it. No, which I completely understand. And I don't think an object like this, Steve knows much more about this than I do. I don't think you can just throw that away. I think the energy can hang on.

Now, the first question I'll have is, what is your gut feeling when it starts doing this? Is it possible? It's your grandmother giving you a kind of a cosmic psychic, hello? or does it freak everybody out? It freaks us all out. If you could hear the audio, my wife is screaming at it.

Can you kind of give your best impression of what the audio is like? Yeah, it's like, oh, I forgot like the most important part. So we named it, we named the tree. It's had a name from like when we first got it. It's named Bruce the Spruce. And so she's yelling. she's yelling, Bruce, Bruce, stop, stop moving.

And then she's like, if you move again, I'm going to kill you, and then it stops. Oh, that's even scarier. Bruce wants to stay around. Naming it, I'm going to tell you this. I know you're not going to, name it, you gave it more power. You now have a relationship with it, and you can't just take it to the dump because what it is

is its energy manifesting in a tree, and it's just going to hang on. So what we're I think going to need to do, one, the craziest thing is there are people that are into this stuff. Somebody just paid a million dollars for that haunted doll that the last owner died in their hotel room in their 40s. Annabel. Annabel. So what I'm thinking is, well, the guy died, Steve. Yeah.

Bruce is. He had a cardiac arrest. I mean, that happens in life. Or? Or. Or? Or, or maybe. Or.

Or? Well, there is a big thing with haunted objects. I don't put a lot of creatives into it because, I mean, like, they're fun ideas, but we have no evidence that this exists. Stephen, have you ever had a haunted object? I had not, no. Okay, because I've had two. I've had two. I had a watch.

I had a Hamilton watch that I got on eBay, and the second I opened it, my stomach hurt. And I put it on, and I felt hebi-jee-jee-be-jee-jee. And I took it to a Rakey healer. You had Baja fresh for lunch. That's why. So what? That was back in my dairy days, Big Daddy. So I took it to a healer, my friend April,

and she wouldn't go near it. And she's like, I'm not touching that thing. That is, I think someone was murdered wearing the watch. How many he did you have on staff? Pardon? How many helers do you have on staff? I have like seven right now, mostly females. You live longer if you go to female doctors.

That's a proven fact. How many Colts are you a member of? Just mine, baby. Just mine. I'm a leader, and that's the whole reason I'm here. Thank you, Jake Johnson. for giving me my intro to this giant fan base. Then I also once had a haunted baseball card.

I collect baseball cards. I still do for a while. I was into the 1919 Black Sox scandal. And then now I don't want to celebrate guys that were crooked. But I got this chick-gandle minor league baseball card. And I got it. And it was like the Vigo, the Carpathian painting in Ghostbusters 2.

This thing was alive. And I immediately put it on eBay and flipped it. Same as that watch. I wanted that watch back. I got rid of it because, buddy, there was a bad energy in these things. I think so. It was murdered wearing that watch, Steve. Okay, okay, okay.

I'd like to get into some more of these details about the Christmas tree, if you don't mind. Okay, so like a lot of people, when they have Christmas, they have Christmas decoration, then they store them somewhere else. Have you, has anyone ever heard this thing go off when it's not Christmas, like in the storage? Yeah, so that's the thing. It's stored in, like, a storage. that's away from where we're living. So no one's ever around.

And so you break it out for Christmas. And so you break it out for Christmas, the, you know, December. And then that's when the activity starts. I'm one. It's for sure coming to life in that storage unit. It's for sure infecting other things with its energy. Just letting me know that.

The first thing I would do, which is kind of a boring answer, is that I would ask a trusted friend to house this object for 48 hours and report their findings. Because if it doesn't go off for other people, then I'm starting to think there might be something weird going on. Hey, we got this fun dog called Chuckie.

We kind of think something's going on with it. You want it for a couple of days? I would take it, of course, but like a... Because you're a good friend. All right. Then what have we said Bruce the Spruce to Steve Berg? How about that, Steve? You want this thing in your home?

Yes, actually, you know what? Oh, all right. Here we go. Path to healing. I actually think we have a solve here. I will, if you want to, And I will, if you want, I will give you my P.O. box number. You can send us to me, and I will do a full investigation study on this thing.

Oh, my gosh. And the shipping will be paid for by Jacob S. Johnson of Hollywood, California. I will be billing. You go ahead and you ship that FedEx today. New Girl residuals are going to pay for that. But, I mean, so this is one option. I think opening option is you sent to an expert like me, who has clearly not an expert. but I will put it through its paces.

I will do all my paranormal testing. I'll do some dousing rods on it. I will use my ghost box to try to verbally communicate with this thing. Steve, why is a ghost box? So a ghost box is a, you know, your kind of industry standard EVP machine, which is electronic voice phenomenon. Never mind. Never mind.

Sorry, I asked. I'm glad to you asked. No, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's basically a way to communicate with this thing. I don't know if it works, but I've tried it. and I've got some interesting results in certain dwellings. However, I would say one option is, you'll send you old Steve Berg,

I will do, I'll spend a week with it. And I won't tell my wife, my poor wife, who forbids me from bringing things like this. But this is for work. This is for professional reasons. Wait until Bruce, the spruce follows her to work. You don't have to have this conversation. I made my wife get rid of a,

when I bring in any vintage object, I believe, carries the energy of the people that had it before. Most of the time, it's good. But I will absolutely, without trying to appropriate anyone else's stuff, I will burn some sage and some Palo Santo and read some holy words that are important to me or song lyrics to say, we appreciate the service you had before. You're here now. We're clearing the energy. We're getting rid of all that stuff. You're here.

And if I think something's still in there, I'll flip that again on eBay. Because I think also some people are interested, I bet we could sell Bruce the Spruce on eBay and we could have a charity auction of we're here to help. listeners. Somebody's going to want this now famous haunted tree. But I think we let Steve get in the lab with it, with the EVP machine and everything else. And I'm already slightly worried about my friend. I won't lie.

I'd be without a partner here if Bruce the Spruce comes to life and kills Steve. I'm not scared of Bruce and Bruce. That makes one of us. Another option would be that I have... Did you see it? It came to life with no batteries. It wasn't plugged in, Stephen. Well, well, well, well, but here's my next question.

Is there, you know, what, obviously, somewhere on this tree, you'll be able to get more information, maybe a serial number or the maker of the tree. Look into the makers of the tree, see if they have a history. Also, is there a solar panel? I have like a lot, I use a lot of solar, like, all my license on my house are solar, you know, I'm a real hippy, dipy solar guy. But a lot of toys now do have a solar thing, so they can be charged up by batteries. if the solar stops working or might be operating under solar. So if there's a beam of light coming into your house

and there might be a solar panel somewhere weird on that that you just haven't seen, and that might be charging it up and making it play. I doubt that's the case. But I mean, 94L grandmother probably didn't have solar technology. Also, that thing looks less like a tree and more like a haunted demon.

It does. And I feel very comfortable. And this is why we ask favorite book, music movie to know where you're coming from from a spiritual perspective of like, you know, I think you've got to use the armor of God to get rid of this thing and send it to Steve immediately. I mean, you can call a local priest to come exercise it.

You know, like there's a lot of possible recourse. But Steve is willing to take this on first, but now I'm immediately worried about you and your cats and ensues. I'm a strong warlock. Don't worry about me. Yeah. I know how to protect myself.

We'll do a banishing ritual. Do you feel comfortable sending you? Bruce the Spruce to Stephen Byrd? Yes, of course. I think I convinced my wife that that would be a good option. Another thing you could do is re-gift it to a friend, not tell them about the phenomenon you're experienced, and then see if they say something.

And then it's just like this, it's like a chain letter back in the 80s or 90s. Then it just starts getting passed around, past run, past right. I also, if things get too serious and this thing is something is really messed up the thing. I actually do know a couple named Greg and Dana Newkirk. They're wonderful people. They actually tour around the country and do haunted object shows.

They're sold out all over the country. And I'm personal friends of them. I could have you send it to them and then they render these things inert with magic. What? Yeah. And then they store them at their house and they tour around the country with it. So they're haunted object specialists.

Parker, did you call into the right place or what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I got the right, guys. Yeah. Okay. So Parker, they are going to email you my PO box number. Feel free to send this any time. I will do my due diligence and put it through the paces.

And every, you know, kind of tool of divination will be tested upon this thing. I'm always looking to study the phenomenon, so to speak, a little closer. So this would be a great opportunity for me. Cool. Yeah, that sounds like a great opportunity. I'm ready to confront. I would go near that tree. A bigger they come, the harder they fall.

What other question? Do you store the tree in the same place every year? Is it always on that mantel piece? The last two years, yes, because we moved before that I was in a different place. But it started on that in the same position, right? Did this happen before you moved? This happened in both locations. And now it's actually on our front porch.

Oh, my God. It's actually on our front porch because it freaks. my wife out enough to where she put it on the front porch. And we haven't seen it move out there. Okay. Interesting. I don't know. But it did move in your old place.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. I bet if we watched ring camera, that thing is moving. I bet it could grab a... Also, I will say this. That is very good news that it happened in your old place because that means this new place you're living in doesn't have any weirdness going around.

It is just localized to the object. Yeah, I think the best thing to do is to send it into a professional, aka old stevo, your old buddy stevo, send that into my PO box as soon as you can, and I will get started on my, and I'll bring it down to the laboratory, and I'll start testing it. And I'll take some video, and I'll send it to you.

If this thing starts playing, I mean, my wife may, let me only keep this for a few hours. That poor woman. That poor, poor woman. And then we'll go from there. I'll get back, we'll have you back on the show, We'll figure out what's happening. I'll tell everyone my results of the test.

And if we find the thing is above my pay grade, with your permission, we can send to my friend Greg and Dana Newkirk, who are true professionals when it comes to this stuff. Parker, we're going to get you a whole bunch of answers. Yep, a ton. And you go and give your grandma a hug for me, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're big, we're big grandma fans.

Are you really? Yeah, I don't have any grandparents left. It's awesome. Yours is 94, still rolling. I love that she doesn't believe in a haunted tree. But you go give her a big hug and you let her know helps on the way. Look at Eric Garner's sympathy. I don't have any grandparents left.

I don't, Steve. I'm basically an orphan by proxy. Look at you. Tiny Tim over here looking in the window while everyone's having the ham. Please, I want more. Mr. I'm for the pool. I'm always tiny Tim looking in.

Well, Parker, thanks for the call. And you know what to do. If you want, you'll have my PO box number. Send this thing, and I will do a, you know, a stoner exorcism on this thing. Don't tell your grandma that. Yeah, maybe don't tell green. Yeah. Yeah.

Sounds good. Good to meet you, Parker. You're on it. You're stuck with us. We're here to help. Happy New Year, pal. Yeah. Yeah, you guys too.

Bye. Peace out. Eric here. This next call is a follow-up to episode 239 Pandora's Cable Box. Well, hello, my friend. Welcome to Weird here to help. You have Eric Edelstein, Gareth Reynolds, and myself, Steve Berg. I hear your follow-up.

Talk to us. Remind us of what went down. So my name's Ian. I had originally called because my dad let my five-year-old watch Ghostbusters on Halloween. Oh, yes. Also, also, I was

Annie, if you don't mind me sharing this, a little in your face to Gareth, Eric, and Jake. You messaged me on Instagram saying the only reason that your mother agreed to document this situation is because of my love of the culinary arts.

Is that true? Yes. Yes. She listens to the episode and she before she listened to the episode before it came out, she was very against it and told me that I was, you know, causing her stress.

And then she listened to the episode and heard Steve's reaction to her pizza and was like, okay, I'll record a video of them. Guys, wow. Parents love Steve Berg. My parents love, they ask all the time. They're thrilled to work with him. He's a charmer, but then...

Then they leave. Then he shuts the door and he goes, you better not embarrass me in front of the time. those people like that again. And he's like, don't fuck with me. I have a status here. I'm trying to preserve. And then the parents come back in and he goes,

oh my God, Mrs. Reynolds. You forgot your scone, sweetheart. Oh, careful. Watercrest sandwich? Yeah. Parents tab me for Nettie Haskell right out of the gates. Yeah. And for you, Gen Z's, look it up.

Wait, but, Annie, will you just be, say what the call was and then what the advice was? Because I don't fully remember before Steve starts taking a lap. around the winner's circle. So my dad, on Halloween, my dad was watching Ghostbusters. He's the one that has to watch it. Like, whatever movie comes on cable,

he feels compelled to watch it. I love that about your dad. Yeah. Yeah. So he's doing it right now, Annie. I love that about your dad. And then your dad leaves and he's like, Annie, don't ever embarrass me.

Like that's funny. You are on my shit left, Annie. That's it, Annie. So he, my five-year-old was having a really hard time sleeping. It couldn't be alone anywhere in the house by himself. And because you watched the chair scene where the arms pop out of the chair and pull the Gordy lever towards the bathroom this whole thing. It's freaky.

Yeah. So the advice was to get a universal remote and change the channel or turn it off or turn the volume all the way up on him. And I, so I got three remotes for all three TVs in the house. But the problem with that was you had to be right in front of the television. to turn it on and off. So I ended up buying the smart plugs that connect to an app on my phone and installed them on the televisions,

and I've been just turning them on and off. What were you turning on and off exactly? You were just turning off all the power? Yeah, so the plug on my phone, you could just turn the plug off and it turns the power off. And he just, he hasn't even inspected it. He's just kind of accepted it that the TV turns off sometimes now. They don't make them

They used to These Vizios By the Vizio crazes That three years Vizio is like Things are good I got a Vizio It still works like a charm

Okay Do you have the motion smoothing off Steve? Oh yeah, of course I'm on it We all need to turn that off at our parents And hotel rooms It drives you crazy

When you're watching friends Yeah Were we trying to freak him out because it was like paranormal shit, right? Yeah, yeah. So he just, so there's no scare of him. I mean, I don't, how do you guys feel about this resolution?

Well, where did it go? So did you get, so you were just, the only thing you were able to do was turn the TV on and off. He thinks he's got faulty wiring. Yeah. Yeah, so he said to my mom that he thinks there's something seriously wrong with the television in the living room. And then he said the only safe one is in the basement.

Safe one. watch one's one's to save TV in the house because I haven't he's just

I'm not there so I just kind of pick up on his routine when I'm home sometimes and just hope he's watching it it's usually

and he said to my mom it always turns off at the best part of the movie so I know that he's always watching TV around 7 o'clock

so I'll just go on my phone open the app and just turn the TV off and he's kind of sometimes he gets defeated and he just

stops watching TV the like when it first started, he just went to bed one night and my mom was so mad at me because she was already in bed and, you know, he came in and marriage is great. Your mom's furious that he's coming to bed. Yeah, I actually, I sent a text message. I don't know if I could say the word, but didn't call me something very nice. It was a group chat between me and my sister about how I'm in his head.

I'm messing with him psychologically now. It's brought me so much joy. I don't know how much of an impact having on him I was going to say we do have video Oh let's see Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh So he's on the couch What is it doing?

He's intently watching Shutting on and off It doesn't do it on this TV though What's he watching? Oh the one downstairs just in the cellar. It's just the one down there. I love him. Only the one in the family room.

What happens to it? It shuts off. It comes back on. The pick of the teeth. Cable. It goes to H.D.MI. Well, for them Oh, we got him.

Oh, we got him. He is trying to diagnose a problem. I feel slightly guilty because he's clearly a very cool man. But we got him. He does it automatically now. You turn it on. The level of...

He's more upset by that. No fucking idea. Wait, what's you mark said about? Oh, payback. I mean, he, I think, I mean, I think you got him. Can we do the no fucking idea just one more time? We might have to pull that out as like a clip. What do you think's going on?

No fucking idea. You know, and you can tell he has thought about this. diagnosed it every which way possible. No, it's driving him crazy. This is what happens when you mess around with one of our listeners. We will get you, we'll get you good, but we'll get you with love.

My mom texted me that he woke up in the morning. He was still thinking about it, like when I had a TV was turning on and off. But like, that's just his thing. Something could be wrong in the house and you just accepts it and learns how to adapt. But the biggest thing,

he's obsessed. He's not obsessed, but he's more upset the TV when you turn to used to just go straight to cable, but now it goes to Amazon Prime. I don't know how that happened, but it just did. So he's adapted to sitting with the remote so he can turn out, like, change the input. Now, I think what's on the minds of every listener out there, whether you're going to work, whether you're mowing the lawn, listen to this, whatever.

Everyone wants to know, did you also try the maple syrup in the refrigerator? No, no, hold on. Everyone's wondering about this. Yes. You know, pro-mapel syrup. Gareth and I thought it was a portal to madness. Everyone is mowing their lawn right now wondering about the maple syrup. Before we get to the maple syrup, do we call this a win?

Because the point was to make her kid not have to sit through scary parts, but instead now her dad just thinks he has an H.D.MI issue. It's like, we've created some revenge. But we haven't solved the problem, really, have we? Not necessarily. Well, yeah, because I have control of the TV on my phone now. So whenever I'm over it, he's just watching something, I turn it off. And he'll even say when he walked in, Grumpy, are you watching something scary?

And my dad's like, no, I'm not. Like, you get some set now. So if he is watching something, I just turn it off. Okay. I'm taking control of the TV. That's a bell ring. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh.

That's bell ring. Patriarchy, defeated. All right. So, Steve, ask your question that everyone who's sitting in traffic are mowing their lawn is thinking about it. I just, you know, like, I'm very good about, very good at putting myself in the listeners' heads right now. And I just can imagine everyone listening to this right now. It's like, did she also, in addition, tried the brilliant maple syrup trick. Where you just start, where you put maple syrup somewhere and you slowly start to reduce it and

freak him out. Yes. That's exactly. Yeah, I thought about it. Yeah, that's where it should have ended. Because I felt like the TV wasn't like messing with him enough. And I'm like, maybe I really just should try to maple syrup. I think, I think, you know, if you want a little, if you want to feel the deal with it. Because it'll work. We sealed the deal. It will work. It will genuinely be a mystery that is, I mean, imagine if I stuck over to your house.

You'll think someone's using it. Look how mystified is by just the remote. Maple syrup will take it to another love. It's spiking the ball. Yes, it will because if, if, if her mom, if the dad's wife is like, I don't buy maple syrup, this is not me. I don't know what. You must have bought it and forgot about it. He's like, am I going mad?

Or did someone's break in? Is there a ghost? Are you having pancakes in my house? Like, I think the maple syrup thing is the ultimate. I'm with him. I'm with him. It's supporting. I think of it.

Eric, Eric, are you really? Nah. Okay, thank you. It's insane. I could ask her. She's here. Annie, Annie, Annie. If I could ask her if I really mess up.

Yeah, let's talk to her. Okay, hold on. Let's get ready for the New England. an accent. So does he know? Does your dad know yet? Mom. No, he has no idea.

I'm not going to tell him. And we're going to keep it that way. We're not going to tell him because I tell him right now with a smile on my face. Unless he's going to buy him TV. Yeah, no, because it brings me joy. It does bring me joy. Look, that's over here for. We're on your side.

No, you can't put on speaker. Hold on. Jesus. You go find out. Hello. Mom, hi. How you doing? You're on the hit podcast.

We're here to help. Oh, well, I'm so thrilled. Well, we're so glad we could kind of help. about here and allow you the upper hand in your marriage and in your family. And it's, we love the video. You took an incredible video and we're very, very happy with the results. Yeah, you did great. 10 out of 10.

Beautiful photography. Yeah, thank you. He looked at me at the end. He's like, why do you have the light on? I'm like, oh, it must be my flash. That's so funny. We needed the confusion on his face in high deaf. You did great.

And then we could see him pick his teeth with his fingernails. and very clearly. Yeah, and mom, I have a question for you. Now, when you were making those wonderful homemade pizzas I heard about a few weeks ago, was there like a salad? Was there like a nice green salad to go along with that? What? Let them have this.

Why? Every house needs to have making it for a salad at any time. I agree. I agree. Yeah, what do you put in? I always pickle vegetables. Smart. Me too.

I always have... You too. I always have pickled onions, autichokes. Me too. Why do you two act like you live in a shanty in the mountains where none of them? Because this sounds so good. I don't have pickled onions. Go buy it.

Let her finish. Let her finish. Yeah. You're home over and wine judging. You pickle everything. I'll pickle. Obviously, the pickling is going to have some really strong flavor. So you probably will use a really light salad dressing, I'm guessing.

Let him have this guy It's just anyone listening In Rhode Island We're mainly Italian So it's either oil and vinegar Perfect Or something You know

Italian balsamic vinegar At something like that Oh I love an Italian salad We are one in the same And you're not going to put a creamy dressing On a pickled vegetable I'll tell you what That's a thin

I'm going to jump in here Now would you say your husband's situation With the TV right now Is a little bit like oil and vinegar Absolutely. Put it this way. I don't put the TV on. Yeah.

I grew up in a family with you watch like an hour of TV a week. So I hate TV. I don't put it on. Yeah. Smart. It drives me nuts that he needs a hearing aid. So it's really, it's wicked loud to begin with. And then to just hear him like, you know,

know, just randomly go off and start swearing at the TV. It's like, shut the fuck off. Mom, you are cool. We appreciate you. So I'm guessing you've had enough of this bit then. It sounds like you're like, all right, enough. Yeah, I mean, we've been married for almost 40 years. Is that why, if he comes to bed early, you're upset?

I don't care. Okay. Oh, oh, I forget. She reminded me he came to bed. Yeah. I always tell him that I have to be asleep before he came to bed. It's an interesting rule, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. If he comes to bed like that, I'll just get up. I can't. One of us has to be unconscious. I get it. So it sounds like things are good there for sure. Have you heard of this maple syrup pitch? He wouldn't care.

Is that because he's like a regular human who would just be like, okay, there's maple syrup? But we're... Go ahead, sorry. He's not even phased really about the TV going on and all. The other day, he's like, oh, you know, I was... I think maybe I just need to change the batteries. I'm like, maybe.

So he would not be phased by maple syrup. Nobody would be. It's absolutely ludicrous and makes no sense, obviously. No. You know, we're trying to create a safe space here for pitching. But at some point, you know, if a friend of ours steps in and is married to this maple syrup pitch. Yeah, we don't know why Steve's pitching. You got to come in.

You never know. You got to hit him on the nose at the newspaper a little bit. It's amazing. I'm going to do it. Makes no sense. Maybe somebody in Vermont. I'd love free maple syrup. It's a natural sweetener.

It's a natural sweetener. All right, fellas. Well, it was an honor to meet you. Yeah, absolutely. so much for going along with our crazy plan. And your daughter is so cool. 40 years of marriage, daughter like that. You just sit back and wonder where it all went right.

There you go. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you. Yeah. We appreciate you. And pickling art chunks, who knew? I'm going to do that this week.

They're available at every store. Half vinegar, half water. Oh, I love it. Steve's never been to a grocery store, miss. We don't have them in Nebraska. Yeah, thanks for letting us know. Well, I appreciate it. Good luck with everything.

Bye, Annie. Thank you so much. That's the mom. Bye-bye. We're just helping. We're just here helping. What a glorious thing. She's gone.

She's got it was great. And it's a win. Ring that bell again. A W is a W. Yeah, I just, it's the, it's the maple syrup thing that we just got a. I think this is, it's an important moment for us to get that bone away. You do not understand the power of the idea. I understand perfectly.

You don't understand mind control like I do. This is the subtlety is how you just, it's like a little spark that becomes a brush fire, then becomes a wildfire of paranoia. The maple syrup. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, won't admit it, but Jesse's like, that's a pretty good idea. I like that. No, that's not what was on my mind. Yeah, see, you know, here's what's great about Jesse.

You think he's just going to be a sweetheart, but he was. will be honest, and he agrees it makes no sense. We need that. We need that. Yeah. All right, we're not going to die in the maple syrup pill, Steve. Also, Steve, I think that you could try it with somebody else in your own life and report back. I'm going to. Try it with yourself. Try it with yourself. Just get some maple syrup. I'll just be too excited about it. Where the hell did that bottle go? It looks like God is real.

How did Berg not become an atheist? Well, he found maple syrup in this fridge. He bought it to go and then he forgot. I love it. I love it. I'm born again now. Oh, Berg. We're going to go to Mass in Nebraska. I can't wait. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show,

please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm production. executive producers Rob Hollis,

Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, who stand up on the road,

go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice, given on we're here to help, is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of Season 1st,000, are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting

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